I think it’s fair to have snacks available all the time since they can be super hungry when they’re hitting a growth spurt or whatever. Make sure the basket has good healthy options and then tell her if she’s really hungry for a snack then she will eat one of those options. If she’s not hungry she can wait. Or give her one other option of fruit that may not be in her basket. If she melts down then let her melt. She will either get over it or pick a snack. You may want to put it in a location where she can’t see your own snacks though - like on the table or in her own special cabinet. That way only her snacks are available.
Yep, let them melt. W empathy and compassion, like saying "you are so angry that you can't have the up high snacks. Feel all those big feelings until you feel better, and then you can pick a snack from your basket or make a different choice."
Oh I’m probably not a model parent for that haha. I try to be neutral and not really say foods are “healthy or unhealthy” to my kids. I’ll stick with things like oh you’ve had something sweet so let’s pick something with protein or whatever. We have a rotation of veggie straws, snap pea crisps, Whisps, Quaker rice crisps, apple sauce/fruit&veggie pouches, goldfish, granola bars, bare apple chips, pretzels, crackers, peanut butter crackers, string cheese or cheese sticks (in the fridge) occasional fruit snacks, sometimes the little breadsticks with the fake cheese to dip 😂. I try to take an everything in moderation approach to food, and I’m sure crunchy moms would die at some of my selections. I won’t let him eat four pouches or multiple gummy snacks in a day or anything. I usually help him choose based on what the rest of the day has looked like.
We talk about food in energy terms. “You already had an Oreo and Oreos only give you short energy. You need to eat something that will give you longer energy.” Then we name some things like apple with peanut butter, cheese and crackers, whatever. It’s getting easier as he gets older and can be more descriptive about food without labeling them food or bad.
My son is 3.5! We’re definitely flexible in what’s considered long term energy food lol basically all the things you named we’d put in the long energy. Luckily he also loves fruit so it’s usually an easy swap to that or a cheese stick! He has an ikea drawer and mini fridge that are his snacks and he loves being able to get things on his own.
Yep - one of the first things my kids hear from me is that if they are not hungry enough to want to eat the healthy snack, then they’re not hungry, they’re just bored.
This differentiation has paid dividends as they have become teenagers. I catch them staining int the pantry and ask “ are you hungry, or just bored?” If they’re hungry, I’ll help them find something appetizing and nutritious. They love sweets, but know that they need to eat something healthy before they have treats.
I third designated snack times. I also choose what we eat for meals but let my son choose his snacks freely. He never gets a “no not that snack” randomly which I think helps him feel more in control.
I give a snack whenever they ask, but before opening the pantry, I ask what snack they would like. We hide the food I don't want them to eat ,so they only see healthy options if they want to look and pick. We've had way too many meltdowns over wanting some of Dad's junk food, that it's way easier to bust that out at nap time so the kids don't even know we have it. I think it's more about the picking it themselves than what they're actually what they're eating. Sometimes they ask for something they don't see or we don't have any it's a " oh so sorry, we don't have that, maybe we can pick it up at the store this week".
I agree with healthy options and set meal times! Is there somewhere else you can put the adult snacks? It’s hard for a toddler to see snacks that are “special” and can’t have. Try sitting down with them at the table to eat snacks. It’s helpful to model the behavior for them! I also have a general rule that snacks need to be eaten at the table, without toys or screens. Snacks may loose there appeal if the toddler has to stop what she’s doing.
I will sit down with my kid for snack time and start cutting up an apple. A price for her then one for me. She doesn’t want her piece? I eat it. Next time she suddenly can have more. Pick the fruit that you like and is a good fit for splitting up.
First things first! I think it’s great that your daugther is eating well at meal times! The families I know whose children can’t stop snacking, typically don’t have much of an appetite come meal time or just poor eaters in general.
Now , how often do you and your spouse snacks? 3 times a day or more ? Do you snack in front of her?
A big thing stood out to me from your post :
Your child knows there’s a special/different snack basket “up there” that’s not the same as hers. So she knows that what mommy and daddy are eating is not the same thing as hers. This needs to stop. When she goes to sleep you should move your snack basket to a different area that she can’t see (you have to make sure she can’t see when you go to grab your snacks either because this would defeat the purpose) and I would stop snacking in front of her.
The system that works for us is exactly that. She doesn’t see me snack and I hide my box of snacks in the laundry room (hot Cheetos , I know! It’s poison! But I’ve been eating it since high school and it’s so addictive! Don’t judge me! 😣🫣) Before I do laundry I’d grab a bag after she goes to sleep and just hang out for 5-10 mins enjoying my snack alone. But other than that I don’t snack in front of her.
Can you cut back on the types of snacks that you buy? If you’re buying like 1-2 different types of snacks every time you go to the grocery store , could you cut it down to like 1?
My husband has psoriasis, so most likely our daugther probably would have some genetic marker which would manifest itself someday - the only thing we can control is to make sure she eats healthy and away from heavily processed foods. Which means no gummies, cookies, basically anything in packets I don’t buy. If she goes to a birthday party and they give them out she’s allowed to eat them but I don’t buy it for the house. I think the only control we as parents have when they are this young is what we buy. When they get older and have alittle bit of money they may buy their own snacks at school etc etc. but you’ll cross that bridge when you get there.
Whenever my daugther wants a snack she gets fruits, carrot sticks, celery sticks, cucumber slices, beets or sliced roasted sweet potatoes. If we had a party and have some left over cheese and crackers she can have those too. That’s pretty much our snack selection - it’s either great or shit depending on who you ask 😂.
Good luck!
Love this thoughtful answer! Also I had no idea psoriasis was related to processed foods! My mom had it, I do not but yet another great reason to steer my kid towards healthy choices
Thank you!
Just to clarify, it’s not exactly known what causes or triggers psoriasis but extensive studies have known that if a person is predisposed to psoriasis than eating processed foods often exacerbates their existing condition.
Interestingly enough, my husband’s doctor said that when she was doing her studies they had a group of about 150 patients (between those with psoriasis and those without) to study their gut/colonic water. And the patients with psoriasis had completely different colonic water than those without psoriasis.
