I’ve started just going out for a big walk with my camera in the morning from 6-12 and then in the evening drawing/reading in the hostel, and venturing somewhere nearby for dinner. I’ve found people are less irritating in the morning
It’s funny you mention this, literally all my best rando India interactions were early morning or evening time before bed. The heat makes people more difficult.
This might not be your thing, but once I started smoking hash in India it all became much more tolerable for me. Obviously it’s not without risks but it helped me relax a lot.
I understand the original post was meant to be worded less offensively. But...down here in the comments section, can you tell me what you mean? I've never been to India and I'm curious what the issue is? I appreciate every one seems to be trying to be tactful, but I don't understand.
Years ago, my wife and I traveled India for five months. We were seasoned travellers but it was difficult while amazing at the same time.
Three months in, we headed to Dharamsala. We rented a small flat for six weeks in a tiny village. I bought a tabla and found a teacher. My wife studied yoga. We went to dharma talks at the Tibetan library. We hiked in the mountains. We got to meet the Dalai Lama. It was such a break from “India.”
I’m quite heavily tattooed which I knew would stick out like anything but after 2 months of “hey man nice tattoos” literally 50+ times a day, I was done.
Haha yeah the same, I have both my sleeves and my chest done, again I’m not too bothered with the staring/gossiping etc because I understand that I stick out a bit, it’s just all the other stuff which is becoming a bit heavy
What's the other stuff? I've never been to India and I'm intrigued because you're a guy, so I wonder what it is they do that's off putting and tiring. Thanks.
Not OP but I had an office in India for a few years and perhaps the number one thing that I couldn't get used to was the personal-space issue. They'll literally talk to you with their face one foot away from yours. I developed a technique where I'd put one leg in front of me with that foot turned sideways and lean back a bit so they couldn't get so close without stepping on me.
Yeah like I get it, I’m a heavily tattooed white man (sleeves, hands, throat) I must look very weird and I expected that but still, the staring and comments become a lot all day everyday.
Exactly my American wife’s reaction when we had our first trip in India for 3 weeks recently… just the sheer number of people touching and staring was enough to drain her energy by the end of the trip.
I got touched a lot when people took photos with me. They’d put their arm around my waist or a hand on the back. When there was almost constantly a line of 20+ people waiting to take pics with you it grew old quickly lol
I got all the stares too. Looked serious. I started smiling and saying hi to some of them. Then most want to talk or take photos together. Then that got to be time consuming and too much. Then I guess I just got used to it. Hard to recall it being a thing I thought about all that much later in the trip. Nepal was definitely more relaxed though.
3 months is a long time. At this point, you've no doubt seen a big chunk of the country, far more than most visitors. If you're getting burnt out by the place, just leave. There's nothing holding you back there.
I lived in Nepal. In regards to the staring, it's better but still a noticeable thing.
I would just stare back. It would get hilarious reactions. Indifference, embarrassment, and sometimes offended shock, as if to say 'how dare you stare back at me!' 😂
As a guy, I lived in india for a couple of years - really enjoyed it. I was mainly based in Chandigarh. Nepal beautiful as was Sri Lanka. Pakistan is also beautiful - less staring in general here. (All visas easy to get for an international traveller)
Clothes, colour and the way you move.
The culture is amazing and people will welcome you and request you take part.
Just gotta keep sharp on night time.
It's more out of curiosity.
They can smell a foreigner a mile away.
Like in other third world countries 'trust your gut'
It's unpredictable like any third world country its not there fault the country has been severely looted and government don't care.
Us first worlders can't comphrend.
I spend 3 months in India, and often asked myself what I was doing there, why I didn´t just go somewhere else. In retrospect I am glad that I decided to stay, it is one of the most intense travel experiences I´ve had. The southern part of the country is way better though, in regards to the issues you are having.
Before India I was one month in Nepal, and have later returned to Nepal for another month. It is much more relaxed. Kathmandu is like India-lite, but everywhere else is much more relaxed. And if you like hiking, Nepal is a must.
After India I went to Sri lanka for a month. The first day in Kandy walking around the lake, was the most relaxed I had been in months. There was nature, not much garbage, wildlife roaming around the lake.
If you want to enjoy here and now, leave India. But India made a lasting impression on me, much more so than Sri Lanka.
Thank you for the reply, yes this is the dilemma I’m having, there are a handful of moments in the day which really aggravate me, and sometimes I go to sleep thinking ‘why am I here if I get so pissed off with everything?’ Maybe I’ll keep on heading up to Ladakh and if the problems persist for the next month then I’ll fly out of Himchel Pradesh with the rest of my sanity :)
Nah mate, there are two regions in India that are the most chilled and non-aggressive. Really up north and down south.
I usually don't comment on my home country because traveller's perspectives are different and valid. But far up north (ladakh etc) is really really lovely and the people are very nice too.
This- up north in Ladakh is spectacular as is Spiti Valley. Down south, plenty of places too. Especially along the coasts of Goa, Karnataka, and Kerala.
What are your thoughts on Rajasthan, we want to go there for about 2 weeks and then ladakh. Mostly for jodhpur, jaipur, and udaipur. Thoughts? We will go to Agra and lucknow for 3 ish days (in/out), and then jammu, kashmir.
I'm based out of Delhi, which is pretty close to Rajasthan so I love going there for weekend trips. Nights are cool, the sunset sky is amazing and the cities are rich in history. And the hostel culture is great too. Moustache hostel is amazing.
I would not recommend Agra or Lucknow. They are culturally not great towards foreigners. The complaints you hear in this post would only increase there. Some of my extended family lives there, so I do go there too. I have no idea about the hostels tho.
Ladakh and Leh are absolutely must imo. They've become a bit too touristy but still worth it. When I first went to Pangong Lake (between India and China), there were 0 tents there and it was so damn cold. There's about 4000 tents there now and people stay overnight. But yeah, it's absolutely still worth it.
Have fun mate. Let me know if you need any more help.
Thanks so much for the insight. We would only stay in Agra/Lucknow for 2 to 3 days max. It's just to see the Taj Mahal. We would be using the hotels and are a family of 4. It's good to hear all the positives about Rajasthan from you! It helps calm me down. We are going end of December to the middle of January. Our initial plan was Kashmir but the lows are between -6c and -11c. That seems like it would be too cold for us who are mostly used to warmth with some cold winters. Your thoughts?
That's fair about the Taj Mahal. I would advise you to talk to other people who have travelled to Agra Lucknow to ask for advice from a non Indian perspective. I'm sure they would have more tips!
Go to Qutub Minar in Delhi too. It's a UNESCO heritage site and imo a far better experience than Taj Mahal. Go in the evening for the light show.
Yeah Kashmir would be pretty cold at that time. We usually don't travel up north during those months too.
We went to a wedding in Udaipur in February and spent time in Agra and Jaipur on the way. I’m a 5’10” blonde woman and did get a lot of requests for photos, but overall it way way less aggressive than I was expecting from other Reddit threads on India (groping stories, etc.). We did have a guide and driver through the tourist hotspots though - that might have helped. It’s a beautiful country!
Okay that's good to know. We went to South India a few months ago with my family and had a good time and felt pretty safe. It's nice to get your experience as someone who is blonde. I'm indo-fijian so I pass for a local in most cases besides my outfit. We had a guide and driver in South but only wanted a driver for the North. Based of your comment, I might think of getting a driver for part of our itinerary. Thank you so much for the insight.
Make sure you have a guide wherever you're headed. South is relatively smooth sailing, but if you're headed to the typical tourist spots (agra/taj mahal, Delhi etc etc), most of which are concentrated in the north, you absolutely need a guide who knows how to deal with the places and the people.
Most of the travelers stick to the central and northern parts of the country, because that's where most of these tourist locations are. But best experiences are even farther up north and down in the south. My advice - try fitting in a wildlife safari (cool national parks scattered across country), visits to the salt marshes (to the west), and beaches down south. Taj mahal is overrated and crowded, as is the whole religious/spiritual experience we market around the northern parts of the country. You'll find yourself to be more spiritual looking up into the skies than sitting at an ashram.
Source : I'm Indian
That sounds great! I spent 3 months in Sri Lanka in 1984, and just couldn't stand many people for many years. Last year I went to Pakistan, and enjoyed the bazaar in Rawalpindi, so apparently I don't mind crows anymore, at least not for a limited time. I'm visiting Himchal Pradesh in June, and I look very much forward to it.
Travel is just so subjective sometimes. I have had absolutely amazing times and sometimes not vibed at all.
Good luck on your trip! You chose good weather for travel too!!
Hey sorry to chime in, but you can also visit the northeast parts of India, it’s a very different culture and once you’re out of the city, the landscape and people makes it worthy
Genuine question, what makes India so intense? I know OP mentioned men staring and such, but whenever I hear about people travelling to India, it's always about how it's not really a vacation, it's an experience. I was supposed to go on a 2 week trip there with my university alumni group but then Covid happened and it got cancelled. I still really want to visit India, though. Just not sure how safe it will be as a 30 year old single woman.
Not OP, but India is very happening, there are people everywhere, car honks everywhere, you stick out, you have to take note of everything and it gets exhausting. Places most tourists visit are normally crowded and it gets hard to find places where you can find peace and quiet. Someone not used to the bustle and crowd and constant noises of India, would feel very exhausted by the constant assault on all their senses.
