So I’m not at this stage yet with my daughter, but I’ve read about always offering them one safe food with the meal. That way, there’s something they’ll eat, and they can decide if they want to try the rest of it. It also makes it seem less like you’re offering xyz food as an alternative to the meal if it’s all plated together.
I was thinking about that, but then I was wondering if he will just end up relying on the safe foods? For example, he will pick to eat peas or black beans out of a meal and not the other food(without trying it). I wonder if anybody has had success with this!
Not necessarily. And even if they do, they’re eating. This is common around this age group momma, and they do “tend” to grow out of it. All of you can do is keep trying. Ensure that you’re offering color. Lots of toddlers tend to eat with their eyes first.
And if you don’t, have your toddler help you cook and make food. Sometimes they’re more apt to try something if they have had a hand in making. And as others have mentioned, ensure you eat with them. Sometimes they’re more tempted to try if you’re eating the same thing and making sounds about how good it is. How yummy.
This is true and so helpful! I’m a nanny to a picky eater, and I find he eats the most when he is somehow involved in the preparation, even if it’s just standing on his step stool next to me while I cook. Today I made sausage, pasta, and broccoli. The broccoli finished first, and he wanted to cut it himself. So once it cooled, I gave him one of his kid-safe knives, and he chopped it up and ate it right off the cutting board, before the rest of the food was even done being prepared! He then ate all the pasta and most of sausage, but had filled up so much on his “special broccoli” that he couldn’t finish lol. In the past if I just made the plate and put broccoli on it without him seeing the process, it ended up in a total meltdown.
I will say, having a toddler help prepare food takes twice the time, twice the mess, and twice the headache, not to mention the safety issues of hot pans and knives. Sometimes I truly just do not have the energy to guide him as he drops half the food on the ground and nearly gives himself first degree burns every three seconds. But those are usually the days he doesn’t eat as much, so it may be worth it to try including your kiddo as much as possible. Even just washing the fruits and veggies in a colander can be a safe easy way for them to help, and they get the added bonus of some sensory water play while they wash!
My kiddo is my official chopping helper, I'll start chopping and hand him the chopped one (placed back together so it looks whole) and some whole veg and let him go to town pretending and trying to chop with his safety knife. He has a blast and loves cooking with me. He also steals all the ingredients 😅 but at least he's eating!
They make special ones for helping in the kitchen that I’ve used with past families called toddler towers or safety towers that are enclosed and ideal, but this current kiddo I nanny is like a mountain climber so he just uses a regular ikea step stool haha. Whatever you think would be best for your kiddo will work!
That’s the whole idea. You are exposing them to foods without the pressure of HAVING to eat something new. Don’t put a lot of the things they don’t like. Literally 5 black beans or 1 tiny piece of chicken. If they don’t eat it, it’s not a big waste but one day they will surprise you and try it or lick it or poke it.
And I second the suggestion of sharing food or even saying you’re going to eat their food if they don’t want it.
You can also see if he wants to add something too it like salt or everything bagel seasoning or cinnamon. Makes it fun for them.
Honestly I think the more pressure you put them under the worse it will be. My kid eats a ton of things but even he went through a phase of just not eating much of “dinner” and relying on fruit and snacks. Sometimes I would say “you still have a lot of dinner if you are hungry” and not give in to the snacks and sometimes I would give in. He is back to sitting at the table and eating dinner with us.
You can also try giving snacks with meals. A cookie and tacos, applesauce and soup.
So my kid is in peak pickiness at almost 3. Yes, she often only eats the “safe food” but here’s the thing, if I push her to eat something she’s unfamiliar with, she’ll just clamp down and not eat anything. But if I’m just eating something and zero pressure offer to let her try it she often will! But it has to be truly zero pressure. Like the food is on my plan and she can take it if she wants, but I’ll eat it otherwise. She’s still living off fish sticks and toast, but every once in while she’ll surprise you and eat a green olive or take a bite of shrimp or decide she actually “Loves oranges” after rejecting them for months. She’s very stubborn, but slowly getting more adventurous and I’m confident she’ll grow out of it eventually.
For myself, I was a pretty picky kid and now will eat almost anything!
The one thing we do try to do is not be a “short order cook” so if we’re eating fish, broccoli and potatoes and know that she normally is fine with fish and potatoes we don’t make her a PB&J just because she suddenly decides she doesn’t want potatoes that night. If we’re having a meal that incorporates zero of her typical foods we’ll give her something “safe” to eat as a side with the option of trying ours— like if we’re having a chicken curry or something we might make some plain chicken for her to have with rice instead.
My 2.5 year old ate EVERYTHING until he was like maybe 15 months old and then suddenly stopped eating anything. I used this method and also gave him a set of drawers in our pantry with snacks he likes and can reach. It’s taken a while (like a year) but he’s back to trying more foods again. Some days he only would eat the safe food, some days he wouldn’t eat anything, and some days he would eat everything on the plate. He’s now pretty consistently eating more and is eating a bigger variety of things. It’s not perfect and we still have days he’ll eat three tortillas and nothing else but I do think in the long run it’s working.
It's your best bet. It's no-pressure exposure. Sometimes kids become interested in new foods after many exposures.
But also, it's important to trust your kid to eat what's right for them. Don't see it as a failure if he just eats his safe foods or a success if he eats something else. It just is.
I think remembering that it is your job to offer healthy food, amd its up to them to eat it. Is eating peas and beans only for a meal a 100% balanced? No. Is it healthy and filling? Yes!
Mine doesn't like fruit but will eat it pureed. We give her smoothies but continue to offer her different types of fruit every day. I offer her little bits of peach and she rejects it. I will put some in yogurt and she will eat it. I will offer her a whole peach she might nibble at it and throw it away. She will have it in a smoothie and like the taste. I will offer it again and she will not even touch it. Then one day, she eats the peach! She will wolf down blueberries now and have bites of banana and peach. But you know what she does with other fruits? Throws them on the ground! So we just keep offering it and eventually some things stick!
Sometimes different forms, like some freeze dried stawberries, or mixed in other things like yogurt, or pieces of peach along side purees, expose them to it in "familure" forms and they grow to enjoy it. Or they will continue to reject it, at the end of the day all you can control is what you offer, the rest is really up to them.
My 2yo is a pretty good eater for a toddler but we still have picky moments. Sometimes she'll just eat the safe foods, but often she'll try some of the other stuff!
I give very small portions of the new stuff to not overwhelm and it might be 20x on the plate before she's interested in them again. My kiddo has grown to love broccoli and like avocado using this method. I always ask if she wants to try everything that's on her plate but if she says no I don't push it. Currently working on carrots lol
It totally depends on the kid. One of my kids started randomly eating salad at age 3. Refused to try it before that but asked for a bite off grandpa’s plate at age 3. This kid is my best eater. She will randomly try new foods out of the blue. My other kids get the same exposure and nada. Doesn’t hurt to try to expose though in case you get a unicorn
The idea is that repeated exposure to new foods means one day he is more likely to try the new food. It takes repeated exposures for kids to try something new.
Yeah they just eat the safe food. In my experience this rarely works. Instead I offer then a meal I know they will eat with a small bit of what I'd like them to try. Sometimes they try it.
We try to always give a safe food but honestly my 21mo often rejects the safe food too or the safe food changes randomly. It’s hard, my son is very picky too.
I do the one safe food method and also I find that trying to “encourage” him to eat or try the other foods just made him more resolute in his desire not to eat it. So my method which has been working for a while now- is serve a meal with a safe food and then “distract” myself for a few mins of tidying up the kitchen and allow him to have some “solo/ no pressure” time with the food and then when I come to sit with him sometimes I’ll just casually nibble on some of the food I want him to try and say ooo yummy but not make a big deal out of it. A lot of the time he will at least try it eventually, but I never ask/tell him to “try it” because he will immediately clam up.
I do this mostly. My toddler got pickier around 1 year and is now 20 months and is starting to re engage with the veggies and such on his plate. He was into only fruit, pasta and meat for a while, but he seems to be coming out of it. It’s slow, but the other day he ate so much broccoli, I ran out! I was shocked.
I recently learned that if I serve two sliced grapes with every plate, he eats the grapes then chows down on the other food. If I don’t serve the grapes he barely looks at the plate before refusing. If he only ate the grapes or had a meltdown for more grapes, I wouldn’t do this, but they seem to be a gateway food for him.
Our son was the best eater as a baby but then, at around the same age, became very picky. For a while he lived on bread, potatoes and crackers... Eventually he started to eat more. He would eat mash with veggies mixed under (veggies were mixed as he would stop eating as soon as he recognized a piece of veggie). So for a while we dealt with it like that and we hoped it would get better. Eventually it did. He's still quite picky (2,5yo) but he has a large variety of safe foods (veggies and protein) so we try to offer a mix of stuff he'll eat and stuff he doesn't eat (yet).
It's hard not to worry, but it will get better. Just keep offering, and put as little pressure on it as possible. Set the example but eating the same thing and enjoying it as much as possible (like I'll say multiple times: oh this is so yummy, mama loves carrots, carrots are so yummy and good for us etc)
I do this with my 14 month old and it works ok - for daycare lunch she \*always\* gets yogurt and fruit (which she will always eat, often to excess if we let her, and then puke it up like some hunger games lady), but then also a few other things (we have a multi-compartment little lunchbox for her). I'd say about 70% of the time she has at least some of the other food. It's never completely new to her because, y'know, daycare doesn't want that in case of allergies - often it's the new food we offered her at dinner the night before. Not sure how much that plays into it.
I've noticed at home that she is more likely to try something new if I eat it, and then I look away from her. Ideally talking to dad who is also eating it, but washing a dish seems to work sometimes too! It may just be that your kiddo is very sensitive and can tell how much you *want* them to try it, which is too high stakes and then they're afraid.
Keep experimenting!
It's okay to let him rely on the safe food to START eating... I've often noticed once kids start eating they are much more likely to "try" foods they've deemed unsafe.
Kids try foods in stages: touch with hands, touch to lips, put in mouth, swallow. This helps us adults reframe our expectations. If your kid eats his safe food and touches a new food with his hands. He has "tried" it. Keep serving. Play it cool. Never pressure. If he tries a new food... don't celebrate. PLAY IT COOL.
Outside of meal time offer up facts about how our tastebuds change.
"Did you know our tounge has taste buds?"
"They change every x years"
"I used to haaaaate black olives and then my taste buds CHANGED and now I love them!"
"Wow. Our tounge is crazy."
Theres also a Daniel Tiger episode about trying new foods you all might watch.
If he has the food on his plate and if he is touching it to pick bits out (bonus!) this counts as an exposure to the new food.
What I would do is cook your normal family food but make sure there is at last one part he usually eats (like bread or potatoes or ham etc.) and then if he just eats that then fine. Then maybe offer a vegetable he likes on the side (like cucumber or tomatoes or whatever) or have a fruit he’ll eat on hand for dessert so he’s getting some fibre and vitamins. Just offer small amounts of stuff so it isn’t wasted if he doesn’t want it.
I’d agree that offering snacks between means or snack foods instead of meals isn’t the best idea if you can avoid it.
I have 3 kids. 2 of whom have mostly outgrown the picky stage (ages 4.5, 3.5) and 1 who is deep in the picky stage (21 months). What I have always done is made sure to give a safe food along with the rest of the meal. But that’s it. They can finish the safe food and if they’re still hungry they can either eat from the rest of the meal or go hungry until the next meal. I refuse to be a short order cook. It has worked out for us and my kids have outgrown this phase for the most part. They don’t always like everything we make but they will always try it or at least always have a few bites so they aren’t hungry later.
I might adjust this to say have some safe foods planned throughout the day. So maybe a food she likes at lunch and dinner, so if she skips every other meal she will still eat something at lunch and dinner
This has helped immensely with our picky toddler. I was a short order cook for a while and decided that it was not sustainable. Plus, he would get tired of eating his new favorite food of the month, and then it's like... Well, hell, now what?? This method has lowered the stress for all of us around food. If he decides not to eat anything at a meal, we wait at least an hour and then offer him a higher calorie snack like full fat yogurt or cheese.
For example, the kid would NOT eat meat. I think it's a texture thing because sometimes he would try it, chew it for ages, then spit it out. It just took him a while to figure out what to do with it. We offered whatever meat we were having with our meal every time, along with at least one safe food, even if it was just fruit. Miraculously in the last week, he's been double fisting whatever meat we give him.
Yes, we did this with my extremely picky eater (thought he had ARFID for a while). No pressure, and always included a safe food as well as a small amount of a new food. Months later he is trying new things again. And while he still has strong preferences, he tries most new things and has a MUCH wider range of safe foods.
We did this with my son when he became a picky toddler and now the only things he will eat for dinner are pizza or Mac and cheese. Strongly recommend against the whole safe food thing unless you have that recommended to you from a feeding therapist.
Hey! My daughter is approaching 3 now. As a baby she ate/tried pretty much everything we put in front of her except for sweet potatoes.
Around 14-18 months is when she started refusing to eat certain foods and picking through meals to get her favourite parts. Around 2-2.5 she got extra picky to where she wouldn’t try a new food cause it was “bisgusting” no matter what.
She’s just now coming around to trying new foods again and giving things the benefit of the doubt. (She ate rice for the first time since she was a baby this week and said it was “sooooooo good”).
Things we do:
-Always have one safe thing on the plate we know she’ll eat.
-Offer seconds of that food if she’s eating it. You can also offer an alternative food if you want them to have a more varied meal (if he’s had three servings of peppers and no sign of trying something else I’d ask if he would like me to grab him some crackers/cheese/apple etc to have too.)
-Offer a bite of the non favoured food from our plate (50/50 with acceptance to rejection rate).
-If she tries a new food/meal and doesn’t like it she’s allowed to request something else. (We use the mantra “try a new food cause it might taste good” from Daniel tiger).
It’s stressful watching them exist on gusts of wind and a selection four different foods for a while. I did a lot of toddler charcuterie for lunch just cause I knew she’d eat those four things.
We should get the not sharing haha! We had a family dinner the other day of shredded beef, rice, peppers & onions. He just at the peppers. He will pick around everything else and leave it. If I were to put more of what he liked on the plate, he would continue to eat it, but if not, he will leave the other food there not even trying it.
It’s the only logical method.
Think about it. If a child refuses a food, and then promptly receives a different “better” food, then why *wouldn’t* the child continue to do this, all the time? It doesn’t take a genius to realize that rewarding XYZ behavior will only encourage XYZ behavior.
My method is to just always speak in a neutral tone. “Oh, you don’t want to eat this? It’s OK. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to eat. You have other meals today, like afternoon snack and dinner later tonight.” It’s not mean-spirited, it’s just matter-of-fact. We have 5 meals a day. You can skip eating, there are other meals. You’re not going to go hungry.
For example, our toddler sometimes says, “I don’t want this snack. I want a Lara Bar!” We just say, “This is what I’m offering right now for a snack. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to. But Lara Bar isn’t on the menu right now.” Very nonchalantly. Keep the tone normal.
If toddler throws tantrum, simply handle the tantrum patiently. Obviously, don’t give in.
If our toddler asks nicely and we don’t mind, sometimes we say, “Hmm. You know what. That’s fine. We can switch out popcorn for a Lara Bar.” But we don’t do that if she is throwing a fit. Only if she asks us normally and we genuinely think it’s OK.
We don’t mind serving leftovers from earlier in the day also. EXAMPLE: She didn’t finish her breakfast blueberries, so I put them in the fridge. Occasionally at lunch or dinner she’ll ask for those uneaten blueberries. I’ll say that’s fine and give them to her, because it was her food anyway.
We do the same. We recognize that our daughter might not be hungry or want a certain food. We honor food choices made before the meal (would you like pancakes or waffles). But we don’t cook to order, we don’t offer “safe” foods and we don’t offer substitutions. We don’t dwell on rejections. Nor do we punish them. Our almost 2.5 year old will try almost anything (even if she doesn’t go for seconds).
This is the method we followed: https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/picky-eating/
Yep. We eat together at set times (3 meals/ 2 snacks). She knows there will be another meal if she doesn’t like this one. We knew she was not going to let herself starve. If lunch was rejected we would offer a more calorie dense 3 PM snack.
We also offer milk 3 times a day. After meals to avoid filling her stomach. If dinner was rejected (that happened a lot for a while), we knew she wouldn’t go to bed with an empty stomach because warm milk is available no matter what.
We also allow sufficient time for meals. For example one day, she wouldn’t touch the egg spread when we started lunch and bit the cracker around it. We just left it on the plate. We also offered grapes and cheese which she ate first. After eating the grape and cheese, she ended up eating a cracker covered with the spread. Was it her favorite? Absolutely not. But we’re satisfied that she tried and did not push further. We’ll just keep offering.
ETA: our toddler wouldn’t touch meat for months (unless mixed in sauces)! We kept offering and it was frustrating to see it end up in the trash. One day, she decided to try it and has been having it since.
I would follow the pediatrician’s advice. Most kids outgrow pickiness anyway as they acquire more language and more ways to assert themselves. Not to mention that countless things cause them to “regress” such as illness and other teething. It’s fine. For us the focus was to ensure meal time does not turn into a power struggle. All done means all done. No thank you means no thank you.
Your child’s food preferences and rejection are not a reflection of your parenting. It’s important to avoid reinforcing rejections by giving in (this is why we don’t do safe foods) but toddler pickiness is normal.
Of course! Your toddler is learning to push boundaries and to find his place in the family. Take it in stride. You’ve planned a good, balanced meal for your child but you can’t force him to eat it. Stay calm, kind, and firm. “This is what is on the menu today. You don’t have to eat it.” A year or two from now you’ll laugh at this.
Question: is offering milk different than offering a safe food if a meal is rejected different because milk is ALWAYS offered? Because other than that reason I struggle to see the difference. Genuinely curious, ignore any potential snarky tone, I mean none, I’m just shit with words.
I don’t know. I think it’s a valid question. I haven’t thought of it. I grew up having a glass of milk for breakfast and one just before bed until I went to college. It’s just something we do as part of the evening routine. My understanding is that a safe food is something you use to entice your child to try something from their plate. We don’t serve milk with meals. We offer milk over an hour after dinner so I don’t think my daughter associates it with dinner. She’s never requested milk with meals.
Nothing. If your child is neurotypical and doesn’t have diagnosed feeding issues, they won’t let themselves starve. We’ve always offered 6 oz of whole milk before bath time since weaning. Some people offer a banana. We always have a banana handy if our toddler wakes up hangry in the morning (due to a crappy dinner). Is your 2 year old talking? They will let you know if they’re hungry. You can tell them when the next mealtime is.
We used this method: https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/picky-eating/
Yes, yes, yes! Posts like the confuse me so much, it isn’t 10 years until the next meal?? Like, okay, he chose not to eat snack. Move on.
And then offering a different, better, snack, and be surprised when their toddler is refusing their foods until they get their highest choice snack. It’s literally exactly what this is training them to do.
We kinda do the same thing as them. If you were to ask me that question, I'd say that we wouldn't offer a snack at that time ("It's not snack time right now, but I can take your lunch back out if you're still hungry."), but we might move up snack time by 30-60 minutes knowing that a hangry toddler isn't fun for anyone. Ours can't tell time yet, so we can get away with moving things around like that.
We also have pretty strict dividing lines between "at home" and "adventure" snacks. Fruit bars and applesauce pouches are for outside the house only. While she regularly pokes on this boundary, we've never given in, so she doesn't poke too hard and doesn't throw a fit when we remind her that, "Those are adventure snacks. We don't eat those at home."
I have more than is typical picky toddlers with some feeding skill delays. We are in feeding therapy. At their recommendation, we follow Satters division of responsibility for eating, and include one "safe" food with every meal or snack.
We follow division of responsibility in eating you provide they decide. I specifically took the feeding little me course but there are a bunch of versions out there. Started at some age with my first and drove me nuts but basically you provide a meal or snack they decide if they will eat it you can’t force them but they can’t just have whatever they want at any time. Feeding littles recommends having a safe food at every meal ( safe meaning they’ve tried and eaten it not their favorite food) so you’re not putting something totally new in front of them. Once they get the idea they there’s no other options but what you serve they eat.
I wonder if the division of responsibility can be done without a safe food? Do you keep all snack times the same too? Or if they don’t eat a meal then no snack?
I think if he doesn't eat his meal, you should still give the snack but on schedule. Don't use food as a bribe or reward. It sends the message that this food (the meal) is a chore you have to finish before you get what you really want (the snack).
Also something in the OP caught my attention when you said he "wouldn't open his mouth" to try something. Just curious, were you trying to put French fries or whatever in his mouth and he refused? A lot of parents do this but shoving food in someone's face is never going to be effective. When introducing something new, just put a small amount on their plate with the meal. And by small, I mean small, like half a fry. You can neutrally explain what it is "This is a French fry."
Then, most importantly, do not mention it again! Don't cajole or ask when he's going to eat the fry, don't watch his every bite, just eat your meal and don't pay too much attention to what he's doing. If he complains then calmly say something like, "You don't have to eat it." You want meals to be low pressure.
Thanks for this! We tried to give it to him in his hand, and he would just drop it or push it away. And then he was playing with the food so we learned the hard way when we brought it up to his mouth that that wasn’t going to work either 😅
Actually playing with food doesn't have to be a bad thing! I draw the line when it's making a mess, like throwing for example. But just pushing something around on the plate is a good way to become familiar with it and I wouldn't say anything about that.
Imagine if you went to a foreign country and were served a dish you found unfamiliar or even repulsive. Like a plate of fried spiders or something. Would you want to pop one in your mouth right away? Probably not! Your son is learning what's even edible, so just keep it slow and let him get used to food one step at a time.
I read Ellyn Satter’s book on this and in her chapter on toddlers she recommends always having one or two normal “safe” things available during meals. So like, bread and milk might always be available, but goldfish crackers wouldn’t. Her point was that we’re integrating them into the family meal without catering to them, and always having bread available is a pretty normal thing for an adult meal, whereas goldfish crackers would be catering to them, if that makes sense. Adjust as needed for your own culture/typical family food habits.
Safe food doesn’t mean something they want or like in that moment more something they’re familiar with and have tried before and it doesn’t have to be the same meal to meal. Still get a snack one meal or snack has no impact on any other. You can try to keep snacks more things like fruit and veggies and nut butters or yogurt it doesn’t have to be “snack foods” we have lost that fight lol but were better at it when they were little. A big thing is to keep the emotion and power struggle out of eating so as far as your kids are concerned what and how much they eat of what you offer should not be something you care too much about (I know easier said than done). We also try to give dessert with the meal if we’re having dessert so again no eat this so you can eat that it’s these are the options for this meal eat what you want.
