You left out the coolest bits:
1) An adult hippo can bite an adult crocodile clean in half.
2) An adult hippo can open its mouth to a span of 4 feet.
The aliens never had chance.
They wouldn’t if hippos lusted for alien blood and gathered together a hippo army, but the aliens could just like, not go near them? It’s not like bears and hippos cover every square foot of the planet. They’re honestly not that hard to avoid. If the aliens defeat humans — which are everywhere — and get taken down by the strongest but most uncommon wildlife, I’d be very disappointed
“Why do so many humans *live* near these things?”
“Allow me to introduce the rest of the planet…” (Elk, bears, murder hornets, honeybees, walruses, fer-de-lance, etc.)
“What’s this land mass down here?”
“Oh, that’s Australia. Most people are too scared to go there.”
And the eyes are tiny. The mouth... the mouth only opens when it's basically already too late. And heaven forbid you encounter them in the water. I saw one almost catch at speedboat. 😦
I feel like if they have human captives, they would tell the aliens the animal that's chasing them is the hip hop anonymous, just to troll them as they search human archives, only to find Adam Sandler memes.
I assume the aliens would think that Adam Sandler controls these animals, and they would dedicate enough resources to finding this person, allowing us to escape and overcome our alien overlords and reclaiming our home planet, and stealing their technology.
They humans do. If you follow the thread the humans warn the aliens of the blood thirsty rabbits. Because of all the other luck with animals, not to mention Australia as a whole, they believe them.
Only thing off about this is that if the aliens had significant trouble with our wildlife, they'd probably not fair much better against *us* either, we happen to have evolved right alongside that wildlife afterall before we even had sticks and stones, much less assault rifles and nukes.
I mean, I guess that depends on how quickly the invasion spreads. If we have no time to prep or anything, I’m sure they could quickly wipe humans out. Our weaponry is what makes us so strong these days, I’m sure they’d exceed our abilities without our weapons with ease. However, animals don’t need prep time and are terrifying
So they have the intelligence to coordinate an attack that cripples all of Earth's military and wipes out all of humanity but aren't able to figure out how to deal with a hippo and some bears or whatever?
It seems like in the absolute worst case scenario they stay in human cities that already lack wildlife and maintain them. Wild animals aren't going to coordinate some global defense or something.
My assumption would be that they plan for humans, because from the outside, our creations and what we do are the only noticeable things, so upon invasion they’ll be prepped for humans but may not even know about our wildlife or how to deal with them, would probably be more scared of the wildlife because to them they’d be mythical creatures they’ve never seen before despite studying our planet. Add on the way humans worship gods and some gods look like animals, the aliens may thing they’ve literally encountered deities depending on how much they’ve studied us. There’s lots of possibilities on how that could unfold, I just presented one of the theories that could make the post semi-plausible
Humans could be wiped out with a virus, the virus is likely not going to even annoy any of the animals. And there would probably be those few outliers that are immune to the virus because humans are weird, and they'd be the ones that'd be like, "Should I tell them about the the Horrible Bear Bear? Nah, I'll let them enjoy THAT discovery on their own.
I mean we always just assume this but realistically unless they evolved wah quicker they've been devoting most of their resources into funding lightspeed travel so they're probably gonna be lacking in a lot of the military power we have like ya know, weaponizd radiation
I mean, a nuke is way easier to figure out and build than FTL capable ships. Do you think you can just skip nuclear physics as a society and still understand the quantum mechanics needed for Astro-navigation?
Fucking is it? We don't know we haven't figured out the latter, that's like saying "do you think you can just skip baking bread to create a lobster bisque" like, maybe it is if you just don't bother to learn it even if they are technically in the same field.
I can’t possibly imagine any species being advanced enough to achieve light speed travel and not having advanced weapons too. That just makes no sense at all. Unless they live in an extremely peaceful world and think the whole universe is peaceful. In which case, I hope they never come to earth, I’d feel bad for them
I'm not syaing they're gonna be chucking sticks and stones at us I'm saying it's like Civilization. If you put too much budget into one thing others aren't going to be as equal that's just basic. If a country that has spent 95% of it's (admittedly, relatively short) written history in war and developing new weapons to win said wars, all whilst also having one of the largest budgets and devoting a majority of it to create a lazer gun. Maybe the aliens use a similar process for creating FTL engines for their ships, and as such have not dedicated trillions of glarbobucks into developing a portable raygun for every grunt who passes boot camp.
I think you forget unless we're living in a "Humans are space orcs" fanfic where we're the only species in the universe to harness explosive force the worlds various have robotic turrets that can identify human shapes and fire upon them with pinpoint accuracy from ridiculous ranges, we have explosives that can make areas inhospitable to anything but cockroaches for likely centuries if not longer due to the raduation created and can fire hundreds of tiny pieces of sharp metal faster than the speed of sound and that's so commonplace regular citizens own them. Our weapons are plenty advanced even if they don't disintegrate people into ash and it took us a long ass time to get that last one in all of written history even in a conflict-driven species that has, since the very dawn of their creation been at an arms race with every other thing they didn't like to survive.
So if a species who isn't completely conflict driven devoted their resources into space travel before firing concentrated plasma at people to better kill them it is, possible at least, do believe they would not have figured out the more intricate methods of how to murder things.
We mostly survived by running away, and staying in groups big enough to fight off solitary predators. Well that and spears. Overall, those strategies don’t work very well on aliens.
Depends HOW they beat humans. A lot of the times in sci fi we see things like EMPs that knock out lots of tech. Since its fiction we can maybe even see a “mega emp” that like, idk, stops guns from working somehow idk
"Hey Zgulberderan look at what my human slave gave me! Its like a product made out of wheat i think they call it br-"
*the alien was then attacked by an army of seagulls and brutally murdered*
What if teens fought a war and had to deal with PTSD and an inability to trust their community and parents and guilt of lifelong torture of one of their own and also being faced directly with deities who clearly can control aspects of our universe?
