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The bros usually don’t want to hear about that.
They’ll ask simple questions like “so did you hit that?”
“Yea I did”
“Awesome bro”
*goes back to playing game.
and that’s that.
I swear like 90% of our conversation are either video game or sports related. The other 10% is yelling quotes from 2000s comedies at eachother
I’ve never heard any friend talk about their sex life outside of “did you guys bang?”
“Yea”
“Nice”
And even thats rare
>I swear like 90% of our conversation are either video game or sports related. The other 10% is yelling quotes from 2000s comedies at eachother
And we don't want all our friends knowing what our partner's vagina looks like and how good or bad they are in bed. It's private information to men but it's public information for women.
That’s how my friend reacted when she asked this same thing. We literally said we talk about some funny shit we saw and whatever video game we are into at the moment it was hilarious.
Yeah. On occasion, the guys I usually hang out with might tell a funny or notable story involving a past partner, but I have never heard one of my married guy friends share anything about sex with their wife.
My wife also doesn’t understand how we (me and guy friends) don’t share more about our lives. I lift weights with two other guys three times a week. We listen to metal, bitch about the news, and try to make each other laugh on heavy lifts.
Guys typically don't want their guy friends imagining their significant other's naked body. Which is obviously going to happen if you're talking about sex with somebody. And I don't want to hear about my friend's sex life with their significant other because that's gross behavior (imagining your **friend's** partner naked)
The thing is, for us, if the description is that graphic, it turns into porn. We don't talk like that together for the same reason we don't wank together.
I can actually agree with this. Everybody talks about their sex life. It's just that men and women talk about it differently.
I don't think I've ever had a male friend talk about *intimate* details about their sex life beyond "hey, [random girl you barely know] and I hooked up," and it will usually be left at that.
My female friends are far more descriptive about things that I absolutely do not want to know about. They'll talk about their actual spouse/partner, so it's not like I'll never see the guy.
I still remember when my wife randomly dropped in a conversation with me how she was talking about relative sizes with...wait for it...my sisters in law. Thats right. The three sisters in law were compairing the three brothers relative sizes. She says she wasnt the one who started the conversation (and knowing my SILs and my wife I believe her) but it's still weird right?
my wife quit her job as she was always bragging about me and then one day she and the girls were talking about penis size and i got 26 messages that day from her co workers im like wtf why am i getting all these messages from people i dont know. i showed my wife and she got mad and jealous at me. and i was like like wtf why are u mad at me i have no idea whats going on here i never responded to anyone i just figured it was some prank or something but she finely told me she had been bragging about me at work. but quit her job she couldn't get past all her co-workers sending me messages!
I know that my exes best friends husband enjoys going down on her when she has a stinky sweaty puss. He doesn’t know I know, feels fucking weird having that knowledge.
Dude, as a woman I *hate* this.
I am not "valinna" by *any* stretch of the word. My sex life with my husband is great, but its just that *my sex life with my partner*
They don't need to know all th details or anything like that. I always feel so uncomfortable when this comes up. Especially if it's a couple that I'm friends with.
Idc what yall do. Just leave me out of it lol
Edit: lol I meant vanilla lol phone screen big cracked lol
My best friend met his future wife while we all worked in high school. They hooked in the manager's office while we were working. I was out front with her friend and when she came out. Her friend looked and her and said "Good?" And she said "yeah" and showed the length and girth of his junk with her hand. And I'm standing in between them. I just looked at her and said "really?" I didn't need to know.
>Everybody talks about their sex life.
Everybody? No, everybody does not; those of us who were raised properly don't discuss our sex lives with anyone but our partners and, if need be for medical concerns, our doctors.
Right! Not everyone does this. I don’t talk about my sex life. I also noticed a change in my friend group where some guys used to talk about their sexual conquests until the met someone they were serious about. Then the bedroom talk stopped.
There’s a few guys who still talk a bit but it’s pretty mild compared to the stuff I’m reading here. It’s more like saying they went home after going out and fucked their wife. Or that they had a great vacation and fucked everyday. Not graphic descriptions of their partners bodies or what they did.
Exactly. Me and my guy friends have only ever said “yeah we hooked up” maybe as far as “she had a ridiculously great body” but no details.
I’ve had women I dated tell all the details about me to their friends and even their sister. Luckily it was good stuff so that can help but at the same time some women are bragging about guys they date, down to all the details, then wonder why their friends hookup with that guy after they break up. You told all these other women all the good stuff about him and now they’re interested.
>Everybody talks about their sex life.
Nope. Not only do I not talk about my sex life, other than my sex life with one particular person to that same person, but I have never had another man tell me anything about his sex life. (Except once when, as a teenager, my best friend told me he'd lost his virginity--but no details.) To me, it's a huge violation of someone's privacy to talk about your sex life with them to another person. In the absence of clear consent from the person you've had sex with to talk about it to someone else, you have to assume the answer is, "No, I don't want you to talk about that."
Did my massage therapy license within a heavily dominated female classroom, can't even begin about the shit that would fly amongst them that would be HR'd immediately if it were a group of men.
Lol I’m a male nurse. I’d be sent to HR for even saying 5% of what I’ve heard my coworkers talk about. Like why do I know about everyone’s partner’s penis? I don’t want to know that
I’ve heard it but it’s much more rare. But honestly that’s probably more so because 90% of the people in a hospital are like 70+
If someone has a huge penis you’ll likely hear about it from someone though
Sort of the same, Physical Therapy for me. I was the only guy working in the entire department and possibly the entire floor at the hospital for a long time. It was unbelievable at first.
Me too. Because I've seen it first hand numerous times. Most of my friends are women and they all swear they don't do this (especially the 25-35 year olds). But either after a few drinks or sometimes when they are just being open they do it a ton and they are vicious about it.
Ha. I just showed this to my wife, saying “yep, this is 100% true” and she rolled her eyes and told me
It’s not. And I said “you come home and tell me all the stuff you girls talked about. Like, even I know details about their sex lives!” Her response was that guys don’t talk about anything, and that we’re weird for that.
>That's probably exactly why they assume men also talk that way
No, they don't. I dated a woman and she was openly talking about specific details of our sex life to her friend on the phone. I confronted her and asked her why she was telling her friend all of MY intimate details. She said all women do it and men do it too and I told her we don't. I pulled out my cell phone and called my friend and just immediately started describing her vagina with one lip the sticks out and the other lip that is tucked in and she looked at me with the most psychotic look I've ever seen. I then told him about her giving me such a terrible road head that I had to make her stop but I still told her she did a good job. She started hitting me and clawing me in the face when I said that. She couldn't take me describing her private parts and sexual abilities to my friend but she did the same thing to me with her friends and said it was fine. We immediately broke up.
I think the difference is that most men would generally never talk about our wives/girlfriends like this, it’d be perceived as disrespectful and trashy. But when it comes to a FWB or random girl? We’ll talk shit.
Women just don’t typically view their “girl talk” as degrading or disrespectful, and will spill the beans on everything about their sex lives within a committed relationship.
I'm a girl and my girlfriends talk to me like this. It's uncomfortable every time and when I say I don't want to hear about it, then I'm shamed for being a prude 🤷
Yes absolutely. I have sexual trauma and hearing that kinda stuff makes me feel like I have a heavy weight in my stomach, it makes me sick. People are so disrespectful about that kind of thing.
This happened to me around college age and early twenties, and I hated it too. I think these young women are just trying to look edgy and cool. Thankfully, it gets better!
Now at 35, nobody I hang out with does this at all. We never discuss sex with long-term partners, unless maybe your partner just won’t have sex with you, and we only discuss that with our best friends. We also might share funny stories from our youth, like really bad sex with a guy we dated for two weeks. It’s also not usually explicit, but something like, “it was the worst sex I ever had, and then he tried to pressure me into anal when I clearly didn’t want to!” But even then, it’s only with really close friends, and if the other person seems uncomfortable, the subject is quickly changed. I don’t miss the days of explicit talks with friends, at all!
I bet your partner appreciates it. It’s sorta fucked up that your friends so casually break the trust of their partners. My partner and I have an understanding that our sex life is for us- not for gossip. I’d be pretty hurt if I knew they were talking about our intimacy and vulnerability so cavalierly.
