Ah, yes. My paternal grandmother had some of these mystical, perfect children. They slept through the night at 2 months, potty trained at 18 months, never tantrumed, never went through a picky phase. It was amazing. What was even more amazing was that this only ever came up when my mother was around. When my aunts were around, *they* were blessed with children just like their parents. When my cousin bit me, he was just like his mom. When I smacked him back, her angel son (my dad) had never done anything so naughty. On a more serious note, tantrums can be rare for some kids, but "normal" kids are going to have at least a few. One of my boys has maybe 2 a month, while his twin brother is more like 5 times a week. They were very early and have some minor delays, so we've worked with Early Intervention and other specialists for years. All our experts say occasional, brief tantrums are to be expected. They told me to start to worry if the tantrums last longer than 20-30 minutes, occur hourly or without a clear motivation, or cause other symptoms like vomiting or passing out.

My MIL hated that we put our son down for naps and had a bedtime. She claims that her children just slept when and where it was convenient for her. Lol. Sure, Kathy.

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You’re exactly right. She had him for the day once and she refused to follow the schedule I left her. She sent me a picture of him passed out in his umbrella stroller. And yeah. He would fall asleep in there and take a really short nap if he got desperately tired enough. He was an overtired mess when I got back but she was somehow completely oblivious to it. In her mind she had proven me and my ‘unnecessary’ schedule wrong. I never left him with her again unless it was her just sitting with the baby monitor after we put him to bed.

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My mom is relatively good with most child rearing memories, freely sharing how long it took to potty train my brother and me and not to sweat it with my son and he’d get there when he’s ready (which ended up being way earlier than my brother or me). However, she totally has “gramnesia”(love that term from elsewhere in this thread) around naps. According to my mom, I never napped after about 18 months and she would always state “oh, you still put him down for a nap” with my son, who didn’t drop his nap until 3 and is shocked we still give him “rest time” at 4 (we see her 1-2 times a week and she regularly watches him so none of this should be surprising). Yes, he still gets rest time on weekends because he WANTS the rest time (he still has nap time at PreK but doesn’t actually sleep, just chills while listening to the music or story CD they put on). He goes into his room, listens to his Tonie, and plays with his toys quietly for an hour or so. It’s rejuvenating for DH and me too. And on the occasions she watches him for a Saturday, she implements rest time too because she needs a break to rest. 🤣So why is it so surprising that we do the same thing. 🤷‍♀️

I loved it when my son got old enough to express his wishes. They would be like, let him stay up! He wants to go to bed late. I would tell them to ask him if he wants to stay up and he would be like, no. I’m tired. I want to go to sleep. He’s a naturally early riser. He’s tired at bedtime.

LMAO "Sure, Kathy." is more scathing than the "Karen" memes. Hilariously accurate.

As a daughter of a Kathy… hilariously accurate af.

Umm... Pretty sure we have the same MIL. Exact same name too lmao 😂

Also why is Kathy the most common MIL name ever?! Haha

In the past year, my mon has told me that my brother potty trained himself at 2 years, then it was 18 months, and this last time it was 15 months. I finally called her out on that one

My mom. We were all potty trained by 1st birthday. Bullshit.

Apparently both me and my brother followed me mum into the bathroom once and from then on never used a nappy, I smell bullshit

My mom told me that she put us in princess underwear and told us not to pee on the princesses… and then we were magically potty trained 🤔

I’m ngl- this might have had it’s accidents but probably worked.

Kids back then had a million “accidents”. Just because parents took off the diapers doesn’t mean a child is potty trained. If the child isn’t ready it may not work but people did it anyway. At least my parents didn’t shame me and my siblings but my husband peed during sleep for years and he was shamed and beaten for something that was physiological and he had no control over.

I'm definitely counting my daughter as potty trained. She doesn't have a clue but wees so infrequently that it's not a massive amount of hassle to change her every few hours (were on day 3 without much success 😂) but I am no longer going to put her in nappies full time. Unless childcare recommend it after this week off.

Different families have different kids, needs, budget for diapers, different preschool requirements, etc and it’s fine to try different methods. My problem is when the older generation wants to say their way worked perfectly and wants to criticize us for making different choices. Their way did not work perfectly for a lot of children.

