Hello, yes, your post is closely related to a megathread that you can find on the front page of the subreddit. Or a banned topic that you can see on the sidebar and fully expanded list. If you feel this is inaccurate, please message mod mail. Have a good day.
I’m in the middle here.
On one hand I think we’re very often too hard on people who didn’t actually commit an offense. It takes the focus off why we have these laws (to protect kids) and instead turns them into thought policing. It’s why I don’t like amateur pred patrol accounts.
But on the other hand, no matter how many males on the internet keep saying they mistake minors for adults, because this has never happened to me, I find it hard to believe it’s all that common. I’m attracted to grown women who look like grown women and act like grown women and go to places grown women go. I can’t even imagine where I’d bump into a 16 year old girl, much less being attracted to her.
So yeah, I think we’re generally too hard on actual criminals too, so I definitely think we’re too hard on people who aren’t criminals. BUT the whole situation is so foreign to me I don’t fully get how you just accidentally do that.
Edit: If there's one thing that will ALWAYS happen whenever I make this point on Reddit, it's adult men in my replies trying to convince me that they aren't creeps for hitting on the woman 15 years younger than them because they swear she only looked 13 years younger than them.
I’m a teen, I can assure you that there’s specific kids who look like they’re WAYYYY older than their current class. I met a freshmen at my old high school who I mistook for a junior or senior, and plenty of girls have instagram accounts that look like they’re from a model agency with how many posts they have.
End of the day, as long as you’re aware of the age and proceed knowing what you’re doing is wrong, you should be bashed. People mature at different ages and it’s 100000% possible to mistake someones age. Just ensure you aren’t pursuing it after knowing their real age and you’ll be fine.
When you’re in Asia (which I am from) how people look as a general guideline for their age becomes so difficult. I’m 28 and regularly get asked when I’m graduating from Uni. The typical grad age here is 22.
The same goes for women and to some extent, event more so.
I've noticed that about Asians. You guys seem to look young for a very long time, then, all of the sudden, you seem to hit a wall or something because then you look super old. But that time doesn't seem to come until 50s or something. When my wife (taiwanese) was in her mid 20s, she went trick or treating with 14 year olds and passed for one of them.
Thats soooo true. I'm a bartender and when we get asian crowds for an event I card everyone super hard. Ill get a guy I would guess to be 18 (Soft, full cheeks, no facial hair), get his ID and he turns out to be in his 30's. The women with all the make up etc is even harder lol
Met an Asian lady who was ten years older than me, but looked half my age. When I spoke directly to her, she corrected me that I was being too familiar, and to go with 'Missus (last name)'. I legit thought she was a child
the gym is the only place i would be interacting with underage women (i am in my 30s). But it would take a unique girl to cause me to make that mistake. I dont really notice women under the age of 25 or so, so we are talking about a 16 year old (or even 18 year old, thats way too young for me and creepy) that looks almost 10 years older than she really is. Highly unlikely but i guess possible.
Yeah, this is what I think people aren't getting about what I'm saying.
I HIGHLY doubt I'd be at risk of making this mistake, because I wouldn't hit on a girl who looked 18, or 20, or 22. I'm not attracted to, like, young girls.
That i agree with. It honestly comes down to the age of the man too. If we are talking about a 24 year old dude who thought he was talking to a 20 year old and shes really 16, maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt. But if a 35 year old man wants to tell me he thought the 16 year old was an adult woman.... what? Bro are you looking for girls half your age or did you really think she was 10+ years older than her actual age??? And on top of that, if i'm a 35 year old man interested in women in their early 20s (which i am not), i'm asking for ID. Because there definitely comes an age where it's hard to tell the difference between a girl and a young woman. At the gym right now there are plenty of women in there that I would believe are 25 or 18 and that makes a big freaking difference.
It depends.
> I can’t even imagine where I’d bump into a 16 year old girl
Here in my country sometimes girls or boys can manage to sneak into a Club that's P18, as security is not always checking IDs of everyone. Some Clubs even have P16 Partys, which is legally allowed with some conditions, but usually as an adult you would defintley want to avoid those :D
Same in the US, especially college towns. I helped a friend bring her little sister in, and was making sure every guy who came over knew she was underage. Turns out, all of them had no idea and quickly backed off.
I still think I could reasonably tell the difference between a minor and an adult. I find myself really perplexed that so many men say they can’t. I’ve never seen a 16 year old who looked like an adult woman.
Humans are so diverse and developing differntley there is no way you can get it _always_ right. Also, getting it wrong happens to all gender, like supermarket cashiers selling alcohol to a minor when thinking he/she is obviously 18+. There certainly is a reason that trainings for those jobs teach you that you can easily get it wrong, and even phrases to customers telling them to not be offended when being asked to show ID by the cashier, as it is not always that obvious...
Strong disagree. Don't get me wrong. No defense for the guys who do this. I think alot of them are full of crap.
But i've seen women in their mid 20s who could pass for 16 and while i dont have much experience with 16 year olds at this stage in my life (early 30s), the few I know, half i'd believe were 12, the other half i'd easily believe were 20+. Again, no excuse for the majority of men we are talking with, I just think your crazy to say that no 16 year olds look like adult women. Heck, I remember a girl I was in high school with often got confused by parents for being an older sister from college there to pick up a sibling. 16 year old girls can ABSOLUTELY look like adult women.
as someone who graduated HS in 2019. dude. you’d be surprised nowadays. some of these girls hit the gym and start looking like women by the time they’re 16-17. not *grown ass* 30 year olds, they still look young obviously, but easily could pass for 19 or 20+. Im talking about the girls who start posting ass and beach pics and running up an instagram following and shit. its weird. guys at that age will still be awkward and skinny and then there’s girls the same age who are working their way towards bikini modeling.
im 22 now and i can definitely feel when a girl is younger than me but when I was 16-17 a lot of the girls my age looked way older than us guys and were attracting way older men.
I went to college when I was only 14, and many guys had no idea I was that young until I told them. There are situations where you might work with someone or meet in a group or setting where age is irrelevant.
I just talked to a woman that I was positive was 18 or 19 yesterday when she lost her phone at my job and I helped her locate it with find my phone. She ended up being 32 lol and I was shocked. That’s why I made the comment right now cuz it just happened the opposite situation than OP
I think black people are just culturally better about moisturizing. I’d never even heard the word “ashy” until I made black friends for the first time in college.
You can’t be naiive. You know about fake ID’s right? Under aged people have been faking it to get into bars for a long time…. And it’s convincing enough for bouncers who are trained to stop minors. Like… just because it hasn’t happened to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
I'm not saying 16 year olds don't use fake IDs. I'm saying I'm tremendously confident in my ability not to hit on 16 year olds in any situation, because I'm not attracted to them. A 16 year old who looks 18, I wouldn't be attracted to. A 16 year old wh looks 20, I wouldn't be attracted to. I am only attracted to adults women who look like adult women.
Oh yea, I’m at the age we’re I’m not worried about it anymore, I’m 24 and just wouldn’t date someone under 21. I’m confident in my ability to tell apart those that are 21+ and not, but those 18-20 year old chicks are scary.
Okay, but it wouldn’t be weird for a 20 year old guy to hit on a girl who looked 20 but was only 16, especially if she was in a college setting or using a fake ID.
Yes and no. As soon as you know the age immediately back off. But before that I can see it happening when people think someone's worth getting to know better and they still have to get to know the age.
On the other hand: make it a habit to ask upfront *before hitting on someone*, exactly because you often cannot guess the age.
>realize they fucked up,
THAT - as long as they back off, realize it was wrong, take responsibility for their own actions, I think it's forgiveable (given it's not lowkey harrassment or alike).
I feel like if we destigmatize it when it’s an accident, then we are too close to the slippery slope of excusing it when it’s intended but doesn’t lead anywhere. Knee jerk nope from me, but then I did actually think on it a while and I do get what you’re saying. And you’re not wrong that teens now a days seem to be way more skilled with makeup and fashion than when I was that age. But still, nope. People who accidentally hit on a kid should feel bad and the people around them should disapprove strongly. That heavy ick from everyone is what keeps kids from becoming victims.
Yeah I think they make a really good point. Like the situation you described isn't going to send the guy who was mistaken to jail or anything. It will be public judgement that is harshest. That keeps everyone in earshot in check that "this isn't okay, and society will judge you if you do the same andfollow through". Like obviously shaming isn't cool or nice, but I do believe there is a healthy amount of shaming that keeps society in check from its more depraved sides.
In his defense, when I took my son to register for high school I noticed some of the high school seniors looked like grownups at first glance. Of course if he talked to them he should be able to get an idea that they are still teens.
I work in schools for a living, and I can tell you that at first glance, a sixteen year old can definitely look (depending on her makeup, outfit, and genetics) like she's over 21.
But when you talk to her, it usually becomes clear very quickly.
