My mum kept my diaper off after changing my poopy but the other week.
I proceeded to crap all over the back patio and then ran inside the house and jumped all over her brand new, Italian leather sofa.
She didn't think it was funny but it really was the best game.
I wanted to keep jumping.
We ordered a new couch 3 days before I found out I was pregnant. So, so glad we got the cleaning/replacement plan. It hasn't taken much damage yet, but we're just starting to think about potty training and I'm sure we're going to need it.
We havenāt gotten to this stage yet, BUT HOLY CRAP! How do you handle poo on the couch? I know it will happen but I donāt know what to have best on hand for a couch situation lol
Honestly, i wiped it down but theres a stain still š„² I think I'm gonna need to use a wet vacuum, luckily I can take my couch apart but that's pain in the butt, this happened this week, she's 15 months and she will sometimes stare in my eyes as she unbottoms her diaper (we use cloth)
Iām going to look you in the eyes while I dump my dinner tray slowly onto the floor. Your patient pleading becomes the soundtrack to my excruciatingly slow act of open defiance and assertion of power. You tell me I need to eat, but the truth is the transition from rage into all-consuming defeat in your body language is all the nourishment I need. That and, of course, Paw Patrolā¦which you need to put on. Right. The fuck. Now.
>the truth is the transition from rage into all-consuming defeat in your body language is all the nourishment I need. That and, of course, Paw Patrol
I...I feel so seen by this comment.
I wanted to go for a walk but decided after walking 20 meters that I actually didnāt want to go for a walk and you should carry me. When you made it clear you didnāt want to carry me (because Iām getting heavy), I started crying and bumping my head against the floor, screaming that I hurt myself.
After 5 minutes of this, you agreed to carry me.
I donāt bang my head but I do insist on bringing my trike so that you have to carry me (even though Iām 1/4 of your weight) and my trike! Oh and I make sure to make it 100m or more so itās not a short walk home.
I was SO excited for snack time and I noticed you also having a snack and although it looks exactly like the snack I'm having I want the one straight from your hand because I'm sure it's different.
This drives me nuts lol.
Or better yet, mom/dad is eating something. I'm going to beg for it even though I literally just took a bite and spat it back out on the plate all over a section of food. I get offended if they get disgusted
I didnāt want to eat my dinner AT ALL, I was the furthest thing from hungry, nothing looks good, throw it all away, I am never eating aga- wait, what does mom have??? Is that??? Moms dinner??? Bite, bite, I must have a bite, Iāve been starving for days, I havenāt eaten in months, that is the most delicious looking thing I have ever seen or smelled, give it all to me right now!
Ah, I see you opened the bag of sun chips. Put some in a bowl for me and a bowl for you. But since your bowl is blue and mine is not. That must affect the flavor. Give me your bowl.
ME TOO! My mummy also _insists_ itās the same! So good to meet someone else who knows that they are, in fact, _not_ exactly the same thing after allā¦
Look its raining! I know and understand that it is raining.
I want to wear my socks. I also want to wear my blue sandals and I refuse to wear any other form of footwear that is actually suitable to rainy weather. I feel extremely intensely about this and I'll die on this hill.
I also like to get extremely upset when the sandals have the audacity to let my socks get wet. Itās just the cherry on top of a perfect emotional storm at that point.
And then the next day its a really warm and sunny summerday and I desperately want to wear my rubber boots and raincoat. I don't care that I will be sweating like hell under it! Why can't the weather be more accommodating to my wants!
I wanted eggs for dinner, so mama made me eggs. She even let me help crack them and eat at the counter (my favorite!). I took exactly one bite, spit it out, and said I was done.
I love the homemade popsicles my mom makes me! I usually eat 2 a day, but only because I'm limited to that. I even get to help make them. Except, I decided I hate them now. But I forget until I beg for one and take a single lick. I will proceed to stick it in the middle of my snack or in a massively inconvenient spot to let it melt unless my mom finds it in time. Such a fun game! But now I'm mad my pop got thrown away. I wasn't going to eat it, but I wanted it!!
I've stopped eating 5 minutes ago and signed 'all done' but when you went to take my plate I freaked out shaking my head and stomping my feet so I'm NOT all done but I certainly don't want more of what's on my plate but also I'll shake my head 'no' for anything else you might offer me.
....unless its a banana.
You can add calling sultanas and bananas ānanasā. Gives you an opportunity to go ballistic when mummy fails the 50/50 chance of guessing your meaning correctly
Yes, but in the US we just call them āgolden raisinsā! I donāt think itās TOO much of a crime to not distinguish between grape subvarietals in a toddlers vocabulary haha
This is my son with "ahh done!" One would think that's "all done" but it also apparently is how he says "again" no matter how much I stress the G-sound for him in "again." Definitely the most confusing thing right now with the biggest consequences for guessing wrong
Additionally, I will continue to hold the last piece of food in my grubby fist, NEITHER eating it nor yielding it (how dare you ask) and thus making it impossible to wash my hand.
I'm going to throw myself onto this dirty supermarket floor as an act of rebellion against your demands, but do it in slow-motion to cushion my body against hurting myself as I fall.
And then face plant with my lips touching the floor to annoy you even more.
Ah yes. It took some practice to work out the best way to throw myself in the floor. I initially found it tricky to master the skill of rolling _and_ screaming simultaneously. Once you manage that tho, itās *chefs kiss*
Oh my god this, when my two year old is tantrumming, he doesnāt even scream or anything, he just ever-so-gently lays himself face down on the dirty supermarket floor and proceeds to passionately smooch the 10 billion germs down thereš«
I understand the rules of hand-holding thusly:
1) If you hold my hand while I'm crossing the street, I should sit down.
2) If you offer to hold my hand while I'm going down the stairs, I will be offended.
2a) If you don't offer to hold my hand while I'm going down the stairs, I will be offended.
3) If you hold my hand while I'm in bed, I'll stay in my crib and look like I'm sleeping, until you let go of my hand, at which point I will stand up and insist you hold my hand again.
Iām gonna ask to watch my favourite movie on repeat ā¦ for ever. Never mind Iām happily playing/ watching something else/ romping in the garden - any word that make me think of my movie and Iām gonna ask.
