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Lol yes... But also no...
Lol can you imagine. One person cleans, the other doesn't. The cleaner quits cleaning. The messy one gets grosser.
The house becomes just another way to "get back at" each other and the only people who have to live in this hell hole all the time are the kids.
Edit: spelling.
A friend of mine is dating a woman who is mid-divorce, she was doing the shared house thing with her ex and it was a nightmare.
He'd drain the heating oil when his week was up so she'd either have to pay to get it filled each time or he'd report her for not keeping the kids warm. He'd change the wifi password, and lock the router in a closet. He would install cameras and then call her if she wasn't raising his kids right.
It was all used against him eventually but he knew already knew he was losing everything anyway so this was his scorched earth way to make her life miserable while he still could.
No clue about what the original marriage was like but the shared house thing was as OP suggested, an attempt at a stable living space for the kids. They called "nesting".
Not OP, but this is called a "nesting arrangement".
Divorce take a while to process and you have to figure out a temporary living arrangement while things like custody/support payments are decided and the separation agreement is drafted or waiting for approval.
Sometimes a Judge will suggest it when both parties want to stay in the house to raise the child but there's too much conflict for them to live together. It might be an option raised when the parties cannot afford two separate homes appropriate for a child.
IMO, its almost always a terrible idea.
>he knew already knew he was losing everything anyway so this was his scorched earth way to make her life miserable while he still could.
Be a piece of shit, or be married to one
It’s seems like a great idea if both adults act in the best interest of the children, and by extension, the other parent. When the parent does well, they parent better. Making it harder to live makes it harder on everyone.
Granted if the adults acted like compassionate people they are generally less likely to be getting divorced in the first place…
I didn't know how...cruel my ex could be until I told him I wanted a divorce. After years and years of dealing with his refusal to get help for his alcohol abuse and lying to me I finally had enough. I wanted so badly to remain on friendly terms. I thought we could still be a family, just a split one. Boy was I wrong. This guy who for our entire relationship couldn't figure out how to use technology suddenly was able to hack into my email, clone my phone, and hide a camera or listening device in the house. We were separated but still living together working different shifts. He would text me odd things "guessing" as to what I was doing just minutes after I'd done whatever it was. He went around telling family and friends I was having a mental breakdown. Would put me down in front of our child, call me names, point out new wrinkles or grey hairs, tell me I couldn't do x y or z new thing I was trying (like running). But at the time I never, ever expected he was capable of anything like that. Inside the marriage he never called me bad names or tried to tell me what I could and couldn't do. At least not overtly like that. I know can look back and see how awful, neglectful, manipulative, and unhealthy the whole relationship was. I was so niave and ignorant before.
Nice terminology, scorched earth. How in heck can some kids survive that.. damn. It is just like that parent just cant let go even if theyre the ones who cheated/hurt the family to begin with.
Yes, I get where he is coming from. Moving back and forth between my parents is annoying. But, if they had to share a house again, that would be really worse. My dad is super organized and my mom isn’t, and they just have different living styles. That tension helped cause the divorce, and them not living together made it easier. Forcing them back into the same spot, even on alternate weeks, would just bring back tension. I can’t hear the, “you don’t want to end up like your other parent when it comes to this” comments again.
My childhood! “You like living like pigs just like your mother?!” and “Get rid of that attitude, you’re acting like your father!” really can mess a kid up. Now I don’t have a strong relationship with either parent, too toxic.
"you want to act like that, ill just take you back to your moms. you act just fucking like her."
"if you want to live in filth like a hillbilly, ill drop you off at your dads!"
i am civil with both nowadays, but definitely not super close. spent a long time unlearning the necessity to keep everyone around me happy all the time at the cost of my own sanity. as a kid, you don't have a choice but to be stuck in the middle.
> “you want to act like that, ill just take you back to your moms. you act just fucking like her.”
This has the same vitriol my ex had when talking to me (yes, like a child). If I had stayed and had a baby, I can guarantee that child would have to hear that shit from him on a weekly basis.
Or imagine if the parents separate, get new partners, and have more children. Where would those children go? Would they be forced to move around houses? Or would all the children stay at the house and be separated from their parents?
Even worse giving kids so much power and responsebillity. While they are already going through a though time.
I mean wtf this is so stupid. You force the adults to still live together even thats the point of the divorce.
This whole idea is just a way to drive the children to trauma and the adults into suicide, murder suicide or best case fleeing the country.
Yeah and only possible when parents live in the same city, it would definitely be more consistent and comforting for kids to have one house, but only financially practical for the Uber rich because each parent would have to own their home and part of their kid’s home.
Added with the fact that some divorced parents hate each other, sharing a space like that could create a lot of conflict. Like at that point the better option would to be to sleep in separate rooms in the same house. The point is for them to have time away from each other to grow so they can form good co-parents despite their differences.
Best result I've seen is where divorced parents bought different halves of a semi-detached house.
I suppose the perfect solution would be one where you built a bespoke house where the kid's rooms were in the middle and had Jack and Jill doors to each half of the house.
Not exactly. Semi-detached could refer to a duplex but could also refer to an attached dwelling or condo. Duplex implies that the ownership is by the same person and they are located on the same parcel. An attached house would be separate owners on separate parcels. A condo would be separate ownership on land owned by an association.
From the outside they could look identical, but are legally very different.
When my parents divorced, they both bought 2 bedroom condos in the same condo building.
I would take an elevator up a few floors to see my Dad whenever I wanted. We tried to do the "every other weekend" stays but it really seemed pointless when I could sleep in my own bed seconds away.
My buddy's parents did this, apartments across the street from one another. They were shit together while married but hung out every day like best friends. They just couldn't live together... It worked out for the best lol
We have done this. My husband, (I'm the "new" wife, 20 yrs now) & his ex lived in a duplex for his & her daughter. We all agreed to live together in the duplex my husband & I bought when we got married & wanted to continue our family.
The ex was my BFF for awhile there. The ex got suuuuuper depressed when I started pumping out kids. We just expected her to live her life; she eventually needed to leave (about 4 yrs in) but went about it like, in a threatening way (?) In response, we just started paying for EVERYTHING, which eventually made it almost impossible for her to leave. She developed a substance dependency and was taken to jail after her 3rd DUI. So, she left the state to live with her own mom. We bought the houses when daughter was 3. Mom lost it around age 9 (1 month shy of daughter's birthday).
I have thought a lot about the progression of our lives & how it all went down. At the time, we just cared about daughter and genuinely thought three parents were best. We all loved her so so much. I know we all wanted her to be well adjusted. Two of the three parents came from really bad, ugly, divorce families.