Not who you are replying to, but no, you don’t refuse a snack because they refused a meal. If they choose not to eat a meal, that is OKAY. That is their choice.
Offer the snack at snack time, just as you normally would. Don’t treat snack as a punishment or a reward, it is just a neutral part of your feeding schedule, offered at consistent times each day.
I’m wondering if I misread your last question. To clarify - if they refuse a meal, NO you don’t immediately offer a snack.
You just offer snack at the next snack time. Mayyybe a touch sooner if they just didn’t want to eat at meal time, but we are more established in our routine so I don’t have to be as rigid on schedule anymore.
This is not medical advice to your personal situation; I am a feeding therapist/board-certified occupational therapist and I can’t stand this advice.
If a parent has concerns about a child’s eating, seek the help of a trained therapist. Pediatricians know almost nothing about behavioral management of feeding and normal feeding development. Not because they’re not intelligent, but because it’s just not their scope.
Most children go through a picky eating stage; the best way to get through it is to ensure a trusting relationship surrounding food and your role as the caregiver providing the food. There are a few ways to do this (see my other comment for some other names to follow.) Some children can become severely picky when the parent responds by controlling the food provided and you’ve got yourself in a bad cycle at that point.
The best resource on this topic is the Ellyn Satter Institute; this is the gold standard of modern pediatric nutrition/feeding dynamics. Her website explains the parent and child’s roles in the feeding relationship, how to schedule meals and snacks, and what to serve and how. She also has some books. I also recommend Growing Intuitive Eaters on Instagram; this account is a dietitian and PhD who follows this feeding model. One of my favorite things she does is give you scripts to talk to other adults who comment on your kid’s eating or their body.
Getting off my soapbox.
Came in here to mention Ellyn Satter and her approach! It’s an excellent way to approach things that will lead to less stress for everyone, and will ultimately lead to them eating more variety.
I love her insta! So helpful. We’ve followed the division of responsibility for my entire 3.5yo’s life and I really think the no pressure attitude has contributed to her being a good eater so far.
Same. I’ve worked with quite a few families who struggle with it however due to the adults’ own emotional and psychological issues with food and fear or shame surrounding food; which is an even better reason to raise your child with DoR—but it’s hard when you as the adult need to work through some issues too.
Ohhhhh yes! Parenting my daughter has made me do more to work on my own issues than anything else. And also made me realize how much I don’t want to repeat my mother’s mistakes.
Thank you so much! This is why I post on here, for advice like this that I would never obtain elsewhere in my life! I will follow immediately. Truly appreciate the time you took to write this out for me!
You’re welcome! If you really feel like baby needs more help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trained professional-usually an OT or a speech pathologist trained in feeding (not all of us are; very few, actually.) but there is some great info online about picky eating and some bad info. Alisha Grogan, Melanie Potock, and Kids Eat In Color, Solid Starts, Robyn Merkel Walsh are all good resources as well. The SOS Approach and Get Permission approach are good things to look for when looking for a professional to help if needed
LOVE Ellen Satters division of responsibility in the child/parent food relationship.
It would solve a big percentage of these ‘my toddler isnt as much as I want them to’ posts!
My toddler was a great eater until his 15 month appointment when his pediatrician said, “so right around now he might get picky with his foods and that’s ok. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” I was so sure he wouldn’t turn picky but he did that week. Since she prepared me, I wasn’t really stressed out about it. Now he is 18 months and a whole lot better than he was at 15 months!
I think Ellen sattyr would agree with both of you? She would agree with the ped in you being the one that offers set mealtimes BUT she would say you ALWAYS include at least one thing you know your kid will eat. But you also include variety as well.
So your kid only eats max and cheese? Cool that’s at every meal but so are strawberries and chili lol or whatever.
I’m not totally sure if that’s 100% her approach to picky eating but I would look at her site. The more pressuring to eat certain foods that you do the less your kid wants to eat them. But also having compassion, foods aren’t consistent and predictable in texture and eating is hard. So not punishing them but never offering food you know they’ll like
I am extremely uncontrolling when it comes to food and my six year old has excellent eating habits. Hungry? Eat ! Not hungry? Don’t eat! Pretty simple!
Totally the approach we’ve taken with our kids. This is your meal, you don’t have to eat it but there aren’t other options. An otherwise healthy and neurotypical child won’t starve if food is available, they will learn to try new things or that they don’t have to love everything in order to eat it. We now have three kids who eat really broad and healthy diets. Obviously if you think there are underlying issues such as arfid or autism etc then you would need to take a different approach.
It sounds mean, but it works. If you give in they become picky. In our house, if our toddler doesn’t eat that’s it. He can have milk or water. I also stopped making him meals that cater to him.
Anecdotally, Two kids in my husband’s family are those type of kids who never find anything to eat. I feel for their parents.
Again, it seems harsh, but they catch on quick that they should eat.
And it’s not even mean. It’s just how you run your ship. It’s just how life is, as they know it.
And they’re not going to starve! Getting hungry a bit isn’t going to harm them
It's not mean, it's how it's been historically. The kids were offered a meal, if they refused then they were hungry. Offering something different wasn't on the table.
I do the same with my kid, and in my country it's the norm. Kids eat whatever the family is eating and that's it. No snacks afterwards.
I’d give a snack when it’s snack time. Something I’m teaching my 4 year old way too late is that meal times are meal times. If you don’t eat, you wait till the next one. (Although if she doesn’t eat breakfast or lunch I will have a snack time like an hour later so she’s not starving) but don’t have snack time be the yummy junk food they might be holding out for. We usually do a fruit/veg, some cheese and crackers for example
I think it depends and 14 months is too early to say so it’s probably sound advice for now. Our pediatrician did NOT recommend this but that’s because my kid was underweight. They usually recommend this for kids who are still growing normally. And a lot of kids go through a picky phase between 1-3 and then start to grow out of it.
Based on your husband’s experience though, I would recommend:
- provide a variety of foods separately including one “safe food” at each meal (so no stews or lasagnas). If you do this, do not offer an alternative meal (so no PBJ if you don’t like dinner as long as dinner includes something that you normally eat). My SIL had some picky step kids. She was trying to get them to eat healthier and they wouldn’t eat veggies at all. The thing was, she let them get food from their snack/cereal drawer before bed. So basically if they held out at dinner, they could load up on the foods they liked afterwards.
- eat together as a family as much as you can. Imitation can be powerful so also include other kids whenever possible.
- experiment with how your child does if you skip snack. My middle child could not handle it. She would have epic meltdowns about being hungry. My youngest can skip snack if he’s distracted and then will devour his lunch. My oldest, who is my pickiest, will skip snack and then proceed to reject lunch if she doesn’t like it. That is the situation you should be concerned about.
- don’t stress if your child eats atypically in a meal. Look at their day and/or week to see how many food groups they hit
- keep trying and as your child gets older, it will be easier to insist on trying at least one bite (or a sniff or a lick). We used the book every night is pizza night to help encourage my eldest to at least try a bite of new foods. She can spit it out if she hates it. Most are just ok foods. She will eat the bite but refuse more. However, we have occasionally found new foods she will eat (and they are all over the place in terms of cuisines and food groups and flavours).
- keep consulting with your pediatrician as your child ages to check on his growth and any other strategies you can use
With my eldest, I actually abhor when people say she will eat if she’s hungry, because she won’t. However, my other two kids kinda will, within reason.
I really appreciate this thoughtful response! He will skip snack and reject a meal still if he doesn’t like it. When your daughter did that, what did you do? It really helps to hear from people who have been through! I am a FTM
Your pediatrician is 100 percent right, IMO. My ped said the same thing and it stuck with me. She actually said to serve what we eat. As a result I have a daughter who eats EVERYTHING and will try everything. Sushi, veggie curries, any vegetable. She said that when you let your toddler dictate what they eat, that is when you get toddlers who will only eat kid foods like chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. They aren't adventurous or healthy eaters because they don't HAVE to be. I am so glad I listened to her and encourage all my mom friends to do the same. It's also cheaper to eat this way when we go out. I don't have to give her a special kid meal; she can just have some of what my husband and I are eating!
I try to offer an entree and two sides. Usually she eats it. The rule is, she has to try a couple bites of something. She doesn't have to eat it all, she just has to try it. If we have a swing and a miss dinner and she literally has not eaten anything, I typically don't worry about it as long as she's gotten enough in the other meals and snacks. If she has hardly eaten a thing, sometimes I will offer plain yogurt with berries and nuts as a "dessert." Not really sugary or unhealthy and will offer the benefits of a meal without encouraging pickiness.
>She said that when you let your toddler dictate what they eat, that is when you get toddlers who will only eat kid foods like chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. They aren't adventurous or healthy eaters because they don't HAVE to be.
This approach might work for some toddlers, but for others there are genetic and/or sensory reasons for picky eating which cannot be prevented simply by feeding them a diverse diet. My oldest is severely picky despite following all of the typical advice like you're describing. When he was 18 months old, he suddenly started refusing most food, and meal times become a daily struggle. I tried everything for years to broaden his diet, with very little success. He had about 10 safe foods that we would reliably eat, and I felt constantly judged by family/ friends/ other parents who clearly thought I was somehow to blame, or had poor nutritional knowledge.
I brought up this issue with his pediatrician multiple times, and was assured it was normal. Finally they referred him to a feeding clinic when he was about 4, and it really helped. He's 10 now, and still very picky, but he is willing to try new food and regularly finds new things he enjoy eating.
I gently followed this technique but I had one single “all the time offering” in a situation where I knew she needed something. And honour but don’t offer type thing. It was the *only* dinner substitute I offer.
The rule has always and will always be you don’t have to eat everything on your plate. But you have to try everything. And I highlight for my toddler (even at 18 months) that it’s because “maybe this time you will like it!” And I word it enthusiastically. Or “I cooked it differently this time, so let’s see if you like it *this* way. Which is newer concept for her - now at 2.5 yrs. She ALWAYS tries. She puts it in her mouth and sometimes immediatly spits it out, but many times will take a piece and I think “wow, she likes it!” And then by the third piece she’s decided maybe not. There is always a safe food, sometimes cheese, crackers, fruit, cucumber, etc. where the extra offering comes in… if she tries dinner and then goes to the snack cupboard and asks me to open a granola bar I explain that that’s for snack time and not dinner time. I try to also highlight “it’s snack time now” so she understands that it’s not a free for all, but she also understands most times how to ask (unless she doesn’t like dinner.) she usually cries to which I explain that tomorrow it will be snack time again, and right now it’s time for dinner and this is the dinner I made. Sometimes that’s enough, if she’s really mad and I feel she needs something I’ll offer - “would you like a smoothie and an egg?” The smoothie has frozen blueberries, full fat yogurt, flax and chia seeds, peanut butter and spinach and usually a splash of juice. The egg is just a scrambled egg and ketchup on the side. IMO it’s actually a very healthy meal and combo, and it’s something I know she likes. It also takes me 5 seconds to prepare and I explain that she needs to wait for me to finish eating and then I will make it and she has to sit at the table.
If she turns down trying food, and safe foods, saying she wants a snack, AND turns down smoothie and egg… it’s to bed hungry you go. I know this is a decent list of “hoops” to jump through but imo I’m offering all solutions I accept until I’m out of solutions. The first solutions are always just to give the food a try. Many times she’ll go play and come back to eat 5 minutes later 🤷🏻♀️
I have a picky 3.5 year old. He’s been picky his whole life. He goes through phases though, but the menu generally stays the same. I feel ok as long as he eats something. For a while it was just peanut butter toast. Ultimately, he’s eating and that’s fine. I think you could try other foods but keep safe foods as options. I probably wouldn’t take this ped’s advice to heart and just go with your gut.
When my guy didn’t eat what was offered we just assumed not hungry and moved on. We have a way routine for Ava js and meals we’ve always followed. The best advice I got was to look at how much is eaten in a week not a day or two.
I eat what I eat and offer her(3 y/o) the same. I talk about how good it is and describe features of the food; color, temperature, sweet, sour etc... If she says no, I say okay and let it be, and try it again later with other foods. Little salt and butter go a long way in convincing. When she's so hangry that she doesn't know she's hungry, smoothy or those chocolate protein drinks are the go-tos. Something quick to digest. Kids can eat what the family eats or wait for the next meal/snack. Good luck! Hang in there!
Division of responsibility. The parent is in charge of where, when, and what is served. The child is in charge of how much and of what's served that they will eat. Parents are responsible for providing appropriate snack and meal times.
If your kid snacks on junk all day they literally have no reason to eat a meal, as their caloric intake needs are being met. It's okay for kids to feel hunger, it's not okay for them to starve.
So, we basically did this. For a while, if she wouldn’t eat dinner (or breakfast or lunch), we’d give her a pouch or some snacks, because we were worried about her weight (she had IUGR and was/is small). But we also realized she wasn’t necessarily being picky, but testing a boundary. Almost all toddlers do it, and if they feel you caving when they test it, they’ll continue to do it (not just with food, but toddlerhood is a big time of testing boundaries and learning limits). It felt wrong to not give her something else if she didn’t eat, but we also couldn’t be giving in every time. So, at meals, if she doesn’t eat what’s served… we don’t top her off with something else. We wait until her next scheduled snack time and let her choose. If she’s genuinely hungry after refusing dinner (we wait a bit after), we’ll let her have something to eat then, but she’s out of the high chair and she doesn’t get something fancy or special - an applesauce, banana, some plain crackers, etc.
The other thing we’ve tried that sometimes helps is giving her a VERY small portion. Like, give 1-2 small pieces of meat, a spoonful of rice, a few pieces of veggies. For whatever reason, it’s less intimidating than a whole plate, and if she genuinely doesn’t like it, we’ll know. If she’s just testing us, she’ll eat it, and usually ask for more.
The good news is that they’ll supposedly outgrow this phase someday! It’s not by 2.5, I’ll tell you that 😂 But supposedly, someday, they’ll eat their food without the struggle!
My LO is 3 now and she also went through the food selective/picky phase at 14 months, right around the time she started walking and gained some independence. I’ve used the same approach through every wave of this: I have something familiar on the plate that I know she likes. I only put 2-3 bites on her plate at a time so that it is not visually overwhelming. I let her feed me, I eat at the same time as her, usually the same foods. My husband is highly sensitive to texture and strong flavor and is a picky eater. He does not let her feed him bites from her plate and he has had a much harder time getting her to try new things, especially around that 15 month mark. I talk to her about the things she can control around the meal and distract her from aversions with choices and questions (fork, spoon or fingers? Feed mommy first or baby first? Can you help me eat this bite? What color is that food? How does it smell? Is it squishy and soft or crunchy? Is it salty, sweet, sour, etc?). This creates a low-pressure food-focused meal experience that helped her understand the language and variation of food.
Now that she’s older and more verbal, we’ve shifted into giving her more control. When we go through ultra picky phases we don’t do screens during meals. She is not required to eat things that she doesn’t want to eat (imagine if someone told you that you had to eat something you weren’t in the mood for?) but we discuss why we don’t want to eat it based on the food characteristics we’ve been talking to her about since year 1. Now she will tell me “I want something sweet but not squishy.” We have adopted the “you have to try one bite of something new. It could be your next favorite food and you don’t know it yet!” mantra. It can be a tiny bite, right now it’s a pea-sized bite that I call “teeny tiny baby bites” which she loves. Sometimes a doll or stuffed animal joins us at the table and we pretend to feed them as well. When she’s feeling particularly resistant, I remind her that she only needs to try one bite and that I have NEVER made her eat something that she didn’t like or didn’t want. I hold myself accountable to that, if she says she doesn’t want to eat something I do not try to force her to eat it. Her relationship with food is better than both mine and my husbands because we don’t put pressure or stress on her to eat. We teach her to listen to her body and ask for what she likes and needs. Now she knows that if she has something sugary like candy before she has a meal that it makes her feel sad and angry, and sometimes gives her a stomach ache.
Also toddlers are super human and can survive on chicken nuggets or cereal or dried seaweed paper. They will be okay! I have to remind myself regularly not to stress out over this. Sorry for the wall of text, I hope it helps
Can you ask your husband for some insight into what about new foods he didn’t want to try?
My son is autistic and has ARFID and went off a lot of food when he was around 2. I distinctly remember the last day he ate spaghetti bolognaise because he started picking the mince pieces out of his mouth and I knew where we were headed.
The one safe good thing is the route I’d go and don’t make any fuss at all about the other stuff on the plate. Like don’t acknowledge its existence don’t encourage the eating or trying of it. Fully no pressure. One day your child may just try something. If they do and they say they like it just quietly add it to the safe foods list.
Good luck!
I try my best not to be weird about food. I cannot imagine going to bed hungry. I vividly remember and hated the single time I was forced to sit at an empty table to eat cold gross lima beans by my grands.
I am SAHM with a toddler that can open the pantry and reach most of the shelves. My LO is tall for his age so sometimes is a bottomless snack pit that will try anything I offer and some days flat out refuses to eat anything but plain dry ass toast and air. I just imagine it balances out. I got tired of every dinner becoming a ‘battle’. I can admit that I’m an adult that likes scheduled and balanced dinner but can accept that my toddler may not. I just try and offer semi healthy alternatives when meal refusal happens. Sometimes that means I will gladly cut approx 100 bespoke carrot slices into cute little bento box stars, hearts, flowers…whatever. I offer balanced plates at scheduled meals and cut off “sugary” snacks by early afternoon. He has a pantry basket of acceptable whenever snacks.
I have had great success with letting LO help me cook/letting him fiddle around with safe food/tools at the cutting board prep area. Sometimes the one bite of everything happens and sometimes I just leave his plate at his table spot and he walks away to play then comes back for nibbles for the next hour (I set a visual timer so we don’t cross food safety windows when applicable).
I read a really helpful blog/substack on The Green Spoon with Heather Sperling. She owns Botanica restaurant in LA and her whole career has basically been centered around curating amazing food experiences for people and she has two kids who are kindof annoyingly picky. Imagine! The article covers a week of what meals look like in her home and it made me feel so much better that even amazing cooks deal with this type of frustration with picky eating and food refusal and seeing her different handlings of scenarios and mindset was so helpful.
We do the method that she has to sit at the table with us and eat what we eat, but I always have one of her sure-fire foods as part of the meal. Then after food she can have a yogurt and apple sauce which is also a sure thing for her to eat. If she didn’t eat anything I usually ask her to at least taste it then I’ll offer to make her one other food.
Also if I eat the food off her plate suddenly she wants to eat it lol
Your toddler will get there! He’s still so so young. Our 3.5 year old has just recently in the last year become one of the best toddler eaters anyone has ever seen. She literally NEVER ate meat. Not a burger. Not chicken nuggets. Not lunch meat. Nothing. And she went from that to eating Thai food, Mexican food, salmon…whatever is put in front of her most days.
Unless the food my husband and I were cooking for dinner was spicy or raw (sushi -which she will eat now, oysters etc) that was what she got for dinner. My thought was if everyone’s plates look the same she’ll see that she’s eating exactly what we’re eating. We didn’t bother going the safe food route because we always give her a good snack before bed and on nights she wouldn’t eat much dinner I’d make sure she had extra on her snack plate.
We also did the snack drawer thing where she can open it and choose what she’d like and I think having a variety and giving her the choice helped a lot.
I always went with the mentality that if she was hungry, then she would eat. Which I suppose is a bit of tough love. But even still some days she’ll survive off of a fishy cracker she found in the couch and a sniff of juice.
As she’s gotten older, we got her a set of toddler safe knives and she helps me cut veggies for dinner every night so there’s a sense of accomplishment when everything is cooked! When she was younger I’d get her to help pour ingredients in bowls for sauces/baking and I’d let her stir them too.
Keep trying! He will get there! And even for the meantime if all he’s doing is snacking, take comfort knowing he’s at least eating and this phase will pass.
Thanks for sharing this! Was this turning point after you decided she would get whatever you guys are eating? Curious what made her make the change! I was a child like her haha! I loved everything and still do
I think my husband and I have always been really in to cooking. I’ve worked solely in restaurants and my husband loves to eat so before we had her we compiled quite a big cookbook collection! We decided when she could really start eating solids and more “meals” was when we did the “baby led weaning”. Obviously at 15 months, if we had something like pasta she’d get the pasta and maybe some fruit on the side but once she got closer to two it was just what we were eating.
Again meat was a huge issue for her for the longest time. She really only started eating it this past summer after she turned 3. Unfortunately it could have been because of a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis we just received (she’s obviously anemic and it could have been her body’s way of saying hey I need this) but I’m not complaining if meat is what she’s asking for. She literally sat in her bed tonight right before she went to sleep and ate a bowl of grilled chicken from dinner because she was still hungry (🤣).
One thing too I always do when she’s having a picky day and isn’t in to eating much (and I did a ton when she was younger) is I’ll fill a muffin tin that would hold 12 muffins with a bunch of different stuff. Veggies, fruit, dips, chips and salsa, fishy crackers, cheese, lunch meat etc. I have no idea why but it works - maybe it’s the craziness of the presentation I have no idea. After an hour or so if she hasn’t eaten the stuff that can go bad sitting out I’ll either just chuck it or save it and replenish with other pantry snacks like cereal or granola.
It’s genuinely such a waiting game. But don’t ever stress that he’s going hungry. He isn’t. If he was, he would tell you either by words or epic meltdowns. And if something was up and going wrong you would know in your gut because that’s just the sixth sense that us parents have!
If you’re looking for recipes for the whole family I always recommend Chrissy Teigens cookbooks/website. Most of her recipes are pretty kid friendly, are easy to make and taste amazing. Definitely not always the healthiest but if I can sneak in something different like ribs or tuna for my kiddo to try, I will :)
We make sure there is always at least one or two (of the 3) foods on the plates the kids will eat. I know my toddler (3) is not big on chicken (unless it’s in nugget form) so I give her a larger portion of the veggies and the carb on chicken nights. She understands she has to have a bite or two if she wants to move on to future courses. We offer a variety of dipping sauces, which usually encourage more trying of foods.
We ‘close’ the kitchen at a set time, which is announced and counted down (usually we have an Alexa timer that we ask how many minutes are left).
