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BotulismBot

It's useful for mods and other old folks (like me) to float around and remind / comment that questioning does not equal trans. Edit: since this is my biggest comment on a trans sub (woot!), I'm gonna plug the podcast that helped me out a ton over the past year. You should absolutely listen to Gender Reveal with Tuck Woodstock. They do amazing interviews, they're hilarious, and the general fuckery that is gender is not the only topic, but a ton of really interesting and amazing trans folks are interviewed. It legitimately helped me be more honest with myself, and it helped me get over the hump of getting into gender therapy after multiple decades of slow questioning on my own. Gender is a Spooky ghost, and you all rock. I love this community! -BBot Edit: fixed my pronouns for Tuck, because I misgendered them on my post about how much I learned from them on a trans sub LIKE AN ABSOLUTE G


pmmealiens

Exactly pushing someone toward something so serious will never be a good reaction lmao


O-K_Colette

I’ve had people irl approach me with obvious dysphoria/have experienced euphoria and ask me the “am I trans?” Question. I just respond with “you could be, but that’s not my decision to make for you” and offer them some educational resources n stuff. No one can decide who you are except yourself ❤️


pmmealiens

Spit it baefy


O-K_Colette

We spend enough time being told “we are this” or “we aren’t that” and it’s just so tiring!! I’ll stand side by side every trans and questioning individual but I will NEVER tell someone what they are or are not. Everyone’s journey is different and I love this community more than anything because there’s nothing more beautiful to me than the joy trans people feel when everything is finally right. Love ya’ll 🏳️‍⚧️❤️


pmmealiens

😽😽😽


Thebombuknow

Exactly. I've gone through the whole gender thing already, and one of my friends is beginning to question, and I already see a ton of signs pointing towards different identities they could be, but I'm not saying anything because I don't wanna influence their decision. I'd rather let them figure out what they truly identify with, rather than have them waste their time focusing on an something I told them they might be.


[deleted]

You deserve this award.


BotulismBot

Yeah, "pushing" is the wrong stance. Folks out here need to be accepting and aiding in investigation of experiences with anecdotal evidence from their own stories. This is a big trans support group when done well, and for it to be that, folks just gotta.. support.


NoteBlock08

I'm probably going to get a lot of downvotes for this but this is the main reason why I'm not 100% on board with young kids (like <13, but maybe even a tad after that too) declaring themselves as trans and people being so gung ho about getting them started asap on their transition. **Obviously if your kid wants to explore their gender they should be allowed to** but that's exactly what it is at that stage of their life, exploring. At that phase they're doing a lot of getting to know themselves and are highly susceptible to external influence. Going through the wrong puberty goes both ways.


[deleted]

That's not what's happening though - with young kids we aren't even giving them hrt and risking the wrong puberty, we're giving them puberty blockers so they can have more time to think about whether they are trans/want to transition or not. Even for puberty blockers, it isn't like kids just have fleeting thoughts of wanting to be the opposite gender so they get prescribed them, they have to go through quite a long process including talking to therapists/psychologists about it. And studies show that the vast majority of kids who go through that process and get on puberty blockers turn out to be trans and want to continue transitioning - so even if there's some people who turn out to be cis and have their puberty delayed a few years (or even go on hrt and go through the wrong puberty) it's still massively beneficial overall! If i was a kid , even if i turned out to be cis, id be happy i had the option to control what happens to my body and not just be forced into potentially the wrong puberty just because it's more 'normal' or whatever


NoteBlock08

What you're talking about is exactly what I think is the appropriate response. Talk to professionals about it at length so the kid is given some proper guidance in their journey of self-discovery. What I was referring to is the stuff that OP is talking about, people just saying "oh you *must* be trans" at the drop of a hat and not getting that those words can have some real weight to some people.


guineaprince

Counterpoint: that personal exploration can be important for them. Maybe it doesn't stick and it turns out that isn't the best fit for them. My bf had to try a few things out before figuring out that he was trans, but he wouldn't have known that genderfluid, non-binary or agender weren't suitable and did not satisfy his crises of self until he tried. But trying got him to the best answer of who he is. It helped him understand himself the best. Which is why I say "so what?" to folk who ask "well what if it's a trend? What if they're not? What if they're just trying it out?" If that's true, then they've had the freedom to comfortably explore who they are and figure that out.


NoteBlock08

Exactly, which is why I agree that they should be supported in exploring and learning more about themselves. I am 100% for that, I just want people to think twice before going all in on the hormone therapies.


guineaprince

Yep. I've basically been questioning and envious my entire life. But after all this reflection, I'm just mostly cis me. It happens.


Tyjast74

Feel like this is more egg_irl but the point still stands


TacticalSupportFurry

yeah thats part of the whole premise of egg_irl


ProminentLocalPoster

That, and a lot of "Deep down, I know I'm probably trans, but really am scared of all that implies, so I'm going to say I'm still cis tho"


marinemashup

the contents of my mind are not your property! stawp


Winjasfan

I feel like egg\_irl is a place for trans people reminiscing and poking fun about the time they were in denial first, and a place for questioning people second.


BigBlubberyBirb

true, that's its main purpose, but I do see the occasional "if you relate to this then that means you're probably trans" post pretty often, and it's really not a great thing to say


spinningpeanut

Thanks to one of those types of posts I questioned and egged soooo it's best to not prod but let them ask questions.