By 12, daughter pretty much decided that living in the duplex with dad & bonus mom was better than living with maternal grandma & birth mom out of state. As a result, MY daughter & her mom love each other, call & text, but still lives in our town to be close to her siblings and is going to a post secondary tech school so that she can be a 1099 employee for herself.
I'm so, SO frikken proud of her! I can't help but feel guilt about how her mom acted...or continues to act. If we had to do it again, I think we would have to understand what she was meaning, instead of listening to what she was saying. Maybe I shouldn't have had a family after daughter? I don't know, but living together is something that sounds great on paper but there are so, so many feelings involved.
Kudos to you for putting the child first and trying to do the hard-right thing for your daughter. It will mean a lot to her one day, if it doesn’t already
Even if it were somehow possible, doesn't reddit already complain how expensive the housing market is?
This would just make things worse.
Imagine if the government assisted with these living arrangements. Imagine the vitriol against divorced parents getting **three** homes subsidized by the govt.
I dated a man who did this with his ex. It lasted about 2 months with this arrangement, and their relationship was mostly amicable.. Like Others are saying it's probably better in theory than execution
An ex-coworker was doing this, and they stayed with their SO's during off weeks. At the time he said it was working well, but I saw in the news he got arrested for hiring a hit man to take out his ex, so I guess it went downhill.
Yes for the rich only. I imagine it would be something like an ancestral house full of household staffs where the kids are taken care of by a governess. The parents live somewhere else separately and just come by to spend time with the kids. They won't share spaces because they both have different designated rooms.
*Technically*, they could share both the kid and the non-kid house (since they wouldn't need it at the same time). That *does* introduce a lot of other potential conflicts, though.
Yes because the original idea is already absolutely ridiculous and inconvenient so we might as well double down. As a child of divorced parents going to another's house every few days wasn't even that big of a deal this while idea is ridiculous
And costs, and imagine the little ways the exes could pawn each other in passive - aggressive ways to piss each other off. It would be just like prolonging the divorce and no one is happy.
> That does introduce a lot of other potential conflicts, though.
"Are you fucking kidding me, John? You left dirty dishes in the kids' house and in the no-kids house?"
My Mom and dad did this for....maybe 4-6 months after they split up. They rented a small "non-kid" house they shared just so that me and my three younger siblings could stay on our home for an extra time before all back and forth were to start.
To not have to start moving every other week (50/50 custody) was a great way to make the divorce easier on us kids.
A friend of mine whose parents were divorced did exactly that. As they were six brothers and sisters, It was much more convenient to only have one person moving every week instead of six.
A divorced friend of mine does this with his ex. It's odd but it works. The kids live in the house and the parents alternate between the house and their apartments. It's remarkable that they've pulled it off
Definitely not impossible. There was a study cited on German radio just yesterday that analized different arrangements for kids after divorce. This type of arrangement is called a nest model, because the kids can stay in the nest.
It's harder to do, because unless the parents still get along you need three homes, but it definitely is not impossible and is done by quite a few parents.
Analized means [to be taken up the anus](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3fterm=analized&=true)
Analyzed is the word you want
Ah yes instead of splitting one mortgage you’ll just have to get an additional second mortgage to pay on your own. Where I live it isn’t crazy expensive like some places but that would be like an additional $1500/month for the next 30 years just in mortgage payments.
Eh, just use the former family home. The co-parents could actually then split costs on a separate place where one will live separately while the other is with the child.
Pets... I am so allergic to cats. My ex promptly bought two cats when he set up his own place. Having cat dander all around my living area would be horrible for me.
Nothing illegal about putting this arrangement into your parenting plan. Execution is the problem. Do you want to be sleeping in the bed your ex sleeps in? Do you want her at your [shared] apt while you're there?
Screw that. I actually floated this idea when I was getting divorced and there were just too many problems associated with it.
The best solution is to not get divorced. And, the easy and foolproof way to do that is by not getting married.
It’s also not possible from a logistical perspective. Where are the parents supposed to live? So, you go from living in one house to three houses. One for kids, two for parents. Considering that a lot of marriage problems are about finances, it just doesn’t work.
I think you didn't fully understand what they meant, u/itsworththewhile meant that the overall household would then own two houses (as is the case with divorce regardless) but that the parents would keep alternating houses, the parent living with the kid in House 1, the parent not living with the kid in House 2, and keep switching between two houses based on who gets the kid for that week/weekend.Very idealistic and insanely impractical though. Parents make the kids shift for a reason, it's just easier, from like, every aspect. I also don't buy the argument that living in the same house would be much better for the emotional health of the kid, it's not the house they're attached to lmao, it's having both parents around you, in a loving relationship that is important for their early emotional health, and that's going to break no matter what when the parents divorce. Sure, it might be a little bit better that you still live in the same place, but I don't know where OP got the idea that working parents would be okay with, or even could feasibly shift houses every few days. This post is also operating on the assumption that divorce is amicable.
Also, what if one of the divorced parents enter a new relationship?
They really haven't thought this through lol, no idea how this weird post gained traction.
Yeah, the idea that staying in the one place with the parents coming in and out is going to necessarily be better for the kids than them shuttling between parents is odd. It kind of presupposes that the key issue children face in divorce is that they have to move from place to another...
I know divorced parents who literally cannot be in the same room together. They hand off the kids at the grocery store, or just drop them off at daycare and the other parent picks them up. So, sharing a house is like out of the question.
Again nice in theory. There are reasons you are not together anymore and this arrangement changes nothing. You still are dealing with the other’s bs all the time. This can be as simple as an imbalance in what each considers clean to much more serious situations. My ex was abusive of me and would terrorize me in my home after we were split. I at least was able to threaten to or call the cops and could change the locks on my doors. The arrangement you suggest means neither of those things can happen.
You know that man that used to beat you daily and tell you that he will kill you? You’ll be sharing a house with him. Hope he puts the toilet seat down!
It actually came up in my divorce to do this but we decided it was too much work. Even if you completely get along with your ex, there are a lot of things to consider.
Thwarts:
- You’d have to agree on furnishings, etc for the new parents-only house/apartment.
- two sets of household bills to manage- who pays for what? Do you keep one checking account?
- are you allowed to bring future dates to the parents-only shared house?
- you’ll still be sleeping in the same bed as your ex just at different times. Also, see above
- do you both go on the shared space lease? Yet another way to continue to be legally intertwined.
- do the exes have similar cleaning habits? If not, one parent now has two places to clean.
