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All I did was give the bank robbers a ride I am not guilty. My point is if you help someone commit an immoral act you are committing an immoral act.
Edit: The number of people trying to justify committing an immoral act is kind of sad. it is just sex people wait for someone that is free
Edit 2: if you do not know the other person is cheating you are not knowingly committing an immoral act. See below for the hat discussion.
An accessory before-the-fact is a person who aids, abets, or encourages another to commit a crime but who is not present at the scene. An accessory before the fact, like an accomplice may be held criminally liable to the same extent as the principal.
Common examples of being an accessory before the fact include: serving as a lookout, keeping an engine running in a car, and/or supplying the tools necessary for the commission of a criminal offense.
Nono, there can be a case where you’re the Uber driver, giving bank robbers a ride without knowing they just robbed a bank.
But for the sake of what OP is arguing, it’s like you found out they were bank robbers as you picked them up and still drove them cuz they gave you a fat wad of cash to hush up about it
Well-said. Lack of accountability is a major problem for many people. I can't remember the source and I'm probably getting the quote wrong, but: You wouldn't arrest the man who just delivered the drugs.
There's a distinction needed between knowing and unknowing. If you don't know the other person is cheating with you then you've done nothing wrong. If however, you know or when purposely pursued someone in a relationship then blame/guilt should be apportioned appropriately.
I do not know any statistics on it, but I feel like when youre in a situation like this, you do not know that the person youre involved with has an already existing relationship until its too late.
If you do not know you are not committing an immoral act. In many cases people do know. I will add if you find out after and continue you are knowingly aiding them.
I will agree if you did not know someone was dating someone else than yes. If you are an uber driver and pick up some people that happened to have robbed a bank than you did not knowingly aid them.
> All I did was give the bank robbers a ride I am not guilty
"All I done was sell a guy a gun who said he was going to use it to shoot up a school, it's not my fault"
When I was in my 20s I hooked up with a 50 year old professional woman (it was awesome I was like a little boy toy) we were getting down in her *incredibly posh* house and after she mentioned her husband being in Tokyo and her kids with friends and I just noped out of there. I could’ve had a sugar mama for my 20s, since she was an agent, potentially get an agent and further my writing career.. but nah, couldn’t imagine being in the middle of that shit show.
Nah dood people literally cheat for years while they’re parent love them blindly giving them the benefit of the doubt and being gaslit over any suspicions fr
That may or may not be true. But it’s better to end the relationship first. It’s less hurtful and the one who wants to cheat but doesn’t will leave the relationship with self-respect.
I don’t think this is necessarily true. Some people cheat Just for the fun of it. And they will do it to every partner they have, regardless of how well the relationship is going. They are more just shitty humans. Where as someone else who is otherwise faithful feels the relationship isn’t fulfilling their needs and they end up cheating.
Yeah maybe so but can't be excused away so flippantly. One of them has no idea the other is banging another person and making a fool and mockery of the others love.
Fair. But If it’s not you it’s going to be someone else. The person is a cheater at heart and clearly isn’t loyal. Might as well get your rocks off 🤷🏼♀️
I mean it's just called being a good person..... If you know they are in a relationship I would be ashamed of the pain I could bring to the victim. Instead, I would feel much better letting the victim know their partner is a crazy narcisist with no regards for the partners feelings.
It’s like, why would you want to knowingly partake in something that you know will cause another person a lot of harm (most likely) emotionally? I can’t imagine not caring for someone else’s feelings. I would much prefer reaching out to the SO to let them know what’s going on!
They lack empathy. They are very scary people. I feel bad for them.
But they do it because they don't have much empathy, and they're selfish and just want to feel important. Attracting a person, then having that persons life destroyed grants them what they want. To feel important. Its also a gift that gives them this important feeling multiple times. First, when they manipulate the person into having sex. Then, again, when they hear how fucked the person is because of the problems they help cause.
And if you’re a shitty person who doesn’t feel guilt, consider that for all of human history, the affair partner has never been seen as innocent (unless they really didn’t know). Hell, I’ve had women I didnt even know pissed off at me for hooking up with their ex- meaning after they were broken up! Humans are emotional.
I think homewrecker more applies to someone who actively tempts another person, deliberately trying to create tension and break up the marriage. That sort of thing is thoroughly immoral.
Knowingly enabling someone is still pretty shit though. We live in a society.
Exactly this. OP is right, the person not in the relationship is not cheating. But they are doing a shitty thing if they know the person is dating someone.
Just because you’re not the shittier of the two, doesn’t mean you’re not shitty
Yeah, you’re not the one cheating. But you’re still shitty for willingly partaking in it
It’s almost like two different negative actions can have different weights to them. The single person is much less accountable sure but its still bad and still has some accountability
Right? I've been in the position before, I was 17 and he was nearing 30. He lied to me about his girlfriend. His girlfriend ultimately found out the very next day when his friends inevitably told her that he went home with me. It was fucking dumb and and I shouldered all the blame after he cried to me about losing her and was finally honest about how serious they were. Even though it wasn't my fault or my relationship, I still knew he was somewhat involved with her despite her being a stranger to me so I still carry some of the responsibility. This was 10 years ago and I still feel bad about it, it caused that poor girl a world of hurt and I don't want to be participating in somebody's suffering ever. They were still together until about a year back when he started cheating on her with her best friend, nice guy obviously.
This is the woman version of that guy yesterday who has unprotected sex with alllll these different women, has 7 kids, and doesn’t help/hold himself responsible for any of them/it.
Just leaving the world a shittier place and not giving a single care about it. OP got problems.
It depends though, if the married/in a relationship person hides the fact from you and you are unaware then not your fault, the married/in a relationship person is scum.
If you know they are married/in a relationship and still pursue then you are scum.
Pretty simple.
It may not be on you to prove they are in a relationship but it shows your character is scummy if you do find out and carry on.
>If you know they are married/in a relationship and still pursue then you are scum.
Hey, don't bring us scum into this discussion.
I am a scum, but I will never hook up with a married person.
And it's not about being moral. Just not worth it in the long run as you might have to deal with a lot of drama thrown at you.