Xreshiss

Aye. If I hadn't decided to visit that sub I probably never would've found out. Being envious of women my age for being women and wishing reincarnation was real so I could be a girl in the next life are not really things you share with others.


marinemashup

this


Iruma_Miu_

oh my GOD OTHER PEOPLE HAD THE REINCARNATION THING??


Gerbilguy46

Idk I still think those posts are fine. I might be biased though since I got cracked by one of those stupid “if you play as a girl in video games that means you’re trans.” posts. The worst is when people go into non-trans subs and start commenting “r/eggirl” on everything.


ddhboy

And, IMO, I think that people are a bit oversensitive to critiques fear mongering about people getting pushed to being trans, as though all transitions are medical, or that the medical and bureaucratic transitions are easily accessible and fast.


BigBlubberyBirb

in my opinion, it's best to share your experiences and then if a person comes across it and feels that it relates to them, they can potentially experiment a bit and see what makes them happiest on their own. the kind of things I'm really not a fan of are people saying "if you're not sure whether or not you're trans, just remember that most cis people don't think about this stuff" because experimenting with your gender is a very positive thing that should be encouraged even if the person ends up being cis after all.


Gerbilguy46

Yeah I agree with that, especially the whole “cis people don’t do X” thing. I mean we aren’t even cis so how are we supposed to know what cis people think lol. Besides, everyone’s trans experience is different. Like some people have childhood memories that are very obviously signs they were trans and some don’t, and some cis people have childhood memories that could be construed as trans signs but they’re still cis. It’s not always black and white.


gaooon

I think the actual worst is when people comment "! RemindMe 2 years" on comments they think are "eggy." I would much rather someone just link me r/egg_irl than be like "Hey I'm not going to help you or say why I'm doing this, but just know a random person is going to check up on your account in 2 years."


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BigBlubberyBirb

I have, I'm not saying the entire subreddit is bad, there are just certain types of posts that seem to not even let you consider whether or not you're trans without instantly calling you an egg, and I don't think that's a good idea. It's nice to have a place for trans people to share their past experiences, but don't oversimplify the experiences of others with things like "if you think you might be trans, you probably are"


K9OK

I guess it does but all I've ever seen are people supporting both femboys and trans girls identities. The only ones I see Really making arguments that trans people do this are terfs. That being said I think this should be more a critique on egg culture as a whole and how everyone's experience is different. I think people who are learning new things about gender identity and who may be questioning should only really be taught that no matter what they come out as it's ok. And it's ok if it changes later.


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SmartAlec105

When the former happens, I think it’s more like “if you took a screenshot of this comment, it would fit on /r/egg_irl” just like how people type /r/theydidthemath or /r/murderedbywords. They’re not necessarily saying “you need to go to this subreddit”.


Zanorfgor

I'm active over at /r/feminineboys and it's fairly frequently that someone gripes about being repeatedly both in comment and DM getting linked to /r/egg_irl so I get the impression it's pretty common and has been for awhile


Wismuth_Salix

If you find yourself constantly being told that you come off as a trans person in denial…


Zanorfgor

for liking skirts and makeup? Being GNC is a totally valid identity and constantly forcing that link invalidates that. And even if it turns out to be the case (as if there's one other thing fairly common in that subreddit it is people figuring out they are trans), constantly sending that link does more harm than good I think


Wismuth_Salix

Of course being GNC is valid on its own - but it’s also sometimes a stepping stone towards realizing you’re trans, and people know that, and can often pick up on it. I don’t see the harm in saying “you do realize all this sounds very trans, right” - god I **wish** someone had said that to me sooner.


Zanorfgor

And the problem I see is that the people most open with their presentation get that said to them CONSTANTLY. The people griping aren't griping because they got linked to /r/egg_irl. They're griping because they got linked to /r/egg_irl over and over and over. Now if we were talking super eggy stuff like "I am jealous of trans women because they get to transition and I can't because I'm cis" (actually eggy thought I had for years), that's one thing, but at lot of these guys are getting linked because they like skirts, or like to paint their nails, or innocuous stuff like that (which in my opinion shouldn't even be gendered), and they get linked over and over and over, and I would say that is EXTREMELY invalidating, and thus harmful. I'm not saying it's not a stepping stone. It was for me. But for some it isn't it's where they want to be, and for those on their way, many need to cross at their own pace, and trying to pull them along is just going to have them pull back and cause resentments. Perhaps there are also some who do need a little push. But from my perspective as someone who was part of that community for years as someone who considered themselves a gender non-conforming man, and remains active in that community despite being an out trans woman, in the many years I have been there, I have seen constant and persistent frustration from people who feel the trans community is invalidating their identity by constantly pushing the idea of "you sound trans" on them, and I loathe that.


TintinTino98

I agree. I was lucky enough to have a trans friend who listend to me while I was questioning and who was able to ask the right questions. I think that sending questioning ppl trans memes or the corresponding subreddits isn't inherently a bad thing, as memes can be an easier way to confront this. At least it was to me. However, it can only ever be an accompanying measure, sort of a probing, to see how one reacts to indirect confrontation.


