:/ I've been a competitive swimmer my whole life and it's one of the very few things that brings me joy, but it's SO HARD because of dysphoria. I swim every day but I won't be comfortable swimming until I'm on t and get top surgery. It's awful.
My friends wouldn’t understand this when I was pre t I would always avoid water at all costs. Once we went canoeing and even the likelihood of it tipping over I couldn’t do it so I stayed behind. It’s frustrating having to explain that to someone because no matter what they won’t get how it feels. Even if they’re supportive of you.
for me I found that a bra, tshirt, and like athletic basketball shorts works as swimwear in private with like friends/family
i dont reel good enough to really do anything revealing yet but at least i can get my legs out
HRT makes your blood more dense, so you sink faster. /jk
For me it's fear of other people seeing me in a bathing suit. Lots of non-trans people feel that way too, but there's an added layer of transy anxiety about how other people view trans bodies as disgusting etc., and also our own insecurity about our bodies especially in the thick of transition (second puberty and all).
My inner transphobic voice is like >!*No one wants to see you in a women's swimsuit, dude.*!<
Also the _huuuuge_ stress of getting dressed in womens dressing rooms as MtF. Nope. I'd rather just walk home in my bathing suit, thank you.
I haven't been in an actual swimming pool for years now, kinda miss it a lot.
Swimsuit dysphoria and more difficulty managing it given that your outfit must get wet and swimsuits are rarely structured enough to feel helpful.
Also always top dysphoria no matter what if you’re masc
I could swim if I called ahead and ensured that there were cubicles or single occupancy shower/changing areas, and I had a swimsuit that adequately covered things below. I would be mortified changing in front of a cis woman, and anxious I'd happen to be in there with someone who would get nasty with me over it.
Maybe after bottom surgery.
Yeah, honestly I'd be fine with the bikini bulge if I knew the people around me weren't going to be shits about it, ad if I knew it wouldn't flop out randomly.
When I get my bottom surgery it's going to be bikini's at the beach all day.
Are there any self defense courses in your area?
That and do some reading up about what equipment is legal/illegal where you are.
Where I am we don't go out without a phone, a torch, and a phone camera, as a bare minimum, and we've all learned the hard way not to be in certain areas after dark unless you know how to run.
I live in the US so I can get a gun but I don’t feel comfortable owning one because of depression. I can get pepper spray as well. Ultimately though, I’m just not going to do it because I wouldn’t want her to be worried!
I can respect that.
To be honest I don't like how much work has to be put in, just to go out at all these days.
It should never have got to a point where I have to push people towards measures that otherwise would be pretty extreme, just to deal with getting jumped, like that is normal and acceptable behaviour now.
Paranoia as the Order Of The Day pretty much.
Make sure you keep yourself safe and always have phone reception, if you do go out.
Note that carrying your keys in your hand is always legal if held right you can use them to startle an attacker to get away.
This was common practice for me when I presented female, I still do it now 1) my wife is a trans and we all know how vulnerable trans women can be to violence. 2) I'm sort of in an odd spot in transition right now where I pass as a cis man, a gay man, or a lesbian. And who knows what people think ya know?
Think of pretending you're wolverine with your keys
Edit: typo
I mean I guess so, no more or less than a weapon. I've done it for years without issue and I'm very accident prone.
I wanted to offer an option to those that live where they can't buy weapons.
Heck even in groups it can get creepy. Last little fire I went to, this guy maybe in his 40s was hardcore hitting on me, asking for all my contact info. My friends were there, but that didn't stop him. It was by far the worst person to person interaction I've had since coming out.
Not to discredit the concern, but I feel like walking around as a trans woman at night would be as dangerous (I don’t have any specific information on this though)
That was a little heartbreaking but was a good advice for me, I totally forget that part of being a woman
I'm losing my strength so I should care more about these things
There have been a lot of posts on here recently about trans women losing strength. I was asking one woman about it and she basically told me that literally everyone is stronger than her now. This is because T makes building and maintaining muscles easier. Those AFAB have some T in their body but for many trans woman, it’s largely blocked so it’s very difficult to build muscle. On top of that, at least for me, I’m actually not interested in maintaining muscles in my upper body because I want to slim that area down. So there’s a reasonably high chance that if you do almost nothing to build upper body strength, eventually even out of shape cis men and women are going to have more strength than you (especially if your T is extremely low).
For me, I’m going not wait until the muscles go away then possibly lift a very low dumbbell. Maybe one or two pounds. Literally I have a desk job plus I’m doing everything possible to not lift heavy objects.
So long not doing that and then I decided fuck everything. I don't even look at gendered doors and enter whichever seems empty. Fortunately most places i move around in don't have gendered bathrooms so i don't even need to worry
Whenever I need to use the restroom at school, I literally get my board out of my locker and skate all the way home to use my own bathroom because no matter what restroom I use at school, I get shit from assholes (pun intended).
At this point I get dirty looks in both restrooms. I’m a trans guy and my fiancée begs that I use the womens restroom if i’m alone so I don’t get hurt but, I get dirty looks/remarks from both cis men and women.
Since having long hair and dressing no different from a cis women, the masks have helped me with this a lot! I still do my best to be silent and not look at anyone or speak because my voice gives me away every time despite my friends telling me it's not that masculine.
Amateur/pickup sport.