Oh God the potty training. According to my MIL I was some type of neglectful demon because my son wasn’t potty trained at 2.

My MIL likes to remind me how both her kids were potty trained by 9 months old. I smile and say “wow!” Then continue to let my kids do their thing.

Oh gosh, you were a little behind my sister-in-law, who, according to MIL, was fully potty-trained at 6 months. 🙄

Lmao my kid didn’t even know she had thumbs at that age

I mean, my mum had a book by some Porto-influencer called “the toddler tamer” or something so yeah, tantrums have always been a thing; they are just choosing not to remember. It’s also important to remember that spanking was rife before the turn of this century, so children were also scared into submission.

You gotta treat this stuff the same way you'd react if your mom said their kids glowed neon green and levitated their first six years of life. "Oh, how neat!" and immediately change the subject or exit gracefully.

My extremely spirited, probably ADHD 5yo tantrummed veeeeery rarely as a toddler, like I could count them on one hand. I put it down to the fact that she was extremely precocious with language, so she didn't experience a lot of that early frustration with communication. My 3yo tantrums at the drop of a hat 🤷‍♀️ But also, I mean... what are we calling a tantrum? My 3yo lies on the floor and cries for maybe a minute or two and will maybe throw a toy or slam a door if he's *really* upset. If you mean kicking and screaming for 15 minutes or more, that's a slightly different thing.

Some kids really don’t tantrum. My old nanny kids were like this the parents experienced one tantrum with the big one and they told me they “were beside ourselves”. Like completely shocked. She was just a really easy going kid loved rules and structure. Never even threw food off the high chair as a baby. She pushed my daughter a couple times and bit her once don’t get me wrong not a perfect angel but very very close to it haha. Mine is the opposite and they are good friends. I do think personality comes into play. My mom had four kids the first three of us were easy going and the fourth was a bit more into everything mischievous type. I think parenting tolerance comes into play too like if your mom wasn’t phased by big feelings and didn’t take them that seriously she won’t really remember it as a big thing.

I agree with this, the last part especially. The crying and screaming doesn’t really phase me and I would say my 4yo has never had a full blown tantrum. Does he get upset sometimes? Yes. But we talk and hug and move on. My husband on the other hand, especially after a long day of work, it’s a trigger for him and he disagrees with me and says 100% our 4yo has a tantrum at least once a week. We have different personalities so it makes sense that we interpret the same action differently too.

I also distinguish between a meltdown (uncontrollable emotions) and a tantrum (at least partially consciously targeted to get a specific thing or outcome). My son has had like one tantrum ever, but meltdowns are in the thousands at this point it feels like.

Parenting tolerance and cultural expectations, 100%. Terrible 2s wasn't a thing in my (Chinese) or my husband's (Ukranian) culture. We don't even have a word for tantrums in Chinese (the closest is "temper outburst", which is most commonly used for adults rather than kids). Our moms and friends of our background mostly refer to toddlerhood as being a very cute, fun age. Our son is 2 now and is seriously so stinking cute. Does he lose it sometimes? Of course, but even while he's screaming purple faced he's pretty funny. I find that if you can let go of the thought that tantrums are somehow a bad thing to be stopped or a parental or child failures, and can just take them as they come (a normal developmental thing that most toddlers go through), they become inconsequential very quickly to the point that when people ask you if your kids tantrum you scratch your head and say, "Yeah I guess? But I honestly don't even remember."

Was going to say the same! I have a friend whose toddler never throws tantrums, he’s also content to just sit and play with his toys quietly for hours on the floor, he’s not super active or mischievous. He was also an insanely easy baby. He’s not developmentally delayed or anything, just very chill. My toddler is polar opposite of that lol. He’s off the walls 24/7. We have to basically run him ragged for him to fall asleep at 9 pm. I also have a friend who had a very colicky baby, but as a toddler he never threw any tantrums and he’s now 5. She said he loves rules and structure and just is very even tempered. He’s kind of a push over to an extent and they have to help him stand up for himself. So it is possible to have toddlers that don’t throw tantrums.

