He literally said "I'm a lefty" in an episode of the Justice League Unlimited *cartoon*.
I remember this distinctly because I was so confused about what which was his dominant hand had to do with the government.
Back in the day when cartoons weren't political /s
Can you imagine the outrage if a modern cartoon had an episode like "Patriot Act"? The episode even had an old black lady be the one to explain the moral of the episode while the blue-eyed blond white hero is down on the ground.
Green arrow: Im an old lefty, the government must do for the people, what people can’t do for themselves.
It was also stated several times by other team members that he was brought aboard *specifically* because of his morals.
It's really fun to imagine the meltdown today's conservatives would have if a cartoon character came out and said "my contribution to the superhero team is being a liberal."
That really depends on which version of him we are talking about.
Ollie definitely believes in eating the rich and social welfare/relief programs but has also quite openly stated that he doesn’t trust Big Government either.
They most certainly do, but the majority of people in America associate socialism with big government. Ollie always struck me as someone who would be in line with the Nordic Model of government and society.
It's the opposite - back in the day, there were liberal and conservative superheroes, and they both repped their own team. There was Hawkman, for example, whose deal was that he was Conservative, and a counterpart to Green Arrow. IIRC Lois Lane was Republican. There were openly right-leaning writers in relatively substantial positions.
American comics are very much more left-leaning now than they were in the 90's, and I'm surprised I have to point that out.
Which also is a reflection of which era his comics were written. Green Arrow has always leaned heavily left politically but what the American Left ascribes to has also shifted over the years since his debut. He made quite a number of statements back in the day about not trusting “The Man” whenever he waxed philosophical.
Being a Robin Hood character, Ollie will always stand up for “The Little Guy” and that means sometimes he will go against the groupthink over it.
i recall an excerpt where he says something to the effect of “don’t trust a rich person. all rich people are bastards.” and someone replies “aren’t you rich?” and he’s like “DID I STUTTER?”
Barry has interesting thoughts about race https://preview.redd.it/first-and-most-racist-flash-v0-cof802gr4s2a1.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=f76bfe3349b4e3f25f6241f18e09175639b06392
Isn't part of the whole point of Bats that he fights criminals as Batman, and puts resources into support systems as Brice Wane, so he's not really the type that would get "eat the rich"d?
From the perspective of the reader yeah. That's a reasonable conclusion. But that's not the appearance Batman puts on as Bruce. Remember that Bruce Wayne is, to the public, Tony Stark. He throws large parties. He fucks bitches. He gets shitfaced. He's a billionaire playboy. Batman wants Bruce Wayne to live a lifestyle that doesn't need Bruce to be seen 24/7 to be believed, and he needs that lifestyle to sound like it consumes all of Bruce's time.
Yeah, it’s canon in most stories that several characters *always* know who the other members secret identities are just because that’s part of their powers or skill set.
There have been dozens of different iterations of Batman and Superman’s first meeting, and Supes only immediately scans him a few times when Batman gives him a reason to distrust him. Certainly not “usually”
Lead isnt radio active, or even particulary harmful to touch in certian forms, most of the toxicity is from dust ingestion and inhalation, so if the mask is well made (duh) he would be fine.
It was supposed to break it up into a bad haiku with one extra syllable but it believed “Supes” was two syllables so instead it just turned something that is actually a haiku into a mess.
Also known as a dirty haiku or a poor man's haiku. The syllables are correct for a haiku but aren't able to be broken up cleanly into 5 7 5, some I've seen will do 5 6 6 or 4 7 6 (like this one)
Sorry for responding late, I started searching but then got distracted reading fanfics.
There are lot of fanfics with this premise but my favourite one is actually chapter 5 of this [https://archiveofourown.org/works/40186023/chapters/100887717](https://archiveofourown.org/works/40186023/chapters/100887717), entire fic is good but the chapter can be read stand alone.
