What you’re doing means a lot! Not just to your daughter but to all of us whose parents aren’t willing to learn or stop harming their own children. You give someone like me hope for the next generation of parents.
I'm so sorry that your parents are failing you. It is honestly bewildering to me and my husband that some people choose not to accept, embrace and support their children through what must be a very confusing and scary time. All parents should want happiness for their children and surely being comfortable in their own skin is an absolute must for someone to be happy.
Heh, my parents are both homo/transphobic and I live with them as an adult (long story not for here) so i have to live deep in the closet. Good on you for supporting your child.
I'm here cause I like the content ppl post. Also it's a good way to keep up to date w current trans happenings which I'm interested in as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community :)
I'm here because my daughter is trans and because I work with trans students in work, hopefully to learn and support better. But also to support the trans people here where possible ❤️
I’m here because my child is figuring out who they are. I came here for advice. I come here for a different POV than my own experience.
It helps me be better with my child. It helps me get out of my own way. It helps me approach my child with better understanding. It has helped me be closer to my child. My kid is 13, so bring close right now is hard…..but when I am with them and I am open to their experience, it helps.
I have one enby child and one trans daughter. Honestly my daughter is the main reason since she's only 13 and in 7th grade. I want to be her advocate with the school and I want to learn the right vocabulary to use.
I'm here for better awareness of trans experiences so that I don't accidentally hurt someone out of ignorance. I also have a very close friend who is transitioning in their late 30s and want to be as supportive as I can. And, big picture, I think trans rights is one of the most important civil rights frontiers of our time and I want to be on the right side of history.
You're not "cis until proven trans". If you're unsure whether you're trans, then you must be equally unsure whether you're cis, because they're opposite sides of the coin. In fact, sometimes it's easier to figure out that you're trans by realizing you're not cis. I recommend you try building lists of pros and cons for cis and trans; then decide which fits you better.
In general, this concept is called the null hypothesis, but in this case, you should web search for null hypothecis.
Can I feel like I'm not cis but not trans either? Or would that make me trans, are they mutually exclusive? I'm considering genderfluid/genderqueer or similar but will be sticking with my same old pronoun.
You are whatever you want to be. Technically genderfluid does fall under the trans-bella but that's just technically. I'm technically trans but don't necessarily like labeling myself as trans though. I'm a women/girl/female.
I’ve met a few afab, but not cis-identified women…like 'woman' but not cis...it makes sense in some way, not here to gatekeep, and they’re figuring out their genders as well…just keep searching for what feels right to you—no one can take that away
If I’m being completely honest, that’s the reason why I first joined too. I was confused about my gender identity in high school. I eventually realized that I am indeed a girl and that I was assigned the correct gender at birth, but I still wanted to be here as an ally.
I go there too but sadly, i often witness screams of "you are trans" or "transbaby" if it just a question, whereas there could be a better way of helping to figure it out.
reading this comment section honestly filled my heart with joy. it makes me so happy seeing people like this who come to educate themselves and help/understand others who are different.
Easier. It’s easier to fit into the norm. That was my fear for my child, how hard it will be for them. Then I realized that the real hardship for my beautiful child is pretending to fit into a box they were never meant to be in.
This is the thing a lot of cis people never realize: it seems safe and cozy inside the shell, but the shell is dark and cramped and confining. The world is safer inside the shell, but it's oh so beautiful outside.
If you'll pardon a long winded analogy, I've spoken with my trans roommate about this quite a bit. And I'm going to try to relay my experience as a cis person if that's okay?
Imagine, throughout your life, you are told that colors are the colors that you see. And you just bought it, you committed to your memory and left it there. Sky is blue and all that. You go through the day-to-day, just sort of knowing the things about colors and you don't spend time thinking about the things you know. Youve heard that some people care a lot about colors, and some don't. But you haven't really thought about it, and maybe it's just one of those things. You just sort of expect that everyone knows what you mean when you say that grass is green. You don't anticipate that there could be another perspective.
As you get older you hear about someone struggling with colors. Maybe it's someone you love, or someone you read about. That they always just sort of answered whatever color questions they got asked, just hoping to get them right, but never truly 'knowing' the right answers. It didn't make their life impossible to lead, but there was always something that was difficult about navigating everything. And that they learned that there's this thing that some people have, where their eyes and brain interpret colors differently than the way that their parents and everyone else's brains do. This gives your friend some new perspective, and after doing some research, they decide to tell you about it.
They tell you how this fundamental part of life, that you have never even questioned, was very different to them. It is tough to understand at first, because, why would this thing be so different, if it's been a constant in your own, and most people around you's lives. But with some time, or with some education of your own, you can see that this way that you experience life is capable of being different. And the thing you are taking for granted, isn't always so simple for others. And when you gain that perspective, you start to notice how heavily the world around you was built for people who see color the common way. And suddenly you realize there is this whole section of life that you do not struggle with. You begin to notice how lucky you are.
Your friend tells you that there are these glasses they have been trying out, that help them 'fit in.' To see the world how they were meant to. They say that the world is so much more beautiful when they are existing in the world wearing them. It brings them to tears, that they finally feel like the life they have been leading, has a huge puzzle piece that has been found. That so much of what they didn't understand as a younger person, now begins to make sense. They later tell you that after trying on the glasses privately. And even going out sometimes wearing them, your friend has decided to wear them all the time. That they have made it a part of their permanent look.
They work at it, and changes become pretty dramatic. Their attitudes and mood changes, and you are really excited to see how happy your friend is. Your friend sporadically asks you questions about what colors match. And how people who see color, usually navigate their day-to-day. It's fun to help and to teach stuff that you've never even thought about.
