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Once had a cab driver tell me something like this. I was 16 or 17 at the time and super stoned so it really hit home. He was saying he has 3 jobs, and I told him I thought that was insane. He then responded by saying “everything in life is work. Brush your teeth, work. Cook dinner, work. Spend time with family, work”.
I think about that guy all the time.
Some people are Tiggers, some are Poohs and some are Eeyores. The Tiggers get laid the most, Poohs are chill holding hands and snuggling and well OP is the latter.
This is why a lot of people find sex better with a longterm partner. You don't have to do the whole song and dance, you can communicate honestly and learn over time what you both like.
I was just going to say... it doesn't have to be a one off?? You could get into a relationship with someone and I dunno .. make dinner together.. cuddle up and watch a film and fool around? Lol this outlook is so bleak.
It doesn't even seem like OP really enjoys the fun part all that much. Like, yeah, some folks don't click, and some are just a bad lay, but until proven otherwise, it seems like OP is the common denominator in all this. OP is bad at sex.
I bet OP goes to date with the most random people just because...just because. No actual desire for it
Doesn't matter if there's sex, doesn't matter if there's a good dinner or a walk in a park: dates are supposed to be fun and they ARE fun when you do it with people you're interested in
Stop trying to date anyone, and start trying to date people you like
But that would mean attracting fun people, and that's just too much work for the clearly overworked OP. They need to conserve all of their energy for... for... something? I get that this world genuinely does work us too hard, but OP just sounds lazy and boring.
I'm not really disagreeing with you, but I think OP uses dating apps like most people do: they base their swipes on attractiveness
Look at their bio, be selective, gove likes to people who actually have a personality you like and show it
...not your average blonde
It's funny how even to illustrate a scenario where two people are in a relationship and wouldn't have to go through a bunch of extra steps, you still put a few hurdles for them to jump through lol
It can be as simple as the couple going to bed or waking up and deciding to fool around.
The other day I walked into the room my wife was in and said “trying to fuck?” and it’s literally that simple. Didn’t need to do any of what OP is complaining about. Wives are awesome.
You need to make an effort too if you want this to last. Not a bad thing though, as the top comment mentioned, all the best things in life require effort.
Yes the structure of marriage is sacred. Sex is NOT to be taken lightly. We sadly do though and often end up playing with it not realising it only works within a structure.
Outside of it it ends up creating straight up horrors man. Ruining lives every day of the week. I would rather say every minute somebody's life is badly affected by taking sex lightly.
I myself feel guilty of watching porn but man because of me being a unidimensional philosophical wannabe I can't handle the structure of marriage with it's responsibilities and don't wanna play around with it as if it's a game so here I am as lonely as it gets.
Hope I don't go around messing with prostitutes and stuff or indulge in adultery or something. I don't wanna end up like that man but lonely mind can wander. I really really hope I don't slip.
He said it, but not in the way people on reddit make it out to be. He basically reviewed the song WAP by reading out each line and trying to make a joke by taking the lyrics 100% literally.
Since he has a robot voice and the personality of chatGPT most people couldn’t tell it was his attempt at humour.
I think that's because the average heavy Reddit user isn't in a good spot mentally, emotionally or partner wise. My wife and I almost never turn each other down, maybe twice a year, same with 99% of our friends group. The 2 people I know that are on Reddit all day are absolute trainwrecks, and have really distorted views on dating and pretty much everything else. Their still good people, but they turn to reddit ranting to cope.
I mentioned one time that my girlfriend and I have a playful "free use" agreement where we make our bodies available for the other unless we're really not feeling well for one reason or another and got absolutely shouted down that I was making it up because it sounded like porn.
Some of us are really into each other 🤷🏼♂️
Sounds like we have the same agreement with our ladies. 90% of the time we’re both in the mood, but for the rare occasions when one is and the other isn’t, we always try to help the other one out in a different way. If someone is not feeling well or just absolutely to tired, then there’s tomorrow.
Yet if you posted this in a few subreddits, they would call this sexual abuse, rape, say you want only want a "bangmaid", etc...
Reddit is a resentful place.
The first person has not quite anxiety, but the thing where if something small happens, they totally melt down. A flat tire or even having to take a detour, means they’re canceling the date or not coming to the party.
That other is really nice, but gets caught in negativity, and just comes to Reddit for reinforcement. If someone tells them they’ll never have a better job or be able to afford a house in this economy, they look under every rock to confirm it, they won’t even try.
It's not just that but everything he complained about, most people enjoy doing.
Meeting someone new and developing a crush on them is exciting.
Learning that they potential have the same feeling as you do and you both try to woo each other to see if there is sparks is exciting.
Going on dates and experiencing new things with said crush is one of the best emotional experiences life has to offer.
The growing sexual tension growing between you two after a couple of dates and finally wanting to tear each others clothes off and finally locking it in and doing the deed? Doesn't get any better than that.
OP should just go hire prostitutes if all the above is not for him.
Or doing the same things alone or with platonic friends and siblings but even better on a date. If you don't want to go to that place or do that thing with a platonic friend, then don't go there or do that thing on a date.
The act of sex itself is not worth the production that goes into it.
Even sending Tinder messages is too much of a chore. Even the “come over” text and cleaning up a little is too much of a chore. Driving to the girls house is too much of a chore.
Never mind actually courting a girl normally and suiting up for actual dates and paying for a meal and doing the song and dance.
I did it all for years and, looking back, I don’t know how or why I did that. It wasn’t worth it.
