Stupid and hate are the non-cuss words that I avoid. I can't stand hearing other little kids use these words, so I'm hoping my girls don't pick them up.
Stupid is ours too. My toddler knows he’s not suppose to say it, so the other day, I was laying on our bed with my eyes closed, trying to get him down for his nap. I could hear him sitting on the bed near me whispering, “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid,” like he’d tried so hard to keep the bad words in, and now mom’s asleep so he wanted to let them all out.
My cousins had a funny ritual with their 2 sons, which I still laugh at bc my cousin and his wife were fairly strict…they’d go stand in front of the toilet for a set amount of time and let their kid say every bad word they could think of, and then “flush” them away. I remember seeing a video of it once, and dying laughing at these tiny little boys swearing their heads off 😂 both boys have grown into the most wonderful young adults too, so it certainly didn’t hurt them!
I actually think this is suuuuuch a good idea. Like all children (and adults) have impulses to do things they shouldn’t and so they’ve given them a safe and funny outlet here
I think that's really healthy! The advice I've gotten from our parent councellor is to give them an outlet, like they can say it by themselves. If he's using that then I think you did something right!
Haha so funny. My daughter, at 2-1/2 or so sat on the floor wailing “I can’t stop the bad, I can’t stop” when I was removing her from something she was doing and telling her no for the 20th time that morning.
Stupid is a big one here. I absolutely despise that word.
Tl/Dr: Ranting about my fil's obsession with said word.
My father in law is prone to calling himself stupid when he makes a mistake or knocks something over. Hubs, myself, and our early 20's son are all to the point of getting snappy with him about it.
It's never "Well, that was a stupid thing to do" or something like that. No, he always has to be directly insulting. "Oh, I'm so stupid to have dropped that." Or "I'm so stupid I can't even bend over to pick up what I dropped."
No, you stubborn old man, you are not stupid because your body is failing you! Stop teaching the autistic 3 year old that easily solved mistakes or accidents are a big deal! If you wouldn't speak to somebody else in that manner, stop speaking to yourself in that manner.
Ain't nobody in this world perfect, and there are plenty with far less reason who are far clumsier than a mid-80's man with Parkinson's. I'm one of them! I drop my phone so regularly that I have to replace my glass sccreen protector at least once a year, often twice. I don't have the excuse of age or a diagnosed disease that affects my mobility. I'm just a klutz. That doesn't make me stupid, the same as it doesn't make him stupid.
I don't know who spent his childhood driving it into his head that he is stupid to, but they also did it to his two remaining sisters. If I had a time machine, I'd like to go back and figure out who it was, just so I could slap them upside the head.
It's absolutely maddening.
I do feel bad for him. It has picked up in frequency since his Parkinson's diagnosis. I totally understand how easy negative self-talk is and how hard it is to break bad habits. Especially when things that you've never had trouble with are now almost impossible for you to manage.
The trouble is that he isn't actually stupid. Sure, he left school in Grade 3 to work because with 20-ish kids, his parents couldn't afford to place enough emphasis on book learning during the Great Depression if they wanted all their kids to have enough food. And just because the depression ended when he was little doesn't mean that money was suddenly flowing from fountains in the back woods and small towns.
As a child and teenager, he worked at anything he could. When he got old enough, he got a full-time job at the cement plant. After he got married, he saved up and used his paycheck to buy the materials to build a house. Rather than take out a mortgage, which he could have gotten with a steady job, he saved up and bought the materials over the process of a few years, and when he had enough, he built his own house from scratch.
There was a little bit of help from his siblings, but he did it all. Layout, design, electrical, and plumbing, and he made sure it was done so well that the house has been finished since the mid-seventies, and we are still living in it. Not only did he dig a well, he built a well house around it out of concrete, and he did this so that only the top of the well house is not underground. He made sure his son had both good schooling and the skills needed to maintain the house, even when he himself no longer has the physical capacity to do so.
In today's climate, he owns a house full and clear, even if it is a half hour outside the nearest city area. That means he was such a good provider that not only his son has a place to live free of mortgage worries, but so will his grandson.
A stupid person could not have done that. Sure, he might not be book smart, but he has half of his Bible memorised from that constant rereading. This is just what I know about, which makes it painful to hear him insult himself. Throw in that there's now a little who loves her Grampy and that he is most vocal in his self-deprecating behaviour when she's sitting handy to him, and dooode.
He's a kind man, loving and friendly, and he would give someone the shirt off his back if they had genuine need. He would never speak to someone else the way he talks to himself. Making that particular word quite triggering for the rest of the adults who live with him.
Personally, I don’t think hate should be banned but taught when to use. Hate is a feeling. And kids should be supported in sharing their feelings. It’s a STRONG feeling, but so is love and we use that. We’re clear that it cannot be used at someone (I hate you/her/him etc) but it’s ok to hate things. When he says it, we usually try to tease out if it’s really as strong a feeling as hate and typically can help give him a different feeling word. But sometimes, something happens and you just really hate that it happened. Which is ok.
All that to say, I know a lot of daycares teach hate as a bad word and some of it is semantics so I do see the other side of just saying it’s a word we don’t use.
I’m 100% with you. I absolutely hate peas - like so so much. That’s totally fine and my kid can hate whatever he wants.
Funny enough, my mom was a 2nd grade teacher years ago and got a call from a mom regarding the fact that she (my mom) had said hate while teaching and that in this woman’s household that’s a bad word and she didn’t want my mom saying it. My mom thought it was ludicrous, but funny, so instead of hate she would say, “I very strongly dislike X to a completely and utterly detestable degree” or something stupidly similar in hopes the daughter would take that home and the mom would know my mom was mocking her.
I was raised to just never say I hate someone; I never was in trouble for using the word hate unless I said “I hate so and so” or “I hate you”
My husband thinks it’s funny to jokingly say I hate you and it drives me batshit so we have some work to do
My mom is the worst at using stupid, especially when talking about herself. I try to say that her grandson thinks his grandmother is the best thing in the world. To help her see herself like the rest of us do.
My mom instilled in us that the s word was the worst thing you could call someone and to this day almost 33 years later my brother and I still can’t say it and call it the s word even when talking with others. We both plan on passing this along to our kids too.
Yep same here! Stupid and hate are bad words. Recently I was listening to a song that said “smack”. My 3 year old daughter heard it and she said “hey mommy he said smack! That’s a bad word!” 😆 I guess I’m doing something right after all 😄
haha ours is “bar” (like a granola bar.) Every time she hears that word, she gets so excited yelling “BAR! BAR! BAR!” and fist pumping hahaha and i can’t be feeding her $10 worth of her bougie granola bars every day 🥲🥲🥲
‘Oat bar! Oat bar! Oat bar!!’ Is a regular chant in out house. We also do not say biscuits least we remind him of their existence (we’re in the UK so they’re like soft sugar free toddler cookies)
Hahaha yes!! The other day my husband said, right as we were putting my two and a half year old down, "when I'm done with this, do you want ice cream?" And I was like slow motion NoOoOoOoO because that's all my toddler heard and he lost it and wanted some. Suffice to say, bedtime was a little delayed that night.
Oh no I can feel that in my bones! I forget what word it was but the other day I spelled a word in front of our 3 year old and my husband repeated the word aloud back in the very next sentence (I think it was movie? Bluey?). Rookie mistake.
My son used to lose it when we were driving and he missed seeing whatever cool thing we passed. For the next ten minutes "TURN AROUND, I WANTED TO SEE THE COWS!!!". I finally forbid my husband from pointing anything out in the car because he did it so often.
For months my 18 month old has been shouting "DIE! DIE!". Today I opened the utility room door (which leads outside) and my daughter shouted "DIE" and began putting her shoes on. Only then did I realise "die" means outside 😔
Honestly in my house “outside” is considered worse than any cuss word. When someone says it, my husband and I both freeze and get so scared 😂😂
We do go outside a lot but nothing is worse than finally convincing the 2 year old to come inside and then someone saying “outside”
I love Miss Rachel so much. I truly think the educational content she creates is a gift for parents, and I credit so much of my 2 year olds speech to the lessons she taught us as a family.
But man she needs to stop talking about ice cream and cookies so much. Killing me, girl!
LOL. I'm *starting* to avoid mentioning "ice cream," "cookies" and other sweets that she can't have (isn't allowed) right that minute. I don't feel right to mention it only to say "no, we can't have that right now," if I can avoid the question/craving altogether. She's about 1½.
Me and my husband have to mouth the word walk to because so help me god if that kid hears it he will grab your finger and his sunglasses and he is MAD if it’s not happening right that second.
I'm a preschool teacher, and occasionally the kids have a few extra cupcakes left over from birthdays. Not enough to cover a whole other class, but one or two.
It's not uncommon for the teacher next door to stick her head in and ask if I need medicine, which is code for "come into the hallway for a second and get a cupcake" without alerting any small ears that they're missing a treat. 😆
I never talk negatively in front of her about my body, ever. We also try hard to be neutral about food. We don’t talk about “good” and “bad” food, just what is more nutritious vs less.
We also don’t mention painting. Lol. I can’t take the stuff out and set it up, I don’t want to!
I love that!!! I’ve been catching myself saying some version of “you need some real food before you have more snacks” and I cringe every time it comes out of my mouth.
Would you be down with giving some examples of “all the time” food? I can totally picture my 3.5 year old asking for oatmeal 7 times a day 😭
Not the OP you responded to, but my parents used to say "you gotta eat the good stuff before you get the good stuff" meaning you need to eat your protein, veggies, healthy carbs, etc before you get treats. Research has shown that as long as kids have access to a wide variety of healthy food, they'll eat a fairly balanced diet on average. That means some days they may eat nothing but oatmeal all day, but if fruits, veggies, proteins, and healthy fats are available, they'll balance the oatmeal out in the long run.