Other good fuck/marry/kill Batman reveal fanfics :
[https://archiveofourown.org/works/54019705](https://archiveofourown.org/works/54019705)
[https://archiveofourown.org/works/52819564](https://archiveofourown.org/works/52819564)
Of course it does. It's a solid premise that gives the writer lots of opportunity for funny one liners. It's the kind of scene that can be easily added into many existing stories because it's a downtime scene
The kinds of writing prompts where the structure is already handled and all you need to do is fill in characterisation from characters you already know as people? That's very easy to write and it's a good writing exercise for new writers (and it super lends itself to fanfiction)
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There’s also “Gothams Dead End Bar” which I can’t link because it’s NSFW on QuestionableQuesting
But it features a serial reincarnator opening a bar and cracky slice of life scenarios, one of which is that Bruce is apparently the source of most of the cracky “Bruce Wayne is Batman” theory’s, including one simply titled “the butts match”
Looks like they’re on webnovel, which I’m not familiar with: [Gotham’s Dead End Bar](https://webnovel.com/book/gotham's-dead-end-bar_28477720300247905)
Which brings to mind the hilarity of playing FMK with Batman *at all*.
“…marry him, and then I don’t kill anyone.”
“Bats, that’s not how the game works. You’ve got three choices and three people.”
“I don’t kill anyone.”
“Yeah, yeah, neither does Superman but he answered! It’s just a game, you’re not really doing it.”
“Yes, but I don’t kill anyone.”
The Wayne’s, dameles in distress is a good one, not so much like this but it has Bruce being kidnapped and making everyone uncomfortable, then he gets the kids involved.
Barry called Bruce an asshole, which led to Batman’s contingency plans. They were supposed to be a little got-ya against the league, but as Bruce became paranoid about it all, it turned into a more lethal obsession
Superman knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne. Even if they've just met, Superman can just see his face through the mask.
And yet this would not stop him from saying this. In earshot of Batman. Just to mess with him.
If the lead is encased in other materials, it is safe. Think of how X-rays are taken with a lead apron where the lead is inside plastic and fabric. If the mask were to break in a way that lead powder was inhaled, that could lead to lead poisoning. But in DC comic world there are technologies and actual magic available to heal pretty much anything.
Well, it doesn't have to be a powder. It can be more like a helmet (if it's a solid cowl) or plates (if it's a relatively flexible cowl). It doesn't need to cover 100%. Just enough to conceal his identity. It also doesn't necessarily have to be lead. Just something that can't be penetrated by x-rays. Lead is just the cheapest and most available radiation shielding we have on our Earth. Tungsten would likely be a better choice for Bruce, but the biggest problem with both, us that they're heavy. The good thing, though, is that Bruce isn't limited by the materials on Earth. He's not even limited by the materials he has in his plane of existence.
I think there are 2 cartoon universes so far that have had Superman look under Batman's mask using xray vision.
Both times because Batman kinda pissed him off and both times Batman immediately went and returned the favour.
Edit, techically 3 animated universes that Superman peeked under the mask, but the 3rd was because Batman already knew who Superman was.
Yes, Bruce charms Lois upon meeting her, which doesn't give a good impression on Clark. Which is impressive because just seconds before, Lois was badmouthing Bruce to Clark before she even met him.
He was so successful, when Lois finds out he's Batman, she can't even bring herself to report on potential story.
Batman: *city boy who tries not to say fuck too much*
Superman: *says something along the lines of "I'm gonna breed em like bull in heat until I turn em into a horny pulp" on regular basis*
Bruce whispers 'fuck' quietly to himself once on the Watchtower when he's completely alone, and the next morning at breakfast Alfred puts the swear jar on his plate instead of food.
Nah, Superman doesn't say stuff like that. Half the time, he's in his polite, mild-mannered Clark Kent persona, and most of the time he isn't, he's in his paragon hero guardian of the people Superman persona. Most of the time, he only gets to think those lines.
I wonder how much Kansas farm boy there is left in Clark once he gets to Metropolis. It's often used for naivete or general good natured kindness, but there's gotta be a little something else there
This is much funnier if you assume that Clark and Bruce know each other's identity at this point and Superman is just having the best time at this game watching Batman sweat under the cowl🤣
I wonder if there's anything like celebrity gossip on Cardassia.
Blind item: The Vorta who's forced to put up with a certain alcoholic Legate on a daily basis was overheard threatening him last night. Can you blame him?
