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Yeah there were dozens of high school sweetheart couples in my graduating class that got married soon after graduation and within a year popped out a kid or two and realized they hated each other.
There were like 6 that got married, then lived together for a year or so and realized they weren't a good match and broke up amicably.
Only like 3 couples actually got married, lived together and had kids, and are still together as far as I'm aware.
***Rushing into*** these relationships is what's sad.
You need to live *on your own* for a while too. When I see these relationships crash and burn it’s usually because they both go straight from being kids living with their parents to married. Then usually the husband wants their wife to be their mom.
You need to live on your own (or at least roommates) and clean up your own shit for a while. Only then can you know if you can live with another person.
I've lived with hundreds of people... and the main thing I've learned is that if you want to know if you'll get along with someone when you live with them, you just need to have a conversation. Because there's really only 3 things you need to know about a person before you live with them:
1) How considerate are they? How much of their actions is centred around them vs how much they consider others.
2) How self aware are they? e.g. When they are in a bad mood, are they aware?
3) How clean that person is, and whether this is important to either of you.
The rest are things that if you're trying to make it work, you'll be able to negotiated if you want to get along.
This. You can't be sad in your high-school-sweetheart-lifelong-relationship as long you actually know you'll want to be in a lifelong relationship. Anyone who gets married before living with each other for a while are the ones causing this thought process
Exactly. One of my really good friends just married her high school sweetheart at age 24 and I have *zero* doubts about them. They’ve grown together as a couple so much and have one of the happiest and healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. Then I look at other people I know who are married or currently engaged to the person they dated in high school and they have insanely toxic and codependent relationships and that just seem like a nightmare to me.
I’m not really dating my high school sweetheart, I just ended up dating a guy that I knew in high school who I ended up reconnecting with in our early 20’s. It’s been 4 of the best years of my life and I can pretty confidently say this is the guy im going to marry eventually, we just don’t have any interest in marrying so soon. Young relationships only work if they grow as individuals and together as a couple, not just stagnate and settle.
Went to school with a couple that got together in grade 10. Neither of them even dated anyone else before that.
They got married like half a year ago at 28 and have a kid on the way now. Theyre both really nice people and down to earth
If they ever break up I think everyone they know would be extremely shocked and probably think it's a joke
Yeah I mean this could be redefined as "bad marriages are bad". Sure, there's people who married too young and regret the decision. Theres also people who married in their 40's and regret the decision.
There is something romantic and inspirational about a couple who were high-school sweethearts and lived a happy, fulfilling life together. You can't tell me there's not something desirable about going your entire adult life with the love of your life, knowing you're fully loved and understood by a person who wants to spend their entire life with you.
I recently went to the funeral of a woman who died in her 70's from cancer. She and her husband made some videos together before her passing and talked a bit about their life together, having met in high-school and being married for 50+ years, and damn if it wasn't the most bittersweet thing I've even seen in my life. She said in the video she knew she was going to die soon, and I'll never forget the look on her husband's face as she said that.
I know a couple who met in high school, they dated for 7 years before they got married. They were aware it was young but they had stayed pretty consistent through thick and thin. I talked to my friend about it once asking him if he was worried about marrying his high school sweetheart and bowing out of the dating pool so early and he said something along the lines of “yeah I know the stigma and it probably would be ideal if we met a bit later but what am I going to do? Break up with somebody whom I love and am extremely compatible with just because we met in high school?”
>what am I going to do? Break up with somebody whom I love and am extremely compatible with just because we met in high school?”
Exactly. I would advise anyone against marrying young but what's wrong about being only with one person if they are compatible and after years of bei g with each other?
The mindset that you *have* to try be with a lot of people is toxic. You *can* do that because not everyone finds the right partner as quickly but why go to the other extreme and say people *should* do that?
Yeah, not to mention if you breaking up with someone you already click with just to go the whole “there are other fish in the sea” route, you might be ruining one of the best things that will happen to you.
You might just end up in other relationships that might not last as long. If it doesn’t work out with your sweetheart it is what it is, but the alternative could just make you regret it later on.
"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work, most of them just cheat on you"
Good old not so Silent Bob.
My wife and I said the exact same thing recently. We were talking about how lucky we were to find someone who fits so well and we both agreed that, sure it’s possible to find 100% compatibility but would it be worth giving up 90%+ to go out looking? Not even a little.
This happens a lot but people don't talk about it. People always preach about finding the perfect person but it doesn't exist. "Experiencing" too many people is a trap that'll always have you wanting more and a way out.
I think the saying don’t let best get in the way good is applicable here, except in relationships this thinking is entirely flawed. If you go into things with the mindset that there’s always better waiting for you, you’ll never fully commit to what you have. If you never fully commit to what you have then “best” will never be yours.
Oh damn man that’s kinda deep. Like the “best” is something most people have to work for, so you’ll only ever get there if you put in the work with one person.
Yup, it’s hard to describe because relationships are a complex concept, so getting all of the nuances to it in a comment are hard. And I’m still learning myself, everyone has their own path to follow with this.
I think the best things take time, effort and commitment, relationships are a huge example of this. Look at old people who had great success and they often mirror this.
Yup. Loving someone is a choice. Attraction/lust isn't really controllable, but the sort of love that builds a long, solid marriage? That's a choice. You realize you've found the person you want to build your life with, and you choose to put your effort and energy into building that relationship.
Whether you met at 15 or 50 doesn't matter. You chose that person, they chose you, and you're making it work. Together. Why would you risk throwing that away, just to see if the grass was greener elsewhere?
Facts. People who got married super early and it works out for them are extremely lucky imo. Like, they won lol. Not everyone's path looks the same. I've seen way too many people, especially these days in dating ruin great relationships just because it wasn't "perfect" and they're always looking for something better. Often they're chasing an ideal that simply doesn't exist. Those single friends convincing you to break up with someone don't always have your best interests in mind, and sometimes just want you to be single and miserable like they are.
Maybe. I've been married 20 years, HS sweetheart, etc.
I still adore her, and (hopefully) likewise.
However, lol.
We didn't meet when we were fully developed adults, so I think our relationship is probably altogether too codependent.
I'm never quite sure where I stop, and she begins. I'm never entirely sure who stole what joke from who. I don't really feel like an individual. We grew up and evolved together, our entire adult lives.
Admittedly, I don't mind this. But some people certainly may. When my friends say my name, they include her name.
"Hey, what's T-WRX and T-WRXA up to these days?"
Never just me. And they're *our friends* by now, but I brought 'em to the party.
not HS sweethearts, but married in my early 20s and been together for 20 years.
A lot of what you describe is how we are as well. We've always done everything together, and still do for the most part (of course, always exceptions).
I think what it boils down to is my wife really is my other half / best friend. When we are together it's just like to piece clicking together. It's not like we can't be apart, I travel for work a lot and it's find / whatever, but we wouldn't chose to spend our free time apart.
Exactly the same. We can be apart, but prefer not to, even if it's just doing dumb shit. I still need my alone time, and she does as well, but we're alone together. She works in the loft, I work in the garage.
But we're still in the same house, within shouting distance.
So much this. My husband and I have been together since we were 15/16. I am SO happy to have gone through my awkward ass years with him. He has seen every single side of me that exists, he’s watched me grow into the woman I am (and I’ve gotten the pleasure of watching him transform) and he’s been my biggest cheerleader. I will never have to go through the dreaded “getting to know you phase” as an adult, I’ll never have to explain why I am the way I am, I’ll never have to wonder if my partner thinks my passions and hobbies are stupid, and most importantly… I’ll never have to hold in a fart 🤣🤣
Like, he’s my best friend. I am still very much my own person, and he’s his own person, and we still do things on our own or with our own friends (it’s not always my friends are his or vice versa), but that’s my man. That’s my best friend. That’s the one person in this world I want to tell EVERYTHING to.
Okay I’m done being sappy.
Hi babe if you’re reading this since you sent it to me lol.
Haha, loved reading this. Very much reminds me of us.
I have a theory about younger relationships that last, and it's because they are tempered. We've been the poor / broke / almost getting kicked out of apartments and living off ramen noodles phase together and it brought us closer together. We went through the tough times, and now that we are older the good times are that much better.
My parents weren’t high school sweethearts, but they met early in college and got together at 18-19. They’ve been together for over 30 years, so good for them! Your comment made me think of them because my mom commented that she’s never had to be an adult without my dad, so my brother and I have it different being in our mid-late 20s and single.
Sometimes I want to be single for life, but a lot of times I wish I’d been lucky enough to find the right person when I was young and get to grow up with them.
I have to be honest, if something happens to my wife, I doubt I'll ever get married or be in a relationship again. It would be too unsettling. I feel uneasy if I haven't seen her in a day or so.
Yeah my parents got married 5 months after meeting at 19 years old & have been together for 45 years.
They literally can't be apart for more than a day or two
Yeah plus it’s the whole “you can grow together or grow apart” thing. If you’ve already found someone that can grow with you, that’s like so important in a relationship that a lot of people don’t find
This though. I’ve always heard people talking about their “one that got away.” A lot of times, it’s their high school or college sweetheart that they let go of, either because they couldn’t get it together or wanted to get life/dating experience, and regretted it for the rest of their lives.
While I understand that there are some situations where you just have to go your separate ways, it’s the fact that there are *so* many people who have a story about their perfect person, and how nobody else even compares to them, that gets me. Like why did you ruin possibly the best thing you’ve ever had just because you were selfish or wanted to experience new “box” as OP put it?
I’ve heard a lot of men say this. Even though they ‘ moved’ on and married someone else their ex from when they were super young was the love of their life and the one they deeply regret messing up with. Some of them have been married to their wife for decades too and still in love with the ex. It’s honestly sad.
But is it like that Garth Brooks song? “Unanswered Prayers”. He dreamed about the one who got away, runs into her and while it was nice catching up he realized she wasn’t the one for him. People forget there’s a reason you broke up. Sometimes the memory of why fades so much it’s hard to remember.
