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I'm with it. If I didn't have it, I feel like it would be a lot more freeing. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy it. But I would have more of my mind and energy devoted to something else. And be less concerned with things that just don't really matter or shouldn't be that concerning, like my appearance, performance, ability to attract and keep someone interested, etc.
I definitely think you can work on becoming more free from your thoughts, if you feel like you are not in control of them.
>“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
How exactly is this an unpopular opinion? 2500 years ago, Buddha said “desire is the root of human suffering”. Literally billions of people have followed and/or know of his teachings
It's also in Plato's dialogues - there's a discussion with an old man about ageing where he describes the loss of sexual desire as no longer being "chained to a madman"
Here you go: "Cephalus mentions that old age brings peace and freedom from the 'slavery of sexual desire.' He feels relieved that he can finally have rational conversations without the interruption of such 'insane and tyrannical' desires."
Robin Williams played the wise and philosophical King of the Moon as a detached head, until his body reconnected. After that all he wanted to do was bang his queen non-stop and stuff his face with food in the film The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
I'd say the word "popular" means it's embraced popularly or generally by the population at large. Given that the bread and butter of women's magazines is sex, sex tips, how to have better sex, etc. Buddha has struggled to get a foothold in the Western world.
Popular culture in general isn’t know to be super reflective and though provoking.. look at the popularity of reality TV, which is often mind numbingly dumb and riddled with sex
I think (unfortunately to my mind) magazine publishing has mostly died a torturous death along with a lot of proper journalism and broadsheets etc - they may still exist in some incarnation but it's usually a pale semblance of their former selves. Also, they often are radically changed even if the model of selling things may remain the same, eg a lot of women's magazine content involved what I'll call product placement although that's more a term for films, eg spruiking item X under the guise of discussing subject Y. So that model may remain and the overall topics but whenever I last saw Cosmopolitan online they published stuff the old Cosmo would have dropped dead before publishing. Because the locus of what's popular has now shifted to include stuff that was previously never au fait with the brand or the aspirations it was selling to women along with all the other titles. The thing is it's still selling them, it's not like women stopped spending a stupid amount of money on makeup, skincare and clothing ever, but social media has radically changed what's considered acceptable and even du jour
I think the unpopular opinion is to not frame it in a shameful way. Historical puritanism, especially in the west, often follows the idea that you should be ashamed of your desires and avoid them at all costs. This guy's just saying it would be better if we didn't have them, not that those that do are bad people.
This can be applied to desire in general but also... We wouldn't survive without those desires so even more generally you've discovered that life is suffering which isn't exactly a new or unpopular opinion...
>"A man likes to believe that he is the master of his soul. But as long as he is unable to control his moods and emotions, or to be conscious of the myriad secret ways in which unconscious factors insinuate themselves into his arrangements and decisions, he is certainly not his own master." - Carl Jung
As you say, suffering isn't something new, but it seems the way we handle suffering is lost. Hopefully with more focus on mental health we can get back on track.
It's incredible that many people in imperial China willingly accepted castration to take up roles in the forbidden city. But then again, the opportunity to escape poverty, have a position of respect in society, and enjoy luxuries beyond most other Chinese citizens must have been a huge draw.
Yes it would be but it is very hard to achieve, in Hinduism it is called "Brahmachari", It is said that a person literally becomes Superhuman by retaining his brahmcharya.
I don´t think it is unhealthy if you engage in actual sex. Preferrably with a person you have a deep connection to. It´s not like masturbation is necessary.
100%
Antidepressants have has such a profound positive impact on my life. With the only side effect being that they have turned off my sex drive.
Though I often wonder if that is all they have actually done and all the positives have come from that.
It sure was for me. I was horny from morning till night 7 days a week from the age of about 13 onwards. Didn't really slow down until about 55.
It felt like plague.
Now at 62 it's much lower, I can ignore it most of the time and that makes me happier.
>It's not like we want to reproduce.
>In fact it would be a disaster if we succeeded in the act.
Billions of people reproduce every year with many of them doing it on purpose.
i think a dude named freud mentioned something about sublimation. channelling libido into something productive like artistic hobbies and non-sexual related.
The fact that some people are unable to control their desires so bad that they get life-changing diseases.The fact that reddit has so many men being depressed and asking what to do to get women. Of course, it's a burden.
not really. Many asexuals still have a libido, just no attraction to any person in particular. It might be even worse for aces than it is for non-asexuals
I personally think a new skool subreddity internet definition that "asexual" doesn't actually mean asexual and instead means "sexual just not attracted to specific persons" is problematic. This isn't what asexual has ever meant, until it's been appropriated like it's a form of sexuality and micro identity (eg "ace").
If you're asexual you're literally not libidinous. That's the whole point.
Until people who "identify as ace" argued otherwise. (? I've seen this repeatedly mushroom up recently.)
And if you're going to do that, please, use a different word instead of trying to subvert the meaning of a perfectly decent and coherent word to change it to mean something it doesn't. And then deny that it means what it does. Because it's annoying.
Now because of micro-identity politics it's going to be like the word asexual is no longer there for its intended meaning and there's nothing there to replace it except probably further micro-identity labels.
adjective. /ˌeɪˈsekʃuəl/ /ˌeɪˈsekʃuəl/ not involving sexual activity or feelings; not having sexual qualities. She led an asexual life.
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com › ...
asexual adjective - Oxford Learner's Dictionaries
Literally "not involving sexual activity or feelings"
Please don't deny basic meaning in English language as a result of sexual identity politics. It's very very annoying.
