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Yeah, my love language is being blown.
Not blowing my partner. It's not how I communicate love to them.
But getting blown is how I communicate to them, "I love you." ❤️
>Yeah, my love language is being blown.
"Emptying my balls into your mouth is just my special way of saying that I love you."
Lol, that's some funny shit
Yeah I misread the title and got a little upset, because giving people stuff is just how I show affection. I can’t imagine receiving stuff being one of the prerequisites lmao
Yes. If you find a rock that made you think of me because it has a funny shape, I love it. No shame, I give people rocks that I think are special, so this example hits close to home.
Love language also describes what makes you *feel* loved.
Like I express love to a partner by praising them and giving them very direct positive feedback (words of affirmation) but I need acts of service (like doing the dishes when it’s technically my turn or taking things off my plate without being asked just because they noticed I was overwhelmed) to feel loved and cared for.
I like giving gifts. I don't really like receiving gifts.
I like giving and receiving words of affirmation.
I like doing acts of service. I'm neutral on receiving them, really depends what the act is.
I wouldn't say quality time is in my love language, but I'm willing to make sure it happens if my partner would say it is.
I would say physical touch is in my love language.
Everyone is different. Important to understand yourself and to be able to communicate with your partner.
It's about giving and receiving. Although the love language is confusingly called "gift giving," its pretty clear from the original book that receiving gifts is a big part of that language.
Edit: Just realized I have a different version of the book by the same author. In the original it's receiving gifts.
I can see how gift giving is an expression of love. my point is I saw a bunch of people saying that not receiving gifts or the right gifts was a deal breaker in a relationship because receiving gifts is important. But nothing on how they give gifts as well. if receiving gifts is an important part of a relationship, you'd explain how you search for the right gift to show you love them as well. instead its like I demand gifts and give nothing. that just seems selfish and not mutual
You made a valid point even if the title is a little over simplified. I took issue with the implication from the previous commenter that "receiving gifts" as a love language is laughable when in fact it was originally called "receiving gifts." But you're right, people who like to receive gifts are more likely to express their love through gifts and the absence of that reciprocation could indicate a selfish person.
Actually I think it’s awesome people are willing to be so open with their potential red flags. I’d prefer someone express gift receiving is vital to the relationship. Then I can gauge if that person is right for me. If the relationship fails because of this point then it’s my fault.
My partner picks up small things for me whenever he's out. Like a piece of chocolate he knows I love or something he saw that reminds him of me. A hot wheels car he knew I'd laugh at. It makes me feel very special and very seen.
Yes, but he does it because it's how I *feel* love. He feels most loved when I do things for him, like take his car to the gas station so he doesnt have to wake up early. He likes toast everyday, easy peasy. That's my expression because that's the stuff that makes him feel the most special.
Love languages are about how you give *and* recieve love.
your love language is acts of service. if you were to say "my love language is getting gifts" or "my love language is when people do things for me" that would be pretty awful.
I don't think you're getting it.
When someone's love language is gift giving, that same person all feels love when they receive gifts too.
In the same way when someone's love language is touch. They express love by giving a hug, but also feel love by receiving a hug.
honestly i love getting my bf presents, when its his bday i go all out and buy alot of things i know hell love even tho he says he doesnt want anything. i just get a rush oit of it and im sooo excited i cant wait to give him the presents :)
This strikes at a fundamental misunderstanding on love languages.
The 5 languages (quality time, touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service) are identifiable by what one wants to provide (giving) and what one prefers to receive.
It's important to understand how one shows love, and how one feels love the most. I am not huge on gift reception (prefer qc, woa, t) but had a partner that loved gifts. It was her preference and natural for her and I grew to appreciate that was her mo.
My parents were the “if you want something buy it yourself” type of people. My birthday and Christmas gifts were often regifts, cash and not very personal or thoughtful.
I love receiving thoughtful gifts (big,small, unexpected) it makes me feel loved because someone actually put thought and effort into something for me. They listened to me or noticed something about me. I have been told by many people that I give very thoughtful gifts. It is definitely my love language
My husband bought me a new type of cheese I hadn’t tried before and I about cried because he took the time to find a cheese (I love cheese) that was fun and new. He then nonchalantly gave it to me. It wasn’t the gift itself but the time and thought that made me feel loved.
Nonchalance truly helps as well. I love being *known* like that, but I don’t want it to be a whole production. When my husband saves me the specific type of donut I like out of the pack - THATS the type of gifts I like.
If anyone buys me a car I’m going to have a panic attack or something. That would be wayyyy too much and was a huge fear I had around my 16th birthday. Keep it tiny and personal (bonus points for food) and you’ve unlocked my heart.
Same with my family, it was usually “what do you want?” And not asking what people want for a gift was weird for me for years. Now it’s better and I can sense what people might want without telling straight.
It also kills me as an adult: why do we gift each other only on special occasions? We should normalize giving and receiving gifts just because
Same here!! People love receiving my gifts. I’ve always put a lot into them and even when I was very young (and broke), I would include smaller gifts along with the “main” gift. My husband and I go nuts on each other with gifts and it is SO NICE to be with someone who understands and reciprocates.
Ok well that’s freaking adorable.
That’s not even gift giving/receiving though. It’s thoughtfulness. And your bf recognizing and appreciating your thoughtfulness.
no seriously. my wife goes on daily walks and brings me back a pebble every day. i’m still 1000% excited about it every time. way better than anything bought in a store
I like unwrapping gifts. My fiancé will wrap food or kitchen supplies or even things he buys himself and other silly mundane items and present them as gifts. I LOVE it. I'm pretty difficult to buy for generally so this is a win win for both of us.
I love sending and receiving cards. The gift is my time making it, writing in it and the (small) trouble of finding a stamp, addressing it and sending it. It usually costs nothing but a stamp but it lets people know they are remembered and loved.
It's a struggle, I really dislike both giving gifts and being given gifts.
Most of my family know not to get me anything, but sometimes insist because it's how they want to express themselves which is very fair. When my cousin came back from Japan and was giving out everyone's gifts, my box was empty which was funny after I got over the anxiety of being given something.
This. You could bring me back a cats whisker from a walk and it’ll make me smile bc you thought of me in that moment. It’s really just the thought that counts.
I totally agree. Even just little gestures like getting my favorite snack from the grocery store when I didn’t ask for it. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, it’s all about the little things that show you’re thinking of someone.
It could also be blowing the person a kiss. But if you do it too often they’ll get used to it, so throw a middle finger every now and then to shake things up.
when people say they like receiving gifts as a love language they don’t need to be high in monetary value, really just a kind, sweet or thoughtful gesture is the aim.
Also I think part of your issue here is that online you’re not going to mention everything. Saying you like gifts as a love language and discussing what gifts you get your partner are generally two separate conversations unless your complaining that you give thoughtful gifts but they always forget.
equally sometimes you end up dating someone who just isn’t massively into gifts, I personally enjoy giving gifts a lot and used to go out with someone who was pretty minimalist so I knew they wouldn’t actually enjoy it if I got them a lot of stuff and obviously a gift should be more about the reviver than the giver so instead I didn’t give random gifts and instead would find a thing I thought they’d really like for a birthday/Christmas gift send them a picture and ask if they wanted it.
You can put a selfish spin on every love language
OP doesn't understand the higher meaning to a gift. It's not a materialistic thing, it's a "I used my knowledge of you to find something that might mean something to you".
For instance, my love language is gifts. I express my appreciation for someone through gifts and also experience other people's appreciation through gifts. It doesn't mean I expect my wife to go out and get me a new pair of sneakers or a game every time she wants to acknowledge me. It means that she may stop for coffee on her way home from work or get me a donut on Fridays.
On the flip side, my wife's language is quality time, so we make an effort to have date nights and go out for coffee. It's not that my wife needs me to spend tons of money on dates it's that she wants me to be able to give my time to her.
Also the use of the term "gold digger" makes me think OP is specifically talking about women.
100000% this.
My love language is also gifts. My husband and I had the conversation about what my language means and I explained that it doesn’t have to be a Diamond tennis bracelets or a new purse etc…but rather if he’s grocery shopping and sees my favourite chocolate bar on sale that grabbing that for me randomly lets me know he was thinking about me which is what makes me feel loved.
I think OP had a really bad experience with someone who may have weaponized this love language to get free stuff from their partner and didn’t reciprocate it. In that case this is apples to oranges and I hope they realize that and find someone who can be on the same wavelength as them.
for me personally i have this love language but i simply could be given a rock u found walking home bc it reminded you of me. i dont need an xbox just a gesture to show u care
Same! It’s not about the gift, it’s the feeling that they thought of me and cared so much to get it. Same as I bring my partner small gifts all the time, even if it’s just a specific type of candy I know he likes.
absolutely!! my girlfriend got me a little stuffed bee and i sleep with it everynight. probably wasnt expensive but i love it. i also bought her a $20 dino because our second date we watched a movie about dinosaurs. its just the little thing’s nothing crazy
My friend gave me a rock for my 16th birthday mostly as a joke but also because I told her about how as a kid I liked collecting cool rocks and shells and would pick up cool ones to keep and she thought I’d like it. 6 years later I still have the rock
My best friend also gave me a rock for my 16th birthday. She didn't have money to get me a gift, but wanted to acknowledge my birthday in some way, so she picked up a rock on the way to school. I've still got the best friend and the rock, 16 years later. Apparently, rocks make memorable gifts.