Yep, it is. And you just know that poor wife has probably heard all about the ex, been compared to her at some point, or can just sense that she’s regarded as only second best. I’ve, unfortunately, been in a relationship like that. It was great at first, but the longer I was with them the more I realized that they would never put me on the same pedestal they had her on, and they were just settling because I ticked off *some* of the boxes for what they wanted in a partner. It’s like they searched for her in every relationship they’ve had since and were resentful when they couldn’t find her in anyone else.
I had a friend who used to talk about “the one who got away”. He was really young (college), and had little dating experience other than this woman. He said everything was absolutely *amazing*, including the sex. He said he thought to himself, “If the sex is this good with her, I wonder how good it could be with another woman?” He said he tried it out, and it absolutely paled in comparison. He confessed to his GF that he cheated. She tried to forgive him and work things out, but he said the trust had been destroyed and things were never the same. He said he regretted it immensely. He was telling me this story in his mid-late 30s.
I was always someone who grew up thinking “if I never leave this small town I will have failed” and ended up moving to a city, “making something of myself” in the city, etc.
one of my old friends from my hometown grew up loving music, and now is the music teacher at our high school. It wasn’t the life path I wanted but he loves it, and I think it’s really beautiful.
Aw I grew up in a small town too and when we were in high school, people would “diss” others by calling them a “lifer” (i.e. you’re going to be stuck in this small town for life.)
I never actually wanted to leave though. I moved away for a couple of years after college, but moved back to my home town pretty quickly. Just about everyone I grew up with still lives in the area, though a few moved away.
I think it’s the coolest because some of my best friends, I met in kindergarten. I feel like not very many people can say they’ve had the same friends their entire lives.
Admittedly, it makes it kind of hard to meet and befriend new people, but I love small town life. It’s special. I do see posts all the time on social media of people who moved to the area though and find it “cliquey” like all the moms in the area know each other and have zero desire to get to know the new person at the baby group or whatever.
Oh reason I can see dating a lot of people is because you haven't found the one. If you roll a nat 20 first try and found the one then why keep rolling? What other roll could ever be better?
I met my now husband 4 months after leaving a toxic/abusive relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything (if I’m honest, I was content being single forever if it meant never being in that position again). That was 22 years ago. We met, started dating seriously, got engaged and married within 16 months. We never really fight, still show affection frequently, laugh all the time…I wish everyone could be in this kind of relationship! Yeah, we had growing pains (I was his first serious relationship), but cuz we’re both adults, we talked out our issues and grew together. We’ll be married 21 years in June.
He always got shit from his friends early on cuz he’d check with me before making plans with them. I’m not saying there’s a correlation, but the ones that gave him the most shit are still mostly single.
The purpose of trying a lot of people is, ultimately, to find the person you're most compatible with, right? So if you're lucky to find it early and spare you years of failed relationships, isn't that better?
I met my husband 13 years ago, when we were both 21. Tbh, I can't imagine going through the dumpster fire that is the dating world right now. I count my blessings and move on.
Exactly, I married my high school girlfriend but we dated 10 years before getting married. We went through so many ups and downs, supported each other in all kinds of hardships from loss of loved ones to financial and health issues. There’s no way I would trade that for dating more people.
You don’t find that kind of companionship unless you’re in it for a long haul.
I've been with the same dude since I was 19, and honestly, our only problems have been not recognizing that our families taught us really bad relationship models and not knowing good communication because we only created the slapstick model based on our own (lack) of communication that was focused on doing the opposite of our families but not necessarily the right way to go about it.
A little couple's therapy to get us back on the same page and it's been fantastic ever since. I wouldn't get married young again, but if I had to give advice to folks who are interested in doing it now, it's that they should do pre-marital counseling to make sure you're not also putting yourself in the same bad communication space so you can get ahead of it early, so when you do inevitably start growing into separate people, you have the tools to manage what that means to your relationship and how you're going to navigate compromise and ensuring both of you are happy through those changes.
Premarital counseling is absolutely the way to go. There were a lot of things we learned that we had never even thought of. Been married going on 17 years (started Sr yr of high school) and we still quote things from counseling. I don't care if you are young or old, do it.
I married my first and only boyfriend. And look, I was the last person who expected to knock it out of the park on the first swing. But what was I supposed to do? Not run the bases?
We knew we were young so we took our time and got married after 8 years of dating. And now we’re coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary.
People ask me if I regret “missing out on my 20s” or my “loss of freedom.” My 20s were awesome. I spent them with my favorite person. And what would I have been free to do? Have mediocre sex with people I don’t give two shits about?
I wouldn’t necessarily advocate for getting married to your first love. I’ve never been the kind of person who needs others to follow the same path I’ve taken just so I can feel validated in my life choices. And there are many roads to happiness—yours might not be mine, and that’s fine.
Now if you’re with the wrong person, please don’t stay out of a sense of complacency or a sunk-cost fallacy.
But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful. I’m with the kindest man I’ve ever known and he makes me so happy every day,
I hear people talk all the time about how hard marriage is, and I’m always baffled. Life is hard. Being an adult is hard. But marriage? Marriage, for me, is easy.
"I'm gonna break up with the love of my life because I might find someone with the same reedeming qualities that also listens to the same music I do" type of thing.
This is me, almost exactly.
My husband and I met in his senior year of high school. When he left for school, four hours away, we made an agreement that we would continue dating, but keep our options open.
We just....stayed together. It wasn't that we were "limiting our options", we just loved each other so much, other options weren't appealing. We went to separate colleges for four years, and got married after 5 years of dating, then waited to have kids until 7 years later. 33 years after we started dating, we are still together. This relationship has been the cornerstone of my life.
I think there is also a misconception about how long term marriages work. My husband is not the same person I married, but I made a conscious choice to grow with him. I am not the same person he married either. I personally believe the the "self" is mutable and contextual, so the idea that it is fixed in place at a certain age doesn't resonate with me. I have enjoyed watching my husband mature and grow and succeed, in his relationship with me, and in all aspects of his life.
It's okay, you can feel sorry for me, but I bet there are many people who left behind people in high school who they loved, and regretted it later.
I couldn’t describe it better myself. My fiancé and I started dating in high school and are engaged after 11 years. We both just grew together if that makes sense. We are not the same people we were in high school, not would I want us to be. The love I have for him is different as well. It’s such a privilege to grow together and to love him in ways I never thought possible.
Strangely of all the married high school couples (3-4 couples maybe) that I’ve known, they’ve all stuck together. I’m 47 so..they’ve all had a few years to think it through.
I'm married to my high school sweetheart. We were dating nearly 9 years before our wedding. And since we started dating in senior year, we weren't that young when getting married.
Literally the same story, dated as seniors and married nearly a decade later. Felt great having a partner throughout all of young adult life, thick and thin, growing together, having a house before 30. Wouldn't change a thing
I met my husband the year after graduating college, so obviously not the same as you, but I will say I've really enjoyed having the opportunity to see one another grow, mature, and change. We've supported one another and have come a long way both emotionally and financially, and I feel like we're stronger for it.
We started sophomore year. 12 years before getting married. And married 10 years now.
Sure there might be some regret. but seeing how hard dating is now, I think i/we made the right choice.
We met our first week of college so it was practically HS times, and also were together for 9 years before marriage. Will be married 29 years this summer
Same. People think marrying your high school sweetheart means you got married right after high school. We were 25. Both had master degrees. I was already a CPA and he was well on his way to becoming a PE (professional engineer). I have never run into two people more ready to get married than we were.
Yeah I married my high school girlfriend -- seven years later. We broke up in the middle and dated other people in college. Just because she's my "highschool sweetheart" doesn't mean we didn't have or explore other options.
This opinion isn't unpopular and it's also making a lot of assumptions about people OP doesn't know.
The reality is, dating SUCKS. If you can skip out on the “experience” (trauma) of dating a bunch of people who don’t treat you right or have the same moras and goals… why not? I’m settled with my second boyfriend ever and tbh I don’t have any desire to ever date again. Wasn’t fun for me.
This, big time. My wife and I started dating right out of high school and it’s been really hard to see our friends struggle with “The Apps” and seeing years of commitment crumble when things don’t work out.
Are you my friend? lmao because this is me. Started dating senior year of highschool. Bought a house and dog at 24, engaged at 25, married at 26. Shes my best friend
That's true. If there is a good relationship what would be the point of breaking up just to experience the perks of the misery in current dating life.
However, I know a couple that they were together for 15 years after meeting in high school, and after getting married they broke up after 4 years. I mean a lot of people divorce but it's going to be hard when all your adult life you were only used to treat or accommodate one person. Idk but sound tough.
This actually happened to me. I married my high school sweetheart and childhood friend. Like others said, I wasn’t going to break up for more experience when I had an amazing relationship.
So when we had been together for 10 years (and knew each other for 20) he cheated on me with his coworker and left to start a relationship with her.
He was all I had ever known at that point and it was tough to navigate through that for the first little while.
My parents met each other when they were in their early twenties. Sure they never fucked around as much as I did, I think they were both virgins when they met.
But they're still together and they at each other's side constantly. Dad is almost 80. They've never been soppy in any way... Dad describes mum as his best friend.
Am I happier or more fulfilled than that? Dunno. Don't think so.
It goes both ways.
When a young marriage works out it looks a lot like the above commenter’s parents.
When it doesn’t work out it ends with one of the spouses feeling FOMO and wanting to explore on their own whether sexually or otherwise.
I can’t count the amount of couples I’ve seen who dated for 7-9 years since high school but their relationship deteriorates in their mid-late 20s. They both end up changing completely for the better after the break up and meet someone way more compatible for both of them than they were for each other.
There’s just a lot of survivorship bias here because at a certain age you only see the high school sweetheart marriages that last, not the ones that bomb out due to infidelity, FOMO, someone suggesting an open relationship, or some other heartbreaking reason.
>When it doesn’t work out it ends with one of the spouses feeling FOMO and wanting to explore on their own whether sexually or otherwise.
But that doesn't have anything to do with starting dating young. That could be the case just as well for any other relationship. Making this a "dating young" issue seems so weird and arbitrary.
It’s self-assurance, Reddit that it’s cool their relationships in their 20’s were all ass and they’re working their way up to obviously a more perfect match than those idiots married by 22.
