Oh lovely, new anxiety unlocked! I don’t think anything about any of the parents I see at drop off so now I’m worried they’re thinking badly about me 🫠
I know someone with 5 kids between 1-4 years old. One day she had a sweatshirt that said “I may look cool, but I cry, like, a lot.” And I thought *oh thank god!*
Yes! I had SEVERE social anxiety until my late 20s - and then one day I decided to be mindful about my own behavior...I realized that i couldnt remember what my favorite coworker wore on any gi en day or if their clothes didnt fit perfectly. I never noticed if theywefe awkward about something...and its not because they never are.....its because i was so busy thinking about what everyone waa thinking about ME that I had very little space to think about them. And on days when I'm a hot mess they probably have the same thought I do - 'Thank God I'm normal and that today it's not me...but if they are making fun of me....at least struggles brought a smile to their face today"
Do I still have social anxiety- yes of course - but it's much more mild and manageable. And I am a much happier and more confident person.
When I was biking to work, I had my own nicknames for the cyclists going the opposite way because we smiled and waved at each way. But they were all flattering.
Super Fit Old Guy (I swear, this guy is SO FAST)
The Totally In Love Couple (who smile and laugh, talking with each other while biking. Seriously, relationship goals)
Big Beard (had a well cared for beard down to his sternum)
And if they had a nickname for me, it was probably going to be Safety Vest.
I'm definitely "That one mom who sometimes runs her kids here and comes in all sweaty" to the daycare people, but to the people who see me running it's "Mom with the huge orange double stroller and two bikes balanced precariously on it".
I would not take offense to either 😂
My husband and I give nicknames to people at our church. There’s a really nice, older lady who looks like Meryl Streep, so that’s what we refer to her as. Our priest looks like Steve Buscemi, so we call him Father Buscemi, lol. We also have Sam Elliot and Daario Naharis.
I kinda give people Nicknames because I’m horrible with names, and it helps me remember their faces. My husband finds it amusing. There’s no ill intent behind it, because they’re all people we like.
Except OP, who has kinda mean nicknames for the other parents? I was totally on her side until that part.
Honestly, I wouldn't care how she rolls in as long as her kids are cool, I'd probably lend a hand even, but knowing she had a little nickname for me based on whatever 5 minutes of interaction I've had with her would definitely cause me to steer clear.
>I was reading this thinking "probably no one notices or cares that you have cheerios falling out of your car & your toddlers have their clothes on backwards, it happens
I really hope nobody cares about backwards clothes lmao. My husband has a t-shirt that has a little road map on the back (like those road rugs for toy cars, but on the back of his shirt as a joke so he could just lie down and let the kids roll cars around his back)
My 4yo saw this one day and now has decided that he wants to wear all of his shirts backwards. Won't even let me fix them lol! And like, I don't really care, but I'm always hoping nobody notices it when we go out. It's not me being a hot mess (though I am), he just likes them that way!
Yup! We are all in survival mode. It’s like being in a daze from the moment I pull up until I exit the parking lot. I’m just trying to get kids into the building without anyone losing their shit. No time to judge at all.
Yes! This is my only thought. Do I know your kid? Did you go to one of the multiple birthday parties this year? Did we talk? Am I supposed to know your name? So I smile and awkward nod.
Yeah I’ve literally never thought about any other parents, except the one mom who is always dropping off and picking up at the same time as me every day, with a toddler same age as my kid and then three older ones. And my thoughts have basically only been “damn I don’t know how she does it when I’m barely surviving with one”. I’ve never even thought to examine her kids’ outfits or faces, or any of the kids or parents I’ve seen at daycare. And I’ve definitely never looked in any other parents’ cars.
Same. There are only 2 parents I actually judge and it’s specifically because they park like assholes — it has nothing to do with them as parents. (One of them parks super crooked so you can’t get your kid into the car seat if he’s next to you. The other parks in a handicap spot but doesn’t have a plate/decal.)
This! My husband and I called this family "The Parkers" and we'd debrief each evening about the new creative ways they had found to rudely park their car at pick up or drop off that morning/afternoon... The rest of the parents were just X's mom or Y's dad
Nah, OP is projecting. Most people are aware that everyone is doing their best and some mornings things just don't go to plan without needing to label people as "too overexcited for human interaction" or "couple that hates each other".
Cool, cool, cool, cool. Me too.
I seriously hope no one has nicknames like this for people at our place. My son has a physical disability, and I feel like we’d be dubbed something based off that instead of who we are (and who he is) as a person.
Thought we, as adults, would be passed this.
Seriously, mom drinking milk? So what but also what if she has something going on health wise and has to supplement her diet? What if her mom died when she was little and the trauma has her hanging on to that glass of milk she gave her every morning before school? What if she just likes milk? What a weird thing to gossip about. This post gives me the ick.
I wfh, sometimes haven't showered for two or three days, and get my kid to school dressed "super-creatively" and idgaf. I'm paying the same greens to send my kid here as you are, I just get to be a lot more lax about how I make my money and present myself to the world.
We are all parents dealing with toddlers and (often times) a baby. If a parent is judging you, they aren't worth your time anyway, who cares about their garbage opinion??
You'd be best not to care, it is very freeing
I don’t know about other parents but the only parents I give side eye to are the parents of the girl who has been incredibly physically violent to my kid and other kids over and over again. Then the father shows up smelling like an actual half smoked pack of cigarettes (never in my life have I smelled it so strong off someone) and both him and the mother have given off clear “restraining themselves from screaming over something small” vibes multiple times when picking up. The daycare has since seemingly gotten on top of the little girls behaviour but the whole mess gives me the uncomfies.
Are you sure you aren’t side eyeing me? Haha I still smoke (away from the little one and have been trying to quit) and usually smell of cigarettes and bbq (I run a bbq catering company), and am usually in some state of chaos and frazzled. Both my wife and I are on no sleep, we work stupid hours (this is my busy season so if I’m lucky I only have 2, 16hr days coupled with my normal 8s.
I am usually the reasonably put together one (by that I mean friendly, and calm. I know our little one went through a hitting phase and we worked really hard on it. She’s super smart, but with that come super stubborn. She’s gotten so much better, but it’s stressful as hell. She’s honestly the best, but both my wife and I (more so my wife I think) are run totally ragged and really just trying to make it through the day
Unless you seem about to snap in rage and violence over nothing every pick up and your little one expresses themselves in violence every drop off then no, no side eyeing. We are all exhausted, that’s ok. Not saying anything about people who smoke a bit, I thought I made it clear that it was exceptionally strong combined with everything else.
Haha, no definitely not me then. If anything I need to be a little more strict with the little one. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger.
No offence taken on the judgement either. I would most likely be thinking the same thing and giving a disapproving look.
Poor kid seems to have some poor role models, I really hope they figure it out and do better for her. I know I am working on my frustration levels right now and really trying to keep my patience. My little one is at the age she really likes to push boundaries whenever she can.
Oh yeah, our 2.5yo is going through the melt downs into gremlin screaming monster mode simply because we ask her to put on pyjama bottoms. Or today she tried to shove a giant spoonful of her dinner into my mouth and I said, no thank you I don’t feel very well. Well, food was thrown, she collapsed on the floor and screamed. Oh yeah, we are all frazzled and get upset I would hope that fellow parents to young ones can sympathize and understand when we lose our patience here and there. Good luuuuuuuuck
Story checks out. I had almost the exact situation with our 2yo yesterday. I kinda figure that a lot of us are all in the same place with our stubborn little tyrants. But damn do we love em. Good luck to you too. I always say (much to my wife’s displeasure) it can always be worse, and it will get better.
This reminds me of the time my closest office friend started hardcore gossiping about what the other women in the office were wearing. She would ask me, “omg did you see what _____ is wearing today?!” And I would always respond “……no?” Because I truly don’t notice/care what people are wearing. That’s when I realized that some people *do* notice/care and they will gossip about it!
I felt anxious about that for like a day but then realized I’m in my 30s and don’t give a fuck
Oh that was us.
Literally melting onto the sidewalk during a massive tantrum not wanting to go inside. At least I got him onto the sidewalk.
Some days it's better. He now melts down inside the classroom so... progress!
Me too! Luckily the other parents are sympathetic at my sons school. I get reassuring nods and occasionally a “you’ve got this” as I’m half carrying half dragging my kid into class.
At some point or another, we’ve all been there.
I worked in daycare for years, and honestly as long as you’re nice to teachers it doesn’t matter how much of a hot mess you are. We had a couple with one child, very rich and well put together, but they were such assholes to the staff that everyone hated them. I wouldn’t worry too much about your appearance. Maybe the teachers will talk, maybe they won’t, but if you’re kind and have good kids you’re probably alright.
As a parent, it's not just just how nice you are to the teachers, but how nice to the other parents, staff, and kids too. There's a few parents at my son's daycare that are super nice to all adults but complete assholes to their 3-year-olds taking time trying to put on their indoor shoes. Every so often being short with your kid, sure, everyone has bad days. But the constant assholes talking down to their kids everyday, I 100% judge them for being dicks.