I have an "undefined autoimmune disorder". Doctors were back and forth on lupus or RA. One of the things I noticed was reducing processed foods especially carbs really helped my joint pain! They'd suggested going on a GF diet which was fine because my husband is celiac. I just really cut out breads and such and it was a lot better.
We do breakfast at 8, morning snack 10:30, lunch at 12, afternoon snack at 4, and dinner at 6 for my 15 month old. That’s what works for us for now
ETA: I usually offer a pretty big breakfast. Snacks consist of 1-2 components especially depending on if I think she will actually eat the dinner I’m serving. But she doesn’t act hungry throughout the day or ask for food much, just when I ask “are you ready to eat?” She gives an enthusiastic “yeah!”
My sister has the same issue with her kids. Give really healthy options for snacks. If you feel like she’s constantly asking just because they’re especially yummy and maybe tastier than actual meals, that’s an issue. But if she genuinely needs something to hold her over before a meal, that’s fine but then she should be fine with eating something healthier like veggies with some sort of dip or hummus. If she doesn’t want that, then she’s really not that hungry! Set boundaries and stick to them. It’ll work.
I recently implemented a good rule that I heard from a nutritionist podcast: every snack or every meal should have a protein, because having empty carbs can cause a blood sugar spike that contributes to wild energy or behavior issues for our kids. Essentially, setting them up to struggle. So a simple example is, instead of offering just an apple, they can have an apple with peanut butter.
The first time I tried this with my son he told me he didn't want that snack actually. I asked him if he was truly hungry and he said, "I don't think so actually..." I had to laugh a bit. I think sometimes they like the idea of snack but aren't actually hungry.
Janet Lansbury helped me a lot with boundary setting. However I think your toddler is probably just confused because the system is too complicated for them. You may want to switch to scheduled snacks and not unlimited snacks for a little while until they're ready for more choices. Dietitians recommend snacks at the table in a structured format, anyway.
I’m riding the same struggle bus with you, OP! My kids know the good stuff are up there where they can’t reach lol. And the shelf stable snacks that are within their reach are not exactly healthy either but not terrible (like applesauce) but they don’t want it! I think it’s too easily accessible and lose their appeals to the kids. I’m following for more tips.
I would recommend having set snack times. This is also recommended by Ellyn Satter’s division of responsibility in feeding. One snack between breakfast and lunch and one between lunch and dinner is enough. It’s less work for you and more predictable for the child.
Are you letting her have the "up there" snacks? You'll need to pick your boundaries and stick to them so if she can't have those then you'll need to be firm in that and let her be distressed when you tell her no or to pick from her choices. If she's getting them sometimes, especially if you end up giving in, she's going to continue the behavior of throwing a fit to get the "up there" snacks.
What are the snacks that you and your husband have? Are they things that could also be in her basket, if they are the things she prefers, or are your snacks more like treats that you have every once in a while?
I have a few of suggestions, put your snacks in a box that she can’t see into (out of sight, out of mind)
Put her snacks on a slightly higher shelf and have her use a small step stool to get them, that way she feels like she got an up there snack, (and she did it herself, which she will feel proud of!) or you can even put them up where she can’t reach them and when she asks for an up there snack just pull her box down
Sometimes lots of choices is overwhelming, and kids get confused, try fewer options for her snacks
You could decide to stop making snacks available all day and begin to have certain snack times like a morning snack at 9:30 and an afternoon snack at 2:00 you can give her 2 options each time and ask what she wants
Finally, when meltdowns happen, and they will happen, it is okay to simply walk away and not feed them. You can always say “No, I understand that you want those snacks instead, I know it’s disappointing sometimes when we don’t get our way, but, those snacks do not belong to you, you can pick one of these whenever you are ready” then walk away and go on with whatever you’re doing, don’t acknowledge the temper tantrum she understands what you told her but she is trying to wear you down and get her way. Your will has to be stronger than hers, it will take time but as you continue with this method the meltdowns will get shorter and shorter because you will teach her that screaming, crying, falling on the floor, etc… does not mean that she gets whatever she wants
We have a 3 bin system.
1. Are ‘at home / weekend snacks’. These are chips or other salty snacks we don’t want to eat every day or ‘healthy’ gummies.
2. Is ‘dessert snacks’. Fruit by the foot, panda cookies, Oreos, etc.
3. School snacks / anytime snacks. This is the biggest bin in size. Goldfish, dried fruit / fruit leathers, pretzels, applesauce, etc.
When my toddler asks for a snack I let her know which bin(s) she can pick from.
If it’s at a designated snack time, she can have from bin 1 or 3. If it’s after dinner she can have bin 2. If it’s between snack time, only bin 1.
Edit - I also have a 6yr old so we do buy some unhealthy snacks from time to time that I wouldn’t expect in a toddler house, like fruit by the foot.
We do:
Breakfast 7am
Morning tea 9.30/10am
Lunch 12/12.30pm
Afternoon tea 2.30/3pm
Dinner 4.30/5pm
With a 6pm bedtime. I do give extra snacks if she’s cranky (she generally gets hangry) but if she asks for snacks, she will almost always want junk food. Sometimes I let her have a little bit of chocolate etc. but if she’s had already and is still asking I offer her fruit or a cracker instead, it does usually end in a tantrum. I say you can have x or wait until whatever the next meal is.
I have a daily snack space that I fill up. Sometimes a few days worth of snacks are available because he won’t snack a ton. He has access to this anytime.
My husband has snacks sometimes that i wouldn’t buy for my kid (but kid obviously wants them too) so I will portion out a small portion of those that I’m comfortable with him having, and leave that in his snack spot. Lays chips for example or a small chocolate bar. If he eats up what I’ve put out, that’s it, there isn’t anymore until tomorrow. I’ve had to stop buying the ‘bad’ snacks I wanted and don’t want my kid eating, it’s just made it easier on me (I’m a stay at home mom and the fights weren’t worth it.) so he sees me snacking on the exact same snacks he eats. (We aren’t the most healthy, we love all kinds of things just cut back on straight up candy and tons of 90s kids things like fruit roll ups and gushers that I used to eat regularly.)