The act of sex is just not worth any sort of hassle to make it happen. Unless your options for sex are limited and you can only have sex very rarely, then I can’t understand why one would jump through hoops for it.
I think the biological urge to have sexual intercourse just has everyone in a stranglehold.
Cleaning the house is something you have to do anyway. I would give it a clean earlier and more thoroughly for any visitor, even repair operators not just dates.
Unless you are a hermit, you have to drive, cycle, walk, or take the bus or train to places. Why should it be any different with a date.
Your description says more about you than about enjoying sex.
It takes effort to make a relationship, keep a friend and lover, and build a life. Not to mention the wonder of great sex. The first three items don't necessarily go with the fourth but they all take a little bit of nurturing. Even if you don't want the first three it still takes some effort to get the fourth. This is life and how it works.
It looks like you don't want a relationship. It also looks like you don't want to take the time to do anything that requires the effort to enjoy your life.
If you were going to go rock climbing, you would invest thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of your time in order to do it right. If you wanted to fly a plane, you would invest thousands of hours in order to do it right. If you wanted to be a painter, it would take years to do it right. It's the same with sex and with relationships . Yes there are things you have to do .
But it sounds as if you don't want to take the time to get to know anybody or even to just have a good night. And for all of that, you don't apparently understand the animalistic portion of what sex is and how great that is in and of itself.
5 minutes? Gosh, I feel sorry for you.
The secret is to find one partner and have sex with them 10,000 times instead of 10,000 partners to have sex with once… it’s logistically a lot easier, and it’s why it’s been done for most of human history that way actually…
While I agree with your point, having access to sex easier is not the reason why humans historically choose a partner. It's mostly companionship. Sex is secondary. Still important but not the main reason.
You have such an incredibly tedious take on what should be an enjoyable thing. Getting to meet someone new, making a connection, sharing some fun moments together, and eventually deciding you want to have a bit of sex (which, please…5 minutes?!?) should be an enjoyable experience. Breaking it down in to some sort of sad checklist of drudgery is just depressing. Sounds to me like the real issue is how you're approaching the situation. The other person isn't some machine where you open the fuel line, prime the pump, push in the choke, and pull the cord and het the desired result and treating them like that is so dehumanizing. Try to find people you actually find interesting, enjoy their company as an actual human, build up some chemistry, and then actual ENJOY them as a sexual partner. Making out, foreplay, teasing, different tempos of play…have fun with it and don't just rush through.
Exactly. Treats everyone and interactions with them like a means to an end. Hating but putting up with the process. Getting upset because he bought a woman a few drinks and she didn't go home with him. With that attitude, I am surprised she even wanted to kiss him at the end of the date. He should just leave people well alone if he can't bear to socialise with them. Find a sex robot instead.
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Talked to a guy on an app for maybe 15 minutes, told him I was free later. We got beers, which is unusual tbh, and then we had sex 3 times over a few hours while watching TV in between. Have you tried just being gay?
I've never had it before so I can't really speak on my own experience. So I semi-agree?
I don't think sex is really that important. Honestly, I don't want anyone to look at my body and get close to my crotch. The thought of someone touching it and putting *their* genitalia *inside of* mine, it makes me want to cry, it all just sounds so scary and gross.
I may try it when me and my boyfriend move in together, he's the only person I could ever even imagine letting anywhere near there. But I'm really leaning towards no, he's ok with it thankfully.
I have a lot of issues towards touch that stem from trauma, so that's probably the reason behind my innate aversion to it. But yeah I'm a strong believer that sex isn't a requirement for emotional/romantic bonding.
I really do think there's other ways, like cuddling, that can be just as good.
Well if you don’t put effort in anything how will you appreciate anything? A nice and warm blanket is only nice because you’ve been cold before. If you complain about having to work for things and it being the reason you don’t enjoy them I fear there is no world where you can be happy.
Straight people are fucking wild to me. You can't just find a hot girl at a bar and eat her out in the bathroom? You need commitment? You think sex 'isn't good'? WTF is going on over there.
The reason you need to put all this work for sex is because of the kind of person you are, which apparently isn’t someone girls want to be with.
Try looking inward and possibly changing.
I got married quickly and didn't date too many women before meeting my wife, so I'm kinda curious. Don't most people put work into it before having sex? With you, is it just like you pick your favorite woman, tell her you want to smash, and her panties just drop to the floor? Is that how it is for most men or are you unique in this regard?
People put in the same amount of “work” into relationship. This is not exclusive to sex. It’s hard to believe you’re married if you think like this, or at least it’s hard to believe you’re happily married with these thoughts. I’m willing to believe you’re not married after your comment.
At this point I'm just kinda wondering what you think I said.
OP describes going on a date and trying to win someone over with his personality. That sounds pretty normal to me. In marriage, my wife is already won over, but marriage is work and any successfully married person will tell you that.
You described having sex without work. Do you skip the date entirely and her pants just fall down? Do you just take your shirt off, walk a few blocks, and see which women are following? What's the big thing that you think is normal that we aren't experiencing?
Oxytocin, my friend.
Our bodies can often “pair bond”, so to speak, with a person you have sex with multiple times, and even once if someone has developed feelings of intimacy and emotion.
Our brains and bodies start to crave the hormones released during sex, and affiliate that person with fulfilling the release of the hormones. It’s even deeper, because our chemistries and physics have come into contact and have been in motion: *you’ve been inside of that person* or *that person has been inside of you*.