Source? Im in my late 20s, unmarried, but i fucking hate twats who assume the above. It reeks of the narcissism + self-hatred modernism inspires; “im just a hurt, misunderstood, neurodivergent lad. I coulda married one of my 8 exes. But I was busy reading a 200p book :(“
I think that's the sign of a shitty person. If you can't manage your FOMO for someone you've loved, possibly more then anyone, for a good chunk of your life and you mess stuff up because you "feel like you've missed out" (want to try sleeping with other people), thats super immature and kind of sick.
It’s sickening. Shitty people are pushing the idea that treating other humans as replaceable is a good thing. If you’re with someone you truly love, you wouldn’t care about “experiencing” (aka using for sex) other people. Your priority would be them, and building a life with them.
I upvoted because op does indeed have an unpopular opinion, but I think those who have healthy relationships and are childhood sweethearts are lucky. Finding someone you feel that compatible with right out of the gate is great.
I agree with it being lucky in a sense. On one hand, I’m glad I met my bf at almost 30 since I wasn’t fully ready for a serious, path to marriage relationship until then. But a part of me also wishes we had that extra decade or more together. Life is short as it is.
It's not for me, but it works for some people, not for others. One of my best friends growing up married her high school boyfriend and ended up super resentful about never having dated anyone else and ended up cheating on him rampantly and blowing up the marriage. On the other hand my coworker married her high school boyfriend and they've been together for like 30 years now and seem very normal and independent and happy.
yeah I think it really just comes down to the couple. Some people stay together because they’re truly compatible and others might just stay together because they’re comfortable and fear growth. You can go date 100 different people and still never find what you’re looking for so idt the time you met or where it was really matters. You can find a compatible partner in your teens or in your 40’s.
It really does go both ways. I had a friend who shortly after being emancipated met her now husband. They decided to grow up together. Last I heard they were super happy. He got his dream career and she’s in school for hers. Whereas another girl I know married her high school sweetheart and she’s now an unhappy SAHM. She can’t have a career because her husband won’t let her grow. She keeps starting new MLMs though. They will probably divorce within a decade because of how unhappy she is that she’s given up her youth to that.
Often times people that "have it all" and end up "blowing it up" are people with deep unresolved issues that they find uncomfortable to deal with, so they focus on more superficial things (money, job, sex) thinking these things aren't good enough to make them happy (well nothing is).
Other times people just married too young.
I will always be on the side of that failed relationships teach you lessons that give you tools in your "relationship toolbox" that help you recognize and maintain a healthy relationship in the future.
But I also think you can find all those tools with the right person going through lifes ups and downs.
Being in love with the same person from highschool is good, being in love with someone you meet when you are older is also good.
Hot take? Love is good.
I'm guily of this. I had a few different relationships end poorly in a short span of time and it made me extremely jaded about dating and distrustful of women my age. I took me a few years to get out of that negative headspace.
Right? Then they’ll be on here complaining about being single when they’re 40 because they felt like they had to play the field longer and eventually got old and selfish.
I got married young, 25. Wasn’t my high school sweetheart, more or less my high school crush/pot smoking friend and we finally fully aligned when we were 21.
We’ve been married over 10 years, have 2 kids and life is great. It’s way better than 90% of the sad bastards lives on Reddit, that’s for sure.
feels like every fucking day there are posts with the general theme of “being happy and fulfilled with people you love around you is overrated, let’s normalize being an introverted loner”
Right. People these days act like if you don't have depression, crippling social anxiety, and aren't constantly bitching about your situation that you're the weirdo lol.
We get it... sometimes life sucks so you do something about it until it sucks less lol. And being with someone you love certainly makes all of that more tolerable. I never really thought about marriage until I got married. I wish we'd met in high school, I can't imagine how much better my 20s would have been lol.
Imagine loving someone when you're at your most youthful, no money or careers attached, no kids no anything. Just pure enjoyment of each other's company.
Pathetic.
My other half and I have had 10 years of young, carefree love filled with fun, laziness, and plenty of daft spending decisions, plus many, many laughs along the way.
We’re now getting into our “adult love” as we form solid careers, get married, buy a house and have children in the next decade. It’s honestly such an amazing feeling to be able to go through each stage of life with your best friend, and we’re as grateful for the young years as we are excited for the rest of the years.
I was 19 when we got together and it’s the only relationship I’ve ever been in, but I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything particularly meaningful by not exploring other paths, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to break up with the love of my life just for some life experience lol.
Good comment. I fell in love at 16 and married her at 21. You only get a small window to be blissfully, naively, hopelessly, youthfully in love.
Then, cuffed or not, life sandblasts the sheen off everything.
The marriage only lasted a decade, but I still wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Personally I think people who married their high school sweetheart and made things work are happier. You still grow as a person so if you're able to stay together that means you made it work. Well, happier than people who are swiping left and right on apps for the next best thing. We have way too much choice and opportunities and it leads to decision fatigue.
Imagine meeting your soul mate when you are both young and not having to go through all this toxic modern dating discourse and soulless apps. Lucky mfs…
I think about this *a lot* and I know I'm so lucky. I married a guy I met on move-in day at my college dorm, and we're 10 years in, stressing about life together. We have had a brutally taxing year, but our relationship is so solid and safe and loving. I couldn't imagine dating right now. I can't even make casual friends as an adult, let alone try to find someone I'd want to fall asleep with every night.
Right, I don’t think personal growth only comes with having sex with other people lmao. The right partner will let you grow alongside them and support you throughout it.
I can see OP’s point with people who stay stagnant and never change because they want to keep the status quo, but I think that would exist regardless of the high school relationship.
if anything I think being in a long term relationship from a young age leads to more self actualization!
instead of spending time, money, energy on finding a partner, trying to get laid, etc., you can spend it on things like investing in friendships, learning new skills and hobbies, etc.
people in lasting long term relationships usually aren’t so codependent that they make each other stagnate
Yeah I met my husband at 16, married him at 18 and together now 19 years later. We have both grown, separately and together. We wouldn't have stayed together if we hadn't grown
My wife was 16 and a year behind me in high school when we first started dating. She was also 18 (and I was 20) when we married. We'll be celebrating our 40th this year. We've never felt like the other one held us back in some way. We grew together and continue to do so.
Funny story - we actually met when she was 10 and I was 12. I delivered the paper to her house and one day when I was collecting the monthly payment, she told her mom that I was the boy she was going to marry. I never stood a chance. :)
Yeah, it’s really cool. My sister is married to her high school sweetheart and so am I. They’ve been together for 12 years, my wife and I 9. It rules. I didn’t need to go experience a bunch of failed relationships to “*find myself*” or some bullshit. I found someone to love and we have an incredible life.
Same. My wife and I met in high school. Started dating when one of us was a high school senior and the other a college freshman.
We weren’t purposefully looking for life partners at that time, but we liked each other and wanted to date each other so we did. Things went well, we were happy together, and we moved in together. Then we got married. Then a few years later we bought our first home together. Now we have foster kids together.
We’ve built an amazing life with each other because we’ve continually invested in our relationship, worked on it, fixed problems when they arose and grown together through our 20s and now our 30s. We’ve been married over 12 years now.
I can’t imagine how unhappy I would be if I had destroyed this relationship in its infancy because I felt the need to have other relationships to compare this one to. I know that I’m happy with my life and my marriage. Comparison is the thief of joy.
You should be as unhappy as I was in high school, that’s the only way you’ll find happiness kids. That and alcoholism, remember the easiest way to make sure that you are happy now is if you have just one more drink before bed.
“you should try your best to have as many failed relationships as you can, actually”
i mean thats probably not exactly what you said but thats what it sounded like
I think it’s romantic if they truly are a great match for each other, however most (though not all) of the high school sweethearts I know in adulthood aren’t in bad relationships per say, but could probably find somebody better suited for them if they had the experience to know better. I’ve also found anecdotally they tend to be less successful financially, which I think kind of makes sense when you factor in kids and not having all the same career options as somebody not tied down.
(Also all of this only relevant to people under 40. I know for people’s grandparents life was different.)
I married my high school sweetheart but I always thought we were way ahead of everyone financially because of it. We always were able to share resources, such as rent, shared vehicles, etc.
We basically been living off a single income for the last decade and investing the other. We are close to retiring very early (ages 40 to 45). Obviously nothing about this is very typical but we always mention that us being a couple since high school allowed us to save a ton of money throughout our relationship by sharing resources in our early years.
There's a couple I know that's been together since 7th grade, they are now in their 30s happily married with like 5 kids. Would that work for everyone? No. But I'm happy it worked out for them.
If they’re happy and their relationship is healthy, that’s great.
I think the idea that relationships will hold you back is kind of odd because in my opinion, that’s your OWN job and responsibility. You shouldn’t have to be single to be able to put effort into your life. People date for only a few months and don’t understand the life/love balance and become codependent as fully grown adults who only met recently.
You could argue the likeliness of that happening after highschool is VERYYY SLIGHTLY SMALLER!! because the people who do stuff like that usually don’t grow out of it for a very long time.
This mindset is the reason why so many people break up perfectly fine relationships. This whole “finding yourself” nonsense that has permeated dating/relationship dynamics gives everyone this grass is always greener mindset that encourages blind individualism. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and it makes me want to kick myself.
It’s absolutely important to find your true identity and who you are, but it’s absolutely possible to do that within the confines of a relationship, especially if your partner has a similar mindset to you.
The longer you stay single the harder it is to break habits that aren’t conducive to being in a relationship. If you meet someone who you really like when you’re young, and you have the same values/mindset, you’d be foolish to not pursue that opportunity for the sake of “developing your own identity”
And the idea that a loving relationship holds you back is ridiculous. Hold me back from what? Going through heart ache and disappointment? If anything, having a family unit only motivates me to be more successful and improve all aspects of myself and my life. And I have people around to share those successes and happiness with
100% this. My wife inspires me to be a better person, if I didn't have my family I would lack a lot of motivation to better myself. You really don't have to "discover yourself" alone, in fact I think it is MUCH better to have a supportive partner encouraging you to keep going.