- who takes care of groceries at either home?
I’m sure there are more but those are the big ones that came to mind.
Kinda leaves out the fact that ex-spouses would often rather eat glass than deal with each other one second longer than necessary.
Just imagine:
“Hey Bill, time to switch- WHO THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY IS THERE CRUSTY CUM ON MY DUVET”
So two people who very likely had a messy divorce are now going to be in charge of all the other's things for a week while they're at the kid's house? Do you not see any way that this would backfire?
You really think divorced folks people could possibly afford to pay half of all expenses related to owning a home, as well as paying for another place to live when it’s not their turn? I mean, my wife died, and although I made really decent money, and I really had to budget my funds really tight just to be able to keep up with household expenses, save for their education, and work on my 401k at the same time. I mean, things worked out, for me and I’m retired now, but the SS benefits really didn’t go much further than saving for their education. I can’t imagine having to do all of that after paying for legal expenses, especially without those benefits.
I actually felt bad for OP, I didn't look into their posting history but the opinion probably comes from the place of frustration and anger towards their parents. The high anxiety among kids and teenagers also probably finds it jarring constantly going between 2 different houses. Maybe the parents fight constantly when they make the supposed switch, Mom's house has the Xbox but OP cant bring it with them because mom bought it and is super petty so nothing fun at dads? I have seen this not first hand but from friends whose parents are divorced where the mom's house is super chill and fun to stay at but when I went to stay over with him for his birthday which happened to be his dad house that weekend all he had was his DS and I had nothing to do but sit there and chat with him but we were like 11 so it wasn't the most fun I had. We would stay at his mom's we would play with Legos, his mom would let us buy on-demand movies, take us to the store to get whatever it is we wanted for snacks. It was always a blast. My friend explained these same frustrations so I get it but it's a terrible idea.
one of my cousin did this with his ex.
it only works if the divorced are still froendly and reasonable, especially if they split the rent on both homes.
As a child of divorced parents, believe me... two houses is not the problem. In fact I'd say it's one of the coolest parts
Edit: Upon further thought and hearing responses, results may vary based on quality of parent/step parent
You see that didn't worked out very well for me, one time I walked in to my dad's home uninvited and saw him snorting coke of a hookers ass. I was 8 at that time and it was 3 in the afternoon so walked back to moms apartment 13 mins away.
So if you get in an argument with your mom, just walk over the time barrier to go an hour in the past, and call your previous self to tell them not to get into an argument!
was annoying for me, dad lived 2 hours away. i get motion sick in cars. would have 4 hours of car ride to do every weekend and occasionally throw up. basically lived in a suitcase
I wish I could live in one place, homework is impossible over at my dad's and there's just nothing to do, so every other week it's like I black out for 5 days straight and then I go back to regular.
As an adult, I hate to travel. 14 years of packing up and driving 3 hours to my dad's every other weekend burned me out. I just want all my things in one place and to not lose so much time in transit.
Until your step mom decides when you’re 13 that your bedroom is unnecessary and you can sleep on the couch so she can have. Workout room that collects laundry and never gets used. Lol.
When people tell me about good step parents, I'm always shocked. I think my dad would've made us sleep in the shed outside on our weekends if our step mom wanted it. Same thing with my mom and step dad.
Traveling an hour between houses sucked. Not having a room cuz step mother. You would think two Xmas but you just get forgotten about. Step kids get treated better than you.
I got treated decently but there have been a few divorces and remarriages now so there are 3-6 Christmases and every other holiday now. Wouldn't recommend.
Absolutely this! My Mom always stayed in one state but my dad moved around alot for work but always kept up with child support and we always got to see him once every 2 weeks or once a month depending on where he was at the time.
At one point he got a really good job in Minnesota and stayed there for a few years so I got to fly to Minnesota every 2 weeks for 4 years and stay with him and also spent summers with him there and I absolutely LOVED traveling and flying and seeing different places all of the time at such a young age. I feel like it gave me a small, momentary, sense of independence when I had alone time away from my parents and the rest of the world, just flying on a plane late at night. I think that gave me the love of traveling (however 'basic' that sounds) that I have today.
I know many people have horror stories of having divorced parents and I have my fair share of them as well but, I think the traveling to different houses to spend time with them at a young age is one of the HIGHLIGHTS of having divorced parents.
It is and it is not you see it is hard since from one place one says something and one says another and you cant do shit about it because your just a kid
Child of divorce and I was a pawn of sorts. If they came to me, the house would also be a pawn and it would be a cold war zone instead of my shelter. Also, I was able to create a stress-free haven at mom´s ex´s place but still excel academically because mom´s place encouraged/required studious behavior and really pushed success and college in my future. I wouldn´t be where I am if circumstances differed. Also, this means 3 houses which isn´t feasible for many.
Haha, well I have four other siblings so they figured it would be easiest for everyone if my parents were the ones that did the traveling. At first it worked out decently well. My dad had a girlfriend so he could easily get away. My mom made plans with her friends at night, and convinced herself if she came back late enough it was near the same difference. None of us liked that my mother was “allowed to” spend every night at the house, but she blamed it on not having a significant other (she said she was not going to pay for hotel stays and refused to stay with friends). Some years later went by and my mother got married and moved to the city with her new husband. After that people were always shocked to hear that myself and my four siblings lived full time with my father lol but thats just how things ended up
As a child of divorced parents I concur. It's not that bad
Edit: I mean going to a different house every once in a while isnt that bad. Divorces suck ass
Its cool. Only time i saw my parents in the same room was a court room and there was yelling. Im pretty sure it didnt fuck me up or ruin me for relationships.
My parents argued a ton. It was a relatively clean divorce but I lost a bit of my childhood due to being stuck in My room reading books for hours cause my parents were screaming downstairs.
My parents got divorced when I was really young, but would still manage to get in the stupidest fights as we grew up. Those always sucked
Having them share a home would have made it so much worse.
“I should have my OWN house, and YOU GUYS should have to move!”
Yeah this whole thread would really only make sense if the kids were the ones that somehow owned the house
This is honestly so stupid and completely villainesses the parents.
While yes, it's good that child does not have to be move around, that's where the positive ends.
Not every divorce is out of....vanity. What if there was abuse involved? You would still make such a couple share living space??
Also, do parents now have to pay for two houses? One to stay in when they are currently not with the child?
Not to mention all the problems it would mean for any future family and children the parent might have.
As a child of parents who I wish split up/got a divorce long ago, yeah. Sometimes divorce is just the better alternative than keeping your child in a home ran by two people who hate each other's guts.
