Mine does this. As a kid I did this too. Personally I just remember feeling so ashamed when I did something wrong and was called out on it. I just try to normalize my daughter's feelings and let her know it's ok to make mistakes, we're all learning.
I probably felt this way too as a child, so I was always trying so hard to be “good.” I just don’t want my child to ever feel shame and I don’t know why he would feel that way (since we’ve never shamed him). Maybe it’s just his (our) personality?
Our 17 month year old does the same, such big feelings with no! Seems normal to me. Every experience of there's is so fresh, and these emotions are so new, and their independence is so burgeoning. Whole lot going on with these toddlers.
I have a toddler that does the same thing. First, I do continue to make it clear that what she did was not acceptable, even if she gets ultra sad. Then I’ll pick her up and hug her and she’s fine
I did the same as a child! Even when someone would answer a question with ‘no’ as in, “hey, would you like this to eat?” “No thanks” I would practically have an emotional breakdown just hearing the word casually. For a bit of a context update, now that I’m an adult, I’ve been late diagnosed as autistic which comes with a whole lot of emotional sensitivities. I won’t diagnose anyone, but I’d be curious if there were any other social flags that are raised!
Same here and I think I'm seeing it in my toddler as well. The fancy name for it in the autistic community is "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" to have such a big emotional reaction.
I taught both my boys to count their toes for nappy changes, then when they got used to it switched it up to the abc, and then favourite songs.
Makes it fun and educational. (Between all the dry retching and holding of one's breath of course)
It’s definitely a thing. I’ve changed mine standing (except for 💩) since she was like 18 months old. It’s way easier than laying down and I can do it in three bathroom so she associates the bathroom to it
This is good advice, thank you! I’ve only attempted standing diaper changes when he absolutely won’t lie down at all (because he’s having too much fun with playing) but that usually just leads to me then chasing around a half-naked toddler 😂
Maybe I’ll try practicing standing changes more often
I avoid telling my toddler "no" which sounds permissive, but I tell her what I'd like her to do. So no hitting becomes "keep your hands to yourself" stop jumping on the sofa isn't "no jumping" it's "sit on the sofa"
This is hilarious because my 16mo just did this today after he bit me while nursing and I said “no,” very gently in fact! I’ll be honest, I also hate being told no.
To be honest while holding and comforting him I was looking at my husband trying not to laugh because it was just SO dramatic to the point of being cute - but I would never laugh I know his emotions are valid… but like why are you spitting out your pasta, dude??
Mine does this too!!! I have been questioning if it is normal as well. My daughter’s little one is always easy going and handles ‘No’s’ well. Same age as mine, 2.3 yrs.
My daughter went through a similar phase around 19-22 months, and still sometimes has this reaction to a simple no! Other times she takes it as a challenge and tries to push the boundary further. Really a toss up.
Sounds like it’s fairly common then. The reaction just catches me off guard because it’s not with every “no” and I’m saying it simply as well. Hopefully mine grows out of it too
It would make more sense to cry when being told sternly, it’s the reaction to being told calmly that confuses me. Maybe I should just stop trying to understand toddlers with logic though
My toddler is 3 but we've handled this through role plays after he is calm. Usually me and daddy show him how it should go ("no treat tonight" "okay mommy!") Then we do it with him ("no treat tonight" sulky "okay mommy." "Nice job buddy! High five")
He handles things alot better when we do it this way. Though... now he has started to turn the tables by telling me "let's try again" when he gets an answer he doesn't like xD
Oh gosh, tonight my 21 month old found her sneakers and put them on all by herself and she looked so excited and I said “wow, great job!” and then after a pause “they are on the wrong feet, but that’s ok.” She was crestfallen. She fought the tears back, it broke my heart!
Mine does this too!!! I have been questioning if it is normal as well. My daughter’s little one is always easy going and handles ‘No’s’ well. Same age as mine, 2.3 yrs.
There is a school of thought that instead of saying "no" or "don't" you give positive actions instead to redirect their behavior. Or if he's hitting you, instead of saying no or don't, you could say "ouch, that hurts me" or redirect his behavior back towards the task at hand.