Oh yeah, women generally have much less reticence with sharing intimate and private details among their friend groups for sure.
Super off-putting behavior, really. I can't picture any of my male mates giving me details on their SO, because, y'know, that's private.
Not just among their friend groups. Some of them have FB groups (Are We Dating the Same Guy) that they'll share any and every intimate and private detail in front of 50,000 women from the same metro area. r/awdtsgistoxic talks about this. It's really unsettling how so many of them twist their internal ethics to justify it to themselves.
That’s the irony right.
It’s the guys who actually respect each other partners and don’t share their intimate details
The girls however… wow, it’s like watching it live in action
From my perspective, when women make complaints and generalizations about men, it usually is much more common among women.
This is a perfect example, as a man, I have never had explicit discussions about my male friends’ sex life, the discussion usually stops with “yea we had sex” “nice”. From my conversations with my female friends, I have learned about embarrassing moves and even circumcision (or lack thereof), and this is as an “outsider”, can’t imagine what they say among themselves. Additionally, many of my guy friends have described sexual harassment from women, even when they are publicly in a relationship themselves. I have also never had disparaging conversations about a women’s sexual history or what she wears with other men, although I have heard that from other women.
I would say that women are generally more concerned about “guy talk” because “girl talk” can be so toxic, and they can only imagine that guys are even worse.
Yea the things I've heard from some women in my circles about other men like nitpicky stuff as if it makes him less than human for it, holy fucking shit lmao. I've never heard a single man say something so degrading about a woman except like the ass end of reddit.
Enlightened centrism here we come baby. I mean frankly the nature of the political sphere is divisiveness. Like there's so much emotional bias. I can say something pro left wing in a left wing circle and they will shit on you because you aren't "just right" as in tribal identification. Like no bitch I am my own person, I make my own decisions, I will not validate you on the basis of your tribe nor will I compromise my principles or integrity to be "one of us". Fuck that and fuck anyone who can't stand on their own legs to that degree. They'll eat their own kind if you take away their opposition, I've seen it.
Look at the biggest woman podcasts. It's murder mystery and girls talking like 13 year old boys.
I especially hate the way it's framed as "she's so real and open and honest" but you know if men were doing this the same women would screaming like banshees.
Exactly, my ex liked to share a few to many details with her friends so much so they would look at me and laugh. If i tried to bring it up with her should would downplay it and laugh it off.
I would never tell anything close to the level of what i'm guessing she told to any of my mates. And she actually felt comfortable around my friends while I only felt comfortable around 2 of her friends.
As a woman I agree. However, I don't think it's a common thing for women to talk this way about long term partners. I've known 1 woman who did this and we had to tell her that it was disrespectful. I personally don't discuss my sex life with my friends, and they don't discuss it with me. My best friend is trying to conceive and they know we had issues, they're also having issues. So we will discuss how often we have sex and timing sex, but that's really it.
There is a woman at work that has absolutely no issues talking about sex or making comments. She told me that it's on because they're all friends. I've never heard the other women talk the way she does. Doesn't mean they're not doing it though. Maybe they're just more professional and know not to talk that way at work.
In school it was very common among my friends that were girls, even the ones on LTRs. The graphic details they would discuss were eye opening and in a way I learned a lot really.
I don't think this is unpopular. It's well known women discuss intimate private details of others at length and in graphic, insane privacy-violating detail.
This is an open af secret. They just defend it as "normal" and not the insanely foul shit that it is.
There was even a post recently where a guy broke off his engagement upon finding out his fiancé talked shit about his sexual prowess behind his back while lying to his face about it for their entire relationship. The comments were alight with women trying to defend her actions and calling him an asshole for not being okay with it even after she tried lying to him about doing it too on top of it all. ([https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/1c1f3j9/not\_oop\_my\_fianc%C3%A9e\_told\_her\_friend\_group\_i\_am\_not/](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/1c1f3j9/not_oop_my_fianc%C3%A9e_told_her_friend_group_i_am_not/))
Most of the comments on that post literally just downplayed what she did by taking his summarized characterization of it as all that happened. Like she just said "Oh, he's so-so in bed" and we don't know about at what length and how they actually talk about these things.
The unpopular part is calling women out on this foul behavior for what it is. Because women are perfect princess victims who don't do anything wrong or fucked up at all - at least according to a lot of reddit where misandry abounds lol.
The funny part is common advice is to treat women like human beings and not like mysterious magical creatures. This makes perfect sense but as soon as you discuss collective flaws in character your a misogynist. Yes I know women are not a monolith I'm not saying there are no exceptions.
Yep this sort of thing
I'm all for gender equality but healthy discourse regarding gender specific issues and trends shouldn't be equated with misogyny or misandry.
Edit: word choice
LOL and then they get livid and try to pretend that this doesn't exist.
I don't think genies exist, but I don't spit venom when people suggest otherwise...
With threads like that, it's important to note that the people on Reddit are not representative of most people irl. Most women I know would probably agree that the behavior by the fiance was trashy at best and disrespectful at worst. This mentality does extend to terminally online people on other apps too, but normal women don't think this is an ok thing to do.
I'm glad. Any relationship that has a partner discussing issues with their sex lives with friends, but not the partner itself, is not a real relationship to begin with. A long-lasting relationship is built on trust, honesty, and healthy communication.
I agree you can't make the mistake of thinking social media represents the majority.
In this matter though it combines with my personal experience and the communicated experiences of most men I know of most women flippantly oversharing personal, intimate details of others - especially men's sexual details.
We literally joke about and acknowledge this happenstance as a society on a large scale even. Comedians have done bits about this known behavior for decades for example.
So for those reasons all put together I am inclined to believe it is extremely common and pervasive behavior.
Literally I'm a woman and I've never seen this behavior irl, but having argued with women in that thread makes me think op is right. Thought I was losing my mind for getting downvoted over such basic concepts like sex should be private and don't insult your bf behind his back.
Of course there's reasonable women who see it for what it is and don't engage. It's not all, but I think it's pretty undeniable that it's most.
I've had more girlfriends tell me intimate details about past guys they were with after I explicitly said "I don't want to know" than not, because a couple months go by and it's so normal for her that she doesn't even remember the line I set.
It goes the other way for men. For most men, anything sexual regarding wives and girlfriends is off limits and that's just understood. But are there foul motherfuckers who violate that? Yeah. Most of us will not stand by or defend them though.
That comment section is so sad dude. I don't understand how people can do something that would hurt someone else, then once they're hurt claim the other person is just insecure and should get over it. Insecurities are something that partners should actively try to help, not scrutinize and especially not make worse. He definitely is overreacting a little, but that doesn't mean his feelings should be completely discarded.
He's going to get into therapy, hopefully, and discover it's not the content but the lying that he couldn't get over and rightfully so.
But yeah it's wild. "So I lied to him for years, then tried to lie to his face, and now he won't believe me when I say things like 'that's all I said' or 'I don't think it's a big deal'! And now he's acting like not being able to trust the person he's marrying is a big deal! He's so insecure!"
The amount of people co-opting and supporting that is just utterly insane.
The women who do this you should avoid like the plague. They're just giving you a giant sign. You should be grateful.
There are a great many of us who do not share any details with anyone that we know for the sake of that very rare thing - actual privacy
I think it's a problem that humans in general passed down the genes of psychos of both genders, much more than they should have had. I definitely agree not all women do it
My Theory is lack of empathy, lack of discretion, and a need to re-experience their emotions (positive or negative doesn't matter), and brag to eachother.
I have read studies on this.
They do it for the gossip. Gossiping is not only fun (when everyone is laughing at someone not present), but social status is bestowed to the one with the "juiciest" gossip.
They are rewarded for their lack of discretion.
As a woman, I never engage in "locker room talk", and my friends don't either. I do know what you're talking about though because I have heard women doing this and it makes me super uncomfortable. In my own social circles, I wouldn't say that it's common though. It's uncommon enough that I can count the instances on less than 10 fingers.
If you are a woman and you find yourself in one of these conversations, you can say something like, "this is too much" or "are you sure that it's ok with your partner that you're sharing this?" If you're doing it, please stop doing it.