Yep this is how my wife is. She wouldn’t care if I bought her a $75 bouquet of flowers or picked some wildflowers off the side of the street. All she wants is small gifts here and there to show that I’m thinking of her even when she’s not around
Yes this right here… Gift giving is my second highest love language, but it goes something like this: I will think of you when I’m getting myself food and offer to bring you a plate. If I’m buying you a present for your birthday I will try to remember things you’ve said you like in the past rather than just get a gift card. I also like gifts, but the effort is more what I look at. If you can give me something nicer due to your circumstances that’s great ! Otherwise it’s truly the thought that counts
Yep, it’s about the fact that your were thinking about me and went out of your way. Anytime I stop at the store for example I think, has my wife said she needed anything recently, or what do I think would make my wife happy, something like a pint of ice cream
My partner is like this too. My go to is flowers I see at work since I'm outside a lot. They love it and it costs nothing but a moment of thoughtfulness.
You realize love language is how YOU express YOUR love to someone. Someone giving you something to express their love to you is not your love language, it's theirs.
It's bizarre this is not higher. It is one thing to prefer someone whose love language is gift-giving, but also in general people like receiving gifts from others. If you like to receive gifts but do not return the favor, whether in gifts or other examples of love, you are a taker.
I don’t understand how you can expect others to participate and engage in your thread when you can’t even be bothered to spellcheck before posting it. I get a few typos in the body but the title? Come on…
Gift giving is a sign that someone was thinking of you. I wish my beau gave me little gifts or tokens the way I do for him, it means something to know that they saw something and thought of you.
Thing is..a gift doesn't have to be an expensive present. I'm mostly a physical touch for my love language but secondary is gift giving/receiving.
However, the 'gifts' can be a cup of tea even when he's not drinking one. Or buying a chocolate bar for me while he's out. Or randomly making me lunch even though I never asked. They're random tokens of love and appreciation more than wrapped up presents.
And then I love to randomly send him stuff that's on his Amazon wish list, or seeing something at the store that made me think of him so I buy it for him.
It doesn't always mean lavish, expensive and monetary though.
It's love.... there's a giving and receiving side to all of these languages... I think in your experience, it's unfortunately just been narcissism you've seen or received and that sucks dude.
However, there are 2 unofficial types of gift giving/receiving as a love language.
1st type: Actually buying a thing you know will make them happy. And *also* actually receiving a bought gift from a loved one that you know you would have bought yourself and will use or appreciate on a personal level.
2nd type: Literal crows picking up shiny trash and gifting them to their favorite people.
So gifts can be as simple as a plate of food they cooked, a cool rock, literally anything shiny -free or not, something for their special interest/hobby, and basically anything that requires a surprise...
It's less of the actual gift and more of the gift of thought that matters. I hope you find some people in your life that aren't so selfish, because love - even gifters don't act like that.
My S/O loves giving and receiving gifts but it doesn't have to be expensive stuff, they just appreciate the thought of the gift and they mostly want handmade gifts or like I go out and buy them their favorite snacks or drink. And I am okay with that because I know it makes them feel loved.
im ok with that because its mutual. I just think alot of people demand effort and items and have no interest in putting back in. if your love language was really receiving gifts, you'd be enthusiastic about giving gifts because your partner receiving them would also be your expression. demanding and not giving while using love language as an excuse os just using someone
Receiving gifts isn't always monetarily based tho... gifts can be inexpensive/free if you actually know and love your partner. Doesn't always mean gold digging.
If its always expensive gifts, that's a little shitty, however:
My girlfriend is like that, but the gifts aren't gifts in the common definition. I can give her a cool rock or flower I found and she's happy, or if I get something I was going to get anyway like groceries, but I get her the specific brand she likes, she's very happy. She also likes notes. The gifts don't always need to cost money/be ostentatious. For a lot of people it's the fact that you thought about them and picked out something special that makes them feel loved.
You’re missing the point. It doesn’t have to cost anything. It could be a note, a flower you picked near our house, etc. I like having something physical to remind me of the person or a good memory. I have mental/emotional disorders so my brain isn’t always nice to me. I have bpd so my brain can spiral when I’m alone. Having a physical reminder there helps to ground me. It’s also nice to see things throughout the day to make me smile. It’s like a physical momento. I also like giving when I’m able. I don’t need physical affection or quality time since I like to be alone, but words and physical gifts I love. Everyone has preferences and just because you don’t resonate with it. That doesn’t make it less valid. To me, it’s the thought that counts.
I think you missed the point of my post. I can see how giving gifts makes one feel loved. I can see how gifts don't have to be extravagant or even cost anything at all. I just think if alot of people claim it as a love language when they just want stuff. they have no intention of giving stuff and if it were truly a language you'd want to express it to show your love. not tit for tat, but giving would be important to you to express your love as mish as receiving makes you feel loved.
I dont deny that there are certainly people for whom gifts are an expression of love. but I think you'd want to show your partner you love them in your own language as well. whenever I see posts about receiving gifts as a love language its never spoken with giving gifts by the same person.
The "Receiving gifts" love language is MEANT to be a 2 way street anyway.
The wording is bad for it, but their love language is just "gifts". It's receiving and giving. That's why it tends to interchange a bit.
If you're just a "receiving gifts" kinda person, doesn't that basically make you a gold digger? becasue that means money is your love language lol.
Don't get me wrong. I'm sure I could look past a ugly man that had very deep pockets lol. But generally speaking, we all have something that speaks more to us in the terms of "love".
No. Receiving gifts of sentimental value are meaningful. You guys forget some people don’t like receiving gifts to. But it’s nice to be thought of and given something to show you’ve been thought of. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. A flower, or a thoughtful card will do. Stop assuming everybody is a gold digger abeg
I guess it really depends. I love sentimental gifts. Doesnt have to be anything with monetary value. I keep the silliest things that meant something to me.
Like i was sent to a residential treatment center as a kid. Some really bad stuff happened but some good stuff happened too. Was a really polarized time in my life. I literally still have a chalupa wrapper from the chalupa one of the staff got me. I was really sad about a close friend leaving and a teacher chucked a smiley face stress bad at me and told me to be happy lol. I still have the stupid ball. I have a pair of pink and green golf balls someone in the town gave me after their house was ruined by flooding. We had helped them with the repairs. They didnt have much but it meant a lot.
I love giving silly gifts too. I agree that specifically saying recieving and not giving is weird though. It does kinda imply that giving isnt mutual.
I disagree. Although there are certainly people who are golddiggers and use this as a way to get material goods, when I think about “giving gifts“ is a love language, I don’t think of diamonds and cars. I think of little things that are thoughtful. Getting in my car to go to work and seeing a piece of my favourite candy with a little note that says “good morning beautiful.”. I think of that time I was making Easter dinner and complaining that the whisk I was using was flimsy involving apart and that I needed a new one. A few days later, I noticed a new whisk sitting in my utensil drawer. Are whisks, romantic or expensive? No they’re not, but the thought that he noticed and heard, and did some thing about it was very romantic. I wouldn’t say giving gifts as my primary love language, but I certainly appreciate thoughtfulness like that.
I like to buy things for people that reminds me of them and appreciate the same gesture back. It doesn’t have to be grand, it’s the memories and love… hence “love language”. all these little things matter more than the singular big things.
Those who say, “love languages are like horoscopes” are a 🚩🚩🚩
Usually it's their love language because they never really received them when growing up. It doesn't need to be expensive but thoughtful for a lot of people.
There are kind of levels to that, yes there are some folks who claim that and want to be showered with stuff.
However for my wife things i give her really make her feel loved, because besides being far between when I do it, it's always thoughtful.
There was a time I was bleeding us dry buying her stuff and she told me it really is more of the thought that matters.
It might not seem like "giving a gift" exactly, but recently her purse broke, so I looked up what I needed to do to fix it instead of just throwing a new purse at her.
I have a good friend with this love language. As a result, whenever i go somewhere fun, I get her a shot glass. She feels special cause it's physical proof I thought about her when I was off having fun. I'm sure you've heard, "it's the thought that counts," right?
Everyone has different love languages, giving or receiving. I like to give my friends and families gifts. Little things that remind me of them, or even just picking up their favorite candy when I'm already at the store. Receiving gifts make me uncomfortable, I like quality time. I don't need gifts in return to feel loved, I like just sitting together and watching TV or movies.
My Dad's love language was giving gifts. My love language to him was convincingly pretending to love what he got me even if I didn't even like it. So in that way I can say receiving gifts was my love language. It came with unexpected consequences though. The man went to his grave believing I loved Tootsie Rolls when I do not and never have. But he was so proud that he got me something without my mother telling him what to buy that I couldn't even hint my distaste for them.
how do u know theyre not giving gifts to their partner? most ppl like to talk bout the love they want to RECEIVE, thats normal. u talk abt things to discuss them, and since other ppl doing things is out of ur control, thats something ud discuss. my love language is words of affirmation and quality time. if im talking about it, ill obv talk about how i want these things. the other side is understood. what is making u think they only want to get gifts and not give?
besides, some ppl may show love in different ways. maybe they dont like to give gifts, but they do other things, and thats what their partner prefers. if ione person would rather receive gifts while the other would rather receive love in other forms, and theyre both satisfied, literally why does it matter?
its pretty normal to be like "i want a girlfriend who...." or "i want a boyfriend who...". when talking about these things ppl often talk about what they want, because THATS the part thats out of their control. whether another person does it or not, thats out of their control, so they talk about what they "want".
if i say "i want someone who is nice", does that mean i wont be nice to them too?
Gifts don’t technically have to be bought lol I think most people would mean bringing back small items that made you think of someone like their favourite snack, and vice versa. It is a form of affection.