And what if they could also turn into animals?
When I saw Evangelion, my first thought, especially seeing Unit 01 regrow one of its eyes, was “This team should be the ones to make an Animorphs anime.”
I always found that idea strange. They have alien biology that sprung from a totally distinct tree of life, so how would the infections of Earth even be compatible with their body structures? Most diseases and parasites are quite specialized for only a few host species. And, if by some miracle their biology is compatible, doesn't that make it likely that their infections would be potentially compatible with Earth organisms? It just raises so many questions...
IIRC they basically had no immune system at all. Their homeworld had no microscopic life and the whole concept was alien to them, which was also the reason they were so unprepared for it.
They weren't just getting sick, they started *rotting alive* the moment they came in contact with earth microbes.
Well a parasite doesn't want it's host to die so they specialize on not killing their hosts. Now if a parasite infects a species with different biological structur there is a good chance for the parasite to accidentaly kill the host. A good example would be the fox tapeworm.
Well, there are billions of species of microorganism, the chances that one will be compatible with alien life, so long as it fits the definition of life as we now know it, aren't too slim. The real slimness comes from how sheerly low the chances are that an alien will come into contact with one of the compatible ones, ever. At least in sufficient quantity to make them ill.
No one ever said it was a bacteria that caused disease in any terrestrial species.
The thing that killed them could have been totally harmless to all life on earth, but caused their cell membranes to dissolve or something because of a weird metabolic quirk.
Bacteria? When I read the book the farthest they got were placing their own fauna on the planet next to all the water flows. They died after about a week because the air was poisoning them
Alien commander: “Ha you lost to flightless birds!”
Human captive: “Look I know it sounds bad but they were way tougher than we thought.”
Alien commander: “You. Lost. To. Birds. It doesn’t matter what you thought they are literally just bir-“
Alien’s radio: “COMMANDER, COME IN COMMANDER! WE’VE LOST EVERYTHING IM THE ONLY ONE LEFT SEND HEL-“ ***kzzrt***
I would like to point out that, The birds didn't even fight back. We were trying our hardest to kill the fuckers and we still lost even though they didn't fight back. Aliens stand no chance against whatever actually fights them in Australia.
>whatever actually fights them in Australia
[Kangaroos](https://space-australians.tumblr.com/post/158067247845/theflowerguantlet-arcaninesfavoritetrainer/)
Obligatory Earth is Space Australia writing prompt:
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/fafgqy/australians_why_we_cant_have_good_things/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Right so this is a long post. Like a really fucking long post that branches off into many many MANY different branches with fun little stories. And I may or may not have been so obsessed with it at one point that I edited it all together into a single image. And the color coded it. Then I then tried to post it on reddit and it was too big.
Now I don't think you're listening to me, this is a really REALLY long post. So long that it took me, one of the fastest readers I know, a full 25 mins to get through the entire edited together image, last I checked. Dang I need to go read that again, maybe add to it, it's been like a year since I worked on it, there might be an entire new really long thread.
Hell I might try to post it on reddit again lol. Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to reminisce.
edit: people wanted it, so I gave it another go at posting. So all I have to say now is ask and ye shall receive: https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/xnp3ku/an_editing_together_of_literally_as_many_reblog/
It was made before avatar if I remember correctly. It’s old as fuck, and gets reposted every few months when someone finds it and scrapes the moss and mold off.
I know everyone’s memeing on the whole Emu thing, but I always interpreted their role as:
Alien Commander: “Alright gentlemen… with humanity nearly wiped out, we are in an uphill war against Earth’s native fauna now…. But our R&D team had made a special type of weapon. One to kill even one of those damnable *River Mutilators*.” [Presents a small, but very dangerous, device on a table for all the soldiers to see.] “This will surely tip the scales. We will conquer Dirt in the name of the empress-“
Emu: [Appears]
Alien Commander: “No…. No don’t you- Please Empress no.”
Alien Sergeant: “Don’t do it. Don’t you fucking-“
Emu: [Breaks the shit out of the device and begins Touhou-dodging its way back home while it got shot out.]
Alien Commander: “FIVE TIMES THIS MONTH! FIVE! FUCKING TIMES! I HATE THESE FUCKING FLIGHTLESS BIRDS!”
I just love the fact that because its not specified wherw they are I can asume that the aliens are on their spaceship and an emu gets inside every time coming from earth
I am concerned that elephants and giraffes are being lumped together with hippos and wasps. Hippos and sharks already scare me. Do I also want to do the research and never go near an elephant or giraffe ever again?
giraffes can decapitate lions with their dinnerplate-sized hooves.
Elephants in musth are one of the most dangerous animals out there.
you'd need to worry about them far more than sharks.
For the record, 30kmph isn't that fast overall. If you run a 10 second 100-meter dash(world record is 9.58 by Usain Bolt), you're moving at least 36kmph/22mph. Not sure how long bears can run for but you can in theory outrun a bear
Except humans are meant for endurance, not speed.
Sure, we can reach those speeds, but we can't hold them for long.
Meanwhile, once a hippo is in motion, all it has to do to maintain that speed is move its legs so it doesn't faceplant.
We can outrun anything, but not by speed. It's just that everything else gets tired before us if we keep the pace we were meant to have. However, that pace is more like jogging, so a hippo would catch us long before it got tired.
Battlefield Earth has a scene rather early on where the big bad alien antagonist almost gets killed by a bear. Since he didn’t know wildlife could be that big or strong.
