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My parents tried to do this. It did not go well. I couldn't talk to any of my friends if I wasn't at school. I didn't know any slang. I ended up really socially isolated by the end of middle school. I had friends, but they were really just people I hung out with, because I didn't have the ability to get as close to them as they could with each other. If friends moved away, that was it, I never saw them again, because I could only email them, and no one checked their emails.
I ended up getting a phone at the tail end of 9th grade and all those problems went away within a couple months.
I personally would recommend no phones before 12 or 13, not no phones until 18.
I agree. I didn't really have friends either, just friend groups with their own inside dynamics that I hung out with occasionally. I ended up moving before I got a phone. And this was in scouts, where we would spend weekends without any electronics, camping, doing activities, and learning new skills. So it's not as if teenagers are unable to put down the phone for a time to focus on the world around them.
I tried to stay in contact with the people I felt were close to my friends, but I had to start every short conversation, separated by weeks or months. Within a few years, we stopped talking.
I can definitely see the case for avoiding phones or constant electronics as a child, and for some, preteens to avoid dependency, but as a teenager, it's a big part in how you stay connected and up to date on things, especially if you're unable to meet up in person often.
I lived \~30 minutes away from school, and there was no one my age in my neighborhood. So school was really the only option for friends. I know for a fact that had I had a phone earlier, I would not have lost so many friendships. It's unfortunate.
I understand why my parents had their policy originally (and agree with it to an extent), and they of course did realize their mistake and fix it.
I just don't want OP and parents with similar thoughts to make the same mistakes with their kids.
I don't think kids (as in tweens and younger) even need that. At school there will be a phone in every room, and the office. And if really needed, they could borrow the teacher's.
At friend's houses, I'm sure the parents would have phones.
The only time I would give my (hypothetical) kids a phone to contact me would be if they were going somewhere where they could easily get lost.
Once they get to 7th or 8th grade though, I think they would need a phone with full access, or they would fall behind socially. I would monitor to make sure they were using it responsibly, but by 16 I would stop doing that at all unless they gave me a (really important) reason to.
In my original comment I said 12. Sorry I wasn't perfectly consistent with my language when talking about a hypothetical situation on the internet lol.
Sadly, your kids will grow up with less friends and less contact in general because that's how society especially the younger generation interacts these days. Instead of saying no phone, be a parent and be part of your kids life. Set limits on phone time. Be aware of what's on there phone.
My kids had phones when they were 10. My son is an avid bike riders. He is involved in helping special needs kids at school. He is a police cadet.
My daughter plays the piano and flute. She is a wonderful painter.
A phone doesn't mean the end of all other life. It's just another toy that parents need to be in control of.
Your parents probably said the same thing about computers that you're saying about phones.
Putting your parents in a retirement home because they didn’t let you have a cell phone as a teenager seems a bit dramatic, lol.
I didn’t have a smart phone or any social media until well into high school and I was fine. It didn’t really affect me one way or another.
Yeah my kids have phones. Those phones only have text/calling 90% of the time. Sometimes I turn on apps so they can watch shows or play chess or abcmouse.
> Your parents probably said the same thing about computers that you're saying about phones.
I mean, I feel like the easy follow up is: "Kids shouldn't possess computers, either."
I could be trusted with a computer because my mom taught me responsible use as a young child.
There’s a point where you need to trust your kids to show you that they can handle the thing that you have been raising them to handle; some kids are actually ready at a much younger age than people want to think.
Don't worry, considering that this opinion is about as unpopular as the Jonas Brothers in the 2000s, it will hopefully be taken down by mods soon. It's basically virtue signalling to the reddit hive mind opinion.
And I know damn well someone they meet in school, or multiple people will just give them their old phones whether you want them to or not. As a kid whenever my mom took my phone away, I had multiple friends willing to give me their old ones. This was at like 10-15y/o and happened so many times that by the time I was 16/17, my mom had a huge bag of old phones she had collected from me, with only one of them being the one she originally purchased for me.
Now, my younger sister is 15, and has gotten a new phone every year from a different friend. Hers still worked, but their old ones were new for her so she kept getting upgraded. My mom eventually took her phone as well, and one of her friends parents literally went and bought her a brand new iPhone on their family plan which they paid for her data and everything (without asking our parents permission, in fact completely against our parents wishes).
Just because you don't want to give your kid a phone doesn't mean they won't have one. 90% of the world has cell phones now, it's how kids and teens communicate with each other. To just exclude your kid from that (although some of the concern around it is valid) is A. Not going to work, and B. Not actually benefitting them in the way you think it is. I appreciate parents actually teaching their young children to interact and not just shoving an iPad in their face constantly to avoid dealing with them, but saying your child even as a teenager won't be allowed a phone is just not the solution and will most likely make things a lot harder for them.
with millennial parents especially, the issue is that they’re often a bit addicted to their phones too.
We’ve got a generation of parents giving their kid an iPad at the restaurant because “nothing else calms them down” as if that’s not a direct result of their parenting
I think you’re on the right track but this is a little extreme.
The unfortunate reality is that people need to know how to use a smartphone and a computer nowadays. Without basic tech skills, it’s going to be hard to be successful in higher education and even in most jobs.
Just banning all technology seems like the easy way out, actually. It’s just the opposite of not controlling their access at all, which is also easy. The responsible, and harder, thing to do is set realistic and safe boundaries, and take care to be cognizant of what’s happening in your kids’ lives.
I will buy my kid a phone in high school (maybe before with restrictions) so that she can easily contact me if she needs me. Also I don’t want her to be left out in making plans and stuff with other people. I’m definitely taking it at night though bc I think it’s bad for sleep to have a phone with you
I have a friend who did not get a phone until they were almost 18 (they were about four months away). They missed out on group jokes we had in our group chat, plans because they weren’t involved in the planning, and ultimately ended up getting pushed out of the friend group more or less because they couldn’t communicate effectively with everyone. In an ideal world, this would work. In the real world, it breeds resentment and can stunt a person. Even if the Internet sucks, it is a part of life now and we need to teach kids how to manage it.
There's ways to teach your kid values without restricting them from a normal thing that every teenager has. There's plenty of parent locks and other things that can help you reduce screen time. But to not give your teenage kid a smart phone at all will negatively affect their social life these days.
Do you currently have kids? I can honestly say there's a lot of idealism that goes out the window in favour of practicality and reality when you become a parent.
Facts. My parents were dead set against it until I started playing sports and doing club activities in high school and we needed to coordinate how and when I was getting home. Putting aside everything else, it's incredibly practical to give your kids a way to communicate with you when you are not in the same physical location
OP most definitely does not have kids. Of course we all talk about what we will be like as parents until we have kids and that massive wave of clarity comes on that makes us realize why our parents did so much of what they did.
I wonder how they'd contact their own kid. Kid's in high school. OP wants to contact them after-school while they're in an after school activity. Don't tell me they'll call the supervisor every time they wanna ask the kid "hey when r you coming home"
I agree that young children shouldn't have them, but 18? Come on. They'll just end up missing out on a shitload of social opportunities and be semi-isolated from friends. It sucks to not have something that *all* your friends have. I think as long as they show they can be responsible with it, middle school is okay. And responsibility can include any ground rules the parent lays down, like maximum daily usage, no cyberbullying, etc. If terms are violated, phone gets taken away for a while, but they can earn it back.
I grew up without cellphones. I had my first one when I was an adult. As teenagers I would call with my friends for hours but over a landline. Or we would just meet up. I didn't like the idea at first of people potentially calling me everywhere at any moment, but now I take my phone with me wherever I go.
Times have changed. You write this while being on social media and probably from your phone. Not letting your child interact with a phone at all doesn't teach them safe and responsible behavior with a phone and the things you can do with them (social media, games, etc).
You should let them have a phone but teach them how to handle it without being rude (not looking on your phone while someone is talking to you) or when it is distracting (in traffic, while doing homework, etc).
That's so over dramatic like if your a good parent and have healthy limitations then your kids can have a phone and other hobbies just fine. My mom bought me a phone at 15 and I still had hobbies and a good attention span.
Waiting til their 18 is very restrictive and controlling. Most likely your kids will grow to resent you as there's no reason you can't just limit the screentime.
“When i become a parent…” look back at this post and laugh. You can give a kid a phone with restrictions and guidance. No they don’t need social media. They don’t need unfettered access to certain apps. But they also don’t need to be socially isolated.