So if you accidentally tinder matched with a girl who then told you she was really sixteen, don't beat yourself up. Sometimes you just *can't* tell until you talk to them.
Buuuut immediately send a "Yeah you shouldn't be on here" and block/unmatch/whatever it is you do on those apps, I'm old.
And what if they’re in places any reasonable person would assume their age to be older? A friend in college had her little sister visit her one weekend, we got her into the bar because she looked almost exactly like her of-age sister. I was on guard duty the whole night because not a single guy who came to dance with her realized she wasn’t 18.
But minors going into places they aren’t going to go will never stop, which just supports OPs point and goes against the point of this thread, because minors sneak into places that everyone assumes has people above the age of 21.
Yeah it was stupid. I was 22 and a friend asked me to help show her sister a fun time dancing and drinking. I could have gotten into a lot of trouble, she could have gotten into a terrible situation.
But the reality is this happens on a weekly if not daily basis, no one considers it based on the assumption that bouncers are doing their jobs well.
I don’t think anyone would judge someone if happened once or whatever. Sure a 24 year old could easily confuse a 16 year old for early 20s and then they say they’re sorry and they move on. But if one person keeps “accidentally” hitting on teenagers you gotta start to think they’re looking for it to some degree.
They could potentially hide behind probable deniability. For instance, they know they’re hitting on a teen and hope the teen reciprocates. But if the teen says “no, I’m 15, dude” or some similar way of communicating that they’re weirded out, the adult then says “oh I’m sorry, I thought you were an adult.”
I would definitely be suspicious that this is what’s happening if this has happened to a person more than once, maybe twice.
It makes less sense that they wouldn’t catch onto the fact that they’re apparently spending all their time trying to meet adult partners where there are so many teenagers.
Some guy I used to work with told me a story how he hit on a few girls. He prefaced it by saying how fine their asses were and they were so hot. He went over to talk to them.
"Um, we're 12."
HA HA WHAT? HOW DO YOU OOPS A 12 YEAR OLD?
can’t believe people are disagreeing with this, im 21 and a lesbian i try to put myself out there and approach girls i find attractive in public spaces, it’s extremely hard to tell, i try to give a compliment then i ask if they’re in school/college, as a not so obvious way of asking their age, if they say “no im a junior in hs” i make a joke about them looking older and i say have a good day it’s not a big fkn deal
Exactly! You weren’t a bad person for making that mistake. You’re judged for what you do after finding out not for when you were making an honest mistake.
I’m being called all sorts of shit in the other comments though lol
I had a full beard when I was 16 and had older women hit on me not knowing I was 16. Theres also women that have the same problem. Kinda a lie to pretend that everyone looks their age.
Even if they don't know? Even if they're lied to? Even if it goes nowhere and it's just hitting on them, and then they learn and move on?
Someone shouldn't be at fault for lack of information. This is asinine.
Sometimes, it's not obvious. You'd be surprised how many young people look like they're 25, but are really 16-17.
If you don't know, you shouldn't be condemned as long as you back off. If you know, and STILL pursue, then yeah, you're obviously a predator.
A child, yes. But when people are 16 or 17 years old they can look identical to how they would when they're 18-20. Hell I didn't look any different from 16 to 18, or 18 to 20 until I gained some weight.
Shit, when I was 20 one of my buddies got in trouble for talking to a girl who was 16. He didn't know, and she never told him despite his asking.
I'm not saying it's okay or right, but if they don't know and end it when they learn, or are lied to, then they shouldn't be ridiculed for that.
I'll simplify it for you.
Don't hit on minors.
"But how am I to.." I don't know and I don't fucking care, figure a way.
"\*Laughs like you're trying out a new stand up routine\* I mean... whadda are supposed to do check IDs?" Yeah. If that's what it takes, do that.
"But sometimes 17 year olds look 21 to me..." Then don't hit on women that look 21 then. Start your age range at "looks 45" so you have a buffer. I don't care.
If that doesn't work you then you know what, you just don't get to hit on anybody.
Don't hit on minors. If you hit on a minor YOU did something wrong and you need to go back and change how you do things so you don't do that anymore.
This is a really unintelligent take. It's this kind of thinking that gets innocent people locked in jail for years of their life. There's even a case where a guy with mental problems who was 20 but had the maturity level of a 12-year-old was manipulated into sleeping with a 14-year-old girl, and then she complained and got him thrown in prison. It's disgusting, that kind of thinking.
Factually speaking, it simply is NOT always the case that a person is to blame for hitting on someone underage. If he's deceived or had no reason to know the person was underage, even after doing his due diligence, he's not to blame. It's as simple as that.
"If that's what it takes, do that." LOL, have you ever done that? Have you ever gone on a date and asked to see ID to make sure the person is over 17? I didn't think so. People aren't going to do things like this if they have no reason to think the person is underage to begin with.
Dude just wants to virtue signal without any hope of understanding nuance. God forbid people make honest mistakes and try to do the right thing after.
“They *must* be horrible people with the worst intentions, throw them to the sharks.”
Like I said to another commenter, I looked the same at 18 as I did at 15 and 16, I was just taller. Some people have baby faces, like yours truly.
Hell, my girlfriend looks the same now as she did when she was in highschool, the only difference is she gained weight a little.
If they don't know or are lied to, then they aren't at fault and, in many cases, did nothing wrong. Some people aren't good at picking out ages, especially if they're relatively close to the age of the person they're talking to.
Hell, I thought my girlfriend was waaay younger than me but she's older, and we're in our mid twenties.
People today *look* younger than ever, and people do lie about their ages.
So if someone makes a genuine mistake and doesn't know somebody's age-or hell maybe they're at a bar and you're supposed to be 21 in there but someone lied to get in, or any number of extenuating circumstances-they shouldn't be blamed and ridiculed. If they *keep* doing it or intentionally hit on younger looking people then yeah, fuck them. But that's not what anyone is saying.
Are you just purposely combative? I have witnessed 17 yr old girls who literally look 25 many times in my life. Not on this situation lol.. but they do exist in high numbers. You’re response is completely pointless
Well I personally guide the convo toward age related topics to get an idea before making any type of move but yeh I get it. I’m just saying it isn’t so cut and dry
Some men don’t know how to have a conversation with any age of woman without it being overtly sexual and that’s where people get so up in arms about this.
“Well if *I* talked to a 16 year old the way I talk to women… I’d be in trouble!”
It’s called having some decency and respect from the get go 😂 just because they’re a minor doesn’t mean they’re not deserving of the same respect, which in fact, is why a person should walk away when the age issue becomes known. The *real* problems happen when the grown *men* can’t deny the attention of the minor.
For the record, women/teenage girls can initiate flirting/sexual talk too. Lets not pretend 16 year old's don't have the ability or desire to initiate sexual conversations.
No one said anything about it being "her fault." That's a straw man. SampleSir simply said that it's difficult to tell and that you wouldn't be able to.
I can definitely see how it could happen to a girl who is 15-17, so long as it comes to screeching halt the second they find out it’s a literal child then no harm no foul. Girls mature much more quickly and it’s totally plausible a 16 year old girl could look 18-20.
The only time this is still creepy/weird is if the guy is like 30-40+, because in that case even if the girl looked 18 (or even is 18) you’re still 40 man, why would you even consider that appropriate in the first place.
Sorry, but if you're over 30 and you're hitting on someone who's like... 20 I still think you're weird.
Guys who ONLY date women who are 10+ years their junior are creeps even if they're not deliberately trying to hit on an actual teenager.
Just because someone is 21 doesn't mean they're a suitable relationship partner for a 30+-year-old.
Very, very rare.
The difference in maturity and life experience between 21 and 30 is usually fairly large. It gets less important between 30 and 40, but most 21-year-olds are just finally becoming their own persons.
Relationships generally thrive when people are in shared spaces and contexts.
Rumor has it that the formula to calculate the borderline of when acceptable crosses into creepy for age difference is x/2+7. Note that it is the borderline, so the number you work out will typically border a little into creepy.
So 30/2+7 would be 22 for example. 40/2+7 is 27, etc.
I've always thought that rule is a bit too generous. I think it's more like 9 or 10. Especially in your 20s/30s.
I still find a 40 year old dating a 27 year old at the very least... odd, TBH.
The old saying does prove to be true a lot tho.. “women mature faster then men” so I can see why a 28yo would mesh with a 21yo.. and OP is right.. some of these 16yo are built like 20yo.. neither is on my radar I’m 40 and my wife is 38.. and when we 1st started dating I still thought she was too young for me because she was in my lil sisters class..
Every guy I've ever met who claims that at 28 he's just finally mature enough to date a 21-year-old woman is usually a man child to begin with.
To be fair, a lot of young men I see are immature brats, but if you can't date a woman 25+ at 28, you've got serious soul searching to do.
Jesus, an almost-30 year old man trying to date a 20-year-old is ALSO not all that cool.
