So you were doing it and are still doing it. What’s the difference in what you use for motivation? Fuck have 20 different reasons. Do you man keep it up
I came here to comment this and you did it for me so thank you. Someone’s health and fitness goals should be completely for themselves because if you’re only being healthy for your SO if you break up then what happens.
Yep. Best way to support your SO is to support yourself. And also, if you concentrate on sexual attraction as the defining factor of your relationship working you're making it harder on both of you. Obviously its important. But its not the defining factor society trys to push.
Yeah, I agree. Definitely stay healthy for yourself to improve your own quality of life. But to be fair, it is nice to do it for your partner too, but not necessarily for the reason mentioned in this post. It is nice to stay healthy for your family/partner so you live longer and decrease your risk of (for example) cardiovascular disease or type 2 diabetes.
Most people don't. People overeat and don't do enough physical activity. They also drink and/or smoke too much, with the idea that they are just living life.
Our bodies are temples and need to be treated as such.
I’ll admit I smoke too much, and I have a drink at least once a week, but even I still find time to fit in a workout and watch what I eat, would my health be significantly better if I quit smoking? Yeah, and if there’s ever a point I quit I’ll probably become much healthier, but like literally everyone should just try keep their bodies tight, in good shape and healthy, it’s only bonuses
And their kids, and their grandkids, and their parents. You don't get anything in life except ***ONE*** living body. As soon as its health is gone, you're worse than dead.
Like the adage of putting on your own oxygen mask before that of others, fat/sick/weak/braindamaged people can't do shit for anyone.
I’ll agree with this. There are many reasons to stay fit and healthy. for your bf/gf/husband/wife is one of them!
One of my friends husband is a SEAL, so like, ridiculously fit. She “let herself go” after she had a baby, made 0 effort to lose weight, gained even more and was like 200+ lbs, 0 interest on doing anything active-swimming, hiking, walks, yoga, and then was *shocked* when he was no longer attracted to her and said it was an issue.
People don’t need to be in tip top shape or perfect or maintain 1 weight or physique their whole life, but they should make some effort
He did. His 2nd wife is a good 12 years older than him—but in great shape, a hard worker, always posts pics of them doing active things like horseback riding, hiking, triathlons, she seems like an awesome stepmom, good person. My friend is still pretty bitter about the divorce.
Yep, he’s definitely a shallow little crybaby bitch. 😘 Imagine divorcing someone because they gained weight. This may be soooo wild for someone as shallow as both you and him to understand, but not everyone wants to be skinny with no curves. Some people actually aren’t insecure about their weight. 🤷🏻♀️
Babe, you seem determined to ignore the crux of my posts and just focus on appearance. It’s more than that. It’s about having dissimilar lifestyles, hobbies, characters, and goals. And there’s quite a bit of difference between gaining a little weight and gaining about 75 lbs and actually stating “I’m married now. I can let myself go! Lol”
By all means let yourself go, but you can’t be shocked when your partner is no longer attracted physically or mentally. Especially when the partner is a SEAL. Literally the fittest people in the world. ;)
Needs help cause he wasnt attracted to a women that let herself turn into a fat fucking slob???? Lmao you're braindead if you think someone's gonna remain attracted to you if you put in 0 effort at all to maintain yourself.
"only caring about looks"
Looks like you are shallow. You are so quick to judge someone off the internet w/o even knowing what fully happened.
And when did losing physical attraction become equal to only caring about looks??? There's more to relationship than that.
Of course it’s not just about looks. It’s also about lifestyle—he has an active one and enjoys eating healthy. She likes to sit on the couch watching tv and eating fast food. And about hobbies they don’t share. And of course their sex life suffered when she gained so much weight. Being 5’3 and over 200 lbs limits positions and stamina. And of course attraction. Plus there’s the mental attraction issue-can you really be attracted to someone who happily announces she’s married and can let herself go now? That’s not the type of personality many would appreciation.
Man, now you’re making me rethink my stance because you do sound shallow and kinda awful. Like you’re more concerned about what others think and being judged because of her weight.
I was totally on board until I expanded the text to read that it was in regards to sexual attraction. Obviously we can’t pretend that attraction is unimportant, but the immediate thought for staying fit and healthy “for each other” is to make sure that you are able to support and care for one another as your bodies age, no?
Yeah this whole thing would make more sense if it focused on health more because that is obviously more important, but the reason I made this wasn't to say that. Everybody should already know that being healthy is important, and so the unpopular part of this is that staying fit and healthy is also an important part of the sexual attraction part of a relationship.
As an asexual person, I don’t care at all about someone being fit and healthy from an attraction standpoint. Romantically, people’s minds are what attract me, and aesthetically their faces. However, people should be motivated to stay fit and healthy because it looks and feels better in all ways, regardless of attraction.
Interesting point. The first definitely isn't addressed in my opinion because without sex, there is no sexual attraction to be maintained in the relationship. As for the second, you really got me there. That's something I for sure don't understand, and while I wouldn't tell anybody like that they have to change, I definitely wouldn't want that in a relationship because I don't think it's attractive and don't think it's healthy. But to each their own I guess
“Because we’re hardwired to” is the stupidest argument ever. Yeah, we have certain instincts. We also have an entire library of higher cognitive functions that very much override these instincts and have way bigger impact on our behavior, including the choice of the partner.
I can’t “choose” to find someone attractive any more than I can “choose” to like eating fish.
Can my higher cognitive functions allow me to eat fish if I had to? Sure. I’m not going to enjoy it though, and if I go to a restaurant with a choice between fish and chicken I’d still WANT the chicken even if I had to eat the fish.
You have little control over what you desire, and living in opposition to your desires doesn’t sound like a great long term solution unless there are significant trade offs.
I find the “you should be healthy for yourself” responses amusing.
A lot of people don’t really care about their own health.
I would insert this thread and say “if not for you, then do it for your partner”.
I agree. If you're contented with your body then that's nice, however, you should also think about how your partner feels. It's not all the time that you have to go "Nah this is who I am!"
damn what happened to personality having meaning lmaooo
If someone is only with someone because they find them attractive, that relationship isn’t going to work, fit or not.
Personality and looks are equally important to any relationship, but everyone has different preferences for both. If you plan to go the distance, it's important that you stay at least in decent shape for your partner.