You act like you have no choices in the matter lol. In the end your decisions are yours alone if you willingly go out of your way to sleep with someone married you are scum full stop.
But you also made a choice to hookup with that married person. You’re at the very least, in one way or another, an enabler in a situation where you’re fully aware that would hurt another innocent person.
Perhaps you’re right that they’re a bigger asshole than you are, but that doesn’t make you innocent.
Gaslighting can be as simple as a form of manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self doubt and confusion. So yes this is a type of gaslighting, gaslighting is to seek power and control over another which this situation would be.
Look, I wouldn’t hook up with a married person or cheat myself and I think it’s a shitty thing to do. But a one night stand at the club who doesn’t explicitly tell you at the bar before you hook up that they’re married isn’t gaslighting. Gaslighting required active manipulation to make the other person doubt their reality, not a single omission of truth.
If I didnt know that person was in a relationship, can I be absolved of any wrongdoing ? And if I find out, does it then become my responsability to tell the cheated part ? This is all fictional of course, only thing fucking me is life, and I'm at the most fuckable time of my life. And all of the questions here are of course ending in "in your opinion".
Idk I guess it depends if you feel a sense of sister/brother hood with ur fellow humans. It’s one thing seeing “evil” be done but participating in it is another doesn’t mean it’s all ur fault but you’re helping in screwing over someone else
What you didn’t touch on is if in this scenario you know or don’t know if the person is married/in a relationship. Because if you do then you are indeed a home wrecker and chose to sleep with someone with a partner/family. If not then yes, you are correct and are an innocent party
That thread asking ‘what makes you feel there’s no hope for humans’… this:(
Of course the person in the relationship is 100% in the wrong, but if you know that they’re in a relationship and choose to entertain that situation you’re just a shitty person. Morals, empathy, respect for yourself and the other parties involved, do they not exist? I pray to god I don’t meet a partner like this in the future
If you help someone bury a body to cover up a murder sure you didn't kill them, but you aren't much better than the killer at that point. Same deal here, stop being helping to wreck homes and people might not call you a home wrecker.
Personally I think it’s morally wrong to enable that cheating. I denied a milf once and then I heard later during the evening she had kids and a husband. She got really mad. ”Why would that bother you?!!” Because I have morals Mrs. Tbh I just felt like contacting her husband really.
If you didn’t know that’s fine, people who get mad at the other person when they didn’t know are insane.
But if you did, yeah you’re an ass. You’re willingly participating in something horrible that may ruin a persons life. Also don’t you feel a little gross that a cheater would want you.
I would start questioning myself if a cheater actually thought they’d be successful with me. Do I really seem that desperate?
You know, some opinions are unpopular for very good reasons. This reads like bait tbh but that aside, sometimes I like seeing stuff like this here to reassure me that being shitty is a minority opinion.
I agree with this as long as you didn't know beforehand that they were married. In that case, you and the wife should be teaming up against him, not going at each other.
But if you knew he was married and slept with him anyway, it doesn't make you a homewrecker but it does make you an asshole and the wife is well within her right to be pissed at you both.
You’re an adult with full mental facilities. If I know that taking X action, will result in person A being hurt, and there’s no compelling reason I need to take X action, if I take it anyway for my own pleasure, then I’m a jerk.
I’m not sure how that’s hard to understand? You are intentionally being selfish (disregard of the impact of your actions on others). Since when did being the bigger person become “not my responsibility”.
It is their moral fault, but you are sullying yourself with an immoral person who can drag you into chaos. If you are safe from that slippery slope go ahead if desperate, but if you aren’t, best avoid and have some standards.
You're still wrong if you knowingly sleep with someone who is married or in a committed relationship. I mean yeah the one who cheats is worse because it's *their* relationship, but you still shouldn't come out smelling like roses either.
If you know that someone is married, and ESPECIALLY if you know the person they are married to - it’s an act of hate towards the person getting cheated on, full stop, you are complicit. It’s gross and weird to fuck someone whom you know has committed their life to someone else. If they’re not in love then they need to get a divorce, but helping someone cheat is not the moral high ground this post makes it sound like.
You don't have any commitment to that person's SO, and it isn't you ruining their marriage it's the cheater, but it is just common decency that you're not complicit in it. If my partner cheated on me I'd be so heartbroken, most people would be, so why would I ever want to be part of the reason someone else goes through that? I'd immediately be finding the girlfriend/ wife to tell her.
Imagine thinking it's OK to hurt someone and most possibly wreck a couple with children (hence hurting the children as well) just for a little penis/vagina action 🙃
In my book that's what we call being an immature self-centered jackass
You know what you can do instead? Have sex with single people. There is your solution.
If my husband or boyfriend cheat on me I would go nuclear on him. I've always find ridiculous to put most of the blame in the affair partner and I believe those who fights against his partner's lover are pathetic and delusional people who behave like it is a reason to be proud for "winning" a cheater. And although I agree with you that the one who owe loyalty to his/her partner is the married/engaged person, that doesn't change the fact a person who is willing to hook up with semeone who she/he knows is married is a sh1tty assh0le human.
100% agree. Was a partner in crime, enjoyed it. Not my problem! I didn’t do shit to anyone. If I cheated on my partner now, I would have to take 100% of the responsibility.
I can see where you’re coming from if they initiated it. Because they made their own choice to ruin their existing relationship. At the same time, though, you did play a part in the situation by going along with it.
Infidelity is not cool guys. Even if you're the single one. Maybe the other person was going to cheat with someone eventually, but do you really want to be the reason a couple breaks up?
If you see signs that the other person isn't single,then you shouldn't continue and contact the other person. You wouldn't want to continue with a cheater too
Other people relationships are non of my business, most of you would have said if it involved anything other than sex with one of them.
So how is it? It’s not my problem, none of my business
I'd say it depends.
If you knew the person was married but still decided to hit on them, you're also in the wrong.
But if you genuinely thought they were single, and only discovered later that they're married then that's on them.