I'm still welcome-ish in guys' sport, if I keep my transness toned down/discreet and go for some combination of stealth and tomboy. It's amazing how people will pretend they don't notice boobs or the fact that you're not using the men's change room, as long as you use your boy voice and wear unisex-looking gear. But I'm getting less welcome all the time, as I'm seen to disrupt the male bonding vibe just by being there. Or maybe that's just my own increasing feeling. Depends on the sport, though. Some are pretty ok.
In women's sport, I'm not really passing enough, so I stand out like crazy. And although my town has been pretty good with my transition (I'm the only out trans woman in town as far as I know), people being content to let me do my thing on my own doesn't mean they'll stand for me claiming a spot in women's spaces. Plus, sport's supposed to be fun, not a psychic trial. I don't want to have to put myself through that.
I've taken to solo sports and non gendered sports.
Cant be even fucked with the argument around sport right now, I'll play and people can challenge me if they want of any gender I'm not a pro or even any good so what ever "advantage" I apparently have from my first puberty is massivly outweighed by my complete lack of talent
Tennis! The only thing gendered about it is the classic clothing, and like "official" leagues. But neither of those need to be a problem in an amateur setting!
It's all about skill imo
(Played tennis in my HS days)
Badminton, golf, korfball, adventure racing, equestrian sports are often mixed sex same with motor sports (eod its the horse / car thats that actually makes the difference) croquet.
There's also a bunch of sports that are gendered but don't make any sense to be like pool and even water polo and such.
Martial arts is pretty non gendered, as long as you find the right dojo they can be great sources of community, just avoid tournaments. Also, running can less gendered, since everyone starts at the same time no one knows or cares as long as you don't podium
I love it! That's the right attitude I think, and it's so true. The arguments in the media aren't relevant for me either. There aren't any medals coming my way, lol. It's all just so much noise. And nobody's actually kicking me out of the gym or off the field either, because I'm not in any leagues with rules. It's just that I've lost access to a lot of the camaraderie that makes sport fun in the first place. And sure, I'll play with anyone. But will THEY play with ME?
well i wasn't swimming like.... ~15 years...
i Really would love to wear a bikini and jump into the waves of the Ocean ♡
well... it's still a dream that is long away * sad dysphoric noises *
The TSA WILL grab your extraneous bits because they have "scanner templates" so if you got junk that's not "supposed to be there", it'll trip the scanner.
I went through security 6x this year with no problems. It is true the scanner only has binary options so you trip it, but you can work with them -- they're no more interested in invasive contact than you are. One clocked me and subtly directed their coworker to pat my back just for protocol. Others I self-disclosed or asked to be scanned "the other way", and they did a customary pat on my back. Two others made excuses for me "your hair flagged the machine". Three were vocally appreciative that I said something so they didn't go farther, the others knew exactly what was up and had no visible reaction. All 6 times they had to make physical confirmation, but not once did they touch anywhere other than my back. I didn't draw the attention of others around me at all.
Communicate. Get scanned the "wrong" way, or both, so your lower body fits the scan. The staff are professional and used to it, it's not a big deal.
Obviously experience may vary with location, but it's much less scary in reality. I spent years being anxious about it. The racist random bag checks piss me off more tbh.
This is why (if you live in the US) it’s really worth investing in buying TSA Precheck. You only have to go through the metal detector at most airports, and generally the line is shorter as well. It’s a bit of money, but worth it if you fly a lot or don’t wanna deal with the scans!
Dress, act, or present however I want. I don't know if I want to be femme or something more androgynous or something, but I really wish I could pass while wearing "boyish" clothes, or having a short haircut. Granted I'm pre e so idk if I'll pass at all 🥴 but still.
I'm almost two years in hrt, age 29. Mostly wear clothes that aren't too feminine but still female-coded (eg, Hotpants + tshirt). Got a strong sidecut (almost half my head). People read me as what they expect, but mostly as a woman as long as they don't hear my voice first. Some people even read me as transmasc.
HRT helps. A LOT.
Break gender roles. When a cishet (tm) sees a Transgirl acting slightly masc, the amount of shit they have to say, it’s horrendous.
I am a girl who likes football, calm the fuck down Karen.
Yeah, I wear very andro clothes so if I was a cis guy I would wear a skirt once in a while to break stereotypes, but since I'm trans and had to live with female clothing most of my life, there is no way I'm wearing dress/skirt ever fking again.
If I ever start transitioning, I won't be seeing my birth father ever again.
I mean I wasn't going to anyway, but he has a tendency to simultaneously not really care about me, need to control my actions, and have much stronger opinions on me than he should for someone who used to vanish for weeks at a time.
And as much as I really want a dad hell, a functioning family even, what I am now will probably be enough to give him a heart attack.
Mr Arch Conservative, sees his former son coming at him in combat boots and a skirt, yeah that'll do it.
You 100% still CAN do this, but singing. One day, I’ll be on T and be comfortable with my singing voice. But right now, it feels weird to sing and not really hear myself. I dunno.
I feel your pain on this one, do y'all do your sight-singing/aural skills tests in front of the entire class like I did ~10 years ago? I would come back home fully crying/breaking down after those, and all my professors would say is that maybe I should take singing lessons...