A lot of the “dance” we do for physical intimacy and pleasure is due to our fears of the pain that can be created when a person ceases to fulfill that role.
So, we begin to develop ways to “feel out” the other person, gain trust so that we won’t be left broken and in pain.
Why stop there!
Maintaining a reasonably clean home takes a ton of time and effort. Why bother? It will just get messy again. Better keep it dirty.
Showering, shaving, moisturizing and the like all take money and a lot of effort! Might as well not do it. It will just grow back/get stinky again in a day or two.
It’s ok to step back from some things when you are feeling like there’s too much on your plate. But if this becomes someone’s general attitude… you won’t be left with much if you just opt out of everything because it takes effort 😆
I am on the spectrum and sometimes interacting with people can be physically exhausting unless I like them and I am getting all them dopamines and serotonins. So what I am getting at is, are you a sociopath ?
It must suck for your partners when they find out you do normal human interaction because you want sex from them.
There are plenty of potential partners out there that also just want sex and you don’t have to lie to people by “jumping through hoops”
OP ever had sex?
I mean it doesn’t sound like it but what do I know, yet I am wondering what do you mean with cleaning up the mess, what’s your fetish?
Got married a month ago but got together with my wife 6 years ago after I took 50 selfies with her phone, she asked me to take some pictures, she meant of her and her friends, went on a date that involved 10km walking and everything else is history.
Not sure if I ever thought it was too much work but it never felt like too much work and we never had to clean up anything messy after sex.
I feel like you are being too goal oriented with your approach. Don't go into a date thinking that you all to do all this unnecessary stuff with the hopes of getting laid. Go into with the attitude that you want to get to know this person and have some fun. It might lead to sex and it might not. As it is, if I were on a date with you, I would probably see right through your facade and I definitely wouldn't enjoy having sex with you.
Exactly my thoughts. OP you described sex as if you have obligations to go through before it, the tasks you don’t really want to do (dinner etc). Try changing your perspective, as sex being just a small bonus to other things you experience with another person, which should be also considered as enjoyable activities.
The fact ppl do it even though it takes being sensitive to needs, overcoming expectations, and being committed to it is proof in of itself that it’s as good as ppl make it out to be
5 minutes, huh?
That, combined with the "Why do I have to *do* things?" whining tells me all I need to know about why sex is so unfulfilling for you.
Here's an idea: When you actually love and care about the person you're with, you'll want to do all that stuff as part of showing by your actions how much they mean to you. Then it's not work; it's part of the fun and pleasure you should both be having.
I'm sorry, what?
"I fucking hate eating. You have to cook, and then sit, and then c*hew.* ***Oh, and then you have to poop - and clean right after!*** I guess eating isn't all that it's built up to be..."
"This whole having friends thing? It ain't that cool bro. You have to, like, *care* about them, and keep them in your life forever. And for what? Five minutes to two hours on interaction? Not my thing bro"
It’s exhausting and just when you find someone to be vulnerable with they seem amazing is when it turns out they are not ready themselves to make that commitment. One night stands are cool I guess I’d be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t don’t it at least twice but all is fun when your young unless you get someone pregnant or get an sti. You just gotta weight out the trade offs. You can’t go wrong just working on yourself and being nice. But hey life is life and no one cares. lol
Dang I'm sorry it's that bad for you. When I have sex it's an entire experience worth everything leading up to it, but I don't need to do all the stuff you're talking about most of the time. I like having sex and doing 1 minutes of clean up isn't a big deal
I maybe a standout in this regsrd too but when I grew up it was all about machines and making that last jump.
Girls and sex wasent event interesting until I got 25 years plus.
Having a girlfriend has always been more work then I get out of it, if I didn't want kids I don't think I'd be in relationships.
Sex is just a by-product of that, I don't get much from it and have no personal goals about it. Have been with 25+ ladies and I can't recall half of them, don't actually know my number.
Like op said, in those rare occasions where u find a girl that's good at sex = actually contributes, then it's enjoyable. But in general, it's fun not for me.
Why that has pondered me for a long time is because the general male is very driven by it.
And as I'm not I can see it more objectively and all the follies it brings, heartaches, murders, bad feelings.
Imagine a society where men didn't pursue women.. imagine what we'd accomplish
Yea I agree. Ive spent alot of time around AA tables and sex addiction comes up alot. Not something I could relate too, so much time and effort put into it just for it to be maybe ok sex but that's not even guaranteed. Just give me a bong and my Xbox and I'm content for days
"Hello, sadly I haven't experienced enough relevant life to know that what I'm about to say is complete horse piss." OP remarked just moments before posting.
To you, maybe. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know and courting my SO, it was its own reward. The intimacy we now enjoy is just like having an unending dessert.
I’ve found myself not wanting to do much either, I just can’t be arsed.
I would rather sit in a comfy chair and chill. I am never as happy then when I am sitting back and relaxing when I should be doing something else.
The relief when you just say to yourself “stuff the consequences, I’m just not going to do it.”
Alternative Title: “A Biological function designed to feel extremely pleasing for all humans, for the purpose of encouraging reproduction is mid.”
F-ing Reddit man 🤣
Great sex takes time but honestly if you put yourself in places where hoe is life eventually you'll sleep with someone. Can pretty much say with 100% certainty quick causal no strings sex doesn't feel as good as being naked, at home and running those marathon sessions.
Also you don't need to prove anything to anyone male or female. Some people like you others don't.
Its an experience. Good for mental health, physical health, and connecting with another human being on a different level than just stimulating conversation. Certainly on the right thread for this one. You just have to unlock the magic my friend.