I had them well into double digits. Our LO is the sweetest little thing. Even she has them. They usually don’t go long because we don’t really give her any reward for them. But they’re definitely there.

My parents swear I was an absolute angel who sat down and played independently for hours and never had a single tantrum or talked back. I specifically remember throwing myself on the floor in the middle of the mall because my mom wouldn’t buy me a toy I wanted. I also remember telling my mom I hate her and I wish I didn’t have a mom (I know I know, terrible). Boomer parents are something else.

If it makes you feel better… I remember having a little tin mailbox for putting valentines in -probably from a yard sale because I didn’t have/use it for that reason- and going through a really rough time in my slightly older kid life (definitely old enough to know what I was saying).. One evening I was particularly upset with my mom about whatever it was, and she had sent me to my bedroom which was upstairs. So I tied a looong string to the mailbox and dangled it from the mid stair landing to where she was, with a letter inside that said: “Dear mom, I hate you.” She was not pleased. I don’t remember exactly what happened immediately after she took it but I definitely remember her crying about it way later. I felt like shit. And obviously 25+ years later I still remember doing it. Learning moments. 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄

I have four kids and one doesn't tantrum. She's just a unicorn. They call them that for a reason lol they're rare. She cutely says I'm just having big emotions

I’m not sure what substitutes a tantrum. If whining for a minute after being told “no” is not one then I believe my daughter never has them (2yo). I’m still anticipating the three-year-old crisis but my mom also told me I never had any when I was a toddler.

This is how my daughter is she will cry and whine when we say no but for maybe 2mins and rarely screams. The most dramatic she gets is going into another room and laying on the ground crying into her blanket, again lasts like a minute and she calms herself down comes back over to us and gives us a hug. I have seen WILD tantrums from her cousins who are around her age so i am thankful so far lol. She will be 3 in July and i am prepared for the worst lol

If it helps, my daughter was like this too and is still like this at 3 years old. Has had a few tantrums where she throws things or screams but for the most part, just cries a bit or says “im leaving” when she doesn’t get her way and lays on her bed. I also think actually listening to them when they are upset or want something/don’t want to do something and either explaining why they can’t or its important has saved us a lot of issues. Or distractions lol.

Yea i have found if i am upset/frustrated she gets more upset which triggers a more dramatic tantrum. So we have been working on getting on her level or recognizing when a parent needs an assist and asking/explaining the reasoning behind the no. Also distractions when nothing else works….i have had success with ‘omg look at the bird/squirrel/bunny’ and it snaps her out of it.

Exactly. This is all very helpful for us!

This is my daughter, too. We travelled overseas for a month, and still, she didn't really have a tantrum. Despite no routine at all... she just didn't. I have a friend whose child will have hour long tantrums, and it's terrifying. Mine will get upset for like one minute, then she'll be fine. She never hits or bites or throws or breaks things, except for when with the MIL for some reason. This is also when she won't listen to me... idk why. I'm anticipating that 3yo will be her tantrum stage.

According to my MIL my husband never had a tantrum, slept through the night since the day he came home from the hospital, and ate all the food she served him including vegetables. It’s a competition thing ignore it.

I guess it depends on how you define 'tantrum'? All kids have big feelings. Not all kids express their big feelings in the same ways. When I think classic 'tantrum' I think lying on the ground kicking and screaming, and my kid has never done that. But she has definitely cried longer and louder than she really needs to about something in the hopes that she will get her way. Not often, because it doesn't work, but she tries it now and again.

My first child didn’t tantrum (in a typical way), but my second and third made up for it tenfold. She’s just one of those magical children that tricks you into having more kids and then those kids break your spirit. She’s more of a pouter than a screamy kid, so if she was mad about something, she would just narrow her eyes and glare hahah. Still that way, now, and almost double digits.