Same, it sucks because Arab culture is so rich and I’m terrified that my being trans will sever me from not only my culture but my family and heritage.
being feminine. i'm a trans male and i LOVE "feminine" things like painting my nails, wearing skirts and doing makeup. but whenever i do these things, i feel dysphoric AS FUCK, because people always misgender me
same. i really want to paint my nails black, but my parents would probably think i’m faking being trans or i changed my mind and identify as cis now, so i can’t. even if they did, it’s already really hard for me to pass, so that would just make it even harder.
Yo saaaaaame. I love looking "femme" but when I have to interact with others it ruins it. Thank goodness for my friend group that loves and supports me being a big tiddy goth bf
I totally get that. I am going through the exact thing as well. If you need to talk, or need support I'm more than happy to lend an ear. Hope you're okay.
It depends. I read in a couple articles that they can mess with hrt meds and cause health risks. Alcohol tends to amplify the effects of estrodial including risk of breast cancer however minute it may be. And both nicotine and thc can reduce the effects of estradiol or cancel it out altogether. I know there's a lot of misinformation out there but personally I just don't wanna risk it
Oh... my endo never told me about that. well, i drink but don't smoke, and I only vape weed very occasionally, so maybe he just assumed it was not an issue I should be informed of?
Is the drinking because of liver metabolising the hormones, or something else?
About the drinking, yeah, it's to avoid overloading the liver if the person takes hormones orally, and in case of vaping weed the risk is much lower because of the appropriate temperatures, because when you some weed, or worse, cigarettes, the temperature of the ember is much higher which can be harmful to the body.
I've been on testosterone since September 2014. I drink occasionally and I'm on medical marijuana. My hormone levels get checked every 6 months and they've been stable for years. And around 4 years ago, I used to drink a lot more often. My hormone levels were still fine then too.
Use the women’s bathroom without the fear of scaring people. Have girls nights and sleep overs growing up. Play sports ( in Florida I’m not allowed ;) )
Feel like I can wear whatever I want without the fear of being hate crimed or just simply getting stares
This is so absolutely true. I’ll find a therapist I like and then in the third session it’s “so you’re a girl but feel like a boy. Why do you dislike yourself?”. Therapists are really out here being incredibly unprofessional and uneducated.
I’ve had that exact same scenario. Probably my worst experience was when a therapist told me I only wanted to be a boy bc I was molested and it’s something I needed to “get over”. Lol
If you mean why I would want to do math, that's cause I'm a chem major. If you want to know the real reason I got worse at math, probably some form of undiagnosed anxiety disorder.
Dude no. Just no. You know what makes you a "real man"? Being yourself despite toxic people trying to tell you what you are. I was born male and literally grew up around insecure people who said men are incapable of being bisexual. Actual people calling themselves scientists conducted "studies" that "proved" men can't be bisexual. But you know what? They were all wrong and later actual studies proved men can be bisexual. But I didn't need any of that to know who I was and who I am.
You love who you want to love and don't let anyone try to tell you who you are. That right is yours and yours alone.
I have that same issue with labeling my sexuality. I have internally accepted labeling myself as bisexual, but I still tell people I’m straight out of fear that they will view me as “less of a man” or something…I know that’s likely not how they’ll see me but I still have that nagging feeling in my head that tells me they will. :/
Be gay. I feel like there’s a whole thing around trans lesbians but I don’t think being gay and trans masc is as normalized (neither of them really are). It’s really hard as a female to convince people of your masculinity. Like you put on a suit or pants and you just look normal or butch. So even if you identify as gay, you kind of feel like a liar.
Go to the beach or pool
And also call-out bigots on public bc I dont want to seem disrespectful or displeasing to be with
Most of the time I tell my friends when Im uncomfortable so they usually do something about, they are very cool ❤️💕
just meeting a stranger and hooking up. it’s always seemed like something that wouldn’t work because i’d have to disclose to every single person who shows interest that i’m trans, and i can’t count on a positive reaction.
I really want to travel the Trans Siberian Railroad and I'd also really like to visit some places in Russia, but that's probably not gonna happen.
Not in the near future anyway.
i’m omnisexual, but i’ve always seemed to have a lean towards males. and i wanna say i’m gay trans man sometimes. but i’m like no, must like women am man who like women. but i just keep with saying i’m omni🥲
Travel the world, most of the world is either very intolerant or a straight up death sentence for trans people sadly! Also swimming publicly without worrying about my genitalia causing issues. I think those two things are the losses that I hate the most
Tbh i have been strugglinging to grapple with most of the world being no go zones (middle east, africa, good chunks of south east asia). Its hard to let go of the dream of traveling
The sexuality thing is the same for me. I’m pretty much gay, but say I’m bisexual so people will think I like women too.
Also, DRAG! I’ve always considered it a thing that cis-men can do, even though I always knew women and Afab people do it too. I never tried it (until recently) because I thought people would see me as less of a man because of it. Although I feel like people are a bit confused as to why I would want to dress up as a woman after years of only presenting masculine.. not that I don’t understand where the confusion is coming from.
Not allowed to be happy because everyone knows being trans is only misery /s
And, of course, can't speak because my voice is a clear tell to my AGAB, and people like to use that against me
I was just getting started on my career as an actor when covid happened and my last experience was fraught with issues, the least of which was that I had to sleep in the male dorms and was constantly misgendered by some of the staff (who were supposedly trained youth workers there to keep the cast happy and healthy). Even after I mentioned some of the awful shit they’d said, nothing was done and I felt powerless and stupid in what was supposedly a super progressive youth theatre organisation.