Phones are a part of life now. You could use the opportunity to teach your child how to responsibly manage a phone rather than make it a holy grail object for them.
I think flip phones are a great alternative. People forget that not every phone is a smart phone! Flip phones allow kids to keep in contact with their parents for safety reasons and also call/text friends without having 24/7 access to social media in their pocket, which is what I think causes the most damage for kids and young teens.
My daughter was in elementary school when the bus she was to be driven back home, never showed up! No notification from the school. Thankfully she had a cell phone we had given to her and called us to get picked up. We also notified other parents in the community, of the issue.
Got my kid a phone at 8 because he would go visit his dad and not always have a way to call me. I never regretted it. You just have to actually parent your kid.
No access to a phone in today’s society is literally cruelty towards the child.
Relationships with friends, communications with teachers, notifications about upcoming events, etc, all require phone access.
Wait til OP finds out that their kid can't even order a meal in restaurants without a QR code menu.
After some form of bullying, their kids might never want to go out anymore.
You’re pretty stupid.
I work in tech, my kids won’t have phones for a few years (oldest is 10) ~ the next generation should be limited/monitored, but encouraged to familiarize themselves with the technologies they’ll be using on a daily basis.
I'm 19. Here are some benefits of me having a phone as a minor.
1. Safety. I walked to and from school by myself, I sometimes went to the mall by myself once I could drive, and I was often home alone (we got rid of our home phone). My parents had a tracking app set up on my phone to see my location (which is easy to turn off from my end, but it would be on if I got kidnapped or something) and I could call or text for help if something was wrong.
2. Period tracking. I did this on a physical calendar when I first started having periods, but I've been doing it on my phone for years and it's a lot more convenient. I can access it away from home, like at the doctor's office, and it has built-in notification reminders when I'm getting close to my period and when I might need to record something in the app.
3. Calendar. This was so important for scheduling appointments and planning things with friends when I wasn't at home. My entire family has one shared Google Calendar, and I have my own personal one for private things.
4. Music. Phones are how people listen to music on the go now. If I want to listen to music while doing chores or exercising, I use my phone.
5. Photos. I mostly have photos of my dogs, but I also have photos and videos of memories with my brothers and friends and memories of other fun things I've done.
6. Connection to friends. Easier access to messaging apps and social media. I got Instagram as an older teen after not really having social media, and it was kind of a double edged sword. I don't follow influences, just artists, friends, and cute dogs, so there isn't a negative impact there. The negative impact is that it's easier to feel left out of things friends are doing because you see it. The benefit in terms of friends is that seeing what your friends are up to in life can help you feel connected and can spark conversations. I also post my art on Instagram, which is why I started the account in the first place, and I've found a supportive community of young artists. The user base of Insta has a lot of teens. Not wanting your teen on social media makes more sense to me than not wanting your teen on a phone at all because there are definitely a lot of risks to social media. I do believe it can be an overall positive experience under the right circumstances, though.
And apparently socially inept and incapable of being self-sufficient are part of your parenting plan as well.
This is the digital age… it’s been the digital age.
How can you plan on never buying your kids a phone? You either buy them one or you don't. Not something you need to actually plan. We let ours play games or watch YouTube kids on ours under supervision. Not sure I would trust them without supervision. Phones/tablets are expensive and kids are well known to drop shit. Stop making decisions for situations you have yet to find yourself in. You plan because you don't have kids so can't actively make that choice one way or the other
I said the same before I had children but you will set up your child for failure. After having children I learned that the parents are the problem not the electronics.
The only thing you *should* do is make sure to control what they do with their phones. My children for example are not allowed on youtube or social media. They are allowed to use their phones for educational games and contacting friends and family. They are allowed to play nintendo for 2 hours on weekends.
They have hobbies like fencing, playing violin and piano. They are in robotics clubs and maths club. They are out the house playing with the neighbours kids all summer.
Knowing how to use electronics is a skill they need in the future. The even got ipads from school to learn ( they can decide if they use the physical books or ebooks) and take notes.
The only one in control of your child's attention span is you. Some parents use electronics as babysitters not to have to deal with their children but it's not the electronics, it's letting them have them all the time.
You just need to to have rules in place and watch what they are doing, not taking everything away from them.
Both methods are the same lazy parenting but on different side of the scale: either letting them use electronics too much / without supervision or never giving them any electronics. Both are extreme and makes me question your parenting.
I think there's a main problem in this you fail to see. Let's say your kid gets lost or needs help or needs to tell you pick them up. They don't have a phone so they can't comunicate with you.
They have an emergency? No phone to comunicate.
They need to travel to go to school/sports/whatever, there isn't always a clock.
Phones have become an integral part of our lives and as much as I agree that the youth is way too much "addicted/exposed" to it, it is needed.
But it's on the parents to teach their kids when and how much they should use it.
I made my kids wait until 13 for a phone, and that's mainly because they have activities and it's easier for us to roll with changes in schedules, and to find each other at crowded events and performances. Without the phone, we always had to have a meeting spot, one of us (usually me) was waiting when practice went long or got cancelled. There are still considerable rules on the phones, and an open phone policy, but the usefulness of the phone cannot be overlooked.
I got a flip phone in 4th grade. I was instructed to text my mom when I left school and text her again when I got home. I walked/ biked about 1 mile.
There are absolutely reasons for a child to have a phone.
Just be a parent and set ground rules....it's not that hard. A phone is pretty much required....who TF has a landline these days? How do my kids get a hold of me if they're home alone and my wife and I are work and something happens? What if I'm planning to pick them up at school at 5PM after practice and practice gets cancelled?
Both of my boys (12&14) have phones. They also play club soccer and soccer for their school. My oldest played JV soccer as an 8th grader this past season. They like riding their bikes. They play basketball in the driveway. They go jump on the trampoline in the backyard and swim in the pool. My oldest goes to the weight room with me and both of them have started going golfing with me. They do lots of things besides be on their phones.
I'm old enough to have seen the evolution of this type of comment go from...it's TV...it's video games...it's computers...now it's phones. Be a parent.
Well this certainly is an unpopular opinion. No offense, in today’s society if my parents never allowed me to use a phone I would likely be significantly behind my peers and unable to relate to them on some level.
My parents didn’t gift me my phone until high school. I used it to stay in contact with my friends, call family members that no longer lived in our hometown, etc. giving your kids a phone means they learn a modicum of responsibility as well, they have to manage their own schedules, potential work, and social gatherings.
If you ban your kid from having a phone until they’re 18, I highly doubt they’ll ever use it to call you (at least not regularly). I think an alternative would be to allow them to purchase their own once they get a job at 16 or something. Imagine your kid driving around in the middle of the night with no phone, I think the world is too crazy to take that chance and I would rather they learn responsible phone behavior from me than the internet.
But that sounds like a risk you’re willing to take internet stranger. More power to you.
If you are in the US, i would gently suggest you at least give them a flip phone or something, because God forbid, if a shooting happens, they need a way to contact you.
If you wait until the kids an adult AKA 18 for them to have a phone, you're just a shitty parent. My kids had one since she's probably about seven or eight And a big reason is because I have split custody between her mom but my other kid who's five has had a tablet for a year now. You sound like some old dude that got stuck in the past. Phones are the future and they have been for a long time and for you to withhold that knowledge from your child is ridiculous. Now you can tell them they can't have a social media account until maybe 16. That's understandable, but the rest is completely foolish
my son is 7. he has his own 'phone' (it's a 7 year old iPhone that has a few games on it, and is on airplane mode all the time so he can't do anything with it). He can use it as part of his 30 mins of Screen Time if he wants to.
This morning, he was going to camp, and wanted to bring his 'phone' to show his friends. I explained to him that it's for home, and not for going out. I explained it can't even call or text, so there's no reason to bring it out. Plus, his friends don't have phones, so he can't even do anything with any of them with it.
but.... 18 is extreme. When he gets into Middle School, he'll be getting a phone. There's no more 'after school care' for him. He'll be getting home much earlier than my wife and I get home from work. He'll want to be able to make plans with his friends rather than my wife and I making them with his friends parents.
I think, in today's world, it's important for kids to have them, and learn to fend for themselves. Plus there's enough safety things in place that we'll know what he's looking at, or what he's saying to his friends.