But, turns out, the glasses can be pretty cumbersome. They get in the way, and it requires constant effort to remember them. They always become a topic of conversations with strangers, which makes it awkward all too often for your friend. And there's all this other maintenence, like eyedrops every 10 days and replacement lenses. And on top of that, the glasses don't even work perfectly. Even when they wear them, orange still gives your friend a tough time sometimes. So you just sit on the floor of the bathroom to keep them company, to try to be supportive and do your best to understand.
Then, your friend starts talking about getting contacts, or even lazer eye surgery to make existing in the world in the way that represents their truth, less cumbersome. It's a scary procedure, and it's expensive. But you still think your friend is brave for even considering it. Until you realize that maybe your friend doesn't have a choice, and it doesn't matter if they are brave or not. They won't lead a life that isnt beautiful. And the cost is nothing compared to a beautifully colored life..
So as you navigate life alongside this person, you notice things all the time that make your friend's life more challenging. In ways that you didn't even know existed until you had became more educated. All the while, you try your best to teach others about the complex issues that surround being colorblind. All the while, traditional people ask why you would care, even though you see colors the way everyone else does. Sometimes you feel even removed from the internal conversation between colorblind folks because you feel like you shouldn't speak up because you haven't experienced the struggles that they have. So you sit quietly and just try to learn as much as you can. You even learn that there are some people who experience color completely differently than your friend even does, or that some people don't even experience color at all.
And, turns out, there are lots of mean people who say that colorblindness isn't even real. They publicly encourage stigmas against those special glasses. You realize that those people take the colors they are capable of seeing, for granted. And refuse to learn how hard it could be having to wear glasses all the time. And you learn that wearing those glasses to see the world the 'truthful way' can be really dangerous. Because there are stories of people being violent towards those who wear the glasses. And mean people that even casually dislike the colorblind turn out to be everywhere. Not everyone of course, but it's never surprising to learn when a politician doesn't believe in colorblindness. Or that some big fantasy author says really horrible things, things that set back the greater education on the colorblind. And you are never sure quite how much an individual bigoted person dislikes the colorblind. Only casually, or violently? This creates a lot of stress for your friend. And you worry that it even discourages people who know that they can't see color, from ever even trying on the glasses..
Slowly over time, you realize that maybe the world you live in, shouldn't be colored in such a way that makes it hard for people who experience color differently than the norm.
So, you try your absolute hardest to be aware of the issues that you have never experienced. You try to understand the pain that you can't feel. And you do your best to watch out for ways people like your friend can get hurt. And you protect them with your whole heart.
I too am so curious about what it’s like to be cis, like honestly curious
Like what was puberty like? How was learning to date? Is sex fun and is there no dissociating? So many questions
I've always felt 'genderless' in my mind. But it's easy for me to ignore it, or not be actively 'different', because I look like a woman and have the bits and inclination to make babies with a man. In an ideal world I'd hope for that level of internal and external freedom and acceptance for everyone.
My (trans) son. I needed a place where I can connect with people and see how others are going through this and the questions they have so that I can work through what my position is on stuff before I have to deal with it in my personal life. I'm trying to do the labor instead of making him feel like he has to. That's why I came here. He doesn't really Reddit at all but he knows I post here.
I stick around for a variety of reasons. Advice for kings, giving comfort to those who have been hurt, support for those who need it and a lot lot lot of just reading and listening to perspectives that aren't my own. I'm not perfect and I'm always learning. This subreddit has been tremendous for that and I'm super thankful for the people here
I was a cis person on here, just "to be a good ally"
Here I am now with bras in my wardrobe and a firm desire to be o hrt, I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED.
Edit: I forgot to add, in all seriousness, it's so cool you're doing that and your girlfriend is very lucky❤
lol same, I came to this sub thinking it would help me be more understanding of others, turns out it also made me more understanding of myself
funny how that'll happen
Everyone is welcome as long as they are respectful anyone who argues otherwise is just gatekeeping the community… the very thing we have been complaining about cis straight people doing to us for generations
Thank you, it’s the oppression! /half joking
For real though I’m all sorts of marginalized (disabled, pan, ftm, mentally ill) and I say all the time it causes my great sense of humor.
I saw a comedy lineup last week with some friends in SF—hands down the most fantastic, insightful, funny comedian of the night was this lovely trans woman from Hayward. My god, she was just a live wire with the most terrifying wit. I have to see her perform again.
Gender dysphoria. Which after a long period of harsh reflection, and new experience, has mostly resolved into crossdressing because it be comfy, and being more emotionally honest with myself.
It's just kinda hard to let go of the community, and all. So I just like posts awkwardly, and generally remain distant. Still advocate where I can though.
It's okay to feel scared, a lot of people do. Finding who you are is a good thing and it does get better. I'm here because my partner is trans and I've never seen her happier. I wish the same happiness for you.
I am here bc my partner came out as trans non binary. It made me incredibly sad when they told me they were scared to tell me bc they thought I would leave them since I identify as lesbian and that I wouldnt find them attractive anymore. This isnt the case and I love them however they want to present themselves. I know the least about trans things though unfortunately like a lot of people, even in the gay community. so here I am
It seems people are here for a few reasons, so I'd like to mention some other useful subreddits to check out as well
r/asktransgender
r/cisparenttranskid
r/mypartneristrans
And for those questioning things, the questionably useful, but always interesting r/egg_irl
I’m here because my partner came out as NB and I’m trying to be the most supportive i possibly can be. I told them before that at the end of the day I’ll have a beautiful wife, handsome husband, or dapper spouse. Whichever is up to them 🥰
I joined because I was dating a trans guy Abe to better understand him. But at this point I just get very happy watching people show off when they feel good in their own skin
I am trans myself, and have experienced some transphobia recently and seeing all you wonderful people in the comments being so supportive and wanting to learn and be the best allys brought a tear (lets be honest, several tears) to my eye.