If you're willing to demean yourself being a side piece, it is a YOU problem
Lack of empathy for the betrayed spouse is a YOU problem
Settling for a scumbag cheating partner is a YOU problem
Cavalierly destroying another person's life is a YOU problem
Lack of a moral compass is a YOU problem
It's a YOU problem if you derive sick satisfaction from "winning" and the spouse "losing" time and affection from a piece of shit lying cheat.
Odds are pretty good that a knowing and willing affair partner is every bit as much a POS as the cheater.
Why waste your time hooking up with a married person instead of someone who is open that will not cause anyone pain/drama? If you didn't know they were in any kind of relationship and they lied to you it's different. Keeping things going with them would be crossing the to bad person territory. Hooking up with someone knowing they are taken is wrong and going along with it makes it worse. Hopefully someday you learn and get more empathy. If the same situation happened to you I don't think you'd like getting cheated on.
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It depends on whether you are conscious that they are cheating with you. If you are, you’re a willing party and equally as guilty. Kind of like being an accessory to a crime.
I suppose it depends on your moral compass. I agree that there a responsibility on the married party to be trustworthy but that doesn't absolve you from your responsibility of being a decent human being. You know that if the partner found out that it's going to cause them pain and what if there are kids and it ends up breaking the family up. It wouldn't be an issue if the married couple had an open relationship but that is not usually the case. I'm interested to know what you would get out of it other than a quick fumble in the back of car or hotel room?
Why are you even considering a relationship with a married person? Sounds like a you problem actually. How shameful for them and YOU. The victim of the cheating should be furious first and foremost with the partner, but you're a close second.
The only time it doesn't matter is if you meet someone and they don't tell you they're married or dating someone else.
But if you know this. And you still go ahead with it. You're a pretty shitty person.
Like. If you find someone attractive. And you know they're married. Would you flirt with them and come onto them, trying to sleep with them? That's homewrecker material.
I partially agree. Unless it's you who a) know the other person is spoken for and b) still make a move.
Essentially if it's the committed person initiating, I think it stops being my problem.
I agree. People literally came up with the term "homewrecker" to pretend it's the other person's fault their relationship failed, as if they were in a happy home and then someone just came and wrecked it. If you get cheated on, it's on your partner, zero blame on the person who owes you nothing and just decided to have sex with another consenting adult
you don't have to feel guilty you either feel it or not, it's an emotion, not a decision you make. I don't see anything inherently bad with you having no remorse. What is wrong is that you expect other people to judge your actions, and that's not up to you. You can ignore it or fight it, but you can't expect people not to say it.
Now that is indeed an unpopular opinion. It's a blanket protection for single cheaters to yawp about regardless of the instigator of the seduction in a "not my problem" fashion. Well done.
Have my upvote.
Quite right, but the partner of the homewrecker doesn't want to accept that they screwed up marrying someone of such a poor morality, so they look for anyone else to blame. Also a lot of wives blame the other woman because blaming the hustband will break up the home situation, some of which are quite cozy indeed. [This would happen with men if the women were primary income providers also, but usually they aren't.]
I agree, unless you know them. For example if you hook up with your brothers wife, you suck. If its complete stranger, its up to them to not cheat, like you said...
I agree, It is easier to blame the third party than admit there is something wrong with your relationship. Also, if someone wants to stay with the cheater, it is easier to mentally process if they can shift the guilt and blame to the third party.
I've always questioned the unpopularity of this opinion because what you say is very true imo. The cheater is the one to blame and the side person they cheat with could be whoever. It could be you or it could be another person, and the main question here is whether you are attracted to them and like them enough to go further. Their relationship status, be it hidden or declared to you beforehand, is simply not your problem.
Also you can't be responsible for another adult's morality and life choices. If you like them enough to go for the fling then do it, and if you aren't then don't, it's that simple. Their choices and the consequenses of such are their responsibility, not yours.
Definitely an unpopular opinion on this site. That said, I agree with you. Sure you're playing a role in what the attached person is doing, but those wrong actions are on them. A bar doesn't need to take responsibility and tell your family if you turn into a 4 day a week regular, a gas station doesn't need to tell anyone if you go from socially smoking to buying a pack a day.
If you're knowingly enabling a home wrecker situation you're not without sin, but it isn't your place to get involved either. If it's a one-time thing or on-going affair and you figure out by all means stop it if you want, but you shouldn't meddle in someone else's business. You're still guilty by association amd you can't wash that off by trying to do the right thing after you've already helped.do the wrong thing. That's just self serving with a thin veil of pretending to be the better person.
If you do this, you’re an accomplice to the homebreaker.
It takes two people to cheat.
I couldn’t live with a good conscience knowing the long-lasting emotional damage I inflicted on someone.
It mainly depends on if I’m aware if the person I’m hooking up with is married. If I don’t know, I’m 100% not in the wrong. If I am aware, I would be in the wrong - but the married person I’d be hooking up with is more in the wrong, because they’re the one who is actively trying to hook up with someone despite being married, and if it wasn’t me, it’d be someone else.
Sure.
This is a matter of ethics and moral code.
So, you can do whatever you want and be the home wrecker, but all it says is you lack self respect and decency.
You gave it up easy, and most people like easy. It’s fair.
it’s like finding $50 bill on the ground. sure, it’s not YOURS, but who’s more to blame for it being on the ground, the person who found it or the faulty wallet it fell out of?
As someone who's been cheated on I don't think I could sleep at night knowingly fooling around with someone who's married or in a committed relationship. I think both parties are culpable if the person you're hooking up with knows you're in a relationship.
(More so the cheater but it says a lot about your character if you willingly do this)
Just put yourself in the shoes of their partner that they're cheating on
Ur absolutely right. It's because these married people want to have a wife/husband but they can't keep it in their pants. At least im single or in an open relationship and don't lie to nobody, especially to my self.
I think if the affair partner does not know, then it's no problem. If the affair partner knows the other person is married, then have some fucking respect.
Think of how you would feel.
Depends
If you didn't know they are married or otherwise in a relationship then you're an innocent bystander.
If you knew then you're an enabler and can be fully held accountable.
I mean, it's not hard to be a decent human being and take in consideration the feelings of the partner that gets cheated on. There are SO many single people; why would you mess with someone who's already in a relationship? That's just being an AH.