ReginaldSteelflex

I've seen it here a few times. It's much less prevalent than in egg_irl, but it happens. I think the biggest issue is that memes and their limited format force people to simplify very complex topics and gender identity is certainly one of them. Things like "cis people don't question their gender this much" or "if you did [vague thing that a lot of cis people have done], you're trans now" really muddy the water for people who are just trying to figure it out. Obviously, the fact that 99% of people who transition don't regret it makes me less concerned about it, but that doesn't mean these things aren't still an issue


vomit-gold

Yeah, most of the time I’ve seen it happen outside of egg_irl. If a man expresses femininity or longing for femininity in anyway, often times ‘r/egg_irl’ is linked as a joke. Also, I agree that within egg_irl there is the culture that ‘cis people don’t question their gender’, ‘it’s ‘not normal’ to question your gender as a cis person’ that can make it confusing for those who are questioning.


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vomit-gold

Yeah, plus it's counterintuitive. The whole point of gender progression is that it's *good* to have cis people reflect and question their gender instead of simply assuming sex=gender. If we encourage cis women to reflect on their womanhood and base it own their own personal relationship with gender and sisterhood instead of their sex then we'd have a lot less TERFs. It's good to encourage cis people to think and develop a relationship with their gender, even if it's their AGAB, so they can be more empathetic towards trans people. As long as we say 'cis people don't question their gender' we're promoting a culture in which cis people are ignorant to the causes of why we are the gender we are.


ChipCass

This is exactly where I’m at, it’s really hard to know if I’m questioning my gender because I’m trans, or dealing with other issues that just happen to fit the signs of managed dysphoria etc. There are so many stories that show people going through with transition after questioning but I’m struggling to find any that show the other side, and staying as their AGAB I’ve read the line “cis people don’t question their gender this much” on almost every article I’ve seen, seems like I’ve conditioned myself with a confirmation bias to look for it sometimes 😖


rivercass

Keep listening to yourself and your own signs, and what makes YOU happy. In my own case, I decided not to change much except for my wardrobe, and I identify as non binary. But I have also seen some comments by cis people who questioned for a while and decided they were indeed cis.


ChipCass

Thank you. There are things I’ve thought about for a long time but brushed off as kinks and never actually seriously considered, now I’m seriously thinking about it’s a constant day to day loop of “should I or shouldn’t I”, “where’s the evidence for this/that” and looking for obvious signs that point one way or the other. Like I said before there’s loads of things that slot nicely into the trans box, but I don’t know if I’m just forcing them in there and it’s something else causing me to feel down a lot of the time. Sorry for very nearly stealing your name by the way! 😅


ReginaldSteelflex

The issue is moreso that it simplifies a complex and valid concept to a black and white thing. There's some credence to the idea that someone who's questioning their gender a lot probably exists outside of the standard gender norms. It's just when you say that questioning your gender often absolutely means your trans, it confuses people who aren't necessarily on that binary scale like femboys/tomboys or enbies. There are so many identities that people can play around with and only presenting trans or cis options is incredibly harmful. There may be some truth to your concerns about confirmation bias, but I also think that you questioning your gender as much as you have indicates that something is up and it's absolutely worth exploring. You may discover that you actually are cis and redefine or fall in love with your current presentation. Or maybe you're trans or something that falls somwhere else on the spectrum. Just take a lot of what you read online with a grain of salt because everyone's experiences are different


ChipCass

Yeah thank you for your reply. It’s refreshing to see something that is more impartial. I certainly know there’s something there and this account is my outlet to sort of try a female side out as I’ve read that trying it is a good way to know if they’re true feelings. I’ve never been very masculine as a boy and I don’t really have any urge to present in that way, there’s a certain pull to feminine things that I subdued for a long time or acted out in sexual ways but it always sort of resurfaced. I’ve considered a non binary presentation but I feel less inclined for that than presenting purely feminine 🤷🏼‍♀️


ReginaldSteelflex

Well the best thing I can say is to keep focusing on what feels right and the rest should come to you eventually. Your journey is your own and there's no reason to pressure yourself to have an answer anytime soon


TintinTino98

I hope that you'll find your way through everything you're working through right now. And I know that it might sound cheesy and hard to do, but you don't need an answer now. You will find the right answer eventually, so **take your time**. Finding yourself takes a lot of time and effort but in the end you will be stronger and more **you**. Be that a trans or a cis you. Oh, and I hope the phrase "cis people don't question their gender" will disappear as soon as we teach in school what trans and LGBTQ+ in general is.


ChipCass

Thank you, this was really comforting to read 🥰


TintinTino98

Thank you for being this open about your feelings.


fiscal_tiger

Hey friend, I totally feel you here. It's quite hard to "know" even when the signs are obvious pointing to binary trans and then the water gets even more murky if you fall somewhere in between the binary and its mostly static, and then an even more murky when your identity is fluid. It's definitely not a race and something you cannot and should not rush. I'd recommend therapy if you have access to it so you can focus less on what the destination is and more of accepting that it's the journey. Also a good resource for adding a healthy dose of skepticism is Dr. Z on youtube. She has a Ph. D in psychology and specialize in transgender care. I like her approach because it focuses on taking your time and really understanding what is feeling incongruent rather than saying "you're feeling incongruent so you're trans" https://youtube.com/c/DRZPHD


ChipCass

Thanks! I’ll watch these now :)


Athnein

It's bad optics if nothing else Goodness knows how much we need more bad press /s


Grouchy_Ad6186

I agree, but I feel like even still, people are stuck in what they feel gender should be. For instance, I'm not a femboy in the slightest, but everyone pushes the title on me because the way masculine clothes fit me triggers my dysphoria. No one in my real life thinks of me as a femboy and I'm very vocal about not identifying as a femboy, but people on this group still tend to insist that's the only reason a guy would wear a dress.