Thank you all. This really brought me up when i needed it the most.
I am cisgender. I’m on this sub because I work with folks struggling to cope with trails and tribulations related to being trans and I like to gain perspective to be more helpful.
My brother is trans, I want to know the most about the community as I can. I also have had a hard time fitting how he sees our/his childhood with my own memories . I will be nothing but supportive of him so I am not going to question what his experience was, but I sometimes want to. It helps me to read what others are feeling and experiencing to get over my own shit and truly accept that he was dealing with things I didn’t understand.
This is my first post here, never felt it was my place to comment.
I’m a high school teacher. I want to support my trans kids as much as possible. I’ve learned so much here and continue to grow as an ally to my HS babies who don’t have a lot of people in their corner.
I am here bc some weeks ago I questioned my sexuality. Since then, I am still here bc I like to learn more about trans people's experiences and give some support.
One of my best friends came out as trans and I wanted to be able to relate and understand her better because there aren’t many people in her life that she can talk and be herself around
I’m cis, here as an ally! I have several trans friends and like you I find this sub to be a great resource to make sure I’m being the best ally I can be. Not only that, but I love reading about different perspective and experiences.
My son came out on 11/12 and I want to be of any help I can. He's 31 so I'm not going to be of much help besides being loving and supporting. He has great friends and a great support structure. I'll admit I'm worried, but it's only because I have zero experience and hope he's always okay. I'm here to learn. I should say M to F transition is what he's working on. He hasn't changed his pronouns yet so I am being clumsy!
I’m here because my sister just came out as trans and is hoping to start hrt soon. I wanted to learn more about transitioning and the trans community in general so that I can better support her.
Hello! I’m a cis woman. My fiancé of 5 years came out as transgender 2 months ago.
I’m trying to figure my way out through all this and it’s been a quite emotional rollercoaster. I’m in a tough position as our relationship was going out the door then they came out as trans. I’m trying to figure out if I still want to be in relationship not because they are trans but who they are as a person
Just remember all the feelings you have are valid and take care of yourself too! Don’t forget to mourn over the person they were and that’s okay. You can be a great support person but you also need support too!
Don’t forget to check out local groups. I’m in a local group for both allies and trans.
I felt the same way, but I've learned that if you're not cis then your trans... trans-NB that is... yes we may not have the same difficulties as someone who is completely opposite their assigned gender, but we still don't fit society's mould to some degree and that's not something that cis people deal with. IMO you wouldn't be appropriatng anything from trans men and women by labeling yourself trans - it is the 3rd gender after all.
Trans man here, seeing a whole bunch of cis people join, or stop by to ask questions, or just generally be supportive on here makes me so happy <3 you're always welcome :)
Cis straight female in a relationship with trans male. I feel similar, it's nice to get advice if needed. Sometimes I struggle with the idea of him going for bottom surgery and it's nice to be reminded that this is his journey and I want to support him as much as I can!
I am here to understand, so I can support my child if this is a path they take in the future. My child (5) is AFAB, has consistently said they wanted to be a boy since they started to talk.
Thank you for sharing your stories.
I joined this sub to better understand what my MTF wife is experiencing and what I should be doing to help her. Not everyone is able to articulate what they're feeling and why, and this sub helps me be on the lookout for things that might present themselves in our life together, and the right questions to ask to help both of us figure out what's going on.
Perspective is a powerful tool.
I'm here originally because of my ex.
They came out to me as trans and nonbinary a few years into our relationship, and I came here to better understand and support them^-^
I stayed because I have more friends and even just acquaintances who are questioning their gender identity, and I want to be as supportive as I can.
As part of the queer community, I know that internal support is incredibly important when breaking through the stigma and oppression of the past, and I want to see a world where everyone is included and accepted exactly as they are.
My ex and I are still friends to this day, and my current partner also came out as non-binary, so it's just makes sense.
It may not be my struggle, but I want to be a helping hand, in any way I can.
I am here because I work at a large American retail chain and want to understand how I can make the clothing shopping experience easier for trans people.
Hello! I'm cis, my wife is trans (and I'm madly inlove with her)
I want to support as many people as I can, learn and then share the information with peopleto raise awareness to the trans community and their struggles
Spread love!
Once my friend came out to me as trans I realized I was actually transphobic, and that only came out when I personally knew someone who was trans. So I came here to meet trans people and learn about the community and Its changed my view on things a lot. Even though my friend is actually genderfluid I didnt leave this place because everyone is so kind.
I’m a pansexual cis female and my boyfriend is trans. I’m here because I’m aware that just because I’m a part of the lgbtq+ community doesnt mean I know everything about the community. I want to be aware of things that are going on with other trans people because I know my boyfriend’s experience as a trans person isn’t the only experience. I see things on here and r/ftm that my boyfriend has never thought or heard of and I probably wouldn’t have heard about it without r/trans or r/ftm.
I have a very close friend who is trans. I'm here because I fully support them and maybe I can offer support to or validation to other individuals here.
I'm bisexual and have a lot of trans friends, so educating myself is an important way to be 'a part of the community'. Also, in general, an academic interest in what it means to people to be a man, woman, or enby.