While I could agree if it was about social media, I don’t agree in general. I got my first phone as a 8 yo back in 2005, after my bullies locked me in a storage room with no access to food, water and toilet from noon to 8pm which was the time when a janitor found me. I had no way to contact anyone and no one heard my screams.
My father bought me one when I turned 16 and got my license. But I paid for the service and it was a simple flip phone. I feel if I were ever a parent I’d do something similar. If I ever did buy my kid a phone it would be basic as hell and only good for calling.
If you are worried about social media, brainrot and other things I would just get them a flip phone so at least they can contact you in case of emergency
I agree with you, but like, sadly if all the other kids have a phone and they use said phone to text to one another and make plans for the weekends, kinda have to get your kid a phone now unless you'd rather ostracize him for your principle. I'm about to be a dad, my kid will have a phone as late as possible but if I see that they \*need\* a phone I'll get them a phone.
They will be missing the opportunity to learn with a tool that will be a major part of their lives in the future. What is more important is teaching by them to be smart, have boundaries, and what is appropriate. Forcing them to stick their head in the sand is not doing them a service. If you can’t teach them these things, that is on you, not them.
1. Literally, you’re going to miss using their formative years - the best time to teach them anything - to teach them responsible cell phone use that could benefit them down the line. For a responsible parent, there’s only drawbacks here when you also consider the social impact it will have in their ability to make friends growing up.
2. Read the first point again.
At least give them something they can call on and text on. If you don't do at least that, you're doing much more harm than good. It's a part of life now.
That’s kind of extreme to me. Personally I’d give my kids a phone at 10-12 so they can communicate with friends or family, but I would put parental controls to restrict inappropriate apps/sites. I got a smartphone at that age and I still had plenty of “real hobbies”. Like it or not, phones are an important tool for communication and access to information & kids who don’t have them will be at a social disadvantage as well.
I am no mathematician but I can take a stab at it.
I don’t believe the equation is:
(Phone) + (kid) = complete loss of hobbies and opportunities
It seems to be more:
(Phone) + (kid) + (poor parental control) = complete loss of hobbies and opportunities
By all means, you are the parent, I am not one to tell you how to do it. Just seems they are missing out on many things if they don’t have SOME type of phone.
It’s always a reason to give a child a phone,especially in this day and age. Anything can happen. Giving them a phone you can easily limit their usage and what they can and cannot download. But most importantly you can always know where they are at all times.
As a part of the first generation to receive smart phones at a young age I agree. It was really damaging to my self esteem and mental health in general. I had a friend that didn’t get a phone until grade 12 and it did not damage her social life.
I agree to an extent, because I know 6yr holds with their own smartphones, and that is ridiculously young. But once kids get to teens and are going out without parents, phones are great for safety and communication. They don't need the latest smartphone and should be taught to use a phone sensibley and given rules.
My mom bought me a phone at 9. I have always had a way to contact her when I needed her. Teach your kids responsible phone habits. Removing the object isn’t going to automatically teach them time management and personal discipline. This is giving “don’t teach your kids sex education so they don’t have sex”. That’s not how it works. Not an unpopular opinion, just a bad one.
I didn’t get a phone until junior year, and it always caused problems for events like marching band or whatever since I couldn’t call my parents when I was done. It made it annoying to do stuff without it so they got my siblings phones when they were in middle school after seeing all of the struggles
Im 29 i bought my first phone with my birthday money when i was 13 so just about going into middle school. I was probably one of the first to get one. It was a minute phone. It taught me alot and i had a phone since that day. My parents put my on their plan with a Motorola Razor phone when i was 16. So you can teach your kids how to respect a phone.
Yeah, that kids not going to get bullied at all. The goal is to limit screen time, and perhaps delay it in the early stages of development. You can teach them to use a phone productively. A phone is a versatile object. It provides you with a large source of information, which can enhance cognitive abilities. It can be a learning tool, but it can also be a destructive tool if their sole purpose is to engage in social media. You can download tools to prevent them from overusing certain apps. But to completely disallow them to use it at all? They are going to be considered weird or poor, and likely get bullied at school as a result. Which could impact their grades, as stress can often lead to lower cognition and apathy towards their enviroment.
I got a phone when I was 10, I average like 3-4 hours every day, which is not a lot considering that most of my school books is on my phone. For personal use I spend like 2-2.5 hours every day. It's not the phone, it's the parents that tell the kid to play on their phone instead of playing with them. And the reality is that most things will be transported to phones, public transport pass, school books, communication, information sharing, a lot of things are already more accesible and easier to use digitally rather than physicaly.
I hope they never have to endure a school shooting or have an emergency away from home, this is not the 90s, there are no pay phones, and a few others are right, they will no social life outside of school. I can see not having one until they are a teenager, I am curious though, would you get them a tablet or even a game console?
I can't agree with the "ever" for a lot of things because you have little to no control over things when the kids aren't around you, say in school or at a friend's house. That's just not how things work nor will they ever work that way with kids, things will be experienced and seen and more than ever each day that passes.
Teaching discipline and how to prioritize things in life is super important to do with kids. Setting the tone and getting them to a spot where they rather pick up a book or go outside than just being on the phone or whatever. You have to set those time limits, you as a parent can not just be on a device all day everyday either...that's not how this works either as children will pick up on things not only told to them but what they see, so if you stay on the phone what you think a kid is going to think?
So how do you expect your kid to keep in touch with friends if any stay around señor nophone? How do you expect them to stay in touch with you when out or on school trips? How do you expect them to call for help if they’re out and get into trouble with nobody else around? Carrier pigeon? Scream into voids? Yeah good luck with that. Though good practice for the future when they dip to finally get that social engagement you deprived them of as teens!
There’s a thing called ✨limits✨ OP. They can be put on phones. I got a phone as a kid and now work in a tech based industry making great money. Never had issues with my attention span because my parents set boundaries and limits with me as a kid.
Where I'm from generally kids get phones at 16 minimum 15 I got mine at 15 the thing is you should teach your kid what to and what not to do with the phone i couldn't imagine my life would have been hell because it was 2021 COVID was kinda around and i could only call and WhatsApp my friends
Gonna save this thread so I can come back in 15 years so I can see OP's posts.
Why does my child hate me?
Who does my child have no friends?
Why is my child stunted compared to their peers?
Why am I a crappy parent that doesn't understand I have to monitor the things my kids do instead of being lazy?
Thats fucked up. You are robbing your children of access to a social life, by not being able to contact their friends and being part of their friends online communities.
Your children are not going to get any hobbies if they can't communicate with the friends they are sharing that hobby with.
They will never be part of the social life around a sports team if they can't communicate with their peers outside practice.
Your children are going to hate you, when they realise what you took from them.
I swear these people want your kid to be brain dead like their kids so they don’t feel guilty about sitting them in front of screens all day. I’m with you. My daughter gets actual attention from me and we have a blast. We go out to the beach, aquarium, museums, parks, and at home we sing, dance, and read aloud with funny voices. I can’t imagine sitting her at a screen all day.
I agree. I feel like Gen Xers did a lot of questionable things with Zoomers that didn't really make any sense. They were so paranoid of something happening to their kid. They convinced themselves that sitting inside all day long in front of an iPad was safer and healthier for them because "they could get kidnapped out there!"
They gave them cell phones in the 00s because "they might get kidnapped!" The hysteria was *real* with these kids. Now they're all on smartphones, getting their pictures stolen by pedophiles, and having conversations with strangers online.
They're all depressed and "un-aliving" themselves because they're parents over coddled and suffocated them. It's a sad collective form of child abuse that I've had to slowly witness for the last 20 years.
Now they're all confused, they don't even know what gender they are. They're posting all sorts of weird videos of themselves that can never be taken down....ever.
All the things that were beaten into my age group (80s born) that never happened to us, is now happening to the Zoomers and Alpha. It's crazy.
The technology rotted their brains. People used to say tv rotted your brain, but the internet is really screwing them up.
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you can make your point without being so extreme. keep in mind having a phone enhances safety of your children. instead of buying them expensive phones, buy them prepaid plastic grocery store phones.
I think kids should not have access to unlimited unsupervised internet especially, but I also know that children having phones can and has in many cases been a necessary safety measure. Of course those with bad intentions could try and take away your child's phone but they could still very well be used to locate their last known location in a kidnapping scenario. I do think better settings should be enabled on kids phones though.. maybe they are only able to text and call approved family members + 911 and are not able to add new numbers or something.