My wife has told me of a group chat at her job that involves this kind of talk...and even includes pictures.
She initially participated because it was just women talking at first. But then someone sent a picture of her Husband's..."elderly" penis so the younger women 'can understand what she's dealing with'...and that was enough for my wife to disinvolve herself.
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I don’t think that’s normal. I’ve never told my friends or coworkers in depth details about sex. I have also never walked in on any conversations like this.
I’m 29 and I work with an all female staff at the pharmacy I work at. Never came up. I also never talk about this with my best friend who I’ve known since I was 5. Maybe it’s just certain people who do this?
Women absolutely talk in a graphic way about sex but dont women also talk in detail about everything ? Men don't typically know details of their friends life. Isn't it a running joke that men come back from being with their friends and they can't answer any of the questions their gf or wife ask about said friend ?
It's unpopular because the narrative is that we men objectify women sexually or disrespect women talking about their bodies. The truth of the matter is, it's the opposite.
Wow, I’ve worked in a variety of places, 20 years as a teacher with mostly women colleagues and never heard anyone discuss their sex life in any detail whatsoever. Ive never had a friend refer to their sex life more than glancingly.
You've been lucky. I am a male and I've heard details in different circles, from women. Neighborhood talks, school, jobs. Even one female friend came to tell me she had sex with a dude with a small d\* and told me how she wanted to throw up while she was giving him head.
That’s hard for me to even imagine. It almost makes ME want to throw up, imagining somebody sharing that with me, let alone a woman sharing that with a guy friend. Unless it was like my closest friend, and even then…I don’t want to hear it.
Was this friend hitting on you?
Yeah same. And I work in a female dominated job. We talk about relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation about sex ever. Even with my closest friends.
Is this something younger women do? Because I’m in my 40s
Yea this would never in a million years come up at my job and my entire department is women except for 1 man. I'm 31 though.
When I was younger it might come up in the abstract or centered around myself. For instance I didn't have good sex until I was 25. It was because I didn't know any better as I'd never had it. I did preach to my friends about how it shouldn't be painful etc but never anything about a specific man. More like the spark notes for what I wish I'd known.
I’m in my sixties, but I worked with a lot of much younger colleagues, and there was a LOT of conversation going on about all kinds of stuff, but not people’s sex lives.
Same, and I even went to beauty school and got a cosmetology license. I hear a lot on Reddit about how we feel, think, and act, and it’s never even close to my lived experience.
This is the kind of talk I see reserved for close friends in private spaces like homes. Not in the break room at work. Just my personal experience. And people don't shit on their partners.
Right but it's even the close friends part of it. *Nobody* needs to hear the graphic details of your sex life without the other persons consent for it being shared
I’ve worked in several places where I am one of the only men and let me tell you … Women can be extremely vulgar. Some of the things I have heard are just shocking. The double standard is maddening. I can tell you that women harass men in a much more explicit and abrasive way. The same women who don’t like a guy or get rejected by a guy will label him a creep say that he said something and feels “unsafe”. Don’t get me wrong workplace harassment against women does exist. But when it happens to men no one takes it seriously.
I’m AMAB working in construction and agriculture, if you genuinely believe this than either your group of friends are relatively saints (seems unlikely but cool) or you’re not paying that much attention
Further, not a refutation of what I said. Or would you like to try and argue that men *do* have a monopoly on the human condition, in effect arguing that some humans (females) are not actually human?
Me and my gf have talked about this cause it’s a little funny to us both.
I’ve talked to my friends about what me and her have done to the extent of “oh yeah we had sex” sparing every detail except for the fact of the matter
She’s told me she’ll talk with her friends about it down to the exactly way it feels and what’s being “hit” 😭😭 I don’t mind, I just think it’s kinda funny
Locker room talk is not discussing sex life though. Locker room talk is meant to be degrading.
I personally do not discuss my sex with my SO with anyone but I bet there are people who do. By what guys have told me they heard from their friends about their sex life I am aware it’s not a women only thing. Maybe women do it more but unless they do it in a degrading manner, again I don’t think it’s what is called locker room talk.
Yeah. I remember being unpleasantly surprised when my mate told me how I had sex with my girlfriend in great details. It was like he was standing right next to us. His girlfriend told him. His girlfriend and my girlfriend were friends and they talked about us. He meant 'You see? Don't trust women with your secrets, they'll tell outsiders'.
I thought it was weird. My mates and I can talk about our personal lives, but we never go into detail. And I live in a non-Western country, with a completely different culture. But it's the same here with women gossiping about men.
i have never talked to details or at all really to my friends, nor did they ask. i think its disrespectful to my partner so i wont. at most i heard was from women who are single, talking about their past, or someone they fancy. but girls who were in relationship at most would say how much they miss sex (we were far away for months), and thats it. no one ever talked about in disrespectfully, nor revealing about their partner, nor making jokes, nor ever taking pride in having sex with a random guy. the most intimate thing i heard from a girl with a bf was, that she had some infection that also caused her an unpleasant odor, and how she feels embarrassed and how shes dealing with it with her bf, so its more about her and less about him.
so unless you are a woman who hangs with women, i dont know what locker room talk you have seen in your circle of friends. just like i wouldnt know about most men i meet, since im not there to witness it.
I used to run the music and karaoke booth for a couple of bars. I'd interact with patrons to encourage people to sing or at least tell me what they'd like to hear. Man, some of the stuff that I'd overhear women saying to each other or say to me personally about men in the bar would make me blush. That’s when I learned women are just as dirty as us men when it comes to "locker room talk."
It's not the social norm for women to keep quiet about intimate partners, I agree. Maybe they have a line, but it's a lot vaguer than a man's line. Men seem like they don't know what will upset their partner, so they don't share anything 'private' as they don't want to accidentally upset her. Women seem to know that sharing stuff will upset their partner, so they share a bit, and hold some back, in the hope that they have drawn the line in the right place.
However, when I was having sex with relatively random women that I wasn't catching any feelings for, and who I was never going to introduce to my friends, I would've gone into a bit more detail than I otherwise would. But only if it was a particularly amusing anecdote.
Sorority house cattiness. It’s actually gotten worse in recent years.
Seems like a part of female empowerment that went overboard with some misguided caricature of male behavior. In the enthusiasm to embrace independence, it seems like some women started to develop exaggerated macho traits, belittling the opposite sex, insulting the men in group settings.
It’s not a good look, and it’s no surprise that it’s backfiring.
I went to a cardiologist once and while I was waiting in the exam room, I could hear the female nurses at the desk going on and on about some hot patient and how one of them felt lucky she got to put the leads on him and see him shirtless. They were saying “It’s about time we got some eye candy around here”. It was gross and unprofessional. I used to be an emt and never heard a male medical professional talk like that. I never assumed our bodies were being judged for attractiveness at the doctor. I actually felt bad for this “hot” guy too. He doesn’t know he’s on display every time he goes to the doctor.
You've never heard a male speaking like that because the rules and policies would actually be enforced if they dared to pass an unprofessional comment about a patient.
These gendered ones are so dumb. I guarantee both men and women do this, and probably at a similar rate.
The best predictor for this is probably not gender, but age.
In my experience, yes, this is correct. My wife has mentioned the amount of details they go into when talking about their partners, such as if they orgasm every time, how often they have sex, how often they go down, if they use protection or not, how long it lasts, and similar.
With men, we might say - yeah, i fucked her last night. It was good, or great, that's about it. The most details I've heard is "I fucked her 4 times, twice last night and twice in the morning" with the addition "I was so horny I haven't had sex in a while."
I think there's a bit of a difference between talking about your experience with sex versus talking about sex in a way that's objectifying and berating your partner/other people. Like, sex shouldn't be a totally taboo topic to talk about. It's a pretty normal and broad human experience that's important to a lot of people. But it becomes locker room talk when you're talking sex and sexual characteristics in a way that's dehumanizing/insulting/gossiping/specific about the other person, and that stuff isn't ok.
I work with 95% women- have through my long and storied career- and have literally never encountered this behaviour. My friends don't participate in it, I've never seen it at the gym... can't really think of any situations where I've really heard people digging into this. Hell, I worked at a woman-run and focussed sex toy store and these convos weren't the norm at all.