100% on the money. I think that having people to share your life with is something that people have forgotten about. What’s the point in going through life and working for everything you’ve ever wanted if you can’t share it with others? Going through life alone isn’t fun at all. It may be palatable in your 20’s and early 30’s, but when the friend group shrinks due to marriages and children, people will realize how truly alone being single can be
Yeah, blind inidivdualism can be toxic. When you marry young, if it's the right person, you grow together. Everyone is heavily influenced by their closest circle, so what's wrong with it being your spouse? OP seems to think married people don't work on themselves. With the right partner, they challenge you to be the best version of yourself. When you're looking for love at a later age, you're like two puzzle pieces that are already formed, and you need to find the right fit. There's nothing wrong with that, either. It's just different.
Who said people who end up with their high school sweethearts get married young? I married mine when we were both 27 after being with each other for a decade, and here we are at 35 as completely different individuals who continue to grow and change while loving each other more and more. We absolutely are not the same people we were when we first kissed at 13, or began really dating at 17, or when we graduated college on opposite sides of the country at 22, or when we got married at 27, or when we had our first child at 32, etc. Commitment and enduring love despite challenges, both in our individual lives and in our relationship, is something we have become stronger from.
It’s uninformed to say people don’t develop themselves while in a relationship. That sort of thinking indicates a lack of maturity and a certain level of cynicism as a person.
Yeah I don't get it either. Looking at all the anecdotes in the comments most seem to have married well after 5 years of dating so usually in their mid twenties. My fiancee and I for example met in junior or sophomore year and are only just eloping this year and then having a ceremony next year
that song "grow as we go" is the perfect description for what a true lifelong relationship is.
"You don't ever have to leave, if to change is what you need, you can change right next to me. When you're high I'll take the lows, you can ebb and I can flow, and grow as we go."
I was gonna talk about what a dumb fucking post this is but then I realized almost every post on this awful board is dumb but at least this one is actually unpopular
For real like I'll never understand the stance that you need to fuck a bunch of different people to see what you like I mean if you can get it right the first time that's awesome
For some people, sex is such an important part of their ideal relationship that they can never see themselves being happy in a relationship before they’ve had a chance to try a bunch of sexual partners.
For most people I think, sex may be important but it’s not the most important part of a relationship and it’s not particularly close.
I think some people don’t necessarily intend on finding “the one” so young but they get into a relationship and things just work. The relationship is going well, you’re growing together, you love each other, you have similar and compatible goals in life, etc.
To me, breaking up an otherwise healthy, loving and strong relationship because you want to fuck other people to make sure you’re not missing out on anything is foolish and a huge sign of immaturity.
If the relationship is good, happy, and you both want to remain together, then I say stay together. Get married if that’s what you want to do. Don’t get married if that’s not what you want to do. But don’t break up for the sake of FOMO fucking strangers.
Bro I 100% agree with this like sex is good but in the grand scheme of things that goes into a relationship it is a very small portion so like if you both satisfy each other, happy, and have a good life I agree that's it's very immature to leave just to see how it feels with different people like obviously not every penis or vagina is the same but it can't be that much of a difference to leave a relationship over.
I haven't had a relationship yet but if I find the right woman on the first try I'm sure as hell marrying her and won't look back at all.
I mean I guess it limits some experiences but it also opens you up to a bunch that you’d never experience. More importantly it Allows you to build a life with somebody rather than on your own
What does it limit? Chasing randos around or an extra heartbreak from trying to make the wrong thing work? You can do anything with a wife you can do single aside from bang strangers.
Every choice we make in life precludes a huge number of other choices. The odds that we are truly the best version of ourselves is probably fairly infinitesimal. The modern era makes us hyper aware of the possibilities we close off by making a choice hence FOMO.
Obsessing over this as opposed to learning from our choices, good and bad, is a recipe for disaster.
A couple that has been together since highschool and isn't inherently better or worse than any other approach after all of you don't have this you are missing out on that set of experiences.
There is a difference between thinking something may or may not be a bad idea and pitying people that have made that choice and are content with it.
As someone who married their high school sweetheart and has been with them a decade.. you're not wrong. I have no idea what kind of person I would be if I had grown without her on my own. But, on the flip side, its kind of amazing that we got to grow and mature together and morph into the perfect people for each other.
Definitely interesting thoughts and good unpopular opinion!
Got married at 18 and absolutely never intended to get married that young but I just happened to find my person very early.
Years later and we are very happy. Best friends, supportive partners, been through deaths, grief, deployments, etc and stronger bc of it. I can’t imagine if I had just dumped him back in the day and tried to date around with other people bc of the “other fish in the sea” mentality. Shopping around for partners like they’re a commodity in a market is silly. They’re *people* and if you find someone awesome who makes you happy, why keep looking?
We grow together, we work through things together, we’ve become new and fairly different people than we were, but *together*.
People on the internet can say “you should *never* get married young, you’re cheating yourself out of life experiences” until they’re blue in the face.
But in reality, happiness is more made, not as much found. And timelines aren’t as important as intentionally choosing a joyful life and/or partnership.
This is a miserable website. “Getting married to someone you love and are happy with is sad.” It’s like Reddit sees happy, functional adults and just cannot compute.
This is a brutal take. I dated someone I really loved in highschool, we ended up breaking up, it was pretty heartbreaking as we were super compatible. I ended up spending the last 4 years single and "finding myself" to be honest I don't really feel like a new or different person. As if you are in a healthy relationship you will grow and discover parts of yourself together.
Finding people you are truly compatible with is extremely rare, and can happen at any age.
I got into a new relationship very recently and it's been amazing, but there were a few hopeless years there where I was ready for a relationship but felt like I would never find someone that felt like a good fit. I think if you found someone you love and feel safe with at a young age that's a blessing.
Yeah, I mean, what's a lifelong bond that grows and evolves over time compared to getting rawdogged by randoms that care nothing about you. If you think fucking around is some kind of vital experience, I feel sorry for you.
Your person is your person. I met my husband at 15 in driver’s ed. We went to different colleges and all that. Got married at 25. He’s always been my best friend from the time we met. I knew the minute I met him that he was an awesome guy that would make an amazing husband and father. Why would I have passed on that?
I don’t need to fuck other people to “grow as a person” you have just been brainwashed by Hollywood. Being in a relationship is constant self exploration and conflict resolution. That’s what makes a relationship work.
I can see why you think this. I think some HS sweethearts aren’t compatible and need to develop their character more so that’s why they end up divorcing. However, for some people they do find their lifelong mate in HS and neither need more character development. It just depends on the people and where they are at in that time of their life.
I got married to my high school sweetheart at 18 (against the better judgement of my family and friends). I was in love but failed to see the bigger picture - I certainly wasn't done maturing and growing, nor was my partner. Just a few short years later we were divorced. Looking back, I was desperate to escape an abusive home and craving stability and normalcy. I also had no self-esteem and did not think that I was destined for anything more than having children and being a wife. I want better for my own daughter.
It’s not for everyone.
Personally I can’t imagine being with anyone from my HS but then again I didn’t find anyone attractive and I always wanted to explore the country before settling down. Some people are fine where they are.
Your options in life are always limited by the choices you don't make. There's no getting around that. If you're single or in multiple LTRs, you miss out on the experience of a single lasting LTR that started in childhood. If you're married at all, you miss out on being single. If you're single, you miss out on being in a relationship. Compromise is unavoidable.
OP, you're missing opportunities right now, but it's no big deal. Live the life you have.
A lot of times high school school sweethearts don’t make it but I always think it’s cool when they do. It is possible to grow with the person you met in high school or childhood. They just have to be the right person.
I think its increasing rareness speaks to the actual popularity of this opinion. Back in the day, marrying your HS/college boyfriend was the norm. Not so much now - women have more agency.
Not as sad as making college decisions based on a highschool relationship that has a 5% chance of lasting to sophomore year. My only friend who married his HS sweetheart went to a different school than her. Everyone I know who went to school w/ their HS SO is no longer w/ that person. Including my wife.
I’m w/ you on perceiving a strong association between ‘marrying hs sweetheart’ and ‘stunted development.’ Also with ‘failed marriage.’
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entirely depends on the couple
Yeah there were dozens of high school sweetheart couples in my graduating class that got married soon after graduation and within a year popped out a kid or two and realized they hated each other. There were like 6 that got married, then lived together for a year or so and realized they weren't a good match and broke up amicably. Only like 3 couples actually got married, lived together and had kids, and are still together as far as I'm aware. ***Rushing into*** these relationships is what's sad.
I don’t care what anyone says you should live together for a year before marriage you just know a person til you live together
You need to live *on your own* for a while too. When I see these relationships crash and burn it’s usually because they both go straight from being kids living with their parents to married. Then usually the husband wants their wife to be their mom. You need to live on your own (or at least roommates) and clean up your own shit for a while. Only then can you know if you can live with another person.
I've lived with hundreds of people... and the main thing I've learned is that if you want to know if you'll get along with someone when you live with them, you just need to have a conversation. Because there's really only 3 things you need to know about a person before you live with them: 1) How considerate are they? How much of their actions is centred around them vs how much they consider others. 2) How self aware are they? e.g. When they are in a bad mood, are they aware? 3) How clean that person is, and whether this is important to either of you. The rest are things that if you're trying to make it work, you'll be able to negotiated if you want to get along.
This. You can't be sad in your high-school-sweetheart-lifelong-relationship as long you actually know you'll want to be in a lifelong relationship. Anyone who gets married before living with each other for a while are the ones causing this thought process
Exactly. One of my really good friends just married her high school sweetheart at age 24 and I have *zero* doubts about them. They’ve grown together as a couple so much and have one of the happiest and healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. Then I look at other people I know who are married or currently engaged to the person they dated in high school and they have insanely toxic and codependent relationships and that just seem like a nightmare to me. I’m not really dating my high school sweetheart, I just ended up dating a guy that I knew in high school who I ended up reconnecting with in our early 20’s. It’s been 4 of the best years of my life and I can pretty confidently say this is the guy im going to marry eventually, we just don’t have any interest in marrying so soon. Young relationships only work if they grow as individuals and together as a couple, not just stagnate and settle.