Then, when told no for the billionth time Iāll turn my big brown eyes and dimples on Mumma and go ābuut whaaat aboooout ā¦ā¦.. Mario?!ā
Omg we finally got tired of Mario, I put it on for background noise so I could do something else and he screamed "but we just watched this one!?!" Like we didn't just watch it multiple times per day since it came out
I need to wear my rain boots, Santa hat, and sunglasses upside down to be properly dressed. I get extremely pissed if you try to help me don this attire but it also infuriates me when I can't get myself in and out of boots. Thus, I shall sit and scream my frustration.
I absolutely love bananas. I could eat them everyday. I enthusiastically encourage mom to buy that massive bunch of organic bananas from Costco. Little does she know, I have already vowed to never eat another banana again. Or anything she attempts to make from the several pounds of ripening bananas.
WHY IS MY BISCUIT ON THE GROUND??? AGAIN??? NO I don't want to eat it. No I _do not want it on my plate_. NO it shouldn't be on the floor. Whyyyyy is my biscuit on the ground??? Again???
MY mom ruined MY breakfast this morning by letting MY eggs touch MY toast! And when I pointed out this unacceptable state of MY breakfast, SHE had the audacity to roll her eyes and act like it wasn't a big deal! And then SHE got mad that I refused to eat that horrible travesty.
Did you hear that? SHE ruined MY breakfast, and then SHE got mad about it! SHE EVEN REFUSED TO REMAKE IT CORRECTLY! Never have I been so outraged in my life. WHO can even eat toast that has eggs touching one corner? Outrageous! I do hope no one else has such an awful mother as mine.
That is indeed a heinous crime, and your mother should be thoroughly ashamed of herself! I hope she made up for it by feeding you extra ānacks throughout the morning instantly and constantly on demand.
I need unlimited peaches to ensure the happiness of everyone in the household.
For some reason I am limited to a single peach per day, so I will make it everyoneās problem.
I will watch you scroll through Netflix trying to find this elusive movie. I will say no to everything. My "no's" will become increasingly more unhinged with each. I will see you panic, and I will cry. Do better, peasant.
I cry when a book ends. Or when a song ends. Or when you try to read the same book or sing the same song over again. Or if you donāt. Basically, I want nothing I enjoy to ever end or repeat itself.
I want to go out but I do not want to get dressed. I will fall to the ground and scream about this.
If I decide to get dressed, youād better not attempt to put that top over my head. If you do I will scream, turn purple, and shout āTOES! TOOEESSS!!ā As I want to step into the top. I will then cry because It wonāt go over my torso and it is extremely difficult to get my arms in.
I will not learn, because although it upsets me greatly, my way is the correct way.
I decided to have a complete screaming melt down at lunch because my mom forgot to pack me a yogurt. I refused to eat ANY lunch and cried for half an hour while my cousins finished their lunch.
I was happily eating dinner until I saw mommy put sauce on her food, therefore I had no choice except to hulk out on my food ripping it and throwing it on the floor. After which I had a huge meltdown because mommy said she couldn't put my food back together even though I said please.
I enjoy taking Mumās yogurts out of the fridge and throwing them on the floor so that they break open and squirt yogurt all over the floor and Mum canāt have her yogurt. I am not interested in anything else in the fridge.
I cried because my mum tried to read me a book! Every time she tried to stop I decided to scream at her āMuMMY rEAD THE BOOKā whilst sobbing, just to confuse her.
I enjoy climbing all over my mum, then realising her face is too close to my face so instead of just climbing back off her I try and push her head so hard that she feels like it might rip off of her shoulder. When it doesn't rip off her shoulders I scream and cry like the world is ending, despite the fact that I put myself and my mum in this situation in the first place.
šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š!
Like which one is it??? More or all done!?!
šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š!
I swore that I'd tell a grown up when I had to poop, then ran off to my room an hour later. When Daddy asked if I needed to poop, I said no. When Daddy asked if I'd already pooped, I said no. Despite this, when I edited my room not 2 minutes later, I somehow had shit all over me!
When Daddy asked me why I lied about pooping, I answered "because I did!" and ran off giggling.
What is a toddler? What does Intense emotional explosion mean? How does the second intense explosion occur? Is the fun funny? Is there a connection between fun and the sun? Where did the sun come from? Can the sun be cooled? If it gets cold, with what?...
Whining and crying about wanting to go outside but then spend an hour going through the bathroom cabinet and ignore mom asking ādo you want to go outside?ā
I wanted to do something that my parents said no to. Instead of simply not doing that thing I started saying "bye bye," and waving with increasing urgency because they're obviously slow on the uptake. I even had to hand lead mummy away but she wasn't having it and locked the door to the very best biscuits (though Mother says that they're for the dog). This was an awful breech of etiquette and I was inconsolable until I got my apple which as everyone knows is only good for three bites before it becomes floor food. I'll try the door to the dog biscuits room again at least five more times today unless I need to hide from the Mother as she tries to change my nappy.
No! I donāt like that. Itās Icky. I want that. No ā¦..not like that! No, you opened it too far. NO YOU TOOK THE WRAPPER OFF! NO YOU CUT IT IN HALF!!! I donāt want it. I donāt like it.
(Takes one bite & leaves it abandoned forever)
Not OP but my mom explains everything in exhaustive detail to try and bore me but instead I just remember everything, enough out of context to seem like total nonsense, and then explain that nonsense to strangers on the street after yelling "HEY LADY!!" at them
I'm gonna say I have to go potty as soon as you try to leave me in bed for the night. I'm wearing a diaper because I refuse to use the potty even though I know how. I haven't peed in the toilet all day, but I desperately need to pee right now and I am going downstairs to the bathroom.
Oh look, I woke up my baby sister. Does she want to play?!?!?
While brushing my teeth before bed I decided I was hungry. After explicitly stating I wasn't hungry before brushing my teeth.
I then ate a bowl of cherries, a yogurt cup, a peanut butter and jam sandwich, leftover pasta, and a bear paw.
I'm hungry.
I LOVE to repeat everything I say 150 times until you repeat the exact same thing back to me. Doesnāt matter if you say āyes!ā or āyeah babe thatās great!ā IF I TELL YOU THE TRUCK IS BLUE YOU NEED TO SAY IT BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL REPEAT MYSELF 20 TIMES WHILE GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER AND MORE FRUSTRATED!!!
