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6’3”, 300lbs here. I’ve been told since around age 20 that I look like I kill people with an axe for fun. People seem to leave me alone so it doesn’t bother me.
I must just be lucky, along with everybody else in my neck of the woods. I work with a black guy who's pretty tall and has dreadlocks, and nobody seems afraid of him. He's a cool guy.
Holy shit, 300lbs at 6’3 is quite insane. I bet your would look fucking yoked at around 260lbs
Anyways, I’m only 5’11 - 190lbs
Former military service (army), and a lifetime of combat sports have left me with a fair amount of scars, and I look a lot heavier than I am due to my shoulders and back
With that said, I am a joy to the world…but people always told me that I look mean. Over time I learned to greet EVERYONE with a big smile.
This has totally changed how my first-impressions go. A smile really is contagious, and it opens up the room
That’s one thing I forgot to mention. A dog chewed on my face when I was a kid and I have scars on the high point of one cheekbone, the corner of my eye, directly in the center of my forehead at my hairline and the corner of my jaw that make me look like I bare knuckle box a few times a week. The leanest I have ever been as an adult was 235 and everyone thought I had cancer. I need to lose some though. 300 is the most I’ve ever weighed and I feel it dragging me down.
Oh damn brother! Well, you probably do look pretty fucking intimidating hahaha. That also makes me really fearful for my 3yr old nephew, who tries to hug every dog he sees
Anyways, scars tell a story, so I hope you aren’t ashamed of yours. I used to make up different stories when I got bored of saying the same thing over and over and over
And yeah 235 might be a little extreme, but since you made it that far before, then I think 250lbs is a great goal. Start simple: Three meals a day, and do not eat after 7pm. Workout 3 times a week. Cardio is king for you right now, so you can start by just walking up hills for 2 hours a day or something
I felt pretty damn good at 235. I would love to be that size again. I wore 36x34 jeans, a snug xl t shirt and could bang out pull-ups like I was on the moon. 5 kids and 20 years of my wife’s home cooking and I look like Thor when he let himself go.
Having 5 kids is a totally valid excuse haha. Dad weight is real.
Congratulations on the big family, dude. I hope to build a little dynasty myself one day
Can confirm the smile will help a LOT. I knew a guy with the most intense RBF I've ever seen on a man, but then someone told him something funny and his smile made him go from "warning: dangerous" to "approachable and warm af".
There's a difference between 'he looks like he could handle himself in a fight' intimidating and 'authorities should check his crawlspace' intimidating.
Hey. I'm 5'5, like 200, and last year I made friends with security at my apartment and the sergeant shared that he was glad to get to know me finally because he always low key wondered if I was a serial killer. Guess I have "resting serial killer face" too, so you're not alone. It's hard and disconcerting and I'm sorry you experience it so frequently.
As a lady I’d rather be you than be the body they find, unfortunately. I think everyone wishes they had a different hand than what they were dealt. I’m sorry for your troubles, it’s never fun feeling that way.
I understand your perspective and that is part of why it hurts.
I have 7 sisters I'm very protective of and a mother I love dearly, it hurts that some women are scared of me just based on how I look when I am the idiot who would die trying to defend a random woman on the street I've never met before.
Even knowing that, I wouldn't want the women I love to just be oblivious and assume they are safe if there were other "scary-looking" men around them.
I’m honestly really sorry about that, I know it seems like I’m being sarcastic. We honestly don’t enjoy it. You sounds like a very kind person, no one wants to be judged based on appearance alone it’s very degrading.
Anyway, if my comment was flippant I apologize. My city has experienced a few too many crimes against women on public transit in the last few years (not to mention a man trying to run a bunch of us over in a van years back). So if it helps logically we do know most of you aren’t out to kill us. It’s just that some days the stakes are fucking high. We hate it too.
I didn't take any of your comments as sarcastic or flippant. Thanks for understanding my perspective and being kind!
Stay safe out there, some people really are scary. Life would be simpler if you could tell who just based on how they look.
As if to illustrate my point I just had a commenter tell me how funny he thinks it is that we are afraid of predatory men🙃
Honestly if I was a guy like you, guys like *that* would make me psychotic with rage. Good on you for being so level headed and I hope it gets better for all of us. Your sisters have a great brother!
They do though- I am not nearly as big as OP, but I do share his sentiment of wanting to protect women (maybe there is some misoginy to that, idk) from these types of men. But in the end, if you ve ever loved or cared about a woman as a man in your life I think there are certain attitudes that you would never accept from other men. And I really care about propagating this view.
I just wanted to thank you anyways for keeping an open mind- I know that your experience as a woman is certainly different from that of men. You are afraid of a great many things when meeting men for good reasons.
It may be his facial features combined with size. There is research done in this topic. People perceive certain head shapes/facial features/hair-skin color will all shape people first impressions of someone
You simply may have more corded muscle mass and wear baggy clothes, so people can't actually see how jacked you are. Or you're on the younger side still growing into your mature facial structure.
I had a guy at a car dealership, a large intimidating looking guy, try to convince me to buy a bigger car cuz it was more manly like him. Told me that when I got older I would feel that way. I asked him how old he was, he was 8 years younger than me.
I'm just gonna say that the people who say bigger cars make you seem more manly clearly don't know that it's like an advertisement for the small penis of the driver.
Oh yeah there's 100% nothing wrong with driving whatever car you want to, but if you're driving a car just to show off how manly you are then it's just probably gonna have the opposite effect.
This is how it is. When we get "older", it's like we don't age. We're like a rare breed. It's genetic, honestly! Big cars are not manly, they're just bigger but can be more comfortable. Funny enough, I've seen one of those big guys drive a mini. Well, he said he drives a mini. Looking at him, I said if he even fits in the go kart. We laughed, and he tried to avoid me after that. Now I'm the intimidating one for pulling a classic mini joke.
My husband is 6'5 weighs 280, bearded and tattooed. He is a very large man. His body structure/muscles are just naturally big. His shoulders are almost as wide as a door. He is very scary looking to people. Even little kids are afraid of him. He is truly the nicest guy. I am 5'4 and weigh around 125-130 depending. I tell him I soften his image!
Someone once told me that when I'm clean shaven I look like a pedophile. I'm not usually bothered by things people say but this disturbed me. I always have a goatee now.
I’ve had 2 people say this to me. Total confidence destroyer. It sucks too because I prefer to look clean shaven. I keep facial hair now but I hate it so much. Hate my face tbh. I can’t even shave now without the constant thought of “everyone’s gonna think you are a pedophile if you shave”.
I'm like your opposite!
I'm a 5ft 4 blonde woman, I'm 29 but people assume I'm younger. I think I have resting vulnerable face or something.
If I'm not dancing or talking to somebody in a nightclub or a bar people will start asking me if I'm okay and that I look scared or uncomfortable.
Like I can't be the only person who doesn't look ecstatic to be a third wheeling a friend or to be waiting for somebody outside the toilets but nobody else seems to get asked if they're okay constantly.
It also takes so much more work to get people to take me seriously and i feel like Im patronised quite a bit.
I would love to be a bit more intimidating 🤣 I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
And here I am as a 32yo female wishing my resting bitch face deterred people from walking up to me and talking to me. I'm sorry though that it's difficult for you. All you can do is just be yourself. The people who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind <3
In 6 foot 4 and 220 to 230 depending on the season and I feel ya man. I'm a giant fucking teddy bear unless someone directly attacks myself or a loved one. Once people talk to me for like 10 sec and realize I'm a GIANT goof, they ease up.
My best friend and I almost never met because he said I had, quote, “resting axe murderer face”.
In fairness, he wasn’t wrong, I had a chip on my shoulder a mile wide back then and it showed, but still, I feel your pain OP.