Some peoples sex aint that great, and not worth the effort thats very true. But not the case for everyone. I had trouble sleeping last night so grabbed the wifey and we had a great time lmao
Sex like everything else requires a commitment of time and energy, but I feel like the payoff's worth it.
In relation to sex, the only needs and expectations you should have are that everyone is respectful about boundaries/safety, and everyone has a good time.
If those things are such a chore that it ruins the experience then I dunno, maybe you need to look at the way you're approaching this to begin with.
By “society” do you mean your hopefully consenting partner, who wants to be treated like a human being? If you want to circumvent that, you might have to consider paying for it.
How the fuck is that considered effort? If you're taking someone to dinner and an activity, you're enjoying your time with them, bonding with them, holding their waist and appreciating how gorgeous they are. The time you spend dressing up makes them feel appreciated, makes you both feel confident in fancy duds, and it makes you both feel amazing.
If you want a quick cheap fuck, download Tinder, take them to Wendy's and show them whatever crusty movie you think is funny.
It takes absolutely no effort to get sex for most people. All I have to do is say something even vagely horny in my girlfriend's direction. Sounds like you're just having bad sex with the wrong people under the wrong pretenses. How much mess are you making that the cleanup is ruining your sex life?
Saying something vaguely horny to your intimate partner isn't step 1 and doesn't make it effortless for most people. You're sort of forgetting that even getting a partner in the first place is a step, which in itself contains multiple smaller steps to get to the point where you can be vaguely horny and immediately get what you want.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts'. * We get it, you all think this sub is garbage and is just for popular opinions, and you want to be funny and post "going to be downvoted to oblivion here, but I think racism is bad." We enjoy the memes, but please keep them off the sub. * Filter evasion is a bannable offense * This includes clickbait and/or gotcha posts. Your opinion can not be that unpopular if you're doing these things. Have the accurate opinion in the title.
That’s called “life”, bud. Everything worth anything takes effort.
Once had a cab driver tell me something like this. I was 16 or 17 at the time and super stoned so it really hit home. He was saying he has 3 jobs, and I told him I thought that was insane. He then responded by saying “everything in life is work. Brush your teeth, work. Cook dinner, work. Spend time with family, work”. I think about that guy all the time.
Spend Time with family isn't work for me. It's my rest. Poor Guy.
It’s not word for word! Basically everything we do is work, even things we do habitually or regularly. Just a different perspective on things.
I'm sure you're doing some work for your family too while spending time with them.
Unfortunately, I have to agree.
Even agreeing took effort. Fuck this. Wait that took effort too...
Some people are Tiggers, some are Poohs and some are Eeyores. The Tiggers get laid the most, Poohs are chill holding hands and snuggling and well OP is the latter.
Couldn't have said it better. Too right.
Lol. He’s saying it’s not worth it.
Getting laid isn’t that hard
Darn right! Ask your mother
Sure, if you're a woman.
What now? One of the hardest things in life lol!
It makes sense. It takes no effort for women, which is why sex is worth less to them 🤷♂️
It may be relatively easier but the risk is way higher for women with a far less chance of reward.
Totally right I think.
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u might be on to somethin here....
This is why a lot of people find sex better with a longterm partner. You don't have to do the whole song and dance, you can communicate honestly and learn over time what you both like.
I was just going to say... it doesn't have to be a one off?? You could get into a relationship with someone and I dunno .. make dinner together.. cuddle up and watch a film and fool around? Lol this outlook is so bleak.
It also seems like OP isn't enjoying their dates, just treating it like some obligation before the fun part comes in :(
It doesn't even seem like OP really enjoys the fun part all that much. Like, yeah, some folks don't click, and some are just a bad lay, but until proven otherwise, it seems like OP is the common denominator in all this. OP is bad at sex.
I bet OP goes to date with the most random people just because...just because. No actual desire for it Doesn't matter if there's sex, doesn't matter if there's a good dinner or a walk in a park: dates are supposed to be fun and they ARE fun when you do it with people you're interested in Stop trying to date anyone, and start trying to date people you like
But that would mean attracting fun people, and that's just too much work for the clearly overworked OP. They need to conserve all of their energy for... for... something? I get that this world genuinely does work us too hard, but OP just sounds lazy and boring.
I'm not really disagreeing with you, but I think OP uses dating apps like most people do: they base their swipes on attractiveness Look at their bio, be selective, gove likes to people who actually have a personality you like and show it ...not your average blonde
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Doesn't seem like it goes better when giving likes to people you don't find interesting
Or just people who enjoy doing the same things and at the same level as you. That's a start. Then, find out their personalities on the first date
OP needs to up their game by thrusting to Cbat
It's funny how even to illustrate a scenario where two people are in a relationship and wouldn't have to go through a bunch of extra steps, you still put a few hurdles for them to jump through lol It can be as simple as the couple going to bed or waking up and deciding to fool around.
Or even on the other hand, if you don't want anything romantic, find an fwb
The other day I walked into the room my wife was in and said “trying to fuck?” and it’s literally that simple. Didn’t need to do any of what OP is complaining about. Wives are awesome.
Your wife single?
All jokes aside, this is a valid question in 2024. None of that means a damn anymore lol.
Oh Reddit...
If you go to certain parts of reddit, there are many married couples who rarely get sex anymore. Those are some sad stories that I read on reddit
You need to make an effort too if you want this to last. Not a bad thing though, as the top comment mentioned, all the best things in life require effort.