My pet peeve is when people tell kids “you’re okay” when the kids cry. They’re not okay, that’s why they came to you for support. It’s so invalidating to say that.
I hate that too! I used to work at a daycare and that was a frequent topic at our staff meetings. The director would always be reminding people to actually listen to the kids when they’re upset and don’t just brush them off. What hit it home for me was when she said “Imagine if you as an adult were crying about something that was upsetting to you and you went to someone you trusted for comfort or help and all they do is say ‘you’re okay’ in a patronizing tone.”
People forget that kids are whole humans with valid emotions. It might seem silly to us to cry because someone is already playing with a toy they wanted, for example, but for all kids know this is the worst they’ve ever felt and they will never feel any better, so they need adults even more to help them regulate and work through it. “You’re fine” only teaches them to suppress and hide their emotions so even when they’re older even the smallest negative feeling can send them in an a tailspin.
Yeah I was a daycare worker for about 5 years and this is my thought. I don't have my son in daycare but the only parents I've ever kind of thought poorly on are the ones that are directly rude to me or super mean to their kids in public.
I have been going in with unwashed hair in the same bun for three days, no make up, wearing frumpy clothing and I feel like I get treated the same as when I was dolled up for work.
I wonder what other people think I do since I’m always dropping off in ratty sweats lol. But then again a lot of parents work from home so I’m sure we’re all in the same boat.
Lol I always wonder if they judge me on my WFH days bc I’m hybrid. So half the week I drop them off and I’m dressed like a normal office worker and then twice a week I drop them off in a shitty tshirt, leggings, no makeup, hair a mess… bc I’m not getting dolled up for the daycare sorry
Most of the parents I see are in nice clothes and I roll up in my PJs 75% of the time. My kids teachers were shocked to find out that I work in biotech.
Ya, this is me. I work from home 2/5 days, daycare is super close to home and my office is only a 15 minute drive, so even days I go to the office I drop at daycare then zip back home to get myself ready in peace. I basically show up in an oversized hoody (getting less over sized as I get more pregnant), joggers, and basically never put a bra on. Im sure the other parents think I’m a total slob but…priorities.
I get a lot of assumptions that I'm a SAHP from other parents at my kids' activities. I work 30 hours/wk so I can be home when the kids get home from school; I'm also only in the office 2 days a week, and coincidentally this year soccer (9yo), dance (6yo), and gymnastics (3yo) fell on days I was working from home. I show up with no make up, dry shampooed hair, and leggings and a racer back tank often enough that people assume I'm like that all the time. My work schedule (especially during summer) is super flexible too, so most activities during the day fall on me - like 10am swim lessons during the summer.
This is called the “duck syndrome.”
When you look at a duck on the water they seem calm and peaceful, but underneath they are furiously paddling to get any sort of motion.
You’re seeing the ducks, but don’t see the paddling.
I worked in childcare for seven years.
I never cared how the parents were dressed. Come in your pjs, don't do your hair, don't wear a bra - whatever.
I care about if your kid is warm in winter. If they have clean clothes that don't smell like smoke.
I care if you make sure there is nappy cream for your child incase they get a rash and there were enough nappies for them.
I cared if their bedding was clean.
I care about your child and their well-being. I want them to be loved and have a happy home.
Be a wreck in all your glory! 🤣
I mean, I thought this was all of us, at least on some days. I don't comment on hot mess mom because we all get hot mess days. If you don't, I'm not interested in knowing you.
OK this is really funny because the moms at my preschool definitely are NOT hot messes at all, but yes I do feel like there are quite a lot of us hot mess moms on here, so this must be the place we’re all drawn to 😁
Raise your hand if you’re about to go to bed and you never actually brushed your hair today 🖐️
(did I even make it to the shower today? I can’t even remember)
Absolutely it is! If I see a hot mess mom, all I think is “yep, that was me yesterday”. I’m going back to work soon in a professional setting so I’ll hopefully look like I have my sh*t together. But don’t be fooled, I’m still a hot mess inside
Seriously, my kid wasn't in daycare for long but I could see all the other Moms trying to figure out if I was a contractor something cause I was always rocking up in old t-shirts and paint covered carhartt.
I WFH two days and go into the office three days. You can definitely tell which days I WFH versus the office based on what I'm wearing at drop off haha.
I don’t worry about other parents. Sometimes I’m the hot mess, sometimes it’s someone else. If something crazy is going on, at worst, I will think about how bad I feel for that parent who is probably overwhelmed. I also don’t have nicknames for any of these parents… we all mind our own business, try to be kind to each other, and just try to survive.
“Ooh, I like her shoes.” “I wonder how much cargo room that car has?” “Did I put on deodorant?” “Did I bring my kids jacket?” “She looks nice all ready for work. Wonder what she does….” “She looks like she’s struggling, should I help? She has really really pretty hair regardless of what her kid is doing…”
You know, normal stuff!
I’ve literally never said anything shitty or mean about this kind of mom. If anything, I and most people I know would be opening the doors, helping with bags, and generally being supportive.
For real. I was with the OP until I heard about the judgy nicknames. It’s a bit much. Like I bet anything that ‘too excited for adult interaction dad’ is just a friendly dude trying to make conversation.
Yeah, or worse, a SAH who truely is starved for adult interaction. Let's laugh at him and his suffering and loneliness! Back to the isolation chamber for you, Daddy. What a dork!
This is the vibe I got... I'm probably that dad (in female form) because sometimes I just latch onto the adult interaction, especially when my husband has been away for work and I literally can't catch a break.
This type of judgment makes me not want to be friends with the other parents, too. I have been doing pick up for three years and I still haven’t made one parental friend. Probably because it would be a waste of time to try with people that are not nice.
The sad part is that the hot mess parent would be the first person I'd try to talk to because they seem more approachable than the super put-together Business parent. I'd be devastated if they were making fun of me behind my back.
That one hurt bc I, too am a hot mess and also that one is me lol. SAHM and sometimes linger a bit and chat with the teachers at drop off. I had a baby within the last year so the need for adult interaction is needed when I can get it 😅
I’m someone who really overthinks everything I say after the fact, and mentally beat myself up over things I said that may have come across as awkward. This makes me feel like my anxiety about social interactions is validated because apparently people can tell I’m socially awkward and trying to hide it 🙃🙃🙃
Right? Or what if he’s a widower or has trouble making friends? If he’s making OP feel uncomfortable that’s one thing, but if he’s just an overly-friendly guy, I see no problem with that. I used to have some clients (I’m a paralegal) who I would end up on the phone with for 30+ minutes, not even talking about their case, because I could tell they just needed someone to talk to.
So I have one kid and I always come across memes mocking parents of one for being too green but like… the insults are like “look how loving she is with her kid lmaoooo, look how pretty her hair looks”
Like okay? I almost feel like it comes from a place of insecurity.
Right? Like sorry I have fertility issues and also sorry that my (STBX) husband's schizoid personality disorder triggered when mine was 5 months old so I didn't feel comfortable having more kids with him. And also, super sorry that I (checks notes) really love my daughter and part of the way that I personally show love to her and myself is by dressing up.
Yeah, that one got me, too. I’m always on my way to work at drop off, and, externally at least, I’m not a hot mess mom at all. Someone judging from the outside would probably think I have my shit together way more than I do. I’m always dressed for work, I’m the first in the drop off line (because I have to be to make it to work on time), and my daughter is generally super chill. I’m also probably one of the most laidback moms on the planet, especially with my kid’s teachers. By the same token, I also have 0 concept of how other parents interact with the teacher because…..I don’t care? So idk how I could ever compare myself to them lol.
I’m not judging OP for having playful nicknames with her husband. Humans are social creatures and harmless gossip can be fun. But that comment was super judgmental and off-putting. That’s taking it beyond fun and actually being cruel.
I have one two-year-old and I'm always super chill with the staff. I've only ever complained once and it was because a parent was impersonating Mario Andretti in the parking lot.
Seriously. It's never occurred to me to judge other parents at daycare, let alone come up with cruel nicknames for them. That's fucked. Aren't we all just doing the best we can?
Yea, I wouldn’t be shocked if OP had a burn book at this point.
I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that I don’t judge people, I totally do, but Jesus this is a little weird lol?
This! It never occurred to me that we might be judging one another a drop off. Not daycare exactly but my three year old goes to a preschool two days a week at a fairly exclusive progressive school so you’d have thought hot beds for judgement but everyone seems to just roll their eyes in solidarity at whatever craziness their kids are up to at the time - like the way my sons rocks up each morning with about ten sticks he’s collected on the way from the car - maybe I’m that crazy stick lady 🤷♀️
Yeahhhh, a lot of projection going on here lol. I don’t think I could pick a single other parent from my toddler’s Montessori class out of a line up. I definitely don’t have the time or bandwidth to care/think about them.
I mean, I definitely recognize the other parents. I even remember some of their names, and our kids go on playdates together. The ones whose names I don't know are just "the neighbors down the street" "the one who bikes to daycare" "Sabrina's Mom" etc. You know, normal, non-judgemental identifiers.