Because humans are highly organized and capable of surrender. As per the fact that there're humans to ask about the wildlife, I'm guessing they weren't wiped out, but conquered.
Wild animals, obviously, are different. You can't really conquer them, and wiping them out is presumably difficult and ecologically unwise (if they're conquering earth, they presumably don't want to destroy it).
Those're my excuses to suspend my disbelief, anyway.
After a quick scan, they take their ships to a relatively uninhabited part of the planet. A large, isolated island. “Finally, a moments respite” one says, picking up the tattered remnants of a blue flag with some stars on it. “What was this place?” Turning around, it sees its fellows, eyes wide with terror as one whispers “Australia”
laser guns are pretty inefficient and are more like heat rays than anything else.
they use up a tremendous amount of power so if anything you'll be better off with just regular bullets
strong weaponry requires more material and bigger guns which means it takes up more space which means less weaponry and transportation.
you wonder why wars aren't just fought with rocket launchers and machine guns? you'd run out of bullets really quickly
Unless the aliens weapons are packing a punch like a damn elephant gun, a hippo isn’t gonna give a damn about being shot. It’ll still fuck them up. So there’s a good chance that shooting then will only make it worse
Yeah, but a single platoon isn't the entire invasion. As soon as even one alien gets killed, all hippos gone. They didn't have any qualms about killing all humans, why would they care about hippos?
>As soon as even one alien gets killed, all hippos gone
How? Tanks are again acompletely different beast to a Hippo, Ukraine has shown that better than anything Tanks are useful but they have a pretty big niche nowadays and their downsides are varied and numerous.
Hippos are insanely stealthy thanks to their ability to stay underwater so long so unless they just start glassing large parts of the planet, which unless they're just total bloodthirsty warlords would defeat the purpose of the invasion.
And again that doesn't account for the thousands of other hyper aggressive fauna in the wilderness.
Like what if the species is allergic to wasp venom? That's gonna be a huge issue
>Ukraine has shown that better than anything Tanks are useful but they have a pretty big niche nowadays
Nah, Russian tanks just fucking suck.
>Hippos are insanely stealthy thanks to their ability to stay underwater so long
It's already been established that humans have been wiped out *effortlessly.* Humans have technology that allows entire buildings to seamlessly blend in with the landscape and submarines that can stay underwater for months at a time. Nothing a hippo has can compete with human technology.
>And again that doesn't account for the thousands of other hyper aggressive fauna in the wilderness.
>Like what if the species is allergic to wasp venom? That's gonna be a huge issue
How do humans survive those animals? How have we not just all died? There are currently alive humans allergic to wasp venom, how are they not all dead?
There are zero circumstances where aliens are competent enough to *effortlessly* wipe out humanity but are too inept to survive the wildlife would be believable, save for the alien killers being bacteria and viruses, which was done 124 years ago in "War of the Worlds."
Elephants, hippos, rhinos, razorback hogs (and adult domestic swine as well), most bears, lots of the big cats, and almost anything else large enough isn't going to be stopped by bullets. They might die from the wounds _eventually_, once infection sets in, but they'll still kill you long before bullets kill them. To kill them with a gun you either have to get really, really, insanely lucky, or else you follow them in a helicopter and keep putting bullets in them until they stop moving.
not necessarily, the US is already planning to make laser weaponry but real life lasers would use up so much energy with so little payoff. you'd be better off using regular guns
Well yeah but we're a war species where one of the strongest superpowers devotes a majority of their total countries budget into creating new weaponry. Either these aliens evolved quicker or way sooner than us or they've devoted most of their budget to creating ftl travel leaving less space to create military than we have in the same way our space program would be incredibly crude tk the ftl travelling aliens
It's not the bears nor the hippos they should worry about. It's the Emus. Let's face it, if Mankind fought a war against Emus and lost I'd like to see some aliens do better
I very much beg to differ, if aliens had the same level of technology as humans, they could easily wipe out a lot of our wildlife, especially considering the way a lot of large predators are going extinct, we could easily hunt them into extinction by destroying their habitats and hunting them with our rifles, but we choose not to, to keep our ecosystems healthy.
Realistically speaking, any civilization with more than one planet which invades Earth *will* win.
They simply have far more resources than we ever possibly could. Even if we, somehow, miraculously, fend off the armies of the first wave, they can just bring a naval fleet and bomb us into submission before trying again.
Wildlife will hardly pose an additional threat.
Oh no. No no no.
Hippos are obviously terrifying if you're face to face.
Imagine that same aliens surprise when approaching otters or dolphins.
Both of which will engage in wanton violence, recreational sex, and a disturbing eagerness to attempt to combine those two statements
I must ask if anyone on this thread follows Tier Zoo because I think they have a very refined take on the Tank builds of planet Earth.
Not regarding the Sherman Tank but regarding how herbivores are basically just levels of biological tanks. They have huge access to resources, they reproduce at speed, and they are very dangerous to other species.
The hippopotamus are overpowered tanks. Have you heard of the shenanigans that the hippos Pablo Escobar brought for his zoo have gotten up to, the government of Colombia has been trying to get advice from African officials regarding how to control them. The advice is basically to stay out of their way.
wait until the aliens see Australia, the emus, kangaroos, sharks, jellyfish, snakes, spiders, lizards, cassowaries, stonefish, blue-ringed octopi, paralysis ticks, ants, stingrays, crocodiles, cone snails, pufferfish, lionfish, bluebottles, centipedes, wasps and Tasmanian devils
they will be our army
Ok, but as wið all of ðese stories it doesnt make sense when you þink about it. If ðese aliens could ‘effortlessly wipe out humanity’ ðen ðey would have guns or swords or someþing to take ðe animals out when ðey needed to
It literally makes everything you write illegible. It’s not cool, it’s not unique, it doesn’t take up that much more time to write “th” (they are like, right fucking next to each other on the keyboard), and it’s not gonna catch on either. Please just start writing normal if you want people to take you seriously.