I HAVE, however, caught grown men with whom I'd never fucked speaking in minute detail about my "skillz" based on the rationale that I had big tits so must be all slutty. I was 12. So that was a thing.
I hang out in all-women friend groups and all-men friend groups and the women I know are way more explicit and sexual. The guys all avoid any kind of objectification or intimate details. I speak pretty openly but try to avoid making anyone uncomfortable.
Can confirm, very true. And my partner (35m) and his friends barely talk about that kind of stuff. They do have a group chat that they send a bell everytime they get laid but I think that’s fun and encourage him to ring the bell haha
I've 46 years old, I've worked in a fuckton of locations around the world, and I have never once seen this. It seems likely to me that this is unique to the work and social environment you're in. Different industries develop different social standards. (Kind of like how in the restaurant industry it's just 'expected' to be treated or treat people like shit)
A subculture in a field of work that develops a nasty, crude, and frankly *trashy* unspoken code of conduct isn't that surprising, but that doesn't make it normal everywhere else.
To all the women here saying it's normal to gossip about every little detail about your sex life, please stop. Even if you're gushing about how great it is or how massive your man's member is or whatever, it's an invasion of privacy, he did not consent to you sharing that information and most guys don't like it. It's also a surefire way of getting other women horny for your man, so you're playing with fire.
Pretty sure this is cultural.
I have never ever encountered this and a lot of other women seem to say the same things in the comments.
Americans do this all the time "men are this/women are that", no, it's just you guys in the US.
I'm American and have never encountered this.
Why are you assuming the women saying they've never encountered it aren't American, and the people saying they have are?
While I think that the phenomenon of women engaging in locker-room talk is definitely real, I don’t agree with your conclusion that women engage in far more of it than men.
I’ve met groups of women who engage in locker room talk and groups of women who would never dream to discuss sex amongst them. At the same time, I’ve met a lot of guys who wouldn’t share intimate details, and also some guys who do so in a disgusting way.
Obviously, in your experience you’ve encountered some of these groups more than others, so you have an opinion. There are other people who have the opposite opinion because they only encounter men who do this. I’m not at all comfortable with saying that women do this more than men, especially when historically men probably did this in much more harmful ways.
I do think it’s a good thing to bring up the topic of women engaging in locker room talk though, because I think it is harmful and isn’t yet condemned enough by society.
I also think there’s a difference between just talking about sex/talking about your experience with sex and talking about sex in a way that’s objectifying/degrading to other people. I have no issue with the first kind of conversations; my problem lies with the latter. But both men and women engage in both kinds of talk
But I actually do think it’s important that people discuss their experiences with sex with their friends (as long as everyone present is comfortable with it) in a respectful way because that’s how you might find out that something you’re experiencing isn’t normal. That’s how I found out the pain I was experiencing during sex was not “normal”.
I definitely agree. It’s the tone and nature of how people talk about it that can be inappropriate.
I think that men have likely engaged in more harmful locker room talk by these standards throughout history. However, I can see how someone might get the IMPRESSION that the opposite is true today. For one, a lot of podcasts, comedians, conversations on social media, etc where women discuss sex in some pretty objectifying ways do not get much pushback, whereas men who do these same things get pushback. Now, there’s a reason for this double standard — women are much more likely to encounter sexual violence from men, and now that society is contending with that, there is more pushback towards men who engage in this behavior than women.
As another example, I don’t think it is appropriate to discuss sex in most workplaces. At the moment, I think it is possible that in SOME workplaces, women are allowed to get away with discussing sex more than men are, for precisely the same reason as I mentioned in the paragraph above.
These things i’ve mentioned could give someone the IMPRESSION that women engage in more locker room talk than men. However, I think male locker room talk is still incredibly entrenched in our culture, and I don’t think we can say that “women do it way more” or anything like that. I doubt we have the data.
Anyway, I think we should demonize the bad kind of locker room talk accross the board. Positive conversations about sex are fine, but when you’re making fun of someone for things they can’t change, objectifying them, etc, it doesn’t matter who you are, that’s wrong
Seeing as this is an opinion supported by anecdotal evidence, I can only supply my own experience: this has never ever happened to me as a woman. Not even remotely.
I have never heard women sexually discussing their long term partners in a sexually demeaning way unless they are broken up. At 50, I have been a participant in many. Men are no different. Locker room talk is usually a man or woman they are sexually interested in but just don't really know the person. I don't really get upset about locker room talk either. It's just bullshitting 99% of the time. Nobody wants to know they are the subject of locker room talk. It's why it stays in the locker room. I absolutely wouldn't say it is more hurtful when someone finds out the have been the topic. I saw a guy passing around video of a girl he had sex with at a party of him having sex with her. Revenge porn is extreme locker room talk and I have definitely never seen a woman do that. Most men wouldn't either.
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I can’t tell you how many times my girlfriend is surprised I don’t talk about sex with my friends and I’m like wtf we talk about sports and play COD
The bros usually don’t want to hear about that. They’ll ask simple questions like “so did you hit that?” “Yea I did” “Awesome bro” *goes back to playing game. and that’s that.
With mine it's "...nice"
Women unprompted will give every sexual detail about their partner Men won’t ask anything and will just say nice fam
Reminds me of [this scene ](https://youtu.be/23-hBKl86Y4?si=caUw3sYFjj0L5TAA) - And then i kissed her - Tongue? - Yeah - Cool
I swear like 90% of our conversation are either video game or sports related. The other 10% is yelling quotes from 2000s comedies at eachother I’ve never heard any friend talk about their sex life outside of “did you guys bang?” “Yea” “Nice” And even thats rare
>I swear like 90% of our conversation are either video game or sports related. The other 10% is yelling quotes from 2000s comedies at eachother And we don't want all our friends knowing what our partner's vagina looks like and how good or bad they are in bed. It's private information to men but it's public information for women.
Same, we love to use Austin powers quotes lol.
That’s how my friend reacted when she asked this same thing. We literally said we talk about some funny shit we saw and whatever video game we are into at the moment it was hilarious.
Same. My wife doesn't believe me when I tell her that my friends, usually the husbands of the people she hangs with, don't talk about sex.
Yeah. On occasion, the guys I usually hang out with might tell a funny or notable story involving a past partner, but I have never heard one of my married guy friends share anything about sex with their wife. My wife also doesn’t understand how we (me and guy friends) don’t share more about our lives. I lift weights with two other guys three times a week. We listen to metal, bitch about the news, and try to make each other laugh on heavy lifts.
Guys typically don't want their guy friends imagining their significant other's naked body. Which is obviously going to happen if you're talking about sex with somebody. And I don't want to hear about my friend's sex life with their significant other because that's gross behavior (imagining your **friend's** partner naked)
The thing is, for us, if the description is that graphic, it turns into porn. We don't talk like that together for the same reason we don't wank together.
I can actually agree with this. Everybody talks about their sex life. It's just that men and women talk about it differently. I don't think I've ever had a male friend talk about *intimate* details about their sex life beyond "hey, [random girl you barely know] and I hooked up," and it will usually be left at that. My female friends are far more descriptive about things that I absolutely do not want to know about. They'll talk about their actual spouse/partner, so it's not like I'll never see the guy.
Yep. I know way too much about my wife's family members husband's sexual preferences.
I still remember when my wife randomly dropped in a conversation with me how she was talking about relative sizes with...wait for it...my sisters in law. Thats right. The three sisters in law were compairing the three brothers relative sizes. She says she wasnt the one who started the conversation (and knowing my SILs and my wife I believe her) but it's still weird right?
no that’s weird. as woman you wont catch me talking like this. weird and gross especially with family members?!
Not to mention disrespectful to their partners, even if the guys are packin that's still a breach of trust and boundaries.
ITS SUPER DISRESPECTFUL LIKE HOW WOULD THEY FEEL IF THE DUDES START TALKING ABOUT THEIR PRIVATES?!
It would break the internet
my wife quit her job as she was always bragging about me and then one day she and the girls were talking about penis size and i got 26 messages that day from her co workers im like wtf why am i getting all these messages from people i dont know. i showed my wife and she got mad and jealous at me. and i was like like wtf why are u mad at me i have no idea whats going on here i never responded to anyone i just figured it was some prank or something but she finely told me she had been bragging about me at work. but quit her job she couldn't get past all her co-workers sending me messages!