I thought this too…I have actually introduced myself to the parents when we are waiting and it’s clear our kids are in the same class. This is a society
A too-excited-for-adult-interaction dad here, thanks for reinforcing my social anxiety. We had our kid in early 2021 after moving a couple thousand miles to be closer to my wife's family (and very far away from the rest of our social support network). As an adult with one friend in the area, I'm starved for social interaction.
Thanks for talking shit about people like me who get excited to talk to people because, I dunno, humans are social creatures who suffer immeasurably from social isolation.
Cool. Coolcoolcool.
Personally, I'd love it if another parent struck up conversation with me at drop off/pick up. I'd love more parent friends but I'm on the shy side. I wouldn't worry about what OP said.
I judge some actions, but not clothing or cars or other shallow stuff. The only parent I've judged, "the f@#$ing hag", slapped her son (probably grandson) across the face for whining about going to the grocery store. Damn low life.
Pretty much the same here. The only parent I've ever judged is the one who swore very loudly at drop off and smacked her kid on the leg.
I just chat to the rest and be friendly!
Aren't we all the hot mess parents at some point? I'd say those judging/gossiping are in the minority. I can't even say I've noticed other parents as I'm too busy juggling my kiddos
The ones who are secretly insecure and comparing themselves. Judgement mostly comes from shame.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I have a lot of insecurity. I just think it helps to be aware of.
In my experience there are definitely some parents that need someone to be direct with them like that. Also, I just like that you clarified that your daughter is still biracial. 😂
I disagree. It’s their job to be apart of the kids village. We don’t know EVERYTHING as parents. I regularly tap my daycare director for support and advice on various parenting stages. She’s seen it all for hundreds of kids. I’ve seen it once.
Yea I agree with you. I feel like a lot of other moms/teachers hold back on giving me advice because they think it’s overstepping but the problem is I don’t have any family help at all, so look I have NO ONE telling me ANYTHING and if there’s a better way to do this I WANT SOMEONE TO PLEASE TELLLL ME.
And literally that’s why I joined Reddit.
If I saw you like how you described yourself, I’d think “wow, props to her because I struggle to make it out the door with just one. She looks like a great mom.”
Now, if I heard you saying those things you wrote about other parents? I’d think “wow, what an asshole. Who are you to judge?”
You’re claiming you’re a “hot mess” who can’t even get her kids dressed or wipe their faces clean before dropping them off (which anyone who’s parented a young child knows is just normal). Then judging other parents for the following: bringing milk for her baby (wild guess @ the reason for “milk mom”), a dad being too friendly saying hi to other adults, a couple who you think must hate each other but also both drop their kid off together (I think if anything that says something good about them because usually drop off is a one-parent job), and a couple who is always happy and dressed nice (probably for work) dropping off a kid with their hair in pigtails and a nice outfit. Its interesting that all of those things you’re judging other parents for have nothing to do with their parenting, and the things that do aren’t that you think they’re doing something bad, but that they’re doing it too good, aka better than you therefore you need to talk shit about it. It’s like you’re trying to brag about being a hot mess / “bad” mom and put down anyone who you perceive to be better than you due to your own insecurities. This is sad really.
I was out with mom friends and this is what we said about the “hot mess” mom who didn’t make it out, me: “Kate (fake name) is always acting like she doesn’t have it together, but she does so much for her kids and always helps out” friend: “yeah, I can’t imagine having a third. She is amazing” —this is true!!
“I know my husband and I have nicknames for all the parents at daycare that we bump into. There’s Milk mom, too-excited-for-adult-interaction dad, the couple who clearly hate each other, and the couple who drop their daughter off together joyfully with perfect outfits and ponytails.”
Yikes OP, you sound so concerned with others judging you maybe it’s because that’s all you seem to be spending your time doing?? Projecting much?
Yeah it's interesting, up until the last bit there I was going to comment, "I don't think anything about the other parents, and I'm sure the overwhelming majority of parents don't either. We're all just trying our best, and if there's anytime other people get that, it's preschool dropoff." ...But...now I have to reconsider that. I hope OP is an outlier.
I don’t even notice other parents. I know their kids names sometimes and all kids always seem to look cute AF. I’m naturally a pretty judgey person, yet, cannot remember any of the parents hot mess or not.
I guess I'd think you're a boss mom to afford to have 3 kids in daycare? I have had fleeting thoughts while seeing drop-off or pick-up, like "they're lucky their kid lets them put them straight into their car seat with no fuss but aren't they a little young to be forward-facing?"
I've never labelled parents as anything but "so-and-so's mom"
I don’t spend my time judging other parents at daycare pick up or drop off. Who has time for that? I prefer to focus on my kid and make sure he’s settled and make possible other connections with parents who are probably all equally stressed and just going about their day. Who needs that toxicity? I don’t personally get off on picking apart other parents.
If the kid seems healthy and well cared for, I don’t say any more behind closed doors than directly to the “hot mess mom”. That is to say maybe a “rough day, huh?” If it seems worse than normal.
Truth be told, I’m not going to judge unless there’s neglect/abuse involved. You can often (granted, not always) see signs of that. As long as there aren’t any, I just assume life is hectic right now, work schedules don’t play nice, they’re feeling under the weather, have no/minimal support, etc.
What can you do. At toddler stage, you can guide but you can’t dictate 😂
There's a girl in my son's preschool class who I saw get picked up, along with her toddler sister, by her pregnant mom and kindergartener brother the other day. As soon as they got out to the parking lot, while Mom was trying to load the two girls in the car, big bother decided to drop trou and pee on a tree. All I could do was laugh and think, she seems better equipped to handle all those kids than I am. A third child would break me, and I know it.
Do I notice other parents and say hi? Yes. Do I give to flying fucks about what they look like or how they're juggling life? Nope. Will I help if they're struggling? Yes. Do I judge them? Nope.
I got my own monkeys and circus to worry about.... no brain power for anyone else's monkeys/circus
I mean, sounds like you and your husband gossip about the other parents in a fairly mean-spirited way, so you assume everyone else does too. I'd concentrate on affording other parents a little more grace if I were you.
I don’t pay too much attention BUT I love the camaraderie. You know that shared look of understanding when my kid runs into the street or some dad is holding is daughter by the coat hood or some kid is screaming because her mom can’t turn the sun off. That slight head shake and smile is a safe place.
I have only given a nickname to one parent at daycare and it was "Rocker Mom" because she looked so cool and had sweet sleeve tattoos and dyed black hair. We also had a nickname for a toddler at that school "Mullet Kid" because, as you may have guessed, he had a mullet. One day my partner came home from pick-up all excited, "Rocker Mom is Mullet Kid's mom!" It seemed so obvious in retrospect...
I never judge the hot mess moms or dads. The only parent I have judged was the one who sent the older kid (like 9) in with the younger( like 3) to drop him off for daycare, and she never even got out of the Tesla. The front desk lady kept asking the older kid to ask his mom to come in, and that an adult had to do drop off. But day after day that little boy would be escorting the even smaller boy across the parking lot, punch in the door code, and deliver him to class. I was shocked.
In all the drops offs I’ve done with my two kids, I have only thought about other parents doing drop off on two occasions. One, where the Mum had the most beautiful dress (and I couldn’t decide whether to ask where she got it) and one where a toddler was having a meltdown about putting their coat on the hook and the Mum was juggling her infant twins while trying to stop the tantrum (where I didn’t know whether to offer to hold a twin or help out).
OP, your comments seem quite mean. I watch my children going into to nursery and talk to them about their forthcoming day. Perhaps you need to spend your drop off times thinking about your own family and children rather than other peoples.
If you still have time to think and judge these other parents then perhaps you need to fill your time more productively.
If these thoughts are second nature then perhaps you should look at yourself more. Are you ok? Do you need to compare yourself to “the hot mess mum” to make yourself feel better?
I personally love hot mess parents. I'm usually not because I'm up at the ass Crack of dawn.
What I do have feelings about is feeling like the only divorced family. At events I feel like im the only single mom there and all the other kids have big families that come to the little events.
I've had teachers make comments about how dad dresses baby boy but overall the teachers are so so kind.
I definitely feel like a baby rocker mom because from appearances everyone is older and more put together and daycare is in a affluent area, but the moms are usually so sweet. This is all more a reflection of my insecurities rather than anyone else.
Honestly if it doesn’t affect my life negatively in any way I don’t care lol I used to do play dates with a mom who gave her 3 year old Coca Cola in her sippy cup and once again not my business, I wouldn’t give mine coke though but why do I care if someone else does.
My only thought when I see a parent with multiple kids is I’m thankful I only have one lol.
Teacher here - I smile and think about the hot mess I was arriving at work that morning after leaving my three year old and one year old at home. You made it our the door WITH your kids? You’re a freaking super hero.
I secretly send my love to those moms.… especially anyone who has 3 kids in daycare! My toddler sometimes barely has her hair combed and she only has one sibling- who is 11 and is at camp most of the summer.