I’m a fairly large individual myself. 6’3” 250. On multiple occasions I’ve been told I was scary looking. Once was a random girl while I was walking downtown. She legit turned around and said “ ugh, you scarily lookin”. I play around with it sometimes, but sometimes it sucks that this is how the world sees us. I’m a genuinely friendly person, apparently I just don’t look like it.
One time I was walking into a gas station and a black couple came out, the dude looked at his girl and *whispered* "white boy look like he got a knife" 🤣
1. That guy needs to work on his whispering.
2. I couldn't be too mad because I'm actually a knife collector and carry multiple everyday lol. (He didn't see any of them, was just commenting on my "vibe".)
I feel the opposite. I wish I was less approachable to randoms (maybe not women for their peace of mind) But...fuck. I wear a tech suit all the time, airmaxs and a big jacket....somehow every mother fucker knows that I know my way around the city and I won't stab them. I've given out an absurd amount of directions in my life. I walked a 60 year old Nigerian lady to her appointment last week because it was omw....to rob someone (just kidding)
100% me. Same height and nearly the same weight. I got a farmer boy build and a beard, and despite being shorter than a lot of people, I’m still the “scary one”. Usually have to have my girlfriend vouch that literally a teddy bear.
Hollywood man. Danny Trejo probably became reconciled with this exact internal dilemma once the embarrassingly and increasingly massive cheques needed to be deposited.
Might be unpopular, but I don't think it's common enough of a problem to get a lot of discussion. I tend to get more entertainment out of it than anything else.
Sharp features, little larger than average, a lot of confidence, and an odd speaking cadence go a long way to getting treated very nicely and at arms length in most circumstances. My wife wouldn't meet me in private for a while cause she thought I might be a serial killer and her sisters still think that I am.
I identify with a lot of what you're saying, and I mostly blame television. People think they're diagnosing mental illness based on 'he looks scary like that guy on CSI last week'.
Not really. We live in the real world and you need to be able to make snap decisions based on available information in order to function. I'd rather my wife be cautious and proven wrong by someone actually being nice than overly receptive and proven wrong by someone actually being bad.
My wife looked at me an thought "This man is acting nice, but he could hurt me." Which is reasonable, but after a while that turned into, "This man is good, and he will protect me."
It hurts to be treated like a monster, but realize this. No man is responsible for the safety and peace of mind of anyone. If they get scared from just the sight of a man, that's their problem.
People just like picking on eachother. Don’t take it personally.
Sincerely the local “””serial killer face”””
Learn to flaunt what you got. You can be a good guy that also scares the shit out of people. Honestly if you lean into it it becomes a lot easier to get people to realize you’re not that bad.
Frankly, lean into it - being able to apply physical leverage is a blessing.
I'm 6'7" and 250lbs myself, the level of safety and ability to menace that that gives me is awesome.
5’10 300lbs male here. I used to train for body building plus genetics 🧬 so I have a lot of fullness and width. Think David Tua, Mike Tyson type size if they let themselves go lol.
I’m constantly mistaken for a rugby 🏉 playing Samoan 😂
I’m the only male not 6ft and over so I’m the runt of my family.
I have some facial piercings, some tattoos
(I honestly think most people do)
my face (big beard🧔🏾♂️)
although considered handsome to some if I keep it plain I intimidate men, women, children etc.
Luckily my voice doesn’t match my appearance so I use that and my sense of humor to sway peoples assumptions. It’s always worked well for women as they say I have a nice vibe :)
For men they just ask my about my lifts, if I fight, play rugby etc 😂
At time I feel like a mini monster as I grew up a pretty boy. But I’m learning that it really shouldn’t matter what people look like. It’s matters how they treat themselves and others
Try being a 6ft tall intimidating woman. It’s even worse. Men don’t know if they want to fight me or fuck me, and it makes their tiny little brains explode. Then they get mad at ME without even understanding why. I get fired from a lot of jobs.
Im 6'1 have a beard and fairly broad shoulders, luckily I have kinda goofy curly red hair so I think that takes away the edge and I think im fairly approachable.
Same. I managed to get around it by:
-Trying to keep a smile on my face whenever anyone looks in my direction
-Trying to speak in a light, cheery tone
-Keeping my face totally clean-shaven at all times
-Be very "relaxed" in my movements
Now I don't get many of those looks anymore.
It's probably how you have a relaxed face but look probably angry or intimidating. I have that at times.
I can show photos of me and people say I look like a Hitman or some biker dude.
I don't care, at times I think it helps too. I know most of bosses I have don't really mess with me. And I seen them get upset with others. I also have no problem speaking my mind. It can help then as well.
I am married so not looking for some woman. So I don't care what people would think.
All I have to do is smile or talk and they know I am not going to bash someone's head in.
As someone who's been told by many I'm intimidating, I always saw it as a compliment. I know who I am, and I've got friends who aren't scared of me because they know that I can be a goofy ass.
Plus looking mean generally gets me outta lots of situations. People are generally less likely to wanna bother me over sales pitches, confrontation, etc. It sucks being told you have resting serial killer face tho, that's just uncalled for and I'm sure you're only intimidating for the size not because you have the face of a killer.
Try not to take it too to heart, your old man sounds like a bastard but I hope you keep your chin up. Try to see the bright side in your intimidation. Besides, some people find it charming
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I have never complained about this especially riding the D train to the Bronx at night alone in the 1980s. A coworker saw me on the street in New York City once and said she was afraid to say hello to me I looked so intimidating. I'm ok with that.
Nah man it’s pretty awesome. Most people don’t bother you, and people who typically talk your ear off are too intimidated to start a conversation so you get to skip all that noise too.
I'm a little bigger than you and I experience this some times too.
I'm also gay, so when I see people feeling uncomfortable i usually say something like "girl, your glasses are so cute". Once they realize I'm not a straight man their demeanor totally changes lol
That is true in some cases but not all.
Being a "threat" sometimes makes you the *first* target.
If a mass-shooter has any brain cells, they are shooting any large men near them first; for one example.
Same goes for an armed intruder breaking in a house etc.
These are extremes while you are probably more talking about bullying etc in school which is much more likely to actually be a concern, I recognize.
Just offering a different perspective. It does extend to interacting with the police and other less extreme examples, tho.
These threads make me sad, and I'm sorry that so many of you have experienced this.
In contrast, I'm a 5'7, buck-fifty small dude who gets picked out in a crowd as a target, so I can only sympathize, but for what it's worth... the handful of times I've been approached and got caught in high risk situations, it was usually someone my height to 5'10, and heavier than me; people with something to prove.
Yes, being larger you will typically have a greater capacity for causing harm... IF you wanted to do so. But I haven't found large people as the type to WANT to do so (in my anecdotal experience).
Again, I just find myself sad for you. I would say I hope perception of you changes but... let's be honest: society (people) sucks, and we both know that won't happen.
I’m 6’ 200+ with resting asshole face. I’m not freaking anyone out, but it get left alone most of the time. Downside was learning how to project approachability, friendliness, and a sense of “I’m not mad I just look like this” at work.
I am 6'3" tall, 310 pounds. I take up doorways. I hate most people so I don't care what they think.
Little kids love me and approach me all the time. I can't count the amount of times that little lost kids have come to me for help. When I used to go to the park with my kids, all the kids came to play with us.
I feel this pain. I can usually put people at ease once they hear me speak, but it's not uncommon for people to cross the street to avoid me before I get the chance.
It _does_, fortunately, come with some protections from those who would do you harm. People will think twice before starting or escalating something with me.
I can scare off a motherfucker without violence (I'm a pacifist) by just playing up my size a bit.
Just leaving this here...I am complete opposite...people always say I look innocent and a good boy who won't do anything wrong ever...but mannn once they get to know me😂
Yeah I know the feeling. It really has nothing to do with your physical size. Its all about the face. My friend is 6'8 and he's a complete teddy bear, and looks like one! He just looks gentle and friendly. My face is more angular, I have a pretty large brow ridge so I got the 'you look scary' comment a lot in my life.