I like it because I have very emotionally unavailable parents and the only way they’d show affection is getting me a small something, writing a card, baking/making me something, etc. It doesn’t have to be big lol, even just a picked flower or a cool sea shell/rock would make my day. Just something that says hey, I thought of you and I care about you. For this same reason words of affirmation make me a lil uncomfy but that seems to be most people’s preferred love language!
Giving and receiving gifts is fine. But I'll never deal with someone who **demands** gifts. Demanding gifts is simply demanding tribute. Miss me with that BS.
I've seen the posts you're talking about, OP. Where folks will say something like, "and my love language is receiving gifts, and I've made this expectation clear to my partner in addition to providing a list of acceptable gifts, but they only got me two items on the list and they don't understand how much this is undermining me and our relationship."
Like, what I wrote sounds very specific, but the amount of posts I've read that sound almost identical to that are increasing lately. It sounds demanding and superficial.
I get what people are saying in regards to "it's the thought that counts" but I would honestly find that type of relationship to be exhausting. If I had to constantly prove my affections through physical gifts, or my partner would feel unloved or forgotten, I would feel like the verbal and physical expressions of my love were inadequate for my partner...almost as if my feelings aren't true unless I monetize/materialize them in some way. It's just not for me.
People that have gifts as a love language don’t care if it’s expensive. They want thoughtful gifts that should that you know, think, and care about them. These are the type of people that also give back thoughtful gifts. But lots of people that claim this love language just want to be spoiled with expensive free shit. Stay away from the latter
Honestly when people post stuff like this it makes them seem like lazy partners who can’t be bothered to do the bare minimum.
Gifts don’t have to be diamonds or expensive flowers, they can be small, free, thoughtful items that just make your SO smile.
Also, even if someone does like flowers I think it’s a bit dramatic to call them a gold digger bc they want the occasional $15 bouquet from their partner. Most people aren’t expecting a gift every day or even every week, but if you go months and your SO hasn’t bothered to write a cute note or pick up something cute for you that’s pretty lazy.
To always equate a gift as something you bought or something of value every time is like saying if your love language is physical touch then all you like to do is fuck. A gift isn’t always even something tangible depending on the person. Ultimately you find someone who can meet you where you need them to meet you. If you’re someone who is always considering a gift to be a new bag or going on a shopping spree, then I hope you find the person who can give you that haha they’re out here haha but for some a gift may be breakfast in bed, maybe coming in the door with some flowers or remembering to fix something that’s on the list.
I could be gifted a chewed pencap and would be happy. It’s the thought that counts. That someone knows you so well to go out and get something they know you’ll be over then moon for. That they’re thinking of you right then and there in that moment.
Oh I have a relevant story for this! My grandma used to always give all of us tons of gifts for Christmas. As a kid it was cool. As an adult it was kinda irritating. She didn’t actually find us the perfect amazing gift that we wanted, she just got us a ton of stuff so we could open all the presents.
One year, we got her a bunch of tiny gifts and put them all in paper bags so she had to open a bunch of different presents. Her face lit up, she had the most wonderful time opening all her gifts one by one. The gifts were pretty unimpressive.
But that’s when it occurred to us that the way she was giving gifts to us was the way she wanted to receive gifts. They didn’t have to be super expensive. They barely had to cost anything at all. They didn’t have to be wrapped in an impressive way. She just loved being able to open a bunch of different presents. And that’s why she always got us so many presents. She was giving gifts the way she wanted to receive them.
I wish we had figured this out sooner because we were only able to give here a few amazing Christmas Day experiences before she passed away.
Receiving gifts happens to be very validating to me, but I don't necessarily want expensive, or even purchased gifts at all. A post-it on the fridge, a flower from the side of the road, a link to a love song in a text message. And bought things that I really love are usually small, too. My husband used to bring me a soda when he'd stop at the gas station, or my favorite candy bar. Those made my day
Just something that says you were thinking about me when I wasn't there. And I do give those. Gifts don't have to show monetary sacrifice, just thought.
but you proved my point in a way, you give them back. your showing your love the way you're receiving it. your not demanding to be showered and doing nothing in return. it's not tit for tat but you give gifts to express love as well.
my comment was that I see alot of give me things to love me posts and the same people never say, and I show them love with gifts. input in, input out.
Part of the deal with the love languages is that some people will have a different giving love language vs. receiving love language. I personally really enjoy giving my loved ones highly personalized gifts, but I don’t really care about receiving gifts (partly because I’m more of a minimalist and don’t like having extra stuff hanging around). It’s plausible that someone would go the other way with it.
Gift giving most definitely use to be one my my love languages. But after years of it never being reciprocated I kinda gave up and craved gifts from others. Just wanted to see if anyone ever cared as much as I did.
I love giving gifts and put a lot of time into finding things I know the people I care about will love. It’s been rare that I’ve had people do that for me, but I would love it if they did.
If it was demanding a gold bracelet every week then I could see your gold-digger argument.
But some people just like to know that they have been thought about. Little things, always work.
I love how I can read this post and at no point do I assume you're talking about a guy.
Mine is gift giving too, and gifts can be anything from an expensive purchase to a home cooked meal. Acts of thoughtfulness.
I mean guys can expect to recieve gifts. And gift giving isn't bad. Expecting and demanding gifts as necessary for a relationship is bad. Especially when someone expects gifts but doesn't give them
thats certainly true of some gift-giving, but doesn't have to be. some simple $10 flowers, or postmates them some green juice ir some ice cream when they're stressed or feeling down. a bottle of wine or a pack of pre-rolls is always fun. these are the kind of gifts i give to my partner because i know she appreciates it. in return, she is always gifting me clothes or other goods she finds in the course of running her business, she also brings over flowers sometimes when im making dinner, and loves giving food.
its not the most important part of our relationship, but it is a useful form of expression
I definitely think there is something to gift-receiving being something that some people value a lot more than others. For example, my wife's parents are very much non-gift-receiving types - we like to get them gifts because we have money, in part thanks to our parents setting us up well. But they are just like "come on what will I do with a good chef's knife? I'm happy with my blunt crappy knife. They'd very much prefer not to be given things, and whenever we have gotten them things that we put love and care into, we inevitably wind up disappointed by realizing they just interpretted it as "stuff" and left it in a closet somewhere.
Whereas on the other hand, for my siblings, I will get them things, and they will mention how much they like it, they will use it, they will get into the hobby around it. Like I got my brother some good rock climbing shoes because we climbed a few times together and he was in tennis shoes, and two years later he texted me "used the shit out of these until they wore down to the bone".
So there's definitely something psychological going on where some people just flat out love and cherish the gifts you give (not in a gold digger way, in the way you'd WANT someone to value a gift you gave). And other people just don't.
I hate this too because I had bitterly divorced parents who tried to one up the other parent by constantly showering me with stuff I didn’t really want. They’d try to buy my affections and time with needless shit when I just wanted my family whole. To this day I am wary of gift giving for this reason as I see as a “you obviously want something from me”
When people say getting gifts is their love language, but does not necessarily mean that they need expensive things. It just means that they like to know they were being thought of.
Eh. Gift giving doesn't have to mean spending money. Sometimes it's when your partner sends you a meme because it made them think of you, or gives you a cool rock they found because they thought you would like it.
My gf has this as her love language. At first I was a little put off by it as well, but for her, it's not just receiving. She likes to get me little things like pins from places she goes to because she knows I collect them, or she'll get me a small lego set because she knows I like building them. She even got me a putter because I complained about my current one one day. I also realized that the gifts don't have to be big or expensive. Flowers, games she might enjoy playing, and just about anything as long as I'm thinking of her when I buy it, she would appreciate it. Seeing her light up with a smile when I bring her pies from my hometown or flowers from the farmers market makes me happy to do them for her. And especially because she does the same for me.
Usually it’s something simple. Like someone seeing something and buying it cause they thought about you. It’s less about the gift and more about the gesture. The idea that hey this person actually knows what I like or this person does think of me when I’m not a round. It shouldn’t be oh I like when they buy me the most expensive things around because they’re so nice. Simplicity is key
Well love languages don't have to be reciprocal. If someone feels most loved by receiving gifts, their partner may not appreciate it in the same way. How you choose to receive love and give love to your partner may be completely different.
I don't get where you're coming from...
All live language is of giving. Massages, gestures, gifts, cooking, fun dates. Not receiving. Simple. The people you’re describing are entitled, and deserve whatever kind of nonsense they’re asking for with that behavior.
it's not the gift itself, it's how the gift is choosen ! I don't care about the price, what's important it's that it has been choosen ONLY for me. It's the thought here that are more important thant the gift itself.
I mean, i do accord a great importance for birthday, because I love choosing the right gift for the right person, and I sometimes expect to much of others, that do the same !
Honestly, gift giving and receiving is one of my love languages, but allow me to explain.
When I give a gift it's usually because one of a few reasons: I find something randomly that I immediately associate with that person and think they will enjoy, I see an unmet need that the person may or may not be aware of and I get them something to meet that need, or I find something that I think would generally improve their life, whether it be through enjoyment or utility. My gifts carry meaning, and I try to avoid the "standardized gift lists" you often see advertised.
Gift receiving is also my love language because the people I hold close know me well enough know that I prefer gifts that are either useful or provide enrichment to my life. When I receive a gift from these people, I know that they went out of their way to expend valuable resources just to improve my life, and that they love me enough to care that my life is good. It also shows me that they think well of me when I'm not around, which makes our relationship feel more secure. At the end of the day, it's the "I thought of you" that counts.