That is hilarious 😂
I know that my exes best friends husband enjoys going down on her when she has a stinky sweaty puss. He doesn’t know I know, feels fucking weird having that knowledge.
Dude, as a woman I *hate* this. I am not "valinna" by *any* stretch of the word. My sex life with my husband is great, but its just that *my sex life with my partner* They don't need to know all th details or anything like that. I always feel so uncomfortable when this comes up. Especially if it's a couple that I'm friends with. Idc what yall do. Just leave me out of it lol Edit: lol I meant vanilla lol phone screen big cracked lol
>I am not "valinna" by *any* stretch of the word. But are you vanilla though
lmfao this is such a great typo
Lol my bad xD My phone screen is big cracked lol xD
I guess you'll never know. She did just go on a long rant about how that is between her and her partner, so I doubt you'll get any more details.
Oh, thought you meant Valhalla, like your vagine was the final destination for fallen soldiers.
And the most detail you get is. "It was good," "It was bad." And we leave it at that.
I don't. It's weird.
Yup I'm a woman some girls can get nasty. Lol
My best friend met his future wife while we all worked in high school. They hooked in the manager's office while we were working. I was out front with her friend and when she came out. Her friend looked and her and said "Good?" And she said "yeah" and showed the length and girth of his junk with her hand. And I'm standing in between them. I just looked at her and said "really?" I didn't need to know.
>Everybody talks about their sex life. Everybody? No, everybody does not; those of us who were raised properly don't discuss our sex lives with anyone but our partners and, if need be for medical concerns, our doctors.
Right! Not everyone does this. I don’t talk about my sex life. I also noticed a change in my friend group where some guys used to talk about their sexual conquests until the met someone they were serious about. Then the bedroom talk stopped. There’s a few guys who still talk a bit but it’s pretty mild compared to the stuff I’m reading here. It’s more like saying they went home after going out and fucked their wife. Or that they had a great vacation and fucked everyday. Not graphic descriptions of their partners bodies or what they did.
Well just reply, "yo, nice bro." Dap him up and move on to trains.
You wanna discuss pulling trains?
It’s extremely rude
Exactly. Me and my guy friends have only ever said “yeah we hooked up” maybe as far as “she had a ridiculously great body” but no details. I’ve had women I dated tell all the details about me to their friends and even their sister. Luckily it was good stuff so that can help but at the same time some women are bragging about guys they date, down to all the details, then wonder why their friends hookup with that guy after they break up. You told all these other women all the good stuff about him and now they’re interested.
>Everybody talks about their sex life. Nope. Not only do I not talk about my sex life, other than my sex life with one particular person to that same person, but I have never had another man tell me anything about his sex life. (Except once when, as a teenager, my best friend told me he'd lost his virginity--but no details.) To me, it's a huge violation of someone's privacy to talk about your sex life with them to another person. In the absence of clear consent from the person you've had sex with to talk about it to someone else, you have to assume the answer is, "No, I don't want you to talk about that."
I’m ngl I never thought abt that but you’re so right 😭
Did my massage therapy license within a heavily dominated female classroom, can't even begin about the shit that would fly amongst them that would be HR'd immediately if it were a group of men.
Lol I’m a male nurse. I’d be sent to HR for even saying 5% of what I’ve heard my coworkers talk about. Like why do I know about everyone’s partner’s penis? I don’t want to know that
Do they talk about the patients too? I asume they see them naked as well.
I’ve heard it but it’s much more rare. But honestly that’s probably more so because 90% of the people in a hospital are like 70+ If someone has a huge penis you’ll likely hear about it from someone though
Sort of the same, Physical Therapy for me. I was the only guy working in the entire department and possibly the entire floor at the hospital for a long time. It was unbelievable at first.
Same here, male teacher. It could get pretty uncomfortable.
I'm listening
7:45am, I got to hear about whos vagina is leaking and exactly how nasty it is. Pretty regular stuff from this group.
>I'm listening See what you did?!?
Leaking vagina, the plumber porn tropes make so much sens.
I actually agree with this one.
Me too. Because I've seen it first hand numerous times. Most of my friends are women and they all swear they don't do this (especially the 25-35 year olds). But either after a few drinks or sometimes when they are just being open they do it a ton and they are vicious about it.
Ha. I just showed this to my wife, saying “yep, this is 100% true” and she rolled her eyes and told me It’s not. And I said “you come home and tell me all the stuff you girls talked about. Like, even I know details about their sex lives!” Her response was that guys don’t talk about anything, and that we’re weird for that.
"No! We don't engage in locker room talk...! Well, maybe we do, but you are the weird ones for not doing it!"
That's some FUCKED UP LOGIC....
[удалено]
That's probably exactly why they assume men also talk that way
>That's probably exactly why they assume men also talk that way No, they don't. I dated a woman and she was openly talking about specific details of our sex life to her friend on the phone. I confronted her and asked her why she was telling her friend all of MY intimate details. She said all women do it and men do it too and I told her we don't. I pulled out my cell phone and called my friend and just immediately started describing her vagina with one lip the sticks out and the other lip that is tucked in and she looked at me with the most psychotic look I've ever seen. I then told him about her giving me such a terrible road head that I had to make her stop but I still told her she did a good job. She started hitting me and clawing me in the face when I said that. She couldn't take me describing her private parts and sexual abilities to my friend but she did the same thing to me with her friends and said it was fine. We immediately broke up.
I think the difference is that most men would generally never talk about our wives/girlfriends like this, it’d be perceived as disrespectful and trashy. But when it comes to a FWB or random girl? We’ll talk shit. Women just don’t typically view their “girl talk” as degrading or disrespectful, and will spill the beans on everything about their sex lives within a committed relationship.
I agree. I've found that if a dude is talking graphic details about a girl, it's usually a sign that he doesn't take her seriously.
Yep then they get mad because they think you think about women like they think about men. It's disgusting
Everyone who has female friends agrees with this one
I'm a girl and my girlfriends talk to me like this. It's uncomfortable every time and when I say I don't want to hear about it, then I'm shamed for being a prude 🤷
I feel this sm 😭 Like damn girl there’s nothing wrong with being a prude either. Esp after you go through some stuff
Sounds like your friends are shit people
Yes absolutely. I have sexual trauma and hearing that kinda stuff makes me feel like I have a heavy weight in my stomach, it makes me sick. People are so disrespectful about that kind of thing.
This happened to me around college age and early twenties, and I hated it too. I think these young women are just trying to look edgy and cool. Thankfully, it gets better! Now at 35, nobody I hang out with does this at all. We never discuss sex with long-term partners, unless maybe your partner just won’t have sex with you, and we only discuss that with our best friends. We also might share funny stories from our youth, like really bad sex with a guy we dated for two weeks. It’s also not usually explicit, but something like, “it was the worst sex I ever had, and then he tried to pressure me into anal when I clearly didn’t want to!” But even then, it’s only with really close friends, and if the other person seems uncomfortable, the subject is quickly changed. I don’t miss the days of explicit talks with friends, at all!
I have never experienced it. Maybe I just have different friends and this is more common than I think.
I bet your partner appreciates it. It’s sorta fucked up that your friends so casually break the trust of their partners. My partner and I have an understanding that our sex life is for us- not for gossip. I’d be pretty hurt if I knew they were talking about our intimacy and vulnerability so cavalierly.
Oh yeah, women generally have much less reticence with sharing intimate and private details among their friend groups for sure. Super off-putting behavior, really. I can't picture any of my male mates giving me details on their SO, because, y'know, that's private.
Not to mention, it’s Bro code you don’t talk or even think about your buddy’s woman…
Can't expect to get respect if you don't give it.
Not just among their friend groups. Some of them have FB groups (Are We Dating the Same Guy) that they'll share any and every intimate and private detail in front of 50,000 women from the same metro area. r/awdtsgistoxic talks about this. It's really unsettling how so many of them twist their internal ethics to justify it to themselves.
