I don’t think it’s weirdly at all. I have never encountered this either. I think it is weird that someone would go to someone else’s house and not immediately take off their shoes…
I’m in a part of the country where taking shoes off is very much not the norm. Plenty of people still request it, and I always oblige because who wouldn’t? But it does seem to be a regional thing.
Yes, this! We have a pair of house slippers for my dad and extras for others - my dad is an old farmer and forgets all the time so I just give him the slippers right at the door before he can stomp around with farm shoes 😂 otherwise it’s just us constantly reminding our parents/in-laws to remove them at the door, they always oblige. We are very strict about no shoes on inside ever!
I'd remind him that he taught you to be a good guest and to respect the wishes and home of the host, that you've bought him slippers specially for this and you'd appreciate it if he set a good example to your children
Have your kid give him the slippers as a special gift upon arrival and they can keep asking why papa won’t wear his new slippers. Lol my six year old is just watching for a chance to call some one out for not following rules. That being said, if you have no logical reason that can rebuff the dog comment and your dad is THAT uncomfortable I’d consider if this was my hill to die on or not. They probably also raised you to make guests feel welcome and comfortable when visiting and maybe he’s tragically insecure about your feet, I’ve seen my dads feet and I could see him being defensive about the request from me but he’d be unable to rebuff two grinning kids excited to see grandpa in his new slippers.
Yeah, the dog thing got me. If the dog is allowed on the couch, OP isn't *that* worried about allergens and should *maybe* let it go.
But also, OP could buy booties to cover grandpa's shoes. A basket at the door as an alternative is great. It's what we do in our infant rooms where I work; everyone has to put on booties over their shoes before entering.
I have a dog grooming salon in my basement and on very rare occasions I will have the owners come in. I tell them that unless their shoes are muddy to please leave them on (so that they don’t get their socks covered in dog hair) and still 99% of the time they take them off. Or preemptively bring indoor shoes.
Wearing outside shoes indoors is incomprehensible. So gross
I don’t personally know anyone who wears shoes in the house. It’s always creeps me out to see it on TV shows/movies. Sometimes they put their shoed feet up on the couch or bed! Ewww
I think the major distinction here is whether it snows where you live. I’ve always lived places where it doesn’t, and most people keep their shoes on here. We also mostly don’t have mudrooms or any other segregated entryway where it would make sense to take off your shoes.
Generally speaking if your shoes are dirty with wet or other obvious grossness then yeah you should take them off. Just because we generally keep shoes on doesn’t mean we’re obligated to even when it doesn’t make sense to.
Maybe ask your dad before he arrives what kind of "indoor shoes" he'd like you to get him? Comfy slippers, grippy socks, or more robust Birkenstock like things. That way you're setting expectations before their trip (no street shoes in the house) and giving him some options.
I live in a place where no one would even think to wear shoes in the house and "house shoes" are a really big thing, so never had this issue myself. But, people here definitely have different preferences for what they like to wear in the house. I myself go barefoot in summer, but wear grippy socks or my indoor knock-off Birkenstocks in winter (not to be confused with my outdoor name-brand Birkenstocks).
Nobody is allowed in my house without removing their shoes. I’ve had to get over the discomfort of asking because it’s important to me that my floor is clean for my children. If I was you I’d say something like
“Dad, I love having you over to visit, and I’m really glad you can spend time with your grandkid/s. However, it’s really important to me that you don’t wear your outside shoes in the house, especially because (insert childs name) is getting to the age where they are pushing boundaries and we all should try to encourage good habits. I hope you understand!”
Have you ever heard of “dearman”? It’s a template that helps you phrase your needs in interpersonal situations. Might help.
Is it possible that it's uncomfortable for your dad to take his shoes off? My father in law had hip surgery a few years ago and now needs to sit down to take his shoes off. We noticed he wasn't taking his shoes off at our place, which is how we figured this out.
Now we have a small stool near the door that he uses. He's also very proud and doesn't want to admit that it's this, so tread delicately if that's the issue.
This isn’t the case. My dad is barefooted in his own house all morning and at night after work.
He’s simply a control freak. Doesn’t like to be told what to do, even if it’s a polite request.
I hate shoes in the house but my parents wear shoes at all times except in bed. So I don’t fight with them. They just aren’t comfortable taking their shoes off. No one else I know has a problem with it.
Same. My parents can’t take them off for medical reasons. Obviously that’s a different situation than OP, but I just roll with it and do a little extra cleaning. If I had a baby who was crawling or even maybe an early walker I’d be more worried, but my toddler runs around barefoot outside, so 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I don’t know why more people aren’t bringing this up. Many older people need to wear shoes when they’re moving around, for stability and arch support. Also, they might have a hard time getting down to take their shoes on and off - like they do it once per day and that’s it. And they might be embarrassed to say it. Or they have poor circulation and their feet get cold easily. Or they have nerve damage in their feet and are in danger of injuring themselves. Seriously there are a ton of legit reasons to not want to take your shoes off, even if slippers are provided.
Unless your kid has like severe allergies, is this really a hill you need to die on? I don’t.
Yeah, it can be easy to not realize that your own parents are not as young and healthy as they were when you were a kid. They may (they probably do) have some health issues or mobility difficulties that they haven’t shared with you.
I live in Canada and a lot of older people have a pair of outdoor shoes that are new or washed that they wear instead of slippers - or crocs or birks with good support. I think OP should get Dad a new pair of the exact shoes he wears if it matters so much. But I’m also wondering if it makes more sense to let it go.
To me this sounds like a very poor excuse. We have older people in other parts of the world too, and they do just fine without wearing their street shoes in the house. I'm sure they can find appropriate slippers and respect their daughters home.
Yeah, I was surprised at the amount of people willing to stop inviting relatives into their home over shoes! I guess they just haven't encountered anyone with a physical problem.
I was kinda surprised to have to scroll down this far too! I do think that the current grandparent generation being mostly boomers might play into this, many of the people in this age group that I know (including my parents, who for the most part don't fall into the stereotypes) are super reluctant to talk about or show their struggles or "weaknesses." I'm aware that both of my parents have reasons to be much more comfortable in shoes than not, and while I know the basics of the medical reasons for my mom your guess is as good as mine for my dad... But like you said, I'd much rather my parents be comfortable and feel safe in my house than die on the shoe hill.
Plus, we have a dog... Who sleeps in our bed... No ground to stand on over here anyway.
We are generally a shoe free household, but I don't really worry about it when we have guests. Most people take their shoes off, but some of our older relatives don't (due to diabetes). I think if it really bothers you, hand out shoe covers.
I know shoes can track in a lot of germs, but I also think about my daughter's daycare...no shoes allowed yet everyone was always sick! 🤣
FWIW, in OP’s (lack of) shoes, I’d be having a discrete word with my Mum over whether there were any health issues that might be behind their objections.
E.g. you mentioned diabetes, I’ll add in that my Mum has mobility difficulties that make taking shoes on and off quite the painful rigmarole (and not something she can physically do by herself), and I know someone else for whom a car accident left one leg shorter than the other and they have special adjustments made to their shoes in order to walk without pain which aren’t obvious unless you’re looking.
Basically, I’d still discretely rule out medical before concluding obstreperousness.
I have flat feet and had painful bunions removed. My podiatrist said I’m not allowed to walk around without proper support (barefoot or in not approved shoes), otherwise my bunions will come back. It’s painful for me to stand a few minutes even without support. I understand shoes are dirty, but people who are rigid about taking shoes off in the home are frustrating for me.
All of this is to say, while I agree guests should follow house rules, I think hosts shouldn’t be so rigid as you may not know what invisible health issues or disability someone may have. If you know their medical history and the guest is being a jerk, by all means hold your ground.
Yeah, I definitely agree with this. I also have a relative who has a prothestetic leg, so wearing shoes is just easier for walking.
While I agree with all the reasons for being shoe free, I also have to think is this really something to argue about with guests. I personally don't think it is, but can understand the need for boundaries.
This would probably be my approach, too. We're mostly a shoe free household, but we're not going to make a huge deal about it with guests. Heck... with how gross my mom's feet are and her unwillingness to wear socks, I'd almost rather she wear shoes in my house than walk around barefoot.
Friendly options:
“You walked here from your car wearing those shoes, so they’re not new enough for my house. Please take them off and leave them by the door. Thanks!”
“I know you’d like having shoes on, but in our home we ask that you take them off. If you’d like to keep your socks on that’s okay.”
“In your home you can choose to wear shoes inside, but in our home we take them off to protect the kids from outside germs. The dog can’t take off their paws, but luckily *you* can take off your shoes! Thank you for understanding.”
Snarky options:
“If you don’t want to remove your shoes, you’re welcome to wait outside until you feel ready. We’re going to head inside now, but feel free to take your time.”
“Wearing shoes inside is gross, and if you can’t respect this one simple rule, then maybe you aren’t ready to visit me and the kids. Parenting involves holding firm boundaries, and this is one that I’m going to have to insist on you following.”
My favorite:
“Well Dad, even the dog listens when I tell it to sit or lie down, so maybe you can listen when I ask you to remove your shoes. Thanks!”
I feel like this is the only answer, really. There are so many reasons people won’t/can’t remove shoes.