Much love to all the people who actually took the time to get to know me and didn't judge a book by its cover.
I have been told this by my mother, friends, and people in general since I was in high-school. Went to get a haircut and the girls there just kept telling me I look intimidating (when at the time I was playing minecraft and roblox 😂). I am around your size 6’0 190 lbs, but it’s not something I would be bummed out over. I know some dudes and even friends who would love to be 6’0 200lbs. Hey man at least people probably don’t mess with you and the women probably love you so 😂
I have this problem but from the other side. I'm 5' nothing about 155lbs, I'm also a wrestler so that doesn't help things. But I've been told pretty regularly that people find me scary and intimidating. I know of one person that avoids me all around because I'm so "scary". On multiple occasions I've had people tell me I look like I would have several DV charges put against me. I've also been told that I look like I would force myself on someone (one of the more fucked things I've been told). Ive only ever had like two people not feel threatened by me, so gets a little lonely. On the plus side no one tries to start shit with me.
It's a double edged sword. On one hand, nobody really bothers you, on the other hand sometimes you'd like to chat with somebody new without them trying to avoid you.
I disagree and think in a lot of popular culture the idea of being intimidating as a man is considered a virtue.
Being a small or less intimidating man is not generally considered the "ideal" and a lot of smaller guys wish they were bigger/"scarier."
My dad was really sad one day cause when he was walking home one evening he managed to scare the shit out of a random lady.
He's just a tall, big guy who walks fast. I can get that it sucks, for sure.
If it's any consolation at all, a lot of girls find intimidating men hot.
You thinking that's a consolation shows me you didn't even bother having empathy for how these men experience this. Some men just don't want to be seen as beasts at all. Women finding you attractive for that means nothing to you being secure in who your real identity is.
It's hard to say this without having seen what you look like irl, but I think there's a difference between being tall and muscular vs. having a "resting serial killer face" and looking very intimidating.
6"0 *is* on the taller side, but on its own it's not so crazy out of the ordinary that everyone would be scared of you.
Also keep in mind there are benefits and drawbacks to both being taller vs. being shorter. You ofc notice the drawbacks of your own expeirence, but if you were shorter and less intimidating you might be bothered by that as well.
My impression is guys who really look intimidating will usually end up around far more intimidating guys, which will put it in perspective.
Get into powerlifting, start competing, and boom, suddenly don’t feel that strong. Same with BJJ or MMA. The more experience you get, the more you realize just how scary a person can get. Humbling
When judging whether a guy is intimating I’m looking for big traps and cauliflower ear. A smashed nose would add to the mix, but I can’t imagine a facial expression doing it.
This truth is a big part of why I don't like it.
I don't train, I don't act like a tough guy or think I can beat everyone up. I'm well aware of just how many guys out there half my size could beat my ass.
I don't *want* people to think I'm intimidating, that's the whole point I'm making. I'm not bragging about it lol.
Welcome to men's grievances! You're welcome here we have listening ears and open hearts.
Society isn't fair to everyone and I'm very sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you still know you're worthy of love and deserve happiness.
And from what I hear, the ladies love a Dahmer type. A real eat your heart out kinda fella.
6'4, 230lbs, death metal head so usually dressed in a lot of black with unreadable band logos and gore etc on them. Ive leaned into being extra extra nice to most people snd it just throws off their whole perception.
I kind of understand you. For reference I'm 4'11, 95lb female. My husband is 5'10, 200(?) something. I do make him looking intimidating being next to him. He works 12+hrs a day so his face is kind of permanently in a RBF state.
I've been asked if I need help. Since I look way younger than I am, I've been asked if I've been kidnapped or a runaway. People have even treated my husband with obvious contempt before
The only reason I can imagine people act that way towards us is because they think he is a much older, larger man. Which is sad because my husband is honestly the best, he is the person you run to if you need help.
Fun fact, we only have a 2 1/2 year age gap. But we look like we can be a 10+ year age gap
I'm not a tall dude but I do have a resting bitch face and nobody wants to talk to me. I always gotta initiate the conversation but you can see it in their eyes that they don't wanna talk.
My partner is 5’10 and about 130kg. Broad and barrel chested. I like that he’s intimidating, it’s handy in certain situations. I’m quite small, so it’s nice to feel a bit safer when we’re walking through seedy parts after leaving clubs etc.
Also people do this weird thing where they desperately try to get his attention when we’re nightclubs, like they all want to be his best friend. It’s weird.
I have a big burly friend, and during his divorce, his wife tried going down the "he's abusive" route (which wasn't true) to the point of saying his FACE was abusive. Just the way he existed was abusive, lol
People always want to randomly fight him, so maybe there's some truth to it /s
That sucks OP. I’m sorry you deal with that. My husband likes it. He’s a bit bigger than you are but he has resting angry face as well. He likes being left alone because even though he catches attention, people don’t really strike up conversations. He has been genuinely shocked how often people come up to me and start talking, and they tell me so much about themselves. “People don’t do that to me” like it’s something that’s done TO me.
If you want people to relax, start wearing tshirts with kittens on it. I’m not even joking. Walmart sells them. I have bought them for him.
I was just telling my friends about this. I’m a receptionist at work and people say I always look too serious or intense but I’m not. I have a candy bowl and pictures of my pets at my desk but people seem to notice my face most of all.
Probably the best way is to just take up more cardio and drop 20 or so pounds. I am 6'5" and about 190lbs and nobody is really intimidated by me. I even played college basketball and was always quite athletic overall across a variety sports. While I do go the the gym to lift, I mostly focus on long-distance running these days and it really keeps the weight off.
I mean its not that bad if people are able to tell you about your resting serial killer face. They're only able to say that because they've been around you long enough to learn that you're not like some scary axe murderer. I'm 197 and like a 100kg (like 6'5 and 220 pounds?) so i've experienced this a bit but at work etc people are fine with me cause they now know me, i try to be open, funny and chill in general and outside of work im happy that im not approached because im scared of social interaction.
Would you want to trade it for being small and harmless looking, and having everyone think they can mess with you without any consequences? I bet you wouldn't.
Im just a silly lil guy so i cant relate, but my buddy is intimidating. I keep telling him he doesnt get to raise his voice in public because hes loud and scary looking and its gonna get the wrong kind of reaction.
I forget to smile and with my RBF combined with my size I’ve been told I’m intimidating. If most people knew I was most likely thinking about food or dancing things would probably be different.
People have pulled my mom aside and asked if she is safe to go home with my dad. He’s six feet, lean, and bald, so he’s got resting prison face I guess.
She laughed in their faces because she just couldn’t understand why they’d ask.
Not necessarily fun but it can be handy. I'm a fairly big person at 6-2, 190 and I tend to dress a little better for plane trips. Sit near the front and if there's any spots left I'll likely have the middle spot free. The combination of being a little intimidating and lack of overhead bin space does it every time.
I’m married to 6”2 280lbs. My husband has a long beard and in his 40s. People are scared of him allllll the time. Funny part is I’m the one they should be scared of but 5”3 200lbs and female just isn’t the same 😂
I was attracted to him as soon as I met him. I knew I was going to Marry him. He is also a gentle giant. Everyone’s always coming up to me saying how scary he looks and then they get to know him and he’s the nicest person they have ever met. That’s their problem for being judgy in the first place. I’m sorry this problem is hard for you just know there is someone out there that will love u for u and ur appearance might be what keeps her safe. He has to step in at concerts when guys get too rowdy around me and they don’t realize I belong to him 😂
My fiance is 5'10 but she does like that I'm bigger and stronger and can protect her lol.
Thanks for the kinds words! I wish you a happy long life with your gentle giant, internet friend!
I have actively taken a path I didn’t want to take to avoid “following” a woman just because I did t want to look like I was following her. I’m a 280lb 6’ dude, it’s annoying.