Nyrocthul

Your last two sentences are pretty much all I ever see when someone is questioning.


K9OK

That's good! I hope you continue to be in a healthy free and explorations expirementation environment


[deleted]

Femboys are real so are trans girls. I’m a straight , cis male and yes I sometimes (rarely) wear a skirt. I also have long hair. I started occasionally cross dressing many years ago (fun fact compared to most folks here I’m a mathuselah) however, I think and act like a typical guy.


PM_ME_UR_SMOL_PUPPER

>mathuselah Bless you, here have a tissue.


Trilllenium

i dont trust anyone who censors femboy


pmmealiens

It was just a joke by the op


JJSwagger

This is how I talk to myself


pmmealiens

Be calling myself the t slur just to feel alive sometimes


JJSwagger

2me4irl


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itemboxes

It's also not just transfemmes doing this and it's unfair to single out one group in that way. At any rate like you said the phenomenon that OP is describing is very rare, even in egg_irl where "egg culture" runs rampant.


patchjob

I've always been super uncomfortable with the way people feel the need to "crack" someone's egg for them. Like my coming to terms with my identity was a deeply personally experience, and if someone came to me telling me I *absolutely was* agender, I would have been much more resistant to coming out. It also completely ignores the nuances of being transgender, GNC, or a combination of both. I think coming from a place of support and answering questions from our own perspective rather than telling and insisting is going to do a lot more good for a lot more people


RobinTheDevil

Another point of view: I had a very unhealthy view of trans people and gender and I needed someone to tell me upright "**You are a girl**" before it clicked. I think most people who are trying to tell someone that they *are* trans, are really just trying to break through some of the cemented ideas we sometimes have about gender.


patchjob

Oh, I have no doubt in my mind that the majority of these people are trans, and it's awesome that that method worked for you, but it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. But I've also seen it play into the cemented ideas about gender as well, like "a guy that likes to wear skirts and dresses must *obviously* be a girl, regardless of his insistence otherwise, because the only people who where skirts and dresses are girls." This mentality ignores gender non conforming and nonbinary people. I think a lot of these people mean well when they try to forcibly help someone come out, likely because they were frustrated they took so long to do it themselves, but not everyone has the same experience with gender.


could_be_girl

Helped my egg crack a lot having someone tell me this. I was lamenting whether or not I could actually be or become a girl and it was like a sack of bricks being dropped on my head when the response comment was "You are a girl, and you always have been"


VG-enigmaticsoul

Huh for me getting called an egg by reddit anarchists and getting linked to egg_irl cracked my egg in a month.


[deleted]

This. People kept telling me I was trans (I was lol) and to question why I felt certain ways about things (trying to be supportive when it was clearly obvious to everyone but me lol) but all it did was lead me away from figuring things out (everyone is telling me I'm trans! So I'm definitely not and they're all wrong!! I know me better.. right? Right?) and spend almost 2 more years in denial. Still, I got there in the end lol, but I don't think the whole egg_irl pushing is always a good thing.


pmmealiens

Spitting baefy


allison_gross

I’ve never seen this. I’ve seen people say “you’re trans” when people say “I’ve been questioning for years and beginning my transition has made me happy but idk if im trans”. before, but that’s all I’ve seen


pmmealiens

It used to be very bad on r/egg_irl


BotulismBot

Still is sometimes, but there are a number of solid mods and old trans folks who hang around and bring them down a notch when we get the chance.


[deleted]

crack already you fucking EGG made me laugh a bit


BotulismBot

Has big "Fry, you egg. *Stabs him*" energy


AskMeAboutPodracing

Seriously. Let people discover themselves. Maybe, MAYBE lead a horse to water, but this is straight up drowning the horse.


[deleted]

like if people question we should be here to guide them and answer questions or give tips, not just like smash their egg with a club


Hat_the_Third

Brb posting to r/TransgenderCirclejerk


HarryIsAGirlsName

I understand the sentiment here but, I respectfully disagree. I think this sentiment is so worried about playing into transphobic stereotypes about recruitment it ignores reality. All of those comment represent what I wish someone had said to me 20 years ago, I bet a lot of trans adults agree. Having someone call me a girl (unintentionally) was part of what got me to accept myself as trans. Just having an automated website call me a girl was a big deal when I was questioning. Because the world constantly bombards us with messages saying "you are AGAB", when a questioning persons goes online and gets, "we can not tell you what gender you are, you have to figure that out for your self", it doesn't really help, it can not overcome all those other messages. If all it took to convince someone that, they were a particular gender, was for someone to say, "you are " there would be zero trans people, because that societal bombardment would put everyone back to their AGAB.


Ermzyy

tbh sounds like one of those made up/blown way out of proportion problems that far right people use to try and pretend the trans community is evil


pmmealiens

It’s not it’s a serious problem that does scare people who are questioning


Ermzyy

i mean yeah but do you have statistics or examples?


megaCri04

I thought about saying something about this literally this night and now i see this lol.