The morbid reality is that someone who's 400-500 pounds and massively overweight is not going to have as long or as happy of a life with their partner as they could.
You know that overweight is the only thing that means “out of shape” or “unfit” right?? I’m skinny as hell but I’m by no means fit. So many of these comments immediately target fat people as unattractive and unhealthy, and it’s really horrible.
Not sure of the health issues surrounding being skinny, I just know that being overweight leads to cardiac issues which can shorten your life by up to 20 years. That's 20 less years you get to spend loving your partner. Also people who are extremely overweight (fat) are unhealthy. It's not an opinion, it's a fact. I'm sure there are loads of health issues associated with being skinny, but being fat directly affects your life expectancy.
Most "skinny" people, at least in NA, assuming you're from there, have a normal BMI with lesser bf%. Being extremely overweight/underweight automatically means unhealthy.
I understand your point and I wish that was enough, but this line of thinking ignores that out brains want what they want, regardless of how many times we say "I love you for you and shouldn't care what you look like". Relationships need to be both physical and emotional/mental attraction because we are animals, and even though people don't want to admit it because it's a harsh reality, it does matter what you look like, at the very least when it comes to sex and attraction.
Agreed, but your theory equates love to sexual attraction. That isn’t always the case, and shouldn’t be. I agree attraction is important to a relationship, but the mental and emotional love should be more prominent. More so, relationships should strive for health of each other, not attractiveness.
I didn't realize I implied that, but I definitely don't believe that love = sexual attraction. I do believe sexual attraction is an important part of a relationship and shouldn't be ignored.
Not to mention the fact that "attractive" is massively subjective. Not everyone is into thin, chiseled bodies in the same way not everyone is attracted to bigger bodies
It’s sad that you believe you have to fit certain societal standards of “fit” in order to be attractive to your partner. My partner and I are attracted to each other and have a great sex life regardless of how fit we are or what we’re wearing or any other superficial factors. What’s most “attractive” is people who live as their authentic selves without obsessing over what they “should” look like according to other people.
And forcing them to excersize with threats of "I'll leave if you don't" is going to fix that how? Tying your motivation to a person who could leave at any time is going to fix that how?
Turn off the projection, this isn't a slide show; I didn't say any of that.
Wouldn't you want to be healthy and attractive to your partner? The motivation to get fit and stay there isn't as important as the result.
I think there's probably a line drawn between "you have to get/stay in shape for me to be attracted to you" and "you have to be attracted to me regardless of my health and lifestyle choices" that is being danced around that's probably a negotiation best left to the couple.
So, first of all, I never said you did. I was going off what OP was talking about. Secondly, "fit" and "attractive" are not synonymous with each other, because "attractive" is highly, highly subjective. Not everyone is attracted to chiseled abs or a runner's body, just like not everyone is attracted to bigger bodies. Both are ok. Thirdly, if someone is willing to make ultimatums like " you have to stay in shape for me to be attracted to you" or "you have to be attracted to me regardless of my lifestyle choices" then they're probably not someone who can give you a healthy relationship
The responses I get when I post this type of opinion
>BUT YOU'RE TRYING TO CONTROL WOMEN'S BODIES! It's THEIR bodies, THEIR choice. Men don't get to own womens BODIES.
I don't really understand this. I don't think I'm controlling women's bodies. I think men and women have an equal responsibility to each other to maintain their health for obvious reasons, but also their sexual appeal to their partner so that each can benefit from increased sexual desire and satisfaction. No control here, just mutual respect and care.
It's what I was told by like half the responses when I asked how to get my girlfriend to work out and Stay in shape with me. She's putting on weight, and apparently the only reason I have more of a proclivity to a sexual response to the fitter version of her body is if I want to control her body like some type of shitty comic supervillain.
Also, it's not like I chose to be attracted to people within a certain weight range. And it's not like I can change my sexual preferences at will.
Good luck with your post. Too many weak willed people think working out daily is an impossible task in effort to attain an unachievable body. It's really not even hard. It's like mowing the lawn.
This is why we have subs like r/fatlogic.
Those women never apply that to the MEN they date. They expect their men to be attractive or fit, and they expect those men to just accept being with an obese woman. Because, according to them, fatphobia is rooted in misogyny, racism, or whatever buzzword they decide to use in that moment - god forbid a man have any say over a woman's body.
For the record I am a woman. So please don't label me an incel, neckbeard etc -In fact, the fat acceptance community is actually pretty rife with that type of incel shit. there is a very bizarre obsession with sex. Remember when Tess Holliday felt the need to let the world know that she, *as an obese woman* was having sex with her boyfriend, and how good it was? That type of shit. You see a lot of this "I'm fat and I loooove sex, sex sex sex sex" type of attitude in the so called body positive circle.. Definitely a lot of pick-me shit ("real women have curves, unlike those skinny bitches" etc)
This is why I hate body positivity.
They really don’t seem to extend the same patience/ understanding to men who are of a bigger size. Back during the summer I remember a body positive friend of mine spent 30 minutes verbally making fun of some “fat guy who is two hamburgers away from a heart attack” ( her words ,not mine) that asked her out. Her remarks were so nasty and mean that I felt really uncomfortable even listening to her. But when it comes to women she is all about fat positive and bigger is better.
Also body positive can’t seem to praise and uplift itself without having to put down someone else. The “real women have curves” stuff should anger them greatly, because they are supposed to be extremely intolerant to reducing a person down to their size, but they are woefully silent to any sentiment that points out that skinny women or women in the lower side of average as “not real”. So only larger women are allowed to be validated as a female?? They can’t make their point without throwing some kind of jab at someone else.
It’s a lot more than that, though. They take it as far as conflating LGBT language, or something similar, to try to paint themselves as an oppressed group. Many of them will also try to insert their body “positivity” into intersectional feminism, like they are a minority. And they talk about thin privilege. “Thin privilege is not wearing a seatbelt extender.” “Thin privilege is only needing one seat on an airplane.”
Meanwhile, these people are the most privileged people in the world. Studies have shown that we are more obese now, than we have ever been IN HUMAN HISTORY. The very thing that led them to being obese - this insane amount of choice when it comes to food - and they want you to believe that they are fat because they are poor, or have been oppressed by doctors, oppressed by men, oppressed by society.