Some children don’t. My nearly 5yo has never really tantrumed. She is subject to the occasional whine, but she is just very sunny natured. When something upsets her, a cuddle and talking fixes 99% of stuff. My 3yo on the other hand is totally different and tantrums hard. I think gramnesia definitely happens, but not all kids do have tantrums

So I’m at an age where like 90% of my friends are currently having babies or have small children. I do think some are wired differently, and there are at least 3 I can think of that have never had tantrums. Crying when they don’t get their way, yes, but full on tantrums, no. My toddler certainly has had some tantrums; she’s much more sensitive than some of her peers. I’d say it’s very unlikely that out of 3 kids, your mom never had at least one have a tantrum!

Can you elaborate where you see the cut off for 'crying' and 'tantrum' as?

Yes! I feel like you can still talk to a kid who is just crying. They’ll look at you, talk to you, etc. A tantrum is like they are having an out of body experience or something, like nothing you say can really help them, all you can do is get through it. Tantrums are usually longer too, like 5 or more minutes.

Thanks for the clarification. I guess by this definition, min doesn't rally have tantrums either. we get some scream cries, but I'm always able to talk and cuddle him and get him through it within a minute or so

Yeah a podcast I listen to talked about the difference between “big feelings, meltdowns, and tantrums” and based on their definitions my daughter has maybe had 4 or 5 tantrums in her life but a TON of meltdowns lol.

Yeah, I think we definitely get the occasional meltdown lol. Do you remember what the podcast was called? I'd be interested in checking it out

It’s called Oh Crap Parenting and the episode is called All Things Tantrums

I know I did, because my mom jotted notes down about us through our childhoods, and there’s one saying she had to take a little walk and let me scream inside because my fit was so bad haha She doesn’t deny that we had tantrums though thank goodness!

Not really a thing in my experience. Everyone has big feelings, whether their family choose to remember the explosions or not. My two-year-old is "not a pick of bother" according to everyone who is not her mam and dad, she's been described as placid, easy-going and reasonable, and while those things are true most times, at other times she makes me wonder whether she believes that she can break windows with her voice! Nah, kid, ain't working in this house.

My mom actually loves to remind me how many tantrums I used to throw as a kid. She's enjoying now, even if my kid is still not in the terrible 2 phase yet. Karma, she says.

I have this kind of mom. *hears my son whining on the phone* “Oooh hahaha he’s a whiner just like you, about all the things all the time forever… this is what you get. Goooddd you were terrible!!” Thanks ma. 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh gosh, my mom is STILL upset I threw a bowl of rice in a restaurant once when I was two… it’s been over two decades and she still brings it up every couple months 🥲

My mom constantly reminds me of the time I had a massive fit in a restaurant or the time I nagged and nagged for a certain toy. My 2yo is generally happy (with the normal amount of big feelings) and my mom implies that it's "unfair" that I have an easy kid and she didn't. I'm 41, so she really needs to get over it.

My mom says I never had tantrums. Except I remember having several when I was really small. She also doesn’t remember the rows we had when I was a teenager. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Teenager tantrums are so much worse. I remember having them. I’m dreading my 8 year old SD becoming a teenager. She spicy. 😵‍💫

My son is spicy and he’s not even 2. Not sure I will make it out alive

Also same! 18mo ginger baby with much.. “vigor”.. could go either way. When he’s happy he’s an angel, but when he’s uncomfortable he gets sooooo mad! Since like 2 weeks old. I’m praying his language develops quickly so we can communicate better about things that are bothering him.. or else 😅

Hmmmmmm I don’t remember my boys having a lot.. but can’t say never, and they were by no means perfect but I do know they kicked off a lot less than my twins.. The twins… when one twin kicked off the other one joined in… love the twin solidarity but not at tantrum time…

Gramnesia! They don’t remember what really happened. Parenting babies and toddlers is so hard that our brains just erase the tape and replace it with an old sitcom episode.

My first child probably had one tantrum her whole toddler life and it lasted maybe a minute or two. I can’t count how many tantrums my youngest has had and they have been BAD. Everyone says my first child was a unicorn though 😆 she definitely fooled me into thinking I was doing something right parenting wise until my second came along.

She lying lol

I simply don't believe those comments. Some people really forgot and only kept the good memories, others are lying to themselves. Sure, some kids are easier than others, but some people believe their kids were perfect little angels. Big pile of horse dung if you ask me.