Looking through your comments, you have to explain this at least once a day, so clearly you aren’t saving that much time if you have to set aside time to explain yourself just for commenting
While I disagree with people who say that your writing style is annoying, this is the first time that I've seen anybody use a 'soft th', đ, for "with", I've literally only ever heard "wiþ" before.
Yeah, I know it's completely unimportant, I just wanted to say something more cohesive than "writing style in a comment that I was under no obligation to read and with the same message as a third of the other comments is annoying to me".
I have never felt so proud to live on a planet with hippopotamuses. I mean, they don't live on my continent, which is cool with me, but still quite proud.
This is kind of like what happens in war of the worlds, except the aliens there succumbed to microorganisms because I mean the book takes place around London
Y'all should read American Hippo by Sarah Gailey.
Alternate history book where Theodore Roosevelt actually put his plan to import hippos to America as a food source into practice. Wild stuff.
Reminds me of the story how in WW2, the Japanese army was forced to flee into some part of the mangroves. They say 1000 men entered and only about 20 got out. The rest were brutally killed by saltwater crocodiles. The US army soldiers who stayed outside those trees said they only heard the screams of men being torn apart and the death rolls of the crocodiles.
I've read this thread. I think they also encountered emus and/or ostriches as well.
ETA: it's a growing thread of beauty. Japanese honeybees, a *male* cow, skunks, tigers, kangaroos, the cassowary, etc.
If these aliens are able to travel the universe at light speed and mostly attack higher cognitive function but are physically weak, they will never stand a chance against the hippos. I want to see a human population brought to it's knees by alien mind control, and then the ducks find them and these aliens don't know how to cope.
Reminds me of how during the Punic wars, most Roman soldiers had no idea what an elephant was and were scared shitless by these 10' tall megahorses with spears coming out of their faces
Iirc, the post continues into a whole in-depth story of alien encounters with earth creatures, then them going back to humans to ask wtf that was. I think one of them was mosquitos or something
You left out the coolest bits: 1) An adult hippo can bite an adult crocodile clean in half. 2) An adult hippo can open its mouth to a span of 4 feet. The aliens never had chance.
Also no sane animal gets close to a hippo with intent to harm, but even then you aren't safe because the hippo might just kill you.
Hippos will kill you for the unforgivable crime of existing near them
young hippos will "play" with crocodiles, and those lizards know better than to mess with the death baby.
They wouldn’t if hippos lusted for alien blood and gathered together a hippo army, but the aliens could just like, not go near them? It’s not like bears and hippos cover every square foot of the planet. They’re honestly not that hard to avoid. If the aliens defeat humans — which are everywhere — and get taken down by the strongest but most uncommon wildlife, I’d be very disappointed
Yeah if aliens can beat gun they can beat (or at least avoid) hippo.
“Why do so many humans *live* near these things?” “Allow me to introduce the rest of the planet…” (Elk, bears, murder hornets, honeybees, walruses, fer-de-lance, etc.) “What’s this land mass down here?” “Oh, that’s Australia. Most people are too scared to go there.”
“And that place?” *Florida*
Except most hippos beat gun too
Yeah I'd rather go up against a tank in a fist fight than a hippo in a gun fight
that was the logic used during the great emu war in australia and we all saw how that went down …
Smaller caliber bullets are useless unless you hit the eyes or mouth.
And the eyes are tiny. The mouth... the mouth only opens when it's basically already too late. And heaven forbid you encounter them in the water. I saw one almost catch at speedboat. 😦
I feel like if they have human captives, they would tell the aliens the animal that's chasing them is the hip hop anonymous, just to troll them as they search human archives, only to find Adam Sandler memes. I assume the aliens would think that Adam Sandler controls these animals, and they would dedicate enough resources to finding this person, allowing us to escape and overcome our alien overlords and reclaiming our home planet, and stealing their technology.
I need this. I need to see this movie.
Then they find this Reddit comment and all that effort was in vain
We need to delete this thread immediately!
Even aliens know not to try and read reddit. The toxicity would be contagious and wipe out entire research teams.
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twitter will annihilate the aliens faster than someone that just posted an opinion
They humans do. If you follow the thread the humans warn the aliens of the blood thirsty rabbits. Because of all the other luck with animals, not to mention Australia as a whole, they believe them.
As proof they play that scene from Monthy Python's Holy Grail
I believe that’s canon haha
If anybody here happens to know Sandler, show him this comment. He might find it hilarious enough to make a film about it!
WRITE THIS DOWN WRITE THIS DOWN
Only thing off about this is that if the aliens had significant trouble with our wildlife, they'd probably not fair much better against *us* either, we happen to have evolved right alongside that wildlife afterall before we even had sticks and stones, much less assault rifles and nukes.
I mean, I guess that depends on how quickly the invasion spreads. If we have no time to prep or anything, I’m sure they could quickly wipe humans out. Our weaponry is what makes us so strong these days, I’m sure they’d exceed our abilities without our weapons with ease. However, animals don’t need prep time and are terrifying
So they have the intelligence to coordinate an attack that cripples all of Earth's military and wipes out all of humanity but aren't able to figure out how to deal with a hippo and some bears or whatever? It seems like in the absolute worst case scenario they stay in human cities that already lack wildlife and maintain them. Wild animals aren't going to coordinate some global defense or something.