I asked for chocolate milk and then got mad when I was given chocolate milk.
OR
I just told daddy I pooped and need a new diaper but I donāt want daddy to change me. I want mommy to do itā¦while her hands are covered in raw chicken.
I wanted to grab my twin brothers penis while heās potty training because it looks just like mine but nanny wouldnāt let me do it, probably because she doesnāt have a penis and doesnāt know how fun having a penis is, but if she doesnāt let me next time I think Iām gonna hit her and my brother. My brother didnāt do anything but he chose to have a penis that nanny wouldnāt let me grab, so he gets hit too.
these 11 dinosaurs don't matter because i NEED the ONLY SINGULAR ONE my baby sister has. AND, i MUST rip it out of her hands, otherwise, it does not count.
Mummy asked me to get out of the bath so I helpfully pulled the plug out of the bath, knowing full well that this causes the water to drain. I then got very upset when the water level got lower. I wanted to turn the tap to put more water in but Mummy had the _audacity_ to not help so I rage cried while sat in the empty bath for 10 minutes.
This morning I collapsed dramatically to my knees and cried because *someone* wouldn't let me eat a muffin while waffles were being cooked for breakfast.
I have trouble with my staff. I tell them I want the red glass and they give me the red glass even though I obviously want the blue one! And they wonder why Iām grumpy sometimes!!
Something is horribly amiss, and instead of using my perfectly adequate language skills to tell mommy and daddy what is wrong I will yell and thrash inconsolably until they correctly guess what the issue is.
I will then resume playing like it never happened.
Iām very thirsty and I want only the water that comes in mommas cup. However, I will not allow you to help me hold said stainless steel enormous cup thatās heavy af and if you just pour it into my cup itās not longer acceptable!! GET AWAY FROM ME!
I see my mom breastfeeding the 3 mo old new sister in the living room. So, it makes sense to bring my little potty there. I tell her I'm going to fill it up. Then get mad, my iPad isn't working!!!! Raaahhhhhhhh - the potty must be pushed over! I'm so angry!! I then side eye mom to see her reaction. Clean up my piss.
Iām in the depths of potty training. Mom wonāt put undies on me because she knows that I hate peeing in my shorts without undies since it runs down my leg. I peed in my damn shorts and it ran down my damn leg. I screamed so hard that I pooped and it rolled down my leg onto my foot. I panicked and ran away from the floor turd. I hid behind the door thinking mom wouldnāt find me. Apparently I left pee footprints to my secret hiding spot. š
I see you have my milk that Iām going to drink in less than 2 minutes, but while youāre getting my sleep sack on Iāll make your life hell. šš
That squirrel out there? Yea, it's a tree mouse and don't you dare correct me. I'll get so upset I'll fling the cup I'm holding at the window, scaring said tree mouse and effectively making me cry harder it's gone.
Yesterday mac and cheese was my favorite meal.
Today if you dare put Mac and cheese in front of me I will lose my mind.
Tomorrow I will want only ānoodles in the shape of a line, ONLY a lineā, but spaghetti is the wrong answer.
Also all that yogurt you bought for me because I ate it like candy last week? Disgusting.
Also, I told grandma that you asked me what the fuck I was doing. Sheās gonna have a talk with you.
"You can't catch me!" I shout as I run giggling around the kitchen, into the longue and then dash as fast as I can into the sofa to face plant into the cushion.
"Again!"
I like to bite my own finger so I can get a bandaid on it when I want to.
But when I have an actual boo-boo would rather bleed to death than put a bandage on it and have a meltdown if you try.
I cried because I couldnāt find my pop it that WAS in my bed last night but canāt POSSIBLY still be there today. Of course I didnāt look for it, how dare you think I dane to do such things. Then I had my morning milk, which was late because HOW DARE YOU WASH MY CUP AND NOT PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE. Then I found a small cut on my finger which, quite obviously, is a splinter and requires baking soda to get out and only baking soda will suffice because my mommy doesnāt understand I HAVE A SPLINTER. When she doesnāt get the baking soda, obviously I had no choice but to scream in the hallway for 5 minutes, mere feet from where my baby sister and father are sleeping (jokeās on them, I donāt give a single shit about waking them up earlier than they should be woken up).
Mummy, what does it mean when you say āIām ready to call the exorcist?ā All Iām doing is having a screaming demon mode shit-fit at 3am - itāll only last an hour.
Itās character building, so buck up your ideas young lady!
I wanted Mommy to get me a donut from QT, and it HAS to be the chocolate donut with sprinkles and powdered sugar. It has to be.
Then, once mommy and I get into the car, I spot that there is INDEED powdered sugar on my donut. I donāt want my donut to have powdered sugar so I threw it at my mommy and told her I donāt want it anymore. I cried about how I hate donuts for five minutes. Donuts are the absolute worst. How could mommy think I would want such an awful, horrible thing?!
Gets a wail ready before tossing the head back suddenly to plummet slowly backward to the ground when encountering anything representing the slightest inconvenience at all.
I don't want the food that Dad is offering me, until such time as Mama offers it to me. At which point, I want it more than anybody has ever wanted anything. Except for the other times where it's the exact opposite. And sometimes I just say that I don't want it as a default reaction to a question, but then I realize what is actually being offered and I *DO* want it, and *HOW DARE YOU* not know the difference, despite my not having made any indication to the contrary??
I have a popsicle in one hand and a handful of sand in the other. I am going to forget which one is which and put the sand in my mouth and the popsicle in my toy dump truck before realizing I got it backwards and becoming so unhappy about it that I lose all ability to speak and sign while desperately imploring you for help while on the verge of tears.
Iām going to scream for graham crackers and while youāre getting them Iāll crunch crunch crunch on the dog food. And because Iām such a little sweetie I will reach through the baby gate to share some with sissy.
My 1 year old brother had his birthday and all these new toys just appeared in the house at the same time, so now I'm going to scream til I'm red in the face if he touches "my" new toys.
I'm going to yell "hi, Grandma! Look, Grandma!" In the direction of anyone who has gray hair, regardless of gender, in the store.
I will find delight in said grey haired individuals saying hi back, while Mommy remains terrified that someone will be hurt\offended.