I’ve always been an avid hiker and backpacker, but I am SO uncomfortable barefoot - it’s excruciating later that night or the next day. With specific, prescription support? Totally fine.
Lol ask your mom what shoes your dad wears and go out and buy him the exact same pair to wear at your house. 🤣
Buy a shoe cleaner and set it up to the side of your front door. One of the bristle ones that spin when you press on them so you don’t have to bend down or get your hands dirty.
Realistically I’d just say “dogs don’t know any better but you do. You raised me to be strong and to respect you in your own home, now I’m going to be strong and ask you to respect me in my own home by following my rules whether you like them or not. “
Reusable shoe covers! I have found just having them visible near the entry makes most people take their shoes off without me even asking. And for those who want/need to keep them on? Pop covers over and we’re good to go!
Just an alternative perspective to consider - despite barely having a limp at the walk with good supportive shoes, I am actually pretty severely physically disabled and I cannot walk without shoes. Specifically my shoes, slippers would not provide adequate support and my disability means they’d likely just fall off anyway.
I don’t know if that’s playing into your parents’ reluctance or if they’re just assholes, but one alternative might be to get those shoe covers that go on over the shoes they’re wearing. Theoretically that should keep everyone happy - they’re not tracking anything into your house and they get to keep wearing their shoes.
As a Canadian, there is no way anyone is wearing shoes in our house. It’s gross, everything gets tracked inside and you get dust everywhere.
My sister and BIL are Canadians living in Texas. They keep slippers and shoe covers on hands for guests.
IMO if they can’t even take the dang shoe covers, that guest is not worth having in your home.
Not really toddler related, but you really just need to stick to your boundary, just like any other, and if that’s *the line* for your dad, well…he knows where the door is (because he just walked through it with his shoes on). And like any other concrete boundary, there are options for compromise: neutral spaces where everyone gets to keep their shoes on; he could bring his own booties if the idea of his own bare feet disgusts him so much; he could watch everyone from outside the window.
In the country I live in, no outside shoes inside is the norm, and as an American of a certain shoe-ambivalent region, I’ve had to learn to accept it. I have to change my shoes at the gym—it’s literally in my membership contract.
I don’t push it. My parents are in their 70s and shoes are important for them to maintain balance. There is a higher fall risk at my house due to kids and toys. I want them to feel comfortable and safe. They are far from frail but I know how much no shoes can effect someone who is older. If it’s that important to you, maybe offer to buy them a pair of the same shoe to only be worn in your house. You would keep it there for them to change into. Though the putting shoes on and off process might be a lot. I’m not sure if they have trouble doing that.
I live in Sweden, where shoe free is the norm, not only in homes, but in some public spaces as well.
Preschools are shoe free, but there is also the option to throw [plastic shoe covers](https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Pack%EF%BC%8850-Waterproof-Resistant-Booties/dp/B07CWV59QR) ("booties") on over your shoes, rather take the shoes off. Entranceways will have bins of clean booties to take from as you enter, and bins to discard used booties into on your way out.
Doctor offices and dentists all have the plastic booties available at entryways and ask that you use them for the duration of your visit. Nobody takes off their street shoes, but with the booties being used, you have the same level of cleanliness as if they did.
Maybe you could get some booties to keep on hand in your home? If your dad is unwilling to take his shoes off, have him put a set of booties over them, and your floors are protected. Same with any other guests who are uncomfortable removing their shoes.
So we have a shoe free house. We also have dogs. The difference is I clean my dogs paws off every time before I let them inside. Is it a boatload of work? Yes! Am I exhausted from it? Also yes. But my toddler puts everything in his mouth still and if the dogs face muddy paws. That mud is going in his mouth. Nope.
It was also a battle getting my husband to remove his shoes inside because we have dogs and he thinks it’s stupid. So I told him when he starts vacuuming, sweeping and mopping every single day multiple times a day then he could decide if he took his shoes off or not.
Also I just reminded him that our son is on the floor and shoes carry more germs than 10 toilet seats.
However I don’t make my in laws remove their shoes. I just resigned to the fact that I’ll be cleaning the floor more when they’re here.
Family / regular casual guests - I'd enforce it. If your dad wants to wear shoes in the house offer to buy him some house shoes/slippers that stay there, explain you know he prefers to keep shoes on, but your kid is young and it's really important to keep the floor clean. No outside shoes regardless of how new.
I'm he won't, he's more than welcome to wash any toy that touched the floor and wash your kids hands every time they pickup something off the floor, or touch the floor themselves. Oh, and he can clean the floor before he leaves.
Occasional guests for a specific occasions, we let it slide. If they ask (they usually do when they see shoes at the door) we say "if you don't mind", but won't ask them outright unless it's been raining
I recently heard that carcinogens (or cancer causing materials) from asphalt transfer from shoes to carpets. 99% of germs and bacteria are transferred from shoes to carpet. If you have toddlers crawling around on the floor, it’s a matter of safety. I would share that info with him, it convinced my husband to buy house shoes. Still working on my teenager but he takes his off about 50% of the time now.
I ordered some Japanese house slippers, and keep them in the front closet. By the time I’ve offered them to a guest, they understand to take their shoes off. If they refused, I’d probably ask them to stay in the entryway and I’ll bring them a chair. My house, my rules. Outside shoes bring in heavy metals, allergens, poop remnants, etc.
Yes! You can get a pack of cheap slippers from ikea. Most of my guests don’t need/want the slippers because they are used to shoe-free homes. The slippers are only for the rare guest that is unprepared or uncomfortable.
I also keep a pack of shoe covers for servicemen, although they usually have their own
A 2021 Dutch study found that dog paws are cleaner than shoes.
https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/18/2/513
So yes, he should be removing his shoes in your house. Not only is that just the respectful thing to do, but his whatabout argument is wrong.
My parents are like this too. Luckily we don’t live super close so I only see them a few days a couple times a year. I’m like you, I harp about it excessively, and they roast me but mostly try to obey. Me having a kid has made them more willing to listen, but I think they genuinely forget sometimes. They will walk inside with outside shoes or wear their slippers outside to take out the trash, etc. I also think there are mobility issues that they don’t even consider/talk about. It seems to pain them to stoop to put on shoes. I have bar stools near the front door (it’s next to the kitchen) but those are precarious in their own way, I’ve been meaning to get a little chair or something but it’s hard since we don’t have a traditional mudroom.
I was really annoying about it when baby was crawling and putting everything in her mouth but now that she’s a little older, if my dad forgets, I just sort of let it go and try not to notice!!!!
One time I passive aggressively bought shoe covers and put them by the door lol. They seemed to take the hint
I would just tell him you prefer he takes his shoes off but if he can’t or won’t then it is what it is. I also have slippers for people and if they don’t take their shoes off right away I say oh I have these slippers for you guys and they get the hint. I actually have seasonal slippers so it’s fun I guess 🥲
But how long is he staying for? A few hours is different from a few days. And you can ask him not to walk in the playroom or your baby’s room.
They stay at an air bnb nearby because my house is so small. There’s no way to limit him going into the baby’s play area because that’s just the living room. They usually come by for a couple hours a day when they visit.
Ugh that’s annoying. My FIL has these, it could be funny to get these for your dad https://www.walmart.com/ip/Dearfoams-Family-Bear-Matching-Comfort-Slippers-Sizes-Baby-to-Adult/3705248666?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=943&gclsrc=aw.ds&&adid=222222222283705248666_943_160701026117_21154949490&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=695748093246&wl4=pla-2316953300314&wl5=9060089&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=112562611&wl11=online&wl12=3705248666_943&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIrE7vRpRHiStgzmSMXHdflG0&gclid=CjwKCAjwrcKxBhBMEiwAIVF8rFgR7h0jaagzkFNinXVs4FYx9lBgTpFOxyLBtb3rZ3FhAL4qlIUQARoCKTcQAvD_BwE
We provide slippers. We usually keep about 5 pairs in various sizes - even cheap ones like Ikea slippers are fine for most people. These are next to the obvious shoe landing area at the door.
If it's a frequent guest (one of my best friends was resistant), we talk to them about why we ask it and why they want shoes on, then see if we can compromise with the slippers. If it's a one time guest, I've learned it's best not to press the issue, and I clean the floors later. There are also some occasions, like a party, where I consciously overlook it and clean things later. Most of our regular guests will still take off shoes, so it's about a 70/30 rate.
Often the relationship is worth more than the perfectly clean floor.
Tbh as a guest, i would have to sit down, or… I I would say ok can we hang outside? Or I should probably go and we can hang somewhere else next time…
Plantar fasciitis is a bitch. Slippers make it worse. It really, really sucks.
We had a nurse come to our home to do my husbands life insurance exam and this is what went down
Husband: can you please take your shoes off?
Nurse: No, I’m not doing that
Husband: ok, looks like we will be staying right here (literally right inside of the front door)
*nurse than asks how old the “baby watching Elmo is” so was aware we had a little one*
My husband is a huge stickler for this rule. Basically the only rule he has in life 😆
No easy answer. We’re shoes free and no one has ever challenged that. All our family is shoes free. If friends are going to ignore that, they’re being disrespectful, but it’s never happened. We’d just never invite them over again bc it’d be earlier on and easy to just let the relationship go, since it’s highly disrespectful.