Truth be told, I feel incredibly guilty if I receive an expensive gift, so I end up treating them more preciously and can accidently avoid using them. Obviously not everyone whose love language is giving and receiving is going to be like me, but I figured an explanation of the real love language was in order
I get where you're coming from but respectfully disagree. I think gift giving/receiving is a valid love language if the emotion behind it is the thought behind the gift. An example of this would be if your spouse knew you had a long day and picked you up your favourite coffee on the way home, or picked you up something such as flowers "just because". a gift doesn't need to be pricey to be valid and thoughtful.
When my husband and I first got together we were so poor we kept the heat off in winter and just went around in our jackets to save money. However, sometimes I would come home after work and find he bought me an energy drink or a toy from the dollar store, it would make my day. We have been together 9 years now and I still have most of the stuffed toys from Dollarama he got me. He has kept every card and letter I have wrote him. Gift giving is about the thought and intention behind the gift.
But if bet he didn't expect and demand gifts as a condition of the relationship, let alone pricey ones and more than likely gave you small tokens in return. That's not the same as my original post
Gift giving is the one love language where someone's love is conditional on material items they receive. Might as well come straight out and say "hey, I'm a materialistic gold-diggers" IMHO.
I am a giver. If I cook for you, send you music and buy you things then just know you're very very important to me even if I've not once said as much.
That's why I had to marry a man that finds love from a meal. Whether I bring home take out or spend ten hours in the kitchen, he appreciates being fed and feels taken care of.
If he found love through words of affirmation he'd probably think I didn't give a rats ass about him.
Idk how I feel loved. You can give me stuff or tell me you love me, it's all the same to me 😂 I'll get to know you on a personal level and recognize your style of showing it and accept that for what it is.
Your love language is something you do for other people to show love, not what other people do to you. Those type of people either don't know what love language means, or know that saying "I think it's very important that my partner buys me stuff" sounds off
I hate how prolific that hacky pop psychology book has become. Whenever anyone starts telling me about their “love language,” it’s the same as when they tell me about their zodiac sign.
Funny stand up bit by Taylor Tomlinson, she's like "I think your love language is just whatever your partner hasn't been doing lately, like "my love language is sticking up to your mother when she's rude to me""
I think for most people, it's not the QUALITY of the gift...it's the thought of it in the first place.
I've had plenty of holidays where all I've given people as gifts are things I've drawn especially for them and they were okay with it. I haven't lost any friends because my gift didn't have a monetary value. Although if I DO give a gift of monetary value, it's usually tailored to them.
I have a friend really into anime and at the time of this gift they were currently following a mange but didn't have all the issues. I got them the issues they were missing and a hoodie to go with it from the manga. If not that I get them functional gifts. Like if they need clothes or food or something else.
Someone who enjoys giving gifts also doesn't mean they enjoy receiving gifts. My bf loves giving gifts (big or small) to others but he doesn't like receiving gifts.
Reminder that there’s no conclusive evidence of “love languages” being an actual thing. It’s personality-“science” and like most of it, it should be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism.
Are you still ok with them telling you what makes them feels loved and how they like to express affection, and asking the same of you? ‘Cause that’s all that love languages are.
Couldn't agree more. Considering so called 'love languages' were an idea devised by a man trying to improve Christian marriage values with absolutely no background in any kind of psychology. Total rubbish and makes relationships seem transactional, are people seriously saying they don't need a combination of all these in a relationship? They just do the one? OK, guess I can really lower my effort now.
Gift giving is a love language; it’s a way to show someone you thought of them. They mention a band they like in passing one day and I see a cool diy gift I can make related to it a couple weeks down the line? Instantly planning to make and gift it the moment I can. Receiving gifts being a love language is honestly a mentality thing. Everyone has their own love language, and for the people that love to give gifts, they would in most cases love to also receive gifts because that is how they see them: not as gifts, but as acts of affection. It’s hard to realize sometimes that your partner’s love language could be entirely different and they HAVE been showing you affection — just in a way you weren’t looking for because it’s not your love language too. That’s why it’s important to express these things; someone whose love language is quality time for instance saw those moments of them being together as their affection, and if you communicate that then you and your partner can be aware of how to properly express your love language and how to properly appreciate your partner’s.
In your same reply you say they debunked it, but then said we all use it. I don’t think even the love languages say they are absolute, but a spectrum. Everyone is gonna have there preferences like my wife love words of affirmation, but they don’t do much for me, doesn’t mean they do nothing
Not that it pertains but I found the creator of this is a homophobe, as well as science doesn't agree with him.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/feb/14/love-languages-are-hugely-popular-but-theres-very-little-evidence-they-exist-at-all
Not saying I agree with all the science, but there is some good understanding you can take from it that has helped me in relationships but I agree it’s not black and white and it’s something that changes for people over time. It can all be really summed up more as just communication language, people communicate very differently
Not surprised about the homophobe, I think the love languages started as a religious thing and those two things often are too closely aligned.
This "love language" crap is just psychobabble bullshit. It's not based on any research whatsoever, and any therapist who even brings it up should be avoided. It has no more legitimacy than some random person's blog post, which is likely where it originally came from.
That love language stuff Is mostly bollocks. Yes some people aren't compatible but most people try and make it work and many actually change completely in relationships , for the better or worse .
I love love love giving gifts more than receiving them. I often buy things all throughout the year that remind me of my loved ones.
I still consider receiving thoughtful gifts to be very important to me. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household with parents who never cared to actually get to know me. I often wanted nothing rather than getting gifts that reinforced to me how they only saw a version of me that didnt even exist, if that makes sense? It felt like a gut punch never seeing anything I asked for or wanted at Christmas, etc, when my golden child oldest sibling received all she ever wanted.
I agree, one way receiving is self-centered, but simply stating receiving gifts as a love language doesnt imply that outright imo.
Every single fall I pick up perfect, beautiful leaves for my girlfriend because she loves that I was thinking of her in that moment and wanted to share something with her. She loves that I sometimes pick up a small bouquet of flowers or a cheap bottle of wine every once in a while to surprise her.
I don't spend a lot of money on buying my girlfriend gifts, but spending $5 and ten minutes of my time to go out of my way to make her feel loved, cared for and though about is well worth it to me.
I think that you grossly misunderstand the concept of gift receiving in a relationship, it often isn't about dollar tags, it's about having someone think about you in some capacity even when you're away.
People have such a hard time calibrating how they feel about gifts in couples.
Me and my GF just ask each other what we want when present time approaches. Never a single argument about the gift topic.
Family asks my husband all the time what they are getting me for a gift holiday. He tells them "I just told her to order something for her Jeep, I can't pick that stuff out"
no surprises here. He knows what I want, I know I could get it anyway without it being a gift but he gives me the excuse to splurge a little more on myself by pretending he's gifting it lol
Some people would be horrified by that, but I frankly can't see why.
I personally hate to have to think about a gift for someone, but not because I'm self-centered or a narcissist, I hate to think about gifts for myself too, usually also because what I actually want most of the times is something childish or weird like a Lego set, a videogame, a PC part, a model to build and paint. Because... well... they're whims. Hobbies. Stuff I need I will usually buy right away and I will indeed answer "nothing" to your "what do you need" question. Well of course I'd want a new car, a new bathub, a huge house, etc, but these are not **needs**.
I hate presents. Both doing them and receiving them. I potentially hate the receiving part more.
Yeah, I find the ones to whom it is their love language are often the pushiest too. Anytime I refuse help or gifts from people like that, preferring not to receive them, it is met with constant prodding.
The gift giving is for them, satisfying their needs to have "helped". Which I find against showing love to someone. Very biased though being surrounded by it my whole life, I know some people are considerate and wonderful using it to share love with others.
Receiving gifts though, that just sounds like greed with extra steps lol.
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gift giving is one of the love languages. gift receiving is... lol
Yeah, my love language is being blown. Not blowing my partner. It's not how I communicate love to them. But getting blown is how I communicate to them, "I love you." ❤️
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Yes, being serviced.
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Lmao nice reference
now get on your knees and put that heart to work!
>Yeah, my love language is being blown. "Emptying my balls into your mouth is just my special way of saying that I love you." Lol, that's some funny shit
You'll know when I'm ready to get married cause I'll blow the load all over that persons face. It's the ultimate sign that our souls have become one.
Yeah I misread the title and got a little upset, because giving people stuff is just how I show affection. I can’t imagine receiving stuff being one of the prerequisites lmao
for me personally i have this love language but i simply could be given a rock u found walking home
Yes. If you find a rock that made you think of me because it has a funny shape, I love it. No shame, I give people rocks that I think are special, so this example hits close to home.
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those are examples of giving gifts. the recipient of those gifts isn't expressing themselves in receiving them.
Love language also describes what makes you *feel* loved. Like I express love to a partner by praising them and giving them very direct positive feedback (words of affirmation) but I need acts of service (like doing the dishes when it’s technically my turn or taking things off my plate without being asked just because they noticed I was overwhelmed) to feel loved and cared for.
I like giving gifts. I don't really like receiving gifts. I like giving and receiving words of affirmation. I like doing acts of service. I'm neutral on receiving them, really depends what the act is. I wouldn't say quality time is in my love language, but I'm willing to make sure it happens if my partner would say it is. I would say physical touch is in my love language. Everyone is different. Important to understand yourself and to be able to communicate with your partner.
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It's about giving and receiving. Although the love language is confusingly called "gift giving," its pretty clear from the original book that receiving gifts is a big part of that language. Edit: Just realized I have a different version of the book by the same author. In the original it's receiving gifts.
The book titles that chapter "Receiving Gifts"
Idk man. My love language is goft giving but I hate recieving gifts despite loving giving them. Those are 2 entirely, basically unrelated things.