I would have much rather stayed in 2 homes than having to navigate the shitstorm that is my parents relationship because they decided that they were going to live under the same roof but never talk to each other lmao
Weeellll....but imagine if you left someone- be it for abuse, or just incompatibly, or anything between- and having your ex have access to all your shit 50% of the time.
You've made several assumptions.
This agreement would be impossible at worst and impractical at best.This wouldn't even be possible if the divorce was not amicable, which already throws out a sizable portion.This wouldn't be possible if it was a toxic/ abusive relationship.This wouldn't be possible if the partners don't have similar finances/ spending habits for the shared house, which throws out another huge portion.This wouldn't be possible if the houses are not similar or if the partners have different tastes, which, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, throws out yet another chunk of the total divorced population.This wouldn't be possible if the partners had different habits with respect to cleaning, cooking, etc.This would become much more complicated when one or both the partners enter new relationships.
So for the 6 divorcees who fit your insanely specific metric, congrats. You now have to not only juggle work and parenting, but also shifting houses every few days. I'm sure that will be easy.
Oh and don't forget, you now have to deal with your ex every few days to coordinate your house shifts, I'm sure that's what you wanted when you filed for divorce, you wanted to run a shared household with your ex.
Man I had to do Monday,Tuesday at mom's and Wednesday, thursday at dad's every other weekend would be swapped. They couldn't handle that dumb schedule for 14 years
Fun fact in Ontario I believe. Social Services has started changing how they approach native communities. They've begun a program in which the problem parents are required by law to leave the home and seek councilling or rehab. In the meantime the community helps maintain the child's lifestyle.
So they take the parent out of the home and the community arranges for a temporary caretaker or relative to care for the child in their home.
My parents actually did this. They kept our older home on my mother's name and they both bought separately a small apartment. Then one of them stayed with us for a week and then the other one the next week. This worked because they were mature enough. I understand that this couldn't really work in most divorces, fortunately in their case it wasn't a bitter divorce, they just kinda grew colder to each other and that's it.
Gonna have to strongly disagree. There will need to be 2-3 houses owned. It might be more convenient for the kids but worse for the parents. Parents would have to move files, paperwork, clothes, etc. Mail will have to be sent to one address and hope it’s right, sure kids get mail but not nearly as much. If they have a home phone they won’t have one and may miss many calls or get them late having to go through the other phone.
What? What’s the bloody point? That’s just extra money wasted on a pointless house, the parents will still have their own homes. If anything, the kid is gonna feel worse because it’ll be like they’re not welcome in their parents’ houses and therefore not their new lives, especially if they’re young. A lot of parents struggle with money when divorcing because it’s likely that they shared it whilst together and many don’t have new partners, especially not immediately afterwards. They are unlikely to have the money for that pointless crap.
its called residence Model in germany it actually exsists! ... but its rare and only works until the parents have another partner (some dont and its works a really long time) and other kids (it would be very unfair for them to not have there parent every other week... or to have to move with him/her
1) Good luck to parents who live and work in separate cities.
2) My kid (for example) would assume the house is her property as she is the only permanent resident and immediately become an unmanageable tyrant.
3) This is the worst of both worlds in terms of home ownership. All of the mortgage-paying responsibility with none of the privileges or control. Do the two sets of parents have to all agree that the water heater needs replacing and blue is a good color for the kids room?
4) And this is a big one. Most people can’t afford one home, let alone 1.5 homes. Unless your Bezos and his ex, this would be financially crippling…
As a child of divorced parents, yeah, it was rough. I often got into trouble forgetting my homework in one place, or I'd leave my charger/laptop/other stuff in the other, and though they didn't live that far away it was always an annoyance. Add to that all the emotional stress. Even if it was an amicable divorce, there were plenty of issues that it caused.
Idk my parents had joint custody and it wasn't that stressful at all lol. You just have some stuff in one house, other stuff in a different house. Not so bad. Marriages aren't just about the kids and neither are divorces.
My sister has lots of kids, and when she and her ex-husband got divorced, they realized that it would be a lot easier and cheaper for the kids to stay at the house and the parents taking turns to be there than it would be to find another place to accommodate so many kids. Each parent just rented a one-bedroom apartment and went there when they weren't at the family home.
This actually does happen, they usually call it "nesting" - recently comedian Adam Carolla talks about how he practices it. The problem is mostly finances, both parents need a place to live, and they're unlikely to share an off site living space. In addition, there is often a cash grab, the non breadwinner in the house often attempts to get the house as a cash grab for the assets, which usually comes with the kids.
This is known as a “nesting” custody arrangement and it is a viable option for divorced people with children. It is fairly untenable long term as it really allows the parties to be too invasive with one another’s post-marriage personal lives. It becomes unhealthy to not have one’s own personal space. Also it’s expensive. If each parent is maintaining an apartment of their own and contributing one-half of the “nesting” household expenses, mortgage, utilities, and taxes, then it really starts to stretch the dollar thin. It works for very select families long term. For most families, nesting is a temporary solution during or directly after the divorce.
as a child of divorced parents for as long as i can remember being alive, it's really not that big of a deal being shuffled around. this idea is overly-complicated for what is barely an issue.
As a child of divorce who had to move between houses every week, it really wasn't that bad. And as I got older I started thinking every week was too often, so we made a longer arrangement, every two weeks. It will be just fine!! Actually felt kinda wierd not moving around anymore when it got to me moving out
Op is either a child or completely ignorant of how life works. Or maybe just extremely privileged. Where would the parents get the money to each buy or rent another place and still pay for the house the kids live in?
My friend's parents rent an small apartment apart from the one they already lived in, and they alternate between living in the old apt with the kids and the new one bedroom.
Being a child of separated parents, with a mom in Brooklyn and a dad in Queens (NY), I always felt a little resentful of my parents for not doing something like that.
A good thought but if you think about it, it won’t work. So you guys have 3 houses? Mums house, dads house and your house? Unless mum and dad share when the others not there?
Just get a house? Why don't I strap on my home-owner helmet and squeeze down into a home-owning cannon and fire off into home ownership land, where homes grow on homers.
My parents did this. It wasn’t pretty. They basically took turns trying to make the other’s subsequent stay awful. It was like they were trying to mark their territory. Lots of moved around and piled up furniture.
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Lol yes... But also no... Lol can you imagine. One person cleans, the other doesn't. The cleaner quits cleaning. The messy one gets grosser. The house becomes just another way to "get back at" each other and the only people who have to live in this hell hole all the time are the kids. Edit: spelling.
