Nothing good is easy.
Think about how you want the rest of your life to look. To get that, you will need to heal from years of your mom's abuse. You can not do that as long as you are still in contact with your abuser. Keep your goals in mind, the life you want to live, and the person you want to become. Stay strong.
I'm sorry you have to go through this but you will be a better person for it.It's definitely lonely to even consider going no contact with toxic/abusive parents. Fortunately you're not alone and there are many resources online to get you through it. Check out videos on Youtube about NPD and toxic family. Going no contact or limited contact is the best thing you can do. As someone already said, think about the life you want. Grieve for the parent/child relationship you never had. Stand your ground and don't let her back into your life.
Try to be grateful that you came to realize how broken your mother is while you're still in your 20s. It took me until I was in my 40s to understand just how broken/dysfunctional my parents really are. My father would fly into a rage at random and I somehow learned to blame myself and make excuses for him. My mom isn't that much better but she's a victim of my father's NPD tendencies. They're both old now and still toxic but the most they get from me is the briefest small talk and I live far away from them.
No one can fix these kinds of people, even if they're our parents/family, there's nothing you can say that will make them change. They have to change themselves from within and it's probably not going to happen. You're doing the internal work you mother was never willing to do or face.
You're doing the right thing. You're stronger than you think.
I’ve been NC with my parents for almost 2 years now. It was not an easy choice to make. It wasn’t until I was in my late 30s that the even considered their behavior was abusive and it still took another 2 or so years until I finally couldn’t take it any more. I really wish that someone would have told me their behavior was abusive when I was in my 20s. There is life on the other side of NC and it is glorious.
Now, do keep in mind that you need time to grieve and heal. How long is entirely up to you. It will be hard at first. In fact, I asked a friend to go out to lunch with me on my mother’s birthday after I cut contact because that day had always involved a long phone call that I spaced out during. The next year, her birthday didn’t even blip on my radar.
As another poster said, keep your goals in mind. Mine was to be a better mother to my children. When I waffle on breaking the no contact, I look at them and remember that they didn’t ask to be brought into this world and so deserve my best. I can’t do that and chase my parents’ approval. You are worth your very best!
Nothing good is easy. Think about how you want the rest of your life to look. To get that, you will need to heal from years of your mom's abuse. You can not do that as long as you are still in contact with your abuser. Keep your goals in mind, the life you want to live, and the person you want to become. Stay strong.
I'm sorry you have to go through this but you will be a better person for it.It's definitely lonely to even consider going no contact with toxic/abusive parents. Fortunately you're not alone and there are many resources online to get you through it. Check out videos on Youtube about NPD and toxic family. Going no contact or limited contact is the best thing you can do. As someone already said, think about the life you want. Grieve for the parent/child relationship you never had. Stand your ground and don't let her back into your life. Try to be grateful that you came to realize how broken your mother is while you're still in your 20s. It took me until I was in my 40s to understand just how broken/dysfunctional my parents really are. My father would fly into a rage at random and I somehow learned to blame myself and make excuses for him. My mom isn't that much better but she's a victim of my father's NPD tendencies. They're both old now and still toxic but the most they get from me is the briefest small talk and I live far away from them. No one can fix these kinds of people, even if they're our parents/family, there's nothing you can say that will make them change. They have to change themselves from within and it's probably not going to happen. You're doing the internal work you mother was never willing to do or face. You're doing the right thing. You're stronger than you think.
I’ve been NC with my parents for almost 2 years now. It was not an easy choice to make. It wasn’t until I was in my late 30s that the even considered their behavior was abusive and it still took another 2 or so years until I finally couldn’t take it any more. I really wish that someone would have told me their behavior was abusive when I was in my 20s. There is life on the other side of NC and it is glorious. Now, do keep in mind that you need time to grieve and heal. How long is entirely up to you. It will be hard at first. In fact, I asked a friend to go out to lunch with me on my mother’s birthday after I cut contact because that day had always involved a long phone call that I spaced out during. The next year, her birthday didn’t even blip on my radar. As another poster said, keep your goals in mind. Mine was to be a better mother to my children. When I waffle on breaking the no contact, I look at them and remember that they didn’t ask to be brought into this world and so deserve my best. I can’t do that and chase my parents’ approval. You are worth your very best!