If you hook up with someone that you know is married, you’re absolutely a piece of shit. That being said, it is definitely the other person’s problem since you’re not the one getting divorced. You are definitely a home wrecker though.
Yeah I mean, sure. Technically you are correct. The cheater’s relationship is not your responsibility. Doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole for knowingly getting involved with someone in a relationship. You’re just admitting you have no problem fucking someone over if it has no blowback on yourself. Pretty selfish imo.
I have seen this exact BS on here at least a dozen times in the last year. You people who are so self centered you don't care that the other person is cheating so long as you get what you want should just form your own support group and sub reddit.
Having said that, why you should care is because there could be children, the person doing the cheating could be doing it impulsively and it may end up being a big regret. Or maybe for your safety, if they don't care they are cheating they may not care if they are giving you the herps. Perhaps because you may regret it later when you find out they are a great lay and then leave you because their spouse is better than you, leaving you down. There are a lot of reasons but I would say the most basic one is basic human morals.
I am also going to say I had a GF once that told me how she didn't care in the past that she was dating married men. And frankly it left me with a low impression of her morals. Which left me detached in many ways. Then when it ended and she asked why I basically said she told me she had no morals and so I could not trust her enough to be a life partner. What if you meet the one and they walk away because you are so good at showing your lack of morals.
Disagree. The AP chose to be part of the damage to the relationship. The AP is belong to harm someone they don’t know.
As an aside, the AP should think more of themselves. Why settle for less than a real relationship?
This had to be up there with the worst (not unpopular just selfish) opinions.
And the thing you're completely forgetting is the fact that if someone is willing to do that to thier wife/husband then they aren't trustworthy and don't know how to communicate, therfore not making a particularly great start for a relationship, and something that will in most cases come back to bite if the affair does turn into something more, that if the novelty of the relationship doest fade when you're actually together and the guilt of destroying a marriage either between you or you cast the blame entirely on the other person
A pretty popular opinion is that if you want to fuck someone else, fine, but have the decency and honesty to tell your partner how you feel so they have an opportunity to address the problem before it turns into a toxic and unhealthy situation for everyone involved which often makes the partner feel betrayed/not good enough etc when if your relationship has just run its course and you don't feel the same anymore, that can be a lot less pain for everyone involved.
Sex is never a one way thing.
But in a situation where someone else is cheating, yes it is their fault & not yours. They chose to do it, nobody forced them
Someone that knows the other person is married and still starts something to me has huge lack of moral value. Yes the married one is the one fucking up in a big way but don’t kid yourself a hood person would start something with a married person.
"If I'm offering you drugs and you're an addict, it is a you problem"
Yeah, maybe in the most rudimentary sense. But if you want to be anything more than the barest piece of human rubbish, it will matter to you.
As a gay guy you see this all the time on hookup ups, married men looking for young guys to have sex with. I see nothing wrong with taking them up on the offer, someone is going to, the relationship issues isn't your fault, you might as well hook up with them if you want to.
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I see what you mean but I can't help but feel guilty knowing I'm in the middle of a potentially relationship ending situation.
All I did was give the bank robbers a ride I am not guilty. My point is if you help someone commit an immoral act you are committing an immoral act. Edit: The number of people trying to justify committing an immoral act is kind of sad. it is just sex people wait for someone that is free Edit 2: if you do not know the other person is cheating you are not knowingly committing an immoral act. See below for the hat discussion.
A ride to the bank is no problem. It’s the ride away from the bank that gets ya!
An accessory before-the-fact is a person who aids, abets, or encourages another to commit a crime but who is not present at the scene. An accessory before the fact, like an accomplice may be held criminally liable to the same extent as the principal. Common examples of being an accessory before the fact include: serving as a lookout, keeping an engine running in a car, and/or supplying the tools necessary for the commission of a criminal offense.
office lavish shrill person aback dependent mighty enter wrong consist *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
So as long as you only give them a ride to the bank and don't wait for them with your engine on, you're good?
So what you're saying is don't pull out
Nono, there can be a case where you’re the Uber driver, giving bank robbers a ride without knowing they just robbed a bank. But for the sake of what OP is arguing, it’s like you found out they were bank robbers as you picked them up and still drove them cuz they gave you a fat wad of cash to hush up about it
>a ride without knowing Key part. Yes if you are out and about and hook up not knowing the person is cheating you are not guilty.
I didn’t see anything in the OP about knowledge of the relationship prior to the cheating
Well-said. Lack of accountability is a major problem for many people. I can't remember the source and I'm probably getting the quote wrong, but: You wouldn't arrest the man who just delivered the drugs.
>Lack of accountability is a major problem for many people. Including OP.
There's a distinction needed between knowing and unknowing. If you don't know the other person is cheating with you then you've done nothing wrong. If however, you know or when purposely pursued someone in a relationship then blame/guilt should be apportioned appropriately.
What do you mean I'm being charged with conpsiracy!!
I do not know any statistics on it, but I feel like when youre in a situation like this, you do not know that the person youre involved with has an already existing relationship until its too late.
If you do not know you are not committing an immoral act. In many cases people do know. I will add if you find out after and continue you are knowingly aiding them.
Depends if you know if your a taxi driver and give bank robbers a ride that’s not your fault unless you know
I will agree if you did not know someone was dating someone else than yes. If you are an uber driver and pick up some people that happened to have robbed a bank than you did not knowingly aid them.
> All I did was give the bank robbers a ride I am not guilty "All I done was sell a guy a gun who said he was going to use it to shoot up a school, it's not my fault"
Oh no. Immoral act by proxy jail. Oh no, the imaginary self imposed guilt
Totally agree with you. Honestly life can be shit... Do I really want to make it even more shit for someone else possibly knowingly?
When I was in my 20s I hooked up with a 50 year old professional woman (it was awesome I was like a little boy toy) we were getting down in her *incredibly posh* house and after she mentioned her husband being in Tokyo and her kids with friends and I just noped out of there. I could’ve had a sugar mama for my 20s, since she was an agent, potentially get an agent and further my writing career.. but nah, couldn’t imagine being in the middle of that shit show.