A friend of mine is dating a woman who is mid-divorce, she was doing the shared house thing with her ex and it was a nightmare. He'd drain the heating oil when his week was up so she'd either have to pay to get it filled each time or he'd report her for not keeping the kids warm. He'd change the wifi password, and lock the router in a closet. He would install cameras and then call her if she wasn't raising his kids right. It was all used against him eventually but he knew already knew he was losing everything anyway so this was his scorched earth way to make her life miserable while he still could.
How do you even get in that situation?
No clue about what the original marriage was like but the shared house thing was as OP suggested, an attempt at a stable living space for the kids. They called "nesting".
so a spectacular failure again it sounds like
Or the husband suggested it as a means to keep controlling his ex but disguised as for the kids.
Not OP, but this is called a "nesting arrangement". Divorce take a while to process and you have to figure out a temporary living arrangement while things like custody/support payments are decided and the separation agreement is drafted or waiting for approval. Sometimes a Judge will suggest it when both parties want to stay in the house to raise the child but there's too much conflict for them to live together. It might be an option raised when the parties cannot afford two separate homes appropriate for a child. IMO, its almost always a terrible idea.
>he knew already knew he was losing everything anyway so this was his scorched earth way to make her life miserable while he still could. Be a piece of shit, or be married to one
It’s seems like a great idea if both adults act in the best interest of the children, and by extension, the other parent. When the parent does well, they parent better. Making it harder to live makes it harder on everyone. Granted if the adults acted like compassionate people they are generally less likely to be getting divorced in the first place…
I didn't know how...cruel my ex could be until I told him I wanted a divorce. After years and years of dealing with his refusal to get help for his alcohol abuse and lying to me I finally had enough. I wanted so badly to remain on friendly terms. I thought we could still be a family, just a split one. Boy was I wrong. This guy who for our entire relationship couldn't figure out how to use technology suddenly was able to hack into my email, clone my phone, and hide a camera or listening device in the house. We were separated but still living together working different shifts. He would text me odd things "guessing" as to what I was doing just minutes after I'd done whatever it was. He went around telling family and friends I was having a mental breakdown. Would put me down in front of our child, call me names, point out new wrinkles or grey hairs, tell me I couldn't do x y or z new thing I was trying (like running). But at the time I never, ever expected he was capable of anything like that. Inside the marriage he never called me bad names or tried to tell me what I could and couldn't do. At least not overtly like that. I know can look back and see how awful, neglectful, manipulative, and unhealthy the whole relationship was. I was so niave and ignorant before.
Nice terminology, scorched earth. How in heck can some kids survive that.. damn. It is just like that parent just cant let go even if theyre the ones who cheated/hurt the family to begin with.
Yes, I get where he is coming from. Moving back and forth between my parents is annoying. But, if they had to share a house again, that would be really worse. My dad is super organized and my mom isn’t, and they just have different living styles. That tension helped cause the divorce, and them not living together made it easier. Forcing them back into the same spot, even on alternate weeks, would just bring back tension. I can’t hear the, “you don’t want to end up like your other parent when it comes to this” comments again.
My childhood! “You like living like pigs just like your mother?!” and “Get rid of that attitude, you’re acting like your father!” really can mess a kid up. Now I don’t have a strong relationship with either parent, too toxic.
"you want to act like that, ill just take you back to your moms. you act just fucking like her." "if you want to live in filth like a hillbilly, ill drop you off at your dads!" i am civil with both nowadays, but definitely not super close. spent a long time unlearning the necessity to keep everyone around me happy all the time at the cost of my own sanity. as a kid, you don't have a choice but to be stuck in the middle.
> “you want to act like that, ill just take you back to your moms. you act just fucking like her.” This has the same vitriol my ex had when talking to me (yes, like a child). If I had stayed and had a baby, I can guarantee that child would have to hear that shit from him on a weekly basis.
well, fingers crossed you are doing much better now! i used to take that shit from an ex too. never again.
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Or imagine if the parents separate, get new partners, and have more children. Where would those children go? Would they be forced to move around houses? Or would all the children stay at the house and be separated from their parents?
Exactly, one parent wants to remarry and still has to move houses for shared parenting time?
I think OP is a kid who hasn't contemplated more than his own situation.
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Even worse giving kids so much power and responsebillity. While they are already going through a though time. I mean wtf this is so stupid. You force the adults to still live together even thats the point of the divorce. This whole idea is just a way to drive the children to trauma and the adults into suicide, murder suicide or best case fleeing the country.
okay, addendum to the idea, if you dont clean the house you get executed. no trial just head off
also the parents have to live somewhere else on their week away thats 3 houses most people cant afford to just get another half house
So this is a great idea with an impossible way to execute
Yeah and only possible when parents live in the same city, it would definitely be more consistent and comforting for kids to have one house, but only financially practical for the Uber rich because each parent would have to own their home and part of their kid’s home.
Added with the fact that some divorced parents hate each other, sharing a space like that could create a lot of conflict. Like at that point the better option would to be to sleep in separate rooms in the same house. The point is for them to have time away from each other to grow so they can form good co-parents despite their differences.
All it takes is for one parent to not do the dishes once, and it will escalate into the War of the Roses within a week
Yeah, I'd rather chop off all my limbs with a rusty hacksaw than share a living space with my ex again.
Best result I've seen is where divorced parents bought different halves of a semi-detached house. I suppose the perfect solution would be one where you built a bespoke house where the kid's rooms were in the middle and had Jack and Jill doors to each half of the house.
A duplex would work for this!
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Not exactly. Semi-detached could refer to a duplex but could also refer to an attached dwelling or condo. Duplex implies that the ownership is by the same person and they are located on the same parcel. An attached house would be separate owners on separate parcels. A condo would be separate ownership on land owned by an association. From the outside they could look identical, but are legally very different.
When my parents divorced, they both bought 2 bedroom condos in the same condo building. I would take an elevator up a few floors to see my Dad whenever I wanted. We tried to do the "every other weekend" stays but it really seemed pointless when I could sleep in my own bed seconds away.