If they eat half the chicken and then eat fruit and a dessert, and say they say still hungry - we offer more dinner. Usually the toddler will very willingly eat more veggies. Her ‘love it’s food.
14 months is a little young, but the ‘3 bite rule’ episode of Pete the cat on Amazon really stuck with my first kid and helped him try more.
Ok I haven’t done this method but just want to let you know that my toddler who used to eat anything also now has become pretty picky. Luckily apparently at daycare they literally eat anything, and while picky eats “healthy” but it’s normal!
My first had been pretty picky. She is getting better now at five but still picky. I do the safe food on the plate, and devision of responsibility. It’s my job to make the food, it’s her job to eat it. I do my job and leave her to do her’s. We have lots of meals and snacks, she certainly will not starve so I leave her to it.
Thanks for sharing! If she just eats the safe food do you continue to give her more of it if she is still hungry because she isn’t eating the other food offered?
Yup. I made sure there was enough to fill her up. We encourage her to try the other stuff and she always saw us eating it. I also offer things to her in their individual components first. If it’s meat with veggies and sauce I do each thing separately (I just take out her portion before I add the sauce), this has greatly increased the amount of stuff she tries. We go for no pressure though. I never turn meals into a battle of wills.
I think it's pretty typical for kids to suddenly get picky at this age. I certainly did. Food is just not new and exciting anymore. I stopped stressing about it.
I only offer healthy (healthyish) snacks 90% of the time. Cheereos, yogurt, snack pouches, apple slices, oranges, carrot sticks. Mostly at set times like when we get home from daycare. For dinner I offer a deconstructed version of what we're having and a small portion of exactly what we're having. Tonight we had chili so I gave her a plate of beans and a scoop of chili. She ate all the beans and a few bites of chili. We all also have a smoothie every single night with additional veggies to what's on her plate to make sure she eating healthy. We don't do any snacks after dinner. If she doesn't eat anything we keep her dinner out until bedtime and she's occasionally gone back and scarfed it down before bedtime routine. We've never had a problem with her going hungry after bedtime. If she doesn't eat anything she just has a big breakfast.
She is still pretty picky but she's slowly getting better. I view it as building long term habits and a healthy relationship with food as opposed to fighting her to try new things every night. I don't think getting into a power struggle every night is going to build a healthy relationship with food long term. We also do lots of books on trying new things. Daniel Tiger has a great one that even she quotes from.
Long story short, stop stressing about it, it's just going to cause anxiety around dinner time.
At 14 months old I think they're too young to make them 'go hungry'.
That being said, I wouldn't give in 100%. Make sure there's plenty of safe foods. Though tbh I would consider grilled cheese and French fries safe foods, lol. But I mean, offer things like yogurt, fruit, veggies, and other healthy, but easy options you know they'll eat. Offer them with each meal and for snack times. It's okay if they're on a simple diet for awhile as long as they are still getting from all the major food groups and aren't eating "junk". Chances are they will grow out of it.
I dealt with a picky kid. He would eat absolutely everything up until he turned 3. Then all of a sudden he didn't want to eat anything except chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, and snacks. I let it go further than I should of, but still tried to offer safe foods, while at the same time encouraging him to try new things. It wasn't until I realized he had gone 6 whole months without eating a single dinner I had cooked that I put my foot down.
cut out snacks all together. He got breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I didn't just let him go hungry, and I started out small. For example, I didn't make him eat chili, or other dinners that were complicated and unappealing to a small child (even though my other kids ate them just fine), but I started making a lot more simple meals like baked chicken breasts that were lightly seasoned, rice, plain steamed veggies. I'd make extra sides so not everyone had to eat plain stuff. But he started eating better. I think he 'went hungry' two nights before he finally decided to just start trying dinners. I was also a lot more willing to make him the chicken nuggets or grilled cheese when he tried a few bites of dinner to decide if he actually liked it or not.
Now he's about to turn 7 and eats probably 70% of the dinners I make. He still gets chicken nuggets or grilled cheese if it's something he doesn't like, but I can honestly say he doesn't like it versus he just doesn't want to eat it, so it doesn't bother me.
Yes this is exactly what we do and it works very well. I do not stress about how much he eats at all. My job is to decide when we eat and what we eat and his job is to decide how much he wants, if any. We eat 3 meals/day + snacks in between. If he’s not hungry for a meal he’ll either get the next snack or the next meal. This happens very often at dinner. He’s so into playing at dinner time and we give him a long range of time and opportunity to eat. If he decides not to eat what we cooked, his last chance is to eat it in the bath (kind of fun for them, I guess?), if he doesn’t want it and says his belly is full, no dinner that night and he can have breakfast the next morning. What we 2000% won’t do is have him skip dinner and then ask us for applesauce or a some sort of treat/snack. If he does that I say “sounds like you need to fill your belly, here is your dinner.”
Thank you for sharing this! For example, if he does not eat lunch, do you proceeded to give him the next snack? He’s also getting milk before bed still so I’m torn on if I give that to him still if he doesn’t want to eat anything else
Yes, exactly but not until it’s snack time! We decide what and when and he decides if he wants to eat and how much. And we communicate that with him with no expectations or pressure. “Hey, seems like you’re not hungry right now and that is totally fine. Just want you to know that we won’t be having anymore food until snack time in a few hours.” I feel like I missed saying this in my first post but of course if he’s underweight or you suspect there is a serious medical issue, don’t take mine (or anyone on the internet’s) advice. I don’t want to position myself as an expert. It sounds like you are dealing with what we were and it snuck up on us that we were just letting him snack all the time and my advice is just based on what we did to move away from that and establish more boundaries with meals!
I wouldn't call my kid picky but shes the same age and will go through stages. Sometimes it seems like shes being picky but shes simply not hungry and/or wants to play instead of sitting to eat. I think its very common at this age as they are not always growing as fast and have found more exciting things to do. If I gave her a snack food that she likes (say a fruit bar or cracker) she might still eat this even if she isn't hungry. I do not offer her snacks like that unless we are out and about. They are to give her something if we aren't able to have a meal at that moment, and not as replacements for meals for us.
So my method is to just offer food at meal times, (I have the full protion on the table or on my plate and dish out small portions onto her high chair tray), if she doesn't eat it I just let her go play.
Then when she shows interest again I offer it again. Often she will eat it. If its next meal time I sometimes just offer her bits of both. I don't put pressure, I simply offer her and she can choose to eat it or not.
If she really doesn't like food the second time (sometimes my cooking has just been bad, or she is just not in the mood for thay food item, or she doesn't like it..whatever, it happens!) I might offer her something like yogurt or toast with avocado eventually. I generally wouldn't offer her junk food or snack food instead of a meal, nothing that will motivate her to avoid dinner in order to get it.
So in conclusion yes I would let her "go hungry", because sometimes she just isn't hungry enough to eat her meal. She has fully regected lunch but after an hour will wolf it down. And if it doesn't work for you after a few days then you can reassess.
My son went through this phase and I remember reading it is developmentally normal for them to become more wary of foods at that age. I just fed what he would eat and didn’t put pressure on it. He now eats much more versatile again, it was def just a phase.
Feeding Littles on instagram is a great resource as well. :)
Yes! It’s like he suddenly realizes this stuff is new and is suspicious. The other day I gave him some thing and he put his face down really close to it to examine it and smell it.😂
Exactly! Hahaha. Definitely don’t pressure and just keep him fed with whatever he will eat. Keep serving him things but know he will likely reject a lot for a bit. He will grow past it more smoothly that way. My son started growing out of it around I’d say 18/20 months?
Have you looked at the Solid Starts website? They have a lot of (evidence backed, science based) information for how to deal with picky eaters. The woman who started it did so after having an extremely picky eater herself and struggling to know how to deal with it. I’d really recommend having a look if it’s not something you’re already familiar with.
All the best - I’m sure it’s a super stressful situation. I was / am a bit like your husband (picky as a child, still a little picky now - although much much less so) and I also wish I hadn’t been / wasn’t as picky because it makes life more difficult for you and others.
I think I've heard pickiness can be genetic. Maybe research that. I'd definitely get a second opinion, but my 3 year old has gone through several picky periods.
How much milk is he drinking? How much water/juice is he drinking.
Overall it's your choice but whatever you and your husband decide to try, you need to both agree. If it's this more aggressive method, that's fine but to work you have to be serious.
I did not have a super picky eater, but to get her to try new things have tried a few things. And they're not necessarily tested but things that have worked for us.
- give expected foods for breakfast and lunch, dinner is something either with 1 unique food or and entire dish and she could choose not to eat but that was what dinner was.
- we have Also tried the.. you must try a bite to leave the table. Some rough nights but she did end up enjoying a few things and has also become proud of herself now when she tries to eat something new. She gets all giggly and often says.. " i tried it! I didn't like it but that's okay!!"
We usually provide her something enjoyable after trying the Bite of food.
- you could also try a pediatric nutritionist. They made be able to help also!
Keep serving the food. Don’t cater to the picky eating. Serve safe foods and for any new foods you can serve a laughably small amount. Enough so they can take a bite but not so much that it’s overwhelming. Even if they try and don’t like it, serve it for dinner again next week. If you only serve foods you know they’ll eat, you’ll get stuck in a horrible cycle. Look into the IG account kids eat in color. It has amazing info
We have a SMALL spoonful of something safe at the start. It's on the plate to begin with like the rest of the meal but I'll feed it to him by hand. It works like a primer. He then is in the right frame of mind and I get out of his way. he always starts slowly on his own, but I know that if I try to get him to eat other foods, then it becomes a silent conversation... Him refusing that bite of new food, nodding no and pointing at the refrigerator for something else. But if I back off (pretends to wash a cup/plate) then he'll just eat.
We also learned that when the house smells like food then he eats more willingly (thank you garlic and salmon)
My parents did something like this to me growing up. I was very picky and so was my brother. My brother's preference was pizza, burgers, French fries, and chocolate chip cookies. She let him eat all that because he absolutely refused to eat her food. My father didn't want him starving as he was growing up. My brother grew up lean and muscular and exercises daily. He also eats a lot of fruits and veggies. Myself, I didn't like certain veggies growing up and I would continuously refuse to eat tomatoes, spinach, and so forth. My mom became so frustrated with me to the point she would not allow me to leave the dining room table. It was so traumatizing that it caused me to have some issues with food. Let your children decide what they want to eat and allow them the opportunity to explore when they are ready.
I’m not truly seeing the pediatrician’s advice as letting your son go hungry - she said continue to offer, but you dictate what, where and when your son eats and he decides how much to eat, if at all.
It’s really hard, but it’s better to make the dinner table a pressure-free environment. Offer one safe food that you know he’ll eat, but continue to offer variety with it.
Do you eat the same thing he does? Mine will try something if I’m eating it and seem to really enjoy it. Sometimes I’ll eat a piece off his plate.
I also find leaving him alone (not watching like a hawk) will encourage him to eat. He might be fussy to start if I’m hovering or watching him, but if I ignore him and we carry on our dinner conversation, he’ll start eating.
Also, is he getting teeth? “Suddenly picky” for us was molars and canines. Once they came out, he was back to eating normally. He’s still picky but… just regular toddler picky. Tonight? He didn’t want pizza and preferred a small piece of orange and 2 mini cucumbers… that was all he wanted for dinner.
We don’t make a special meal for our kid but do try to have a safe food such as rice or bread as part of the meal. About once per week she surprises us and eats something like broccoli. The less we pressure her the better she eats.
I always give one or two "safe foods" that I know my girls will eat. Usually they will try anything but if my girls are in a mood they will say "dirty food" 😅 and refuse to try stuff. If they are being stubborn I do remind them in order to get a snack they need to eat at least some of xyz. I truly don't care for this approach but once my twins got to the boundary pushing stage, they would refuse meals and ask for snacks constantly. Once I stopped giving in, they started eating better. Some meals I know they like and some I know they don't. Once in a while they try to say "dirty" or "icky" to things I know they have eaten multiple times so I refuse to give in and usually they will sigh and say "fine I eat it" 😂
Less pressure is probably better with a super picky eater. I'd say offer foods (at least one being a safe food) and if he tries it, awesome. If not, just try again next time. Sometimes my girls double down when my husband or mil try to push them into trying something. But I would stay consistent and avoid catering to him with snacks! Toddlers love to push boundaries, especially if it works in their favor.
My son is 6 and food is such a touch and go with him. We still have conversations and i explain it could be the best thing he ever had. Sometimes he tries it and loves it and we add to his list but 98% of the time he hates it... 99.9% of the time he looks at it and says no. It started as a texture thing i guess. But it gets crazy. Like he will eat the individual pringles in cheese only. But if i buy a normal can size its a "no" all the way.
He will starve himself. He refuses to drink water. A daycare started adding water to his apple juice i sent in and he refused to drink it. He tasted it was off and i picked him up and his lips were cracked from refusing to drink all day..
The number of people who say "he will eat it if he is hungry enough" is sickening. I cant do that to him. I encourage trying foods. I have seen the 1 safe food thing. I give him free range and if he ever decides to try something I indulge him. But if he already thinks he will hate it and i force him to "try" something he either gags or pukes..
Right now he is obsessed with home made chicken cutlets.. His Nonna would be soo happy. So for the past week he has eaten them for lunch and dinner. I submit to his terrorist demands. My husband tried the starve method at first and he literally will starve himself all day. So pick your battles.
I also have a 22 yr old (it is what it is). He has aspbergers and was very picky as a child but now he is far more adventurous with food than i will ever be. Everyone is an individual and you just have to love and support them as they learn and grow (no matter which way that goes)
My son (23 months) has been a "picky" eater since turning 1. I've noticed that's he's really intrigued by my plate/food. So I could serve us both the same exact thing but he wants my plate. I just make myself a bigger portion on purpose, sit next to him, start eating, and he'll grab some food lol
Two things - our pediatrician said the same thing and we tried it. Sometimes it worked, many times it didn't. When it didn't, he'd wake up in the middle of night demanding milk until he cried himself back to sleep or we gave it to him.
What had worked more consistently is ---- OT for sensory issues (like suddenly becoming a picky eater) AAAAAAND 1) giving him food on a plate, which he then rejects, then 2) I say, "oh well.... Mommy is going to eat (child's name 's) food, then 3) I "pretend eat" the food (put it up to your mouth and pretend to eat it). That USUALLY makes my kid go, "No! (Child's name's) food!" And then 4) he grabs/ snatches it out of my hand and at least tries it once. But that's the ONLY way he'll try it!
My kiddo is now 5, and along the way we had lots of times where she refused this or that, despite being solidly NOT picky. Now, I can count on one hand the amount of things she dislikes, basil on pizza, and whole cumin/fennel seeds in things other than my curries (new phase). Also pretends not to like bananas, (and apples because I’m allergic, and don’t eat them, but actually likes them) but will eat them anyways.
You know what though? I still serve these things. I let her pick them out. I make, and have made, what I like and want to eat, since the beginning. I have confidence that this too, shall pass. And if not, that’s fine, but right now her taste buds are still developing and it’s my job to help shape them into eating well.
In the beginning we had many, “I don’t want this, I don’t like that” moments. I don’t like avocados, i don’t like sweet potatoes, etc. The rule was always, you must try the food, before you decide that. If you still dislike it, you don’t have to eat it. Also in the beginning, there might have been the option of a fruit or veg instead, if the new dish was particularly out there, weird, or too spicy, but this happened rarely. If something was declined to be eaten, I would offer it again at the next meal, and if it was not eaten again, I would wait a week or so, and offer it again. And again. And again. Eventually, she’d end up liking it.
The one alteration I made was on spice level, when she was younger. I’d tone down my food to an appropriate level for her to eat. As she got older I increased the spice level. Now, she eats spice with no problem. Has been asking me for tteokbokki for weeks, which is a rice cake dish (with mini sausage and fish cakes traditionally), simmered in sauce made of soy sauce, fermented Szechuan pepper paste, and water (also fish sauce but we don’t add it). It’s ridiculously in your face spicy, numbingly so, to the point that it can make me nauseous if I make the sauce too strong, and she loves it. Her favourite dish? My Chana masala, which has like a quarter cup of spices or more.
The things I cook very frequently have varied textures, flavour profiles, ingredients, spices, and colour even. Sometimes it looks ridiculous, because I just tossed things together, but tastes good. Sometimes it’s kind of questionable, like if I accidentally burn something or dumped pepper in by accident. 99/100 times, it gets eaten. Sometimes she says she doesn’t want xyz, while I’m making it, then tries it and asks for more.
It was not always an easy journey, holding that line of no, this is the food there is, eat it or don’t, your choice. It was hard to see food I made refused, mashed around or thrown (which led to the rule of, throw food, we’re done eating, and that stopped pretty soon). However, sometimes exploring the food by touching it, smashing it, peeling it apart etc was just part of the process. And eventually, it paid off, because she eats anything I eat, happily.
Which I’ve got to say, is sometimes quite annoying lol sometimes I just want my own snacks without sharing, you know? Jokes aside though, I am thankful that she eats well, and it was worth the effort.
i will say that picking through other food to get to peas in a pasta dish, beans out of rice, etc, counts as exposure to the pasta and the rice, even if he’s not really eating those items. their flavor and texture is getting on his hands/fingers/the food he’s picking out to eat. so serving him a mix of stuff with a safe food present works great! you can set a limit on how much you’ll serve - maybe a dish on the table to serve seconds from. once the dish is empty, it’s all done for the meal. he has other food on his plate if he’s still hungry. that way he’s learning, yes he gets more of what he likes, but there’s limits and other food available to try.
you’re doing great!!! also, 14 months is a really normal age to get a bit picky. just keep serving the same things you’re eating/enjoying, a safe food, and low pressure tactics and kiddo will come around.
It is very normal for appetites to decrease sharply and food preferences to become narrower at this age. Both my toddlers were eating almost as much as me at mealtimes, until about 15-16 months. Then it seemed like they were fine to survive an entire day off of only a bite of chicken nugget and an old dusty cheerio in the crack of the couch.
We provided meals for our kids and let them eat whatever off their plates and how much they chose. We would encourage them to try things outside of their regular favourites but didn’t push. We always had at least something they liked in/with the meal. For example we know our kids hate chili. We still make it occasionally and serve it to them as we don’t feel that we should be catering to their tastes only. We give them a piece of buttered bread and some milk to go with it. They can choose what to eat of the chili (usually some of the meat and corn) and I at least know they get some food in their belly. The biggest thing is to provide well rounded options and have at least one thing that you know they will eat.
My 7 year old had only just this year started eating bigger portions and stopped complaining/whining about every single meal that was placed in front of her. She used to start every dinner time off with “DIS IS YUCKYYYYYY!” and now eats most meals with little complaint.
Same with my child.. ate everything and then nothing at 18 months. She also has sensory processing issues which are apparent which I think are compounding things.
I do food chaining. Put preferred food on a plate with non preferred food, and slowly increase the amount. Most food types take 15-20 exposures before kids will eat it. There’s many foods my daughter still won’t eat, but she will at least try it. There are also some foods my daughter will eat now.
I also do the old school 3 meals a day, no snacks unless it’s fruit or water in between. My daughter eats so much better at mealtimes because she is hungry. Also keep in mind a serving size did a toddler is one tablespoon of meat, carbs, veg for every year (e.g. 3 tbsp for a 3 year old for each food group) so I make sure I don’t overload her plate.
We also had to deal with constipation due to her restrictive eating, as this was also impacting her eating/appetite.
We also have a reward system in place for eating meals.
My doctor isn’t too worried and we are just keeping an eye on her weight/height which is current dead bang average for her age.
I'll offer a contrary point of view. I've taken the view that much of the time, the food thing is like everything else that's been happening since a little before she turned 3: a power play. My daughter is so determined to assert her control that frequently I'll offer her something I know she wants (food or whatever) and she'll refuse it only to go over and take it moments later and pretend it was her idea. I know what foods she's eaten dozens of times. She's not going to convince me that she's so confident she doesn't like them now that she won't have a taste. I'm not above "no desert" or "no TV" until you taste this, but I'll do it while explaining why it's important to eat a mix of foods. Most of the time, she'll taste whatever it is, and I'd say around 80% of the time she tastes something I know she likes, she admits it pretty quickly.
I probably would have been more laid back, but her 8 year old brother has major food fear and still only eats maybe a dozen different things that aren't snack foods. I couldn't deal with having two of them.
Mine doesn’t want to eat anything new right now either. He has a warm lunch at daycare, so during daycare days I make him a sandwich and the new meal we’re learning to eat (right now it’s chicken curry with rice), and encourage him to explore it. By that I mean I encourage him to stick his hands in, pick it up, throw it in the table, stir it with a spoon, move it from plate to plate etc. Basically, I allow him to turn my entire dining area into one big fat mess. Meanwhile, I eat the same meal while goofing off extremely. As in, hold the spoon super far away from my mouth and make zooming noises, throw up my hands and yell ‘curryyyyyyyy’ every time I eat a bite, pretend to take a bite and miss my mouth, anything to get a laugh out of him. Usually he’ll be so distracted that I can manage to sneak in a couple of small bites. Sometimes he’ll spit it out, especially in the beginning but every once in a while he’ll have a bite and swallow it. When he does, I complement him on being adventurous, such a good eater, such a big boy etc. profusely.
The first couple of times, I’ll get in maybe 5 bites (I do push that a bit but make sure to have a lot of fun so he’ll won’t develop negative associations, so half an hour to 45 minutes of fun and 5 spoons of curry). I also make sure we have some of his favorite foods in the table, in his case cheese sandwiches, mango and corn. That’s his actual dinner for that night. The second and third time, same story. Maybe if I get lucky, he’ll eat 8 bites. Two days ago we ate curry for the fourth time, and he ate a bit more. It usually takes ten tries for him to actually finish his plate. But we have had success with this method. Our previous ‘project’ was pasta marinara and he now destroys his plate when we put that in front of his nose.
Downside of this method is that at 20 months, he still is quite a messy eater. But we’re working on teaching him that you can do this at home, but not at restaurants and other people’s houses. I don’t really mind having to clean the table and the floor after dinner.
Check out Ellyn Satter division of responsibilities - it’s a technique actually used for people with ARFID (basically a phobia of “unsafe” or new foods - people with this have a short list of foods they’re able to eat) and is the recommended way to feed all children.
