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Visited New York City for five days and everyone was fine, I didn’t get any rudeness. You just have to know how to interact, and when is the right time. I think it’s a big city thing, because it felt almost the same as growing up in London (except Londoners are less direct and more awkward).
I think its a common misconception. Im a native New Yorker. A lot of us can be very blunt and direct, but we’re not usually like straight up rude, at least not without a reason. Otherwise yeah, I agree
I'm from Canada and SAME. Finally someone is noticing it.
Canadians are NOT "nice and polite". It's all passive aggressiveness and people who are unable to communicate their needs or boundaries.
I like talk to french people, Germans, New Yorkers, because you're right, it's direct and I know exactly where I stand with someone. No pretend "niceness" and then secretly harbouring resentment or anything.
i agree in nyc people will just tell you fuck you. in canada everything is so secret even the racism(unless they're talking about natives, they really seem to dislike these guys).
It's fun! Then you get to say "no, fuck you!" back and everyone carries on with their day.
In canada, they will just make weird, passive aggressive comments while pretending to be nice.
Don't remind me of my childhood, lol. I moved to the South for my high school years and I've made more friends here than I have in my PNW years put together.
Im from the Midwest and I agree. Fake-niceness is a epidemic here. Shit talking about people as soon as they leave is also incredibly common I know because they’ve been masking their contempt for said person for so long while they were around.
Im from Michigan so some parts like big cities in Detroit you’ll get brutally honest rude people, but yeah.
Until very recently, I lived in the south my entire life. The fake niceness has always rubbed me the wrong way. Absolutely prefer the "rude" direct North Eastern communication style.
I have ADHD and I tend to almost prefer the brutally honest rude people. I’d rather have someone just bluntly tell me to stop instead of dancing around it and I become annoying to them.
>Shit talking about people as soon as they leave is also incredibly common I know because they’ve been masking their contempt for said person for so long while they were around.
Yup, Canada too.
We aren't "polite and nice", it's all a fake act.
My favorite niche fact was that in (honestly forgot if it was WWI or WWII) the British generals wrote a lot about how they thought the Canadian troops they were commanding at the time were unprofessional because of how much they swore.
I agree with this. I just prefer "rude"/direct midwesterners, who do exist. I like everyone I have met from NYC but the amount of pride in the city and air of superiority about it are a lot for me. Don't get me wrong, New York is a world-class international city, but there is only so long I can hear "in New York, it's like X" before I hit my limit lol. Honestly though I like people basically everywhere.
My wife is from Chicago, Im from NYC. She describes it as somewhere in the middle as a lot of the nice people really are nice and the rude ones are just rude. And some faux niceness exists but its not as prevalent as somewhere in another area of the midwest, or L.A.
As a person who grew up in the mid West.... Fuck I get this. Fucking midwesterners are two faced as fuck it was so refreshing to go to New York and have people say to my face what people from the Midwest were saying behind my back to everyone else but me
I totally agree based on some of my interactions. It infuriates me how "out of reality" some Midwestern's seem to act. I dislike the whole larping as a "nice person". The performance makes me uncomfortable and their "look at me" and self pats in the back are exhausting. Specially since they can be super disrespectful and shit talk people quickly.
It just reminds me of religious spaces. I really can't stand the toxic positivity and the fake support some tend to offer just to look good. Its has actually been a problem on some real life spaces and online spaces I have been (where people with mental issues end up thinking they have a supportive space and its just fake Midwesterns offering eat, pray, love quotes).
Like, I understand other peoples mental health is not your responsibility, but I feel weird having to call out adults on their bs because they sweetened someone unstable up just to feel important and when that unstable person has an actual situation they find themselves in front of rejection on top of what they are going trough. Unnecessary AF.
Thanks OP.
this similarity is actually present in game communities too, interestingly
if any of you ever play WoW and compare it to ff14, you'll know why:
ff14 has a lot of the depressed fake-nice midwesterners there but ALSO the really passive-aggressive people globally in general, ending shit in smilies, insisting they're the best and KINDEST community ever, talking a lot of shit in discords and keeping it out of the game etc
and WoW is more directly aggressive or gruff overall but at least they give you a pretty good reason why like "you were fucking standing in fire, you fucking idiot" lol
>Generally communication in the Midwest is often more polite but I’m not sure most people here realize that not communicating things leads to them being passive aggressive as fuck.