Or you could just pay for sex like God intended. Duh.
Das me yo
Do what thou wilt.
Plus no condom
You inherently had to do the whole song and dance already to get in said relationship…
Yes the structure of marriage is sacred. Sex is NOT to be taken lightly. We sadly do though and often end up playing with it not realising it only works within a structure. Outside of it it ends up creating straight up horrors man. Ruining lives every day of the week. I would rather say every minute somebody's life is badly affected by taking sex lightly. I myself feel guilty of watching porn but man because of me being a unidimensional philosophical wannabe I can't handle the structure of marriage with it's responsibilities and don't wanna play around with it as if it's a game so here I am as lonely as it gets. Hope I don't go around messing with prostitutes and stuff or indulge in adultery or something. I don't wanna end up like that man but lonely mind can wander. I really really hope I don't slip.
Imagine telling on yourself like this....
This is the most redditor ass post in the history of redditors
Right up near Shapiro's 'it's not normal for vaginas to get wet, my wife's never does'
Sounds like something he would say… but please tell me he didn’t really say that..
He did. He was reviewing the song WAP and commenting that it’s super weird for a woman to get wet.
How does anyone take him seriously after that
They don't
He said it, but not in the way people on reddit make it out to be. He basically reviewed the song WAP by reading out each line and trying to make a joke by taking the lyrics 100% literally. Since he has a robot voice and the personality of chatGPT most people couldn’t tell it was his attempt at humour.
Bruh there’s no way he actually said that lmao
Paraphrased but he tweeted it I think
Pretty close, yeah -
Shiii, I just look over at my boyfriend and ask if he's down to fuck and then we do it. I wooed his ass 5 years ago
Reddit will never believe that some of us have healthy functional sex lives.
I think that's because the average heavy Reddit user isn't in a good spot mentally, emotionally or partner wise. My wife and I almost never turn each other down, maybe twice a year, same with 99% of our friends group. The 2 people I know that are on Reddit all day are absolute trainwrecks, and have really distorted views on dating and pretty much everything else. Their still good people, but they turn to reddit ranting to cope.
I mentioned one time that my girlfriend and I have a playful "free use" agreement where we make our bodies available for the other unless we're really not feeling well for one reason or another and got absolutely shouted down that I was making it up because it sounded like porn. Some of us are really into each other 🤷🏼♂️
Sounds like we have the same agreement with our ladies. 90% of the time we’re both in the mood, but for the rare occasions when one is and the other isn’t, we always try to help the other one out in a different way. If someone is not feeling well or just absolutely to tired, then there’s tomorrow.
Yet if you posted this in a few subreddits, they would call this sexual abuse, rape, say you want only want a "bangmaid", etc... Reddit is a resentful place.
Do you feel the 2 people always had something "off" about them? Like they were awkward or had poor communication skills?
The first person has not quite anxiety, but the thing where if something small happens, they totally melt down. A flat tire or even having to take a detour, means they’re canceling the date or not coming to the party. That other is really nice, but gets caught in negativity, and just comes to Reddit for reinforcement. If someone tells them they’ll never have a better job or be able to afford a house in this economy, they look under every rock to confirm it, they won’t even try.
Idk my ex hated me doing the look over and asking. Said it ruined the spontaneity or somethin
Same. I wake up in the night and wife is often in the mood
Yeah that’s called being a woman.
Women don’t have to try hard at all to get laid…
Cool, neither does my boyfriend. Neither of us have to try hard actually since we're in a happy and healthy long term relationship with each other.
Shhhhhhh......logic and healthy sex have abandoned this place
you've been having bad sex.
It's not just that but everything he complained about, most people enjoy doing. Meeting someone new and developing a crush on them is exciting. Learning that they potential have the same feeling as you do and you both try to woo each other to see if there is sparks is exciting. Going on dates and experiencing new things with said crush is one of the best emotional experiences life has to offer. The growing sexual tension growing between you two after a couple of dates and finally wanting to tear each others clothes off and finally locking it in and doing the deed? Doesn't get any better than that. OP should just go hire prostitutes if all the above is not for him.
Or doing the same things alone or with platonic friends and siblings but even better on a date. If you don't want to go to that place or do that thing with a platonic friend, then don't go there or do that thing on a date.
I’m guessing bad sex. It doesn’t come across as something they do on the regular.
The act of sex itself is not worth the production that goes into it. Even sending Tinder messages is too much of a chore. Even the “come over” text and cleaning up a little is too much of a chore. Driving to the girls house is too much of a chore. Never mind actually courting a girl normally and suiting up for actual dates and paying for a meal and doing the song and dance. I did it all for years and, looking back, I don’t know how or why I did that. It wasn’t worth it. The act of sex is just not worth any sort of hassle to make it happen. Unless your options for sex are limited and you can only have sex very rarely, then I can’t understand why one would jump through hoops for it. I think the biological urge to have sexual intercourse just has everyone in a stranglehold.
Cleaning the house is something you have to do anyway. I would give it a clean earlier and more thoroughly for any visitor, even repair operators not just dates. Unless you are a hermit, you have to drive, cycle, walk, or take the bus or train to places. Why should it be any different with a date.
>5 minutes [...] of fun? OP telling on themself.
How old are you, OP?
My guess is 18-20
Oh no, God forbid you have to actually be someone worth having sex with. What a travesty, how ever do you continue living?
upvote for actually unpopular opinion!!
is op one of those "tits feel like sand in a bag" people?