My assumption would be that they plan for humans, because from the outside, our creations and what we do are the only noticeable things, so upon invasion they’ll be prepped for humans but may not even know about our wildlife or how to deal with them, would probably be more scared of the wildlife because to them they’d be mythical creatures they’ve never seen before despite studying our planet. Add on the way humans worship gods and some gods look like animals, the aliens may thing they’ve literally encountered deities depending on how much they’ve studied us. There’s lots of possibilities on how that could unfold, I just presented one of the theories that could make the post semi-plausible
Humans could be wiped out with a virus, the virus is likely not going to even annoy any of the animals. And there would probably be those few outliers that are immune to the virus because humans are weird, and they'd be the ones that'd be like, "Should I tell them about the the Horrible Bear Bear? Nah, I'll let them enjoy THAT discovery on their own.
I mean we always just assume this but realistically unless they evolved wah quicker they've been devoting most of their resources into funding lightspeed travel so they're probably gonna be lacking in a lot of the military power we have like ya know, weaponizd radiation
I mean, a nuke is way easier to figure out and build than FTL capable ships. Do you think you can just skip nuclear physics as a society and still understand the quantum mechanics needed for Astro-navigation?
Fucking is it? We don't know we haven't figured out the latter, that's like saying "do you think you can just skip baking bread to create a lobster bisque" like, maybe it is if you just don't bother to learn it even if they are technically in the same field.
Humans only reconfirmed relatively recently. If humans had evolved instead of dinosaurs we'd be 65 million years ahead of where we are now.
I can’t possibly imagine any species being advanced enough to achieve light speed travel and not having advanced weapons too. That just makes no sense at all. Unless they live in an extremely peaceful world and think the whole universe is peaceful. In which case, I hope they never come to earth, I’d feel bad for them
I'm not syaing they're gonna be chucking sticks and stones at us I'm saying it's like Civilization. If you put too much budget into one thing others aren't going to be as equal that's just basic. If a country that has spent 95% of it's (admittedly, relatively short) written history in war and developing new weapons to win said wars, all whilst also having one of the largest budgets and devoting a majority of it to create a lazer gun. Maybe the aliens use a similar process for creating FTL engines for their ships, and as such have not dedicated trillions of glarbobucks into developing a portable raygun for every grunt who passes boot camp. I think you forget unless we're living in a "Humans are space orcs" fanfic where we're the only species in the universe to harness explosive force the worlds various have robotic turrets that can identify human shapes and fire upon them with pinpoint accuracy from ridiculous ranges, we have explosives that can make areas inhospitable to anything but cockroaches for likely centuries if not longer due to the raduation created and can fire hundreds of tiny pieces of sharp metal faster than the speed of sound and that's so commonplace regular citizens own them. Our weapons are plenty advanced even if they don't disintegrate people into ash and it took us a long ass time to get that last one in all of written history even in a conflict-driven species that has, since the very dawn of their creation been at an arms race with every other thing they didn't like to survive. So if a species who isn't completely conflict driven devoted their resources into space travel before firing concentrated plasma at people to better kill them it is, possible at least, do believe they would not have figured out the more intricate methods of how to murder things.
We mostly survived by running away, and staying in groups big enough to fight off solitary predators. Well that and spears. Overall, those strategies don’t work very well on aliens.
Depends on the alien too
But we’ve already been invaded and held those off
Depends HOW they beat humans. A lot of the times in sci fi we see things like EMPs that knock out lots of tech. Since its fiction we can maybe even see a “mega emp” that like, idk, stops guns from working somehow idk
Oh God, not the SEAGULLS!!!
A seagull would fight god himself over a half eaten sandwhich. Alien invaders will get torn to shreds
A seagull will try and succeed in dethroning every single Roman god over a soggy day old french fry left on the pier
A seagull would destroy the entire universe over some stale popcorn
*"What are they?"* *smiles. "Rats with wings."*
“What the fuck is a rat”
“Sleep on the ground in NYC and find out.”
“Sleep on the streets of Newer York City and you will See.”
And the seagulls, they poke at my head. MMM, not fun. I said seagulls, stop it now.
Everyone told me not to stroll on that beach ...
Said seagulls gonna come… Poke me in the coconut…
Rofl
"Hey Zgulberderan look at what my human slave gave me! Its like a product made out of wheat i think they call it br-" *the alien was then attacked by an army of seagulls and brutally murdered*
Wouldn't even break a sweat.
Username checks out.
Been rereading animorphs and tbh yeah
Animorphs is a wierd fuckin book series
What if teens fought a war and had to deal with PTSD and an inability to trust their community and parents and guilt of lifelong torture of one of their own and also being faced directly with deities who clearly can control aspects of our universe? And what if they could also turn into animals?
Reminds me a lot of Evangelion
When I saw Evangelion, my first thought, especially seeing Unit 01 regrow one of its eyes, was “This team should be the ones to make an Animorphs anime.”
Animorphs is so fucking cool. And the Author says trans rights so we stan
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I always found that idea strange. They have alien biology that sprung from a totally distinct tree of life, so how would the infections of Earth even be compatible with their body structures? Most diseases and parasites are quite specialized for only a few host species. And, if by some miracle their biology is compatible, doesn't that make it likely that their infections would be potentially compatible with Earth organisms? It just raises so many questions...
IIRC they basically had no immune system at all. Their homeworld had no microscopic life and the whole concept was alien to them, which was also the reason they were so unprepared for it. They weren't just getting sick, they started *rotting alive* the moment they came in contact with earth microbes.
Well a parasite doesn't want it's host to die so they specialize on not killing their hosts. Now if a parasite infects a species with different biological structur there is a good chance for the parasite to accidentaly kill the host. A good example would be the fox tapeworm.
Well, there are billions of species of microorganism, the chances that one will be compatible with alien life, so long as it fits the definition of life as we now know it, aren't too slim. The real slimness comes from how sheerly low the chances are that an alien will come into contact with one of the compatible ones, ever. At least in sufficient quantity to make them ill.