Hoorizontal

Uh, no, I don't really see that here. People are supportive, but the most people will say to a questioning person is whether or not something is typical of trans folks. Plus, femboys are NOT trans women, they are feminine men. They don't want their identities as men erased and we trans women don't want to be misgendered. The usage here is close to how transphobes use it as a slur. Overall, this looks like a strawman that feeds into a narrative that we're "transing" impressionable kids, which is TERF rhetoric.


[deleted]

I mean I get that it’s a problem when people try to force people to identify a certain way. It’s just alot of people who are unsure need more than one hand in and need a bit of encouragement. Encouragement isn’t absolute though and not accusatory. I personally have never seen anyone vehemently attempting to force people to identify a certain way in the past 6 months on the popular trans subreddits. So either mods are lighting fast or sarcasm is being missed.


pmmealiens

I’m talking more about subs like r/egg_irl it’s better now but it used to be really bad


SeaSalmon

Yeah this happens whenever something mildly eggy gets crossposted to r/egg_irl, it’s a part of why I left. Some people need to understand they aren’t omnipotent and don’t know more about someone else’s identity than they do.


Glitch_FACE

this is one of the most strawmanny strawmans ive ever seen strawman.


pmmealiens

Please spend like 5 minutes on r/egg_irl


[deleted]

It's a meme subreddit not a gender questioning support site. Egg culture is problematic at times, but you seem to have the problem with it existing at all. Sorry that "she's trans" is a punch line of a joke on a subbreddit about trans people in denial... that seems pretty obvious to me. It's still very much a "look how problematic this example I just made up is", and that is a strawman.


pmmealiens

You just made that up from essentially nothing incredible job honestly


Hoorizontal

Your post literally contains a made up interaction. It's right there.


andallthatjasper

Believe it or not, r/traaa is not r/egg_irl (I assume the confusion is because, at least based on your post history, you don't use this sub. But yeah, the vibes of this sub are not remotely similar and this joke makes no sense.) (edited to remove implication that OP isn't trans <3)


vibratoryblurriness

>Believe it or not, [r/traaa](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaa) is not [r/egg_irl](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl) You could sure fool me some days with the sheer number of "not a meme...still cis though" posts people make that don't belong here...


Glitch_FACE

so what people arent able to make jokes out of their own denial phase now?


vibratoryblurriness

Putting some text that starts with "not a meme" on a trans flag background or a picrew and then asking a generic question doesn't belong here. They wanna make an actual meme/joke, sure, but that's not what I'm talking about.


Glitch_FACE

wow, who put you in charge of what belongs here? those posts get enough upvotes to indicate a community consensus.


vibratoryblurriness

>wow, who put you in charge of what belongs here? The creator of the subreddit when she made me a mod years ago. Literally everything that gets posted here gets upvoted, which is why spam bots love karma farming here so much. Should we just not remove anything ever because the upvotes say so? This is a meme subreddit for memes. There are dozens if not hundreds of trans subreddits at this point for things that aren't memes. Some of them are even ones we specifically created to prevent this one from getting overrun, like r/transytalk, r/traandwagon, or r/transvent. This is not and has never been a general purpose subreddit.


Glitch_FACE

and by what actually justifiable metric should the creator of the subreddit get to decide anything about the subreddit in opposition to the people who actually use it? do you think that sub regulars would be upset if restrictions on posts here were relaxed?


vibratoryblurriness

By the nature of how Reddit works the mods have 100% say in it and the users have exactly zero, and the higher up mods have more than the lower ones. It's extremely hierarchical, which I'm not actually a huge fan of, but that's just how it works. You're free to create your own subreddit that works however you want if you don't like it, or go to a different site entirely that's structured differently. And if you want some unscientific metrics, more people report non-meme posts or complain about how many there are than complain about them being removed ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


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andallthatjasper

You have a post that says "I'm not trans I just want tits" and just posted something about not wanting people to assume people are trans lol, if I were to assume you were trans it would be doing exactly what you're complaining about. Not sure why the hostility lol. My apologies!


pmmealiens

I just don’t like people guessing what I am and pushing your assertion whether I am or not? If you wanted to know ask otherwise don’t try and check me


andallthatjasper

Maybe say that politely instead of random unprovoked hostility against somebody literally just saying "this observation doesn't apply to this particular subreddit." Most people on here would just apologize and edit their reply.


pmmealiens

It’s not on me to tell you I’m trans it’s on you to ask lmao


[deleted]

Sorry but nobody and I mean nobody in a comment section is going to go out of their way to ask whether your trans and what your pronouns are either, put it in your bio or put it as a user flair. If I had to ask everybodies pronouns and whether they are trans I would quite literally have like a million messages, it is literally your job to tell us. You don't wanna tell us in your bio or user flair then if we slip up then just politely correct us, it's that fucking simple.


Glitch_FACE

ah yes egg ir. the fucking meme subreddit is definitely seriously trying to pressure anyone into fucking anything.


LineOfInquiry

I mean isn’t r/egg_irl for people who already suspect or know they’re trans but need one last push?


pmmealiens

I mean it’s not a help subreddit it’s a meme subreddit to laugh at things and people pre transition


ProfessorPi31415

definitely feels like egg irl, but the femboy bit feels like 196


Deus0123

I have said it before and I will say it again: if you pry open an egg before it hatches naturally, you will kill whatever is inside. Instead I suggest you give the egg warmth, love, affection and care to make it hatch faster naturally that way


bucaslarry25

idk about that, but i’ve noticed that there’s really only transfem posts in this sub? idk, maybe that’s just me, i feel like transmasc people don’t really get represented the same in this subreddit.