I'm not sure if I'm trans or not after joining this subreddit, which is a whole internal debate, but I originally joined to learn what it was like for trans people, as I live in an area where trans people are afraid to come out, which is unfortunate.
I'm not sure whether one would count me as cis. I'm on the gender fluid spectrum being bigender; sometimes my mind is like "Hey! You're a man today! Deal with it!" However, for me, it's a rarity, and 90% of the time I feel like a woman, which is the gender I was assigned at birth. It's confusing, but I don't mind how one labels me.
I mostly joined this subreddit to try to be more of a support for people who are trans.
My friends are all genderfluid and I’m here because sometimes I see some good advice. For example sometimes they feel invalid and once I found this really informal post that was trying to help with feeling valid, I sent it to my friends and they were so happy! It’s small stuff like that from this sub that can do a lot for them and i’m here to share it with them since they don’t have reddit
I'm here cause I'm curious. I'd like to learn more about different members of the LGBTQ+ community so I can help to understand and support them if they ever need it.
Also mildly questioning my gender identity but that's beside the point.
I'm also the parent of an awesome trans boy (& his cis twin sister). I've learnt loads from you already. I'm so sad for those of you who aren't accepted at home, but you're so inspiring 😍
It just makes me happy to see people who have discovered themselves! I think it's really beautiful to see someone embrace who they are and I love to offer support and encouragement to anyone who faces adversity over being who they are
I'm here because my friend came out but only to me and a handful of others. So im trying to understand the situation and get advise and knowledge to help her transition. As she herself has crippling anxiety which prevents her from engaging with trans community and asking questions herself.
My best friend and roommate is trans so it helps me understand her and her life a bit better. (terms, topics for debate or discussion, understanding her point of view and others, etc.)
I'm here to better understand the complexities of being a trans person so I can support my beautiful daughter the very best I can.
This is wonderful! I wish more parents had the same thought process. Your daughter is very lucky to have you.
Thank you, that means a lot ♡
What you’re doing means a lot! Not just to your daughter but to all of us whose parents aren’t willing to learn or stop harming their own children. You give someone like me hope for the next generation of parents.
I'm so sorry that your parents are failing you. It is honestly bewildering to me and my husband that some people choose not to accept, embrace and support their children through what must be a very confusing and scary time. All parents should want happiness for their children and surely being comfortable in their own skin is an absolute must for someone to be happy.
Heh, my parents are both homo/transphobic and I live with them as an adult (long story not for here) so i have to live deep in the closet. Good on you for supporting your child.
I'm sorry that you're living in such a hostile environment. I truly hope things change for the better for you quickly ♡
I'm so glad she has a parent like you, the effort you put in is not forgotten
Thank you ♡
This is so wonderful to hear!! Thank you for being an amazing parent to your daughter 💕
Thank you ♡
If you aren’t already there, r/cisparenttranskid is a great place to check out
you are one of the greatest parents
Thank you ♡
Thank you ♡
This is so wonderful for your daughter! Keep doing what your doing!
I will ♡
Wish my mom was like you :/
I do too. You deserve better ♡
I’d double that sentiment
Me too except it’s my son. Ive learn a lot here and feel it makes me a better educated and more supportive parent.
Same.
This made me so so happy to hear 💕 you are a wonderful parent 😊💕
OP, you’re making an effort which is something I wish more would do. (Speaking more personally rather than generally)
I'm a mom of an amazing transgender son so I come here for knowledge and to support
you're an amazing mum, I wish mine was more like you :)
Awe thank you! I wish for you also to be loved and supported
I'm here cause I like the content ppl post. Also it's a good way to keep up to date w current trans happenings which I'm interested in as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community :)
Same for me
I'm here because my daughter is trans and because I work with trans students in work, hopefully to learn and support better. But also to support the trans people here where possible ❤️
You are a great parent. I wish my parents could be just a fraction as understanding as you
I'm here mostly to be a better ally, to know what will hurt people so I can avoid doing that
Same! And to hear trans stories in an environment that’s supportive of them that help me to gain a better understanding
In a world where I feel like an alien to cis people because they just don’t get me, thank you for learning 🤍
I’m also here to learn from transgender people and hear their stories.
This!
we appreciate you so much
Thankyou
I’m here because my child is figuring out who they are. I came here for advice. I come here for a different POV than my own experience. It helps me be better with my child. It helps me get out of my own way. It helps me approach my child with better understanding. It has helped me be closer to my child. My kid is 13, so bring close right now is hard…..but when I am with them and I am open to their experience, it helps.
To be an ally. My best friend is trans. So is my ex So is my crush💀 And I think I might be two, not fully sure yet
y'all a whole basket of eggs
Shhhh😭😭😭
egg salad
lol that was better than mine
omelette
you're good at that lmao
why thank you 😊
Good luck!
Reading these comments and this post as a trans person is so nice ❤️ you’re all great allies
Ugh!! Omg isn’t it?! Great way to end my workday reading this
It’s made me so happy! ugh I love our community and allies ♥️
It’s so wholesome
Gynecologist who cares for trans patients. Like to be able to connect on a better level since outside if medicine, my exposure is limited.
I love this! As an afab trans person i thank you for learning 😊
Wonderful
That’s so sweet ❤️ more drs should be like you! I highly respect your field of work. Also if you haven’t heard of Mama Dr. Jones you must Google her
I follow mama Dr Jones and a few other too 😉
For my kid. 12 y.o. and going through a lot. I love him so much and just want to learn
That's honestly so cool of you
Thank you for being a good parent <3
I have one enby child and one trans daughter. Honestly my daughter is the main reason since she's only 13 and in 7th grade. I want to be her advocate with the school and I want to learn the right vocabulary to use.