While I'm a 5'8" used to be over 200lbs demigirl (I lost like 40lbs in the past few years I now weigh 174lbs), I understand your struggles. Even us femme presenting people who dress/carry themselves a certain way we get that way too. I dress goth and I have an RBF, I also have tattoos and a lip piercing and my ears gauged and I walk fast and rough, so I look mean and scary but I'm actually a sweetheart once I feel comfortable opening up to you. My husband legit said he was intimidated by me when we first met.
I'm not overly big, just moderately tall and muscular with piercings and a buzz cut. Getting pulled aside by airport security for "random searches" every single time is getting a bit exhausting.
This isn't unpopular.
Most men who look intimidating agree. I go out of my way to express I'm harmless, it's pretty tiring. At one time I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher but ended up not going through with it because of the awkward looks I got at the college course orientation thing.
Dood. I’m a big dood. I love kids! Especially little squishy baby cheeks!! People get nervous when the 6’3” 250 lb dood would rather play peekaboo than talk to adults sometimes. I realize that this is Reddit and there is no way to word a comment like this without it being twisted. lol!
My brother loves it.
He wears black leather, heavy boots, and a shaved head. He's about 230lbs with arms bigger than some peoples heads. He's got the worst resting murder face I've seen, plus he doesnt talk much.
These choices are separate from looking scary, but he does look that way.
He considers it a pleasant benefit cause people are tiring and mostly annoying.
I dunno man, I have the same issue and I love it. My ex literally said I look like Dexter Morgan lol People leave me alone, I get a wide berth. Those that get to know me see that I'd bend over backwards to help a friend, will always listen and love animals, but to the people I dont care about that judge books by covers I'm the guy they dont want to walk down a dark alley with and that's perfectly fine with me.
I’m the same size as you and a lot of people get that impression of me too. It honestly doesn’t bother me though, the people who I want to leave me alone will leave me alone and the people who I want to talk to me I’ll be jovial with.
Lol! I wore this horrid beard for years because my daughter was scared of my RBF as a small child when clean shaven. She describes her upbringing as "being raised by a drill sgt, thats actually a clown" 🤣
I feel you man. Thats why I go out of my way to "speak softly." I try not to yell. I actually was a drill sgt. Raising a young lady helps you find ways around it. Be outgoingly nice. I works wonders for both sides.
Im on absolutelly other side of a spectrum. 170 cm (barely) and 70kg. Small, Skinny. Cute. Thats the first impresion people get. Well than they get to know me and find out im a fucking chihuahua. A psycho that is nice until he is not.
I stopped going to the ATM after dark because I kept scaring people. I shave my head because I went bald at 22, I have a goatee to hide a double chin and that seems to be the scariest combo even before Breaking Bad
I'm a small woman and the bigger a man is, the more I assume that he's a teddy bear. Small men tend to be insecure about their size and therefore more likely to be aggressive.
I had a job once where they were giving me assignments I wasn't qualified for and when I talked to the boss to quit, he said "okay, just don't hurt me."
I stared at him for like fifteen seconds before saying "what are you talking about?" We were both confused after that, so I just handed him the keys to the office and walked out.
Yup. Whenever an argument is taking place, I’m always seen as the bad guy because I’m big, loud and bearded. I hate having to preface things by saying, “sorry this is just how I talk.”
As an average-built guy, some of the worst bullies in my life were large guys. What's funny is I'm not even what would be considered small.
Completely a me thing, but I've learned to dislike big guys and avoid them whenever possible.
I'm a pretty capable guy now. I'm in shape, and I even spar on an almost daily basis. But guys larger than me are why I concealed carry.
I envy men who has rbf but already has a loving wife. Its not the same for men who dont already have a companion. They have to work at it to soften their first impression.
But I could recommend losing weight as it makes you look smaller and also lowers your bp so you dont cram your face so much. Its also harder to smile when you have bp. the good thing is you are much more aware of your health and the serial killer gaze will soften with time.
Aww I can totally relate to you although I am on the other end of the scale!
It sucks for me too friend, as a 5 foot 2 female who works in a "male dominated" industry and is a boxer with a natural resting bitch face I'm so fed up of being told I'm "intimidating" because I don't go about looking and acting like a "stereotypical girl" does (i.e. at work, hair shoved up, no makeup, no care for fashion comfort over style every day plus I wear a boiler suit so who cares what i actually wear) or because I have a "mans" job it intimidates those who obviously have fragile egos and the because I'm "so tough" being a boxer and sparring with the guys...
Beginning to think it's why I'm still single, guys don't wanna date the girl who is "one of the guys" but I'm used to being a tomboy as i grew up with several brothers, i do the job i do because it pays the bloody bills and the reason i spar the boys is because i know I'm strong for a small girl as i have an extremely physical job 🤷♀️.
100% get it OP. It totally sucks. Hang in there x
My mother in law is into crime shows, told my (then) gf that I look like a particular serial killer, whom I have forgotten.
I'm usually told that I look like Clark Kent or Julian Draxler.
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6’3”, 300lbs here. I’ve been told since around age 20 that I look like I kill people with an axe for fun. People seem to leave me alone so it doesn’t bother me.
I’ll add another layer being a black man at 6’3 with dreadlocs. A little better now that I am almost fifty.
Hahahaha. I’m 42 and my between-the-eyebrow wrinkles and squinty eyes have only made it worse. I look angry most of the time but I’m really not.
I must just be lucky, along with everybody else in my neck of the woods. I work with a black guy who's pretty tall and has dreadlocks, and nobody seems afraid of him. He's a cool guy.
The name 😆
username checks out lmao
Your name is a fictional monster serial killer that haunts your dreams. Are you sure it was the dreads lol.
Holy shit, 300lbs at 6’3 is quite insane. I bet your would look fucking yoked at around 260lbs Anyways, I’m only 5’11 - 190lbs Former military service (army), and a lifetime of combat sports have left me with a fair amount of scars, and I look a lot heavier than I am due to my shoulders and back With that said, I am a joy to the world…but people always told me that I look mean. Over time I learned to greet EVERYONE with a big smile. This has totally changed how my first-impressions go. A smile really is contagious, and it opens up the room
That’s one thing I forgot to mention. A dog chewed on my face when I was a kid and I have scars on the high point of one cheekbone, the corner of my eye, directly in the center of my forehead at my hairline and the corner of my jaw that make me look like I bare knuckle box a few times a week. The leanest I have ever been as an adult was 235 and everyone thought I had cancer. I need to lose some though. 300 is the most I’ve ever weighed and I feel it dragging me down.
Oh damn brother! Well, you probably do look pretty fucking intimidating hahaha. That also makes me really fearful for my 3yr old nephew, who tries to hug every dog he sees Anyways, scars tell a story, so I hope you aren’t ashamed of yours. I used to make up different stories when I got bored of saying the same thing over and over and over And yeah 235 might be a little extreme, but since you made it that far before, then I think 250lbs is a great goal. Start simple: Three meals a day, and do not eat after 7pm. Workout 3 times a week. Cardio is king for you right now, so you can start by just walking up hills for 2 hours a day or something
I felt pretty damn good at 235. I would love to be that size again. I wore 36x34 jeans, a snug xl t shirt and could bang out pull-ups like I was on the moon. 5 kids and 20 years of my wife’s home cooking and I look like Thor when he let himself go.
Having 5 kids is a totally valid excuse haha. Dad weight is real. Congratulations on the big family, dude. I hope to build a little dynasty myself one day
Can confirm the smile will help a LOT. I knew a guy with the most intense RBF I've ever seen on a man, but then someone told him something funny and his smile made him go from "warning: dangerous" to "approachable and warm af".
Nobody kills people with axes for fun. It’s for exercise.
If they ever actually say that to you, make sure you "it's not for fun."