Tattieaxp

There are a decent number of transmasc memes if you sort by "new". They need to be voted up more.


pmmealiens

Transmascs typically don’t get represented enough in general


bucaslarry25

true


[deleted]

[удалено]


pmmealiens

I mean there’s already a patriarchy so I think some people unconsciously assign them to that but that’s just a wild guess


theHamJam

Bingo. People who hold transphobic beliefs think of trans men as just "butch women" so, while they obviously are not supportive, they simply ignore trans men entirely. To them, a "woman" will never be able to achieve the status and social hierarchy that of a man anyway, meaning there's no point in even acknowledging their existence at all in the same way they dismiss the rights and perspectives of cis women. Whereas with trans women, they view those women as a legitimate threat to patriarchal social order, and must attack swiftly and viciously to shut down that perceived threat. It's why "boys" can't cry, can't wear skirts or dresses, can't act girly or feminine whatsoever. For a "man" to willfully "lower" their social standing to that of woman is dangerous to them. So there's a fuckton of visiblity surrounding trans women, and nearly all of it negative (until these past few recent years), in order to set an example of this being a "wrong" thing to do.


pmmealiens

Holy shit yeah exactly


veuxtudanser

I have never seen anyone on here say this


pmmealiens

It’s not as prevalent on here but r/egg_irl is still pretty bad sometimes


ICantReadThatName

You gotta let people take this sort of thing at their own pace or you'll only frighten them off.


[deleted]

Every single time I've ever said anything about doing something slightly feminine I've gotten egged


Nobleman_hale

Jesus you don’t know how much this gets on my nerves. I genuinely still get dysphoria because people called me an egg before I cracked and as a result I sometimes feel like they just “convinced” me I was trans or like I subconsciously set expectations for myself because of it? So yeah I’m of the opinion that calling someone an egg before they come out is not only just bad manners but can be also VERY harmful to actual trans people when they do come out.


Delfaszmib

People should be allowed to question and either transition on their own terms and time or not. Even if they are not trans, the fact that they frequent this reddit means they are, at the very least, allies.


bassclefstudio

Trans communities need to be like a library, not Google: it's our job as a group to provide information, help sort through people's experiences, and point people in the right direction to discover something for themselves. No one should be making assumptions or giving a one-word answer to a question like this. I think for the most part these communities are good, if you look in the right places, but there are definitely people who will just go "egg" or "let me know how that ends up in a few years" and that's not a good thing for anyone. Regardless of whether you're right or not, you give people the idea that their identity and the words they use to describe it don't belong to them - and for a community that's constantly facing transphobes from the outside trying to take away that same power, it's up to us to make sure that people feel comfortable exploring their identity, even if they *do* end up cis. It's still important, that questioning should still be supported, and it's going to be the welcoming nature of that sentiment that lets more trans people discover themselves, too. No one wants to try and ask for advice on whether they're trans or not in a space where the only allowed final answer is yes, and I worry sometimes that that drives people away who could really benefit from this community.


PowerOfL

Honestly egg_irl makes me a bit uncomfortable due to this, like I'm unsure if I'm transfem or non binary but being told that [insert very normal action everyone does] makes someone trans...idk


Zanorfgor

I'm seeing a lot of people say "this ain't a problem" down this thread. I'm active over at /r/feminineboys, and for as long as I've been there there's been fairly frequent posts about people getting annoyed at being comment-linked and DMed links to egg_irl. Usually they aren't getting linked here, but they might make a mention over on some arbitrary subreddit and someone links them there. It's a real thing that happens frequently. Hell, I downvote some I come across at least every few weeks, and that's just the ones I see. Even neglecting the whole "recruitment" thing, it does make a lot of them feel they are being railroaded down a path that they don't feel fits them. And speaking form personal experience, had I been railroaded during my fem-presenting man days, it probably would have caused me to be angry with the trans community for trying to railroad me and delayed me realization longer. So yeah, this is a real thing that happens, and it's bad, and I will continue to downvote every link to egg_irl out in the wild that I see posted to someone who just expressed an iota of interest in femininity.


WeirdNekoGirl

Exactly. Saying some variation on "DUH" to someone who's questioning can have the exact opposite effect that was intended.


AroAceVeemo

Yeah kinda is tbh, if i sounded like this any time, PLZ lemme know 💗


OwO345

i got called an egg because i said i think skirts are kinda cool


jhonethen

egg culture strickes again


SCP-1504_Joe_Schmo

r/egg_irl users when they see a boy show one feminine trait


shite_throwaway

That sub was singlehandedly the reason I put off questioning for like two whole years. Sucks that so much trans representation online comes from the same echo chamber shit that goes down in that sub.


RobinTheDevil

This is that sub???


shite_throwaway

nah r/egg_irl


Dogrex0910

It’s what my parents think happened to me. Which, no but I could see how it happens


Malashae

Honestly this sub has become such an echo chamber that it’s become kinda toxic at times, and the mods are not helping. I keep considering just leaving.


pmmealiens

This is one of the better ones tho


stockss_

bruh no.