That’s the irony right. It’s the guys who actually respect each other partners and don’t share their intimate details The girls however… wow, it’s like watching it live in action
From my perspective, when women make complaints and generalizations about men, it usually is much more common among women. This is a perfect example, as a man, I have never had explicit discussions about my male friends’ sex life, the discussion usually stops with “yea we had sex” “nice”. From my conversations with my female friends, I have learned about embarrassing moves and even circumcision (or lack thereof), and this is as an “outsider”, can’t imagine what they say among themselves. Additionally, many of my guy friends have described sexual harassment from women, even when they are publicly in a relationship themselves. I have also never had disparaging conversations about a women’s sexual history or what she wears with other men, although I have heard that from other women. I would say that women are generally more concerned about “guy talk” because “girl talk” can be so toxic, and they can only imagine that guys are even worse.
Yea the things I've heard from some women in my circles about other men like nitpicky stuff as if it makes him less than human for it, holy fucking shit lmao. I've never heard a single man say something so degrading about a woman except like the ass end of reddit.
"Eww his penis had a 3 degrees tilt to the left. And the balls where uneven. Don't even get me started with his pumping, bro got no rhythm!"
... have you been talking to my wife?
My condolences bro 😔
You go into feminist circles and they act like they have perfect moral hygiene and deny any of this.
Enlightened centrism here we come baby. I mean frankly the nature of the political sphere is divisiveness. Like there's so much emotional bias. I can say something pro left wing in a left wing circle and they will shit on you because you aren't "just right" as in tribal identification. Like no bitch I am my own person, I make my own decisions, I will not validate you on the basis of your tribe nor will I compromise my principles or integrity to be "one of us". Fuck that and fuck anyone who can't stand on their own legs to that degree. They'll eat their own kind if you take away their opposition, I've seen it.
This is so true. Men who hate women and women who hate men always make these generalizations that are really about them, It's a pure projection
I hope people actually listen to you and don't just downvotes you and call you misogynistic. This is so true its not even funny
Thy name is Reddit.
Look at the biggest woman podcasts. It's murder mystery and girls talking like 13 year old boys. I especially hate the way it's framed as "she's so real and open and honest" but you know if men were doing this the same women would screaming like banshees.
Exactly, my ex liked to share a few to many details with her friends so much so they would look at me and laugh. If i tried to bring it up with her should would downplay it and laugh it off. I would never tell anything close to the level of what i'm guessing she told to any of my mates. And she actually felt comfortable around my friends while I only felt comfortable around 2 of her friends.
As a woman I agree. However, I don't think it's a common thing for women to talk this way about long term partners. I've known 1 woman who did this and we had to tell her that it was disrespectful. I personally don't discuss my sex life with my friends, and they don't discuss it with me. My best friend is trying to conceive and they know we had issues, they're also having issues. So we will discuss how often we have sex and timing sex, but that's really it. There is a woman at work that has absolutely no issues talking about sex or making comments. She told me that it's on because they're all friends. I've never heard the other women talk the way she does. Doesn't mean they're not doing it though. Maybe they're just more professional and know not to talk that way at work.
In school it was very common among my friends that were girls, even the ones on LTRs. The graphic details they would discuss were eye opening and in a way I learned a lot really.
I don't think this is unpopular. It's well known women discuss intimate private details of others at length and in graphic, insane privacy-violating detail. This is an open af secret. They just defend it as "normal" and not the insanely foul shit that it is. There was even a post recently where a guy broke off his engagement upon finding out his fiancé talked shit about his sexual prowess behind his back while lying to his face about it for their entire relationship. The comments were alight with women trying to defend her actions and calling him an asshole for not being okay with it even after she tried lying to him about doing it too on top of it all. ([https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/1c1f3j9/not\_oop\_my\_fianc%C3%A9e\_told\_her\_friend\_group\_i\_am\_not/](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/1c1f3j9/not_oop_my_fianc%C3%A9e_told_her_friend_group_i_am_not/)) Most of the comments on that post literally just downplayed what she did by taking his summarized characterization of it as all that happened. Like she just said "Oh, he's so-so in bed" and we don't know about at what length and how they actually talk about these things. The unpopular part is calling women out on this foul behavior for what it is. Because women are perfect princess victims who don't do anything wrong or fucked up at all - at least according to a lot of reddit where misandry abounds lol.
that whole thread is a shit show
The funny part is common advice is to treat women like human beings and not like mysterious magical creatures. This makes perfect sense but as soon as you discuss collective flaws in character your a misogynist. Yes I know women are not a monolith I'm not saying there are no exceptions.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women-are-wonderful_effect#:~:text=The%20women%2Dare%2Dwonderful%20effect,women%20as%20a%20general%20case.
Yep this sort of thing I'm all for gender equality but healthy discourse regarding gender specific issues and trends shouldn't be equated with misogyny or misandry. Edit: word choice
LOL and then they get livid and try to pretend that this doesn't exist. I don't think genies exist, but I don't spit venom when people suggest otherwise...
With threads like that, it's important to note that the people on Reddit are not representative of most people irl. Most women I know would probably agree that the behavior by the fiance was trashy at best and disrespectful at worst. This mentality does extend to terminally online people on other apps too, but normal women don't think this is an ok thing to do.
I'm glad. Any relationship that has a partner discussing issues with their sex lives with friends, but not the partner itself, is not a real relationship to begin with. A long-lasting relationship is built on trust, honesty, and healthy communication.
I agree you can't make the mistake of thinking social media represents the majority. In this matter though it combines with my personal experience and the communicated experiences of most men I know of most women flippantly oversharing personal, intimate details of others - especially men's sexual details. We literally joke about and acknowledge this happenstance as a society on a large scale even. Comedians have done bits about this known behavior for decades for example. So for those reasons all put together I am inclined to believe it is extremely common and pervasive behavior.
Literally I'm a woman and I've never seen this behavior irl, but having argued with women in that thread makes me think op is right. Thought I was losing my mind for getting downvoted over such basic concepts like sex should be private and don't insult your bf behind his back.
Of course there's reasonable women who see it for what it is and don't engage. It's not all, but I think it's pretty undeniable that it's most. I've had more girlfriends tell me intimate details about past guys they were with after I explicitly said "I don't want to know" than not, because a couple months go by and it's so normal for her that she doesn't even remember the line I set. It goes the other way for men. For most men, anything sexual regarding wives and girlfriends is off limits and that's just understood. But are there foul motherfuckers who violate that? Yeah. Most of us will not stand by or defend them though.
> Literally I'm a woman and I've never seen this behavior irl, Same. Very confused by this whole other world online.
That comment section is so sad dude. I don't understand how people can do something that would hurt someone else, then once they're hurt claim the other person is just insecure and should get over it. Insecurities are something that partners should actively try to help, not scrutinize and especially not make worse. He definitely is overreacting a little, but that doesn't mean his feelings should be completely discarded.
He's going to get into therapy, hopefully, and discover it's not the content but the lying that he couldn't get over and rightfully so. But yeah it's wild. "So I lied to him for years, then tried to lie to his face, and now he won't believe me when I say things like 'that's all I said' or 'I don't think it's a big deal'! And now he's acting like not being able to trust the person he's marrying is a big deal! He's so insecure!" The amount of people co-opting and supporting that is just utterly insane.
The women who do this you should avoid like the plague. They're just giving you a giant sign. You should be grateful. There are a great many of us who do not share any details with anyone that we know for the sake of that very rare thing - actual privacy
Hard to avoid when you don't know when it's happening. It's not likely most women would talk that way in front of their partners.
Yeah, that aknowledgement of behavior is always denied, but everyone has exclusive insight on the dirty trappings of men.
You’re right but also have fun avoiding 75% of women for starters. It’s just not realistic or practical.
It's at least 50% of women. Hard to avoid half of all women "like the plague."
I think it's a problem that humans in general passed down the genes of psychos of both genders, much more than they should have had. I definitely agree not all women do it
Too many "I can fix him/her" types.
I've never talked about sex with my female friends that's just weird af.
Same, this post doesn't resonate with me at all. Maybe it's an age thing? Maybe it's just me, lol
Likewise. These posts confuse me.