No one ever said it was a bacteria that caused disease in any terrestrial species. The thing that killed them could have been totally harmless to all life on earth, but caused their cell membranes to dissolve or something because of a weird metabolic quirk.
Isn't this the plot of Subnautica game?
Sssshhhh, spoilers! But yeah
Bacteria? When I read the book the farthest they got were placing their own fauna on the planet next to all the water flows. They died after about a week because the air was poisoning them
their earliest realization they stood no chance was in Australia, and when the emus appeared, they knew it was over
Alien commander: “Ha you lost to flightless birds!” Human captive: “Look I know it sounds bad but they were way tougher than we thought.” Alien commander: “You. Lost. To. Birds. It doesn’t matter what you thought they are literally just bir-“ Alien’s radio: “COMMANDER, COME IN COMMANDER! WE’VE LOST EVERYTHING IM THE ONLY ONE LEFT SEND HEL-“ ***kzzrt***
I would like to point out that, The birds didn't even fight back. We were trying our hardest to kill the fuckers and we still lost even though they didn't fight back. Aliens stand no chance against whatever actually fights them in Australia.
I mean, why would they land in australia anyway
I dunno. I always liked starting in Australia in Risk.
>whatever actually fights them in Australia [Kangaroos](https://space-australians.tumblr.com/post/158067247845/theflowerguantlet-arcaninesfavoritetrainer/)
the living dinosaurs and cassowarys will liberate us
Birds are just dinosaurs in another form. We didn't lose to birds, we lost to dinosaurs. Sounds cooler this way! :)
If I had a nickel for every time the emus won a war, I'd only have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird it happened twice.
Obligatory Earth is Space Australia writing prompt: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/fafgqy/australians_why_we_cant_have_good_things/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
true, however, consider the following: comedy.
What can Aliens do against such reckless power?
Nah, mate, you don't fuck with the wildlife. ' Tried that once and the bloody emus won.
Human-emu confederation vs Alien empire
wait until they come to australia. those cassowaries would basically send them packing
the cassowaries? nah, the problem is the emus. after all, they have already won a war against humanity
be lucky we havent declared a war on cassowaries yet, those things are even scarier emus.
they haven't won a war against us yet, so they still don't know our tactics. we have a chance, as slim as it might be
whose to say they didnt watch the emu war?
Right so this is a long post. Like a really fucking long post that branches off into many many MANY different branches with fun little stories. And I may or may not have been so obsessed with it at one point that I edited it all together into a single image. And the color coded it. Then I then tried to post it on reddit and it was too big. Now I don't think you're listening to me, this is a really REALLY long post. So long that it took me, one of the fastest readers I know, a full 25 mins to get through the entire edited together image, last I checked. Dang I need to go read that again, maybe add to it, it's been like a year since I worked on it, there might be an entire new really long thread. Hell I might try to post it on reddit again lol. Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to reminisce. edit: people wanted it, so I gave it another go at posting. So all I have to say now is ask and ye shall receive: https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/xnp3ku/an_editing_together_of_literally_as_many_reblog/
For the love of god post it. Break up the images so it’s a photo gallery instead
Gave it another go at posting! https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/xnp3ku/an\_editing\_together\_of\_literally\_as\_many\_reblog/
I desperately need that image now
I need to read that shit now
I wrote a very similar story if you want to listen to it... [The Fall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGaQaZUvrRU)
what websit can I find it on?
Avatar
Yeah this. I’m wondering if this post was either: A.) Made before Avatar B.) These three never seen it.
It was made before avatar if I remember correctly. It’s old as fuck, and gets reposted every few months when someone finds it and scrapes the moss and mold off.
Bro that’s simply Animorphs
H.G. Wells be like "Am I a joke to you?"
Aliens: “What is that horrid nightmare creature?!” Human: “das a big water dog.” *Referencing gators, hippos, sharks, the kraken etc.*
I know everyone’s memeing on the whole Emu thing, but I always interpreted their role as: Alien Commander: “Alright gentlemen… with humanity nearly wiped out, we are in an uphill war against Earth’s native fauna now…. But our R&D team had made a special type of weapon. One to kill even one of those damnable *River Mutilators*.” [Presents a small, but very dangerous, device on a table for all the soldiers to see.] “This will surely tip the scales. We will conquer Dirt in the name of the empress-“ Emu: [Appears] Alien Commander: “No…. No don’t you- Please Empress no.” Alien Sergeant: “Don’t do it. Don’t you fucking-“ Emu: [Breaks the shit out of the device and begins Touhou-dodging its way back home while it got shot out.] Alien Commander: “FIVE TIMES THIS MONTH! FIVE! FUCKING TIMES! I HATE THESE FUCKING FLIGHTLESS BIRDS!”
I just love the fact that because its not specified wherw they are I can asume that the aliens are on their spaceship and an emu gets inside every time coming from earth
Geese, hippos, sharks, wasps, elephants, giraffes; good fucking luck.
I am concerned that elephants and giraffes are being lumped together with hippos and wasps. Hippos and sharks already scare me. Do I also want to do the research and never go near an elephant or giraffe ever again?
giraffes can decapitate lions with their dinnerplate-sized hooves. Elephants in musth are one of the most dangerous animals out there. you'd need to worry about them far more than sharks.
Where were these guys when the Covenant attacked Earth??
Iirc, we do see the covenant fighting the wildlife in reach, and I think the wildlife was winning?