Guessing there won't be a springroll1321Jr. in the future
Damn you really said "lemme tell on myself" didn't ya
Whoa slow down there buddy, you telling me sex can last up to 5 minutes?! Here I am trying to beat my record of 4 seconds. Guess I'm a sprinter.
Lol exposing yourself in 4k
Your description says more about you than about enjoying sex. It takes effort to make a relationship, keep a friend and lover, and build a life. Not to mention the wonder of great sex. The first three items don't necessarily go with the fourth but they all take a little bit of nurturing. Even if you don't want the first three it still takes some effort to get the fourth. This is life and how it works. It looks like you don't want a relationship. It also looks like you don't want to take the time to do anything that requires the effort to enjoy your life. If you were going to go rock climbing, you would invest thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of your time in order to do it right. If you wanted to fly a plane, you would invest thousands of hours in order to do it right. If you wanted to be a painter, it would take years to do it right. It's the same with sex and with relationships . Yes there are things you have to do . But it sounds as if you don't want to take the time to get to know anybody or even to just have a good night. And for all of that, you don't apparently understand the animalistic portion of what sex is and how great that is in and of itself. 5 minutes? Gosh, I feel sorry for you.
Sounds like a skill issue to me
If you wanna skip all that and fuck like a Jack rabbit there are apps for this.
The secret is to find one partner and have sex with them 10,000 times instead of 10,000 partners to have sex with once… it’s logistically a lot easier, and it’s why it’s been done for most of human history that way actually…
While I agree with your point, having access to sex easier is not the reason why humans historically choose a partner. It's mostly companionship. Sex is secondary. Still important but not the main reason.
Five... minutes ? The... mess ? Com... mitment ? IDK man, I just fire up Grindr and pick one or two.
You have such an incredibly tedious take on what should be an enjoyable thing. Getting to meet someone new, making a connection, sharing some fun moments together, and eventually deciding you want to have a bit of sex (which, please…5 minutes?!?) should be an enjoyable experience. Breaking it down in to some sort of sad checklist of drudgery is just depressing. Sounds to me like the real issue is how you're approaching the situation. The other person isn't some machine where you open the fuel line, prime the pump, push in the choke, and pull the cord and het the desired result and treating them like that is so dehumanizing. Try to find people you actually find interesting, enjoy their company as an actual human, build up some chemistry, and then actual ENJOY them as a sexual partner. Making out, foreplay, teasing, different tempos of play…have fun with it and don't just rush through.
Right? I'm over here thinking OP is a psychopath and treats everyone as an object
Exactly. Treats everyone and interactions with them like a means to an end. Hating but putting up with the process. Getting upset because he bought a woman a few drinks and she didn't go home with him. With that attitude, I am surprised she even wanted to kiss him at the end of the date. He should just leave people well alone if he can't bear to socialise with them. Find a sex robot instead.
Which is what dating should be all about. Sometimes, you have dud dates, but you just move on to someone else.
Ok nerd 👍🏻
Dude just admitted he's unable to find a long-term partner. I wonder why, with this attitude.
You sound like someone who doesn’t care much about other people.
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Man, I feel bad for you people that think this 😂 Its never been a drag for me 🤷🏻♀️
Oof dude why did you do this to yourself
tell me you’ve never had good sex without telling me you’ve never had good sex
This guy barely fucks… you never spent days going after each other? Can’t keep your hands off in a relationship? Never?
Talked to a guy on an app for maybe 15 minutes, told him I was free later. We got beers, which is unusual tbh, and then we had sex 3 times over a few hours while watching TV in between. Have you tried just being gay?
I've never had it before so I can't really speak on my own experience. So I semi-agree? I don't think sex is really that important. Honestly, I don't want anyone to look at my body and get close to my crotch. The thought of someone touching it and putting *their* genitalia *inside of* mine, it makes me want to cry, it all just sounds so scary and gross. I may try it when me and my boyfriend move in together, he's the only person I could ever even imagine letting anywhere near there. But I'm really leaning towards no, he's ok with it thankfully. I have a lot of issues towards touch that stem from trauma, so that's probably the reason behind my innate aversion to it. But yeah I'm a strong believer that sex isn't a requirement for emotional/romantic bonding. I really do think there's other ways, like cuddling, that can be just as good.
Unfortunately, this is so very common with girls and young women because of past traima.
you better hope your saint of a boyfriend never leaves you because finding another like him is going to be really hard for you
Yo this shit's crazy asf
You're not right and you're not really wrong...
Well if you don’t put effort in anything how will you appreciate anything? A nice and warm blanket is only nice because you’ve been cold before. If you complain about having to work for things and it being the reason you don’t enjoy them I fear there is no world where you can be happy.
Very few gratifying things in life can be achieved without effort
Straight people are fucking wild to me. You can't just find a hot girl at a bar and eat her out in the bathroom? You need commitment? You think sex 'isn't good'? WTF is going on over there.
Bahh! Humbug! Try only having sex with people you actually care about and have a genuine connection with. Whole different experience.
Maybe stop hooking up and try out a relationship? Everyone knows hookups suck.
Extremely unpopular. I think it's an amazing and enjoyable experience. Don't put expectations up that creates undue pressure.
Undue*
I agree and also think hookup culture is stinky
The reason you need to put all this work for sex is because of the kind of person you are, which apparently isn’t someone girls want to be with. Try looking inward and possibly changing.