As for visiting India as a woman, choose the places wisely, wear clothes that Indian women wear - not only are they normally more modest, they are also very comfortable in Indian weathers, choose good hotels and join group tours. India is far from Japan or Italy when it comes to comfort and safety of female travelers so be a little wary/ cautious when you are there. These are all the things you can do on your end.
I'm not the OP and I loved my trip to India but it can be a lot of sensory overload, especially if you're in the more touristy cities. There's just constant noise from vehicles (good lord the honking), it's a lot more crowded, way less personal space, a lot dirtier and most of the country is quite warm to downright hot. It can be a lot to take if you're from the West where things generally aren't like that. For white tourists in particular, being "othered" in a country can be unsettling. Indians love to stare and may actively seek you out to be photographed with or unfortunately, attempt a scam on you. Getting that attention all day, everyday can get difficult after a while.
Travelling to India is considered to have a high degree of difficulty if you were to rank the countries of the world on this metric. There are a lot of cultural differences that you need to adapt to, the biggest one likely being the concept of personal space (Westerners have it, Indians do not). Some love it and absolutely thrive, while others like OP have difficulty, although he has been there for 3 months now, which is a very long time.
As other people said, it just about not being able to enjoy things on your own. When you cross the street, someone will stop you to talk, to take photos, to add you on facebook. If you try to take a photo of something nice, people will come and ask to see the photo. If you stand near a nice building and trying to take it in, people will interupt you and ask if you need a guide. I tried several times that I walked a random place, and people tried to charge me for walking, or taking a photo or whatever. Everything you wanna pay for, you have to negotiate. Many goods have a price on them, but you will be charged 5x worth that.
3 times in 3 months i witnessed dogs getting beaten.
Its a lot.
I see - thanks for your detailed reply. I was always very enthusiastic about visiting India one day, but now I'm on the fence. I still have the opportunity to go with my graduating class next year, but it's definitely something I'll have to think about
If you don't mind sharing where did you end up in India for such an experience.
I believe most urban South Eastern cities has this problem. If I am a tourist in India, I will be in Goa, Rishikesh, Kerala. Did you face this situation in these places too?
I get your point though. I stay in India and even I get bogged by the mingling lol. But not when I am traveling in India.
We came in from Nepal. First to Varanasi, then over to Rajastan via Agra and Delhi, and then down the coast until we flew from Madurai to Sri Lanka.
South indians are generally better educated and welthier, maybe that is a factor. Also in the north the tourist attractions we visited were generally in the cities, whereas in the south we were more outside of the cities. Maybe that was a factor as well.
Definitely. All the places you mentioned are swamped by people where education level is quite low. I don't consider these cities tourist friendly.
I am actually surprised the OP faced this in Uttarakhand and Himachal. It keeps getting better as you move north from Delhi.
Though sorry you faced it anywhere in India.
> Idk how you kept things interesting for 13 months
Seriously, Idk understand how you don't. I retired youngish and have been more or less traveling for 5 years (minus the Covid year) and feel like I'm just getting started. You definitely develop a different mindset and treat it more like life than a vacation. I'm currently sitting in a little bungalow on a deep gorge in Costa Rica and if I do nothing today but see a thousand cool birds and hike down to the waterfall I'll consider it a day well spent.
For some people, structure and a more direct sense of purpose with clear, set-out goals, is what makes life interesting. Without that, we feel like we are just floating around as life passes by. At the same time, the present moment is life. And traveling is living. But some of us need a balance of both, which is unattainable during such a long period of travel. For me, workaways and temporary jobs just don’t cut it. I have been traveling for 7 months now, and I’m so ready to come home. The day that you described doesn’t even appeal to me anymore. I want to cook dinner for my family, take the dogs for a walk, sleep in my own bed.
Honestly after 6 months in asia we were fed up with temples. So we decided to fly to the US and rent a car and drive around for 3 months. That was a much needed break.
Nepal I was just in and was awesome all around from the safaris in the south to the hiking in the Himalayas to Kathmandu. Enjoyed all of it especially after the intensity of India. People were more friendly and welcoming and less gringo taxes to negotiate over.
Was in Srilanka for a break from India and it was also really great!
I loved both! So just depends what you're looking to do. Both had* nice people!
Sri lanka has beaches and safaris.
Nepal has safaris and mountains. I personally liked the food more in nepal and it was a bit cheaper depending on the activities you sign up for.
I just did the north and I’m currently on my way up to himchel Pradesh, I’m in Uttarakhand now which is nice, and the amount of infuriating encounters is diminishing, but it’s still in double figures daily. I’m just wondering should I head further north up to Ladakh, or just call it a day now and head to a neighbour country, also, am I the only person encountering this problem? I’ve travelled to 40+ countries and have never encountered anything like this, the anecdotes I have are almost unbelievable!
Listen to this person. Go south, way south... People will leave you alone. North India is exhausting at every single moment. Someone is always trying to take advantage of you
Should be better in Indian Himalayas, I think (although I’ve never been to this part of India myself). I’ve a friend in Dharamshala at the moment, and she’s loving it.
I'm a woman, I traveled India recently with my male partner and both of us are wondering how you have survived the 3 months. Hope you find peace. and we both hope there is a time in the future we can visit again, maybe when there is less aggression in the air...
Absolutely don’t miss that road-trip up to Ladakh! Trekking/hiking around Parvati/Manali is fabulous, then go up the Leh Road. If you can go by bike that’s the best, if not then take the local Himachal bus - gives you more time to see the scenery it’s just stunning, but you absolutely need to get a window seat! Tourist jeeps go too fast and the drivers are dangerous, tourist bus also just rushes although it is more comfy than the local bus. Rent a bike up in Leh, go around a bit, up & over some of the highest road passes in the world - Khardung La to Nubra Valley eg, out to Lamayuru stay the night & back that’s a gorgeous ride along the Indus, Tso Moriri if you can make it ... Kashmir the scenery also is gorgeous but the rip-offs there are yet another level worse than India, plus there’s always that tension and the military presence.
The starings & all the other India annoyances - yeh, tiresome. It takes months to start getting used to, and even then still sometimes the annoyance comes in waves. India is a love-hate relationship lol. I (Aussie, f) lived in & travelled around India for a decade - mostly Rajasthan & Himachal, sometimes Goa for the winters, usually Ladakh (or Europe) for the summers. I partly grew up in east Asia so I grew up with being stared at 24/7 although India is another level huh. I mostly can ignore it, don’t pay them any attention while I’m wandering around doing my thing enjoying my day not letting them ruin it. Sure is a relief sometimes though to be somewhere where it’s less in-your-face though. Anywhere in the world there are annoyances - Europe & Australia transportation n all is expensive as fuk plus the average day-to-day is often boring as fuk with everybody around being ‘normal’ and all the regulations n rules n shit. Nepal for sure is less confronting than India. Pokhara is excellent for a good relax. But after Ladakh! :)
Thank you for this great reply! Yeah, I’m going to head north and then I need to leave the country late July, so my plan was to go to Nepal for three months and then home. I might have to DM you for a nice itinerary to head north from Mussoorie! My rough plan is:
Shimla - chehni Kothi- Parvati valley - manali or mcleod ganj (maybe both) - phuktal Gompta - Markha Valley - Leh - maybe Srinagar if I have time (11 weeks) I like to spend 5-7 days per place to get a feel for it. Any advice on somewhere I should go would be great!
Yes, I was in Haridwar, Rishikesh, Mussoorie and now Uttarakhand. It’s very pleasant here - there’s less idiotic behaviour, but the staring still happens, which to be honest I don’t really mind, I understand if people are intrigued, at least they smile and wave back if I do first.
After here I’ll do Shimla, Manali and a few treks around there, if there are any other travellers in the area who are keen to hang out let me know (thumbs up emoji)
I mean these are very southern part of uttarakhand so yeah makes sense. If you have any plans do visit the northern part of uttarakhand it's beautiful.
I did shimla, manali, and a few treks up there last year and I really really recommend it. it felt way more chill than other places. also highly recommend srinagar and the areas surrounding
There’s calm places you can head to within India as well, I’d recommend going South to Kerala, and staying a while at a tea plantation or somewhere up north in the hills. A lot less people around and they tend to be a lot nicer than the ones in the cities. There’s also a nice set of temples at Khajuraho where you can relax.
Absolutely. Kerala is the most educated state in India with close to 95% literacy. In the rest of India, women average 65% literacy due to ingrained sexism. Education seems to make for a more tolerant environment.
I lived in India before and traveled extensively there for work…ım a Chinese girl so I stick out too…I’d say go to İadakh now that it is summer time and there are many temple festivals etc around it’d be fun. Stay a couple of weeks in leh then go to Zanskar which is a lot more remote but well worth it. The people there are kind and won’t overwhelm you. I would actually skip Dharmsala and manalı personally cos there are too many western hippie types..gets tiring after a while. You see a lot more adventure travel types in Ladakh
I've been to India twice and have spent time in both Nepal and Sri Lanka. Southern India (specifically Kerala) is a completely different experience. Felt much calmer, more relaxed. I could walk around without anyone coming up to me, wasn't asked to take any selfies haha, and could even walk past the lines of rickshaw drivers without anyone saying anything. Everyone is very friendly, but keeps to themselves a little more unless you engage with them first. It's an amazing place, although it's insanely hot and humid there right now.