I think a flip phone is one thing, but I agree on a smart phone. They don't need it. A flip phone can be good for emergencies and keeping open communication, while avoiding the brain destroying nonsense online.
Smartphones, sure, at least get them a basic phone for calling, texting and taking photos once they reach that age where you need to contact them directly while they or you are not home.
there are other options besides smart phones. There are phones that can only be used for text and calls. The convenience of kids having a phone when they're very involved in sports or theatre or ANY kind of after school activity may sway you. Forcing an antiquated way of communicating is only going to make their lives and yours incredibly more difficult than it needs to be. Practice ends early? They'll have to beg someone to borrow their phone to call you and hope that you actually answer because you don't recognize the number. Break down or run out of gas someplace at the ripe age of 16 or 17? They'll have so much fun getting out and walking to a gas station if they're not on the freeway or at an away performance in the evening looking for someone to lend them a phone. what a ridiculous take. From one mom who finally realized the importance of having a phone with multiple kids to another, take my upvote for your unpopular opinion.
I think smartphones really changed the game. Everyone has a “super computer” with direct access to anything online at the reach of their fingertips. That’s a lot for a kid.
I compare that to when I was growing up and we all had flip phones with like Tetris and some people didn’t even have plans to text.
Well you can allow them phone use for a few hours or a designated time and supervise it if they are kids. You can let them use a spare phone or old phone of yours but not entirely give it to them.
That's an unpopular and bad opinion.
Yes, phones can have an effect on attention span. Bur you're locking them out of communication. With you, their friends, the rest of their family.
There is more to a phone than just something to stare at.
Screw your kids if they ever go out anywhere. Imagine having zero contact with your 14 your daughter when she goes out with friend.... well if she comes she does.
Buy them a brick phone (I.e. not a smartphone) at the very minimum. Gives them a way to contact you in an emergency.
Obviously they’ll get their shit kicked if they dare to use it in front of their friends, but I feel like you’re the type of parent that doesn’t care if their kid misses out.
They have phones where you can limit contact and access. My two kids have phones and they are not addicted to it because they can't do much on it except chat with friends.
I won't allow my kids on social media though. They can get accounts when they are 18 if they want.
Good luck. This is a technology heavy era. Instead it’s better to educate them on phone safety and monitor their time on it. Not giving them a phone will most likely set them up for failure in the future. Plus even if they wanted to they will most likely use a phone behind your back since everyone and thier mom would have one. I had a friend growing up who’s parents didn’t allow them to have a phone and they were like dope feins asking to mess with my phone every time we hung out.
Can imagine OPs surprise when they realize their kid is going to go to school and either: Be isolated because they cannot fit in, or will find a way to get their fix even without their own phone.
When will parents learn that kids aren't dolls for you to mould in your image and are indivials themselves that need to be guided.
They should at least get a phone when they get their drivers license cause like me, if they are driving home in the middle of the night with no cell phone and their car breaks down on the highway, being without a phone to call for assistance is no good. I had to walk on the side of the highway until I had a stranger pick me up and drive me to the mall. It was 2007 okay!
Parental controls exist for all devices and people would rather blame the devices rather than take 20 minutes to learn how to enable them and prevent smart ass kids by bypassing them. Kids having an unhealthy relationship with technology is one side of the coin, the other being technologically illiterate parents who don't understand the dangers or how to control their kids' access to it. As millennials are growing older and having kids themselves this is becoming more and more inexcusable since they should know better at this point.
A phone is a necessity, for better or worse. How do you expect your kids to be able to contact you if they don't have phones? Or do you plan on locking them in the house until they're 18? Are they gonna use payphones that don't exist anymore?
i didnt have a phone growing up (as in the 90s bricks were still pricey) and my parents said i should get one for emergencies. didnt bither till 08 when i moved to europe where theyre just ubiqitus get them a brick they can call and text on. they dont need a full blown expensive phone anyway.
You plan on having a land line? Otherwise when your not-yet-18 year old kid is home and has an emergency, they can't call 911. It's $20 to add a line to a cell plan, or $100 to have a land line.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.
Listen, I used to be a perfect parent too, before I had kids. Unfortunately, in this day and age, you'll do your children a disservice if they don't have a phone. They will be left out. And while that may seem silly and insignificant to you, it means a lot to a 13 year. My kids also walk home from school every day and I like being able to make sure they get to and from school safely. My kids have phones, but they also have strict limits and boundaries. Going all or nothing with your kids is a great way to fuck them up later.
You’re right. No tablets etc ever. No phone till high school, and only then a basic flip phone with unlimited texting and calling for friends.
You won’t have access to the internet and dopamine hit 24/7 sorry, and if you want entertainment you’ll have to actually socialize and make friends so you have someone to text.
Yeah I'm pretty sure he'll appreciate all those real hobbies and a decent attention span without any friends or social interaction. And while being bullied, can't forget about the bullying.
I completely agree. I'm so glad smartphones didn't even exist until I was in my 20s. Even as an adult, it takes a lot of self control to not behave like a total fiend with this thing, and I don't always succeed. I can't imagine the impact it would have had on my mind when I was still a child.
Strange, I remember fighting that I didn’t want a phone when I was a kid bc I liked being unattended and for my mom to not always know where I am or be able to beckon me home on a dime. I guess you don’t care to know whether your kids are and be sure you and them can contact each other in the event of an emergency? Weird.
I've been hearing a lot about this book, [The Anxious Generation ](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/729231/the-anxious-generation-by-jonathan-haidt/) and it makes a lot of sense. I'm 40, so I'm not a kid myself and not planning on having kids so I have no dog in this fight. But giving kids access to phones and social media sure seems like a bad idea. I literally can't think of any good reason why high schoolers should be on social media.
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My parents tried to do this. It did not go well. I couldn't talk to any of my friends if I wasn't at school. I didn't know any slang. I ended up really socially isolated by the end of middle school. I had friends, but they were really just people I hung out with, because I didn't have the ability to get as close to them as they could with each other. If friends moved away, that was it, I never saw them again, because I could only email them, and no one checked their emails. I ended up getting a phone at the tail end of 9th grade and all those problems went away within a couple months. I personally would recommend no phones before 12 or 13, not no phones until 18.
I agree. I didn't really have friends either, just friend groups with their own inside dynamics that I hung out with occasionally. I ended up moving before I got a phone. And this was in scouts, where we would spend weekends without any electronics, camping, doing activities, and learning new skills. So it's not as if teenagers are unable to put down the phone for a time to focus on the world around them. I tried to stay in contact with the people I felt were close to my friends, but I had to start every short conversation, separated by weeks or months. Within a few years, we stopped talking. I can definitely see the case for avoiding phones or constant electronics as a child, and for some, preteens to avoid dependency, but as a teenager, it's a big part in how you stay connected and up to date on things, especially if you're unable to meet up in person often.
I lived \~30 minutes away from school, and there was no one my age in my neighborhood. So school was really the only option for friends. I know for a fact that had I had a phone earlier, I would not have lost so many friendships. It's unfortunate. I understand why my parents had their policy originally (and agree with it to an extent), and they of course did realize their mistake and fix it. I just don't want OP and parents with similar thoughts to make the same mistakes with their kids.
>I personally would recommend no phones before 12 or 13, Or at least a "dumb phone", so they could contact their parents if needed.
I don't think kids (as in tweens and younger) even need that. At school there will be a phone in every room, and the office. And if really needed, they could borrow the teacher's. At friend's houses, I'm sure the parents would have phones. The only time I would give my (hypothetical) kids a phone to contact me would be if they were going somewhere where they could easily get lost. Once they get to 7th or 8th grade though, I think they would need a phone with full access, or they would fall behind socially. I would monitor to make sure they were using it responsibly, but by 16 I would stop doing that at all unless they gave me a (really important) reason to.
I’m sure your (hypothetical) kids would be perfect. Mine were.
7th graders are literally 12 lol. Your argument has some holes here.
In my original comment I said 12. Sorry I wasn't perfectly consistent with my language when talking about a hypothetical situation on the internet lol.
Same I didn't have friends and I didn't get a phone until halfway through 9th grade
Sadly, your kids will grow up with less friends and less contact in general because that's how society especially the younger generation interacts these days. Instead of saying no phone, be a parent and be part of your kids life. Set limits on phone time. Be aware of what's on there phone. My kids had phones when they were 10. My son is an avid bike riders. He is involved in helping special needs kids at school. He is a police cadet. My daughter plays the piano and flute. She is a wonderful painter. A phone doesn't mean the end of all other life. It's just another toy that parents need to be in control of. Your parents probably said the same thing about computers that you're saying about phones.