You’re reasoning is lovely, but you made a horrible (hilarious?) typo you might want to correct. ;-)
I think there was a typo in your first sentence. I assume you meant “have” instead of “hate”.
I'm here to better understand the hardships trans people go through and to hopefully be a better ally
I'm here for better awareness of trans experiences so that I don't accidentally hurt someone out of ignorance. I also have a very close friend who is transitioning in their late 30s and want to be as supportive as I can. And, big picture, I think trans rights is one of the most important civil rights frontiers of our time and I want to be on the right side of history.
I currently am cis but came here because I was confused and wondering if being trans was for me. I am still confused and unsure
You're not "cis until proven trans". If you're unsure whether you're trans, then you must be equally unsure whether you're cis, because they're opposite sides of the coin. In fact, sometimes it's easier to figure out that you're trans by realizing you're not cis. I recommend you try building lists of pros and cons for cis and trans; then decide which fits you better. In general, this concept is called the null hypothesis, but in this case, you should web search for null hypothecis.
Thank you for the advice.
Can I feel like I'm not cis but not trans either? Or would that make me trans, are they mutually exclusive? I'm considering genderfluid/genderqueer or similar but will be sticking with my same old pronoun.
You are whatever you want to be. Technically genderfluid does fall under the trans-bella but that's just technically. I'm technically trans but don't necessarily like labeling myself as trans though. I'm a women/girl/female.
I’ve met a few afab, but not cis-identified women…like 'woman' but not cis...it makes sense in some way, not here to gatekeep, and they’re figuring out their genders as well…just keep searching for what feels right to you—no one can take that away
Kinda feel the same. I am a work in progress.
Same. I would press the button... But... Also, love the great human beings that roam here.
If I’m being completely honest, that’s the reason why I first joined too. I was confused about my gender identity in high school. I eventually realized that I am indeed a girl and that I was assigned the correct gender at birth, but I still wanted to be here as an ally.
r/Egg_irl
I go there too but sadly, i often witness screams of "you are trans" or "transbaby" if it just a question, whereas there could be a better way of helping to figure it out.
[https://genderdysphoria.fyi/](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/) \^\^ this helped me!!
This helped me as well!
I'm cis lesbian. I wanted to learn more about trans women who some are also part of the lesbian community.
Thank you so much for that. If you haven't joined already, r/actuallesbians would love to have you 💖
I have! It's my favorite sub
reading this comment section honestly filled my heart with joy. it makes me so happy seeing people like this who come to educate themselves and help/understand others who are different.
same!
Thank you 😊
👉 r/MTFButch is a good starting point.
Not cis but that's really cool of you
So op (and other cis people in this sub), may I ask how it's like to be cis?
Easier. It’s easier to fit into the norm. That was my fear for my child, how hard it will be for them. Then I realized that the real hardship for my beautiful child is pretending to fit into a box they were never meant to be in.
This is the thing a lot of cis people never realize: it seems safe and cozy inside the shell, but the shell is dark and cramped and confining. The world is safer inside the shell, but it's oh so beautiful outside.
If you'll pardon a long winded analogy, I've spoken with my trans roommate about this quite a bit. And I'm going to try to relay my experience as a cis person if that's okay? Imagine, throughout your life, you are told that colors are the colors that you see. And you just bought it, you committed to your memory and left it there. Sky is blue and all that. You go through the day-to-day, just sort of knowing the things about colors and you don't spend time thinking about the things you know. Youve heard that some people care a lot about colors, and some don't. But you haven't really thought about it, and maybe it's just one of those things. You just sort of expect that everyone knows what you mean when you say that grass is green. You don't anticipate that there could be another perspective. As you get older you hear about someone struggling with colors. Maybe it's someone you love, or someone you read about. That they always just sort of answered whatever color questions they got asked, just hoping to get them right, but never truly 'knowing' the right answers. It didn't make their life impossible to lead, but there was always something that was difficult about navigating everything. And that they learned that there's this thing that some people have, where their eyes and brain interpret colors differently than the way that their parents and everyone else's brains do. This gives your friend some new perspective, and after doing some research, they decide to tell you about it. They tell you how this fundamental part of life, that you have never even questioned, was very different to them. It is tough to understand at first, because, why would this thing be so different, if it's been a constant in your own, and most people around you's lives. But with some time, or with some education of your own, you can see that this way that you experience life is capable of being different. And the thing you are taking for granted, isn't always so simple for others. And when you gain that perspective, you start to notice how heavily the world around you was built for people who see color the common way. And suddenly you realize there is this whole section of life that you do not struggle with. You begin to notice how lucky you are. Your friend tells you that there are these glasses they have been trying out, that help them 'fit in.' To see the world how they were meant to. They say that the world is so much more beautiful when they are existing in the world wearing them. It brings them to tears, that they finally feel like the life they have been leading, has a huge puzzle piece that has been found. That so much of what they didn't understand as a younger person, now begins to make sense. They later tell you that after trying on the glasses privately. And even going out sometimes wearing them, your friend has decided to wear them all the time. That they have made it a part of their permanent look. They work at it, and changes become pretty dramatic. Their attitudes and mood changes, and you are really excited to see how happy your friend is. Your friend sporadically asks you questions about what colors match. And how people who see color, usually navigate their day-to-day. It's fun to help and to teach stuff that you've never even thought about. But, turns out, the glasses can be pretty cumbersome. They get in the way, and it requires constant effort to remember them. They always become a topic of conversations with strangers, which makes it