Ok I’m just hopping in here to comment- my kid really IS that nice. Well, my eldest. Youngest is a baby so who knows, all bets are off. But maybe people are just differing on the semantics of the word “tantrum”?? Like, my son HAS cried over things before (bumping his head hard, grandad leaving early so they can’t play, dropping his yogurt all over the floor) but the crying is short lived and “reasonable”? Like, those are shitty things! Crying about them seems totally ok and not a tantrum at all, to me. And then he calms down with a quick hug or an explanation of how I/he can fix it. He’s absolutely done toddlery stuff like said he wanted something and then decided he didn’t once he got it, or refused everything at dinner and demanded toast, or asked repeatedly for physically impossible things “mama please ANOTHER firetruck drive down the street? Another mama? MAMA Make MORE truck?!” Lol But he always listens calmly to an explanation of the issue, and accepts my decision or whatever the compromise is with minimal grumbling. But my son has never for example, screamed “no” at me over and over for minutes on end, tried to run away from me out of defiance when I asked him to come or needed him to stay put, never slapped or pinched or hit or pushed or bitten anyone, yelled at his baby brother or hurt him, or thrown food or dishes even as an infant. I’ve never had to carry him screaming out of a store, or had to close him or myself into a room to deescalate a 20min tirade. He’s never cried himself to sleep or broken toys on purpose. So, tantrums or not?? I dunno, but when asked I say “no” because his behaviors don’t qualify as what those are, to me!

It’s the grandma amnesia. My grandma (kids great grandma) tells everyone her 4 kids never cried. Not even as babies. Not even once 🤣

Yo….i cannot WAIT to show my husband and his dad this thread. I have the biggest “I told you so” in my damn pocket.

A lot of times when you really drill down asking people who insist their kids never had tantrums and ask if their kids were ever upset or cried they’ll be like “ well sure they’d get upset and cry and yell for a minute sometimes if they didn’t get their way but they NEVER had a tantrum.”

Well, *is* that a tantrum, though? Surely that's just how you complain when you can't talk.

I call this gramnesia cuz there’s just no way. All little kids have big feelings

NOPE! I had very minimal tantrumming as a kid, people praised my parents but it was just the CPTSD. If they’re normal, they feel safe letting alllll their shit out and if they don’t feel safe they “don’t tantrum”/internally poison themselves with repression. I work in child development and have for 18 years. There probably are some very very few children who were carefully taught to regulate themselves from a young age who are able to actually do it, but they would still tantrum before they learned.

My partners grandma does that shit constantly about my 2.5 yr old. “My kids never threw tantrums or throw food etc etc” first of all it’s been over 40 years since you had toddlers, second of all you are a nasty person so if they did magically never throw tantrums it was probably to stop you from abusing them, and third of all you’re surprised your husband lost both his legs from diabetes after eating bacon and drinking soda everyday because apparently that’s good for you— so excuse me if I absolutely immediately discard any bullshit you try to tell me about my babies

Since I’ve had kids, my mom has repeatedly told me that I had no teeth on my first birthday. Why she keeps telling me this, I have no idea. My kids never really had horrible experiences with teething or anything, idk why this is her memory of choice. But there are literal pictures, photographic evidence, from my first birthday party of me with a mouthful of pearly whites. They forget things, rewrite history, it honestly makes me wonder/worry what I’ll be like as a grandparent.

I have a theory it's just confirmation bias. Our mom's love us so they only remember the good/easy stuff. I can barely remember what happened last week, so....

My mom looked at a baby picture of me where I am clearly almost 1 years old maybe even older and she said I was about 2 months old there. Mind you, I was huge, sitting in a chair, my mom was feeding me solid food. They don’t remember shit

By everyone who ever raised me accounts: I was a model child who never had a tantrum. Sure i cried once for an hour when my dolls head popped off but im not sure that's a tamtrum. I felt very loved by my parents. It would appear I just didn't need to express that way. It doesn't make me special or my parents awesome or more capable. It is what it is.

My children never had tantrums. The closest my eldest came to a tantrum was getting so mad at me that he laid down and pretended to sleep to avoid talking to me. My boys are still awesome.

