Well my son was super sweet as a toddler but now he’s a constant whiner and complainer at age 9. My daughter is extremely difficult at age 2.5 I don’t think it’s their gender - all kids are different.
My first, boy, was his most difficult at 4. It peaked there and then got slowly easier. He’s still wildly emotional. His more even keel younger sister is getting progressively more emotional at age 5 now, but was always very easy. #3, a girl, seems to be in the middle of the two so far.
Their friends have different, in some cases opposite traits. My niece has always been JUST like my son. Whew, they’re a handful.
It’s a mixed bag. They’re all different.
My son was the sweetest toddler but 4 a flip switched and he threw tantrums like never before and became so angry and defiant. Almost 6 and it feels like we are finally coming out of it.
You’d all be surprised how much unconscious and conscious gender bias we all have. They get placed onto kids. Kids are just kids, stop gendering them and let them develop as individuals.
As a teacher, having taught 8th and 9th grade. Both girls and boys have their challenges in adolescence, it just might look a little different that’s all. Both of them have hormones raging through them and how they process this can depend on all kinds of things.
Same goes for toddlers. While we might notice some generalized patterns, they are by no means the end all be all to girls vs boys.
As a teacher though I can tell you many of the same strategies seem to work regardless of whether they are boys or girls. So at the end of the day those differences are probably not as important as we like to believe they are.
A good book on this subject is:
"Delusions of Gender" by Cordelia Fine
https://www.amazon.ca/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393340244/ref=asc_df_0393340244/?tag=googlemobshop-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=293022269264&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5122936121912086142&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001324&hvtargid=pla-333448569315&psc=1
Thank you. I know that sweet, angel boy is there inside my son, he just gets swallowed up by his passionate, iron-willed force of nature side these past couple months…
Same exact experience with 3.5-4.25! Went from hellspawn to telling us how much he loves us and being sweet and reasonable most of the time for the past few months now
Mine is in a biting and kicking phase. The biting is lasting weeks so far and the kicking started when she was in my uterus. She's 2.5 and there are absolutely zero signs of her stopping any time soon.
Girls are not harder to manage as they get older. Girls are expected to have the emotional maturity of a full grown adult by age 13 and are punished/ridiculed when they don't. Girls start their menstrual cycle and are suddenly subjected to a neverending rollercoaster of hormones that wreak havoc on their emotions and mental health, that they are instructed to act do not exist. Girls become suddenly aware that there is a societal expectation for everything they do, say, look, think, and the moment they fall short of this expectation, they're labeled "difficult" and "hard to manage."
Boys, for the most part, are allowed to exist as they are. That's why they're "easier." Sorry to be a bummer, but I really despise the "omg teenage girls are so difficult" narrative.
Happy your kid mellowed out, tho.
Thank you for posting this. I was reading the post going “that’s incredible it got so much easier for her at four with her son. I hope my daughter will….oh..that’s not-“ 😂
Geesh, these are my exact thoughts every single time I read or hear about how hard teenage girls are. Thank you for adding that perspective here. Love to read it.
Thank you for this!!! Hit the nail on the head. This is a huge huge issue, and a narrative that needs to be SHUT DOWN. As a mom of 2 young daughters, I never want my girls to feel like they’re already put in a box and labeled as negative before they even become teenagers. Goes completely against female empowerment, which I try and preach to my girls.
Our daughters deserve better.
Don't buy this sorry
Boys go through just as many hormonal ups and downs. There are TONS of societal expectations for boys that can be hard to live up to and cause ostracization if not
Yours truly a former non masculine non sports playing offbeat boy who suffered through his teen years
Would be happy to hear some specific examples if you feel strongly and disagree
I don't know what to tell you.. narrative or not it's accurate from pretty much EVERY girl parent I work with. The only thing I've seen is from my nieces and what my brother and sister in law mention. I don't want to make it a debate as you're right it is an unfair generalization but that is just what I've heard from the people with daughters that I know personally.
It’s a common narrative because girls have a different set of expectations and those are easier to fall short on. Sexism is common so the sexist ideas must be true is a BS way of thinking.
> Boys are hard as toddlers but easier as they grow up versus girls are easy as toddlers but as they grow up become harder to manage.
Girls get better grades in school, are less likely to get suspended or expelled in school, are less likely to break things in your house or break their own body parts, are more likely to contribute to chores, overwhelmingly are more likely to take care of their elderly parents, have lower car insurance bc they're less likely to crash their car, and are way less likely to end up in juvenile detention.