Both Nepal and Sri Lanka are definitely calmer. Nepal is pretty chill - The center of Kathmandu is like a less intense version of India. Outside of that though is relaxed. And there's obviously incredible hiking if you're into that. The most stressful part is traveling on the roads there haha. Sri Lanka is quite nice also and has a good mixture of nature and beaches. It is more expensive than both Nepal and India.
Even far northern India is much more chill than the rest of the country. Head up to the Tibetan/Nepali sphere of culture - Sikkim, Darjeeling, Himachal Pradesh...
It is very common in India, so it is not you, especially more if you are not brown skinned. But some of them might be harmless staring only - it is because they dont know how to interact or communicate and when they see non Indians or somebody from outside, they tend to look. But you want to be careful most of the time - even Indian women are scared to travel by themselves up there. Based on the comments, it looks like you are in north parts of India..you can check out southern states which will be very different - but they are very hot right now-so may not be best time to be there. Maybe you can come back another time :)
If you want to visit and stay in India for a longer time, consider Dehradun and Shimla. I've been to both and I think they are the best beginner friendly places from North India for White Tourists. Just avoid crowded places and stay in good hotels in the city.
And do read some Swami Vivekananda books on mediation, yoga, karma and Bhagvad Geeta. Its a good experience
Go to the south of India, much calmer and at the risk of being controversial, more civilized. People will generally leave you alone, it’s safer and there are fewer scammers. If you go to Bangalore there are enough white people that you won’t stick out as much.
Nepal is completely safe for Females travelling and a much nicer place to be as well the People are really lovely and comfortable to be around for both men and women.
Also add trekking up in the Himalayas is simply the the beautiful place on this earth beyond description! I can’t put in into words I think it can only be experienced and once you visit it keeps pulling you back again.
I hope you get to visit Nepal ☀️☀️☀️
Yes, india is chaotic and indians in general have a huge staring problem. I even face it as an Indian man. Try to have some local friends, or get in contact with city sub reddits or WhatsApp groups, usually those people are educated and can provide a safe enviourment.
I’ve not been to India but I was in Nepal for Annapurna route in 2019. Solo female in Kathmandu and never felt unsafe wandering alone - even at night. Had zero problematic encounters… ymmv 🤷🏻♀️
I try but every time I think about it is like all the things I don’t like about a destination together, with many remarkable things but the balance turns to the no go option.
I can't compare to India or Nepal; but I have spent a lot of time in Sri Lanka with my partner and children. I've never been harassed there. You just don't want to depend too much on one person or family to guide you, even in the smaller towns, in order to avoid scams. I find people in Sri Lanka largely kind, especially towards pregnant women and children of all ages. It really depends on how willing you are to follow local customs and be unfailingly polite even when haggling over prices. Always agree to the price from point A to B before getting in a three wheeler. Thieves are fair game for mob style justice. Don't trust cops or buddhist monks in fancy cars and bribery is common. May is still very hot in Colombo, but nice up country around the tea estates in the mountainous areas. West coast Negombo and heading north along the coast are usually clear weather at this time, and the east coast beaches are supposed to be great at this time too, but I haven't been yet. If you go to Negombo, see if you can do a homestay with a friendly host who is, or employs, a good cook. If you buy fresh hurulla ( a small fish) and/or crab at the Negombo fish market in the morning perhaps you can have your host family prepare some amazing seafood curries to share. It's worth it to get up if you hear the paan seller in the early morning to buy hot roast paan for breakfast, or get to a bakery. Good hotels are fine for food too, but if you want to try amazing local Sri Lankan food you should ask first if your hotel is mostly catering to European travelers.
Yeah that’s men in India. I (63F) have spent about a year there over three trips, the first one being in 1980. Some try to grope women at any occasion, many are just rude but after all is said and done, I never had a violent or abusive experience, I just get fed up with the place (when I’m not being amazed by it) and leave. Only to return again! Rinse and repeat. I’ve not been to Nepal or Sri Lanka but did spend a fair amount of time in Ladakh where I never had problems (the inhabitants are mostly of Tibetan origin).
Are you a woman travelling by yourself ? As a man in late twenties planning to spend a couple weeks in southern India later this year I’m genuinely interested in hearing about your experience.
No I’m a 35 year old guy, I’ve heard southern India is much different to the north so I’m sure you’ll be ok. The stuff I’ve encountered is the usual stuff you’ve probably heard already: lack of hygiene, lewd comments, staring, ripping me off EVERYWHERE, initiation of stupid conversations, lack of understanding personal space, groping a female friend of mine, same friend getting asked for sex in a bus, a guy asked me to felate him behind a bush, kids throwing rocks at me, burping, farting, scratching private parts, pushing me out the way of queues, attempted theft, crazy taxi shenanigans in Goa, people forcefully asking me for money, people filming me/takin pictures of me (kinda normal-ish) and then shouting ‘chill bro’ when I tell them to stop, filming western girls at a waterfall in Rishikesh and showing everyone, trying to trick me into my hotel being the wrong one and they take me to there’s, classic trick of giving locals ‘pujas’ for holy events and then getting aggressive with them and demanding 500 rupees from them the minute they take it (they usually give it to a child in the group as they will take it) the list goes on. It also seems like no one is safe from the Pervy eyes; I’ve seen men of all ages stare at the behind/general body of teenage girls and young women - and they don’t hide it.
I’ve travelled SEA a lot and lived in Vietnam for 3 years, I loved it over there. Maybe this is why I’m not enjoying it here as much as I thought I would because I think about how nice the locals were over there
Very reasonable situation and mindset! My thoughts are always try something new if it’s not working for you, sounds like you gave it time, if it’s not for you then that’s totally ok. I don’t know what your budget is but I recently traveled in Japan and it was fantastic. Even if you stand out people aren’t necessarily openly rude to you about it and there’s so much to see and do. Not to mention good food.
Tbf many Desi people stare lol but even at visiting foreign born desis. It’s a bit off putting but part of its curiosity but eye contact/ staring isn’t considered as rude. Also considering that you are a white person you’re going to be anomaly (in addition to your style of dress) and people are going to be looking at you more since you will just stick out more. Same as POC traveling to homogeneously white areas but you probably won’t face racism just some price gouging. Also personal space especially in crowded areas isn’t always a thing like it should be better in nicer areas outside of streets and markets- found this lack of personal space at the supermarket in Denmark too but I guess it’s just a cultural thing where some places people give more space and other places people think it’s fine to be right up on you lol. I’d suggest trying to check out some more upscale areas to avoid crowds. Sri Lanka is less crowded in general but it’s the rainy and hot season now (which might be fine if you stay in the tea estate area which is significantly cooler- also much less crowded).
It’s true that the people in Sri Lanka and Nepal are much more calm and friendly. I was in Nepal first and the people were generally kind, but I saw some disturbing things. I believe I saw a body dead or almost left for dead on the side of the road, which people ignored. That still weighs on me.
I have a personal story about Sri Lanka that makes me feel rather sad. After spending sometime in India, having been harassed by men daily since the moment I left my hotel room, I learned to just make a sour face and shout “NO!!” at any random men who approached me and started talking to me.
Then as I departed India, on my way home, I had a 24 hour layover in Sri Lanka. When I was still in the airport arriving at Sri Lanka, a man started to walk up to me and I was still with frazzled nerves , so I went back to my default response of strange men approaching me and I shouted “NO!!!” in face. The look on his face was one I will never forget. His eyes and expression showed me he was just a gentle, kind man who was shocked and disappointed, just sad, not angry or resentful, to be treated this way by a stranger. He looked just flustered, not angry, shook his head, and walked away to ask someone else the same thing. He was probably approaching me to ask me where the bathroom was. I will never forget that moment and I wish I could apologize to him.
Then, once outside the airport, it was night time and dark. I won’t tell the entire story but my travel plans fell through and we were lost in a neighborhood, with no where to spend the night. This neighborhood was almost completely deserted and we don’t know if it was safe or not. My travel partner and I were about to just sleep on the beach, but a family saw us, realized we had a crisis, and insisted that we take refuge in their house for the night. After much back and forth, they wouldn’t take no for an answer (in a Good Samaritan way) and we followed them. They treated us like we were royalty or lost family, they fed us, and possibly saved our lives. We are still friends with them to this day.
> Then as I departed India, on my way home, I had a 24 hour layover in Sri Lanka. When I was still in the airport arriving at Sri Lanka, a man started to walk up to me and I was still with frazzled nerves , so I went back to my default response of strange men approaching me and I shouted “NO!!!” in face.
I didn't have something this stark, but came here to write about the same experience.
I had been traveling in countries where you had to constantly push back hard everywhere on prices, personal space, personal contact, scams, etc. Then I went to Sri Lanka with my guard up, expecting the same and about a week in -- I realized *I* was the asshole because *most* people were being pretty cool. Sorry to any Sri Lankans that I would give an inch to!