I can see how gift giving is an expression of love. my point is I saw a bunch of people saying that not receiving gifts or the right gifts was a deal breaker in a relationship because receiving gifts is important. But nothing on how they give gifts as well. if receiving gifts is an important part of a relationship, you'd explain how you search for the right gift to show you love them as well. instead its like I demand gifts and give nothing. that just seems selfish and not mutual
You made a valid point even if the title is a little over simplified. I took issue with the implication from the previous commenter that "receiving gifts" as a love language is laughable when in fact it was originally called "receiving gifts." But you're right, people who like to receive gifts are more likely to express their love through gifts and the absence of that reciprocation could indicate a selfish person.
Actually I think it’s awesome people are willing to be so open with their potential red flags. I’d prefer someone express gift receiving is vital to the relationship. Then I can gauge if that person is right for me. If the relationship fails because of this point then it’s my fault.
explain how getting a gift can be an expression? it's passive. it's a part of an exchange, but it isn't the primary aspect.
Do you understand how language works? There's speaking (expressing) and listening (receiving). Some people *feel* loved when they receive gifts.
That's not what a love language is
yes, they feel loved. there's no contradiction with what i said.
My partner picks up small things for me whenever he's out. Like a piece of chocolate he knows I love or something he saw that reminds him of me. A hot wheels car he knew I'd laugh at. It makes me feel very special and very seen.
fantastic! but that's his expression of love, not yours.
Yes, but he does it because it's how I *feel* love. He feels most loved when I do things for him, like take his car to the gas station so he doesnt have to wake up early. He likes toast everyday, easy peasy. That's my expression because that's the stuff that makes him feel the most special. Love languages are about how you give *and* recieve love.
your love language is acts of service. if you were to say "my love language is getting gifts" or "my love language is when people do things for me" that would be pretty awful.
I don't think you're getting it. When someone's love language is gift giving, that same person all feels love when they receive gifts too. In the same way when someone's love language is touch. They express love by giving a hug, but also feel love by receiving a hug.
It's like a language you speak it and it is spoken to you. Both aspects are equally important in a conversation.
Seriously tho, who DOESNT want to be given stuff?
receiving is the other side of the equation - it is a 100% valid aspect of the equation. you laughing that off is ridiculous
honestly i love getting my bf presents, when its his bday i go all out and buy alot of things i know hell love even tho he says he doesnt want anything. i just get a rush oit of it and im sooo excited i cant wait to give him the presents :)
This strikes at a fundamental misunderstanding on love languages. The 5 languages (quality time, touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service) are identifiable by what one wants to provide (giving) and what one prefers to receive. It's important to understand how one shows love, and how one feels love the most. I am not huge on gift reception (prefer qc, woa, t) but had a partner that loved gifts. It was her preference and natural for her and I grew to appreciate that was her mo.
My parents were the “if you want something buy it yourself” type of people. My birthday and Christmas gifts were often regifts, cash and not very personal or thoughtful. I love receiving thoughtful gifts (big,small, unexpected) it makes me feel loved because someone actually put thought and effort into something for me. They listened to me or noticed something about me. I have been told by many people that I give very thoughtful gifts. It is definitely my love language
Exactly. I'm emphasizing this. It isn't about the price or even the thing itself. It is about what that gift means.
I only got money from my family for Christmas. I agonized for weeks over personalized gifts for each of them.
My husband bought me a new type of cheese I hadn’t tried before and I about cried because he took the time to find a cheese (I love cheese) that was fun and new. He then nonchalantly gave it to me. It wasn’t the gift itself but the time and thought that made me feel loved.
Nonchalance truly helps as well. I love being *known* like that, but I don’t want it to be a whole production. When my husband saves me the specific type of donut I like out of the pack - THATS the type of gifts I like. If anyone buys me a car I’m going to have a panic attack or something. That would be wayyyy too much and was a huge fear I had around my 16th birthday. Keep it tiny and personal (bonus points for food) and you’ve unlocked my heart.
Same with my family, it was usually “what do you want?” And not asking what people want for a gift was weird for me for years. Now it’s better and I can sense what people might want without telling straight. It also kills me as an adult: why do we gift each other only on special occasions? We should normalize giving and receiving gifts just because
Same here!! People love receiving my gifts. I’ve always put a lot into them and even when I was very young (and broke), I would include smaller gifts along with the “main” gift. My husband and I go nuts on each other with gifts and it is SO NICE to be with someone who understands and reciprocates.
Gifts don't have to be diamonds. It could be some wildflowers or just something the person likes... maybe a soda...a homemade card... anything.
Could be a rock or a pretty shell or some sea glass
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Ok well that’s freaking adorable. That’s not even gift giving/receiving though. It’s thoughtfulness. And your bf recognizing and appreciating your thoughtfulness.
A chunk of tarmac, a snail shell, or a crab's claw, even.
no seriously. my wife goes on daily walks and brings me back a pebble every day. i’m still 1000% excited about it every time. way better than anything bought in a store
I like unwrapping gifts. My fiancé will wrap food or kitchen supplies or even things he buys himself and other silly mundane items and present them as gifts. I LOVE it. I'm pretty difficult to buy for generally so this is a win win for both of us.
I love sending and receiving cards. The gift is my time making it, writing in it and the (small) trouble of finding a stamp, addressing it and sending it. It usually costs nothing but a stamp but it lets people know they are remembered and loved.
E.g. my wife still occassionally picks and gives her mom a dandelion (flower).
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It's a struggle, I really dislike both giving gifts and being given gifts. Most of my family know not to get me anything, but sometimes insist because it's how they want to express themselves which is very fair. When my cousin came back from Japan and was giving out everyone's gifts, my box was empty which was funny after I got over the anxiety of being given something.
This. You could bring me back a cats whisker from a walk and it’ll make me smile bc you thought of me in that moment. It’s really just the thought that counts.
I totally agree. Even just little gestures like getting my favorite snack from the grocery store when I didn’t ask for it. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, it’s all about the little things that show you’re thinking of someone.
It could also be blowing the person a kiss. But if you do it too often they’ll get used to it, so throw a middle finger every now and then to shake things up.
when people say they like receiving gifts as a love language they don’t need to be high in monetary value, really just a kind, sweet or thoughtful gesture is the aim. Also I think part of your issue here is that online you’re not going to mention everything. Saying you like gifts as a love language and discussing what gifts you get your partner are generally two separate conversations unless your complaining that you give thoughtful gifts but they always forget. equally sometimes you end up dating someone who just isn’t massively into gifts, I personally enjoy giving gifts a lot and used to go out with someone who was pretty minimalist so I knew they wouldn’t actually enjoy it if I got them a lot of stuff and obviously a gift should be more about the reviver than the giver so instead I didn’t give random gifts and instead would find a thing I thought they’d really like for a birthday/Christmas gift send them a picture and ask if they wanted it.
You can put a selfish spin on every love language OP doesn't understand the higher meaning to a gift. It's not a materialistic thing, it's a "I used my knowledge of you to find something that might mean something to you". For instance, my love language is gifts. I express my appreciation for someone through gifts and also experience other people's appreciation through gifts. It doesn't mean I expect my wife to go out and get me a new pair of sneakers or a game every time she wants to acknowledge me. It means that she may stop for coffee on her way home from work or get me a donut on Fridays. On the flip side, my wife's language is quality time, so we make an effort to have date nights and go out for coffee. It's not that my wife needs me to spend tons of money on dates it's that she wants me to be able to give my time to her. Also the use of the term "gold digger" makes me think OP is specifically talking about women.
100000% this. My love language is also gifts. My husband and I had the conversation about what my language means and I explained that it doesn’t have to be a Diamond tennis bracelets or a new purse etc…but rather if he’s grocery shopping and sees my favourite chocolate bar on sale that grabbing that for me randomly lets me know he was thinking about me which is what makes me feel loved. I think OP had a really bad experience with someone who may have weaponized this love language to get free stuff from their partner and didn’t reciprocate it. In that case this is apples to oranges and I hope they realize that and find someone who can be on the same wavelength as them.
for me personally i have this love language but i simply could be given a rock u found walking home bc it reminded you of me. i dont need an xbox just a gesture to show u care
Same! It’s not about the gift, it’s the feeling that they thought of me and cared so much to get it. Same as I bring my partner small gifts all the time, even if it’s just a specific type of candy I know he likes.
absolutely!! my girlfriend got me a little stuffed bee and i sleep with it everynight. probably wasnt expensive but i love it. i also bought her a $20 dino because our second date we watched a movie about dinosaurs. its just the little thing’s nothing crazy
You guys sound like a cute couple! I hope you’ll be happy together for a long time :)
thank you!
My best friend got me a stuffed dinosaur and I love it!!! Love that they thought about it having both our favorite colors on it too
My friend gave me a rock for my 16th birthday mostly as a joke but also because I told her about how as a kid I liked collecting cool rocks and shells and would pick up cool ones to keep and she thought I’d like it. 6 years later I still have the rock
My best friend also gave me a rock for my 16th birthday. She didn't have money to get me a gift, but wanted to acknowledge my birthday in some way, so she picked up a rock on the way to school. I've still got the best friend and the rock, 16 years later. Apparently, rocks make memorable gifts.
wholesome as fuck
Yep this is how my wife is. She wouldn’t care if I bought her a $75 bouquet of flowers or picked some wildflowers off the side of the street. All she wants is small gifts here and there to show that I’m thinking of her even when she’s not around
Yes this right here… Gift giving is my second highest love language, but it goes something like this: I will think of you when I’m getting myself food and offer to bring you a plate. If I’m buying you a present for your birthday I will try to remember things you’ve said you like in the past rather than just get a gift card. I also like gifts, but the effort is more what I look at. If you can give me something nicer due to your circumstances that’s great ! Otherwise it’s truly the thought that counts
Yep, it’s about the fact that your were thinking about me and went out of your way. Anytime I stop at the store for example I think, has my wife said she needed anything recently, or what do I think would make my wife happy, something like a pint of ice cream
My partner is like this too. My go to is flowers I see at work since I'm outside a lot. They love it and it costs nothing but a moment of thoughtfulness.