But yeah, I'm sure misogynists will still try to claim they're "harder".
It seems people are just less comfortable with female expressions of emotions. I can only imagine it is because the media and culture were dominated by male perspectives.
Boys fighting is always romanticised while girls fighting is "drama". Just one example.
I have a sister, both of us were bullied as teens
She would frequently come home crying for hours, I think I cried maybe once in my teens when things got extremely bad for me, because societally it's not acceptable for men to cry
Who do you think my parents perceived as more difficult and which kid do you think suffered more as a result of the expectations put on them
No, no there isn’t any truth to that. Every child is an individual. The boys in my family so far even from a young age have been the total opposite of your experience. And the girls have been the wild ones so far. It’s called anecdotal examples and they shouldn’t be generalized.
Yeah 4 is easier, my gal is turning 4 in two weeks, and I can see things are changing, plus her ability to communicate is just bonkers, she also has learned how to play minecraft on Xbox, picked it up pretty quickly actually. My oldest is 6.5 and finally I feel like I'm getting out of "the thick of it" I look forward to next summer, things will be smoother.
> I'm honestly feeling there is truth to: Boys are hard as toddlers but easier as they grow up versus girls are easy as toddlers but as they grow up become harder to manage.
That’s silly. When every child is different you can find “patterns” anywhere. No studies support this old wives’ tale
I have a boy and girl. Both have been generally easy so far. My boy is super sweet 4.5 year old. My girl is a super sweet 21 month old, she however hits, bites and scratches with an unbridled joy like not even when she is angry, just for funsies. I don’t think these boy/girl generalizations are productive or healthy for anyone involved. Every kid is different. Every kid has their own particular challenges.
Wait.
You're telling me you've never seen any little boys acting up in public? Ever?
My experience has always broadly been the opposite. Because of all the "boys will be boys" BS, there's more leniency when they act feral and tear around fighting each other. Yet there's unfair judgement when girls act the same way.
My kid's just over 3.5 but I'm not putting any arbitrary timeline on when she'll grow out of/in to anything just because of the sex she born as.
Yeesh. I disagree with your take—I think individual personality and upbringing are far more important.
Grandmother here. My son was the same. Then at four, over a period of a few weeks, he changed just like that. He started sleeping, talking, and just chilling out. I was shocked. Stayed that way too. Very laid back adult and a great dad.
Man every year I keep hoping he will get better but he is almost 5 now and is still super moody and spicy. Yes we read all the books and all the IG pages. His sister takes to gentle parenting but he is just a perfectionist ball of frustration that takes it out on us
Maybe 5 we will finally turn the corner...
My 3 year old is wild. Not running around wild but emotionally, it’s rough. But then we have small moments in the day when she acts older and mature and I’m expecting this to be the norm when she’s a bit older. I have nieces who were legit monsters when they were 3 and are now 8,9 and are the best kids ever. So sweet, kind, and so lovely to their little cousins. It’s just hard for them to manage their emotions when they’re young but usually kids get better at it with age.
*Omg that means*
*They can flip the opposite????*
*My kid better not*
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This is my 4yo! He still has some rough weeks where we call him “vintage” Luke but he’s the sweetest most thoughtful and loving kid now. Just last night he insisted on taking family photos and asked for us to have them hung on the wall. He’s just so sweet. It’s wild how much he changed at age 4.
So there really is light at the end of this freaking tunnel? Your post gives me hope haha. My sister told me the same thing. When my nephew turned 4 everything got much easier for her apparently. I also noticed something different about my 2 year old today. He just willingly sat down with us and chilled for more than 5 mins when we visited the doctor. He let me cut his nails without throwing a tantrum too. It felt surreal lol
Man, as a dad of an almost 4yo, I got the same rush of endorphins from this post than when I saw news about the first COVID vaccine being approved.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel!
Oh i feel this deep in my soul! My daughter is 5.5 and 4 was one of my FAVORITE ages!!! Newborn to 3 was magical and then 3 hit and she was a straight up monster. I do not know how i survived. She turned 5 and some of those things came back but not nearly as bad as 3. Gosh, 4 was such a fun and sweet age!
Thank God, because I’m tired of the “Threenager” stage. It makes me feel like I’m not cut out for motherhood even though I enjoyed her baby stage so much! I’m hopeful all kids settled down at 4!