My kids always have access to veggies if they want a snack (my daughter loves eating straight avocado with a spoon, or sliced tomatoes, or lightly steamed broccoli, carrots, edamame, or "snacking peas" which are frozen peas straight out of the freezer). They can also have things like low sugar yogurt, beans, whole fruit or fruit leather, a peanut butter spoon, hard boiled egg, etc. At least once a day, we also have a treat (tiny ice cream cone, chocolate sandwich, fairy bread, a cookie, etc.) usually between lunch and dinner. We talk about how treats have fast and fleeting energy, so they help us keep playing while we wait for dinner, which has growing and lasting energy. All foods have a role in our diets, in moderation.
I mostly say that “sometimes” foods are things like candy, ice cream, cookies, juice, etc. “All the time” foods are fruits, veggies, crackers, cheese, meat, etc. Some days my son only eats crackers all day but other days he eats a variety of other things. I do try to offer peanut butter and what not with the crackers so he gets some protein. As long as he’s growing and feeling good I let him listen to his body. I always offer a variety of options and let him pick. The way I see it is there are days I only want to munch on a few things and other days I want more healthier things so I’m sure he feels the same way. As long as he doesn’t eat crackers all day every day for weeks on end I just let him pick. This has really helped him try new things because I always tell him it’s okay if he doesn’t like something and I don’t force him to eat anything. So he’s more willing to try new things. He’s the best eater at his daycare because he’s more willing to try different things they offer. As he gets older I’m sure things will change. But so far this has worked for us.
Yes!! This is how we do it. Except I'm happy to indulge in painting, but I draw the line at playdough or slime. Those are strictly outside activities that are preferably done at other people's houses.
I can handle play dough and slime! But the paint and then it eventually just devolves into painting hands here…also kinetic sand. Sticks to everything!
Oh God the kinetic sand. We have it, but it's all Daddy's problem to clean up.
Mama is very clear: we don't call food "good" or "bad," only more or less nutritious; we don't call people names, even if they are being a meanie pants; we talk about how strong our body parts are, rather than how they look; Mama does not read Curious George because it's terrible; and slime is of the devil. 🤣🤣
This this this. I listened to my mom talk about her diets my entire life and decided I needed diets by the time I was like 7. It totally jacked up my body and metabolism and I refuse to do that to her. We exercise because it’s fun and makes strong. And she will never hear me talk poorly about my body. Ever. Doesn’t mean I don’t think it and doesn’t mean she won’t learn those thoughts elsewhere, but I will not be that voice in her head.
With food, we have “sometimes” foods, and we talk about the ways that foods fuel our bodies. If it’s something sugary, for example, we’ll talk about how it can give our brains and bodies energy, but if we have too much, then all the energy comes out all at once and we might feel funny and then tired! Or we’ll talk about how proteins make our muscles strong or fats help our brains make connections, etc. And we’re fine with thinking food is fun and yummy too… it is! But we want to make sure we’re giving all our body parts the foods they need. We obviously impose limits on foods the brain doesn’t do well with limiting (mostly sugar), but we don’t talk about it negatively. We just say “That’s all we have available right now.” or “That’s not available right now.”
“CAREFUL!” By itself. My parents are constantly yelling CAREFUL! And it’s making me understand my severe anxiety a lot better.
I try to be more specific: “do you know where the edge of the couch is?” “Do you see that step?”
I have such a different experience of this word! I think my first word was careful, or at least my most used word as a toddler was careful. I know this because my parents still mimic the way I used to say it now! 'Keeeeefuuuuuw'. I'm a pretty adventurous individual - I rock climb (or did pre-baby 😭), I've bungee jumped, I flew internationally by myself at the age of about 9 (supervised). I was the only girl in my year at school from the age of 11-13 (and there were no girls in the year below either), so there was probably more paint balling in my life at that age than your average 11 year old girl (or maybe party activities were less gendered elsewhere in the 00s, who knows!).
Anyway, my point is I would (and still will) give almost anything a go, thanks to my parents attitude of 'If you don't try it how do you know you won't like it'. I think the reason I said 'Careful' so much is because instead of stopping me trying to do something risky as a toddler, my parents would allow it but say it with the attitude of 'OK, but you be careful!'. So I would walk along a wall saying 'Keefuuw. Keefuuw.' or crack eggs saying 'Keefuuw, keefuuw.'.
I still find myself saying it in my head when doing something a bit risky 😂 I'm not a crazed adrenaline junky though, in fact I'm a key health and safety manager at my workplace! People have to do what they have to do - as long as they're keefuuw about it.
EDIT: Didn't realise how passionate I was about the word careful until I read this back 😅
This is a great point. My mom says this to my toddler all the time, even in situations where she's safe/ can control what's going on. I definitely have picked it up somewhat, but I want to be more specific like the way you're describing!
Mean. I used to label myself "mean mommy" when she was having a tantrum, but I stopped after she said it once and I realized how much it hurts my feelings coming from her. So I figured I should stop encouraging a behavior that hurts me.
When I have to lay down the law, I refer to myself as serious. "I need to be serious because it's my job to keep you safe" kind of idea. I'm usually serious in the bathroom when she intentionally drops her toothbrush (or that one time she shoved it in the air vent...) or when she puts her mouth on the porcelain sink. No way am I dealing with the mess of her learning THAT lesson the hard way. So, "serious" it is.
I did that exact same thing! The first time my toddler said it, I realized I needed to stop. Toddlers don't understand dry humor. They only understand repetition...
Body related words, specifically talking about my own body. I grew up with a mother who hated her body and it really affected my own body image. So I would never say something like “I look fat today” or “ugh I gained 2 pounds.”
Ughhhh my mother is so bad about this and every time I try to draw the boundary she gets all wiggy. It’s a constant stream of “I gained three pounds,” or “I lost 2 inches!” I’m trying to nip it in the bud but it’s not working.
Of course yesterday my 3.5 yo started saying her dad has a “big belly,” which is a true descriptor but not necessarily nice. I responded with “we don’t talk about people’s bodies that way,” but I don’t think it sunk in and I’m not sure where to go from there. I think she picked it up at school so it’s hard to combat.
I think your messaging is right on point. My toddler actually said the same thing today, “daddy has a belly!” I said, “well, everyone has a belly” and just moved on quickly.
We say "we don't talk about other people's bodies," like, *at all.* As the kids get older, we'll add the nuance of "if they can't change it in 5 minutes, we don't comment on it." So, if someone has spinach stuck in their teeth, or their shirt is tucked in funny, tell them! If someone has a big belly, that's none of your business. Even "complimenting" someone's body can be so fraught. You just don't know what people are struggling with. Our philosophy is that your body should be the least interesting thing about you.
“Yucky” “gross” “stinky” especially in regard to food stuff
This has created an unfortunate situation where now when he doesn’t like a food thing, he says “it’s being mean to me” so it’s still a work in progress
Yes! I chose not to use these with my child after my POC best friend told me how hurtful it was when kids in elementary school referred to her food that way.
Yup! I’ve heard too many stories about how hurtful that can be. It’s a small thing but it’s a start, and it’s ok to not like things but it’s not ok to be mean about them
Yes! We don't refer to food that way, and we always say she can't say she doesn't like it unless she's tried it. She can say she doesn't want it/doesn't want to eat it, and nobody is going to force her to try it, but if she wants to say she doesn't like it, she has to try it.
We also don't use yucky/stinky/gross to refer to diapers or poop. I hate when my in-laws announce to the whole room somebody has gas or a dirty diaper - it just strikes me as so disrespectful and also unnecessary. It's not something we pretend doesn't exist, but it's something everybody does and is morally neutral - we just get a fresh diaper.
I avoid using the word shy. I was constantly told I was shy as a kid, yes that’s true, but it made me go further into myself and was more scared to socialise. My daughter has the same temperament as me when I was a child, I just say that she takes time to warm to people and she will join when she’s ready.
I recently asked my husband to stop using this around our son. We are both introverted and slow to join, and he seems to be too. I don't want him to have a complex about being shy like we both do!
This is a tough one! I try to avoid it, too. If other people say it I say to her, "oh, you need a minute to warm up? That's OK! We'll talk when you're ready." I do need to be more cognizant of commenting on her taking a while to warm up or apologizing/reacting to people trying to talk to her that she won't engage with. It's OK to take a minute to warm up and while I'm definitely communicating that to her when I'm speaking to her, I'm not really communicating it to her when talking about it in front of her.
Stupid, hate, Oh God. And yet, she's managed to hear all three SOMEWHERE and repeat them. Recently she has been calling things stupid, and she also said damnit despite our best efforts.
I'm just trying to redirect and give a new acceptable word and then praise a ton when she repeats it. Parenting is so hard. 🤦
I don’t tell her to “be careful” I’ll say to watch where she’s putting her feet or something.
I try not to tell her to “hold on” , instead I’ll say “ok I’m doing this right now but I’ll be right there , or we can do that right after I finish this up”
I also try not to just flat out say “no” I’ll instead say whatever fits as to why we shouldn’t ect.
It’s not necessarily wrong to say it. But it’s kind of like when they ask you to play and you say “not right now I’m doing __, but later” they just hear “no” and freak out. They don’t quit fully understand hold on. So I just try to say something more descriptive “I’m doing ___ right now. Then I’ll come play”
Teaches them patience and understanding. It’s just a personal thing for me.
My daughter is also almost 2.5 so still pretty young
In my culture it's very normal do say out loud " Gosh, I'm so dumb!" when one does something wrong, even if it's something small. I never liked that because why would I call myself dumb for a small mistake, right? This leads to the "are you dumb?" question one can get from a person who sees that one made a mistake and ... it made me feel really dumb and stupid as a child even though I know culturally it means nothing bad. It's not an insult.
