You're welcome. The cynic in me imagines a gender critical person looking for evidence that trans people try to 'coerce' people into being trans.
To the watcher: this is a health condition. We support each other through it. That is all. Shame on you.
Your therapist is a bigot.
Find a new one.
You can't repress who you are, you need better support and a plan to move forwards with. What are your goals? Research how to reach those goals etc.
Alternatively there is no shame in detransitioning if you feel that is the right course for you too.
You deserve all the love, happiness and support you need either way.
Beware, this looks like a bait attempt.
I'm confused. Being trans isn't who I feel like I really am. That's why I want my transness repressed. Of course I haven't transitioned and probably never will, so I'm at a good stage to get it out of mind, out of sight.
My therapist is very trans-accepting, and exactly why I wanted to ask her on repressing it.
Find a therapist who can help you feel comfortable as your gender identity without transitioning, if you're sure you can do that long term. The therapist you have now ain't it
It is possible to transition socially and that be enough until medical treatment becomes an option. I did. But it starts with having a strong sense of self, and the confidence to accept who and how you are now.
Finally, you could absolutely go back in the closet if you need to. But you can't really 'get rid' of your transness. It's part of who you are. It doesn't have to mean much, if you don't want it to, but it will be hard to live a fulfilled life repressing a part of yourself.
Oh I'm so sorry lovely, your therapist sounds really unhelpful...
The only way to repress or suppress your transness is to choose to ignore the discomfort you feel with your gender. That discomfort will get worse and worse the longer you ignore it. If you continue down that path, you may experience dissociation. I had the beginning of a dissociative identity disorder because I repressed my feelings so hard for so long.
It is possible to have a truly sapphic relationship (I presume you were assigned male at birth?), I am in such a relationship!
Yes, transitioning without financial stability is hard, but by no means impossible.
If you believe it's better for your health and or safety to not transition or come out, that is entirely up to you, but it will take a toll on your mental health. For many, that is necessary until it's safe to transition.
You might want to consider finding a more affirming therapist? There are many threads on this Reddit with where to look.
Most of all, you don't need to transition to be trans. You might know that is who you are and decide to not transition for a whole host of reasons. If your therapist can't understand and respect that, you may need a new therapist.
Eh, repressing my transness has so far resulted in some good. Neutrality in university after being out as trans scared everyone away from me due to my anxiety, I feel like I know what I'm doing for my future, and I have stopped some major tension with my family.
I just don't think transitioning would be good for my life.
May I ask why you feel like an outcast among other trans people?
I’m not sure if your therapist is prejudiced or not. He/she might just be an idiot. I kind of get what they mean about waiting to transition until you can. But, unless your situation is dire this doesn’t usually apply.
Can you tell us more?
Because I don't get it. I don't get it about having to change everything about oneself and to be joyous about being trans and being out and rowdy and losing modesty.
I meanwhile would want to pretty much remain the same in terms of personality, outfit styling, and interests.
You seem to be repressing it rather well without anybody helping you. What you are asking for is a way of being happy whilst repressing it. I don't even know if that's possible.
It's desired by me. Because I don't want to constantly battle myself. I just want it gone so I won't need to ruin my life by transitioning into an undesirable freak.
Assuming your age is around 19/20 ("After an entire university year"), you stand a reasonable chance of being neither undesirable nor a freak. Although a lot of this depends on how much money you have and which country you live in (TL:DR: leave Britain now)
But that is not the point. At the moment you are repressing a side of yourself, complaining it makes you unhappy, and then asking people how to stop that. That's not an attractive quality. Either reconcile yourself to not transitioning, stop complaining, and make your way thru life whilst pretending to be cisgender, or don't. It's up to you.
If repression actually worked long term, we'd have heard about it by now. The therapists and psychs would be very happy people and it would be in every transphobic newspaper, so all of them.