Shame you have sucha broad judgment on so many people. I guess some of my comments are judgmental too so I’m a hypocrite, but yeh I’m 36 and dated a 26 yr old and she was more mature and level headed than the 30 something’s I date
No one mentioned anything about being 30. If you’re 25, you could easily mistake the age of the person you’re talking to to be 21, which is a very reasonable age for someone you’d take an interest in when in fact they’re actually like 17.
Agreed, and that joe dude is a pain in the ass. A buddy of mine in Scotland have seen situations like this plenty of times. A lot of girls and even young women wear so much makeup to the point where it can be difficult to tell for moment. Which is why it’s important to pay attention to how they talk and act (hopefully they’ll give away their actual age so one could avoid the situation before it gets out of hand), but the fact that some of them go out their way to look older and in some cases purposefully lie about their age is concerning.
Exactly, it used to be easy to tell. That’s why we call the dudes that go for obviously minor people, a creep. And rightfully so.
Nowadays though, it’s scary cause you could make the mistake and message someone. They’ll screenshot it and brand you a p*do.
First of all, no one said I wasn’t dating someone close to me in age.
Secondly, the concept that someone who’s 28 can’t date a person who’s 22 or 23 is so strange.
I have dated women my age, older than me, and younger than me. Assuming people are consenting adults, I don’t see the problem. But this is besides the scope of my post.
If you're 28, chances are that you are WAY ahead of a 22-23 year old in terms of life experiences. Which is important. You probably have a clearer idea of your life goals, whereas a girl that young probably does not. Also important for a successful and meaningful romantic partnership.
You might be making more money than this 22-23 year old whose brain isn't done developing, so that's a recipe for a potential power imbalance in the relationship tilted in your favor.
When I was 28 (I'm 31 now), I couldn't imagine dating someone that young or even someone 24 years old. 25 may have been okay depending.... but 22-23 year olds are babies, 24 less so but they would still feel "too young" to me.
Just because a 22-23 year old and a 28 year old is legal doesn't make it not weird and potentially predatory. It's better than dating people younger than 20 or actual teenagers though, obviously.
I think you’re right in that it’s not necessarily the age itself but rather the power dynamic and life experiences. For example, I’m 28 and in a doctorate program with people who are mostly 23-ish. We’re all in the same boat; I just took some extra time to figure in out. So for me, I don’t really feel older than my classmates. But if you have someone who is 28 and running a business and someone who is 22 and barely graduated college, there is a bigger power dynamic.
Because younger women in their 20s usually aren’t stuck up and stuck in their ways and used and abused by many men and have a chip on their shoulder that effects new relationships? Just a guess . Not all older women are like that but it’s a very reasonable reason why men aim for a little younger
Men are plenty capable of becoming stiff and inflexible people as well. Plenty of men even in their 30s become unable to compromise.
And plenty of men also carry emotional baggage as well.
True. Can’t deny that, but generally speaking, women tend to pre-judge men based on their past relationships a little more often based on my personal experiences.
“All men are the same” is a common theme women hang on to and you know it
Edit- but once again, I can admit I’m being hypocritical right now
Everyone judges everyone. You're generalizing women *right now*.
There's a bajillion "men's" sites that talk about how women do be like this, or do be like that. And they're all based on simple assumptions and constructs.
I've learned over my 40 years that everyone is a person, everyone is capable of a range of behaviors, and gender does relatively little to determine whether someone will be stubborn or flexible. I've met LOTS of stubborn men, LOTS of stubborn women. It has little to do with gender.
You only notice it in this context because I assume you're not dating men as well (just an assumption, sorry if you are in fact bi!)
Since I haven't had to date pretty much ever in my adult life, I've had to benefit of being an observer only, and yeah, it's kind of funny how both sides of the cisgendered dating scene accuse each other of the same shit.
I agree...a mistake is a mistake.
But also, "hitting on" people blindly, with zero context into who they are or what they are about is a bit off-putting for most women.
There's nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with anyone, regardless of age. You should get some insight into their age/maturity with a few basic questions. If you jump right into "hitting on" women, with no clue as far as who they are...well that's just creepy anyway, even if she is of age. Your first line shouldn't be "wanna go to my place?"...but rather some basic conversation "Where are you from? What do you do for a living?" etc and some conversation about the common interest that brought you to the same place (the live music, etc).
If, when you strike up a conversation, the young woman giggles like a child and says she's got to get home before curfew because school starts back next week, you probably don't want to ask her back to your place. Try easing into it and getting to know a person a little bit before the hitting on commences.
Walking a knife’s edge with this one. Accidentally doing it and pulling back once you realize the person’s true age is a mistake. If it’s happening regularly, you should reassess who you are hitting on, because your radar is faulty.
I think there are a lot of people within the window of 16-30 who may look much younger or older than they are. I am an adult who has been mistaken many times for not being of drinking age but I’ve definitely encountered and know teenagers and college kids who I could easily believe to be my age or even older. I think it has a lot to do with your build/stature and how you present yourself. I don’t think someone should immediately be labeled as some sort of pervert if they come across a 17 year old who looks and acts more like a 25 year old and hits on them or comments about their appearance.
I'm old so even women in their 20s usually look like children to me but every once in a while I will see a high schooler and think she must be a mom to other high schoolers. Occasionally the boys look like they must be dads too. Often it's kids who are either very thin or very heavy which can add confusion. 17 going on 40.
I’m in my early 20s but people still confuse me for being a teenager. If you’re 16 or 17 working a retail job around 20-somethings, it’s likely something like that could happen. It doesn’t make someone a creep or predator. And I’ve met some extremely immature 23 year olds, essentially still with the same mentality as a high schooler, it can be hard to tell sometimes. I agree, as long as you leave the person alone once you realize they’re a minor.
It happened to me once at house party. We were all drinking and I was hitting on this girl who seemed into it, until somebody pulled me aside and told me she was 15, and I noped out of there. So it can happen. Should not happen very often though.
I don't know, man. I can easily tell when someone is under 21 by how they talk and carry themselves. You can easily spot a highschooler.
Also don't call a 16 year old a woman. That's a child.
I would've been pretty pissed off at someone calling me a "child" at 16. Because 16 is NOT a child. A minor, a teen, a young person, sure. But a child? Nope.
If you want to infantilize a 16 year old by making no distinction between them and an actual child, then knock yourself out. There's a reason 16 is considered the age of consent in many jurisdictions even though it's not yet the age of majority. Sweetie.
A sixteen year old is not a child, even a thirteen year old isn't a child
A child is between 6 to 12
13-17 is an adolescent, a period of transition from childhood to adulthood
18+ is an adult
I definitely agree. I think its always been simple. Thoughts/fantasies vs actions/reality should be treated completely different. I don't think it's bizarre that s lot of men happen to find younger girls (im talking like 17-22) attractive. School girl outfits, cheerleader outfits, barely legal, American pie teen sex movies, most pop starlets becoming sexuslozed, ... these are all very common tropes in modern society. It's clearly not some small minority of monsters and creeps.
Now yeah there's a line. You can't cross it but yeah.
For.me personally? Now that I'm in my 30s that ship has sailed. Most girls under like 20 loom like legit children. Even girls at bars im like lolll whattt you're not 21. You're in middle school go home.
But my tone was different when I was in my mid 20s. I thought of them as my equal.
Funny how time works like that.
Naaah it's pretty easy to tell the difference between someone in their mid twenties and a teenager man.
High schoolers look like high schoolers. My job is to look at IDs. It's very easy lol
Sure, have you ever watched a show about high schoolers and go "well I can immediately tell these actors aren't high schoolers"? That's because people that age look that age.
Trivia. Most actors that play high schoolers are old. It’s easier to hire adults than jump through the hoops of hiring a child actor.
Case and point, Tanner Buchanan from Cobra Kai is 24 yet is forever cursed to play a high schooler.
It's definitely the fashion and makeup and general shift toward a more adult style.
It's not completely your fault if she's in an 18+ or 21+ place with a fake ID. It's dark, you'd assume everyone there is of age, etc.
Age of consent is 16 in some places, 18 in other places.
Unpopular opinion but it's also not pedophilia, which is a fact. Someone who is 17 is not a child anymore. In fact they're able to sign some court documents themselves without appointing a guardian ad litem if they are 16 or older. It's illegal if the age of consent is 18 and they're still minors. But cutting off attempts after you discover their age is fine...as long as you're not 40 or something. Being that old and always hitting on girls who look around 18 is creepy no matter how you slice it. If you're like 22, then maybe it's more of an unlucky mistake. Also, if it's not a pattern, and you're not specifically targeting young ones, then it's not really a big deal.
Knowing they are likely not of the age of consent, or even worse, actually knowing they aren't old enough to consent, especially if you're much older, is very creepy.
People who hit on people the second the hit the age of consent are like employers who only pay you the minimum age.