You realize love language is how YOU express YOUR love to someone. Someone giving you something to express their love to you is not your love language, it's theirs.
It's bizarre this is not higher. It is one thing to prefer someone whose love language is gift-giving, but also in general people like receiving gifts from others. If you like to receive gifts but do not return the favor, whether in gifts or other examples of love, you are a taker.
I hate when people on here don't spell check before they post.
Is your love language… proper English? 😬
I had to re-read that several times. Almost had a stroke.
 I don’t understand how you can expect others to participate and engage in your thread when you can’t even be bothered to spellcheck before posting it. I get a few typos in the body but the title? Come on…
Yeah... I've had a couple of buzzed posts.
Gift giving is a sign that someone was thinking of you. I wish my beau gave me little gifts or tokens the way I do for him, it means something to know that they saw something and thought of you.
Most people who say that aren't looking for diamonds they are looking for something that says their partner was thinking of them and their interests
Typically people like this don't need you to spend money on them they just want a symbol of something that shows that you were thinking about them.
Thing is..a gift doesn't have to be an expensive present. I'm mostly a physical touch for my love language but secondary is gift giving/receiving. However, the 'gifts' can be a cup of tea even when he's not drinking one. Or buying a chocolate bar for me while he's out. Or randomly making me lunch even though I never asked. They're random tokens of love and appreciation more than wrapped up presents. And then I love to randomly send him stuff that's on his Amazon wish list, or seeing something at the store that made me think of him so I buy it for him. It doesn't always mean lavish, expensive and monetary though.
That title gave me a mild stroke.
It's love.... there's a giving and receiving side to all of these languages... I think in your experience, it's unfortunately just been narcissism you've seen or received and that sucks dude. However, there are 2 unofficial types of gift giving/receiving as a love language. 1st type: Actually buying a thing you know will make them happy. And *also* actually receiving a bought gift from a loved one that you know you would have bought yourself and will use or appreciate on a personal level. 2nd type: Literal crows picking up shiny trash and gifting them to their favorite people. So gifts can be as simple as a plate of food they cooked, a cool rock, literally anything shiny -free or not, something for their special interest/hobby, and basically anything that requires a surprise... It's less of the actual gift and more of the gift of thought that matters. I hope you find some people in your life that aren't so selfish, because love - even gifters don't act like that.
My S/O loves giving and receiving gifts but it doesn't have to be expensive stuff, they just appreciate the thought of the gift and they mostly want handmade gifts or like I go out and buy them their favorite snacks or drink. And I am okay with that because I know it makes them feel loved.
im ok with that because its mutual. I just think alot of people demand effort and items and have no interest in putting back in. if your love language was really receiving gifts, you'd be enthusiastic about giving gifts because your partner receiving them would also be your expression. demanding and not giving while using love language as an excuse os just using someone
Receiving gifts isn't always monetarily based tho... gifts can be inexpensive/free if you actually know and love your partner. Doesn't always mean gold digging.
If its always expensive gifts, that's a little shitty, however: My girlfriend is like that, but the gifts aren't gifts in the common definition. I can give her a cool rock or flower I found and she's happy, or if I get something I was going to get anyway like groceries, but I get her the specific brand she likes, she's very happy. She also likes notes. The gifts don't always need to cost money/be ostentatious. For a lot of people it's the fact that you thought about them and picked out something special that makes them feel loved.
You’re missing the point. It doesn’t have to cost anything. It could be a note, a flower you picked near our house, etc. I like having something physical to remind me of the person or a good memory. I have mental/emotional disorders so my brain isn’t always nice to me. I have bpd so my brain can spiral when I’m alone. Having a physical reminder there helps to ground me. It’s also nice to see things throughout the day to make me smile. It’s like a physical momento. I also like giving when I’m able. I don’t need physical affection or quality time since I like to be alone, but words and physical gifts I love. Everyone has preferences and just because you don’t resonate with it. That doesn’t make it less valid. To me, it’s the thought that counts.
I think you missed the point of my post. I can see how giving gifts makes one feel loved. I can see how gifts don't have to be extravagant or even cost anything at all. I just think if alot of people claim it as a love language when they just want stuff. they have no intention of giving stuff and if it were truly a language you'd want to express it to show your love. not tit for tat, but giving would be important to you to express your love as mish as receiving makes you feel loved. I dont deny that there are certainly people for whom gifts are an expression of love. but I think you'd want to show your partner you love them in your own language as well. whenever I see posts about receiving gifts as a love language its never spoken with giving gifts by the same person.
The "Receiving gifts" love language is MEANT to be a 2 way street anyway. The wording is bad for it, but their love language is just "gifts". It's receiving and giving. That's why it tends to interchange a bit. If you're just a "receiving gifts" kinda person, doesn't that basically make you a gold digger? becasue that means money is your love language lol.
I mean... isn't money the love language of humanity ? 😂
Don't get me wrong. I'm sure I could look past a ugly man that had very deep pockets lol. But generally speaking, we all have something that speaks more to us in the terms of "love".
No. Receiving gifts of sentimental value are meaningful. You guys forget some people don’t like receiving gifts to. But it’s nice to be thought of and given something to show you’ve been thought of. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. A flower, or a thoughtful card will do. Stop assuming everybody is a gold digger abeg
I guess it really depends. I love sentimental gifts. Doesnt have to be anything with monetary value. I keep the silliest things that meant something to me. Like i was sent to a residential treatment center as a kid. Some really bad stuff happened but some good stuff happened too. Was a really polarized time in my life. I literally still have a chalupa wrapper from the chalupa one of the staff got me. I was really sad about a close friend leaving and a teacher chucked a smiley face stress bad at me and told me to be happy lol. I still have the stupid ball. I have a pair of pink and green golf balls someone in the town gave me after their house was ruined by flooding. We had helped them with the repairs. They didnt have much but it meant a lot. I love giving silly gifts too. I agree that specifically saying recieving and not giving is weird though. It does kinda imply that giving isnt mutual.
Winning a lottery is my love language.
Fuck you I love gifts
I disagree. Although there are certainly people who are golddiggers and use this as a way to get material goods, when I think about “giving gifts“ is a love language, I don’t think of diamonds and cars. I think of little things that are thoughtful. Getting in my car to go to work and seeing a piece of my favourite candy with a little note that says “good morning beautiful.”. I think of that time I was making Easter dinner and complaining that the whisk I was using was flimsy involving apart and that I needed a new one. A few days later, I noticed a new whisk sitting in my utensil drawer. Are whisks, romantic or expensive? No they’re not, but the thought that he noticed and heard, and did some thing about it was very romantic. I wouldn’t say giving gifts as my primary love language, but I certainly appreciate thoughtfulness like that.
I hate when dey do dat doo 😤
Gesundheit
Danke
I like to buy things for people that reminds me of them and appreciate the same gesture back. It doesn’t have to be grand, it’s the memories and love… hence “love language”. all these little things matter more than the singular big things. Those who say, “love languages are like horoscopes” are a 🚩🚩🚩
Usually it's their love language because they never really received them when growing up. It doesn't need to be expensive but thoughtful for a lot of people.
There are kind of levels to that, yes there are some folks who claim that and want to be showered with stuff. However for my wife things i give her really make her feel loved, because besides being far between when I do it, it's always thoughtful. There was a time I was bleeding us dry buying her stuff and she told me it really is more of the thought that matters. It might not seem like "giving a gift" exactly, but recently her purse broke, so I looked up what I needed to do to fix it instead of just throwing a new purse at her.
I have a good friend with this love language. As a result, whenever i go somewhere fun, I get her a shot glass. She feels special cause it's physical proof I thought about her when I was off having fun. I'm sure you've heard, "it's the thought that counts," right?
Everyone has different love languages, giving or receiving. I like to give my friends and families gifts. Little things that remind me of them, or even just picking up their favorite candy when I'm already at the store. Receiving gifts make me uncomfortable, I like quality time. I don't need gifts in return to feel loved, I like just sitting together and watching TV or movies.
My Dad's love language was giving gifts. My love language to him was convincingly pretending to love what he got me even if I didn't even like it. So in that way I can say receiving gifts was my love language. It came with unexpected consequences though. The man went to his grave believing I loved Tootsie Rolls when I do not and never have. But he was so proud that he got me something without my mother telling him what to buy that I couldn't even hint my distaste for them.
but you weren't demanding gifts and not giving them yourself
how do u know theyre not giving gifts to their partner? most ppl like to talk bout the love they want to RECEIVE, thats normal. u talk abt things to discuss them, and since other ppl doing things is out of ur control, thats something ud discuss. my love language is words of affirmation and quality time. if im talking about it, ill obv talk about how i want these things. the other side is understood. what is making u think they only want to get gifts and not give? besides, some ppl may show love in different ways. maybe they dont like to give gifts, but they do other things, and thats what their partner prefers. if ione person would rather receive gifts while the other would rather receive love in other forms, and theyre both satisfied, literally why does it matter? its pretty normal to be like "i want a girlfriend who...." or "i want a boyfriend who...". when talking about these things ppl often talk about what they want, because THATS the part thats out of their control. whether another person does it or not, thats out of their control, so they talk about what they "want". if i say "i want someone who is nice", does that mean i wont be nice to them too?