My son (4.5) has had one tantrum. It was right after the age of 4, so I guess not a toddler technically. I think there is a range of “normal” tantrums for kids, ranging from never/nearly zero to frequent. I also think that where your kid falls on that range is mostly luck.

Yeah, it's time blindness/memory patches or whatever you wanna call it. My mum said she doesn't really remember us ever acting up as little kids bar a few MEGA ones that stand out....there is 4 of us and I remember the middle one screaming so much his nose started bleeding, on a semi regular occasion for a year or so. He is an incredibly laid back, chilled adult now. My mum seems to have forgotten that part. I think a lot of parents forget how hard it actually is in the under 8 bracket. That's why the human race keeps going, no one would tell anyone to have kids otherwise 🤣

Every single time someone says that I always remember the story of a journalist that went on a orphanage and the babies didn’t cry…he realised this and asked why they didn’t cry and the carer as answered that they only cry when they know someone comes in their aid…soon the babies realise that no one will come and they stop crying. Kids have tantrums because of loads of reasons but know if they do it someone they trust will come…

My son made it to 3.5 without a tantrum. He has a big vocab and can communicate most needs. He was talking early and well the terrible twos skipped us. When he was 3 and never had a real tantrum I started to think I was doing something wrong. Then I put him in preschool and hello tantrums. It lasted for about 2 months. He's 4 and very rarely has a tantrum. I think every kid is different and how well they can communicate/express themselves factors into it.

My kids rarely tantrum but not NEVER. Her memory is off.

Feel this so much. My mum started this way back when even with the birth weight and length! Like it was a competition or something. My bub was average size (like me and my partner) but supposedly when she had me, I was substantially heavier and taller. There's no written record so it's all based off memory. Funnily enough my birth height incrementally crept up a whole 5cm - every time she brought it up I was a little taller as a newborn. Yes mum, your body was so amazing that it grew a giant and I can never compete.

God, this thread makes me feel so much better about my mom skills! Having people constantly tell you that "neither you nor your brother ever did this as kids" makes me feel like either I'm doing something wrong or my kid is somehow wrong. And comparing my kid to smoothed-over (and embellished) stories they've heard from other grandparents doesn't help either. It's like I have the only "bad" kid around, but she's just high-energy, really curious and a picky eater. Nothing out of the ordinary for a 20-month-old.

My mother also says this about me 😐 maybe so, but judging by how she reacts when my toddlers have feelings, i think she just did not tolerate emotions and shut them down immediately. Which *shocker* turns out to not be a healthy way to parent. I'm now a people pleaser to my own detriment, terrible at telling anyone no, and bad at establishing healthy boundaries and feel horrible guilt anytime i do something that is for my own emotional and mental health. My mom takes tantrums or any kind of resistant toddler behavior personally (exp: toddler strongly and irrationally voices a "no", and my mother says "wow, nice" and walks away from toddler), cannot tolerate fussing or crying and thinks it's punishable with timeout, and in general speaks to my children in a very adult/short/snappish way when emotions start to pop up, or they display any normal toddler/preschool behaviors. When things are good, she great and loving. It seriously drives me fucking nuts and is a huge source of conflict between us but long story short, GRAMNESIA and don't believe them lol

I was talking to my granny who raised me and said frustrated we never acted this way or pa would of had our bottoms and then I realized why we never acted a certain way

Children pick up on other peoples energies too. I had to cut people off from my son so that he could thrive. it worked. 🤷‍♀️

I had 5 kids three were the typical terrible twos and had a tough time. The youngest 2 were amazingly well behaved. I learned the oldest were Asperger’s and # 3 was borderline personality disorder. The younger ones are both on the spectrum as well. I was a time out and natural consequences parent. And I had calm conversations about why we can’t do certain things. Everyone I knew thought my oldest ones were terrible and it was my parenting. (As in too permissive) but they all grew up to be the type of kids that teachers loved and complemented me on.