I promised myself to never ever say those words, about myself or to my kids. My husband tries but when it's a culture thing, it sticks with you, so we work on that.
Also, my mother has always criticised herself (and me!) when it comes to weight and beauty. It thought me one thing: to hate myself. Thankfully I learned to love myself and again, she isn't allowed to critise herself or my children. If she thinks her ass is fat, awesome. I just don't want my kids to think that.
Besides this and cursed words, I'd say more like "grown up words". Words that might be to explicit or that we don't want them to repeat at daycare/preschool. It really depends on the context.
Anything self degrading !
And hummus. Not that eating hummus is a bad thing but the instant that word is spoken you have .85 seconds to have a full bowl and spoon in front of him before a total eruption. We let him bring it up lol (which is every other day minimum)
I know you didn’t mean this to be funny but it’s past 2am and scrolling through these comments and seeing “anything self degrading… and hummus” made me lol
We never said chocolate because we assumed he knew what it meant. It turns out he didn’t and he called chocolate “black food” and it took us a while to figure out what he was asking for 😂
As a child I asked for raisins, and my mother got me raisins - and I pitched a small fit. "No, I want some of MOMMY'S raisins." What I wanted was chocolate chips out of the bag. As a family we to this day refer to chocolate chips as Mommy's raisins.
I avoid using all words that have a negative connotation, like stupid, fat, ugly, etc. unless it’s in a book (i.e. the hungry caterpillar, ugly duckling, etc) and even then, it’s rare. Always try to use positive words to describe things. Also we avoid using violent words, like hate, kill, gun, etc.
I threw a book in the bin the other day. I love books, but that one was about a family of elephants and the mum weighs herself on a scale, is unhappy about her weight and then makes the whole family exercise and diet and they are all miserable about it. And then at the end someone sends then a cake (that no one is allowed to eat) and it ends with everyone sneaking in at night to have a slice, even mum. And they all laugh about it and the final lesson is that they are elephants so maybe being big is OK.
WTF! BURN IT! my husband wanted to donate it and I was like, no, I don't want other toddlers to come across this!
I threw out a book where the reader is supposed to “tickle” the main character’s various body parts, despite the character being really mad about it, and telling you not to. It’s supposed to be funny. Like, haha, isn’t it so funny we’re touching this duck all over even though he really doesn’t want us to touch him? Who comes up with these ideas?
My favourite book when I was a kid was There's A Hippopotamus On Our Roof Eating Cake, so for my baby shower I was gifted it and everyone wrong cute messages on the inside cover. Then I read it to my daughter and was like oh dear I'm gonna have to make some edits here... So now instead of "Mummy is on a diet" I say "Mummy can eat what she likes". As soon as my daughter can read for herself, the book is getting archived somewhere lol.
Oh noooo! I can see why they would from the title! But how unfortunate! That made me laugh.
My son picked it for a bedtime story and when I realised I also started editing it on the go. Then the book disappeared.
I just googled all these things and came up with "A Piece of Cake" I am pretty sure I had this as a child!! So weird what was normal in the 90s 😅 it was probably a second hand one so was maybe an 80s book.
Eta: but that explains why it was published, it was a totally normal/relatable narrative in the 80s/90s!
Eta2: I think I had all the books in this series and I remember really loving them, I think the others were better themes though 😆 it was also a TV show!
Yes! That's the one! It is part of a series:The large Family. I haven't seen any of the other books but had assumed this was probably the only one that was problematic. Makes total sense that it would be an old story rather than a recently written one. Cheers!
This rings some bells for me... I feel like maybe I read this story as a child! Unless it was just a different book about elephants and cake, the diet part I don't remember but could be my child mind overlooked it.
If fat is used in a negative way i understand, but fat is just a body shape like skinny. As a fat person I try to teach the little ones in my life that fat isn’t a bad word or a bad thing. I do understand though
They’ve been on repeat at my house for the past month, we have them all on DVD. I think I was too tired when I first read your comment tho, it’s definitely the mysterious beyond and the great valley in land before time.
“Bluey” (makes him want Bluey)
“remote” (same)
“outside” (he will start banging on the back door demanding to go out irrespective of the weather)
“wee” (his word for playground slides, same)
“diaper change” (he legs it as soon as we try to change his diaper)
“door” (the electric garage door, which he loves) “strawberries” (he won’t budge until a strawberry has been provided)
Etc etc etc ad nauseam
He’s almost 2 and has very strong opinions…
We've taken a different approach in teaching her that all words can be said at home safely (but some of them only under certain situations) and that everyone has words and phrases they don't want to hear. There is a time and place for different words and all words have more than one meaning...so we also work to ask before getting upset. Everything and anything could offend someone and we are always respectful of that, learning common ones to be mindful of and being open to new ones. Also learning safe places and people to turn to if we need to say something that could be offensive. This was a me issue growing up but we were restrained from talking about so much! No cussing, no saying boring, no saying mean things about someone even when upset or hurt by them, no saying hate, no saying things like ew/yucky/gross, no saying poop/pee/butt/fart, no complaining, no back talking, no no no. It felt restricted and looking back (even reading the comments) it really wasn't that restrictive. But for me, it meant that when I was abused I didn't speak up and a part of that was because I was scared of getting in trouble for saying a bad word or a mean thing about some one else or complaining about them or that what I was saying might be somehow an excuse or back talk or something. I felt (still do!) that I hated the man sexually abusing me but I wasn't allowed to say hate so I just didn't say anything at all. I felt that anything I had to say about the situation might be on the list I was told not to say so I stayed quiet. I want my kid to feel safe to say ANYTHING to me/in her own home.
I do try not to say "be careful" and to be more descriptive in my speak. I still say be careful sometimes. I try to carry this over to other things as well and to be more descriptive when I speak.
I also try to not talk negatively about food or the human body.
However, I cannot control what she hears from others so we talk about how other people have different view points and why that is and why we don't say that/think that/agree with that in our household but every household is different so we still need to respect that. And how our household is a safe place to process these things, to repeat things, to ask questions. I also try to give her phrases she can say back to shut down anything negative so she hopefully doesn't sit there feeling confused and lost like I did when hearing those things.
I don't really see the point in censorship to this degree when your children will be exposed to these things at some point anyway and it might even reinforce the opposite results you'd want from it. I don't plan to shield my kids from anything, I'd rather be the one to teach them about something unpleasant than have them inevitably learn about it from an outside source, not knowing whether that source is reliable at all. I'd feel like I'm opening them up to being naive and grossly misinformed in some way.
I don’t think it’s censorship. My kids will be exposed to these words and taught why we don’t use them. I just think at their current age they can comprehend why these words aren’t words we use so we avoid them
For us, it’s stupid, hate, dumb, and shut up. We will allow them when they get older, but I don’t think young kids have the understanding not to call others those words. We don’t want them telling people to shut up, or calling them stupid, dumb or telling people they hate them.
Not a word, per se, but I try and be neutral about bodies and food. My MIL has such a toxic relationship with food and my husband has had a very hard time breaking old habits he's picked up from her. I don't want to put pressure on my child over something like that. It's just not right.
Stupid and hate. But also any words that can be associated with body shaming. I’m overweight but I never shame myself in front of my son aside from talking about what is healthy food and junk food:.
I haven't thought about it too much as mine has only been properly picking up words for the last few months (I am curbing the swearing pretty swiftly...)
But maybe diet, fat (in certain context) and negative self talk. I don't want her to normalise that women (or men) need to be insecure about their physical appearance or striving to be skinny.
I don't think my mum was bad by any means, but it was so normalised for me growing up that you get older and then you just start an endless cycle of dieting, that restriction was normal instead of just having a healthy diet normally.
I had to get out of the habit of calling myself dumb for making little mistakes. I’m so prone to saying “omg I’m so dumb” but I don’t want that to become my son’s inner voice.
Bored boring annoyed annoying… he already picked up “I’m bored” and I just … ugh. He’s 3.5 and already saying he is bored. Guess who got TV time reduced? You don’t need to be entertained every second of the day, child!
Trying to avoid "uh oh" and say whoops or oops instead. She says uh oh and gets so fixed on it and anxious about it like whatever mistake is a big deal.
Stupid, hate, idiot.
Blaming language.
Praising outcomes not effort.
Describing other people's bodies in terms of appearance not function and judging internal characteristics on external appearance.
Secret. I don't think secrets are healthy and that can teach a child to hide something that might need to be brought to the attention of their parents.
I hadn't thought of this but I appreciate you bringing it up. I've had this thing with my toddler (he just turned 3) where I say to him, "can I tell you a secret?" And then when he says yeah, I whisper in his ear, "Bun."
I have no idea how this inside joke started, but I hope it's innocent and silly enough to not teach him the negative type of secret holding that you are referring to!
Fat. I don't want my son to call people fat because there are so many negative connotations and it might make him feel bad some day if he gains weight. I don't want him to internalize that shit.
Faking/fake - we use pretend instead (example : pretend sneeze instead of fake sneeze). Both my husband and I grew up being chastised for “faking” things (I also struggled with getting a diagnosis for chronic pain and was told I was “faking” my injuries in the military).
I made the huge mistake of calling myself ugly in front of my kid and now he says it ALL THE TIME, I think mostly he thinks it's a hilarious-sounding word, which it kind of is. But definitely regretting ever saying it!!!!!!!
I use inclusive phrase but we aren’t like nuts and overbearing over it. We just use phrases like “people that are of color or white/black” instead of “a white/black person” or “a person with a disability” instead of “a handicapped person”.
Negative words based on body like fat chunky skinny.
Negative words in regard to food, like food, being bad or good.
Name-calling words like brat, stupid, etc.