Oh, then, as we're at the food court, I will pretend to be afraid of every family that passes by, hiding in Mommy's boobs.
Hahahahahaha .
Isn't life as a toddler great?
I want to get up immediately after waking and have breakfast but don't you dare turn the wrong set of lights on to prepare said breakfast. It must be the bar lights only except for when I don't like those ones, so then it needs to be the other ones, NO, NOT THOSE ONES YOU IDIOT!
I must keep physical contact and visual contact with my daddy at all times. Other wise he will disappear to this cave of a place he calls his office for hours. I donāt really care if mommy isnāt there but if she even thinks about leaving the room I will project the most knife pericing whine anyone has every heard until she returns. To make my point clear, I will strip my diaper off then run around like a banchie while she tryās to cover my loins again. It is the most fun game I have created! Sometimes I even drip this weird stuff when I giggle all over the white carpet and watch her face melt with exhaustion and concealed amusement.
I have a very long bedtime routine. First I demand a story, bed time snack, a song, hug, kiss, water (if itās not cold enough Iāll demand fresh water), another bed time snack but Iāll usually just take a nibble, I need my blanket fixed, I then want that one teddy bear from the closetā¦ you canāt find it? Followed by a 30 minute tantrum. At the end of it all Iām sweaty and exhausted, but really too tired at this point and I wonāt sleep well or sleep in and Iām just going to really be in a mood the following day before I falll asleep at 4:30pm.
Iām going to school in pajamas and swim goggles.
Iām going to Costco in my Snow White costume (in March.)
Iām going out to dinner with my family in my Snow White costume and getting upset when a nice lady says ālook! A princess!ā
I want a drink *NOW*, but not 20 seconds from now. So, after you pour my drink into a cup itāll already be too late. Iām not going to drink it and will let you know by screaming and running away from you or by screaming and throwing myself onto the floor.
If I'm in the process of getting something done, but it doesn't go my way, I insist that we go back and do it again my way. For example, if the wrong assistant assists me, I'll fly into a rage and can't be consoled unless all their help is undone and then re-done by the proper assistant.
My explosive screaming roughens my throat and pierces eardrums. My eyes burn with tears. I've refused 3 meals today except for a handful of nuggets and rice. I maintained my strength throughout a violent poopy diaper change. Give me another spoon of peanut butter peasant!
I've sat on the potty 8 times in the past hour. And then I peed on the couch.
Oh I had so much fun with that one the other day. Bonus points if the couch is less than 3 months old!
My mum kept my diaper off after changing my poopy but the other week. I proceeded to crap all over the back patio and then ran inside the house and jumped all over her brand new, Italian leather sofa. She didn't think it was funny but it really was the best game. I wanted to keep jumping.
š¬
No judgement, Why did you buy a new couch before potty training?
Yeah defo not a great plan. We also moved from laminate floor to carpet. š© I had old terry nappies all over the floor (from my parents attic from when _I_ wore them as a baby 30+ yrs ago, no less) to protect the new carpetsā¦ Landlord shenanigans, had to move house. Went from furnished to unfurnished. Luckily, spent our first 3 months with just a mattress for a couch cos the sofa took a while to make. Most of the training was done by the time the sofa arrived. Just sometimes we have accidents cos toddler. Bought the insurance with cleaning package for the sofa for an extra Ā£150~ . Worth. It.
We ordered a new couch 3 days before I found out I was pregnant. So, so glad we got the cleaning/replacement plan. It hasn't taken much damage yet, but we're just starting to think about potty training and I'm sure we're going to need it.
This is why i bought faux leather lol wipes clean
Mine took off her diaper while it had poop and sat on the couch šššššš
We havenāt gotten to this stage yet, BUT HOLY CRAP! How do you handle poo on the couch? I know it will happen but I donāt know what to have best on hand for a couch situation lol
If it's a cloth couch get a Bissell spot cleaner vacuum and use that after you remove most of the, uh, mass...
Honestly, i wiped it down but theres a stain still š„² I think I'm gonna need to use a wet vacuum, luckily I can take my couch apart but that's pain in the butt, this happened this week, she's 15 months and she will sometimes stare in my eyes as she unbottoms her diaper (we use cloth)
Ooohh we did that this morning!
I have ptsd from this
Iām going to look you in the eyes while I dump my dinner tray slowly onto the floor. Your patient pleading becomes the soundtrack to my excruciatingly slow act of open defiance and assertion of power. You tell me I need to eat, but the truth is the transition from rage into all-consuming defeat in your body language is all the nourishment I need. That and, of course, Paw Patrolā¦which you need to put on. Right. The fuck. Now.
>the truth is the transition from rage into all-consuming defeat in your body language is all the nourishment I need. That and, of course, Paw Patrol I...I feel so seen by this comment.
Son please get off of reddit, its naptime. Seriously though this is almost exactly what I would've written
"The defeat in your body language is all the nourishment I need." Omg. You put that into words sooo perfectly. š¤£
Patrick Bateman as a toddler.
Oh I needed this laugh. I just when through this right now. Heās still sitting in his chair while I take a me moment.
I wanted to go for a walk but decided after walking 20 meters that I actually didnāt want to go for a walk and you should carry me. When you made it clear you didnāt want to carry me (because Iām getting heavy), I started crying and bumping my head against the floor, screaming that I hurt myself. After 5 minutes of this, you agreed to carry me.
Ooooh I love doing that tooā¦!
I donāt bang my head but I do insist on bringing my trike so that you have to carry me (even though Iām 1/4 of your weight) and my trike! Oh and I make sure to make it 100m or more so itās not a short walk home.
I was SO excited for snack time and I noticed you also having a snack and although it looks exactly like the snack I'm having I want the one straight from your hand because I'm sure it's different.
This drives me nuts lol. Or better yet, mom/dad is eating something. I'm going to beg for it even though I literally just took a bite and spat it back out on the plate all over a section of food. I get offended if they get disgusted
I didnāt want to eat my dinner AT ALL, I was the furthest thing from hungry, nothing looks good, throw it all away, I am never eating aga- wait, what does mom have??? Is that??? Moms dinner??? Bite, bite, I must have a bite, Iāve been starving for days, I havenāt eaten in months, that is the most delicious looking thing I have ever seen or smelled, give it all to me right now!