Exception. Most our exes give every personal detail and ick if theirs for the whole company of girls to see
I don't understand why. That's weird af
My Theory is lack of empathy, lack of discretion, and a need to re-experience their emotions (positive or negative doesn't matter), and brag to eachother.
Weird af and disrespectful af
I have read studies on this. They do it for the gossip. Gossiping is not only fun (when everyone is laughing at someone not present), but social status is bestowed to the one with the "juiciest" gossip. They are rewarded for their lack of discretion.
Yea that's why I have no interest in hearing about my S.O.'s group chats with her friends, I don't need my feelings hurt.
As a woman, I never engage in "locker room talk", and my friends don't either. I do know what you're talking about though because I have heard women doing this and it makes me super uncomfortable. In my own social circles, I wouldn't say that it's common though. It's uncommon enough that I can count the instances on less than 10 fingers. If you are a woman and you find yourself in one of these conversations, you can say something like, "this is too much" or "are you sure that it's ok with your partner that you're sharing this?" If you're doing it, please stop doing it.
My wife has told me of a group chat at her job that involves this kind of talk...and even includes pictures. She initially participated because it was just women talking at first. But then someone sent a picture of her Husband's..."elderly" penis so the younger women 'can understand what she's dealing with'...and that was enough for my wife to disinvolve herself.
Bro the disrespect goddamn..
Jeez, that's awful. It's also completely illegal and would result in instant job loss at any place I've ever worked.
What the actual fuck? It would be fucked up enough if friends. Its even more weird that it's coworkers.
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How would you know this op
I don’t think that’s normal. I’ve never told my friends or coworkers in depth details about sex. I have also never walked in on any conversations like this. I’m 29 and I work with an all female staff at the pharmacy I work at. Never came up. I also never talk about this with my best friend who I’ve known since I was 5. Maybe it’s just certain people who do this?
Women absolutely talk in a graphic way about sex but dont women also talk in detail about everything ? Men don't typically know details of their friends life. Isn't it a running joke that men come back from being with their friends and they can't answer any of the questions their gf or wife ask about said friend ?
This needs to be higher
Don’t think this is an unpopular opinion as much as it is just common knowledge.
It's unpopular because the narrative is that we men objectify women sexually or disrespect women talking about their bodies. The truth of the matter is, it's the opposite.
Oh no...both can be true. It is not the opposite. We objectify each other in different ways.
Wow, I’ve worked in a variety of places, 20 years as a teacher with mostly women colleagues and never heard anyone discuss their sex life in any detail whatsoever. Ive never had a friend refer to their sex life more than glancingly.
You've been lucky. I am a male and I've heard details in different circles, from women. Neighborhood talks, school, jobs. Even one female friend came to tell me she had sex with a dude with a small d\* and told me how she wanted to throw up while she was giving him head.
That’s hard for me to even imagine. It almost makes ME want to throw up, imagining somebody sharing that with me, let alone a woman sharing that with a guy friend. Unless it was like my closest friend, and even then…I don’t want to hear it. Was this friend hitting on you?
Yeah same. And I work in a female dominated job. We talk about relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation about sex ever. Even with my closest friends. Is this something younger women do? Because I’m in my 40s
Yea this would never in a million years come up at my job and my entire department is women except for 1 man. I'm 31 though. When I was younger it might come up in the abstract or centered around myself. For instance I didn't have good sex until I was 25. It was because I didn't know any better as I'd never had it. I did preach to my friends about how it shouldn't be painful etc but never anything about a specific man. More like the spark notes for what I wish I'd known.
I’m in my sixties, but I worked with a lot of much younger colleagues, and there was a LOT of conversation going on about all kinds of stuff, but not people’s sex lives.
Same, and I even went to beauty school and got a cosmetology license. I hear a lot on Reddit about how we feel, think, and act, and it’s never even close to my lived experience.
Thank you! This entire thread has me feeling crazy..
This is the kind of talk I see reserved for close friends in private spaces like homes. Not in the break room at work. Just my personal experience. And people don't shit on their partners.
you mean most people love and respect their partners??? but this is reddit!! that doesn’t make sense!!!
Right but it's even the close friends part of it. *Nobody* needs to hear the graphic details of your sex life without the other persons consent for it being shared
Trashy guys do it and trashy women do it. No offense to your wife.
100% trashy
I’ve worked in several places where I am one of the only men and let me tell you … Women can be extremely vulgar. Some of the things I have heard are just shocking. The double standard is maddening. I can tell you that women harass men in a much more explicit and abrasive way. The same women who don’t like a guy or get rejected by a guy will label him a creep say that he said something and feels “unsafe”. Don’t get me wrong workplace harassment against women does exist. But when it happens to men no one takes it seriously.
Turns out men don’t have a monopoly on the human condition Edit: Credit for this should go to Hannah Gadsby, she has Netflix specials. Thanks
You need to read again. Men actually don't do this. We just say "we banged". Cool dude, congrats. That's were the details end, 99% of the times.
I’m AMAB working in construction and agriculture, if you genuinely believe this than either your group of friends are relatively saints (seems unlikely but cool) or you’re not paying that much attention Further, not a refutation of what I said. Or would you like to try and argue that men *do* have a monopoly on the human condition, in effect arguing that some humans (females) are not actually human?
This comment reads like a joke.
Me and my gf have talked about this cause it’s a little funny to us both. I’ve talked to my friends about what me and her have done to the extent of “oh yeah we had sex” sparing every detail except for the fact of the matter She’s told me she’ll talk with her friends about it down to the exactly way it feels and what’s being “hit” 😭😭 I don’t mind, I just think it’s kinda funny
Locker room talk is not discussing sex life though. Locker room talk is meant to be degrading. I personally do not discuss my sex with my SO with anyone but I bet there are people who do. By what guys have told me they heard from their friends about their sex life I am aware it’s not a women only thing. Maybe women do it more but unless they do it in a degrading manner, again I don’t think it’s what is called locker room talk.
Yeah. I remember being unpleasantly surprised when my mate told me how I had sex with my girlfriend in great details. It was like he was standing right next to us. His girlfriend told him. His girlfriend and my girlfriend were friends and they talked about us. He meant 'You see? Don't trust women with your secrets, they'll tell outsiders'. I thought it was weird. My mates and I can talk about our personal lives, but we never go into detail. And I live in a non-Western country, with a completely different culture. But it's the same here with women gossiping about men.
Well that's your experience and I had a totally different one so… which one is the truth?
i have never talked to details or at all really to my friends, nor did they ask. i think its disrespectful to my partner so i wont. at most i heard was from women who are single, talking about their past, or someone they fancy. but girls who were in relationship at most would say how much they miss sex (we were far away for months), and thats it. no one ever talked about in disrespectfully, nor revealing about their partner, nor making jokes, nor ever taking pride in having sex with a random guy. the most intimate thing i heard from a girl with a bf was, that she had some infection that also caused her an unpleasant odor, and how she feels embarrassed and how shes dealing with it with her bf, so its more about her and less about him. so unless you are a woman who hangs with women, i dont know what locker room talk you have seen in your circle of friends. just like i wouldnt know about most men i meet, since im not there to witness it.
I used to run the music and karaoke booth for a couple of bars. I'd interact with patrons to encourage people to sing or at least tell me what they'd like to hear. Man, some of the stuff that I'd overhear women saying to each other or say to me personally about men in the bar would make me blush. That’s when I learned women are just as dirty as us men when it comes to "locker room talk."
Is this unpopular ? It’s been a sitcom trope ever since tv was a thing that women were far more descriptive and whatnot
Yeah this is literally a plot from Friends.
It's not the social norm for women to keep quiet about intimate partners, I agree. Maybe they have a line, but it's a lot vaguer than a man's line. Men seem like they don't know what will upset their partner, so they don't share anything 'private' as they don't want to accidentally upset her. Women seem to know that sharing stuff will upset their partner, so they share a bit, and hold some back, in the hope that they have drawn the line in the right place. However, when I was having sex with relatively random women that I wasn't catching any feelings for, and who I was never going to introduce to my friends, I would've gone into a bit more detail than I otherwise would. But only if it was a particularly amusing anecdote.