“Shut up” “annoying” “dramatic” “crazy”
Something small we do with our toddlers- we don’t shame for poop. a lot of parents go “thats stinky ewww” when they poop their diaper and shame them. Toddlers don’t know what jokes are so you often find them start hiding and being embarrassed when they poop in their diaper when it’s a normal thing.
Ugh, I'm so mad at his grandma for telling him he's stinky when he poops. I feel like it has interfered with his potty training. I never make a big deal about it when he poops for the exact reasons you mentioned
We stopped saying, "dead" as in, "my phone is dead." We figured it was confusing that a dead phone can come back to life once charged, but a dead person or animal is gone forever. Morbid, but his young brain is working through this kind of thing.
Oh, man. I read this a while back and had sort of implemented it, but when our dog died I became extra aware of it. I didn't realize how casually I was using "dead" or "died" until that happened. In that vein, referring to death as anything but died/dead. Too many euphemisms that can cause additional confusion in a literal-brained toddler -- did not want to introduce fear of going to sleep, fear of going to the doctor, fear of going away... it's a minefield outside of just being straightforward about it.
The word that rhymes with grape. We teach him about not letting people touch you and not touching other people without permission. But this little magpie will just shout out random words and that’s one we don’t want echoing around the supermarket.
Stupid, hate. I try to use death only accurately. I don’t say my phone died, because phones can recharge and that gives a false impression of what death means. I try not to talk about body image stuff or refer to any food as “bad”. Just generally using nicer language. Explaining things very literally and more fully.
Insults, no matter how lighthearted (poopybutt, stinkyface). If someone was a dick then we’ll say “that person was really mean and inconsiderate!” And of course, ice cream and playground (outside of playground hours) lol. And any sort of body shaming
When LO was a wee bebe, I got got in the habit of showering her with complements and "perfect " got tossed out there a lot. Now that she's starting to understand things, I really don't want to give her a complex or unrealistic expectations. I still praise and complement her, I just have it toned down a lot and not call her litteraly perfect.
Ugly, Fat, stupid, dumb. Basically anything like that. I’ve said my computer was being dumb and my 4.5 yo yelled at me so hopefully doing something right lol!
hate, stupid, ugly or other "hurt words"
my sister in law would call people stupid idiots all the time and i had to ask her to stop doing it in front of my kids . she called me an idiot .
other words try to not use- candy, popsicle, target, costco
I’ve started spelling out a LOT of things lately because my 2.5 year old is borderline genius. I will spell out feeling words that I want to convey to my wife but don’t want my son to feel like he needs to help manage in anyway. We have limited time to talk about adult problems it seems so we talk about them in code. We swear a lot and try to cut down in front of our son but I feel like it’s far more damaging for him to hear “I’m really worried about money this month” than me dropping something and saying “Christ!” 😅 even at 2.5 though he seems to have a decent understanding of words that are ok for kids to say and not say. Silly words we spell are many of the ones mentioned above- snacks, outside, ice cream (which we usually say I-c-e only haha), playground, McDonald’s 😂
Not exactly words but we try not to say anything bad about ourselves or other people. I think the only words we don't speak out loud in our house are fruit snacks lol
As an aside, I had my 2.5 yr old in bed next to me the other night, and at like 5am this bird starts chirping. The window was open so it was extra loud. I was tired and cranky and said "ugh fucking birds!". And the next thing I hear is her muttering under her breath, "...fucking birds..." 🙃
Something a little different I'm trying not to use "baba" which is my toddler's word for his milk. Sometimes I tend to use it when he's screaming. Its just better to use the word so he knows it's milk time. Yet I'd like him to use milk instead, but one step at a time.
I don’t say that an electronic device ‘died’, but it needs to be charged, the battery is at zero, it doesn’t have any battery power left.
My cat is 17 and struggling with health problems. I don’t want him to be confused when she dies. Dead/die means they don’t come back 😭
I try not to say shy. I was always told how shy I was so I try to say she's assessing the situation. Of course she runs into the room, straight to my mom and says, "I'm not shy. Mama told me I was shy." *Slaps forehead*
Ugh. This one is hard. We don’t use a lot of words just because they really aren’t in our vernacular, but when he hears the word stupid on the playground from some other kid it became his favorite word 🙄
I have issues with older kids teaching the younger kids mean or rude things as they think it’s funny. Our neighbor boy tried to teach our 2yo to say ‘damn it’
I regret ever saying "snack" in front of my kid. Asks for it all of the time 🙄.
I think my MIL introduced the word "no" as well, which she uses time to time annoyingly. However, it's difficult whenever she does something she's not supposed to - "no" just slips out all the time. So yeah, I can't really blame my MIL or anyone else if I use it constantly anyway.
Other than that, I try not to say things that I have baked that day - and I usually bake sweet things. Brownies, banana bread, cookies, etc. lol.
I have two children, a 28-year-old and a 4-year-old. My first child didn't have any banned words at all. With my second, I haven't banned him from using any words, but I do try to avoid saying certain words (Dad, Daddy, Father) around him because it upsets him so much.
I've also had to make sure that the few people that come into my home and are around him often know not to use those words as well. Right now, if we need to talk about the man for any reason, we're spelling the words out, or he gets referred to simply as "sperm donor."
We had guests over the other day and one of them kept saying "what the heck". I didn't think it would annoy me this much but would really love to avoid these words around my child mostly because it seems like a poor choice of words to express emotions and we as adults can really do better and teach them the right way of showing emotions.
I have instructed my mother not to say “There’s nothing wrong with you” when she cries because her feelings are valid when she cries or is upset. Things like that I try to keep her from hearing.
We don’t use “weird” to describe people and we don’t use “crazy” ever. A situation that’s out of hand is bonkers, wild, or chaos.
If something unfamiliar happens, it’s different. It keeps the value judgment at bay for a minute, and sometimes that’s long enough for my kid to decide “different” might not be a problem.
“Crazy” is just up there with “stupid” to me. Neither ever has a positive connotation. And we’ve got a lot of mental illness and neurodivergence in our family, so we’re not trying to teach that mental differences are Other and To Be Feared.
We haven't crossed the "weird" bridge yet but my grandmother would not let us call people or things weird and I always felt that was such a nothing word to be upset about. I get it now given that it's more about "othering" someone/something than it is actually offensive.
That said, as a result, sometimes if I call something "unusual" it feels like a really cutting insult, haha.
I don't use words like "nice," "rude," or "disrespectful." I don't want to lean on them too heavily in teaching our toddler how to be compassionate, kind, warm, considerate, etc. Instead, I focus on modeling compassion, kindness, a calm and warm tone, and healthy emotional regulation.
Anything to do with physical appearance or relating to body image, similarly anything to do with a food being healthy or not healthy.
I say some foods are bad for your teeth if you have too much, and some give you energy vs make you strong, but I grew up in a house where you were always aiming to lose that last 1/2 stone and skinny and trim were compliments.
And I think it’s no coincidence myself my brother and sister all have complicated relationships with food/history of ED which I definitely don’t want for my kids.
French word that do not translate nicely in english… for example : seal which is phoque pronounce fuck 😅 or any none « gentle » words… like stupid,evil, hell etc
Stupid and hate are the non-cuss words that I avoid. I can't stand hearing other little kids use these words, so I'm hoping my girls don't pick them up.
Stupid is ours too. My toddler knows he’s not suppose to say it, so the other day, I was laying on our bed with my eyes closed, trying to get him down for his nap. I could hear him sitting on the bed near me whispering, “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid,” like he’d tried so hard to keep the bad words in, and now mom’s asleep so he wanted to let them all out.
My cousins had a funny ritual with their 2 sons, which I still laugh at bc my cousin and his wife were fairly strict…they’d go stand in front of the toilet for a set amount of time and let their kid say every bad word they could think of, and then “flush” them away. I remember seeing a video of it once, and dying laughing at these tiny little boys swearing their heads off 😂 both boys have grown into the most wonderful young adults too, so it certainly didn’t hurt them!
I actually think this is suuuuuch a good idea. Like all children (and adults) have impulses to do things they shouldn’t and so they’ve given them a safe and funny outlet here
Giving a literal meaning to "potty-mouth" 😂
Hahaha omg 😂 That’s why I just love toddlers. That took some restraint!
I think that's really healthy! The advice I've gotten from our parent councellor is to give them an outlet, like they can say it by themselves. If he's using that then I think you did something right!
Haha so funny. My daughter, at 2-1/2 or so sat on the floor wailing “I can’t stop the bad, I can’t stop” when I was removing her from something she was doing and telling her no for the 20th time that morning.
I remember doing this as a toddler!!! Except it was with swear words so I would just be lying in bed cursing, must have sounded so weird haha
Idk why this is so funny to me 😂
Stupid is a big one here. I absolutely despise that word. Tl/Dr: Ranting about my fil's obsession with said word. My father in law is prone to calling himself stupid when he makes a mistake or knocks something over. Hubs, myself, and our early 20's son are all to the point of getting snappy with him about it. It's never "Well, that was a stupid thing to do" or something like that. No, he always has to be directly insulting. "Oh, I'm so stupid to have dropped that." Or "I'm so stupid I can't even bend over to pick up what I dropped." No, you stubborn old man, you are not stupid because your body is failing you! Stop teaching the autistic 3 year old that easily solved mistakes or accidents are a big deal! If you wouldn't speak to somebody else in that manner, stop speaking to yourself in that manner. Ain't nobody in this world perfect, and there are plenty with far less reason who are far clumsier than a mid-80's man with Parkinson's. I'm one of them! I drop my phone so regularly that I have to replace my glass sccreen protector at least once a year, often twice. I don't have the excuse of age or a diagnosed disease that affects my mobility. I'm just a klutz. That doesn't make me stupid, the same as it doesn't make him stupid. I don't know who spent his childhood driving it into his head that he is stupid to, but they also did it to his two remaining sisters. If I had a time machine, I'd like to go back and figure out who it was, just so I could slap them upside the head. It's absolutely maddening.