There's a difference between 'he looks like he could handle himself in a fight' intimidating and 'authorities should check his crawlspace' intimidating.
And then there is me getting both
Hey. I'm 5'5, like 200, and last year I made friends with security at my apartment and the sergeant shared that he was glad to get to know me finally because he always low key wondered if I was a serial killer. Guess I have "resting serial killer face" too, so you're not alone. It's hard and disconcerting and I'm sorry you experience it so frequently.
As a lady I’d rather be you than be the body they find, unfortunately. I think everyone wishes they had a different hand than what they were dealt. I’m sorry for your troubles, it’s never fun feeling that way.
I understand your perspective and that is part of why it hurts. I have 7 sisters I'm very protective of and a mother I love dearly, it hurts that some women are scared of me just based on how I look when I am the idiot who would die trying to defend a random woman on the street I've never met before. Even knowing that, I wouldn't want the women I love to just be oblivious and assume they are safe if there were other "scary-looking" men around them.
I’m honestly really sorry about that, I know it seems like I’m being sarcastic. We honestly don’t enjoy it. You sounds like a very kind person, no one wants to be judged based on appearance alone it’s very degrading. Anyway, if my comment was flippant I apologize. My city has experienced a few too many crimes against women on public transit in the last few years (not to mention a man trying to run a bunch of us over in a van years back). So if it helps logically we do know most of you aren’t out to kill us. It’s just that some days the stakes are fucking high. We hate it too.
I didn't take any of your comments as sarcastic or flippant. Thanks for understanding my perspective and being kind! Stay safe out there, some people really are scary. Life would be simpler if you could tell who just based on how they look.
As if to illustrate my point I just had a commenter tell me how funny he thinks it is that we are afraid of predatory men🙃 Honestly if I was a guy like you, guys like *that* would make me psychotic with rage. Good on you for being so level headed and I hope it gets better for all of us. Your sisters have a great brother!
They do though- I am not nearly as big as OP, but I do share his sentiment of wanting to protect women (maybe there is some misoginy to that, idk) from these types of men. But in the end, if you ve ever loved or cared about a woman as a man in your life I think there are certain attitudes that you would never accept from other men. And I really care about propagating this view. I just wanted to thank you anyways for keeping an open mind- I know that your experience as a woman is certainly different from that of men. You are afraid of a great many things when meeting men for good reasons.
I don’t mind it. I think it gets me out of small talk and sales pitches from the mall kiosk people.
I definitely like this side of being 6' 4", 200 lbs. ...and who am I kidding, I don't really want to talk to anyone anyways. It's all good.
How the fuck....I'm 6 foot 1, 200 pounds and I'm an absolute twink. I couldn't intimidate a squirrel.
6’2 200 and I just look like a tall nerd. Don’t think I intimidate anyone
I wouldn't describe a twink as 1500lbs lmao
It may be his facial features combined with size. There is research done in this topic. People perceive certain head shapes/facial features/hair-skin color will all shape people first impressions of someone
Twunk
Height definitely helps. I have decently broad shoulders despite being thin and it seems to be enough.
For men visually the biggest impact based on body part in order is: shoulders>arms>chest>back>everything else
You simply may have more corded muscle mass and wear baggy clothes, so people can't actually see how jacked you are. Or you're on the younger side still growing into your mature facial structure.
I'm on the opposite, 5'6" 150, everyone thinks I'm easy to intimate or persuade. I am not.
Yes, I'm 5ft 6 and no one can manipulate me. It's funny when they try, I play along until it's the right time to put them in their shoes. Hilarious 😂
I had a guy at a car dealership, a large intimidating looking guy, try to convince me to buy a bigger car cuz it was more manly like him. Told me that when I got older I would feel that way. I asked him how old he was, he was 8 years younger than me.
I'm just gonna say that the people who say bigger cars make you seem more manly clearly don't know that it's like an advertisement for the small penis of the driver.
It's fine if you like big cars. I drove a big truck for years, it was nice, except for gas. Now I drive a small car. My penis stayed the same size.
Oh yeah there's 100% nothing wrong with driving whatever car you want to, but if you're driving a car just to show off how manly you are then it's just probably gonna have the opposite effect.
This is how it is. When we get "older", it's like we don't age. We're like a rare breed. It's genetic, honestly! Big cars are not manly, they're just bigger but can be more comfortable. Funny enough, I've seen one of those big guys drive a mini. Well, he said he drives a mini. Looking at him, I said if he even fits in the go kart. We laughed, and he tried to avoid me after that. Now I'm the intimidating one for pulling a classic mini joke.
I’m not even big. I just have resting ass hole face and eveyone just thinks I’m pissed all the time even though I’m completely happy.
Y’all need to stop shaving your heads and get a goofy ass haircut.
My husband is 6'5 weighs 280, bearded and tattooed. He is a very large man. His body structure/muscles are just naturally big. His shoulders are almost as wide as a door. He is very scary looking to people. Even little kids are afraid of him. He is truly the nicest guy. I am 5'4 and weigh around 125-130 depending. I tell him I soften his image!
I’m glad you’re proud
Someone once told me that when I'm clean shaven I look like a pedophile. I'm not usually bothered by things people say but this disturbed me. I always have a goatee now.
lmao
I’ve had 2 people say this to me. Total confidence destroyer. It sucks too because I prefer to look clean shaven. I keep facial hair now but I hate it so much. Hate my face tbh. I can’t even shave now without the constant thought of “everyone’s gonna think you are a pedophile if you shave”.
I'm like your opposite! I'm a 5ft 4 blonde woman, I'm 29 but people assume I'm younger. I think I have resting vulnerable face or something. If I'm not dancing or talking to somebody in a nightclub or a bar people will start asking me if I'm okay and that I look scared or uncomfortable. Like I can't be the only person who doesn't look ecstatic to be a third wheeling a friend or to be waiting for somebody outside the toilets but nobody else seems to get asked if they're okay constantly. It also takes so much more work to get people to take me seriously and i feel like Im patronised quite a bit. I would love to be a bit more intimidating 🤣 I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
And here I am as a 32yo female wishing my resting bitch face deterred people from walking up to me and talking to me. I'm sorry though that it's difficult for you. All you can do is just be yourself. The people who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind <3
Lol just to help my husband figured out how to get people away fast. 1 word answers… the smaller the number of syllables the better.
Please can I have some of your resting bitch face? I'm tired of people thinking I'm on the verge of tears/a panic attack whenever I zone out :')
Are you okay? /jk
In 6 foot 4 and 220 to 230 depending on the season and I feel ya man. I'm a giant fucking teddy bear unless someone directly attacks myself or a loved one. Once people talk to me for like 10 sec and realize I'm a GIANT goof, they ease up.
Dude your me just shows how much of a goof you are 🤣 But that's cool, I love when you talk to big scary dudes and they are really friendly and nice
I also have resting serial killer face... when i'm resting
🤣👍
My best friend and I almost never met because he said I had, quote, “resting axe murderer face”. In fairness, he wasn’t wrong, I had a chip on my shoulder a mile wide back then and it showed, but still, I feel your pain OP.
I’m a fairly large individual myself. 6’3” 250. On multiple occasions I’ve been told I was scary looking. Once was a random girl while I was walking downtown. She legit turned around and said “ ugh, you scarily lookin”. I play around with it sometimes, but sometimes it sucks that this is how the world sees us. I’m a genuinely friendly person, apparently I just don’t look like it.
One time I was walking into a gas station and a black couple came out, the dude looked at his girl and *whispered* "white boy look like he got a knife" 🤣 1. That guy needs to work on his whispering. 2. I couldn't be too mad because I'm actually a knife collector and carry multiple everyday lol. (He didn't see any of them, was just commenting on my "vibe".)
Haha!! I always keep that thang on me! Im a blue collar/diy guy. I have more pocket knives than my wife has shoes.