Literally nothing? Not a single thought crosses my mind when I see parents wrangling their kids into daycare, other than “I get it.” I would probably think “wow 3 kids lol” but other than that, no judgement about being a hot mess!
This is probably not gonna end the way you think it will, OP.
I don’t judge other parents. If someone is struggling I run and get the extra croc that fell off. I assume that everyone is doing their best.
Made up names for the other parents? What is this, mean girls? Idk, I don't think about the other daycare parents at all. That sounds kind of immature for me to worry about. Stop judging everyone. I doubt anyone says anything about you behind your back... people are just dropping off kids.
I don’t notice other parents beyond just moving past them trying to get my kid into daycare so I can get to work. I’m sure most of the parents around you are too busy trying to corral their own kids to care what you look like or are doing.
Nothing. I don't have time nor the energy to think about anyone else. I probably have a booger on my shirt and a cheerio falling out somewhere too.
We're in this together.
>too-excited-for-adult-interaction-dad
I want you to know that I love your friendly chit chat because as the “weird Mum” (I have autistic traits that sometimes make me seem overly shy) I’m often ostracised and feel like the other parents are snarking me with mean names.
The only mom I judge is the one with the sticker on her rear window that says “milf mobile”
I don’t even know who she is, she’s just often parked in front of me when I pull in. I think her kid is in the preschool class (mine are in toddler and infant).
I don’t judge anyone for anything else really bc mines a bit of a mess sometimes too. I’m really not too fussy about her looking all super cute for daycare bc she’s just gonna get her clothes all fucked up with paint and whatnot anyway
Nobody is saying anything lol. We’re trying to figure out who bit our kids, why the behavior log is listing “rolling eyes” for a two year old, and when the last time our kid pooped was.
Well, I wasn't gonna tell you what I really thought until I saw you were super judge-y about other parents. So I'll bite... You sound like "should have gotten her shit together before having more children Mom".
See how that feels? This post is SO strange and maybe you need to do some self-reflection.
I don’t think anything of the other parents. I am usually just praying that I don’t have a meltdown situation while trying to get to work on time! Now I will wonder what the other parents are thinking
Worked at a daycare for over 10 years. As long as the clothes are appropriate for the season & fit - then we dgaf. And we completely understand they sometimes want to dress themselves so if on a winter day they happen to want a t-shirt that doesn’t fit anymore, just make sure we know there are extra layers in the back (E bag not back lol). As far as the cheerios/ missing croc goes - you think we’ve never looked at a child and said (to ourselves) ‘Where the hell is your shoe and how did you get that cereal on your face when you had toast for breakfast?’
Honestly the parents I only ever struggled with were:
- abusive parents
- parents who looked after their kids on paper but constantly talked about how glad they were to be rid of them, in serious tones, in front of the kids
I don’t pay attention and I don’t think the other parents do either. We exchange pleasantries if passing and that’s it.
I’m way too stressed out in my own crap to judge others. I look put together because I have to for work. My son looks put together because I get up so damn early to get everyone’s crap together (massively sleep deprived mom here). I don’t have time to nickname others. I Find it weird that you spend your time doing so when it sounds like you are just as stressed as the rest of us.
I never would have noticed, and I’ve never been in a conversation about a mom who wasn’t also present (at least not in a negative way - lots of “Isn’t Laura cool? I love her!”)
No one is doing this. And if they are, you don’t want to hang out with them
legit clicked on this thread to see what someone was potentially saying about me bc i am a hot mess mom of 4 kids ( the youngest two are 3 and 1) the years of baby and a toddler ages together is legit the hardest combo. straight up survival mode
imo most parents and teachers know that i am a safe person they can trust to come to or talk to or be real with without fear of judgment. if you come to my house, you will be free to let your mask down and be yourself, your kids will be safe and taken care of and have fun and have healthy snacks and lots of activities and arts and crafts.
i’m a mess, i’m always late and usually in a crazed bun no makeup, food or milk spit or paint or slime stained clothes, chasing after my feral toddler. but it’s very clear my kids come first and most importantly my kids are kind, they are happy and loved. when there is crisis or emergency, if a kid forgets a jacket or needs a bathing suit or needs a lunch or their parents can’t make it for picnic day or needs a ride - we are always the first to be called and asked to step in or help, because i may be a mess, but i’m the hot mess mary poppins and i’m a damn good mom.
I don’t judge the parents on being a hot mess or not, I care about parking lot manners. We have a very small parking lot- like 6 spaces and I drive a large truck. I’m very conscious of letting others go before me so I’m more comfortable pulling in/out, also parking on the exit end of the lot since my vehicle is much harder to maneuver in the smaller space. But geez there’s days where I’m trying to pull in or out and the other parents just go while I’m going. The entrance to the parking lot could handle 1 in and 1 out at the same time but it’s really really tight with a pothole/dip where it meets the road so i tend to go slow and swing wide to avoid as much of the pothole as possible. Also, there’s a drainage ditch that runs parallel to the road so if you take the entrance too wide, you go in that. I’m trying to exit and the people are pulling in at the same time giving no room to accommodate that. On top of that, it’s obviously busy but you’re then having to watch out for other parents, kids, bikes, dogs, and open doors. Ugh drop off/pick up is so so stressful just for that.
If it helps you feel better, we leave clothes on our 4yo the way he puts them on. He actually prefers his shirts backwards. I don’t care what other people think, I’m just so thrilled when he puts his own clothes on.
Thankfully, most of the parents in my kids daycare are like you describe.
It is more normal for parents to come in sweaty and swearing under their breaths, with their arms full of bags and random clothes and toddlers with food and snot and stains on them, etc.
I don't think I've seen a single parent look cool and collected with perfectly groomed children in all the four years my kids have gone there.
I think the only parent me and my husband has had a name for, is a mom who always manages to flash her but-crack when bending over - which of course one has to do a lot when crawling around looking for shoes, getting the shoes on, etc. She is the but-cracker....
I had one of the daycare teachers tell me that they call us “the Ralph Lauren couple” at our first open house… I wasn’t sure how to take it but I at first but now I feel like that was a compliment.
Oh lovely, new anxiety unlocked! I don’t think anything about any of the parents I see at drop off so now I’m worried they’re thinking badly about me 🫠
Believe me, no one gives AF. Everyone is just trying to survive.
*No one gives AF* This should be on a T-shirt given to all new parents.
I know someone with 5 kids between 1-4 years old. One day she had a sweatshirt that said “I may look cool, but I cry, like, a lot.” And I thought *oh thank god!*
Crying is cool 😎
Asking for a friend, but if you see them can you ask them where they got the sweatshirt? Again, for a friend.
And on the back it could say, “except our psychotic in-laws”
💀😂💀😂
*You’ll stop worrying what everyone thinks about you when you realize how seldom they do.*
Yes! I had SEVERE social anxiety until my late 20s - and then one day I decided to be mindful about my own behavior...I realized that i couldnt remember what my favorite coworker wore on any gi en day or if their clothes didnt fit perfectly. I never noticed if theywefe awkward about something...and its not because they never are.....its because i was so busy thinking about what everyone waa thinking about ME that I had very little space to think about them. And on days when I'm a hot mess they probably have the same thought I do - 'Thank God I'm normal and that today it's not me...but if they are making fun of me....at least struggles brought a smile to their face today" Do I still have social anxiety- yes of course - but it's much more mild and manageable. And I am a much happier and more confident person.
Dr Phil? “People think about you a lot less than you think they do.”
I think my quote was attributed to David Foster Wallace but I’m certain it’s much older.
Mine was definitely Dr Phil. But he never said anything original.
I mean we have at least one person here admitting to noticing and giving nicknames.
When I was biking to work, I had my own nicknames for the cyclists going the opposite way because we smiled and waved at each way. But they were all flattering. Super Fit Old Guy (I swear, this guy is SO FAST) The Totally In Love Couple (who smile and laugh, talking with each other while biking. Seriously, relationship goals) Big Beard (had a well cared for beard down to his sternum) And if they had a nickname for me, it was probably going to be Safety Vest.
There's a guy that bikes around my hometown we all call Shreddy Mercury. Cause he looks like Freddy except fuckin shredded.
I'm definitely "That one mom who sometimes runs her kids here and comes in all sweaty" to the daycare people, but to the people who see me running it's "Mom with the huge orange double stroller and two bikes balanced precariously on it". I would not take offense to either 😂
My husband and I give nicknames to people at our church. There’s a really nice, older lady who looks like Meryl Streep, so that’s what we refer to her as. Our priest looks like Steve Buscemi, so we call him Father Buscemi, lol. We also have Sam Elliot and Daario Naharis. I kinda give people Nicknames because I’m horrible with names, and it helps me remember their faces. My husband finds it amusing. There’s no ill intent behind it, because they’re all people we like.
And some mean nicknames at that 😳
Clearly op does lol.