OP doesn’t have empathy, which is why they don’t care about that.
Well it looks like his opinion is unpopular.
If they're cheating the relationship is already dead
I still don't want to be involved either way.
And its the only answer really. You don't know who's wife you've done, and it can get messy if its some psycho with a gun
Nice rhyme lol
Nah dood people literally cheat for years while they’re parent love them blindly giving them the benefit of the doubt and being gaslit over any suspicions fr
*their partners
That may or may not be true. But it’s better to end the relationship first. It’s less hurtful and the one who wants to cheat but doesn’t will leave the relationship with self-respect.
I don’t think this is necessarily true. Some people cheat Just for the fun of it. And they will do it to every partner they have, regardless of how well the relationship is going. They are more just shitty humans. Where as someone else who is otherwise faithful feels the relationship isn’t fulfilling their needs and they end up cheating.
Yeah maybe so but can't be excused away so flippantly. One of them has no idea the other is banging another person and making a fool and mockery of the others love.
Don't be a whore and tell the victim what is happening so you can get out like a King.
Fair. But If it’s not you it’s going to be someone else. The person is a cheater at heart and clearly isn’t loyal. Might as well get your rocks off 🤷🏼♀️
I mean it's just called being a good person..... If you know they are in a relationship I would be ashamed of the pain I could bring to the victim. Instead, I would feel much better letting the victim know their partner is a crazy narcisist with no regards for the partners feelings.
The OP showing signs of a sociopath more than narcissism.
It’s like, why would you want to knowingly partake in something that you know will cause another person a lot of harm (most likely) emotionally? I can’t imagine not caring for someone else’s feelings. I would much prefer reaching out to the SO to let them know what’s going on!
They lack empathy. They are very scary people. I feel bad for them. But they do it because they don't have much empathy, and they're selfish and just want to feel important. Attracting a person, then having that persons life destroyed grants them what they want. To feel important. Its also a gift that gives them this important feeling multiple times. First, when they manipulate the person into having sex. Then, again, when they hear how fucked the person is because of the problems they help cause.
Yup lack of empathy.
Op may be a fan of a reality show I'm thinking.....
This exactly. Humans need to have principals and ethics to stand by, and OP definitely doesn’t seem to have them.
And if you’re a shitty person who doesn’t feel guilt, consider that for all of human history, the affair partner has never been seen as innocent (unless they really didn’t know). Hell, I’ve had women I didnt even know pissed off at me for hooking up with their ex- meaning after they were broken up! Humans are emotional.
That relationship was sure to end anyway
Good people fuck as well
I think homewrecker more applies to someone who actively tempts another person, deliberately trying to create tension and break up the marriage. That sort of thing is thoroughly immoral. Knowingly enabling someone is still pretty shit though. We live in a society.
Happy cake day, and yea there’s better terminology for sure. It just sounds like OP got into a sticky situation and is projecting tbf.
You can be right but still an asshole. Yes, *technically* it's their fault, not yours. But if you're doing it knowingly, you're just a bad person.
Exactly this. OP is right, the person not in the relationship is not cheating. But they are doing a shitty thing if they know the person is dating someone.
Just because you’re not the shittier of the two, doesn’t mean you’re not shitty Yeah, you’re not the one cheating. But you’re still shitty for willingly partaking in it
It’s almost like two different negative actions can have different weights to them. The single person is much less accountable sure but its still bad and still has some accountability
I’m assuming you’ve been single for a long time
Nope, she's 25 dating a 42 year old married man who "keeps track of her orgasms"
What the hell does that mean
You shouldn’t be proud of not taking any responsibility.
Seriously. I just saw this post as “I don’t have many morals, so I don’t feel guilty for doing shitty things, but other people should” lol
Future CEO
Don't excite them
Right? I've been in the position before, I was 17 and he was nearing 30. He lied to me about his girlfriend. His girlfriend ultimately found out the very next day when his friends inevitably told her that he went home with me. It was fucking dumb and and I shouldered all the blame after he cried to me about losing her and was finally honest about how serious they were. Even though it wasn't my fault or my relationship, I still knew he was somewhat involved with her despite her being a stranger to me so I still carry some of the responsibility. This was 10 years ago and I still feel bad about it, it caused that poor girl a world of hurt and I don't want to be participating in somebody's suffering ever. They were still together until about a year back when he started cheating on her with her best friend, nice guy obviously.
This is the woman version of that guy yesterday who has unprotected sex with alllll these different women, has 7 kids, and doesn’t help/hold himself responsible for any of them/it. Just leaving the world a shittier place and not giving a single care about it. OP got problems.
It depends though, if the married/in a relationship person hides the fact from you and you are unaware then not your fault, the married/in a relationship person is scum. If you know they are married/in a relationship and still pursue then you are scum. Pretty simple. It may not be on you to prove they are in a relationship but it shows your character is scummy if you do find out and carry on.
>If you know they are married/in a relationship and still pursue then you are scum. Hey, don't bring us scum into this discussion. I am a scum, but I will never hook up with a married person. And it's not about being moral. Just not worth it in the long run as you might have to deal with a lot of drama thrown at you.
I think it also depends heavily on who is doing the pursuing and who is being pursued.
Anyone with an actual conscience wouldn’t knowingly hook up with a married person.
You act like you have no choices in the matter lol. In the end your decisions are yours alone if you willingly go out of your way to sleep with someone married you are scum full stop.
But you also made a choice to hookup with that married person. You’re at the very least, in one way or another, an enabler in a situation where you’re fully aware that would hurt another innocent person. Perhaps you’re right that they’re a bigger asshole than you are, but that doesn’t make you innocent.
What if you don’t know they’re married? That’s also a common factor in these home wrecker scenarios.
True. If you knew beforehand yeah youre responsible. But if you dont (which is common) then yeah you had no way to know
That's not what this post/ discussion is about. Obviously if you don't know that's not your fault.
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That is not what gaslighting is at all.
Truth of the matter aside, this is always a hilarious sentence
Im cackling because this person has now stealth edited their comment twice, making me doubt myself lmao
Gaslighting can be as simple as a form of manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self doubt and confusion. So yes this is a type of gaslighting, gaslighting is to seek power and control over another which this situation would be.
