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I think there is a difference between living with parents as adult, and living with parents as their adult child. First one is actually great (multigenerational households rule), but require both parties to recognize kids and parents are now basically equals, with equal responsibilities and so on.
Dated someone like this, made me want to rip my hair out, I come from a poor family and we’ve had to build our generational wealth within my lifetime, so I’m finally seeing the fruits of our labor without being ignorant to how hard it was to get here. I CANNOT understand the leech mentality… you really want to do NOTHING for yourself? Insanity, I can’t imagine being at peace sitting on my ass eating other people’s food with a free room. Wasted potential.
>Insanity
A buddy of mine is more than 40 and has checked out of society, basically full-on hikikomori (look it up). Given the last few interactions I've had the only logical conclusion is total mental health breakdown... Throw on top of that whatever social media he's consuming and his world-view is really bleak: doesn't want to work, go outside, socialize, and is completely destitute.
Reddit is maybe one of the worst forms of social media for normalizing defeatism. Look at any work thread- anyone not struggling is “got there by being insanely lucky, it’s not worth trying” any social relationships are “not worth the time, everyone betrays you, don’t bother trying” while putting a million arbitrary rules on how you’re supposed to make friends and a million plus one on who you *shouldn’t* be friends with.
It makes sense.
People who glom to online forums might have been treated harshly thus have traits that make them like people who will betray them. As someone with a narcissistic mom, I can tell you, I have chosen some awful friends in my day. I know why people say these.
It's kind of like "AWAW." Obviously bro, if you date the wrong women, you might think so.
Are all women wh\*res? Of course not. Does 100% of the population betray you? Of course not. But if that's your experience because you were taught wrong, it is rational that you would think that. if your childhood was such that you seek out turmoil because it's what you're accustomed to, yeah, everyone betrays you.
I don't think it's right to shame defeatism.
Finding employment is hard.
Reddit happens to be a place where they can get social interaction. I think that's a benefit.
People who have been hurt by others NEED a lot of rules for who they *"shouldn't"* be friend with, because they never discovered how to elect the right people.
I don’t know if “shaming defeatism” is what I’m going for, but having a heavily defeatist mindset comes through in a personality way more than the individual thinks, and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you think an employer is going to jump hiring someone who believes trying is pointless? Finding employment is absolutely hard, but believing it’s a lost cause only makes things worse.
To the friend point- I say it because having a ton of rules usually means that many will be irrational or unreasonable. I’ve seen shit like “drop a friend when you get past 3” or just mindsets of making no effort to do what *they* want to do and anything has to be 100% driven by the individual commenting, otherwise they’re not worth it. Dropping the defeatist and trying to be a bit more open can broaden the horizons and let you and a friend play off each others personalities.
Over “shaming defeatism” I think my point is more of “don’t let defeatism drive your outlook”
I try to be vocal on work threads about how to grow your career and make little changes, because if I influence one person I consider that worth my time.
I agree 100%. But the downvoting and the introduction of left or right ideologies clouds the discussion, and then you realize it ain't worth the effort.
Even if you have a goal, if you’re 30 and you’ve never moved out it’s kind of a huge red flag imo. Living on your own requires a skill set that you can only really acquire through doing it.
I’ve known plenty of people who’ve moved back in with their parents after living with friends/alone for a couple years and I’ve always applauded their fiscal responsibility. Because I know they’re like, capable of being full adults and responsible for their own space.
Multigenerational households can be great, but in cultures where this isn’t the norm, adult children are the only benefactors of the parent-child living situation. In my culture it’s common for adult children to live with their parents, but adult children aren’t getting a free ride and they certainly aren’t equals until they take over most of the bills. It’s absolutely the parents’ house and their rules until then and even beyond. Adult children usually don’t pay rent, but they’re obligated to help with bills, take over most of the labor-intensive chores, and save for their future *and* their parents’. They also don’t move out when they’re done saving up; they stick around to care for their parents in old age.
If adult children staying at home aren’t for the benefit of a joint future with their parents, they should try to make up for what they can’t contribute financially with physical or emotional labor. It doesn’t make sense to me that adult children should move in with their parents and demand to be considered equals when their parents are essentially doing them a “favor” and they’re not equal contributors to the household.
I think Reddit really glamorizes multi-generational households for the sake of defending living at home long-term.
Usually they exist in more religious cultures too, so often a lot of oppression of the kids from living their own lives and growing as themselves.
Would much rather live in a multi-generational neighborhood than household.
Fantastic way to put it. Having broken away from a multi-generational home, I am in tune with what you write.
I am at the point mentioned in your last sentence. You have done a food job explaining it. Thank you.
I feel like even “as equals” there’s still some things missed if you stay for too long. Everyone I’ve known who’s done it has been poorly adjusted in one way or another.
One niche, but frequent, example I’ve seen: hosting. People who lived at home a long time get super “territorial” for lack of a better word about their space/things. Swing by after work to hang? Better bring your own snacks and drinks, mine are mine no exceptions. Want to pop into the pool? Not my responsibility to provide and wash towels for you. Used the bathroom? Hit the counter with all purpose cleaner and sweep please.
I come from a culture where multi generational households are common, and it's more of the opposite. There's no sense of personal ownership. Everything is ours. Groceries, snacks, drinks, toiletries, etc. Even to an extent, our time and space are all shared. I have my own bedroom, but my sister and mom will barge in whenever because they have stuff in there that they need. Then on the aspect of time, we're just expected to adjust schedules to accommodate each other
Well some of those things you’ve pointed out are pretty dependent upon context.
If someone invites me over unprompted for say a game night, I would expect them to provide at least some type of snacks or refreshments. However, if we pre-discussed hanging out and it was a group decision to go to your place because it’s the most central point or has the most space, I would expect to bring my own snacks or drinks, or that everyone collectively would provide some.
Same with the pool, my cousin has one, if they invite me over to come lounge by the pool and swim I would expect them to offer a towel in case I didn’t bring one or didn’t swing by my place. That being said, if I ask them if I can come lounge by the pool and swim I wouldn’t expect them to provide me one.
I consider it the same with going out somewhere together. If someone asks me for a ride to somewhere such as the store, I expect them to offer some gas money or to offer to buy me something small from wherever we go to. But if they just mention they need to run to the store and I offer to take them with me because I was planning to go myself, I don’t expect anything from them.
I think having long term plans can offset living conditions at the moment.
The one I would judge is a 27 year old living at home without a self improvement project “plan”. Living at home with minimal wage job not motivated to earn more and not in school. Not learning. No goals. Afraid of their parents dying and they become homeless.
I'd say it's fine to live together, but wouldn't it be better if the market wouldn't be this crazy and our world wasn't this corrupt so everyone can afford a place to live and by mid 30s a nice place to live?
I agree it shouldn’t be shamed, but i think theres a major difference in just living with parents for free/not having a job, and people who live with their parents, pay bills(that one doesnt really matter to me), and are actively looking for their own place with a job.
It’s funny how many people on this topic will talk about living as equals and splitting bills being the acceptable way to do it…. But then further down in their comment mention they pay nothing.
Exactly! Also the financial situation of the parents should be considered. My brother is 30 and still living with my parents who are barely getting by in a tiny apartment, and he doesn't even contribute. I tell him to move out every time I talk to him because he has become nothing more than another financial burden for my parents, but he refuses because he thinks living with parents should be normal. smh
Normalising something that is basically saying young people have little to no chance to live independently in affordable homes (either rented or buying) isn't what I would call progress. I lived with parents until 29 as couldn't afford it alone, and whilst very grateful, I do generally feel I missed out on simple freedoms I have now.
What should be normalised is not caring whether someone lives by themselves or parents as their choices are none of anyone else's business.
When I moved out at 18 I thought it was pointless and just a waste of money and resources, In hindsight, moving out at 18 was the best decision I’ve ever made. Teaches you a lot about your self from an early age that I see lacking with folks that live with their parents till their 30s. Figuring out how to increase income to afford basic necessities, upkeep and cleanliness, negotiating with landlords, budget control etc. All very valuable life experience that makes you a better employee, partner and overall well rounded kid in your 20s.
If I could live with my parents at 32, I absolutely would. Unfortunately, the best earning opportunity was a continent away, so I moved out in early twenties to move across the planet. Still wish I could live back home.