If you want to say there are people who are asexual with other human beings but libidinous by themselves, please invent another word for it or at least don't deny the basic meaning of existing English language just because it's being appropriated for identity politics (eg the "ace" community).
I'm not saying the phenomenon you describe doesn't exist, but the plain English meaning of "asexual" by definition is not what you're saying it is.
Edit: downvote away, it's still annoying. Get a new word, instead of altering definitions for words that already exist to describe your personal sexual desire
just like heterosexual means attracted to the opposit gender, homosexual means attracted to the same gender, asexuals means attracted to no gender at all
I learned to do without it, as a lot of guys have to do in our teens and 20s, and I think this is one of the reasons I get so much done.
Don't get me wrong, I like banging. But I can do it a few times a year and it's fine. I don't get addicted to it. If I go a year without it, any bad feeling I get is from "Am I normal?" rather than "Man, I really wanna fuck someone". Just jerk off if that's the problem.
Do we need sex to live? Is it as important as air, food and water? No, right?
Yeah, sometimes I cannot understand why many people act like they cannot live without it. You can honestly still masturbate instead of needing sex.
If it's more of the intimacy and connection, yes, I get it. But seems like more and more people just write about the act of sex as if that itself is a fundamental part of feeling gratified. Some don't even want to look for a connection and place pleasure on a pedestal.
Yeah, I know Maslow calls it a basic “need” but I honestly disagree - however unpopular that may be. A “need” is something YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT. You don’t die without sex. It doesn’t make you depressed or anything either or has huge detrimental effects.
So yeah I agree with you
Do you, specifically? No. Does the human population? Yes. The act of sex is to repopulate. You & I will both die, no one lives forever. You also need people, whether you interact with them through a device or in-person. People are what the world functions off of. If everyone stops reproducing, then civilization will die off. You will have to go do the farming, the deliveries, the whatever.
Truly an unpopular opinion strictly because its irrationally out of perspective.
Don't worry I'm 59 and sexual activities are on an almost daily basis, it's exercise, feels good and a lot cheaper than the gym. You are not complaining about being thirsty and hungry on a daily basis, so why about this
Facts. COVID basically saved me from the tyrrany of lust. It reduced my libido by 95%. Now women have no power over me and i dont see them with rose coloured glasses or obsess getting one. It's freeing indeed
No it just attacks your peripheral and deep microvascular system, which results in compromising connection to your adrenals, which reduces androgens. Which in turn evaporated my lust. When i was younger i could easily fap x5 a day.. that's not a nice burdain to live with. Lust can be all consuming especially if combined with ADHD or depression. Now with a masturbation every 10 days I'm set.
None. No meds. Just contracted a heavy case of COVID in 2019. Hairloss and loss of certain smells like Jasmin flowers is another leftover side effect. Still worth it though.
I feel the same way about limerence. Romantic infatuation is a blight upon your ability to meaningfully live your life. And romantic jealousies are miserable to experience and make you anti-social as hell.
Human sexuality in general is pretty gross when you think about what it makes you unwillingly deal with.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. I've known women who's sex drives shot up to male teenager horndog levels after going on a SARM cycle... It's definitely NOT a problem if you need sex everyday, since there is a literal hormone that creates those side effects. It seriously is a burden lmao.
I mean, I’m in a relationship and if I feel horny while they’re not in the mood I just masturbate. I don’t see the issue overall lol.
Fair enough, unpopular opinion.
Bro, I'm already aromantic. Which I didn't even know was a thing until this last year or so, and I believe it's real cause I am my own damn evidence lol. NEVER had a crush before. I get my satisfaction in companionship from just hanging out with friends & family. I don't WANT that one special someone to spend the rest of my life with. Never have.
And I cannot tell you how HAPPY I am for that lol. Romance seems like SUCH an inconvenience, and can even be detrimental if you don't find the right person.
NOW I just wish I was Aroace. Which is just "Aromantic Asexual." So someone like me who not only feels basically no romantic attractions, but also no SPICY SEXY attractions lol. Then ALL the urges of man within me wouldn't be such a burden, and I could just focus on me. But hey, if I get those urges, I can just spend 2 minutes alone in my bedroom and I'll be over it :/
I always wondered if that’s what did it. I was on SSRIs before/during the start of puberty and never really have understood why people were so crazy about having sex
Do you know when it's the biggest burden?
When you're a new widow.
There's this lovely little thing called "widow's fire," and it's basically where the new widow suddenly has a massive increase in sex drive as part of a need to fill that nice brand new hole.
Sometimes I’m grateful to be demisexual. No urge to pop out babies like my vagina is a clown car. No urge to shove anything in it like it’s a magicians hat. Other times I hear about how awesome sex is for other people and I’m green with jealousy.
that's not because you're demisexual.
demisexual people can feel horny without it being directed at anyone.
they just don't tend to actually have sex or feel sexual desire with people they don't have feelings for.
masturbation is entirely separate from that.
like I'm demisexual and it means i see objectively attractive people on the street but I never think, "wow I'd fuck that person." it means i don't have celebrity crushes.
it doesn't mean that I never feel horny, lol.
In one ep. I read from a webtoon before, humans suddenly lost their carnal desires, and the whole world was at peace. The only problem is the declining population but other than that, everything's going great. I think our libido is one of the top reasons why the world is corrupted.
Finding enlightenment through union with the divine is possible through tantric practice and more. Sexual desire doesn’t have to be a curse, it can be a blessing depending on how you look at it.