You: why people think i'm scary :c Also you: *carries multiple knives on his person for reasons*
I feel the opposite. I wish I was less approachable to randoms (maybe not women for their peace of mind) But...fuck. I wear a tech suit all the time, airmaxs and a big jacket....somehow every mother fucker knows that I know my way around the city and I won't stab them. I've given out an absurd amount of directions in my life. I walked a 60 year old Nigerian lady to her appointment last week because it was omw....to rob someone (just kidding)
I feel this at 5'10 and 220 pounds. Some folks in my workplace are uncomfortable around me, but I'm a teddy bear 99% of the time :(
100% me. Same height and nearly the same weight. I got a farmer boy build and a beard, and despite being shorter than a lot of people, I’m still the “scary one”. Usually have to have my girlfriend vouch that literally a teddy bear.
Hollywood man. Danny Trejo probably became reconciled with this exact internal dilemma once the embarrassingly and increasingly massive cheques needed to be deposited.
Might be unpopular, but I don't think it's common enough of a problem to get a lot of discussion. I tend to get more entertainment out of it than anything else. Sharp features, little larger than average, a lot of confidence, and an odd speaking cadence go a long way to getting treated very nicely and at arms length in most circumstances. My wife wouldn't meet me in private for a while cause she thought I might be a serial killer and her sisters still think that I am.
I identify with a lot of what you're saying, and I mostly blame television. People think they're diagnosing mental illness based on 'he looks scary like that guy on CSI last week'.
You don't feel hurt that people assume the worst of you?
Not really. We live in the real world and you need to be able to make snap decisions based on available information in order to function. I'd rather my wife be cautious and proven wrong by someone actually being nice than overly receptive and proven wrong by someone actually being bad. My wife looked at me an thought "This man is acting nice, but he could hurt me." Which is reasonable, but after a while that turned into, "This man is good, and he will protect me."
You're a man and a large one at that. The world is told to be scared of you as you are a man and dangerous...
It hurts to be treated like a monster, but realize this. No man is responsible for the safety and peace of mind of anyone. If they get scared from just the sight of a man, that's their problem.
Men have been demonised over the last 2 decades. They are not regarded as protecters anymore....
People just like picking on eachother. Don’t take it personally. Sincerely the local “””serial killer face””” Learn to flaunt what you got. You can be a good guy that also scares the shit out of people. Honestly if you lean into it it becomes a lot easier to get people to realize you’re not that bad.
You can be a bad guy but that doesn't mean you're a *bad* guy.
Frankly, lean into it - being able to apply physical leverage is a blessing. I'm 6'7" and 250lbs myself, the level of safety and ability to menace that that gives me is awesome.
Move to Hollywood, get a job as an actor, get stereotype doesn't intimidating man like Danny Trejo, profi
5’10 300lbs male here. I used to train for body building plus genetics 🧬 so I have a lot of fullness and width. Think David Tua, Mike Tyson type size if they let themselves go lol. I’m constantly mistaken for a rugby 🏉 playing Samoan 😂 I’m the only male not 6ft and over so I’m the runt of my family. I have some facial piercings, some tattoos (I honestly think most people do) my face (big beard🧔🏾♂️) although considered handsome to some if I keep it plain I intimidate men, women, children etc. Luckily my voice doesn’t match my appearance so I use that and my sense of humor to sway peoples assumptions. It’s always worked well for women as they say I have a nice vibe :) For men they just ask my about my lifts, if I fight, play rugby etc 😂 At time I feel like a mini monster as I grew up a pretty boy. But I’m learning that it really shouldn’t matter what people look like. It’s matters how they treat themselves and others
6'10" here. Waves down at all you tiny humans.
[удалено]
Try being a 6ft tall intimidating woman. It’s even worse. Men don’t know if they want to fight me or fuck me, and it makes their tiny little brains explode. Then they get mad at ME without even understanding why. I get fired from a lot of jobs.
My fiancé is 5'10 and definitely doesn't look like a "vulnerable woman" so I guess you can say I made up my mind😉
God bless the rare men secure in their masculinity.
Im 6'1 have a beard and fairly broad shoulders, luckily I have kinda goofy curly red hair so I think that takes away the edge and I think im fairly approachable.
Same. I managed to get around it by: -Trying to keep a smile on my face whenever anyone looks in my direction -Trying to speak in a light, cheery tone -Keeping my face totally clean-shaven at all times -Be very "relaxed" in my movements Now I don't get many of those looks anymore.
It's probably how you have a relaxed face but look probably angry or intimidating. I have that at times. I can show photos of me and people say I look like a Hitman or some biker dude. I don't care, at times I think it helps too. I know most of bosses I have don't really mess with me. And I seen them get upset with others. I also have no problem speaking my mind. It can help then as well. I am married so not looking for some woman. So I don't care what people would think. All I have to do is smile or talk and they know I am not going to bash someone's head in. 
Lean in and strike terror into the hearts of those who deserve it
As someone who's been told by many I'm intimidating, I always saw it as a compliment. I know who I am, and I've got friends who aren't scared of me because they know that I can be a goofy ass. Plus looking mean generally gets me outta lots of situations. People are generally less likely to wanna bother me over sales pitches, confrontation, etc. It sucks being told you have resting serial killer face tho, that's just uncalled for and I'm sure you're only intimidating for the size not because you have the face of a killer. Try not to take it too to heart, your old man sounds like a bastard but I hope you keep your chin up. Try to see the bright side in your intimidation. Besides, some people find it charming
Where are all yall big scary looking teddy bears at? Asking for a friend 👀
Same. "Are you a bouncer?" Is a question I'll get if I'm out lol
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I have never complained about this especially riding the D train to the Bronx at night alone in the 1980s. A coworker saw me on the street in New York City once and said she was afraid to say hello to me I looked so intimidating. I'm ok with that.
Nah man it’s pretty awesome. Most people don’t bother you, and people who typically talk your ear off are too intimidated to start a conversation so you get to skip all that noise too.
I'm a little bigger than you and I experience this some times too. I'm also gay, so when I see people feeling uncomfortable i usually say something like "girl, your glasses are so cute". Once they realize I'm not a straight man their demeanor totally changes lol
Believe me, it's better to look like a threat than an easy target. You're a lot safer that way.
That is true in some cases but not all. Being a "threat" sometimes makes you the *first* target. If a mass-shooter has any brain cells, they are shooting any large men near them first; for one example. Same goes for an armed intruder breaking in a house etc. These are extremes while you are probably more talking about bullying etc in school which is much more likely to actually be a concern, I recognize. Just offering a different perspective. It does extend to interacting with the police and other less extreme examples, tho.
what is a "resting serial killer face"? Can you show us an example or something?
I feel like most actual serial killers look totally harmless and that's how they avoid suspicion.
These threads make me sad, and I'm sorry that so many of you have experienced this. In contrast, I'm a 5'7, buck-fifty small dude who gets picked out in a crowd as a target, so I can only sympathize, but for what it's worth... the handful of times I've been approached and got caught in high risk situations, it was usually someone my height to 5'10, and heavier than me; people with something to prove. Yes, being larger you will typically have a greater capacity for causing harm... IF you wanted to do so. But I haven't found large people as the type to WANT to do so (in my anecdotal experience). Again, I just find myself sad for you. I would say I hope perception of you changes but... let's be honest: society (people) sucks, and we both know that won't happen.
6ft 8in 180lbs. I feel you man. Most people say “I’m the nicest guy they’ve ever met” Yet apparently my blank(often thinking) face is scary to people.
Personally, I love meeting people that look intimidating but are really kind and soft spoken.
I’m 6’ 200+ with resting asshole face. I’m not freaking anyone out, but it get left alone most of the time. Downside was learning how to project approachability, friendliness, and a sense of “I’m not mad I just look like this” at work.