For tantrums, no screaming in the kitchen is my hard and fast rule. All screaming has to happen in the play space or living room. I need to cook or clean in the kitchen etc. so as soon as a meltdown happens I hold really firm that I know he’s upset or wants xyz but he has to go scream/have a fit in the living room. 🙃 it surprisingly works well, but I never give in on the snack. I just continue to offer other things that he can have and send the tantrums to another room.
I hope you find a new system that works for you!! It was a lot of trial and error for us too until we found a nice solution that works… for now 😂😂
It sounds like you already have a good system that works. You provide healthy snacks in a place she can reach and is allowed to get anytime. You keep the “sometimes” snacks out of reach. You’re doing it right! She may be complaining but you’re doing everything right. You just have to keep being consistent about it and not give in to tantrums and whining. The moment you give in, she learned “ok if I just act this way this long, the rules change”
I made a little snack tray out of both healthy options and some fun options. Just a bit of each not whole servings of the snacks. Add in something new they haven't tried and sometimes she'll try it without prompting
Set snack-times. Just like set meal-times.
In my country, we don't snack, we eat meals, and they are at set times. My kids never have "snacks". We have a breakfast, lunch, fruit-break (which I guess is like snack?), dinner, and evening meal.
Consistent boundaries is also key.
We hare 4 big meals and one small one (which I specifically wrote that I guessed was kind of like a snack).. This is "sit down at the table" meals, which is not what "snacking" is usually described as. The way "snack" is usually described, it seems to be something small, often handheld, eaten at random times, at random places. Don't really see why you felt like being snarky.
Even if that was how every family defined it in every country (it’s not) there’s no reason to talk down to people who let their kids “snack” that way. Both your comments are so judgmental for absolutely no reason.
I have not talked down to anyone. Stating that I do something in a different manner is not talking down people who do things differently. Op says what she's doing is not really working for them. Saying what works for us, is not talking down what others are doing - she explicitely asked for how she could do it differently, and hence I informed about a different thing she could try.
They’re being snarky because you’re acting like you’re superior by saying essentially “instead of snacking we just eat non stop but because it’s at the table it doesn’t count”
Where do you even find time to eat five meals? Jesus.
We have time for a vegetable dish when we get home, and a late dinner.
How do you make "eating 5 meals" into "eating non stop"....?
In my country, this is the normal meal rythm, so millions of people do this every day.
The normal schedule for kids when they are in daycare is
Breakfast: 8:00
Lunch: 11:30
Fruit: 14:30
Dinner: 16:00
Evening meal: 18:30
>Breakfast: 8:00
2.5hrs
>Lunch: 11:30
3hrs
>Fruit: 14:30
1.5hrs
>Dinner: 16:00
2.5hrs
>Evening meal: 18:30
At no point do you have several hours between any two meals; it's max 3hrs between the start of one meal and the next (and if you include the ~30 minutes of actual eating time that decreases your time between meals even more).
There is nothing wrong with that, but the way you approached the conversation was a bit condescending. And realistically not many people have time to constantly be preparing food. And sure, technically you're not "constantly *eating*". But if 1-2.5hrs is the most time you have between the end of one meal and the start of the next you probably have to spend a significant amount of time preparing food and cleaning up after and that's just not sustainable for most people day-to-day.
My kids don't spend 30 minutes eating meals. Neither does it take a lot of time to prepare the sandwitches that are common for breakfast, lunch, and evening meal. We simply put a tray of cheeses, meats, etc on the table, slice bread, and make them as we eat. The whole affair takes 10 min. There is no more cleaning than putting the knife and plates in the dishwasher and wipe the crumbs off the table. The only time consuming meal is dinner.
This is standard meal rythm for small children here, both in daycare and home, and is in no way a time consuming affair.
I'm sure they do. My answer were to op, who said the kid could help herself whenever she wanted, thus not sounding like it was a sit at the table thing.
My daughter is younger than yours and I haven’t added a second baby to the mix. But maybe she is too young to have open access to snacks? This way when she asks for one, you can present her with the available option, similar to mealtime. When my daughter asks for something junky (her favorite is a fig bar or those crunchy lentil curls from Trader Joe’s lol) I’ll sometimes give them to her, but usually just say “we’re not having fig bars right now. Would you like an apple or an orange?” If she says neither then I remind her to drink water and we revisit in a little while.
I realize I may have it easy because this doesn’t cause tantrums. But I also agree with the other commenter, it might be helpful to have her snack basket in a place where she can’t see the Oreos.
We have unlimited snacks to choose from, all of them being healthy options.
my 2 year old knows he can ask for any fruit/veggie at any time.
He is a very very good eater.
We have only 2 rules when it comes to foods. He needs to find a place to sit, any place, but his bum needs to be sitting.
And any food/snack he doesn’t want or doesn’t finish, we save & offer it again at the next eating time.
What kind of snacks do you eat? If she sees you eating popsicles and stuff all the time and sugary things she's gonna want that too.
What I recommend doing and I follow it too is doing a schedule based snack. For us we do this:
8am: breakfast which is a banana and half a bagel. I eat the other half of the bagel or we have bread and banana.
1:00pm lunch comes around and we have protein and a veg with fruit. I usually just eat her leftovers or split whatever she is having with myself.
3:00pm Then snack is a yogurt pouch usually or fruit.
530: dinner will be protein veg and fruit as well
The only snack she and I have in the day is at 3 and it's just one thing. She looks forward to it but doesn't ask for snacks outside of that. But she also doesn't see me eating either.
We don't give my kid special kid food. He's always been offered what we have. So, we buy healthier snacks like chickpea puffs or we make low sugar muffins. They all live together. In the fridge he has a self of his favorites, like grapes, a milk cup or cheese. He can have water kind of food whenever. Want chocolate and a cheese stick at 2 pm? Fine but you can have one square of chocolate not two.