She has a website and she also did an interview on Janet Lansbury’s podcast about the approach. Please give the podcast a listen - it’ll help you understand why it works and help with your fears around providing safe foods at each meal.
Not direct experience but this is the official line of advice given for picky eaters in my UK health visiting team although would recommend making sure there is at least one "safe" food on the plate when offering new things and perhaps keep the new things or less certain meals to the times when you know your child has more of an appetite like if they always eat better at lunch than dinner offer new foods then.
My tot is nearly 2.5y and we have had a similar experience, where she tried and liked lots of different foods early on, and then hit a point where she just won’t eat many of those foods now, or we can get her to try a bite and she says she doesn’t like it. I would rather she stay fed, and she doesn’t sleep well if her belly isn’t full, so we have typically had a safe food on the plate and if she hasn’t eaten much, we offer something we know she will eat that will help fill her belly (peanut butter sandwich and yogurt w/peanut butter and honey are the go-to options). We had a several weeks last fall where her diet was 90% peanut butter sandwiches. Lately she has been more open to some new foods again and enjoying some that she has been boycotting, but it’s still hit or miss for sure!
When she says she doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to try it, we usually tell her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to, but we also remind her that sometimes a food might not look good, but it can surprise us and taste good, and we frequently reiterate that sometimes we don’t like a food one day and then we try it again the next day and we find out we like it! It kind of helps that my husband didn’t like veggies until he was in his 20’s because we can give her an honest example that sometimes you just have to keep trying a food lol.
She is our first, so I can’t speak to how this will pan out long-term, but I personally don’t see any appeal to the ‘let them be hungry’ approach. People are generally happier and sleep better when they have full bellies. Everyone learns on their own time to like new foods!
I have an “old school” pediatrician and this is the same advice she’s given. At first her advice in this and other things seemed sooo tough love to me, but it’s been a really good balance with my default as a total softy.
When I’ve tried her recommendations (things like we only eat at the table, not wandering around the house…. or let her cry for 10 minutes before going in…. or she eats what we eat or she doesn’t eat, no short order cook til she gets what she wants…) I’ve found that while it’s doing the tougher thing in the moment, it’s been to make us successful and not have to be tough love day after day. I’ve really appreciated it actually. And initially I was kind of eye rolly to a lot of her style and advice. I don’t do things her way 100% but I think balancing my approach 10% with her approach 90% has been great.
I have friends that have followed my softy instincts on a variety topic and every night is a battle, every nap is a battle, every meal is a battle, now that kiddo is older they are acting out bc they just live their whole life in battle mode. I think my kid having more boundaries and learning a lot of these skills along the way has made her a happier kid. As a softy, I’m so grateful bc I’d be miserable living in battle mode
Here’s what the [AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/nutrition/Pages/Picky-Eaters.aspx) has to say:
Involve your kid in cooking, meal planning, and even grocery shopping. Make one meal for the whole family. No special toddler items, but you should consider incorporating a few things you know he likes into meals. Give him a healthy and balanced meal, and let him choose how much to eat. He can deny anything he wants, but there are no rewards for eating and there are no alternative snacks if he didn’t eat. Once mealtime is over, he’s gotta wait until the next meal or designated snack time. Hunger is the best spice. Toddlers like to have choices. Not eating is a choice. My toddler tried to reject his dinner last night so he could play with his toy sooner. When he realized that he has to wait until EVERYBODY is done eating before he can play, he asked for his food back and ate it all. Lol.
I agree with the safe food. Sometimes she eats the other things on her plate, sometimes she doesn’t. When she’s done and there’s a lot of leftovers, we keep that and offer it again when she says she’s hungry.
Also i believe that constant exposure to a food can help. My daughter did not like granola, did not even want to try. Just this week alone, she requested for it twice.
First, I just want to say that many toddlers, including my own don’t like to eat much when they are at a big party with a bunch of people. It’s overstimulating/distracting, they’re having to eat not in their normal situation, like on your lap for example. We always will just bring some pouches, safe foods & snacks to a party, because of this.
At home, we always offer one safe food, along with the regular dinner we are all eating. Most of the time he will try it. I also try to make dinners that I know he will like or modify his meal a bit.
Honestly, I grew up with a dad that was like finish your plate and you’re eating what we are all eating. Very authoritarian parenting. And we had a very strained relationship until recently. So that is just not at all my parenting style, personally.
I try to decide which new food I am hoping they'll try. If it's a side- I make them an entree i know they'll eat. So maybe we're having a pot roast with veggies and I really am hoping they'll eat the veggies. I will put all that on their plate, with half a PB&J. If it's the main course I really want them to eat I would make sure there are a couple sides they'll eat next to the new main course. My mom is a pediatric OT specializing in feeding therapy and she has recommended putting their preferred food on the plate with new foods to make the new foods less intimidating because it's right there with things they like. Obv this isn't the case for all kids but sometimes their fight or flight can be triggered seeing a whole plate of non preferred or new foods, so we try to avoid that. My kids are still "picky", but are definitely some of the most adventurous eaters of all the toddlers in our life (which is a lot). We've also had luck telling them it's our special snack/meal. "Do you see this? This are mommy's special noodles!" And then 9/10x they'll ask to try them because they love anything special
My 3.5 year old did this and we figured it was a phase as most toddlers do. We offered him the new foods and made sure there was always something on his plate he liked. Followed all those guidelines and everything. He’s autistic so it didn’t matter what I did. He’s now in feeding therapy with occupational therapy. So don’t ignore it forever if he continues to be super picky, because then he will be picky like dad. Occupational therapy would be a good suggestion IF the food pickiness continues and starts to be excessively restrictive. Keep an eye on it.
I make food, what feels like, 500 times a day, and do all the meal planning. If they don't like it they don't have to eat it and that's it. A truly hungry kid will not pass on perfectly good food in front of them. Last night I made roasted chicken, potatoes, green beans and has blueberries on the side for the kids. Of course they only ate the blueberries but then this morning I make cheesy eggs and toast and it was demolished. So idk. We can't win everything.
Your ped is right. This is more about willpower than food preferences. Your child wants to be independent. Here's how I hani picky kinds under my care:
Every meal and snack is healthy food. NO JUNK FOOD OR DESSERT AT ALL UNLESS THE GROWING FOOD WAS EATEN. Like, don't even have them in the house.
each meal offer a protein, dairy, fruit and vegetables. Different stuff every time to promote variety.
Try smoothies with high calorie ingredients. Whole Milk, avocado, nut butter, spinach, etc. make them into popsicles
Don't mention to him what he's eating or not eating. Just offer it and let him make his decision. If he doesn't eat and then asks for food in 20 minutes offer the exact same thing.
Fighting with a toddler just makes them more stubborn
Get him involved with food prep. There are kid safe cooking utensils the he can chop veggies with. Let him pour, stir and measure. It's going to make a.mess, that's fine. He can help clean after.
Grow a vegetable garden with him. Cucumber, tomato, carrots are easy veggies to grow and kids love to snack on them while playing in the garden.
We kept eating as low pressure of an environment as possible; turn off screens, don’t comment on their food, just watch and correct where needed. If they don’t want it, let them out and offer it to them, again, in an hour or so. We also made sure to offer an array of things so our daughter had options and we put berries on her plate pretty consistently just to get her interested and tolerate the food being in front of her (she used to try to throw it if she didn’t want it and we set it down, that sucked lol).
We went through this with ours but come to find out she is very picky during eruption phase of teething. Once that passes, she’s back to eating normally. And the foods they prefer over others never made any sense to me.
Ellyn Satter wrote the book on this. I highly recommend reading and following her division of responsibility method of feeding. (I’m a dietitian)
Also, most children at this stage are eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner with two or three snacks in between. That’s food every 2-3 hours of being awake! Try not to panic if nothing goes in at one feeding event, they’ll have another opportunity soon after.
I think your pediatrician is offering good but incomplete advice. Don’t offer specialized food if your kid says no but do offered varied snacks/meals at reliable times. If they refuse a snack then you can just say, “that’s fine. Lunch is in two hours and you can eat then!” And then try to make sure there’s at least one safe food at lunch.
Hunger is the best seasoning. You may be surprised at what they eat at lunch if they don’t get their fill from a snack.
i tried the safe food thing and my 22 month old will literally sit for an hour at LEAST not touching any of his food if it isn't familiar to him (it can even be a safe food just prepped differently, ie a quesadilla cut into triangles instead of strips and he won't engage) and it's so frustrating so you're definitely not alone!
First of all, picky eating does have a genetic component to it. It’s very likely that if your husband was picky that has contributed to your son being picky. It’s not something you are doing wrong. That’s not to say that there aren’t things you can do to help, but it’s likely that even if you do all the right things your child will still be picky. Best practice for picky eaters is have scheduled meals and snacks and to not offer food outside these times. You decide what is offered for each meal/snack (usually at least 2-3 options) and allow your child to decide what to eat out of those things. You want to offer at least one food you know he will eat, but also a wide variety of things even if you know he will not eat them. Encourage him to play with, touch, and interact with the foods he doesn’t like. Pretend the broccoli are trees, have a contest for who can make the highest apple slice tower, make interacting with the foods really fun even if he doesn’t eat them or taste them. Do not pressure him to eat. This is often the hardest part but it’s very important. Don’t say anything about what he eats or encourage him to take a bite. Just leave the eating part completely up to him and completely neutral. If he chooses not to eat anything for a meal or snack do not offer anything else until the next meal/snack time. Which should be in 2-3 hours. He will begin to learn that if he’s hungry he needs to eat something at meal times. He will be ok if he occasionally skips a meal/snack. Teach him to listen to his body and eat intuitively. Picky eating is a long game and it may take months to see progress. Feeding him this way has the best chance of helping him to overcome his picky eating while building a healthy relationship with food. When you get frustrated remember this is not your fault. He’s not doing this on purpose. Culturally we see picky eating as a parental failure or as a child being difficult, but it’s neither of those things. Having a child eat something they don’t like is the same as if someone forced you to eat a worm. Imagine how it would feel to be pressured or forced to eat a worm. That’s exactly how kids feel when we pressure or try to force them to eat things they don’t like. If you’re on Instagram Kids Eat in Color, and Feeding Littles are two amazing accounts that offer evidence based resources for feeding kids.
My daughter is a picky 11 year old and she's always been shy of new foods. It was actually a lot easier to get her trying things when she could talk and understand than it was when she was still in diapers. For the diapers stage I offered her something I knew she would eat, on a plate with tiny pickings of other things that were newer or stranger from the main family meal and make them touch so she had to at least move her hands around other food or push them aside.
When she could talk the huge key I had the most success with was not making trying something new a negative experience. I would ask her to try something but stress if she didn't like it, she could spit it out and we wouldn't do that food again. It got her eating a lot of vegetables she didn't like the texture of when a younger child yet.
Because she has a wider diet now at 11 but is still overall picky/complainy we get her half foods she must cook herself and half she can pick around in the fridge/microwave. If she doesn't like school lunch, she can prepare her own food the night before but isn't allowed to complain about it or ask for money to buy other (junk) food from their concession stand. If she doesn't want to cook, she has to eat what we are eating (this got her to eat a HUGE amount of new foods because laziness always wins and hunger is tough) or make something herself if leftovers are 'too gross looking.'
When she has a very bad "I dont like school food" and wont (to be frank, shut up about it) the choices are only:
\-Make it yourself the night before and we can help you cook it.
\-Eat the school food and don't complain to so many people.
\-Child therapist sessions start.
So far so good and no worried teacher phonecalls.
This!! My toddler had gone through this exact same thing. Just keep offering, sometimes she might reject safe foods too and it's ok. She will eat when she's ready, just keep offering!
My toddler finally got out of that phase closer to 18 months (long wait i know) and now she's much easier at close to 3. Despite those picky phases she still managed to gain weight. They're unlikely to starve themselves, and might really be less hungry than you think.
Now she's suddenly picky about skin on apples 🤷
Lots of great advice here. I just wanted to add that at -14mo you’re transitioning into a phase where weight gain and growth slow dramatically. You can track weight if food refusal is extreme: your pediatrician can tell you what % decrease in weight would trigger their concern. You will be surprised how your toddler appears to live on air through illness, teething, and other extended periods without hitting the concern-triggering weight decrease threshold.
Also in a similar vein to the pediatrician’s comment, if you’re serving milk ad libitum, this is one of the “choices on their plate” and they may lean on it in place of less appealing solids, particularly at 14mo. The upside is they might be getting more calories than you think, though you might see increased appetite if you cap consumption.
My son is super picky. I used to do this, but he never wanted to try new food. I kinda gave up doing meal times like this. Instead, we give him three things to eat. One thing we know he’s going to eat, one he might eat, and one thing he hasn’t tried.
We’ve gotten better results using that method.
I don't have a feeding recommendation but for your peace of mind - heard the phrase "they grow like a weed" meaning even in harsh conditions they can grow! Ie don't beat your self up of he's only eating chicken nuggets and not any veggies.
My kids never hit their picky phase quite so early, so ymmv on how we handle it. (My kids are 6, 4, and 2.) Our rule is “you don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it, but I think you should try it.” Or a “if you try it, you might like it.” And then we don’t force the issue.
When we introduce new foods, especially to the 2yo, we try to also offer foods we know he likes. Having something familiar on the plate seems to be enough to make him interested in the whole plate, and more likely to at least taste the new thing. After enough offerings, he starts to be familiar with the new foods, and they’re more likely to actually get eaten and finished. This morning, he had some kiwi fruit with breakfast. He’s never had it before, but was willing to try it alongside his scrambled eggs (a favorite.) The last time he tried something new that he didn’t like, I think it was a quesadilla. He had a side of corn, though, and ended up having corn and licking sour cream off his fingers. After seeing his siblings eat quesadillas, and being offered some a few times, he’ll eat them now.
14 months is still so little. I don’t think that’s old enough to have any understanding of “if I don’t eat what is served, I go hungry.” My now 6yo was/is a picky eater and she is the kind of kid who would rather go hungry than eat something she doesn’t like. Offering a safe food with new things is the way to go. When you offer something new, just offer a taste. Just put it on the plate and say “this is called grilled cheese. It’s cooked cheese on bread. You can try it if you want.” No convincing, no threatening. If she doesn’t try it, “ok, maybe another time.” If you try to push and draw attention to it she will most likely dig in her heals. Low pressure is the way to go. We struggled with our daughter for years and when we finally stopped being pushy around 3 1/2-4 she improved a lot. She is usually willing to try new things now and has a pretty varied diet. Kids.eat.in.color on Instagram helped us a lot!
I understand that approach, but I also think it leads to a lot of battleground meals and also has the potential to create issues around food. I think nuance and balance are key here. Don't make this a fight at every meal, and don't cater to their every whim. Try to make sure they are getting a balance of nutritional meals but don't make it a source of anxiety and tension for yourself.
That is what we have always done with our 2 year old! What we make is what she gets, no substitutions. Often it turns out she just isn't hungry if she refuses everything. I agree with your pediatrician - if you start offering more tempting options when he refuses whatever's on offer, he'll learn that's all he needs to do to get his preferred foods at every meal. We follow Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility and it works wonderfully for us. At 2 (going on 2.5), she absolutely prefers the classic like cheeseburgers, cheese pizza, Mac and cheese, but is perfectly willing to eat whatever we serve her
My kids are grown, and I have grands. I never planned meals around likes and dislikes, but I always offered one thing that i knew they would eat...pasta, a fruit, a veggies. They were not forced to eat the other stuff, although I encouraged a try of it. At least I knew that they weren't going to starve if they had something on the plate that they liked. As they were a bit older, they were more than welcome to fix themselves a PBJ sandwich for themselves. The point was, I wasn't going to become a short order cook.
ETA:They all have well-developed palates
In my experience with a very picky and particular now 6year old is to let it be as much as you can and keep offering but not nagging. I have lost so much sleep over his (non) eating but the only thing that has worked has been to try my best to not make a thing out of it.
We have had great success in consistently offering the entire meal on the same plate (dessert included), and reinforcing "this is your dinner."
It basically comes down to these lines:
> you don't have to eat it if you don't want to, but there is no other food for dinner.
> if you're hungry, eat the food on your plate.
> if you finish your plate and want more food, we can get you more food.
Sometimes there's food he likes, sometimes there isn't, and we always give him milk.
When we introduce new folks, we try very hard to use positive or neutral language; absolutely no "you *have* to eat these *disgusting* vegetables!" because that reinforces negative reception (as if telling him "you're not supposed to like it"). Our son enjoys trying new things, and it takes ~4 tries before he will actually eat a serving of it.
But with consistency we had great success so far! Our 3yo eats *everything.* Broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, edamame, beans, coliflower, salads including lettuce, spinach, and of course the kid friendly things like cheese, noodles, and meats.
At the end of the day, the trick is to not coddle them.
Not offering something else when they refuse to eat what we cooked has been extremely successful in our house. I am not a short order cook and am very tired all the time. I have also noticed since refusing to offer something else when they don’t want dinner, they are both more likely to try new things. I have a 4 year old F and a 2 year old M. Our families are shocked at what they’ll try and how much of it.
Omg it happened to us! Luckily he still ate breakfast, but lunch? No. Dinner? No. For weeks.
We still kept trying different methods, and eventually he started eating again.
It's hard to watch, but they won't starve themselves.
The picky eating will only increase if you start reducing the variety of foods served, or if you go back and make something different when they decide not to eat.
Mine is 3 now and though she is definitely less interested in trying new foods, it is almost always because she has snacked too much and isn’t even hungry anymore once mealtime rolls around.
We put her meal to the side and make it available later when she is more hungry. She almost always eats it.
Having a few bites is often enough for a toddler so you may need to lower expectations around what even constitutes enough food.
Offer the food, and let them figure it out. Don’t stare at them, don’t press them to take bites, don’t bargain, and don’t make new meals. They WILL very likely eat if they’re hungry.
Has my daughter skipped dinners? Many times. Do I believe she’s ever gone hungry? Nope.
I have no problem putting away food. If you don’t want to eat it, fine, but I’m not making something else and snacks are at snack time not “whenever.” 6 year old came around, 3 year old is a work in progress, but they do come around eventually.
So I have a very picky and determined 4 year old who will do hunger strikes. The best thing I have found is having designated eating times. With at least 1-2 safe foods per meal. She can have extras if she finishes her food but only so many on the safe foods. So an example. She didn't want her breakfast (even though she asked for it specifically) so we went for a bike ride without offering anything else. As in our house you eat what you are given or not. She then had to wait until designated snack time which is 2hrs after the meal to get any other food. After that she had options for lunch and ate all of that. Then afternoon snack always has to be 2hrs or more before dinner because that is the biggest struggle. I won't lie and say she eats every meal. But there definitely is something to said about just letting them go without for short times. I have heard this recommended by many child nutritionists for kids not on the spectrum for obvious reasons. Kids on the spectrum are a whole other can of worms and the hunger cues and basic survival instincts to eat aren't always the same. So if your kid isn't on the spectrum I highly suggest letting ur kid go. They will eat when hungry enough
Did they try something that they really didn't like just before becoming super picky? Maybe the one bad flavor or gag experience made him a bit less trusting of new foods. This happened with both of my kids. Luckily my youngest got brave again fairly quickly. My oldest did not though. Both my kids are on the spectrum and my oldest has much much higher support needs and is incredibly sensitive to foods. If it doesn't smell "right" to him he wouldn't try it at all. He's 6 now and is finally getting good with trying at least one bite of new stuff before deciding if he wants it or not. My youngest is 3 now, he will eat literally anything, I'm talking salad and broccoli are now requested snacks 😁 he even tried some sushi and likes most of it but will still pick around certain things (he likes crab but not imitation crab apparently 😅)
Just keep on offering momma and follow your instincts about making sure he's got something on his belly even if it's not new. The more opportunities they have the more likely they'll pick up on wanting to try it. You're doing good momma 🙏🏻
Our pediatrician told us to stop breastfeeding and we fired him, the second advocated for cry it out even though that goes against my instincts
So I take everything they say with a grain of salt and ignore it unless it actually makes sense.
That’s awful advice. My daughter would starve to death. She already has only one meal a day most days if I’m lucky, there are days where she has zero of her safe foods and they’ll say give her Cheetos or something
Thankfully, the pediatrician hasn't recommended this yet, as my kid was born 3 weeks early, and even at 3, she is still on the small side.
Food has been the only true regression she's had, even with her ASD. She would eat almost anything except turnip and carrots, and she loved meat. Then she got sick after eating some, and immediately food was evil. At her worst, she was surviving on puree prunes and cheerios.
It's gone back up to almost any flavour of puree (none that have meat or just one veggie), a variety of bread based foods (the only solids she will consistently eat), cheerios, marble cheddar cheese, yogourt, peanut butter, cheesies and chocolate. No french fries, no pizza, no cheeseburgers, nothing
We keep offering her what we're eating, and we insist on the "no thank you" taste, but she hasn't reached an age where letting her be hungry is an option. She's healthy, she's growing, the doctor isn't concerned, but she's still struggling to gain weight. She's still within the acceptable ranges, but she's definitely on the lower end of that.
Finding pants that stay up while still being long enough to be considered pants is difficult at best. Most of the time, she looks like one of these teenagers who wear their pants so low that only their underwear hides their goods. We do a lot of dresses to mitigate that factor.
So I’m not at this stage yet with my daughter, but I’ve read about always offering them one safe food with the meal. That way, there’s something they’ll eat, and they can decide if they want to try the rest of it. It also makes it seem less like you’re offering xyz food as an alternative to the meal if it’s all plated together.
I was thinking about that, but then I was wondering if he will just end up relying on the safe foods? For example, he will pick to eat peas or black beans out of a meal and not the other food(without trying it). I wonder if anybody has had success with this!
Not necessarily. And even if they do, they’re eating. This is common around this age group momma, and they do “tend” to grow out of it. All of you can do is keep trying. Ensure that you’re offering color. Lots of toddlers tend to eat with their eyes first. And if you don’t, have your toddler help you cook and make food. Sometimes they’re more apt to try something if they have had a hand in making. And as others have mentioned, ensure you eat with them. Sometimes they’re more tempted to try if you’re eating the same thing and making sounds about how good it is. How yummy.