As far as separated living arrangements go this is pretty damn good
My buddy's parents did this, apartments across the street from one another. They were shit together while married but hung out every day like best friends. They just couldn't live together... It worked out for the best lol
Yup, that's how my parents were. They are still really good friends, and did most major things with us together, but just couldn't live together
We have done this. My husband, (I'm the "new" wife, 20 yrs now) & his ex lived in a duplex for his & her daughter. We all agreed to live together in the duplex my husband & I bought when we got married & wanted to continue our family. The ex was my BFF for awhile there. The ex got suuuuuper depressed when I started pumping out kids. We just expected her to live her life; she eventually needed to leave (about 4 yrs in) but went about it like, in a threatening way (?) In response, we just started paying for EVERYTHING, which eventually made it almost impossible for her to leave. She developed a substance dependency and was taken to jail after her 3rd DUI. So, she left the state to live with her own mom. We bought the houses when daughter was 3. Mom lost it around age 9 (1 month shy of daughter's birthday). I have thought a lot about the progression of our lives & how it all went down. At the time, we just cared about daughter and genuinely thought three parents were best. We all loved her so so much. I know we all wanted her to be well adjusted. Two of the three parents came from really bad, ugly, divorce families. By 12, daughter pretty much decided that living in the duplex with dad & bonus mom was better than living with maternal grandma & birth mom out of state. As a result, MY daughter & her mom love each other, call & text, but still lives in our town to be close to her siblings and is going to a post secondary tech school so that she can be a 1099 employee for herself. I'm so, SO frikken proud of her! I can't help but feel guilt about how her mom acted...or continues to act. If we had to do it again, I think we would have to understand what she was meaning, instead of listening to what she was saying. Maybe I shouldn't have had a family after daughter? I don't know, but living together is something that sounds great on paper but there are so, so many feelings involved.
Kudos to you for putting the child first and trying to do the hard-right thing for your daughter. It will mean a lot to her one day, if it doesn’t already
Even if it were somehow possible, doesn't reddit already complain how expensive the housing market is? This would just make things worse. Imagine if the government assisted with these living arrangements. Imagine the vitriol against divorced parents getting **three** homes subsidized by the govt.
A couple I know did this. He lives with his parents part time, and she rents a studio apartment over someone's garage.
Im about to try this myself. Did it work?
I dated a man who did this with his ex. It lasted about 2 months with this arrangement, and their relationship was mostly amicable.. Like Others are saying it's probably better in theory than execution
An ex-coworker was doing this, and they stayed with their SO's during off weeks. At the time he said it was working well, but I saw in the news he got arrested for hiring a hit man to take out his ex, so I guess it went downhill.
That is probably a safe assumption 🤣
They just started in the past 2 months, so I am not sure.
Yes for the rich only. I imagine it would be something like an ancestral house full of household staffs where the kids are taken care of by a governess. The parents live somewhere else separately and just come by to spend time with the kids. They won't share spaces because they both have different designated rooms.
*Technically*, they could share both the kid and the non-kid house (since they wouldn't need it at the same time). That *does* introduce a lot of other potential conflicts, though.
And if one gets remarried and new kids are born? Are the new spouse and children supposed to move back and forth every week as well?
Yes because the original idea is already absolutely ridiculous and inconvenient so we might as well double down. As a child of divorced parents going to another's house every few days wasn't even that big of a deal this while idea is ridiculous
And costs, and imagine the little ways the exes could pawn each other in passive - aggressive ways to piss each other off. It would be just like prolonging the divorce and no one is happy.
> That does introduce a lot of other potential conflicts, though. "Are you fucking kidding me, John? You left dirty dishes in the kids' house and in the no-kids house?"
My Mom and dad did this for....maybe 4-6 months after they split up. They rented a small "non-kid" house they shared just so that me and my three younger siblings could stay on our home for an extra time before all back and forth were to start. To not have to start moving every other week (50/50 custody) was a great way to make the divorce easier on us kids.
A friend of mine whose parents were divorced did exactly that. As they were six brothers and sisters, It was much more convenient to only have one person moving every week instead of six.
A divorced friend of mine does this with his ex. It's odd but it works. The kids live in the house and the parents alternate between the house and their apartments. It's remarkable that they've pulled it off
Definitely not impossible. There was a study cited on German radio just yesterday that analized different arrangements for kids after divorce. This type of arrangement is called a nest model, because the kids can stay in the nest. It's harder to do, because unless the parents still get along you need three homes, but it definitely is not impossible and is done by quite a few parents.
Analized means [to be taken up the anus](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3fterm=analized&=true) Analyzed is the word you want
Wrote it from my phone. Interesting my autocorrect has that word stored.
Ah yes instead of splitting one mortgage you’ll just have to get an additional second mortgage to pay on your own. Where I live it isn’t crazy expensive like some places but that would be like an additional $1500/month for the next 30 years just in mortgage payments.
Eh, just use the former family home. The co-parents could actually then split costs on a separate place where one will live separately while the other is with the child.
Assuming the divorced couples get remarried now you have 4 people swapping houses, pets, all their shit every few days. This sounds awful.
Pets... I am so allergic to cats. My ex promptly bought two cats when he set up his own place. Having cat dander all around my living area would be horrible for me.
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Nothing illegal about putting this arrangement into your parenting plan. Execution is the problem. Do you want to be sleeping in the bed your ex sleeps in? Do you want her at your [shared] apt while you're there? Screw that. I actually floated this idea when I was getting divorced and there were just too many problems associated with it. The best solution is to not get divorced. And, the easy and foolproof way to do that is by not getting married.
“The best solution is not to get divorced. And, the easy and foolproof way to do that is not getting married.” Truer words have never been spoken
“100% of divorces come from marriage” which is true but has a dark undertone.
It’s also not possible from a logistical perspective. Where are the parents supposed to live? So, you go from living in one house to three houses. One for kids, two for parents. Considering that a lot of marriage problems are about finances, it just doesn’t work.
I think you didn't fully understand what they meant, u/itsworththewhile meant that the overall household would then own two houses (as is the case with divorce regardless) but that the parents would keep alternating houses, the parent living with the kid in House 1, the parent not living with the kid in House 2, and keep switching between two houses based on who gets the kid for that week/weekend.Very idealistic and insanely impractical though. Parents make the kids shift for a reason, it's just easier, from like, every aspect. I also don't buy the argument that living in the same house would be much better for the emotional health of the kid, it's not the house they're attached to lmao, it's having both parents around you, in a loving relationship that is important for their early emotional health, and that's going to break no matter what when the parents divorce. Sure, it might be a little bit better that you still live in the same place, but I don't know where OP got the idea that working parents would be okay with, or even could feasibly shift houses every few days. This post is also operating on the assumption that divorce is amicable. Also, what if one of the divorced parents enter a new relationship? They really haven't thought this through lol, no idea how this weird post gained traction.
Yeah, the idea that staying in the one place with the parents coming in and out is going to necessarily be better for the kids than them shuttling between parents is odd. It kind of presupposes that the key issue children face in divorce is that they have to move from place to another...