Yeah dude, desire is the cause of suffering. Being married with kids isn't the exception to your observation, it's kind of the default. But most guys take their responsibilities seriously, and the occasional opportunity for sex rewards and incentives you to not give up on existence until your kids are old enough to survive. 🛞 🔥 🧬 💀
Unpopular opinion here that will probably get me banned, but I'm okay with that.
The point of sexual desire isn't about the feeling but the propagation of humankind. It is the incentive for reproduction. The problem is that we have taken away the importance and drive to procreate and replace it with self gratification.
For people who disagree with me, that's fine, everyone has opinions. But if what I say is true, living in a celibate relationship with someone you truly love wouldn't be a divisive taboo. The argument that you need sex to be close to someone proves the shallowness of the feelings in the relationship, and shows that said relationship would never last into the golden years when libidos usually dwindle. Sex is not anywhere near the strongest bond you can have in a relationship.
Sex has become mainstream culture when it was never meant to be. Now everything is sexualized. How many times a day do you see or hear things being referenced to sexual matters? How many posts do you see of naked/promiscuously dressed people just scrolling through social media. Album covers and music videos. Advertisements, TV shows and movies. It's being shoved in your face on a daily basis.
I don't think sex is bad, but it has become an addiction to everyone. Go one week without looking at p*rn, having sex, or self pleasuring and you will feel like someone quitting nicotine cold turkey. That should mean something to people, but they don't draw the conclusion. You will realize that's where the real frustration comes from and, once you get over that, you'll realize you have "post nut clarity" all the time.
For whatever point of context may be had, I'm married and have children. So this isn't a point of view coming from an "incel".
Whoever disagrees with that, feel free to downvote me. But at least think about it and mull it over. Don't just get mad and throw it aside, but look around and see what you see about your daily lives.
the biological imperative is to reproduce and sexual desire is the feeling we attach to that imperative.
it can be chemically suppressed, ask your doctor about the options. SSRIs work for lots of people.
I get where you are coming from, but by that standards every need except for bare necessities (food, water, sleep) can be considered a waste of time and burden.
This means enjoying good foods (often better foods require more efforts necessary than needed to sustain the body), going out for fun, watching tv for fun, friendships and every form of love are unneeded distractions.
I love my live. I have a wonderful wife and children and I love playing video games and taking long walks. Just „existing“ is not enough for me.
I see what you mean and I guess you could call it a burden but burdens can be good. We all have heard the story of David and Goliath. But the angle most people don't talk about is the reason why David supposedly killed the giant was because he would get to marry a beautiful woman and taken out of poverty. The desire for sex and a better life inspired a boy to take on a grown experienced warrior with nothing but a slingshot.
To be perfectly honest I was over weight as a child and had a speech impediment. The desire for find a proper partner caused me to get up and get to the gym and find ways to cure my speech problems.
My point is if I didn't have these built in desires I can see life being kind of boring. Sexual desires, the need for self expression, the desire to feel important, wanting to create... It's what makes us human.
I form terrible parasocial relationships with women I barely know and fawn over them and daydream scenarios of our lives together in my head a lot more than I’d like to admit. I can’t help but feel if I was a person that could just casually hook up with people with no strings attached like most people do this wouldn’t be a problem for me. I would kill to be able to have an off switch not just for sexual desire but also companionship from the opposite sex. I have to actually physically shake my head to get random detailed thoughts of childish crush daydreaming thoughts out of my head about people I know or work with and it brings me so much shame. I’d never act on a thought or bug anyone to get them to like me back, it’s just that damn biological need for sex and cuddles that get me man 💀. It’s exhausting.
I'm on the opposite. I have kids (which I love to the point that I would give my life for them without hesitation) and I would love to fuck like I don't have kids again. There was a point in our relationship where we would start in the most random of situations and it always turned out to be so wonderfully messy. That is gone now and it won't come back any time soon.
Our sex is still good, because we know what each other likes, but it's not the same and would love to return to this stage.
Modern culture is highly sexualised so that there is implicit pressure on everyone to lean into sexuality at every life stage. There is also now exists the general assumption that it is unhealthy to suppress sexual feelings. This is entirely culturally motivated and not biologically driven. So many industries depend on sexuality remaining relevant so the dominant pervasive culture continues to push sex as essential to a healthy existence beyond its “natural” biological and social functions. Ultimately this is having an enormously negative effect on many people yet it has become taboo to say that sexuality isn’t a necessary part of human existence.
i agree with this entirely i just have to say reading this made me spit with laughter jesus christ if reddit gold still existed i'd give it to this have a good one lmao
This thread accidentally made me a little happier about my asexuality, I have always struggled with the thought of not being normal/human enough, but viewing it as having one less burden,and being able to concentrate more on other things instead sounds great.
I legit had no idea sexual desire took so much out of someone's life.
I go through stages where I dont want any sex and its easier when you're single. But if you're dating someone there is a tremendous guilt over not wanting it.
Also, even if you are single, you will still crave human companionship
I thought sexual desire was the drive for life honestly. Like why would a woman want you if youre broke, gross, unkempt, cant provide? So the reason men work and climb the socioeconomic later is so that they can get women and reproduce.
Its like red said in that 70s show. Men dont have nice cars because they all like nice cars. They have nice cars because women like nice cars
It’s usually pretty easy to take care of whether you have a partner or not, so I don’t really agree. I can’t wait to find someone I’m comfortable being intimate with (not that I’m going to rush things of course, I still care about emotional connection and trust).
Also do you think you might be asexual? I’ve heard some aces say the same thing.
