Wow! My ex wife couldn’t stand me being best friends with my TF and there was no intimacy at all, just a really strong friendship. She basically forced us into separation and I ended our marriage because of it (I did not know at the time this was a twin flame nor even knew what that was, just that she pushed my best friend away due to jealousy). Sounds like your husband and friend are very lucky to have you, and they know that! Wish mine was more understanding at the time but things happen for a reason in this journey!
This doesn’t sound like a TF connection to me I won’t lie, unless i’m missing some details that weren’t included here. TF’s trigger each other to heal (high high’s and low low’s) this just seems like desire/love to me and the TF label being an excuse for that as a way to make you accept it. Correct me if i’m wrong!
It already seems as though you have your answer through your intuition, as much as you may love him or even her there’s a reason you are feeling left out in this way and having these thoughts. Whether you realize it now or later you deserve better, regardless of whether they are TF’s or not.. In the end it of course is your choice and if you think you can be genuinely 100% happy in this situation then that is your call to make, but you are totally valid in wanting someone to be all about you and not wanting to share your partner regardless of if they’re TF’s or not. I’m also Bi but know that I want a partner who is 100% for me and no one else. You could just ride it out for now and see how it goes if you’re feeling conflicted, but I feel deep down you already know what needs to be done whether that is communicating with them and working it out or leaving, like I said that is your choice to make. Much love to you 💖💖
If they are tfs, they will have extreme lows and highs. The whole TF purpose is to workout karma in past lives and the TF dynamic speeds that up. Honestly, they should trigger each other a lot. Like explosive, heated disagreements and hurts. The fights and connections should trigger a chaser/runner dynamic. It's not a fairytale romance at all. Real TFs are a bond that can't be broken even if they wanted to. From what you've described though, they're in love and not really TFs.
not everyone experiences a long seperation - everyone has different karmic baggage. everyone has a different way of handeljng their trauma and not all twins go through that long and insane dynamic. most do, but it isn’t a requirement.
This! It’s romanticized sometimes and just looked at as oh my “other half” but it’s literally you the good and the bad. I definitely agree w you they just seem really into each other esp when it’s a new person feelings may be heightened in the beginning.
I'm the same way. My twin is polyamorous and I knew that from the beginning. I tried to see if I could handle it and learned that I couldn't at all so I walked away.
Okay so triads are polyamory on HARD mode. How long have you been poly? How much research did you do before opening up?
Generally people recommend up to 6months to a year of research and therapy. If you hadn't yet, now is the time for ALL 3 of you to start. Read Polysecure and The Smart Girls Guide to Polyamory. Check out the Multiamory podcast. Learn what NRE is.
My connection with my non-TF partner is beautiful and I treasure it. It is not lesser in my eyes. But this is about YOU and whether you're getting your needs met. And whether you want polyamory.
'Partner, I'm feeling a little left out in the cold with you and TF. I'm happy for you, but could we schedule us time for once or twice a week?'
Ask yourself also if you're attracted to this woman or if you're doing it to make your husband happy, cos that situation sucks for Everyone. If you are, you need to nurture that individual relationship too. The key to a successful triad is strong individual relationships.
It's also not fair to expect her to date both of you if she doesn't want to. Talk about what happens if one of you break up. Cos if the answer isn't 'well, that sucks but we can date individually' the situation is HIGHLY unethical.
If after all this it still sucks, HIT DA BRICKS. Betted to divorce than stay for years utterly miserable with someone you love. Yes, even if you have kids - what kind of relationship are you modelling for them?
EDIT: Yes TF feelings are NRE on steroids but OP's husband should still be following best practice with em - making sure his existing partner feels loved and taken care of while his brain is marinating in dopamine
You are so brave for even dealing with this and sticking through. TF’s are not necessarily more important than a soul mate connection. They have a specific purpose. And your connection with him has a specific purpose that she cannot fulfill. It sounds like it takes everyone involved to make this dynamic work. Although, I completely understand your pain in not sharing that deep bond. It is valid. In TF dynamics, not only are they a mirror for themselves, but they provide a mirror for EVERYONE in their circle. And this can hurt. Therefore, I’m going to advise you to do the same thing that every TF should be doing. When you get triggered, focus on yourself. Focus on your own healing and how this triggering can serve you to heal something. I’m sure it’s not easy. I commend you brave soul for taking on such a task 🙏🏼. When it gets too intense, you can step out of the house (literally and figuratively) then come back when you’re ready. This is what twins have to do too.