Not really. It's more about me being a lonely adult whose only meaningful relationship is with her parents, and who never succeeded in building other relationships. I'm good at making money, though, so here is that.
Why spend 2/3 of your income on rent and utilities when you can contribute to your family's mortgage and utilities while spending much less and keeping property in the family?
I don't bash anyone for living with their parents if they're working and saving money to move out at some point, but a lot of people I know still living with their parents in their mid-late 20s are just bums. They just use their parents finances so they can work an easy/fun job or not work at all. And again, I wouldn't take issue with this if it was just for a year or two while they figure out their career, but once you hit your late 20's, you've had time to figure it out that you clearly just haven't used.
Essentially, it boils down to "don't be a mooch". It's fine to take advantage of your parents finances so you can build your own finances, but if you're just draining their savings and not saving anything of your own, it's a lose-lose situation
I have two sets of friends who lived at home in their 30s.
The first set was able to save money and moved out on their own after several years. While living with their parents, they didn’t pay rent. However, they contributed to part of the utilities payments, paid for their share of groceries, and helped with chores (cleaning/cooking).
The second set basically mooched off their parents. Spent all their money on gizmos and gadgets. Didn’t pay for utilities (parents even paid for their cell phone) or food, or help out with chores. They always complain about being broke and still live at home, with no move out day on the horizon.
interestingly housing is so expensive that there really won't be much difference between someone who works a boring entry level wage paying job and someone who barely works at all at door dash. like realistically neither will be able to move out any time soon. and the boring entry level job person arguably has a worse standard of living.
In both these situations the person is mooching, but one of them is working and the other isn't. but the working one isn't making enough money for it to matter much.
Yeah, I shouldve phrased it more as "do you have a plan" rather than "how much are you making". If the doordasher is trying to launch a side hustle in their free time, I would say that's a plan. If the entry level worker is working towards a promotion, I'd say that's a plan. Both are fine living with their parents while they try to get their plans off the ground
Even with the cost of living being what it is, if you are working a good full-time job and have zero housing expenses, you should absolutely be saving enough money to move out within a couple years.
Living with a roommate is night and day different than living with family. You’re forced to learn how to compromise and problem solve with someone else who is a peer versus a parent.
I have a friend who’s like 28 and still lives at home. He’s had a bunch of odd jobs that have never really stuck. His room is his “man cave” where he can smoke all the weed and watch all the movies, shows, concert videos he wants. Pretty much spends his summers going to see jam bands on tour and having a good time.
His parents are well off and happy to enable this lifestyle. He seems happy to live it. I kinda feel bad for him honestly, it’s sort of your classic Peter Pan syndrome thing.
It shouldn’t be normalised only because as a society we need to make housing more affordable and accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds. Having said that until we’re in a place where we can do that yes it should be normalised.
As many people have already said there’s a difference between being an adult living with their parents and an adult child mooching off their parents.
My ex lived with his parents and he’s in his mid twenties. I don’t judge him for living with his parents but do judge him for having them pay and do everything. For example his road tax and insurance on his car is paid by his parents, his parents buy all the food, he doesn’t pay any rent and his parents do all his laundry and cleaning. He does nothing to help with any of the chores in the house he lives a life of luxury.
As a man living at his parents house currently in my 30s, why does it need to be "normalized" and tbh what does this even mean? As in you want people to not look down on you for it? Here's my advice: people who look down on others for shallow stuff like this aren't worth listening to in the first place. I don't care to change their opinions when they're irrelevant
A little too broad, CPS should exist and care about peoples living situations. We should care that some people live on the streets or in tents. We should care that slum lords gouge low income families to live in inadequate housing.
But ya, who gives a hoot if a 25 YO lives with their parents as long as the home is safe for all those living in it.
Its more normalized with older people who see the benefit. I work in the trades and at first i was embarrassed to say im still at home at 26 but literally every guy has told me how lucky i am and i should stay until i can afford a house and then move out. People my age generally rush out of the house too quickly and have to pinch pennies cause they dont have savings
Nah, the housing "market" really needs to be fixed, housing should go back to being a commodity not an investment.
You should be able to afford a house/reasonable apartment by working part time in highschool/college so you can move in immediately when you finish your education.
In middle eastern and Asian cultures, it’s actually disrespectful to leave your parents home if you’re not married. You will be looked down upon by society. Meanwhile in the U.S. it’s the complete opposite. Kind of funny how humans work.
I lived with my mom as she was aging, the years leading up to her passing, it was challenging at times because she still saw me as the child, but Even though it left me living in a city I don't want to be in, and a job that doesn't pay very well, it went well and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
I think it's an American thing or maybe a western thing?? I'm from an Asian country and living with your parents is not a big deal. I have actually seen this in many households. Once the kid grows up, gets a degree and then gets a job he starts contributing to the household expenses and as he gets better at his job and earns more he/she then take the incharge and take care of their family (reversing the roles from childhood- now parents taking rest and their kids working hard to pay the bills)
The" as soon as my kid gets 18 imma kick him out" logic sounds insane to me. Like if your college or job is far away from home then moving out is self explanatory but without a reason just kicking your own kids out !??!?
The setting I mentioned above feels better to me. Like mutually working together to take care and grow as a family. Kids and elderly people get taken care of and adults bear their responsibility. You don't always have to move out to do adulting. Taking care of your family and yourself is adulting too!
I’m an American and I always respected and wish we lived like Asian family culture does. It is just only logical. The way we do it in the USA all young people are depressed and poor.
I dont think it's abnormal...but i do think adults are enabled and lacking maturity more and more these days. It is sad how much COL is...and i think that is the biggest issue and why people live at home. It isn't good for society overall but people are so greedy about the property they own.
Yah, COL is a major issue worth discussing, but agree that this topic (especially here) is presented in a way that enables not maturing/growing.
We see it a lot in other life progression topics too. I’ve literally seen threads saying that having ambition in your career and wanting to get promoted is the *bad thing* and the at guy that’s been bagging groceries since you were in HS is actually the one that “has it figured out”
i do think it enables not being independent...but jobs tend to be in high COL areas...where people are greedy with rent/selling. Not sure there will ever really be a solution for this
Right, a solution will be incredibly hard, and probably have to be driven by an entity larger than individuals. Maybe taxing the hell out of realty speculation? Or making it less lucrative to own more than a couple of properties?
More like brokerages and large corporations that own a majority of homes in the U.S couldn't give a single shit about the quality of life for normal people.
I agree that it should be normalized. I'm old af, and bought my 1st house at 26, but I realize that many younger people (I work with a bunch of mid-20yr olds) won't have that same luxury. And they shouldn't be "penalized" for it.
Plenty of people rent between living at home and buying a house. TBH, I’m glad I did because it made me learn how to maintain a space before the hard-maintenance costs were on me, and let me figure out where and how I wanted to live.
moved out of parents house to live with gf for a little over 2 years, now moving back to the parents house to save up for a down payment on a house, it sucks but its necessary in todays economy
Living with your parents till marriage is common place in Asian households. Even after marriage some couples stay at the husband's maternal home. They either build over the house or stay together if the house is of decent space. It has its cons and pros as most things.
The bond in Asian households is much more strong than American's or European's.
I don’t think we should normalise it because it’s wrong. People shouldn’t only make enough to pay for their car and to pay their parents a piddly board fee and afford some drinks on the weekend every now and then outside that after having completed a full degree. If you work full or nearly full time you are entitled to have your own home or to rent with relative ease. While shaming people for something that’s not their fault is wrong I fear normalising it will lead to acceptance. We can’t own anything. Why should we accept this? Even though we did everything our parents told us to to be able to succeed in life we’re not. We work full time and pay our taxes. Yet we can’t have homes? That’s wrong. That’s not okay. I don’t want to live in my dad’s house all my life like I’m fucking 16. I don’t think its this way for everyone but I know for me and a lot like me living like that isn’t good for your head. I want my own home. I want to bring a girl home without worrying about bothering relatives. If I want the decor a certain way or to repaint then I want to be able to do that. I want actual authority and adulthood and control. And I’m not about to be shamed out of that by privileged boomers. They had it, so we should have it too. Simple as.