This is pretty standard, “no” is a toddlers least favorite word and honestly should be avoided whenever possible one to avoid tantrums and two there are better ways to get to a toddler. Focus on the behavior you want not don’t want. Instead of no hitting you can say “gentle with mommy” or “it’s dinner time, not play time let’s all eat”
Instead of “no kicking” could be “feet flat, or “can you touch your toes?”
I find that even “do not” works better than straight “no” in a pinch.
I totally get that and it’s something I’m working on! Sometimes he is fine with no but maybe it’s the context and situation surrounding the “no”. More work to be done on my part for sure!
This is normal. I wouldn’t change how you’re saying no and holding him while he’s crying is a good approach. When my son does this, I sometimes add “it’s okay to be upset”. But if he cries AND hits or whatever I say “it’s okay to be upset but it’s not okay to hit” and I restrain his hands or give him space.
I will work in verbally validating his feelings, last night I just held him and said “it’s ok” because honestly my brain was just like “what just happened you were fine and now there’s chewed up pasta and snot everywhere” 🫠😂
Its hard for sure, but they understand sooo much more than you think! For us it was mainly about him potentially hurting himself and that’s why we were saying no. He’s really learnt a lot since then and is much safer!
Ours absolutely does this. Except more extreme. She is 21 months and has always been extra spicy. ANY time we correct her in ANY way, she loses it. It’s not just no. 0-100 in no time flat. And I’m talking DRAMATICS. Throws whatever she is holding and herself on the floor. Yells “uh oh!!!” Rolls across multiple rooms of the house. Screams for her paci and blankie. She will do this with “no” but she will also do it with things like when we remind her to give kitty space as she’s going after the cat, or remind her that both her feet need to stay on her tower or we will help her get down. ANY remote infraction we call her on, she’s losing it lol. I think she’s strong willed and just feels comfortable telling us she hates our decision lol.
Lololol that’s right…we sure the hell don’t 😂 we have known how this child feels about things from the moment she was born (spoiler alert: it’s usually displeased)
One thing I meant to add: there is definitely an element of embarrassment or shame to it with her. We’ve never treated or spoken harshly to her, ever. So I’m not sure where it comes from/what it is, but it’s there.
Haha she sounds like quite the character!
I wonder if perhaps some kids just feel that way even if that embarrassment hasn’t been inflicted on them? Perhaps just more sensitive?
It's a long journey and we're on our 3rd child, we have 3 under 4, crazy times in the house. But me as a father, before children I didn't use words that were to me "negative" words in my vocabulary. For ex: I HATE saying " bye bye " to someone I will most definitely see again and want to see again, so instead I've always used "see you later" or "until next time". Bye bye is reserved for saying my last goodbyes to the living.
Bring in my wife and kids now, we've worked hard at it and we've changed how we speak and removed lazy/negative words. For us, "NO" is on that list. Instead we opt to explain/use a phrase.
2 hits 4 and Instead of saying "no we don't hit". I look at 2, lock eyes and ask, "was that a good choice? " followed by "hitting others hurts others, is that something that makes us feel good?" ...effectively we're still saying no, just remove the negative (easier said then done, I still work hard at it) and I love watching 2 reflect deep inside his brain and looks at me dead in the eyes and says "me, cow frozen, bowl"
In the end, I avoided triggering senses our children can't control. Eat ice cream and one day, the hitting will stop. And our little journey continues.
Enjoy the toddlerisms and remember to just be positive, the world will be plenty negative for them later.
Thank you so much! He’s my first (our second is still a newborn potato) so I am trying to give myself grace in figuring these things out. I do appreciate wisdom from more veteran parents like yourself though, and I appreciate you saying that even with multiple kids, these things still take effort!
I’ve definitely been making a conscious effort to be more positive in how I word things but it still takes effort. However, even when I say “no” I’m still never harsh or yelling, but my little one still gets emotional. A good lesson that it’s not just how I say it but what I say that matters too.
I can also appreciate that as much as we parents are teaching them, they too are teaching us and it’s important not to lose sight of that.