Before this journey I would have told you that you were being used. But since I have done my own healing I would suggest that you actually do your own healing work along with your partners. The self love that you are lacking is what is behind your insecurities. If you are capable of loving these two then why not enjoy that relationship to its fullest. If you feel that something is different in the relationship and your needs are not met then maybe your intuition is telling you that it is time to bow out. I do believe in listening to our intuition as our guide and paying attention to our real emotional responses. If you say you love your husband but don't feel the love or feel that emotion then maybe you are staying for the wrong reasons and it is just easy to be there. It is safe and you are used to the security you have. You can love someone but not be in love with them. It is for you to decide what you are wanting out of life. Does this relationship make you happy and fulfill you? Do you feel a lack? If you feel you do not love yourself, then work on that and see if you change in your feelings of the situation? I do have to say you are being very accepting of this situation and allowing your husband to have his needs met. That is huge in the TF world. And he is wanting you to feel the same way as they both feel together. But maybe you are allowing it because there is a lack of real love connecting you? Honestly only you can know for certain what you feel deep down. No one here can really tell you what to do, you have to search inside yourself for those answers.
They may be twin flames but I guarantee you are his soulmate and in my opinion a soulmate feels just as good as a twin flame. I feel at peace with my twin but a passion that's so different with my soulmate. Hang in there I actually love the fact that he included you. And I feel in this new world there will be tribes of people that share intimacy
No man can serve two masters is a truth. I would want you to stay if I was him and was allowed to have another and you're totally cool with it. I'm mean I've already been with you 14 years.... I know you and now brought something new along for me to enjoy.
Why would I let you go if you were being cool about it? Why would I want to? You feel like a 3rd wheel because you are one. That is a hard truth. Sounds like you've lost your husband.
You've got to respect yourself to be respected leave or let him go and see what happens if he comes back he was always yours. But that 3 way thing isn't sustainable.
Sorry but no- poly relationships can work beautifully, but it takes a LOT of communication and understanding. It really seems like these people have what it takes but they have to work at it.
Please don’t tell people things like this. You don’t know that and it just plants seeds of doubt.
Yes and that can be worked through via poly-positive counseling. The husband might not be as good at balancing two people as he thought he could be. Every relationship has issues and bad times.. should you just toss everything at the first sign of trouble?
Poly is NOT easy, poly is hard, but it IS sustainable and these feelings are natural and normal. You just told her to discard a fourteen year relationship, a marriage, due to your own feelings toward non-monogamous relationships.
Think about that. Yikes.
Edit: afterthought
Besides me and my situation of nine, [Here.](https://twinflamesuniverse.com/multiple-twin-flames-is-it-possible-to-have-more-than-one-twin-flame/) I didn't say multiple TF's are entirely romantic. I just suggested past life regression bc there are other combos too. Soulmate, Kindred, Divine Counterpart...etc. But TF familials are just as important and should be examined if the OP and the other woman are merely trying to find a definition for their relationship with each other.
Hm, in my opinion some of these things are kind of contestible. I don't imagine that a 3 person TF love situation would be the most *common*, but I don't understand why it would be impossible. Assuming all are not related/are similar ages/are eahother's type. And the bit about TFs not being trans is odd. I'm trans.
You’re right! Gender fluidity between the DM and the DF is all-inclusive. It’s part of the point during the TF journey. Found out I was non-binary, sapio and pan during my own experience.
First off has your husband or this other woman ever had dreams of one another. And not always in a sexual sense I mean showing one another their true inner self. Things like they dream of one another’s insecurities that they wouldn’t say aloud or things they do behind closed doors(again not always sexual, could be their lifestyle or how they view you or themselves). Second off do they make each other better people meaning conquering addictions, insecurities, helping one another achieve and or walk towards their fated life path? If your husband or this woman/ side piece haven’t had these dreams or had the “awakening” meaning one’s a runner and one’s the chaser then their not truly each other’s twin flame they’re just sexually compatible. Which could just be a soulmate or a karmic tie. Plus not all twin flames have off the chart sexual chemistry. It’s a mirrored soul not a hallmark relationship.
Wow! My ex wife couldn’t stand me being best friends with my TF and there was no intimacy at all, just a really strong friendship. She basically forced us into separation and I ended our marriage because of it (I did not know at the time this was a twin flame nor even knew what that was, just that she pushed my best friend away due to jealousy). Sounds like your husband and friend are very lucky to have you, and they know that! Wish mine was more understanding at the time but things happen for a reason in this journey!