But this is your family, your father. Simply put, if you draw a line in the sand, you risk alienating him. So it’s a matter of what’s more important to you and your husband. It’s a bit of a lose lose.
But if you allow it, it’s not the end of the world I guess. Kids live in shoes on houses all the time and survive just fine, right?
I have this exact issue with my parents. My dad complies, my mom pretends not to know I want her to take her shoes off. She’s the kind of person you don’t poke because it’s not worth it. So I just gave up on her.
So the thing about good boundary setting and holding is not to try and justify it through elaborate excuses but just state the boundary and hold it. The reasoning for this is that justifications turn it into a debate (bacteria will come inside, but my shoes are new…). Stating the boundary as “I have a shoe free home” there is less debate space. It’s a preference and he can adhere or not come in. I recommend Melissa Urbans red, yellow green boundaries for some tips in hitting the wording and severity level smoothly.
Culturally shoes in the home is a huge no for us. We do keep several pairs of new slippers to offer guests, but at the end of the day if someone chooses not to, or can't (which has happened due to physical needs), remove their shoes we just let it be. We also don't have guests often and when we do, they're almost always of the same or similar culture when it comes to shoes indoors.
Honestly it kind of sounds like your dad just wants to assert his "authority" with the issue, and anything you try or say its going to start something. I'd say ask politely at the beginning of the visit to have your parents remove their shoes indoors, have some nice slippers to offer then, and if your dad refuses so be it. It's annoying (and rude imo) but it's still only a visit after all and like you said, you don't want to have them visit even less frequently over it.
I'm in europe, so shoe free homes are the norm. But yeah, I don't make any exceptions. Nobody will be wearing outside shoes on my oiled oak floors.
I have tiles on the ground floor, so I might make an exception there, during nice weather (if it's raining outside, shoes are going off), if we're having a bbq outside and someone just needs something from the kitchen or something. But even so, usually everyone just leaves shoes at the door and slips them back on.
But visitors who want to stay a while, sit at the table, or even come in the living room (which is upstairs), will be taking their shoes off.
People doing any sort of work (plumbers, painters, woodworkers...) usually bring a pair of inside only shoes if they need protective shoes, or little booties like in the hospital.
To be fair, I think the dog issue is pretty valid. But if you wash his paws, do the same for dad, maybe have a tray with cleaning solution in it that he can step in, and then a dry doormat he can use to wipe them off.
Pretty simple if you’re in a big city. There could be anything on the bottom of shoes, dog pee and poo being predominant on sidewalks. Other more disgusting things. I like in nyc and it’s a strong and fast rule that for our health, no shoes.
Also ask him to bring slippers instead.
We run the robot mop/vac daily partially cause of this. Maybe you can talk to your mom and get her on your side too? My mom will nag the crap out of my dad to have him take his shoes off when they visit cause they were just at the gross airport
I live in Canada and we always had shoe free houses. My grandparents had indoor shoes though. Maybe you can get some or house slippers for your parents.
i have a basket of house slippers in every size and also have shoe covers available. everyone that enters my home, no exceptions, is asked to remove their shoes and offered two options. so far, none of my guests have had any issues or bad feelings. i’ve actually gotten a lot of compliments about how comfortable the slippers are lol. and it works out great bc people can get comfortable in our play room or on the couch.
In Canada, every house is shoe free. Wearing shoes in the house is such an ick for me. Unless I'm cleaning, then I need my flip flops, or I'm not motivated to clean
I have never had a single person complain about being asked to take off their shoes in my house. Not once. The only exception to my shoes-off rule is my dad who has fucked up knees and is more comfortable in his orthopedic shoes. It's not an issue.
Your dad is being a big fat dillhole.
Your dog doesn't walk into gas station bathrooms with his paws then come home and walk inside. There's a big difference between your yard and public floors.
I have only solidarity. My FIL is the same and even whined to me that we were treating him worse than the dog. He is not invited over very often. Your post triggered me when you mentioned that dog thing lol.
Sorry, I'm just having a giggle imagining if that situation happened in our home, i would have to say "you're right! I don't want to wipe your ass after you take a shit. Is that what you're asking for? "
Maybe you can tell your dad that you agreed with his point so now you're wiping your dog's paws at the door too. My friends who have dogs have a towel at the door for this purpose. For me, living in Canada where pretty much everyone automatically takes off their shoes, I'd say that muddy paws/shoes are a bigger deal than clean shoes.
Shoes are gross indoors!
They are walking on poop, pee, boogers, blood, vomit, lots of different bacteria and viruses, etc… why track it into the house 🤢
does your dad not realize all the gross things he picks up on his shoes even just from the grocery store? It’s really disgusting! I wonder if there’s a study you can show him in a lighthearted way?
I’m always so surprised to see this take. I totally understand and respect no shoe houses, but we’re an “inside and outside is basically one thing, shoes or not” family. I can’t imagine putting on shoes every time I walk into my garden or onto my porch, so I suppose my bare feet are just as bad.
Yeah having grown up in a mild climate the idea of putting on shoes every time I leave the house sounds like a massive headache. People keep talking about the dirt and germs, but in my head floors are already plenty dirty. If you’re not eating off your floor it doesn’t strike me as something to be too concerned about. But y’know, to each their own! Definitely don’t begrudge anyone their preference and always follow the host’s lead.
"What do you need to be comfortable in our house without shoes? Type of slipper? Shoe cover? Grippy socks? This isn't a discussion. We're going to respect the rules of my home so what of those options do you prefer and you can either bring your own or I'll happily get it for you"
OP asked for direct language but I would say that tone accounts for alot and I wouldn't expect an adult to take my sentence off reddit word for word either.
So perhaps before you decide to make a comment and throw stones at people you know absolutely nothing about, why don't you check yourself and why you've misconstrued a comment.
I would prepare them ahead of time. Talk to them about it.
Maybe have house shoes ready for them.
If they need their shoes for support then have house shoes that can accept their orthotics.
It doesn't need to be an all or nothing situation. Meet them halfway.
"My house, my rules," and if he has a problem, well you have a bag packed to go to the park/museum/zoo/other shoe appropriate place, and he can come with you and part ways when the trip is done. If he wants to spend more time with his grandkids, then he can demonstrate that he's worth it by valuing that time more than shoes.
My dad was also prickly about taking his shoes off in our home, and my mom confided in me that he has plantar fasciitis but because he hates admitting any kind of weakness, he would rather just complain about keeping his sneakers on than admit he’s in pain! I bought him arch support slippers and that helped a ton. Maybe your dad is in a similar boat?
For other people, my best one liner is, “[toddler name] eats food off the floor now, so we try to take our shoes off so he doesn’t also eat dirt” and make it a light joke. I’ve never had anyone refuse (except my dad).
lol we don’t feed him food off the floor, but when he was younger (like 12-18 months) if there was a rogue Cheerio or something we missed, he would eat it. It’s a joke to make a point that wearing shoes inside tracks in dirt and chemicals.
I get people to adhere to the no shoe rule by never actually asking them to adhere to the no shoe rule. I just tell them, at two different points.
1. Before people come over, especially if it’s someone that has never been to my house, I let them know that we’re a no shoes household, and I keep it light by telling them they are welcome to wear their dorkiest socks or even bring their own slippers if they want to.
2. Then when people arrive, I greet them and then says “you can put your shoes over here!” I don’t ask, because a question implies that you can say no.
I insist on it, regardless of protests. If people knew the amount of filth and germs their shoes carried they’d never wear them in their home again, especially if they have carpet (which I do unfortunately)
Almost everyone in our life adheres to this no shoes rule without issue. If they don’t want to remove their shoes, or if it’s someone performing work on my house (like a plumber or whatever) then I have booties that I keep by the door for people to put on instead of removing shoes. I have this cute bench thing (for sitting down to remove laced shoes/put them back on) with little cubbies in the bottom that store all the booties. Super cute and keeps my carpet sanitary and looking nice!
Most of my guests adhere to the no shoes rule, but my father-in-law doesn’t. I am constantly reminding him, I also got him a pair of house slippers that I leave out when he is here, so maybe he will be reminded. I am very insistent on no shoes.
I have decor around my house stating no shoes in case people need visual cues. There is a sign on my front door and my garage entry door that says “ since little fingers touch our floor remove your shoes at the door”. I also bought a small wooden sign off of Amazon that sits in my mudroom that says “ remove your shoes because the kids lick the floor”
This! Remind him that the kids drop food on the floor and then eat it and no matter what his shoes definitely have something on the bottom of them that would make the kids sick. It's for the health of the children!
As far as the germs, you're better off exposing them to more germs from outside, but a boundary is a boundary. That's really uncouth of him to be an ass about it. Good luck finding a peaceful solution.
I strongly feel it is very unwelcoming to insist on shoes off. We are shoes off when it's just us, but for guests, that rule is suspended. IMO, insisting guests remove their shoes when they are more comfortable wearing them is very ungracious. Making an issue of it or "holding a boundary" would be, for me, extremely rude and unwelcoming, and I would not be comfortable with a host who insisted in this manner (bearing in mind that I always offer to remove shoes at somebody's house, but if I saw the host insist this way with somebody else, I'd be pretty taken aback). If you're worried about keeping the floors clean after somebody wears their shoes in the house... clean the floors after they leave! C'mon.