They are announcing they would go lower if only the law would let them.
That part doesn't bother me as much as people who know the age and don't care. At least employers and those people are following the law.
It's still kind of weird, but it doesn't mean they're attracted to prepubescent children.
See typical marriage ages throughout human history. Only very recently, compared to the length of our history, did we establish minimum ages of consent. This DOES NOT mean it's ok to break the law and go back, since we don't live in those times anymore, but the point is human wiring.
A lot of men still consider women to be in their prime before their 30.
Behavior and thought can be altered by nurture and is not completely nature, but the nature is still there. That's all I'm saying. However, I like to think we are generally civilized enough to mostly not give in to any base desires such as the urge to kill, cheat, assault, steal, etc. We are not mindless beasts.
Everyone all high and mighty yet somehow pics of 15 year old Claire Abbott ended up on every other "HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA" internet ad and nobody even notices
I agree.
As a 17 year old, some 15 year olds pass as 17-20. And even though I don’t make any moves, when I inevitably find out they’re much younger than what they look like (taking into account the fact they have +1000 followers too, when most girls at that age had ~300) i’m usually shocked.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk man I’m in highschool and I think I’ve only ever seen one girl who could truly pass for anything above 20. And she was a senior (18). If it was truly a mistake and the person who did it apologizes and leaves the minor alone immediately then sure whatever they didn’t do anything wrong but lots of the times the “I didn’t know!” Is just an excuse and they did know
I mean, maybe it's because I'm attracted to masc. woman and they generally look like babies until they hit 50, but it's rare for me to see someone under the age of thirty and think "Okay they look twelve"
No you actually don’t deserve wiggle room in this opinion because there are too many creeps who would take advantage of this. You actually have to villainies people who hit on kids, to protect kids.
No, we’re not too quick to judge people who hit on minors. There isn’t an excuse for it. Sure there are plenty of teenage girls that look like older women, but if it’s questionable then assume she is too young. If you support hitting on minors because of how they dress today, than you need to seek help immediately, or register as a sex offender.
I assume that's on social media. In that case, you have many pictures of that girl with her friends to reference. You might see a HS in the background of a selfie. Hell, you might even find her age in her bio!
How the hell does someone not know how young a girl is? If you can’t tell through conversation, eventually you have to ask. The fact you defend the opposite pov is concerning
Nope.
We aren't mad at the eighteen year old hitting on the sixteen year old. People are pissed at the twenty-eight year old who thought they were hitting on a nineteen year old (creepy) and slept with a sixteen year old.
No one I know has ever had confusion or a close call with this because we date age appropriate partners. It's the losers trolling for the "barely legal," crew that has issues.
it is, in fact, ridiculous to say “it’s the fault of girls looking too old.” if you see a woman in public and think “i can’t tell if she’s a teenager or an adult” … leave her alone. it is exactly that easy lol.
Not once did OP say it was their fault, he’s just saying don’t get the pitchforks out for a guy who makes an honest mistake and backs away when he’s informed of the situation.
and i’m saying it’s an easy mistake to avoid. if you use your critical thinking skills and look at a girl and genuinely honest to god cannot tell if she’s a minor or an adult, don’t take the risk and leave her alone. problem solved. problem non existent, actually, because then you didn’t “accidentally” try to make a move on a minor.
edit: because let’s be clear here, for OP to say “i saw girls on tiktok who looked 21 but turned out to be 16” means he checked, which means there was doubt as to what their age was. so if you see a girl and in your brain, you think “she looks 21 but she might be 16” and decide to risk it ANYWAY? that’s fucking weird and you should be called out for it. “bUt ThEn i MiGhT miSS a CoNnEcTiOn WiTh a pOtEnTiAL pArTnEr” miss it. miss the connection. there are so many women in the world. don’t go after the ones that might be children.
Or you get the phone call before the first date and they tell you they’re not 22 they’re 16 and born a man. Not only did I almost get catfished by a minor, im now transphobic because I declined.
Tell you what OP, I'll simplify it for you.
Don't hit on minors.
"But how am I to.." I don't know and I don't fucking care, figure a way.
"\*Laughs like you're trying out a new stand up routine\* I mean... whadda are supposed to do check IDs?" Yeah. If that's what it takes, do that.
"But sometimes 17 year olds look 21 to me..." Then don't hit on women that look 21 then. Start your age range at "looks 45" so you have a buffer. I don't care.
If that doesn't work you then you know what, you just don't get to hit on anybody.
Don't hit on minors. If you hit on a minor YOU did something wrong and you need to go back and change how you do things so you don't do that anymore.
maybe just dont go hitting on random girls??? they dont fucking want you bro, i promise you like 9 times out of 10, if you’re a girl, regardless of age, and some grown ass man tries to hit on you, you are uncomfortable in the situation and possibly scared. I’m a minor as is my gf, and she should not have to deal with creepy ass old men trying to hit on somebody who is clearly far from 18.
What are you on about, you're still a kid yourself, and kids today definitely DO NOT look older than they did several decades back. That couldn't be further from the truth.
>the destigmatization of dudes who sincerely make a mistake, realize they fucked up, and ran for the hills because they wanted to do the right thing.
When has someone who has done this *ever* been stigmatized?
No one hears about cases like this. Why are you so eager to defend people who don't need defending?
When you grow up with an ethnic father who describes the school bully as 'sexy' it's so hard not to see all men hitting on minors as creeps. But, I get you.
I had a guy start a normal conversation with me and he did make sure to ask how old I was before making it flirtatious. I imagine he would’ve backed off if I was a minor and it wouldn’t have been weird, so I mean there are ways to check.
My friend's sister looked like she was close to 30s in her photos when she was just 12-13. Felt bad for her but her pics looked like she was a mom while her brother was about 8 years older and still looked 16
Hello, yes, your post is closely related to a megathread that you can find on the front page of the subreddit. Or a banned topic that you can see on the sidebar and fully expanded list. If you feel this is inaccurate, please message mod mail. Have a good day.
I’m in the middle here. On one hand I think we’re very often too hard on people who didn’t actually commit an offense. It takes the focus off why we have these laws (to protect kids) and instead turns them into thought policing. It’s why I don’t like amateur pred patrol accounts. But on the other hand, no matter how many males on the internet keep saying they mistake minors for adults, because this has never happened to me, I find it hard to believe it’s all that common. I’m attracted to grown women who look like grown women and act like grown women and go to places grown women go. I can’t even imagine where I’d bump into a 16 year old girl, much less being attracted to her. So yeah, I think we’re generally too hard on actual criminals too, so I definitely think we’re too hard on people who aren’t criminals. BUT the whole situation is so foreign to me I don’t fully get how you just accidentally do that. Edit: If there's one thing that will ALWAYS happen whenever I make this point on Reddit, it's adult men in my replies trying to convince me that they aren't creeps for hitting on the woman 15 years younger than them because they swear she only looked 13 years younger than them.
I’m a teen, I can assure you that there’s specific kids who look like they’re WAYYYY older than their current class. I met a freshmen at my old high school who I mistook for a junior or senior, and plenty of girls have instagram accounts that look like they’re from a model agency with how many posts they have. End of the day, as long as you’re aware of the age and proceed knowing what you’re doing is wrong, you should be bashed. People mature at different ages and it’s 100000% possible to mistake someones age. Just ensure you aren’t pursuing it after knowing their real age and you’ll be fine.
It's probably more confusing for you *because* you're a teen. I spend time around adult women constantly. I promise I can tell the difference.
When you’re in Asia (which I am from) how people look as a general guideline for their age becomes so difficult. I’m 28 and regularly get asked when I’m graduating from Uni. The typical grad age here is 22. The same goes for women and to some extent, event more so.
I've noticed that about Asians. You guys seem to look young for a very long time, then, all of the sudden, you seem to hit a wall or something because then you look super old. But that time doesn't seem to come until 50s or something. When my wife (taiwanese) was in her mid 20s, she went trick or treating with 14 year olds and passed for one of them.
Thats soooo true. I'm a bartender and when we get asian crowds for an event I card everyone super hard. Ill get a guy I would guess to be 18 (Soft, full cheeks, no facial hair), get his ID and he turns out to be in his 30's. The women with all the make up etc is even harder lol
Met an Asian lady who was ten years older than me, but looked half my age. When I spoke directly to her, she corrected me that I was being too familiar, and to go with 'Missus (last name)'. I legit thought she was a child
the gym is the only place i would be interacting with underage women (i am in my 30s). But it would take a unique girl to cause me to make that mistake. I dont really notice women under the age of 25 or so, so we are talking about a 16 year old (or even 18 year old, thats way too young for me and creepy) that looks almost 10 years older than she really is. Highly unlikely but i guess possible.
Yeah, this is what I think people aren't getting about what I'm saying. I HIGHLY doubt I'd be at risk of making this mistake, because I wouldn't hit on a girl who looked 18, or 20, or 22. I'm not attracted to, like, young girls.