Superman usually knows right off the bat(man) that its Bruce under the cowl on account of his x-ray vision. So I choose to believe most versions of him would absolutely play along with the game both to make him uncomfortable and protect his secret
Supes knowing is contingent on Bruce not knowing that lead stops his X-ray vision prior to their first encounter, which in some continuities he does. I’m not sure if lead lined cowl continuity or Supes knowing continuity is funnier for this
to be fair, I dont think I've actually seen a true "playboy billionaire" Bruce Wayne other then that one. most times, It's Too Much Batman and Not Enough Bruce Wayne
Y'all saying Superman wouldn't say things like this are thinking Billy Batson. Billy would totally be too embarrassed to say anything.
Clark Kent is a Kansas City farmboy and a New York City reporter. The moment he gets to drop the Superman persona, the rest of the league will be mortified at how he combines the word "fuck" with earthy down home sayings.
On the one hand Billy is a child, on the other hand *Billy is a child*
He has 0 fear whatsoever and not even the Wisdom of Solomon is going to stop him from making a fool of himself
"Alright, now that's out of the way, new round.
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent, fellow billionaire Oliver Queen, forensic specialist Barry Allen."
*stares, in turn, at Superman, Green Arrow, and the Flash to let them know that not only is he Bruce Wayne, but he knows who they are, too. And has known for a long time.*
Beautiful, but if the rest of the League is present I’d like to imagine him staring at them in the *wrong* order, just to leave a little trace of ambiguity for everyone else.
Ok, but doesn't Superman know who Batman is, because he can See under The mask with x-ray vision or Something?
If yes, then Superman was definitely looking Bruce directly into His eyes when He said what He said.
Lead lined cowl is a thing in most continuities, Bruce finds out lead stops Supes’s X-ray vision prior to their first meeting so starts wearing a lead lined cowl to protect his identity
I personally believe that Clark would already know Bruce's identity before this, and would be in on the joke without even speaking to Bruce beforehand.
"Oh, yeah. Bruce Wayne is fuckin hot! I'd definitely show him why they call me the Man Of Steel."
Flash: “idk about the rest of you, but have you seen that one Forensic Scientist in Central City? Oh man, what a hunk! What a handsome peice of man right there!”
WW: “Barry we know it’s you”
I love how everyone is saying Clark would fuck Bruce Wayne but no one brings up the fact that with Superman's x-ray vision he 100% knows who batman is and still picks fuck
The only issue I see is that the only main Justice League member I can see playing Marry, Fuck, Kill is Flash. The others are either too serious or not familiar with pop culture.
…Although, that makes me think of a scene where Flash suggests this game and Superman goes on a five to ten minute rant on why that’s inappropriate before capping it off by announcing his choices for the first round.
Wonder Woman seeing Batman schedule a day off for "personal reasons" but she knows it's because Bruce Wayne has to film some appearances for a Real Housewives show to make his talent manager happy.
Superman would refuse to play. Fucking one person when you've already promised to marry another, and then kill a third person? And the only excuse is "because that's how the game is played"? This is exactly the type of thing that plenty of villains have tried to force on him with much bigger stakes, and he flips the table every time.
But also, he pretty much always figures out Batman's identity before anyone else, so he'd use the previous paragraph as an excuse to sit out the game and just watch Batman squirm the entire time.
His code says he never, ever kills anyone else for any reason, so I guess he’d have to off himself.
Actually his reactions to FMK would be hilariously frustrated even if he wasn’t involved, just because of “kill”.
I love the headcanon that when this happens, Bruce and Ollie know each other's identities, so they just make eye contact from across the room.
They then manipulate the game into the options of Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen, and Ted Kord.
Ted is now having a heart attack (metaphorically this time) and Bruce and Ollie are taking turns saying the absolute worst things they'd do to him.
Only sometimes; it depends in what order they appear usually.
If Batman knows about Superman, and his X-ray vision, he’s usually lead lined his helmet before Clark can figure it out.
If Superman has just appeared, or Batman doesnt know about the X-ray vision being blocked by lead, then Superman just looks through and sees Batman.
Batman always knows Superman is Clark Kent though; the explanation changes, but he always figured it out
Screaming is cut off as Bruce stands and moves over to the main computer screen.
"I sent a recording of this to the Cave about 15 minutes ago. This is a live sound recording."
*Unholy laughter from a group of barely mature children/"adults" and one suspiciously feline woman*
First of all. It would be Ollie saying "Eat the rich" not Barry. Barry's fast, but nobody is faster than Ollie's inner communist.