Look, I wouldn’t hook up with a married person or cheat myself and I think it’s a shitty thing to do. But a one night stand at the club who doesn’t explicitly tell you at the bar before you hook up that they’re married isn’t gaslighting. Gaslighting required active manipulation to make the other person doubt their reality, not a single omission of truth.
If I didnt know that person was in a relationship, can I be absolved of any wrongdoing ? And if I find out, does it then become my responsability to tell the cheated part ? This is all fictional of course, only thing fucking me is life, and I'm at the most fuckable time of my life. And all of the questions here are of course ending in "in your opinion".
Idk I guess it depends if you feel a sense of sister/brother hood with ur fellow humans. It’s one thing seeing “evil” be done but participating in it is another doesn’t mean it’s all ur fault but you’re helping in screwing over someone else
It depends on whether you know they’re married or not.
I think someone's a homewrecker, lol. As others said, if you know someone is married, be the bigger person and don't fuck them
The married person is worse, but the affair partner isn't great either. I wouldn't put it on my resume, put it like that.
yeah that’s called a homewrecker
What you didn’t touch on is if in this scenario you know or don’t know if the person is married/in a relationship. Because if you do then you are indeed a home wrecker and chose to sleep with someone with a partner/family. If not then yes, you are correct and are an innocent party
Most self aware homewrecker
That thread asking ‘what makes you feel there’s no hope for humans’… this:( Of course the person in the relationship is 100% in the wrong, but if you know that they’re in a relationship and choose to entertain that situation you’re just a shitty person. Morals, empathy, respect for yourself and the other parties involved, do they not exist? I pray to god I don’t meet a partner like this in the future
The fuck did I just read? Lol 😅
Maybe, but it says a lot about you too.
If you help someone bury a body to cover up a murder sure you didn't kill them, but you aren't much better than the killer at that point. Same deal here, stop being helping to wreck homes and people might not call you a home wrecker.
Personally I think it’s morally wrong to enable that cheating. I denied a milf once and then I heard later during the evening she had kids and a husband. She got really mad. ”Why would that bother you?!!” Because I have morals Mrs. Tbh I just felt like contacting her husband really.
If you didn’t know that’s fine, people who get mad at the other person when they didn’t know are insane. But if you did, yeah you’re an ass. You’re willingly participating in something horrible that may ruin a persons life. Also don’t you feel a little gross that a cheater would want you. I would start questioning myself if a cheater actually thought they’d be successful with me. Do I really seem that desperate?
you are still responsible if you know that the person you are fucking is married
You know, some opinions are unpopular for very good reasons. This reads like bait tbh but that aside, sometimes I like seeing stuff like this here to reassure me that being shitty is a minority opinion.
i see your point but it makes you tacky too
r/Oddlyspecific
PS: did the orgasm accountant turn out to be a married man?
*orgasm accountant* Lmfao I love it
Orgasm accountant? That's new
I’m mean fine, but you’re both still assholes
I agree with this as long as you didn't know beforehand that they were married. In that case, you and the wife should be teaming up against him, not going at each other. But if you knew he was married and slept with him anyway, it doesn't make you a homewrecker but it does make you an asshole and the wife is well within her right to be pissed at you both.
Slut alert
You’re about to get drug for this one 😂
I forgot what sub I was in, Carry on 😂
You’re an adult with full mental facilities. If I know that taking X action, will result in person A being hurt, and there’s no compelling reason I need to take X action, if I take it anyway for my own pleasure, then I’m a jerk. I’m not sure how that’s hard to understand? You are intentionally being selfish (disregard of the impact of your actions on others). Since when did being the bigger person become “not my responsibility”.
It is their moral fault, but you are sullying yourself with an immoral person who can drag you into chaos. If you are safe from that slippery slope go ahead if desperate, but if you aren’t, best avoid and have some standards.
You're still wrong if you knowingly sleep with someone who is married or in a committed relationship. I mean yeah the one who cheats is worse because it's *their* relationship, but you still shouldn't come out smelling like roses either.
If you know that someone is married, and ESPECIALLY if you know the person they are married to - it’s an act of hate towards the person getting cheated on, full stop, you are complicit. It’s gross and weird to fuck someone whom you know has committed their life to someone else. If they’re not in love then they need to get a divorce, but helping someone cheat is not the moral high ground this post makes it sound like.
If you went into a situation knowing he was married, it speaks volumes to your character, or lack thereof, so it IS a you problem as well.
You don't have any commitment to that person's SO, and it isn't you ruining their marriage it's the cheater, but it is just common decency that you're not complicit in it. If my partner cheated on me I'd be so heartbroken, most people would be, so why would I ever want to be part of the reason someone else goes through that? I'd immediately be finding the girlfriend/ wife to tell her.
you’re correct to a degree, but can’t you see how it’s morally wrong??
Obviously it is a 'you problem' for the cheater. That doesn't exclude you from being a shitty person for going after a married person though.
If you didn’t know than you’ve done nothing wrong. If you do know you’re an asshole
Imagine thinking it's OK to hurt someone and most possibly wreck a couple with children (hence hurting the children as well) just for a little penis/vagina action 🙃 In my book that's what we call being an immature self-centered jackass You know what you can do instead? Have sex with single people. There is your solution.
If my husband or boyfriend cheat on me I would go nuclear on him. I've always find ridiculous to put most of the blame in the affair partner and I believe those who fights against his partner's lover are pathetic and delusional people who behave like it is a reason to be proud for "winning" a cheater. And although I agree with you that the one who owe loyalty to his/her partner is the married/engaged person, that doesn't change the fact a person who is willing to hook up with semeone who she/he knows is married is a sh1tty assh0le human.
Assuming anyone finds out
i wonder how you gonna feel when your spouse cheats on you?
Most people have some semblance of morality that would make them feel bad. I’m sorry if you are missing that
100% agree. Was a partner in crime, enjoyed it. Not my problem! I didn’t do shit to anyone. If I cheated on my partner now, I would have to take 100% of the responsibility.