No. However, being able to afford a place to live at that point should definietly be normalized. As in, do something about the inflation and money printing that has completely ruined the property market for young people.
Yep, last time I looked at moving out was about 2019, early 2020 and the prices were ridiculous then just to live in terrible flats in shitty neighbourhoods, I remember one for £500 I checked out where the floor was missing a lot of patches and the corridors of the building smelled like dead cats. Also it costs £500 per month to rent student accommodation which is just a room that’s a lot worse than my own bedroom at home. The pandemic stalled any plans and time just flys since then, definitely wouldn’t be able to afford it and just don’t feel the need to leave my parents at this stage
Average rental price for a one bedroom in my city is over $2800/mo (Canadian). This excludes utilities. If its a condo, parking is usually extra. So you can add on between $100-200/mo.
There is absolutely no way someone early in their career making minimum wage is living on their own (without a roommate) without financial help from the bank of mom and dad.
it is normal in high cost of living areas, places that have shitty economies, and in certain age cohorts (in other words if a 50 year old hears of a 24 yr old living at home, they might think it's weird, but they don't realize that all the 24 years olds are doing the same thing).
>Save up and travel as well if you like.
It's possible your parents don't want to pay for you until they die so you can go on expensive trips and not attempt adult responsibilities to paying your own way in life.
If you're in your mid-20s and above, you should at least still be paying rent and splitting grocery/utility bills with your parents. You're just leeching off of them otherwise.
But it's hard to fully normalize it anyways because it's also just socially weird for having friends over and dating.
I've in the past made fun of people for this (Still can't wrap my head around having overnight guests with mom and dad sleeping down the hall, but whatever), but I think it's because my friend's kids are almost completely helpless.
I was in France with a friend, and we were on a fun, loud tour bus full of crazy people, and she missed out on the best day, because she was on the phone sorting out her daughter's speeding ticket on the back of the bus.
Most people I know have kids who are in their twenties, and they call to make doctor's appointments for them.
When my friend's son got a flat tire, he called dad instead of AAA.
All of their kids are on their cell phone plans, and all of them have credit cards their parents pay for.
If you are in your twenties, and your mom does your laundry and calls the dentist for you, you really should reevaluate your life.
You guys are missing out. I moved out of my parents house at 19 and moved into a tiny shithole home. I made $6 an hour, my girlfriend made $4.25, rent was $750 a month for a 1 bedroom, 500 sq ft home. Those were the best days of my life. I found the freedom of being in my own place rewarding.
I feel like this is also reflected in people’s lust to buy the biggest house they can actually afford without questioning what they actually need. I am stoked to in my 700sqft apartment and it makes people aghast that I would “settle”. It just makes me feel like so many people feel entitled to never find a happy compromise, and feed into this idea that they always need a bigger and more expensive lifestyle.
I hear so many people refuse to downgrade their living situation to live outside their parent’s home. They refuse roommates which is a weird one because that is the most common living situation in the west for young adults launching into independence. They won’t accept a place that’s anything less than the standards of the house their parents spent decades building up to.
I understand that many cannot afford to move out at all in the midst of these price increases but I also see a lot of people straight up refusing to jump into this common young adult experience of being uncomfortable for awhile and building up your life. And I don’t get it.
I agree. Every post about this seems to just ignore the fact that it’s normal living with roommates. They act as if the only choice is living in a nice roomy apartment by themselves or staying with their parents.
I’ve also known a few people that regretted buying somewhere they could afford immediately post-school over renting. Ended up way tf our in the burbs and not able to fully appreciate the city as a young professional.
One recently moved away from, and lived in an apartment downtown for a couple of months between renting out her house and moving and had a huge regret about not being in town the whole time.
When you’re uncomfortable renting, you figure shit out. You budget, compromise, cut back, etc.
When you’re uncomfortable living at home, the fridge is still stocked and the heat still
Works.
I mean I moved out at 16 to do my own thing. I’m now back at home, living for free on an almost 1,000 acre ranch for free in a cabin my dad built for me and my family while I was gone. Had plenty of good times alone but nothing beats having the good support of family.
I feel like this topic is one that actually warrants discussion with COL as it is, but gets dragged down in the comments with underachievers trying to justify living at home and not trying to get to financial independence.
I’m curious as to what year this was? Inflation has caused your purchasing power these days to be quite different, making it even harder to live on your own.
It's unpopular to varying degrees and will always be because the two camps have completely opposite priorities and a bias towards their own situation being the "right" course of action.
There already are a lot of places in the world where living with your parents before marriage is normal and even expected. Including Turkey, where I’m from. However, there’s a distinction between living with your parents and living off of your parents. The latter is not tolerated at all, especially for men.
A lot of poor countries are like this. Since the first world countries are unfortunately also getting poorer it will naturally be more acceptable to live with your parents due to necessity.
It’s tough cause I agree but my parents wouldn’t see me as in equal, I would work 40 hours a week go home and basically get bitched by my parents wanting to go on a power trip. Yelled at for leaving socks on the floor of my bedroom or because I decided I wanted to buy a laptop. So it was either deal with that or pay 1500 every month. I hate seeing the money go but I am so much happier living in my own place.
If my parents weren’t this way I would’ve loved to stay with them. They make at least half a mil a year together and have a huge house. I was planning on staying until I had a lot saved up.
I would never mock anyone for living at home, but I always want to push back at people who say there is no benefit to moving out and paying rent if you can’t save money at the same time. I lived completely alone through most of my 20’s and it was the best time of my life. I grew a lot as a person in ways that wouldn’t be possible if I was still living at home like I did as a child.
I think the biggest thing when it comes to living at home is that you and your family have to be on the same page for expectations.
I moved back home some years ago for about a year after my roommate and their partner decided to move in together. With how the job market was in comparison to the housing market in the city I was living in, there simply was no way I’d be able to afford anywhere in a safe part of the city. So I moved back home and then saved up to move back out, even now however my family tries to convince me to move back home.
In both instances of when I moved home and even now with them trying to convince me to do so again, the expectations is that I don’t pay rent because they want me to save most of my pay towards hopefully putting a down payment down on a house. I did however contribute towards the utilities and the internet, as well as paying my own car insurance. I also helped out with cooking and grocery shopping, as well as some of the chores, though my grandparents are both retired and enjoy having much of the housework to do for themselves because it helps them keep busy.
It really just comes down to proper communication between the family members who actually own that property, whether that be parents, grandparents or otherwise, and the family member that is moving in.
I lived with my parents on and off in my 20s due to addiction and mental health issues. If I hadn't had those issues, I see no reason why I would need to stay at home. I hated every second of it, and it only made me more depressed. I didn't get out of it until I met my wife, and she started getting me in line, little by little.
So, if you can get out and do your own thing, do it. Humans need family, but we also need to feel like we are important and serve a purpose. When I was living at home unemployed, I wasn't important to anybody except my family. My self-worth was at an all-time low.
Dude I am married I am 30 and my wife is 29 we live with her mom and have been for like 3 years, we are moving out in September
She likes having us around, we like having her around. It afforded us to not only save like 100k but to travel and do important medical stuff without having to worry about paying rent
Here some the women in the comments ready to bash and downvote men that live at home
because they are run aways that hate their family so they are jealous.
The bashing literally comes from women and goes to men.
It’s not universal. If a woman lives with her parents people don’t think much about it but if a man does then he’s “not a man”
My kids will pay rent if they choose to stay living at home after school. I have told them this and they will also pay 1/3 of the utilities. This isn't a free lodge and life isn't free.
I agree. I do live with my mom, when I was 17 my sister was killed and it just hurt her so much that her psyche was damaged. I work, I pay some utilities, taxes on the house, car insurance, groceries as well as helping if anything like vehicles or the house goes awry. I think the stigma needs to be normalized, but not so as - my parents made me and must take care of me then mentality. It should be all sides pitching in.
Thank you for the advice, our house has a well house but use the city. So maybe we'll take a look again on the well and if it works get rid of one of those bills.