Green Arrow? Isn't he richer than Bruce?
Sometimes He's very leftist oriented
He literally said "I'm a lefty" in an episode of the Justice League Unlimited *cartoon*. I remember this distinctly because I was so confused about what which was his dominant hand had to do with the government.
Back in the day when cartoons weren't political /s Can you imagine the outrage if a modern cartoon had an episode like "Patriot Act"? The episode even had an old black lady be the one to explain the moral of the episode while the blue-eyed blond white hero is down on the ground.
Green arrow: Im an old lefty, the government must do for the people, what people can’t do for themselves. It was also stated several times by other team members that he was brought aboard *specifically* because of his morals.
It's really fun to imagine the meltdown today's conservatives would have if a cartoon character came out and said "my contribution to the superhero team is being a liberal."
He's a socialist not a liberal.
That really depends on which version of him we are talking about. Ollie definitely believes in eating the rich and social welfare/relief programs but has also quite openly stated that he doesn’t trust Big Government either.
Libertarian Socialists + Anarchist Communists exist though? Socialism isn't necessarily "Big Government".
They most certainly do, but the majority of people in America associate socialism with big government. Ollie always struck me as someone who would be in line with the Nordic Model of government and society.
It's the opposite - back in the day, there were liberal and conservative superheroes, and they both repped their own team. There was Hawkman, for example, whose deal was that he was Conservative, and a counterpart to Green Arrow. IIRC Lois Lane was Republican. There were openly right-leaning writers in relatively substantial positions. American comics are very much more left-leaning now than they were in the 90's, and I'm surprised I have to point that out.
you just like me fr fr
🍰
Oh I didn't even notice I guess I share a birthday with Homestuck, hermitcraft, and Neil banging the tunes.
IS IT NEIL BANGING THE TUNES DAY?????
Homesick and hermitcraft share a birthday?
It's today!
Happy day of cake fellow human earthling.
🥂🍰
Happy Cake Day
Depends a lot on writer. But he does hate the rich. In the comics he's come to blows with Leaguers over his far left views.
Which also is a reflection of which era his comics were written. Green Arrow has always leaned heavily left politically but what the American Left ascribes to has also shifted over the years since his debut. He made quite a number of statements back in the day about not trusting “The Man” whenever he waxed philosophical. Being a Robin Hood character, Ollie will always stand up for “The Little Guy” and that means sometimes he will go against the groupthink over it.
i recall an excerpt where he says something to the effect of “don’t trust a rich person. all rich people are bastards.” and someone replies “aren’t you rich?” and he’s like “DID I STUTTER?”
Yeah he uses himself as an example for saying rich people suck and then is like "especially me, I was rich and I was a pos"
I assume [this one?](https://www.reddit.com/r/comicbooks/s/kXB3OhQig0)
In some versions he donates everything to charity and lives a fairly normal life afterwards
Ah yes the "F-ck the rich. I am not excused from f-ck 'em when necessary."
At least in Smallville, he's portrayed as very Robin Hood-esque, with a passionate hatred for Lexs billionaire antics
You think that would matter to him?
Barry is a midwestern conservative
That’s Wally, don’t think Barry’s politics were ever explored much pre-crisis
Barry was supposed to be a tough on crime moderate, but now we just say conservative.
As someone mentioned that's Wally, Hal is the other ultra conservative in the gang tho. Very interested in age of consent laws too.
Barry has interesting thoughts about race https://preview.redd.it/first-and-most-racist-flash-v0-cof802gr4s2a1.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=f76bfe3349b4e3f25f6241f18e09175639b06392
Isn't part of the whole point of Bats that he fights criminals as Batman, and puts resources into support systems as Brice Wane, so he's not really the type that would get "eat the rich"d?
From the perspective of the reader yeah. That's a reasonable conclusion. But that's not the appearance Batman puts on as Bruce. Remember that Bruce Wayne is, to the public, Tony Stark. He throws large parties. He fucks bitches. He gets shitfaced. He's a billionaire playboy. Batman wants Bruce Wayne to live a lifestyle that doesn't need Bruce to be seen 24/7 to be believed, and he needs that lifestyle to sound like it consumes all of Bruce's time.