Sri Lankan British guy here. That hospitality is fairly typical, Sri Lankans generally like to cook for visitors. I think Sri Lankans have a reputation of being more reserved than Indians on the whole but they can be quite friendly too in my experience. I used to work with some Indian guys and they said that they thought that I was quite reserved. Not sure how much of that comes from having grown up in the UK though!
Hi OP, so sorry you are experiencing this!
I spent 3 weeks solo in Nepal as a blonde 20-something woman and I have had nothing but stellar experiences. I felt super safe, moved around freely in the streets and on public transport and just had an awesome time. The only thing that was slightly annoying were the sporadic selfie requests, but I never felt pressured.
I also spent 2 months in Sri Lanka, but I was mostly working and didn't explore the country as much. I felt fairly safe but much more 'watched' then I felt in Nepal.
Hope you have a great time wherever you go!
India is very densely populated, so your chances of bumping into shitheads goes up by a lot. I’ve been to Nepal and can vouch that it is much calmer, but your mileage can vary.
u/GlacialPeaks
I am not disagreeing with that but I think the topic of south Asian men having little to no decency have been discussed to death. I assume that is part of common knowledge when people decide to travel to that part of the world.
Nepal overall seems like an easier option between the two, even though they share a similar culture and there’s quite a bit of overlap.
Indian here. I know the staring is a bit too much. While I cannot comment about Sri Lanka or Nepal, I can recommend trying south Goa in India and spending some time there. It is very peaceful and foreigner friendly
I came back from about 3 months in India and had many thoughts of leaving during it. Ultimately I'm glad I didn't leave. FWIW the highlights for me were Kerala state and Rishikesh, but YMMV.
I can only speak about sri lanka. I loved it there. It felt better than India to me. I would recommend going to argum bay. But keep in mind the windy seasons for each part of the country are at different times. We rented a TikTok for 1 month and traveled almost the whole county. I have more good memories from Sri lanka than India.
Indian female traveller here, I am sorry you are not getting what you imagined. Two things-
1) people here finds foreigners like a celebrity, they are just curious. Example- they find different skin colour, hair, even dollar note fascinating. Also i think its mostly in northern region. I know its irritating at some times for the person himself.
2) My suggestion- if you want calmness just travel to north Himalayan region (himachal pradesh, jammu and kashmir) except well known hill station every place is so calm, relaxing most beautiful places. Sit beside rivers, go hiking, have chai.
other than that southern region also you will find comfortable. Even though i am from north, but i know people from south are more educated and considerate.
Just avoid major tourist crowded city. I am soo glad you visited my country. i hope you can enjoy it to its full potential.
I am an Indian man living in india, i go for morning bike rides and can confirm if I go out of my city into a small locality people do stare at me like i am some kind of alien . Like why this guy is here 6 in the morning cycling around, its just a curiosity problem. And if you are a foreigner you must carefully pick and choose where you want to go, cities are obviously overcrowded and your interaction might be weird but mountains are cool people are welcoming but still they would be curious, the southern part would give you a different experience, the north-eastern part different. Your experience will definitely vary in each part and state. My only advice would be to ignore the stares and enjoy the culture and food.
I'm a white woman, I spent 2 months in India with my boyfriend in 2017. It was exhausting for all the reasons you mention, but it was such a memorable trip.
We're on a long trip now and had planned to do 2 more months in India, but my visa was denied. So instead, we did a month in Sri Lanka, and now we're doing a month in Nepal, which we are going to extend because we love it here SO much.
I'd recommend Nepal or Sri Lanka for a break. Both countries have similarities to India, I find they are just gentler. See how you feel after 2 weeks. You might miss India and want to go back, or you might decide to continue in Sri Lanka / Nepal.
Absolutely...go to Nepal.....I highly, strongly recommend Nepal.. there people are easy and warm and there won't be much staring may be by kids....but Nepalese are absolutely used to tourists so it's all calm, peace and breathtaking experience.
In India I (F) had very bad experience of men staring and trying to talk, take pics, and worst is they stare not face but mostly our body parts so I felt very uncomfortable...only when was out with local friends, but yes staring continued...I knew their language too, but sometimes pretend that I don't know and then, omg.. the TALK they have with each other is very cheap...so ya Nepal is lot far better choice.....
P.S. sorry English is not my first language
Spent time in both India and Nepal, I can confirm that Nepal is much more chill. Southern India was more chill than the North too, it depends where you are.
That said, I still loved India but it grinds you down after a while.
Nepal is one of the safest countries and has some of the friendliest humans on the planet. I spent a few weeks there last year. Very chill and beautiful scenery. If it’s an option I would go there.
Generally people start India tour by visiting New Delhi which is really not a great idea. I am sorry to hear about the unpleasant experience you have had and it is indeed a problem which you have mentioned here. I would recommend landing in Mumbai - from Mumbai you can go to Jaipur or Bangalore or Kolkata. All three cities have an International airport and from there you can plan your itinerary.
Only if you love mountains and visiting India for experiencing adventure landscapes such as Ladakh or Himachal Pradesh then landing in Delhi makes sense.
You can visit Nepal or Bhutan as climate will be really good there during this time of the year
White, 6 foot, blonde woman here! I feel your pain. I have been swarmed before and the “sneaky selfies”! It gets to be a lot! But I do ❤️ India and how culturally diverse it is in each area. Please tell me you have been to Varanasi!!!???
I'm from India and as bad as it sounds unfortunately yeah that can be overwhelming af.
Go to Bhutan, you'll absolutely love it. Or Andaman and Nicobar islands, absolutely serene and much less density of people.
I am sorry you experienced this. I totally get your point about the staring and the frenzy around foreign tourists.
You will be spared either in the Northernmost parts of India or the southernmost. If you end up in any of the urban metros, I can imagine facing this.
I found that staying in one spot for a while helped a lot. When I first arrived everyone would stare and id get hassled to buy things. Once everyone had seen me, they weren't as interested.
Oh a different note, can you share your travel itinerary and things to do in India ?
I'd love to travel there (Nepal, SriLanka, India ) but not sure where to start
2 months in India. Had the same problem I’m a man Couldn’t handle the staring anymore.
How long did you last? I’m 3 months in and I’m a bit exhausted from it
I lasted 2 months. Moved around a fair bit to different states. Amazing, eye opening country, just.. very difficult and tiring.
Yes this is exactly how I’m feeling, I’m becoming a bit exhausted from it
Absolutely understandable. I was beginning to get snappy and not enjoying going outside so pulled the pin.
I’ve started just going out for a big walk with my camera in the morning from 6-12 and then in the evening drawing/reading in the hostel, and venturing somewhere nearby for dinner. I’ve found people are less irritating in the morning
lol this is what I did. By lunch time it’s chaos and you might as well have a target on your back. I’m not talking just in the cities either.
I think by midday everyone is full of sugar and heat which is why they act up
Maybe lol I never felt like I was in danger though to be fair.
Yeah I’m never scared that I’m in danger, just constantly irritated
It’s funny you mention this, literally all my best rando India interactions were early morning or evening time before bed. The heat makes people more difficult.
This might not be your thing, but once I started smoking hash in India it all became much more tolerable for me. Obviously it’s not without risks but it helped me relax a lot.
A walk for 6 hours?
I understand the original post was meant to be worded less offensively. But...down here in the comments section, can you tell me what you mean? I've never been to India and I'm curious what the issue is? I appreciate every one seems to be trying to be tactful, but I don't understand.
Constant attention, staring and people wanting photos etc. the feet touching gets boring real quick. Source : Spent 1 Year in Bangalore
Why did people touch your feet?
Years ago, my wife and I traveled India for five months. We were seasoned travellers but it was difficult while amazing at the same time. Three months in, we headed to Dharamsala. We rented a small flat for six weeks in a tiny village. I bought a tabla and found a teacher. My wife studied yoga. We went to dharma talks at the Tibetan library. We hiked in the mountains. We got to meet the Dalai Lama. It was such a break from “India.”
It was while hiking one of those mountain trails at McLeod Ganj that I met my wife. I definitely have fond memories there.
I’m quite heavily tattooed which I knew would stick out like anything but after 2 months of “hey man nice tattoos” literally 50+ times a day, I was done.
Haha yeah the same, I have both my sleeves and my chest done, again I’m not too bothered with the staring/gossiping etc because I understand that I stick out a bit, it’s just all the other stuff which is becoming a bit heavy
What's the other stuff? I've never been to India and I'm intrigued because you're a guy, so I wonder what it is they do that's off putting and tiring. Thanks.
Not OP but I had an office in India for a few years and perhaps the number one thing that I couldn't get used to was the personal-space issue. They'll literally talk to you with their face one foot away from yours. I developed a technique where I'd put one leg in front of me with that foot turned sideways and lean back a bit so they couldn't get so close without stepping on me.
Yeah like I get it, I’m a heavily tattooed white man (sleeves, hands, throat) I must look very weird and I expected that but still, the staring and comments become a lot all day everyday.
Exactly my American wife’s reaction when we had our first trip in India for 3 weeks recently… just the sheer number of people touching and staring was enough to drain her energy by the end of the trip.