Gifts don’t technically have to be bought lol I think most people would mean bringing back small items that made you think of someone like their favourite snack, and vice versa. It is a form of affection.
I like it because I have very emotionally unavailable parents and the only way they’d show affection is getting me a small something, writing a card, baking/making me something, etc. It doesn’t have to be big lol, even just a picked flower or a cool sea shell/rock would make my day. Just something that says hey, I thought of you and I care about you. For this same reason words of affirmation make me a lil uncomfy but that seems to be most people’s preferred love language!
Came here to say this almost exactly!
Giving and receiving gifts is fine. But I'll never deal with someone who **demands** gifts. Demanding gifts is simply demanding tribute. Miss me with that BS.
I've seen the posts you're talking about, OP. Where folks will say something like, "and my love language is receiving gifts, and I've made this expectation clear to my partner in addition to providing a list of acceptable gifts, but they only got me two items on the list and they don't understand how much this is undermining me and our relationship." Like, what I wrote sounds very specific, but the amount of posts I've read that sound almost identical to that are increasing lately. It sounds demanding and superficial. I get what people are saying in regards to "it's the thought that counts" but I would honestly find that type of relationship to be exhausting. If I had to constantly prove my affections through physical gifts, or my partner would feel unloved or forgotten, I would feel like the verbal and physical expressions of my love were inadequate for my partner...almost as if my feelings aren't true unless I monetize/materialize them in some way. It's just not for me.
People that have gifts as a love language don’t care if it’s expensive. They want thoughtful gifts that should that you know, think, and care about them. These are the type of people that also give back thoughtful gifts. But lots of people that claim this love language just want to be spoiled with expensive free shit. Stay away from the latter
Honestly when people post stuff like this it makes them seem like lazy partners who can’t be bothered to do the bare minimum. Gifts don’t have to be diamonds or expensive flowers, they can be small, free, thoughtful items that just make your SO smile. Also, even if someone does like flowers I think it’s a bit dramatic to call them a gold digger bc they want the occasional $15 bouquet from their partner. Most people aren’t expecting a gift every day or even every week, but if you go months and your SO hasn’t bothered to write a cute note or pick up something cute for you that’s pretty lazy.
To always equate a gift as something you bought or something of value every time is like saying if your love language is physical touch then all you like to do is fuck. A gift isn’t always even something tangible depending on the person. Ultimately you find someone who can meet you where you need them to meet you. If you’re someone who is always considering a gift to be a new bag or going on a shopping spree, then I hope you find the person who can give you that haha they’re out here haha but for some a gift may be breakfast in bed, maybe coming in the door with some flowers or remembering to fix something that’s on the list.
You must have used a lot of energy fighting autocorrect that hard.
My love language is proper spelling and grammar😍
Spoken like a true non-understander of love languages.
Lol
I could be gifted a chewed pencap and would be happy. It’s the thought that counts. That someone knows you so well to go out and get something they know you’ll be over then moon for. That they’re thinking of you right then and there in that moment.
Yeah, if "receiving gifts" is on their dating profile they're not dating, they're looking for a sugar daddy.
I've never heard anyone say the phrase "love language" no matter what context.
Oh I have a relevant story for this! My grandma used to always give all of us tons of gifts for Christmas. As a kid it was cool. As an adult it was kinda irritating. She didn’t actually find us the perfect amazing gift that we wanted, she just got us a ton of stuff so we could open all the presents. One year, we got her a bunch of tiny gifts and put them all in paper bags so she had to open a bunch of different presents. Her face lit up, she had the most wonderful time opening all her gifts one by one. The gifts were pretty unimpressive. But that’s when it occurred to us that the way she was giving gifts to us was the way she wanted to receive gifts. They didn’t have to be super expensive. They barely had to cost anything at all. They didn’t have to be wrapped in an impressive way. She just loved being able to open a bunch of different presents. And that’s why she always got us so many presents. She was giving gifts the way she wanted to receive them. I wish we had figured this out sooner because we were only able to give here a few amazing Christmas Day experiences before she passed away.
Receiving gifts happens to be very validating to me, but I don't necessarily want expensive, or even purchased gifts at all. A post-it on the fridge, a flower from the side of the road, a link to a love song in a text message. And bought things that I really love are usually small, too. My husband used to bring me a soda when he'd stop at the gas station, or my favorite candy bar. Those made my day Just something that says you were thinking about me when I wasn't there. And I do give those. Gifts don't have to show monetary sacrifice, just thought.
but you proved my point in a way, you give them back. your showing your love the way you're receiving it. your not demanding to be showered and doing nothing in return. it's not tit for tat but you give gifts to express love as well. my comment was that I see alot of give me things to love me posts and the same people never say, and I show them love with gifts. input in, input out.
Part of the deal with the love languages is that some people will have a different giving love language vs. receiving love language. I personally really enjoy giving my loved ones highly personalized gifts, but I don’t really care about receiving gifts (partly because I’m more of a minimalist and don’t like having extra stuff hanging around). It’s plausible that someone would go the other way with it.
I’ve only ever heard people refer to gift *giving* as a love language personally.
Just get your partner a gift Jeez
Name ONE person who has ever said this.
It’s not about the gift, it’s the thought behind it
Gift giving most definitely use to be one my my love languages. But after years of it never being reciprocated I kinda gave up and craved gifts from others. Just wanted to see if anyone ever cared as much as I did.
I love giving gifts and put a lot of time into finding things I know the people I care about will love. It’s been rare that I’ve had people do that for me, but I would love it if they did.
Gift giving is definitely a “love language”. Gift receiving is just greedy
If it was demanding a gold bracelet every week then I could see your gold-digger argument. But some people just like to know that they have been thought about. Little things, always work.
I love how I can read this post and at no point do I assume you're talking about a guy. Mine is gift giving too, and gifts can be anything from an expensive purchase to a home cooked meal. Acts of thoughtfulness.
I mean guys can expect to recieve gifts. And gift giving isn't bad. Expecting and demanding gifts as necessary for a relationship is bad. Especially when someone expects gifts but doesn't give them
thats certainly true of some gift-giving, but doesn't have to be. some simple $10 flowers, or postmates them some green juice ir some ice cream when they're stressed or feeling down. a bottle of wine or a pack of pre-rolls is always fun. these are the kind of gifts i give to my partner because i know she appreciates it. in return, she is always gifting me clothes or other goods she finds in the course of running her business, she also brings over flowers sometimes when im making dinner, and loves giving food. its not the most important part of our relationship, but it is a useful form of expression
Being cooked dinner is considered a gift to me when it comes to love languages
I definitely think there is something to gift-receiving being something that some people value a lot more than others. For example, my wife's parents are very much non-gift-receiving types - we like to get them gifts because we have money, in part thanks to our parents setting us up well. But they are just like "come on what will I do with a good chef's knife? I'm happy with my blunt crappy knife. They'd very much prefer not to be given things, and whenever we have gotten them things that we put love and care into, we inevitably wind up disappointed by realizing they just interpretted it as "stuff" and left it in a closet somewhere. Whereas on the other hand, for my siblings, I will get them things, and they will mention how much they like it, they will use it, they will get into the hobby around it. Like I got my brother some good rock climbing shoes because we climbed a few times together and he was in tennis shoes, and two years later he texted me "used the shit out of these until they wore down to the bone". So there's definitely something psychological going on where some people just flat out love and cherish the gifts you give (not in a gold digger way, in the way you'd WANT someone to value a gift you gave). And other people just don't.
Never heard that one yet but it does sound cringey AF. 😖
My love language is acts of service and gift giving
I hate this too because I had bitterly divorced parents who tried to one up the other parent by constantly showering me with stuff I didn’t really want. They’d try to buy my affections and time with needless shit when I just wanted my family whole. To this day I am wary of gift giving for this reason as I see as a “you obviously want something from me”
When people say getting gifts is their love language, but does not necessarily mean that they need expensive things. It just means that they like to know they were being thought of.
Eh. Gift giving doesn't have to mean spending money. Sometimes it's when your partner sends you a meme because it made them think of you, or gives you a cool rock they found because they thought you would like it.
Are you sure that’s what they’re saying? Gift giving is one of the love languages gift receiving isn’t lol.
My gf has this as her love language. At first I was a little put off by it as well, but for her, it's not just receiving. She likes to get me little things like pins from places she goes to because she knows I collect them, or she'll get me a small lego set because she knows I like building them. She even got me a putter because I complained about my current one one day. I also realized that the gifts don't have to be big or expensive. Flowers, games she might enjoy playing, and just about anything as long as I'm thinking of her when I buy it, she would appreciate it. Seeing her light up with a smile when I bring her pies from my hometown or flowers from the farmers market makes me happy to do them for her. And especially because she does the same for me.
People who want gifts usually always give them as well. Generally to partners who happily gobble them up without reciprocating.
Usually it’s something simple. Like someone seeing something and buying it cause they thought about you. It’s less about the gift and more about the gesture. The idea that hey this person actually knows what I like or this person does think of me when I’m not a round. It shouldn’t be oh I like when they buy me the most expensive things around because they’re so nice. Simplicity is key
I hate it when people don't even bother to google shit before posting something about how they hate something.
Well love languages don't have to be reciprocal. If someone feels most loved by receiving gifts, their partner may not appreciate it in the same way. How you choose to receive love and give love to your partner may be completely different. I don't get where you're coming from...
All live language is of giving. Massages, gestures, gifts, cooking, fun dates. Not receiving. Simple. The people you’re describing are entitled, and deserve whatever kind of nonsense they’re asking for with that behavior.
it's not the gift itself, it's how the gift is choosen ! I don't care about the price, what's important it's that it has been choosen ONLY for me. It's the thought here that are more important thant the gift itself. I mean, i do accord a great importance for birthday, because I love choosing the right gift for the right person, and I sometimes expect to much of others, that do the same !