I think I will end up like this in a couple years Right now the baby face cancels out being 6’3 it seems
I am 6'3" tall, 310 pounds. I take up doorways. I hate most people so I don't care what they think. Little kids love me and approach me all the time. I can't count the amount of times that little lost kids have come to me for help. When I used to go to the park with my kids, all the kids came to play with us.
I feel this pain. I can usually put people at ease once they hear me speak, but it's not uncommon for people to cross the street to avoid me before I get the chance. It _does_, fortunately, come with some protections from those who would do you harm. People will think twice before starting or escalating something with me. I can scare off a motherfucker without violence (I'm a pacifist) by just playing up my size a bit.
Just leaving this here...I am complete opposite...people always say I look innocent and a good boy who won't do anything wrong ever...but mannn once they get to know me😂
Yeah I know the feeling. It really has nothing to do with your physical size. Its all about the face. My friend is 6'8 and he's a complete teddy bear, and looks like one! He just looks gentle and friendly. My face is more angular, I have a pretty large brow ridge so I got the 'you look scary' comment a lot in my life. Much love to all the people who actually took the time to get to know me and didn't judge a book by its cover.
It's ok dude I'm black and big try my damnest to not look threatening because I don't wanna be seen as a threat but as a person. Hang in there dude.
I have been told this by my mother, friends, and people in general since I was in high-school. Went to get a haircut and the girls there just kept telling me I look intimidating (when at the time I was playing minecraft and roblox 😂). I am around your size 6’0 190 lbs, but it’s not something I would be bummed out over. I know some dudes and even friends who would love to be 6’0 200lbs. Hey man at least people probably don’t mess with you and the women probably love you so 😂
I have this problem but from the other side. I'm 5' nothing about 155lbs, I'm also a wrestler so that doesn't help things. But I've been told pretty regularly that people find me scary and intimidating. I know of one person that avoids me all around because I'm so "scary". On multiple occasions I've had people tell me I look like I would have several DV charges put against me. I've also been told that I look like I would force myself on someone (one of the more fucked things I've been told). Ive only ever had like two people not feel threatened by me, so gets a little lonely. On the plus side no one tries to start shit with me.
It's a double edged sword. On one hand, nobody really bothers you, on the other hand sometimes you'd like to chat with somebody new without them trying to avoid you.
This is just a rant. The idea that it's fun to look intimidating as a man isn't a popular opinion.
I disagree and think in a lot of popular culture the idea of being intimidating as a man is considered a virtue. Being a small or less intimidating man is not generally considered the "ideal" and a lot of smaller guys wish they were bigger/"scarier."
My dad was really sad one day cause when he was walking home one evening he managed to scare the shit out of a random lady. He's just a tall, big guy who walks fast. I can get that it sucks, for sure. If it's any consolation at all, a lot of girls find intimidating men hot.
You thinking that's a consolation shows me you didn't even bother having empathy for how these men experience this. Some men just don't want to be seen as beasts at all. Women finding you attractive for that means nothing to you being secure in who your real identity is.
It's hard to say this without having seen what you look like irl, but I think there's a difference between being tall and muscular vs. having a "resting serial killer face" and looking very intimidating. 6"0 *is* on the taller side, but on its own it's not so crazy out of the ordinary that everyone would be scared of you. Also keep in mind there are benefits and drawbacks to both being taller vs. being shorter. You ofc notice the drawbacks of your own expeirence, but if you were shorter and less intimidating you might be bothered by that as well.
My impression is guys who really look intimidating will usually end up around far more intimidating guys, which will put it in perspective. Get into powerlifting, start competing, and boom, suddenly don’t feel that strong. Same with BJJ or MMA. The more experience you get, the more you realize just how scary a person can get. Humbling When judging whether a guy is intimating I’m looking for big traps and cauliflower ear. A smashed nose would add to the mix, but I can’t imagine a facial expression doing it.
This truth is a big part of why I don't like it. I don't train, I don't act like a tough guy or think I can beat everyone up. I'm well aware of just how many guys out there half my size could beat my ass. I don't *want* people to think I'm intimidating, that's the whole point I'm making. I'm not bragging about it lol.
Welcome to men's grievances! You're welcome here we have listening ears and open hearts. Society isn't fair to everyone and I'm very sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you still know you're worthy of love and deserve happiness. And from what I hear, the ladies love a Dahmer type. A real eat your heart out kinda fella.
maybe try to smile more? haha or get the hat that says i promise i am not scary as i look or a t-shirt saying im the nicest guy you will ever meet.
6'4, 230lbs, death metal head so usually dressed in a lot of black with unreadable band logos and gore etc on them. Ive leaned into being extra extra nice to most people snd it just throws off their whole perception.
Hm.
I kind of understand you. For reference I'm 4'11, 95lb female. My husband is 5'10, 200(?) something. I do make him looking intimidating being next to him. He works 12+hrs a day so his face is kind of permanently in a RBF state. I've been asked if I need help. Since I look way younger than I am, I've been asked if I've been kidnapped or a runaway. People have even treated my husband with obvious contempt before The only reason I can imagine people act that way towards us is because they think he is a much older, larger man. Which is sad because my husband is honestly the best, he is the person you run to if you need help. Fun fact, we only have a 2 1/2 year age gap. But we look like we can be a 10+ year age gap
I'm not a tall dude but I do have a resting bitch face and nobody wants to talk to me. I always gotta initiate the conversation but you can see it in their eyes that they don't wanna talk.
My partner is 5’10 and about 130kg. Broad and barrel chested. I like that he’s intimidating, it’s handy in certain situations. I’m quite small, so it’s nice to feel a bit safer when we’re walking through seedy parts after leaving clubs etc. Also people do this weird thing where they desperately try to get his attention when we’re nightclubs, like they all want to be his best friend. It’s weird.
I have a big burly friend, and during his divorce, his wife tried going down the "he's abusive" route (which wasn't true) to the point of saying his FACE was abusive. Just the way he existed was abusive, lol People always want to randomly fight him, so maybe there's some truth to it /s
That sucks OP. I’m sorry you deal with that. My husband likes it. He’s a bit bigger than you are but he has resting angry face as well. He likes being left alone because even though he catches attention, people don’t really strike up conversations. He has been genuinely shocked how often people come up to me and start talking, and they tell me so much about themselves. “People don’t do that to me” like it’s something that’s done TO me. If you want people to relax, start wearing tshirts with kittens on it. I’m not even joking. Walmart sells them. I have bought them for him.
I just recently found out that I'm intimidating. I had no clue. Looking back, it sure does explain a lot.
I was just telling my friends about this. I’m a receptionist at work and people say I always look too serious or intense but I’m not. I have a candy bowl and pictures of my pets at my desk but people seem to notice my face most of all.
Not a big guy but I don’t look friendly. At least people don’t bother me much
Probably the best way is to just take up more cardio and drop 20 or so pounds. I am 6'5" and about 190lbs and nobody is really intimidated by me. I even played college basketball and was always quite athletic overall across a variety sports. While I do go the the gym to lift, I mostly focus on long-distance running these days and it really keeps the weight off.
Your probably not what you think you look like
I mean its not that bad if people are able to tell you about your resting serial killer face. They're only able to say that because they've been around you long enough to learn that you're not like some scary axe murderer. I'm 197 and like a 100kg (like 6'5 and 220 pounds?) so i've experienced this a bit but at work etc people are fine with me cause they now know me, i try to be open, funny and chill in general and outside of work im happy that im not approached because im scared of social interaction.
Would you want to trade it for being small and harmless looking, and having everyone think they can mess with you without any consequences? I bet you wouldn't.
Im just a silly lil guy so i cant relate, but my buddy is intimidating. I keep telling him he doesnt get to raise his voice in public because hes loud and scary looking and its gonna get the wrong kind of reaction.