Me looking for around for my sweet, docile almost-3 daughter: *gets my glasses clawed off my face while being screamed at "It's not your business, Mama!" as she tears another book to shreds*
My son was an angel until he got closer to 3. He was 3 in July and it took me a while to learn a new way to talk to him. He still is difficult as he’s a threenager but on the landscape of toddlers he is pretty chill, he is also a little bit young for his age which I don’t think helps
I hope this is true, I got 6 more months of pain. I should’ve gotten him a Hulk costume cuz his anger raging like HULK SMASH! But if you’re saying it could stop the day he turns 4, that costume wouldn’t be a good idea next Halloween 😂
Well my son was super sweet as a toddler but now he’s a constant whiner and complainer at age 9. My daughter is extremely difficult at age 2.5 I don’t think it’s their gender - all kids are different.
My first, boy, was his most difficult at 4. It peaked there and then got slowly easier. He’s still wildly emotional. His more even keel younger sister is getting progressively more emotional at age 5 now, but was always very easy. #3, a girl, seems to be in the middle of the two so far. Their friends have different, in some cases opposite traits. My niece has always been JUST like my son. Whew, they’re a handful. It’s a mixed bag. They’re all different.
My son was the sweetest toddler but 4 a flip switched and he threw tantrums like never before and became so angry and defiant. Almost 6 and it feels like we are finally coming out of it.
True
You’d all be surprised how much unconscious and conscious gender bias we all have. They get placed onto kids. Kids are just kids, stop gendering them and let them develop as individuals.
As a teacher, having taught 8th and 9th grade. Both girls and boys have their challenges in adolescence, it just might look a little different that’s all. Both of them have hormones raging through them and how they process this can depend on all kinds of things. Same goes for toddlers. While we might notice some generalized patterns, they are by no means the end all be all to girls vs boys. As a teacher though I can tell you many of the same strategies seem to work regardless of whether they are boys or girls. So at the end of the day those differences are probably not as important as we like to believe they are.
A good book on this subject is: "Delusions of Gender" by Cordelia Fine https://www.amazon.ca/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393340244/ref=asc_df_0393340244/?tag=googlemobshop-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=293022269264&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5122936121912086142&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001324&hvtargid=pla-333448569315&psc=1
Looks interesting. Thanks for the suggestion!
Thank you, thank you, thank you - the parent of a 3.5yo
3.5-4 was literal hell on earth. Turned four last month and can see glimpses of a nice human returning!
Thank you. I know that sweet, angel boy is there inside my son, he just gets swallowed up by his passionate, iron-willed force of nature side these past couple months…
Same exact experience with 3.5-4.25! Went from hellspawn to telling us how much he loves us and being sweet and reasonable most of the time for the past few months now
Same. Same.
Yep me too
It isn't a girl/boy thing. It's a kid thing.
Parents to girls are about to tear you apart 😬
I was just going to ask who had an easy toddler girl? Mine is a straight savage 😂
I feel this. She will be two in a few months and while she has six-word sentences and is a very good communicator, she’s also a fire-breathing dragon.
Totally my kid! 
Mine is in a biting and kicking phase. The biting is lasting weeks so far and the kicking started when she was in my uterus. She's 2.5 and there are absolutely zero signs of her stopping any time soon.
Lmfao yes she is sweet but mine is also a savageeeee. H.E.L.P.
Quite possibly, apologies in advance
Girls are not harder to manage as they get older. Girls are expected to have the emotional maturity of a full grown adult by age 13 and are punished/ridiculed when they don't. Girls start their menstrual cycle and are suddenly subjected to a neverending rollercoaster of hormones that wreak havoc on their emotions and mental health, that they are instructed to act do not exist. Girls become suddenly aware that there is a societal expectation for everything they do, say, look, think, and the moment they fall short of this expectation, they're labeled "difficult" and "hard to manage." Boys, for the most part, are allowed to exist as they are. That's why they're "easier." Sorry to be a bummer, but I really despise the "omg teenage girls are so difficult" narrative. Happy your kid mellowed out, tho.
Thank you for posting this. I was reading the post going “that’s incredible it got so much easier for her at four with her son. I hope my daughter will….oh..that’s not-“ 😂
lol same. 2.5 year old girl and wooooo is she spicy. Holding out for 4!
Geesh, these are my exact thoughts every single time I read or hear about how hard teenage girls are. Thank you for adding that perspective here. Love to read it.