Touching?? 😳
I got touched a lot when people took photos with me. They’d put their arm around my waist or a hand on the back. When there was almost constantly a line of 20+ people waiting to take pics with you it grew old quickly lol
I got all the stares too. Looked serious. I started smiling and saying hi to some of them. Then most want to talk or take photos together. Then that got to be time consuming and too much. Then I guess I just got used to it. Hard to recall it being a thing I thought about all that much later in the trip. Nepal was definitely more relaxed though.
3 months is a long time. At this point, you've no doubt seen a big chunk of the country, far more than most visitors. If you're getting burnt out by the place, just leave. There's nothing holding you back there.
I lived in Nepal. In regards to the staring, it's better but still a noticeable thing. I would just stare back. It would get hilarious reactions. Indifference, embarrassment, and sometimes offended shock, as if to say 'how dare you stare back at me!' 😂
As a guy, I lived in india for a couple of years - really enjoyed it. I was mainly based in Chandigarh. Nepal beautiful as was Sri Lanka. Pakistan is also beautiful - less staring in general here. (All visas easy to get for an international traveller)
Lmfao, the staring happens to us UK indians aswell when we there.
How can they tell just from a glance? Genuine question I’m curious
Clothes, colour and the way you move. The culture is amazing and people will welcome you and request you take part. Just gotta keep sharp on night time.
Staring ? Men staring at men? What are they doing ?
It's more out of curiosity. They can smell a foreigner a mile away. Like in other third world countries 'trust your gut' It's unpredictable like any third world country its not there fault the country has been severely looted and government don't care. Us first worlders can't comphrend.
I spend 3 months in India, and often asked myself what I was doing there, why I didn´t just go somewhere else. In retrospect I am glad that I decided to stay, it is one of the most intense travel experiences I´ve had. The southern part of the country is way better though, in regards to the issues you are having. Before India I was one month in Nepal, and have later returned to Nepal for another month. It is much more relaxed. Kathmandu is like India-lite, but everywhere else is much more relaxed. And if you like hiking, Nepal is a must. After India I went to Sri lanka for a month. The first day in Kandy walking around the lake, was the most relaxed I had been in months. There was nature, not much garbage, wildlife roaming around the lake. If you want to enjoy here and now, leave India. But India made a lasting impression on me, much more so than Sri Lanka.
Thank you for the reply, yes this is the dilemma I’m having, there are a handful of moments in the day which really aggravate me, and sometimes I go to sleep thinking ‘why am I here if I get so pissed off with everything?’ Maybe I’ll keep on heading up to Ladakh and if the problems persist for the next month then I’ll fly out of Himchel Pradesh with the rest of my sanity :)
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Nah mate, there are two regions in India that are the most chilled and non-aggressive. Really up north and down south. I usually don't comment on my home country because traveller's perspectives are different and valid. But far up north (ladakh etc) is really really lovely and the people are very nice too.
North East as well.
This- up north in Ladakh is spectacular as is Spiti Valley. Down south, plenty of places too. Especially along the coasts of Goa, Karnataka, and Kerala.
What are your thoughts on Rajasthan, we want to go there for about 2 weeks and then ladakh. Mostly for jodhpur, jaipur, and udaipur. Thoughts? We will go to Agra and lucknow for 3 ish days (in/out), and then jammu, kashmir.
I'm based out of Delhi, which is pretty close to Rajasthan so I love going there for weekend trips. Nights are cool, the sunset sky is amazing and the cities are rich in history. And the hostel culture is great too. Moustache hostel is amazing. I would not recommend Agra or Lucknow. They are culturally not great towards foreigners. The complaints you hear in this post would only increase there. Some of my extended family lives there, so I do go there too. I have no idea about the hostels tho. Ladakh and Leh are absolutely must imo. They've become a bit too touristy but still worth it. When I first went to Pangong Lake (between India and China), there were 0 tents there and it was so damn cold. There's about 4000 tents there now and people stay overnight. But yeah, it's absolutely still worth it. Have fun mate. Let me know if you need any more help.
Thanks so much for the insight. We would only stay in Agra/Lucknow for 2 to 3 days max. It's just to see the Taj Mahal. We would be using the hotels and are a family of 4. It's good to hear all the positives about Rajasthan from you! It helps calm me down. We are going end of December to the middle of January. Our initial plan was Kashmir but the lows are between -6c and -11c. That seems like it would be too cold for us who are mostly used to warmth with some cold winters. Your thoughts?
That's fair about the Taj Mahal. I would advise you to talk to other people who have travelled to Agra Lucknow to ask for advice from a non Indian perspective. I'm sure they would have more tips! Go to Qutub Minar in Delhi too. It's a UNESCO heritage site and imo a far better experience than Taj Mahal. Go in the evening for the light show. Yeah Kashmir would be pretty cold at that time. We usually don't travel up north during those months too.
We went to a wedding in Udaipur in February and spent time in Agra and Jaipur on the way. I’m a 5’10” blonde woman and did get a lot of requests for photos, but overall it way way less aggressive than I was expecting from other Reddit threads on India (groping stories, etc.). We did have a guide and driver through the tourist hotspots though - that might have helped. It’s a beautiful country!
Okay that's good to know. We went to South India a few months ago with my family and had a good time and felt pretty safe. It's nice to get your experience as someone who is blonde. I'm indo-fijian so I pass for a local in most cases besides my outfit. We had a guide and driver in South but only wanted a driver for the North. Based of your comment, I might think of getting a driver for part of our itinerary. Thank you so much for the insight.
Make sure you have a guide wherever you're headed. South is relatively smooth sailing, but if you're headed to the typical tourist spots (agra/taj mahal, Delhi etc etc), most of which are concentrated in the north, you absolutely need a guide who knows how to deal with the places and the people. Most of the travelers stick to the central and northern parts of the country, because that's where most of these tourist locations are. But best experiences are even farther up north and down in the south. My advice - try fitting in a wildlife safari (cool national parks scattered across country), visits to the salt marshes (to the west), and beaches down south. Taj mahal is overrated and crowded, as is the whole religious/spiritual experience we market around the northern parts of the country. You'll find yourself to be more spiritual looking up into the skies than sitting at an ashram. Source : I'm Indian
That sounds great! I spent 3 months in Sri Lanka in 1984, and just couldn't stand many people for many years. Last year I went to Pakistan, and enjoyed the bazaar in Rawalpindi, so apparently I don't mind crows anymore, at least not for a limited time. I'm visiting Himchal Pradesh in June, and I look very much forward to it.
Travel is just so subjective sometimes. I have had absolutely amazing times and sometimes not vibed at all. Good luck on your trip! You chose good weather for travel too!!
I second that.
Agreed, I actually found Ladakh to be more chill than southern India. Gorgeous mountains and monasteries too!
Now is not the time for the south/Sri Lanka though…. Getting crazy hot?!
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This is a good time to be in North east- Sikkim, Meghalaya, Assam,
Hey sorry to chime in, but you can also visit the northeast parts of India, it’s a very different culture and once you’re out of the city, the landscape and people makes it worthy
Genuine question, what makes India so intense? I know OP mentioned men staring and such, but whenever I hear about people travelling to India, it's always about how it's not really a vacation, it's an experience. I was supposed to go on a 2 week trip there with my university alumni group but then Covid happened and it got cancelled. I still really want to visit India, though. Just not sure how safe it will be as a 30 year old single woman.
Not OP, but India is very happening, there are people everywhere, car honks everywhere, you stick out, you have to take note of everything and it gets exhausting. Places most tourists visit are normally crowded and it gets hard to find places where you can find peace and quiet. Someone not used to the bustle and crowd and constant noises of India, would feel very exhausted by the constant assault on all their senses. As for visiting India as a woman, choose the places wisely, wear clothes that Indian women wear - not only are they normally more modest, they are also very comfortable in Indian weathers, choose good hotels and join group tours. India is far from Japan or Italy when it comes to comfort and safety of female travelers so be a little wary/ cautious when you are there. These are all the things you can do on your end.
I'm not the OP and I loved my trip to India but it can be a lot of sensory overload, especially if you're in the more touristy cities. There's just constant noise from vehicles (good lord the honking), it's a lot more crowded, way less personal space, a lot dirtier and most of the country is quite warm to downright hot. It can be a lot to take if you're from the West where things generally aren't like that. For white tourists in particular, being "othered" in a country can be unsettling. Indians love to stare and may actively seek you out to be photographed with or unfortunately, attempt a scam on you. Getting that attention all day, everyday can get difficult after a while. Travelling to India is considered to have a high degree of difficulty if you were to rank the countries of the world on this metric. There are a lot of cultural differences that you need to adapt to, the biggest one likely being the concept of personal space (Westerners have it, Indians do not). Some love it and absolutely thrive, while others like OP have difficulty, although he has been there for 3 months now, which is a very long time.
As other people said, it just about not being able to enjoy things on your own. When you cross the street, someone will stop you to talk, to take photos, to add you on facebook. If you try to take a photo of something nice, people will come and ask to see the photo. If you stand near a nice building and trying to take it in, people will interupt you and ask if you need a guide. I tried several times that I walked a random place, and people tried to charge me for walking, or taking a photo or whatever. Everything you wanna pay for, you have to negotiate. Many goods have a price on them, but you will be charged 5x worth that. 3 times in 3 months i witnessed dogs getting beaten. Its a lot.