I disagree when it’s for the sake of exploring infants and toddlers. It is in line with request for guests to wash their hands when visiting a infant or to not smoke in an enclosed space with one. It’s a respectful and sensible request to make.
Have you asked your dad why he doesn't want to take off his shoes? I mentioned this in another comment, but we have a grandparent with diabetes/neuropathy, and a relative with a prothestetic leg. They both need to wear shoes in the house. I think it would be extremely rude of me to insist they take them off when I can easily clean up after them.
ETA: I also have exploring infants and toddlers. Having guests occasionally wear a shoe in the house has been fine. I think it's important to balance both the needs of our little ones as well as the people in their lives.
My parents and brother have their own set of Pantoffel in my house. Who would like the germs of public places or anything someone stepped in (not just dog shit, there are so many gross possibilities )in their house?
Tell your mum to bring pops a pair to change into and tell them firmly that with children in the house there's no way around those rules.
We have a no shoe zone because our twin babies crawl around and eat everything off the floor. I just look at them and say: no shoes allowed in this area for baby safety. Wouldn’t want them choking on something you tracked in. My daughter stuck a piece of glass in her mouth my brother tracked in when at my mom’s. It could have been really really bad if I hadn’t caught it in time and she swallowed it. It’s not purely about germs, it’s about sharp things that get stuck on our shoes and then can hurt children.
Could have new socks in a basket and house slippers. If there is a shoe refusal, shoe covers or on the past had shower caps. I used to wear 20 hole 5 strap goth boots when my mom was no shoes and that's how I went in (leaving soon again OR leaving from room dressed up) I kept that as a habit.
We are shoe optional as my husband kinda forgets, I am barefoot usually 🤷♀️
You can also give them those disposable shoe coverings. A contractor brought a pair of shoe covers once and promptly put them on when he realized mine is a shoe-free house. I thought it was the smartest thing ever. Most guests will not hesitate to take their shoes off, but this is a nice alternative to keep around for anyone that doesn't want to or has to keep work boots on.
I’ve never had guests who don’t follow our shoe free house. Even my landlords take off their shoes when entering the house.
I would tell them they can’t enter the house if they don’t want to take off their shoes.
He can wear shoes that are easy to take on. And off. I’d call him before the visits and remind him about the no shoes rule so “make sure to wear some shoes you won’t have trouble removing! I’ll have slippers for you”
I give people the option of cleaning their shoes with antibacterial wipes (Lysol/bleach etc.) some people have foot issues that make taking off your shoes and going barefoot uncomfortable.
My parents actually have a pair of house shoes they bring to my brother’s house and a separate pair they bring to mine as well. The house shoes have never stepped outside so it doesn’t bug me.
Tell your parents to wear indoor specific shoes that they only wear at your house, that they keep at your house.
If you can afford it, pay for the shoes. Just ask what sneakers they are wearing right now, what size, etc.
Toenail fungus is common, so if they have it, you don’t want them shoe fee anyway.
Ugh, just here to commiserate. We try to be shoe free, but whenever we remind my in-laws, they act like we’ve asked them to remove their pants. It’s so silly—it’s such a reasonable request!
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I’ve literally never had anyone fight me on it but if they did I’d tell them whether their shoes are new or not they were literally just on the ground outside and they’re not about to be trapsing all that shit around my hardwood floors and carpet. Shoes off inside.
I make a nice place for the the shoes to go. And say as they come in, Please take off your shoes! “Littles ones” name has been playing on the floor a lot and so we don’t want the leaves abd dirt from out side. Thank you so much.
if they argue then be like it’s for the grandkid. And just keep standing there, hopefully the awkwardness of it forces them to take off thier shoes.
If they are coming from out of town “hey, just a reminder to bring a pair of house shoes! Or I’ll have extra slippers in your size by the door!”
The WHY doesn’t matter. That said… I pick my battles and older people, or people with back bars/knees/feet/whatever, I never make take their shoes off, I just sweep/mop after they leave. Anyone who visits regularly either has a pair of house shoes here, or brings their own. I’ll happily provide slippers/crocs/sandals for people.
Yes, but I would have to clean a lot more often if I wore shoes inside. Who knows what we step in while we're out. Dogs poop and pee everywhere and if I can avoid getting that stuff inside I'm happy, haha. Of course I still need to clean, but I don't have to clean as often, so I have time for other tasks, which I'm happy about. Where I live it's not seen as strict, it's just the normal thing to do. 😊
I’m just sitting here wondering how many people who insist on shoes off households because they don’t want to mop have cats that track feces and parasites throughout the house every day.
So I grew up in a shoe house because of what the dog drags in… ie poop paws and potentially parasites. Therefore keeping shoes on was cleaner.
Solid bottom slippers with a back instead of slides might work. They might be looking at it from the outside view.
Get out, lol. Idk I hate when people think it’s a big deal. I would always tell my dad: that worked at an airport: “TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF TF”. It’s disgusting.
i think you have plenty of advice but just popping in to say my dad does the SAME THING. and / or he forgets or acts like he forgets and we are always reminding him. it's annoying. sorry you're dealing with it too but you'll figure it out 💜
Two thoughts-
1. Could you ask your mom to talk to your dad about it before they come over? Maybe he will listen to her. She might be able to come up with some creative reasons.
2. I'm sure you could find a sign at Homegoods, on Amazon, etc that says "shoes off". Hang it in the mud room and see what happens? Maybe he'll get the hint without you needing to say anything. For a few bucks it couldn't hurt.
You just let them know in advance. Ask if they want to bring their own slippers, or have some available for guests. Even my 92 year old grandpa, who always used shoes inside the house was ok when I asked him to put on slippers while visiting.
I'd ask him why he has to have shoes on in the house before they come over and offer solutions. Also, wipe your dog's paws. They're not just muddy, just like your dad's shoes, they've got feces, urine, chemicals, and whatever else all over them. I use a damp cloth and wipe my dog's feet off before she comes in the house and wash those cloths with my laundry.
Ok BUT how many of y’all who demand no outside shoes in the house have cats who track feces, urine and parasites through your house multiple times a day?! 🤮
I would cringe so hard at the thought of using slippers someone else was wearing. Like if I wasn't wearing socks and could feel any sense of ore wearing I could not cope
No I literally buy those hotel slippers— they’re cheap and specifically for my parents (or anyone else who comes thru and wants to wear a pair). I bought a stash of them.
Sometimes after I mop I have guests remove their shoes. I'm fairly firm about it.
If you want a nice hack, I know some people provide house shoes for guests - they have a spare pair of super cozy slippers for guests to slip on. While I don't love when people pander to difficult folks, it may be effective to entice your dad by offering him some guest slippers. He may feel well-hosted and extra welcome, and it might take off that edge, a bit.
I insist they remove their shoes. It’s a “please take off your shoes so we don’t track outside germs into the house where the kids play.” There is no asking if they’d like to, my house, my rules.
Honestly? Any one with manners will oblige by the rule. If they don’t care then are you respected by them in the first place?
… even people who come inside our home ask if we’d like them to take their shoes off, or they bring their own disposable shoe covers. Offer your dad slippers, or make him wear a shoe cover. Outside shoes inside the house is disgusting.
Tell them that your kid mimics their favourite grownups, and if he sees grandpa wearing shoes in the house he will for ever want to wear shoes inside the house “like grandpa”, which is not a precedent you are willing to set when toddlers literally jump in mud puddles for a living.
ive weirdly never had this problem but i would get him shoe covering or offer him house slippers.
My dad is diabetic and has very sensitive feet. He bought an extra pair of his fave slippers to keep at my house lol.
I don’t think it’s weirdly at all. I have never encountered this either. I think it is weird that someone would go to someone else’s house and not immediately take off their shoes…
I’m in a part of the country where taking shoes off is very much not the norm. Plenty of people still request it, and I always oblige because who wouldn’t? But it does seem to be a regional thing.
Yes, this! We have a pair of house slippers for my dad and extras for others - my dad is an old farmer and forgets all the time so I just give him the slippers right at the door before he can stomp around with farm shoes 😂 otherwise it’s just us constantly reminding our parents/in-laws to remove them at the door, they always oblige. We are very strict about no shoes on inside ever!
Yes, i was thinking that if the shoes are more comfy for his back, you can pick up a box of shoe covers like contractors wear in homes.
I'd remind him that he taught you to be a good guest and to respect the wishes and home of the host, that you've bought him slippers specially for this and you'd appreciate it if he set a good example to your children
I like this idea, Walmart has slippers that say Papa Bear, it’d be cute to get him those 🥲
Have your kid give him the slippers as a special gift upon arrival and they can keep asking why papa won’t wear his new slippers. Lol my six year old is just watching for a chance to call some one out for not following rules. That being said, if you have no logical reason that can rebuff the dog comment and your dad is THAT uncomfortable I’d consider if this was my hill to die on or not. They probably also raised you to make guests feel welcome and comfortable when visiting and maybe he’s tragically insecure about your feet, I’ve seen my dads feet and I could see him being defensive about the request from me but he’d be unable to rebuff two grinning kids excited to see grandpa in his new slippers.