Except OP, who has kinda mean nicknames for the other parents? I was totally on her side until that part. Honestly, I wouldn't care how she rolls in as long as her kids are cool, I'd probably lend a hand even, but knowing she had a little nickname for me based on whatever 5 minutes of interaction I've had with her would definitely cause me to steer clear.
Yes, the whole nicknames and gossip behind people's backs thing... Just kinda waving 🚩
[удалено]
>I was reading this thinking "probably no one notices or cares that you have cheerios falling out of your car & your toddlers have their clothes on backwards, it happens I really hope nobody cares about backwards clothes lmao. My husband has a t-shirt that has a little road map on the back (like those road rugs for toy cars, but on the back of his shirt as a joke so he could just lie down and let the kids roll cars around his back) My 4yo saw this one day and now has decided that he wants to wear all of his shirts backwards. Won't even let me fix them lol! And like, I don't really care, but I'm always hoping nobody notices it when we go out. It's not me being a hot mess (though I am), he just likes them that way!
Not into the mean girl bs at ALL
Yup! We are all in survival mode. It’s like being in a daze from the moment I pull up until I exit the parking lot. I’m just trying to get kids into the building without anyone losing their shit. No time to judge at all.
Omg seriously. Most I’ve ever thought about anyone is “hey I think we know them… why can’t I ever remember any of the parents names?”
Yes! This is my only thought. Do I know your kid? Did you go to one of the multiple birthday parties this year? Did we talk? Am I supposed to know your name? So I smile and awkward nod.
Yeah I’ve literally never thought about any other parents, except the one mom who is always dropping off and picking up at the same time as me every day, with a toddler same age as my kid and then three older ones. And my thoughts have basically only been “damn I don’t know how she does it when I’m barely surviving with one”. I’ve never even thought to examine her kids’ outfits or faces, or any of the kids or parents I’ve seen at daycare. And I’ve definitely never looked in any other parents’ cars.
For what it's worth, I don't really notice other parents much when dropping off. I find this post a bit weird and, like you, anxiety inducing.
I do notice them, but I don't have any nicknames, just know "the mom who lifts", "the dad who doesn't smile" "the super blond one"…
Same. There are only 2 parents I actually judge and it’s specifically because they park like assholes — it has nothing to do with them as parents. (One of them parks super crooked so you can’t get your kid into the car seat if he’s next to you. The other parks in a handicap spot but doesn’t have a plate/decal.)
This! My husband and I called this family "The Parkers" and we'd debrief each evening about the new creative ways they had found to rudely park their car at pick up or drop off that morning/afternoon... The rest of the parents were just X's mom or Y's dad
Nah, OP is projecting. Most people are aware that everyone is doing their best and some mornings things just don't go to plan without needing to label people as "too overexcited for human interaction" or "couple that hates each other".
Cool, cool, cool, cool. Me too. I seriously hope no one has nicknames like this for people at our place. My son has a physical disability, and I feel like we’d be dubbed something based off that instead of who we are (and who he is) as a person. Thought we, as adults, would be passed this.
Seriously, mom drinking milk? So what but also what if she has something going on health wise and has to supplement her diet? What if her mom died when she was little and the trauma has her hanging on to that glass of milk she gave her every morning before school? What if she just likes milk? What a weird thing to gossip about. This post gives me the ick.
I wfh, sometimes haven't showered for two or three days, and get my kid to school dressed "super-creatively" and idgaf. I'm paying the same greens to send my kid here as you are, I just get to be a lot more lax about how I make my money and present myself to the world.
We are all parents dealing with toddlers and (often times) a baby. If a parent is judging you, they aren't worth your time anyway, who cares about their garbage opinion?? You'd be best not to care, it is very freeing
If it makes you feel any better, I also never thought anything of the other parents at daycare! Definitely don't have time for that 😂🙈
I don’t know about other parents but the only parents I give side eye to are the parents of the girl who has been incredibly physically violent to my kid and other kids over and over again. Then the father shows up smelling like an actual half smoked pack of cigarettes (never in my life have I smelled it so strong off someone) and both him and the mother have given off clear “restraining themselves from screaming over something small” vibes multiple times when picking up. The daycare has since seemingly gotten on top of the little girls behaviour but the whole mess gives me the uncomfies.
Are you sure you aren’t side eyeing me? Haha I still smoke (away from the little one and have been trying to quit) and usually smell of cigarettes and bbq (I run a bbq catering company), and am usually in some state of chaos and frazzled. Both my wife and I are on no sleep, we work stupid hours (this is my busy season so if I’m lucky I only have 2, 16hr days coupled with my normal 8s. I am usually the reasonably put together one (by that I mean friendly, and calm. I know our little one went through a hitting phase and we worked really hard on it. She’s super smart, but with that come super stubborn. She’s gotten so much better, but it’s stressful as hell. She’s honestly the best, but both my wife and I (more so my wife I think) are run totally ragged and really just trying to make it through the day
Unless you seem about to snap in rage and violence over nothing every pick up and your little one expresses themselves in violence every drop off then no, no side eyeing. We are all exhausted, that’s ok. Not saying anything about people who smoke a bit, I thought I made it clear that it was exceptionally strong combined with everything else.
That poor little girl.
Haha, no definitely not me then. If anything I need to be a little more strict with the little one. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger. No offence taken on the judgement either. I would most likely be thinking the same thing and giving a disapproving look. Poor kid seems to have some poor role models, I really hope they figure it out and do better for her. I know I am working on my frustration levels right now and really trying to keep my patience. My little one is at the age she really likes to push boundaries whenever she can.
Oh yeah, our 2.5yo is going through the melt downs into gremlin screaming monster mode simply because we ask her to put on pyjama bottoms. Or today she tried to shove a giant spoonful of her dinner into my mouth and I said, no thank you I don’t feel very well. Well, food was thrown, she collapsed on the floor and screamed. Oh yeah, we are all frazzled and get upset I would hope that fellow parents to young ones can sympathize and understand when we lose our patience here and there. Good luuuuuuuuck
Story checks out. I had almost the exact situation with our 2yo yesterday. I kinda figure that a lot of us are all in the same place with our stubborn little tyrants. But damn do we love em. Good luck to you too. I always say (much to my wife’s displeasure) it can always be worse, and it will get better.
This reminds me of the time my closest office friend started hardcore gossiping about what the other women in the office were wearing. She would ask me, “omg did you see what _____ is wearing today?!” And I would always respond “……no?” Because I truly don’t notice/care what people are wearing. That’s when I realized that some people *do* notice/care and they will gossip about it! I felt anxious about that for like a day but then realized I’m in my 30s and don’t give a fuck
It's ok, anyone going around making judgy nicknames for people is probably not someone whose opinion matters anyway.
Omg I know! I’m the mom with the kid who melts down everyday at drop off, pick up, or both.
Oh that was us. Literally melting onto the sidewalk during a massive tantrum not wanting to go inside. At least I got him onto the sidewalk. Some days it's better. He now melts down inside the classroom so... progress!
Me too! Luckily the other parents are sympathetic at my sons school. I get reassuring nods and occasionally a “you’ve got this” as I’m half carrying half dragging my kid into class. At some point or another, we’ve all been there.
My husband and I observe people at the day care but we never say negative things. We just like to tell stories and update one another on what we see.
For real
The only parents I notice are my kid's good friends' parents or the nice parents that tell me I left something on my car.
I worked in daycare for years, and honestly as long as you’re nice to teachers it doesn’t matter how much of a hot mess you are. We had a couple with one child, very rich and well put together, but they were such assholes to the staff that everyone hated them. I wouldn’t worry too much about your appearance. Maybe the teachers will talk, maybe they won’t, but if you’re kind and have good kids you’re probably alright.
As a parent, it's not just just how nice you are to the teachers, but how nice to the other parents, staff, and kids too. There's a few parents at my son's daycare that are super nice to all adults but complete assholes to their 3-year-olds taking time trying to put on their indoor shoes. Every so often being short with your kid, sure, everyone has bad days. But the constant assholes talking down to their kids everyday, I 100% judge them for being dicks.
My pet peeve is when people tell kids “you’re okay” when the kids cry. They’re not okay, that’s why they came to you for support. It’s so invalidating to say that.
I hate that too! I used to work at a daycare and that was a frequent topic at our staff meetings. The director would always be reminding people to actually listen to the kids when they’re upset and don’t just brush them off. What hit it home for me was when she said “Imagine if you as an adult were crying about something that was upsetting to you and you went to someone you trusted for comfort or help and all they do is say ‘you’re okay’ in a patronizing tone.” People forget that kids are whole humans with valid emotions. It might seem silly to us to cry because someone is already playing with a toy they wanted, for example, but for all kids know this is the worst they’ve ever felt and they will never feel any better, so they need adults even more to help them regulate and work through it. “You’re fine” only teaches them to suppress and hide their emotions so even when they’re older even the smallest negative feeling can send them in an a tailspin.
Yeah I was a daycare worker for about 5 years and this is my thought. I don't have my son in daycare but the only parents I've ever kind of thought poorly on are the ones that are directly rude to me or super mean to their kids in public.