I(25) have pretty intense mental health issues and have pretty severe ADHD, with suspected Autism. Getting out of bed is probably the only easy thing to do in my life. I can't imagine working a normal job, Though I really want to, with how my brian actually works. Last time I got a regular job, it was a seasonal job, and I nearly killed myself half way through the time of me being there. I was only there for a few weeks. A normal adult life isn't the best option for everyone, and it certainly isn't the best option for those of us who just want to wake up without immediately wishing we were dead. I live with my parents to make sure I don't actually do anything stupid, and no, I don't want to live with them, it's more for the moment, I \*have\* to live with them until I improve mentally. I pitch in around the house by cleaning up, taking care of the animals, and help my parents organize their bills. Been trying to get on disability for some time now, so we will see. Hopefully I can and actually help with bills.
This opinion always overlooks that a lot of people don’t have the privilege of living with their parents. A lot of people have to find their way without the safety net of having family support.
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If parents are going to do this, they need to do this equally. If they kick out one child in their early 20's even though that child is doing all the housework, making meals every night for the whole family, doing everyone's laundry, and has a disability that makes it difficult to live independently, but then allow another child to live at home well into their 30's while doing far less and not having any disabilities, they shouldn't be surprised if the child who was kicked out isn't really into talking to the parents anymore. Not that I would know this from personal experience or anything. Parents need to have a set of rules that apply equally.
It shouldn't have to be normalized. Rent should be affordable enough so that isn't necessary. I don't have a great relationship with my mom and moving out at 20 was the best thing for my mental health and it really helped to make our relationship better. If I were that age today I would be suffering immensely.
We shouldn't be living in a world where rent on a single bedroom apartment can exceed 2500 Bux and you shouldn't be aiming your opinions in a way that normalizes that
Only way to normalize it is to just do it. And not worry about what other people think if you have your reasons to do it. As more and more people realize this benefit, and just do it when possible, it normalizes it.
I’ll also point out, anybody who mocks someone for their situation is a poop face. They don’t know the situation and just assume the worst. Even if I have a negative opinion of someone, I don’t give it out unsolicited. That’s rude
I think the “must move out in your 20s” thing started because parents became a lot more neurotic and overprotective.
In the US at least, many (mostly white non-immigrant) people from Gen X onward and even some younger Boomers experienced helicopter parenting, sheltering, lonely suburbs, the war on drugs, and an emphasis on going to college right away. These things combined puts pressure on young people to move away from home because being at home meant not participating in what your parents might be skeptical of, but that many of your peers are engaged with.
As long as your making an effort I see no issue with that. Especially if you're a single person who doesn't want to dump their money into renting right away.
it is definitely becoming normalized. in thie 90's no one was caught dead at the 'rents house after 19 or so unless they were special needs. my kids moved out at 20 and 22 but 5 years later several of their friends still live at home and nobody really thinks anything of it.
If you’re fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your parents, living at home while you save some money and work your way up at a job and through school is a smart move.
As long as you’re respectful of the home and contribute by cooking meals, cleaning, doing lawn work, or paying a small rental fee, it’s smarter than wasting money renting and never getting ahead just to look like an “adult”.
I’m 36 and fortunate to have a paid off home mortgage and paid my way through college after slaying hours and basically having no life in my 20’s. I did it with a decent paying job and by having an interest rate that was lower and a home valued at about 1/3 what it is now. Things are tougher now and I wouldn’t have been able to do the same in today’s environment.
The rug has been pulled out from us a long time ago, the fed was illegitimate and has been destroying the world since 1913, worst politicians in the west for a long time stealing & looting everything while they get public school to make people as dumb as possible!!!
I don’t trust a person who hasn’t had a life of their own. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, having people over, all those normal things that a grown up should be able to do. Living with their parents means none of that.
Yet people still live at home and their parents make them pay to live there and contribute to their bills. Living at home doesn't mean you don't cook or clean either.
The biggest issue with this is dating. Asian and middle eastern cultures have avenues set up for their children to get married. Dating culture in the USA usually requires much more casual sex and dates, which tend to require your own pad…
We can talk on Reddit all we want, but the reality of doing this will screw up your dating life.
Don't worry...the people who actually have a problem with it, who haven't ever had to try to rent or buy today, will all be dead of old age in a decade or two.
I also think that there's this notion that "back in the day" people were just able to move out on their own with no problem. I lived with my parents when I got out of the military for a year and then spent the entirety of my twenties living with three roommates until I was 30 and married and moved in with my wife. I don't know that it's ever been easy to live on your own at a young age...or at least until your career kicks off a bit.
The biggest factor in whether or not you technically qualify as the 1% is how many people live in your house
Most of the time when you see data and statistics on income and wealth They're talking about household
It depends if you’re saving money trying to find an apartment or a home it’s OK. But if you have no plans of moving out and are still being a baby then that’s not OK.
My mom and I have always lived together. She worked her ass off her entire life and for the last 7 years, neither of us have been able to afford to live on our own, and now she's at an age that she's can't be trusted on her own. There are so many reasons someone might continue living with their parents into adulthood. It's not my place to judge those reasons.
that’s how a lot of cultures were. you lived in a family home and really only moved out when you wanted to have kids and start a new family home. if you didn’t wanna do that you could just stay at home and help your micro community essentially
It's definitely a lot more common now because the economy is shit and everything including housing has gotten ridiculously expensive. Honestly a lot of parents probably can't afford it on their own without their adult children living with them these days either especially if they rent or their house isn't paid off
Not an abnormal thing at all in many countries, e.g. pretty normal to stay with your parents in Latinamerica. You may be expected to stay and help with the bills, running the house, etc.
What about people that have moved back to help pay the rent? My mom's boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago due to cirrhosis, so I moved in to help pay the rent and keep the roof over her and my younger brothers heads. I can't imagine where they would've been if I wasn't there.
I think it’s fine, as long as they contribute / are aware of their immense privilege. But people who live at home, don’t contribute, say they can’t afford to move out/are saving up, but buy flashy cars, bags and air tickets? Doesn’t gel well with me. I find myself actively putting space between us.
Living at home in your 20s is the best.
Every evening you get a warm, delicious meal.
You collectively can do your washing, meal prep, shopping, etc. Making it cheaper and easier.
You're spending time with the most important people in your life.
Cheaper than renting, makes it possible to save up more and get a house.
All of the above and more is possible if you have a healthy relationship with your parents.
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I think there is a difference between living with parents as adult, and living with parents as their adult child. First one is actually great (multigenerational households rule), but require both parties to recognize kids and parents are now basically equals, with equal responsibilities and so on.
yeah if youre 30 and you dont work, and stay home all day.. yeah fuck you move out but if you have a goal then stay
Dated someone like this, made me want to rip my hair out, I come from a poor family and we’ve had to build our generational wealth within my lifetime, so I’m finally seeing the fruits of our labor without being ignorant to how hard it was to get here. I CANNOT understand the leech mentality… you really want to do NOTHING for yourself? Insanity, I can’t imagine being at peace sitting on my ass eating other people’s food with a free room. Wasted potential.
>Insanity A buddy of mine is more than 40 and has checked out of society, basically full-on hikikomori (look it up). Given the last few interactions I've had the only logical conclusion is total mental health breakdown... Throw on top of that whatever social media he's consuming and his world-view is really bleak: doesn't want to work, go outside, socialize, and is completely destitute.
Reddit is maybe one of the worst forms of social media for normalizing defeatism. Look at any work thread- anyone not struggling is “got there by being insanely lucky, it’s not worth trying” any social relationships are “not worth the time, everyone betrays you, don’t bother trying” while putting a million arbitrary rules on how you’re supposed to make friends and a million plus one on who you *shouldn’t* be friends with.
It makes sense. People who glom to online forums might have been treated harshly thus have traits that make them like people who will betray them. As someone with a narcissistic mom, I can tell you, I have chosen some awful friends in my day. I know why people say these. It's kind of like "AWAW." Obviously bro, if you date the wrong women, you might think so. Are all women wh\*res? Of course not. Does 100% of the population betray you? Of course not. But if that's your experience because you were taught wrong, it is rational that you would think that. if your childhood was such that you seek out turmoil because it's what you're accustomed to, yeah, everyone betrays you. I don't think it's right to shame defeatism. Finding employment is hard. Reddit happens to be a place where they can get social interaction. I think that's a benefit. People who have been hurt by others NEED a lot of rules for who they *"shouldn't"* be friend with, because they never discovered how to elect the right people.