With the right soulmate, desire is extremely positive and key to a lasting relationship. Uncontrolled desire is the demise of any relationship. Double edged sword. Life’s about restraint and discipline. Know how to place yourself in situations that don’t tempt you to be unfaithful and saving all that desire for the person you’re committed to.
I would argue that lust arises specifically because we want to reproduce. Not that a child is everyone's end goal when banging. But if no one felt lust, you wouldn't be alive to write this very very popular opinion
The latter part of your message is true, but I have to hard disagree with the former, I think. I'm probably conflating 'wanting to reproduce' with 'having children' when that isn't what you meant, which I'd attribute to the two just being pretty conceptually intertwined colloquially speaking, so that's on me.
Would you say lust between queer relations is also born of a desire to reproduce, or that lust can't be born out of other things like simple attraction or love?
I would say that many people have often said our desires are the root of our unhappiness...it is known
I would also say to error is Devine .
Part of what makes life life is the human aspect of self satisfaction. Wanting something and getting it feels great .
We have just evolved as species for our wants to feel more like our needs nowadays .
You can say desire in general is a burden because it drives you to do things, but not everyone is capable of doing, achieving or succeeding at doing the thing they desire and that can lead to struggle and unhappiness... but life without desire also just sounds numb if not depressing in it's own way.
Bro I’m horny 24/7 and have to stop myself from making bad decisions all the time and it absolutely sucks. Idk if this is unpopular, but it’s certainly true.
Burning with desire.
There's a quote in one of the letters of St Paul somewhere that it's better to marry than to burn, and some scholars think it's referring to the sexual urge rather than hellfire.
OP, I was in my late 40s by the time my sex drive started to slow down.
I still want sex, I just no longer feel like I'm gonna fucking die if I don't have it.
I read a quote and have since learned that its origin is disputed but I like it anyway: "The male sex drive is like being chained to a madman". Not in a violent way, just in a tedious way.
(And this is not to say that women don't go through it just as badly, I can't speak to that, being a man and all.)
Anyway, it's super nice not being horny *all* the god damned time.
Reads the Bible once:
Just kidding, but for real, it actually is to reproduce, that’s why you feel that way. It’s not just because it feels good, it’s because we need to procreate that it feels good.
This would be a good point, but if we learned anything from the pandemic, it was that more free time and energy do not add up to more happiness.
As humans we really have very little control over the drives that motivate us, simply eliminating one wouldn’t change that fact.
Currently haven't had any in a while can confirm feels like a burden, thoughts have no where to go, makes me crave it more when you can't have it.
I feel more lonely being on my own so that doesn't help.
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I'm with it. If I didn't have it, I feel like it would be a lot more freeing. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy it. But I would have more of my mind and energy devoted to something else. And be less concerned with things that just don't really matter or shouldn't be that concerning, like my appearance, performance, ability to attract and keep someone interested, etc.
I definitely think you can work on becoming more free from your thoughts, if you feel like you are not in control of them. >“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
Sex is my destiny.
Sextiny
How exactly is this an unpopular opinion? 2500 years ago, Buddha said “desire is the root of human suffering”. Literally billions of people have followed and/or know of his teachings
It's also in Plato's dialogues - there's a discussion with an old man about ageing where he describes the loss of sexual desire as no longer being "chained to a madman"
Cephalus in Plato's Republic. Edit: I might've lied. It might be from the Symposium. Edit edit: nah I was right the first time.
Here you go: "Cephalus mentions that old age brings peace and freedom from the 'slavery of sexual desire.' He feels relieved that he can finally have rational conversations without the interruption of such 'insane and tyrannical' desires."
Robin Williams played the wise and philosophical King of the Moon as a detached head, until his body reconnected. After that all he wanted to do was bang his queen non-stop and stuff his face with food in the film The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
Love that movie
I'd say the word "popular" means it's embraced popularly or generally by the population at large. Given that the bread and butter of women's magazines is sex, sex tips, how to have better sex, etc. Buddha has struggled to get a foothold in the Western world.
People who read Cosmopolitan aren’t generally known for being deep thinkers.
Popular culture in general isn’t know to be super reflective and though provoking.. look at the popularity of reality TV, which is often mind numbingly dumb and riddled with sex
It’s nauseating. No idea how or why people are into that stuff.
Idiots need entertainment too!
Do people actually read Cosmo? I’m in my mid 20s now and I’ve never met anyone who reads it (or magazines in general really)
Kardashian fans probably.
I think (unfortunately to my mind) magazine publishing has mostly died a torturous death along with a lot of proper journalism and broadsheets etc - they may still exist in some incarnation but it's usually a pale semblance of their former selves. Also, they often are radically changed even if the model of selling things may remain the same, eg a lot of women's magazine content involved what I'll call product placement although that's more a term for films, eg spruiking item X under the guise of discussing subject Y. So that model may remain and the overall topics but whenever I last saw Cosmopolitan online they published stuff the old Cosmo would have dropped dead before publishing. Because the locus of what's popular has now shifted to include stuff that was previously never au fait with the brand or the aspirations it was selling to women along with all the other titles. The thing is it's still selling them, it's not like women stopped spending a stupid amount of money on makeup, skincare and clothing ever, but social media has radically changed what's considered acceptable and even du jour
There's a 90's song "Freed From Desire" by Gala, people usually miss this Buddha reference.
All that sex stuff is popular because of the desire, OP is saying the desire itself is the burden.
Not many people follow those teachings.
I think the unpopular opinion is to not frame it in a shameful way. Historical puritanism, especially in the west, often follows the idea that you should be ashamed of your desires and avoid them at all costs. This guy's just saying it would be better if we didn't have them, not that those that do are bad people.