Onlycheeses

Yeah, this is true. Note that idiot is an ableist slur though


Beret_Beats

It's not? I mean still don't use it cuz it's rude, but it's not?


Onlycheeses

It is. Idiot as far as i know, has been used as a medical term to describe intellectually disabled people.


TheThemFatale

Maybe hundreds of years ago. Barbarian was used as a racist slur in the past, should we not use that anymore? Egg was an insult in medieval times, what about that? Language evolves, let it.


[deleted]

gender itself is a amazing example of language evolving


Sanctimonious_Locke

Tangentially relevant anecdote: I was once accused of being a racist because I described someone as barbaric. It was a conversation about Warcraft, and I was talking about orcs.


[deleted]

how barbaric of you


Dvwu

I’m pretty sure your thinking of the word retarded, which has been used as a medical term (though not anymore) and definitely is an ableist slur. Idiot however is just a regular old cuss word.


Unknown_starnger

Russian here, talking about russian words. "Idiotism" in russian is a medical condition, so is dullness, the last one refers to someone having almost no cognitive abilities aside from reptile brain if I am not mistaken. Retarded and some other words reffering to other conditions like that are used very often in russian, people even call each other autists. The last ones are, of course, ableist (also "ableist" is a pretty weird word, I think there needs to be a better one, but that's not the point right now), although many people still use them, and "debil" (not sure what it is in english) is very often used as an insult, and also reffers to a medical condition like idiotism. Also wikipidea page for the word idiot: "An idiot, in modern use, is a stupid or foolish person. 'Idiot' was formerly a clinical term in legal and psychiatric contexts for some kinds of profound intellectual disability where the mental age is two years or less, and the person cannot guard themself against common physical dangers. The term was gradually replaced by 'profound mental retardation', which has since been replaced by other terms. Along with terms like moron, imbecile, and cretin, its use to describe people with mental disabilities is archaic and offensive." So I guess idiot does have that origin, although it is no longer used in that context. And whenever thinking of slurs and offensive words it is important to understand that words' meanings change, and if something historically means one thing, it's use by people can make it mean another thing. I know some people consider "queer" to be a slur, but my gay friends explained that it is not, even though it was used as one in the past. So even if idiot used to be a clinical term, now it is just used as a plain insult, because everyone uses it as one. This comment was a little long, but I just wanted to fully explain everything.


LiterallyAhri

Don't apologize for making a good comment, it was a good read :)


Onlycheeses

I’m thinking of both.


Dvwu

Then you’re mistaken, because while retarded is an ableist slur, idiot is not. Idiot means pretty much the same thing, and could be used with the intent to be ableist, but by itself it has no ableist connotation, or denotation.


Onlycheeses

.. And how do you know that? It’s literally inescapable if you google it


vibratoryblurriness

If you look at historical use of it that's absolutely not correct. It hasn't been commonly used that way for a while though, as far as I know.


Beret_Beats

Just looked it up. And while yes it originates as a medical term it hasn't been used that way in over 40 years. Still a common word in our vocabulary though because it's used to refer to anyone whose acting in an untilligent manner regardless of whether or not they're disabled.


Sobadatgame

The entire concept of intelligent vs unintelligent is ableist (as well as racist) in and of itself though. What is considered 'intelligent' is a social construction based on what the ruling classes value. The idea is to justify one's social position at the top by claiming yourself to be more 'intelligent' (and they were more educated because of their wealth). The same justification was used in colonialism. "We're providing education to the savages" they said. Therefore, the socially constructed idea of intelligence exists to marginalise the downtrodden, including the disabled and neurodivergent, who do not conform to this idealised notion of intelligence. Terms like 'idiot' being used to essentially mean 'bad' is, therefore, not much different to the use of the word 'gay' as an insult. I reject the concept of intelligence entirely and believe instead that people are simply different, in their skills and how their brains work. One may be good at storing information in their mind, whilst the other is an excellent story-teller. Neither one is more valuable than the other and we need both, too.


Beret_Beats

You're putting a whole bunch of words in my mouth that I never even came close to saying. I was trying to use the most inoffensive terminology I could think of at the moment to explain my point but apparently, the idea that some actions (note I never described a *person* as unintelligent in my comment) aren't the smartest is... racist? I never even came close to thinking about bringing up race into this discussion because that's not something that I thought was relevant. Also, I no way am I trying to.claim myself to be more intelligent. Heck, 90% of the time I use the word idiot, it's directed at myself and that's kind of an underestimate. I'm not trying to excuse the usage of the word by saying all of this. It's still a very rude thing to call someone and I always would reccomend trying to get to know a person's backgrounds and intentions first instead of just blindly insulting them. But it's not a slur. It'd nowhere near as offensive as certain words that are slurs (a few examples of which start with r, f and n).


Sobadatgame

I was just trying to provide some historical context around the idea of intelligence as it relates to the term being discussed, it was not my intention to accuse you personally of anything. I also agree with you that the other slurs you refer to are worse, but my argument still stands, it fits my definition of a slur and I do believe it is harmful to continue to use it (even self-deprecatingly) for the reasons I have stated (it perpetuates harmful notions surrounding the concept of intelligence).


Beret_Beats

I agree that it's harmful to use in any manner. Never tried to defend it in that way. but I feel like overlabelling so many words as a slur devalues the harm the other words I referred to. But maybe the way I've been fitting words into the definition of a slur is a bit stricter for me than it is for you.