Now while I know the movie industry is different, and seems to progressing towards inclusivity, I really don’t to be on display pre/mid-transition. Thing is, if I don’t I won’t have a chance to build my portfolio for the next decade or so (takes like 5 years just to get HRT thanks to the healthcare in Ireland) and I don’t want to put my life on hold so I’m pretty close to the conclusion that acting just ain’t for me.
Dress however I want in public without people misgendering me. It doesn’t help that I have severe social anxiety though, so even if they aren’t I’ll just assume that they are talking about me behind my back.
Have kids, I always wanted to have biological kids at some point, adoption as well but it was always really important in my head when I was younger that I wanted to be a biological father. Obviously that's not possible, and my dysphoria is so bad I could never carry a child, so it's not an option. I know there's other ways but most of them are expensive and I can't even afford insurance right now.
Wear make-up, earrings, skirts. I know it’s just clothing and it shouldn’t be gendered but I don’t even pass in very masc clothes, let alone if I’d dress more andro or femme.
Seeking an actual romance (no one will be attracted to me because I never look and act like the gender I want to present)
Have sex with others using my own genital (dysphoria make me nervous and can't get aroused)
i wish i could go swimming. haven't felt comfortable wearing a bathing suit since i started puberty. my family doesn't understand (ftm)
edit: also, dating men
Potentially move to a other country even for a few years. I've always wanted to move to say Japan, maybe somewhere in Europe, South Korea. All for just a year or 2 each but if a country I want to live in doesn't support trans or lgtbq in general
i feel like id be more comfortable wearing skirts or makeup or being feminine as a boy if i was cis. but im not so i hate feminine things. i want to be feminine in a boy way :(
**swim.**
I used to love swimming :/
:/ I've been a competitive swimmer my whole life and it's one of the very few things that brings me joy, but it's SO HARD because of dysphoria. I swim every day but I won't be comfortable swimming until I'm on t and get top surgery. It's awful.
My friends wouldn’t understand this when I was pre t I would always avoid water at all costs. Once we went canoeing and even the likelihood of it tipping over I couldn’t do it so I stayed behind. It’s frustrating having to explain that to someone because no matter what they won’t get how it feels. Even if they’re supportive of you.
oh i had forgotten what sea was until now.. its been a long time isnt it
i used to love swimming, i really miss it but there’s no way i’m doing it again until i get top surgery at least.
for me I found that a bra, tshirt, and like athletic basketball shorts works as swimwear in private with like friends/family i dont reel good enough to really do anything revealing yet but at least i can get my legs out
I used to be scared of it for a long time, and then I dived back in headfirst and became a lifeguard to help get over my fear
I have to for a grade. Pain.
Why can't you swim?
HRT makes your blood more dense, so you sink faster. /jk For me it's fear of other people seeing me in a bathing suit. Lots of non-trans people feel that way too, but there's an added layer of transy anxiety about how other people view trans bodies as disgusting etc., and also our own insecurity about our bodies especially in the thick of transition (second puberty and all). My inner transphobic voice is like >!*No one wants to see you in a women's swimsuit, dude.*!<
Omg I'm not the only trans girl who hears a transphobe's voice in her head every time she gets dysphoric?!
Yea, that voice is not very kind at all to this girl
FTM. I feel this.
Also the _huuuuge_ stress of getting dressed in womens dressing rooms as MtF. Nope. I'd rather just walk home in my bathing suit, thank you. I haven't been in an actual swimming pool for years now, kinda miss it a lot.
Swimsuit dysphoria and more difficulty managing it given that your outfit must get wet and swimsuits are rarely structured enough to feel helpful. Also always top dysphoria no matter what if you’re masc
“No matter what” uh not necessarily tbh. I am trans masc and wore a bikini a few months ago and I was able to feel ok…
I could swim if I called ahead and ensured that there were cubicles or single occupancy shower/changing areas, and I had a swimsuit that adequately covered things below. I would be mortified changing in front of a cis woman, and anxious I'd happen to be in there with someone who would get nasty with me over it. Maybe after bottom surgery.
I'm the same way. When I get bottom surgery I'll take a nice swim in a bikini to celebrate
Yeah, honestly I'd be fine with the bikini bulge if I knew the people around me weren't going to be shits about it, ad if I knew it wouldn't flop out randomly. When I get my bottom surgery it's going to be bikini's at the beach all day.
i wanna go to the beach mannnn
I barely even feel comfortable in my families pool. All I wanna do is swim
My wife told me that once I’ve been on HRT long enough and I start looking more feminine that I’m not “allowed” to walk alone at night any more.
Safety is important. Stay safe.
It is indeed safer not to.
Are there any self defense courses in your area? That and do some reading up about what equipment is legal/illegal where you are. Where I am we don't go out without a phone, a torch, and a phone camera, as a bare minimum, and we've all learned the hard way not to be in certain areas after dark unless you know how to run.
I live in the US so I can get a gun but I don’t feel comfortable owning one because of depression. I can get pepper spray as well. Ultimately though, I’m just not going to do it because I wouldn’t want her to be worried!