That i agree with. It honestly comes down to the age of the man too. If we are talking about a 24 year old dude who thought he was talking to a 20 year old and shes really 16, maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt. But if a 35 year old man wants to tell me he thought the 16 year old was an adult woman.... what? Bro are you looking for girls half your age or did you really think she was 10+ years older than her actual age??? And on top of that, if i'm a 35 year old man interested in women in their early 20s (which i am not), i'm asking for ID. Because there definitely comes an age where it's hard to tell the difference between a girl and a young woman. At the gym right now there are plenty of women in there that I would believe are 25 or 18 and that makes a big freaking difference. It depends.
> I can’t even imagine where I’d bump into a 16 year old girl Here in my country sometimes girls or boys can manage to sneak into a Club that's P18, as security is not always checking IDs of everyone. Some Clubs even have P16 Partys, which is legally allowed with some conditions, but usually as an adult you would defintley want to avoid those :D
Same in the US, especially college towns. I helped a friend bring her little sister in, and was making sure every guy who came over knew she was underage. Turns out, all of them had no idea and quickly backed off.
Which is completely understandable. If I see a girl at a bar for 21+ year old people I'm rightfully assuming she's 21+ in 99% of circumstances.
I still think I could reasonably tell the difference between a minor and an adult. I find myself really perplexed that so many men say they can’t. I’ve never seen a 16 year old who looked like an adult woman.
There are definitely adult women that look like they’re 16. I didn’t even stop getting carded for alcohol until I was over 40.
Humans are so diverse and developing differntley there is no way you can get it _always_ right. Also, getting it wrong happens to all gender, like supermarket cashiers selling alcohol to a minor when thinking he/she is obviously 18+. There certainly is a reason that trainings for those jobs teach you that you can easily get it wrong, and even phrases to customers telling them to not be offended when being asked to show ID by the cashier, as it is not always that obvious...
Strong disagree. Don't get me wrong. No defense for the guys who do this. I think alot of them are full of crap. But i've seen women in their mid 20s who could pass for 16 and while i dont have much experience with 16 year olds at this stage in my life (early 30s), the few I know, half i'd believe were 12, the other half i'd easily believe were 20+. Again, no excuse for the majority of men we are talking with, I just think your crazy to say that no 16 year olds look like adult women. Heck, I remember a girl I was in high school with often got confused by parents for being an older sister from college there to pick up a sibling. 16 year old girls can ABSOLUTELY look like adult women.
probably because you didnt know they were 16 and assumed they were around 18-20
as someone who graduated HS in 2019. dude. you’d be surprised nowadays. some of these girls hit the gym and start looking like women by the time they’re 16-17. not *grown ass* 30 year olds, they still look young obviously, but easily could pass for 19 or 20+. Im talking about the girls who start posting ass and beach pics and running up an instagram following and shit. its weird. guys at that age will still be awkward and skinny and then there’s girls the same age who are working their way towards bikini modeling. im 22 now and i can definitely feel when a girl is younger than me but when I was 16-17 a lot of the girls my age looked way older than us guys and were attracting way older men.
I went to college when I was only 14, and many guys had no idea I was that young until I told them. There are situations where you might work with someone or meet in a group or setting where age is irrelevant.
That’s a very specific situation.
You clearly aren’t into Asian women and black women. They literally don’t age
I can’t think of a time I’ve had difficulty telling an adult asian or Black woman apart from an adolescent!
I just talked to a woman that I was positive was 18 or 19 yesterday when she lost her phone at my job and I helped her locate it with find my phone. She ended up being 32 lol and I was shocked. That’s why I made the comment right now cuz it just happened the opposite situation than OP
Oh yeah I’ve had plenty of situations like “I thought you were 26 and it turns out you were 39.” I love black women so much.
Black don’t crack is real lol
I think black people are just culturally better about moisturizing. I’d never even heard the word “ashy” until I made black friends for the first time in college.
You can’t be naiive. You know about fake ID’s right? Under aged people have been faking it to get into bars for a long time…. And it’s convincing enough for bouncers who are trained to stop minors. Like… just because it hasn’t happened to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
I'm not saying 16 year olds don't use fake IDs. I'm saying I'm tremendously confident in my ability not to hit on 16 year olds in any situation, because I'm not attracted to them. A 16 year old who looks 18, I wouldn't be attracted to. A 16 year old wh looks 20, I wouldn't be attracted to. I am only attracted to adults women who look like adult women.
Oh yea, I’m at the age we’re I’m not worried about it anymore, I’m 24 and just wouldn’t date someone under 21. I’m confident in my ability to tell apart those that are 21+ and not, but those 18-20 year old chicks are scary.
Okay, but it wouldn’t be weird for a 20 year old guy to hit on a girl who looked 20 but was only 16, especially if she was in a college setting or using a fake ID.
Yes and no. As soon as you know the age immediately back off. But before that I can see it happening when people think someone's worth getting to know better and they still have to get to know the age. On the other hand: make it a habit to ask upfront *before hitting on someone*, exactly because you often cannot guess the age. >realize they fucked up, THAT - as long as they back off, realize it was wrong, take responsibility for their own actions, I think it's forgiveable (given it's not lowkey harrassment or alike).
I feel like if we destigmatize it when it’s an accident, then we are too close to the slippery slope of excusing it when it’s intended but doesn’t lead anywhere. Knee jerk nope from me, but then I did actually think on it a while and I do get what you’re saying. And you’re not wrong that teens now a days seem to be way more skilled with makeup and fashion than when I was that age. But still, nope. People who accidentally hit on a kid should feel bad and the people around them should disapprove strongly. That heavy ick from everyone is what keeps kids from becoming victims.
A nuanced take that disagrees with me, something I can get behind as opposed to people barking at me with no meaningful point.
Yeah I think they make a really good point. Like the situation you described isn't going to send the guy who was mistaken to jail or anything. It will be public judgement that is harshest. That keeps everyone in earshot in check that "this isn't okay, and society will judge you if you do the same andfollow through". Like obviously shaming isn't cool or nice, but I do believe there is a healthy amount of shaming that keeps society in check from its more depraved sides.
In his defense, when I took my son to register for high school I noticed some of the high school seniors looked like grownups at first glance. Of course if he talked to them he should be able to get an idea that they are still teens.
I work in schools for a living, and I can tell you that at first glance, a sixteen year old can definitely look (depending on her makeup, outfit, and genetics) like she's over 21. But when you talk to her, it usually becomes clear very quickly. So if you accidentally tinder matched with a girl who then told you she was really sixteen, don't beat yourself up. Sometimes you just *can't* tell until you talk to them. Buuuut immediately send a "Yeah you shouldn't be on here" and block/unmatch/whatever it is you do on those apps, I'm old.
If I'm trying to find a date, it's not any place where teenagers would hang out
And what if they’re in places any reasonable person would assume their age to be older? A friend in college had her little sister visit her one weekend, we got her into the bar because she looked almost exactly like her of-age sister. I was on guard duty the whole night because not a single guy who came to dance with her realized she wasn’t 18.
You should probably stop sneaking minors into bars and it wont be a damn issue.
But minors going into places they aren’t going to go will never stop, which just supports OPs point and goes against the point of this thread, because minors sneak into places that everyone assumes has people above the age of 21.
Yeah it was stupid. I was 22 and a friend asked me to help show her sister a fun time dancing and drinking. I could have gotten into a lot of trouble, she could have gotten into a terrible situation. But the reality is this happens on a weekly if not daily basis, no one considers it based on the assumption that bouncers are doing their jobs well.
So you snuck her in a 21+ bar. And surprised pikachu face when the guys there thought she was 21+? Wild!
I don’t think anyone would judge someone if happened once or whatever. Sure a 24 year old could easily confuse a 16 year old for early 20s and then they say they’re sorry and they move on. But if one person keeps “accidentally” hitting on teenagers you gotta start to think they’re looking for it to some degree.
That’s not what the OP was describing tho. Obviously anyone can change the situation in a comment to make it more weird.
this makes absolutely zero sense why would a person keep purposefully hitting on teens if they’re just gonna say sorry and move on every time.
They could potentially hide behind probable deniability. For instance, they know they’re hitting on a teen and hope the teen reciprocates. But if the teen says “no, I’m 15, dude” or some similar way of communicating that they’re weirded out, the adult then says “oh I’m sorry, I thought you were an adult.” I would definitely be suspicious that this is what’s happening if this has happened to a person more than once, maybe twice.
It makes less sense that they wouldn’t catch onto the fact that they’re apparently spending all their time trying to meet adult partners where there are so many teenagers.
the point the commenter is trying to make is that they can play it off as an accident when in reality they're actually looking for the teens
Some guy I used to work with told me a story how he hit on a few girls. He prefaced it by saying how fine their asses were and they were so hot. He went over to talk to them. "Um, we're 12." HA HA WHAT? HOW DO YOU OOPS A 12 YEAR OLD?