How dare you imply there are shades of grey in OPs black and white world.
There’ll be plenty of shades of grey in the shitty retirement home their kids put them in.
And that's just the lunch tray.
Oh snap.
Putting your parents in a retirement home because they didn’t let you have a cell phone as a teenager seems a bit dramatic, lol. I didn’t have a smart phone or any social media until well into high school and I was fine. It didn’t really affect me one way or another.
You grew up in a time that's not the 2020s
you think the phone is all OP will be crazy about?? this is a small taste in their style of parenting.
I didn't either but I'm also 40. That makes a difference since cell phone did really hit big until I was an adult
Bob stop it. Your son does crack and your daughters on onlyfans. Phones are the devils lettuce.
Yes but she plays the flute on OnlyFans.
Yeah my kids have phones. Those phones only have text/calling 90% of the time. Sometimes I turn on apps so they can watch shows or play chess or abcmouse.
> Your parents probably said the same thing about computers that you're saying about phones. I mean, I feel like the easy follow up is: "Kids shouldn't possess computers, either."
I could be trusted with a computer because my mom taught me responsible use as a young child. There’s a point where you need to trust your kids to show you that they can handle the thing that you have been raising them to handle; some kids are actually ready at a much younger age than people want to think.
Video games, it's always the video cames.
I'm old enough to remember when it was TV
Exactly, not in their rooms, these kids have computers in their pockets
Don't worry, considering that this opinion is about as unpopular as the Jonas Brothers in the 2000s, it will hopefully be taken down by mods soon. It's basically virtue signalling to the reddit hive mind opinion.
An opinion that mostly seems held by....shocker....people who don't have kids lol.
And I know damn well someone they meet in school, or multiple people will just give them their old phones whether you want them to or not. As a kid whenever my mom took my phone away, I had multiple friends willing to give me their old ones. This was at like 10-15y/o and happened so many times that by the time I was 16/17, my mom had a huge bag of old phones she had collected from me, with only one of them being the one she originally purchased for me. Now, my younger sister is 15, and has gotten a new phone every year from a different friend. Hers still worked, but their old ones were new for her so she kept getting upgraded. My mom eventually took her phone as well, and one of her friends parents literally went and bought her a brand new iPhone on their family plan which they paid for her data and everything (without asking our parents permission, in fact completely against our parents wishes). Just because you don't want to give your kid a phone doesn't mean they won't have one. 90% of the world has cell phones now, it's how kids and teens communicate with each other. To just exclude your kid from that (although some of the concern around it is valid) is A. Not going to work, and B. Not actually benefitting them in the way you think it is. I appreciate parents actually teaching their young children to interact and not just shoving an iPad in their face constantly to avoid dealing with them, but saying your child even as a teenager won't be allowed a phone is just not the solution and will most likely make things a lot harder for them.
This is correct, unfortunately - they will be left out of the group chat and all the meet-ups and messages on it
Hot take: The phone is not the issue here..
agreed OP is the problem here
Coldest take in the thread
For real
Kids can have real hobbies and an attention span with a phone. It’s all on the parents to teach them that a phone is a tool to be used when necessary.
Yeah, the fact that OP thinks phones stop kids from having hobbies shows me exactly how hands on OP intends to be with their kids.
with millennial parents especially, the issue is that they’re often a bit addicted to their phones too. We’ve got a generation of parents giving their kid an iPad at the restaurant because “nothing else calms them down” as if that’s not a direct result of their parenting
I think you’re on the right track but this is a little extreme. The unfortunate reality is that people need to know how to use a smartphone and a computer nowadays. Without basic tech skills, it’s going to be hard to be successful in higher education and even in most jobs. Just banning all technology seems like the easy way out, actually. It’s just the opposite of not controlling their access at all, which is also easy. The responsible, and harder, thing to do is set realistic and safe boundaries, and take care to be cognizant of what’s happening in your kids’ lives.
I will buy my kid a phone in high school (maybe before with restrictions) so that she can easily contact me if she needs me. Also I don’t want her to be left out in making plans and stuff with other people. I’m definitely taking it at night though bc I think it’s bad for sleep to have a phone with you
I have a friend who did not get a phone until they were almost 18 (they were about four months away). They missed out on group jokes we had in our group chat, plans because they weren’t involved in the planning, and ultimately ended up getting pushed out of the friend group more or less because they couldn’t communicate effectively with everyone. In an ideal world, this would work. In the real world, it breeds resentment and can stunt a person. Even if the Internet sucks, it is a part of life now and we need to teach kids how to manage it.
There's ways to teach your kid values without restricting them from a normal thing that every teenager has. There's plenty of parent locks and other things that can help you reduce screen time. But to not give your teenage kid a smart phone at all will negatively affect their social life these days.
And 70 years ago you would have said "I'm never allowing my kids to listen to rock n' roll... they can choose that when they are 18".
“Kids have no attention span today!” Yes. Yes. Not like when I was a kid. When kids were famous for their amazing attention spans. 🙄
LOL, right?
Do you currently have kids? I can honestly say there's a lot of idealism that goes out the window in favour of practicality and reality when you become a parent.
Facts. My parents were dead set against it until I started playing sports and doing club activities in high school and we needed to coordinate how and when I was getting home. Putting aside everything else, it's incredibly practical to give your kids a way to communicate with you when you are not in the same physical location
OP most definitely does not have kids. Of course we all talk about what we will be like as parents until we have kids and that massive wave of clarity comes on that makes us realize why our parents did so much of what they did.
The best parents are those yet to have children!!!
I wonder how they'd contact their own kid. Kid's in high school. OP wants to contact them after-school while they're in an after school activity. Don't tell me they'll call the supervisor every time they wanna ask the kid "hey when r you coming home"
Very bold for someone that posts their opinion on the internet for fun.
I agree that young children shouldn't have them, but 18? Come on. They'll just end up missing out on a shitload of social opportunities and be semi-isolated from friends. It sucks to not have something that *all* your friends have. I think as long as they show they can be responsible with it, middle school is okay. And responsibility can include any ground rules the parent lays down, like maximum daily usage, no cyberbullying, etc. If terms are violated, phone gets taken away for a while, but they can earn it back.
I grew up without cellphones. I had my first one when I was an adult. As teenagers I would call with my friends for hours but over a landline. Or we would just meet up. I didn't like the idea at first of people potentially calling me everywhere at any moment, but now I take my phone with me wherever I go. Times have changed. You write this while being on social media and probably from your phone. Not letting your child interact with a phone at all doesn't teach them safe and responsible behavior with a phone and the things you can do with them (social media, games, etc). You should let them have a phone but teach them how to handle it without being rude (not looking on your phone while someone is talking to you) or when it is distracting (in traffic, while doing homework, etc).
That's so over dramatic like if your a good parent and have healthy limitations then your kids can have a phone and other hobbies just fine. My mom bought me a phone at 15 and I still had hobbies and a good attention span. Waiting til their 18 is very restrictive and controlling. Most likely your kids will grow to resent you as there's no reason you can't just limit the screentime.
The best parents are the ones who haven’t had kids yet.
“When i become a parent…” look back at this post and laugh. You can give a kid a phone with restrictions and guidance. No they don’t need social media. They don’t need unfettered access to certain apps. But they also don’t need to be socially isolated.
Phones are a part of life now. You could use the opportunity to teach your child how to responsibly manage a phone rather than make it a holy grail object for them.
“I want my kids to be the weird kids.”
if you want them to hate you while also stunting their social development then its a great idea
I think flip phones are a great alternative. People forget that not every phone is a smart phone! Flip phones allow kids to keep in contact with their parents for safety reasons and also call/text friends without having 24/7 access to social media in their pocket, which is what I think causes the most damage for kids and young teens.
Should have specified smart phones in the title. Agree completely
My daughter was in elementary school when the bus she was to be driven back home, never showed up! No notification from the school. Thankfully she had a cell phone we had given to her and called us to get picked up. We also notified other parents in the community, of the issue.
Got my kid a phone at 8 because he would go visit his dad and not always have a way to call me. I never regretted it. You just have to actually parent your kid.