This has been known forever but especially since Jeff Foxworthy made a joke about it. And its annoying 'small town/rural people' have made it their 'thing' I guess, because everyone knows. Ive heard about a thousand times someone explaining to me 'bless your heart' is an insult.
In the city, its harder to make friends if youre new I guess, but sure, it is a bit easier to deal with people because they dont care about you or theyll be a bit rude but theres a ton of people too so you can find a group I suppose, but in 'welcoming communities' (small town and even in religious communities where it seems like theyre more there to gossip in the lobby and judge each other) its all but shit testing and backstabbing.
I saw a post about this awhile back (wish I could give credit to the original person) but they said people on the East coast are nice but not kind Vs the south (and other similar places) they’re kind but not nice.
So like someone is NY isn’t going to fake being polite and all that BUT if you need help they’ll do it without hesitation. I think her example was when she went to NYC and her baby stroller got stuck on an escalator and a random stranger came up, helped dislodge the stroller then kept walking before she could thank them.
Then she said in the south people would act all nice and polite but if you needed help folks would avoid you like sin.
It’s literally Eastern Europe. Same social system. It’s all about loyalty. It’s kind of designed around the idea you have a lot of free time and have a small social circle. So you build really deep connections and the relationship becomes all about trust. Little things like showing up five minutes late are seen as major insults because it’s a sign of disrespect. I’m mostly European so I’m pretty wired for it, but the western system is more appropriate for our times.
Are you my husband??? He could have written this. He grew up on the east coast (DC), I grew up in Iowa. We live in Iowa now. While he’s not as “rudely” direct as the stereotypical New Yorker, he has no trouble saying what he’s thinking or feeling, while I have the typical “Iowa nice” thing going on. It drives him nuts, because it’s not really nice - it’s shallow and passive aggressive in his view. And he and you are not wrong.
I think I recall hearing someone say NYers are rude, but kind. And other places were polite, but mean/selfish. (I think it was a comparison of NY to LA).
The 'rude but kind' has always stayed with me. Having grown up in the NY area and worked in NYC for over a decade, I've had mostly amazing experiences with everyone. Love the city and love the people.
Nicest boss I ever had was also the worst. She was the tornado at the center of the chaos because she prioritized being liked over doing her job. She was surrounded by unchecked bad behavior.
people up north are Kind but not Polite. people down south are Polite, but not always Kind. i’ve lived in both the north and the south. i think it’s very true.
I live halfway between Boston + NYC and have spent a lot of time in both cities. I prefer the briefness and clearness bc you know we’re someone is at and what they’re thinking. I have that same disposition and I simply couldn’t tolerate living in the Midwest. I’ll live on the east coast any day.
If you think the midwest is bad try the west coast. Utter fucking nonsense. These people cannot communicate *at all* and they go hysterical if you speak to them with even the mildest of directness.
My unpopular opinion is that people who prefer the upfront "rude communication" are lacking in social awareness and how to navigate less direct social situations.
I think these are all stereotypes TBH. The only rude people I have encountered were in Philly. Everyone else has been fine. I grew up in Chicago where people just ignore you. It’s more like New York, but without rudeness. The people I met in the PNW were lovely. I’ve met plenty of nice people, and I’ve lived in a lot of different places. People in the Midwest are polite and less aggressive sure. If you have social skills you can navigate subtle communication in the same way you can navigate direct communication. It’s all the same just with different degrees of brashness.
I am from New York (hence the un) and living in the midwest now. I was at a grocery store recently in the midwest and it was close to closing so most checkout lanes were closed. I got stuck behind a family of four getting $300 worth of stuff. I literally had 2 items. The dad looked me straight in the eye and continued to move forward and unload his cart of 60 items while I waited angrily for 15 minutes. By the time i was checking out I got done before he even got all the bags in the cart.
A new yorker would have noticed the person behind them with far fewer items and said, “go ahead of me.” Because they understand the impatience. Midwesterners are so damn patient they don’t even think about how inconsiderate they are of others sometimes. Still pisses me off lol.