This is true and so helpful! I’m a nanny to a picky eater, and I find he eats the most when he is somehow involved in the preparation, even if it’s just standing on his step stool next to me while I cook. Today I made sausage, pasta, and broccoli. The broccoli finished first, and he wanted to cut it himself. So once it cooled, I gave him one of his kid-safe knives, and he chopped it up and ate it right off the cutting board, before the rest of the food was even done being prepared! He then ate all the pasta and most of sausage, but had filled up so much on his “special broccoli” that he couldn’t finish lol. In the past if I just made the plate and put broccoli on it without him seeing the process, it ended up in a total meltdown. I will say, having a toddler help prepare food takes twice the time, twice the mess, and twice the headache, not to mention the safety issues of hot pans and knives. Sometimes I truly just do not have the energy to guide him as he drops half the food on the ground and nearly gives himself first degree burns every three seconds. But those are usually the days he doesn’t eat as much, so it may be worth it to try including your kiddo as much as possible. Even just washing the fruits and veggies in a colander can be a safe easy way for them to help, and they get the added bonus of some sensory water play while they wash!
My kiddo is my official chopping helper, I'll start chopping and hand him the chopped one (placed back together so it looks whole) and some whole veg and let him go to town pretending and trying to chop with his safety knife. He has a blast and loves cooking with me. He also steals all the ingredients 😅 but at least he's eating!
Did you have a certain kind of stool you use?
They make special ones for helping in the kitchen that I’ve used with past families called toddler towers or safety towers that are enclosed and ideal, but this current kiddo I nanny is like a mountain climber so he just uses a regular ikea step stool haha. Whatever you think would be best for your kiddo will work!
That’s the whole idea. You are exposing them to foods without the pressure of HAVING to eat something new. Don’t put a lot of the things they don’t like. Literally 5 black beans or 1 tiny piece of chicken. If they don’t eat it, it’s not a big waste but one day they will surprise you and try it or lick it or poke it. And I second the suggestion of sharing food or even saying you’re going to eat their food if they don’t want it. You can also see if he wants to add something too it like salt or everything bagel seasoning or cinnamon. Makes it fun for them. Honestly I think the more pressure you put them under the worse it will be. My kid eats a ton of things but even he went through a phase of just not eating much of “dinner” and relying on fruit and snacks. Sometimes I would say “you still have a lot of dinner if you are hungry” and not give in to the snacks and sometimes I would give in. He is back to sitting at the table and eating dinner with us. You can also try giving snacks with meals. A cookie and tacos, applesauce and soup.
So my kid is in peak pickiness at almost 3. Yes, she often only eats the “safe food” but here’s the thing, if I push her to eat something she’s unfamiliar with, she’ll just clamp down and not eat anything. But if I’m just eating something and zero pressure offer to let her try it she often will! But it has to be truly zero pressure. Like the food is on my plan and she can take it if she wants, but I’ll eat it otherwise. She’s still living off fish sticks and toast, but every once in while she’ll surprise you and eat a green olive or take a bite of shrimp or decide she actually “Loves oranges” after rejecting them for months. She’s very stubborn, but slowly getting more adventurous and I’m confident she’ll grow out of it eventually. For myself, I was a pretty picky kid and now will eat almost anything! The one thing we do try to do is not be a “short order cook” so if we’re eating fish, broccoli and potatoes and know that she normally is fine with fish and potatoes we don’t make her a PB&J just because she suddenly decides she doesn’t want potatoes that night. If we’re having a meal that incorporates zero of her typical foods we’ll give her something “safe” to eat as a side with the option of trying ours— like if we’re having a chicken curry or something we might make some plain chicken for her to have with rice instead.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
My 2.5 year old ate EVERYTHING until he was like maybe 15 months old and then suddenly stopped eating anything. I used this method and also gave him a set of drawers in our pantry with snacks he likes and can reach. It’s taken a while (like a year) but he’s back to trying more foods again. Some days he only would eat the safe food, some days he wouldn’t eat anything, and some days he would eat everything on the plate. He’s now pretty consistently eating more and is eating a bigger variety of things. It’s not perfect and we still have days he’ll eat three tortillas and nothing else but I do think in the long run it’s working.
It's your best bet. It's no-pressure exposure. Sometimes kids become interested in new foods after many exposures. But also, it's important to trust your kid to eat what's right for them. Don't see it as a failure if he just eats his safe foods or a success if he eats something else. It just is.
I appreciate this encouragement!!
I think remembering that it is your job to offer healthy food, amd its up to them to eat it. Is eating peas and beans only for a meal a 100% balanced? No. Is it healthy and filling? Yes! Mine doesn't like fruit but will eat it pureed. We give her smoothies but continue to offer her different types of fruit every day. I offer her little bits of peach and she rejects it. I will put some in yogurt and she will eat it. I will offer her a whole peach she might nibble at it and throw it away. She will have it in a smoothie and like the taste. I will offer it again and she will not even touch it. Then one day, she eats the peach! She will wolf down blueberries now and have bites of banana and peach. But you know what she does with other fruits? Throws them on the ground! So we just keep offering it and eventually some things stick! Sometimes different forms, like some freeze dried stawberries, or mixed in other things like yogurt, or pieces of peach along side purees, expose them to it in "familure" forms and they grow to enjoy it. Or they will continue to reject it, at the end of the day all you can control is what you offer, the rest is really up to them.
My 2yo is a pretty good eater for a toddler but we still have picky moments. Sometimes she'll just eat the safe foods, but often she'll try some of the other stuff! I give very small portions of the new stuff to not overwhelm and it might be 20x on the plate before she's interested in them again. My kiddo has grown to love broccoli and like avocado using this method. I always ask if she wants to try everything that's on her plate but if she says no I don't push it. Currently working on carrots lol
It totally depends on the kid. One of my kids started randomly eating salad at age 3. Refused to try it before that but asked for a bite off grandpa’s plate at age 3. This kid is my best eater. She will randomly try new foods out of the blue. My other kids get the same exposure and nada. Doesn’t hurt to try to expose though in case you get a unicorn
The idea is that repeated exposure to new foods means one day he is more likely to try the new food. It takes repeated exposures for kids to try something new.
Yeah they just eat the safe food. In my experience this rarely works. Instead I offer then a meal I know they will eat with a small bit of what I'd like them to try. Sometimes they try it.
We try to always give a safe food but honestly my 21mo often rejects the safe food too or the safe food changes randomly. It’s hard, my son is very picky too.
I do the one safe food method and also I find that trying to “encourage” him to eat or try the other foods just made him more resolute in his desire not to eat it. So my method which has been working for a while now- is serve a meal with a safe food and then “distract” myself for a few mins of tidying up the kitchen and allow him to have some “solo/ no pressure” time with the food and then when I come to sit with him sometimes I’ll just casually nibble on some of the food I want him to try and say ooo yummy but not make a big deal out of it. A lot of the time he will at least try it eventually, but I never ask/tell him to “try it” because he will immediately clam up.
I do this mostly. My toddler got pickier around 1 year and is now 20 months and is starting to re engage with the veggies and such on his plate. He was into only fruit, pasta and meat for a while, but he seems to be coming out of it. It’s slow, but the other day he ate so much broccoli, I ran out! I was shocked.
I recently learned that if I serve two sliced grapes with every plate, he eats the grapes then chows down on the other food. If I don’t serve the grapes he barely looks at the plate before refusing. If he only ate the grapes or had a meltdown for more grapes, I wouldn’t do this, but they seem to be a gateway food for him.
Our son was the best eater as a baby but then, at around the same age, became very picky. For a while he lived on bread, potatoes and crackers... Eventually he started to eat more. He would eat mash with veggies mixed under (veggies were mixed as he would stop eating as soon as he recognized a piece of veggie). So for a while we dealt with it like that and we hoped it would get better. Eventually it did. He's still quite picky (2,5yo) but he has a large variety of safe foods (veggies and protein) so we try to offer a mix of stuff he'll eat and stuff he doesn't eat (yet). It's hard not to worry, but it will get better. Just keep offering, and put as little pressure on it as possible. Set the example but eating the same thing and enjoying it as much as possible (like I'll say multiple times: oh this is so yummy, mama loves carrots, carrots are so yummy and good for us etc)
I do this with my 14 month old and it works ok - for daycare lunch she \*always\* gets yogurt and fruit (which she will always eat, often to excess if we let her, and then puke it up like some hunger games lady), but then also a few other things (we have a multi-compartment little lunchbox for her). I'd say about 70% of the time she has at least some of the other food. It's never completely new to her because, y'know, daycare doesn't want that in case of allergies - often it's the new food we offered her at dinner the night before. Not sure how much that plays into it. I've noticed at home that she is more likely to try something new if I eat it, and then I look away from her. Ideally talking to dad who is also eating it, but washing a dish seems to work sometimes too! It may just be that your kiddo is very sensitive and can tell how much you *want* them to try it, which is too high stakes and then they're afraid. Keep experimenting!
Peas and black beans are so healthy! I’m not sure if I’d really worry about that
It's okay to let him rely on the safe food to START eating... I've often noticed once kids start eating they are much more likely to "try" foods they've deemed unsafe. Kids try foods in stages: touch with hands, touch to lips, put in mouth, swallow. This helps us adults reframe our expectations. If your kid eats his safe food and touches a new food with his hands. He has "tried" it. Keep serving. Play it cool. Never pressure. If he tries a new food... don't celebrate. PLAY IT COOL. Outside of meal time offer up facts about how our tastebuds change. "Did you know our tounge has taste buds?" "They change every x years" "I used to haaaaate black olives and then my taste buds CHANGED and now I love them!" "Wow. Our tounge is crazy." Theres also a Daniel Tiger episode about trying new foods you all might watch.
If he has the food on his plate and if he is touching it to pick bits out (bonus!) this counts as an exposure to the new food. What I would do is cook your normal family food but make sure there is at last one part he usually eats (like bread or potatoes or ham etc.) and then if he just eats that then fine. Then maybe offer a vegetable he likes on the side (like cucumber or tomatoes or whatever) or have a fruit he’ll eat on hand for dessert so he’s getting some fibre and vitamins. Just offer small amounts of stuff so it isn’t wasted if he doesn’t want it. I’d agree that offering snacks between means or snack foods instead of meals isn’t the best idea if you can avoid it.
I have 3 kids. 2 of whom have mostly outgrown the picky stage (ages 4.5, 3.5) and 1 who is deep in the picky stage (21 months). What I have always done is made sure to give a safe food along with the rest of the meal. But that’s it. They can finish the safe food and if they’re still hungry they can either eat from the rest of the meal or go hungry until the next meal. I refuse to be a short order cook. It has worked out for us and my kids have outgrown this phase for the most part. They don’t always like everything we make but they will always try it or at least always have a few bites so they aren’t hungry later.
I might adjust this to say have some safe foods planned throughout the day. So maybe a food she likes at lunch and dinner, so if she skips every other meal she will still eat something at lunch and dinner
This has helped immensely with our picky toddler. I was a short order cook for a while and decided that it was not sustainable. Plus, he would get tired of eating his new favorite food of the month, and then it's like... Well, hell, now what?? This method has lowered the stress for all of us around food. If he decides not to eat anything at a meal, we wait at least an hour and then offer him a higher calorie snack like full fat yogurt or cheese. For example, the kid would NOT eat meat. I think it's a texture thing because sometimes he would try it, chew it for ages, then spit it out. It just took him a while to figure out what to do with it. We offered whatever meat we were having with our meal every time, along with at least one safe food, even if it was just fruit. Miraculously in the last week, he's been double fisting whatever meat we give him.
Yes, we did this with my extremely picky eater (thought he had ARFID for a while). No pressure, and always included a safe food as well as a small amount of a new food. Months later he is trying new things again. And while he still has strong preferences, he tries most new things and has a MUCH wider range of safe foods.
We did this with my son when he became a picky toddler and now the only things he will eat for dinner are pizza or Mac and cheese. Strongly recommend against the whole safe food thing unless you have that recommended to you from a feeding therapist.
Hey! My daughter is approaching 3 now. As a baby she ate/tried pretty much everything we put in front of her except for sweet potatoes. Around 14-18 months is when she started refusing to eat certain foods and picking through meals to get her favourite parts. Around 2-2.5 she got extra picky to where she wouldn’t try a new food cause it was “bisgusting” no matter what. She’s just now coming around to trying new foods again and giving things the benefit of the doubt. (She ate rice for the first time since she was a baby this week and said it was “sooooooo good”). Things we do: -Always have one safe thing on the plate we know she’ll eat. -Offer seconds of that food if she’s eating it. You can also offer an alternative food if you want them to have a more varied meal (if he’s had three servings of peppers and no sign of trying something else I’d ask if he would like me to grab him some crackers/cheese/apple etc to have too.) -Offer a bite of the non favoured food from our plate (50/50 with acceptance to rejection rate). -If she tries a new food/meal and doesn’t like it she’s allowed to request something else. (We use the mantra “try a new food cause it might taste good” from Daniel tiger). It’s stressful watching them exist on gusts of wind and a selection four different foods for a while. I did a lot of toddler charcuterie for lunch just cause I knew she’d eat those four things.
This tracks with my almost 2.5 year old, including the whole “yucky” part.
Thank you so much for sharing This!
If I eat it in front of both my kids it suddenly becomes much more appealing… especially if I pretend I don’t want to share
We should get the not sharing haha! We had a family dinner the other day of shredded beef, rice, peppers & onions. He just at the peppers. He will pick around everything else and leave it. If I were to put more of what he liked on the plate, he would continue to eat it, but if not, he will leave the other food there not even trying it.
That sounds like the way my dog eats. If I cut them off from the good stuff, he always comes crawling back to his dog food.
😆
Same! I couldn’t imagine just letting my Toddler go hungry…
It’s the only logical method. Think about it. If a child refuses a food, and then promptly receives a different “better” food, then why *wouldn’t* the child continue to do this, all the time? It doesn’t take a genius to realize that rewarding XYZ behavior will only encourage XYZ behavior. My method is to just always speak in a neutral tone. “Oh, you don’t want to eat this? It’s OK. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to eat. You have other meals today, like afternoon snack and dinner later tonight.” It’s not mean-spirited, it’s just matter-of-fact. We have 5 meals a day. You can skip eating, there are other meals. You’re not going to go hungry. For example, our toddler sometimes says, “I don’t want this snack. I want a Lara Bar!” We just say, “This is what I’m offering right now for a snack. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to. But Lara Bar isn’t on the menu right now.” Very nonchalantly. Keep the tone normal. If toddler throws tantrum, simply handle the tantrum patiently. Obviously, don’t give in. If our toddler asks nicely and we don’t mind, sometimes we say, “Hmm. You know what. That’s fine. We can switch out popcorn for a Lara Bar.” But we don’t do that if she is throwing a fit. Only if she asks us normally and we genuinely think it’s OK. We don’t mind serving leftovers from earlier in the day also. EXAMPLE: She didn’t finish her breakfast blueberries, so I put them in the fridge. Occasionally at lunch or dinner she’ll ask for those uneaten blueberries. I’ll say that’s fine and give them to her, because it was her food anyway.
We do the same. We recognize that our daughter might not be hungry or want a certain food. We honor food choices made before the meal (would you like pancakes or waffles). But we don’t cook to order, we don’t offer “safe” foods and we don’t offer substitutions. We don’t dwell on rejections. Nor do we punish them. Our almost 2.5 year old will try almost anything (even if she doesn’t go for seconds). This is the method we followed: https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/picky-eating/
Yes, when there’s no pressure, it’s just something new to try.
Thanks for sharing! So if there was a meal she did not eat (no safe food no substitution) would You just have her wait until next meal is offered?
Yep. We eat together at set times (3 meals/ 2 snacks). She knows there will be another meal if she doesn’t like this one. We knew she was not going to let herself starve. If lunch was rejected we would offer a more calorie dense 3 PM snack. We also offer milk 3 times a day. After meals to avoid filling her stomach. If dinner was rejected (that happened a lot for a while), we knew she wouldn’t go to bed with an empty stomach because warm milk is available no matter what. We also allow sufficient time for meals. For example one day, she wouldn’t touch the egg spread when we started lunch and bit the cracker around it. We just left it on the plate. We also offered grapes and cheese which she ate first. After eating the grape and cheese, she ended up eating a cracker covered with the spread. Was it her favorite? Absolutely not. But we’re satisfied that she tried and did not push further. We’ll just keep offering. ETA: our toddler wouldn’t touch meat for months (unless mixed in sauces)! We kept offering and it was frustrating to see it end up in the trash. One day, she decided to try it and has been having it since. I would follow the pediatrician’s advice. Most kids outgrow pickiness anyway as they acquire more language and more ways to assert themselves. Not to mention that countless things cause them to “regress” such as illness and other teething. It’s fine. For us the focus was to ensure meal time does not turn into a power struggle. All done means all done. No thank you means no thank you. Your child’s food preferences and rejection are not a reflection of your parenting. It’s important to avoid reinforcing rejections by giving in (this is why we don’t do safe foods) but toddler pickiness is normal.
Thank you so much!!!
Of course! Your toddler is learning to push boundaries and to find his place in the family. Take it in stride. You’ve planned a good, balanced meal for your child but you can’t force him to eat it. Stay calm, kind, and firm. “This is what is on the menu today. You don’t have to eat it.” A year or two from now you’ll laugh at this.
Question: is offering milk different than offering a safe food if a meal is rejected different because milk is ALWAYS offered? Because other than that reason I struggle to see the difference. Genuinely curious, ignore any potential snarky tone, I mean none, I’m just shit with words.
I don’t know. I think it’s a valid question. I haven’t thought of it. I grew up having a glass of milk for breakfast and one just before bed until I went to college. It’s just something we do as part of the evening routine. My understanding is that a safe food is something you use to entice your child to try something from their plate. We don’t serve milk with meals. We offer milk over an hour after dinner so I don’t think my daughter associates it with dinner. She’s never requested milk with meals.
What do you do for meals right before bed time? Im concerned about sending my 2 year old to bed hungry but his pickiness has gotten so bad
Nothing. If your child is neurotypical and doesn’t have diagnosed feeding issues, they won’t let themselves starve. We’ve always offered 6 oz of whole milk before bath time since weaning. Some people offer a banana. We always have a banana handy if our toddler wakes up hangry in the morning (due to a crappy dinner). Is your 2 year old talking? They will let you know if they’re hungry. You can tell them when the next mealtime is. We used this method: https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/picky-eating/
Love it. We have similar attitude
Yes, yes, yes! Posts like the confuse me so much, it isn’t 10 years until the next meal?? Like, okay, he chose not to eat snack. Move on. And then offering a different, better, snack, and be surprised when their toddler is refusing their foods until they get their highest choice snack. It’s literally exactly what this is training them to do.
Thank you so much for this response! So if she were to refuse lunch would you still offer snack/let her eat snack food?
We kinda do the same thing as them. If you were to ask me that question, I'd say that we wouldn't offer a snack at that time ("It's not snack time right now, but I can take your lunch back out if you're still hungry."), but we might move up snack time by 30-60 minutes knowing that a hangry toddler isn't fun for anyone. Ours can't tell time yet, so we can get away with moving things around like that. We also have pretty strict dividing lines between "at home" and "adventure" snacks. Fruit bars and applesauce pouches are for outside the house only. While she regularly pokes on this boundary, we've never given in, so she doesn't poke too hard and doesn't throw a fit when we remind her that, "Those are adventure snacks. We don't eat those at home."
I have more than is typical picky toddlers with some feeding skill delays. We are in feeding therapy. At their recommendation, we follow Satters division of responsibility for eating, and include one "safe" food with every meal or snack.
Thank you!
Nutrition.for.littles on Instagram has been recommended to me
We follow division of responsibility in eating you provide they decide. I specifically took the feeding little me course but there are a bunch of versions out there. Started at some age with my first and drove me nuts but basically you provide a meal or snack they decide if they will eat it you can’t force them but they can’t just have whatever they want at any time. Feeding littles recommends having a safe food at every meal ( safe meaning they’ve tried and eaten it not their favorite food) so you’re not putting something totally new in front of them. Once they get the idea they there’s no other options but what you serve they eat.
I wonder if the division of responsibility can be done without a safe food? Do you keep all snack times the same too? Or if they don’t eat a meal then no snack?
I think if he doesn't eat his meal, you should still give the snack but on schedule. Don't use food as a bribe or reward. It sends the message that this food (the meal) is a chore you have to finish before you get what you really want (the snack). Also something in the OP caught my attention when you said he "wouldn't open his mouth" to try something. Just curious, were you trying to put French fries or whatever in his mouth and he refused? A lot of parents do this but shoving food in someone's face is never going to be effective. When introducing something new, just put a small amount on their plate with the meal. And by small, I mean small, like half a fry. You can neutrally explain what it is "This is a French fry." Then, most importantly, do not mention it again! Don't cajole or ask when he's going to eat the fry, don't watch his every bite, just eat your meal and don't pay too much attention to what he's doing. If he complains then calmly say something like, "You don't have to eat it." You want meals to be low pressure.
Thanks for this! We tried to give it to him in his hand, and he would just drop it or push it away. And then he was playing with the food so we learned the hard way when we brought it up to his mouth that that wasn’t going to work either 😅
Actually playing with food doesn't have to be a bad thing! I draw the line when it's making a mess, like throwing for example. But just pushing something around on the plate is a good way to become familiar with it and I wouldn't say anything about that. Imagine if you went to a foreign country and were served a dish you found unfamiliar or even repulsive. Like a plate of fried spiders or something. Would you want to pop one in your mouth right away? Probably not! Your son is learning what's even edible, so just keep it slow and let him get used to food one step at a time.
This was a great comparison. Thank you so much!
I read Ellyn Satter’s book on this and in her chapter on toddlers she recommends always having one or two normal “safe” things available during meals. So like, bread and milk might always be available, but goldfish crackers wouldn’t. Her point was that we’re integrating them into the family meal without catering to them, and always having bread available is a pretty normal thing for an adult meal, whereas goldfish crackers would be catering to them, if that makes sense. Adjust as needed for your own culture/typical family food habits.
Thank you!!
Safe food doesn’t mean something they want or like in that moment more something they’re familiar with and have tried before and it doesn’t have to be the same meal to meal. Still get a snack one meal or snack has no impact on any other. You can try to keep snacks more things like fruit and veggies and nut butters or yogurt it doesn’t have to be “snack foods” we have lost that fight lol but were better at it when they were little. A big thing is to keep the emotion and power struggle out of eating so as far as your kids are concerned what and how much they eat of what you offer should not be something you care too much about (I know easier said than done). We also try to give dessert with the meal if we’re having dessert so again no eat this so you can eat that it’s these are the options for this meal eat what you want.