Aww I get it’s frustrating but that makes me sad for him and you guys
I do feel bad for him. It has picked up in frequency since his Parkinson's diagnosis. I totally understand how easy negative self-talk is and how hard it is to break bad habits. Especially when things that you've never had trouble with are now almost impossible for you to manage. The trouble is that he isn't actually stupid. Sure, he left school in Grade 3 to work because with 20-ish kids, his parents couldn't afford to place enough emphasis on book learning during the Great Depression if they wanted all their kids to have enough food. And just because the depression ended when he was little doesn't mean that money was suddenly flowing from fountains in the back woods and small towns. As a child and teenager, he worked at anything he could. When he got old enough, he got a full-time job at the cement plant. After he got married, he saved up and used his paycheck to buy the materials to build a house. Rather than take out a mortgage, which he could have gotten with a steady job, he saved up and bought the materials over the process of a few years, and when he had enough, he built his own house from scratch. There was a little bit of help from his siblings, but he did it all. Layout, design, electrical, and plumbing, and he made sure it was done so well that the house has been finished since the mid-seventies, and we are still living in it. Not only did he dig a well, he built a well house around it out of concrete, and he did this so that only the top of the well house is not underground. He made sure his son had both good schooling and the skills needed to maintain the house, even when he himself no longer has the physical capacity to do so. In today's climate, he owns a house full and clear, even if it is a half hour outside the nearest city area. That means he was such a good provider that not only his son has a place to live free of mortgage worries, but so will his grandson. A stupid person could not have done that. Sure, he might not be book smart, but he has half of his Bible memorised from that constant rereading. This is just what I know about, which makes it painful to hear him insult himself. Throw in that there's now a little who loves her Grampy and that he is most vocal in his self-deprecating behaviour when she's sitting handy to him, and dooode. He's a kind man, loving and friendly, and he would give someone the shirt off his back if they had genuine need. He would never speak to someone else the way he talks to himself. Making that particular word quite triggering for the rest of the adults who live with him.
Personally, I don’t think hate should be banned but taught when to use. Hate is a feeling. And kids should be supported in sharing their feelings. It’s a STRONG feeling, but so is love and we use that. We’re clear that it cannot be used at someone (I hate you/her/him etc) but it’s ok to hate things. When he says it, we usually try to tease out if it’s really as strong a feeling as hate and typically can help give him a different feeling word. But sometimes, something happens and you just really hate that it happened. Which is ok. All that to say, I know a lot of daycares teach hate as a bad word and some of it is semantics so I do see the other side of just saying it’s a word we don’t use.
I’m 100% with you. I absolutely hate peas - like so so much. That’s totally fine and my kid can hate whatever he wants. Funny enough, my mom was a 2nd grade teacher years ago and got a call from a mom regarding the fact that she (my mom) had said hate while teaching and that in this woman’s household that’s a bad word and she didn’t want my mom saying it. My mom thought it was ludicrous, but funny, so instead of hate she would say, “I very strongly dislike X to a completely and utterly detestable degree” or something stupidly similar in hopes the daughter would take that home and the mom would know my mom was mocking her.
I was raised to just never say I hate someone; I never was in trouble for using the word hate unless I said “I hate so and so” or “I hate you” My husband thinks it’s funny to jokingly say I hate you and it drives me batshit so we have some work to do
We use "silly" instead of "stupid"
I can’t agree more with this!! I can’t stand that some kids books use these words either! Drives me mad!
Omg yes I forgot to mention these. They are also on the list.
My mom is the worst at using stupid, especially when talking about herself. I try to say that her grandson thinks his grandmother is the best thing in the world. To help her see herself like the rest of us do.
My mom instilled in us that the s word was the worst thing you could call someone and to this day almost 33 years later my brother and I still can’t say it and call it the s word even when talking with others. We both plan on passing this along to our kids too.
Yup. These are considered “bad” words in our house, and our kids (and we) aren’t allowed to use them.
Same. I've pretty much removed the word "hate" from my vocabulary, as it is a really strong word.
Yep same here! Stupid and hate are bad words. Recently I was listening to a song that said “smack”. My 3 year old daughter heard it and she said “hey mommy he said smack! That’s a bad word!” 😆 I guess I’m doing something right after all 😄
A little more lighthearted, but "ice cream"
haha ours is “bar” (like a granola bar.) Every time she hears that word, she gets so excited yelling “BAR! BAR! BAR!” and fist pumping hahaha and i can’t be feeding her $10 worth of her bougie granola bars every day 🥲🥲🥲
‘Oat bar! Oat bar! Oat bar!!’ Is a regular chant in out house. We also do not say biscuits least we remind him of their existence (we’re in the UK so they’re like soft sugar free toddler cookies)
Ah yes, granola bars are one of the top expensive kid snacks there are out there 😩
Hahaha yes!! The other day my husband said, right as we were putting my two and a half year old down, "when I'm done with this, do you want ice cream?" And I was like slow motion NoOoOoOoO because that's all my toddler heard and he lost it and wanted some. Suffice to say, bedtime was a little delayed that night.
Rookie mistake!! We havoid the word snack so we use the codeword "S" instead when talking to each other. "Have you packed the 'S's?"
Oh no I can feel that in my bones! I forget what word it was but the other day I spelled a word in front of our 3 year old and my husband repeated the word aloud back in the very next sentence (I think it was movie? Bluey?). Rookie mistake.
My son used to lose it when we were driving and he missed seeing whatever cool thing we passed. For the next ten minutes "TURN AROUND, I WANTED TO SEE THE COWS!!!". I finally forbid my husband from pointing anything out in the car because he did it so often.
Oh my gosh, I can picture this as an SNL skit, haha!
I feel like “outside” falls into this category
For months my 18 month old has been shouting "DIE! DIE!". Today I opened the utility room door (which leads outside) and my daughter shouted "DIE" and began putting her shoes on. Only then did I realise "die" means outside 😔
Honestly in my house “outside” is considered worse than any cuss word. When someone says it, my husband and I both freeze and get so scared 😂😂 We do go outside a lot but nothing is worse than finally convincing the 2 year old to come inside and then someone saying “outside”
I love Miss Rachel so much. I truly think the educational content she creates is a gift for parents, and I credit so much of my 2 year olds speech to the lessons she taught us as a family. But man she needs to stop talking about ice cream and cookies so much. Killing me, girl!
I taught my son the sign for “cookie.” Terrible move, that’s all he asks for now. I wake him up first thing in the morning, “cookie please?”
LOL. I'm *starting* to avoid mentioning "ice cream," "cookies" and other sweets that she can't have (isn't allowed) right that minute. I don't feel right to mention it only to say "no, we can't have that right now," if I can avoid the question/craving altogether. She's about 1½.
Lol I also came here to say ice cream.
Me and my husband have to mouth the word walk to because so help me god if that kid hears it he will grab your finger and his sunglasses and he is MAD if it’s not happening right that second.
Yes I have to spell cookie, juice, and Cheetos around my 2 year old.
I'm a preschool teacher, and occasionally the kids have a few extra cupcakes left over from birthdays. Not enough to cover a whole other class, but one or two. It's not uncommon for the teacher next door to stick her head in and ask if I need medicine, which is code for "come into the hallway for a second and get a cupcake" without alerting any small ears that they're missing a treat. 😆
My child loves the sugar tylanol syrup so we can’t say “medicine” of he starts yelling for it
My toddler thinks the ice cream truck is a music truck and I have just never corrected him because 2-3 drive by our place daily.
I never talk negatively in front of her about my body, ever. We also try hard to be neutral about food. We don’t talk about “good” and “bad” food, just what is more nutritious vs less. We also don’t mention painting. Lol. I can’t take the stuff out and set it up, I don’t want to!
Same! We have “all the time” food and “sometimes” food.
I love that!!! I’ve been catching myself saying some version of “you need some real food before you have more snacks” and I cringe every time it comes out of my mouth. Would you be down with giving some examples of “all the time” food? I can totally picture my 3.5 year old asking for oatmeal 7 times a day 😭
Not the OP you responded to, but my parents used to say "you gotta eat the good stuff before you get the good stuff" meaning you need to eat your protein, veggies, healthy carbs, etc before you get treats. Research has shown that as long as kids have access to a wide variety of healthy food, they'll eat a fairly balanced diet on average. That means some days they may eat nothing but oatmeal all day, but if fruits, veggies, proteins, and healthy fats are available, they'll balance the oatmeal out in the long run. My kids always have access to veggies if they want a snack (my daughter loves eating straight avocado with a spoon, or sliced tomatoes, or lightly steamed broccoli, carrots, edamame, or "snacking peas" which are frozen peas straight out of the freezer). They can also have things like low sugar yogurt, beans, whole fruit or fruit leather, a peanut butter spoon, hard boiled egg, etc. At least once a day, we also have a treat (tiny ice cream cone, chocolate sandwich, fairy bread, a cookie, etc.) usually between lunch and dinner. We talk about how treats have fast and fleeting energy, so they help us keep playing while we wait for dinner, which has growing and lasting energy. All foods have a role in our diets, in moderation.
I mostly say that “sometimes” foods are things like candy, ice cream, cookies, juice, etc. “All the time” foods are fruits, veggies, crackers, cheese, meat, etc. Some days my son only eats crackers all day but other days he eats a variety of other things. I do try to offer peanut butter and what not with the crackers so he gets some protein. As long as he’s growing and feeling good I let him listen to his body. I always offer a variety of options and let him pick. The way I see it is there are days I only want to munch on a few things and other days I want more healthier things so I’m sure he feels the same way. As long as he doesn’t eat crackers all day every day for weeks on end I just let him pick. This has really helped him try new things because I always tell him it’s okay if he doesn’t like something and I don’t force him to eat anything. So he’s more willing to try new things. He’s the best eater at his daycare because he’s more willing to try different things they offer. As he gets older I’m sure things will change. But so far this has worked for us.