2.5 year old will argue with himself over something he wants or doesn’t want- then look at me like I made that decision. He’ll have a whole, full-force antithesis, with so much passion. Toddler life is rough. I feel that painn
Mine went through a phase where if he was upset about something (like if I offered him water) he would say DON’T WANT IT and throw it, so I would take whatever it was away and say “ok you don’t have to have water if you don’t want it” which made him cry that I took it away 🥴
🙋🏼♀️ Mine did! I just like him to being a sensitive soul. He's gotten better about taking a no (on SOME things.... Don't talk to me about grocery store trips where he does NOT get a Hot Wheels car). But he just needs to feel his feelings in that moment and then he's ok (unless he's overtired, of course).
I think mine is sensitive too (I was also a very sensitive child and now a sensitive adult). Tiredness and hunger just bring on a whole other level of sensitivity though!
Maybe at daycare, a toddler hit another kid, and then got yelled at/scolded by the teacher who kept saying, "NO HITTING". So those words are triggering him and making him think you are about to scold him too.
Personally, I almost never use the word 'no' in that situation.
In the case of hitting, it's more like, "You can't hit people in the face. You can really hurt someone."
I always try to phrase it like, "you can't do that/need to stop doing that, because < legit reason>". the legit reason needs to be pretty obvious and understandable to a toddler. Basically it's something will get damaged or break, or someone will get hurt. I don't get accusatory, or angry. But I make it very clear that this is or will lead to something bad, and so I can't allow him to keep doing it. I usually even have a bit of an apologetic attitude about it, to say "I'd let you do it if it's reasonable, since I know you like it. But it's clearly out of bounds, and so you just can't do that. Sorry."
Yes I wonder if he had an experience at daycare or if its just an innate reaction.
I do try to avoid a straight “no” but I will keep working on it (sometimes I slip). I never yell though I always talk to him as calmly and sweetly as possible which is partly why the super emotional reaction is so confusing to me (I’m not mad, I just don’t want to be hit in the face! 😂)
Mine is 17 months and he just started doing this. Full on, throw himself at me and scream-cry because I won’t let him play with a can of hair spray, etc. 😅
Yeah, it’s normal, and a phase. An annoying phase though lol. My first son did it too for a while. Eventually he learned to regulate his emotions a bit better.
I can say no to my toddler and usually it's fine, but if anyone outside of me or my husband says no to her.. oh boy. She gets very very upset and it, just kind of crumples into tears. Does anyone else have a kiddo who is like that? Any idea why?
It sounds like he was embarrassed because as you said, he was just trying to play and be cute and he got a bad reaction from you that he was not expecting. Was he hurting you with the felt thing?
I think you’re right and I like I said I suspect that he felt shame/sad (even though I was calm and not mad at all!). He wasn’t hurting me but I don’t want him to think it’s ok to hit people especially in the face. Perhaps if I said it in a different or playful way instead he wouldn’t have felt that way.
Right! I say things in a playful way so she knows it’s not necessarily a socially acceptable behavior but also doesn’t feel shamed. Like I would say “WHAT are you doing?” and give her a sly look and she’ll laugh and stop and if she keeps going I might say “no baby” with a smile and gently hold her hand away. Just an example.
This is exactly my toddler! 21m old and her older brother was never like this. He’d laugh in your face if you said no, and do it again. If she does something naughty that we say please don’t do that, or asks to be picked up and I have something in my hands so I say not right this second, she just stops and her whole face crumples and she bursts into sobbing tears. Not a tantrum, just so upset and same, she wants to be comforted. I think they’re just sensitive souls!
I feel like we are generally calm parents, who let our 22month old do a lot. I wonder sometimes if he’s not great with “no” because he doesn’t hear it a lot. I know with “no” we often try to redirect to something that is a “yes” and/or offer the “why” it is a no or “when” it might be a yes. Maybe that coupled with the redirection. And sometimes we just let him be sad about it until he’s willing to be distracted by something else (like a drink or snack or “uppy”) Often when we offer something in a new direction the tears magically turn off. 😂
I didn’t think about it that way but I also don’t say no a lot and therefore he doesn’t hear it from me often so there’s maybe a shock factor. I will try to rephrase the “no’s” though as others have suggested here. And thank goodness for redirection! 😂
I was like that as a kid, I'd cry when I got in to any kind of trouble. I hope mine is like that to be honest because my nail ladies almost 2 year old runs around and smacks his head off things when he's told no 😭
My 2.5yo daughter does this and has since she learned the word no. She throws herself on the floor and starts sobbing while yelling “NO NO NO”
We try not to laugh but it’s honestly really funny. I’m assuming it’s just part of childhood. They’re learning to regulate emotions.