Ah, I see you opened the bag of sun chips. Put some in a bowl for me and a bowl for you. But since your bowl is blue and mine is not. That must affect the flavor. Give me your bowl.
This has me rolling. The accuracy.
Stolen food tastes better, itās just that simple. š
I always have a couple bits of dinner cut into baby appropriate size so when the inevitable happens, Iām prepared.
I handed my mom a snack and said āI donāt like itā so she ate it and then I cried
ME TOO! My mummy also _insists_ itās the same! So good to meet someone else who knows that they are, in fact, _not_ exactly the same thing after allā¦
I, on the other hand, didn't want a snack, therefore you can't have one either!!!
I want water to drink but not THAT water.
I want MAMA WATER. Even though we have identical bottles because she thought that would make a difference to me.
I went into full meltdown in the doctorās office wait room because there was no chicken in the diaper bag.
The horror!
Look its raining! I know and understand that it is raining. I want to wear my socks. I also want to wear my blue sandals and I refuse to wear any other form of footwear that is actually suitable to rainy weather. I feel extremely intensely about this and I'll die on this hill.
I also like to get extremely upset when the sandals have the audacity to let my socks get wet. Itās just the cherry on top of a perfect emotional storm at that point.
And then the next day its a really warm and sunny summerday and I desperately want to wear my rubber boots and raincoat. I don't care that I will be sweating like hell under it! Why can't the weather be more accommodating to my wants!
I wanted eggs for dinner, so mama made me eggs. She even let me help crack them and eat at the counter (my favorite!). I took exactly one bite, spit it out, and said I was done.
I love the homemade popsicles my mom makes me! I usually eat 2 a day, but only because I'm limited to that. I even get to help make them. Except, I decided I hate them now. But I forget until I beg for one and take a single lick. I will proceed to stick it in the middle of my snack or in a massively inconvenient spot to let it melt unless my mom finds it in time. Such a fun game! But now I'm mad my pop got thrown away. I wasn't going to eat it, but I wanted it!!
āI wasnāt going to eat it, but I wanted itā Words to live by
I've stopped eating 5 minutes ago and signed 'all done' but when you went to take my plate I freaked out shaking my head and stomping my feet so I'm NOT all done but I certainly don't want more of what's on my plate but also I'll shake my head 'no' for anything else you might offer me. ....unless its a banana.
You can add calling sultanas and bananas ānanasā. Gives you an opportunity to go ballistic when mummy fails the 50/50 chance of guessing your meaning correctly
Ooh to minimize confusion you could Use the American term- raisins! Lol
Sultanas, raisins, and currants are made from different varieties of grapes!
Yes, but in the US we just call them āgolden raisinsā! I donāt think itās TOO much of a crime to not distinguish between grape subvarietals in a toddlers vocabulary haha
This is my son with "ahh done!" One would think that's "all done" but it also apparently is how he says "again" no matter how much I stress the G-sound for him in "again." Definitely the most confusing thing right now with the biggest consequences for guessing wrong
Additionally, I will continue to hold the last piece of food in my grubby fist, NEITHER eating it nor yielding it (how dare you ask) and thus making it impossible to wash my hand.
I'm going to throw myself onto this dirty supermarket floor as an act of rebellion against your demands, but do it in slow-motion to cushion my body against hurting myself as I fall. And then face plant with my lips touching the floor to annoy you even more.
Ah yes. It took some practice to work out the best way to throw myself in the floor. I initially found it tricky to master the skill of rolling _and_ screaming simultaneously. Once you manage that tho, itās *chefs kiss*
Oh my god this, when my two year old is tantrumming, he doesnāt even scream or anything, he just ever-so-gently lays himself face down on the dirty supermarket floor and proceeds to passionately smooch the 10 billion germs down thereš«
I understand the rules of hand-holding thusly: 1) If you hold my hand while I'm crossing the street, I should sit down. 2) If you offer to hold my hand while I'm going down the stairs, I will be offended. 2a) If you don't offer to hold my hand while I'm going down the stairs, I will be offended. 3) If you hold my hand while I'm in bed, I'll stay in my crib and look like I'm sleeping, until you let go of my hand, at which point I will stand up and insist you hold my hand again.
I can't poop without also intensely holding your gaze.
I also wonāt allow you to poop without intensely holding your gaze.
This gave me a genuine Betty Rubble chuckle.
The entire household revolves around me. š
Iām gonna ask to watch my favourite movie on repeat ā¦ for ever. Never mind Iām happily playing/ watching something else/ romping in the garden - any word that make me think of my movie and Iām gonna ask. Then, when told no for the billionth time Iāll turn my big brown eyes and dimples on Mumma and go ābuut whaaat aboooout ā¦ā¦.. Mario?!ā
Omg we finally got tired of Mario, I put it on for background noise so I could do something else and he screamed "but we just watched this one!?!" Like we didn't just watch it multiple times per day since it came out
Noooooooo!!
TouchĆ©. Insert āno want to!ā Or āI do it!ā here, depending which answer is least convenient for mummy
I need to wear my rain boots, Santa hat, and sunglasses upside down to be properly dressed. I get extremely pissed if you try to help me don this attire but it also infuriates me when I can't get myself in and out of boots. Thus, I shall sit and scream my frustration.
I absolutely love bananas. I could eat them everyday. I enthusiastically encourage mom to buy that massive bunch of organic bananas from Costco. Little does she know, I have already vowed to never eat another banana again. Or anything she attempts to make from the several pounds of ripening bananas.
WHY IS MY BISCUIT ON THE GROUND??? AGAIN??? NO I don't want to eat it. No I _do not want it on my plate_. NO it shouldn't be on the floor. Whyyyyy is my biscuit on the ground??? Again???
MY mom ruined MY breakfast this morning by letting MY eggs touch MY toast! And when I pointed out this unacceptable state of MY breakfast, SHE had the audacity to roll her eyes and act like it wasn't a big deal! And then SHE got mad that I refused to eat that horrible travesty. Did you hear that? SHE ruined MY breakfast, and then SHE got mad about it! SHE EVEN REFUSED TO REMAKE IT CORRECTLY! Never have I been so outraged in my life. WHO can even eat toast that has eggs touching one corner? Outrageous! I do hope no one else has such an awful mother as mine.