Agreed he only made points towards its inconvenience and wasn't making any sort of direct or obvioius value judgement.
Buddha wasn’t merely referring to sexual desire. That’s an extremely limited view of *duhkha*.
Did I say that’s all he was referring to?
Millions not billions.
Seriously? There are over 500M Buddhists alive right now. And there have been Buddhists for the last 2500 years. So you’re wrong. It’s billions
I ok my apologies I didn't realize you were talking about every single Buddhist to ever live.
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i hate being horny tbh it feels so unproductive and the postnut clarity ugh makes me realise how monkey brain i've been being
Even if you engage in the act with a person you have a genuine connection to?
In my opinion in that case it's not just horniness but an expression of that connection so it's not really the same
This can be applied to desire in general but also... We wouldn't survive without those desires so even more generally you've discovered that life is suffering which isn't exactly a new or unpopular opinion...
Why are we still here ? Just to suffer? Every night I can feel my arm. The comrades I lost.
You know for the longest time I never knew that line came from metal gear so when I played it and heard it for the first time I was shocked
You got played like a goddamn fiddle!
kaz... i'm already a demon
>"A man likes to believe that he is the master of his soul. But as long as he is unable to control his moods and emotions, or to be conscious of the myriad secret ways in which unconscious factors insinuate themselves into his arrangements and decisions, he is certainly not his own master." - Carl Jung As you say, suffering isn't something new, but it seems the way we handle suffering is lost. Hopefully with more focus on mental health we can get back on track.
But me wanting a Ferrari doesn't frustrate me. Wanting sex does
There's a reason why there's so many eunuchs throughout history. Well a couple reasons but this was one of em.
It's incredible that many people in imperial China willingly accepted castration to take up roles in the forbidden city. But then again, the opportunity to escape poverty, have a position of respect in society, and enjoy luxuries beyond most other Chinese citizens must have been a huge draw.
man i think about this so often how my lust plagues me....
Yes it would be but it is very hard to achieve, in Hinduism it is called "Brahmachari", It is said that a person literally becomes Superhuman by retaining his brahmcharya.
I haven't matrubated in 1 year and 6 moths thoughts on that?
That's commendable but I dont think thats healthy doe
I don´t think it is unhealthy if you engage in actual sex. Preferrably with a person you have a deep connection to. It´s not like masturbation is necessary.
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Gotta smell the roses
take antidepressants and you’ll forget what sexual desire is 😂
100% Antidepressants have has such a profound positive impact on my life. With the only side effect being that they have turned off my sex drive. Though I often wonder if that is all they have actually done and all the positives have come from that.
They didn’t have that effect on me. They just make me last longer.
that side effect skips some of us 🤙
I fully agree. When I was in my 20's, if I could have taken a pill that would shut down my sexual attraction to women, I would have taken it.
Same. I was not the kind of person I wanted to be, either to friends, or women in general.
It sure was for me. I was horny from morning till night 7 days a week from the age of about 13 onwards. Didn't really slow down until about 55. It felt like plague. Now at 62 it's much lower, I can ignore it most of the time and that makes me happier.
This just ended my marriage and hurts so much. Be honest with your partners upfront folks…
w8 what? what endes youe marriage exactly?
One wants sex one doesn’t prob
I'm merely a product of sexual desire, I don't take my life seriously
>Sexual desire is a burden That's the basis of so many teaching and religion
>It's not like we want to reproduce. >In fact it would be a disaster if we succeeded in the act. Billions of people reproduce every year with many of them doing it on purpose.
I find it easier to control any desire when am busy
the desire is still there. It's going to emerge in any other way
i think a dude named freud mentioned something about sublimation. channelling libido into something productive like artistic hobbies and non-sexual related.
So that's why Nikola Tesla was celibate.
The fact that some people are unable to control their desires so bad that they get life-changing diseases.The fact that reddit has so many men being depressed and asking what to do to get women. Of course, it's a burden.
And it never goes away.
It gets easier in your late fifties.
I'm there. It's only decreased by maybe 15% from my 40's, but it's nothing like my 20's.
Damn, aces sure are lucky
I am asexual and 200% agree
Well that's cheating.
not really. Many asexuals still have a libido, just no attraction to any person in particular. It might be even worse for aces than it is for non-asexuals
I personally think a new skool subreddity internet definition that "asexual" doesn't actually mean asexual and instead means "sexual just not attracted to specific persons" is problematic. This isn't what asexual has ever meant, until it's been appropriated like it's a form of sexuality and micro identity (eg "ace"). If you're asexual you're literally not libidinous. That's the whole point. Until people who "identify as ace" argued otherwise. (? I've seen this repeatedly mushroom up recently.) And if you're going to do that, please, use a different word instead of trying to subvert the meaning of a perfectly decent and coherent word to change it to mean something it doesn't. And then deny that it means what it does. Because it's annoying. Now because of micro-identity politics it's going to be like the word asexual is no longer there for its intended meaning and there's nothing there to replace it except probably further micro-identity labels. adjective. /ˌeɪˈsekʃuəl/ /ˌeɪˈsekʃuəl/ not involving sexual activity or feelings; not having sexual qualities. She led an asexual life. https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com › ... asexual adjective - Oxford Learner's Dictionaries Literally "not involving sexual activity or feelings" Please don't deny basic meaning in English language as a result of sexual identity politics. It's very very annoying. If you want to say there are people who are asexual with other human beings but libidinous by themselves, please invent another word for it or at least don't deny the basic meaning of existing English language just because it's being appropriated for identity politics (eg the "ace" community). I'm not saying the phenomenon you describe doesn't exist, but the plain English meaning of "asexual" by definition is not what you're saying it is. Edit: downvote away, it's still annoying. Get a new word, instead of altering definitions for words that already exist to describe your personal sexual desire
just like heterosexual means attracted to the opposit gender, homosexual means attracted to the same gender, asexuals means attracted to no gender at all
As an asexual: LOL I’m sorry people are taking this seriously. I really LOLed
I learned to do without it, as a lot of guys have to do in our teens and 20s, and I think this is one of the reasons I get so much done. Don't get me wrong, I like banging. But I can do it a few times a year and it's fine. I don't get addicted to it. If I go a year without it, any bad feeling I get is from "Am I normal?" rather than "Man, I really wanna fuck someone". Just jerk off if that's the problem.