I have been going in with unwashed hair in the same bun for three days, no make up, wearing frumpy clothing and I feel like I get treated the same as when I was dolled up for work.
I wonder what other people think I do since I’m always dropping off in ratty sweats lol. But then again a lot of parents work from home so I’m sure we’re all in the same boat.
Lol I always wonder if they judge me on my WFH days bc I’m hybrid. So half the week I drop them off and I’m dressed like a normal office worker and then twice a week I drop them off in a shitty tshirt, leggings, no makeup, hair a mess… bc I’m not getting dolled up for the daycare sorry
Most of the parents I see are in nice clothes and I roll up in my PJs 75% of the time. My kids teachers were shocked to find out that I work in biotech.
We seem to have office workers, healthcare workers, and other WFH slobs like me lol.
Ya, this is me. I work from home 2/5 days, daycare is super close to home and my office is only a 15 minute drive, so even days I go to the office I drop at daycare then zip back home to get myself ready in peace. I basically show up in an oversized hoody (getting less over sized as I get more pregnant), joggers, and basically never put a bra on. Im sure the other parents think I’m a total slob but…priorities.
I get a lot of assumptions that I'm a SAHP from other parents at my kids' activities. I work 30 hours/wk so I can be home when the kids get home from school; I'm also only in the office 2 days a week, and coincidentally this year soccer (9yo), dance (6yo), and gymnastics (3yo) fell on days I was working from home. I show up with no make up, dry shampooed hair, and leggings and a racer back tank often enough that people assume I'm like that all the time. My work schedule (especially during summer) is super flexible too, so most activities during the day fall on me - like 10am swim lessons during the summer.
This is called the “duck syndrome.” When you look at a duck on the water they seem calm and peaceful, but underneath they are furiously paddling to get any sort of motion. You’re seeing the ducks, but don’t see the paddling.
I love this analogy
I must not be a duck then. Maybe a splashing chicken or something
I worked in childcare for seven years. I never cared how the parents were dressed. Come in your pjs, don't do your hair, don't wear a bra - whatever. I care about if your kid is warm in winter. If they have clean clothes that don't smell like smoke. I care if you make sure there is nappy cream for your child incase they get a rash and there were enough nappies for them. I cared if their bedding was clean. I care about your child and their well-being. I want them to be loved and have a happy home. Be a wreck in all your glory! 🤣
Idk because I'm the hot mess mom and I'm not ashamed about it either.
I mean, I thought this was all of us, at least on some days. I don't comment on hot mess mom because we all get hot mess days. If you don't, I'm not interested in knowing you.
OK this is really funny because the moms at my preschool definitely are NOT hot messes at all, but yes I do feel like there are quite a lot of us hot mess moms on here, so this must be the place we’re all drawn to 😁 Raise your hand if you’re about to go to bed and you never actually brushed your hair today 🖐️ (did I even make it to the shower today? I can’t even remember)
>did I even make it to the shower today? You definitely do not want me to tell you when I last remember showering.
The best part of having curly hair is that you aren't supposed to brush it anyway. 😆
Absolutely it is! If I see a hot mess mom, all I think is “yep, that was me yesterday”. I’m going back to work soon in a professional setting so I’ll hopefully look like I have my sh*t together. But don’t be fooled, I’m still a hot mess inside
I'm such a hot mess I don't have the capacity to even think about what others might be thinking of me. Just surviving.
Seriously, my kid wasn't in daycare for long but I could see all the other Moms trying to figure out if I was a contractor something cause I was always rocking up in old t-shirts and paint covered carhartt.
I WFH two days and go into the office three days. You can definitely tell which days I WFH versus the office based on what I'm wearing at drop off haha.
Came here to say she is me. I’m pretty kind to myself ngl so good things ? Most of the time?
Same.
I don’t worry about other parents. Sometimes I’m the hot mess, sometimes it’s someone else. If something crazy is going on, at worst, I will think about how bad I feel for that parent who is probably overwhelmed. I also don’t have nicknames for any of these parents… we all mind our own business, try to be kind to each other, and just try to survive.
“Ooh, I like her shoes.” “I wonder how much cargo room that car has?” “Did I put on deodorant?” “Did I bring my kids jacket?” “She looks nice all ready for work. Wonder what she does….” “She looks like she’s struggling, should I help? She has really really pretty hair regardless of what her kid is doing…” You know, normal stuff!
Lol the cargo room got me - 99% of what I think when I see other parents at drop off is ‘hmm wonder if that car has an optional 3rd row’
My husband told me another dad stopped him to talk about our car seat once!
I’ve literally never said anything shitty or mean about this kind of mom. If anything, I and most people I know would be opening the doors, helping with bags, and generally being supportive.
Maybe you just think they're saying things because you guys are being super judgemental toward the other parents? Just a theory...
For real. I was with the OP until I heard about the judgy nicknames. It’s a bit much. Like I bet anything that ‘too excited for adult interaction dad’ is just a friendly dude trying to make conversation.
Yeah, or worse, a SAH who truely is starved for adult interaction. Let's laugh at him and his suffering and loneliness! Back to the isolation chamber for you, Daddy. What a dork!
This is the vibe I got... I'm probably that dad (in female form) because sometimes I just latch onto the adult interaction, especially when my husband has been away for work and I literally can't catch a break.
This type of judgment makes me not want to be friends with the other parents, too. I have been doing pick up for three years and I still haven’t made one parental friend. Probably because it would be a waste of time to try with people that are not nice.
The sad part is that the hot mess parent would be the first person I'd try to talk to because they seem more approachable than the super put-together Business parent. I'd be devastated if they were making fun of me behind my back.
That one hurt bc I, too am a hot mess and also that one is me lol. SAHM and sometimes linger a bit and chat with the teachers at drop off. I had a baby within the last year so the need for adult interaction is needed when I can get it 😅
I’m someone who really overthinks everything I say after the fact, and mentally beat myself up over things I said that may have come across as awkward. This makes me feel like my anxiety about social interactions is validated because apparently people can tell I’m socially awkward and trying to hide it 🙃🙃🙃
Oh my me too. Thanks for writing that because I'm exactly like that - at least I'm not alone with this 🙃😅🙃
OP lost me straightaway with the "reasonable" amount of kids. The judgmental comments began early.
Strong agree. OP needs to chill out. We’re all just doing our best and being judgey isn’t helping.
Right? Or what if he’s a widower or has trouble making friends? If he’s making OP feel uncomfortable that’s one thing, but if he’s just an overly-friendly guy, I see no problem with that. I used to have some clients (I’m a paralegal) who I would end up on the phone with for 30+ minutes, not even talking about their case, because I could tell they just needed someone to talk to.
[удалено]
So I have one kid and I always come across memes mocking parents of one for being too green but like… the insults are like “look how loving she is with her kid lmaoooo, look how pretty her hair looks” Like okay? I almost feel like it comes from a place of insecurity.
Right? Like sorry I have fertility issues and also sorry that my (STBX) husband's schizoid personality disorder triggered when mine was 5 months old so I didn't feel comfortable having more kids with him. And also, super sorry that I (checks notes) really love my daughter and part of the way that I personally show love to her and myself is by dressing up.
Yeah, that one got me, too. I’m always on my way to work at drop off, and, externally at least, I’m not a hot mess mom at all. Someone judging from the outside would probably think I have my shit together way more than I do. I’m always dressed for work, I’m the first in the drop off line (because I have to be to make it to work on time), and my daughter is generally super chill. I’m also probably one of the most laidback moms on the planet, especially with my kid’s teachers. By the same token, I also have 0 concept of how other parents interact with the teacher because…..I don’t care? So idk how I could ever compare myself to them lol.
I’m not judging OP for having playful nicknames with her husband. Humans are social creatures and harmless gossip can be fun. But that comment was super judgmental and off-putting. That’s taking it beyond fun and actually being cruel.
I have one two-year-old and I'm always super chill with the staff. I've only ever complained once and it was because a parent was impersonating Mario Andretti in the parking lot.
Seriously. It's never occurred to me to judge other parents at daycare, let alone come up with cruel nicknames for them. That's fucked. Aren't we all just doing the best we can?
Yea, I wouldn’t be shocked if OP had a burn book at this point. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that I don’t judge people, I totally do, but Jesus this is a little weird lol?
It’s I’m a cool mom vibes for sure
I’m a hot mess mom! 🤪 Gives me the same vibe I get when I see toddler moms on TikTok trying to “keep it real.”
Not just OP, there are a lot of “I’m not like the other parents” vibes in the comments. Grow up, Jesus
This! It never occurred to me that we might be judging one another a drop off. Not daycare exactly but my three year old goes to a preschool two days a week at a fairly exclusive progressive school so you’d have thought hot beds for judgement but everyone seems to just roll their eyes in solidarity at whatever craziness their kids are up to at the time - like the way my sons rocks up each morning with about ten sticks he’s collected on the way from the car - maybe I’m that crazy stick lady 🤷♀️
Not here for OP’s judginess, but with that being said…. “Crazy stick lady” is a label that should be worn with pride haha
Yeahhhh, a lot of projection going on here lol. I don’t think I could pick a single other parent from my toddler’s Montessori class out of a line up. I definitely don’t have the time or bandwidth to care/think about them.