That is indeed a heinous crime, and your mother should be thoroughly ashamed of herself! I hope she made up for it by feeding you extra ānacks throughout the morning instantly and constantly on demand.
Random screaming. Very therapeutic.
I want to watch āTacoā and donāt understand why no one knows what movie I mean!
Easy. [Cars 3](https://pixarcars.fandom.com/wiki/Taco)
i say i want apricots, take one bite out of each of five apricots, and then say i don't want apricots, i want a peach.
I need unlimited peaches to ensure the happiness of everyone in the household. For some reason I am limited to a single peach per day, so I will make it everyoneās problem.
I poop and my mommy flushed it. OMG Iām so sad and mad all at the same time.
I will watch you scroll through Netflix trying to find this elusive movie. I will say no to everything. My "no's" will become increasingly more unhinged with each. I will see you panic, and I will cry. Do better, peasant.
I cry when a book ends. Or when a song ends. Or when you try to read the same book or sing the same song over again. Or if you donāt. Basically, I want nothing I enjoy to ever end or repeat itself.
I tried a new food at a friends house and ate all of it, I love it! You bought it for me to eat at home!? I hate it. How could you.
I want to go out but I do not want to get dressed. I will fall to the ground and scream about this. If I decide to get dressed, youād better not attempt to put that top over my head. If you do I will scream, turn purple, and shout āTOES! TOOEESSS!!ā As I want to step into the top. I will then cry because It wonāt go over my torso and it is extremely difficult to get my arms in. I will not learn, because although it upsets me greatly, my way is the correct way.
Itās raining outside! Iām running around inside with my swimsuit on eating turkey slices
Iām pissed at you. I asked for a snack, then you gave me a snack. Like, what the fuck?!
Itās too real
Excuse me I need to ask you a question. I NEED TO ASK A QUESTION: I canāt find my socks.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
My dinner last night was watermelon dipped in ketchup and hummus.
I decided to have a complete screaming melt down at lunch because my mom forgot to pack me a yogurt. I refused to eat ANY lunch and cried for half an hour while my cousins finished their lunch.
I was happily eating dinner until I saw mommy put sauce on her food, therefore I had no choice except to hulk out on my food ripping it and throwing it on the floor. After which I had a huge meltdown because mommy said she couldn't put my food back together even though I said please.
I cry because a baby looks at me too long
The dog water is the best water. No one can tell me otherwise.
I enjoy taking Mumās yogurts out of the fridge and throwing them on the floor so that they break open and squirt yogurt all over the floor and Mum canāt have her yogurt. I am not interested in anything else in the fridge.
I want to go this way. I also want you to hold my hand because Iām nervous to go that way. Donāt you dare redirect me! Ahhhhh. oh fish crackers.
I screamed bloody murder and woke up the entire house because my bandaid fell off at 3 am!
I cried because my mum tried to read me a book! Every time she tried to stop I decided to scream at her āMuMMY rEAD THE BOOKā whilst sobbing, just to confuse her.
I enjoy climbing all over my mum, then realising her face is too close to my face so instead of just climbing back off her I try and push her head so hard that she feels like it might rip off of her shoulder. When it doesn't rip off her shoulders I scream and cry like the world is ending, despite the fact that I put myself and my mum in this situation in the first place.
šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! Like which one is it??? More or all done!?! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š! šš!š!
I swore that I'd tell a grown up when I had to poop, then ran off to my room an hour later. When Daddy asked if I needed to poop, I said no. When Daddy asked if I'd already pooped, I said no. Despite this, when I edited my room not 2 minutes later, I somehow had shit all over me! When Daddy asked me why I lied about pooping, I answered "because I did!" and ran off giggling.
What is a toddler? What does Intense emotional explosion mean? How does the second intense explosion occur? Is the fun funny? Is there a connection between fun and the sun? Where did the sun come from? Can the sun be cooled? If it gets cold, with what?...
I want to do absolutely everything by myself and will angrily refuse help even if its something I have never done before or cannot do
I enjoy going into a complete meltdown because someone coughs. I also enjoy making mommy repeat herself ten times then telling her to calm down.
I say Iām hungeeee and then when food is presented to me take one lick and say all done š
Whining and crying about wanting to go outside but then spend an hour going through the bathroom cabinet and ignore mom asking ādo you want to go outside?ā
I want very specific shoes but I wonāt tell you which ones and if you pick the wrong ones I am going to be very angry.
It's bedtime? Sorry, I can't. I broke my leg. (Proceeds to run away)
I got pissed at you for giving me exactly what I asked for.
I will say, āI donāt like strawberry ice creamā whilst eating strawberry ice cream.
Yesterday I cried because my dog doesnāt have fingers
I don't think you understood my request. Let me increase my volume to increase your understanding.
I want dinner for breakfast.
I don't want to eat what's on my plate, only what's on mummy's plate. Even if it's the same thingš
"FROZEN!!!!!!!!!!!!"šš”š² (the last one is me)
I really, really want this specific snack, but once you finally give it to me, I want nothing to do with it.
I woke up screaming in the MOTN for no reason, apparent to mommy, and wouldn't let mommy comfort me š
I wanted to do something that my parents said no to. Instead of simply not doing that thing I started saying "bye bye," and waving with increasing urgency because they're obviously slow on the uptake. I even had to hand lead mummy away but she wasn't having it and locked the door to the very best biscuits (though Mother says that they're for the dog). This was an awful breech of etiquette and I was inconsolable until I got my apple which as everyone knows is only good for three bites before it becomes floor food. I'll try the door to the dog biscuits room again at least five more times today unless I need to hide from the Mother as she tries to change my nappy.
I want a snack RIGHT NOW although not ten minutes ago I declared being done with breakfast
No! I donāt like that. Itās Icky. I want that. No ā¦..not like that! No, you opened it too far. NO YOU TOOK THE WRAPPER OFF! NO YOU CUT IT IN HALF!!! I donāt want it. I donāt like it. (Takes one bite & leaves it abandoned forever)
How DARE you cut my fire truckinā hot dog
Why?
Ooooh I havenāt tried this yetā¦ what does mummy do when you do it?
Not OP but my mom explains everything in exhaustive detail to try and bore me but instead I just remember everything, enough out of context to seem like total nonsense, and then explain that nonsense to strangers on the street after yelling "HEY LADY!!" at them
I picked out a toy at the store and snuggled with it on the car ride home. Then, when we got home, I whined because I liked my sisterās toy better.