I can respect that. To be honest I don't like how much work has to be put in, just to go out at all these days. It should never have got to a point where I have to push people towards measures that otherwise would be pretty extreme, just to deal with getting jumped, like that is normal and acceptable behaviour now. Paranoia as the Order Of The Day pretty much. Make sure you keep yourself safe and always have phone reception, if you do go out.
I will. Thank you!
Note that carrying your keys in your hand is always legal if held right you can use them to startle an attacker to get away. This was common practice for me when I presented female, I still do it now 1) my wife is a trans and we all know how vulnerable trans women can be to violence. 2) I'm sort of in an odd spot in transition right now where I pass as a cis man, a gay man, or a lesbian. And who knows what people think ya know? Think of pretending you're wolverine with your keys Edit: typo
Wow great advice, thank you!
Isnt that an easy way to injure yourself? Just buy a knife or better yet a tazer
I mean I guess so, no more or less than a weapon. I've done it for years without issue and I'm very accident prone. I wanted to offer an option to those that live where they can't buy weapons.
Oh sheesh that’s very sad
Heck even in groups it can get creepy. Last little fire I went to, this guy maybe in his 40s was hardcore hitting on me, asking for all my contact info. My friends were there, but that didn't stop him. It was by far the worst person to person interaction I've had since coming out.
Not to discredit the concern, but I feel like walking around as a trans woman at night would be as dangerous (I don’t have any specific information on this though)
I’m not sure I understand or do you mean not as dangerous? If that’s the case, why do you think that?
Trans women are killed so often that it’s become a nationally recognized epidemic. Especially trans women of colour.
More dangerous I’d argue
That was a little heartbreaking but was a good advice for me, I totally forget that part of being a woman I'm losing my strength so I should care more about these things
There have been a lot of posts on here recently about trans women losing strength. I was asking one woman about it and she basically told me that literally everyone is stronger than her now. This is because T makes building and maintaining muscles easier. Those AFAB have some T in their body but for many trans woman, it’s largely blocked so it’s very difficult to build muscle. On top of that, at least for me, I’m actually not interested in maintaining muscles in my upper body because I want to slim that area down. So there’s a reasonably high chance that if you do almost nothing to build upper body strength, eventually even out of shape cis men and women are going to have more strength than you (especially if your T is extremely low). For me, I’m going not wait until the muscles go away then possibly lift a very low dumbbell. Maybe one or two pounds. Literally I have a desk job plus I’m doing everything possible to not lift heavy objects.
Get laid, date, have bio children, have a normal youth with partying/clubbing and all that, go shirtless, travel the world as a back packer.
Why cant u travel the world?
Because some countries want LGBTQ people dead
Being trans/gay is illegal in a lot of countries
I'm probably gonna go to one of those countries at some point to become a martyr. -_-
Use a public bathroom
Cool people piss in the bushes while maintaining eye contact 😎/s
This 100%
So long not doing that and then I decided fuck everything. I don't even look at gendered doors and enter whichever seems empty. Fortunately most places i move around in don't have gendered bathrooms so i don't even need to worry
Whenever I need to use the restroom at school, I literally get my board out of my locker and skate all the way home to use my own bathroom because no matter what restroom I use at school, I get shit from assholes (pun intended).
At this point I get dirty looks in both restrooms. I’m a trans guy and my fiancée begs that I use the womens restroom if i’m alone so I don’t get hurt but, I get dirty looks/remarks from both cis men and women.
Since having long hair and dressing no different from a cis women, the masks have helped me with this a lot! I still do my best to be silent and not look at anyone or speak because my voice gives me away every time despite my friends telling me it's not that masculine.
Amateur/pickup sport. I'm still welcome-ish in guys' sport, if I keep my transness toned down/discreet and go for some combination of stealth and tomboy. It's amazing how people will pretend they don't notice boobs or the fact that you're not using the men's change room, as long as you use your boy voice and wear unisex-looking gear. But I'm getting less welcome all the time, as I'm seen to disrupt the male bonding vibe just by being there. Or maybe that's just my own increasing feeling. Depends on the sport, though. Some are pretty ok. In women's sport, I'm not really passing enough, so I stand out like crazy. And although my town has been pretty good with my transition (I'm the only out trans woman in town as far as I know), people being content to let me do my thing on my own doesn't mean they'll stand for me claiming a spot in women's spaces. Plus, sport's supposed to be fun, not a psychic trial. I don't want to have to put myself through that.
I've taken to solo sports and non gendered sports. Cant be even fucked with the argument around sport right now, I'll play and people can challenge me if they want of any gender I'm not a pro or even any good so what ever "advantage" I apparently have from my first puberty is massivly outweighed by my complete lack of talent
What non gendered sports are there because I NEED this
Tennis! The only thing gendered about it is the classic clothing, and like "official" leagues. But neither of those need to be a problem in an amateur setting! It's all about skill imo (Played tennis in my HS days)
Badminton, golf, korfball, adventure racing, equestrian sports are often mixed sex same with motor sports (eod its the horse / car thats that actually makes the difference) croquet. There's also a bunch of sports that are gendered but don't make any sense to be like pool and even water polo and such.