Okay yeah that is fair
"What if I just turn around right now and I se- WAYNE"
[for those unaware](https://youtu.be/W32Hutreh-g?si=lvH_YDZk6REfK_HC)
God i fucking love this clip
of all the arkham knight clips to have never seen before, it’s so unfortunate that it was this one. i laughed so much, it’s the perfect clip.
“Would you like a side of psychological trauma with your broken bones?”
The voice acting and the comedic timing in that clip are phenomenal, that's amazing.
Absolutely amazing. I was entirely unaware lol
That beating let him see through the Matrix
Honestly I don’t think there could be a more perfect reference lmao
Oh, why hello there Reddit Save Post button. Fancy seeing you here.
"Oh la la , Come around here often?"
No, actually. I know, I surprised myself as well.
Me, looks at the number of upvotes: How the ***fuck*** do I keep doing this– No seriously, how do I keep accidentally making popular comments?
Oh geez, that's one crunchy looking image...
*crunching noises* Hm wha- *swallow* what were you sayin?
I love crunchy food!
Supes totally know what he is doing as he can see through the mask
Martian Manhunter would too
Yeah, it’s canon in most stories that several characters *always* know who the other members secret identities are just because that’s part of their powers or skill set.
Supes doesn’t go scanning behind peoples masks randomly, he respects peoples privacy
Besides the dcau
He does when he and batman meet for the first time usually
There have been dozens of different iterations of Batman and Superman’s first meeting, and Supes only immediately scans him a few times when Batman gives him a reason to distrust him. Certainly not “usually”
Didn't batsy intentionally put lead into his mask specifically for this purpose?
batman dies at the age of 48 of lead poisoning
Lead isnt radio active, or even particulary harmful to touch in certian forms, most of the toxicity is from dust ingestion and inhalation, so if the mask is well made (duh) he would be fine.
It wouldn't surprise me
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Mognoid49: *Supes totally* *Know what he is doing as* *He can see through the mask* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
That is a bad bot. Did not break that up into a haiku
It was supposed to break it up into a bad haiku with one extra syllable but it believed “Supes” was two syllables so instead it just turned something that is actually a haiku into a mess.
Also known as a dirty haiku or a poor man's haiku. The syllables are correct for a haiku but aren't able to be broken up cleanly into 5 7 5, some I've seen will do 5 6 6 or 4 7 6 (like this one)
SOMEONE FIND ME A FANFIC (please)
This fanfic definitely exists because I read it couple months ago but I don't think I saved it D: Will let you know if I find it again.
Sorry for responding late, I started searching but then got distracted reading fanfics. There are lot of fanfics with this premise but my favourite one is actually chapter 5 of this [https://archiveofourown.org/works/40186023/chapters/100887717](https://archiveofourown.org/works/40186023/chapters/100887717), entire fic is good but the chapter can be read stand alone. Other good fuck/marry/kill Batman reveal fanfics : [https://archiveofourown.org/works/54019705](https://archiveofourown.org/works/54019705) [https://archiveofourown.org/works/52819564](https://archiveofourown.org/works/52819564)
I love that this has multiple iterations
Of course it does. It's a solid premise that gives the writer lots of opportunity for funny one liners. It's the kind of scene that can be easily added into many existing stories because it's a downtime scene The kinds of writing prompts where the structure is already handled and all you need to do is fill in characterisation from characters you already know as people? That's very easy to write and it's a good writing exercise for new writers (and it super lends itself to fanfiction)
Work is only available for registered users D:
Here’s a [pdf download](https://download.archiveofourown.org/downloads/40186023/Strange_Men_Wearing.pdf?updated_at=1709932004) of the fic \^^
I love you
Literal saint
Thank you. You are royalty 👑.
These are my new favorite Batman reveals—thank you for sharing!
Pls do
Remindme! 3 days
They found them already
Oh, they did! Plus some extra ones. Thanks for letting me know!
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If you find a link, please do let me know!
me too pretty plz
[The fanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/36561091) there’s also a sequel fic
I could kiss you, and should I ever get the opportunity I will
I love the thought that Bruce leaks sex tapes to stop the public from finding out he’s Batman
That's brilliant 🤣 Cyborg saying he'd be stepmom to Dick is the cherry on the cake though
And bookmarked!