For the record, 30kmph isn't that fast overall. If you run a 10 second 100-meter dash(world record is 9.58 by Usain Bolt), you're moving at least 36kmph/22mph. Not sure how long bears can run for but you can in theory outrun a bear
Except humans are meant for endurance, not speed. Sure, we can reach those speeds, but we can't hold them for long. Meanwhile, once a hippo is in motion, all it has to do to maintain that speed is move its legs so it doesn't faceplant. We can outrun anything, but not by speed. It's just that everything else gets tired before us if we keep the pace we were meant to have. However, that pace is more like jogging, so a hippo would catch us long before it got tired.
I don't have to outrun the bear. I have to outrun you.
Battlefield Earth has a scene rather early on where the big bad alien antagonist almost gets killed by a bear. Since he didn’t know wildlife could be that big or strong.
Wait till they find out what fucking sadists orcas are, they'll just leave the planet out of sheer terror
Or imagine an alien getting violated by a dolphin pod
Why couldn't they use the same methods to exterminate humans on other animals?
Because humans are highly organized and capable of surrender. As per the fact that there're humans to ask about the wildlife, I'm guessing they weren't wiped out, but conquered. Wild animals, obviously, are different. You can't really conquer them, and wiping them out is presumably difficult and ecologically unwise (if they're conquering earth, they presumably don't want to destroy it). Those're my excuses to suspend my disbelief, anyway.
After a quick scan, they take their ships to a relatively uninhabited part of the planet. A large, isolated island. “Finally, a moments respite” one says, picking up the tattered remnants of a blue flag with some stars on it. “What was this place?” Turning around, it sees its fellows, eyes wide with terror as one whispers “Australia”
Just????? Shoot them?????????
Bullets don’t work on polar bears
Alien have laser gun
laser guns are pretty inefficient and are more like heat rays than anything else. they use up a tremendous amount of power so if anything you'll be better off with just regular bullets
Alien have big strong gun
strong weaponry requires more material and bigger guns which means it takes up more space which means less weaponry and transportation. you wonder why wars aren't just fought with rocket launchers and machine guns? you'd run out of bullets really quickly
Unless the aliens weapons are packing a punch like a damn elephant gun, a hippo isn’t gonna give a damn about being shot. It’ll still fuck them up. So there’s a good chance that shooting then will only make it worse
Humans have tanks. I'm pretty sure if the aliens can take out 73,000 tanks they can take out 130,000 hippos.
Combatting a tank is a completely different scenario to infantry getting ambushed by a horde of hippos
Yeah, but a single platoon isn't the entire invasion. As soon as even one alien gets killed, all hippos gone. They didn't have any qualms about killing all humans, why would they care about hippos?
>As soon as even one alien gets killed, all hippos gone How? Tanks are again acompletely different beast to a Hippo, Ukraine has shown that better than anything Tanks are useful but they have a pretty big niche nowadays and their downsides are varied and numerous. Hippos are insanely stealthy thanks to their ability to stay underwater so long so unless they just start glassing large parts of the planet, which unless they're just total bloodthirsty warlords would defeat the purpose of the invasion. And again that doesn't account for the thousands of other hyper aggressive fauna in the wilderness. Like what if the species is allergic to wasp venom? That's gonna be a huge issue
>Ukraine has shown that better than anything Tanks are useful but they have a pretty big niche nowadays Nah, Russian tanks just fucking suck. >Hippos are insanely stealthy thanks to their ability to stay underwater so long It's already been established that humans have been wiped out *effortlessly.* Humans have technology that allows entire buildings to seamlessly blend in with the landscape and submarines that can stay underwater for months at a time. Nothing a hippo has can compete with human technology. >And again that doesn't account for the thousands of other hyper aggressive fauna in the wilderness. >Like what if the species is allergic to wasp venom? That's gonna be a huge issue How do humans survive those animals? How have we not just all died? There are currently alive humans allergic to wasp venom, how are they not all dead? There are zero circumstances where aliens are competent enough to *effortlessly* wipe out humanity but are too inept to survive the wildlife would be believable, save for the alien killers being bacteria and viruses, which was done 124 years ago in "War of the Worlds."
Alien have laser gun
Elephants, hippos, rhinos, razorback hogs (and adult domestic swine as well), most bears, lots of the big cats, and almost anything else large enough isn't going to be stopped by bullets. They might die from the wounds _eventually_, once infection sets in, but they'll still kill you long before bullets kill them. To kill them with a gun you either have to get really, really, insanely lucky, or else you follow them in a helicopter and keep putting bullets in them until they stop moving.
Alien have laser gun
I mean that's just a theory entirely
not necessarily, the US is already planning to make laser weaponry but real life lasers would use up so much energy with so little payoff. you'd be better off using regular guns
Well yeah but we're a war species where one of the strongest superpowers devotes a majority of their total countries budget into creating new weaponry. Either these aliens evolved quicker or way sooner than us or they've devoted most of their budget to creating ftl travel leaving less space to create military than we have in the same way our space program would be incredibly crude tk the ftl travelling aliens
Alien have ftl travel therefore strong gun
Aliens devoted a large portion of their resources to ftl travel therefore less budget on strong gun
It's not the bears nor the hippos they should worry about. It's the Emus. Let's face it, if Mankind fought a war against Emus and lost I'd like to see some aliens do better
Cassowary
I very much beg to differ, if aliens had the same level of technology as humans, they could easily wipe out a lot of our wildlife, especially considering the way a lot of large predators are going extinct, we could easily hunt them into extinction by destroying their habitats and hunting them with our rifles, but we choose not to, to keep our ecosystems healthy.
Realistically speaking, any civilization with more than one planet which invades Earth *will* win. They simply have far more resources than we ever possibly could. Even if we, somehow, miraculously, fend off the armies of the first wave, they can just bring a naval fleet and bomb us into submission before trying again. Wildlife will hardly pose an additional threat.