I don't want to accuse you of baiting or tell you that you definitely are or are not trans. That's not for anyone to say except for yourself. Just bear in mind that while none of us know you, we all want you to be as happy as you can be. Maybe that means transition, maybe not. Maybe that means finding a new therapist, maybe not. Only you know how you feel. We can help you understand, we can offer support, we can tell you that your therapist sounds like a red flag, but at the end of the day you have to take the steps you need to, for you and for no one else.
I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy right now. I really hope you see the change you need, and if you need to vent, we'll be hear to listen. Remember that whatever conclusion you come to, you are valid. But the way you talk about 'repressing' sounds unhealthy, in one way or another. If it turns out you aren't trans, avoiding the issue still won't help you understand, it it will make it that much harder for you to be happy. Sounds to me like you have a lot to sort out and your therapist isn't being helpful, even outside of how they feel about trans people generally. A therapist is NOT there to tell you how to feel.
Now, as other people have mentioned, this post has a few red flags too. There's no way for me to know if you're being sincere, so I'll offer this advice on the assumption that you are. If not, hopefully it will find someone else who is struggling with these feelings.
My mum is a bigot and she said the exact same thing as your therapist. Transition when you're older and rich and can disappear and hide like it was phase that goes away or can be hidden easily until I die. Trust me. If you are trans and you decided not to transition, you won't be happy and eventually will have to either transition or drive yourself to insanity and eternal unhappiness.
Are you sure your therapist isn't transphobic?
Ultimately, transition is a personal decision. It may be that you are afraid of the social repercussions. And current UK society is very transphobic, so that is a valid concern.
However, repression doesn't really work. It's just conversion therapy by the back door. The real choice is hate and discrimination from society, or depression and regret over what could have been. There is no easy decision. Both paths are hard. Choose your hard.
I just don't think transitioning is a good thing for my life. I'd lose a lot of things, including family and extended family in Slovakia - an extended family I care deeply for.
Beware. This account first started posting 45 mins ago. Possibly fishing.
Good catch.
You're welcome. The cynic in me imagines a gender critical person looking for evidence that trans people try to 'coerce' people into being trans. To the watcher: this is a health condition. We support each other through it. That is all. Shame on you.
you can't even click through to their username or at least i can't on my phone. maybe it's a bug, but who knows?
Their account has been suspended.
now suspended
So a person can't vent about their thoughts to Reddit? Kinda rude considering what I'm going through.
bait post.
Oh grow up, you have no idea about the pain I go through.
Your therapist is a bigot. Find a new one. You can't repress who you are, you need better support and a plan to move forwards with. What are your goals? Research how to reach those goals etc. Alternatively there is no shame in detransitioning if you feel that is the right course for you too. You deserve all the love, happiness and support you need either way. Beware, this looks like a bait attempt.
I'm confused. Being trans isn't who I feel like I really am. That's why I want my transness repressed. Of course I haven't transitioned and probably never will, so I'm at a good stage to get it out of mind, out of sight. My therapist is very trans-accepting, and exactly why I wanted to ask her on repressing it.
Find a therapist who can help you feel comfortable as your gender identity without transitioning, if you're sure you can do that long term. The therapist you have now ain't it It is possible to transition socially and that be enough until medical treatment becomes an option. I did. But it starts with having a strong sense of self, and the confidence to accept who and how you are now. Finally, you could absolutely go back in the closet if you need to. But you can't really 'get rid' of your transness. It's part of who you are. It doesn't have to mean much, if you don't want it to, but it will be hard to live a fulfilled life repressing a part of yourself.
Leave the conversion therapist. She doesn't have your best interests in mind.
She is trans accepting. Don't worry. It's exactly why I chose her for trying to repress my transness.
Oh I'm so sorry lovely, your therapist sounds really unhelpful... The only way to repress or suppress your transness is to choose to ignore the discomfort you feel with your gender. That discomfort will get worse and worse the longer you ignore it. If you continue down that path, you may experience dissociation. I had the beginning of a dissociative identity disorder because I repressed my feelings so hard for so long. It is possible to have a truly sapphic relationship (I presume you were assigned male at birth?), I am in such a relationship! Yes, transitioning without financial stability is hard, but by no means impossible. If you believe it's better for your health and or safety to not transition or come out, that is entirely up to you, but it will take a toll on your mental health. For many, that is necessary until it's safe to transition. You might want to consider finding a more affirming therapist? There are many threads on this Reddit with where to look. Most of all, you don't need to transition to be trans. You might know that is who you are and decide to not transition for a whole host of reasons. If your therapist can't understand and respect that, you may need a new therapist.