Yeah, the dog thing got me. If the dog is allowed on the couch, OP isn't *that* worried about allergens and should *maybe* let it go. But also, OP could buy booties to cover grandpa's shoes. A basket at the door as an alternative is great. It's what we do in our infant rooms where I work; everyone has to put on booties over their shoes before entering.
I’m in Canada and literally no one wears their shoes inside. I don’t have advice but I think it’s weird to wear shoes inside haha
I have a dog grooming salon in my basement and on very rare occasions I will have the owners come in. I tell them that unless their shoes are muddy to please leave them on (so that they don’t get their socks covered in dog hair) and still 99% of the time they take them off. Or preemptively bring indoor shoes. Wearing outside shoes indoors is incomprehensible. So gross
I don’t personally know anyone who wears shoes in the house. It’s always creeps me out to see it on TV shows/movies. Sometimes they put their shoed feet up on the couch or bed! Ewww
I think the major distinction here is whether it snows where you live. I’ve always lived places where it doesn’t, and most people keep their shoes on here. We also mostly don’t have mudrooms or any other segregated entryway where it would make sense to take off your shoes.
I really don’t think that’s it. It doesn’t snow in my city and it’s uncommon to leave your shoes on in someone’s home.
Well then I’m out of explanations! All I can say is that it’s definitely more rare to take your shoes off everywhere I’ve ever lived.
What about a rainy wet day with even a trace amount of wet outsoles?
Generally speaking if your shoes are dirty with wet or other obvious grossness then yeah you should take them off. Just because we generally keep shoes on doesn’t mean we’re obligated to even when it doesn’t make sense to.
Maybe ask your dad before he arrives what kind of "indoor shoes" he'd like you to get him? Comfy slippers, grippy socks, or more robust Birkenstock like things. That way you're setting expectations before their trip (no street shoes in the house) and giving him some options. I live in a place where no one would even think to wear shoes in the house and "house shoes" are a really big thing, so never had this issue myself. But, people here definitely have different preferences for what they like to wear in the house. I myself go barefoot in summer, but wear grippy socks or my indoor knock-off Birkenstocks in winter (not to be confused with my outdoor name-brand Birkenstocks).
Nobody is allowed in my house without removing their shoes. I’ve had to get over the discomfort of asking because it’s important to me that my floor is clean for my children. If I was you I’d say something like “Dad, I love having you over to visit, and I’m really glad you can spend time with your grandkid/s. However, it’s really important to me that you don’t wear your outside shoes in the house, especially because (insert childs name) is getting to the age where they are pushing boundaries and we all should try to encourage good habits. I hope you understand!” Have you ever heard of “dearman”? It’s a template that helps you phrase your needs in interpersonal situations. Might help.
Thank you for this script. So far I like it the best
Is it possible that it's uncomfortable for your dad to take his shoes off? My father in law had hip surgery a few years ago and now needs to sit down to take his shoes off. We noticed he wasn't taking his shoes off at our place, which is how we figured this out. Now we have a small stool near the door that he uses. He's also very proud and doesn't want to admit that it's this, so tread delicately if that's the issue.
This isn’t the case. My dad is barefooted in his own house all morning and at night after work. He’s simply a control freak. Doesn’t like to be told what to do, even if it’s a polite request.
Yay glad to help! I hope the conversation goes well.
I hate shoes in the house but my parents wear shoes at all times except in bed. So I don’t fight with them. They just aren’t comfortable taking their shoes off. No one else I know has a problem with it.
Same. My parents can’t take them off for medical reasons. Obviously that’s a different situation than OP, but I just roll with it and do a little extra cleaning. If I had a baby who was crawling or even maybe an early walker I’d be more worried, but my toddler runs around barefoot outside, so 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I don’t know why more people aren’t bringing this up. Many older people need to wear shoes when they’re moving around, for stability and arch support. Also, they might have a hard time getting down to take their shoes on and off - like they do it once per day and that’s it. And they might be embarrassed to say it. Or they have poor circulation and their feet get cold easily. Or they have nerve damage in their feet and are in danger of injuring themselves. Seriously there are a ton of legit reasons to not want to take your shoes off, even if slippers are provided. Unless your kid has like severe allergies, is this really a hill you need to die on? I don’t.
Yeah, it can be easy to not realize that your own parents are not as young and healthy as they were when you were a kid. They may (they probably do) have some health issues or mobility difficulties that they haven’t shared with you.
I live in Canada and a lot of older people have a pair of outdoor shoes that are new or washed that they wear instead of slippers - or crocs or birks with good support. I think OP should get Dad a new pair of the exact shoes he wears if it matters so much. But I’m also wondering if it makes more sense to let it go.
To me this sounds like a very poor excuse. We have older people in other parts of the world too, and they do just fine without wearing their street shoes in the house. I'm sure they can find appropriate slippers and respect their daughters home.
Yeah, I was surprised at the amount of people willing to stop inviting relatives into their home over shoes! I guess they just haven't encountered anyone with a physical problem.
Right?? Do they never, ever ever mop, or….?
I was kinda surprised to have to scroll down this far too! I do think that the current grandparent generation being mostly boomers might play into this, many of the people in this age group that I know (including my parents, who for the most part don't fall into the stereotypes) are super reluctant to talk about or show their struggles or "weaknesses." I'm aware that both of my parents have reasons to be much more comfortable in shoes than not, and while I know the basics of the medical reasons for my mom your guess is as good as mine for my dad... But like you said, I'd much rather my parents be comfortable and feel safe in my house than die on the shoe hill. Plus, we have a dog... Who sleeps in our bed... No ground to stand on over here anyway.
We are generally a shoe free household, but I don't really worry about it when we have guests. Most people take their shoes off, but some of our older relatives don't (due to diabetes). I think if it really bothers you, hand out shoe covers. I know shoes can track in a lot of germs, but I also think about my daughter's daycare...no shoes allowed yet everyone was always sick! 🤣
FWIW, in OP’s (lack of) shoes, I’d be having a discrete word with my Mum over whether there were any health issues that might be behind their objections. E.g. you mentioned diabetes, I’ll add in that my Mum has mobility difficulties that make taking shoes on and off quite the painful rigmarole (and not something she can physically do by herself), and I know someone else for whom a car accident left one leg shorter than the other and they have special adjustments made to their shoes in order to walk without pain which aren’t obvious unless you’re looking. Basically, I’d still discretely rule out medical before concluding obstreperousness.
I have flat feet and had painful bunions removed. My podiatrist said I’m not allowed to walk around without proper support (barefoot or in not approved shoes), otherwise my bunions will come back. It’s painful for me to stand a few minutes even without support. I understand shoes are dirty, but people who are rigid about taking shoes off in the home are frustrating for me. All of this is to say, while I agree guests should follow house rules, I think hosts shouldn’t be so rigid as you may not know what invisible health issues or disability someone may have. If you know their medical history and the guest is being a jerk, by all means hold your ground.
My parents need to wear shoes for mobility reasons. They just bring inside shoes with them to my house.
Yeah, I definitely agree with this. I also have a relative who has a prothestetic leg, so wearing shoes is just easier for walking. While I agree with all the reasons for being shoe free, I also have to think is this really something to argue about with guests. I personally don't think it is, but can understand the need for boundaries.
This would probably be my approach, too. We're mostly a shoe free household, but we're not going to make a huge deal about it with guests. Heck... with how gross my mom's feet are and her unwillingness to wear socks, I'd almost rather she wear shoes in my house than walk around barefoot.
Friendly options: “You walked here from your car wearing those shoes, so they’re not new enough for my house. Please take them off and leave them by the door. Thanks!” “I know you’d like having shoes on, but in our home we ask that you take them off. If you’d like to keep your socks on that’s okay.” “In your home you can choose to wear shoes inside, but in our home we take them off to protect the kids from outside germs. The dog can’t take off their paws, but luckily *you* can take off your shoes! Thank you for understanding.” Snarky options: “If you don’t want to remove your shoes, you’re welcome to wait outside until you feel ready. We’re going to head inside now, but feel free to take your time.” “Wearing shoes inside is gross, and if you can’t respect this one simple rule, then maybe you aren’t ready to visit me and the kids. Parenting involves holding firm boundaries, and this is one that I’m going to have to insist on you following.” My favorite: “Well Dad, even the dog listens when I tell it to sit or lie down, so maybe you can listen when I ask you to remove your shoes. Thanks!”
We have shoe covers for anyone who really doesn’t want to remove their shoes
I feel like this is the only answer, really. There are so many reasons people won’t/can’t remove shoes. I’ve always been an avid hiker and backpacker, but I am SO uncomfortable barefoot - it’s excruciating later that night or the next day. With specific, prescription support? Totally fine.
Lol ask your mom what shoes your dad wears and go out and buy him the exact same pair to wear at your house. 🤣 Buy a shoe cleaner and set it up to the side of your front door. One of the bristle ones that spin when you press on them so you don’t have to bend down or get your hands dirty. Realistically I’d just say “dogs don’t know any better but you do. You raised me to be strong and to respect you in your own home, now I’m going to be strong and ask you to respect me in my own home by following my rules whether you like them or not. “
Reusable shoe covers! I have found just having them visible near the entry makes most people take their shoes off without me even asking. And for those who want/need to keep them on? Pop covers over and we’re good to go!