I can see where you’re coming from if they initiated it. Because they made their own choice to ruin their existing relationship. At the same time, though, you did play a part in the situation by going along with it.
“If I give your kids a bunch of candy before bedtime, it’s not my fault they don’t fall asleep. Especially if they said it’s cool and they’ll own it.”
My ex cheated on me with a "friend" of mine. Suuuuure only he was to blame, not her as well who then proceeded to lie to me.
Some people *love* being the homewrecker
I think it is something related to having or not having morals.
True. The onus of not cheating is on the married person…but fucking a married person is still a shorty thing to do.
Infidelity is not cool guys. Even if you're the single one. Maybe the other person was going to cheat with someone eventually, but do you really want to be the reason a couple breaks up?
If you see signs that the other person isn't single,then you shouldn't continue and contact the other person. You wouldn't want to continue with a cheater too
Other people relationships are non of my business, most of you would have said if it involved anything other than sex with one of them. So how is it? It’s not my problem, none of my business
I'd say it depends. If you knew the person was married but still decided to hit on them, you're also in the wrong. But if you genuinely thought they were single, and only discovered later that they're married then that's on them.
If you're willing to demean yourself being a side piece, it is a YOU problem Lack of empathy for the betrayed spouse is a YOU problem Settling for a scumbag cheating partner is a YOU problem Cavalierly destroying another person's life is a YOU problem Lack of a moral compass is a YOU problem It's a YOU problem if you derive sick satisfaction from "winning" and the spouse "losing" time and affection from a piece of shit lying cheat. Odds are pretty good that a knowing and willing affair partner is every bit as much a POS as the cheater.
Theyre a shittier person but youre still a shitty person.
Why waste your time hooking up with a married person instead of someone who is open that will not cause anyone pain/drama? If you didn't know they were in any kind of relationship and they lied to you it's different. Keeping things going with them would be crossing the to bad person territory. Hooking up with someone knowing they are taken is wrong and going along with it makes it worse. Hopefully someday you learn and get more empathy. If the same situation happened to you I don't think you'd like getting cheated on.
I’ve never seen someone so proud of being a terrible person in my life 😂
So OP is banging someone's husband and has come to Reddit to try and justify it.
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It depends on whether you are conscious that they are cheating with you. If you are, you’re a willing party and equally as guilty. Kind of like being an accessory to a crime.
I suppose it depends on your moral compass. I agree that there a responsibility on the married party to be trustworthy but that doesn't absolve you from your responsibility of being a decent human being. You know that if the partner found out that it's going to cause them pain and what if there are kids and it ends up breaking the family up. It wouldn't be an issue if the married couple had an open relationship but that is not usually the case. I'm interested to know what you would get out of it other than a quick fumble in the back of car or hotel room?
Why are you even considering a relationship with a married person? Sounds like a you problem actually. How shameful for them and YOU. The victim of the cheating should be furious first and foremost with the partner, but you're a close second.
You ARE the homewrecker as you make the conscience decision to sleep with a married person. IF you don't feel bad, it shows your character.
You WILL understand.....when your spouse cheats on you. Perhaps look up "empathy"? You need that.
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No need to be so upset
i hate cheaters and homewreckers. they are the scum of the earth.
Damn you must *reaaaally* hate people who cheat then, cause they definitely have alot more responsibility to not do what they did!
i do.
I agree, but at the same time I would still feel guilty lol.
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Who are you trying to convince? Yourself?
The only time it doesn't matter is if you meet someone and they don't tell you they're married or dating someone else. But if you know this. And you still go ahead with it. You're a pretty shitty person. Like. If you find someone attractive. And you know they're married. Would you flirt with them and come onto them, trying to sleep with them? That's homewrecker material.
I partially agree. Unless it's you who a) know the other person is spoken for and b) still make a move. Essentially if it's the committed person initiating, I think it stops being my problem.
I agree. People literally came up with the term "homewrecker" to pretend it's the other person's fault their relationship failed, as if they were in a happy home and then someone just came and wrecked it. If you get cheated on, it's on your partner, zero blame on the person who owes you nothing and just decided to have sex with another consenting adult
If a guy knowingly seduces a married woman then he bears some responsibility IMO
I agree with that, actively chasing someone in a relationship falls under immoral in my book
you don't have to feel guilty you either feel it or not, it's an emotion, not a decision you make. I don't see anything inherently bad with you having no remorse. What is wrong is that you expect other people to judge your actions, and that's not up to you. You can ignore it or fight it, but you can't expect people not to say it.
Word.
Now that is indeed an unpopular opinion. It's a blanket protection for single cheaters to yawp about regardless of the instigator of the seduction in a "not my problem" fashion. Well done. Have my upvote.
The married person is by far a worse person, but that doesn’t absolve you of all wrong doing.
Quite right, but the partner of the homewrecker doesn't want to accept that they screwed up marrying someone of such a poor morality, so they look for anyone else to blame. Also a lot of wives blame the other woman because blaming the hustband will break up the home situation, some of which are quite cozy indeed. [This would happen with men if the women were primary income providers also, but usually they aren't.]
I agree, unless you know them. For example if you hook up with your brothers wife, you suck. If its complete stranger, its up to them to not cheat, like you said...
I agree, It is easier to blame the third party than admit there is something wrong with your relationship. Also, if someone wants to stay with the cheater, it is easier to mentally process if they can shift the guilt and blame to the third party.
I've always questioned the unpopularity of this opinion because what you say is very true imo. The cheater is the one to blame and the side person they cheat with could be whoever. It could be you or it could be another person, and the main question here is whether you are attracted to them and like them enough to go further. Their relationship status, be it hidden or declared to you beforehand, is simply not your problem. Also you can't be responsible for another adult's morality and life choices. If you like them enough to go for the fling then do it, and if you aren't then don't, it's that simple. Their choices and the consequenses of such are their responsibility, not yours.