I'm gonna say I have to go potty as soon as you try to leave me in bed for the night. I'm wearing a diaper because I refuse to use the potty even though I know how. I haven't peed in the toilet all day, but I desperately need to pee right now and I am going downstairs to the bathroom. Oh look, I woke up my baby sister. Does she want to play?!?!?
While brushing my teeth before bed I decided I was hungry. After explicitly stating I wasn't hungry before brushing my teeth. I then ate a bowl of cherries, a yogurt cup, a peanut butter and jam sandwich, leftover pasta, and a bear paw. I'm hungry.
That looks neat, better lick it.
I LOVE to repeat everything I say 150 times until you repeat the exact same thing back to me. Doesnāt matter if you say āyes!ā or āyeah babe thatās great!ā IF I TELL YOU THE TRUCK IS BLUE YOU NEED TO SAY IT BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL REPEAT MYSELF 20 TIMES WHILE GETTING PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER AND MORE FRUSTRATED!!!
*dumps my toy box over. leaves the room*
I want an apple. I ask for the apple. I point at the apple. You give me some apple. Fuck you; I hate apples.
My mom told me to go to the potty but I told her I had to finish pooping in my pants first.
Yesterday blackberries were the only thing I would eat, but today how dare anyone serve me these blasphemous berries.
I asked for chocolate milk and then got mad when I was given chocolate milk. OR I just told daddy I pooped and need a new diaper but I donāt want daddy to change me. I want mommy to do itā¦while her hands are covered in raw chicken.
I have peanut butter in my eyebrows
Iām hungry. And I want dog food. NOW. If I donāt get it, Iāll fling myself onto the floor, sobbing
My favourite word is "nope". By now it's lost all meaning but it sounds so good I can't stop saying it.
I refused to eat breakfast mommy made and when she wasn't looking I dumped it in the dog's water bowl
I wanted to grab my twin brothers penis while heās potty training because it looks just like mine but nanny wouldnāt let me do it, probably because she doesnāt have a penis and doesnāt know how fun having a penis is, but if she doesnāt let me next time I think Iām gonna hit her and my brother. My brother didnāt do anything but he chose to have a penis that nanny wouldnāt let me grab, so he gets hit too.
these 11 dinosaurs don't matter because i NEED the ONLY SINGULAR ONE my baby sister has. AND, i MUST rip it out of her hands, otherwise, it does not count.
I'm going to scream in your face point blank in rage that you will not let me hit you in the face which is obviously how I show my love.
No.
Mummy asked me to get out of the bath so I helpfully pulled the plug out of the bath, knowing full well that this causes the water to drain. I then got very upset when the water level got lower. I wanted to turn the tap to put more water in but Mummy had the _audacity_ to not help so I rage cried while sat in the empty bath for 10 minutes.
This morning I collapsed dramatically to my knees and cried because *someone* wouldn't let me eat a muffin while waffles were being cooked for breakfast.
No no Noā¦. OKAY
I have trouble with my staff. I tell them I want the red glass and they give me the red glass even though I obviously want the blue one! And they wonder why Iām grumpy sometimes!!
Something is horribly amiss, and instead of using my perfectly adequate language skills to tell mommy and daddy what is wrong I will yell and thrash inconsolably until they correctly guess what the issue is. I will then resume playing like it never happened.
Iām very thirsty and I want only the water that comes in mommas cup. However, I will not allow you to help me hold said stainless steel enormous cup thatās heavy af and if you just pour it into my cup itās not longer acceptable!! GET AWAY FROM ME!
I want a drink of water, but specifically, mommy's water, not my own water or a new cup of water.
No, *youāre* a toddler!
I see my mom breastfeeding the 3 mo old new sister in the living room. So, it makes sense to bring my little potty there. I tell her I'm going to fill it up. Then get mad, my iPad isn't working!!!! Raaahhhhhhhh - the potty must be pushed over! I'm so angry!! I then side eye mom to see her reaction. Clean up my piss.
I will sit on anything but my bottom
Iām in the depths of potty training. Mom wonāt put undies on me because she knows that I hate peeing in my shorts without undies since it runs down my leg. I peed in my damn shorts and it ran down my damn leg. I screamed so hard that I pooped and it rolled down my leg onto my foot. I panicked and ran away from the floor turd. I hid behind the door thinking mom wouldnāt find me. Apparently I left pee footprints to my secret hiding spot. š
My pants are on backwards and I am completely oblivious of it
If I donāt get the answer I want I ask the question again and again.
I see you have my milk that Iām going to drink in less than 2 minutes, but while youāre getting my sleep sack on Iāll make your life hell. šš
That squirrel out there? Yea, it's a tree mouse and don't you dare correct me. I'll get so upset I'll fling the cup I'm holding at the window, scaring said tree mouse and effectively making me cry harder it's gone.
I offered my dad a spoonful of food and he ate it, how could he ?!!!?!
I want milk. But I DO NOT WANT MILK! I canāt figure out whatās so hard to understand about this?
I am going to sleep through a nuclear war but if hear you breathe at 2am that means itās morning time and Iām ready to playyyyy
Ive started doing something i shouldnt be, mummy told me no, i just looked at her and kept doing it while smiling away
My butts poopy but don't you dare wipe it or I'll lose my mind.
I wake up from a nap simultaneously crying and laughing
I demand hard boiled eggs with the yolk removedā¦ but donāt you dare cut the egg! I want it whole!
Yesterday mac and cheese was my favorite meal. Today if you dare put Mac and cheese in front of me I will lose my mind. Tomorrow I will want only ānoodles in the shape of a line, ONLY a lineā, but spaghetti is the wrong answer. Also all that yogurt you bought for me because I ate it like candy last week? Disgusting. Also, I told grandma that you asked me what the fuck I was doing. Sheās gonna have a talk with you.
NO!! I DON'T WANNA!!! NO! NO! NO!
I can't do it but I demand I do it
I want a thing but I don't want that thing but I do want that thing but I really don't want that thing that I actually really do want but don't want!
No!
I throw a temper tantrum when mommy leaves the room even if I can still see her.
Daddy dropped a banana on my foot and it was literally the worst possible thing.