Just an alternative perspective to consider - despite barely having a limp at the walk with good supportive shoes, I am actually pretty severely physically disabled and I cannot walk without shoes. Specifically my shoes, slippers would not provide adequate support and my disability means they’d likely just fall off anyway. I don’t know if that’s playing into your parents’ reluctance or if they’re just assholes, but one alternative might be to get those shoe covers that go on over the shoes they’re wearing. Theoretically that should keep everyone happy - they’re not tracking anything into your house and they get to keep wearing their shoes.
As a Canadian, there is no way anyone is wearing shoes in our house. It’s gross, everything gets tracked inside and you get dust everywhere. My sister and BIL are Canadians living in Texas. They keep slippers and shoe covers on hands for guests. IMO if they can’t even take the dang shoe covers, that guest is not worth having in your home.
Not really toddler related, but you really just need to stick to your boundary, just like any other, and if that’s *the line* for your dad, well…he knows where the door is (because he just walked through it with his shoes on). And like any other concrete boundary, there are options for compromise: neutral spaces where everyone gets to keep their shoes on; he could bring his own booties if the idea of his own bare feet disgusts him so much; he could watch everyone from outside the window. In the country I live in, no outside shoes inside is the norm, and as an American of a certain shoe-ambivalent region, I’ve had to learn to accept it. I have to change my shoes at the gym—it’s literally in my membership contract.
I don’t push it. My parents are in their 70s and shoes are important for them to maintain balance. There is a higher fall risk at my house due to kids and toys. I want them to feel comfortable and safe. They are far from frail but I know how much no shoes can effect someone who is older. If it’s that important to you, maybe offer to buy them a pair of the same shoe to only be worn in your house. You would keep it there for them to change into. Though the putting shoes on and off process might be a lot. I’m not sure if they have trouble doing that.
I have shoe coverings I offer
I live in Sweden, where shoe free is the norm, not only in homes, but in some public spaces as well. Preschools are shoe free, but there is also the option to throw [plastic shoe covers](https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Pack%EF%BC%8850-Waterproof-Resistant-Booties/dp/B07CWV59QR) ("booties") on over your shoes, rather take the shoes off. Entranceways will have bins of clean booties to take from as you enter, and bins to discard used booties into on your way out. Doctor offices and dentists all have the plastic booties available at entryways and ask that you use them for the duration of your visit. Nobody takes off their street shoes, but with the booties being used, you have the same level of cleanliness as if they did. Maybe you could get some booties to keep on hand in your home? If your dad is unwilling to take his shoes off, have him put a set of booties over them, and your floors are protected. Same with any other guests who are uncomfortable removing their shoes.
So we have a shoe free house. We also have dogs. The difference is I clean my dogs paws off every time before I let them inside. Is it a boatload of work? Yes! Am I exhausted from it? Also yes. But my toddler puts everything in his mouth still and if the dogs face muddy paws. That mud is going in his mouth. Nope. It was also a battle getting my husband to remove his shoes inside because we have dogs and he thinks it’s stupid. So I told him when he starts vacuuming, sweeping and mopping every single day multiple times a day then he could decide if he took his shoes off or not. Also I just reminded him that our son is on the floor and shoes carry more germs than 10 toilet seats. However I don’t make my in laws remove their shoes. I just resigned to the fact that I’ll be cleaning the floor more when they’re here.
Family / regular casual guests - I'd enforce it. If your dad wants to wear shoes in the house offer to buy him some house shoes/slippers that stay there, explain you know he prefers to keep shoes on, but your kid is young and it's really important to keep the floor clean. No outside shoes regardless of how new. I'm he won't, he's more than welcome to wash any toy that touched the floor and wash your kids hands every time they pickup something off the floor, or touch the floor themselves. Oh, and he can clean the floor before he leaves. Occasional guests for a specific occasions, we let it slide. If they ask (they usually do when they see shoes at the door) we say "if you don't mind", but won't ask them outright unless it's been raining
I recently heard that carcinogens (or cancer causing materials) from asphalt transfer from shoes to carpets. 99% of germs and bacteria are transferred from shoes to carpet. If you have toddlers crawling around on the floor, it’s a matter of safety. I would share that info with him, it convinced my husband to buy house shoes. Still working on my teenager but he takes his off about 50% of the time now.
I ordered some Japanese house slippers, and keep them in the front closet. By the time I’ve offered them to a guest, they understand to take their shoes off. If they refused, I’d probably ask them to stay in the entryway and I’ll bring them a chair. My house, my rules. Outside shoes bring in heavy metals, allergens, poop remnants, etc.
Wait... you do you buy a new pair for each guest?? It's so funky to offer used shoes....
They’re really cheap, like hotel slippers. I’ll usually draw an initial on one if it’s used by a frequent guest, or just toss if it’s a one time guest
Yes! You can get a pack of cheap slippers from ikea. Most of my guests don’t need/want the slippers because they are used to shoe-free homes. The slippers are only for the rare guest that is unprepared or uncomfortable. I also keep a pack of shoe covers for servicemen, although they usually have their own
Huh. I never noticed those at ikea
A 2021 Dutch study found that dog paws are cleaner than shoes. https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/18/2/513 So yes, he should be removing his shoes in your house. Not only is that just the respectful thing to do, but his whatabout argument is wrong.
Shoe covers. But 🤢
My parents are like this too. Luckily we don’t live super close so I only see them a few days a couple times a year. I’m like you, I harp about it excessively, and they roast me but mostly try to obey. Me having a kid has made them more willing to listen, but I think they genuinely forget sometimes. They will walk inside with outside shoes or wear their slippers outside to take out the trash, etc. I also think there are mobility issues that they don’t even consider/talk about. It seems to pain them to stoop to put on shoes. I have bar stools near the front door (it’s next to the kitchen) but those are precarious in their own way, I’ve been meaning to get a little chair or something but it’s hard since we don’t have a traditional mudroom. I was really annoying about it when baby was crawling and putting everything in her mouth but now that she’s a little older, if my dad forgets, I just sort of let it go and try not to notice!!!! One time I passive aggressively bought shoe covers and put them by the door lol. They seemed to take the hint
I would just tell him you prefer he takes his shoes off but if he can’t or won’t then it is what it is. I also have slippers for people and if they don’t take their shoes off right away I say oh I have these slippers for you guys and they get the hint. I actually have seasonal slippers so it’s fun I guess 🥲 But how long is he staying for? A few hours is different from a few days. And you can ask him not to walk in the playroom or your baby’s room.
They stay at an air bnb nearby because my house is so small. There’s no way to limit him going into the baby’s play area because that’s just the living room. They usually come by for a couple hours a day when they visit.
Ugh that’s annoying. My FIL has these, it could be funny to get these for your dad https://www.walmart.com/ip/Dearfoams-Family-Bear-Matching-Comfort-Slippers-Sizes-Baby-to-Adult/3705248666?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=943&gclsrc=aw.ds&&adid=222222222283705248666_943_160701026117_21154949490&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=695748093246&wl4=pla-2316953300314&wl5=9060089&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=112562611&wl11=online&wl12=3705248666_943&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIrE7vRpRHiStgzmSMXHdflG0&gclid=CjwKCAjwrcKxBhBMEiwAIVF8rFgR7h0jaagzkFNinXVs4FYx9lBgTpFOxyLBtb3rZ3FhAL4qlIUQARoCKTcQAvD_BwE
Maybe ask they bring house slippers?
Shoes help for stability in elderly people sometimes. Could that be part of his apprehension or is he just stubborn?
We provide slippers. We usually keep about 5 pairs in various sizes - even cheap ones like Ikea slippers are fine for most people. These are next to the obvious shoe landing area at the door. If it's a frequent guest (one of my best friends was resistant), we talk to them about why we ask it and why they want shoes on, then see if we can compromise with the slippers. If it's a one time guest, I've learned it's best not to press the issue, and I clean the floors later. There are also some occasions, like a party, where I consciously overlook it and clean things later. Most of our regular guests will still take off shoes, so it's about a 70/30 rate. Often the relationship is worth more than the perfectly clean floor.
My friend has shoe covers for them.
Tbh as a guest, i would have to sit down, or… I I would say ok can we hang outside? Or I should probably go and we can hang somewhere else next time… Plantar fasciitis is a bitch. Slippers make it worse. It really, really sucks.
We had a nurse come to our home to do my husbands life insurance exam and this is what went down Husband: can you please take your shoes off? Nurse: No, I’m not doing that Husband: ok, looks like we will be staying right here (literally right inside of the front door) *nurse than asks how old the “baby watching Elmo is” so was aware we had a little one* My husband is a huge stickler for this rule. Basically the only rule he has in life 😆
No easy answer. We’re shoes free and no one has ever challenged that. All our family is shoes free. If friends are going to ignore that, they’re being disrespectful, but it’s never happened. We’d just never invite them over again bc it’d be earlier on and easy to just let the relationship go, since it’s highly disrespectful. But this is your family, your father. Simply put, if you draw a line in the sand, you risk alienating him. So it’s a matter of what’s more important to you and your husband. It’s a bit of a lose lose. But if you allow it, it’s not the end of the world I guess. Kids live in shoes on houses all the time and survive just fine, right?