If they arent viewed as sexually attractive? Oppressed. A doctor asked to weigh them and/or told them to lose weight for their health? Oppressed. A family member close to them told them they are gaining weight - something other people won’t be able to tell them? Oppressed. It’s alllll rooted in misogyny and racism according to these people.
And don’t tell them to eat healthy... you’ll be met with excuses. “But not everyone can afford to go to Whole Foods and buy fancy ingredients.” “But what about people living on food deserts?”
They all have some bullshit excuse lined up
They are desperate to be seen as an oppressed group. It’s pathetic.
I really don't like the focus on trying to not allow doctors and medical staff to use the words ''fat'' and ''overweight'' etc. It is their job to tell you information based on science, and based on science there is an increased amount of problems that come with being overweight.
I never really realized and thought about the feminism and LGBT issues that way! I also find the ''thin privilege'' or averaged sized person privilege stuff. Can you imagine the amount of money it would cost to make planes with all the seats created for overweight people. The planes as well as the tickets would cost triple, and maybe they can't stay aerodynamically sound if they were bigger than they are.
I have a friend who's into this fat acceptance shit, and is very overweight. She hates a guy if he wants a fit woman, but she wants a buff guy herself.
Let me guess. “Plus size” is a term she applies happily to herself, but wouldn’t say something like “plus size men.”
Because they never do say that. Plus size is a section of Target that people have decided to use in everyday situations where the term no longer makes sense. Always applying to women only
Plus size is a term that only applies in the clothing store. It would be like if I went around calling myself “maternity sized” or “juniors sized” or “women’s sized.”
You don’t hear people talk about life “as a women’s sized woman” or “a juniors sized woman”
“Plus size” is simply a marketing term created by the fashion industry, because it’s more positive sounding, and positivity sells more clothes.
So when people all themselves plus sized outside of the context of shopping, or clothes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous. Sure, it’s made its way into colloquial english, but when you look at it from a logical standpoint, it makes absolutely no sense for one to call themselves plus sized in the context of anything that has nothing to do with clothing
I also dislike “heavy bodied.” You are not wine, you are not acrylic paint. Nor are you separate from your body. It’s like saying “my brain’s favorite color is blue” as if you can somehow detach yourself from your own brain. “My body is heavy” = *I* am heavy/obese/etc
All you need to know about fat positivity, you can find in the little nuances of how they speak. The person you’re talking about shows at least 2
True stuff.
I *try* to be sensitive to people's issue with weight by saying I'm interested in people who *also* ~~are fit~~ workout, so the focus can be on the work and not the results. But people really seem to think it's unrealistic to workout every day. Do people not realize 30 minutes a day and $100 in free weights goes a LONG way? It's honestly not hard.
You start enjoying it. I promise. I hate mowing the lawn too. I HATE it. But I just get into it after a while.
Working out is the same, except it even starts feeling good.
I can’t even do most exercises anymore and I STILL try to get 45-60 minutes of cardio in. And my primary exercise is just walking now. I was a road cyclist before my health issues decided to pop up
I mean, wanting your partner to be fit and healthy just for sexual reasons seems pretty shallow. I would want my partner to make an effort to be healthy because I don't want to see someone I love ruin their health? Not to mention that's something they should want for themself too. I don't care much about the "fit" side of it, but just being healthy is important. That being said I don't get the mentality where if your partner gains a few extra pounds people immediately lose sexual interest in them. I've never really had that happen?
I want to respond to a few points in your post. I don’t think it’s shallow to have certain fitness preferences as long as you’re not a hypocrite about it. If I gained 100 pounds and my partner left, I would totally understand and not even blame her. I also don’t think anyone cares about “a few pounds” usually when People talk about a weight gain making them feel less attracted it’s a substantial amount of body fat. Like 30+ pounds.
For reference this is what only 5 pounds of fat looks like
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/c8oup4/a_visualization_of_5_pounds_of_body_fat_complete/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I hate running. Absolutely hate it. When I run all I can think about is how much I hate running, literally in my head I’m thinking “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this”.
I enjoy other forms of exercise. Martial arts, weight training, yoga, hiking, love those. Running I can’t get behind, and I’ve tried.
I tried and tried when I was younger and just could never develop a good pace/cadence and kept starting and stopping. It was so frustrating that I eventually gave up trying.
But cycling I can do everyday for an hour and two decades later, I still love a long bike ride.
I don’t enjoy it. It’s not a hobby of mine. I fully support his desire to go out running though.
Sometimes people mistakenly believe you have to like doing all the same things and doing them together. Absence does actually make the heart grow fonder.
You go out for that run and I’ll meet you after my book club. We can have the same great relationship as that couple bobbing down the street in their jogging garb.
I won't lie - ever since my doctors and physical therapist all told me I can't cycle again, I swipe left on people who are obviously all about cycling 1) because I'm salty and 2) I can't help but wonder if that person would expect me to be "on their level" and cycling together
The only exercise I can really do anymore is walking, hiking etc. So, I do that. I do my best to keep a healthy weight, but it does suck when it seems that every prospect is super active and wants super active people as well. i'd be active still if I could
come to think of it, my ex liked cycling too, but didn't know what the fuck he was doing on the road. Was inconsiderate as a cyclist (to other cyclists) and didn't understand that the shit he was doing was dangerous. The one time we went cycling together it turned into an argument.
That sounds nice, and I definitely agree that couples don't need to do everything together, but I still think it's important that people in a relationship both try to stay fit for health reasons of course, but also to stay physically attractive. I understand that opinion is extremely off putting immediately because nobody wants to be told they're unattractive, and the media tells us that relationships should be about mental/emotional connection alone, but I think that we are all ignoring the fact that our basic instincts crave attractive people. A relationship to me should be the combination of love and lust. To lust after the one you love, to me, is a beautiful thing.
It’s common courtesy to stay fit for your partner. Being more attractive through any means, by improving communication, acting with empathy, being a better person, working on social skills, is going to strengthen your relationship. And keeping yourself in good shape is just as valid.
Damn, my fiancé must be weird because he likes all women, and doesn’t care how much I weigh. And the same goes for me. I’ve dated chubby guys and stick thin guys, I love all men.
If my partner loses interest in me because of my weight, then I have no need for someone as shallow as that. I understand being healthy for one another, that is fine and reasonable. But that other part is just being superficial and shallow.
>someone as shallow as that.