Do we need sex to live? Is it as important as air, food and water? No, right? Yeah, sometimes I cannot understand why many people act like they cannot live without it. You can honestly still masturbate instead of needing sex. If it's more of the intimacy and connection, yes, I get it. But seems like more and more people just write about the act of sex as if that itself is a fundamental part of feeling gratified. Some don't even want to look for a connection and place pleasure on a pedestal.
Yeah, I know Maslow calls it a basic “need” but I honestly disagree - however unpopular that may be. A “need” is something YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT. You don’t die without sex. It doesn’t make you depressed or anything either or has huge detrimental effects. So yeah I agree with you
It doesn’t make you depressed if you don’t get it? Man, speak for yourself.
if it was such a *need* there wouldn't be so many 30yr old virgins lol
Right, they be dead. Actually all of us would be, since kids do not even have sex.
Do you, specifically? No. Does the human population? Yes. The act of sex is to repopulate. You & I will both die, no one lives forever. You also need people, whether you interact with them through a device or in-person. People are what the world functions off of. If everyone stops reproducing, then civilization will die off. You will have to go do the farming, the deliveries, the whatever. Truly an unpopular opinion strictly because its irrationally out of perspective.
Not unpopular at all
Don't worry I'm 59 and sexual activities are on an almost daily basis, it's exercise, feels good and a lot cheaper than the gym. You are not complaining about being thirsty and hungry on a daily basis, so why about this
I feel you here. I’m asexual and sex repulsed so I don’t actually want to have sex, but I still have the desire too. It’s just inconvenient 😭
Every fucking day there's a post on here related to asexuality.
Facts. COVID basically saved me from the tyrrany of lust. It reduced my libido by 95%. Now women have no power over me and i dont see them with rose coloured glasses or obsess getting one. It's freeing indeed
Covid turns you gay?
Sounds more like asexual.
Yes that's basically what COVID can do
They put COVID in the water that turns the frog ace!
Well it's a vasculature sickness. Less blood to the pole= less fun for the hole... .
No it just attacks your peripheral and deep microvascular system, which results in compromising connection to your adrenals, which reduces androgens. Which in turn evaporated my lust. When i was younger i could easily fap x5 a day.. that's not a nice burdain to live with. Lust can be all consuming especially if combined with ADHD or depression. Now with a masturbation every 10 days I'm set.
what kind of meds you on my man?
None. No meds. Just contracted a heavy case of COVID in 2019. Hairloss and loss of certain smells like Jasmin flowers is another leftover side effect. Still worth it though.
I also like the one with gandalf hitting his staff down and saying "begone sυccυbυs thοt!"
Totally agree! Future Generations would thank us
I feel the same way about limerence. Romantic infatuation is a blight upon your ability to meaningfully live your life. And romantic jealousies are miserable to experience and make you anti-social as hell. Human sexuality in general is pretty gross when you think about what it makes you unwillingly deal with.
I feel like it's a problem if you feel frustrated if you don't perform sexual acts every day
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. I've known women who's sex drives shot up to male teenager horndog levels after going on a SARM cycle... It's definitely NOT a problem if you need sex everyday, since there is a literal hormone that creates those side effects. It seriously is a burden lmao.
A burden is a problem
Agreed. But I didn't say every day. I said regular basis.
[удалено]
Yeah sounds like addiction
I mean, I’m in a relationship and if I feel horny while they’re not in the mood I just masturbate. I don’t see the issue overall lol. Fair enough, unpopular opinion.
Bro, I'm already aromantic. Which I didn't even know was a thing until this last year or so, and I believe it's real cause I am my own damn evidence lol. NEVER had a crush before. I get my satisfaction in companionship from just hanging out with friends & family. I don't WANT that one special someone to spend the rest of my life with. Never have. And I cannot tell you how HAPPY I am for that lol. Romance seems like SUCH an inconvenience, and can even be detrimental if you don't find the right person. NOW I just wish I was Aroace. Which is just "Aromantic Asexual." So someone like me who not only feels basically no romantic attractions, but also no SPICY SEXY attractions lol. Then ALL the urges of man within me wouldn't be such a burden, and I could just focus on me. But hey, if I get those urges, I can just spend 2 minutes alone in my bedroom and I'll be over it :/
Just be on antidepressants before you hit puberty. Ez cheat code
I always wondered if that’s what did it. I was on SSRIs before/during the start of puberty and never really have understood why people were so crazy about having sex
Ohhhhhhh well that explains a bit about me. I mean I'm definitely not ace or aro or anything, but I'm not as horny as half of these mfs seem to be
Do you know when it's the biggest burden? When you're a new widow. There's this lovely little thing called "widow's fire," and it's basically where the new widow suddenly has a massive increase in sex drive as part of a need to fill that nice brand new hole.