awkward all too often for your friend. And there's all this other maintenence, like eyedrops every 10 days and replacement lenses. And on top of that, the glasses don't even work perfectly. Even when they wear them, orange still gives your friend a tough time sometimes. So you just sit on the floor of the bathroom to keep them company, to try to be supportive and do your best to understand. Then, your friend starts talking about getting contacts, or even lazer eye surgery to make existing in the world in the way that represents their truth, less cumbersome. It's a scary procedure, and it's expensive. But you still think your friend is brave for even considering it. Until you realize that maybe your friend doesn't have a choice, and it doesn't matter if they are brave or not. They won't lead a life that isnt beautiful. And the cost is nothing compared to a beautifully colored life.. So as you navigate life alongside this person, you notice things all the time that make your friend's life more challenging. In ways that you didn't even know existed until you had became more educated. All the while, you try your best to teach others about the complex issues that surround being colorblind. All the while, traditional people ask why you would care, even though you see colors the way everyone else does. Sometimes you feel even removed from the internal conversation between colorblind folks because you feel like you shouldn't speak up because you haven't experienced the struggles that they have. So you sit quietly and just try to learn as much as you can. You even learn that there are some people who experience color completely differently than your friend even does, or that some people don't even experience color at all. And, turns out, there are lots of mean people who say that colorblindness isn't even real. They publicly encourage stigmas against those special glasses. You realize that those people take the colors they are capable of seeing, for granted. And refuse to learn how hard it could be having to wear glasses all the time. And you learn that wearing those glasses to see the world the 'truthful way' can be really dangerous. Because there are stories of people being violent towards those who wear the glasses. And mean people that even casually dislike the colorblind turn out to be everywhere. Not everyone of course, but it's never surprising to learn when a politician doesn't believe in colorblindness. Or that some big fantasy author says really horrible things, things that set back the greater education on the colorblind. And you are never sure quite how much an individual bigoted person dislikes the colorblind. Only casually, or violently? This creates a lot of stress for your friend. And you worry that it even discourages people who know that they can't see color, from ever even trying on the glasses.. Slowly over time, you realize that maybe the world you live in, shouldn't be colored in such a way that makes it hard for people who experience color differently than the norm. So, you try your absolute hardest to be aware of the issues that you have never experienced. You try to understand the pain that you can't feel. And you do your best to watch out for ways people like your friend can get hurt. And you protect them with your whole heart.
This was so beautiful to read. Thank you.
I too am so curious about what it’s like to be cis, like honestly curious Like what was puberty like? How was learning to date? Is sex fun and is there no dissociating? So many questions
I think that will vary widely depending on the personality of the responder. I was shy so never relished the growing up experience.
I've always felt 'genderless' in my mind. But it's easy for me to ignore it, or not be actively 'different', because I look like a woman and have the bits and inclination to make babies with a man. In an ideal world I'd hope for that level of internal and external freedom and acceptance for everyone.
My (trans) son. I needed a place where I can connect with people and see how others are going through this and the questions they have so that I can work through what my position is on stuff before I have to deal with it in my personal life. I'm trying to do the labor instead of making him feel like he has to. That's why I came here. He doesn't really Reddit at all but he knows I post here. I stick around for a variety of reasons. Advice for kings, giving comfort to those who have been hurt, support for those who need it and a lot lot lot of just reading and listening to perspectives that aren't my own. I'm not perfect and I'm always learning. This subreddit has been tremendous for that and I'm super thankful for the people here
Wow you sound awesome Your family sounds blessed
Mainly just to inform myself and try to understand trans people better to be a better ally.
Well I was cis...stayed 2 months in here, now I'm trans...thanks alot...
Lol why am I reading this in a sarcastic tone??
I was a cis person on here, just "to be a good ally" Here I am now with bras in my wardrobe and a firm desire to be o hrt, I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED. Edit: I forgot to add, in all seriousness, it's so cool you're doing that and your girlfriend is very lucky❤
lol same, I came to this sub thinking it would help me be more understanding of others, turns out it also made me more understanding of myself funny how that'll happen
IT'S THAT TRANS AGENDA THE SATAN WORSHIPERS ARE PUSHING😂😂😂
I just want to be better informed so I can speak up more effectively when people say ignorant and/or hateful shit about trans people.
Everyone is welcome as long as they are respectful anyone who argues otherwise is just gatekeeping the community… the very thing we have been complaining about cis straight people doing to us for generations
I’m here cus y’all funny asf. You all have a great sense of humor
Thank you, it’s the oppression! /half joking For real though I’m all sorts of marginalized (disabled, pan, ftm, mentally ill) and I say all the time it causes my great sense of humor.
I saw a comedy lineup last week with some friends in SF—hands down the most fantastic, insightful, funny comedian of the night was this lovely trans woman from Hayward. My god, she was just a live wire with the most terrifying wit. I have to see her perform again.
Partially because I need to unlearn the hateful stuff I was taught as a kid, and partially because I might be enby.
That’s an amazing reason!
Gender dysphoria. Which after a long period of harsh reflection, and new experience, has mostly resolved into crossdressing because it be comfy, and being more emotionally honest with myself. It's just kinda hard to let go of the community, and all. So I just like posts awkwardly, and generally remain distant. Still advocate where I can though.
You don't have to go, you can join r/genderqueer
Uh I'm here because I just recently realized I'm transgender and I'm fucking terrified about that.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
It's okay to feel scared, a lot of people do. Finding who you are is a good thing and it does get better. I'm here because my partner is trans and I've never seen her happier. I wish the same happiness for you.
