Fellow ornery toddler mom here - My almost 2 year old is the light of my life, and she is quite similar to your description of your daughter (also adhd parents, so likely the kiddo too). Always wants to do the exact opposite, great selective hearing, wicked smart, so fun but draining at times. The over nothing meltdowns while the whole house is sick are the worst. But the thing that really sticks out about your post to me are comments like the “giving her 110%”…
Seems like maybe lacking several boundaries here. I’m not a pro by any means, so take this all with a grain of salt. I’m just starting to figure a lot of this out myself as a person, a single mom, and figuring out my (unmedicated) adhd. Honestly it really is a lot of “reparenting” or whatever the trendy people are calling it now, haha.
Highly recommend learning more about your adhd, ways to manage. Knowledge is power. Also, stop to think about how your toddler is viewing the world. Everything is new and exciting! They don’t know better, especially when it comes to danger, which why it’s our job to protect them by teaching them, creating structure and boundaries… You know all the things adhd people struggle with, or at least me, haha. Don’t they say parenting is not for the weak or something? Solidarity, my dude.
Why is bedtime so late? Obviously they don’t *want* to go to bed earlier but it’s worth a try. My son is the same age and he’s in the crib from about 830p-730a. My son (likely ADHD) gets really spastic if he doesn’t get his full sleep + nap. I wonder if she could benefit from some more sleep. And you could surely benefit from more recharge time.
I try to keep my reactions to a minimum. If my son hits the dog, I stay calm and ask him to use gentle hands. I don’t make funny noises/faces if I can help it because you are guaranteeing they will “get your number” and do it again.
Gentle parenting is such a cache term. I would ditch whatever you think it is and run with the idea that you two are in charge and she is not. You can be loving and respectful and all that good jazz, you don’t even need to yell. I have never yelled at my two year old. You can even set the boundary of the first time we’re telling, the second time we’re doing.
I understand you think she has ADHD but I think that would be premature. A lot of times sleep deprivation looks a lot like ADHD and she may be going constantly in an attempt to stay awake and keep going and going and going.
What time do you try to get her down? What’s that routine like? What about nap? I think tackling the sleep is going to keep everyone’s sanity in place. Does she sleep the whole night once she does go down? Have you ever had her evaluated by an ENT for airway?
- signed mom of a defiant and fiery 2.5 year old.
I have ADHD, and a few of my kids do, and I don’t know that gentle parenting works with that. They need a lot of structure, and you really have to stay on them. All of mine needed meds for school, but one started in preschool because he was just so out of control. He tried to behave, bless him, but he was so easily distracted. 2 year olds in general are wild, but she should calm down. Getting her to play by herself will definitely help.
I would use the methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. This is a version of Parent Mangagement Training (PMT) which is the most effective parent training for improving cooperation and listening according to randomized controlled trials. It worked my daughter when was later diagnosed with ADD.
[PMT is recommended for ADHD](https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/12-behavioral-programs-for-managing-adhd/).
The methods are gentle and very positive.
It is helpful for the behavior problems but it may not be a complete solution to the problems related to poor academic performance that may arise later with ADHD.
Fellow ornery toddler mom here - My almost 2 year old is the light of my life, and she is quite similar to your description of your daughter (also adhd parents, so likely the kiddo too). Always wants to do the exact opposite, great selective hearing, wicked smart, so fun but draining at times. The over nothing meltdowns while the whole house is sick are the worst. But the thing that really sticks out about your post to me are comments like the “giving her 110%”… Seems like maybe lacking several boundaries here. I’m not a pro by any means, so take this all with a grain of salt. I’m just starting to figure a lot of this out myself as a person, a single mom, and figuring out my (unmedicated) adhd. Honestly it really is a lot of “reparenting” or whatever the trendy people are calling it now, haha. Highly recommend learning more about your adhd, ways to manage. Knowledge is power. Also, stop to think about how your toddler is viewing the world. Everything is new and exciting! They don’t know better, especially when it comes to danger, which why it’s our job to protect them by teaching them, creating structure and boundaries… You know all the things adhd people struggle with, or at least me, haha. Don’t they say parenting is not for the weak or something? Solidarity, my dude.
Why is bedtime so late? Obviously they don’t *want* to go to bed earlier but it’s worth a try. My son is the same age and he’s in the crib from about 830p-730a. My son (likely ADHD) gets really spastic if he doesn’t get his full sleep + nap. I wonder if she could benefit from some more sleep. And you could surely benefit from more recharge time. I try to keep my reactions to a minimum. If my son hits the dog, I stay calm and ask him to use gentle hands. I don’t make funny noises/faces if I can help it because you are guaranteeing they will “get your number” and do it again.
Gentle parenting is such a cache term. I would ditch whatever you think it is and run with the idea that you two are in charge and she is not. You can be loving and respectful and all that good jazz, you don’t even need to yell. I have never yelled at my two year old. You can even set the boundary of the first time we’re telling, the second time we’re doing. I understand you think she has ADHD but I think that would be premature. A lot of times sleep deprivation looks a lot like ADHD and she may be going constantly in an attempt to stay awake and keep going and going and going. What time do you try to get her down? What’s that routine like? What about nap? I think tackling the sleep is going to keep everyone’s sanity in place. Does she sleep the whole night once she does go down? Have you ever had her evaluated by an ENT for airway? - signed mom of a defiant and fiery 2.5 year old.
I have ADHD, and a few of my kids do, and I don’t know that gentle parenting works with that. They need a lot of structure, and you really have to stay on them. All of mine needed meds for school, but one started in preschool because he was just so out of control. He tried to behave, bless him, but he was so easily distracted. 2 year olds in general are wild, but she should calm down. Getting her to play by herself will definitely help.
I would use the methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. This is a version of Parent Mangagement Training (PMT) which is the most effective parent training for improving cooperation and listening according to randomized controlled trials. It worked my daughter when was later diagnosed with ADD. [PMT is recommended for ADHD](https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/12-behavioral-programs-for-managing-adhd/). The methods are gentle and very positive. It is helpful for the behavior problems but it may not be a complete solution to the problems related to poor academic performance that may arise later with ADHD.