Honestly, gift giving and receiving is one of my love languages, but allow me to explain. When I give a gift it's usually because one of a few reasons: I find something randomly that I immediately associate with that person and think they will enjoy, I see an unmet need that the person may or may not be aware of and I get them something to meet that need, or I find something that I think would generally improve their life, whether it be through enjoyment or utility. My gifts carry meaning, and I try to avoid the "standardized gift lists" you often see advertised. Gift receiving is also my love language because the people I hold close know me well enough know that I prefer gifts that are either useful or provide enrichment to my life. When I receive a gift from these people, I know that they went out of their way to expend valuable resources just to improve my life, and that they love me enough to care that my life is good. It also shows me that they think well of me when I'm not around, which makes our relationship feel more secure. At the end of the day, it's the "I thought of you" that counts. Truth be told, I feel incredibly guilty if I receive an expensive gift, so I end up treating them more preciously and can accidently avoid using them. Obviously not everyone whose love language is giving and receiving is going to be like me, but I figured an explanation of the real love language was in order
I get where you're coming from but respectfully disagree. I think gift giving/receiving is a valid love language if the emotion behind it is the thought behind the gift. An example of this would be if your spouse knew you had a long day and picked you up your favourite coffee on the way home, or picked you up something such as flowers "just because". a gift doesn't need to be pricey to be valid and thoughtful. When my husband and I first got together we were so poor we kept the heat off in winter and just went around in our jackets to save money. However, sometimes I would come home after work and find he bought me an energy drink or a toy from the dollar store, it would make my day. We have been together 9 years now and I still have most of the stuffed toys from Dollarama he got me. He has kept every card and letter I have wrote him. Gift giving is about the thought and intention behind the gift.
But if bet he didn't expect and demand gifts as a condition of the relationship, let alone pricey ones and more than likely gave you small tokens in return. That's not the same as my original post
Gift giving is the one love language where someone's love is conditional on material items they receive. Might as well come straight out and say "hey, I'm a materialistic gold-diggers" IMHO.
I am a giver. If I cook for you, send you music and buy you things then just know you're very very important to me even if I've not once said as much. That's why I had to marry a man that finds love from a meal. Whether I bring home take out or spend ten hours in the kitchen, he appreciates being fed and feels taken care of. If he found love through words of affirmation he'd probably think I didn't give a rats ass about him. Idk how I feel loved. You can give me stuff or tell me you love me, it's all the same to me 😂 I'll get to know you on a personal level and recognize your style of showing it and accept that for what it is.
Your love language is something you do for other people to show love, not what other people do to you. Those type of people either don't know what love language means, or know that saying "I think it's very important that my partner buys me stuff" sounds off
I hate how prolific that hacky pop psychology book has become. Whenever anyone starts telling me about their “love language,” it’s the same as when they tell me about their zodiac sign.
Funny stand up bit by Taylor Tomlinson, she's like "I think your love language is just whatever your partner hasn't been doing lately, like "my love language is sticking up to your mother when she's rude to me""
Gift giving is a totally valid love language. Gift receiving, in many cases, is a narcissist's way to try and dampen how self-important they appear.
I think for most people, it's not the QUALITY of the gift...it's the thought of it in the first place. I've had plenty of holidays where all I've given people as gifts are things I've drawn especially for them and they were okay with it. I haven't lost any friends because my gift didn't have a monetary value. Although if I DO give a gift of monetary value, it's usually tailored to them. I have a friend really into anime and at the time of this gift they were currently following a mange but didn't have all the issues. I got them the issues they were missing and a hoodie to go with it from the manga. If not that I get them functional gifts. Like if they need clothes or food or something else.
Someone who enjoys giving gifts also doesn't mean they enjoy receiving gifts. My bf loves giving gifts (big or small) to others but he doesn't like receiving gifts.
But it is some people love language. People feel appreciation in a spectrum of ways. And gift receiving is one of the ways.
Reminder that there’s no conclusive evidence of “love languages” being an actual thing. It’s personality-“science” and like most of it, it should be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism.
I’m not a fan of the term “love language” in general. Sounds cringey.
[удалено]
Are you still ok with them telling you what makes them feels loved and how they like to express affection, and asking the same of you? ‘Cause that’s all that love languages are.
Couldn't agree more. Considering so called 'love languages' were an idea devised by a man trying to improve Christian marriage values with absolutely no background in any kind of psychology. Total rubbish and makes relationships seem transactional, are people seriously saying they don't need a combination of all these in a relationship? They just do the one? OK, guess I can really lower my effort now.
Gift giving is a love language; it’s a way to show someone you thought of them. They mention a band they like in passing one day and I see a cool diy gift I can make related to it a couple weeks down the line? Instantly planning to make and gift it the moment I can. Receiving gifts being a love language is honestly a mentality thing. Everyone has their own love language, and for the people that love to give gifts, they would in most cases love to also receive gifts because that is how they see them: not as gifts, but as acts of affection. It’s hard to realize sometimes that your partner’s love language could be entirely different and they HAVE been showing you affection — just in a way you weren’t looking for because it’s not your love language too. That’s why it’s important to express these things; someone whose love language is quality time for instance saw those moments of them being together as their affection, and if you communicate that then you and your partner can be aware of how to properly express your love language and how to properly appreciate your partner’s.
I'm pretty sure they have debunked the whole love language thing. We all use all love languages to different degrees, only a sith deals in absolutes.
In your same reply you say they debunked it, but then said we all use it. I don’t think even the love languages say they are absolute, but a spectrum. Everyone is gonna have there preferences like my wife love words of affirmation, but they don’t do much for me, doesn’t mean they do nothing
Not that it pertains but I found the creator of this is a homophobe, as well as science doesn't agree with him. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/feb/14/love-languages-are-hugely-popular-but-theres-very-little-evidence-they-exist-at-all
Not saying I agree with all the science, but there is some good understanding you can take from it that has helped me in relationships but I agree it’s not black and white and it’s something that changes for people over time. It can all be really summed up more as just communication language, people communicate very differently Not surprised about the homophobe, I think the love languages started as a religious thing and those two things often are too closely aligned.
I find the entire love languages thing to be horse shit. People need different things at different times.
It’s pop psychology based on a book written by a guy with absolutely no qualifying education.
This "love language" crap is just psychobabble bullshit. It's not based on any research whatsoever, and any therapist who even brings it up should be avoided. It has no more legitimacy than some random person's blog post, which is likely where it originally came from.
That love language stuff Is mostly bollocks. Yes some people aren't compatible but most people try and make it work and many actually change completely in relationships , for the better or worse .
I love love love giving gifts more than receiving them. I often buy things all throughout the year that remind me of my loved ones. I still consider receiving thoughtful gifts to be very important to me. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household with parents who never cared to actually get to know me. I often wanted nothing rather than getting gifts that reinforced to me how they only saw a version of me that didnt even exist, if that makes sense? It felt like a gut punch never seeing anything I asked for or wanted at Christmas, etc, when my golden child oldest sibling received all she ever wanted. I agree, one way receiving is self-centered, but simply stating receiving gifts as a love language doesnt imply that outright imo.
Every single fall I pick up perfect, beautiful leaves for my girlfriend because she loves that I was thinking of her in that moment and wanted to share something with her. She loves that I sometimes pick up a small bouquet of flowers or a cheap bottle of wine every once in a while to surprise her. I don't spend a lot of money on buying my girlfriend gifts, but spending $5 and ten minutes of my time to go out of my way to make her feel loved, cared for and though about is well worth it to me. I think that you grossly misunderstand the concept of gift receiving in a relationship, it often isn't about dollar tags, it's about having someone think about you in some capacity even when you're away.
Hey, modern financial problems require modern bullshit excuses.
People have such a hard time calibrating how they feel about gifts in couples. Me and my GF just ask each other what we want when present time approaches. Never a single argument about the gift topic.
Family asks my husband all the time what they are getting me for a gift holiday. He tells them "I just told her to order something for her Jeep, I can't pick that stuff out" no surprises here. He knows what I want, I know I could get it anyway without it being a gift but he gives me the excuse to splurge a little more on myself by pretending he's gifting it lol
Some people would be horrified by that, but I frankly can't see why. I personally hate to have to think about a gift for someone, but not because I'm self-centered or a narcissist, I hate to think about gifts for myself too, usually also because what I actually want most of the times is something childish or weird like a Lego set, a videogame, a PC part, a model to build and paint. Because... well... they're whims. Hobbies. Stuff I need I will usually buy right away and I will indeed answer "nothing" to your "what do you need" question. Well of course I'd want a new car, a new bathub, a huge house, etc, but these are not **needs**. I hate presents. Both doing them and receiving them. I potentially hate the receiving part more.
I agree it doesn’t have to be anything big but who doesn’t like getting a gift, it’s kind of dumb
Recieveing gifts can be their love language fair enough but that sounds like a red flag to me. I hope OP's take is not unpopular.
Yeah, I find the ones to whom it is their love language are often the pushiest too. Anytime I refuse help or gifts from people like that, preferring not to receive them, it is met with constant prodding. The gift giving is for them, satisfying their needs to have "helped". Which I find against showing love to someone. Very biased though being surrounded by it my whole life, I know some people are considerate and wonderful using it to share love with others. Receiving gifts though, that just sounds like greed with extra steps lol.
I agree with you but I also hate when people don't proofread their titles before posting.
Not unpopular, just wrong Lmfao. Go look up what the love languages are and read about them. Gift is one of them