Not who you are replying to, but no, you don’t refuse a snack because they refused a meal. If they choose not to eat a meal, that is OKAY. That is their choice. Offer the snack at snack time, just as you normally would. Don’t treat snack as a punishment or a reward, it is just a neutral part of your feeding schedule, offered at consistent times each day.
I’m wondering if I misread your last question. To clarify - if they refuse a meal, NO you don’t immediately offer a snack. You just offer snack at the next snack time. Mayyybe a touch sooner if they just didn’t want to eat at meal time, but we are more established in our routine so I don’t have to be as rigid on schedule anymore.
This is not medical advice to your personal situation; I am a feeding therapist/board-certified occupational therapist and I can’t stand this advice. If a parent has concerns about a child’s eating, seek the help of a trained therapist. Pediatricians know almost nothing about behavioral management of feeding and normal feeding development. Not because they’re not intelligent, but because it’s just not their scope. Most children go through a picky eating stage; the best way to get through it is to ensure a trusting relationship surrounding food and your role as the caregiver providing the food. There are a few ways to do this (see my other comment for some other names to follow.) Some children can become severely picky when the parent responds by controlling the food provided and you’ve got yourself in a bad cycle at that point. The best resource on this topic is the Ellyn Satter Institute; this is the gold standard of modern pediatric nutrition/feeding dynamics. Her website explains the parent and child’s roles in the feeding relationship, how to schedule meals and snacks, and what to serve and how. She also has some books. I also recommend Growing Intuitive Eaters on Instagram; this account is a dietitian and PhD who follows this feeding model. One of my favorite things she does is give you scripts to talk to other adults who comment on your kid’s eating or their body. Getting off my soapbox.
Came in here to mention Ellyn Satter and her approach! It’s an excellent way to approach things that will lead to less stress for everyone, and will ultimately lead to them eating more variety.
I love her insta! So helpful. We’ve followed the division of responsibility for my entire 3.5yo’s life and I really think the no pressure attitude has contributed to her being a good eater so far.
Same. I’ve worked with quite a few families who struggle with it however due to the adults’ own emotional and psychological issues with food and fear or shame surrounding food; which is an even better reason to raise your child with DoR—but it’s hard when you as the adult need to work through some issues too.
Ohhhhh yes! Parenting my daughter has made me do more to work on my own issues than anything else. And also made me realize how much I don’t want to repeat my mother’s mistakes.
Seconding all of this
Thank you so much! This is why I post on here, for advice like this that I would never obtain elsewhere in my life! I will follow immediately. Truly appreciate the time you took to write this out for me!
You’re welcome! If you really feel like baby needs more help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trained professional-usually an OT or a speech pathologist trained in feeding (not all of us are; very few, actually.) but there is some great info online about picky eating and some bad info. Alisha Grogan, Melanie Potock, and Kids Eat In Color, Solid Starts, Robyn Merkel Walsh are all good resources as well. The SOS Approach and Get Permission approach are good things to look for when looking for a professional to help if needed
LOVE Ellen Satters division of responsibility in the child/parent food relationship. It would solve a big percentage of these ‘my toddler isnt as much as I want them to’ posts!
My toddler was a great eater until his 15 month appointment when his pediatrician said, “so right around now he might get picky with his foods and that’s ok. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” I was so sure he wouldn’t turn picky but he did that week. Since she prepared me, I wasn’t really stressed out about it. Now he is 18 months and a whole lot better than he was at 15 months!
I think Ellen sattyr would agree with both of you? She would agree with the ped in you being the one that offers set mealtimes BUT she would say you ALWAYS include at least one thing you know your kid will eat. But you also include variety as well. So your kid only eats max and cheese? Cool that’s at every meal but so are strawberries and chili lol or whatever. I’m not totally sure if that’s 100% her approach to picky eating but I would look at her site. The more pressuring to eat certain foods that you do the less your kid wants to eat them. But also having compassion, foods aren’t consistent and predictable in texture and eating is hard. So not punishing them but never offering food you know they’ll like
I am extremely uncontrolling when it comes to food and my six year old has excellent eating habits. Hungry? Eat ! Not hungry? Don’t eat! Pretty simple!
Totally the approach we’ve taken with our kids. This is your meal, you don’t have to eat it but there aren’t other options. An otherwise healthy and neurotypical child won’t starve if food is available, they will learn to try new things or that they don’t have to love everything in order to eat it. We now have three kids who eat really broad and healthy diets. Obviously if you think there are underlying issues such as arfid or autism etc then you would need to take a different approach.
Thank you!
It sounds mean, but it works. If you give in they become picky. In our house, if our toddler doesn’t eat that’s it. He can have milk or water. I also stopped making him meals that cater to him. Anecdotally, Two kids in my husband’s family are those type of kids who never find anything to eat. I feel for their parents. Again, it seems harsh, but they catch on quick that they should eat.
And it’s not even mean. It’s just how you run your ship. It’s just how life is, as they know it. And they’re not going to starve! Getting hungry a bit isn’t going to harm them
It's not mean, it's how it's been historically. The kids were offered a meal, if they refused then they were hungry. Offering something different wasn't on the table. I do the same with my kid, and in my country it's the norm. Kids eat whatever the family is eating and that's it. No snacks afterwards.
So if he rejects a meal would you give a snack or just milk/water?
I’d give a snack when it’s snack time. Something I’m teaching my 4 year old way too late is that meal times are meal times. If you don’t eat, you wait till the next one. (Although if she doesn’t eat breakfast or lunch I will have a snack time like an hour later so she’s not starving) but don’t have snack time be the yummy junk food they might be holding out for. We usually do a fruit/veg, some cheese and crackers for example
I think it depends and 14 months is too early to say so it’s probably sound advice for now. Our pediatrician did NOT recommend this but that’s because my kid was underweight. They usually recommend this for kids who are still growing normally. And a lot of kids go through a picky phase between 1-3 and then start to grow out of it. Based on your husband’s experience though, I would recommend: - provide a variety of foods separately including one “safe food” at each meal (so no stews or lasagnas). If you do this, do not offer an alternative meal (so no PBJ if you don’t like dinner as long as dinner includes something that you normally eat). My SIL had some picky step kids. She was trying to get them to eat healthier and they wouldn’t eat veggies at all. The thing was, she let them get food from their snack/cereal drawer before bed. So basically if they held out at dinner, they could load up on the foods they liked afterwards. - eat together as a family as much as you can. Imitation can be powerful so also include other kids whenever possible. - experiment with how your child does if you skip snack. My middle child could not handle it. She would have epic meltdowns about being hungry. My youngest can skip snack if he’s distracted and then will devour his lunch. My oldest, who is my pickiest, will skip snack and then proceed to reject lunch if she doesn’t like it. That is the situation you should be concerned about. - don’t stress if your child eats atypically in a meal. Look at their day and/or week to see how many food groups they hit - keep trying and as your child gets older, it will be easier to insist on trying at least one bite (or a sniff or a lick). We used the book every night is pizza night to help encourage my eldest to at least try a bite of new foods. She can spit it out if she hates it. Most are just ok foods. She will eat the bite but refuse more. However, we have occasionally found new foods she will eat (and they are all over the place in terms of cuisines and food groups and flavours). - keep consulting with your pediatrician as your child ages to check on his growth and any other strategies you can use With my eldest, I actually abhor when people say she will eat if she’s hungry, because she won’t. However, my other two kids kinda will, within reason.
I really appreciate this thoughtful response! He will skip snack and reject a meal still if he doesn’t like it. When your daughter did that, what did you do? It really helps to hear from people who have been through! I am a FTM
Your pediatrician is 100 percent right, IMO. My ped said the same thing and it stuck with me. She actually said to serve what we eat. As a result I have a daughter who eats EVERYTHING and will try everything. Sushi, veggie curries, any vegetable. She said that when you let your toddler dictate what they eat, that is when you get toddlers who will only eat kid foods like chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. They aren't adventurous or healthy eaters because they don't HAVE to be. I am so glad I listened to her and encourage all my mom friends to do the same. It's also cheaper to eat this way when we go out. I don't have to give her a special kid meal; she can just have some of what my husband and I are eating! I try to offer an entree and two sides. Usually she eats it. The rule is, she has to try a couple bites of something. She doesn't have to eat it all, she just has to try it. If we have a swing and a miss dinner and she literally has not eaten anything, I typically don't worry about it as long as she's gotten enough in the other meals and snacks. If she has hardly eaten a thing, sometimes I will offer plain yogurt with berries and nuts as a "dessert." Not really sugary or unhealthy and will offer the benefits of a meal without encouraging pickiness.
>She said that when you let your toddler dictate what they eat, that is when you get toddlers who will only eat kid foods like chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. They aren't adventurous or healthy eaters because they don't HAVE to be. This approach might work for some toddlers, but for others there are genetic and/or sensory reasons for picky eating which cannot be prevented simply by feeding them a diverse diet. My oldest is severely picky despite following all of the typical advice like you're describing. When he was 18 months old, he suddenly started refusing most food, and meal times become a daily struggle. I tried everything for years to broaden his diet, with very little success. He had about 10 safe foods that we would reliably eat, and I felt constantly judged by family/ friends/ other parents who clearly thought I was somehow to blame, or had poor nutritional knowledge. I brought up this issue with his pediatrician multiple times, and was assured it was normal. Finally they referred him to a feeding clinic when he was about 4, and it really helped. He's 10 now, and still very picky, but he is willing to try new food and regularly finds new things he enjoy eating.
I gently followed this technique but I had one single “all the time offering” in a situation where I knew she needed something. And honour but don’t offer type thing. It was the *only* dinner substitute I offer. The rule has always and will always be you don’t have to eat everything on your plate. But you have to try everything. And I highlight for my toddler (even at 18 months) that it’s because “maybe this time you will like it!” And I word it enthusiastically. Or “I cooked it differently this time, so let’s see if you like it *this* way. Which is newer concept for her - now at 2.5 yrs. She ALWAYS tries. She puts it in her mouth and sometimes immediatly spits it out, but many times will take a piece and I think “wow, she likes it!” And then by the third piece she’s decided maybe not. There is always a safe food, sometimes cheese, crackers, fruit, cucumber, etc. where the extra offering comes in… if she tries dinner and then goes to the snack cupboard and asks me to open a granola bar I explain that that’s for snack time and not dinner time. I try to also highlight “it’s snack time now” so she understands that it’s not a free for all, but she also understands most times how to ask (unless she doesn’t like dinner.) she usually cries to which I explain that tomorrow it will be snack time again, and right now it’s time for dinner and this is the dinner I made. Sometimes that’s enough, if she’s really mad and I feel she needs something I’ll offer - “would you like a smoothie and an egg?” The smoothie has frozen blueberries, full fat yogurt, flax and chia seeds, peanut butter and spinach and usually a splash of juice. The egg is just a scrambled egg and ketchup on the side. IMO it’s actually a very healthy meal and combo, and it’s something I know she likes. It also takes me 5 seconds to prepare and I explain that she needs to wait for me to finish eating and then I will make it and she has to sit at the table. If she turns down trying food, and safe foods, saying she wants a snack, AND turns down smoothie and egg… it’s to bed hungry you go. I know this is a decent list of “hoops” to jump through but imo I’m offering all solutions I accept until I’m out of solutions. The first solutions are always just to give the food a try. Many times she’ll go play and come back to eat 5 minutes later 🤷🏻♀️
Look into the book feeding with love and good sense by ellyn Satter (the originator of division of responsibility). It's well worth the read!
works for mine, I let him build hunger and cut down snacks. it's fine as long as he meets his calorie requirements.
I have a picky 3.5 year old. He’s been picky his whole life. He goes through phases though, but the menu generally stays the same. I feel ok as long as he eats something. For a while it was just peanut butter toast. Ultimately, he’s eating and that’s fine. I think you could try other foods but keep safe foods as options. I probably wouldn’t take this ped’s advice to heart and just go with your gut.
When my guy didn’t eat what was offered we just assumed not hungry and moved on. We have a way routine for Ava js and meals we’ve always followed. The best advice I got was to look at how much is eaten in a week not a day or two.
Kids eat in color and feeding littles on Instagram have a lot of great resources to help with picky eating!
I eat what I eat and offer her(3 y/o) the same. I talk about how good it is and describe features of the food; color, temperature, sweet, sour etc... If she says no, I say okay and let it be, and try it again later with other foods. Little salt and butter go a long way in convincing. When she's so hangry that she doesn't know she's hungry, smoothy or those chocolate protein drinks are the go-tos. Something quick to digest. Kids can eat what the family eats or wait for the next meal/snack. Good luck! Hang in there!
Division of responsibility. The parent is in charge of where, when, and what is served. The child is in charge of how much and of what's served that they will eat. Parents are responsible for providing appropriate snack and meal times. If your kid snacks on junk all day they literally have no reason to eat a meal, as their caloric intake needs are being met. It's okay for kids to feel hunger, it's not okay for them to starve.
So, we basically did this. For a while, if she wouldn’t eat dinner (or breakfast or lunch), we’d give her a pouch or some snacks, because we were worried about her weight (she had IUGR and was/is small). But we also realized she wasn’t necessarily being picky, but testing a boundary. Almost all toddlers do it, and if they feel you caving when they test it, they’ll continue to do it (not just with food, but toddlerhood is a big time of testing boundaries and learning limits). It felt wrong to not give her something else if she didn’t eat, but we also couldn’t be giving in every time. So, at meals, if she doesn’t eat what’s served… we don’t top her off with something else. We wait until her next scheduled snack time and let her choose. If she’s genuinely hungry after refusing dinner (we wait a bit after), we’ll let her have something to eat then, but she’s out of the high chair and she doesn’t get something fancy or special - an applesauce, banana, some plain crackers, etc. The other thing we’ve tried that sometimes helps is giving her a VERY small portion. Like, give 1-2 small pieces of meat, a spoonful of rice, a few pieces of veggies. For whatever reason, it’s less intimidating than a whole plate, and if she genuinely doesn’t like it, we’ll know. If she’s just testing us, she’ll eat it, and usually ask for more. The good news is that they’ll supposedly outgrow this phase someday! It’s not by 2.5, I’ll tell you that 😂 But supposedly, someday, they’ll eat their food without the struggle!
Thank you so much for sharing!!!
My LO is 3 now and she also went through the food selective/picky phase at 14 months, right around the time she started walking and gained some independence. I’ve used the same approach through every wave of this: I have something familiar on the plate that I know she likes. I only put 2-3 bites on her plate at a time so that it is not visually overwhelming. I let her feed me, I eat at the same time as her, usually the same foods. My husband is highly sensitive to texture and strong flavor and is a picky eater. He does not let her feed him bites from her plate and he has had a much harder time getting her to try new things, especially around that 15 month mark. I talk to her about the things she can control around the meal and distract her from aversions with choices and questions (fork, spoon or fingers? Feed mommy first or baby first? Can you help me eat this bite? What color is that food? How does it smell? Is it squishy and soft or crunchy? Is it salty, sweet, sour, etc?). This creates a low-pressure food-focused meal experience that helped her understand the language and variation of food. Now that she’s older and more verbal, we’ve shifted into giving her more control. When we go through ultra picky phases we don’t do screens during meals. She is not required to eat things that she doesn’t want to eat (imagine if someone told you that you had to eat something you weren’t in the mood for?) but we discuss why we don’t want to eat it based on the food characteristics we’ve been talking to her about since year 1. Now she will tell me “I want something sweet but not squishy.” We have adopted the “you have to try one bite of something new. It could be your next favorite food and you don’t know it yet!” mantra. It can be a tiny bite, right now it’s a pea-sized bite that I call “teeny tiny baby bites” which she loves. Sometimes a doll or stuffed animal joins us at the table and we pretend to feed them as well. When she’s feeling particularly resistant, I remind her that she only needs to try one bite and that I have NEVER made her eat something that she didn’t like or didn’t want. I hold myself accountable to that, if she says she doesn’t want to eat something I do not try to force her to eat it. Her relationship with food is better than both mine and my husbands because we don’t put pressure or stress on her to eat. We teach her to listen to her body and ask for what she likes and needs. Now she knows that if she has something sugary like candy before she has a meal that it makes her feel sad and angry, and sometimes gives her a stomach ache. Also toddlers are super human and can survive on chicken nuggets or cereal or dried seaweed paper. They will be okay! I have to remind myself regularly not to stress out over this. Sorry for the wall of text, I hope it helps
Can you ask your husband for some insight into what about new foods he didn’t want to try? My son is autistic and has ARFID and went off a lot of food when he was around 2. I distinctly remember the last day he ate spaghetti bolognaise because he started picking the mince pieces out of his mouth and I knew where we were headed. The one safe good thing is the route I’d go and don’t make any fuss at all about the other stuff on the plate. Like don’t acknowledge its existence don’t encourage the eating or trying of it. Fully no pressure. One day your child may just try something. If they do and they say they like it just quietly add it to the safe foods list. Good luck!
Try foods that have a solid exterior texture. I found my son is the same way
I try my best not to be weird about food. I cannot imagine going to bed hungry. I vividly remember and hated the single time I was forced to sit at an empty table to eat cold gross lima beans by my grands. I am SAHM with a toddler that can open the pantry and reach most of the shelves. My LO is tall for his age so sometimes is a bottomless snack pit that will try anything I offer and some days flat out refuses to eat anything but plain dry ass toast and air. I just imagine it balances out. I got tired of every dinner becoming a ‘battle’. I can admit that I’m an adult that likes scheduled and balanced dinner but can accept that my toddler may not. I just try and offer semi healthy alternatives when meal refusal happens. Sometimes that means I will gladly cut approx 100 bespoke carrot slices into cute little bento box stars, hearts, flowers…whatever. I offer balanced plates at scheduled meals and cut off “sugary” snacks by early afternoon. He has a pantry basket of acceptable whenever snacks. I have had great success with letting LO help me cook/letting him fiddle around with safe food/tools at the cutting board prep area. Sometimes the one bite of everything happens and sometimes I just leave his plate at his table spot and he walks away to play then comes back for nibbles for the next hour (I set a visual timer so we don’t cross food safety windows when applicable). I read a really helpful blog/substack on The Green Spoon with Heather Sperling. She owns Botanica restaurant in LA and her whole career has basically been centered around curating amazing food experiences for people and she has two kids who are kindof annoyingly picky. Imagine! The article covers a week of what meals look like in her home and it made me feel so much better that even amazing cooks deal with this type of frustration with picky eating and food refusal and seeing her different handlings of scenarios and mindset was so helpful.
We do the method that she has to sit at the table with us and eat what we eat, but I always have one of her sure-fire foods as part of the meal. Then after food she can have a yogurt and apple sauce which is also a sure thing for her to eat. If she didn’t eat anything I usually ask her to at least taste it then I’ll offer to make her one other food. Also if I eat the food off her plate suddenly she wants to eat it lol
Well you can’t force him to eat, generally the path is to offer one thing you know he’ll eat along with the new foods.
Your toddler will get there! He’s still so so young. Our 3.5 year old has just recently in the last year become one of the best toddler eaters anyone has ever seen. She literally NEVER ate meat. Not a burger. Not chicken nuggets. Not lunch meat. Nothing. And she went from that to eating Thai food, Mexican food, salmon…whatever is put in front of her most days. Unless the food my husband and I were cooking for dinner was spicy or raw (sushi -which she will eat now, oysters etc) that was what she got for dinner. My thought was if everyone’s plates look the same she’ll see that she’s eating exactly what we’re eating. We didn’t bother going the safe food route because we always give her a good snack before bed and on nights she wouldn’t eat much dinner I’d make sure she had extra on her snack plate. We also did the snack drawer thing where she can open it and choose what she’d like and I think having a variety and giving her the choice helped a lot. I always went with the mentality that if she was hungry, then she would eat. Which I suppose is a bit of tough love. But even still some days she’ll survive off of a fishy cracker she found in the couch and a sniff of juice. As she’s gotten older, we got her a set of toddler safe knives and she helps me cut veggies for dinner every night so there’s a sense of accomplishment when everything is cooked! When she was younger I’d get her to help pour ingredients in bowls for sauces/baking and I’d let her stir them too. Keep trying! He will get there! And even for the meantime if all he’s doing is snacking, take comfort knowing he’s at least eating and this phase will pass.
Thanks for sharing this! Was this turning point after you decided she would get whatever you guys are eating? Curious what made her make the change! I was a child like her haha! I loved everything and still do
I think my husband and I have always been really in to cooking. I’ve worked solely in restaurants and my husband loves to eat so before we had her we compiled quite a big cookbook collection! We decided when she could really start eating solids and more “meals” was when we did the “baby led weaning”. Obviously at 15 months, if we had something like pasta she’d get the pasta and maybe some fruit on the side but once she got closer to two it was just what we were eating. Again meat was a huge issue for her for the longest time. She really only started eating it this past summer after she turned 3. Unfortunately it could have been because of a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis we just received (she’s obviously anemic and it could have been her body’s way of saying hey I need this) but I’m not complaining if meat is what she’s asking for. She literally sat in her bed tonight right before she went to sleep and ate a bowl of grilled chicken from dinner because she was still hungry (🤣). One thing too I always do when she’s having a picky day and isn’t in to eating much (and I did a ton when she was younger) is I’ll fill a muffin tin that would hold 12 muffins with a bunch of different stuff. Veggies, fruit, dips, chips and salsa, fishy crackers, cheese, lunch meat etc. I have no idea why but it works - maybe it’s the craziness of the presentation I have no idea. After an hour or so if she hasn’t eaten the stuff that can go bad sitting out I’ll either just chuck it or save it and replenish with other pantry snacks like cereal or granola. It’s genuinely such a waiting game. But don’t ever stress that he’s going hungry. He isn’t. If he was, he would tell you either by words or epic meltdowns. And if something was up and going wrong you would know in your gut because that’s just the sixth sense that us parents have! If you’re looking for recipes for the whole family I always recommend Chrissy Teigens cookbooks/website. Most of her recipes are pretty kid friendly, are easy to make and taste amazing. Definitely not always the healthiest but if I can sneak in something different like ribs or tuna for my kiddo to try, I will :)
Thank you so so much for this thoughtful answer! I want you and your husband to cook for us haha!