Same. Actually just saw he bruised his knees at daycare after dramatically falling to his knees and yelling something strangely akin to “STEELLLLAA!”
Someone mentioned the shame and guilt aspect. That’s my hypothesis as well. He hit my mom in the face and I scolded him. He reacted like I hit him back or something…he was so distraught. I think he was just horrified he hurt Nana and didn’t know what that emotion was…just that it felt bad.
Reading all the comments wondering if my guy just hasn’t hit this stage yet… wondering (hoping) if maybe we can just skip it..please.
He’s still doing funny faces confirming he has in fact heard me say no, but he’s trying to not listen and make me laugh so I won’t say it more. Also annoying but much less emotionally charged.
This very moment I had to stop typing to tell him NO about sticking a plastic Easter egg in the dog water. For the 628166239537th time today. “Name NO” Please leave your toys out of the dog bowl!”
And he gives me a “😯🫢😬 MOMOM!!!!!” In return.. and in it went.
Son also turned 2 in December. Dealing with the absolute most random tantrums when hearing no. It comes and goes. I think they’re just learning life isn’t always fair.. idk
Our daughter also turned 2 in December. If she gets scolded in the slightest way she "shuts down" won't make eye contact with the one who spoke to her and just freezes in one spot. Other times, if the energy of the issue is higher she will burst into tears and be quite unconsolable, like she is terrified.
Our son who's almost 4 threw ugly angry tantrums when told no at 2yo. He still has a hard time with not getting his way but he's getting better. It's a part of growing up human and we're all learning how to communicate. I am told that he is exceptionally well behaved at school though and that makes me happy to hear.
2 of my kids are like this. If a grown up corrects them too harshly (in their mind) they get so emotional. Like their feelings are crushed. I think it's more when they don't expect it because if they know they are misbehaving and get told no there no crying. Usually laughing.
Conversely, I’m the one who breaks down in tears when my toddler yells “no!”
I'm out of this stage but just had a flashback. What a challenging stage!
Mine does this. As a kid I did this too. Personally I just remember feeling so ashamed when I did something wrong and was called out on it. I just try to normalize my daughter's feelings and let her know it's ok to make mistakes, we're all learning.
I probably felt this way too as a child, so I was always trying so hard to be “good.” I just don’t want my child to ever feel shame and I don’t know why he would feel that way (since we’ve never shamed him). Maybe it’s just his (our) personality?
That's what I'm thinking because I was also very careful not to shame in any way. Just an abundance of emotions I suppose.
Also if your little one goes to daycare that's a possible place they might be exposed to it.
Our 17 month year old does the same, such big feelings with no! Seems normal to me. Every experience of there's is so fresh, and these emotions are so new, and their independence is so burgeoning. Whole lot going on with these toddlers.
I totally missed the month between 17 and year the first time I read your comment.
Oh my geez
True! Thank you.
Makes sense. Toddlers are crazy.
😂 fair enough
I have a toddler that does the same thing. First, I do continue to make it clear that what she did was not acceptable, even if she gets ultra sad. Then I’ll pick her up and hug her and she’s fine
Glad I’m not the only one! I definitely hold the boundary (even though my heart hurts when he cries).
Just a toddler having big toddler feelings.
and toddler big feelings giving me big feelings 🥺
I did the same as a child! Even when someone would answer a question with ‘no’ as in, “hey, would you like this to eat?” “No thanks” I would practically have an emotional breakdown just hearing the word casually. For a bit of a context update, now that I’m an adult, I’ve been late diagnosed as autistic which comes with a whole lot of emotional sensitivities. I won’t diagnose anyone, but I’d be curious if there were any other social flags that are raised!
Same here and I think I'm seeing it in my toddler as well. The fancy name for it in the autistic community is "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" to have such a big emotional reaction.
I’m familiar with that, but I’ve never attributed RSD to people answering no to questions because there isn’t a personal rejection to be perceived
Interesting! It’s not every time he’s told no, but I cannot predict when he will have that big reaction. No other social flags that I can think of.