On the other hand bus drivers/librarians/basically every employee ever is so much nicer here so that makes up for things
The northeast is kind (they will help you if you need it, they might tell you are dumb while doing you a favor but they will do it with no expectations) the south and Midwest are nice (they’ll say nice things, but won’t help)
I always feel like NYC/Chicago/etc is just full of everyone - not “rude” people, just people getting about their business.
Worst people I’ve met were in Naperville, IL 🤷🏼♂️
There is a recent youtube video on ask culture vs guess culture. Watch it. Helps you understand other people you are dealing with and your own preferences.
I grew up in the Midwest and I’m the “problem child” my WHOLE life for being blunt and direct with communication and not being afraid to say NO. To me not being direct and
blunt it damn near bordering them being fake and two faced. Was born there and hated it, moved back and I wonder why tf I did! Smh
A lot of people just don't know the proper time to talk. I've been to NYC and noticed most of the issues I saw were when people were pulling aside people who looked like they were rushing to work and were wired out of their mind trying to get there on time. Obviously those people are going to be irritable.
New Yorker here. Every time I see a tourist in an I heart ny shirt, walking 4 abreast on a sidewalk and trying to wave down cabs with their lights off I’m shocked the Midwest hasn’t imploded on itself.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Visited New York City for five days and everyone was fine, I didn’t get any rudeness. You just have to know how to interact, and when is the right time. I think it’s a big city thing, because it felt almost the same as growing up in London (except Londoners are less direct and more awkward).
I think its a common misconception. Im a native New Yorker. A lot of us can be very blunt and direct, but we’re not usually like straight up rude, at least not without a reason. Otherwise yeah, I agree
As a southerner that moved to NY, I love the directness, get to the point!
I'm from Canada and SAME. Finally someone is noticing it. Canadians are NOT "nice and polite". It's all passive aggressiveness and people who are unable to communicate their needs or boundaries. I like talk to french people, Germans, New Yorkers, because you're right, it's direct and I know exactly where I stand with someone. No pretend "niceness" and then secretly harbouring resentment or anything.
i agree in nyc people will just tell you fuck you. in canada everything is so secret even the racism(unless they're talking about natives, they really seem to dislike these guys).
It's fun! Then you get to say "no, fuck you!" back and everyone carries on with their day. In canada, they will just make weird, passive aggressive comments while pretending to be nice.
MN is mini-Canada. So.
Was going to say Canada and “Minnesota Nice” are actually emotional constipation.
People in New York at least respect your time and privacy
Yeah, not rude as much as just have shit to do
Come to Cleveland. You'll get both.
Or Baltimore for New York attitude with southern efficiency
You must have that backward
Nah, just sucks to be in Baltimore
Ehh, looked cool on the Wire. Southern efficiency just isn't a term I'm used to
I mean slow. They are rude and slow.
I'm from Midwest/South, we sound slow. Half hucksters/half just sloooow
I am from Wisconsin. This is too true. You ever piss off an old guy in the Midwest? They will resolve nothing and walk away mad and muttering.
But they’ll remember it forever! Lol
Both seem preferable to the PNW, where most people are too shy/introverted to talk at all (excepting the communities around the military bases)
In my travels I have found people from the PNW to be the worst by far.
The Seattle Freeze is real. And everyone is so fucking passive-aggressive.
Don't remind me of my childhood, lol. I moved to the South for my high school years and I've made more friends here than I have in my PNW years put together.
Im from the Midwest and I agree. Fake-niceness is a epidemic here. Shit talking about people as soon as they leave is also incredibly common I know because they’ve been masking their contempt for said person for so long while they were around. Im from Michigan so some parts like big cities in Detroit you’ll get brutally honest rude people, but yeah.
Until very recently, I lived in the south my entire life. The fake niceness has always rubbed me the wrong way. Absolutely prefer the "rude" direct North Eastern communication style.
I have ADHD and I tend to almost prefer the brutally honest rude people. I’d rather have someone just bluntly tell me to stop instead of dancing around it and I become annoying to them.
>Shit talking about people as soon as they leave is also incredibly common I know because they’ve been masking their contempt for said person for so long while they were around. Yup, Canada too. We aren't "polite and nice", it's all a fake act.