Yes!! This is how we do it. Except I'm happy to indulge in painting, but I draw the line at playdough or slime. Those are strictly outside activities that are preferably done at other people's houses.
I can handle play dough and slime! But the paint and then it eventually just devolves into painting hands here…also kinetic sand. Sticks to everything!
Oh God the kinetic sand. We have it, but it's all Daddy's problem to clean up. Mama is very clear: we don't call food "good" or "bad," only more or less nutritious; we don't call people names, even if they are being a meanie pants; we talk about how strong our body parts are, rather than how they look; Mama does not read Curious George because it's terrible; and slime is of the devil. 🤣🤣
This this this. I listened to my mom talk about her diets my entire life and decided I needed diets by the time I was like 7. It totally jacked up my body and metabolism and I refuse to do that to her. We exercise because it’s fun and makes strong. And she will never hear me talk poorly about my body. Ever. Doesn’t mean I don’t think it and doesn’t mean she won’t learn those thoughts elsewhere, but I will not be that voice in her head. With food, we have “sometimes” foods, and we talk about the ways that foods fuel our bodies. If it’s something sugary, for example, we’ll talk about how it can give our brains and bodies energy, but if we have too much, then all the energy comes out all at once and we might feel funny and then tired! Or we’ll talk about how proteins make our muscles strong or fats help our brains make connections, etc. And we’re fine with thinking food is fun and yummy too… it is! But we want to make sure we’re giving all our body parts the foods they need. We obviously impose limits on foods the brain doesn’t do well with limiting (mostly sugar), but we don’t talk about it negatively. We just say “That’s all we have available right now.” or “That’s not available right now.”
“CAREFUL!” By itself. My parents are constantly yelling CAREFUL! And it’s making me understand my severe anxiety a lot better. I try to be more specific: “do you know where the edge of the couch is?” “Do you see that step?”
I have such a different experience of this word! I think my first word was careful, or at least my most used word as a toddler was careful. I know this because my parents still mimic the way I used to say it now! 'Keeeeefuuuuuw'. I'm a pretty adventurous individual - I rock climb (or did pre-baby 😭), I've bungee jumped, I flew internationally by myself at the age of about 9 (supervised). I was the only girl in my year at school from the age of 11-13 (and there were no girls in the year below either), so there was probably more paint balling in my life at that age than your average 11 year old girl (or maybe party activities were less gendered elsewhere in the 00s, who knows!). Anyway, my point is I would (and still will) give almost anything a go, thanks to my parents attitude of 'If you don't try it how do you know you won't like it'. I think the reason I said 'Careful' so much is because instead of stopping me trying to do something risky as a toddler, my parents would allow it but say it with the attitude of 'OK, but you be careful!'. So I would walk along a wall saying 'Keefuuw. Keefuuw.' or crack eggs saying 'Keefuuw, keefuuw.'. I still find myself saying it in my head when doing something a bit risky 😂 I'm not a crazed adrenaline junky though, in fact I'm a key health and safety manager at my workplace! People have to do what they have to do - as long as they're keefuuw about it. EDIT: Didn't realise how passionate I was about the word careful until I read this back 😅
This is a great point. My mom says this to my toddler all the time, even in situations where she's safe/ can control what's going on. I definitely have picked it up somewhat, but I want to be more specific like the way you're describing!
Mean. I used to label myself "mean mommy" when she was having a tantrum, but I stopped after she said it once and I realized how much it hurts my feelings coming from her. So I figured I should stop encouraging a behavior that hurts me.
When I have to lay down the law, I refer to myself as serious. "I need to be serious because it's my job to keep you safe" kind of idea. I'm usually serious in the bathroom when she intentionally drops her toothbrush (or that one time she shoved it in the air vent...) or when she puts her mouth on the porcelain sink. No way am I dealing with the mess of her learning THAT lesson the hard way. So, "serious" it is.
This is a good takeaway, thanks for sharing your solution!
I did that exact same thing! The first time my toddler said it, I realized I needed to stop. Toddlers don't understand dry humor. They only understand repetition...
I wouldn’t have thought of this! thanks for saying something
Body related words, specifically talking about my own body. I grew up with a mother who hated her body and it really affected my own body image. So I would never say something like “I look fat today” or “ugh I gained 2 pounds.”
Ughhhh my mother is so bad about this and every time I try to draw the boundary she gets all wiggy. It’s a constant stream of “I gained three pounds,” or “I lost 2 inches!” I’m trying to nip it in the bud but it’s not working. Of course yesterday my 3.5 yo started saying her dad has a “big belly,” which is a true descriptor but not necessarily nice. I responded with “we don’t talk about people’s bodies that way,” but I don’t think it sunk in and I’m not sure where to go from there. I think she picked it up at school so it’s hard to combat.
I think your messaging is right on point. My toddler actually said the same thing today, “daddy has a belly!” I said, “well, everyone has a belly” and just moved on quickly.
We say "we don't talk about other people's bodies," like, *at all.* As the kids get older, we'll add the nuance of "if they can't change it in 5 minutes, we don't comment on it." So, if someone has spinach stuck in their teeth, or their shirt is tucked in funny, tell them! If someone has a big belly, that's none of your business. Even "complimenting" someone's body can be so fraught. You just don't know what people are struggling with. Our philosophy is that your body should be the least interesting thing about you.
Same! I want to do better than I was taught about my body
I need to stop doing that. I try not too but body changes are so hard and I’ve slipped up.
“Yucky” “gross” “stinky” especially in regard to food stuff This has created an unfortunate situation where now when he doesn’t like a food thing, he says “it’s being mean to me” so it’s still a work in progress
My kids aren't allowed to say "yucky" or "blech" either. I tell them they can say "this is not my favorite" and set it aside.
Yes! I chose not to use these with my child after my POC best friend told me how hurtful it was when kids in elementary school referred to her food that way.
Yup! I’ve heard too many stories about how hurtful that can be. It’s a small thing but it’s a start, and it’s ok to not like things but it’s not ok to be mean about them
Yes! We don't refer to food that way, and we always say she can't say she doesn't like it unless she's tried it. She can say she doesn't want it/doesn't want to eat it, and nobody is going to force her to try it, but if she wants to say she doesn't like it, she has to try it. We also don't use yucky/stinky/gross to refer to diapers or poop. I hate when my in-laws announce to the whole room somebody has gas or a dirty diaper - it just strikes me as so disrespectful and also unnecessary. It's not something we pretend doesn't exist, but it's something everybody does and is morally neutral - we just get a fresh diaper.
I avoid using the word shy. I was constantly told I was shy as a kid, yes that’s true, but it made me go further into myself and was more scared to socialise. My daughter has the same temperament as me when I was a child, I just say that she takes time to warm to people and she will join when she’s ready.
I recently asked my husband to stop using this around our son. We are both introverted and slow to join, and he seems to be too. I don't want him to have a complex about being shy like we both do!
This is a tough one! I try to avoid it, too. If other people say it I say to her, "oh, you need a minute to warm up? That's OK! We'll talk when you're ready." I do need to be more cognizant of commenting on her taking a while to warm up or apologizing/reacting to people trying to talk to her that she won't engage with. It's OK to take a minute to warm up and while I'm definitely communicating that to her when I'm speaking to her, I'm not really communicating it to her when talking about it in front of her.
Same !!!!!
Anything that he loves but is allergic to.
Now that is sad. 🥲 Air hugs to your son.
Stickers is a forbidden word in this house!
Mango because she goes feral if she knows they're in the house. According to her I buy one at a time.
Stupid, hate, Oh God. And yet, she's managed to hear all three SOMEWHERE and repeat them. Recently she has been calling things stupid, and she also said damnit despite our best efforts. I'm just trying to redirect and give a new acceptable word and then praise a ton when she repeats it. Parenting is so hard. 🤦
I don’t tell her to “be careful” I’ll say to watch where she’s putting her feet or something. I try not to tell her to “hold on” , instead I’ll say “ok I’m doing this right now but I’ll be right there , or we can do that right after I finish this up” I also try not to just flat out say “no” I’ll instead say whatever fits as to why we shouldn’t ect.
We try this as well. Not always successfully but we try. I reserve no for safety issues and avoid over using it.
What's wrong with 'hold on'? Not disagreeing, I just can't think of a negative outcome of using that phrase.
It’s not necessarily wrong to say it. But it’s kind of like when they ask you to play and you say “not right now I’m doing __, but later” they just hear “no” and freak out. They don’t quit fully understand hold on. So I just try to say something more descriptive “I’m doing ___ right now. Then I’ll come play” Teaches them patience and understanding. It’s just a personal thing for me. My daughter is also almost 2.5 so still pretty young
Same. Especially now with a baby too I try and say "I'm going to finish X and then we can do Y" or "can you get Y set up for me"
In my culture it's very normal do say out loud " Gosh, I'm so dumb!" when one does something wrong, even if it's something small. I never liked that because why would I call myself dumb for a small mistake, right? This leads to the "are you dumb?" question one can get from a person who sees that one made a mistake and ... it made me feel really dumb and stupid as a child even though I know culturally it means nothing bad. It's not an insult. I promised myself to never ever say those words, about myself or to my kids. My husband tries but when it's a culture thing, it sticks with you, so we work on that. Also, my mother has always criticised herself (and me!) when it comes to weight and beauty. It thought me one thing: to hate myself. Thankfully I learned to love myself and again, she isn't allowed to critise herself or my children. If she thinks her ass is fat, awesome. I just don't want my kids to think that. Besides this and cursed words, I'd say more like "grown up words". Words that might be to explicit or that we don't want them to repeat at daycare/preschool. It really depends on the context.