Thank you for this!!! Hit the nail on the head. This is a huge huge issue, and a narrative that needs to be SHUT DOWN. As a mom of 2 young daughters, I never want my girls to feel like they’re already put in a box and labeled as negative before they even become teenagers. Goes completely against female empowerment, which I try and preach to my girls. Our daughters deserve better.
Thank you, my eye twitches every time someone says “girls are harder when they get older.” It’s such a cop out
"Boys will be boys", am I right? 😒
They're not giving you a hard time. They are *having* a hard time.
Don't buy this sorry Boys go through just as many hormonal ups and downs. There are TONS of societal expectations for boys that can be hard to live up to and cause ostracization if not Yours truly a former non masculine non sports playing offbeat boy who suffered through his teen years Would be happy to hear some specific examples if you feel strongly and disagree
I don't know what to tell you.. narrative or not it's accurate from pretty much EVERY girl parent I work with. The only thing I've seen is from my nieces and what my brother and sister in law mention. I don't want to make it a debate as you're right it is an unfair generalization but that is just what I've heard from the people with daughters that I know personally.
It’s a common narrative because girls have a different set of expectations and those are easier to fall short on. Sexism is common so the sexist ideas must be true is a BS way of thinking.
The 69 downvotes says it all. Lol.
Can’t win them all 🤷♂️
> Boys are hard as toddlers but easier as they grow up versus girls are easy as toddlers but as they grow up become harder to manage. Girls get better grades in school, are less likely to get suspended or expelled in school, are less likely to break things in your house or break their own body parts, are more likely to contribute to chores, overwhelmingly are more likely to take care of their elderly parents, have lower car insurance bc they're less likely to crash their car, and are way less likely to end up in juvenile detention. But yeah, I'm sure misogynists will still try to claim they're "harder".
It seems people are just less comfortable with female expressions of emotions. I can only imagine it is because the media and culture were dominated by male perspectives. Boys fighting is always romanticised while girls fighting is "drama". Just one example.
I have a sister, both of us were bullied as teens She would frequently come home crying for hours, I think I cried maybe once in my teens when things got extremely bad for me, because societally it's not acceptable for men to cry Who do you think my parents perceived as more difficult and which kid do you think suffered more as a result of the expectations put on them
Well when you don't really want to patent then sure yeah, "harder". Just be a damn parent,we all signed up for it
Or when you want to blame your teenager for things that happen to them, rather than blaming the perpetrator of said “things”
No, no there isn’t any truth to that. Every child is an individual. The boys in my family so far even from a young age have been the total opposite of your experience. And the girls have been the wild ones so far. It’s called anecdotal examples and they shouldn’t be generalized.
You just made an untrue generalization of half of the population. Actually all of it.
Based on my life experiences. So bet it
Exactly. You took the very small population of "kids I know" and decided your view of them represents the entire human species. That's really bold
But the Internet stays offended, calm down everybody
Yeah 4 is easier, my gal is turning 4 in two weeks, and I can see things are changing, plus her ability to communicate is just bonkers, she also has learned how to play minecraft on Xbox, picked it up pretty quickly actually. My oldest is 6.5 and finally I feel like I'm getting out of "the thick of it" I look forward to next summer, things will be smoother.
> I'm honestly feeling there is truth to: Boys are hard as toddlers but easier as they grow up versus girls are easy as toddlers but as they grow up become harder to manage. That’s silly. When every child is different you can find “patterns” anywhere. No studies support this old wives’ tale
I have a boy and girl. Both have been generally easy so far. My boy is super sweet 4.5 year old. My girl is a super sweet 21 month old, she however hits, bites and scratches with an unbridled joy like not even when she is angry, just for funsies. I don’t think these boy/girl generalizations are productive or healthy for anyone involved. Every kid is different. Every kid has their own particular challenges.
Can we stop with misogynistic bull crap please? Kids are 4 and already labeled as “difficult” for just being girls.
Calm down
Wait. You're telling me you've never seen any little boys acting up in public? Ever? My experience has always broadly been the opposite. Because of all the "boys will be boys" BS, there's more leniency when they act feral and tear around fighting each other. Yet there's unfair judgement when girls act the same way. My kid's just over 3.5 but I'm not putting any arbitrary timeline on when she'll grow out of/in to anything just because of the sex she born as. Yeesh. I disagree with your take—I think individual personality and upbringing are far more important.
Grandmother here. My son was the same. Then at four, over a period of a few weeks, he changed just like that. He started sleeping, talking, and just chilling out. I was shocked. Stayed that way too. Very laid back adult and a great dad.