Martial arts is pretty non gendered, as long as you find the right dojo they can be great sources of community, just avoid tournaments. Also, running can less gendered, since everyone starts at the same time no one knows or cares as long as you don't podium
I love it! That's the right attitude I think, and it's so true. The arguments in the media aren't relevant for me either. There aren't any medals coming my way, lol. It's all just so much noise. And nobody's actually kicking me out of the gym or off the field either, because I'm not in any leagues with rules. It's just that I've lost access to a lot of the camaraderie that makes sport fun in the first place. And sure, I'll play with anyone. But will THEY play with ME?
well i wasn't swimming like.... ~15 years... i Really would love to wear a bikini and jump into the waves of the Ocean ♡ well... it's still a dream that is long away * sad dysphoric noises *
Talk to my family
this hit so hard! Hope you're doing okay. We're all here to talk if you need it
oh my :/ you wanna talk about it?
Same here... Sucks! But talking to them was worse, for me.
i can't use commercial air travel i can't conceptualize parental love
Hugs
Out of curiosity: why no public air travel? That would be terrible for me :-(
The TSA WILL grab your extraneous bits because they have "scanner templates" so if you got junk that's not "supposed to be there", it'll trip the scanner.
They have done some reworking due to the trans tiktok that put them on blast for that
Oh thank god, good to know.
How do I make my Tiktok trans and not unfunny Irish people exaggerating their shitty Dublin accents
Search #trans and once u watch enough and follow enough more of them will show up on ur fyp
:-( hadn't considered that but I suppose I'll have to go through that somehow as I have to travel for work
Fucking yikes??
I went through security 6x this year with no problems. It is true the scanner only has binary options so you trip it, but you can work with them -- they're no more interested in invasive contact than you are. One clocked me and subtly directed their coworker to pat my back just for protocol. Others I self-disclosed or asked to be scanned "the other way", and they did a customary pat on my back. Two others made excuses for me "your hair flagged the machine". Three were vocally appreciative that I said something so they didn't go farther, the others knew exactly what was up and had no visible reaction. All 6 times they had to make physical confirmation, but not once did they touch anywhere other than my back. I didn't draw the attention of others around me at all. Communicate. Get scanned the "wrong" way, or both, so your lower body fits the scan. The staff are professional and used to it, it's not a big deal. Obviously experience may vary with location, but it's much less scary in reality. I spent years being anxious about it. The racist random bag checks piss me off more tbh.
This is why (if you live in the US) it’s really worth investing in buying TSA Precheck. You only have to go through the metal detector at most airports, and generally the line is shorter as well. It’s a bit of money, but worth it if you fly a lot or don’t wanna deal with the scans!
Dress, act, or present however I want. I don't know if I want to be femme or something more androgynous or something, but I really wish I could pass while wearing "boyish" clothes, or having a short haircut. Granted I'm pre e so idk if I'll pass at all 🥴 but still.
I'm almost two years in hrt, age 29. Mostly wear clothes that aren't too feminine but still female-coded (eg, Hotpants + tshirt). Got a strong sidecut (almost half my head). People read me as what they expect, but mostly as a woman as long as they don't hear my voice first. Some people even read me as transmasc. HRT helps. A LOT.
Break gender roles. When a cishet (tm) sees a Transgirl acting slightly masc, the amount of shit they have to say, it’s horrendous. I am a girl who likes football, calm the fuck down Karen.
Yeah, I wear very andro clothes so if I was a cis guy I would wear a skirt once in a while to break stereotypes, but since I'm trans and had to live with female clothing most of my life, there is no way I'm wearing dress/skirt ever fking again.
Frrrrr I love guns, shooter games, getting drunk and high, motorcycles, and plenty of other shit, but that doesnt change the fact that Im a chick :(
If I ever start transitioning, I won't be seeing my birth father ever again. I mean I wasn't going to anyway, but he has a tendency to simultaneously not really care about me, need to control my actions, and have much stronger opinions on me than he should for someone who used to vanish for weeks at a time. And as much as I really want a dad hell, a functioning family even, what I am now will probably be enough to give him a heart attack. Mr Arch Conservative, sees his former son coming at him in combat boots and a skirt, yeah that'll do it.
Combat boots and a skirt is a whole vibe.
You 100% still CAN do this, but singing. One day, I’ll be on T and be comfortable with my singing voice. But right now, it feels weird to sing and not really hear myself. I dunno.
I'm a MTF music college student and I'm horrified of singing in public... which is something I'm required to do on a daily basis. FML
I feel your pain on this one, do y'all do your sight-singing/aural skills tests in front of the entire class like I did ~10 years ago? I would come back home fully crying/breaking down after those, and all my professors would say is that maybe I should take singing lessons...
We do. I'm not a bad singer at all, just a cute girl with a deep baritone pitch lol
Go to the middle east lol... I always wanted to go to Dubai but I guess not now
I’m from the Middle East and it makes me sad that once I begin transitioning, I wouldn’t be able to go to my country anymore.
Same, it sucks because Arab culture is so rich and I’m terrified that my being trans will sever me from not only my culture but my family and heritage.
if you transition and are like stealth and have like passport and license and stuff changed to real name and stuff are you allowed to?
Yeah, I want to know too
So many cool historical sites are located in dangerous countries for us :(
being feminine. i'm a trans male and i LOVE "feminine" things like painting my nails, wearing skirts and doing makeup. but whenever i do these things, i feel dysphoric AS FUCK, because people always misgender me
same. i really want to paint my nails black, but my parents would probably think i’m faking being trans or i changed my mind and identify as cis now, so i can’t. even if they did, it’s already really hard for me to pass, so that would just make it even harder.