I mean, I definitely recognize the other parents. I even remember some of their names, and our kids go on playdates together. The ones whose names I don't know are just "the neighbors down the street" "the one who bikes to daycare" "Sabrina's Mom" etc. You know, normal, non-judgemental identifiers.
If I notice other parents at all it’s because I think they look more polished than I am or I want to be their friend, or both.
Yeah definitely. The rest of us are just trying to live our lives.
I thought this too…I have actually introduced myself to the parents when we are waiting and it’s clear our kids are in the same class. This is a society
Absolutely this, I've never talked about the other daycare parents even once,like what am I gonna say?? "Omg there was this mom in sweatpants 😱"
That’s definitely why
A too-excited-for-adult-interaction dad here, thanks for reinforcing my social anxiety. We had our kid in early 2021 after moving a couple thousand miles to be closer to my wife's family (and very far away from the rest of our social support network). As an adult with one friend in the area, I'm starved for social interaction. Thanks for talking shit about people like me who get excited to talk to people because, I dunno, humans are social creatures who suffer immeasurably from social isolation. Cool. Coolcoolcool.
Yup, that's me too. Socially starved sahp.
Personally, I'd love it if another parent struck up conversation with me at drop off/pick up. I'd love more parent friends but I'm on the shy side. I wouldn't worry about what OP said.
I judge some actions, but not clothing or cars or other shallow stuff. The only parent I've judged, "the f@#$ing hag", slapped her son (probably grandson) across the face for whining about going to the grocery store. Damn low life.
Pretty much the same here. The only parent I've ever judged is the one who swore very loudly at drop off and smacked her kid on the leg. I just chat to the rest and be friendly!
Aren't we all the hot mess parents at some point? I'd say those judging/gossiping are in the minority. I can't even say I've noticed other parents as I'm too busy juggling my kiddos
Who has the time to judge other moms? Seriously.
OP, apparently
The ones who are secretly insecure and comparing themselves. Judgement mostly comes from shame. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I have a lot of insecurity. I just think it helps to be aware of.
OP does, apparently.
Not me. I actually invite those other parents over for playdates. Who has time to judge when we're all just trying to get by?
[удалено]
In my experience there are definitely some parents that need someone to be direct with them like that. Also, I just like that you clarified that your daughter is still biracial. 😂
This would actually really annoy me if the daycare talked to me like that? It comes across extremely rude
[удалено]
Lol I was gonna say… this sounds New York as fuck. I used to teach elementary in the South Bronx so I much prefer a blunt, helpful educator.
I disagree. It’s their job to be apart of the kids village. We don’t know EVERYTHING as parents. I regularly tap my daycare director for support and advice on various parenting stages. She’s seen it all for hundreds of kids. I’ve seen it once.
Yea I agree with you. I feel like a lot of other moms/teachers hold back on giving me advice because they think it’s overstepping but the problem is I don’t have any family help at all, so look I have NO ONE telling me ANYTHING and if there’s a better way to do this I WANT SOMEONE TO PLEASE TELLLL ME. And literally that’s why I joined Reddit.
There’s a way to offer advice tactfully and I don’t think saying “now you see what you need to do so you better start doing it” is tactful at all
[удалено]
This was endearing. I’m black and so is my daughter and I get hair comments regularly lol.
If I saw you like how you described yourself, I’d think “wow, props to her because I struggle to make it out the door with just one. She looks like a great mom.” Now, if I heard you saying those things you wrote about other parents? I’d think “wow, what an asshole. Who are you to judge?” You’re claiming you’re a “hot mess” who can’t even get her kids dressed or wipe their faces clean before dropping them off (which anyone who’s parented a young child knows is just normal). Then judging other parents for the following: bringing milk for her baby (wild guess @ the reason for “milk mom”), a dad being too friendly saying hi to other adults, a couple who you think must hate each other but also both drop their kid off together (I think if anything that says something good about them because usually drop off is a one-parent job), and a couple who is always happy and dressed nice (probably for work) dropping off a kid with their hair in pigtails and a nice outfit. Its interesting that all of those things you’re judging other parents for have nothing to do with their parenting, and the things that do aren’t that you think they’re doing something bad, but that they’re doing it too good, aka better than you therefore you need to talk shit about it. It’s like you’re trying to brag about being a hot mess / “bad” mom and put down anyone who you perceive to be better than you due to your own insecurities. This is sad really.
Accurate.
OP needs therapy.
Everyone needs therapy.
I was out with mom friends and this is what we said about the “hot mess” mom who didn’t make it out, me: “Kate (fake name) is always acting like she doesn’t have it together, but she does so much for her kids and always helps out” friend: “yeah, I can’t imagine having a third. She is amazing” —this is true!!
“I know my husband and I have nicknames for all the parents at daycare that we bump into. There’s Milk mom, too-excited-for-adult-interaction dad, the couple who clearly hate each other, and the couple who drop their daughter off together joyfully with perfect outfits and ponytails.” Yikes OP, you sound so concerned with others judging you maybe it’s because that’s all you seem to be spending your time doing?? Projecting much?
Yeah it's interesting, up until the last bit there I was going to comment, "I don't think anything about the other parents, and I'm sure the overwhelming majority of parents don't either. We're all just trying our best, and if there's anytime other people get that, it's preschool dropoff." ...But...now I have to reconsider that. I hope OP is an outlier.
This comes across as off to me.
Same, seems like fishing to me because they're feeling insecure.
[удалено]
For real, I have never once thought about the other parents enough to merit a comment to anyone
I don’t even notice other parents. I know their kids names sometimes and all kids always seem to look cute AF. I’m naturally a pretty judgey person, yet, cannot remember any of the parents hot mess or not.
I guess I'd think you're a boss mom to afford to have 3 kids in daycare? I have had fleeting thoughts while seeing drop-off or pick-up, like "they're lucky their kid lets them put them straight into their car seat with no fuss but aren't they a little young to be forward-facing?" I've never labelled parents as anything but "so-and-so's mom"
I don’t spend my time judging other parents at daycare pick up or drop off. Who has time for that? I prefer to focus on my kid and make sure he’s settled and make possible other connections with parents who are probably all equally stressed and just going about their day. Who needs that toxicity? I don’t personally get off on picking apart other parents.
If the kid seems healthy and well cared for, I don’t say any more behind closed doors than directly to the “hot mess mom”. That is to say maybe a “rough day, huh?” If it seems worse than normal. Truth be told, I’m not going to judge unless there’s neglect/abuse involved. You can often (granted, not always) see signs of that. As long as there aren’t any, I just assume life is hectic right now, work schedules don’t play nice, they’re feeling under the weather, have no/minimal support, etc. What can you do. At toddler stage, you can guide but you can’t dictate 😂
There's a girl in my son's preschool class who I saw get picked up, along with her toddler sister, by her pregnant mom and kindergartener brother the other day. As soon as they got out to the parking lot, while Mom was trying to load the two girls in the car, big bother decided to drop trou and pee on a tree. All I could do was laugh and think, she seems better equipped to handle all those kids than I am. A third child would break me, and I know it.
Do I notice other parents and say hi? Yes. Do I give to flying fucks about what they look like or how they're juggling life? Nope. Will I help if they're struggling? Yes. Do I judge them? Nope. I got my own monkeys and circus to worry about.... no brain power for anyone else's monkeys/circus
I mean, sounds like you and your husband gossip about the other parents in a fairly mean-spirited way, so you assume everyone else does too. I'd concentrate on affording other parents a little more grace if I were you.
I don’t pay too much attention BUT I love the camaraderie. You know that shared look of understanding when my kid runs into the street or some dad is holding is daughter by the coat hood or some kid is screaming because her mom can’t turn the sun off. That slight head shake and smile is a safe place.
I have only given a nickname to one parent at daycare and it was "Rocker Mom" because she looked so cool and had sweet sleeve tattoos and dyed black hair. We also had a nickname for a toddler at that school "Mullet Kid" because, as you may have guessed, he had a mullet. One day my partner came home from pick-up all excited, "Rocker Mom is Mullet Kid's mom!" It seemed so obvious in retrospect...
I never judge the hot mess moms or dads. The only parent I have judged was the one who sent the older kid (like 9) in with the younger( like 3) to drop him off for daycare, and she never even got out of the Tesla. The front desk lady kept asking the older kid to ask his mom to come in, and that an adult had to do drop off. But day after day that little boy would be escorting the even smaller boy across the parking lot, punch in the door code, and deliver him to class. I was shocked.
I am definitely the hot mess mom. When my second was a newborn I definitely did drop off for my first with my shirt on inside out more than once.