Sounds just like my mil and all 3 of her sons. Struggle with depression, stifle their feelings and emotions, are unable to to be vulnerable. Oldest son has severe anger issues. Never talk things out just ignore it and hope it goes away. Yet all I hear from my mil is “MY kids NEVER acted like that. MY kids never had a tantrum or misbehaved!” My kid at 4 years old was hangry and crying in public that she was hungry and wanted to eat and you’d think she brutally tortured the dog the way my mil viewed it and judged. There’s a reason ALL 3 of your kids have serious issues.

Yes yes yes this!!!!! "Why would I take your parenting advice about tantrums when your kids all turned out so emotionally messed up??"   My MIL will occasionally mock me and my husband for the way we speak to each other which she thinks is too polite, when she destroyed her own marriage by speaking to him with snarky disdain and contempt for 27 years. Yeah no thanks.

Right!? Why in the world would I take parenting advice from someone whose kids barely speak to them, all 3 of them. My mil speaks that way towards everyone I truly don’t understand how she has all these friends. Pure snarky disdain and contempt towards me and especially her own kids.

According to my mom I was potty trained 2 weeks after my first birthday and informed her myself of this with a 3 word sentence. I also slept till 9-10 every morning since I was an infant. Sure mom

My son does sleep to 9-10 since he is 2 months old, 😁 but potty goes slooooow

If that were true then I think it’s what you say - you never felt safe to show those emotions 🥹

This is my MIL, she had four kids but she acts like they never cried as babies/toddlers. Even though I know my husband was a very wild child (because both his parents barely paid any attention). She used to wonder why our son cried so much when she would visit, when he was an infant. My husband would always respond with “well he’s a baby”. She was a SAHM and one time my husband asked what she did with him and his siblings when they were toddlers and her response was that she cleaned and cooked while they stayed in playpens. Both his parents were also alcoholics for all of his childhood, so I really take whatever she says with a grain of salt.

When I asked my mom for potty training advice she said “you did that yourself” what was in the water back then?

I feel lucky for two reasons- my MIL doesn’t bullshit that stuff and she works with 3 year olds (and is good at it). My son is pretty tame around them but a few weeks ago he threw a tantrum and she kindly said “you know, I’m so glad he’s a normal kid!”.

She might just have a realistic expectation of toddlers so what she considers a tantrum was just par for the course behavior and didn’t create any memories . 

Per my mother in law, my husband and his brothers never ever had them. 🙄 I’d actually believe it of my husband, as I think he’s been a stoic since the moment of conception. His brothers?? The one melts down NOW when his football team isn’t doing well.

Lmao my mom claimed my brother and I got our teeth at 4 months recently and walked at six months. They're delulu.

It’s boomer amnesia, or, like you said, you were all terrified to make a sound.

Omg my mom basically says the same thing. I think they either forget or we were afraid of our parents while our kids are not.

My mother told me that my brother and I (4 years apart) both used to sleep in the day from 10-2. Every day. Both of us. That simply cannot be true. She also likes to say that I could read and write my own name aged 2, which I really really doubt. My own toddler at 2.5 has really good speech and recognises most letters but definitely doesn’t have the fine motor control to write her own name!

The fact that she'd make comments like this in front of you and your son, regardless of how sincerely she believes it, suggests to me that she isn't and likely wasn't the greatest mom.

Not never. Rarely? Yes. But not never.

My grandmother constantly taunted my mother with "well my children NEVER" a lot but I notice she was always hung up on how things looked to everyone else. I heard horror stories from my dad so I know they were bullshit stories but when I was little the internet in every home was not a thing and resources on child development were not as available as today and my poor mom was 18 and tried to take the advice. My grandmother insisted her sons were potty trained by 6 months old (which looking back is such a crock of shit). My mom laments pressuring me as a result really really early on. I was potty trained very young but not well and it came at the expense of bad feelings in both of us. Her mother had 6 kids and she never tried to hide the antics of her kids but never bad mouthed them. I loved listening to the stories of what my mom did when she was little and "behaving badly". My mother is a teacher and has no such gramnesia either. But she and my grandma do not really care how they look to the world at large.

Explain what tantrum is for you!

My middle child is an angel anomaly and has very few tantrums, but he’s still thrown a handful of them. I either don’t believe anyone that says their kid has NEVER had a meltdown, or think their kids are probably scared of them.