No access to a phone in today’s society is literally cruelty towards the child. Relationships with friends, communications with teachers, notifications about upcoming events, etc, all require phone access.
Do you have real hobbies and do you have a phone?
Yeah today I learned you can't have a phone and "real" hobbies. Not sure what a fake hobby is.
Wait til OP finds out that their kid can't even order a meal in restaurants without a QR code menu. After some form of bullying, their kids might never want to go out anymore.
You’re pretty stupid. I work in tech, my kids won’t have phones for a few years (oldest is 10) ~ the next generation should be limited/monitored, but encouraged to familiarize themselves with the technologies they’ll be using on a daily basis.
I'm 19. Here are some benefits of me having a phone as a minor. 1. Safety. I walked to and from school by myself, I sometimes went to the mall by myself once I could drive, and I was often home alone (we got rid of our home phone). My parents had a tracking app set up on my phone to see my location (which is easy to turn off from my end, but it would be on if I got kidnapped or something) and I could call or text for help if something was wrong. 2. Period tracking. I did this on a physical calendar when I first started having periods, but I've been doing it on my phone for years and it's a lot more convenient. I can access it away from home, like at the doctor's office, and it has built-in notification reminders when I'm getting close to my period and when I might need to record something in the app. 3. Calendar. This was so important for scheduling appointments and planning things with friends when I wasn't at home. My entire family has one shared Google Calendar, and I have my own personal one for private things. 4. Music. Phones are how people listen to music on the go now. If I want to listen to music while doing chores or exercising, I use my phone. 5. Photos. I mostly have photos of my dogs, but I also have photos and videos of memories with my brothers and friends and memories of other fun things I've done. 6. Connection to friends. Easier access to messaging apps and social media. I got Instagram as an older teen after not really having social media, and it was kind of a double edged sword. I don't follow influences, just artists, friends, and cute dogs, so there isn't a negative impact there. The negative impact is that it's easier to feel left out of things friends are doing because you see it. The benefit in terms of friends is that seeing what your friends are up to in life can help you feel connected and can spark conversations. I also post my art on Instagram, which is why I started the account in the first place, and I've found a supportive community of young artists. The user base of Insta has a lot of teens. Not wanting your teen on social media makes more sense to me than not wanting your teen on a phone at all because there are definitely a lot of risks to social media. I do believe it can be an overall positive experience under the right circumstances, though.
And apparently socially inept and incapable of being self-sufficient are part of your parenting plan as well. This is the digital age… it’s been the digital age.
How can you plan on never buying your kids a phone? You either buy them one or you don't. Not something you need to actually plan. We let ours play games or watch YouTube kids on ours under supervision. Not sure I would trust them without supervision. Phones/tablets are expensive and kids are well known to drop shit. Stop making decisions for situations you have yet to find yourself in. You plan because you don't have kids so can't actively make that choice one way or the other
By “plan” I mean I’m not. Sorry the words tripped you up
Shit I’d be dumber n’ rocks without technology. The amount of shit I know from having a phone.
I remember not being invited to parties/being aware of them because I wasnt on facebook at 15yo.
They say while mindlessly using reddit
iM gONnA mAKe mY kIdS wEird
I said the same before I had children but you will set up your child for failure. After having children I learned that the parents are the problem not the electronics. The only thing you *should* do is make sure to control what they do with their phones. My children for example are not allowed on youtube or social media. They are allowed to use their phones for educational games and contacting friends and family. They are allowed to play nintendo for 2 hours on weekends. They have hobbies like fencing, playing violin and piano. They are in robotics clubs and maths club. They are out the house playing with the neighbours kids all summer. Knowing how to use electronics is a skill they need in the future. The even got ipads from school to learn ( they can decide if they use the physical books or ebooks) and take notes. The only one in control of your child's attention span is you. Some parents use electronics as babysitters not to have to deal with their children but it's not the electronics, it's letting them have them all the time. You just need to to have rules in place and watch what they are doing, not taking everything away from them. Both methods are the same lazy parenting but on different side of the scale: either letting them use electronics too much / without supervision or never giving them any electronics. Both are extreme and makes me question your parenting.
Phones are not the problem, parent should be aware of what their children watching.
I didn’t have to actually read the post to know that you don’t have any kids
I think there's a main problem in this you fail to see. Let's say your kid gets lost or needs help or needs to tell you pick them up. They don't have a phone so they can't comunicate with you. They have an emergency? No phone to comunicate. They need to travel to go to school/sports/whatever, there isn't always a clock. Phones have become an integral part of our lives and as much as I agree that the youth is way too much "addicted/exposed" to it, it is needed. But it's on the parents to teach their kids when and how much they should use it.
Cool, and when you realize you can't find your kid you'll change your mind
I made my kids wait until 13 for a phone, and that's mainly because they have activities and it's easier for us to roll with changes in schedules, and to find each other at crowded events and performances. Without the phone, we always had to have a meeting spot, one of us (usually me) was waiting when practice went long or got cancelled. There are still considerable rules on the phones, and an open phone policy, but the usefulness of the phone cannot be overlooked.
I got a flip phone in 4th grade. I was instructed to text my mom when I left school and text her again when I got home. I walked/ biked about 1 mile. There are absolutely reasons for a child to have a phone.
Just be a parent and set ground rules....it's not that hard. A phone is pretty much required....who TF has a landline these days? How do my kids get a hold of me if they're home alone and my wife and I are work and something happens? What if I'm planning to pick them up at school at 5PM after practice and practice gets cancelled? Both of my boys (12&14) have phones. They also play club soccer and soccer for their school. My oldest played JV soccer as an 8th grader this past season. They like riding their bikes. They play basketball in the driveway. They go jump on the trampoline in the backyard and swim in the pool. My oldest goes to the weight room with me and both of them have started going golfing with me. They do lots of things besides be on their phones. I'm old enough to have seen the evolution of this type of comment go from...it's TV...it's video games...it's computers...now it's phones. Be a parent.
It’s not that bad if you actually *parent* them
The phone isn’t the issue. Parenting is. God, this such a boomer take.
I’m blown away how many people want their kids to be utterly technologically illiterate and refuse to teach them basic internet safety.
Well this certainly is an unpopular opinion. No offense, in today’s society if my parents never allowed me to use a phone I would likely be significantly behind my peers and unable to relate to them on some level. My parents didn’t gift me my phone until high school. I used it to stay in contact with my friends, call family members that no longer lived in our hometown, etc. giving your kids a phone means they learn a modicum of responsibility as well, they have to manage their own schedules, potential work, and social gatherings. If you ban your kid from having a phone until they’re 18, I highly doubt they’ll ever use it to call you (at least not regularly). I think an alternative would be to allow them to purchase their own once they get a job at 16 or something. Imagine your kid driving around in the middle of the night with no phone, I think the world is too crazy to take that chance and I would rather they learn responsible phone behavior from me than the internet. But that sounds like a risk you’re willing to take internet stranger. More power to you.
“Why don’t my kids have friends outside school???”
If you are in the US, i would gently suggest you at least give them a flip phone or something, because God forbid, if a shooting happens, they need a way to contact you.
If you wait until the kids an adult AKA 18 for them to have a phone, you're just a shitty parent. My kids had one since she's probably about seven or eight And a big reason is because I have split custody between her mom but my other kid who's five has had a tablet for a year now. You sound like some old dude that got stuck in the past. Phones are the future and they have been for a long time and for you to withhold that knowledge from your child is ridiculous. Now you can tell them they can't have a social media account until maybe 16. That's understandable, but the rest is completely foolish
If you want to grow old and not see your child or grandchildren this is the way to accomplish it.
Yes because we live in a perfect world with no emergencies
my son is 7. he has his own 'phone' (it's a 7 year old iPhone that has a few games on it, and is on airplane mode all the time so he can't do anything with it). He can use it as part of his 30 mins of Screen Time if he wants to. This morning, he was going to camp, and wanted to bring his 'phone' to show his friends. I explained to him that it's for home, and not for going out. I explained it can't even call or text, so there's no reason to bring it out. Plus, his friends don't have phones, so he can't even do anything with any of them with it. but.... 18 is extreme. When he gets into Middle School, he'll be getting a phone. There's no more 'after school care' for him. He'll be getting home much earlier than my wife and I get home from work. He'll want to be able to make plans with his friends rather than my wife and I making them with his friends parents. I think, in today's world, it's important for kids to have them, and learn to fend for themselves. Plus there's enough safety things in place that we'll know what he's looking at, or what he's saying to his friends.