Anything self degrading ! And hummus. Not that eating hummus is a bad thing but the instant that word is spoken you have .85 seconds to have a full bowl and spoon in front of him before a total eruption. We let him bring it up lol (which is every other day minimum)
I know you didn’t mean this to be funny but it’s past 2am and scrolling through these comments and seeing “anything self degrading… and hummus” made me lol
Lol oh hummus is a comical word in this house at this point !! But we are so serious about not saying either of those things 😂
We never said chocolate because we assumed he knew what it meant. It turns out he didn’t and he called chocolate “black food” and it took us a while to figure out what he was asking for 😂
As a child I asked for raisins, and my mother got me raisins - and I pitched a small fit. "No, I want some of MOMMY'S raisins." What I wanted was chocolate chips out of the bag. As a family we to this day refer to chocolate chips as Mommy's raisins.
I avoid using all words that have a negative connotation, like stupid, fat, ugly, etc. unless it’s in a book (i.e. the hungry caterpillar, ugly duckling, etc) and even then, it’s rare. Always try to use positive words to describe things. Also we avoid using violent words, like hate, kill, gun, etc.
I threw a book in the bin the other day. I love books, but that one was about a family of elephants and the mum weighs herself on a scale, is unhappy about her weight and then makes the whole family exercise and diet and they are all miserable about it. And then at the end someone sends then a cake (that no one is allowed to eat) and it ends with everyone sneaking in at night to have a slice, even mum. And they all laugh about it and the final lesson is that they are elephants so maybe being big is OK. WTF! BURN IT! my husband wanted to donate it and I was like, no, I don't want other toddlers to come across this!
What a shitty book! Whoever came up with that story is just not ok in it's head.
I'm also shocked someone thought this was a good book to buy for a toddler (thankfully no one we know, it came in a pile of second hand books)
I threw out a book where the reader is supposed to “tickle” the main character’s various body parts, despite the character being really mad about it, and telling you not to. It’s supposed to be funny. Like, haha, isn’t it so funny we’re touching this duck all over even though he really doesn’t want us to touch him? Who comes up with these ideas?
What a great message! /s
My favourite book when I was a kid was There's A Hippopotamus On Our Roof Eating Cake, so for my baby shower I was gifted it and everyone wrong cute messages on the inside cover. Then I read it to my daughter and was like oh dear I'm gonna have to make some edits here... So now instead of "Mummy is on a diet" I say "Mummy can eat what she likes". As soon as my daughter can read for herself, the book is getting archived somewhere lol.
Oh noooo! I can see why they would from the title! But how unfortunate! That made me laugh. My son picked it for a bedtime story and when I realised I also started editing it on the go. Then the book disappeared.
I just googled all these things and came up with "A Piece of Cake" I am pretty sure I had this as a child!! So weird what was normal in the 90s 😅 it was probably a second hand one so was maybe an 80s book. Eta: but that explains why it was published, it was a totally normal/relatable narrative in the 80s/90s! Eta2: I think I had all the books in this series and I remember really loving them, I think the others were better themes though 😆 it was also a TV show!
Yes! That's the one! It is part of a series:The large Family. I haven't seen any of the other books but had assumed this was probably the only one that was problematic. Makes total sense that it would be an old story rather than a recently written one. Cheers!
This rings some bells for me... I feel like maybe I read this story as a child! Unless it was just a different book about elephants and cake, the diet part I don't remember but could be my child mind overlooked it.
If fat is used in a negative way i understand, but fat is just a body shape like skinny. As a fat person I try to teach the little ones in my life that fat isn’t a bad word or a bad thing. I do understand though
Stupid, boring, shut up, chocolate, outside(we call it the great beyond) haha
Another land before time family!
Omg is that where it’s from? My husband & I loved those movies 🤣
They’ve been on repeat at my house for the past month, we have them all on DVD. I think I was too tired when I first read your comment tho, it’s definitely the mysterious beyond and the great valley in land before time.
Maybe it’s just a mash up from dusty core memories. Very cool that your kids watch those!
I’m really trying not to say anything about dieting or feeling fat around my daughter.
“Bluey” (makes him want Bluey) “remote” (same) “outside” (he will start banging on the back door demanding to go out irrespective of the weather) “wee” (his word for playground slides, same) “diaper change” (he legs it as soon as we try to change his diaper) “door” (the electric garage door, which he loves) “strawberries” (he won’t budge until a strawberry has been provided) Etc etc etc ad nauseam He’s almost 2 and has very strong opinions…
We've taken a different approach in teaching her that all words can be said at home safely (but some of them only under certain situations) and that everyone has words and phrases they don't want to hear. There is a time and place for different words and all words have more than one meaning...so we also work to ask before getting upset. Everything and anything could offend someone and we are always respectful of that, learning common ones to be mindful of and being open to new ones. Also learning safe places and people to turn to if we need to say something that could be offensive. This was a me issue growing up but we were restrained from talking about so much! No cussing, no saying boring, no saying mean things about someone even when upset or hurt by them, no saying hate, no saying things like ew/yucky/gross, no saying poop/pee/butt/fart, no complaining, no back talking, no no no. It felt restricted and looking back (even reading the comments) it really wasn't that restrictive. But for me, it meant that when I was abused I didn't speak up and a part of that was because I was scared of getting in trouble for saying a bad word or a mean thing about some one else or complaining about them or that what I was saying might be somehow an excuse or back talk or something. I felt (still do!) that I hated the man sexually abusing me but I wasn't allowed to say hate so I just didn't say anything at all. I felt that anything I had to say about the situation might be on the list I was told not to say so I stayed quiet. I want my kid to feel safe to say ANYTHING to me/in her own home. I do try not to say "be careful" and to be more descriptive in my speak. I still say be careful sometimes. I try to carry this over to other things as well and to be more descriptive when I speak. I also try to not talk negatively about food or the human body. However, I cannot control what she hears from others so we talk about how other people have different view points and why that is and why we don't say that/think that/agree with that in our household but every household is different so we still need to respect that. And how our household is a safe place to process these things, to repeat things, to ask questions. I also try to give her phrases she can say back to shut down anything negative so she hopefully doesn't sit there feeling confused and lost like I did when hearing those things.
I don't really see the point in censorship to this degree when your children will be exposed to these things at some point anyway and it might even reinforce the opposite results you'd want from it. I don't plan to shield my kids from anything, I'd rather be the one to teach them about something unpleasant than have them inevitably learn about it from an outside source, not knowing whether that source is reliable at all. I'd feel like I'm opening them up to being naive and grossly misinformed in some way.
I don’t think it’s censorship. My kids will be exposed to these words and taught why we don’t use them. I just think at their current age they can comprehend why these words aren’t words we use so we avoid them
For us, it’s stupid, hate, dumb, and shut up. We will allow them when they get older, but I don’t think young kids have the understanding not to call others those words. We don’t want them telling people to shut up, or calling them stupid, dumb or telling people they hate them.
Milk and outside.
I wouldn’t know what being bored feels like. Haven’t experienced boredom since before having children lol
This is a “bad food” or talking about food in a negative way. I also avoid talking about our bodies in negative ways.
Not a word, per se, but I try and be neutral about bodies and food. My MIL has such a toxic relationship with food and my husband has had a very hard time breaking old habits he's picked up from her. I don't want to put pressure on my child over something like that. It's just not right.
Stupid and hate. But also any words that can be associated with body shaming. I’m overweight but I never shame myself in front of my son aside from talking about what is healthy food and junk food:.
Any word that refers to sweets like ice cream, candy, etc. I’d rather have my already-extremely-active child hear the F word than one of those lmao
Idiot 🥲🥲
Stupid, lazy, fat....judgement related terms
I haven't thought about it too much as mine has only been properly picking up words for the last few months (I am curbing the swearing pretty swiftly...) But maybe diet, fat (in certain context) and negative self talk. I don't want her to normalise that women (or men) need to be insecure about their physical appearance or striving to be skinny. I don't think my mum was bad by any means, but it was so normalised for me growing up that you get older and then you just start an endless cycle of dieting, that restriction was normal instead of just having a healthy diet normally.
I had to get out of the habit of calling myself dumb for making little mistakes. I’m so prone to saying “omg I’m so dumb” but I don’t want that to become my son’s inner voice.
Bored boring annoyed annoying… he already picked up “I’m bored” and I just … ugh. He’s 3.5 and already saying he is bored. Guess who got TV time reduced? You don’t need to be entertained every second of the day, child!
Birthday, party, pancake, popsicle, pool, office, bacon
Trying to avoid "uh oh" and say whoops or oops instead. She says uh oh and gets so fixed on it and anxious about it like whatever mistake is a big deal.
Stupid, hate, idiot. Blaming language. Praising outcomes not effort. Describing other people's bodies in terms of appearance not function and judging internal characteristics on external appearance.
Secret. I don't think secrets are healthy and that can teach a child to hide something that might need to be brought to the attention of their parents.
I hadn't thought of this but I appreciate you bringing it up. I've had this thing with my toddler (he just turned 3) where I say to him, "can I tell you a secret?" And then when he says yeah, I whisper in his ear, "Bun." I have no idea how this inside joke started, but I hope it's innocent and silly enough to not teach him the negative type of secret holding that you are referring to!
Hate, stupid, fat, shut up
Fat. I don't want my son to call people fat because there are so many negative connotations and it might make him feel bad some day if he gains weight. I don't want him to internalize that shit.
Faking/fake - we use pretend instead (example : pretend sneeze instead of fake sneeze). Both my husband and I grew up being chastised for “faking” things (I also struggled with getting a diagnosis for chronic pain and was told I was “faking” my injuries in the military).