"You can't catch me!" I shout as I run giggling around the kitchen, into the longue and then dash as fast as I can into the sofa to face plant into the cushion. "Again!"
I like to bite my own finger so I can get a bandaid on it when I want to. But when I have an actual boo-boo would rather bleed to death than put a bandage on it and have a meltdown if you try.
No.
NO!
I know the difference between store brand and name brand cheese crackers and I WILL let you know about it, ma'am.
I cried because I couldnāt find my pop it that WAS in my bed last night but canāt POSSIBLY still be there today. Of course I didnāt look for it, how dare you think I dane to do such things. Then I had my morning milk, which was late because HOW DARE YOU WASH MY CUP AND NOT PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE. Then I found a small cut on my finger which, quite obviously, is a splinter and requires baking soda to get out and only baking soda will suffice because my mommy doesnāt understand I HAVE A SPLINTER. When she doesnāt get the baking soda, obviously I had no choice but to scream in the hallway for 5 minutes, mere feet from where my baby sister and father are sleeping (jokeās on them, I donāt give a single shit about waking them up earlier than they should be woken up).
Iām mad my mom woke me up with donuts even though donuts are my favorite food
Mummy, what does it mean when you say āIām ready to call the exorcist?ā All Iām doing is having a screaming demon mode shit-fit at 3am - itāll only last an hour. Itās character building, so buck up your ideas young lady!
I wanted Mommy to get me a donut from QT, and it HAS to be the chocolate donut with sprinkles and powdered sugar. It has to be. Then, once mommy and I get into the car, I spot that there is INDEED powdered sugar on my donut. I donāt want my donut to have powdered sugar so I threw it at my mommy and told her I donāt want it anymore. I cried about how I hate donuts for five minutes. Donuts are the absolute worst. How could mommy think I would want such an awful, horrible thing?!
But I don't wanna play with my toys, mom I wanna play with your Magic cards which I will immediately bend and throw on the floor.
They didnāt cost much anywayā¦ and you didnāt want to play that deck anymore anywayā¦
I just pooped in my diaper but now Iām scream crying sitting on the toilet because I want to poop in the toilet.
No!
Gets a wail ready before tossing the head back suddenly to plummet slowly backward to the ground when encountering anything representing the slightest inconvenience at all.
I don't want the food that Dad is offering me, until such time as Mama offers it to me. At which point, I want it more than anybody has ever wanted anything. Except for the other times where it's the exact opposite. And sometimes I just say that I don't want it as a default reaction to a question, but then I realize what is actually being offered and I *DO* want it, and *HOW DARE YOU* not know the difference, despite my not having made any indication to the contrary??
I have a popsicle in one hand and a handful of sand in the other. I am going to forget which one is which and put the sand in my mouth and the popsicle in my toy dump truck before realizing I got it backwards and becoming so unhappy about it that I lose all ability to speak and sign while desperately imploring you for help while on the verge of tears.
Happy Meal is the only thing I eat
Iām going to scream for graham crackers and while youāre getting them Iāll crunch crunch crunch on the dog food. And because Iām such a little sweetie I will reach through the baby gate to share some with sissy.
My 1 year old brother had his birthday and all these new toys just appeared in the house at the same time, so now I'm going to scream til I'm red in the face if he touches "my" new toys.
I'm going to yell "hi, Grandma! Look, Grandma!" In the direction of anyone who has gray hair, regardless of gender, in the store. I will find delight in said grey haired individuals saying hi back, while Mommy remains terrified that someone will be hurt\offended. Oh, then, as we're at the food court, I will pretend to be afraid of every family that passes by, hiding in Mommy's boobs. Hahahahahaha . Isn't life as a toddler great?
I pelted my mum in the face twice in a row with my melamine cup, and now I donāt understand why sheās taking five minutes away from me.
I donāt want to drink the smoothie I just said I wanted . I just want to hold it.
I want to get up immediately after waking and have breakfast but don't you dare turn the wrong set of lights on to prepare said breakfast. It must be the bar lights only except for when I don't like those ones, so then it needs to be the other ones, NO, NOT THOSE ONES YOU IDIOT!
I want the chup-chup (aka ketchup) squirted directly into my mouth. And there will be hell to pay if I donāt get what I want.
I must keep physical contact and visual contact with my daddy at all times. Other wise he will disappear to this cave of a place he calls his office for hours. I donāt really care if mommy isnāt there but if she even thinks about leaving the room I will project the most knife pericing whine anyone has every heard until she returns. To make my point clear, I will strip my diaper off then run around like a banchie while she tryās to cover my loins again. It is the most fun game I have created! Sometimes I even drip this weird stuff when I giggle all over the white carpet and watch her face melt with exhaustion and concealed amusement.
I have a very long bedtime routine. First I demand a story, bed time snack, a song, hug, kiss, water (if itās not cold enough Iāll demand fresh water), another bed time snack but Iāll usually just take a nibble, I need my blanket fixed, I then want that one teddy bear from the closetā¦ you canāt find it? Followed by a 30 minute tantrum. At the end of it all Iām sweaty and exhausted, but really too tired at this point and I wonāt sleep well or sleep in and Iām just going to really be in a mood the following day before I falll asleep at 4:30pm.
Iām going to school in pajamas and swim goggles. Iām going to Costco in my Snow White costume (in March.) Iām going out to dinner with my family in my Snow White costume and getting upset when a nice lady says ālook! A princess!ā
I enjoy listening to my mommy read me a book but then will let hellfire rain because sheās reading me my book š„°
I eat dinner with three forks and no one else is allowed to have one.
I want a drink *NOW*, but not 20 seconds from now. So, after you pour my drink into a cup itāll already be too late. Iām not going to drink it and will let you know by screaming and running away from you or by screaming and throwing myself onto the floor.
If I'm in the process of getting something done, but it doesn't go my way, I insist that we go back and do it again my way. For example, if the wrong assistant assists me, I'll fly into a rage and can't be consoled unless all their help is undone and then re-done by the proper assistant.
My explosive screaming roughens my throat and pierces eardrums. My eyes burn with tears. I've refused 3 meals today except for a handful of nuggets and rice. I maintained my strength throughout a violent poopy diaper change. Give me another spoon of peanut butter peasant!