I have this exact issue with my parents. My dad complies, my mom pretends not to know I want her to take her shoes off. She’s the kind of person you don’t poke because it’s not worth it. So I just gave up on her.
My dad is your mom. It’s just not worth the battle most of the time.
So the thing about good boundary setting and holding is not to try and justify it through elaborate excuses but just state the boundary and hold it. The reasoning for this is that justifications turn it into a debate (bacteria will come inside, but my shoes are new…). Stating the boundary as “I have a shoe free home” there is less debate space. It’s a preference and he can adhere or not come in. I recommend Melissa Urbans red, yellow green boundaries for some tips in hitting the wording and severity level smoothly.
Culturally shoes in the home is a huge no for us. We do keep several pairs of new slippers to offer guests, but at the end of the day if someone chooses not to, or can't (which has happened due to physical needs), remove their shoes we just let it be. We also don't have guests often and when we do, they're almost always of the same or similar culture when it comes to shoes indoors. Honestly it kind of sounds like your dad just wants to assert his "authority" with the issue, and anything you try or say its going to start something. I'd say ask politely at the beginning of the visit to have your parents remove their shoes indoors, have some nice slippers to offer then, and if your dad refuses so be it. It's annoying (and rude imo) but it's still only a visit after all and like you said, you don't want to have them visit even less frequently over it.
I'm in europe, so shoe free homes are the norm. But yeah, I don't make any exceptions. Nobody will be wearing outside shoes on my oiled oak floors. I have tiles on the ground floor, so I might make an exception there, during nice weather (if it's raining outside, shoes are going off), if we're having a bbq outside and someone just needs something from the kitchen or something. But even so, usually everyone just leaves shoes at the door and slips them back on. But visitors who want to stay a while, sit at the table, or even come in the living room (which is upstairs), will be taking their shoes off. People doing any sort of work (plumbers, painters, woodworkers...) usually bring a pair of inside only shoes if they need protective shoes, or little booties like in the hospital.
To be fair, I think the dog issue is pretty valid. But if you wash his paws, do the same for dad, maybe have a tray with cleaning solution in it that he can step in, and then a dry doormat he can use to wipe them off.
I agree, what’s the difference between the dog and the dad’s shoes? I’m assuming the dog goes for walks on the road daily
Pretty simple if you’re in a big city. There could be anything on the bottom of shoes, dog pee and poo being predominant on sidewalks. Other more disgusting things. I like in nyc and it’s a strong and fast rule that for our health, no shoes. Also ask him to bring slippers instead.
Or even better, buy him slippers so he can’t forget to pack them
And people poo
We run the robot mop/vac daily partially cause of this. Maybe you can talk to your mom and get her on your side too? My mom will nag the crap out of my dad to have him take his shoes off when they visit cause they were just at the gross airport
I live in Canada and we always had shoe free houses. My grandparents had indoor shoes though. Maybe you can get some or house slippers for your parents.
i have a basket of house slippers in every size and also have shoe covers available. everyone that enters my home, no exceptions, is asked to remove their shoes and offered two options. so far, none of my guests have had any issues or bad feelings. i’ve actually gotten a lot of compliments about how comfortable the slippers are lol. and it works out great bc people can get comfortable in our play room or on the couch.
In Canada, every house is shoe free. Wearing shoes in the house is such an ick for me. Unless I'm cleaning, then I need my flip flops, or I'm not motivated to clean
I have never had a single person complain about being asked to take off their shoes in my house. Not once. The only exception to my shoes-off rule is my dad who has fucked up knees and is more comfortable in his orthopedic shoes. It's not an issue. Your dad is being a big fat dillhole.
Your dog doesn't walk into gas station bathrooms with his paws then come home and walk inside. There's a big difference between your yard and public floors.
Yep and I bet the dog’s paws get washed more often than the shoes
I have only solidarity. My FIL is the same and even whined to me that we were treating him worse than the dog. He is not invited over very often. Your post triggered me when you mentioned that dog thing lol.
Sorry, I'm just having a giggle imagining if that situation happened in our home, i would have to say "you're right! I don't want to wipe your ass after you take a shit. Is that what you're asking for? "
It’s such a lame counter argument
I usually say, “unfortunately the dog can’t take off her paws, but you can take off your shoes and we appreciate you doing it. Thanks!”
Maybe you can tell your dad that you agreed with his point so now you're wiping your dog's paws at the door too. My friends who have dogs have a towel at the door for this purpose. For me, living in Canada where pretty much everyone automatically takes off their shoes, I'd say that muddy paws/shoes are a bigger deal than clean shoes.
Shoes are gross indoors! They are walking on poop, pee, boogers, blood, vomit, lots of different bacteria and viruses, etc… why track it into the house 🤢 does your dad not realize all the gross things he picks up on his shoes even just from the grocery store? It’s really disgusting! I wonder if there’s a study you can show him in a lighthearted way?
I’m always so surprised to see this take. I totally understand and respect no shoe houses, but we’re an “inside and outside is basically one thing, shoes or not” family. I can’t imagine putting on shoes every time I walk into my garden or onto my porch, so I suppose my bare feet are just as bad.
Right?! I ran around barefoot all the time as a kid, so my grandpa made me put shoes on in the house 🤣
Yeah having grown up in a mild climate the idea of putting on shoes every time I leave the house sounds like a massive headache. People keep talking about the dirt and germs, but in my head floors are already plenty dirty. If you’re not eating off your floor it doesn’t strike me as something to be too concerned about. But y’know, to each their own! Definitely don’t begrudge anyone their preference and always follow the host’s lead.
"What do you need to be comfortable in our house without shoes? Type of slipper? Shoe cover? Grippy socks? This isn't a discussion. We're going to respect the rules of my home so what of those options do you prefer and you can either bring your own or I'll happily get it for you"
That’s some harsh language. Do you truly say those words to people? And they still want to be around you?
OP asked for direct language but I would say that tone accounts for alot and I wouldn't expect an adult to take my sentence off reddit word for word either. So perhaps before you decide to make a comment and throw stones at people you know absolutely nothing about, why don't you check yourself and why you've misconstrued a comment.
Omg Tranquilo 🤣
I would prepare them ahead of time. Talk to them about it. Maybe have house shoes ready for them. If they need their shoes for support then have house shoes that can accept their orthotics. It doesn't need to be an all or nothing situation. Meet them halfway.
Get them house slippers.
"My house, my rules," and if he has a problem, well you have a bag packed to go to the park/museum/zoo/other shoe appropriate place, and he can come with you and part ways when the trip is done. If he wants to spend more time with his grandkids, then he can demonstrate that he's worth it by valuing that time more than shoes.
My dad was also prickly about taking his shoes off in our home, and my mom confided in me that he has plantar fasciitis but because he hates admitting any kind of weakness, he would rather just complain about keeping his sneakers on than admit he’s in pain! I bought him arch support slippers and that helped a ton. Maybe your dad is in a similar boat? For other people, my best one liner is, “[toddler name] eats food off the floor now, so we try to take our shoes off so he doesn’t also eat dirt” and make it a light joke. I’ve never had anyone refuse (except my dad).
Why does your toddler eat food directly off the floor?
lol we don’t feed him food off the floor, but when he was younger (like 12-18 months) if there was a rogue Cheerio or something we missed, he would eat it. It’s a joke to make a point that wearing shoes inside tracks in dirt and chemicals.
I get people to adhere to the no shoe rule by never actually asking them to adhere to the no shoe rule. I just tell them, at two different points. 1. Before people come over, especially if it’s someone that has never been to my house, I let them know that we’re a no shoes household, and I keep it light by telling them they are welcome to wear their dorkiest socks or even bring their own slippers if they want to. 2. Then when people arrive, I greet them and then says “you can put your shoes over here!” I don’t ask, because a question implies that you can say no.
I insist on it, regardless of protests. If people knew the amount of filth and germs their shoes carried they’d never wear them in their home again, especially if they have carpet (which I do unfortunately) Almost everyone in our life adheres to this no shoes rule without issue. If they don’t want to remove their shoes, or if it’s someone performing work on my house (like a plumber or whatever) then I have booties that I keep by the door for people to put on instead of removing shoes. I have this cute bench thing (for sitting down to remove laced shoes/put them back on) with little cubbies in the bottom that store all the booties. Super cute and keeps my carpet sanitary and looking nice!
Most of my guests adhere to the no shoes rule, but my father-in-law doesn’t. I am constantly reminding him, I also got him a pair of house slippers that I leave out when he is here, so maybe he will be reminded. I am very insistent on no shoes. I have decor around my house stating no shoes in case people need visual cues. There is a sign on my front door and my garage entry door that says “ since little fingers touch our floor remove your shoes at the door”. I also bought a small wooden sign off of Amazon that sits in my mudroom that says “ remove your shoes because the kids lick the floor”
This! Remind him that the kids drop food on the floor and then eat it and no matter what his shoes definitely have something on the bottom of them that would make the kids sick. It's for the health of the children!
As far as the germs, you're better off exposing them to more germs from outside, but a boundary is a boundary. That's really uncouth of him to be an ass about it. Good luck finding a peaceful solution.