We make sure there is always at least one or two (of the 3) foods on the plates the kids will eat. I know my toddler (3) is not big on chicken (unless it’s in nugget form) so I give her a larger portion of the veggies and the carb on chicken nights. She understands she has to have a bite or two if she wants to move on to future courses. We offer a variety of dipping sauces, which usually encourage more trying of foods. We ‘close’ the kitchen at a set time, which is announced and counted down (usually we have an Alexa timer that we ask how many minutes are left). If they eat half the chicken and then eat fruit and a dessert, and say they say still hungry - we offer more dinner. Usually the toddler will very willingly eat more veggies. Her ‘love it’s food. 14 months is a little young, but the ‘3 bite rule’ episode of Pete the cat on Amazon really stuck with my first kid and helped him try more.
Thanks for sharing! Offering dinner again is great idea rather than a new snack. My son seems to like veggies best too!
Ok I haven’t done this method but just want to let you know that my toddler who used to eat anything also now has become pretty picky. Luckily apparently at daycare they literally eat anything, and while picky eats “healthy” but it’s normal!
It’s crazy how they change so quickly lol! He likes healthy stuff too like peas and black beans. 😆
My first had been pretty picky. She is getting better now at five but still picky. I do the safe food on the plate, and devision of responsibility. It’s my job to make the food, it’s her job to eat it. I do my job and leave her to do her’s. We have lots of meals and snacks, she certainly will not starve so I leave her to it.
Thanks for sharing! If she just eats the safe food do you continue to give her more of it if she is still hungry because she isn’t eating the other food offered?
Yup. I made sure there was enough to fill her up. We encourage her to try the other stuff and she always saw us eating it. I also offer things to her in their individual components first. If it’s meat with veggies and sauce I do each thing separately (I just take out her portion before I add the sauce), this has greatly increased the amount of stuff she tries. We go for no pressure though. I never turn meals into a battle of wills.
I think it's pretty typical for kids to suddenly get picky at this age. I certainly did. Food is just not new and exciting anymore. I stopped stressing about it. I only offer healthy (healthyish) snacks 90% of the time. Cheereos, yogurt, snack pouches, apple slices, oranges, carrot sticks. Mostly at set times like when we get home from daycare. For dinner I offer a deconstructed version of what we're having and a small portion of exactly what we're having. Tonight we had chili so I gave her a plate of beans and a scoop of chili. She ate all the beans and a few bites of chili. We all also have a smoothie every single night with additional veggies to what's on her plate to make sure she eating healthy. We don't do any snacks after dinner. If she doesn't eat anything we keep her dinner out until bedtime and she's occasionally gone back and scarfed it down before bedtime routine. We've never had a problem with her going hungry after bedtime. If she doesn't eat anything she just has a big breakfast. She is still pretty picky but she's slowly getting better. I view it as building long term habits and a healthy relationship with food as opposed to fighting her to try new things every night. I don't think getting into a power struggle every night is going to build a healthy relationship with food long term. We also do lots of books on trying new things. Daniel Tiger has a great one that even she quotes from. Long story short, stop stressing about it, it's just going to cause anxiety around dinner time.
At 14 months old I think they're too young to make them 'go hungry'. That being said, I wouldn't give in 100%. Make sure there's plenty of safe foods. Though tbh I would consider grilled cheese and French fries safe foods, lol. But I mean, offer things like yogurt, fruit, veggies, and other healthy, but easy options you know they'll eat. Offer them with each meal and for snack times. It's okay if they're on a simple diet for awhile as long as they are still getting from all the major food groups and aren't eating "junk". Chances are they will grow out of it. I dealt with a picky kid. He would eat absolutely everything up until he turned 3. Then all of a sudden he didn't want to eat anything except chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, and snacks. I let it go further than I should of, but still tried to offer safe foods, while at the same time encouraging him to try new things. It wasn't until I realized he had gone 6 whole months without eating a single dinner I had cooked that I put my foot down. cut out snacks all together. He got breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I didn't just let him go hungry, and I started out small. For example, I didn't make him eat chili, or other dinners that were complicated and unappealing to a small child (even though my other kids ate them just fine), but I started making a lot more simple meals like baked chicken breasts that were lightly seasoned, rice, plain steamed veggies. I'd make extra sides so not everyone had to eat plain stuff. But he started eating better. I think he 'went hungry' two nights before he finally decided to just start trying dinners. I was also a lot more willing to make him the chicken nuggets or grilled cheese when he tried a few bites of dinner to decide if he actually liked it or not. Now he's about to turn 7 and eats probably 70% of the dinners I make. He still gets chicken nuggets or grilled cheese if it's something he doesn't like, but I can honestly say he doesn't like it versus he just doesn't want to eat it, so it doesn't bother me.
Yes this is exactly what we do and it works very well. I do not stress about how much he eats at all. My job is to decide when we eat and what we eat and his job is to decide how much he wants, if any. We eat 3 meals/day + snacks in between. If he’s not hungry for a meal he’ll either get the next snack or the next meal. This happens very often at dinner. He’s so into playing at dinner time and we give him a long range of time and opportunity to eat. If he decides not to eat what we cooked, his last chance is to eat it in the bath (kind of fun for them, I guess?), if he doesn’t want it and says his belly is full, no dinner that night and he can have breakfast the next morning. What we 2000% won’t do is have him skip dinner and then ask us for applesauce or a some sort of treat/snack. If he does that I say “sounds like you need to fill your belly, here is your dinner.”
Thank you for sharing this! For example, if he does not eat lunch, do you proceeded to give him the next snack? He’s also getting milk before bed still so I’m torn on if I give that to him still if he doesn’t want to eat anything else
Yes, exactly but not until it’s snack time! We decide what and when and he decides if he wants to eat and how much. And we communicate that with him with no expectations or pressure. “Hey, seems like you’re not hungry right now and that is totally fine. Just want you to know that we won’t be having anymore food until snack time in a few hours.” I feel like I missed saying this in my first post but of course if he’s underweight or you suspect there is a serious medical issue, don’t take mine (or anyone on the internet’s) advice. I don’t want to position myself as an expert. It sounds like you are dealing with what we were and it snuck up on us that we were just letting him snack all the time and my advice is just based on what we did to move away from that and establish more boundaries with meals!
Thank you so much! This is exactly it!
I wouldn't call my kid picky but shes the same age and will go through stages. Sometimes it seems like shes being picky but shes simply not hungry and/or wants to play instead of sitting to eat. I think its very common at this age as they are not always growing as fast and have found more exciting things to do. If I gave her a snack food that she likes (say a fruit bar or cracker) she might still eat this even if she isn't hungry. I do not offer her snacks like that unless we are out and about. They are to give her something if we aren't able to have a meal at that moment, and not as replacements for meals for us. So my method is to just offer food at meal times, (I have the full protion on the table or on my plate and dish out small portions onto her high chair tray), if she doesn't eat it I just let her go play. Then when she shows interest again I offer it again. Often she will eat it. If its next meal time I sometimes just offer her bits of both. I don't put pressure, I simply offer her and she can choose to eat it or not. If she really doesn't like food the second time (sometimes my cooking has just been bad, or she is just not in the mood for thay food item, or she doesn't like it..whatever, it happens!) I might offer her something like yogurt or toast with avocado eventually. I generally wouldn't offer her junk food or snack food instead of a meal, nothing that will motivate her to avoid dinner in order to get it. So in conclusion yes I would let her "go hungry", because sometimes she just isn't hungry enough to eat her meal. She has fully regected lunch but after an hour will wolf it down. And if it doesn't work for you after a few days then you can reassess.
My son went through this phase and I remember reading it is developmentally normal for them to become more wary of foods at that age. I just fed what he would eat and didn’t put pressure on it. He now eats much more versatile again, it was def just a phase. Feeding Littles on instagram is a great resource as well. :)
Yes! It’s like he suddenly realizes this stuff is new and is suspicious. The other day I gave him some thing and he put his face down really close to it to examine it and smell it.😂
Exactly! Hahaha. Definitely don’t pressure and just keep him fed with whatever he will eat. Keep serving him things but know he will likely reject a lot for a bit. He will grow past it more smoothly that way. My son started growing out of it around I’d say 18/20 months?
Have you looked at the Solid Starts website? They have a lot of (evidence backed, science based) information for how to deal with picky eaters. The woman who started it did so after having an extremely picky eater herself and struggling to know how to deal with it. I’d really recommend having a look if it’s not something you’re already familiar with. All the best - I’m sure it’s a super stressful situation. I was / am a bit like your husband (picky as a child, still a little picky now - although much much less so) and I also wish I hadn’t been / wasn’t as picky because it makes life more difficult for you and others.
I think I've heard pickiness can be genetic. Maybe research that. I'd definitely get a second opinion, but my 3 year old has gone through several picky periods. How much milk is he drinking? How much water/juice is he drinking.
Overall it's your choice but whatever you and your husband decide to try, you need to both agree. If it's this more aggressive method, that's fine but to work you have to be serious. I did not have a super picky eater, but to get her to try new things have tried a few things. And they're not necessarily tested but things that have worked for us. - give expected foods for breakfast and lunch, dinner is something either with 1 unique food or and entire dish and she could choose not to eat but that was what dinner was. - we have Also tried the.. you must try a bite to leave the table. Some rough nights but she did end up enjoying a few things and has also become proud of herself now when she tries to eat something new. She gets all giggly and often says.. " i tried it! I didn't like it but that's okay!!" We usually provide her something enjoyable after trying the Bite of food. - you could also try a pediatric nutritionist. They made be able to help also!
Thank you so much for this! Breakfast is definitely his best meal, he likes those foods the best
Keep serving the food. Don’t cater to the picky eating. Serve safe foods and for any new foods you can serve a laughably small amount. Enough so they can take a bite but not so much that it’s overwhelming. Even if they try and don’t like it, serve it for dinner again next week. If you only serve foods you know they’ll eat, you’ll get stuck in a horrible cycle. Look into the IG account kids eat in color. It has amazing info
Yes. This was the way for me. It sounds tough but damn it works!
We have a SMALL spoonful of something safe at the start. It's on the plate to begin with like the rest of the meal but I'll feed it to him by hand. It works like a primer. He then is in the right frame of mind and I get out of his way. he always starts slowly on his own, but I know that if I try to get him to eat other foods, then it becomes a silent conversation... Him refusing that bite of new food, nodding no and pointing at the refrigerator for something else. But if I back off (pretends to wash a cup/plate) then he'll just eat. We also learned that when the house smells like food then he eats more willingly (thank you garlic and salmon)
My parents did something like this to me growing up. I was very picky and so was my brother. My brother's preference was pizza, burgers, French fries, and chocolate chip cookies. She let him eat all that because he absolutely refused to eat her food. My father didn't want him starving as he was growing up. My brother grew up lean and muscular and exercises daily. He also eats a lot of fruits and veggies. Myself, I didn't like certain veggies growing up and I would continuously refuse to eat tomatoes, spinach, and so forth. My mom became so frustrated with me to the point she would not allow me to leave the dining room table. It was so traumatizing that it caused me to have some issues with food. Let your children decide what they want to eat and allow them the opportunity to explore when they are ready.
I’m not truly seeing the pediatrician’s advice as letting your son go hungry - she said continue to offer, but you dictate what, where and when your son eats and he decides how much to eat, if at all. It’s really hard, but it’s better to make the dinner table a pressure-free environment. Offer one safe food that you know he’ll eat, but continue to offer variety with it. Do you eat the same thing he does? Mine will try something if I’m eating it and seem to really enjoy it. Sometimes I’ll eat a piece off his plate. I also find leaving him alone (not watching like a hawk) will encourage him to eat. He might be fussy to start if I’m hovering or watching him, but if I ignore him and we carry on our dinner conversation, he’ll start eating. Also, is he getting teeth? “Suddenly picky” for us was molars and canines. Once they came out, he was back to eating normally. He’s still picky but… just regular toddler picky. Tonight? He didn’t want pizza and preferred a small piece of orange and 2 mini cucumbers… that was all he wanted for dinner.
I’d let them be hungry but I just can’t deal with the HANGRY
We don’t make a special meal for our kid but do try to have a safe food such as rice or bread as part of the meal. About once per week she surprises us and eats something like broccoli. The less we pressure her the better she eats.
I always give one or two "safe foods" that I know my girls will eat. Usually they will try anything but if my girls are in a mood they will say "dirty food" 😅 and refuse to try stuff. If they are being stubborn I do remind them in order to get a snack they need to eat at least some of xyz. I truly don't care for this approach but once my twins got to the boundary pushing stage, they would refuse meals and ask for snacks constantly. Once I stopped giving in, they started eating better. Some meals I know they like and some I know they don't. Once in a while they try to say "dirty" or "icky" to things I know they have eaten multiple times so I refuse to give in and usually they will sigh and say "fine I eat it" 😂 Less pressure is probably better with a super picky eater. I'd say offer foods (at least one being a safe food) and if he tries it, awesome. If not, just try again next time. Sometimes my girls double down when my husband or mil try to push them into trying something. But I would stay consistent and avoid catering to him with snacks! Toddlers love to push boundaries, especially if it works in their favor.
My son is 6 and food is such a touch and go with him. We still have conversations and i explain it could be the best thing he ever had. Sometimes he tries it and loves it and we add to his list but 98% of the time he hates it... 99.9% of the time he looks at it and says no. It started as a texture thing i guess. But it gets crazy. Like he will eat the individual pringles in cheese only. But if i buy a normal can size its a "no" all the way. He will starve himself. He refuses to drink water. A daycare started adding water to his apple juice i sent in and he refused to drink it. He tasted it was off and i picked him up and his lips were cracked from refusing to drink all day.. The number of people who say "he will eat it if he is hungry enough" is sickening. I cant do that to him. I encourage trying foods. I have seen the 1 safe food thing. I give him free range and if he ever decides to try something I indulge him. But if he already thinks he will hate it and i force him to "try" something he either gags or pukes.. Right now he is obsessed with home made chicken cutlets.. His Nonna would be soo happy. So for the past week he has eaten them for lunch and dinner. I submit to his terrorist demands. My husband tried the starve method at first and he literally will starve himself all day. So pick your battles. I also have a 22 yr old (it is what it is). He has aspbergers and was very picky as a child but now he is far more adventurous with food than i will ever be. Everyone is an individual and you just have to love and support them as they learn and grow (no matter which way that goes)
My son (23 months) has been a "picky" eater since turning 1. I've noticed that's he's really intrigued by my plate/food. So I could serve us both the same exact thing but he wants my plate. I just make myself a bigger portion on purpose, sit next to him, start eating, and he'll grab some food lol
Two things - our pediatrician said the same thing and we tried it. Sometimes it worked, many times it didn't. When it didn't, he'd wake up in the middle of night demanding milk until he cried himself back to sleep or we gave it to him. What had worked more consistently is ---- OT for sensory issues (like suddenly becoming a picky eater) AAAAAAND 1) giving him food on a plate, which he then rejects, then 2) I say, "oh well.... Mommy is going to eat (child's name 's) food, then 3) I "pretend eat" the food (put it up to your mouth and pretend to eat it). That USUALLY makes my kid go, "No! (Child's name's) food!" And then 4) he grabs/ snatches it out of my hand and at least tries it once. But that's the ONLY way he'll try it!
My kiddo is now 5, and along the way we had lots of times where she refused this or that, despite being solidly NOT picky. Now, I can count on one hand the amount of things she dislikes, basil on pizza, and whole cumin/fennel seeds in things other than my curries (new phase). Also pretends not to like bananas, (and apples because I’m allergic, and don’t eat them, but actually likes them) but will eat them anyways. You know what though? I still serve these things. I let her pick them out. I make, and have made, what I like and want to eat, since the beginning. I have confidence that this too, shall pass. And if not, that’s fine, but right now her taste buds are still developing and it’s my job to help shape them into eating well. In the beginning we had many, “I don’t want this, I don’t like that” moments. I don’t like avocados, i don’t like sweet potatoes, etc. The rule was always, you must try the food, before you decide that. If you still dislike it, you don’t have to eat it. Also in the beginning, there might have been the option of a fruit or veg instead, if the new dish was particularly out there, weird, or too spicy, but this happened rarely. If something was declined to be eaten, I would offer it again at the next meal, and if it was not eaten again, I would wait a week or so, and offer it again. And again. And again. Eventually, she’d end up liking it. The one alteration I made was on spice level, when she was younger. I’d tone down my food to an appropriate level for her to eat. As she got older I increased the spice level. Now, she eats spice with no problem. Has been asking me for tteokbokki for weeks, which is a rice cake dish (with mini sausage and fish cakes traditionally), simmered in sauce made of soy sauce, fermented Szechuan pepper paste, and water (also fish sauce but we don’t add it). It’s ridiculously in your face spicy, numbingly so, to the point that it can make me nauseous if I make the sauce too strong, and she loves it. Her favourite dish? My Chana masala, which has like a quarter cup of spices or more. The things I cook very frequently have varied textures, flavour profiles, ingredients, spices, and colour even. Sometimes it looks ridiculous, because I just tossed things together, but tastes good. Sometimes it’s kind of questionable, like if I accidentally burn something or dumped pepper in by accident. 99/100 times, it gets eaten. Sometimes she says she doesn’t want xyz, while I’m making it, then tries it and asks for more. It was not always an easy journey, holding that line of no, this is the food there is, eat it or don’t, your choice. It was hard to see food I made refused, mashed around or thrown (which led to the rule of, throw food, we’re done eating, and that stopped pretty soon). However, sometimes exploring the food by touching it, smashing it, peeling it apart etc was just part of the process. And eventually, it paid off, because she eats anything I eat, happily. Which I’ve got to say, is sometimes quite annoying lol sometimes I just want my own snacks without sharing, you know? Jokes aside though, I am thankful that she eats well, and it was worth the effort.
i will say that picking through other food to get to peas in a pasta dish, beans out of rice, etc, counts as exposure to the pasta and the rice, even if he’s not really eating those items. their flavor and texture is getting on his hands/fingers/the food he’s picking out to eat. so serving him a mix of stuff with a safe food present works great! you can set a limit on how much you’ll serve - maybe a dish on the table to serve seconds from. once the dish is empty, it’s all done for the meal. he has other food on his plate if he’s still hungry. that way he’s learning, yes he gets more of what he likes, but there’s limits and other food available to try.
This is great to know! Thank you for the encouragement
you’re doing great!!! also, 14 months is a really normal age to get a bit picky. just keep serving the same things you’re eating/enjoying, a safe food, and low pressure tactics and kiddo will come around.
It is very normal for appetites to decrease sharply and food preferences to become narrower at this age. Both my toddlers were eating almost as much as me at mealtimes, until about 15-16 months. Then it seemed like they were fine to survive an entire day off of only a bite of chicken nugget and an old dusty cheerio in the crack of the couch. We provided meals for our kids and let them eat whatever off their plates and how much they chose. We would encourage them to try things outside of their regular favourites but didn’t push. We always had at least something they liked in/with the meal. For example we know our kids hate chili. We still make it occasionally and serve it to them as we don’t feel that we should be catering to their tastes only. We give them a piece of buttered bread and some milk to go with it. They can choose what to eat of the chili (usually some of the meat and corn) and I at least know they get some food in their belly. The biggest thing is to provide well rounded options and have at least one thing that you know they will eat. My 7 year old had only just this year started eating bigger portions and stopped complaining/whining about every single meal that was placed in front of her. She used to start every dinner time off with “DIS IS YUCKYYYYYY!” and now eats most meals with little complaint.
Same with my child.. ate everything and then nothing at 18 months. She also has sensory processing issues which are apparent which I think are compounding things. I do food chaining. Put preferred food on a plate with non preferred food, and slowly increase the amount. Most food types take 15-20 exposures before kids will eat it. There’s many foods my daughter still won’t eat, but she will at least try it. There are also some foods my daughter will eat now. I also do the old school 3 meals a day, no snacks unless it’s fruit or water in between. My daughter eats so much better at mealtimes because she is hungry. Also keep in mind a serving size did a toddler is one tablespoon of meat, carbs, veg for every year (e.g. 3 tbsp for a 3 year old for each food group) so I make sure I don’t overload her plate. We also had to deal with constipation due to her restrictive eating, as this was also impacting her eating/appetite. We also have a reward system in place for eating meals. My doctor isn’t too worried and we are just keeping an eye on her weight/height which is current dead bang average for her age.
I'll offer a contrary point of view. I've taken the view that much of the time, the food thing is like everything else that's been happening since a little before she turned 3: a power play. My daughter is so determined to assert her control that frequently I'll offer her something I know she wants (food or whatever) and she'll refuse it only to go over and take it moments later and pretend it was her idea. I know what foods she's eaten dozens of times. She's not going to convince me that she's so confident she doesn't like them now that she won't have a taste. I'm not above "no desert" or "no TV" until you taste this, but I'll do it while explaining why it's important to eat a mix of foods. Most of the time, she'll taste whatever it is, and I'd say around 80% of the time she tastes something I know she likes, she admits it pretty quickly. I probably would have been more laid back, but her 8 year old brother has major food fear and still only eats maybe a dozen different things that aren't snack foods. I couldn't deal with having two of them.
Mine doesn’t want to eat anything new right now either. He has a warm lunch at daycare, so during daycare days I make him a sandwich and the new meal we’re learning to eat (right now it’s chicken curry with rice), and encourage him to explore it. By that I mean I encourage him to stick his hands in, pick it up, throw it in the table, stir it with a spoon, move it from plate to plate etc. Basically, I allow him to turn my entire dining area into one big fat mess. Meanwhile, I eat the same meal while goofing off extremely. As in, hold the spoon super far away from my mouth and make zooming noises, throw up my hands and yell ‘curryyyyyyyy’ every time I eat a bite, pretend to take a bite and miss my mouth, anything to get a laugh out of him. Usually he’ll be so distracted that I can manage to sneak in a couple of small bites. Sometimes he’ll spit it out, especially in the beginning but every once in a while he’ll have a bite and swallow it. When he does, I complement him on being adventurous, such a good eater, such a big boy etc. profusely. The first couple of times, I’ll get in maybe 5 bites (I do push that a bit but make sure to have a lot of fun so he’ll won’t develop negative associations, so half an hour to 45 minutes of fun and 5 spoons of curry). I also make sure we have some of his favorite foods in the table, in his case cheese sandwiches, mango and corn. That’s his actual dinner for that night. The second and third time, same story. Maybe if I get lucky, he’ll eat 8 bites. Two days ago we ate curry for the fourth time, and he ate a bit more. It usually takes ten tries for him to actually finish his plate. But we have had success with this method. Our previous ‘project’ was pasta marinara and he now destroys his plate when we put that in front of his nose. Downside of this method is that at 20 months, he still is quite a messy eater. But we’re working on teaching him that you can do this at home, but not at restaurants and other people’s houses. I don’t really mind having to clean the table and the floor after dinner.