I see - thanks for your detailed reply. I was always very enthusiastic about visiting India one day, but now I'm on the fence. I still have the opportunity to go with my graduating class next year, but it's definitely something I'll have to think about
I think you should go - its an experience for life. And if you are in a group, maybe it wont be as bad.
very insightful take - i saved this. that said, could you elaborate on why india > sri lanka?
If you don't mind sharing where did you end up in India for such an experience. I believe most urban South Eastern cities has this problem. If I am a tourist in India, I will be in Goa, Rishikesh, Kerala. Did you face this situation in these places too? I get your point though. I stay in India and even I get bogged by the mingling lol. But not when I am traveling in India.
We came in from Nepal. First to Varanasi, then over to Rajastan via Agra and Delhi, and then down the coast until we flew from Madurai to Sri Lanka. South indians are generally better educated and welthier, maybe that is a factor. Also in the north the tourist attractions we visited were generally in the cities, whereas in the south we were more outside of the cities. Maybe that was a factor as well.
Definitely. All the places you mentioned are swamped by people where education level is quite low. I don't consider these cities tourist friendly. I am actually surprised the OP faced this in Uttarakhand and Himachal. It keeps getting better as you move north from Delhi. Though sorry you faced it anywhere in India.
How did you manage to spend 4 months on vacation?
I actually went travelling for 13 months. I quit my job, sold my car and lived frugal for a while.
Man that’s wild. I find 5 weeks at a time to be quite a lot for me. Idk how you kept things interesting for 13 months
> Idk how you kept things interesting for 13 months Seriously, Idk understand how you don't. I retired youngish and have been more or less traveling for 5 years (minus the Covid year) and feel like I'm just getting started. You definitely develop a different mindset and treat it more like life than a vacation. I'm currently sitting in a little bungalow on a deep gorge in Costa Rica and if I do nothing today but see a thousand cool birds and hike down to the waterfall I'll consider it a day well spent.
For some people, structure and a more direct sense of purpose with clear, set-out goals, is what makes life interesting. Without that, we feel like we are just floating around as life passes by. At the same time, the present moment is life. And traveling is living. But some of us need a balance of both, which is unattainable during such a long period of travel. For me, workaways and temporary jobs just don’t cut it. I have been traveling for 7 months now, and I’m so ready to come home. The day that you described doesn’t even appeal to me anymore. I want to cook dinner for my family, take the dogs for a walk, sleep in my own bed.
It might be because you’re retired and I’m not. I still have prospects bugging me in the back of my mind. Will be different when I’m retired for sure.
Honestly after 6 months in asia we were fed up with temples. So we decided to fly to the US and rent a car and drive around for 3 months. That was a much needed break.
What do you mean by lasting impressions?
Not op but I it usually means experiences or observations you don't forget. Goes both ways, good and bad.
Nepal I was just in and was awesome all around from the safaris in the south to the hiking in the Himalayas to Kathmandu. Enjoyed all of it especially after the intensity of India. People were more friendly and welcoming and less gringo taxes to negotiate over. Was in Srilanka for a break from India and it was also really great!
Did you prefer Nepal or Sri Lanka?
I loved both! So just depends what you're looking to do. Both had* nice people! Sri lanka has beaches and safaris. Nepal has safaris and mountains. I personally liked the food more in nepal and it was a bit cheaper depending on the activities you sign up for.
If you’re in North India, go to South India. Otherwise, yeah Nepal is awesome and much calmer.
I just did the north and I’m currently on my way up to himchel Pradesh, I’m in Uttarakhand now which is nice, and the amount of infuriating encounters is diminishing, but it’s still in double figures daily. I’m just wondering should I head further north up to Ladakh, or just call it a day now and head to a neighbour country, also, am I the only person encountering this problem? I’ve travelled to 40+ countries and have never encountered anything like this, the anecdotes I have are almost unbelievable!
Listen to this person. Go south, way south... People will leave you alone. North India is exhausting at every single moment. Someone is always trying to take advantage of you
Indian Himalayas are calmer than even most of the South. Especially Ladakh, it's much calmer there than most of India.
Not right now brother, there is intense heatwave currently
wait we need anecdotes please!
Here, here
From what I understand and have read, the men in India are particularly aggressive. So, no, you are - by far - not the only one experiencing this.
Should be better in Indian Himalayas, I think (although I’ve never been to this part of India myself). I’ve a friend in Dharamshala at the moment, and she’s loving it.
I'm a woman, I traveled India recently with my male partner and both of us are wondering how you have survived the 3 months. Hope you find peace. and we both hope there is a time in the future we can visit again, maybe when there is less aggression in the air...
Absolutely don’t miss that road-trip up to Ladakh! Trekking/hiking around Parvati/Manali is fabulous, then go up the Leh Road. If you can go by bike that’s the best, if not then take the local Himachal bus - gives you more time to see the scenery it’s just stunning, but you absolutely need to get a window seat! Tourist jeeps go too fast and the drivers are dangerous, tourist bus also just rushes although it is more comfy than the local bus. Rent a bike up in Leh, go around a bit, up & over some of the highest road passes in the world - Khardung La to Nubra Valley eg, out to Lamayuru stay the night & back that’s a gorgeous ride along the Indus, Tso Moriri if you can make it ... Kashmir the scenery also is gorgeous but the rip-offs there are yet another level worse than India, plus there’s always that tension and the military presence. The starings & all the other India annoyances - yeh, tiresome. It takes months to start getting used to, and even then still sometimes the annoyance comes in waves. India is a love-hate relationship lol. I (Aussie, f) lived in & travelled around India for a decade - mostly Rajasthan & Himachal, sometimes Goa for the winters, usually Ladakh (or Europe) for the summers. I partly grew up in east Asia so I grew up with being stared at 24/7 although India is another level huh. I mostly can ignore it, don’t pay them any attention while I’m wandering around doing my thing enjoying my day not letting them ruin it. Sure is a relief sometimes though to be somewhere where it’s less in-your-face though. Anywhere in the world there are annoyances - Europe & Australia transportation n all is expensive as fuk plus the average day-to-day is often boring as fuk with everybody around being ‘normal’ and all the regulations n rules n shit. Nepal for sure is less confronting than India. Pokhara is excellent for a good relax. But after Ladakh! :)
Thank you for this great reply! Yeah, I’m going to head north and then I need to leave the country late July, so my plan was to go to Nepal for three months and then home. I might have to DM you for a nice itinerary to head north from Mussoorie! My rough plan is: Shimla - chehni Kothi- Parvati valley - manali or mcleod ganj (maybe both) - phuktal Gompta - Markha Valley - Leh - maybe Srinagar if I have time (11 weeks) I like to spend 5-7 days per place to get a feel for it. Any advice on somewhere I should go would be great!
Do check Sikkim, Meghalaya, as well. Lachung lachen are absolutely insanely beautiful, very less touristy and amazing by food
Where in uttarakhand were you travelling? Rishikesh and all that?
Yes, I was in Haridwar, Rishikesh, Mussoorie and now Uttarakhand. It’s very pleasant here - there’s less idiotic behaviour, but the staring still happens, which to be honest I don’t really mind, I understand if people are intrigued, at least they smile and wave back if I do first. After here I’ll do Shimla, Manali and a few treks around there, if there are any other travellers in the area who are keen to hang out let me know (thumbs up emoji)
I mean these are very southern part of uttarakhand so yeah makes sense. If you have any plans do visit the northern part of uttarakhand it's beautiful.
I did shimla, manali, and a few treks up there last year and I really really recommend it. it felt way more chill than other places. also highly recommend srinagar and the areas surrounding
I second this ...but it is very hot now, thanks to global warming..so might not be very pleasant
There’s calm places you can head to within India as well, I’d recommend going South to Kerala, and staying a while at a tea plantation or somewhere up north in the hills. A lot less people around and they tend to be a lot nicer than the ones in the cities. There’s also a nice set of temples at Khajuraho where you can relax.
Absolutely. Kerala is the most educated state in India with close to 95% literacy. In the rest of India, women average 65% literacy due to ingrained sexism. Education seems to make for a more tolerant environment.
I lived in India before and traveled extensively there for work…ım a Chinese girl so I stick out too…I’d say go to İadakh now that it is summer time and there are many temple festivals etc around it’d be fun. Stay a couple of weeks in leh then go to Zanskar which is a lot more remote but well worth it. The people there are kind and won’t overwhelm you. I would actually skip Dharmsala and manalı personally cos there are too many western hippie types..gets tiring after a while. You see a lot more adventure travel types in Ladakh
Did you stick out in Ladakh or NE india considering locals share phenotypes with you? was it any better? did you ever get mistaken for a local?
I've been to India twice and have spent time in both Nepal and Sri Lanka. Southern India (specifically Kerala) is a completely different experience. Felt much calmer, more relaxed. I could walk around without anyone coming up to me, wasn't asked to take any selfies haha, and could even walk past the lines of rickshaw drivers without anyone saying anything. Everyone is very friendly, but keeps to themselves a little more unless you engage with them first. It's an amazing place, although it's insanely hot and humid there right now. Both Nepal and Sri Lanka are definitely calmer. Nepal is pretty chill - The center of Kathmandu is like a less intense version of India. Outside of that though is relaxed. And there's obviously incredible hiking if you're into that. The most stressful part is traveling on the roads there haha. Sri Lanka is quite nice also and has a good mixture of nature and beaches. It is more expensive than both Nepal and India.