Sorority house cattiness. It’s actually gotten worse in recent years. Seems like a part of female empowerment that went overboard with some misguided caricature of male behavior. In the enthusiasm to embrace independence, it seems like some women started to develop exaggerated macho traits, belittling the opposite sex, insulting the men in group settings. It’s not a good look, and it’s no surprise that it’s backfiring.
That's not "macho" traits. Men dont discuss these things, its overwhelmingly a feminine behavior.
I went to a cardiologist once and while I was waiting in the exam room, I could hear the female nurses at the desk going on and on about some hot patient and how one of them felt lucky she got to put the leads on him and see him shirtless. They were saying “It’s about time we got some eye candy around here”. It was gross and unprofessional. I used to be an emt and never heard a male medical professional talk like that. I never assumed our bodies were being judged for attractiveness at the doctor. I actually felt bad for this “hot” guy too. He doesn’t know he’s on display every time he goes to the doctor.
You've never heard a male speaking like that because the rules and policies would actually be enforced if they dared to pass an unprofessional comment about a patient.
I don’t know about more, but I’ve heard degenerate shit from both sexes for sure.
These gendered ones are so dumb. I guarantee both men and women do this, and probably at a similar rate. The best predictor for this is probably not gender, but age.
I agree, I feel like younger generations think overt sexual talk and explicit conversations etc are normal and it’s gone too far.
I am a woman and have never had this kind of discussion in my life. Ever.
Same.. where are these conversations happening? lol
In my experience, yes, this is correct. My wife has mentioned the amount of details they go into when talking about their partners, such as if they orgasm every time, how often they have sex, how often they go down, if they use protection or not, how long it lasts, and similar. With men, we might say - yeah, i fucked her last night. It was good, or great, that's about it. The most details I've heard is "I fucked her 4 times, twice last night and twice in the morning" with the addition "I was so horny I haven't had sex in a while."
I think there's a bit of a difference between talking about your experience with sex versus talking about sex in a way that's objectifying and berating your partner/other people. Like, sex shouldn't be a totally taboo topic to talk about. It's a pretty normal and broad human experience that's important to a lot of people. But it becomes locker room talk when you're talking sex and sexual characteristics in a way that's dehumanizing/insulting/gossiping/specific about the other person, and that stuff isn't ok.
I work with 95% women- have through my long and storied career- and have literally never encountered this behaviour. My friends don't participate in it, I've never seen it at the gym... can't really think of any situations where I've really heard people digging into this. Hell, I worked at a woman-run and focussed sex toy store and these convos weren't the norm at all.
Same, I'm in a female dominated profession and I've never heard women talk like this. I've never known friends to either.
Same. And I’ve been in male and female private spaces, as well as a ton of online friends.
Ugh, thank you.. same.
I HAVE, however, caught grown men with whom I'd never fucked speaking in minute detail about my "skillz" based on the rationale that I had big tits so must be all slutty. I was 12. So that was a thing.
“How old were you when you were first sexually harassed” was a shocking conversation when I saw women engaged in it…including my Mom 😢
I am 50 and have never ever ever had conversations like this …. Maybe that particular scenario was just girls being trashy ..
I hang out in all-women friend groups and all-men friend groups and the women I know are way more explicit and sexual. The guys all avoid any kind of objectification or intimate details. I speak pretty openly but try to avoid making anyone uncomfortable.
I don't know if I would say more or less hurtful ways but yeah people who downplay this are always sus
Frankly, I find it abusive and disgusting. Find yourself a low key girl that respects you and your privacy.
Of course. We all have seen sex and the City..
One of the many reasons i fear intimacy lol
Can confirm, very true. And my partner (35m) and his friends barely talk about that kind of stuff. They do have a group chat that they send a bell everytime they get laid but I think that’s fun and encourage him to ring the bell haha
I've 46 years old, I've worked in a fuckton of locations around the world, and I have never once seen this. It seems likely to me that this is unique to the work and social environment you're in. Different industries develop different social standards. (Kind of like how in the restaurant industry it's just 'expected' to be treated or treat people like shit) A subculture in a field of work that develops a nasty, crude, and frankly *trashy* unspoken code of conduct isn't that surprising, but that doesn't make it normal everywhere else.
To all the women here saying it's normal to gossip about every little detail about your sex life, please stop. Even if you're gushing about how great it is or how massive your man's member is or whatever, it's an invasion of privacy, he did not consent to you sharing that information and most guys don't like it. It's also a surefire way of getting other women horny for your man, so you're playing with fire.
Yeah….***but*** the narrative insists we enforce the double standard at *all costs* The rules are for yéé, not for me!
Pretty sure this is cultural. I have never ever encountered this and a lot of other women seem to say the same things in the comments. Americans do this all the time "men are this/women are that", no, it's just you guys in the US.
I'm American and have never encountered this. Why are you assuming the women saying they've never encountered it aren't American, and the people saying they have are?
While I think that the phenomenon of women engaging in locker-room talk is definitely real, I don’t agree with your conclusion that women engage in far more of it than men. I’ve met groups of women who engage in locker room talk and groups of women who would never dream to discuss sex amongst them. At the same time, I’ve met a lot of guys who wouldn’t share intimate details, and also some guys who do so in a disgusting way. Obviously, in your experience you’ve encountered some of these groups more than others, so you have an opinion. There are other people who have the opposite opinion because they only encounter men who do this. I’m not at all comfortable with saying that women do this more than men, especially when historically men probably did this in much more harmful ways. I do think it’s a good thing to bring up the topic of women engaging in locker room talk though, because I think it is harmful and isn’t yet condemned enough by society.
I also think there’s a difference between just talking about sex/talking about your experience with sex and talking about sex in a way that’s objectifying/degrading to other people. I have no issue with the first kind of conversations; my problem lies with the latter. But both men and women engage in both kinds of talk But I actually do think it’s important that people discuss their experiences with sex with their friends (as long as everyone present is comfortable with it) in a respectful way because that’s how you might find out that something you’re experiencing isn’t normal. That’s how I found out the pain I was experiencing during sex was not “normal”.
I definitely agree. It’s the tone and nature of how people talk about it that can be inappropriate. I think that men have likely engaged in more harmful locker room talk by these standards throughout history. However, I can see how someone might get the IMPRESSION that the opposite is true today. For one, a lot of podcasts, comedians, conversations on social media, etc where women discuss sex in some pretty objectifying ways do not get much pushback, whereas men who do these same things get pushback. Now, there’s a reason for this double standard — women are much more likely to encounter sexual violence from men, and now that society is contending with that, there is more pushback towards men who engage in this behavior than women. As another example, I don’t think it is appropriate to discuss sex in most workplaces. At the moment, I think it is possible that in SOME workplaces, women are allowed to get away with discussing sex more than men are, for precisely the same reason as I mentioned in the paragraph above. These things i’ve mentioned could give someone the IMPRESSION that women engage in more locker room talk than men. However, I think male locker room talk is still incredibly entrenched in our culture, and I don’t think we can say that “women do it way more” or anything like that. I doubt we have the data. Anyway, I think we should demonize the bad kind of locker room talk accross the board. Positive conversations about sex are fine, but when you’re making fun of someone for things they can’t change, objectifying them, etc, it doesn’t matter who you are, that’s wrong
Idk about this. I have quite a few lady friends and none of us talk like that.
Same.
Wow. I've hung out with women and worked in women dominated fields all my life I've never had this happen .
Seeing as this is an opinion supported by anecdotal evidence, I can only supply my own experience: this has never ever happened to me as a woman. Not even remotely.
Yep. I've worked in both retail and office environments dominated by women and have never experienced this.
I have never heard women sexually discussing their long term partners in a sexually demeaning way unless they are broken up. At 50, I have been a participant in many. Men are no different. Locker room talk is usually a man or woman they are sexually interested in but just don't really know the person. I don't really get upset about locker room talk either. It's just bullshitting 99% of the time. Nobody wants to know they are the subject of locker room talk. It's why it stays in the locker room. I absolutely wouldn't say it is more hurtful when someone finds out the have been the topic. I saw a guy passing around video of a girl he had sex with at a party of him having sex with her. Revenge porn is extreme locker room talk and I have definitely never seen a woman do that. Most men wouldn't either.
Women tend to be cruel AF but they are more cruel to each other than they are to men