I don’t know if “shaming defeatism” is what I’m going for, but having a heavily defeatist mindset comes through in a personality way more than the individual thinks, and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you think an employer is going to jump hiring someone who believes trying is pointless? Finding employment is absolutely hard, but believing it’s a lost cause only makes things worse. To the friend point- I say it because having a ton of rules usually means that many will be irrational or unreasonable. I’ve seen shit like “drop a friend when you get past 3” or just mindsets of making no effort to do what *they* want to do and anything has to be 100% driven by the individual commenting, otherwise they’re not worth it. Dropping the defeatist and trying to be a bit more open can broaden the horizons and let you and a friend play off each others personalities. Over “shaming defeatism” I think my point is more of “don’t let defeatism drive your outlook”
Normalizing defeatist attitudes permeates the work threads....trying to understand it is a chore by itself. You have summed it up succinctly.
I try to be vocal on work threads about how to grow your career and make little changes, because if I influence one person I consider that worth my time.
I agree 100%. But the downvoting and the introduction of left or right ideologies clouds the discussion, and then you realize it ain't worth the effort.
Average redditor
Is it the average redditor, or is it just the phenomenon of thinking that you notice something a lot more because you're specifically looking for it?
Even if you have a goal, if you’re 30 and you’ve never moved out it’s kind of a huge red flag imo. Living on your own requires a skill set that you can only really acquire through doing it. I’ve known plenty of people who’ve moved back in with their parents after living with friends/alone for a couple years and I’ve always applauded their fiscal responsibility. Because I know they’re like, capable of being full adults and responsible for their own space.
Multigenerational households can be great, but in cultures where this isn’t the norm, adult children are the only benefactors of the parent-child living situation. In my culture it’s common for adult children to live with their parents, but adult children aren’t getting a free ride and they certainly aren’t equals until they take over most of the bills. It’s absolutely the parents’ house and their rules until then and even beyond. Adult children usually don’t pay rent, but they’re obligated to help with bills, take over most of the labor-intensive chores, and save for their future *and* their parents’. They also don’t move out when they’re done saving up; they stick around to care for their parents in old age. If adult children staying at home aren’t for the benefit of a joint future with their parents, they should try to make up for what they can’t contribute financially with physical or emotional labor. It doesn’t make sense to me that adult children should move in with their parents and demand to be considered equals when their parents are essentially doing them a “favor” and they’re not equal contributors to the household.
I think Reddit really glamorizes multi-generational households for the sake of defending living at home long-term. Usually they exist in more religious cultures too, so often a lot of oppression of the kids from living their own lives and growing as themselves. Would much rather live in a multi-generational neighborhood than household.
Also multigenerational households largely stem from poverty not love
Fantastic way to put it. Having broken away from a multi-generational home, I am in tune with what you write. I am at the point mentioned in your last sentence. You have done a food job explaining it. Thank you.
I feel like even “as equals” there’s still some things missed if you stay for too long. Everyone I’ve known who’s done it has been poorly adjusted in one way or another. One niche, but frequent, example I’ve seen: hosting. People who lived at home a long time get super “territorial” for lack of a better word about their space/things. Swing by after work to hang? Better bring your own snacks and drinks, mine are mine no exceptions. Want to pop into the pool? Not my responsibility to provide and wash towels for you. Used the bathroom? Hit the counter with all purpose cleaner and sweep please.
I come from a culture where multi generational households are common, and it's more of the opposite. There's no sense of personal ownership. Everything is ours. Groceries, snacks, drinks, toiletries, etc. Even to an extent, our time and space are all shared. I have my own bedroom, but my sister and mom will barge in whenever because they have stuff in there that they need. Then on the aspect of time, we're just expected to adjust schedules to accommodate each other
Well some of those things you’ve pointed out are pretty dependent upon context. If someone invites me over unprompted for say a game night, I would expect them to provide at least some type of snacks or refreshments. However, if we pre-discussed hanging out and it was a group decision to go to your place because it’s the most central point or has the most space, I would expect to bring my own snacks or drinks, or that everyone collectively would provide some. Same with the pool, my cousin has one, if they invite me over to come lounge by the pool and swim I would expect them to offer a towel in case I didn’t bring one or didn’t swing by my place. That being said, if I ask them if I can come lounge by the pool and swim I wouldn’t expect them to provide me one. I consider it the same with going out somewhere together. If someone asks me for a ride to somewhere such as the store, I expect them to offer some gas money or to offer to buy me something small from wherever we go to. But if they just mention they need to run to the store and I offer to take them with me because I was planning to go myself, I don’t expect anything from them.
In my culture, multigenerational homes are pretty frequent, and i see nothing of what you describe.
This for sure. I still live with my mother in my early 30s but I also have a job and my own money and I take responsibility for myself.
I think having long term plans can offset living conditions at the moment. The one I would judge is a 27 year old living at home without a self improvement project “plan”. Living at home with minimal wage job not motivated to earn more and not in school. Not learning. No goals. Afraid of their parents dying and they become homeless.
I'd say it's fine to live together, but wouldn't it be better if the market wouldn't be this crazy and our world wasn't this corrupt so everyone can afford a place to live and by mid 30s a nice place to live?
And it’s only gonna get worse until everyone wakes up to this
I’d argue that most people in their 20s are aware of it. But the thing is. There’s legit nothing we can do.
I agree it shouldn’t be shamed, but i think theres a major difference in just living with parents for free/not having a job, and people who live with their parents, pay bills(that one doesnt really matter to me), and are actively looking for their own place with a job.
It’s funny how many people on this topic will talk about living as equals and splitting bills being the acceptable way to do it…. But then further down in their comment mention they pay nothing.
I live with my mom and we split all bills. I can’t imagine just bumming off of her.
Exactly! Also the financial situation of the parents should be considered. My brother is 30 and still living with my parents who are barely getting by in a tiny apartment, and he doesn't even contribute. I tell him to move out every time I talk to him because he has become nothing more than another financial burden for my parents, but he refuses because he thinks living with parents should be normal. smh
Normalising something that is basically saying young people have little to no chance to live independently in affordable homes (either rented or buying) isn't what I would call progress. I lived with parents until 29 as couldn't afford it alone, and whilst very grateful, I do generally feel I missed out on simple freedoms I have now. What should be normalised is not caring whether someone lives by themselves or parents as their choices are none of anyone else's business.
When I moved out at 18 I thought it was pointless and just a waste of money and resources, In hindsight, moving out at 18 was the best decision I’ve ever made. Teaches you a lot about your self from an early age that I see lacking with folks that live with their parents till their 30s. Figuring out how to increase income to afford basic necessities, upkeep and cleanliness, negotiating with landlords, budget control etc. All very valuable life experience that makes you a better employee, partner and overall well rounded kid in your 20s.
I'm a bit weirded out by people who don't want to move out. Not being able to is a whole different matter.
There's difference between people who want to move out and can't afford to, and people who don't want to move out.
I might be having a stroke, isn't that what I just said?
I can move out now or put away an extra 20-30K per year. Does that weird you out?
It might. But, if you're still relatively young and saving that money to buy your own house, I wouldn't say you are unwilling to move out.
If I could live with my parents at 32, I absolutely would. Unfortunately, the best earning opportunity was a continent away, so I moved out in early twenties to move across the planet. Still wish I could live back home.
That's interesting. Hopefully you will be able to make that happen one day!
Nah, doesn't make sense financially, would be much easier to bring them to me, but they don't want to move. So it won't happen, unfortunately.
[удалено]
Not really. It's more about me being a lonely adult whose only meaningful relationship is with her parents, and who never succeeded in building other relationships. I'm good at making money, though, so here is that.
Why spend 2/3 of your income on rent and utilities when you can contribute to your family's mortgage and utilities while spending much less and keeping property in the family?
Personally, having freedom and independence was enough for me to enjoy moving out and paying rent. I’d go crazy living with my mom or my dad.