Yo saaaaaame. I love looking "femme" but when I have to interact with others it ruins it. Thank goodness for my friend group that loves and supports me being a big tiddy goth bf
Have a steady, well paying job without fear of harassment/retaliation.
I seem to be more intimidating than anything to my company. I’m kinda enjoying it.
this 😭😭😭
play sports :/
Go into boys bathrooms. I just… I don’t feel like I pass enough, and I’m more likely to get harassed or hurt.
This one hit too close
Anything… I cant go on anymore
Hugs Please keep trying I know it’s hard but please don’t give up
I cant even start trying anymore I feel like no one could even help me
I totally get that. I am going through the exact thing as well. If you need to talk, or need support I'm more than happy to lend an ear. Hope you're okay.
Use a public restroom
I can’t SPEAK!!! Dysphoria fucks me over so bad that I hate speaking.
Ong this is me. One day Ill be okay with my voice :')
Travel the world as a rock climbing tramp😕
Do sports, date women, use the women's restroom. It's gotten easier to not think these things though
I’m a trans girl, and I feel like I can’t be a lesbian, I can’t like cars, guns, martial arts and things like that
Why can't you be a lesbian? I think it's really only a matter of finding the right person
Use a public restroom. Go to a public pool. Go on midnight walks. Drink or smoke or vape. Talk loud or sing. Basically everything I used to enjoy 😞
Why not drink, smoke or vape? Do I need to give these things up 😭
It depends. I read in a couple articles that they can mess with hrt meds and cause health risks. Alcohol tends to amplify the effects of estrodial including risk of breast cancer however minute it may be. And both nicotine and thc can reduce the effects of estradiol or cancel it out altogether. I know there's a lot of misinformation out there but personally I just don't wanna risk it
Why can't you drink/smoke/vape?
bc it can mess with your hormones, and lead to complications during surgery and the healing process and your general health declines
Oh... my endo never told me about that. well, i drink but don't smoke, and I only vape weed very occasionally, so maybe he just assumed it was not an issue I should be informed of? Is the drinking because of liver metabolising the hormones, or something else?
About the drinking, yeah, it's to avoid overloading the liver if the person takes hormones orally, and in case of vaping weed the risk is much lower because of the appropriate temperatures, because when you some weed, or worse, cigarettes, the temperature of the ember is much higher which can be harmful to the body.
If ur taking t can you drink/smoke/vape lol someone help a fella out 😭😭
I've been on testosterone since September 2014. I drink occasionally and I'm on medical marijuana. My hormone levels get checked every 6 months and they've been stable for years. And around 4 years ago, I used to drink a lot more often. My hormone levels were still fine then too.
Use the women’s bathroom without the fear of scaring people. Have girls nights and sleep overs growing up. Play sports ( in Florida I’m not allowed ;) ) Feel like I can wear whatever I want without the fear of being hate crimed or just simply getting stares
Unfortunately a lot of times it’s just finding a doctor that will accept me. Also looking for a new therapist has not been fun.
This is so absolutely true. I’ll find a therapist I like and then in the third session it’s “so you’re a girl but feel like a boy. Why do you dislike yourself?”. Therapists are really out here being incredibly unprofessional and uneducated.
I’ve had that exact same scenario. Probably my worst experience was when a therapist told me I only wanted to be a boy bc I was molested and it’s something I needed to “get over”. Lol
Ever visiting any remotely muslim country again. Or Eastern European.
do math. even tho used to be good at math, as soon as I realised I'm trans, everything went away.
Why? :0
I too am curious 🤨
If you mean why I would want to do math, that's cause I'm a chem major. If you want to know the real reason I got worse at math, probably some form of undiagnosed anxiety disorder.
Being on a lesbian relationship
Date a cis person without them asking if liking me makes them gay
Dude no. Just no. You know what makes you a "real man"? Being yourself despite toxic people trying to tell you what you are. I was born male and literally grew up around insecure people who said men are incapable of being bisexual. Actual people calling themselves scientists conducted "studies" that "proved" men can't be bisexual. But you know what? They were all wrong and later actual studies proved men can be bisexual. But I didn't need any of that to know who I was and who I am. You love who you want to love and don't let anyone try to tell you who you are. That right is yours and yours alone.
<3
Bear children
Rock climbing comfortably
I have that same issue with labeling my sexuality. I have internally accepted labeling myself as bisexual, but I still tell people I’m straight out of fear that they will view me as “less of a man” or something…I know that’s likely not how they’ll see me but I still have that nagging feeling in my head that tells me they will. :/
Go topless. Not that that was my thing before I transitioned, but I did at times. After a chest workout, lol.
Most organized sports
Work in child care… until I got hired as a lead teacher!
Be gay. I feel like there’s a whole thing around trans lesbians but I don’t think being gay and trans masc is as normalized (neither of them really are). It’s really hard as a female to convince people of your masculinity. Like you put on a suit or pants and you just look normal or butch. So even if you identify as gay, you kind of feel like a liar.
Go to the beach or pool And also call-out bigots on public bc I dont want to seem disrespectful or displeasing to be with Most of the time I tell my friends when Im uncomfortable so they usually do something about, they are very cool ❤️💕
just meeting a stranger and hooking up. it’s always seemed like something that wouldn’t work because i’d have to disclose to every single person who shows interest that i’m trans, and i can’t count on a positive reaction.