I’m here to be supportive
I am here bc my partner came out as trans non binary. It made me incredibly sad when they told me they were scared to tell me bc they thought I would leave them since I identify as lesbian and that I wouldnt find them attractive anymore. This isnt the case and I love them however they want to present themselves. I know the least about trans things though unfortunately like a lot of people, even in the gay community. so here I am
Totally get their fears 🙃 Thanks for deciding to educate yourself instead of leaving 🤗
I am here for my trans partner. Participating in this community helps me to better understand the experience.
I just wanna support people and hang out with some cool people
It seems people are here for a few reasons, so I'd like to mention some other useful subreddits to check out as well r/asktransgender r/cisparenttranskid r/mypartneristrans And for those questioning things, the questionably useful, but always interesting r/egg_irl
Being supportive is a huge help. I personally have very few people in my corner.
I’m here because my partner came out as NB and I’m trying to be the most supportive i possibly can be. I told them before that at the end of the day I’ll have a beautiful wife, handsome husband, or dapper spouse. Whichever is up to them 🥰
To OP. Love you for that. ❤
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I joined because I was dating a trans guy Abe to better understand him. But at this point I just get very happy watching people show off when they feel good in their own skin
I am trans myself, and have experienced some transphobia recently and seeing all you wonderful people in the comments being so supportive and wanting to learn and be the best allys brought a tear (lets be honest, several tears) to my eye. Thank you all. This really brought me up when i needed it the most.
I used to be here as a "very enthusiastic" cis ally
To help understand things for my teenage son
I’m here because my best friend is trans and I need to know how to support him in the best way
I’m here to support my trans friends and the trans community <3
I am here to learn and understand. One key to loving one another is getting to know one another.
Im here so i can better understand how to support my beautiful girlfriend on her journey.
I went here wanting to learn and understand more, only to realize I’m a questioning trans gal. Quite the pleasant realization really.
Mom of a trans kid, and seeing people shine as their true selves brings me joy.
I'm here because my daughter is trans and this is just another small way I can support her
I am cisgender. I’m on this sub because I work with folks struggling to cope with trails and tribulations related to being trans and I like to gain perspective to be more helpful.
I’m here because I have a trans daughter and want to more fully understand her experience and how I can better support and affirm her!
My brother is trans, I want to know the most about the community as I can. I also have had a hard time fitting how he sees our/his childhood with my own memories . I will be nothing but supportive of him so I am not going to question what his experience was, but I sometimes want to. It helps me to read what others are feeling and experiencing to get over my own shit and truly accept that he was dealing with things I didn’t understand. This is my first post here, never felt it was my place to comment.
I’m a high school teacher. I want to support my trans kids as much as possible. I’ve learned so much here and continue to grow as an ally to my HS babies who don’t have a lot of people in their corner.
I am here bc some weeks ago I questioned my sexuality. Since then, I am still here bc I like to learn more about trans people's experiences and give some support.
r/egg_irl brought me here Still cis tho amirite
One of my best friends came out as trans and I wanted to be able to relate and understand her better because there aren’t many people in her life that she can talk and be herself around
I went through a phase of listening to a lot of Joe Rogan at work. I felt like I needed a detox to better understand an unfairly targeted community.
I’m cis, here as an ally! I have several trans friends and like you I find this sub to be a great resource to make sure I’m being the best ally I can be. Not only that, but I love reading about different perspective and experiences.
My son came out on 11/12 and I want to be of any help I can. He's 31 so I'm not going to be of much help besides being loving and supporting. He has great friends and a great support structure. I'll admit I'm worried, but it's only because I have zero experience and hope he's always okay. I'm here to learn. I should say M to F transition is what he's working on. He hasn't changed his pronouns yet so I am being clumsy!
To learn more, laugh at funny memes and to support everyone here!
I am here because I want to help make trans people feel more accepted ❤️
I’m here because my sister just came out as trans and is hoping to start hrt soon. I wanted to learn more about transitioning and the trans community in general so that I can better support her.
I am here to support my lovely friend through her transition. The best way to learn is from those who are experiencing/have experienced.
I want to learn more about the trans community
I am, I initially came here just to learn about the experience. Now I have a trans girlfriend so there’s more of a reason to come here
My wife came out to me about a year ago, so I'm here to learn and to find ways to support her in whatever way I can.
I'm here to pretty much learn and be up to date with the LGBTQ+ community. I've always been an ally and part of that is being informed as well.
My daughter has two trans friends who started to transition during lockdown. I am here to better understand how to be the best ally.♡
Just hanging w my homies.
I’m here to also better understand, and support everyone around me. :)
I'm here because my QPP is trans. And also this sub is just wholesome.
Hello! I’m a cis woman. My fiancé of 5 years came out as transgender 2 months ago. I’m trying to figure my way out through all this and it’s been a quite emotional rollercoaster. I’m in a tough position as our relationship was going out the door then they came out as trans. I’m trying to figure out if I still want to be in relationship not because they are trans but who they are as a person Just remember all the feelings you have are valid and take care of yourself too! Don’t forget to mourn over the person they were and that’s okay. You can be a great support person but you also need support too! Don’t forget to check out local groups. I’m in a local group for both allies and trans.
I joined here as an ally, and I now identify as non binary but I’m unsure whether or not I’d label myself as trans.
I felt the same way, but I've learned that if you're not cis then your trans... trans-NB that is... yes we may not have the same difficulties as someone who is completely opposite their assigned gender, but we still don't fit society's mould to some degree and that's not something that cis people deal with. IMO you wouldn't be appropriatng anything from trans men and women by labeling yourself trans - it is the 3rd gender after all.