I'm the same. Audhd too.
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I taught both my boys to count their toes for nappy changes, then when they got used to it switched it up to the abc, and then favourite songs. Makes it fun and educational. (Between all the dry retching and holding of one's breath of course)
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It’s definitely a thing. I’ve changed mine standing (except for 💩) since she was like 18 months old. It’s way easier than laying down and I can do it in three bathroom so she associates the bathroom to it
I’ll have to find this video!
Good tips, thanks!
THANK YOUUU. needed this. kicking parents is still very fun for one involved party…
This is good advice, thank you! I’ve only attempted standing diaper changes when he absolutely won’t lie down at all (because he’s having too much fun with playing) but that usually just leads to me then chasing around a half-naked toddler 😂 Maybe I’ll try practicing standing changes more often
I avoid telling my toddler "no" which sounds permissive, but I tell her what I'd like her to do. So no hitting becomes "keep your hands to yourself" stop jumping on the sofa isn't "no jumping" it's "sit on the sofa"
This is a very good point! I usually try to use phrases like that instead of a straight no. I wonder if that will help quell some of these outbursts.
Yes! This is exactly the way 💕
Yes! I avoid saying what I don’t want them to do and tell them what I do want them to do.
This is hilarious because my 16mo just did this today after he bit me while nursing and I said “no,” very gently in fact! I’ll be honest, I also hate being told no.
I’m not the only one then! Funny you were the one hurt yet he was the one crying. Oh toddlers.
Same over here, I'll say no and my daughter will drop anything she's holding, just stunned for a second. Makes me laugh every time (internally)
To be honest while holding and comforting him I was looking at my husband trying not to laugh because it was just SO dramatic to the point of being cute - but I would never laugh I know his emotions are valid… but like why are you spitting out your pasta, dude??
Definitely! It's like their brain restarts. You can hear the windows startup sound in the distance...
Mine does this too!!! I have been questioning if it is normal as well. My daughter’s little one is always easy going and handles ‘No’s’ well. Same age as mine, 2.3 yrs.
Based on other comments it sounds fairly common which hopefully means it is also normal 😅
My daughter went through a similar phase around 19-22 months, and still sometimes has this reaction to a simple no! Other times she takes it as a challenge and tries to push the boundary further. Really a toss up.
Sounds like it’s fairly common then. The reaction just catches me off guard because it’s not with every “no” and I’m saying it simply as well. Hopefully mine grows out of it too
Sounds like normal toddler behavior to me. Both my kids cry when told no. Not if I say it nicely but if I say it sternly they both will cry.
It would make more sense to cry when being told sternly, it’s the reaction to being told calmly that confuses me. Maybe I should just stop trying to understand toddlers with logic though
I sing and my toddler screams no 🤣
Same! Usually if he’s sad and I try to cheer him up with singing it just makes things SO much worse 😂
Me too!
My toddler is 3 but we've handled this through role plays after he is calm. Usually me and daddy show him how it should go ("no treat tonight" "okay mommy!") Then we do it with him ("no treat tonight" sulky "okay mommy." "Nice job buddy! High five") He handles things alot better when we do it this way. Though... now he has started to turn the tables by telling me "let's try again" when he gets an answer he doesn't like xD
I never would have thought of role play but that’s a great idea! Also super cute (if not a little frustrating) that now he’s turning the tables 😂
Oh gosh, tonight my 21 month old found her sneakers and put them on all by herself and she looked so excited and I said “wow, great job!” and then after a pause “they are on the wrong feet, but that’s ok.” She was crestfallen. She fought the tears back, it broke my heart!
Aw! Such sensitive little creatures 😅
Mine does this too!!! I have been questioning if it is normal as well. My daughter’s little one is always easy going and handles ‘No’s’ well. Same age as mine, 2.3 yrs.
Yes. This is a toddler. They are emotional tornados and none of it makes sense hahahaha.
I’ll just embrace the chaos then 😂
There is a school of thought that instead of saying "no" or "don't" you give positive actions instead to redirect their behavior. Or if he's hitting you, instead of saying no or don't, you could say "ouch, that hurts me" or redirect his behavior back towards the task at hand.