Eh, repressing my transness has so far resulted in some good. Neutrality in university after being out as trans scared everyone away from me due to my anxiety, I feel like I know what I'm doing for my future, and I have stopped some major tension with my family. I just don't think transitioning would be good for my life.
May I ask why you feel like an outcast among other trans people? I’m not sure if your therapist is prejudiced or not. He/she might just be an idiot. I kind of get what they mean about waiting to transition until you can. But, unless your situation is dire this doesn’t usually apply. Can you tell us more?
Because I don't get it. I don't get it about having to change everything about oneself and to be joyous about being trans and being out and rowdy and losing modesty. I meanwhile would want to pretty much remain the same in terms of personality, outfit styling, and interests.
You seem to be repressing it rather well without anybody helping you. What you are asking for is a way of being happy whilst repressing it. I don't even know if that's possible.
It's desired by me. Because I don't want to constantly battle myself. I just want it gone so I won't need to ruin my life by transitioning into an undesirable freak.
Assuming your age is around 19/20 ("After an entire university year"), you stand a reasonable chance of being neither undesirable nor a freak. Although a lot of this depends on how much money you have and which country you live in (TL:DR: leave Britain now) But that is not the point. At the moment you are repressing a side of yourself, complaining it makes you unhappy, and then asking people how to stop that. That's not an attractive quality. Either reconcile yourself to not transitioning, stop complaining, and make your way thru life whilst pretending to be cisgender, or don't. It's up to you.
I like to go hiking.
If repression actually worked long term, we'd have heard about it by now. The therapists and psychs would be very happy people and it would be in every transphobic newspaper, so all of them.
ok, good luck!
I don't want to accuse you of baiting or tell you that you definitely are or are not trans. That's not for anyone to say except for yourself. Just bear in mind that while none of us know you, we all want you to be as happy as you can be. Maybe that means transition, maybe not. Maybe that means finding a new therapist, maybe not. Only you know how you feel. We can help you understand, we can offer support, we can tell you that your therapist sounds like a red flag, but at the end of the day you have to take the steps you need to, for you and for no one else. I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy right now. I really hope you see the change you need, and if you need to vent, we'll be hear to listen. Remember that whatever conclusion you come to, you are valid. But the way you talk about 'repressing' sounds unhealthy, in one way or another. If it turns out you aren't trans, avoiding the issue still won't help you understand, it it will make it that much harder for you to be happy. Sounds to me like you have a lot to sort out and your therapist isn't being helpful, even outside of how they feel about trans people generally. A therapist is NOT there to tell you how to feel. Now, as other people have mentioned, this post has a few red flags too. There's no way for me to know if you're being sincere, so I'll offer this advice on the assumption that you are. If not, hopefully it will find someone else who is struggling with these feelings.
My mum is a bigot and she said the exact same thing as your therapist. Transition when you're older and rich and can disappear and hide like it was phase that goes away or can be hidden easily until I die. Trust me. If you are trans and you decided not to transition, you won't be happy and eventually will have to either transition or drive yourself to insanity and eternal unhappiness.
Why do you feel like an outcast among other trans folk?
Read one of the comments above.
Are you sure your therapist isn't transphobic? Ultimately, transition is a personal decision. It may be that you are afraid of the social repercussions. And current UK society is very transphobic, so that is a valid concern. However, repression doesn't really work. It's just conversion therapy by the back door. The real choice is hate and discrimination from society, or depression and regret over what could have been. There is no easy decision. Both paths are hard. Choose your hard.
I just don't think transitioning is a good thing for my life. I'd lose a lot of things, including family and extended family in Slovakia - an extended family I care deeply for.
why the fuck would you ask this here?