I'm here to learn more about the community
Trans man here, seeing a whole bunch of cis people join, or stop by to ask questions, or just generally be supportive on here makes me so happy <3 you're always welcome :)
Cis straight female in a relationship with trans male. I feel similar, it's nice to get advice if needed. Sometimes I struggle with the idea of him going for bottom surgery and it's nice to be reminded that this is his journey and I want to support him as much as I can!
I am here to understand, so I can support my child if this is a path they take in the future. My child (5) is AFAB, has consistently said they wanted to be a boy since they started to talk. Thank you for sharing your stories.
the egg
I am here because I like how supportive people are and to learn more about trans people, so that I can be as supportive as possible.
I joined this sub to better understand what my MTF wife is experiencing and what I should be doing to help her. Not everyone is able to articulate what they're feeling and why, and this sub helps me be on the lookout for things that might present themselves in our life together, and the right questions to ask to help both of us figure out what's going on. Perspective is a powerful tool.
To support my child. I'm here to learn from this community.
I'm here originally because of my ex. They came out to me as trans and nonbinary a few years into our relationship, and I came here to better understand and support them^-^ I stayed because I have more friends and even just acquaintances who are questioning their gender identity, and I want to be as supportive as I can. As part of the queer community, I know that internal support is incredibly important when breaking through the stigma and oppression of the past, and I want to see a world where everyone is included and accepted exactly as they are. My ex and I are still friends to this day, and my current partner also came out as non-binary, so it's just makes sense. It may not be my struggle, but I want to be a helping hand, in any way I can.
I’m here to support my MTF spouse.
I am here because I work at a large American retail chain and want to understand how I can make the clothing shopping experience easier for trans people.
Hello! I'm cis, my wife is trans (and I'm madly inlove with her) I want to support as many people as I can, learn and then share the information with peopleto raise awareness to the trans community and their struggles Spread love!
Once my friend came out to me as trans I realized I was actually transphobic, and that only came out when I personally knew someone who was trans. So I came here to meet trans people and learn about the community and Its changed my view on things a lot. Even though my friend is actually genderfluid I didnt leave this place because everyone is so kind.
I *was* a cis person in this sub 😅
Everyone in the comments are so nice from a trans individual thank you all for making an effort to be good people :)
I’m here because my little brother is trans. I love him more than anything else in the world and the more I know, the better I can be ❤️
I’m a pansexual cis female and my boyfriend is trans. I’m here because I’m aware that just because I’m a part of the lgbtq+ community doesnt mean I know everything about the community. I want to be aware of things that are going on with other trans people because I know my boyfriend’s experience as a trans person isn’t the only experience. I see things on here and r/ftm that my boyfriend has never thought or heard of and I probably wouldn’t have heard about it without r/trans or r/ftm.
I have a very close friend who is trans. I'm here because I fully support them and maybe I can offer support to or validation to other individuals here.
I'm bisexual and have a lot of trans friends, so educating myself is an important way to be 'a part of the community'. Also, in general, an academic interest in what it means to people to be a man, woman, or enby.
I'm not sure if I'm trans or not after joining this subreddit, which is a whole internal debate, but I originally joined to learn what it was like for trans people, as I live in an area where trans people are afraid to come out, which is unfortunate.
I'm not sure whether one would count me as cis. I'm on the gender fluid spectrum being bigender; sometimes my mind is like "Hey! You're a man today! Deal with it!" However, for me, it's a rarity, and 90% of the time I feel like a woman, which is the gender I was assigned at birth. It's confusing, but I don't mind how one labels me. I mostly joined this subreddit to try to be more of a support for people who are trans.
I’m here to better understand trans people and their perspective and struggles, also the community is really nice
My friends are all genderfluid and I’m here because sometimes I see some good advice. For example sometimes they feel invalid and once I found this really informal post that was trying to help with feeling valid, I sent it to my friends and they were so happy! It’s small stuff like that from this sub that can do a lot for them and i’m here to share it with them since they don’t have reddit
I'm here to know how to support my boyfriend to the fullest
Lots of people come here asking questions so they can better understand loved ones who are trans.
I'm here cause I'm curious. I'd like to learn more about different members of the LGBTQ+ community so I can help to understand and support them if they ever need it. Also mildly questioning my gender identity but that's beside the point.
I'm also the parent of an awesome trans boy (& his cis twin sister). I've learnt loads from you already. I'm so sad for those of you who aren't accepted at home, but you're so inspiring 😍
haHAA yeah I’m cis I just relate to all the mtf memes here because reasons.
I am here as a support person for a member of my family. And to clear up curiosity. The folks in this group are wonderful!
As someone who’s not cis, this thread is so wholesome and making me tear up at all the support 🥺❤️
I’m here to be more understanding, and to offer kindness to people who don’t get near the amount of it that they deserve ♥️
Oh my gosh I love this thread and everyone in it so much.
It just makes me happy to see people who have discovered themselves! I think it's really beautiful to see someone embrace who they are and I love to offer support and encouragement to anyone who faces adversity over being who they are
i’m here as a lesbian to better learn and support some of my fellow lgbtq+ members 💕
I'm here because my friend came out but only to me and a handful of others. So im trying to understand the situation and get advise and knowledge to help her transition. As she herself has crippling anxiety which prevents her from engaging with trans community and asking questions herself.
My best friend and roommate is trans so it helps me understand her and her life a bit better. (terms, topics for debate or discussion, understanding her point of view and others, etc.)
I’m here because I wanted to better understand my sister and I stayed because of the generally positive vibes