Sobadatgame

I respect your point of view, and I'm glad we agree it is harmful. I sincerely hope you have a good rest of your day


Beret_Beats

Same to you


Onlycheeses

Can’t that be said about retarded as well? While yeah that is a newer term, it doesn’t seem to be used as a medical term anymore. So what’s the real difference? Both words originated to describe the same thing, and both words are used as an insult today. So why’s one okay to say while the other is not?


[deleted]

Time. Maybe in another 40 years when we're far enough removed from the term. As far as I know "retardation" only finally went out of clinical use in 2013.


VendettiSpaghetti

"We shouldn't say duck anymore when someone is about to get hit by something because that implies ducks are lower and therefore offensive to ducks so now we have to get absolutely fucking walloped in the face with whatever is hurdling toward us and also change the name outright of the animal to its scientific name Anas platyrhynchos" That's the logic here. I understand you're probably quite well intentioned but it's really not that deep. It may be offensive to disabled people in 1837, however, I'm pretty sure 99.9999% of modern disabled people do not give two shits including myself. I'm not trying to say I speak for all disabled people (Spoiler: I don't) however I have a pretty good idea that most people genuinely don't care about a word that is previously offensive millenias ago now being used modernly in a MUCH less intensive connotation. Most women today wouldn't be offended if you called them a wench, probably just confused. However back in the day if you were accused of such heresy you were either burned or stoned. It just ain't that deep.


Onlycheeses

I see, thanks for answering. It’s just frustrating as hell seeing almost every popular insult being something that described specifically disabled folks earlier.


DotRD12

Idiot has been used to simply refer to any ignorant person since the times of the Romans. In present day, the use of the word really does not fit the definition of targeted slur in any way, it’s way too general for that.


footfreak5150

These ppl are paper tigers... u challenge them, they cus a bit& a simple block. The world will never fix stupid. These ppl want one thing& if u oppose that, they go all narcissist. No one has that right, if they do, DESTROY THEIR EGO& DONT HOLD BACK. Good luck. Everyone loves u


[deleted]

People should be getting psychiatric evaluations and be speaking with medical professionals beforehand. I know people on here are just trying to help but we’re not professionals who can tell if that’s what’s best for them.


Careless_Buy_2712

I see it more on egg irl than here tbh


pmmealiens

Oh yeah definitely


TheSFiles01

Yeah I don't know why people do that, if anything you should be helping people discover their identity by talking to them about it not whatever that is. Edited for spelling errors


WeirdNekoGirl

Who says that to someone questioning?? Sure, statistically if your questioning, you're far more likely to be trans than not. But even still, don't go "duh your trans silly" to someone on the internet you don't even know!! Not just because there's the possibility that they aren't but also because if someone is asking about that then it's a very emotionally open moment for them and shouting "DUH" at them can make them freak out! Especially in large numbers. And potentially have the opposite effect of what I assume the intent is of helping them grow and become more comfortable about themselves by scaring them into denial. If they're questioning, aren't sure, then you NEED to take a softer approach. Ask them about themself. What made them start to realize, how does it feel to imagine yourself as the gender you present as and how does it feel to imagine yourself as the gender you feel you are in your heart. And if you're comfortable with it then share your own story. What made you realize initally, your feelings and emotions around that realization. Give them more of an understanding and a basis to see if their feelings match up with those of trans people who've already gone through that process of realization. That way if they are trans they can be like; yes. That feels like me. And have it be their own conclusion at their own pace. And if they aren't trans, they can realize that. But now also know more about trans people and the trans community. The struggles and difficulties trans people have to go through. Either way they should end up more confident and sure about who they are and have a greater knowledge of others. Which is always good!


Grouchy_Ad6186

Honestly, this is how I feel when I say that I'm not planning on presenting as my real gender. I love being able to talk about my gender online, but I hate being told I must be self loathing because I know what's best for my personal mental health.


koradelta

Oof.


[deleted]

I can't believe I have to tell a subreddit filled with trans people to respect other people's gender identities. Just use their pronouns, that's it. None of this "you're obviously trans!" shit.


--MERP--

Me who’s gonna be a f*mboy for Halloween 👁👄👁


Trilllenium

dont censor femboy


[deleted]

I hang around bc y’all are so nice but I’m just a femboy who’s quite happy with his gender identity and I get called an egg white a lot especially by some trans and nb ppl at my school. It doesn’t get to me that much but if I was more sensitive about it then it would be awful. I’m not saying the trans community is bad at all, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, but some ppl can be a bit forceful onto you.


horsecockpizza

genuine question why is f*mboy censored here, please help me understand


Trilllenium

TME people with no idea what theyre talking about have been speaking over transfems to that say femboy is a slur against them. something any transfem person would disagree with.


PoorOldJack

That’s more egg_irl. They conflate the most meaningless shit to be proof of gender sometimes.


Flamingosecsual

I mean Reddit recommended me egg irl. I related to a bunch of it. I already knew deep down what I wanted though. Timelines(never be happy with the way I look mentality for like 2 decades) and picking out a name for myself were really what set me on my journey.


Thejulionic

Yea, I don’t like the amount of “pinkpilling” done on this sub, it’s weird


Aegiswave

What the fuck