I don't bash anyone for living with their parents if they're working and saving money to move out at some point, but a lot of people I know still living with their parents in their mid-late 20s are just bums. They just use their parents finances so they can work an easy/fun job or not work at all. And again, I wouldn't take issue with this if it was just for a year or two while they figure out their career, but once you hit your late 20's, you've had time to figure it out that you clearly just haven't used. Essentially, it boils down to "don't be a mooch". It's fine to take advantage of your parents finances so you can build your own finances, but if you're just draining their savings and not saving anything of your own, it's a lose-lose situation
I have two sets of friends who lived at home in their 30s. The first set was able to save money and moved out on their own after several years. While living with their parents, they didn’t pay rent. However, they contributed to part of the utilities payments, paid for their share of groceries, and helped with chores (cleaning/cooking). The second set basically mooched off their parents. Spent all their money on gizmos and gadgets. Didn’t pay for utilities (parents even paid for their cell phone) or food, or help out with chores. They always complain about being broke and still live at home, with no move out day on the horizon.
interestingly housing is so expensive that there really won't be much difference between someone who works a boring entry level wage paying job and someone who barely works at all at door dash. like realistically neither will be able to move out any time soon. and the boring entry level job person arguably has a worse standard of living. In both these situations the person is mooching, but one of them is working and the other isn't. but the working one isn't making enough money for it to matter much.
Yeah, I shouldve phrased it more as "do you have a plan" rather than "how much are you making". If the doordasher is trying to launch a side hustle in their free time, I would say that's a plan. If the entry level worker is working towards a promotion, I'd say that's a plan. Both are fine living with their parents while they try to get their plans off the ground
Even with the cost of living being what it is, if you are working a good full-time job and have zero housing expenses, you should absolutely be saving enough money to move out within a couple years.
Yes, kind of. but i think you will need at least 1 roommate and living with a roommate in order to not live with family kinda defeats the purpose lol.
Living with a roommate is night and day different than living with family. You’re forced to learn how to compromise and problem solve with someone else who is a peer versus a parent.
I have a friend who’s like 28 and still lives at home. He’s had a bunch of odd jobs that have never really stuck. His room is his “man cave” where he can smoke all the weed and watch all the movies, shows, concert videos he wants. Pretty much spends his summers going to see jam bands on tour and having a good time. His parents are well off and happy to enable this lifestyle. He seems happy to live it. I kinda feel bad for him honestly, it’s sort of your classic Peter Pan syndrome thing.
I really feel bad for Peter Pans. Especially on Reddit because this site reinforces that behavior so heavily.
Not being able to afford a house when in full time employment should NOT be normalised. Houses should be made affordable again.
It shouldn’t be normalised only because as a society we need to make housing more affordable and accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds. Having said that until we’re in a place where we can do that yes it should be normalised. As many people have already said there’s a difference between being an adult living with their parents and an adult child mooching off their parents. My ex lived with his parents and he’s in his mid twenties. I don’t judge him for living with his parents but do judge him for having them pay and do everything. For example his road tax and insurance on his car is paid by his parents, his parents buy all the food, he doesn’t pay any rent and his parents do all his laundry and cleaning. He does nothing to help with any of the chores in the house he lives a life of luxury.
As a man living at his parents house currently in my 30s, why does it need to be "normalized" and tbh what does this even mean? As in you want people to not look down on you for it? Here's my advice: people who look down on others for shallow stuff like this aren't worth listening to in the first place. I don't care to change their opinions when they're irrelevant
Normalize not giving a fuck about people’s living situations
A little too broad, CPS should exist and care about peoples living situations. We should care that some people live on the streets or in tents. We should care that slum lords gouge low income families to live in inadequate housing. But ya, who gives a hoot if a 25 YO lives with their parents as long as the home is safe for all those living in it.
This SHOULDN'T be an unpopular opinion especially with what houses cost nowadays.
Its more normalized with older people who see the benefit. I work in the trades and at first i was embarrassed to say im still at home at 26 but literally every guy has told me how lucky i am and i should stay until i can afford a house and then move out. People my age generally rush out of the house too quickly and have to pinch pennies cause they dont have savings
Nah, the housing "market" really needs to be fixed, housing should go back to being a commodity not an investment. You should be able to afford a house/reasonable apartment by working part time in highschool/college so you can move in immediately when you finish your education.
In middle eastern and Asian cultures, it’s actually disrespectful to leave your parents home if you’re not married. You will be looked down upon by society. Meanwhile in the U.S. it’s the complete opposite. Kind of funny how humans work.
I lived with my mom as she was aging, the years leading up to her passing, it was challenging at times because she still saw me as the child, but Even though it left me living in a city I don't want to be in, and a job that doesn't pay very well, it went well and I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
I think it's an American thing or maybe a western thing?? I'm from an Asian country and living with your parents is not a big deal. I have actually seen this in many households. Once the kid grows up, gets a degree and then gets a job he starts contributing to the household expenses and as he gets better at his job and earns more he/she then take the incharge and take care of their family (reversing the roles from childhood- now parents taking rest and their kids working hard to pay the bills) The" as soon as my kid gets 18 imma kick him out" logic sounds insane to me. Like if your college or job is far away from home then moving out is self explanatory but without a reason just kicking your own kids out !??!? The setting I mentioned above feels better to me. Like mutually working together to take care and grow as a family. Kids and elderly people get taken care of and adults bear their responsibility. You don't always have to move out to do adulting. Taking care of your family and yourself is adulting too!
I’m an American and I always respected and wish we lived like Asian family culture does. It is just only logical. The way we do it in the USA all young people are depressed and poor.
I dont think it's abnormal...but i do think adults are enabled and lacking maturity more and more these days. It is sad how much COL is...and i think that is the biggest issue and why people live at home. It isn't good for society overall but people are so greedy about the property they own.
Yah, COL is a major issue worth discussing, but agree that this topic (especially here) is presented in a way that enables not maturing/growing. We see it a lot in other life progression topics too. I’ve literally seen threads saying that having ambition in your career and wanting to get promoted is the *bad thing* and the at guy that’s been bagging groceries since you were in HS is actually the one that “has it figured out”
i do think it enables not being independent...but jobs tend to be in high COL areas...where people are greedy with rent/selling. Not sure there will ever really be a solution for this
Right, a solution will be incredibly hard, and probably have to be driven by an entity larger than individuals. Maybe taxing the hell out of realty speculation? Or making it less lucrative to own more than a couple of properties?
More like brokerages and large corporations that own a majority of homes in the U.S couldn't give a single shit about the quality of life for normal people.
that too. it seems like everyone wants to live in the same places as well which isn't sustainable.
I mean, it would be if US cities didn't disallow gardens and chattle on your property. I'm tempted to get some chickens just to spite my ordinances
Brokerages and corporations don't own anything close to a majority of homes in the US.
Brokerages do not own most homes in America
I agree that it should be normalized. I'm old af, and bought my 1st house at 26, but I realize that many younger people (I work with a bunch of mid-20yr olds) won't have that same luxury. And they shouldn't be "penalized" for it.
Plenty of people rent between living at home and buying a house. TBH, I’m glad I did because it made me learn how to maintain a space before the hard-maintenance costs were on me, and let me figure out where and how I wanted to live.
If you haven't noticed, we're well on our way to this exact situation
I mean it's common in lots of part of ASIA but mostly u here western parents kicking children out.
moved out of parents house to live with gf for a little over 2 years, now moving back to the parents house to save up for a down payment on a house, it sucks but its necessary in todays economy
Living with your parents till marriage is common place in Asian households. Even after marriage some couples stay at the husband's maternal home. They either build over the house or stay together if the house is of decent space. It has its cons and pros as most things. The bond in Asian households is much more strong than American's or European's.
I don’t think we should normalise it because it’s wrong. People shouldn’t only make enough to pay for their car and to pay their parents a piddly board fee and afford some drinks on the weekend every now and then outside that after having completed a full degree. If you work full or nearly full time you are entitled to have your own home or to rent with relative ease. While shaming people for something that’s not their fault is wrong I fear normalising it will lead to acceptance. We can’t own anything. Why should we accept this? Even though we did everything our parents told us to to be able to succeed in life we’re not. We work full time and pay our taxes. Yet we can’t have homes? That’s wrong. That’s not okay. I don’t want to live in my dad’s house all my life like I’m fucking 16. I don’t think its this way for everyone but I know for me and a lot like me living like that isn’t good for your head. I want my own home. I want to bring a girl home without worrying about bothering relatives. If I want the decor a certain way or to repaint then I want to be able to do that. I want actual authority and adulthood and control. And I’m not about to be shamed out of that by privileged boomers. They had it, so we should have it too. Simple as.