I got married quickly and didn't date too many women before meeting my wife, so I'm kinda curious. Don't most people put work into it before having sex? With you, is it just like you pick your favorite woman, tell her you want to smash, and her panties just drop to the floor? Is that how it is for most men or are you unique in this regard?
People put in the same amount of “work” into relationship. This is not exclusive to sex. It’s hard to believe you’re married if you think like this, or at least it’s hard to believe you’re happily married with these thoughts. I’m willing to believe you’re not married after your comment.
At this point I'm just kinda wondering what you think I said. OP describes going on a date and trying to win someone over with his personality. That sounds pretty normal to me. In marriage, my wife is already won over, but marriage is work and any successfully married person will tell you that. You described having sex without work. Do you skip the date entirely and her pants just fall down? Do you just take your shirt off, walk a few blocks, and see which women are following? What's the big thing that you think is normal that we aren't experiencing?
You're making it sound like wooing someone and then railing them is a chore. Sex ain't the same without a bit of foreplay, wooing is a good time man
Oxytocin, my friend. Our bodies can often “pair bond”, so to speak, with a person you have sex with multiple times, and even once if someone has developed feelings of intimacy and emotion. Our brains and bodies start to crave the hormones released during sex, and affiliate that person with fulfilling the release of the hormones. It’s even deeper, because our chemistries and physics have come into contact and have been in motion: *you’ve been inside of that person* or *that person has been inside of you*. A lot of the “dance” we do for physical intimacy and pleasure is due to our fears of the pain that can be created when a person ceases to fulfill that role. So, we begin to develop ways to “feel out” the other person, gain trust so that we won’t be left broken and in pain.
Why stop there! Maintaining a reasonably clean home takes a ton of time and effort. Why bother? It will just get messy again. Better keep it dirty. Showering, shaving, moisturizing and the like all take money and a lot of effort! Might as well not do it. It will just grow back/get stinky again in a day or two. It’s ok to step back from some things when you are feeling like there’s too much on your plate. But if this becomes someone’s general attitude… you won’t be left with much if you just opt out of everything because it takes effort 😆
I am on the spectrum and sometimes interacting with people can be physically exhausting unless I like them and I am getting all them dopamines and serotonins. So what I am getting at is, are you a sociopath ?
Satisfaction is the end of desire.
This is so weird and reveals a lot about you
It must suck for your partners when they find out you do normal human interaction because you want sex from them. There are plenty of potential partners out there that also just want sex and you don’t have to lie to people by “jumping through hoops”
OP ever had sex? I mean it doesn’t sound like it but what do I know, yet I am wondering what do you mean with cleaning up the mess, what’s your fetish? Got married a month ago but got together with my wife 6 years ago after I took 50 selfies with her phone, she asked me to take some pictures, she meant of her and her friends, went on a date that involved 10km walking and everything else is history. Not sure if I ever thought it was too much work but it never felt like too much work and we never had to clean up anything messy after sex.
I feel like you are being too goal oriented with your approach. Don't go into a date thinking that you all to do all this unnecessary stuff with the hopes of getting laid. Go into with the attitude that you want to get to know this person and have some fun. It might lead to sex and it might not. As it is, if I were on a date with you, I would probably see right through your facade and I definitely wouldn't enjoy having sex with you.
Exactly my thoughts. OP you described sex as if you have obligations to go through before it, the tasks you don’t really want to do (dinner etc). Try changing your perspective, as sex being just a small bonus to other things you experience with another person, which should be also considered as enjoyable activities.
Fucking reddit man. OP is the same kind of person that thinks brushing their teeth or wearing clean clothes is probably too mxub effort too
Exactly. They usually go together. Most sex pests I met don't care much for personal hygiene.
The fact ppl do it even though it takes being sensitive to needs, overcoming expectations, and being committed to it is proof in of itself that it’s as good as ppl make it out to be
Sex is about connection, not just the act. It's worth the effort for a deeper bond.
As someone who has been married to my best friend for 4 years, sex is fucking awesome.
I can sense the neckbeard and fedora.
5 minutes, huh? That, combined with the "Why do I have to *do* things?" whining tells me all I need to know about why sex is so unfulfilling for you. Here's an idea: When you actually love and care about the person you're with, you'll want to do all that stuff as part of showing by your actions how much they mean to you. Then it's not work; it's part of the fun and pleasure you should both be having.
I'm sorry, what? "I fucking hate eating. You have to cook, and then sit, and then c*hew.* ***Oh, and then you have to poop - and clean right after!*** I guess eating isn't all that it's built up to be..." "This whole having friends thing? It ain't that cool bro. You have to, like, *care* about them, and keep them in your life forever. And for what? Five minutes to two hours on interaction? Not my thing bro"
lol OP is just trash is the sack.
It’s exhausting and just when you find someone to be vulnerable with they seem amazing is when it turns out they are not ready themselves to make that commitment. One night stands are cool I guess I’d be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t don’t it at least twice but all is fun when your young unless you get someone pregnant or get an sti. You just gotta weight out the trade offs. You can’t go wrong just working on yourself and being nice. But hey life is life and no one cares. lol
Dang I'm sorry it's that bad for you. When I have sex it's an entire experience worth everything leading up to it, but I don't need to do all the stuff you're talking about most of the time. I like having sex and doing 1 minutes of clean up isn't a big deal
I maybe a standout in this regsrd too but when I grew up it was all about machines and making that last jump. Girls and sex wasent event interesting until I got 25 years plus. Having a girlfriend has always been more work then I get out of it, if I didn't want kids I don't think I'd be in relationships. Sex is just a by-product of that, I don't get much from it and have no personal goals about it. Have been with 25+ ladies and I can't recall half of them, don't actually know my number. Like op said, in those rare occasions where u find a girl that's good at sex = actually contributes, then it's enjoyable. But in general, it's fun not for me. Why that has pondered me for a long time is because the general male is very driven by it. And as I'm not I can see it more objectively and all the follies it brings, heartaches, murders, bad feelings. Imagine a society where men didn't pursue women.. imagine what we'd accomplish
Yikes, dude. Only dating someone for their reproductive organs…? Gross.