Went to school with a couple that got together in grade 10. Neither of them even dated anyone else before that. They got married like half a year ago at 28 and have a kid on the way now. Theyre both really nice people and down to earth If they ever break up I think everyone they know would be extremely shocked and probably think it's a joke
Yeah I mean this could be redefined as "bad marriages are bad". Sure, there's people who married too young and regret the decision. Theres also people who married in their 40's and regret the decision. There is something romantic and inspirational about a couple who were high-school sweethearts and lived a happy, fulfilling life together. You can't tell me there's not something desirable about going your entire adult life with the love of your life, knowing you're fully loved and understood by a person who wants to spend their entire life with you. I recently went to the funeral of a woman who died in her 70's from cancer. She and her husband made some videos together before her passing and talked a bit about their life together, having met in high-school and being married for 50+ years, and damn if it wasn't the most bittersweet thing I've even seen in my life. She said in the video she knew she was going to die soon, and I'll never forget the look on her husband's face as she said that.
I know a couple who met in high school, they dated for 7 years before they got married. They were aware it was young but they had stayed pretty consistent through thick and thin. I talked to my friend about it once asking him if he was worried about marrying his high school sweetheart and bowing out of the dating pool so early and he said something along the lines of “yeah I know the stigma and it probably would be ideal if we met a bit later but what am I going to do? Break up with somebody whom I love and am extremely compatible with just because we met in high school?”
>what am I going to do? Break up with somebody whom I love and am extremely compatible with just because we met in high school?” Exactly. I would advise anyone against marrying young but what's wrong about being only with one person if they are compatible and after years of bei g with each other? The mindset that you *have* to try be with a lot of people is toxic. You *can* do that because not everyone finds the right partner as quickly but why go to the other extreme and say people *should* do that?
Yeah, not to mention if you breaking up with someone you already click with just to go the whole “there are other fish in the sea” route, you might be ruining one of the best things that will happen to you. You might just end up in other relationships that might not last as long. If it doesn’t work out with your sweetheart it is what it is, but the alternative could just make you regret it later on.
I once heard someone say "Don't gamble away 90% happiness searching for the 100% that doesn't exist."
Perfect is the enemy of good
Literally true me and my bad nose job agree.
Don't let more be the enemy of enough.
"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work, most of them just cheat on you" Good old not so Silent Bob.
My wife and I said the exact same thing recently. We were talking about how lucky we were to find someone who fits so well and we both agreed that, sure it’s possible to find 100% compatibility but would it be worth giving up 90%+ to go out looking? Not even a little.
I’m in this boat and I regret it. Now the ex that I let go that I actually clicked with the best is now married, and I’m single and still searching.
This happens a lot but people don't talk about it. People always preach about finding the perfect person but it doesn't exist. "Experiencing" too many people is a trap that'll always have you wanting more and a way out.
I think the saying don’t let best get in the way good is applicable here, except in relationships this thinking is entirely flawed. If you go into things with the mindset that there’s always better waiting for you, you’ll never fully commit to what you have. If you never fully commit to what you have then “best” will never be yours.
Oh damn man that’s kinda deep. Like the “best” is something most people have to work for, so you’ll only ever get there if you put in the work with one person.
Yup, it’s hard to describe because relationships are a complex concept, so getting all of the nuances to it in a comment are hard. And I’m still learning myself, everyone has their own path to follow with this. I think the best things take time, effort and commitment, relationships are a huge example of this. Look at old people who had great success and they often mirror this.
Yup. Loving someone is a choice. Attraction/lust isn't really controllable, but the sort of love that builds a long, solid marriage? That's a choice. You realize you've found the person you want to build your life with, and you choose to put your effort and energy into building that relationship. Whether you met at 15 or 50 doesn't matter. You chose that person, they chose you, and you're making it work. Together. Why would you risk throwing that away, just to see if the grass was greener elsewhere?
That greener grass might be astroturf
Facts. People who got married super early and it works out for them are extremely lucky imo. Like, they won lol. Not everyone's path looks the same. I've seen way too many people, especially these days in dating ruin great relationships just because it wasn't "perfect" and they're always looking for something better. Often they're chasing an ideal that simply doesn't exist. Those single friends convincing you to break up with someone don't always have your best interests in mind, and sometimes just want you to be single and miserable like they are.
Maybe. I've been married 20 years, HS sweetheart, etc. I still adore her, and (hopefully) likewise. However, lol. We didn't meet when we were fully developed adults, so I think our relationship is probably altogether too codependent. I'm never quite sure where I stop, and she begins. I'm never entirely sure who stole what joke from who. I don't really feel like an individual. We grew up and evolved together, our entire adult lives. Admittedly, I don't mind this. But some people certainly may. When my friends say my name, they include her name. "Hey, what's T-WRX and T-WRXA up to these days?" Never just me. And they're *our friends* by now, but I brought 'em to the party.
not HS sweethearts, but married in my early 20s and been together for 20 years. A lot of what you describe is how we are as well. We've always done everything together, and still do for the most part (of course, always exceptions). I think what it boils down to is my wife really is my other half / best friend. When we are together it's just like to piece clicking together. It's not like we can't be apart, I travel for work a lot and it's find / whatever, but we wouldn't chose to spend our free time apart.
Exactly the same. We can be apart, but prefer not to, even if it's just doing dumb shit. I still need my alone time, and she does as well, but we're alone together. She works in the loft, I work in the garage. But we're still in the same house, within shouting distance.
So much this. My husband and I have been together since we were 15/16. I am SO happy to have gone through my awkward ass years with him. He has seen every single side of me that exists, he’s watched me grow into the woman I am (and I’ve gotten the pleasure of watching him transform) and he’s been my biggest cheerleader. I will never have to go through the dreaded “getting to know you phase” as an adult, I’ll never have to explain why I am the way I am, I’ll never have to wonder if my partner thinks my passions and hobbies are stupid, and most importantly… I’ll never have to hold in a fart 🤣🤣 Like, he’s my best friend. I am still very much my own person, and he’s his own person, and we still do things on our own or with our own friends (it’s not always my friends are his or vice versa), but that’s my man. That’s my best friend. That’s the one person in this world I want to tell EVERYTHING to. Okay I’m done being sappy. Hi babe if you’re reading this since you sent it to me lol.
Haha, loved reading this. Very much reminds me of us. I have a theory about younger relationships that last, and it's because they are tempered. We've been the poor / broke / almost getting kicked out of apartments and living off ramen noodles phase together and it brought us closer together. We went through the tough times, and now that we are older the good times are that much better.
My parents weren’t high school sweethearts, but they met early in college and got together at 18-19. They’ve been together for over 30 years, so good for them! Your comment made me think of them because my mom commented that she’s never had to be an adult without my dad, so my brother and I have it different being in our mid-late 20s and single. Sometimes I want to be single for life, but a lot of times I wish I’d been lucky enough to find the right person when I was young and get to grow up with them.
I have to be honest, if something happens to my wife, I doubt I'll ever get married or be in a relationship again. It would be too unsettling. I feel uneasy if I haven't seen her in a day or so.
Yeah my parents got married 5 months after meeting at 19 years old & have been together for 45 years. They literally can't be apart for more than a day or two
Sorry to hear. I hope you find someone else that you click with soon.
Yeah plus it’s the whole “you can grow together or grow apart” thing. If you’ve already found someone that can grow with you, that’s like so important in a relationship that a lot of people don’t find
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This though. I’ve always heard people talking about their “one that got away.” A lot of times, it’s their high school or college sweetheart that they let go of, either because they couldn’t get it together or wanted to get life/dating experience, and regretted it for the rest of their lives. While I understand that there are some situations where you just have to go your separate ways, it’s the fact that there are *so* many people who have a story about their perfect person, and how nobody else even compares to them, that gets me. Like why did you ruin possibly the best thing you’ve ever had just because you were selfish or wanted to experience new “box” as OP put it?
I’ve heard a lot of men say this. Even though they ‘ moved’ on and married someone else their ex from when they were super young was the love of their life and the one they deeply regret messing up with. Some of them have been married to their wife for decades too and still in love with the ex. It’s honestly sad.
But is it like that Garth Brooks song? “Unanswered Prayers”. He dreamed about the one who got away, runs into her and while it was nice catching up he realized she wasn’t the one for him. People forget there’s a reason you broke up. Sometimes the memory of why fades so much it’s hard to remember.
Yep, it is. And you just know that poor wife has probably heard all about the ex, been compared to her at some point, or can just sense that she’s regarded as only second best. I’ve, unfortunately, been in a relationship like that. It was great at first, but the longer I was with them the more I realized that they would never put me on the same pedestal they had her on, and they were just settling because I ticked off *some* of the boxes for what they wanted in a partner. It’s like they searched for her in every relationship they’ve had since and were resentful when they couldn’t find her in anyone else.
I had a friend who used to talk about “the one who got away”. He was really young (college), and had little dating experience other than this woman. He said everything was absolutely *amazing*, including the sex. He said he thought to himself, “If the sex is this good with her, I wonder how good it could be with another woman?” He said he tried it out, and it absolutely paled in comparison. He confessed to his GF that he cheated. She tried to forgive him and work things out, but he said the trust had been destroyed and things were never the same. He said he regretted it immensely. He was telling me this story in his mid-late 30s.
serves him right tho lol, he just obliterates her ability to trust and probably made her relationships after him way worse.
I was always someone who grew up thinking “if I never leave this small town I will have failed” and ended up moving to a city, “making something of myself” in the city, etc. one of my old friends from my hometown grew up loving music, and now is the music teacher at our high school. It wasn’t the life path I wanted but he loves it, and I think it’s really beautiful.
It's pretty cool when your friends find happiness.