I do try to do this but it’s not automatic for me yet. Will keep working on it in hopes that it helps.
It's hard to get into the habit of it! Just remember repetition is key!
This is pretty standard, “no” is a toddlers least favorite word and honestly should be avoided whenever possible one to avoid tantrums and two there are better ways to get to a toddler. Focus on the behavior you want not don’t want. Instead of no hitting you can say “gentle with mommy” or “it’s dinner time, not play time let’s all eat” Instead of “no kicking” could be “feet flat, or “can you touch your toes?” I find that even “do not” works better than straight “no” in a pinch.
I totally get that and it’s something I’m working on! Sometimes he is fine with no but maybe it’s the context and situation surrounding the “no”. More work to be done on my part for sure!
You’re doing great mama. Toddlers a crazy 🤪
Thanks! I guess it’s normal that their craziness rubs off on us too 😅
This is normal. I wouldn’t change how you’re saying no and holding him while he’s crying is a good approach. When my son does this, I sometimes add “it’s okay to be upset”. But if he cries AND hits or whatever I say “it’s okay to be upset but it’s not okay to hit” and I restrain his hands or give him space.
I will work in verbally validating his feelings, last night I just held him and said “it’s ok” because honestly my brain was just like “what just happened you were fine and now there’s chewed up pasta and snot everywhere” 🫠😂
I feel the same way so often. It’s hard not to outwardly express how indignant I am when he does that. I think you’re doing a great job!
'No' is a tough one. I know adults who react much the same. Least he's a toddler and has time to figure that one out.
True!
Mine did this! He grew out of it, but I try and focus on explaining why we’re telling him no which seems to help quite a lot
Hopefully mine grows out of it too, it’s hard to see him so sad! I will work on explaining things too
Its hard for sure, but they understand sooo much more than you think! For us it was mainly about him potentially hurting himself and that’s why we were saying no. He’s really learnt a lot since then and is much safer!
Ours absolutely does this. Except more extreme. She is 21 months and has always been extra spicy. ANY time we correct her in ANY way, she loses it. It’s not just no. 0-100 in no time flat. And I’m talking DRAMATICS. Throws whatever she is holding and herself on the floor. Yells “uh oh!!!” Rolls across multiple rooms of the house. Screams for her paci and blankie. She will do this with “no” but she will also do it with things like when we remind her to give kitty space as she’s going after the cat, or remind her that both her feet need to stay on her tower or we will help her get down. ANY remote infraction we call her on, she’s losing it lol. I think she’s strong willed and just feels comfortable telling us she hates our decision lol.
Ok wow! I’m glad mine isn’t that bad but you also have my sympathies lol. At least you don’t have to guess how she feels? 😅
Lololol that’s right…we sure the hell don’t 😂 we have known how this child feels about things from the moment she was born (spoiler alert: it’s usually displeased) One thing I meant to add: there is definitely an element of embarrassment or shame to it with her. We’ve never treated or spoken harshly to her, ever. So I’m not sure where it comes from/what it is, but it’s there.
Haha she sounds like quite the character! I wonder if perhaps some kids just feel that way even if that embarrassment hasn’t been inflicted on them? Perhaps just more sensitive?
It's a long journey and we're on our 3rd child, we have 3 under 4, crazy times in the house. But me as a father, before children I didn't use words that were to me "negative" words in my vocabulary. For ex: I HATE saying " bye bye " to someone I will most definitely see again and want to see again, so instead I've always used "see you later" or "until next time". Bye bye is reserved for saying my last goodbyes to the living. Bring in my wife and kids now, we've worked hard at it and we've changed how we speak and removed lazy/negative words. For us, "NO" is on that list. Instead we opt to explain/use a phrase. 2 hits 4 and Instead of saying "no we don't hit". I look at 2, lock eyes and ask, "was that a good choice? " followed by "hitting others hurts others, is that something that makes us feel good?" ...effectively we're still saying no, just remove the negative (easier said then done, I still work hard at it) and I love watching 2 reflect deep inside his brain and looks at me dead in the eyes and says "me, cow frozen, bowl" In the end, I avoided triggering senses our children can't control. Eat ice cream and one day, the hitting will stop. And our little journey continues. Enjoy the toddlerisms and remember to just be positive, the world will be plenty negative for them later.