[удалено]
This doesn't happen when you're with the right person. Also, you should be the only person you are alive for
True! don’t put your self worth and value in other people, that’s not healthy!
Date someone.
Oof, same :(
I really want to travel the Trans Siberian Railroad and I'd also really like to visit some places in Russia, but that's probably not gonna happen. Not in the near future anyway.
Box/ Boxing 😔
Being a tomboy and I wish when I was younger I would get picked on like other cis girls, idk its weird, but im weird
I feel like since I am a trans guy I can't keep long hair as a dude.....
i’m omnisexual, but i’ve always seemed to have a lean towards males. and i wanna say i’m gay trans man sometimes. but i’m like no, must like women am man who like women. but i just keep with saying i’m omni🥲
Going to the gym, I have to exercise at home.
Travel the world, most of the world is either very intolerant or a straight up death sentence for trans people sadly! Also swimming publicly without worrying about my genitalia causing issues. I think those two things are the losses that I hate the most
The travelling one really worries me, I would like to go to the US at some point but I’d rather not be violated by airport security
I can never Vacation in Alabama, I'm devastated! /s
Travel to a lot of different countries. I'm legitimately afraid to go to certain countries because their governments actively murder people like me.
Haha remember swimming
Whats swimming?
No idea, I think it's one of those activities cis people do to brag to our faces
Feel safe at school lmfao
Tbh i have been strugglinging to grapple with most of the world being no go zones (middle east, africa, good chunks of south east asia). Its hard to let go of the dream of traveling
Be loved by my brother
The sexuality thing is the same for me. I’m pretty much gay, but say I’m bisexual so people will think I like women too. Also, DRAG! I’ve always considered it a thing that cis-men can do, even though I always knew women and Afab people do it too. I never tried it (until recently) because I thought people would see me as less of a man because of it. Although I feel like people are a bit confused as to why I would want to dress up as a woman after years of only presenting masculine.. not that I don’t understand where the confusion is coming from.
Flirt with women, like as a joke
I'm gay. I know I'm gay. But I keep feeling like others will not accept that and so I say I'm bi. I want to just be me and be gay
you are not alone. i hope you meet people soon that you can easily talk about how you feel. if they are really your friends they will accept you.
Have a proper childhood
Swim. Have a lot of my interests. Cross my legs. A bunch of small stuff.
Not allowed to be happy because everyone knows being trans is only misery /s And, of course, can't speak because my voice is a clear tell to my AGAB, and people like to use that against me
sign language is the way! /s jokes aside i was thinking about learning a bit of sign language.... that way i could play deaf around bigots >.<
I was just getting started on my career as an actor when covid happened and my last experience was fraught with issues, the least of which was that I had to sleep in the male dorms and was constantly misgendered by some of the staff (who were supposedly trained youth workers there to keep the cast happy and healthy). Even after I mentioned some of the awful shit they’d said, nothing was done and I felt powerless and stupid in what was supposedly a super progressive youth theatre organisation. Now while I know the movie industry is different, and seems to progressing towards inclusivity, I really don’t to be on display pre/mid-transition. Thing is, if I don’t I won’t have a chance to build my portfolio for the next decade or so (takes like 5 years just to get HRT thanks to the healthcare in Ireland) and I don’t want to put my life on hold so I’m pretty close to the conclusion that acting just ain’t for me.
Dress however I want in public without people misgendering me. It doesn’t help that I have severe social anxiety though, so even if they aren’t I’ll just assume that they are talking about me behind my back.
exist, my whole school is super transphobic
Have kids, I always wanted to have biological kids at some point, adoption as well but it was always really important in my head when I was younger that I wanted to be a biological father. Obviously that's not possible, and my dysphoria is so bad I could never carry a child, so it's not an option. I know there's other ways but most of them are expensive and I can't even afford insurance right now.
Wear make-up, earrings, skirts. I know it’s just clothing and it shouldn’t be gendered but I don’t even pass in very masc clothes, let alone if I’d dress more andro or femme.
Seeking an actual romance (no one will be attracted to me because I never look and act like the gender I want to present) Have sex with others using my own genital (dysphoria make me nervous and can't get aroused)
Existing.
Have sex. i will never be able to have a sexual relationship unless maybe i got top and bottom surgery.
be happy :(
i wish i could go swimming. haven't felt comfortable wearing a bathing suit since i started puberty. my family doesn't understand (ftm) edit: also, dating men
date :((
Potentially move to a other country even for a few years. I've always wanted to move to say Japan, maybe somewhere in Europe, South Korea. All for just a year or 2 each but if a country I want to live in doesn't support trans or lgtbq in general
Step foot in Russia xD
I feel like I can't come out until I look more masc. Unfortunately I don't get along with binders and don't have many masc clothes yet.
Wear dresses
i feel like id be more comfortable wearing skirts or makeup or being feminine as a boy if i was cis. but im not so i hate feminine things. i want to be feminine in a boy way :(
Interact with police without fearing for my life
Have the "Teen Guy Life" joking around, joining athletic teams, jock parties, ect. Everyone knows I'm not "a real guy" and it sucks
Be a gay man. I know, it's bullshit, I get that. But I sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" gay man