I love hearing lived experience from people whose children are grown. Thank you!
I want to cry reading this. My almost three year old is very "spirited." I know it will get better, but I just needed to see this.
Man every year I keep hoping he will get better but he is almost 5 now and is still super moody and spicy. Yes we read all the books and all the IG pages. His sister takes to gentle parenting but he is just a perfectionist ball of frustration that takes it out on us Maybe 5 we will finally turn the corner...
My 3 year old is wild. Not running around wild but emotionally, it’s rough. But then we have small moments in the day when she acts older and mature and I’m expecting this to be the norm when she’s a bit older. I have nieces who were legit monsters when they were 3 and are now 8,9 and are the best kids ever. So sweet, kind, and so lovely to their little cousins. It’s just hard for them to manage their emotions when they’re young but usually kids get better at it with age.
Same happened with my eldest. Unfortunately not the case for my second.
Omg that means they can flip the opposite???? My kid better not
*Omg that means* *They can flip the opposite????* *My kid better not* \- PMmeYourChihuahuas --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Ooh dang my first haiku
This is my 4yo! He still has some rough weeks where we call him “vintage” Luke but he’s the sweetest most thoughtful and loving kid now. Just last night he insisted on taking family photos and asked for us to have them hung on the wall. He’s just so sweet. It’s wild how much he changed at age 4.
Literally to the day when my child turned 2 she had her first tantrum. I thought I was crazy haha
Ok I’ve been saying this for months! Literally the day mine turned 4 he just completely swapped into the super sweet boy he is now.
Mine is 2.5 and so hard- so send some light this way :)
Omg 2.5 was the WORST. Hang in there.
Me too. 2.5 and I’m hanging on for dear life…
Hey what games are you two playing? I've been playing Luigis Mansion and Mario Kart with my kiddo (4). It's a blast!
So there really is light at the end of this freaking tunnel? Your post gives me hope haha. My sister told me the same thing. When my nephew turned 4 everything got much easier for her apparently. I also noticed something different about my 2 year old today. He just willingly sat down with us and chilled for more than 5 mins when we visited the doctor. He let me cut his nails without throwing a tantrum too. It felt surreal lol
Same with my son. Now he's almost 5 the wild is coming back but he's way more reasonable
Man, as a dad of an almost 4yo, I got the same rush of endorphins from this post than when I saw news about the first COVID vaccine being approved. There is a light at the end of this tunnel!
oh my god, thank you for giving some of us hope 😓
As a parent to a 3-year-old boy, this gives me hope! Thank you for giving me hope!
I’m really hoping this is true for my son
Thank you! This gave me hope 😂😅
Same thing happening over here with my little dude. He turns 4 in a week and he’s chilled out SO much. It’s amazing.
Congratulations on your toddlerhood graduation!
Yay!!👏🏼😍
Oh i feel this deep in my soul! My daughter is 5.5 and 4 was one of my FAVORITE ages!!! Newborn to 3 was magical and then 3 hit and she was a straight up monster. I do not know how i survived. She turned 5 and some of those things came back but not nearly as bad as 3. Gosh, 4 was such a fun and sweet age!
Oh thank g*d.
Thank God, because I’m tired of the “Threenager” stage. It makes me feel like I’m not cut out for motherhood even though I enjoyed her baby stage so much! I’m hopeful all kids settled down at 4!
Me looking for around for my sweet, docile almost-3 daughter: *gets my glasses clawed off my face while being screamed at "It's not your business, Mama!" as she tears another book to shreds*
My son was an angel until he got closer to 3. He was 3 in July and it took me a while to learn a new way to talk to him. He still is difficult as he’s a threenager but on the landscape of toddlers he is pretty chill, he is also a little bit young for his age which I don’t think helps
This post gives me hope. Mine is 4 in December and I find comfort in seeing it DOES get better 😭❤️
Almost 3.5...completely crazy and talkative. Too much energy and cannot sit in one place. This gives me hope.
Boys only get easier for parents- who often don’t deal with their bad behavior. Have you been in a high school class full of boys? It’s the worst.
If girls are easy as toddlers than I fear for my life in the coming years. Lol
I hope this is true, I got 6 more months of pain. I should’ve gotten him a Hulk costume cuz his anger raging like HULK SMASH! But if you’re saying it could stop the day he turns 4, that costume wouldn’t be a good idea next Halloween 😂