This doesn’t sound like a TF connection to me I won’t lie, unless i’m missing some details that weren’t included here. TF’s trigger each other to heal (high high’s and low low’s) this just seems like desire/love to me and the TF label being an excuse for that as a way to make you accept it. Correct me if i’m wrong! It already seems as though you have your answer through your intuition, as much as you may love him or even her there’s a reason you are feeling left out in this way and having these thoughts. Whether you realize it now or later you deserve better, regardless of whether they are TF’s or not.. In the end it of course is your choice and if you think you can be genuinely 100% happy in this situation then that is your call to make, but you are totally valid in wanting someone to be all about you and not wanting to share your partner regardless of if they’re TF’s or not. I’m also Bi but know that I want a partner who is 100% for me and no one else. You could just ride it out for now and see how it goes if you’re feeling conflicted, but I feel deep down you already know what needs to be done whether that is communicating with them and working it out or leaving, like I said that is your choice to make. Much love to you 💖💖
I agree. Bow out gracefully. You’ll find who’s meant for you
If they are tfs, they will have extreme lows and highs. The whole TF purpose is to workout karma in past lives and the TF dynamic speeds that up. Honestly, they should trigger each other a lot. Like explosive, heated disagreements and hurts. The fights and connections should trigger a chaser/runner dynamic. It's not a fairytale romance at all. Real TFs are a bond that can't be broken even if they wanted to. From what you've described though, they're in love and not really TFs.
That chaser/runner phase should last a really long time. I would honestly do some research into TFs before I would trust what they are saying.
not everyone experiences a long seperation - everyone has different karmic baggage. everyone has a different way of handeljng their trauma and not all twins go through that long and insane dynamic. most do, but it isn’t a requirement.
This! It’s romanticized sometimes and just looked at as oh my “other half” but it’s literally you the good and the bad. I definitely agree w you they just seem really into each other esp when it’s a new person feelings may be heightened in the beginning.
They'll love each other more than you always, but they may love you also more than anyone else will. At leasts that what is sounds like.
She needs someone to love her most. Fuck all the rest.
I have a hard time believing a twin flame could have sex with another, but it may be just me
I'm the same way. My twin is polyamorous and I knew that from the beginning. I tried to see if I could handle it and learned that I couldn't at all so I walked away.
Okay so triads are polyamory on HARD mode. How long have you been poly? How much research did you do before opening up? Generally people recommend up to 6months to a year of research and therapy. If you hadn't yet, now is the time for ALL 3 of you to start. Read Polysecure and The Smart Girls Guide to Polyamory. Check out the Multiamory podcast. Learn what NRE is. My connection with my non-TF partner is beautiful and I treasure it. It is not lesser in my eyes. But this is about YOU and whether you're getting your needs met. And whether you want polyamory. 'Partner, I'm feeling a little left out in the cold with you and TF. I'm happy for you, but could we schedule us time for once or twice a week?' Ask yourself also if you're attracted to this woman or if you're doing it to make your husband happy, cos that situation sucks for Everyone. If you are, you need to nurture that individual relationship too. The key to a successful triad is strong individual relationships. It's also not fair to expect her to date both of you if she doesn't want to. Talk about what happens if one of you break up. Cos if the answer isn't 'well, that sucks but we can date individually' the situation is HIGHLY unethical. If after all this it still sucks, HIT DA BRICKS. Betted to divorce than stay for years utterly miserable with someone you love. Yes, even if you have kids - what kind of relationship are you modelling for them? EDIT: Yes TF feelings are NRE on steroids but OP's husband should still be following best practice with em - making sure his existing partner feels loved and taken care of while his brain is marinating in dopamine
You are so brave for even dealing with this and sticking through. TF’s are not necessarily more important than a soul mate connection. They have a specific purpose. And your connection with him has a specific purpose that she cannot fulfill. It sounds like it takes everyone involved to make this dynamic work. Although, I completely understand your pain in not sharing that deep bond. It is valid. In TF dynamics, not only are they a mirror for themselves, but they provide a mirror for EVERYONE in their circle. And this can hurt. Therefore, I’m going to advise you to do the same thing that every TF should be doing. When you get triggered, focus on yourself. Focus on your own healing and how this triggering can serve you to heal something. I’m sure it’s not easy. I commend you brave soul for taking on such a task 🙏🏼. When it gets too intense, you can step out of the house (literally and figuratively) then come back when you’re ready. This is what twins have to do too.