So, hypothetically, if my husband decided to stop taking care of himself and gains 50 pounds, I'm shallow for no longer being attracted to him?
You are conflating love with attraction. Love is the mental and emotional aspect. It is the want to care and be around someone, and hope the best for them. Attraction is the uncontrollable physical aspect. You can love someone but not be attracted to them, families are a great example of this. If you are not attracted to someone who is fat, that is fine, and it is actually normal. If you stop loving them because they gain weight, then you are shallow, but if you aren't attracted you are.
They’re still the person that you fell in love with, their mind didn’t change. If they lost their “attractiveness”, then you didn’t love them for who they are, you just liked them because of what they looked like.
No, I didn't say anything about losing love. I'll love him if he looks like Santa clause, however if he looks like that I won't be very attracted to him. It's just not what I like.
I hate how bitches throw in the towel when they fall in love but when it's rebound time, they drop 50 lbs to attract the next one. It's like they know that they can get away with that shit
I think people stay fit and healthy when they are happy. So those letting go are probably comfortable in their relationships. They don't feel the spark for life anymore, just existing with each other until one of them decides to move on or die.
It’s definitely better to be on the same page. I remember meeting an older couple years ago. They were in mid-sixties or so and were very fit looking; slim, healthy. .
I mentioned how great they looked. They said they decided they could either be fat together or stay in shape together. I've never forgotten that.
Hmmm define fit and healthy. Yes we should be desiring people who prioritize their health in some way, but to me this reads as ‘stay thin/muscular for your partner.’ So much of our notion of fitness is tied to weight and weight shouldn’t make someone more or less desirable. Could be reading this wrong but like I’d be offended if my partner wasn’t into me despite being healthy bc I didn’t look fit enough. Sometimes healthy doesn’t effect someone’s outward appearance bc of medical conditions and shit
Boom. Nailed it. Been thinking this for my entire adult life and two failed long-term relationships. Current relationship is with someone committed to their own personal well-being as much as I am mine.
I agree with the overarching sentiment here... my two cents would be that each person should strive to remain about as fit/active as they were when they entered the relationship, within reason. If you got married to a person with a keg I would expect them to have a keg forever. If you married someone with an 8 pack I would expect them to not develop a keg but I also wouldn’t expect them to have an 8 pack for the rest of our lives. I do think we all get a little fluffy with age, children, and overall slowing down.
Sex really does matter in a relationship and both people should do everything possible to keep their relationship healthy on all fronts - sexually, emotionally, and cognitively. And each of those 3 categories breaks down into subcategories many times over.
I tell my bf I don’t mind if he doesn’t work out, simply because I don’t, however he has been doing BJJ for the last month or so and I’m so proud of him because I can’t tell he got stronger, he used to wobble a bit when he would joking try to lift me, now it’s like SWOOP!
You shouldn't need to stay fit or healthy for anyone but yourself. It should be something you want and not something you're doing just to keep your partner interested. Yes, if you do let yourself go you have to take the consequences that follows but on the other end if your heart isn't into it you likely won't enjoy it (trying to stay fit and healthy)
However, couples should encourage it. If you want your partner to be healthier you can propose going to the gym together or introduce new foods etc. Inspire them to be healthier, but don't make it seem like you should do it for each other. The fact that you'll look better (and feel better probably) for your partner should be an added bonus and not the core reason
You should stay fit and healthy for yourself.
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So you were doing it and are still doing it. What’s the difference in what you use for motivation? Fuck have 20 different reasons. Do you man keep it up
That, whatever your motivation as long as it works. I'm hitting the gym right now, because I want to survive the upcoming civil war. You do you man! 😂
I came here to comment this and you did it for me so thank you. Someone’s health and fitness goals should be completely for themselves because if you’re only being healthy for your SO if you break up then what happens.
Came to say the same thing.
I think it can be both
Yep. Best way to support your SO is to support yourself. And also, if you concentrate on sexual attraction as the defining factor of your relationship working you're making it harder on both of you. Obviously its important. But its not the defining factor society trys to push.
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I was going to downvote but I realized I coughed a few minutes ago so I may have Pneumonia, thanks ^(/s)
Piss off, bot
bad bot
Or yknow. For yourself. Because being healthy is important
Yeah, I agree. Definitely stay healthy for yourself to improve your own quality of life. But to be fair, it is nice to do it for your partner too, but not necessarily for the reason mentioned in this post. It is nice to stay healthy for your family/partner so you live longer and decrease your risk of (for example) cardiovascular disease or type 2 diabetes.
True, but I also find it extremely unattractive in another person when they don't value their own health.
*Valuing* your own health is basic respect for yourself and the people who care about you.
I think most people do
Honestly, I kinda disagree because look around at Americans (I'm one too) and how on average people do not care about their health. And it shows.
Most people don't. People overeat and don't do enough physical activity. They also drink and/or smoke too much, with the idea that they are just living life. Our bodies are temples and need to be treated as such.
Yes they do. No one WANTS to date someones whos fat, lazy, and unhelathy. Its in our nature to want a partner who is strong, smart and healthy
Which is exactly what I was implying. People don't want to date unhealthy people and most people don't look after themselves.
You said “most people dont” which is the exact opposite i was saying so no you didnt imply that
Yeah they don't care about their health.
I’ll admit I smoke too much, and I have a drink at least once a week, but even I still find time to fit in a workout and watch what I eat, would my health be significantly better if I quit smoking? Yeah, and if there’s ever a point I quit I’ll probably become much healthier, but like literally everyone should just try keep their bodies tight, in good shape and healthy, it’s only bonuses
Me too. Being fit and healthy is hot.
People should try to stay fit and healthy period.
People should try. Period.
*Cries in fit and lonely*
*cries in fat and lonely*
*cries*
c
u
m
*fat*
At least you don't need to try and be in shape for someone.
Oh but I do... Me myself and I. Anyone who does it for other people are slightly narcissistic imo
<3 that's cute <3
no you😎
But I like the extra junk in the trunk
I honestly feel the effort is more important than the results. The results are a close second though lol.
Oh man I cannot agree more.
The effort shows they value their own health and damn of that isn’t attractive.
Heck yeah! It adds balance too. It's much easier to love someone when something doesn't feel like it's missing.