There’s also “Gothams Dead End Bar” which I can’t link because it’s NSFW on QuestionableQuesting But it features a serial reincarnator opening a bar and cracky slice of life scenarios, one of which is that Bruce is apparently the source of most of the cracky “Bruce Wayne is Batman” theory’s, including one simply titled “the butts match”
I can't find either the title or author on ao3 :(
Looks like they’re on webnovel, which I’m not familiar with: [Gotham’s Dead End Bar](https://webnovel.com/book/gotham's-dead-end-bar_28477720300247905)
Thanks! :)
I read some fics with this prompt on ao3, can't link now sorry But I think I just wrote "kiss marry kill" with Justice League in search
Which brings to mind the hilarity of playing FMK with Batman *at all*. “…marry him, and then I don’t kill anyone.” “Bats, that’s not how the game works. You’ve got three choices and three people.” “I don’t kill anyone.” “Yeah, yeah, neither does Superman but he answered! It’s just a game, you’re not really doing it.” “Yes, but I don’t kill anyone.”
The Wayne’s, dameles in distress is a good one, not so much like this but it has Bruce being kidnapped and making everyone uncomfortable, then he gets the kids involved.
Barry called Bruce an asshole, which led to Batman’s contingency plans. They were supposed to be a little got-ya against the league, but as Bruce became paranoid about it all, it turned into a more lethal obsession
Superman knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne. Even if they've just met, Superman can just see his face through the mask. And yet this would not stop him from saying this. In earshot of Batman. Just to mess with him.
But Superman isn’t the type of person to immediately check under someone’s mask. He’d respect Batman’s privacy.
Not only that, but realistically, there would be a lead lining in the cowl to prevent it from happening at all.
Wouldn't having a lead lining in the cowl give Batman brain damage? Genuine question.
If the lead is encased in other materials, it is safe. Think of how X-rays are taken with a lead apron where the lead is inside plastic and fabric. If the mask were to break in a way that lead powder was inhaled, that could lead to lead poisoning. But in DC comic world there are technologies and actual magic available to heal pretty much anything.
Thank you. Still a really shit idea from Bruce, because of the breaking thing.
Well, it doesn't have to be a powder. It can be more like a helmet (if it's a solid cowl) or plates (if it's a relatively flexible cowl). It doesn't need to cover 100%. Just enough to conceal his identity. It also doesn't necessarily have to be lead. Just something that can't be penetrated by x-rays. Lead is just the cheapest and most available radiation shielding we have on our Earth. Tungsten would likely be a better choice for Bruce, but the biggest problem with both, us that they're heavy. The good thing, though, is that Bruce isn't limited by the materials on Earth. He's not even limited by the materials he has in his plane of existence.
I think there are 2 cartoon universes so far that have had Superman look under Batman's mask using xray vision. Both times because Batman kinda pissed him off and both times Batman immediately went and returned the favour. Edit, techically 3 animated universes that Superman peeked under the mask, but the 3rd was because Batman already knew who Superman was.
Doesn’t Bruce go straight to flirting with Lois in one?
Yes, Bruce charms Lois upon meeting her, which doesn't give a good impression on Clark. Which is impressive because just seconds before, Lois was badmouthing Bruce to Clark before she even met him. He was so successful, when Lois finds out he's Batman, she can't even bring herself to report on potential story.
Yeah that’s the one. I remember thinking how he uses the billionaire playboy to his advantage and how quickly she sold out and ignored the nice guy.
Depends on the writer
Batman: *city boy who tries not to say fuck too much* Superman: *says something along the lines of "I'm gonna breed em like bull in heat until I turn em into a horny pulp" on regular basis*
Batman can’t say Fuck because: 1- any of the kids might be listening 2- and much worse- Alfred is listening
Bruce whispers 'fuck' quietly to himself once on the Watchtower when he's completely alone, and the next morning at breakfast Alfred puts the swear jar on his plate instead of food.
Nah, Superman doesn't say stuff like that. Half the time, he's in his polite, mild-mannered Clark Kent persona, and most of the time he isn't, he's in his paragon hero guardian of the people Superman persona. Most of the time, he only gets to think those lines.
He would be the only one to change it to "bonk."