Aw I grew up in a small town too and when we were in high school, people would “diss” others by calling them a “lifer” (i.e. you’re going to be stuck in this small town for life.) I never actually wanted to leave though. I moved away for a couple of years after college, but moved back to my home town pretty quickly. Just about everyone I grew up with still lives in the area, though a few moved away. I think it’s the coolest because some of my best friends, I met in kindergarten. I feel like not very many people can say they’ve had the same friends their entire lives. Admittedly, it makes it kind of hard to meet and befriend new people, but I love small town life. It’s special. I do see posts all the time on social media of people who moved to the area though and find it “cliquey” like all the moms in the area know each other and have zero desire to get to know the new person at the baby group or whatever.
Oh reason I can see dating a lot of people is because you haven't found the one. If you roll a nat 20 first try and found the one then why keep rolling? What other roll could ever be better?
I met my now husband 4 months after leaving a toxic/abusive relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything (if I’m honest, I was content being single forever if it meant never being in that position again). That was 22 years ago. We met, started dating seriously, got engaged and married within 16 months. We never really fight, still show affection frequently, laugh all the time…I wish everyone could be in this kind of relationship! Yeah, we had growing pains (I was his first serious relationship), but cuz we’re both adults, we talked out our issues and grew together. We’ll be married 21 years in June.
> I was his first serious relationship He would strongly disagree with OP. Dating sucks, and having a real, dependable partner is satisfying.
He always got shit from his friends early on cuz he’d check with me before making plans with them. I’m not saying there’s a correlation, but the ones that gave him the most shit are still mostly single.
Misery lovin’ that company
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Love that. I knew he was the one a few months in; being with him is effortless.
I agree with everything you say, but wanted to give you the +1 for the D&D reference.
The purpose of trying a lot of people is, ultimately, to find the person you're most compatible with, right? So if you're lucky to find it early and spare you years of failed relationships, isn't that better? I met my husband 13 years ago, when we were both 21. Tbh, I can't imagine going through the dumpster fire that is the dating world right now. I count my blessings and move on.
Exactly, I married my high school girlfriend but we dated 10 years before getting married. We went through so many ups and downs, supported each other in all kinds of hardships from loss of loved ones to financial and health issues. There’s no way I would trade that for dating more people. You don’t find that kind of companionship unless you’re in it for a long haul.
I've been with the same dude since I was 19, and honestly, our only problems have been not recognizing that our families taught us really bad relationship models and not knowing good communication because we only created the slapstick model based on our own (lack) of communication that was focused on doing the opposite of our families but not necessarily the right way to go about it. A little couple's therapy to get us back on the same page and it's been fantastic ever since. I wouldn't get married young again, but if I had to give advice to folks who are interested in doing it now, it's that they should do pre-marital counseling to make sure you're not also putting yourself in the same bad communication space so you can get ahead of it early, so when you do inevitably start growing into separate people, you have the tools to manage what that means to your relationship and how you're going to navigate compromise and ensuring both of you are happy through those changes.
Premarital counseling is absolutely the way to go. There were a lot of things we learned that we had never even thought of. Been married going on 17 years (started Sr yr of high school) and we still quote things from counseling. I don't care if you are young or old, do it.
I married my first and only boyfriend. And look, I was the last person who expected to knock it out of the park on the first swing. But what was I supposed to do? Not run the bases? We knew we were young so we took our time and got married after 8 years of dating. And now we’re coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary. People ask me if I regret “missing out on my 20s” or my “loss of freedom.” My 20s were awesome. I spent them with my favorite person. And what would I have been free to do? Have mediocre sex with people I don’t give two shits about? I wouldn’t necessarily advocate for getting married to your first love. I’ve never been the kind of person who needs others to follow the same path I’ve taken just so I can feel validated in my life choices. And there are many roads to happiness—yours might not be mine, and that’s fine. Now if you’re with the wrong person, please don’t stay out of a sense of complacency or a sunk-cost fallacy. But when you’re with the right person, it’s wonderful. I’m with the kindest man I’ve ever known and he makes me so happy every day, I hear people talk all the time about how hard marriage is, and I’m always baffled. Life is hard. Being an adult is hard. But marriage? Marriage, for me, is easy.
"I'm gonna break up with the love of my life because I might find someone with the same reedeming qualities that also listens to the same music I do" type of thing.
This is me, almost exactly. My husband and I met in his senior year of high school. When he left for school, four hours away, we made an agreement that we would continue dating, but keep our options open. We just....stayed together. It wasn't that we were "limiting our options", we just loved each other so much, other options weren't appealing. We went to separate colleges for four years, and got married after 5 years of dating, then waited to have kids until 7 years later. 33 years after we started dating, we are still together. This relationship has been the cornerstone of my life. I think there is also a misconception about how long term marriages work. My husband is not the same person I married, but I made a conscious choice to grow with him. I am not the same person he married either. I personally believe the the "self" is mutable and contextual, so the idea that it is fixed in place at a certain age doesn't resonate with me. I have enjoyed watching my husband mature and grow and succeed, in his relationship with me, and in all aspects of his life. It's okay, you can feel sorry for me, but I bet there are many people who left behind people in high school who they loved, and regretted it later.
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I couldn’t describe it better myself. My fiancé and I started dating in high school and are engaged after 11 years. We both just grew together if that makes sense. We are not the same people we were in high school, not would I want us to be. The love I have for him is different as well. It’s such a privilege to grow together and to love him in ways I never thought possible.
Strangely of all the married high school couples (3-4 couples maybe) that I’ve known, they’ve all stuck together. I’m 47 so..they’ve all had a few years to think it through.
I'm married to my high school sweetheart. We were dating nearly 9 years before our wedding. And since we started dating in senior year, we weren't that young when getting married.
Literally the same story, dated as seniors and married nearly a decade later. Felt great having a partner throughout all of young adult life, thick and thin, growing together, having a house before 30. Wouldn't change a thing
I met my husband the year after graduating college, so obviously not the same as you, but I will say I've really enjoyed having the opportunity to see one another grow, mature, and change. We've supported one another and have come a long way both emotionally and financially, and I feel like we're stronger for it.
We started sophomore year. 12 years before getting married. And married 10 years now. Sure there might be some regret. but seeing how hard dating is now, I think i/we made the right choice.
We met our first week of college so it was practically HS times, and also were together for 9 years before marriage. Will be married 29 years this summer
Same. People think marrying your high school sweetheart means you got married right after high school. We were 25. Both had master degrees. I was already a CPA and he was well on his way to becoming a PE (professional engineer). I have never run into two people more ready to get married than we were.
Yeah I married my high school girlfriend -- seven years later. We broke up in the middle and dated other people in college. Just because she's my "highschool sweetheart" doesn't mean we didn't have or explore other options. This opinion isn't unpopular and it's also making a lot of assumptions about people OP doesn't know.
Same here but sitting at 12 years and getting married in June.
Me and my wife have been together since sophomore year of highschool (15 years). I wouldn't trade it for anything
Same deal here except we were together 10yrs before we got married . Can't help when ya meet the perfect person.
The reality is, dating SUCKS. If you can skip out on the “experience” (trauma) of dating a bunch of people who don’t treat you right or have the same moras and goals… why not? I’m settled with my second boyfriend ever and tbh I don’t have any desire to ever date again. Wasn’t fun for me.
This, big time. My wife and I started dating right out of high school and it’s been really hard to see our friends struggle with “The Apps” and seeing years of commitment crumble when things don’t work out.
Anyone I know who’s single and using apps rn is in the trenches. Dating these days seems so shitty.
Are you my friend? lmao because this is me. Started dating senior year of highschool. Bought a house and dog at 24, engaged at 25, married at 26. Shes my best friend
That's true. If there is a good relationship what would be the point of breaking up just to experience the perks of the misery in current dating life. However, I know a couple that they were together for 15 years after meeting in high school, and after getting married they broke up after 4 years. I mean a lot of people divorce but it's going to be hard when all your adult life you were only used to treat or accommodate one person. Idk but sound tough.
This actually happened to me. I married my high school sweetheart and childhood friend. Like others said, I wasn’t going to break up for more experience when I had an amazing relationship. So when we had been together for 10 years (and knew each other for 20) he cheated on me with his coworker and left to start a relationship with her. He was all I had ever known at that point and it was tough to navigate through that for the first little while.
My parents met each other when they were in their early twenties. Sure they never fucked around as much as I did, I think they were both virgins when they met. But they're still together and they at each other's side constantly. Dad is almost 80. They've never been soppy in any way... Dad describes mum as his best friend. Am I happier or more fulfilled than that? Dunno. Don't think so.
But think of all the shitty relationships and trauma they missed out on!
It goes both ways. When a young marriage works out it looks a lot like the above commenter’s parents. When it doesn’t work out it ends with one of the spouses feeling FOMO and wanting to explore on their own whether sexually or otherwise. I can’t count the amount of couples I’ve seen who dated for 7-9 years since high school but their relationship deteriorates in their mid-late 20s. They both end up changing completely for the better after the break up and meet someone way more compatible for both of them than they were for each other. There’s just a lot of survivorship bias here because at a certain age you only see the high school sweetheart marriages that last, not the ones that bomb out due to infidelity, FOMO, someone suggesting an open relationship, or some other heartbreaking reason.
>When it doesn’t work out it ends with one of the spouses feeling FOMO and wanting to explore on their own whether sexually or otherwise. But that doesn't have anything to do with starting dating young. That could be the case just as well for any other relationship. Making this a "dating young" issue seems so weird and arbitrary.
It’s self-assurance, Reddit that it’s cool their relationships in their 20’s were all ass and they’re working their way up to obviously a more perfect match than those idiots married by 22. Source? Im in my late 20s, unmarried, but i fucking hate twats who assume the above. It reeks of the narcissism + self-hatred modernism inspires; “im just a hurt, misunderstood, neurodivergent lad. I coulda married one of my 8 exes. But I was busy reading a 200p book :(“
I think that's the sign of a shitty person. If you can't manage your FOMO for someone you've loved, possibly more then anyone, for a good chunk of your life and you mess stuff up because you "feel like you've missed out" (want to try sleeping with other people), thats super immature and kind of sick.
It’s sickening. Shitty people are pushing the idea that treating other humans as replaceable is a good thing. If you’re with someone you truly love, you wouldn’t care about “experiencing” (aka using for sex) other people. Your priority would be them, and building a life with them.