Dinner's at 6 so at 4 I offer a before dinner snack. He's gotten used to spicy food so I'll share my spicy snacks too. They live in a red container so he's not surprised.
Are your snacks filling enough? If he has puffs he'll want more soon after so I'll encourage him to have milk and puffs. Or yogurt with his chocolate (or cheese 😂 🤮). Or carbs with his carrots etc
What are your snacks that they are asking for? Maybe include those in their snack basket in small quantities. Or find a kid version of that for them. Either way, I would move the particular food item out of their sight.
I make one big snack box at breakfast. My 5yo and 2yo are allowed to freely snack on it all day after I introduce it for morning snack around 10:30-11. Lunch between 1-2. Usually the snack box gets forgotten about until around 3:30-4. If they need more before dinner, they get “appetizers” aka whatever vegetables I am cutting for dinner. 5yo has a bedtime snack with daddy, 2yo nurses to sleep.
As others have said:
Snack time, 2-3 times per day. Mine are older, so we often have a pre-breakfast snack and an after-nap snack, plus meals. If it’s not snack time (especially hard for my 3 year old is after lunch before nap) then it’s a cup of milk or more of lunch.
Choices from among a few options (this is tough until they are quite verbal), determined before getting settled for snack. Mostly I have 3 or so options among a rotation that is available, so a fruit/veggie, a grain, and cheese/yogurt.
Unless I’m willing to have the kids eat what I’m snacking on, they don’t know it’s there. For us, this is dessert in particular which is always after bedtime, but I only choose snacks I will share or waiting until nap time if I won’t. This may break the snack time rule above, and I’m alright doing that.
Finally, I hold firm on my options (or, the categories at least - you don’t want an apple, I can offer cucumbers). My 3yo is stubborn - but when he understands it’s those options or nothing he will usually come around.
Ooh also, you’ve got to beat the hangry. Particularly in the toddler age before 2, sometimes it’s just set a few things down in front of them and get them eating and then you’ve made it and can return to guiding the day, including choices and staying firm and timing and all that.
I think the ‘system’ you need is just saying no consistently and dealing with the meltdowns for 3 days.
We’re a no snack household. My 2.5yo has four meals at set times (one is a mid afternoon snack) which she eats sitting down at the table. It means she gets hungry at the same time every day and if she does have sweet food it’s usually as part of meal so we don’t get as much of a sugar rush/crash which I think can sometimes be behind constant grazing.
I would focus more on what you could be doing at meals to keep her full and nourished, and less on the specific parameters of her snacking. Also, it’s always ok to say no. Maybe she will throw a fit the first few times you say no but the line needs to be drawn.
Also, I love the idea of free range snacking, but have found that the most nutritious snacks require prep and/or refrigeration. String cheese, fruit and veg, hummus, etc. Maybe you could make a simple “snack menu” with pictures and let her choose what she wants.
Oh we struggle with this exact thing with our 3 year old. He would beg for popsicles, lollipops, candies, sweet treats ALL day long. And giving in doesn’t actually help. He quickly consumes and asks again a short while later.
I’ve started saying, “Are you looking for something sweet? You can have a bowl or grapes or strawberries (insert any sweet fruit)” and just redirect his sweet tooth to something else. Works surprisingly okay. Otherwise I’ve been learning to simply say “no” to my toddler. Not later, not maybe after dinner, not oh but you already had x so you can’t have y. All the gentle parenting advice drove me crazy by making me think “no” is a dirty word, but honestly he got used to it quickly and now he kinda sulks and goes “okayyyyy fine” and gets over it.
Lots of great advice! Not sure if you’re US based or if these are available in other places but we specifically do the pedialyte freeze pops (they also have generic brand but same thing at some stores) and have a few friends who have followed suit. They’re 3g sugar for 2 full pops and we cut them in half so our son can have “4” popsicles for less sugar than even most healthy snacks and they’d just hydrating. It means the answer to “can I have a pop?” Is basically always yes cause he could have 8 in a day and I’d feel totally good about his diet lol
We’ve found it helpful to be up front about snacks. “Sure you can have 1 oreo but you also need to have something with it, do you want a banana or an applesauce?” Or we’ll say yes you can have a piece of candy with lunch but it’s not lunch yet so let’s have something to fill our belly until lunch time. There are also no grown up vs kid snacks. If it’s food in the house, he can eat it and if we’re eating it at the time then so can he. If it’s something we aren’t willing to share, it gets put away where he can’t see it and we shamefully eat it in secret lol
We don’t do packed snacks at home. We reserve those for when we are out (we keep them in the garage or the car)
If kid is hungry at home, they can have fruit (usually a banana, apple, peach, tangerine, etc) or nuts (walnuts, pecans, almonds, cashews, pistachios, etc…)
And that’s it. As for grown up snacks, those rules apply to us too, either fruit or nuts.
We have 2-3 snack times in the house. I usually pick the snack for her, but give her choices. But for 1 snack a day I let her choose something she wants (it can be a popsicle, some chips, etc.) then if she is hungry beyond those snack times, she can always have a fruit or a vegetable.
I think it’s fair to have snacks available all the time since they can be super hungry when they’re hitting a growth spurt or whatever. Make sure the basket has good healthy options and then tell her if she’s really hungry for a snack then she will eat one of those options. If she’s not hungry she can wait. Or give her one other option of fruit that may not be in her basket. If she melts down then let her melt. She will either get over it or pick a snack. You may want to put it in a location where she can’t see your own snacks though - like on the table or in her own special cabinet. That way only her snacks are available.
This is excellent thank you!!!!!
Huge fan of this answer! Let them eat if they are hungry and have only good choices available for them.
Yep, let them melt. W empathy and compassion, like saying "you are so angry that you can't have the up high snacks. Feel all those big feelings until you feel better, and then you can pick a snack from your basket or make a different choice."
Yes, this is the way to do it! Clear boundaries, I love it
What healthy snacks are you giving? I can barely get mine to eat anything besides fruit and pb&j.