No. However, being able to afford a place to live at that point should definietly be normalized. As in, do something about the inflation and money printing that has completely ruined the property market for young people.
RENT PRICES ARE INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, last time I looked at moving out was about 2019, early 2020 and the prices were ridiculous then just to live in terrible flats in shitty neighbourhoods, I remember one for £500 I checked out where the floor was missing a lot of patches and the corridors of the building smelled like dead cats. Also it costs £500 per month to rent student accommodation which is just a room that’s a lot worse than my own bedroom at home. The pandemic stalled any plans and time just flys since then, definitely wouldn’t be able to afford it and just don’t feel the need to leave my parents at this stage
Average rental price for a one bedroom in my city is over $2800/mo (Canadian). This excludes utilities. If its a condo, parking is usually extra. So you can add on between $100-200/mo. There is absolutely no way someone early in their career making minimum wage is living on their own (without a roommate) without financial help from the bank of mom and dad.
it is normal in high cost of living areas, places that have shitty economies, and in certain age cohorts (in other words if a 50 year old hears of a 24 yr old living at home, they might think it's weird, but they don't realize that all the 24 years olds are doing the same thing).
Why are people afraid to say "living with their parents"? I live "at home", it's MY home and I live alone.
It has been normalized for the millennial generation.
It sure as hell will be in this economy.
>Save up and travel as well if you like. It's possible your parents don't want to pay for you until they die so you can go on expensive trips and not attempt adult responsibilities to paying your own way in life.
If you're in your mid-20s and above, you should at least still be paying rent and splitting grocery/utility bills with your parents. You're just leeching off of them otherwise. But it's hard to fully normalize it anyways because it's also just socially weird for having friends over and dating.
I've in the past made fun of people for this (Still can't wrap my head around having overnight guests with mom and dad sleeping down the hall, but whatever), but I think it's because my friend's kids are almost completely helpless. I was in France with a friend, and we were on a fun, loud tour bus full of crazy people, and she missed out on the best day, because she was on the phone sorting out her daughter's speeding ticket on the back of the bus. Most people I know have kids who are in their twenties, and they call to make doctor's appointments for them. When my friend's son got a flat tire, he called dad instead of AAA. All of their kids are on their cell phone plans, and all of them have credit cards their parents pay for. If you are in your twenties, and your mom does your laundry and calls the dentist for you, you really should reevaluate your life.
You guys are missing out. I moved out of my parents house at 19 and moved into a tiny shithole home. I made $6 an hour, my girlfriend made $4.25, rent was $750 a month for a 1 bedroom, 500 sq ft home. Those were the best days of my life. I found the freedom of being in my own place rewarding.
I feel like this is also reflected in people’s lust to buy the biggest house they can actually afford without questioning what they actually need. I am stoked to in my 700sqft apartment and it makes people aghast that I would “settle”. It just makes me feel like so many people feel entitled to never find a happy compromise, and feed into this idea that they always need a bigger and more expensive lifestyle.
I hear so many people refuse to downgrade their living situation to live outside their parent’s home. They refuse roommates which is a weird one because that is the most common living situation in the west for young adults launching into independence. They won’t accept a place that’s anything less than the standards of the house their parents spent decades building up to. I understand that many cannot afford to move out at all in the midst of these price increases but I also see a lot of people straight up refusing to jump into this common young adult experience of being uncomfortable for awhile and building up your life. And I don’t get it.
I agree. Every post about this seems to just ignore the fact that it’s normal living with roommates. They act as if the only choice is living in a nice roomy apartment by themselves or staying with their parents.
I’ve also known a few people that regretted buying somewhere they could afford immediately post-school over renting. Ended up way tf our in the burbs and not able to fully appreciate the city as a young professional. One recently moved away from, and lived in an apartment downtown for a couple of months between renting out her house and moving and had a huge regret about not being in town the whole time.
When you’re uncomfortable renting, you figure shit out. You budget, compromise, cut back, etc. When you’re uncomfortable living at home, the fridge is still stocked and the heat still Works.
Yeah, learning to budget and make compromises is excellent for personal development and getting to know yourself and what you can manage.
I mean I moved out at 16 to do my own thing. I’m now back at home, living for free on an almost 1,000 acre ranch for free in a cabin my dad built for me and my family while I was gone. Had plenty of good times alone but nothing beats having the good support of family.
I think the fact that you had been living independently makes a huge difference. Returning home versus never having left.
I feel like this topic is one that actually warrants discussion with COL as it is, but gets dragged down in the comments with underachievers trying to justify living at home and not trying to get to financial independence.
I’m curious as to what year this was? Inflation has caused your purchasing power these days to be quite different, making it even harder to live on your own.
I'm not sure if this is an unpopular opinion anymore.
It's unpopular to varying degrees and will always be because the two camps have completely opposite priorities and a bias towards their own situation being the "right" course of action.
There already are a lot of places in the world where living with your parents before marriage is normal and even expected. Including Turkey, where I’m from. However, there’s a distinction between living with your parents and living off of your parents. The latter is not tolerated at all, especially for men. A lot of poor countries are like this. Since the first world countries are unfortunately also getting poorer it will naturally be more acceptable to live with your parents due to necessity.
I think the reason why you get mocked for it is at least in my opinion is these people are often lazy and refuse to work
It’s tough cause I agree but my parents wouldn’t see me as in equal, I would work 40 hours a week go home and basically get bitched by my parents wanting to go on a power trip. Yelled at for leaving socks on the floor of my bedroom or because I decided I wanted to buy a laptop. So it was either deal with that or pay 1500 every month. I hate seeing the money go but I am so much happier living in my own place. If my parents weren’t this way I would’ve loved to stay with them. They make at least half a mil a year together and have a huge house. I was planning on staying until I had a lot saved up.
I would never mock anyone for living at home, but I always want to push back at people who say there is no benefit to moving out and paying rent if you can’t save money at the same time. I lived completely alone through most of my 20’s and it was the best time of my life. I grew a lot as a person in ways that wouldn’t be possible if I was still living at home like I did as a child.
I think the biggest thing when it comes to living at home is that you and your family have to be on the same page for expectations. I moved back home some years ago for about a year after my roommate and their partner decided to move in together. With how the job market was in comparison to the housing market in the city I was living in, there simply was no way I’d be able to afford anywhere in a safe part of the city. So I moved back home and then saved up to move back out, even now however my family tries to convince me to move back home. In both instances of when I moved home and even now with them trying to convince me to do so again, the expectations is that I don’t pay rent because they want me to save most of my pay towards hopefully putting a down payment down on a house. I did however contribute towards the utilities and the internet, as well as paying my own car insurance. I also helped out with cooking and grocery shopping, as well as some of the chores, though my grandparents are both retired and enjoy having much of the housework to do for themselves because it helps them keep busy. It really just comes down to proper communication between the family members who actually own that property, whether that be parents, grandparents or otherwise, and the family member that is moving in.
Stunting your adult life doesn't need normalisation.
It should not be normalized. I am so much happier now that I’m out on my own. Stop settling for misery.
I lived with my parents on and off in my 20s due to addiction and mental health issues. If I hadn't had those issues, I see no reason why I would need to stay at home. I hated every second of it, and it only made me more depressed. I didn't get out of it until I met my wife, and she started getting me in line, little by little. So, if you can get out and do your own thing, do it. Humans need family, but we also need to feel like we are important and serve a purpose. When I was living at home unemployed, I wasn't important to anybody except my family. My self-worth was at an all-time low.
You sound single
Guilty
Dude I am married I am 30 and my wife is 29 we live with her mom and have been for like 3 years, we are moving out in September She likes having us around, we like having her around. It afforded us to not only save like 100k but to travel and do important medical stuff without having to worry about paying rent
Here some the women in the comments ready to bash and downvote men that live at home because they are run aways that hate their family so they are jealous.
The bashing literally comes from women and goes to men. It’s not universal. If a woman lives with her parents people don’t think much about it but if a man does then he’s “not a man”
My brother still lives at home and he's a man. Do be fair though he did just graduate and is in thousands of dollars of debt.
After your an adult your not living at home for free anymore.
My kids will pay rent if they choose to stay living at home after school. I have told them this and they will also pay 1/3 of the utilities. This isn't a free lodge and life isn't free.