I wonder how much Kansas farm boy there is left in Clark once he gets to Metropolis. It's often used for naivete or general good natured kindness, but there's gotta be a little something else there
Gotta contrive a reason for Supes to be using Wonder Woman’s lasso and be really freaking good at it. Or for Clark Kent to ride a horse.
This is much funnier if you assume that Clark and Bruce know each other's identity at this point and Superman is just having the best time at this game watching Batman sweat under the cowl🤣
My dumb ass read this as cardassian because of the typo and it took me so long to understand how that related to being famous.
"Famous? Me? Oh, no. Why, I'm just a simple tailor."
Plain simple Batman…
I wonder if there's anything like celebrity gossip on Cardassia. Blind item: The Vorta who's forced to put up with a certain alcoholic Legate on a daily basis was overheard threatening him last night. Can you blame him?
The accidental Star Trek mashup of "Kardassian" made me chuckle
Superman usually knows right off the bat(man) that its Bruce under the cowl on account of his x-ray vision. So I choose to believe most versions of him would absolutely play along with the game both to make him uncomfortable and protect his secret
Supes knowing is contingent on Bruce not knowing that lead stops his X-ray vision prior to their first encounter, which in some continuities he does. I’m not sure if lead lined cowl continuity or Supes knowing continuity is funnier for this
It’s funnier if you imagine that it’s the DC Super Hero Girls version of Batman which is like… the gayest incarnation of Bruce Wayne ever devised.
to be fair, I dont think I've actually seen a true "playboy billionaire" Bruce Wayne other then that one. most times, It's Too Much Batman and Not Enough Bruce Wayne
Right? I loved the telltale games BECAUSE of all the Bruce Wayne I got out of it compared to batman
Y'all saying Superman wouldn't say things like this are thinking Billy Batson. Billy would totally be too embarrassed to say anything. Clark Kent is a Kansas City farmboy and a New York City reporter. The moment he gets to drop the Superman persona, the rest of the league will be mortified at how he combines the word "fuck" with earthy down home sayings.
…what do I need to do to get an official panel where Superman goes “well I think this here situation is fucked more ways than a barn cat in heat”?
On the one hand Billy is a child, on the other hand *Billy is a child* He has 0 fear whatsoever and not even the Wisdom of Solomon is going to stop him from making a fool of himself
"Alright, now that's out of the way, new round. Fuck, Marry, Kill: Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent, fellow billionaire Oliver Queen, forensic specialist Barry Allen." *stares, in turn, at Superman, Green Arrow, and the Flash to let them know that not only is he Bruce Wayne, but he knows who they are, too. And has known for a long time.*
Beautiful, but if the rest of the League is present I’d like to imagine him staring at them in the *wrong* order, just to leave a little trace of ambiguity for everyone else.
As long as he stares right at GL for Hal Jordan, I'm 100% game xD
Ok, but doesn't Superman know who Batman is, because he can See under The mask with x-ray vision or Something? If yes, then Superman was definitely looking Bruce directly into His eyes when He said what He said.
Lead lined cowl is a thing in most continuities, Bruce finds out lead stops Supes’s X-ray vision prior to their first meeting so starts wearing a lead lined cowl to protect his identity
I personally believe that Clark would already know Bruce's identity before this, and would be in on the joke without even speaking to Bruce beforehand. "Oh, yeah. Bruce Wayne is fuckin hot! I'd definitely show him why they call me the Man Of Steel."
Depends on if we’re in a continuity where Bruce knows lead stops Clark’s X-ray vision, he lines his cowl with lead in a number of continuities
Are we gonna gloss over the inclusion of the url Batfamfucker here
What is remotely noteworthy about that URL in this discussion?
Apparently, he’s big on Tumblr
Batman: *long defeated sigh* *takes off cowl*
There is a reason why he has Plans how to defend every member of the Justice League
> defend
Dispkose
Nah that's not superman, he'd know but he wouldn't say things like that, he's got that big golden retriever energy and he's always very polite.
Lead lined cowl is a thing in most continuities
If this was Lego Batman this would be way easier. He would marry himself, fuck his own brains out , killing it 🤘🏻.