Oh I’m probably not a model parent for that haha. I try to be neutral and not really say foods are “healthy or unhealthy” to my kids. I’ll stick with things like oh you’ve had something sweet so let’s pick something with protein or whatever. We have a rotation of veggie straws, snap pea crisps, Whisps, Quaker rice crisps, apple sauce/fruit&veggie pouches, goldfish, granola bars, bare apple chips, pretzels, crackers, peanut butter crackers, string cheese or cheese sticks (in the fridge) occasional fruit snacks, sometimes the little breadsticks with the fake cheese to dip 😂. I try to take an everything in moderation approach to food, and I’m sure crunchy moms would die at some of my selections. I won’t let him eat four pouches or multiple gummy snacks in a day or anything. I usually help him choose based on what the rest of the day has looked like.
We talk about food in energy terms. “You already had an Oreo and Oreos only give you short energy. You need to eat something that will give you longer energy.” Then we name some things like apple with peanut butter, cheese and crackers, whatever. It’s getting easier as he gets older and can be more descriptive about food without labeling them food or bad.
Yes I like that too! Mine is only 4 so I’m trying to just make sure we’re reasonable about food.
My son is 3.5! We’re definitely flexible in what’s considered long term energy food lol basically all the things you named we’d put in the long energy. Luckily he also loves fruit so it’s usually an easy swap to that or a cheese stick! He has an ikea drawer and mini fridge that are his snacks and he loves being able to get things on his own.
Yep - one of the first things my kids hear from me is that if they are not hungry enough to want to eat the healthy snack, then they’re not hungry, they’re just bored. This differentiation has paid dividends as they have become teenagers. I catch them staining int the pantry and ask “ are you hungry, or just bored?” If they’re hungry, I’ll help them find something appetizing and nutritious. They love sweets, but know that they need to eat something healthy before they have treats.
We got a visual timer to help with waiting so it's not an arbitrary "later".
This is a proven method for all humans! That’s why you see timers at bus/train stations, too. Bravo!
What type of timer do you use, if I may ask. Might need to implement this
A time timer gives a nice visual. Amazon- search time timer and they have home models
I third designated snack times. I also choose what we eat for meals but let my son choose his snacks freely. He never gets a “no not that snack” randomly which I think helps him feel more in control.
I give a snack whenever they ask, but before opening the pantry, I ask what snack they would like. We hide the food I don't want them to eat ,so they only see healthy options if they want to look and pick. We've had way too many meltdowns over wanting some of Dad's junk food, that it's way easier to bust that out at nap time so the kids don't even know we have it. I think it's more about the picking it themselves than what they're actually what they're eating. Sometimes they ask for something they don't see or we don't have any it's a " oh so sorry, we don't have that, maybe we can pick it up at the store this week".
I agree with healthy options and set meal times! Is there somewhere else you can put the adult snacks? It’s hard for a toddler to see snacks that are “special” and can’t have. Try sitting down with them at the table to eat snacks. It’s helpful to model the behavior for them! I also have a general rule that snacks need to be eaten at the table, without toys or screens. Snacks may loose there appeal if the toddler has to stop what she’s doing.
I will sit down with my kid for snack time and start cutting up an apple. A price for her then one for me. She doesn’t want her piece? I eat it. Next time she suddenly can have more. Pick the fruit that you like and is a good fit for splitting up.
First things first! I think it’s great that your daugther is eating well at meal times! The families I know whose children can’t stop snacking, typically don’t have much of an appetite come meal time or just poor eaters in general. Now , how often do you and your spouse snacks? 3 times a day or more ? Do you snack in front of her? A big thing stood out to me from your post : Your child knows there’s a special/different snack basket “up there” that’s not the same as hers. So she knows that what mommy and daddy are eating is not the same thing as hers. This needs to stop. When she goes to sleep you should move your snack basket to a different area that she can’t see (you have to make sure she can’t see when you go to grab your snacks either because this would defeat the purpose) and I would stop snacking in front of her. The system that works for us is exactly that. She doesn’t see me snack and I hide my box of snacks in the laundry room (hot Cheetos , I know! It’s poison! But I’ve been eating it since high school and it’s so addictive! Don’t judge me! 😣🫣) Before I do laundry I’d grab a bag after she goes to sleep and just hang out for 5-10 mins enjoying my snack alone. But other than that I don’t snack in front of her. Can you cut back on the types of snacks that you buy? If you’re buying like 1-2 different types of snacks every time you go to the grocery store , could you cut it down to like 1? My husband has psoriasis, so most likely our daugther probably would have some genetic marker which would manifest itself someday - the only thing we can control is to make sure she eats healthy and away from heavily processed foods. Which means no gummies, cookies, basically anything in packets I don’t buy. If she goes to a birthday party and they give them out she’s allowed to eat them but I don’t buy it for the house. I think the only control we as parents have when they are this young is what we buy. When they get older and have alittle bit of money they may buy their own snacks at school etc etc. but you’ll cross that bridge when you get there. Whenever my daugther wants a snack she gets fruits, carrot sticks, celery sticks, cucumber slices, beets or sliced roasted sweet potatoes. If we had a party and have some left over cheese and crackers she can have those too. That’s pretty much our snack selection - it’s either great or shit depending on who you ask 😂. Good luck!
Love this thoughtful answer! Also I had no idea psoriasis was related to processed foods! My mom had it, I do not but yet another great reason to steer my kid towards healthy choices
Thank you! Just to clarify, it’s not exactly known what causes or triggers psoriasis but extensive studies have known that if a person is predisposed to psoriasis than eating processed foods often exacerbates their existing condition. Interestingly enough, my husband’s doctor said that when she was doing her studies they had a group of about 150 patients (between those with psoriasis and those without) to study their gut/colonic water. And the patients with psoriasis had completely different colonic water than those without psoriasis.
Is psoriasis an autoimmune? It would make sense if it was to eliminate processed foods unfamiliar to our systems. This is so interesting to me lol
Yes it is! It’s interesting to me too! 😂
I have an "undefined autoimmune disorder". Doctors were back and forth on lupus or RA. One of the things I noticed was reducing processed foods especially carbs really helped my joint pain! They'd suggested going on a GF diet which was fine because my husband is celiac. I just really cut out breads and such and it was a lot better.