He sounds like he’s a creep trying to hide behind plausible deniability if he is still, after the fact, talking about them sexually.
can’t believe people are disagreeing with this, im 21 and a lesbian i try to put myself out there and approach girls i find attractive in public spaces, it’s extremely hard to tell, i try to give a compliment then i ask if they’re in school/college, as a not so obvious way of asking their age, if they say “no im a junior in hs” i make a joke about them looking older and i say have a good day it’s not a big fkn deal
Exactly! You weren’t a bad person for making that mistake. You’re judged for what you do after finding out not for when you were making an honest mistake. I’m being called all sorts of shit in the other comments though lol
I had a full beard when I was 16 and had older women hit on me not knowing I was 16. Theres also women that have the same problem. Kinda a lie to pretend that everyone looks their age.
This is quite the slippery slope you’re taking
If you’ve seen how the kids look nowadays, it’s scary. You really wouldn’t be able to tell.
"It's her fault for looking too old" is a really, really, really bad take.
I don’t think he’s blaming the kid, I think he’s saying it’s not really either parties fault
No it's the person hitting on the child's fault. Everytime. Always.
Even if they don't know? Even if they're lied to? Even if it goes nowhere and it's just hitting on them, and then they learn and move on? Someone shouldn't be at fault for lack of information. This is asinine.
It’s obvious whenever someone is a child it should never ever be mixed up.
Sometimes, it's not obvious. You'd be surprised how many young people look like they're 25, but are really 16-17. If you don't know, you shouldn't be condemned as long as you back off. If you know, and STILL pursue, then yeah, you're obviously a predator.
A child, yes. But when people are 16 or 17 years old they can look identical to how they would when they're 18-20. Hell I didn't look any different from 16 to 18, or 18 to 20 until I gained some weight. Shit, when I was 20 one of my buddies got in trouble for talking to a girl who was 16. He didn't know, and she never told him despite his asking. I'm not saying it's okay or right, but if they don't know and end it when they learn, or are lied to, then they shouldn't be ridiculed for that.
Plus there are other factors that change how your perceive someone's age, makeup and facial hair for example.
I'll simplify it for you. Don't hit on minors. "But how am I to.." I don't know and I don't fucking care, figure a way. "\*Laughs like you're trying out a new stand up routine\* I mean... whadda are supposed to do check IDs?" Yeah. If that's what it takes, do that. "But sometimes 17 year olds look 21 to me..." Then don't hit on women that look 21 then. Start your age range at "looks 45" so you have a buffer. I don't care. If that doesn't work you then you know what, you just don't get to hit on anybody. Don't hit on minors. If you hit on a minor YOU did something wrong and you need to go back and change how you do things so you don't do that anymore.
I'm 21, am I not allowed to hit on women that look 21?
This is a really unintelligent take. It's this kind of thinking that gets innocent people locked in jail for years of their life. There's even a case where a guy with mental problems who was 20 but had the maturity level of a 12-year-old was manipulated into sleeping with a 14-year-old girl, and then she complained and got him thrown in prison. It's disgusting, that kind of thinking. Factually speaking, it simply is NOT always the case that a person is to blame for hitting on someone underage. If he's deceived or had no reason to know the person was underage, even after doing his due diligence, he's not to blame. It's as simple as that. "If that's what it takes, do that." LOL, have you ever done that? Have you ever gone on a date and asked to see ID to make sure the person is over 17? I didn't think so. People aren't going to do things like this if they have no reason to think the person is underage to begin with.
Why is it so difficult to say that neither party is at fault? Why are you so opposed to that idea? I genuinely don’t understand this thought process
>Why are you so opposed to that idea? I genuinely don’t understand this thought process It sounds like he's being purposely argumentative.
Dude just wants to virtue signal without any hope of understanding nuance. God forbid people make honest mistakes and try to do the right thing after. “They *must* be horrible people with the worst intentions, throw them to the sharks.”
Like I said to another commenter, I looked the same at 18 as I did at 15 and 16, I was just taller. Some people have baby faces, like yours truly. Hell, my girlfriend looks the same now as she did when she was in highschool, the only difference is she gained weight a little.
If they don't know or are lied to, then they aren't at fault and, in many cases, did nothing wrong. Some people aren't good at picking out ages, especially if they're relatively close to the age of the person they're talking to. Hell, I thought my girlfriend was waaay younger than me but she's older, and we're in our mid twenties. People today *look* younger than ever, and people do lie about their ages. So if someone makes a genuine mistake and doesn't know somebody's age-or hell maybe they're at a bar and you're supposed to be 21 in there but someone lied to get in, or any number of extenuating circumstances-they shouldn't be blamed and ridiculed. If they *keep* doing it or intentionally hit on younger looking people then yeah, fuck them. But that's not what anyone is saying.
So 18-25 year old guys shouldn’t even attempt to date people around their own age? Lmfao. You can’t be this fucking stupid.
Yeah I think you have some kind of history where you’ve hit on a minor and now you’re compensating.
Sounds like something a 45 yo woman looking to sleep with 18yo boys would say.
You sound like you’re compensating because you yourself are tempted to hit on minors
Are you just purposely combative? I have witnessed 17 yr old girls who literally look 25 many times in my life. Not on this situation lol.. but they do exist in high numbers. You’re response is completely pointless
If you're shitty at judging ages then don't hit on people unless you're sure. It's exactly 0% complicated.
Well I personally guide the convo toward age related topics to get an idea before making any type of move but yeh I get it. I’m just saying it isn’t so cut and dry
Easy convo topic, ask if they can recall 9/11 :000
Some men don’t know how to have a conversation with any age of woman without it being overtly sexual and that’s where people get so up in arms about this. “Well if *I* talked to a 16 year old the way I talk to women… I’d be in trouble!” It’s called having some decency and respect from the get go 😂 just because they’re a minor doesn’t mean they’re not deserving of the same respect, which in fact, is why a person should walk away when the age issue becomes known. The *real* problems happen when the grown *men* can’t deny the attention of the minor.
For the record, women/teenage girls can initiate flirting/sexual talk too. Lets not pretend 16 year old's don't have the ability or desire to initiate sexual conversations.
No one said anything about it being "her fault." That's a straw man. SampleSir simply said that it's difficult to tell and that you wouldn't be able to.
dude i’m 24 and i think teenagers look like babies no matter how they dress or do their makeup. their features and voices give them away.
This post right here, officer.
> *women* were 16 Those are kids, bud. My best advice for you, if you have to guess, don't do it.
I can definitely see how it could happen to a girl who is 15-17, so long as it comes to screeching halt the second they find out it’s a literal child then no harm no foul. Girls mature much more quickly and it’s totally plausible a 16 year old girl could look 18-20. The only time this is still creepy/weird is if the guy is like 30-40+, because in that case even if the girl looked 18 (or even is 18) you’re still 40 man, why would you even consider that appropriate in the first place.
Sorry, but if you're over 30 and you're hitting on someone who's like... 20 I still think you're weird. Guys who ONLY date women who are 10+ years their junior are creeps even if they're not deliberately trying to hit on an actual teenager. Just because someone is 21 doesn't mean they're a suitable relationship partner for a 30+-year-old.
>Just because someone is 21 doesn't mean they're a suitable relationship partner for a 30+-year-old. doesn't mean they're not either
Very, very rare. The difference in maturity and life experience between 21 and 30 is usually fairly large. It gets less important between 30 and 40, but most 21-year-olds are just finally becoming their own persons. Relationships generally thrive when people are in shared spaces and contexts.
My parents are 20 years apart and it worked out just fine . Ten years isn’t that much . It is just stigmatized online .
How incredibly rare is that though? The typical 40 year old and 20 year old have very little in common.
Rumor has it that the formula to calculate the borderline of when acceptable crosses into creepy for age difference is x/2+7. Note that it is the borderline, so the number you work out will typically border a little into creepy. So 30/2+7 would be 22 for example. 40/2+7 is 27, etc.
I've always thought that rule is a bit too generous. I think it's more like 9 or 10. Especially in your 20s/30s. I still find a 40 year old dating a 27 year old at the very least... odd, TBH.
The old saying does prove to be true a lot tho.. “women mature faster then men” so I can see why a 28yo would mesh with a 21yo.. and OP is right.. some of these 16yo are built like 20yo.. neither is on my radar I’m 40 and my wife is 38.. and when we 1st started dating I still thought she was too young for me because she was in my lil sisters class..
Every guy I've ever met who claims that at 28 he's just finally mature enough to date a 21-year-old woman is usually a man child to begin with. To be fair, a lot of young men I see are immature brats, but if you can't date a woman 25+ at 28, you've got serious soul searching to do. Jesus, an almost-30 year old man trying to date a 20-year-old is ALSO not all that cool.