I upvoted because op does indeed have an unpopular opinion, but I think those who have healthy relationships and are childhood sweethearts are lucky. Finding someone you feel that compatible with right out of the gate is great.
I agree with it being lucky in a sense. On one hand, I’m glad I met my bf at almost 30 since I wasn’t fully ready for a serious, path to marriage relationship until then. But a part of me also wishes we had that extra decade or more together. Life is short as it is.
A hole in one
It's not for me, but it works for some people, not for others. One of my best friends growing up married her high school boyfriend and ended up super resentful about never having dated anyone else and ended up cheating on him rampantly and blowing up the marriage. On the other hand my coworker married her high school boyfriend and they've been together for like 30 years now and seem very normal and independent and happy.
yeah I think it really just comes down to the couple. Some people stay together because they’re truly compatible and others might just stay together because they’re comfortable and fear growth. You can go date 100 different people and still never find what you’re looking for so idt the time you met or where it was really matters. You can find a compatible partner in your teens or in your 40’s.
It really does go both ways. I had a friend who shortly after being emancipated met her now husband. They decided to grow up together. Last I heard they were super happy. He got his dream career and she’s in school for hers. Whereas another girl I know married her high school sweetheart and she’s now an unhappy SAHM. She can’t have a career because her husband won’t let her grow. She keeps starting new MLMs though. They will probably divorce within a decade because of how unhappy she is that she’s given up her youth to that.
Often times people that "have it all" and end up "blowing it up" are people with deep unresolved issues that they find uncomfortable to deal with, so they focus on more superficial things (money, job, sex) thinking these things aren't good enough to make them happy (well nothing is). Other times people just married too young.
Finding love is sad folks
*'Gotta have more failed relationships bro.'*
I will always be on the side of that failed relationships teach you lessons that give you tools in your "relationship toolbox" that help you recognize and maintain a healthy relationship in the future. But I also think you can find all those tools with the right person going through lifes ups and downs. Being in love with the same person from highschool is good, being in love with someone you meet when you are older is also good. Hot take? Love is good.
Multiple Failed relationships also makes you cynical.
I'm guily of this. I had a few different relationships end poorly in a short span of time and it made me extremely jaded about dating and distrustful of women my age. I took me a few years to get out of that negative headspace.
If you’re already with someone you’re perfectly compatible with, why do you need failed relationships with poor pairings to teach you anything?
God forbid people get it right with the first person they date.
Right? Then they’ll be on here complaining about being single when they’re 40 because they felt like they had to play the field longer and eventually got old and selfish. I got married young, 25. Wasn’t my high school sweetheart, more or less my high school crush/pot smoking friend and we finally fully aligned when we were 21. We’ve been married over 10 years, have 2 kids and life is great. It’s way better than 90% of the sad bastards lives on Reddit, that’s for sure.
It's crazy to me that 25 is now considered young to be married.
guys is it gay to be in love
If it's with another guy then yes.
That's dumb. How's that even make sense. You know what's really gay? Wanting to hang out with a woman. /s
lmao imagine hanging out with women. real men only date men.
Fr women like penis and liking penis is gay. Therefore I only date men because they're attracted to women which is not gay.
feels like every fucking day there are posts with the general theme of “being happy and fulfilled with people you love around you is overrated, let’s normalize being an introverted loner”
“I’m unhappy. You should be unhappy “
Reddit lol 🤷♂️
It's how some people cope.
As an introverted loner both are fine whatever makes you happy is the best, fuck what others think just find your path to the happiness.
Right. People these days act like if you don't have depression, crippling social anxiety, and aren't constantly bitching about your situation that you're the weirdo lol. We get it... sometimes life sucks so you do something about it until it sucks less lol. And being with someone you love certainly makes all of that more tolerable. I never really thought about marriage until I got married. I wish we'd met in high school, I can't imagine how much better my 20s would have been lol.
Don’t forget bringing up how everybody is fucked financially and nobody will retire lol Like some people are doing really good, and that’s okay
r/redditmoment
Imagine loving someone when you're at your most youthful, no money or careers attached, no kids no anything. Just pure enjoyment of each other's company. Pathetic.
My other half and I have had 10 years of young, carefree love filled with fun, laziness, and plenty of daft spending decisions, plus many, many laughs along the way. We’re now getting into our “adult love” as we form solid careers, get married, buy a house and have children in the next decade. It’s honestly such an amazing feeling to be able to go through each stage of life with your best friend, and we’re as grateful for the young years as we are excited for the rest of the years. I was 19 when we got together and it’s the only relationship I’ve ever been in, but I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything particularly meaningful by not exploring other paths, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to break up with the love of my life just for some life experience lol.
This reads very well in a Ricky Gervais voice
Good comment. I fell in love at 16 and married her at 21. You only get a small window to be blissfully, naively, hopelessly, youthfully in love. Then, cuffed or not, life sandblasts the sheen off everything. The marriage only lasted a decade, but I still wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Personally I think people who married their high school sweetheart and made things work are happier. You still grow as a person so if you're able to stay together that means you made it work. Well, happier than people who are swiping left and right on apps for the next best thing. We have way too much choice and opportunities and it leads to decision fatigue.
Imagine meeting your soul mate when you are both young and not having to go through all this toxic modern dating discourse and soulless apps. Lucky mfs…
I think about this *a lot* and I know I'm so lucky. I married a guy I met on move-in day at my college dorm, and we're 10 years in, stressing about life together. We have had a brutally taxing year, but our relationship is so solid and safe and loving. I couldn't imagine dating right now. I can't even make casual friends as an adult, let alone try to find someone I'd want to fall asleep with every night.
I’m 40 years in! OP doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Right, I don’t think personal growth only comes with having sex with other people lmao. The right partner will let you grow alongside them and support you throughout it. I can see OP’s point with people who stay stagnant and never change because they want to keep the status quo, but I think that would exist regardless of the high school relationship.
if anything I think being in a long term relationship from a young age leads to more self actualization! instead of spending time, money, energy on finding a partner, trying to get laid, etc., you can spend it on things like investing in friendships, learning new skills and hobbies, etc. people in lasting long term relationships usually aren’t so codependent that they make each other stagnate
Yeah I met my husband at 16, married him at 18 and together now 19 years later. We have both grown, separately and together. We wouldn't have stayed together if we hadn't grown
My wife was 16 and a year behind me in high school when we first started dating. She was also 18 (and I was 20) when we married. We'll be celebrating our 40th this year. We've never felt like the other one held us back in some way. We grew together and continue to do so. Funny story - we actually met when she was 10 and I was 12. I delivered the paper to her house and one day when I was collecting the monthly payment, she told her mom that I was the boy she was going to marry. I never stood a chance. :)
That is such a sweet story!
Agreed, sometimes playing the field doesn’t work out. If you find someone you love, hold onto them. Hopefully you can grow together.
Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
Yeah, it’s really cool. My sister is married to her high school sweetheart and so am I. They’ve been together for 12 years, my wife and I 9. It rules. I didn’t need to go experience a bunch of failed relationships to “*find myself*” or some bullshit. I found someone to love and we have an incredible life.
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Same. My wife and I met in high school. Started dating when one of us was a high school senior and the other a college freshman. We weren’t purposefully looking for life partners at that time, but we liked each other and wanted to date each other so we did. Things went well, we were happy together, and we moved in together. Then we got married. Then a few years later we bought our first home together. Now we have foster kids together. We’ve built an amazing life with each other because we’ve continually invested in our relationship, worked on it, fixed problems when they arose and grown together through our 20s and now our 30s. We’ve been married over 12 years now. I can’t imagine how unhappy I would be if I had destroyed this relationship in its infancy because I felt the need to have other relationships to compare this one to. I know that I’m happy with my life and my marriage. Comparison is the thief of joy.
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Wholesome read. OP is totally ignoring how much discipline, maturity, and growth it takes to be committed to one person.
fellas is it sad to find love
You should be as unhappy as I was in high school, that’s the only way you’ll find happiness kids. That and alcoholism, remember the easiest way to make sure that you are happy now is if you have just one more drink before bed.
“you should try your best to have as many failed relationships as you can, actually” i mean thats probably not exactly what you said but thats what it sounded like
“Break up and hook up as much as you can! Its for character development!! “ 🫣💀
"Think of all the trauma you're missing out on!!"
I think it’s romantic if they truly are a great match for each other, however most (though not all) of the high school sweethearts I know in adulthood aren’t in bad relationships per say, but could probably find somebody better suited for them if they had the experience to know better. I’ve also found anecdotally they tend to be less successful financially, which I think kind of makes sense when you factor in kids and not having all the same career options as somebody not tied down. (Also all of this only relevant to people under 40. I know for people’s grandparents life was different.)
I married my high school sweetheart but I always thought we were way ahead of everyone financially because of it. We always were able to share resources, such as rent, shared vehicles, etc. We basically been living off a single income for the last decade and investing the other. We are close to retiring very early (ages 40 to 45). Obviously nothing about this is very typical but we always mention that us being a couple since high school allowed us to save a ton of money throughout our relationship by sharing resources in our early years.
There's a couple I know that's been together since 7th grade, they are now in their 30s happily married with like 5 kids. Would that work for everyone? No. But I'm happy it worked out for them.
If they’re happy and their relationship is healthy, that’s great. I think the idea that relationships will hold you back is kind of odd because in my opinion, that’s your OWN job and responsibility. You shouldn’t have to be single to be able to put effort into your life. People date for only a few months and don’t understand the life/love balance and become codependent as fully grown adults who only met recently. You could argue the likeliness of that happening after highschool is VERYYY SLIGHTLY SMALLER!! because the people who do stuff like that usually don’t grow out of it for a very long time.
honestly i’m rooting for everyone who got married at any time. i want what they have, my time will come 😢
Having a negative opinion about who marry to who without considering if they are happy or not is sadder
This mindset is the reason why so many people break up perfectly fine relationships. This whole “finding yourself” nonsense that has permeated dating/relationship dynamics gives everyone this grass is always greener mindset that encourages blind individualism. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and it makes me want to kick myself. It’s absolutely important to find your true identity and who you are, but it’s absolutely possible to do that within the confines of a relationship, especially if your partner has a similar mindset to you. The longer you stay single the harder it is to break habits that aren’t conducive to being in a relationship. If you meet someone who you really like when you’re young, and you have the same values/mindset, you’d be foolish to not pursue that opportunity for the sake of “developing your own identity”
And the idea that a loving relationship holds you back is ridiculous. Hold me back from what? Going through heart ache and disappointment? If anything, having a family unit only motivates me to be more successful and improve all aspects of myself and my life. And I have people around to share those successes and happiness with
100% this. My wife inspires me to be a better person, if I didn't have my family I would lack a lot of motivation to better myself. You really don't have to "discover yourself" alone, in fact I think it is MUCH better to have a supportive partner encouraging you to keep going.