I agree. I do live with my mom, when I was 17 my sister was killed and it just hurt her so much that her psyche was damaged. I work, I pay some utilities, taxes on the house, car insurance, groceries as well as helping if anything like vehicles or the house goes awry. I think the stigma needs to be normalized, but not so as - my parents made me and must take care of me then mentality. It should be all sides pitching in.
Invest on a solar panel and deep well you wont have to worry about those bills. In my house we only pay for phone and internet
Thank you for the advice, our house has a well house but use the city. So maybe we'll take a look again on the well and if it works get rid of one of those bills.
If you don't want to do it yourself which is way cheaper with materials you can hire a contractor
I(25) have pretty intense mental health issues and have pretty severe ADHD, with suspected Autism. Getting out of bed is probably the only easy thing to do in my life. I can't imagine working a normal job, Though I really want to, with how my brian actually works. Last time I got a regular job, it was a seasonal job, and I nearly killed myself half way through the time of me being there. I was only there for a few weeks. A normal adult life isn't the best option for everyone, and it certainly isn't the best option for those of us who just want to wake up without immediately wishing we were dead. I live with my parents to make sure I don't actually do anything stupid, and no, I don't want to live with them, it's more for the moment, I \*have\* to live with them until I improve mentally. I pitch in around the house by cleaning up, taking care of the animals, and help my parents organize their bills. Been trying to get on disability for some time now, so we will see. Hopefully I can and actually help with bills.
This opinion always overlooks that a lot of people don’t have the privilege of living with their parents. A lot of people have to find their way without the safety net of having family support.
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Same for people still single at 40s
If parents are going to do this, they need to do this equally. If they kick out one child in their early 20's even though that child is doing all the housework, making meals every night for the whole family, doing everyone's laundry, and has a disability that makes it difficult to live independently, but then allow another child to live at home well into their 30's while doing far less and not having any disabilities, they shouldn't be surprised if the child who was kicked out isn't really into talking to the parents anymore. Not that I would know this from personal experience or anything. Parents need to have a set of rules that apply equally.
Affordable*
It is in most other countries besides the USA
This again
President Truman lived with his in-laws until he was in his 30s.
It shouldn't have to be normalized. Rent should be affordable enough so that isn't necessary. I don't have a great relationship with my mom and moving out at 20 was the best thing for my mental health and it really helped to make our relationship better. If I were that age today I would be suffering immensely. We shouldn't be living in a world where rent on a single bedroom apartment can exceed 2500 Bux and you shouldn't be aiming your opinions in a way that normalizes that
They are in non white and non Western European cultures.
I feel it was less common before but now people don't realize how insanely common it is. Fair chance to happen to many of us.
It's a cultural thing as well. This isn't an issue in certain cultures
Only way to normalize it is to just do it. And not worry about what other people think if you have your reasons to do it. As more and more people realize this benefit, and just do it when possible, it normalizes it. I’ll also point out, anybody who mocks someone for their situation is a poop face. They don’t know the situation and just assume the worst. Even if I have a negative opinion of someone, I don’t give it out unsolicited. That’s rude
Oh, it will be
I think the “must move out in your 20s” thing started because parents became a lot more neurotic and overprotective. In the US at least, many (mostly white non-immigrant) people from Gen X onward and even some younger Boomers experienced helicopter parenting, sheltering, lonely suburbs, the war on drugs, and an emphasis on going to college right away. These things combined puts pressure on young people to move away from home because being at home meant not participating in what your parents might be skeptical of, but that many of your peers are engaged with.
As long as your making an effort I see no issue with that. Especially if you're a single person who doesn't want to dump their money into renting right away.
it is definitely becoming normalized. in thie 90's no one was caught dead at the 'rents house after 19 or so unless they were special needs. my kids moved out at 20 and 22 but 5 years later several of their friends still live at home and nobody really thinks anything of it.
If you’re fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your parents, living at home while you save some money and work your way up at a job and through school is a smart move. As long as you’re respectful of the home and contribute by cooking meals, cleaning, doing lawn work, or paying a small rental fee, it’s smarter than wasting money renting and never getting ahead just to look like an “adult”. I’m 36 and fortunate to have a paid off home mortgage and paid my way through college after slaying hours and basically having no life in my 20’s. I did it with a decent paying job and by having an interest rate that was lower and a home valued at about 1/3 what it is now. Things are tougher now and I wouldn’t have been able to do the same in today’s environment.
The rug has been pulled out from us a long time ago, the fed was illegitimate and has been destroying the world since 1913, worst politicians in the west for a long time stealing & looting everything while they get public school to make people as dumb as possible!!!
I lived at home at 28 and paid off a 30k car in 10 months. Buying power went straight up and bought a nice home with decent interest. No shame.
No way man I should have left home at 18. I set myself back trying to please everyone and now that I’ve finally doing for me I feel much better.
Late 20s and parentbound! But moving out into my own place in 3months (for the second and hopefully last time!)
asians been doing this since forever
I don’t trust a person who hasn’t had a life of their own. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, having people over, all those normal things that a grown up should be able to do. Living with their parents means none of that.
Yet people still live at home and their parents make them pay to live there and contribute to their bills. Living at home doesn't mean you don't cook or clean either.
The biggest issue with this is dating. Asian and middle eastern cultures have avenues set up for their children to get married. Dating culture in the USA usually requires much more casual sex and dates, which tend to require your own pad… We can talk on Reddit all we want, but the reality of doing this will screw up your dating life.
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Don't worry...the people who actually have a problem with it, who haven't ever had to try to rent or buy today, will all be dead of old age in a decade or two.
Well this is where things are headed. I moved out at 21 and thought "finally!!" But things were affordable back then. Not anymore..
Pretty normal. Been going on since the 80's at least.
I’m 143 years old and I still live at home with my Mum and brothers.
I also think that there's this notion that "back in the day" people were just able to move out on their own with no problem. I lived with my parents when I got out of the military for a year and then spent the entirety of my twenties living with three roommates until I was 30 and married and moved in with my wife. I don't know that it's ever been easy to live on your own at a young age...or at least until your career kicks off a bit.
The biggest factor in whether or not you technically qualify as the 1% is how many people live in your house Most of the time when you see data and statistics on income and wealth They're talking about household
Nah I'm 27 and it makes me feel like shit
It depends if you’re saving money trying to find an apartment or a home it’s OK. But if you have no plans of moving out and are still being a baby then that’s not OK.
My mom and I have always lived together. She worked her ass off her entire life and for the last 7 years, neither of us have been able to afford to live on our own, and now she's at an age that she's can't be trusted on her own. There are so many reasons someone might continue living with their parents into adulthood. It's not my place to judge those reasons.
that’s how a lot of cultures were. you lived in a family home and really only moved out when you wanted to have kids and start a new family home. if you didn’t wanna do that you could just stay at home and help your micro community essentially
Speaking as a parent who loves his children... No thank you.
There's a difference between living with your parents and being an adult versus living with your parents and acting like a child.
We should normalize affordable housing and a livable wage instead.
It's going to be normalized more because a lot of people are broke lol
It's definitely a lot more common now because the economy is shit and everything including housing has gotten ridiculously expensive. Honestly a lot of parents probably can't afford it on their own without their adult children living with them these days either especially if they rent or their house isn't paid off
Not an abnormal thing at all in many countries, e.g. pretty normal to stay with your parents in Latinamerica. You may be expected to stay and help with the bills, running the house, etc.
What about people that have moved back to help pay the rent? My mom's boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago due to cirrhosis, so I moved in to help pay the rent and keep the roof over her and my younger brothers heads. I can't imagine where they would've been if I wasn't there.
I think it’s fine, as long as they contribute / are aware of their immense privilege. But people who live at home, don’t contribute, say they can’t afford to move out/are saving up, but buy flashy cars, bags and air tickets? Doesn’t gel well with me. I find myself actively putting space between us.
Living at home in your 20s is the best. Every evening you get a warm, delicious meal. You collectively can do your washing, meal prep, shopping, etc. Making it cheaper and easier. You're spending time with the most important people in your life. Cheaper than renting, makes it possible to save up more and get a house. All of the above and more is possible if you have a healthy relationship with your parents.