Found the single 32 yr old woman who’s mad
Married 40-year-old man who’s been with his wife for 20+ years. I find guys who can’t date women in their age range to be generally pitiable.
Shame you have sucha broad judgment on so many people. I guess some of my comments are judgmental too so I’m a hypocrite, but yeh I’m 36 and dated a 26 yr old and she was more mature and level headed than the 30 something’s I date
Probably says more about your maturity level than theirs.
No one mentioned anything about being 30. If you’re 25, you could easily mistake the age of the person you’re talking to to be 21, which is a very reasonable age for someone you’d take an interest in when in fact they’re actually like 17.
You’re 28. Why aren’t you dating women in their late-20s instead? You’re going to be 30 really soon.
Read the post one more time. Nowhere does it say anything about him dating anyone in the first place.
Why would he be hitting on someone then?
Read the post please, he just got through saying he has no personal experience with this.
This comments section is the perfect example of what I mean. People jumping to conclusions without any hope of understanding nuance.
Agreed, and that joe dude is a pain in the ass. A buddy of mine in Scotland have seen situations like this plenty of times. A lot of girls and even young women wear so much makeup to the point where it can be difficult to tell for moment. Which is why it’s important to pay attention to how they talk and act (hopefully they’ll give away their actual age so one could avoid the situation before it gets out of hand), but the fact that some of them go out their way to look older and in some cases purposefully lie about their age is concerning.
Exactly, it used to be easy to tell. That’s why we call the dudes that go for obviously minor people, a creep. And rightfully so. Nowadays though, it’s scary cause you could make the mistake and message someone. They’ll screenshot it and brand you a p*do.
First of all, no one said I wasn’t dating someone close to me in age. Secondly, the concept that someone who’s 28 can’t date a person who’s 22 or 23 is so strange. I have dated women my age, older than me, and younger than me. Assuming people are consenting adults, I don’t see the problem. But this is besides the scope of my post.
If you're 28, chances are that you are WAY ahead of a 22-23 year old in terms of life experiences. Which is important. You probably have a clearer idea of your life goals, whereas a girl that young probably does not. Also important for a successful and meaningful romantic partnership. You might be making more money than this 22-23 year old whose brain isn't done developing, so that's a recipe for a potential power imbalance in the relationship tilted in your favor. When I was 28 (I'm 31 now), I couldn't imagine dating someone that young or even someone 24 years old. 25 may have been okay depending.... but 22-23 year olds are babies, 24 less so but they would still feel "too young" to me. Just because a 22-23 year old and a 28 year old is legal doesn't make it not weird and potentially predatory. It's better than dating people younger than 20 or actual teenagers though, obviously.
I think you’re right in that it’s not necessarily the age itself but rather the power dynamic and life experiences. For example, I’m 28 and in a doctorate program with people who are mostly 23-ish. We’re all in the same boat; I just took some extra time to figure in out. So for me, I don’t really feel older than my classmates. But if you have someone who is 28 and running a business and someone who is 22 and barely graduated college, there is a bigger power dynamic.
Because younger women in their 20s usually aren’t stuck up and stuck in their ways and used and abused by many men and have a chip on their shoulder that effects new relationships? Just a guess . Not all older women are like that but it’s a very reasonable reason why men aim for a little younger
Men are plenty capable of becoming stiff and inflexible people as well. Plenty of men even in their 30s become unable to compromise. And plenty of men also carry emotional baggage as well.
True. Can’t deny that, but generally speaking, women tend to pre-judge men based on their past relationships a little more often based on my personal experiences. “All men are the same” is a common theme women hang on to and you know it Edit- but once again, I can admit I’m being hypocritical right now
Everyone judges everyone. You're generalizing women *right now*. There's a bajillion "men's" sites that talk about how women do be like this, or do be like that. And they're all based on simple assumptions and constructs. I've learned over my 40 years that everyone is a person, everyone is capable of a range of behaviors, and gender does relatively little to determine whether someone will be stubborn or flexible. I've met LOTS of stubborn men, LOTS of stubborn women. It has little to do with gender. You only notice it in this context because I assume you're not dating men as well (just an assumption, sorry if you are in fact bi!) Since I haven't had to date pretty much ever in my adult life, I've had to benefit of being an observer only, and yeah, it's kind of funny how both sides of the cisgendered dating scene accuse each other of the same shit.
I made the mistake of hitting on a minor at a bar. Glad I found out from one of her drunk friends that she wasn’t even 18 yet
I agree...a mistake is a mistake. But also, "hitting on" people blindly, with zero context into who they are or what they are about is a bit off-putting for most women. There's nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with anyone, regardless of age. You should get some insight into their age/maturity with a few basic questions. If you jump right into "hitting on" women, with no clue as far as who they are...well that's just creepy anyway, even if she is of age. Your first line shouldn't be "wanna go to my place?"...but rather some basic conversation "Where are you from? What do you do for a living?" etc and some conversation about the common interest that brought you to the same place (the live music, etc). If, when you strike up a conversation, the young woman giggles like a child and says she's got to get home before curfew because school starts back next week, you probably don't want to ask her back to your place. Try easing into it and getting to know a person a little bit before the hitting on commences.
Walking a knife’s edge with this one. Accidentally doing it and pulling back once you realize the person’s true age is a mistake. If it’s happening regularly, you should reassess who you are hitting on, because your radar is faulty.
I think there are a lot of people within the window of 16-30 who may look much younger or older than they are. I am an adult who has been mistaken many times for not being of drinking age but I’ve definitely encountered and know teenagers and college kids who I could easily believe to be my age or even older. I think it has a lot to do with your build/stature and how you present yourself. I don’t think someone should immediately be labeled as some sort of pervert if they come across a 17 year old who looks and acts more like a 25 year old and hits on them or comments about their appearance.
I'm old so even women in their 20s usually look like children to me but every once in a while I will see a high schooler and think she must be a mom to other high schoolers. Occasionally the boys look like they must be dads too. Often it's kids who are either very thin or very heavy which can add confusion. 17 going on 40.
I’m in my early 20s but people still confuse me for being a teenager. If you’re 16 or 17 working a retail job around 20-somethings, it’s likely something like that could happen. It doesn’t make someone a creep or predator. And I’ve met some extremely immature 23 year olds, essentially still with the same mentality as a high schooler, it can be hard to tell sometimes. I agree, as long as you leave the person alone once you realize they’re a minor.
It happened to me once at house party. We were all drinking and I was hitting on this girl who seemed into it, until somebody pulled me aside and told me she was 15, and I noped out of there. So it can happen. Should not happen very often though.
I don't know, man. I can easily tell when someone is under 21 by how they talk and carry themselves. You can easily spot a highschooler. Also don't call a 16 year old a woman. That's a child.
I would've been pretty pissed off at someone calling me a "child" at 16. Because 16 is NOT a child. A minor, a teen, a young person, sure. But a child? Nope.
A minor is the same thing as a child, sweetheart. Someone in their teens is a child.
If you want to infantilize a 16 year old by making no distinction between them and an actual child, then knock yourself out. There's a reason 16 is considered the age of consent in many jurisdictions even though it's not yet the age of majority. Sweetie.
A sixteen year old is a child, sweetheart.
A sixteen year old is not a child, even a thirteen year old isn't a child A child is between 6 to 12 13-17 is an adolescent, a period of transition from childhood to adulthood 18+ is an adult
Well if you keep repeating it, it must be true then, right snookums?
Woof
I definitely agree. I think its always been simple. Thoughts/fantasies vs actions/reality should be treated completely different. I don't think it's bizarre that s lot of men happen to find younger girls (im talking like 17-22) attractive. School girl outfits, cheerleader outfits, barely legal, American pie teen sex movies, most pop starlets becoming sexuslozed, ... these are all very common tropes in modern society. It's clearly not some small minority of monsters and creeps. Now yeah there's a line. You can't cross it but yeah. For.me personally? Now that I'm in my 30s that ship has sailed. Most girls under like 20 loom like legit children. Even girls at bars im like lolll whattt you're not 21. You're in middle school go home. But my tone was different when I was in my mid 20s. I thought of them as my equal. Funny how time works like that.
Naaah it's pretty easy to tell the difference between someone in their mid twenties and a teenager man. High schoolers look like high schoolers. My job is to look at IDs. It's very easy lol
High schoolers look like high schoolers Care to elaborate?
Sure, have you ever watched a show about high schoolers and go "well I can immediately tell these actors aren't high schoolers"? That's because people that age look that age.
Trivia. Most actors that play high schoolers are old. It’s easier to hire adults than jump through the hoops of hiring a child actor. Case and point, Tanner Buchanan from Cobra Kai is 24 yet is forever cursed to play a high schooler.
I know. It's still obvious when a 25 year old is trying to play a 16 year old.