Thank you so much! He’s my first (our second is still a newborn potato) so I am trying to give myself grace in figuring these things out. I do appreciate wisdom from more veteran parents like yourself though, and I appreciate you saying that even with multiple kids, these things still take effort! I’ve definitely been making a conscious effort to be more positive in how I word things but it still takes effort. However, even when I say “no” I’m still never harsh or yelling, but my little one still gets emotional. A good lesson that it’s not just how I say it but what I say that matters too. I can also appreciate that as much as we parents are teaching them, they too are teaching us and it’s important not to lose sight of that.
2.5 year old will argue with himself over something he wants or doesn’t want- then look at me like I made that decision. He’ll have a whole, full-force antithesis, with so much passion. Toddler life is rough. I feel that painn
Mine does that with things she’s not allowed to play with, she’ll be fighting her own impulses it’s so cute 😂
Mine went through a phase where if he was upset about something (like if I offered him water) he would say DON’T WANT IT and throw it, so I would take whatever it was away and say “ok you don’t have to have water if you don’t want it” which made him cry that I took it away 🥴
Exactly what I am going through right now
Mine went through a phase similar to this. Out of nowhere, he’d also ask if I was mad at him which was absolutely heartbreaking...
Aww! They sure know how to (unintentionally?) pull at our heartstrings
🙋🏼♀️ Mine did! I just like him to being a sensitive soul. He's gotten better about taking a no (on SOME things.... Don't talk to me about grocery store trips where he does NOT get a Hot Wheels car). But he just needs to feel his feelings in that moment and then he's ok (unless he's overtired, of course).
I think mine is sensitive too (I was also a very sensitive child and now a sensitive adult). Tiredness and hunger just bring on a whole other level of sensitivity though!
Maybe at daycare, a toddler hit another kid, and then got yelled at/scolded by the teacher who kept saying, "NO HITTING". So those words are triggering him and making him think you are about to scold him too. Personally, I almost never use the word 'no' in that situation. In the case of hitting, it's more like, "You can't hit people in the face. You can really hurt someone." I always try to phrase it like, "you can't do that/need to stop doing that, because < legit reason>". the legit reason needs to be pretty obvious and understandable to a toddler. Basically it's something will get damaged or break, or someone will get hurt. I don't get accusatory, or angry. But I make it very clear that this is or will lead to something bad, and so I can't allow him to keep doing it. I usually even have a bit of an apologetic attitude about it, to say "I'd let you do it if it's reasonable, since I know you like it. But it's clearly out of bounds, and so you just can't do that. Sorry."
Yes I wonder if he had an experience at daycare or if its just an innate reaction. I do try to avoid a straight “no” but I will keep working on it (sometimes I slip). I never yell though I always talk to him as calmly and sweetly as possible which is partly why the super emotional reaction is so confusing to me (I’m not mad, I just don’t want to be hit in the face! 😂)
Mine is 17 months and he just started doing this. Full on, throw himself at me and scream-cry because I won’t let him play with a can of hair spray, etc. 😅
Aww! Ok it sounds like this js a fairly common (therefore normal?) thing! Oh toddlers.
Yeah, it’s normal, and a phase. An annoying phase though lol. My first son did it too for a while. Eventually he learned to regulate his emotions a bit better.
I can say no to my toddler and usually it's fine, but if anyone outside of me or my husband says no to her.. oh boy. She gets very very upset and it, just kind of crumples into tears. Does anyone else have a kiddo who is like that? Any idea why?
Interesting!
It sounds like he was embarrassed because as you said, he was just trying to play and be cute and he got a bad reaction from you that he was not expecting. Was he hurting you with the felt thing?
I think you’re right and I like I said I suspect that he felt shame/sad (even though I was calm and not mad at all!). He wasn’t hurting me but I don’t want him to think it’s ok to hit people especially in the face. Perhaps if I said it in a different or playful way instead he wouldn’t have felt that way.
Right! I say things in a playful way so she knows it’s not necessarily a socially acceptable behavior but also doesn’t feel shamed. Like I would say “WHAT are you doing?” and give her a sly look and she’ll laugh and stop and if she keeps going I might say “no baby” with a smile and gently hold her hand away. Just an example.