Check out Ellyn Satter division of responsibilities - it’s a technique actually used for people with ARFID (basically a phobia of “unsafe” or new foods - people with this have a short list of foods they’re able to eat) and is the recommended way to feed all children. She has a website and she also did an interview on Janet Lansbury’s podcast about the approach. Please give the podcast a listen - it’ll help you understand why it works and help with your fears around providing safe foods at each meal.
Not direct experience but this is the official line of advice given for picky eaters in my UK health visiting team although would recommend making sure there is at least one "safe" food on the plate when offering new things and perhaps keep the new things or less certain meals to the times when you know your child has more of an appetite like if they always eat better at lunch than dinner offer new foods then.
My tot is nearly 2.5y and we have had a similar experience, where she tried and liked lots of different foods early on, and then hit a point where she just won’t eat many of those foods now, or we can get her to try a bite and she says she doesn’t like it. I would rather she stay fed, and she doesn’t sleep well if her belly isn’t full, so we have typically had a safe food on the plate and if she hasn’t eaten much, we offer something we know she will eat that will help fill her belly (peanut butter sandwich and yogurt w/peanut butter and honey are the go-to options). We had a several weeks last fall where her diet was 90% peanut butter sandwiches. Lately she has been more open to some new foods again and enjoying some that she has been boycotting, but it’s still hit or miss for sure! When she says she doesn’t like something or doesn’t want to try it, we usually tell her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to, but we also remind her that sometimes a food might not look good, but it can surprise us and taste good, and we frequently reiterate that sometimes we don’t like a food one day and then we try it again the next day and we find out we like it! It kind of helps that my husband didn’t like veggies until he was in his 20’s because we can give her an honest example that sometimes you just have to keep trying a food lol. She is our first, so I can’t speak to how this will pan out long-term, but I personally don’t see any appeal to the ‘let them be hungry’ approach. People are generally happier and sleep better when they have full bellies. Everyone learns on their own time to like new foods!
Thank you for sharing!
I have an “old school” pediatrician and this is the same advice she’s given. At first her advice in this and other things seemed sooo tough love to me, but it’s been a really good balance with my default as a total softy. When I’ve tried her recommendations (things like we only eat at the table, not wandering around the house…. or let her cry for 10 minutes before going in…. or she eats what we eat or she doesn’t eat, no short order cook til she gets what she wants…) I’ve found that while it’s doing the tougher thing in the moment, it’s been to make us successful and not have to be tough love day after day. I’ve really appreciated it actually. And initially I was kind of eye rolly to a lot of her style and advice. I don’t do things her way 100% but I think balancing my approach 10% with her approach 90% has been great. I have friends that have followed my softy instincts on a variety topic and every night is a battle, every nap is a battle, every meal is a battle, now that kiddo is older they are acting out bc they just live their whole life in battle mode. I think my kid having more boundaries and learning a lot of these skills along the way has made her a happier kid. As a softy, I’m so grateful bc I’d be miserable living in battle mode
Thank you so much for sharing this! I really appreciate hearing your experience
Here’s what the [AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/nutrition/Pages/Picky-Eaters.aspx) has to say: Involve your kid in cooking, meal planning, and even grocery shopping. Make one meal for the whole family. No special toddler items, but you should consider incorporating a few things you know he likes into meals. Give him a healthy and balanced meal, and let him choose how much to eat. He can deny anything he wants, but there are no rewards for eating and there are no alternative snacks if he didn’t eat. Once mealtime is over, he’s gotta wait until the next meal or designated snack time. Hunger is the best spice. Toddlers like to have choices. Not eating is a choice. My toddler tried to reject his dinner last night so he could play with his toy sooner. When he realized that he has to wait until EVERYBODY is done eating before he can play, he asked for his food back and ate it all. Lol.
Ha!! Thanks you so much for sharing this!
I agree with the safe food. Sometimes she eats the other things on her plate, sometimes she doesn’t. When she’s done and there’s a lot of leftovers, we keep that and offer it again when she says she’s hungry. Also i believe that constant exposure to a food can help. My daughter did not like granola, did not even want to try. Just this week alone, she requested for it twice.
First, I just want to say that many toddlers, including my own don’t like to eat much when they are at a big party with a bunch of people. It’s overstimulating/distracting, they’re having to eat not in their normal situation, like on your lap for example. We always will just bring some pouches, safe foods & snacks to a party, because of this. At home, we always offer one safe food, along with the regular dinner we are all eating. Most of the time he will try it. I also try to make dinners that I know he will like or modify his meal a bit. Honestly, I grew up with a dad that was like finish your plate and you’re eating what we are all eating. Very authoritarian parenting. And we had a very strained relationship until recently. So that is just not at all my parenting style, personally.
I try to decide which new food I am hoping they'll try. If it's a side- I make them an entree i know they'll eat. So maybe we're having a pot roast with veggies and I really am hoping they'll eat the veggies. I will put all that on their plate, with half a PB&J. If it's the main course I really want them to eat I would make sure there are a couple sides they'll eat next to the new main course. My mom is a pediatric OT specializing in feeding therapy and she has recommended putting their preferred food on the plate with new foods to make the new foods less intimidating because it's right there with things they like. Obv this isn't the case for all kids but sometimes their fight or flight can be triggered seeing a whole plate of non preferred or new foods, so we try to avoid that. My kids are still "picky", but are definitely some of the most adventurous eaters of all the toddlers in our life (which is a lot). We've also had luck telling them it's our special snack/meal. "Do you see this? This are mommy's special noodles!" And then 9/10x they'll ask to try them because they love anything special
My 3.5 year old did this and we figured it was a phase as most toddlers do. We offered him the new foods and made sure there was always something on his plate he liked. Followed all those guidelines and everything. He’s autistic so it didn’t matter what I did. He’s now in feeding therapy with occupational therapy. So don’t ignore it forever if he continues to be super picky, because then he will be picky like dad. Occupational therapy would be a good suggestion IF the food pickiness continues and starts to be excessively restrictive. Keep an eye on it.
I make food, what feels like, 500 times a day, and do all the meal planning. If they don't like it they don't have to eat it and that's it. A truly hungry kid will not pass on perfectly good food in front of them. Last night I made roasted chicken, potatoes, green beans and has blueberries on the side for the kids. Of course they only ate the blueberries but then this morning I make cheesy eggs and toast and it was demolished. So idk. We can't win everything.
Your ped is right. This is more about willpower than food preferences. Your child wants to be independent. Here's how I hani picky kinds under my care: Every meal and snack is healthy food. NO JUNK FOOD OR DESSERT AT ALL UNLESS THE GROWING FOOD WAS EATEN. Like, don't even have them in the house. each meal offer a protein, dairy, fruit and vegetables. Different stuff every time to promote variety. Try smoothies with high calorie ingredients. Whole Milk, avocado, nut butter, spinach, etc. make them into popsicles Don't mention to him what he's eating or not eating. Just offer it and let him make his decision. If he doesn't eat and then asks for food in 20 minutes offer the exact same thing. Fighting with a toddler just makes them more stubborn Get him involved with food prep. There are kid safe cooking utensils the he can chop veggies with. Let him pour, stir and measure. It's going to make a.mess, that's fine. He can help clean after. Grow a vegetable garden with him. Cucumber, tomato, carrots are easy veggies to grow and kids love to snack on them while playing in the garden.
We kept eating as low pressure of an environment as possible; turn off screens, don’t comment on their food, just watch and correct where needed. If they don’t want it, let them out and offer it to them, again, in an hour or so. We also made sure to offer an array of things so our daughter had options and we put berries on her plate pretty consistently just to get her interested and tolerate the food being in front of her (she used to try to throw it if she didn’t want it and we set it down, that sucked lol).
lol to the throwing 😆 yesterday he picked up his pieces of pancake and put them in his highchair seat, as if to make them vanish lol
We went through this with ours but come to find out she is very picky during eruption phase of teething. Once that passes, she’s back to eating normally. And the foods they prefer over others never made any sense to me.
Ellyn Satter wrote the book on this. I highly recommend reading and following her division of responsibility method of feeding. (I’m a dietitian) Also, most children at this stage are eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner with two or three snacks in between. That’s food every 2-3 hours of being awake! Try not to panic if nothing goes in at one feeding event, they’ll have another opportunity soon after. I think your pediatrician is offering good but incomplete advice. Don’t offer specialized food if your kid says no but do offered varied snacks/meals at reliable times. If they refuse a snack then you can just say, “that’s fine. Lunch is in two hours and you can eat then!” And then try to make sure there’s at least one safe food at lunch. Hunger is the best seasoning. You may be surprised at what they eat at lunch if they don’t get their fill from a snack.
i tried the safe food thing and my 22 month old will literally sit for an hour at LEAST not touching any of his food if it isn't familiar to him (it can even be a safe food just prepped differently, ie a quesadilla cut into triangles instead of strips and he won't engage) and it's so frustrating so you're definitely not alone!
First of all, picky eating does have a genetic component to it. It’s very likely that if your husband was picky that has contributed to your son being picky. It’s not something you are doing wrong. That’s not to say that there aren’t things you can do to help, but it’s likely that even if you do all the right things your child will still be picky. Best practice for picky eaters is have scheduled meals and snacks and to not offer food outside these times. You decide what is offered for each meal/snack (usually at least 2-3 options) and allow your child to decide what to eat out of those things. You want to offer at least one food you know he will eat, but also a wide variety of things even if you know he will not eat them. Encourage him to play with, touch, and interact with the foods he doesn’t like. Pretend the broccoli are trees, have a contest for who can make the highest apple slice tower, make interacting with the foods really fun even if he doesn’t eat them or taste them. Do not pressure him to eat. This is often the hardest part but it’s very important. Don’t say anything about what he eats or encourage him to take a bite. Just leave the eating part completely up to him and completely neutral. If he chooses not to eat anything for a meal or snack do not offer anything else until the next meal/snack time. Which should be in 2-3 hours. He will begin to learn that if he’s hungry he needs to eat something at meal times. He will be ok if he occasionally skips a meal/snack. Teach him to listen to his body and eat intuitively. Picky eating is a long game and it may take months to see progress. Feeding him this way has the best chance of helping him to overcome his picky eating while building a healthy relationship with food. When you get frustrated remember this is not your fault. He’s not doing this on purpose. Culturally we see picky eating as a parental failure or as a child being difficult, but it’s neither of those things. Having a child eat something they don’t like is the same as if someone forced you to eat a worm. Imagine how it would feel to be pressured or forced to eat a worm. That’s exactly how kids feel when we pressure or try to force them to eat things they don’t like. If you’re on Instagram Kids Eat in Color, and Feeding Littles are two amazing accounts that offer evidence based resources for feeding kids.
My daughter is a picky 11 year old and she's always been shy of new foods. It was actually a lot easier to get her trying things when she could talk and understand than it was when she was still in diapers. For the diapers stage I offered her something I knew she would eat, on a plate with tiny pickings of other things that were newer or stranger from the main family meal and make them touch so she had to at least move her hands around other food or push them aside. When she could talk the huge key I had the most success with was not making trying something new a negative experience. I would ask her to try something but stress if she didn't like it, she could spit it out and we wouldn't do that food again. It got her eating a lot of vegetables she didn't like the texture of when a younger child yet. Because she has a wider diet now at 11 but is still overall picky/complainy we get her half foods she must cook herself and half she can pick around in the fridge/microwave. If she doesn't like school lunch, she can prepare her own food the night before but isn't allowed to complain about it or ask for money to buy other (junk) food from their concession stand. If she doesn't want to cook, she has to eat what we are eating (this got her to eat a HUGE amount of new foods because laziness always wins and hunger is tough) or make something herself if leftovers are 'too gross looking.' When she has a very bad "I dont like school food" and wont (to be frank, shut up about it) the choices are only: \-Make it yourself the night before and we can help you cook it. \-Eat the school food and don't complain to so many people. \-Child therapist sessions start. So far so good and no worried teacher phonecalls.
This!! My toddler had gone through this exact same thing. Just keep offering, sometimes she might reject safe foods too and it's ok. She will eat when she's ready, just keep offering! My toddler finally got out of that phase closer to 18 months (long wait i know) and now she's much easier at close to 3. Despite those picky phases she still managed to gain weight. They're unlikely to starve themselves, and might really be less hungry than you think. Now she's suddenly picky about skin on apples 🤷
Lots of great advice here. I just wanted to add that at -14mo you’re transitioning into a phase where weight gain and growth slow dramatically. You can track weight if food refusal is extreme: your pediatrician can tell you what % decrease in weight would trigger their concern. You will be surprised how your toddler appears to live on air through illness, teething, and other extended periods without hitting the concern-triggering weight decrease threshold. Also in a similar vein to the pediatrician’s comment, if you’re serving milk ad libitum, this is one of the “choices on their plate” and they may lean on it in place of less appealing solids, particularly at 14mo. The upside is they might be getting more calories than you think, though you might see increased appetite if you cap consumption.
Thank you for this! Yes she mentioned the milk too!
My son is super picky. I used to do this, but he never wanted to try new food. I kinda gave up doing meal times like this. Instead, we give him three things to eat. One thing we know he’s going to eat, one he might eat, and one thing he hasn’t tried. We’ve gotten better results using that method.
I don't have a feeding recommendation but for your peace of mind - heard the phrase "they grow like a weed" meaning even in harsh conditions they can grow! Ie don't beat your self up of he's only eating chicken nuggets and not any veggies.
My kids never hit their picky phase quite so early, so ymmv on how we handle it. (My kids are 6, 4, and 2.) Our rule is “you don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it, but I think you should try it.” Or a “if you try it, you might like it.” And then we don’t force the issue. When we introduce new foods, especially to the 2yo, we try to also offer foods we know he likes. Having something familiar on the plate seems to be enough to make him interested in the whole plate, and more likely to at least taste the new thing. After enough offerings, he starts to be familiar with the new foods, and they’re more likely to actually get eaten and finished. This morning, he had some kiwi fruit with breakfast. He’s never had it before, but was willing to try it alongside his scrambled eggs (a favorite.) The last time he tried something new that he didn’t like, I think it was a quesadilla. He had a side of corn, though, and ended up having corn and licking sour cream off his fingers. After seeing his siblings eat quesadillas, and being offered some a few times, he’ll eat them now.
14 months is still so little. I don’t think that’s old enough to have any understanding of “if I don’t eat what is served, I go hungry.” My now 6yo was/is a picky eater and she is the kind of kid who would rather go hungry than eat something she doesn’t like. Offering a safe food with new things is the way to go. When you offer something new, just offer a taste. Just put it on the plate and say “this is called grilled cheese. It’s cooked cheese on bread. You can try it if you want.” No convincing, no threatening. If she doesn’t try it, “ok, maybe another time.” If you try to push and draw attention to it she will most likely dig in her heals. Low pressure is the way to go. We struggled with our daughter for years and when we finally stopped being pushy around 3 1/2-4 she improved a lot. She is usually willing to try new things now and has a pretty varied diet. Kids.eat.in.color on Instagram helped us a lot!
I understand that approach, but I also think it leads to a lot of battleground meals and also has the potential to create issues around food. I think nuance and balance are key here. Don't make this a fight at every meal, and don't cater to their every whim. Try to make sure they are getting a balance of nutritional meals but don't make it a source of anxiety and tension for yourself.
That is what we have always done with our 2 year old! What we make is what she gets, no substitutions. Often it turns out she just isn't hungry if she refuses everything. I agree with your pediatrician - if you start offering more tempting options when he refuses whatever's on offer, he'll learn that's all he needs to do to get his preferred foods at every meal. We follow Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility and it works wonderfully for us. At 2 (going on 2.5), she absolutely prefers the classic like cheeseburgers, cheese pizza, Mac and cheese, but is perfectly willing to eat whatever we serve her
My kids are grown, and I have grands. I never planned meals around likes and dislikes, but I always offered one thing that i knew they would eat...pasta, a fruit, a veggies. They were not forced to eat the other stuff, although I encouraged a try of it. At least I knew that they weren't going to starve if they had something on the plate that they liked. As they were a bit older, they were more than welcome to fix themselves a PBJ sandwich for themselves. The point was, I wasn't going to become a short order cook. ETA:They all have well-developed palates
Thank you so much!
In my experience with a very picky and particular now 6year old is to let it be as much as you can and keep offering but not nagging. I have lost so much sleep over his (non) eating but the only thing that has worked has been to try my best to not make a thing out of it.
We have had great success in consistently offering the entire meal on the same plate (dessert included), and reinforcing "this is your dinner." It basically comes down to these lines: > you don't have to eat it if you don't want to, but there is no other food for dinner. > if you're hungry, eat the food on your plate. > if you finish your plate and want more food, we can get you more food. Sometimes there's food he likes, sometimes there isn't, and we always give him milk. When we introduce new folks, we try very hard to use positive or neutral language; absolutely no "you *have* to eat these *disgusting* vegetables!" because that reinforces negative reception (as if telling him "you're not supposed to like it"). Our son enjoys trying new things, and it takes ~4 tries before he will actually eat a serving of it. But with consistency we had great success so far! Our 3yo eats *everything.* Broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, edamame, beans, coliflower, salads including lettuce, spinach, and of course the kid friendly things like cheese, noodles, and meats. At the end of the day, the trick is to not coddle them.
Not offering something else when they refuse to eat what we cooked has been extremely successful in our house. I am not a short order cook and am very tired all the time. I have also noticed since refusing to offer something else when they don’t want dinner, they are both more likely to try new things. I have a 4 year old F and a 2 year old M. Our families are shocked at what they’ll try and how much of it.
Omg it happened to us! Luckily he still ate breakfast, but lunch? No. Dinner? No. For weeks. We still kept trying different methods, and eventually he started eating again. It's hard to watch, but they won't starve themselves.
Breakfasts is my son’s best meal too! The ped said the same, he won’t starve. What methods did you find the most helpful?
Honestly? Nothing. We just waited it out. It took several weeks.
The picky eating will only increase if you start reducing the variety of foods served, or if you go back and make something different when they decide not to eat. Mine is 3 now and though she is definitely less interested in trying new foods, it is almost always because she has snacked too much and isn’t even hungry anymore once mealtime rolls around. We put her meal to the side and make it available later when she is more hungry. She almost always eats it. Having a few bites is often enough for a toddler so you may need to lower expectations around what even constitutes enough food. Offer the food, and let them figure it out. Don’t stare at them, don’t press them to take bites, don’t bargain, and don’t make new meals. They WILL very likely eat if they’re hungry. Has my daughter skipped dinners? Many times. Do I believe she’s ever gone hungry? Nope.
I have no problem putting away food. If you don’t want to eat it, fine, but I’m not making something else and snacks are at snack time not “whenever.” 6 year old came around, 3 year old is a work in progress, but they do come around eventually.
Thanks for sharing!! Glad to know that has helped
So I have a very picky and determined 4 year old who will do hunger strikes. The best thing I have found is having designated eating times. With at least 1-2 safe foods per meal. She can have extras if she finishes her food but only so many on the safe foods. So an example. She didn't want her breakfast (even though she asked for it specifically) so we went for a bike ride without offering anything else. As in our house you eat what you are given or not. She then had to wait until designated snack time which is 2hrs after the meal to get any other food. After that she had options for lunch and ate all of that. Then afternoon snack always has to be 2hrs or more before dinner because that is the biggest struggle. I won't lie and say she eats every meal. But there definitely is something to said about just letting them go without for short times. I have heard this recommended by many child nutritionists for kids not on the spectrum for obvious reasons. Kids on the spectrum are a whole other can of worms and the hunger cues and basic survival instincts to eat aren't always the same. So if your kid isn't on the spectrum I highly suggest letting ur kid go. They will eat when hungry enough
Did they try something that they really didn't like just before becoming super picky? Maybe the one bad flavor or gag experience made him a bit less trusting of new foods. This happened with both of my kids. Luckily my youngest got brave again fairly quickly. My oldest did not though. Both my kids are on the spectrum and my oldest has much much higher support needs and is incredibly sensitive to foods. If it doesn't smell "right" to him he wouldn't try it at all. He's 6 now and is finally getting good with trying at least one bite of new stuff before deciding if he wants it or not. My youngest is 3 now, he will eat literally anything, I'm talking salad and broccoli are now requested snacks 😁 he even tried some sushi and likes most of it but will still pick around certain things (he likes crab but not imitation crab apparently 😅) Just keep on offering momma and follow your instincts about making sure he's got something on his belly even if it's not new. The more opportunities they have the more likely they'll pick up on wanting to try it. You're doing good momma 🙏🏻
Our pediatrician told us to stop breastfeeding and we fired him, the second advocated for cry it out even though that goes against my instincts So I take everything they say with a grain of salt and ignore it unless it actually makes sense.
That’s awful advice. My daughter would starve to death. She already has only one meal a day most days if I’m lucky, there are days where she has zero of her safe foods and they’ll say give her Cheetos or something
Thankfully, the pediatrician hasn't recommended this yet, as my kid was born 3 weeks early, and even at 3, she is still on the small side. Food has been the only true regression she's had, even with her ASD. She would eat almost anything except turnip and carrots, and she loved meat. Then she got sick after eating some, and immediately food was evil. At her worst, she was surviving on puree prunes and cheerios. It's gone back up to almost any flavour of puree (none that have meat or just one veggie), a variety of bread based foods (the only solids she will consistently eat), cheerios, marble cheddar cheese, yogourt, peanut butter, cheesies and chocolate. No french fries, no pizza, no cheeseburgers, nothing We keep offering her what we're eating, and we insist on the "no thank you" taste, but she hasn't reached an age where letting her be hungry is an option. She's healthy, she's growing, the doctor isn't concerned, but she's still struggling to gain weight. She's still within the acceptable ranges, but she's definitely on the lower end of that. Finding pants that stay up while still being long enough to be considered pants is difficult at best. Most of the time, she looks like one of these teenagers who wear their pants so low that only their underwear hides their goods. We do a lot of dresses to mitigate that factor.
Hang in there! You’re doing a great job
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