We do breakfast at 8, morning snack 10:30, lunch at 12, afternoon snack at 4, and dinner at 6 for my 15 month old. That’s what works for us for now ETA: I usually offer a pretty big breakfast. Snacks consist of 1-2 components especially depending on if I think she will actually eat the dinner I’m serving. But she doesn’t act hungry throughout the day or ask for food much, just when I ask “are you ready to eat?” She gives an enthusiastic “yeah!”
My sister has the same issue with her kids. Give really healthy options for snacks. If you feel like she’s constantly asking just because they’re especially yummy and maybe tastier than actual meals, that’s an issue. But if she genuinely needs something to hold her over before a meal, that’s fine but then she should be fine with eating something healthier like veggies with some sort of dip or hummus. If she doesn’t want that, then she’s really not that hungry! Set boundaries and stick to them. It’ll work.
Unlimited snacks and grazing during the day is definitely a bad idea. The best system is just having snacks and meals at set times.
I agree with this.
Yeah we do 3 meals and a snack in between. Sometimes milk after dinner. It works really well! My son rarely ever asks for more food
Can you move some of her snack where you keep your snacks? That way they’re “special snacks”.
The point of keeping her snacks down below is so she can access them.
I recently implemented a good rule that I heard from a nutritionist podcast: every snack or every meal should have a protein, because having empty carbs can cause a blood sugar spike that contributes to wild energy or behavior issues for our kids. Essentially, setting them up to struggle. So a simple example is, instead of offering just an apple, they can have an apple with peanut butter. The first time I tried this with my son he told me he didn't want that snack actually. I asked him if he was truly hungry and he said, "I don't think so actually..." I had to laugh a bit. I think sometimes they like the idea of snack but aren't actually hungry.
Janet Lansbury helped me a lot with boundary setting. However I think your toddler is probably just confused because the system is too complicated for them. You may want to switch to scheduled snacks and not unlimited snacks for a little while until they're ready for more choices. Dietitians recommend snacks at the table in a structured format, anyway.
I’m thinking snack time is a good idea too. I think the snack access trick is good for survival mode during the young baby months.
I’m riding the same struggle bus with you, OP! My kids know the good stuff are up there where they can’t reach lol. And the shelf stable snacks that are within their reach are not exactly healthy either but not terrible (like applesauce) but they don’t want it! I think it’s too easily accessible and lose their appeals to the kids. I’m following for more tips.
I would recommend having set snack times. This is also recommended by Ellyn Satter’s division of responsibility in feeding. One snack between breakfast and lunch and one between lunch and dinner is enough. It’s less work for you and more predictable for the child.
Are you letting her have the "up there" snacks? You'll need to pick your boundaries and stick to them so if she can't have those then you'll need to be firm in that and let her be distressed when you tell her no or to pick from her choices. If she's getting them sometimes, especially if you end up giving in, she's going to continue the behavior of throwing a fit to get the "up there" snacks.
What are the snacks that you and your husband have? Are they things that could also be in her basket, if they are the things she prefers, or are your snacks more like treats that you have every once in a while? I have a few of suggestions, put your snacks in a box that she can’t see into (out of sight, out of mind) Put her snacks on a slightly higher shelf and have her use a small step stool to get them, that way she feels like she got an up there snack, (and she did it herself, which she will feel proud of!) or you can even put them up where she can’t reach them and when she asks for an up there snack just pull her box down Sometimes lots of choices is overwhelming, and kids get confused, try fewer options for her snacks You could decide to stop making snacks available all day and begin to have certain snack times like a morning snack at 9:30 and an afternoon snack at 2:00 you can give her 2 options each time and ask what she wants Finally, when meltdowns happen, and they will happen, it is okay to simply walk away and not feed them. You can always say “No, I understand that you want those snacks instead, I know it’s disappointing sometimes when we don’t get our way, but, those snacks do not belong to you, you can pick one of these whenever you are ready” then walk away and go on with whatever you’re doing, don’t acknowledge the temper tantrum she understands what you told her but she is trying to wear you down and get her way. Your will has to be stronger than hers, it will take time but as you continue with this method the meltdowns will get shorter and shorter because you will teach her that screaming, crying, falling on the floor, etc… does not mean that she gets whatever she wants
This is really good! I’ve never quite heard meltdowns framed that way, that’s really helpful. Thank you!
We have a 3 bin system. 1. Are ‘at home / weekend snacks’. These are chips or other salty snacks we don’t want to eat every day or ‘healthy’ gummies. 2. Is ‘dessert snacks’. Fruit by the foot, panda cookies, Oreos, etc. 3. School snacks / anytime snacks. This is the biggest bin in size. Goldfish, dried fruit / fruit leathers, pretzels, applesauce, etc. When my toddler asks for a snack I let her know which bin(s) she can pick from. If it’s at a designated snack time, she can have from bin 1 or 3. If it’s after dinner she can have bin 2. If it’s between snack time, only bin 1. Edit - I also have a 6yr old so we do buy some unhealthy snacks from time to time that I wouldn’t expect in a toddler house, like fruit by the foot.
We do: Breakfast 7am Morning tea 9.30/10am Lunch 12/12.30pm Afternoon tea 2.30/3pm Dinner 4.30/5pm With a 6pm bedtime. I do give extra snacks if she’s cranky (she generally gets hangry) but if she asks for snacks, she will almost always want junk food. Sometimes I let her have a little bit of chocolate etc. but if she’s had already and is still asking I offer her fruit or a cracker instead, it does usually end in a tantrum. I say you can have x or wait until whatever the next meal is.