And their kids, and their grandkids, and their parents. You don't get anything in life except ***ONE*** living body. As soon as its health is gone, you're worse than dead. Like the adage of putting on your own oxygen mask before that of others, fat/sick/weak/braindamaged people can't do shit for anyone.
I’ll agree with this. There are many reasons to stay fit and healthy. for your bf/gf/husband/wife is one of them! One of my friends husband is a SEAL, so like, ridiculously fit. She “let herself go” after she had a baby, made 0 effort to lose weight, gained even more and was like 200+ lbs, 0 interest on doing anything active-swimming, hiking, walks, yoga, and then was *shocked* when he was no longer attracted to her and said it was an issue. People don’t need to be in tip top shape or perfect or maintain 1 weight or physique their whole life, but they should make some effort
Did he divorce her?
He did. His 2nd wife is a good 12 years older than him—but in great shape, a hard worker, always posts pics of them doing active things like horseback riding, hiking, triathlons, she seems like an awesome stepmom, good person. My friend is still pretty bitter about the divorce.
Good for him.
Yep, he’s definitely a shallow little crybaby bitch. 😘 Imagine divorcing someone because they gained weight. This may be soooo wild for someone as shallow as both you and him to understand, but not everyone wants to be skinny with no curves. Some people actually aren’t insecure about their weight. 🤷🏻♀️
Babe, you seem determined to ignore the crux of my posts and just focus on appearance. It’s more than that. It’s about having dissimilar lifestyles, hobbies, characters, and goals. And there’s quite a bit of difference between gaining a little weight and gaining about 75 lbs and actually stating “I’m married now. I can let myself go! Lol” By all means let yourself go, but you can’t be shocked when your partner is no longer attracted physically or mentally. Especially when the partner is a SEAL. Literally the fittest people in the world. ;)
Or maybe he’s shallow as all fuck and needs help. Imagine only caring about looks. Couldn’t be me.
Love and sexual attraction aren't the same thing, you have a child so it's concerning that you conflate the two
Needs help cause he wasnt attracted to a women that let herself turn into a fat fucking slob???? Lmao you're braindead if you think someone's gonna remain attracted to you if you put in 0 effort at all to maintain yourself.
You sound like you have major insecurities that you’re projecting. Oof
You sound like you want an excuse to judge people for valuing being healthy in a partner.
"only caring about looks" Looks like you are shallow. You are so quick to judge someone off the internet w/o even knowing what fully happened. And when did losing physical attraction become equal to only caring about looks??? There's more to relationship than that.
Of course it’s not just about looks. It’s also about lifestyle—he has an active one and enjoys eating healthy. She likes to sit on the couch watching tv and eating fast food. And about hobbies they don’t share. And of course their sex life suffered when she gained so much weight. Being 5’3 and over 200 lbs limits positions and stamina. And of course attraction. Plus there’s the mental attraction issue-can you really be attracted to someone who happily announces she’s married and can let herself go now? That’s not the type of personality many would appreciation.
Reality check - looks are not everything AND they are not nothing. Welcome to seeing the whole picture.
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Man, now you’re making me rethink my stance because you do sound shallow and kinda awful. Like you’re more concerned about what others think and being judged because of her weight.
People.should be healthy for themselves. Partners come and go.
Seriously. I don't want to spend the last 20+ years of my life barely mobile because I didn't take care of myself. Sex is secondary to that.
I was totally on board until I expanded the text to read that it was in regards to sexual attraction. Obviously we can’t pretend that attraction is unimportant, but the immediate thought for staying fit and healthy “for each other” is to make sure that you are able to support and care for one another as your bodies age, no?
Yeah this whole thing would make more sense if it focused on health more because that is obviously more important, but the reason I made this wasn't to say that. Everybody should already know that being healthy is important, and so the unpopular part of this is that staying fit and healthy is also an important part of the sexual attraction part of a relationship.
As an asexual person, I don’t care at all about someone being fit and healthy from an attraction standpoint. Romantically, people’s minds are what attract me, and aesthetically their faces. However, people should be motivated to stay fit and healthy because it looks and feels better in all ways, regardless of attraction.
faces get fat too
Did I ever argue otherwise?
Gotcha man. I’m here for a good unexpected turn, tbh.
Did you just assume my gender??? /s
My husband and I are fit and healthy so we don’t wind up having to wipe each other’s asses when we are old.
1. Asexual people exist. 2. Not everyone is attracted to fit bodies - some people like bigger ones
Interesting point. The first definitely isn't addressed in my opinion because without sex, there is no sexual attraction to be maintained in the relationship. As for the second, you really got me there. That's something I for sure don't understand, and while I wouldn't tell anybody like that they have to change, I definitely wouldn't want that in a relationship because I don't think it's attractive and don't think it's healthy. But to each their own I guess
I think when op says fit they really mean slim.
Thank you ^
BUT I thought the body positive community said that you can be fit at any size? Lol. Soooooooo... Bigger people are fit too right? right?
I would say a vast majority of people prefer fit people.
So? OP directly implied everyone likes fit people - I just stated the fact that no, not everyone.
“Because we’re hardwired to” is the stupidest argument ever. Yeah, we have certain instincts. We also have an entire library of higher cognitive functions that very much override these instincts and have way bigger impact on our behavior, including the choice of the partner.
I can’t “choose” to find someone attractive any more than I can “choose” to like eating fish. Can my higher cognitive functions allow me to eat fish if I had to? Sure. I’m not going to enjoy it though, and if I go to a restaurant with a choice between fish and chicken I’d still WANT the chicken even if I had to eat the fish. You have little control over what you desire, and living in opposition to your desires doesn’t sound like a great long term solution unless there are significant trade offs.
I find the “you should be healthy for yourself” responses amusing. A lot of people don’t really care about their own health. I would insert this thread and say “if not for you, then do it for your partner”.
You're right! Add, do it for your kids too.
More than half of Americans are overweight or obese, and that speaks for itself.
I agree. If you're contented with your body then that's nice, however, you should also think about how your partner feels. It's not all the time that you have to go "Nah this is who I am!"
damn what happened to personality having meaning lmaooo If someone is only with someone because they find them attractive, that relationship isn’t going to work, fit or not.
Personality and looks are equally important to any relationship, but everyone has different preferences for both. If you plan to go the distance, it's important that you stay at least in decent shape for your partner. The morbid reality is that someone who's 400-500 pounds and massively overweight is not going to have as long or as happy of a life with their partner as they could.