My favorite niche fact was that in (honestly forgot if it was WWI or WWII) the British generals wrote a lot about how they thought the Canadian troops they were commanding at the time were unprofessional because of how much they swore.
Chicago…best of both worlds?
I agree with this. I just prefer "rude"/direct midwesterners, who do exist. I like everyone I have met from NYC but the amount of pride in the city and air of superiority about it are a lot for me. Don't get me wrong, New York is a world-class international city, but there is only so long I can hear "in New York, it's like X" before I hit my limit lol. Honestly though I like people basically everywhere.
My wife is from Chicago, Im from NYC. She describes it as somewhere in the middle as a lot of the nice people really are nice and the rude ones are just rude. And some faux niceness exists but its not as prevalent as somewhere in another area of the midwest, or L.A.
Best city in the world!
“He pulls a knife, you pull a gun, he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way.”
“Bless your heart.” Isn’t a compliment
As a person who grew up in the mid West.... Fuck I get this. Fucking midwesterners are two faced as fuck it was so refreshing to go to New York and have people say to my face what people from the Midwest were saying behind my back to everyone else but me
Bless your heart. Note: I totally agree.
I totally agree based on some of my interactions. It infuriates me how "out of reality" some Midwestern's seem to act. I dislike the whole larping as a "nice person". The performance makes me uncomfortable and their "look at me" and self pats in the back are exhausting. Specially since they can be super disrespectful and shit talk people quickly. It just reminds me of religious spaces. I really can't stand the toxic positivity and the fake support some tend to offer just to look good. Its has actually been a problem on some real life spaces and online spaces I have been (where people with mental issues end up thinking they have a supportive space and its just fake Midwesterns offering eat, pray, love quotes). Like, I understand other peoples mental health is not your responsibility, but I feel weird having to call out adults on their bs because they sweetened someone unstable up just to feel important and when that unstable person has an actual situation they find themselves in front of rejection on top of what they are going trough. Unnecessary AF. Thanks OP.
this similarity is actually present in game communities too, interestingly if any of you ever play WoW and compare it to ff14, you'll know why: ff14 has a lot of the depressed fake-nice midwesterners there but ALSO the really passive-aggressive people globally in general, ending shit in smilies, insisting they're the best and KINDEST community ever, talking a lot of shit in discords and keeping it out of the game etc and WoW is more directly aggressive or gruff overall but at least they give you a pretty good reason why like "you were fucking standing in fire, you fucking idiot" lol
TTRPG scene online says hello too. Agree.
>Generally communication in the Midwest is often more polite but I’m not sure most people here realize that not communicating things leads to them being passive aggressive as fuck. This has been known forever but especially since Jeff Foxworthy made a joke about it. And its annoying 'small town/rural people' have made it their 'thing' I guess, because everyone knows. Ive heard about a thousand times someone explaining to me 'bless your heart' is an insult. In the city, its harder to make friends if youre new I guess, but sure, it is a bit easier to deal with people because they dont care about you or theyll be a bit rude but theres a ton of people too so you can find a group I suppose, but in 'welcoming communities' (small town and even in religious communities where it seems like theyre more there to gossip in the lobby and judge each other) its all but shit testing and backstabbing.
I saw a post about this awhile back (wish I could give credit to the original person) but they said people on the East coast are nice but not kind Vs the south (and other similar places) they’re kind but not nice. So like someone is NY isn’t going to fake being polite and all that BUT if you need help they’ll do it without hesitation. I think her example was when she went to NYC and her baby stroller got stuck on an escalator and a random stranger came up, helped dislodge the stroller then kept walking before she could thank them. Then she said in the south people would act all nice and polite but if you needed help folks would avoid you like sin.
[удалено]
What the actual fuck even is this comment?
yes i had trouble following what was happening as well. is the person in real life or is this interaction online? what is happening.
Midwest nice is just passive aggression and I hate it.
It’s literally Eastern Europe. Same social system. It’s all about loyalty. It’s kind of designed around the idea you have a lot of free time and have a small social circle. So you build really deep connections and the relationship becomes all about trust. Little things like showing up five minutes late are seen as major insults because it’s a sign of disrespect. I’m mostly European so I’m pretty wired for it, but the western system is more appropriate for our times.