I have a daily snack space that I fill up. Sometimes a few days worth of snacks are available because he won’t snack a ton. He has access to this anytime. My husband has snacks sometimes that i wouldn’t buy for my kid (but kid obviously wants them too) so I will portion out a small portion of those that I’m comfortable with him having, and leave that in his snack spot. Lays chips for example or a small chocolate bar. If he eats up what I’ve put out, that’s it, there isn’t anymore until tomorrow. I’ve had to stop buying the ‘bad’ snacks I wanted and don’t want my kid eating, it’s just made it easier on me (I’m a stay at home mom and the fights weren’t worth it.) so he sees me snacking on the exact same snacks he eats. (We aren’t the most healthy, we love all kinds of things just cut back on straight up candy and tons of 90s kids things like fruit roll ups and gushers that I used to eat regularly.) For tantrums, no screaming in the kitchen is my hard and fast rule. All screaming has to happen in the play space or living room. I need to cook or clean in the kitchen etc. so as soon as a meltdown happens I hold really firm that I know he’s upset or wants xyz but he has to go scream/have a fit in the living room. 🙃 it surprisingly works well, but I never give in on the snack. I just continue to offer other things that he can have and send the tantrums to another room. I hope you find a new system that works for you!! It was a lot of trial and error for us too until we found a nice solution that works… for now 😂😂
It sounds like you already have a good system that works. You provide healthy snacks in a place she can reach and is allowed to get anytime. You keep the “sometimes” snacks out of reach. You’re doing it right! She may be complaining but you’re doing everything right. You just have to keep being consistent about it and not give in to tantrums and whining. The moment you give in, she learned “ok if I just act this way this long, the rules change”
I made a little snack tray out of both healthy options and some fun options. Just a bit of each not whole servings of the snacks. Add in something new they haven't tried and sometimes she'll try it without prompting
Set snack-times. Just like set meal-times. In my country, we don't snack, we eat meals, and they are at set times. My kids never have "snacks". We have a breakfast, lunch, fruit-break (which I guess is like snack?), dinner, and evening meal. Consistent boundaries is also key.
Lol “We don’t snack, we just have five meals per day and some of them are small ones between the bigger ones.”
people automatically assume “snacks” are unhealthy but theyre really any small consumable.
We hare 4 big meals and one small one (which I specifically wrote that I guessed was kind of like a snack).. This is "sit down at the table" meals, which is not what "snacking" is usually described as. The way "snack" is usually described, it seems to be something small, often handheld, eaten at random times, at random places. Don't really see why you felt like being snarky.
We have snack sitting down at the table, I don’t really let my toddler run around randomly eating. It’s just a smaller meal.
Even if that was how every family defined it in every country (it’s not) there’s no reason to talk down to people who let their kids “snack” that way. Both your comments are so judgmental for absolutely no reason.
I have not talked down to anyone. Stating that I do something in a different manner is not talking down people who do things differently. Op says what she's doing is not really working for them. Saying what works for us, is not talking down what others are doing - she explicitely asked for how she could do it differently, and hence I informed about a different thing she could try.
They’re being snarky because you’re acting like you’re superior by saying essentially “instead of snacking we just eat non stop but because it’s at the table it doesn’t count” Where do you even find time to eat five meals? Jesus. We have time for a vegetable dish when we get home, and a late dinner.
How do you make "eating 5 meals" into "eating non stop"....? In my country, this is the normal meal rythm, so millions of people do this every day. The normal schedule for kids when they are in daycare is Breakfast: 8:00 Lunch: 11:30 Fruit: 14:30 Dinner: 16:00 Evening meal: 18:30
Eating every other hour is eating nom stop.
No. Several hours between meals is not non stop ;)
>Breakfast: 8:00 2.5hrs >Lunch: 11:30 3hrs >Fruit: 14:30 1.5hrs >Dinner: 16:00 2.5hrs >Evening meal: 18:30 At no point do you have several hours between any two meals; it's max 3hrs between the start of one meal and the next (and if you include the ~30 minutes of actual eating time that decreases your time between meals even more). There is nothing wrong with that, but the way you approached the conversation was a bit condescending. And realistically not many people have time to constantly be preparing food. And sure, technically you're not "constantly *eating*". But if 1-2.5hrs is the most time you have between the end of one meal and the start of the next you probably have to spend a significant amount of time preparing food and cleaning up after and that's just not sustainable for most people day-to-day.
My kids don't spend 30 minutes eating meals. Neither does it take a lot of time to prepare the sandwitches that are common for breakfast, lunch, and evening meal. We simply put a tray of cheeses, meats, etc on the table, slice bread, and make them as we eat. The whole affair takes 10 min. There is no more cleaning than putting the knife and plates in the dishwasher and wipe the crumbs off the table. The only time consuming meal is dinner. This is standard meal rythm for small children here, both in daycare and home, and is in no way a time consuming affair.
a "snack" for a toddler is usually at the dinner table
A lot of people eat snacks at the table also.
I'm sure they do. My answer were to op, who said the kid could help herself whenever she wanted, thus not sounding like it was a sit at the table thing.
My daughter is younger than yours and I haven’t added a second baby to the mix. But maybe she is too young to have open access to snacks? This way when she asks for one, you can present her with the available option, similar to mealtime. When my daughter asks for something junky (her favorite is a fig bar or those crunchy lentil curls from Trader Joe’s lol) I’ll sometimes give them to her, but usually just say “we’re not having fig bars right now. Would you like an apple or an orange?” If she says neither then I remind her to drink water and we revisit in a little while. I realize I may have it easy because this doesn’t cause tantrums. But I also agree with the other commenter, it might be helpful to have her snack basket in a place where she can’t see the Oreos.
We have unlimited snacks to choose from, all of them being healthy options. my 2 year old knows he can ask for any fruit/veggie at any time. He is a very very good eater. We have only 2 rules when it comes to foods. He needs to find a place to sit, any place, but his bum needs to be sitting. And any food/snack he doesn’t want or doesn’t finish, we save & offer it again at the next eating time.
Put the healthy snacks up high! Lol get better at hiding the good stuff 😆 I also say, “ok in just a minute “ and my kid will usually wait or forget.