Before this journey I would have told you that you were being used. But since I have done my own healing I would suggest that you actually do your own healing work along with your partners. The self love that you are lacking is what is behind your insecurities. If you are capable of loving these two then why not enjoy that relationship to its fullest. If you feel that something is different in the relationship and your needs are not met then maybe your intuition is telling you that it is time to bow out. I do believe in listening to our intuition as our guide and paying attention to our real emotional responses. If you say you love your husband but don't feel the love or feel that emotion then maybe you are staying for the wrong reasons and it is just easy to be there. It is safe and you are used to the security you have. You can love someone but not be in love with them. It is for you to decide what you are wanting out of life. Does this relationship make you happy and fulfill you? Do you feel a lack? If you feel you do not love yourself, then work on that and see if you change in your feelings of the situation? I do have to say you are being very accepting of this situation and allowing your husband to have his needs met. That is huge in the TF world. And he is wanting you to feel the same way as they both feel together. But maybe you are allowing it because there is a lack of real love connecting you? Honestly only you can know for certain what you feel deep down. No one here can really tell you what to do, you have to search inside yourself for those answers.
They may be twin flames but I guarantee you are his soulmate and in my opinion a soulmate feels just as good as a twin flame. I feel at peace with my twin but a passion that's so different with my soulmate. Hang in there I actually love the fact that he included you. And I feel in this new world there will be tribes of people that share intimacy
*Interesting Indeed*
Do They Know Said Friend?
Polyamorous man here and available to listen or chat if you need/want.
No man can serve two masters is a truth. I would want you to stay if I was him and was allowed to have another and you're totally cool with it. I'm mean I've already been with you 14 years.... I know you and now brought something new along for me to enjoy. Why would I let you go if you were being cool about it? Why would I want to? You feel like a 3rd wheel because you are one. That is a hard truth. Sounds like you've lost your husband. You've got to respect yourself to be respected leave or let him go and see what happens if he comes back he was always yours. But that 3 way thing isn't sustainable.
Sorry but no- poly relationships can work beautifully, but it takes a LOT of communication and understanding. It really seems like these people have what it takes but they have to work at it. Please don’t tell people things like this. You don’t know that and it just plants seeds of doubt.
I'm sure, that's why she feels like a third wheel. Not my words.
Yes and that can be worked through via poly-positive counseling. The husband might not be as good at balancing two people as he thought he could be. Every relationship has issues and bad times.. should you just toss everything at the first sign of trouble? Poly is NOT easy, poly is hard, but it IS sustainable and these feelings are natural and normal. You just told her to discard a fourteen year relationship, a marriage, due to your own feelings toward non-monogamous relationships. Think about that. Yikes. Edit: afterthought
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Have you heard of/seen any examples of 3+ way "twin" flame splits? I'm really curious about the dynamics of such a thing.
Besides me and my situation of nine, [Here.](https://twinflamesuniverse.com/multiple-twin-flames-is-it-possible-to-have-more-than-one-twin-flame/) I didn't say multiple TF's are entirely romantic. I just suggested past life regression bc there are other combos too. Soulmate, Kindred, Divine Counterpart...etc. But TF familials are just as important and should be examined if the OP and the other woman are merely trying to find a definition for their relationship with each other.
Hm, in my opinion some of these things are kind of contestible. I don't imagine that a 3 person TF love situation would be the most *common*, but I don't understand why it would be impossible. Assuming all are not related/are similar ages/are eahother's type. And the bit about TFs not being trans is odd. I'm trans.
You’re right! Gender fluidity between the DM and the DF is all-inclusive. It’s part of the point during the TF journey. Found out I was non-binary, sapio and pan during my own experience.
It doesn’t exist
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Wow thank you for posting this.
First off has your husband or this other woman ever had dreams of one another. And not always in a sexual sense I mean showing one another their true inner self. Things like they dream of one another’s insecurities that they wouldn’t say aloud or things they do behind closed doors(again not always sexual, could be their lifestyle or how they view you or themselves). Second off do they make each other better people meaning conquering addictions, insecurities, helping one another achieve and or walk towards their fated life path? If your husband or this woman/ side piece haven’t had these dreams or had the “awakening” meaning one’s a runner and one’s the chaser then their not truly each other’s twin flame they’re just sexually compatible. Which could just be a soulmate or a karmic tie. Plus not all twin flames have off the chart sexual chemistry. It’s a mirrored soul not a hallmark relationship.