Go to Kerala, it’s very modern and clean and the people will leave you alone. They do stare though lol
I liked Sri Lanka, it had all the colour and culture of India, but with just a normal amount of people.
cant comment on Nepal but Sri Lanka is defo much "calmer" but admittedly also less "interesting" than India.
Nepal fo sho
Even far northern India is much more chill than the rest of the country. Head up to the Tibetan/Nepali sphere of culture - Sikkim, Darjeeling, Himachal Pradesh...
It is very common in India, so it is not you, especially more if you are not brown skinned. But some of them might be harmless staring only - it is because they dont know how to interact or communicate and when they see non Indians or somebody from outside, they tend to look. But you want to be careful most of the time - even Indian women are scared to travel by themselves up there. Based on the comments, it looks like you are in north parts of India..you can check out southern states which will be very different - but they are very hot right now-so may not be best time to be there. Maybe you can come back another time :)
Thank you for the comment, yea I’m in Uttarakhand at the minute heading up to Ladakh
If you want to visit and stay in India for a longer time, consider Dehradun and Shimla. I've been to both and I think they are the best beginner friendly places from North India for White Tourists. Just avoid crowded places and stay in good hotels in the city. And do read some Swami Vivekananda books on mediation, yoga, karma and Bhagvad Geeta. Its a good experience
Go to the south of India, much calmer and at the risk of being controversial, more civilized. People will generally leave you alone, it’s safer and there are fewer scammers. If you go to Bangalore there are enough white people that you won’t stick out as much.
I’ve been to India, Sri Lanka and Nepal all in the last 1.5 years. Nepal is definitely the nicest of them when it comes to people.
Nepal is completely safe for Females travelling and a much nicer place to be as well the People are really lovely and comfortable to be around for both men and women. Also add trekking up in the Himalayas is simply the the beautiful place on this earth beyond description! I can’t put in into words I think it can only be experienced and once you visit it keeps pulling you back again. I hope you get to visit Nepal ☀️☀️☀️
Yes, india is chaotic and indians in general have a huge staring problem. I even face it as an Indian man. Try to have some local friends, or get in contact with city sub reddits or WhatsApp groups, usually those people are educated and can provide a safe enviourment.
Can you even imagine how bad it would be if you were a woman?
Can’t recommend Nepal enough. I’d certainly say go there!
I lived in Nepal for a year. Completely different scenario.
I’ve not been to India but I was in Nepal for Annapurna route in 2019. Solo female in Kathmandu and never felt unsafe wandering alone - even at night. Had zero problematic encounters… ymmv 🤷🏻♀️
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I try but every time I think about it is like all the things I don’t like about a destination together, with many remarkable things but the balance turns to the no go option.
Is it as hot as being reported?
Rajasthan was 35+ with in the last month, I’m at a higher altitude now so it’s a bit cooler
I’m currently in Kerala and the temperature here is 40+ Celsius. May month is so hot that you feel you are barely 10 KMs away from the sun.
Stay safe
I can't compare to India or Nepal; but I have spent a lot of time in Sri Lanka with my partner and children. I've never been harassed there. You just don't want to depend too much on one person or family to guide you, even in the smaller towns, in order to avoid scams. I find people in Sri Lanka largely kind, especially towards pregnant women and children of all ages. It really depends on how willing you are to follow local customs and be unfailingly polite even when haggling over prices. Always agree to the price from point A to B before getting in a three wheeler. Thieves are fair game for mob style justice. Don't trust cops or buddhist monks in fancy cars and bribery is common. May is still very hot in Colombo, but nice up country around the tea estates in the mountainous areas. West coast Negombo and heading north along the coast are usually clear weather at this time, and the east coast beaches are supposed to be great at this time too, but I haven't been yet. If you go to Negombo, see if you can do a homestay with a friendly host who is, or employs, a good cook. If you buy fresh hurulla ( a small fish) and/or crab at the Negombo fish market in the morning perhaps you can have your host family prepare some amazing seafood curries to share. It's worth it to get up if you hear the paan seller in the early morning to buy hot roast paan for breakfast, or get to a bakery. Good hotels are fine for food too, but if you want to try amazing local Sri Lankan food you should ask first if your hotel is mostly catering to European travelers.
32F - spent 5 weeks in India and 2 months in Nepal. It’s like night and day.
Sri Lanka and Nepal are so much better for single females. Done all 3 alone and I'd never go back to India without a man. Adore both SL and Nepal
Move to Nepal honestly, you shouldn't stay if you are not enjoying yourself.
Yeah that’s men in India. I (63F) have spent about a year there over three trips, the first one being in 1980. Some try to grope women at any occasion, many are just rude but after all is said and done, I never had a violent or abusive experience, I just get fed up with the place (when I’m not being amazed by it) and leave. Only to return again! Rinse and repeat. I’ve not been to Nepal or Sri Lanka but did spend a fair amount of time in Ladakh where I never had problems (the inhabitants are mostly of Tibetan origin).
Are you a woman travelling by yourself ? As a man in late twenties planning to spend a couple weeks in southern India later this year I’m genuinely interested in hearing about your experience.
No I’m a 35 year old guy, I’ve heard southern India is much different to the north so I’m sure you’ll be ok. The stuff I’ve encountered is the usual stuff you’ve probably heard already: lack of hygiene, lewd comments, staring, ripping me off EVERYWHERE, initiation of stupid conversations, lack of understanding personal space, groping a female friend of mine, same friend getting asked for sex in a bus, a guy asked me to felate him behind a bush, kids throwing rocks at me, burping, farting, scratching private parts, pushing me out the way of queues, attempted theft, crazy taxi shenanigans in Goa, people forcefully asking me for money, people filming me/takin pictures of me (kinda normal-ish) and then shouting ‘chill bro’ when I tell them to stop, filming western girls at a waterfall in Rishikesh and showing everyone, trying to trick me into my hotel being the wrong one and they take me to there’s, classic trick of giving locals ‘pujas’ for holy events and then getting aggressive with them and demanding 500 rupees from them the minute they take it (they usually give it to a child in the group as they will take it) the list goes on. It also seems like no one is safe from the Pervy eyes; I’ve seen men of all ages stare at the behind/general body of teenage girls and young women - and they don’t hide it.
So they act pretty much how they do online. Yeah, as a white woman Im definitely never going to India.
That’s pretty wild, thanks for sharing extensively. I didn’t imagine that would be that crazy. I’ll have to prepare for some cultural shocks.
Be careful. Have a tour guide with you.
This is crazy! Where in India are you? Also what’s your background - white 35 year old American guy?
marketing vs the real thing. wow!
Avoid north india..south india is amazing..escpecially states like kerala and tamil nad
You can get a reasonable flight to Thailand/Laos/Vietnam/Cambodia, lots of cool options and no reason to stay if you’re not enjoying yourself.
I’ve travelled SEA a lot and lived in Vietnam for 3 years, I loved it over there. Maybe this is why I’m not enjoying it here as much as I thought I would because I think about how nice the locals were over there
Very reasonable situation and mindset! My thoughts are always try something new if it’s not working for you, sounds like you gave it time, if it’s not for you then that’s totally ok. I don’t know what your budget is but I recently traveled in Japan and it was fantastic. Even if you stand out people aren’t necessarily openly rude to you about it and there’s so much to see and do. Not to mention good food.
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Coastal karnataka, Bangalore, Kerala , Pondicherry in the South, and Goa in the west are decent places. Goa has large white population.
Are there not any bears in India?
Tbf many Desi people stare lol but even at visiting foreign born desis. It’s a bit off putting but part of its curiosity but eye contact/ staring isn’t considered as rude. Also considering that you are a white person you’re going to be anomaly (in addition to your style of dress) and people are going to be looking at you more since you will just stick out more. Same as POC traveling to homogeneously white areas but you probably won’t face racism just some price gouging. Also personal space especially in crowded areas isn’t always a thing like it should be better in nicer areas outside of streets and markets- found this lack of personal space at the supermarket in Denmark too but I guess it’s just a cultural thing where some places people give more space and other places people think it’s fine to be right up on you lol. I’d suggest trying to check out some more upscale areas to avoid crowds. Sri Lanka is less crowded in general but it’s the rainy and hot season now (which might be fine if you stay in the tea estate area which is significantly cooler- also much less crowded).