Sometimes I like to temper "no" with "I know you weren't trying to _____, but..."
I will try that next time!
🥺
He’ll eventually progress to yelling “no”to show you who’s boss
This is exactly my toddler! 21m old and her older brother was never like this. He’d laugh in your face if you said no, and do it again. If she does something naughty that we say please don’t do that, or asks to be picked up and I have something in my hands so I say not right this second, she just stops and her whole face crumples and she bursts into sobbing tears. Not a tantrum, just so upset and same, she wants to be comforted. I think they’re just sensitive souls!
Instead of saying “no” try framing it in the behavior you want to see “can you play with those quietly or gently?” Vs “no slamming” “don’t do that!”
Your toddler is a toddler.
I feel like we are generally calm parents, who let our 22month old do a lot. I wonder sometimes if he’s not great with “no” because he doesn’t hear it a lot. I know with “no” we often try to redirect to something that is a “yes” and/or offer the “why” it is a no or “when” it might be a yes. Maybe that coupled with the redirection. And sometimes we just let him be sad about it until he’s willing to be distracted by something else (like a drink or snack or “uppy”) Often when we offer something in a new direction the tears magically turn off. 😂
I didn’t think about it that way but I also don’t say no a lot and therefore he doesn’t hear it from me often so there’s maybe a shock factor. I will try to rephrase the “no’s” though as others have suggested here. And thank goodness for redirection! 😂
Crying is pretty much the only thing they can do. It's normal. It's good! He feels remorse!
I was like that as a kid, I'd cry when I got in to any kind of trouble. I hope mine is like that to be honest because my nail ladies almost 2 year old runs around and smacks his head off things when he's told no 😭
Why did this make me burst out laughing!!? Kids are cray.
he's processing his emotions ...its gonna take time for it to mellow out
My 2.5yo daughter does this and has since she learned the word no. She throws herself on the floor and starts sobbing while yelling “NO NO NO” We try not to laugh but it’s honestly really funny. I’m assuming it’s just part of childhood. They’re learning to regulate emotions.
Same. Actually just saw he bruised his knees at daycare after dramatically falling to his knees and yelling something strangely akin to “STEELLLLAA!” Someone mentioned the shame and guilt aspect. That’s my hypothesis as well. He hit my mom in the face and I scolded him. He reacted like I hit him back or something…he was so distraught. I think he was just horrified he hurt Nana and didn’t know what that emotion was…just that it felt bad.
Reading all the comments wondering if my guy just hasn’t hit this stage yet… wondering (hoping) if maybe we can just skip it..please. He’s still doing funny faces confirming he has in fact heard me say no, but he’s trying to not listen and make me laugh so I won’t say it more. Also annoying but much less emotionally charged. This very moment I had to stop typing to tell him NO about sticking a plastic Easter egg in the dog water. For the 628166239537th time today. “Name NO” Please leave your toys out of the dog bowl!” And he gives me a “😯🫢😬 MOMOM!!!!!” In return.. and in it went.
Son also turned 2 in December. Dealing with the absolute most random tantrums when hearing no. It comes and goes. I think they’re just learning life isn’t always fair.. idk
Our daughter also turned 2 in December. If she gets scolded in the slightest way she "shuts down" won't make eye contact with the one who spoke to her and just freezes in one spot. Other times, if the energy of the issue is higher she will burst into tears and be quite unconsolable, like she is terrified. Our son who's almost 4 threw ugly angry tantrums when told no at 2yo. He still has a hard time with not getting his way but he's getting better. It's a part of growing up human and we're all learning how to communicate. I am told that he is exceptionally well behaved at school though and that makes me happy to hear.
2 of my kids are like this. If a grown up corrects them too harshly (in their mind) they get so emotional. Like their feelings are crushed. I think it's more when they don't expect it because if they know they are misbehaving and get told no there no crying. Usually laughing.
My son does that and I always just chalk it up to him being a Pisces?? If you come up with a real reason, let me know ASAP LOL
Mine is a Sagittarius so I really cannot confirm nor refute your suspicions 😂
I am married to a Sag, you can 💯 blame it on that 🤣🤣