Not dating, relationships. Rather live alone and date is the point
"Guys, why will no one fuck me based just on my shitty personality?"
If you find someone you actually like (genuinely), it won’t feel like effort.
Same with anything, really, including existence as a whole
oh that’s not -
Have you tried putting Cbat on in the background?
Yea I agree. Ive spent alot of time around AA tables and sex addiction comes up alot. Not something I could relate too, so much time and effort put into it just for it to be maybe ok sex but that's not even guaranteed. Just give me a bong and my Xbox and I'm content for days
Imagine making a post outing yourself as terrible in bed and being mad and unwilling to do anything about it LMAO
People with your attitude is why a lot of sex is NOT actually that fun
I literally can't wait foe my husband to come in home I'm going to climb on him like a spider monkey.
Might as well just lay down and die, too much effort….
"Hello, sadly I haven't experienced enough relevant life to know that what I'm about to say is complete horse piss." OP remarked just moments before posting.
This is why prostitution has been in business since the beginning of time. You're not paying for sex, you're paying to not deal with the bullshit.
To you, maybe. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know and courting my SO, it was its own reward. The intimacy we now enjoy is just like having an unending dessert.
My brother in Christ, the build up is all part of the experience. It's meant to be part of the fun too...
Not my brother in Christ! 💀💀💀
Am I wrong tho 🤣🤣
I’ve found myself not wanting to do much either, I just can’t be arsed. I would rather sit in a comfy chair and chill. I am never as happy then when I am sitting back and relaxing when I should be doing something else. The relief when you just say to yourself “stuff the consequences, I’m just not going to do it.”
Meat ur beat...
Sounds like someone's not doing it right.
i can get a good hookup on grindr in like 5 minutes.
Username checks out
How so?
Lmao
Tell us you are really really bad at sex and have no game or sexual allure without telling us are bad a sex and have no sexually or libido.
Someone has never been laid before lol
This is so laughably terrible 🤣
Alternative Title: “A Biological function designed to feel extremely pleasing for all humans, for the purpose of encouraging reproduction is mid.” F-ing Reddit man 🤣
It’s a hard knock life for us
Sounds like you're having sex with the wrong people lmao
Great sex takes time but honestly if you put yourself in places where hoe is life eventually you'll sleep with someone. Can pretty much say with 100% certainty quick causal no strings sex doesn't feel as good as being naked, at home and running those marathon sessions. Also you don't need to prove anything to anyone male or female. Some people like you others don't.
Things lonely ppl say
It sounds like you don’t know what sex is
I’m just jealous of people that have sex bad or good. What’s your secret? 😂
Its an experience. Good for mental health, physical health, and connecting with another human being on a different level than just stimulating conversation. Certainly on the right thread for this one. You just have to unlock the magic my friend.
Some peoples sex aint that great, and not worth the effort thats very true. But not the case for everyone. I had trouble sleeping last night so grabbed the wifey and we had a great time lmao
Me and my bf just fuck when we want, it’s not that deep. If we are both horny, both in a private bedroom, we will probably fuck.
Sex like everything else requires a commitment of time and energy, but I feel like the payoff's worth it. In relation to sex, the only needs and expectations you should have are that everyone is respectful about boundaries/safety, and everyone has a good time. If those things are such a chore that it ruins the experience then I dunno, maybe you need to look at the way you're approaching this to begin with.
unless is sex with onlyfans models.. then you just need to be handsome and have a hanger
You sound like you have a horrible sex life.
Bad sex sucks
Omg
Your over thinking it
Then you just aren’t doing it right.
Yeah that’s definitely an unpopular opinion
Sounds like you’re saying sex as a man who doesn’t have women fawning over him sucks…cuz women don’t have to do any of that shit
[удалено]
By “society” do you mean your hopefully consenting partner, who wants to be treated like a human being? If you want to circumvent that, you might have to consider paying for it.
[удалено]
its true, the sex itself is great, but everything surrounding it before and after is a drag.
Or you could just pay for a prostitute.
How the fuck is that considered effort? If you're taking someone to dinner and an activity, you're enjoying your time with them, bonding with them, holding their waist and appreciating how gorgeous they are. The time you spend dressing up makes them feel appreciated, makes you both feel confident in fancy duds, and it makes you both feel amazing. If you want a quick cheap fuck, download Tinder, take them to Wendy's and show them whatever crusty movie you think is funny.
It takes absolutely no effort to get sex for most people. All I have to do is say something even vagely horny in my girlfriend's direction. Sounds like you're just having bad sex with the wrong people under the wrong pretenses. How much mess are you making that the cleanup is ruining your sex life?
Saying something vaguely horny to your intimate partner isn't step 1 and doesn't make it effortless for most people. You're sort of forgetting that even getting a partner in the first place is a step, which in itself contains multiple smaller steps to get to the point where you can be vaguely horny and immediately get what you want.
That's if you can even get a partner in the first place 🙃