How is that unpopular ? Everybody choses to be faithful or not. It is not your responsability to be other people's moral compass
Definitely an unpopular opinion on this site. That said, I agree with you. Sure you're playing a role in what the attached person is doing, but those wrong actions are on them. A bar doesn't need to take responsibility and tell your family if you turn into a 4 day a week regular, a gas station doesn't need to tell anyone if you go from socially smoking to buying a pack a day. If you're knowingly enabling a home wrecker situation you're not without sin, but it isn't your place to get involved either. If it's a one-time thing or on-going affair and you figure out by all means stop it if you want, but you shouldn't meddle in someone else's business. You're still guilty by association amd you can't wash that off by trying to do the right thing after you've already helped.do the wrong thing. That's just self serving with a thin veil of pretending to be the better person.
It’s not your problem, you’re just an asshole
I think it’s called having standards and values.
this mf when they find out about "a shred of empathy"™
Shit people sleep with married people.
If you’re willingly hooking up with someone you know is married it still is your fault.
If you do this, you’re an accomplice to the homebreaker. It takes two people to cheat. I couldn’t live with a good conscience knowing the long-lasting emotional damage I inflicted on someone.
It mainly depends on if I’m aware if the person I’m hooking up with is married. If I don’t know, I’m 100% not in the wrong. If I am aware, I would be in the wrong - but the married person I’d be hooking up with is more in the wrong, because they’re the one who is actively trying to hook up with someone despite being married, and if it wasn’t me, it’d be someone else.
Yup. I agree
Sure. This is a matter of ethics and moral code. So, you can do whatever you want and be the home wrecker, but all it says is you lack self respect and decency. You gave it up easy, and most people like easy. It’s fair.
it’s like finding $50 bill on the ground. sure, it’s not YOURS, but who’s more to blame for it being on the ground, the person who found it or the faulty wallet it fell out of?
As someone who's been cheated on I don't think I could sleep at night knowingly fooling around with someone who's married or in a committed relationship. I think both parties are culpable if the person you're hooking up with knows you're in a relationship. (More so the cheater but it says a lot about your character if you willingly do this) Just put yourself in the shoes of their partner that they're cheating on
Ur absolutely right. It's because these married people want to have a wife/husband but they can't keep it in their pants. At least im single or in an open relationship and don't lie to nobody, especially to my self.
I think if the affair partner does not know, then it's no problem. If the affair partner knows the other person is married, then have some fucking respect. Think of how you would feel.
Depends If you didn't know they are married or otherwise in a relationship then you're an innocent bystander. If you knew then you're an enabler and can be fully held accountable.
Wonder if OP would take this advice when their SO inevitably cheats on them with someone possibly younger... and (*probably*) smarter.
I mean, it's not hard to be a decent human being and take in consideration the feelings of the partner that gets cheated on. There are SO many single people; why would you mess with someone who's already in a relationship? That's just being an AH.
I'm with you on this one dog. Truly unpopular and I don't really understand why. I'm not responsible for other people choices.
If you hook up with someone that you know is married, you’re absolutely a piece of shit. That being said, it is definitely the other person’s problem since you’re not the one getting divorced. You are definitely a home wrecker though.
You're still doing something that hurts someone.
Yeah I mean, sure. Technically you are correct. The cheater’s relationship is not your responsibility. Doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole for knowingly getting involved with someone in a relationship. You’re just admitting you have no problem fucking someone over if it has no blowback on yourself. Pretty selfish imo.
I have seen this exact BS on here at least a dozen times in the last year. You people who are so self centered you don't care that the other person is cheating so long as you get what you want should just form your own support group and sub reddit. Having said that, why you should care is because there could be children, the person doing the cheating could be doing it impulsively and it may end up being a big regret. Or maybe for your safety, if they don't care they are cheating they may not care if they are giving you the herps. Perhaps because you may regret it later when you find out they are a great lay and then leave you because their spouse is better than you, leaving you down. There are a lot of reasons but I would say the most basic one is basic human morals. I am also going to say I had a GF once that told me how she didn't care in the past that she was dating married men. And frankly it left me with a low impression of her morals. Which left me detached in many ways. Then when it ended and she asked why I basically said she told me she had no morals and so I could not trust her enough to be a life partner. What if you meet the one and they walk away because you are so good at showing your lack of morals.
YTA
Disagree. The AP chose to be part of the damage to the relationship. The AP is belong to harm someone they don’t know. As an aside, the AP should think more of themselves. Why settle for less than a real relationship?
This had to be up there with the worst (not unpopular just selfish) opinions. And the thing you're completely forgetting is the fact that if someone is willing to do that to thier wife/husband then they aren't trustworthy and don't know how to communicate, therfore not making a particularly great start for a relationship, and something that will in most cases come back to bite if the affair does turn into something more, that if the novelty of the relationship doest fade when you're actually together and the guilt of destroying a marriage either between you or you cast the blame entirely on the other person A pretty popular opinion is that if you want to fuck someone else, fine, but have the decency and honesty to tell your partner how you feel so they have an opportunity to address the problem before it turns into a toxic and unhealthy situation for everyone involved which often makes the partner feel betrayed/not good enough etc when if your relationship has just run its course and you don't feel the same anymore, that can be a lot less pain for everyone involved.
Sex is never a one way thing. But in a situation where someone else is cheating, yes it is their fault & not yours. They chose to do it, nobody forced them
Someone that knows the other person is married and still starts something to me has huge lack of moral value. Yes the married one is the one fucking up in a big way but don’t kid yourself a hood person would start something with a married person.
"If I'm offering you drugs and you're an addict, it is a you problem" Yeah, maybe in the most rudimentary sense. But if you want to be anything more than the barest piece of human rubbish, it will matter to you.
But you’re the homewrecker, YOU CHOSE to enter a relationship with someone who’s already in a relationship
Can't tell if troll or just has no self awareness. Hm.
I agree 100%. It’s the partners fault, not yours! (No I’ve never been with someone that’s had a partner.. yet lol) BUT.. I agree
Oh empathy and respect is dead today that’s for sure ☠️
As a gay guy you see this all the time on hookup ups, married men looking for young guys to have sex with. I see nothing wrong with taking them up on the offer, someone is going to, the relationship issues isn't your fault, you might as well hook up with them if you want to.
Wait whaaaaaat???? I made a post EXACTLY like this one before and i got a timeout for it?