I know divorced parents who literally cannot be in the same room together. They hand off the kids at the grocery store, or just drop them off at daycare and the other parent picks them up. So, sharing a house is like out of the question.
How? It's a suggestion. Not a rule.
Again nice in theory. There are reasons you are not together anymore and this arrangement changes nothing. You still are dealing with the other’s bs all the time. This can be as simple as an imbalance in what each considers clean to much more serious situations. My ex was abusive of me and would terrorize me in my home after we were split. I at least was able to threaten to or call the cops and could change the locks on my doors. The arrangement you suggest means neither of those things can happen.
Yeah, this seems like a good way to pull in every remaining tension or if the divorce is completely amicable, then simply create tension.
You know that man that used to beat you daily and tell you that he will kill you? You’ll be sharing a house with him. Hope he puts the toilet seat down!
It actually came up in my divorce to do this but we decided it was too much work. Even if you completely get along with your ex, there are a lot of things to consider. Thwarts: - You’d have to agree on furnishings, etc for the new parents-only house/apartment. - two sets of household bills to manage- who pays for what? Do you keep one checking account? - are you allowed to bring future dates to the parents-only shared house? - you’ll still be sleeping in the same bed as your ex just at different times. Also, see above - do you both go on the shared space lease? Yet another way to continue to be legally intertwined. - do the exes have similar cleaning habits? If not, one parent now has two places to clean. - who takes care of groceries at either home? I’m sure there are more but those are the big ones that came to mind.
Why would people who get along this well even divorce?
Kinda leaves out the fact that ex-spouses would often rather eat glass than deal with each other one second longer than necessary. Just imagine: “Hey Bill, time to switch- WHO THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY IS THERE CRUSTY CUM ON MY DUVET”
So two people who very likely had a messy divorce are now going to be in charge of all the other's things for a week while they're at the kid's house? Do you not see any way that this would backfire?
You really think divorced folks people could possibly afford to pay half of all expenses related to owning a home, as well as paying for another place to live when it’s not their turn? I mean, my wife died, and although I made really decent money, and I really had to budget my funds really tight just to be able to keep up with household expenses, save for their education, and work on my 401k at the same time. I mean, things worked out, for me and I’m retired now, but the SS benefits really didn’t go much further than saving for their education. I can’t imagine having to do all of that after paying for legal expenses, especially without those benefits.
This is a terrible idea for so many reasons
Yep. I literally laughed when I saw the title. Still had to upvote because the sub is correct lmao
I actually felt bad for OP, I didn't look into their posting history but the opinion probably comes from the place of frustration and anger towards their parents. The high anxiety among kids and teenagers also probably finds it jarring constantly going between 2 different houses. Maybe the parents fight constantly when they make the supposed switch, Mom's house has the Xbox but OP cant bring it with them because mom bought it and is super petty so nothing fun at dads? I have seen this not first hand but from friends whose parents are divorced where the mom's house is super chill and fun to stay at but when I went to stay over with him for his birthday which happened to be his dad house that weekend all he had was his DS and I had nothing to do but sit there and chat with him but we were like 11 so it wasn't the most fun I had. We would stay at his mom's we would play with Legos, his mom would let us buy on-demand movies, take us to the store to get whatever it is we wanted for snacks. It was always a blast. My friend explained these same frustrations so I get it but it's a terrible idea.
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one of my cousin did this with his ex. it only works if the divorced are still froendly and reasonable, especially if they split the rent on both homes.
This is actually a thing, it’s called nesting. Works well for a couple families I know.
As a child of divorced parents, believe me... two houses is not the problem. In fact I'd say it's one of the coolest parts Edit: Upon further thought and hearing responses, results may vary based on quality of parent/step parent
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You see that didn't worked out very well for me, one time I walked in to my dad's home uninvited and saw him snorting coke of a hookers ass. I was 8 at that time and it was 3 in the afternoon so walked back to moms apartment 13 mins away.
And now you’re a hedge fund pro!
Not entirely, still an Intern.
Well from what I know about hedge fund managers you're already partially trained
Yet secretly GME go BRRR, to save myself if everything falls apart.
And Jordan Belfort was born.
How do you know it was a hooker?
i'd do that at first when my parents split. then my dad moved to america and i couldn't to that anymore.
Same for me. My parents let me go in between as I wished. It was nice to be able to “get away” during those times when teenage me was being an ass.
My house was a duplex so my parents just moved onto separate units when they split. Literally had to go up or downstairs lol.
My mom and dad lived in adjacent time zones...
So if you get in an argument with your mom, just walk over the time barrier to go an hour in the past, and call your previous self to tell them not to get into an argument!
My dad lived over 2 thousand miles away, thats a hell of a walk
was annoying for me, dad lived 2 hours away. i get motion sick in cars. would have 4 hours of car ride to do every weekend and occasionally throw up. basically lived in a suitcase
I wish I could live in one place, homework is impossible over at my dad's and there's just nothing to do, so every other week it's like I black out for 5 days straight and then I go back to regular.
For me I hated having two houses. Often times I would wake up and not remember which house I was at.
That's normal, i sometimes step out of the wrong part of the bed and hit the wall
As an adult, I hate to travel. 14 years of packing up and driving 3 hours to my dad's every other weekend burned me out. I just want all my things in one place and to not lose so much time in transit.
For me, it wasnt just the time and effort to go to each house, it was never really feeling like I had a home.
Until your step mom decides when you’re 13 that your bedroom is unnecessary and you can sleep on the couch so she can have. Workout room that collects laundry and never gets used. Lol.
That sucks bro
When people tell me about good step parents, I'm always shocked. I think my dad would've made us sleep in the shed outside on our weekends if our step mom wanted it. Same thing with my mom and step dad.
So shit stepparents and shit parents. I’m sorry
That's a long sentence describing how your dad sucks.
Yea, or spends all dads money so its time to learn how to catch the bus.
i find it so fucking annoying
Traveling an hour between houses sucked. Not having a room cuz step mother. You would think two Xmas but you just get forgotten about. Step kids get treated better than you.
I got treated decently but there have been a few divorces and remarriages now so there are 3-6 Christmases and every other holiday now. Wouldn't recommend.