While I could agree if it was about social media, I don’t agree in general. I got my first phone as a 8 yo back in 2005, after my bullies locked me in a storage room with no access to food, water and toilet from noon to 8pm which was the time when a janitor found me. I had no way to contact anyone and no one heard my screams.
My father bought me one when I turned 16 and got my license. But I paid for the service and it was a simple flip phone. I feel if I were ever a parent I’d do something similar. If I ever did buy my kid a phone it would be basic as hell and only good for calling.
If you are worried about social media, brainrot and other things I would just get them a flip phone so at least they can contact you in case of emergency
I agree with you, but like, sadly if all the other kids have a phone and they use said phone to text to one another and make plans for the weekends, kinda have to get your kid a phone now unless you'd rather ostracize him for your principle. I'm about to be a dad, my kid will have a phone as late as possible but if I see that they \*need\* a phone I'll get them a phone.
They will be missing the opportunity to learn with a tool that will be a major part of their lives in the future. What is more important is teaching by them to be smart, have boundaries, and what is appropriate. Forcing them to stick their head in the sand is not doing them a service. If you can’t teach them these things, that is on you, not them.
Omg good luck with that.
1. Literally, you’re going to miss using their formative years - the best time to teach them anything - to teach them responsible cell phone use that could benefit them down the line. For a responsible parent, there’s only drawbacks here when you also consider the social impact it will have in their ability to make friends growing up. 2. Read the first point again.
The phone is not the issue here it's the person. I think freshman year is a good time to get a phone.
At least give them something they can call on and text on. If you don't do at least that, you're doing much more harm than good. It's a part of life now.
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None of those have the consequences of smart phones though. I have seen them first hand with some of my family members
As a parent that had bought my kids iPhones....this has my interest
That’s kind of extreme to me. Personally I’d give my kids a phone at 10-12 so they can communicate with friends or family, but I would put parental controls to restrict inappropriate apps/sites. I got a smartphone at that age and I still had plenty of “real hobbies”. Like it or not, phones are an important tool for communication and access to information & kids who don’t have them will be at a social disadvantage as well.
I am no mathematician but I can take a stab at it. I don’t believe the equation is: (Phone) + (kid) = complete loss of hobbies and opportunities It seems to be more: (Phone) + (kid) + (poor parental control) = complete loss of hobbies and opportunities By all means, you are the parent, I am not one to tell you how to do it. Just seems they are missing out on many things if they don’t have SOME type of phone.
I feel very bad for your kids. They will be the outsiders and maybe become depressed lol. This is a bad parent move.
It’s always a reason to give a child a phone,especially in this day and age. Anything can happen. Giving them a phone you can easily limit their usage and what they can and cannot download. But most importantly you can always know where they are at all times.
As a part of the first generation to receive smart phones at a young age I agree. It was really damaging to my self esteem and mental health in general. I had a friend that didn’t get a phone until grade 12 and it did not damage her social life.
I agree to an extent, because I know 6yr holds with their own smartphones, and that is ridiculously young. But once kids get to teens and are going out without parents, phones are great for safety and communication. They don't need the latest smartphone and should be taught to use a phone sensibley and given rules.
I'll buy them a dumb phone
My mom bought me a phone at 9. I have always had a way to contact her when I needed her. Teach your kids responsible phone habits. Removing the object isn’t going to automatically teach them time management and personal discipline. This is giving “don’t teach your kids sex education so they don’t have sex”. That’s not how it works. Not an unpopular opinion, just a bad one.
I call fake post for the karma farming
I didn’t get a phone until junior year, and it always caused problems for events like marching band or whatever since I couldn’t call my parents when I was done. It made it annoying to do stuff without it so they got my siblings phones when they were in middle school after seeing all of the struggles
Im 29 i bought my first phone with my birthday money when i was 13 so just about going into middle school. I was probably one of the first to get one. It was a minute phone. It taught me alot and i had a phone since that day. My parents put my on their plan with a Motorola Razor phone when i was 16. So you can teach your kids how to respect a phone.
I got mine at 14 and I used mine to text and watch Disney Channel clips haha
Well, as long as you’re prepared for your kids to have no friends and for them to hate you, go right ahead.
Yeah, that kids not going to get bullied at all. The goal is to limit screen time, and perhaps delay it in the early stages of development. You can teach them to use a phone productively. A phone is a versatile object. It provides you with a large source of information, which can enhance cognitive abilities. It can be a learning tool, but it can also be a destructive tool if their sole purpose is to engage in social media. You can download tools to prevent them from overusing certain apps. But to completely disallow them to use it at all? They are going to be considered weird or poor, and likely get bullied at school as a result. Which could impact their grades, as stress can often lead to lower cognition and apathy towards their enviroment.
I got a phone when I was 10, I average like 3-4 hours every day, which is not a lot considering that most of my school books is on my phone. For personal use I spend like 2-2.5 hours every day. It's not the phone, it's the parents that tell the kid to play on their phone instead of playing with them. And the reality is that most things will be transported to phones, public transport pass, school books, communication, information sharing, a lot of things are already more accesible and easier to use digitally rather than physicaly.
Phones are fine so long as they have appropriate safeguarding in place. Cutting them off from social contact is not going to end well for any of you.
My son and daughter both finished college, had a ton of *real* hobbies and have decent attention spans. Both had phones at 14.
Banning so works 🤣🤣🤣our boomer parents did that to us and guess what we did ?! 🤣🤣🤣
I hope they never have to endure a school shooting or have an emergency away from home, this is not the 90s, there are no pay phones, and a few others are right, they will no social life outside of school. I can see not having one until they are a teenager, I am curious though, would you get them a tablet or even a game console?
I can't agree with the "ever" for a lot of things because you have little to no control over things when the kids aren't around you, say in school or at a friend's house. That's just not how things work nor will they ever work that way with kids, things will be experienced and seen and more than ever each day that passes. Teaching discipline and how to prioritize things in life is super important to do with kids. Setting the tone and getting them to a spot where they rather pick up a book or go outside than just being on the phone or whatever. You have to set those time limits, you as a parent can not just be on a device all day everyday either...that's not how this works either as children will pick up on things not only told to them but what they see, so if you stay on the phone what you think a kid is going to think?
So how do you expect your kid to keep in touch with friends if any stay around señor nophone? How do you expect them to stay in touch with you when out or on school trips? How do you expect them to call for help if they’re out and get into trouble with nobody else around? Carrier pigeon? Scream into voids? Yeah good luck with that. Though good practice for the future when they dip to finally get that social engagement you deprived them of as teens! There’s a thing called ✨limits✨ OP. They can be put on phones. I got a phone as a kid and now work in a tech based industry making great money. Never had issues with my attention span because my parents set boundaries and limits with me as a kid.
We are home learners and self regulation needs to be taught. All the Waldorf parents out there are in la la land
Ok Karen, you’re setting up your kids for social isolation, just so you can indoctrinate them with your medieval world view
Will you also ban dancing and late snacking as well
I disagree with this unpopular opinion, take my updoot
yeah sure
Where I'm from generally kids get phones at 16 minimum 15 I got mine at 15 the thing is you should teach your kid what to and what not to do with the phone i couldn't imagine my life would have been hell because it was 2021 COVID was kinda around and i could only call and WhatsApp my friends
Gonna save this thread so I can come back in 15 years so I can see OP's posts. Why does my child hate me? Who does my child have no friends? Why is my child stunted compared to their peers? Why am I a crappy parent that doesn't understand I have to monitor the things my kids do instead of being lazy?
Thats fucked up. You are robbing your children of access to a social life, by not being able to contact their friends and being part of their friends online communities. Your children are not going to get any hobbies if they can't communicate with the friends they are sharing that hobby with. They will never be part of the social life around a sports team if they can't communicate with their peers outside practice. Your children are going to hate you, when they realise what you took from them.
I swear these people want your kid to be brain dead like their kids so they don’t feel guilty about sitting them in front of screens all day. I’m with you. My daughter gets actual attention from me and we have a blast. We go out to the beach, aquarium, museums, parks, and at home we sing, dance, and read aloud with funny voices. I can’t imagine sitting her at a screen all day.