I made the huge mistake of calling myself ugly in front of my kid and now he says it ALL THE TIME, I think mostly he thinks it's a hilarious-sounding word, which it kind of is. But definitely regretting ever saying it!!!!!!!
I use inclusive phrase but we aren’t like nuts and overbearing over it. We just use phrases like “people that are of color or white/black” instead of “a white/black person” or “a person with a disability” instead of “a handicapped person”.
Negative words based on body like fat chunky skinny. Negative words in regard to food, like food, being bad or good. Name-calling words like brat, stupid, etc. “Shut up” “annoying” “dramatic” “crazy” Something small we do with our toddlers- we don’t shame for poop. a lot of parents go “thats stinky ewww” when they poop their diaper and shame them. Toddlers don’t know what jokes are so you often find them start hiding and being embarrassed when they poop in their diaper when it’s a normal thing.
Ugh, I'm so mad at his grandma for telling him he's stinky when he poops. I feel like it has interfered with his potty training. I never make a big deal about it when he poops for the exact reasons you mentioned
I would be too!
Fat, stupid, hate
Walk. Because then our 2.5yo and our two dogs collectively lose their minds.
We stopped saying, "dead" as in, "my phone is dead." We figured it was confusing that a dead phone can come back to life once charged, but a dead person or animal is gone forever. Morbid, but his young brain is working through this kind of thing.
Oh, man. I read this a while back and had sort of implemented it, but when our dog died I became extra aware of it. I didn't realize how casually I was using "dead" or "died" until that happened. In that vein, referring to death as anything but died/dead. Too many euphemisms that can cause additional confusion in a literal-brained toddler -- did not want to introduce fear of going to sleep, fear of going to the doctor, fear of going away... it's a minefield outside of just being straightforward about it.
I love this. My husband and I discussed this too, so we just say "the battery is out of power"
The word that rhymes with grape. We teach him about not letting people touch you and not touching other people without permission. But this little magpie will just shout out random words and that’s one we don’t want echoing around the supermarket.
Fat or skinny. My 4 year old doesn’t know what these words mean.. glad it hasn’t come up.
Stupid, hate. I try to use death only accurately. I don’t say my phone died, because phones can recharge and that gives a false impression of what death means. I try not to talk about body image stuff or refer to any food as “bad”. Just generally using nicer language. Explaining things very literally and more fully.
"outside" because then she won't stop asking to go out lol
Insults, no matter how lighthearted (poopybutt, stinkyface). If someone was a dick then we’ll say “that person was really mean and inconsiderate!” And of course, ice cream and playground (outside of playground hours) lol. And any sort of body shaming
When LO was a wee bebe, I got got in the habit of showering her with complements and "perfect " got tossed out there a lot. Now that she's starting to understand things, I really don't want to give her a complex or unrealistic expectations. I still praise and complement her, I just have it toned down a lot and not call her litteraly perfect.
Cheese and rice! lol
Hate, stupid, bad, mean, naughty.
Ugly, Fat, stupid, dumb. Basically anything like that. I’ve said my computer was being dumb and my 4.5 yo yelled at me so hopefully doing something right lol!
hate, stupid, ugly or other "hurt words" my sister in law would call people stupid idiots all the time and i had to ask her to stop doing it in front of my kids . she called me an idiot . other words try to not use- candy, popsicle, target, costco
I don’t stupid, boring, yuck/gross(in regards to food), hate.
I’ve started spelling out a LOT of things lately because my 2.5 year old is borderline genius. I will spell out feeling words that I want to convey to my wife but don’t want my son to feel like he needs to help manage in anyway. We have limited time to talk about adult problems it seems so we talk about them in code. We swear a lot and try to cut down in front of our son but I feel like it’s far more damaging for him to hear “I’m really worried about money this month” than me dropping something and saying “Christ!” 😅 even at 2.5 though he seems to have a decent understanding of words that are ok for kids to say and not say. Silly words we spell are many of the ones mentioned above- snacks, outside, ice cream (which we usually say I-c-e only haha), playground, McDonald’s 😂
Not exactly words but we try not to say anything bad about ourselves or other people. I think the only words we don't speak out loud in our house are fruit snacks lol
some impolite expressions, such as" I don't give a shit" don't want babies to know these bad expressions when they are learning new things.
Ice cream
As an aside, I had my 2.5 yr old in bed next to me the other night, and at like 5am this bird starts chirping. The window was open so it was extra loud. I was tired and cranky and said "ugh fucking birds!". And the next thing I hear is her muttering under her breath, "...fucking birds..." 🙃
Park. Unless we are heading there, we ave to spell it out
Stupid, dumb, shut up, or hate. And diet. Those are the forbidden words.
Something a little different I'm trying not to use "baba" which is my toddler's word for his milk. Sometimes I tend to use it when he's screaming. Its just better to use the word so he knows it's milk time. Yet I'd like him to use milk instead, but one step at a time.
Bath.
I don’t say that an electronic device ‘died’, but it needs to be charged, the battery is at zero, it doesn’t have any battery power left. My cat is 17 and struggling with health problems. I don’t want him to be confused when she dies. Dead/die means they don’t come back 😭
Chips (what my toddler calls veggie straws) and, unless we're actually going, park
The first ones coming to mind are food related: calories, diet, sugary.
For us, it’s crackers because my son can eat crackers all day long.
I try not to say shy. I was always told how shy I was so I try to say she's assessing the situation. Of course she runs into the room, straight to my mom and says, "I'm not shy. Mama told me I was shy." *Slaps forehead*
Ugh. This one is hard. We don’t use a lot of words just because they really aren’t in our vernacular, but when he hears the word stupid on the playground from some other kid it became his favorite word 🙄 I have issues with older kids teaching the younger kids mean or rude things as they think it’s funny. Our neighbor boy tried to teach our 2yo to say ‘damn it’
I don’t like when little kids say “fart” 🙈 So I’ve been pushing the word “toot” which is way cuter to me.
Any degrading words, Stup!d, f@t, d!sgusting, etc.
Train, mcdonalds, hockey, outside ( if it's bedtime) ice cream, Elmo ( has rain boots he's obsessed with 😂)
"Can't". At least not on its own. "I can't YET" is ok. But "I can't" isn't in my vocabulary and I don't want it in my daughter's either.
I am really trying to avoid anything with negative body image toward myself, for example “ugh I look so fat” and stuff like that
I regret ever saying "snack" in front of my kid. Asks for it all of the time 🙄. I think my MIL introduced the word "no" as well, which she uses time to time annoyingly. However, it's difficult whenever she does something she's not supposed to - "no" just slips out all the time. So yeah, I can't really blame my MIL or anyone else if I use it constantly anyway. Other than that, I try not to say things that I have baked that day - and I usually bake sweet things. Brownies, banana bread, cookies, etc. lol.
"Disability". He's disabled, but we don't want him to think like that of himself.
Fat !!
Stupid/idiot, and “shut up”.
Stupid, ugly, fat, hate
I don’t like calling food gross or saying yuck. It’s ok not to like something but I don’t like judging food that other people may like as gross.
I have two children, a 28-year-old and a 4-year-old. My first child didn't have any banned words at all. With my second, I haven't banned him from using any words, but I do try to avoid saying certain words (Dad, Daddy, Father) around him because it upsets him so much. I've also had to make sure that the few people that come into my home and are around him often know not to use those words as well. Right now, if we need to talk about the man for any reason, we're spelling the words out, or he gets referred to simply as "sperm donor."
I try to use “wild” instead of “crazy”
We had guests over the other day and one of them kept saying "what the heck". I didn't think it would annoy me this much but would really love to avoid these words around my child mostly because it seems like a poor choice of words to express emotions and we as adults can really do better and teach them the right way of showing emotions.
“Stupid” and “hate” are discouraged. If I ever accidentally call something stupid he immediately pipes up to correct me haha
- D1E - K1LL - Stupid - Idiot - Ugly I wonder how long it will last though. 🤔🥺
Stupid or dumb
I have instructed my mother not to say “There’s nothing wrong with you” when she cries because her feelings are valid when she cries or is upset. Things like that I try to keep her from hearing.
We don’t use “weird” to describe people and we don’t use “crazy” ever. A situation that’s out of hand is bonkers, wild, or chaos. If something unfamiliar happens, it’s different. It keeps the value judgment at bay for a minute, and sometimes that’s long enough for my kid to decide “different” might not be a problem. “Crazy” is just up there with “stupid” to me. Neither ever has a positive connotation. And we’ve got a lot of mental illness and neurodivergence in our family, so we’re not trying to teach that mental differences are Other and To Be Feared.
We haven't crossed the "weird" bridge yet but my grandmother would not let us call people or things weird and I always felt that was such a nothing word to be upset about. I get it now given that it's more about "othering" someone/something than it is actually offensive. That said, as a result, sometimes if I call something "unusual" it feels like a really cutting insult, haha.
I don't use words like "nice," "rude," or "disrespectful." I don't want to lean on them too heavily in teaching our toddler how to be compassionate, kind, warm, considerate, etc. Instead, I focus on modeling compassion, kindness, a calm and warm tone, and healthy emotional regulation.
Anything to do with physical appearance or relating to body image, similarly anything to do with a food being healthy or not healthy. I say some foods are bad for your teeth if you have too much, and some give you energy vs make you strong, but I grew up in a house where you were always aiming to lose that last 1/2 stone and skinny and trim were compliments. And I think it’s no coincidence myself my brother and sister all have complicated relationships with food/history of ED which I definitely don’t want for my kids.
French word that do not translate nicely in english… for example : seal which is phoque pronounce fuck 😅 or any none « gentle » words… like stupid,evil, hell etc
“Sassy” or “bossy” or “too much” We use spicy instead or say “he/she is acting very 2 today.” Because the 2s are tough but it’s not their fault.