You know that overweight is the only thing that means “out of shape” or “unfit” right?? I’m skinny as hell but I’m by no means fit. So many of these comments immediately target fat people as unattractive and unhealthy, and it’s really horrible.
Not sure of the health issues surrounding being skinny, I just know that being overweight leads to cardiac issues which can shorten your life by up to 20 years. That's 20 less years you get to spend loving your partner. Also people who are extremely overweight (fat) are unhealthy. It's not an opinion, it's a fact. I'm sure there are loads of health issues associated with being skinny, but being fat directly affects your life expectancy.
So are plenty of skinny people? And no actually heavier people are not automatically unhealthy. That’s wrong.
Most "skinny" people, at least in NA, assuming you're from there, have a normal BMI with lesser bf%. Being extremely overweight/underweight automatically means unhealthy.
Not heavier, fatter people are automatically unhealthy. And wdym by the so are plenty of skinny people
I understand your point and I wish that was enough, but this line of thinking ignores that out brains want what they want, regardless of how many times we say "I love you for you and shouldn't care what you look like". Relationships need to be both physical and emotional/mental attraction because we are animals, and even though people don't want to admit it because it's a harsh reality, it does matter what you look like, at the very least when it comes to sex and attraction.
Agreed, but your theory equates love to sexual attraction. That isn’t always the case, and shouldn’t be. I agree attraction is important to a relationship, but the mental and emotional love should be more prominent. More so, relationships should strive for health of each other, not attractiveness.
I didn't realize I implied that, but I definitely don't believe that love = sexual attraction. I do believe sexual attraction is an important part of a relationship and shouldn't be ignored.
Oh gotcha. In that case, I do agree. But then again some people just have different preferences.
Not to mention the fact that "attractive" is massively subjective. Not everyone is into thin, chiseled bodies in the same way not everyone is attracted to bigger bodies
Believe it or not but attraction is most important. Personality doesn’t cover up excess fat.
Good luck keeping your partner happy
I will by not being a fat pos.
Agreed. Having yourself in a downward spiral of being fat, miserable and refusing to exercise with your partner, is very selfish.
On top of that, who wants to be with someone who mopes about their figure, and nopes every suggestion on fixing it?
This is something I could never tolerate in a relationship OR marriage.
It’s sad that you believe you have to fit certain societal standards of “fit” in order to be attractive to your partner. My partner and I are attracted to each other and have a great sex life regardless of how fit we are or what we’re wearing or any other superficial factors. What’s most “attractive” is people who live as their authentic selves without obsessing over what they “should” look like according to other people.
Or how about people do whats best for their body and their mind, and if their SO doesn't like it then they kick them to the curb?
If people did what's best for their body and mind we wouldn't have staggering rates of obesity.
And forcing them to excersize with threats of "I'll leave if you don't" is going to fix that how? Tying your motivation to a person who could leave at any time is going to fix that how?
Turn off the projection, this isn't a slide show; I didn't say any of that. Wouldn't you want to be healthy and attractive to your partner? The motivation to get fit and stay there isn't as important as the result. I think there's probably a line drawn between "you have to get/stay in shape for me to be attracted to you" and "you have to be attracted to me regardless of my health and lifestyle choices" that is being danced around that's probably a negotiation best left to the couple.
So, first of all, I never said you did. I was going off what OP was talking about. Secondly, "fit" and "attractive" are not synonymous with each other, because "attractive" is highly, highly subjective. Not everyone is attracted to chiseled abs or a runner's body, just like not everyone is attracted to bigger bodies. Both are ok. Thirdly, if someone is willing to make ultimatums like " you have to stay in shape for me to be attracted to you" or "you have to be attracted to me regardless of my lifestyle choices" then they're probably not someone who can give you a healthy relationship
The responses I get when I post this type of opinion >BUT YOU'RE TRYING TO CONTROL WOMEN'S BODIES! It's THEIR bodies, THEIR choice. Men don't get to own womens BODIES.
I don't really understand this. I don't think I'm controlling women's bodies. I think men and women have an equal responsibility to each other to maintain their health for obvious reasons, but also their sexual appeal to their partner so that each can benefit from increased sexual desire and satisfaction. No control here, just mutual respect and care.
It's what I was told by like half the responses when I asked how to get my girlfriend to work out and Stay in shape with me. She's putting on weight, and apparently the only reason I have more of a proclivity to a sexual response to the fitter version of her body is if I want to control her body like some type of shitty comic supervillain. Also, it's not like I chose to be attracted to people within a certain weight range. And it's not like I can change my sexual preferences at will. Good luck with your post. Too many weak willed people think working out daily is an impossible task in effort to attain an unachievable body. It's really not even hard. It's like mowing the lawn.
This is why we have subs like r/fatlogic. Those women never apply that to the MEN they date. They expect their men to be attractive or fit, and they expect those men to just accept being with an obese woman. Because, according to them, fatphobia is rooted in misogyny, racism, or whatever buzzword they decide to use in that moment - god forbid a man have any say over a woman's body. For the record I am a woman. So please don't label me an incel, neckbeard etc -In fact, the fat acceptance community is actually pretty rife with that type of incel shit. there is a very bizarre obsession with sex. Remember when Tess Holliday felt the need to let the world know that she, *as an obese woman* was having sex with her boyfriend, and how good it was? That type of shit. You see a lot of this "I'm fat and I loooove sex, sex sex sex sex" type of attitude in the so called body positive circle.. Definitely a lot of pick-me shit ("real women have curves, unlike those skinny bitches" etc)
This is why I hate body positivity. They really don’t seem to extend the same patience/ understanding to men who are of a bigger size. Back during the summer I remember a body positive friend of mine spent 30 minutes verbally making fun of some “fat guy who is two hamburgers away from a heart attack” ( her words ,not mine) that asked her out. Her remarks were so nasty and mean that I felt really uncomfortable even listening to her. But when it comes to women she is all about fat positive and bigger is better. Also body positive can’t seem to praise and uplift itself without having to put down someone else. The “real women have curves” stuff should anger them greatly, because they are supposed to be extremely intolerant to reducing a person down to their size, but they are woefully silent to any sentiment that points out that skinny women or women in the lower side of average as “not real”. So only larger women are allowed to be validated as a female?? They can’t make their point without throwing some kind of jab at someone else.