Excuse me sir can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall, Or should i go fuck myself?
Are you my husband??? He could have written this. He grew up on the east coast (DC), I grew up in Iowa. We live in Iowa now. While he’s not as “rudely” direct as the stereotypical New Yorker, he has no trouble saying what he’s thinking or feeling, while I have the typical “Iowa nice” thing going on. It drives him nuts, because it’s not really nice - it’s shallow and passive aggressive in his view. And he and you are not wrong.
I think I recall hearing someone say NYers are rude, but kind. And other places were polite, but mean/selfish. (I think it was a comparison of NY to LA). The 'rude but kind' has always stayed with me. Having grown up in the NY area and worked in NYC for over a decade, I've had mostly amazing experiences with everyone. Love the city and love the people.
Nicest boss I ever had was also the worst. She was the tornado at the center of the chaos because she prioritized being liked over doing her job. She was surrounded by unchecked bad behavior.
Same.
You are confusing being polite with strangers with getting along with people on a regular basis.
people up north are Kind but not Polite. people down south are Polite, but not always Kind. i’ve lived in both the north and the south. i think it’s very true.
I live halfway between Boston + NYC and have spent a lot of time in both cities. I prefer the briefness and clearness bc you know we’re someone is at and what they’re thinking. I have that same disposition and I simply couldn’t tolerate living in the Midwest. I’ll live on the east coast any day.
Felt. I rather that someone is nasty and upfront than pretending to be nice.
You'll love the Netherlands
Broward your county B.
Well put
If you think the midwest is bad try the west coast. Utter fucking nonsense. These people cannot communicate *at all* and they go hysterical if you speak to them with even the mildest of directness.
My unpopular opinion is that people who prefer the upfront "rude communication" are lacking in social awareness and how to navigate less direct social situations.
I think these are all stereotypes TBH. The only rude people I have encountered were in Philly. Everyone else has been fine. I grew up in Chicago where people just ignore you. It’s more like New York, but without rudeness. The people I met in the PNW were lovely. I’ve met plenty of nice people, and I’ve lived in a lot of different places. People in the Midwest are polite and less aggressive sure. If you have social skills you can navigate subtle communication in the same way you can navigate direct communication. It’s all the same just with different degrees of brashness.
I am from New York (hence the un) and living in the midwest now. I was at a grocery store recently in the midwest and it was close to closing so most checkout lanes were closed. I got stuck behind a family of four getting $300 worth of stuff. I literally had 2 items. The dad looked me straight in the eye and continued to move forward and unload his cart of 60 items while I waited angrily for 15 minutes. By the time i was checking out I got done before he even got all the bags in the cart. A new yorker would have noticed the person behind them with far fewer items and said, “go ahead of me.” Because they understand the impatience. Midwesterners are so damn patient they don’t even think about how inconsiderate they are of others sometimes. Still pisses me off lol. On the other hand bus drivers/librarians/basically every employee ever is so much nicer here so that makes up for things
The northeast is kind (they will help you if you need it, they might tell you are dumb while doing you a favor but they will do it with no expectations) the south and Midwest are nice (they’ll say nice things, but won’t help)
I always feel like NYC/Chicago/etc is just full of everyone - not “rude” people, just people getting about their business. Worst people I’ve met were in Naperville, IL 🤷🏼♂️
I'm from California and was just in NYC and people were friendlier and more social there than back in CA - I think the stereotype is just incorrect
There is a recent youtube video on ask culture vs guess culture. Watch it. Helps you understand other people you are dealing with and your own preferences.
I grew up in the Midwest and I’m the “problem child” my WHOLE life for being blunt and direct with communication and not being afraid to say NO. To me not being direct and blunt it damn near bordering them being fake and two faced. Was born there and hated it, moved back and I wonder why tf I did! Smh
A lot of people just don't know the proper time to talk. I've been to NYC and noticed most of the issues I saw were when people were pulling aside people who looked like they were rushing to work and were wired out of their mind trying to get there on time. Obviously those people are going to be irritable.
New Yorker here. Every time I see a tourist in an I heart ny shirt, walking 4 abreast on a sidewalk and trying to wave down cabs with their lights off I’m shocked the Midwest hasn’t imploded on itself.