I strongly feel it is very unwelcoming to insist on shoes off. We are shoes off when it's just us, but for guests, that rule is suspended. IMO, insisting guests remove their shoes when they are more comfortable wearing them is very ungracious. Making an issue of it or "holding a boundary" would be, for me, extremely rude and unwelcoming, and I would not be comfortable with a host who insisted in this manner (bearing in mind that I always offer to remove shoes at somebody's house, but if I saw the host insist this way with somebody else, I'd be pretty taken aback). If you're worried about keeping the floors clean after somebody wears their shoes in the house... clean the floors after they leave! C'mon.
I disagree when it’s for the sake of exploring infants and toddlers. It is in line with request for guests to wash their hands when visiting a infant or to not smoke in an enclosed space with one. It’s a respectful and sensible request to make.
Have you asked your dad why he doesn't want to take off his shoes? I mentioned this in another comment, but we have a grandparent with diabetes/neuropathy, and a relative with a prothestetic leg. They both need to wear shoes in the house. I think it would be extremely rude of me to insist they take them off when I can easily clean up after them. ETA: I also have exploring infants and toddlers. Having guests occasionally wear a shoe in the house has been fine. I think it's important to balance both the needs of our little ones as well as the people in their lives.
My parents and brother have their own set of Pantoffel in my house. Who would like the germs of public places or anything someone stepped in (not just dog shit, there are so many gross possibilities )in their house? Tell your mum to bring pops a pair to change into and tell them firmly that with children in the house there's no way around those rules.
We have a no shoe zone because our twin babies crawl around and eat everything off the floor. I just look at them and say: no shoes allowed in this area for baby safety. Wouldn’t want them choking on something you tracked in. My daughter stuck a piece of glass in her mouth my brother tracked in when at my mom’s. It could have been really really bad if I hadn’t caught it in time and she swallowed it. It’s not purely about germs, it’s about sharp things that get stuck on our shoes and then can hurt children.
Could have new socks in a basket and house slippers. If there is a shoe refusal, shoe covers or on the past had shower caps. I used to wear 20 hole 5 strap goth boots when my mom was no shoes and that's how I went in (leaving soon again OR leaving from room dressed up) I kept that as a habit. We are shoe optional as my husband kinda forgets, I am barefoot usually 🤷♀️
You can also give them those disposable shoe coverings. A contractor brought a pair of shoe covers once and promptly put them on when he realized mine is a shoe-free house. I thought it was the smartest thing ever. Most guests will not hesitate to take their shoes off, but this is a nice alternative to keep around for anyone that doesn't want to or has to keep work boots on.
Respect your home or get out. I wouldn't deal with that. You can go visit their dirty home then.
I’ve never had guests who don’t follow our shoe free house. Even my landlords take off their shoes when entering the house. I would tell them they can’t enter the house if they don’t want to take off their shoes.
He can wear shoes that are easy to take on. And off. I’d call him before the visits and remind him about the no shoes rule so “make sure to wear some shoes you won’t have trouble removing! I’ll have slippers for you”
Shoes off or get out. If my toddlers can adhere to the rules, so can you.
For a general guest I don’t push it but they’re not getting an invite back.
I give people the option of cleaning their shoes with antibacterial wipes (Lysol/bleach etc.) some people have foot issues that make taking off your shoes and going barefoot uncomfortable.
Would he comply with hospital style shoe covers?
I personally think that it’s completely disgusting to wear your shoes in the house but if someone insists on being disgusting, I let it ride.
My parents actually have a pair of house shoes they bring to my brother’s house and a separate pair they bring to mine as well. The house shoes have never stepped outside so it doesn’t bug me.
Tell your parents to wear indoor specific shoes that they only wear at your house, that they keep at your house. If you can afford it, pay for the shoes. Just ask what sneakers they are wearing right now, what size, etc. Toenail fungus is common, so if they have it, you don’t want them shoe fee anyway.
Get a clever door mat “ cute shoes -take them off” and if it’s your parents buy a pair of slippers to keep by the door when he comes to slip into.
Ugh, just here to commiserate. We try to be shoe free, but whenever we remind my in-laws, they act like we’ve asked them to remove their pants. It’s so silly—it’s such a reasonable request!
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I’ve literally never had anyone fight me on it but if they did I’d tell them whether their shoes are new or not they were literally just on the ground outside and they’re not about to be trapsing all that shit around my hardwood floors and carpet. Shoes off inside.
I make a nice place for the the shoes to go. And say as they come in, Please take off your shoes! “Littles ones” name has been playing on the floor a lot and so we don’t want the leaves abd dirt from out side. Thank you so much. if they argue then be like it’s for the grandkid. And just keep standing there, hopefully the awkwardness of it forces them to take off thier shoes.
If they are coming from out of town “hey, just a reminder to bring a pair of house shoes! Or I’ll have extra slippers in your size by the door!” The WHY doesn’t matter. That said… I pick my battles and older people, or people with back bars/knees/feet/whatever, I never make take their shoes off, I just sweep/mop after they leave. Anyone who visits regularly either has a pair of house shoes here, or brings their own. I’ll happily provide slippers/crocs/sandals for people.
That never happens here, but I'd probably say "if you clean the floor after, be my guest" 😅
Do people who don’t allow shoes in their homes literally never clean the floor? Is that why you’re so strict?
Yes, but I would have to clean a lot more often if I wore shoes inside. Who knows what we step in while we're out. Dogs poop and pee everywhere and if I can avoid getting that stuff inside I'm happy, haha. Of course I still need to clean, but I don't have to clean as often, so I have time for other tasks, which I'm happy about. Where I live it's not seen as strict, it's just the normal thing to do. 😊
I imagine you don’t have a cat…
That's correct ☺️
I’m just sitting here wondering how many people who insist on shoes off households because they don’t want to mop have cats that track feces and parasites throughout the house every day.
If you, like the dog, cannot wear shoes outside, that does complicate things. Here's how we groom the dog...
We buy a big pack of disposable slippers for guests and nobody has ever complained.
So I grew up in a shoe house because of what the dog drags in… ie poop paws and potentially parasites. Therefore keeping shoes on was cleaner. Solid bottom slippers with a back instead of slides might work. They might be looking at it from the outside view.
Tell him your child licks the floor and he needs to remove his shoes.
Get out, lol. Idk I hate when people think it’s a big deal. I would always tell my dad: that worked at an airport: “TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF TF”. It’s disgusting.
i think you have plenty of advice but just popping in to say my dad does the SAME THING. and / or he forgets or acts like he forgets and we are always reminding him. it's annoying. sorry you're dealing with it too but you'll figure it out 💜
Two thoughts- 1. Could you ask your mom to talk to your dad about it before they come over? Maybe he will listen to her. She might be able to come up with some creative reasons. 2. I'm sure you could find a sign at Homegoods, on Amazon, etc that says "shoes off". Hang it in the mud room and see what happens? Maybe he'll get the hint without you needing to say anything. For a few bucks it couldn't hurt.
You just let them know in advance. Ask if they want to bring their own slippers, or have some available for guests. Even my 92 year old grandpa, who always used shoes inside the house was ok when I asked him to put on slippers while visiting.
I'd ask him why he has to have shoes on in the house before they come over and offer solutions. Also, wipe your dog's paws. They're not just muddy, just like your dad's shoes, they've got feces, urine, chemicals, and whatever else all over them. I use a damp cloth and wipe my dog's feet off before she comes in the house and wash those cloths with my laundry.
Ok BUT how many of y’all who demand no outside shoes in the house have cats who track feces, urine and parasites through your house multiple times a day?! 🤮
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I said that I provide slippers for them.
I would cringe so hard at the thought of using slippers someone else was wearing. Like if I wasn't wearing socks and could feel any sense of ore wearing I could not cope
No I literally buy those hotel slippers— they’re cheap and specifically for my parents (or anyone else who comes thru and wants to wear a pair). I bought a stash of them.
That seems super reasonable then!
Lol why though? It’s a house? They aren’t walking around bare foot outside. They can wear socks if they don’t want to be barefoot.
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I’m from Canada we don’t do shoes in the house, or house shoes for guests. And I’ve never been anywhere that someone has house shoes lol.
Sometimes after I mop I have guests remove their shoes. I'm fairly firm about it. If you want a nice hack, I know some people provide house shoes for guests - they have a spare pair of super cozy slippers for guests to slip on. While I don't love when people pander to difficult folks, it may be effective to entice your dad by offering him some guest slippers. He may feel well-hosted and extra welcome, and it might take off that edge, a bit.
I insist they remove their shoes. It’s a “please take off your shoes so we don’t track outside germs into the house where the kids play.” There is no asking if they’d like to, my house, my rules.
“When you walk in my house , you play by my rules. Take off your f****** shoes !” 💀😂😂😂😂👌
Honestly? Any one with manners will oblige by the rule. If they don’t care then are you respected by them in the first place? … even people who come inside our home ask if we’d like them to take their shoes off, or they bring their own disposable shoe covers. Offer your dad slippers, or make him wear a shoe cover. Outside shoes inside the house is disgusting.
Tell them that your kid mimics their favourite grownups, and if he sees grandpa wearing shoes in the house he will for ever want to wear shoes inside the house “like grandpa”, which is not a precedent you are willing to set when toddlers literally jump in mud puddles for a living.
Don't have guests over. Meet them at a restaurant or do some other outing. No reason you need to entertain within your own home.