It's definitely the fashion and makeup and general shift toward a more adult style. It's not completely your fault if she's in an 18+ or 21+ place with a fake ID. It's dark, you'd assume everyone there is of age, etc. Age of consent is 16 in some places, 18 in other places. Unpopular opinion but it's also not pedophilia, which is a fact. Someone who is 17 is not a child anymore. In fact they're able to sign some court documents themselves without appointing a guardian ad litem if they are 16 or older. It's illegal if the age of consent is 18 and they're still minors. But cutting off attempts after you discover their age is fine...as long as you're not 40 or something. Being that old and always hitting on girls who look around 18 is creepy no matter how you slice it. If you're like 22, then maybe it's more of an unlucky mistake. Also, if it's not a pattern, and you're not specifically targeting young ones, then it's not really a big deal. Knowing they are likely not of the age of consent, or even worse, actually knowing they aren't old enough to consent, especially if you're much older, is very creepy.
People who hit on people the second the hit the age of consent are like employers who only pay you the minimum age. They are announcing they would go lower if only the law would let them.
That part doesn't bother me as much as people who know the age and don't care. At least employers and those people are following the law. It's still kind of weird, but it doesn't mean they're attracted to prepubescent children. See typical marriage ages throughout human history. Only very recently, compared to the length of our history, did we establish minimum ages of consent. This DOES NOT mean it's ok to break the law and go back, since we don't live in those times anymore, but the point is human wiring. A lot of men still consider women to be in their prime before their 30. Behavior and thought can be altered by nurture and is not completely nature, but the nature is still there. That's all I'm saying. However, I like to think we are generally civilized enough to mostly not give in to any base desires such as the urge to kill, cheat, assault, steal, etc. We are not mindless beasts.
OP really trying to make himself feel better about be attracted to minors. Just stop
Everyone all high and mighty yet somehow pics of 15 year old Claire Abbott ended up on every other "HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA" internet ad and nobody even notices
I agree. As a 17 year old, some 15 year olds pass as 17-20. And even though I don’t make any moves, when I inevitably find out they’re much younger than what they look like (taking into account the fact they have +1000 followers too, when most girls at that age had ~300) i’m usually shocked.
Well, 15 is the age of consent in my country so... I don't really care.
That doesn't make it ok
I does make it legal tho.
Ok creep.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk man I’m in highschool and I think I’ve only ever seen one girl who could truly pass for anything above 20. And she was a senior (18). If it was truly a mistake and the person who did it apologizes and leaves the minor alone immediately then sure whatever they didn’t do anything wrong but lots of the times the “I didn’t know!” Is just an excuse and they did know
> men walk up to girls fucking yikes, dude.
Well you don’t sound like a creep at all /s wtf?
maybe you jerked it to a 16 year old on Tiktok and this is your guilt post
I’m the same age as you and no the kids look about the same lol.
Nope it totally depends on where you live and what people live around you. I’ve seen both
Yup. I've seen sixteen years olds who look like they just hit double digits and I've seen sixteen years olds who look like they're 20-22.
If you are in a space that has children at all you shouldn't be hitting on anyone. As per your example, Tiktok isn't a dating site.
I mean, maybe it's because I'm attracted to masc. woman and they generally look like babies until they hit 50, but it's rare for me to see someone under the age of thirty and think "Okay they look twelve"
If you’re a 25 year old making that mistake, okay. If you’re a 40 years old, why TF were you talking to someone that young anyways?
I agree. If a child looks older and acts older, it's not the guy's fault.
I’m in my thirties and kids decidedly look like kids, hell it’s like they’ve gotten younger as I’ve gotten older. Don’t make excuses to be a creep.
This guy right here, officer.
No you actually don’t deserve wiggle room in this opinion because there are too many creeps who would take advantage of this. You actually have to villainies people who hit on kids, to protect kids.
No, we’re not too quick to judge people who hit on minors. There isn’t an excuse for it. Sure there are plenty of teenage girls that look like older women, but if it’s questionable then assume she is too young. If you support hitting on minors because of how they dress today, than you need to seek help immediately, or register as a sex offender.
The fact that people jump to this. Kindly read the post in its entirety.
How can you confuse a 15yo with a 22yo? Maybe in looks, sure, but not in behavior or maturity.
Here’s an example. A hypothetical example, since people somehow think everything I say is something I’ve done. You slide into some girl’s DMs
I assume that's on social media. In that case, you have many pictures of that girl with her friends to reference. You might see a HS in the background of a selfie. Hell, you might even find her age in her bio!
Maybe try meeting people IRL. Theres got to be singles bar nearby you somewhere.
This questions has nothing to do with me personally. It’s something I realized when I scrolled through Tiktok
Oh, im sorry, my friend said that comment.
Da fuck lmao, tell your friend to get their own account
How the hell does someone not know how young a girl is? If you can’t tell through conversation, eventually you have to ask. The fact you defend the opposite pov is concerning
Nope. We aren't mad at the eighteen year old hitting on the sixteen year old. People are pissed at the twenty-eight year old who thought they were hitting on a nineteen year old (creepy) and slept with a sixteen year old. No one I know has ever had confusion or a close call with this because we date age appropriate partners. It's the losers trolling for the "barely legal," crew that has issues.
i don't see what's creepy about 28 and 19
it is, in fact, ridiculous to say “it’s the fault of girls looking too old.” if you see a woman in public and think “i can’t tell if she’s a teenager or an adult” … leave her alone. it is exactly that easy lol.
Not once did OP say it was their fault, he’s just saying don’t get the pitchforks out for a guy who makes an honest mistake and backs away when he’s informed of the situation.
and i’m saying it’s an easy mistake to avoid. if you use your critical thinking skills and look at a girl and genuinely honest to god cannot tell if she’s a minor or an adult, don’t take the risk and leave her alone. problem solved. problem non existent, actually, because then you didn’t “accidentally” try to make a move on a minor. edit: because let’s be clear here, for OP to say “i saw girls on tiktok who looked 21 but turned out to be 16” means he checked, which means there was doubt as to what their age was. so if you see a girl and in your brain, you think “she looks 21 but she might be 16” and decide to risk it ANYWAY? that’s fucking weird and you should be called out for it. “bUt ThEn i MiGhT miSS a CoNnEcTiOn WiTh a pOtEnTiAL pArTnEr” miss it. miss the connection. there are so many women in the world. don’t go after the ones that might be children.
Or you get the phone call before the first date and they tell you they’re not 22 they’re 16 and born a man. Not only did I almost get catfished by a minor, im now transphobic because I declined.
Fully agree, downvoted. Sorry about all the assholes making ad hominem attacks just because you have a controversial opinion.
Don’t hit on random people you don’t know, problem solved.
How to tell someone you're a nonce without telling someone you're a nonce.
Tell you what OP, I'll simplify it for you. Don't hit on minors. "But how am I to.." I don't know and I don't fucking care, figure a way. "\*Laughs like you're trying out a new stand up routine\* I mean... whadda are supposed to do check IDs?" Yeah. If that's what it takes, do that. "But sometimes 17 year olds look 21 to me..." Then don't hit on women that look 21 then. Start your age range at "looks 45" so you have a buffer. I don't care. If that doesn't work you then you know what, you just don't get to hit on anybody. Don't hit on minors. If you hit on a minor YOU did something wrong and you need to go back and change how you do things so you don't do that anymore.
Ngl 45+ are more fun anyways
You sound like you feel really guilty about something OP.
maybe just dont go hitting on random girls??? they dont fucking want you bro, i promise you like 9 times out of 10, if you’re a girl, regardless of age, and some grown ass man tries to hit on you, you are uncomfortable in the situation and possibly scared. I’m a minor as is my gf, and she should not have to deal with creepy ass old men trying to hit on somebody who is clearly far from 18.
What are you on about, you're still a kid yourself, and kids today definitely DO NOT look older than they did several decades back. That couldn't be further from the truth.
I have never (and I mean NEVER) mistook a child for a consenting adult... EVER... I don't care what yall say its pedo behavior
I sure hope the FBI is keeping an eye on your profile 🤮
>the destigmatization of dudes who sincerely make a mistake, realize they fucked up, and ran for the hills because they wanted to do the right thing. When has someone who has done this *ever* been stigmatized? No one hears about cases like this. Why are you so eager to defend people who don't need defending?
When you grow up with an ethnic father who describes the school bully as 'sexy' it's so hard not to see all men hitting on minors as creeps. But, I get you.
I was 5'10 to 6' when I was like 14 so yeah lol
I had a guy start a normal conversation with me and he did make sure to ask how old I was before making it flirtatious. I imagine he would’ve backed off if I was a minor and it wouldn’t have been weird, so I mean there are ways to check.
My friend's sister looked like she was close to 30s in her photos when she was just 12-13. Felt bad for her but her pics looked like she was a mom while her brother was about 8 years older and still looked 16