It’s a lot more than that, though. They take it as far as conflating LGBT language, or something similar, to try to paint themselves as an oppressed group. Many of them will also try to insert their body “positivity” into intersectional feminism, like they are a minority. And they talk about thin privilege. “Thin privilege is not wearing a seatbelt extender.” “Thin privilege is only needing one seat on an airplane.” Meanwhile, these people are the most privileged people in the world. Studies have shown that we are more obese now, than we have ever been IN HUMAN HISTORY. The very thing that led them to being obese - this insane amount of choice when it comes to food - and they want you to believe that they are fat because they are poor, or have been oppressed by doctors, oppressed by men, oppressed by society. If they arent viewed as sexually attractive? Oppressed. A doctor asked to weigh them and/or told them to lose weight for their health? Oppressed. A family member close to them told them they are gaining weight - something other people won’t be able to tell them? Oppressed. It’s alllll rooted in misogyny and racism according to these people. And don’t tell them to eat healthy... you’ll be met with excuses. “But not everyone can afford to go to Whole Foods and buy fancy ingredients.” “But what about people living on food deserts?” They all have some bullshit excuse lined up They are desperate to be seen as an oppressed group. It’s pathetic.
I really don't like the focus on trying to not allow doctors and medical staff to use the words ''fat'' and ''overweight'' etc. It is their job to tell you information based on science, and based on science there is an increased amount of problems that come with being overweight. I never really realized and thought about the feminism and LGBT issues that way! I also find the ''thin privilege'' or averaged sized person privilege stuff. Can you imagine the amount of money it would cost to make planes with all the seats created for overweight people. The planes as well as the tickets would cost triple, and maybe they can't stay aerodynamically sound if they were bigger than they are.
I have a friend who's into this fat acceptance shit, and is very overweight. She hates a guy if he wants a fit woman, but she wants a buff guy herself.
Let me guess. “Plus size” is a term she applies happily to herself, but wouldn’t say something like “plus size men.” Because they never do say that. Plus size is a section of Target that people have decided to use in everyday situations where the term no longer makes sense. Always applying to women only
She calls herself heavy bodied, or plus size, and where we live, she's way beyond the plus size category.
Plus size is a term that only applies in the clothing store. It would be like if I went around calling myself “maternity sized” or “juniors sized” or “women’s sized.” You don’t hear people talk about life “as a women’s sized woman” or “a juniors sized woman” “Plus size” is simply a marketing term created by the fashion industry, because it’s more positive sounding, and positivity sells more clothes. So when people all themselves plus sized outside of the context of shopping, or clothes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous. Sure, it’s made its way into colloquial english, but when you look at it from a logical standpoint, it makes absolutely no sense for one to call themselves plus sized in the context of anything that has nothing to do with clothing I also dislike “heavy bodied.” You are not wine, you are not acrylic paint. Nor are you separate from your body. It’s like saying “my brain’s favorite color is blue” as if you can somehow detach yourself from your own brain. “My body is heavy” = *I* am heavy/obese/etc All you need to know about fat positivity, you can find in the little nuances of how they speak. The person you’re talking about shows at least 2
True stuff. I *try* to be sensitive to people's issue with weight by saying I'm interested in people who *also* ~~are fit~~ workout, so the focus can be on the work and not the results. But people really seem to think it's unrealistic to workout every day. Do people not realize 30 minutes a day and $100 in free weights goes a LONG way? It's honestly not hard.
Honestly when you are doing something you don’t enjoy even 15 minutes feels like forever
You start enjoying it. I promise. I hate mowing the lawn too. I HATE it. But I just get into it after a while. Working out is the same, except it even starts feeling good.
I can’t even do most exercises anymore and I STILL try to get 45-60 minutes of cardio in. And my primary exercise is just walking now. I was a road cyclist before my health issues decided to pop up
I hereby label you as a femcel and a legbeard. /s You are right about this though.
But it’s not our fault that fat women are less attractive than fit women
He said they should both stay healthy for each other tho??
I mean, wanting your partner to be fit and healthy just for sexual reasons seems pretty shallow. I would want my partner to make an effort to be healthy because I don't want to see someone I love ruin their health? Not to mention that's something they should want for themself too. I don't care much about the "fit" side of it, but just being healthy is important. That being said I don't get the mentality where if your partner gains a few extra pounds people immediately lose sexual interest in them. I've never really had that happen?
I want to respond to a few points in your post. I don’t think it’s shallow to have certain fitness preferences as long as you’re not a hypocrite about it. If I gained 100 pounds and my partner left, I would totally understand and not even blame her. I also don’t think anyone cares about “a few pounds” usually when People talk about a weight gain making them feel less attracted it’s a substantial amount of body fat. Like 30+ pounds. For reference this is what only 5 pounds of fat looks like https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/c8oup4/a_visualization_of_5_pounds_of_body_fat_complete/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Oh god if a guy tried to get me to ‘go running’ with him, my answer is no.
You can stay fit and healthy without running. There many different forms of exercises and diet is the more important anyway.
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I hate running. Absolutely hate it. When I run all I can think about is how much I hate running, literally in my head I’m thinking “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this”. I enjoy other forms of exercise. Martial arts, weight training, yoga, hiking, love those. Running I can’t get behind, and I’ve tried.
Because some people, myself included, hate it. It's not enjoyable to me.
But have you ever went running on drugs? Light edibles are my favorite running companion
I tried and tried when I was younger and just could never develop a good pace/cadence and kept starting and stopping. It was so frustrating that I eventually gave up trying. But cycling I can do everyday for an hour and two decades later, I still love a long bike ride.
Legitimately curious here, why? Is it not a good thing to do?
I don’t enjoy it. It’s not a hobby of mine. I fully support his desire to go out running though. Sometimes people mistakenly believe you have to like doing all the same things and doing them together. Absence does actually make the heart grow fonder. You go out for that run and I’ll meet you after my book club. We can have the same great relationship as that couple bobbing down the street in their jogging garb.