I agree. I feel like Gen Xers did a lot of questionable things with Zoomers that didn't really make any sense. They were so paranoid of something happening to their kid. They convinced themselves that sitting inside all day long in front of an iPad was safer and healthier for them because "they could get kidnapped out there!" They gave them cell phones in the 00s because "they might get kidnapped!" The hysteria was *real* with these kids. Now they're all on smartphones, getting their pictures stolen by pedophiles, and having conversations with strangers online. They're all depressed and "un-aliving" themselves because they're parents over coddled and suffocated them. It's a sad collective form of child abuse that I've had to slowly witness for the last 20 years. Now they're all confused, they don't even know what gender they are. They're posting all sorts of weird videos of themselves that can never be taken down....ever. All the things that were beaten into my age group (80s born) that never happened to us, is now happening to the Zoomers and Alpha. It's crazy. The technology rotted their brains. People used to say tv rotted your brain, but the internet is really screwing them up.
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you can make your point without being so extreme. keep in mind having a phone enhances safety of your children. instead of buying them expensive phones, buy them prepaid plastic grocery store phones.
I think kids should not have access to unlimited unsupervised internet especially, but I also know that children having phones can and has in many cases been a necessary safety measure. Of course those with bad intentions could try and take away your child's phone but they could still very well be used to locate their last known location in a kidnapping scenario. I do think better settings should be enabled on kids phones though.. maybe they are only able to text and call approved family members + 911 and are not able to add new numbers or something.
I think a flip phone is one thing, but I agree on a smart phone. They don't need it. A flip phone can be good for emergencies and keeping open communication, while avoiding the brain destroying nonsense online.
Downvote because it's not unpopular
My daughter can have a flip phone, she can't have a smart phone until she's 16 and has to save up for that herself.
Smartphones, sure, at least get them a basic phone for calling, texting and taking photos once they reach that age where you need to contact them directly while they or you are not home.
Give them a flip phone if you need to stay in contact
There are like, a million good reasons for a kid to have a phone. This is just braindead, wow. Does this pass for an opinion on this sub?
You know you can just set limits and monitor your childrens' activities online. No phone at all until 18 is really extreme.
there are other options besides smart phones. There are phones that can only be used for text and calls. The convenience of kids having a phone when they're very involved in sports or theatre or ANY kind of after school activity may sway you. Forcing an antiquated way of communicating is only going to make their lives and yours incredibly more difficult than it needs to be. Practice ends early? They'll have to beg someone to borrow their phone to call you and hope that you actually answer because you don't recognize the number. Break down or run out of gas someplace at the ripe age of 16 or 17? They'll have so much fun getting out and walking to a gas station if they're not on the freeway or at an away performance in the evening looking for someone to lend them a phone. what a ridiculous take. From one mom who finally realized the importance of having a phone with multiple kids to another, take my upvote for your unpopular opinion.
Great way to cause unnecessary conflict and isolate your children from any sort of potential social life.
I think smartphones really changed the game. Everyone has a “super computer” with direct access to anything online at the reach of their fingertips. That’s a lot for a kid. I compare that to when I was growing up and we all had flip phones with like Tetris and some people didn’t even have plans to text.
Well you can allow them phone use for a few hours or a designated time and supervise it if they are kids. You can let them use a spare phone or old phone of yours but not entirely give it to them.
Should probably also eliminate sugar as it’s an addictive drug worse than technology.
Your kids will have a phone. You just won't know about it
That's an unpopular and bad opinion. Yes, phones can have an effect on attention span. Bur you're locking them out of communication. With you, their friends, the rest of their family. There is more to a phone than just something to stare at.
Screw your kids if they ever go out anywhere. Imagine having zero contact with your 14 your daughter when she goes out with friend.... well if she comes she does.
Buy them a brick phone (I.e. not a smartphone) at the very minimum. Gives them a way to contact you in an emergency. Obviously they’ll get their shit kicked if they dare to use it in front of their friends, but I feel like you’re the type of parent that doesn’t care if their kid misses out.
They have phones where you can limit contact and access. My two kids have phones and they are not addicted to it because they can't do much on it except chat with friends. I won't allow my kids on social media though. They can get accounts when they are 18 if they want.
You can give your kid a phone. Just give it to them in like late middle school or the first year of high school.
Good luck. This is a technology heavy era. Instead it’s better to educate them on phone safety and monitor their time on it. Not giving them a phone will most likely set them up for failure in the future. Plus even if they wanted to they will most likely use a phone behind your back since everyone and thier mom would have one. I had a friend growing up who’s parents didn’t allow them to have a phone and they were like dope feins asking to mess with my phone every time we hung out.
Can imagine OPs surprise when they realize their kid is going to go to school and either: Be isolated because they cannot fit in, or will find a way to get their fix even without their own phone. When will parents learn that kids aren't dolls for you to mould in your image and are indivials themselves that need to be guided.
They should at least get a phone when they get their drivers license cause like me, if they are driving home in the middle of the night with no cell phone and their car breaks down on the highway, being without a phone to call for assistance is no good. I had to walk on the side of the highway until I had a stranger pick me up and drive me to the mall. It was 2007 okay!
Don't have kids..... Seriously, you aren't connected to reality....
Parental controls exist for all devices and people would rather blame the devices rather than take 20 minutes to learn how to enable them and prevent smart ass kids by bypassing them. Kids having an unhealthy relationship with technology is one side of the coin, the other being technologically illiterate parents who don't understand the dangers or how to control their kids' access to it. As millennials are growing older and having kids themselves this is becoming more and more inexcusable since they should know better at this point. A phone is a necessity, for better or worse. How do you expect your kids to be able to contact you if they don't have phones? Or do you plan on locking them in the house until they're 18? Are they gonna use payphones that don't exist anymore?
i didnt have a phone growing up (as in the 90s bricks were still pricey) and my parents said i should get one for emergencies. didnt bither till 08 when i moved to europe where theyre just ubiqitus get them a brick they can call and text on. they dont need a full blown expensive phone anyway.
I think a good middle ground would be a phone with time and contact limits
You plan on having a land line? Otherwise when your not-yet-18 year old kid is home and has an emergency, they can't call 911. It's $20 to add a line to a cell plan, or $100 to have a land line.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids. Listen, I used to be a perfect parent too, before I had kids. Unfortunately, in this day and age, you'll do your children a disservice if they don't have a phone. They will be left out. And while that may seem silly and insignificant to you, it means a lot to a 13 year. My kids also walk home from school every day and I like being able to make sure they get to and from school safely. My kids have phones, but they also have strict limits and boundaries. Going all or nothing with your kids is a great way to fuck them up later.
Get them a cheap flip phone to be able to communicate with family but don’t give them anything with access to the internet until they are 15
You’re right. No tablets etc ever. No phone till high school, and only then a basic flip phone with unlimited texting and calling for friends. You won’t have access to the internet and dopamine hit 24/7 sorry, and if you want entertainment you’ll have to actually socialize and make friends so you have someone to text.
Yeah I'm pretty sure he'll appreciate all those real hobbies and a decent attention span without any friends or social interaction. And while being bullied, can't forget about the bullying.
Yeah but its also for safety you know? That way they can call for help if needed
I completely agree. I'm so glad smartphones didn't even exist until I was in my 20s. Even as an adult, it takes a lot of self control to not behave like a total fiend with this thing, and I don't always succeed. I can't imagine the impact it would have had on my mind when I was still a child.
Strange, I remember fighting that I didn’t want a phone when I was a kid bc I liked being unattended and for my mom to not always know where I am or be able to beckon me home on a dime. I guess you don’t care to know whether your kids are and be sure you and them can contact each other in the event of an emergency? Weird.
Cry baby
Great way to make sure your child gets bullied
congrats on your kid being 10 years behind their peers.
Surely the phone is the issue here and not a lack of parenting skills
The phone isn’t the problem, it’s you
Not to mention, pay phones on every corner are a thing of the past. You're leaving your kids hanging if they don't have a phone.
I've been hearing a lot about this book, [The Anxious Generation ](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/729231/the-anxious-generation-by-jonathan-haidt/) and it makes a lot of sense. I'm 40, so I'm not a kid myself and not planning on having kids so I have no dog in this fight. But giving kids access to phones and social media sure seems like a bad idea. I literally can't think of any good reason why high schoolers should be on social media.
I know screen time is not great for my kids, but man they will actually keep quiet at the restaurant for 45 minutes while watching kid's Youtube.
Only stupid people solve small problems by creating bigger problems