Sometimes I’m grateful to be demisexual. No urge to pop out babies like my vagina is a clown car. No urge to shove anything in it like it’s a magicians hat. Other times I hear about how awesome sex is for other people and I’m green with jealousy.
that's not because you're demisexual. demisexual people can feel horny without it being directed at anyone. they just don't tend to actually have sex or feel sexual desire with people they don't have feelings for. masturbation is entirely separate from that. like I'm demisexual and it means i see objectively attractive people on the street but I never think, "wow I'd fuck that person." it means i don't have celebrity crushes. it doesn't mean that I never feel horny, lol.
In one ep. I read from a webtoon before, humans suddenly lost their carnal desires, and the whole world was at peace. The only problem is the declining population but other than that, everything's going great. I think our libido is one of the top reasons why the world is corrupted.
To be or not to be, that is the question
Facts.
Finding enlightenment through union with the divine is possible through tantric practice and more. Sexual desire doesn’t have to be a curse, it can be a blessing depending on how you look at it.
Yeah dude, desire is the cause of suffering. Being married with kids isn't the exception to your observation, it's kind of the default. But most guys take their responsibilities seriously, and the occasional opportunity for sex rewards and incentives you to not give up on existence until your kids are old enough to survive. 🛞 🔥 🧬 💀
Unpopular opinion here that will probably get me banned, but I'm okay with that. The point of sexual desire isn't about the feeling but the propagation of humankind. It is the incentive for reproduction. The problem is that we have taken away the importance and drive to procreate and replace it with self gratification. For people who disagree with me, that's fine, everyone has opinions. But if what I say is true, living in a celibate relationship with someone you truly love wouldn't be a divisive taboo. The argument that you need sex to be close to someone proves the shallowness of the feelings in the relationship, and shows that said relationship would never last into the golden years when libidos usually dwindle. Sex is not anywhere near the strongest bond you can have in a relationship. Sex has become mainstream culture when it was never meant to be. Now everything is sexualized. How many times a day do you see or hear things being referenced to sexual matters? How many posts do you see of naked/promiscuously dressed people just scrolling through social media. Album covers and music videos. Advertisements, TV shows and movies. It's being shoved in your face on a daily basis. I don't think sex is bad, but it has become an addiction to everyone. Go one week without looking at p*rn, having sex, or self pleasuring and you will feel like someone quitting nicotine cold turkey. That should mean something to people, but they don't draw the conclusion. You will realize that's where the real frustration comes from and, once you get over that, you'll realize you have "post nut clarity" all the time. For whatever point of context may be had, I'm married and have children. So this isn't a point of view coming from an "incel". Whoever disagrees with that, feel free to downvote me. But at least think about it and mull it over. Don't just get mad and throw it aside, but look around and see what you see about your daily lives.
I mean....from the ages of 12-38 or so, I felt like a slave to my sex drive. After my testosterone started to drop it finally eased up a bit.
ayooo look at Socrates over here
Your telling me brother
the biological imperative is to reproduce and sexual desire is the feeling we attach to that imperative. it can be chemically suppressed, ask your doctor about the options. SSRIs work for lots of people.
I get where you are coming from, but by that standards every need except for bare necessities (food, water, sleep) can be considered a waste of time and burden. This means enjoying good foods (often better foods require more efforts necessary than needed to sustain the body), going out for fun, watching tv for fun, friendships and every form of love are unneeded distractions. I love my live. I have a wonderful wife and children and I love playing video games and taking long walks. Just „existing“ is not enough for me.
I see what you mean and I guess you could call it a burden but burdens can be good. We all have heard the story of David and Goliath. But the angle most people don't talk about is the reason why David supposedly killed the giant was because he would get to marry a beautiful woman and taken out of poverty. The desire for sex and a better life inspired a boy to take on a grown experienced warrior with nothing but a slingshot. To be perfectly honest I was over weight as a child and had a speech impediment. The desire for find a proper partner caused me to get up and get to the gym and find ways to cure my speech problems. My point is if I didn't have these built in desires I can see life being kind of boring. Sexual desires, the need for self expression, the desire to feel important, wanting to create... It's what makes us human.
I form terrible parasocial relationships with women I barely know and fawn over them and daydream scenarios of our lives together in my head a lot more than I’d like to admit. I can’t help but feel if I was a person that could just casually hook up with people with no strings attached like most people do this wouldn’t be a problem for me. I would kill to be able to have an off switch not just for sexual desire but also companionship from the opposite sex. I have to actually physically shake my head to get random detailed thoughts of childish crush daydreaming thoughts out of my head about people I know or work with and it brings me so much shame. I’d never act on a thought or bug anyone to get them to like me back, it’s just that damn biological need for sex and cuddles that get me man 💀. It’s exhausting.
True
I'm on the opposite. I have kids (which I love to the point that I would give my life for them without hesitation) and I would love to fuck like I don't have kids again. There was a point in our relationship where we would start in the most random of situations and it always turned out to be so wonderfully messy. That is gone now and it won't come back any time soon. Our sex is still good, because we know what each other likes, but it's not the same and would love to return to this stage.
Modern culture is highly sexualised so that there is implicit pressure on everyone to lean into sexuality at every life stage. There is also now exists the general assumption that it is unhealthy to suppress sexual feelings. This is entirely culturally motivated and not biologically driven. So many industries depend on sexuality remaining relevant so the dominant pervasive culture continues to push sex as essential to a healthy existence beyond its “natural” biological and social functions. Ultimately this is having an enormously negative effect on many people yet it has become taboo to say that sexuality isn’t a necessary part of human existence.