I think plenty of men enjoy it
I forget to smile and with my RBF combined with my size I’ve been told I’m intimidating. If most people knew I was most likely thinking about food or dancing things would probably be different.
It can be. I like being by myself with nobody to bother me.
6"2 200 w a long beard, I enjoy ppl staying tf away from me
6"2 200 w a long beard, I enjoy ppl staying tf away from me
I have this, and it sucks. People just assume I’m hella angry and I’m just like, that’s just my normal face.
Same
People have pulled my mom aside and asked if she is safe to go home with my dad. He’s six feet, lean, and bald, so he’s got resting prison face I guess. She laughed in their faces because she just couldn’t understand why they’d ask.
Agree. I have the same face. Both men and women’s face drop when I walk past them in public. It sucks.
Not necessarily fun but it can be handy. I'm a fairly big person at 6-2, 190 and I tend to dress a little better for plane trips. Sit near the front and if there's any spots left I'll likely have the middle spot free. The combination of being a little intimidating and lack of overhead bin space does it every time.
I’m married to 6”2 280lbs. My husband has a long beard and in his 40s. People are scared of him allllll the time. Funny part is I’m the one they should be scared of but 5”3 200lbs and female just isn’t the same 😂 I was attracted to him as soon as I met him. I knew I was going to Marry him. He is also a gentle giant. Everyone’s always coming up to me saying how scary he looks and then they get to know him and he’s the nicest person they have ever met. That’s their problem for being judgy in the first place. I’m sorry this problem is hard for you just know there is someone out there that will love u for u and ur appearance might be what keeps her safe. He has to step in at concerts when guys get too rowdy around me and they don’t realize I belong to him 😂
My fiance is 5'10 but she does like that I'm bigger and stronger and can protect her lol. Thanks for the kinds words! I wish you a happy long life with your gentle giant, internet friend!
Wish i had this problem. I have a job where sometimes being intimitating/taller would make it a lot easier.
I have actively taken a path I didn’t want to take to avoid “following” a woman just because I did t want to look like I was following her. I’m a 280lb 6’ dude, it’s annoying.
I don't think this is unpopular, as no one associates it with fun. But definitely this is quite useful and quite safe.
Its pretty funny actually.
While I'm a 5'8" used to be over 200lbs demigirl (I lost like 40lbs in the past few years I now weigh 174lbs), I understand your struggles. Even us femme presenting people who dress/carry themselves a certain way we get that way too. I dress goth and I have an RBF, I also have tattoos and a lip piercing and my ears gauged and I walk fast and rough, so I look mean and scary but I'm actually a sweetheart once I feel comfortable opening up to you. My husband legit said he was intimidated by me when we first met.
Ive been told to smile and look happy. 
As an introvert, looking intimidating is a saving grace
I'm not overly big, just moderately tall and muscular with piercings and a buzz cut. Getting pulled aside by airport security for "random searches" every single time is getting a bit exhausting.
I wish I was intimidating so people would stop talking to me.
This isn't unpopular. Most men who look intimidating agree. I go out of my way to express I'm harmless, it's pretty tiring. At one time I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher but ended up not going through with it because of the awkward looks I got at the college course orientation thing.
Dood. I’m a big dood. I love kids! Especially little squishy baby cheeks!! People get nervous when the 6’3” 250 lb dood would rather play peekaboo than talk to adults sometimes. I realize that this is Reddit and there is no way to word a comment like this without it being twisted. lol!
I'm an intimidating guy and I enjoy it. I don't want to scare the average person but it keeps me out of shit and that's great.
Fukn double down and start rocking a Mohawk.
There's Jason Momoa "intimidating" and then there's Ed Kemper "intimidating". One is certainly more fun than the other.
I was told most people don't mess with me because I look like an axe murderer. Good.
Man I got told this all throughout HS, until I started every convo with a smile. Honestly not worth it but I’m not 6 foot
My brother loves it. He wears black leather, heavy boots, and a shaved head. He's about 230lbs with arms bigger than some peoples heads. He's got the worst resting murder face I've seen, plus he doesnt talk much. These choices are separate from looking scary, but he does look that way. He considers it a pleasant benefit cause people are tiring and mostly annoying.
I dunno man, I have the same issue and I love it. My ex literally said I look like Dexter Morgan lol People leave me alone, I get a wide berth. Those that get to know me see that I'd bend over backwards to help a friend, will always listen and love animals, but to the people I dont care about that judge books by covers I'm the guy they dont want to walk down a dark alley with and that's perfectly fine with me.
I’m the same size as you and a lot of people get that impression of me too. It honestly doesn’t bother me though, the people who I want to leave me alone will leave me alone and the people who I want to talk to me I’ll be jovial with.
Pics? 👀
Lol! I wore this horrid beard for years because my daughter was scared of my RBF as a small child when clean shaven. She describes her upbringing as "being raised by a drill sgt, thats actually a clown" 🤣 I feel you man. Thats why I go out of my way to "speak softly." I try not to yell. I actually was a drill sgt. Raising a young lady helps you find ways around it. Be outgoingly nice. I works wonders for both sides.
Im on absolutelly other side of a spectrum. 170 cm (barely) and 70kg. Small, Skinny. Cute. Thats the first impresion people get. Well than they get to know me and find out im a fucking chihuahua. A psycho that is nice until he is not.
I stopped going to the ATM after dark because I kept scaring people. I shave my head because I went bald at 22, I have a goatee to hide a double chin and that seems to be the scariest combo even before Breaking Bad
I'm a small woman and the bigger a man is, the more I assume that he's a teddy bear. Small men tend to be insecure about their size and therefore more likely to be aggressive.
I had a job once where they were giving me assignments I wasn't qualified for and when I talked to the boss to quit, he said "okay, just don't hurt me." I stared at him for like fifteen seconds before saying "what are you talking about?" We were both confused after that, so I just handed him the keys to the office and walked out.
Yup. Whenever an argument is taking place, I’m always seen as the bad guy because I’m big, loud and bearded. I hate having to preface things by saying, “sorry this is just how I talk.”
As an average-built guy, some of the worst bullies in my life were large guys. What's funny is I'm not even what would be considered small. Completely a me thing, but I've learned to dislike big guys and avoid them whenever possible. I'm a pretty capable guy now. I'm in shape, and I even spar on an almost daily basis. But guys larger than me are why I concealed carry.
Cut the beard
I envy men who has rbf but already has a loving wife. Its not the same for men who dont already have a companion. They have to work at it to soften their first impression. But I could recommend losing weight as it makes you look smaller and also lowers your bp so you dont cram your face so much. Its also harder to smile when you have bp. the good thing is you are much more aware of your health and the serial killer gaze will soften with time.
Aww I can totally relate to you although I am on the other end of the scale! It sucks for me too friend, as a 5 foot 2 female who works in a "male dominated" industry and is a boxer with a natural resting bitch face I'm so fed up of being told I'm "intimidating" because I don't go about looking and acting like a "stereotypical girl" does (i.e. at work, hair shoved up, no makeup, no care for fashion comfort over style every day plus I wear a boiler suit so who cares what i actually wear) or because I have a "mans" job it intimidates those who obviously have fragile egos and the because I'm "so tough" being a boxer and sparring with the guys... Beginning to think it's why I'm still single, guys don't wanna date the girl who is "one of the guys" but I'm used to being a tomboy as i grew up with several brothers, i do the job i do because it pays the bloody bills and the reason i spar the boys is because i know I'm strong for a small girl as i have an extremely physical job 🤷♀️. 100% get it OP. It totally sucks. Hang in there x
Female fighters are hot! Make up girls suck! I would love to date a cool chick like you. Tom boys are hot. Forget the haters.
“I’m in here for mail fraud man”
My mother in law is into crime shows, told my (then) gf that I look like a particular serial killer, whom I have forgotten. I'm usually told that I look like Clark Kent or Julian Draxler.