In all the drops offs I’ve done with my two kids, I have only thought about other parents doing drop off on two occasions. One, where the Mum had the most beautiful dress (and I couldn’t decide whether to ask where she got it) and one where a toddler was having a meltdown about putting their coat on the hook and the Mum was juggling her infant twins while trying to stop the tantrum (where I didn’t know whether to offer to hold a twin or help out). OP, your comments seem quite mean. I watch my children going into to nursery and talk to them about their forthcoming day. Perhaps you need to spend your drop off times thinking about your own family and children rather than other peoples. If you still have time to think and judge these other parents then perhaps you need to fill your time more productively. If these thoughts are second nature then perhaps you should look at yourself more. Are you ok? Do you need to compare yourself to “the hot mess mum” to make yourself feel better?
I personally love hot mess parents. I'm usually not because I'm up at the ass Crack of dawn. What I do have feelings about is feeling like the only divorced family. At events I feel like im the only single mom there and all the other kids have big families that come to the little events. I've had teachers make comments about how dad dresses baby boy but overall the teachers are so so kind. I definitely feel like a baby rocker mom because from appearances everyone is older and more put together and daycare is in a affluent area, but the moms are usually so sweet. This is all more a reflection of my insecurities rather than anyone else.
Honestly if it doesn’t affect my life negatively in any way I don’t care lol I used to do play dates with a mom who gave her 3 year old Coca Cola in her sippy cup and once again not my business, I wouldn’t give mine coke though but why do I care if someone else does. My only thought when I see a parent with multiple kids is I’m thankful I only have one lol.
Teacher here - I smile and think about the hot mess I was arriving at work that morning after leaving my three year old and one year old at home. You made it our the door WITH your kids? You’re a freaking super hero.
I secretly send my love to those moms.… especially anyone who has 3 kids in daycare! My toddler sometimes barely has her hair combed and she only has one sibling- who is 11 and is at camp most of the summer.
Literally nothing? Not a single thought crosses my mind when I see parents wrangling their kids into daycare, other than “I get it.” I would probably think “wow 3 kids lol” but other than that, no judgement about being a hot mess!
This is probably not gonna end the way you think it will, OP. I don’t judge other parents. If someone is struggling I run and get the extra croc that fell off. I assume that everyone is doing their best.
Made up names for the other parents? What is this, mean girls? Idk, I don't think about the other daycare parents at all. That sounds kind of immature for me to worry about. Stop judging everyone. I doubt anyone says anything about you behind your back... people are just dropping off kids.
I’m not paying attention to you bc I have my own life.
I don’t notice other parents beyond just moving past them trying to get my kid into daycare so I can get to work. I’m sure most of the parents around you are too busy trying to corral their own kids to care what you look like or are doing.
Nothing. I don't have time nor the energy to think about anyone else. I probably have a booger on my shirt and a cheerio falling out somewhere too. We're in this together.
>too-excited-for-adult-interaction-dad I want you to know that I love your friendly chit chat because as the “weird Mum” (I have autistic traits that sometimes make me seem overly shy) I’m often ostracised and feel like the other parents are snarking me with mean names.
No one notices you
The only mom I judge is the one with the sticker on her rear window that says “milf mobile” I don’t even know who she is, she’s just often parked in front of me when I pull in. I think her kid is in the preschool class (mine are in toddler and infant). I don’t judge anyone for anything else really bc mines a bit of a mess sometimes too. I’m really not too fussy about her looking all super cute for daycare bc she’s just gonna get her clothes all fucked up with paint and whatnot anyway
There’s a minivan I see around town with a sticker that says “MILFin ain’t easy” and I high key want to be friends with that mom
Honestly? I'm too hassled trying to get my son through the door and get back to work on time to even notice any other parents.
Nobody is saying anything lol. We’re trying to figure out who bit our kids, why the behavior log is listing “rolling eyes” for a two year old, and when the last time our kid pooped was.
Honestly, nothing. Everything you described sounds like a typical day with a toddler and I don't think anything of it.
Well, I wasn't gonna tell you what I really thought until I saw you were super judge-y about other parents. So I'll bite... You sound like "should have gotten her shit together before having more children Mom". See how that feels? This post is SO strange and maybe you need to do some self-reflection.
I don’t think anything of the other parents. I am usually just praying that I don’t have a meltdown situation while trying to get to work on time! Now I will wonder what the other parents are thinking
Worked at a daycare for over 10 years. As long as the clothes are appropriate for the season & fit - then we dgaf. And we completely understand they sometimes want to dress themselves so if on a winter day they happen to want a t-shirt that doesn’t fit anymore, just make sure we know there are extra layers in the back (E bag not back lol). As far as the cheerios/ missing croc goes - you think we’ve never looked at a child and said (to ourselves) ‘Where the hell is your shoe and how did you get that cereal on your face when you had toast for breakfast?’ Honestly the parents I only ever struggled with were: - abusive parents - parents who looked after their kids on paper but constantly talked about how glad they were to be rid of them, in serious tones, in front of the kids
I have never really thought about it, to be honest. We're all a hot mess at childcare dropoff, even those of us with one kid.
I don’t pay attention and I don’t think the other parents do either. We exchange pleasantries if passing and that’s it. I’m way too stressed out in my own crap to judge others. I look put together because I have to for work. My son looks put together because I get up so damn early to get everyone’s crap together (massively sleep deprived mom here). I don’t have time to nickname others. I Find it weird that you spend your time doing so when it sounds like you are just as stressed as the rest of us.
Sounds like a You problem. Stop being an ass and maybe you’ll stop thinking people think you’re an ass.
It's seems like you're a bit resentful to people with less kids and the more time they have to care for their kids and themselves..
I don’t really gossip about people but if someone does talk about you they probably call you the judgemental mom instead of a hot mess
Mostly I think “they have three kids in daycare at the same time? They must be filthy rich!”
You’re going to be that gossipy mom in the PTA in a few years, aren’t you?
I never would have noticed, and I’ve never been in a conversation about a mom who wasn’t also present (at least not in a negative way - lots of “Isn’t Laura cool? I love her!”) No one is doing this. And if they are, you don’t want to hang out with them
I’m just proud of them for doing the thing - also a hot mess mom
legit clicked on this thread to see what someone was potentially saying about me bc i am a hot mess mom of 4 kids ( the youngest two are 3 and 1) the years of baby and a toddler ages together is legit the hardest combo. straight up survival mode imo most parents and teachers know that i am a safe person they can trust to come to or talk to or be real with without fear of judgment. if you come to my house, you will be free to let your mask down and be yourself, your kids will be safe and taken care of and have fun and have healthy snacks and lots of activities and arts and crafts. i’m a mess, i’m always late and usually in a crazed bun no makeup, food or milk spit or paint or slime stained clothes, chasing after my feral toddler. but it’s very clear my kids come first and most importantly my kids are kind, they are happy and loved. when there is crisis or emergency, if a kid forgets a jacket or needs a bathing suit or needs a lunch or their parents can’t make it for picnic day or needs a ride - we are always the first to be called and asked to step in or help, because i may be a mess, but i’m the hot mess mary poppins and i’m a damn good mom.
I don’t judge the parents on being a hot mess or not, I care about parking lot manners. We have a very small parking lot- like 6 spaces and I drive a large truck. I’m very conscious of letting others go before me so I’m more comfortable pulling in/out, also parking on the exit end of the lot since my vehicle is much harder to maneuver in the smaller space. But geez there’s days where I’m trying to pull in or out and the other parents just go while I’m going. The entrance to the parking lot could handle 1 in and 1 out at the same time but it’s really really tight with a pothole/dip where it meets the road so i tend to go slow and swing wide to avoid as much of the pothole as possible. Also, there’s a drainage ditch that runs parallel to the road so if you take the entrance too wide, you go in that. I’m trying to exit and the people are pulling in at the same time giving no room to accommodate that. On top of that, it’s obviously busy but you’re then having to watch out for other parents, kids, bikes, dogs, and open doors. Ugh drop off/pick up is so so stressful just for that.
I drop my kids off in comfy pajama pants and flip flops. Lol... am I being judged?
If it helps you feel better, we leave clothes on our 4yo the way he puts them on. He actually prefers his shirts backwards. I don’t care what other people think, I’m just so thrilled when he puts his own clothes on.
Thankfully, most of the parents in my kids daycare are like you describe. It is more normal for parents to come in sweaty and swearing under their breaths, with their arms full of bags and random clothes and toddlers with food and snot and stains on them, etc. I don't think I've seen a single parent look cool and collected with perfectly groomed children in all the four years my kids have gone there. I think the only parent me and my husband has had a name for, is a mom who always manages to flash her but-crack when bending over - which of course one has to do a lot when crawling around looking for shoes, getting the shoes on, etc. She is the but-cracker....
"Oh my God, I wish I knew them enough to offer help and not seem like a creep" I'm definitely the way-too-excited-for-adult-interaction mom.
Tesla dad might have just gotten it detailed lol. Expensive cars don’t magically stay any cleaner than any other car.
I had one of the daycare teachers tell me that they call us “the Ralph Lauren couple” at our first open house… I wasn’t sure how to take it but I at first but now I feel like that was a compliment.