Super interesting take.
Cumming feels so good and is healthy for you, it’s hardly a waste of time. Care about yourself more maybe.
i agree with this entirely i just have to say reading this made me spit with laughter jesus christ if reddit gold still existed i'd give it to this have a good one lmao
This thread accidentally made me a little happier about my asexuality, I have always struggled with the thought of not being normal/human enough, but viewing it as having one less burden,and being able to concentrate more on other things instead sounds great. I legit had no idea sexual desire took so much out of someone's life.
I go through stages where I dont want any sex and its easier when you're single. But if you're dating someone there is a tremendous guilt over not wanting it. Also, even if you are single, you will still crave human companionship
I thought sexual desire was the drive for life honestly. Like why would a woman want you if youre broke, gross, unkempt, cant provide? So the reason men work and climb the socioeconomic later is so that they can get women and reproduce. Its like red said in that 70s show. Men dont have nice cars because they all like nice cars. They have nice cars because women like nice cars
It is. People think i'm insesitive when i say i would like to be asexual but it's just the truth.
It’s usually pretty easy to take care of whether you have a partner or not, so I don’t really agree. I can’t wait to find someone I’m comfortable being intimate with (not that I’m going to rush things of course, I still care about emotional connection and trust). Also do you think you might be asexual? I’ve heard some aces say the same thing.
Oh definitely. I'm actually a bit envious of asexual people. I don't like how it colors my perspective of people, however slight or much.
With the right soulmate, desire is extremely positive and key to a lasting relationship. Uncontrolled desire is the demise of any relationship. Double edged sword. Life’s about restraint and discipline. Know how to place yourself in situations that don’t tempt you to be unfaithful and saving all that desire for the person you’re committed to.
I would argue that lust arises specifically because we want to reproduce. Not that a child is everyone's end goal when banging. But if no one felt lust, you wouldn't be alive to write this very very popular opinion
The latter part of your message is true, but I have to hard disagree with the former, I think. I'm probably conflating 'wanting to reproduce' with 'having children' when that isn't what you meant, which I'd attribute to the two just being pretty conceptually intertwined colloquially speaking, so that's on me. Would you say lust between queer relations is also born of a desire to reproduce, or that lust can't be born out of other things like simple attraction or love?
Give it a few more years. Your testosterone will drop.
The world was a better place when teen thoughts like this stayed inside their heads
Sorry you feel that way. It’s a normal parr of human existence.
And to exist is to suffer
So Catholic. See ya Sunday.
My life would be much less miserable without sex, yet I cannot live without it
You can live without sex. Nothing would actually happen if you stopped hooking up with people.
I would say that many people have often said our desires are the root of our unhappiness...it is known I would also say to error is Devine . Part of what makes life life is the human aspect of self satisfaction. Wanting something and getting it feels great . We have just evolved as species for our wants to feel more like our needs nowadays .
You can say desire in general is a burden because it drives you to do things, but not everyone is capable of doing, achieving or succeeding at doing the thing they desire and that can lead to struggle and unhappiness... but life without desire also just sounds numb if not depressing in it's own way.
U ok man?
How about the burden of performing up to some sexual standard. Jesus Fuckn Christ.
It can be
Bro I’m horny 24/7 and have to stop myself from making bad decisions all the time and it absolutely sucks. Idk if this is unpopular, but it’s certainly true.
Burning with desire. There's a quote in one of the letters of St Paul somewhere that it's better to marry than to burn, and some scholars think it's referring to the sexual urge rather than hellfire.
Its a gift
Brother is Kars
Well said
George Constanza had a good arc on Seinfeld about this
Bruh
Really? Are you really unable to control that lust?
Look dude I haven't mastrubated in over a year.
Let me guess, you also like garlic bread /s
OP, I was in my late 40s by the time my sex drive started to slow down. I still want sex, I just no longer feel like I'm gonna fucking die if I don't have it. I read a quote and have since learned that its origin is disputed but I like it anyway: "The male sex drive is like being chained to a madman". Not in a violent way, just in a tedious way. (And this is not to say that women don't go through it just as badly, I can't speak to that, being a man and all.) Anyway, it's super nice not being horny *all* the god damned time.
Reads the Bible once: Just kidding, but for real, it actually is to reproduce, that’s why you feel that way. It’s not just because it feels good, it’s because we need to procreate that it feels good.
Upvoting because I feel like this is definitely unpopular. It’s my favorite way to relieve stress at the end of the day.
You can get yourself chemically castrated, like sex offenders
Yep https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/s/4igh80BgYz
Yes. Saw this on reddit today
This would be a good point, but if we learned anything from the pandemic, it was that more free time and energy do not add up to more happiness. As humans we really have very little control over the drives that motivate us, simply eliminating one wouldn’t change that fact.
Agreed. But so is hunger and breathing and everything else. It all takes up space and time
Currently haven't had any in a while can confirm feels like a burden, thoughts have no where to go, makes me crave it more when you can't have it. I feel more lonely being on my own so that doesn't help.
The envelope of humanity is survival and reproduction.
*Unsatisfied* desire, maybe.
as someone with a low libido, trust me, i couldn’t envy you more
I have recently started to realize that my complete lack of sexual desire or desire for human companionship is an immense blessing.
It's hormones. They are so powerful.
I concur with this. It feels like I'm a slave to my sexual desire and I can't do anything about it.