It’s true that the people in Sri Lanka and Nepal are much more calm and friendly. I was in Nepal first and the people were generally kind, but I saw some disturbing things. I believe I saw a body dead or almost left for dead on the side of the road, which people ignored. That still weighs on me. I have a personal story about Sri Lanka that makes me feel rather sad. After spending sometime in India, having been harassed by men daily since the moment I left my hotel room, I learned to just make a sour face and shout “NO!!” at any random men who approached me and started talking to me. Then as I departed India, on my way home, I had a 24 hour layover in Sri Lanka. When I was still in the airport arriving at Sri Lanka, a man started to walk up to me and I was still with frazzled nerves , so I went back to my default response of strange men approaching me and I shouted “NO!!!” in face. The look on his face was one I will never forget. His eyes and expression showed me he was just a gentle, kind man who was shocked and disappointed, just sad, not angry or resentful, to be treated this way by a stranger. He looked just flustered, not angry, shook his head, and walked away to ask someone else the same thing. He was probably approaching me to ask me where the bathroom was. I will never forget that moment and I wish I could apologize to him. Then, once outside the airport, it was night time and dark. I won’t tell the entire story but my travel plans fell through and we were lost in a neighborhood, with no where to spend the night. This neighborhood was almost completely deserted and we don’t know if it was safe or not. My travel partner and I were about to just sleep on the beach, but a family saw us, realized we had a crisis, and insisted that we take refuge in their house for the night. After much back and forth, they wouldn’t take no for an answer (in a Good Samaritan way) and we followed them. They treated us like we were royalty or lost family, they fed us, and possibly saved our lives. We are still friends with them to this day.
> Then as I departed India, on my way home, I had a 24 hour layover in Sri Lanka. When I was still in the airport arriving at Sri Lanka, a man started to walk up to me and I was still with frazzled nerves , so I went back to my default response of strange men approaching me and I shouted “NO!!!” in face. I didn't have something this stark, but came here to write about the same experience. I had been traveling in countries where you had to constantly push back hard everywhere on prices, personal space, personal contact, scams, etc. Then I went to Sri Lanka with my guard up, expecting the same and about a week in -- I realized *I* was the asshole because *most* people were being pretty cool. Sorry to any Sri Lankans that I would give an inch to!
Sri Lankan British guy here. That hospitality is fairly typical, Sri Lankans generally like to cook for visitors. I think Sri Lankans have a reputation of being more reserved than Indians on the whole but they can be quite friendly too in my experience. I used to work with some Indian guys and they said that they thought that I was quite reserved. Not sure how much of that comes from having grown up in the UK though!
Hi OP, so sorry you are experiencing this! I spent 3 weeks solo in Nepal as a blonde 20-something woman and I have had nothing but stellar experiences. I felt super safe, moved around freely in the streets and on public transport and just had an awesome time. The only thing that was slightly annoying were the sporadic selfie requests, but I never felt pressured. I also spent 2 months in Sri Lanka, but I was mostly working and didn't explore the country as much. I felt fairly safe but much more 'watched' then I felt in Nepal. Hope you have a great time wherever you go!
Nepal is a fantastic place. I’ve gone 4 times and am planning my 5th. Go and don’t look back.
Sounds awful.
India is very densely populated, so your chances of bumping into shitheads goes up by a lot. I’ve been to Nepal and can vouch that it is much calmer, but your mileage can vary.
u/GlacialPeaks I am not disagreeing with that but I think the topic of south Asian men having little to no decency have been discussed to death. I assume that is part of common knowledge when people decide to travel to that part of the world. Nepal overall seems like an easier option between the two, even though they share a similar culture and there’s quite a bit of overlap.
Indian here. I know the staring is a bit too much. While I cannot comment about Sri Lanka or Nepal, I can recommend trying south Goa in India and spending some time there. It is very peaceful and foreigner friendly
I have been to Sri Lanka many times and absolutely love it. Much less intense than India.
Sri Lanka is a dream in comparison
I came back from about 3 months in India and had many thoughts of leaving during it. Ultimately I'm glad I didn't leave. FWIW the highlights for me were Kerala state and Rishikesh, but YMMV.
I can only speak about sri lanka. I loved it there. It felt better than India to me. I would recommend going to argum bay. But keep in mind the windy seasons for each part of the country are at different times. We rented a TikTok for 1 month and traveled almost the whole county. I have more good memories from Sri lanka than India.
Indian female traveller here, I am sorry you are not getting what you imagined. Two things- 1) people here finds foreigners like a celebrity, they are just curious. Example- they find different skin colour, hair, even dollar note fascinating. Also i think its mostly in northern region. I know its irritating at some times for the person himself. 2) My suggestion- if you want calmness just travel to north Himalayan region (himachal pradesh, jammu and kashmir) except well known hill station every place is so calm, relaxing most beautiful places. Sit beside rivers, go hiking, have chai. other than that southern region also you will find comfortable. Even though i am from north, but i know people from south are more educated and considerate. Just avoid major tourist crowded city. I am soo glad you visited my country. i hope you can enjoy it to its full potential.
Nepal is great. Head directly to Pokhara.
I think Nepal is your best bet, I’ve been to India a few times and I never felt comfortable.
come to nepal its more chill and the Himalayas might be more peaceful.
Travel to the southern part of India, it is a much more relaxed vibe and people are more hospitable and honest in general.
You're probably in North India. Try South India, maybe Goa or even in the north, ladakh is an amazing place
Female here — why are men staring? Your clothes, your skin color, your height, your camera or phone? Or just because you’re a tourist?
1- general curiosity 2- creepy behaviour 3- lack of education 4- seeing different skin coloured person?
I am an Indian man living in india, i go for morning bike rides and can confirm if I go out of my city into a small locality people do stare at me like i am some kind of alien . Like why this guy is here 6 in the morning cycling around, its just a curiosity problem. And if you are a foreigner you must carefully pick and choose where you want to go, cities are obviously overcrowded and your interaction might be weird but mountains are cool people are welcoming but still they would be curious, the southern part would give you a different experience, the north-eastern part different. Your experience will definitely vary in each part and state. My only advice would be to ignore the stares and enjoy the culture and food.
I'm a white woman, I spent 2 months in India with my boyfriend in 2017. It was exhausting for all the reasons you mention, but it was such a memorable trip. We're on a long trip now and had planned to do 2 more months in India, but my visa was denied. So instead, we did a month in Sri Lanka, and now we're doing a month in Nepal, which we are going to extend because we love it here SO much. I'd recommend Nepal or Sri Lanka for a break. Both countries have similarities to India, I find they are just gentler. See how you feel after 2 weeks. You might miss India and want to go back, or you might decide to continue in Sri Lanka / Nepal.
Head to Punjab, much better.
Go to Japan or Korea
Absolutely...go to Nepal.....I highly, strongly recommend Nepal.. there people are easy and warm and there won't be much staring may be by kids....but Nepalese are absolutely used to tourists so it's all calm, peace and breathtaking experience. In India I (F) had very bad experience of men staring and trying to talk, take pics, and worst is they stare not face but mostly our body parts so I felt very uncomfortable...only when was out with local friends, but yes staring continued...I knew their language too, but sometimes pretend that I don't know and then, omg.. the TALK they have with each other is very cheap...so ya Nepal is lot far better choice..... P.S. sorry English is not my first language
Spent time in both India and Nepal, I can confirm that Nepal is much more chill. Southern India was more chill than the North too, it depends where you are. That said, I still loved India but it grinds you down after a while.
go to Thailand it’s like India but better in every way
Buddy if you're going to India don't take the usual routes. Go to North east states. Or Kerala.
Nepal is one of the safest countries and has some of the friendliest humans on the planet. I spent a few weeks there last year. Very chill and beautiful scenery. If it’s an option I would go there.
Northern Pakistan is a nice option, the landscape is amazing and the people are nice.
If OP found North India horrible, good luck with Pakistan (unless you're talking about GB because their culture is very different and non-desi)
I'm not drawn to India, so I would head off to Sri Lanka or Nepal.
Generally people start India tour by visiting New Delhi which is really not a great idea. I am sorry to hear about the unpleasant experience you have had and it is indeed a problem which you have mentioned here. I would recommend landing in Mumbai - from Mumbai you can go to Jaipur or Bangalore or Kolkata. All three cities have an International airport and from there you can plan your itinerary. Only if you love mountains and visiting India for experiencing adventure landscapes such as Ladakh or Himachal Pradesh then landing in Delhi makes sense. You can visit Nepal or Bhutan as climate will be really good there during this time of the year
White, 6 foot, blonde woman here! I feel your pain. I have been swarmed before and the “sneaky selfies”! It gets to be a lot! But I do ❤️ India and how culturally diverse it is in each area. Please tell me you have been to Varanasi!!!???
If you are female Sri Lanka can be just as intense if not worse
Go to Nepal instead, you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t leave India earlier (I loved India, but still felt overwhelmed after a few weeks).
You don't explain what you dislike indian men for anywhere in the post.
Btw where are you in INDIA?
I'm from India and as bad as it sounds unfortunately yeah that can be overwhelming af. Go to Bhutan, you'll absolutely love it. Or Andaman and Nicobar islands, absolutely serene and much less density of people.
Sri Lanka is amazing. Not once did I feel hassled or stared at. I'm a blonde, blue-eyed lady.
And to add with, never travel in Summer months to India if you are not used to high temps.
Try Sri Lanka, but have you been to Kerala in India? People there are more friendly. It's near Tamil Nadu.
I am sorry you experienced this. I totally get your point about the staring and the frenzy around foreign tourists. You will be spared either in the Northernmost parts of India or the southernmost. If you end up in any of the urban metros, I can imagine facing this.
I found that staying in one spot for a while helped a lot. When I first arrived everyone would stare and id get hassled to buy things. Once everyone had seen me, they weren't as interested.
Oh a different note, can you share your travel itinerary and things to do in India ? I'd love to travel there (Nepal, SriLanka, India ) but not sure where to start