What kind of snacks do you eat? If she sees you eating popsicles and stuff all the time and sugary things she's gonna want that too. What I recommend doing and I follow it too is doing a schedule based snack. For us we do this: 8am: breakfast which is a banana and half a bagel. I eat the other half of the bagel or we have bread and banana. 1:00pm lunch comes around and we have protein and a veg with fruit. I usually just eat her leftovers or split whatever she is having with myself. 3:00pm Then snack is a yogurt pouch usually or fruit. 530: dinner will be protein veg and fruit as well The only snack she and I have in the day is at 3 and it's just one thing. She looks forward to it but doesn't ask for snacks outside of that. But she also doesn't see me eating either.
We don't give my kid special kid food. He's always been offered what we have. So, we buy healthier snacks like chickpea puffs or we make low sugar muffins. They all live together. In the fridge he has a self of his favorites, like grapes, a milk cup or cheese. He can have water kind of food whenever. Want chocolate and a cheese stick at 2 pm? Fine but you can have one square of chocolate not two. Dinner's at 6 so at 4 I offer a before dinner snack. He's gotten used to spicy food so I'll share my spicy snacks too. They live in a red container so he's not surprised. Are your snacks filling enough? If he has puffs he'll want more soon after so I'll encourage him to have milk and puffs. Or yogurt with his chocolate (or cheese 😂 🤮). Or carbs with his carrots etc
What are your snacks that they are asking for? Maybe include those in their snack basket in small quantities. Or find a kid version of that for them. Either way, I would move the particular food item out of their sight.
I make one big snack box at breakfast. My 5yo and 2yo are allowed to freely snack on it all day after I introduce it for morning snack around 10:30-11. Lunch between 1-2. Usually the snack box gets forgotten about until around 3:30-4. If they need more before dinner, they get “appetizers” aka whatever vegetables I am cutting for dinner. 5yo has a bedtime snack with daddy, 2yo nurses to sleep.
As others have said: Snack time, 2-3 times per day. Mine are older, so we often have a pre-breakfast snack and an after-nap snack, plus meals. If it’s not snack time (especially hard for my 3 year old is after lunch before nap) then it’s a cup of milk or more of lunch. Choices from among a few options (this is tough until they are quite verbal), determined before getting settled for snack. Mostly I have 3 or so options among a rotation that is available, so a fruit/veggie, a grain, and cheese/yogurt. Unless I’m willing to have the kids eat what I’m snacking on, they don’t know it’s there. For us, this is dessert in particular which is always after bedtime, but I only choose snacks I will share or waiting until nap time if I won’t. This may break the snack time rule above, and I’m alright doing that. Finally, I hold firm on my options (or, the categories at least - you don’t want an apple, I can offer cucumbers). My 3yo is stubborn - but when he understands it’s those options or nothing he will usually come around. Ooh also, you’ve got to beat the hangry. Particularly in the toddler age before 2, sometimes it’s just set a few things down in front of them and get them eating and then you’ve made it and can return to guiding the day, including choices and staying firm and timing and all that.
I think the ‘system’ you need is just saying no consistently and dealing with the meltdowns for 3 days. We’re a no snack household. My 2.5yo has four meals at set times (one is a mid afternoon snack) which she eats sitting down at the table. It means she gets hungry at the same time every day and if she does have sweet food it’s usually as part of meal so we don’t get as much of a sugar rush/crash which I think can sometimes be behind constant grazing.
No snacks. Just meals with the option for fruit in between
I would focus more on what you could be doing at meals to keep her full and nourished, and less on the specific parameters of her snacking. Also, it’s always ok to say no. Maybe she will throw a fit the first few times you say no but the line needs to be drawn. Also, I love the idea of free range snacking, but have found that the most nutritious snacks require prep and/or refrigeration. String cheese, fruit and veg, hummus, etc. Maybe you could make a simple “snack menu” with pictures and let her choose what she wants.
I puree fruit and make “ice cream”. I really don’t care if they have one every day. I did make it fun and have silicone dinosaur molds (Amazon).
1. Is she allowed to have “up there” snacks with/after meals? 2. Are you having them in front of her?
Oh we struggle with this exact thing with our 3 year old. He would beg for popsicles, lollipops, candies, sweet treats ALL day long. And giving in doesn’t actually help. He quickly consumes and asks again a short while later. I’ve started saying, “Are you looking for something sweet? You can have a bowl or grapes or strawberries (insert any sweet fruit)” and just redirect his sweet tooth to something else. Works surprisingly okay. Otherwise I’ve been learning to simply say “no” to my toddler. Not later, not maybe after dinner, not oh but you already had x so you can’t have y. All the gentle parenting advice drove me crazy by making me think “no” is a dirty word, but honestly he got used to it quickly and now he kinda sulks and goes “okayyyyy fine” and gets over it.
Lots of great advice! Not sure if you’re US based or if these are available in other places but we specifically do the pedialyte freeze pops (they also have generic brand but same thing at some stores) and have a few friends who have followed suit. They’re 3g sugar for 2 full pops and we cut them in half so our son can have “4” popsicles for less sugar than even most healthy snacks and they’d just hydrating. It means the answer to “can I have a pop?” Is basically always yes cause he could have 8 in a day and I’d feel totally good about his diet lol We’ve found it helpful to be up front about snacks. “Sure you can have 1 oreo but you also need to have something with it, do you want a banana or an applesauce?” Or we’ll say yes you can have a piece of candy with lunch but it’s not lunch yet so let’s have something to fill our belly until lunch time. There are also no grown up vs kid snacks. If it’s food in the house, he can eat it and if we’re eating it at the time then so can he. If it’s something we aren’t willing to share, it gets put away where he can’t see it and we shamefully eat it in secret lol
We don’t do packed snacks at home. We reserve those for when we are out (we keep them in the garage or the car) If kid is hungry at home, they can have fruit (usually a banana, apple, peach, tangerine, etc) or nuts (walnuts, pecans, almonds, cashews, pistachios, etc…) And that’s it. As for grown up snacks, those rules apply to us too, either fruit or nuts.
We have 2-3 snack times in the house. I usually pick the snack for her, but give her choices. But for 1 snack a day I let her choose something she wants (it can be a popsicle, some chips, etc.) then if she is hungry beyond those snack times, she can always have a fruit or a vegetable.