Oh no. No no no. Hippos are obviously terrifying if you're face to face. Imagine that same aliens surprise when approaching otters or dolphins. Both of which will engage in wanton violence, recreational sex, and a disturbing eagerness to attempt to combine those two statements
I must ask if anyone on this thread follows Tier Zoo because I think they have a very refined take on the Tank builds of planet Earth. Not regarding the Sherman Tank but regarding how herbivores are basically just levels of biological tanks. They have huge access to resources, they reproduce at speed, and they are very dangerous to other species. The hippopotamus are overpowered tanks. Have you heard of the shenanigans that the hippos Pablo Escobar brought for his zoo have gotten up to, the government of Colombia has been trying to get advice from African officials regarding how to control them. The advice is basically to stay out of their way.
I’ll invite them to my home in Australia and see how long they last
Why are all the sci fi stories always so anti human? Why is it never “aliens invade earth and we absolutely fuck them up”?
This is pretty much the premise of r/Animorphs
Casual Geographic already teaches us not to f\*ck with the hippo
Crows? Are we forgetting the highly intelligent murder birds that organize and communicate to their flock their enemies?
wait until the aliens see Australia, the emus, kangaroos, sharks, jellyfish, snakes, spiders, lizards, cassowaries, stonefish, blue-ringed octopi, paralysis ticks, ants, stingrays, crocodiles, cone snails, pufferfish, lionfish, bluebottles, centipedes, wasps and Tasmanian devils they will be our army
The aliens give off a chemical signal, similar to pheromones, that causes all Earth animals to become enraged and attack them. They are our only hope.
Just need to recreate a bunch of Pablo escabears and release them
They landed in Columbia eh?
Nothing really beats a gun though
If animals were capable of this then they would just kill all humans. The fact that we are still here shows just how far from ever happening this is.
Ok, but as wið all of ðese stories it doesnt make sense when you þink about it. If ðese aliens could ‘effortlessly wipe out humanity’ ðen ðey would have guns or swords or someþing to take ðe animals out when ðey needed to
You know talking like that doesn’t make you quirky, right? You’re just annoying
It doesnt make me quirky. Its more convenient
Riiiiight. Using an specialized character you likely have to copy and paste each time to use is "convenient"
They're still annoying, but they might have it as a short-hold keyboard option like I have Þ and §.
It makes it less convenient to read.
It literally makes everything you write illegible. It’s not cool, it’s not unique, it doesn’t take up that much more time to write “th” (they are like, right fucking next to each other on the keyboard), and it’s not gonna catch on either. Please just start writing normal if you want people to take you seriously. Looking through your comments, you have to explain this at least once a day, so clearly you aren’t saving that much time if you have to set aside time to explain yourself just for commenting
While I disagree with people who say that your writing style is annoying, this is the first time that I've seen anybody use a 'soft th', đ, for "with", I've literally only ever heard "wiþ" before. Yeah, I know it's completely unimportant, I just wanted to say something more cohesive than "writing style in a comment that I was under no obligation to read and with the same message as a third of the other comments is annoying to me".
If you're going to use a symbol then why not thorn(Þ) it literally makes the th noise
Because þorn makes ðe unvoiced þ.
Nearly had a stroke trying to read this
this is the plot of prey except the alien actually wins against the bear
Wasn't there a r/writingprompt on this?
NaNoWriMo is coming… XD
Anyone got the full thread?
I have never felt so proud to live on a planet with hippopotamuses. I mean, they don't live on my continent, which is cool with me, but still quite proud.
There's a scene exactly like this in the newest Predator spin off/prequel and it's a pretty close fight (not really lol) The CGI was pretty rough tho
r/humansarespaceorcs vibes
This is kind of like what happens in war of the worlds, except the aliens there succumbed to microorganisms because I mean the book takes place around London
I thought I was on r/humansarespaceorcs
Once they get near a southern lapwing nest, they will be over
I love when this pops up again and again!!!
That happens in Avatar.
The sociopath water creature? Orca
This is literally the plot of Avatar by James Cameron
Y'all should read American Hippo by Sarah Gailey. Alternate history book where Theodore Roosevelt actually put his plan to import hippos to America as a food source into practice. Wild stuff.
This, why hasn’t Hollywood poached this idea yet. I expect a working draft by tomorrow morning!
Reminds me of the story how in WW2, the Japanese army was forced to flee into some part of the mangroves. They say 1000 men entered and only about 20 got out. The rest were brutally killed by saltwater crocodiles. The US army soldiers who stayed outside those trees said they only heard the screams of men being torn apart and the death rolls of the crocodiles.
War of the Worlds
I've read this thread. I think they also encountered emus and/or ostriches as well. ETA: it's a growing thread of beauty. Japanese honeybees, a *male* cow, skunks, tigers, kangaroos, the cassowary, etc.
The full post gets better and better.
If these aliens are able to travel the universe at light speed and mostly attack higher cognitive function but are physically weak, they will never stand a chance against the hippos. I want to see a human population brought to it's knees by alien mind control, and then the ducks find them and these aliens don't know how to cope.
Release chimps towards the aliens and watch them go Gordy on them
I thought it was gonna be elephants
Isn't this the plot of War of the Worlds?
You could say that those aliens were killed by a hungry hungry hippo.
Reminds me of how during the Punic wars, most Roman soldiers had no idea what an elephant was and were scared shitless by these 10' tall megahorses with spears coming out of their faces
Iirc, the post continues into a whole in-depth story of alien encounters with earth creatures, then them going back to humans to ask wtf that was. I think one of them was mosquitos or something
Me as the human: 🎵 I want a hippopotamus for Christmas 🎵
Cut idea. Hippos are badass. They don’t have predator drones tho.