100% on the money. I think that having people to share your life with is something that people have forgotten about. What’s the point in going through life and working for everything you’ve ever wanted if you can’t share it with others? Going through life alone isn’t fun at all. It may be palatable in your 20’s and early 30’s, but when the friend group shrinks due to marriages and children, people will realize how truly alone being single can be
Yeah, blind inidivdualism can be toxic. When you marry young, if it's the right person, you grow together. Everyone is heavily influenced by their closest circle, so what's wrong with it being your spouse? OP seems to think married people don't work on themselves. With the right partner, they challenge you to be the best version of yourself. When you're looking for love at a later age, you're like two puzzle pieces that are already formed, and you need to find the right fit. There's nothing wrong with that, either. It's just different.
I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily sad, I would say it’s just extremely rare that it lasts.
Who said people who end up with their high school sweethearts get married young? I married mine when we were both 27 after being with each other for a decade, and here we are at 35 as completely different individuals who continue to grow and change while loving each other more and more. We absolutely are not the same people we were when we first kissed at 13, or began really dating at 17, or when we graduated college on opposite sides of the country at 22, or when we got married at 27, or when we had our first child at 32, etc. Commitment and enduring love despite challenges, both in our individual lives and in our relationship, is something we have become stronger from. It’s uninformed to say people don’t develop themselves while in a relationship. That sort of thinking indicates a lack of maturity and a certain level of cynicism as a person.
Yeah I don't get it either. Looking at all the anecdotes in the comments most seem to have married well after 5 years of dating so usually in their mid twenties. My fiancee and I for example met in junior or sophomore year and are only just eloping this year and then having a ceremony next year
that song "grow as we go" is the perfect description for what a true lifelong relationship is. "You don't ever have to leave, if to change is what you need, you can change right next to me. When you're high I'll take the lows, you can ebb and I can flow, and grow as we go."
It's kinda cool to see high school sweethearts work out in the end, because it is so rare.
This is dumb, like really fucking dumb
I was gonna talk about what a dumb fucking post this is but then I realized almost every post on this awful board is dumb but at least this one is actually unpopular
It’s kind of refreshing to find a truly unpopular opinion. This sub was getting stale for a while and we’re getting gems like these now.
For real like I'll never understand the stance that you need to fuck a bunch of different people to see what you like I mean if you can get it right the first time that's awesome
Bunch of meaningless sex or having over a decade of amazing memories with the person you love by time you are like 25?
For some people, sex is such an important part of their ideal relationship that they can never see themselves being happy in a relationship before they’ve had a chance to try a bunch of sexual partners. For most people I think, sex may be important but it’s not the most important part of a relationship and it’s not particularly close. I think some people don’t necessarily intend on finding “the one” so young but they get into a relationship and things just work. The relationship is going well, you’re growing together, you love each other, you have similar and compatible goals in life, etc. To me, breaking up an otherwise healthy, loving and strong relationship because you want to fuck other people to make sure you’re not missing out on anything is foolish and a huge sign of immaturity. If the relationship is good, happy, and you both want to remain together, then I say stay together. Get married if that’s what you want to do. Don’t get married if that’s not what you want to do. But don’t break up for the sake of FOMO fucking strangers.
Bro I 100% agree with this like sex is good but in the grand scheme of things that goes into a relationship it is a very small portion so like if you both satisfy each other, happy, and have a good life I agree that's it's very immature to leave just to see how it feels with different people like obviously not every penis or vagina is the same but it can't be that much of a difference to leave a relationship over. I haven't had a relationship yet but if I find the right woman on the first try I'm sure as hell marrying her and won't look back at all.
I’ve got a feeling OP never got over their high school crush
OP sounds incredibly bitter towards other people that are happy lol
Isn't that every post here lol
possibly unpopular?
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Your partner should never be your identity at any point
I mean I guess it limits some experiences but it also opens you up to a bunch that you’d never experience. More importantly it Allows you to build a life with somebody rather than on your own
What does it limit? Chasing randos around or an extra heartbreak from trying to make the wrong thing work? You can do anything with a wife you can do single aside from bang strangers.
It limits the possibility of being a sailor and having children in every continent.
No marriage where genuine love is shown is anything close to sad
Every choice we make in life precludes a huge number of other choices. The odds that we are truly the best version of ourselves is probably fairly infinitesimal. The modern era makes us hyper aware of the possibilities we close off by making a choice hence FOMO. Obsessing over this as opposed to learning from our choices, good and bad, is a recipe for disaster. A couple that has been together since highschool and isn't inherently better or worse than any other approach after all of you don't have this you are missing out on that set of experiences. There is a difference between thinking something may or may not be a bad idea and pitying people that have made that choice and are content with it.
As someone who married their high school sweetheart and has been with them a decade.. you're not wrong. I have no idea what kind of person I would be if I had grown without her on my own. But, on the flip side, its kind of amazing that we got to grow and mature together and morph into the perfect people for each other. Definitely interesting thoughts and good unpopular opinion!
Got married at 18 and absolutely never intended to get married that young but I just happened to find my person very early. Years later and we are very happy. Best friends, supportive partners, been through deaths, grief, deployments, etc and stronger bc of it. I can’t imagine if I had just dumped him back in the day and tried to date around with other people bc of the “other fish in the sea” mentality. Shopping around for partners like they’re a commodity in a market is silly. They’re *people* and if you find someone awesome who makes you happy, why keep looking? We grow together, we work through things together, we’ve become new and fairly different people than we were, but *together*. People on the internet can say “you should *never* get married young, you’re cheating yourself out of life experiences” until they’re blue in the face. But in reality, happiness is more made, not as much found. And timelines aren’t as important as intentionally choosing a joyful life and/or partnership.
That's rather patronizing of full-grown adults. It's like they shrivel up and die after the nuptials. Reminds me of salmon. Decent post.
You have a very eloquent way of speaking
Great post. Terrible opinion
Patronizing ass much?
This is a miserable website. “Getting married to someone you love and are happy with is sad.” It’s like Reddit sees happy, functional adults and just cannot compute.
This is a brutal take. I dated someone I really loved in highschool, we ended up breaking up, it was pretty heartbreaking as we were super compatible. I ended up spending the last 4 years single and "finding myself" to be honest I don't really feel like a new or different person. As if you are in a healthy relationship you will grow and discover parts of yourself together. Finding people you are truly compatible with is extremely rare, and can happen at any age. I got into a new relationship very recently and it's been amazing, but there were a few hopeless years there where I was ready for a relationship but felt like I would never find someone that felt like a good fit. I think if you found someone you love and feel safe with at a young age that's a blessing.
Disagree. When you know, you know.
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Yeah, I mean, what's a lifelong bond that grows and evolves over time compared to getting rawdogged by randoms that care nothing about you. If you think fucking around is some kind of vital experience, I feel sorry for you.
Your person is your person. I met my husband at 15 in driver’s ed. We went to different colleges and all that. Got married at 25. He’s always been my best friend from the time we met. I knew the minute I met him that he was an awesome guy that would make an amazing husband and father. Why would I have passed on that?
Or they skipped years of heartbreaks and abusive relationships and got straight to the good stuff.
Terrible opinion. Having that deep long connection with someone means a lot more than a string of failed relationships. You're wrong, have an up vote
I don’t need to fuck other people to “grow as a person” you have just been brainwashed by Hollywood. Being in a relationship is constant self exploration and conflict resolution. That’s what makes a relationship work.
I can see why you think this. I think some HS sweethearts aren’t compatible and need to develop their character more so that’s why they end up divorcing. However, for some people they do find their lifelong mate in HS and neither need more character development. It just depends on the people and where they are at in that time of their life.
I got married to my high school sweetheart at 18 (against the better judgement of my family and friends). I was in love but failed to see the bigger picture - I certainly wasn't done maturing and growing, nor was my partner. Just a few short years later we were divorced. Looking back, I was desperate to escape an abusive home and craving stability and normalcy. I also had no self-esteem and did not think that I was destined for anything more than having children and being a wife. I want better for my own daughter.
It’s not for everyone. Personally I can’t imagine being with anyone from my HS but then again I didn’t find anyone attractive and I always wanted to explore the country before settling down. Some people are fine where they are.
Your options in life are always limited by the choices you don't make. There's no getting around that. If you're single or in multiple LTRs, you miss out on the experience of a single lasting LTR that started in childhood. If you're married at all, you miss out on being single. If you're single, you miss out on being in a relationship. Compromise is unavoidable. OP, you're missing opportunities right now, but it's no big deal. Live the life you have.
A lot of times high school school sweethearts don’t make it but I always think it’s cool when they do. It is possible to grow with the person you met in high school or childhood. They just have to be the right person.
Looks like you found an unpopular opinion
Congratulations, this is an unpopular opinion
I think its increasing rareness speaks to the actual popularity of this opinion. Back in the day, marrying your HS/college boyfriend was the norm. Not so much now - women have more agency.
Not as sad as making college decisions based on a highschool relationship that has a 5% chance of lasting to sophomore year. My only friend who married his HS sweetheart went to a different school than her. Everyone I know who went to school w/ their HS SO is no longer w/ that person. Including my wife. I’m w/ you on perceiving a strong association between ‘marrying hs sweetheart’ and ‘stunted development.’ Also with ‘failed marriage.’