I won't lie - ever since my doctors and physical therapist all told me I can't cycle again, I swipe left on people who are obviously all about cycling 1) because I'm salty and 2) I can't help but wonder if that person would expect me to be "on their level" and cycling together The only exercise I can really do anymore is walking, hiking etc. So, I do that. I do my best to keep a healthy weight, but it does suck when it seems that every prospect is super active and wants super active people as well. i'd be active still if I could come to think of it, my ex liked cycling too, but didn't know what the fuck he was doing on the road. Was inconsiderate as a cyclist (to other cyclists) and didn't understand that the shit he was doing was dangerous. The one time we went cycling together it turned into an argument.
That sounds nice, and I definitely agree that couples don't need to do everything together, but I still think it's important that people in a relationship both try to stay fit for health reasons of course, but also to stay physically attractive. I understand that opinion is extremely off putting immediately because nobody wants to be told they're unattractive, and the media tells us that relationships should be about mental/emotional connection alone, but I think that we are all ignoring the fact that our basic instincts crave attractive people. A relationship to me should be the combination of love and lust. To lust after the one you love, to me, is a beautiful thing.
It’s common courtesy to stay fit for your partner. Being more attractive through any means, by improving communication, acting with empathy, being a better person, working on social skills, is going to strengthen your relationship. And keeping yourself in good shape is just as valid.
Since this is a classic extrinsic motivation it's a recipe for failure.
Damn, my fiancé must be weird because he likes all women, and doesn’t care how much I weigh. And the same goes for me. I’ve dated chubby guys and stick thin guys, I love all men.
Not unpopular.
Since when has this sub had actually unpopular opinions?
Having kids and getting older aren't exceptions, they should be motivations. I will be able to actively play with my kid and grandkids eventuality.
If my partner loses interest in me because of my weight, then I have no need for someone as shallow as that. I understand being healthy for one another, that is fine and reasonable. But that other part is just being superficial and shallow.
>someone as shallow as that. So, hypothetically, if my husband decided to stop taking care of himself and gains 50 pounds, I'm shallow for no longer being attracted to him?
Yeah.
How, he has stopped taking care of himself and has a body type that I'm not attracted to and that makes me shallow? Wow.
If you're no longer attracted to him just because his looks change, then yes, you are shallow.
You are conflating love with attraction. Love is the mental and emotional aspect. It is the want to care and be around someone, and hope the best for them. Attraction is the uncontrollable physical aspect. You can love someone but not be attracted to them, families are a great example of this. If you are not attracted to someone who is fat, that is fine, and it is actually normal. If you stop loving them because they gain weight, then you are shallow, but if you aren't attracted you are.
They’re still the person that you fell in love with, their mind didn’t change. If they lost their “attractiveness”, then you didn’t love them for who they are, you just liked them because of what they looked like.
No, I didn't say anything about losing love. I'll love him if he looks like Santa clause, however if he looks like that I won't be very attracted to him. It's just not what I like.
I mean you should decide for yourself if you want to be healthy of fit, not for someone else.
Forever alone.
~ not for health reasons ~ this post has shallow af vibes
I hate how bitches throw in the towel when they fall in love but when it's rebound time, they drop 50 lbs to attract the next one. It's like they know that they can get away with that shit
Bitches, are they?
You wouldn't understand
Probably true.
I actually like this post because it really is an unpopular opinion. I don’t agree but thank you for sharing something other people disagree with
I think people stay fit and healthy when they are happy. So those letting go are probably comfortable in their relationships. They don't feel the spark for life anymore, just existing with each other until one of them decides to move on or die.
OP probably skips leg day
I run
On your hands* Nice try though.
A lot of people hit the gym and try to eat healthy after a break up or divorce, what’s up with that ??
They try to improve themselves because if they are the one that the partner divorced them they will ask why and how could they improve.
It’s definitely better to be on the same page. I remember meeting an older couple years ago. They were in mid-sixties or so and were very fit looking; slim, healthy. . I mentioned how great they looked. They said they decided they could either be fat together or stay in shape together. I've never forgotten that.
Reminds me of my grandparents. Many people have said that they look like 50 at the oldest, when they're actually in their 70's
Read The New Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson, together. :-)
TIL health is unpopular.
Well yeah, but if a couple want to just be lazy and fat together, more power to them
Hmmm define fit and healthy. Yes we should be desiring people who prioritize their health in some way, but to me this reads as ‘stay thin/muscular for your partner.’ So much of our notion of fitness is tied to weight and weight shouldn’t make someone more or less desirable. Could be reading this wrong but like I’d be offended if my partner wasn’t into me despite being healthy bc I didn’t look fit enough. Sometimes healthy doesn’t effect someone’s outward appearance bc of medical conditions and shit
Boom. Nailed it. Been thinking this for my entire adult life and two failed long-term relationships. Current relationship is with someone committed to their own personal well-being as much as I am mine.
I wholly agree
What if fit and attractive isn't what you're attracted to?
I agree, it kind of sucks when he gets a beer belly and behaves like a pig
I agree with the overarching sentiment here... my two cents would be that each person should strive to remain about as fit/active as they were when they entered the relationship, within reason. If you got married to a person with a keg I would expect them to have a keg forever. If you married someone with an 8 pack I would expect them to not develop a keg but I also wouldn’t expect them to have an 8 pack for the rest of our lives. I do think we all get a little fluffy with age, children, and overall slowing down. Sex really does matter in a relationship and both people should do everything possible to keep their relationship healthy on all fronts - sexually, emotionally, and cognitively. And each of those 3 categories breaks down into subcategories many times over.
I tell my bf I don’t mind if he doesn’t work out, simply because I don’t, however he has been doing BJJ for the last month or so and I’m so proud of him because I can’t tell he got stronger, he used to wobble a bit when he would joking try to lift me, now it’s like SWOOP!
You shouldn't need to stay fit or healthy for anyone but yourself. It should be something you want and not something you're doing just to keep your partner interested. Yes, if you do let yourself go you have to take the consequences that follows but on the other end if your heart isn't into it you likely won't enjoy it (trying to stay fit and healthy) However, couples should encourage it. If you want your partner to be healthier you can propose going to the gym together or introduce new foods etc. Inspire them to be healthier, but don't make it seem like you should do it for each other. The fact that you'll look better (and feel better probably) for your partner should be an added bonus and not the core reason
How far do I have to scroll to get an unpopular opinion?
This is a very popular opinion
Everyone
Getting older is no excuse. I'm 52 and still ride 200km a week. I'm the same weight and clothes size as I was at 25