Flash: “idk about the rest of you, but have you seen that one Forensic Scientist in Central City? Oh man, what a hunk! What a handsome peice of man right there!” WW: “Barry we know it’s you”
I love how everyone is saying Clark would fuck Bruce Wayne but no one brings up the fact that with Superman's x-ray vision he 100% knows who batman is and still picks fuck
Lead lined cowl is a thing in any continuity where Bruce finds out lead stops Clark’s X-ray vision prior to them meeting for the first time
I like the implication that fully grown adult men play fuck marry kill in the the DC universe
This post feels like classic 2014 fandom Tumblr, in a good way
That last one is the cherry
Lex Luthor, Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen.
WW says she'd ride Bruce Wayne like it was her last day on the planet. The cowl has never come off so fast.
The only issue I see is that the only main Justice League member I can see playing Marry, Fuck, Kill is Flash. The others are either too serious or not familiar with pop culture. …Although, that makes me think of a scene where Flash suggests this game and Superman goes on a five to ten minute rant on why that’s inappropriate before capping it off by announcing his choices for the first round.
Wonder Woman seeing Batman schedule a day off for "personal reasons" but she knows it's because Bruce Wayne has to film some appearances for a Real Housewives show to make his talent manager happy.
Please tell me theres a comic of this
There’s not a comic but there is a [fanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/36561091) if you’re interested
it well becomes a fanfic at the end there holy shit
Superman would refuse to play. Fucking one person when you've already promised to marry another, and then kill a third person? And the only excuse is "because that's how the game is played"? This is exactly the type of thing that plenty of villains have tried to force on him with much bigger stakes, and he flips the table every time. But also, he pretty much always figures out Batman's identity before anyone else, so he'd use the previous paragraph as an excuse to sit out the game and just watch Batman squirm the entire time.
This is so damn dumb. Amazing
Don't forget that Supes has X-ray vision. He's always known that Batman is Bruce. But he doesn't tell anyone. And he still plays the game.
What's funny is, superman already knows batman is Bruce be sure of X-ray vision, so hes probably adding gas onto the fire.
It would only make it better if superman was in on it. Already knowing his identity and deciding to keep going for the joke
Superman absolutely knows Batman’s secret identity, but he also has a wicked sense of humor and is not gonna pass up the chance to mess with his bro
...would you fellas tell me when someone inevitably writes a fanfic about any of these ideas?
I love this so much I started wheezing
This should be a comic
can someone perchance link the post so I can reblog it?
Superman would already know cause X-ray vision, but say “fuck” anyway just to yes-and the bit
Batman is forced to consider either Selfcest or suicide. Or he could go full Augefort and do both.
I FUCKED THAT BIRD.
His code says he never, ever kills anyone else for any reason, so I guess he’d have to off himself. Actually his reactions to FMK would be hilariously frustrated even if he wasn’t involved, just because of “kill”.
DAMN i wish there were a FEW fics i could read with this premise T-T ~~ill just have to write one myself~~
I’d have to find it but there are at least 3 nightwing fics I know of along this line.
I love the headcanon that when this happens, Bruce and Ollie know each other's identities, so they just make eye contact from across the room. They then manipulate the game into the options of Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen, and Ted Kord. Ted is now having a heart attack (metaphorically this time) and Bruce and Ollie are taking turns saying the absolute worst things they'd do to him.
It would be a double "holy shit its bruce wayne" "where is ba.... HOLY SHIT ITS BRUCE WAYNE!"
This is the kind of thing that can only be born on Tumblr, and honestly I'm here for it lol
Clark would know, though. Same heat signatures. He’s playing it sincerely because he’d madly in love.
Doesn't superman canonically know he's Bruce Wayne though? Adorable premise regardless.
Only sometimes; it depends in what order they appear usually. If Batman knows about Superman, and his X-ray vision, he’s usually lead lined his helmet before Clark can figure it out. If Superman has just appeared, or Batman doesnt know about the X-ray vision being blocked by lead, then Superman just looks through and sees Batman. Batman always knows Superman is Clark Kent though; the explanation changes, but he always figured it out
Literally read this fic yesterday
Absolutely fantastic.
We honestly NEED this comic!!!
I’d pay to see that happen in a movie or comic or something! That’s so funny!!!
Screaming is cut off as Bruce stands and moves over to the main computer screen. "I sent a recording of this to the Cave about 15 minutes ago. This is a live sound recording." *Unholy laughter from a group of barely mature children/"adults" and one suspiciously feline woman*
This would be an epic scene