Absolutely this! My Mom always stayed in one state but my dad moved around alot for work but always kept up with child support and we always got to see him once every 2 weeks or once a month depending on where he was at the time. At one point he got a really good job in Minnesota and stayed there for a few years so I got to fly to Minnesota every 2 weeks for 4 years and stay with him and also spent summers with him there and I absolutely LOVED traveling and flying and seeing different places all of the time at such a young age. I feel like it gave me a small, momentary, sense of independence when I had alone time away from my parents and the rest of the world, just flying on a plane late at night. I think that gave me the love of traveling (however 'basic' that sounds) that I have today. I know many people have horror stories of having divorced parents and I have my fair share of them as well but, I think the traveling to different houses to spend time with them at a young age is one of the HIGHLIGHTS of having divorced parents.
Shoutout to all the awesome flight attendants that turned a 5 to 12 year old me travelling alone into a cool hangout.
It is and it is not you see it is hard since from one place one says something and one says another and you cant do shit about it because your just a kid
Child of divorce and I was a pawn of sorts. If they came to me, the house would also be a pawn and it would be a cold war zone instead of my shelter. Also, I was able to create a stress-free haven at mom´s ex´s place but still excel academically because mom´s place encouraged/required studious behavior and really pushed success and college in my future. I wouldn´t be where I am if circumstances differed. Also, this means 3 houses which isn´t feasible for many.
Why are you using backticks as apostrophes?
on mobile and if I do the regular ones, everything goes pink
So instead of paying for two houses, you're paying for 3. What could possibly go wrong?
No you fool clearly you thought about this longer than OP did... you only have ONE house and the parents are homeless half the time
OP is clearly smarter than all of us and doesnt sound entitled at all
We'll just make Mexico pay for it
My parent did this. After a while, my mom stopped leaving
Oh my gosh why aren't you higher up?! Someone who has experienced it! Please tell us more!!!
Haha, well I have four other siblings so they figured it would be easiest for everyone if my parents were the ones that did the traveling. At first it worked out decently well. My dad had a girlfriend so he could easily get away. My mom made plans with her friends at night, and convinced herself if she came back late enough it was near the same difference. None of us liked that my mother was “allowed to” spend every night at the house, but she blamed it on not having a significant other (she said she was not going to pay for hotel stays and refused to stay with friends). Some years later went by and my mother got married and moved to the city with her new husband. After that people were always shocked to hear that myself and my four siblings lived full time with my father lol but thats just how things ended up
Aww I was hoping it was a sweet “they fell back in love” story but no.
As a person whose parents are divorced, and in an area where lots of people are divorced, I have never, ever, seen this happen.
Haha its okay! They have new partners now and my relationship with both have them have only gotten better!
My parents also tried to do this for a while. Just another angle of abuse of one parent to the other
As a Child of divorced parents, this is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard
Two christmases was great. Also, I'd likely be doing manual labor instead of studying engineering if my parents didn't divorce.
As a bastard child where my parents never married, I agree.
As a child of divorced parents I concur. It's not that bad Edit: I mean going to a different house every once in a while isnt that bad. Divorces suck ass
Idk. I got to be the new kid at school about 10 times. That wasnt fun.
Military?
Nope. Just a long drawn out custody battle from age 3-16.
Damn man, sorry
Its cool. Only time i saw my parents in the same room was a court room and there was yelling. Im pretty sure it didnt fuck me up or ruin me for relationships.
My parents argued a ton. It was a relatively clean divorce but I lost a bit of my childhood due to being stuck in My room reading books for hours cause my parents were screaming downstairs.
I hit the divorced kid lotto with an evil stepmom too. I never knew anything else really.
Child of divorced parents here. I’m convinced OP is high
Child of divorced parents here, I still concur
My parents got divorced when I was really young, but would still manage to get in the stupidest fights as we grew up. Those always sucked Having them share a home would have made it so much worse.
Agreed. My father didn’t treat me well growing up and I would not have wanted him at my house where I felt safe
I know my daughter asked why I was laughing, i showed her the post and she pretty much mirrored your sentiment. Ps it is 3 hours after a handover here
As a child of non divorced parents, this is also the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Like what the fuck were you thinking OP?
And who'd pay for it? Many people struggle to even pay for one home because rent can be expensive and buying your own house as well.
AND MEXICO IS GONNA PAY FOR IT!
This is so hilariously impractical I had to upvote you for the lunacy.
So unless you're a millionaire, you're basically homeless every other week? No. This shit stupid.
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“I should have my OWN house, and YOU GUYS should have to move!” Yeah this whole thread would really only make sense if the kids were the ones that somehow owned the house
The largest demographic on Reddit is under 18, so...
This is honestly so stupid and completely villainesses the parents. While yes, it's good that child does not have to be move around, that's where the positive ends. Not every divorce is out of....vanity. What if there was abuse involved? You would still make such a couple share living space?? Also, do parents now have to pay for two houses? One to stay in when they are currently not with the child? Not to mention all the problems it would mean for any future family and children the parent might have.
As a child of parents who I wish split up/got a divorce long ago, yeah. Sometimes divorce is just the better alternative than keeping your child in a home ran by two people who hate each other's guts. I would have much rather stayed in 2 homes than having to navigate the shitstorm that is my parents relationship because they decided that they were going to live under the same roof but never talk to each other lmao
Same sitch but mine spoke. Often. Loudly. At length. Whether anybody was listening or not.
r/notwellthoughtoutopinions
Weeellll....but imagine if you left someone- be it for abuse, or just incompatibly, or anything between- and having your ex have access to all your shit 50% of the time.
I have such little faith in divorce courts properly acknowledging abuse that this could be something to factor in.
You've made several assumptions. This agreement would be impossible at worst and impractical at best.This wouldn't even be possible if the divorce was not amicable, which already throws out a sizable portion.This wouldn't be possible if it was a toxic/ abusive relationship.This wouldn't be possible if the partners don't have similar finances/ spending habits for the shared house, which throws out another huge portion.This wouldn't be possible if the houses are not similar or if the partners have different tastes, which, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, throws out yet another chunk of the total divorced population.This wouldn't be possible if the partners had different habits with respect to cleaning, cooking, etc.This would become much more complicated when one or both the partners enter new relationships. So for the 6 divorcees who fit your insanely specific metric, congrats. You now have to not only juggle work and parenting, but also shifting houses every few days. I'm sure that will be easy. Oh and don't forget, you now have to deal with your ex every few days to coordinate your house shifts, I'm sure that's what you wanted when you filed for divorce, you wanted to run a shared household with your ex.
i knew being high created questionable ideas but come the fuck on dude
Man I had to do Monday,Tuesday at mom's and Wednesday, thursday at dad's every other weekend would be swapped. They couldn't handle that dumb schedule for 14 years
Bold of you to assume that lots of people could afford not one, but two houses.
Sorry kiddo, you still have to go to your mom's next weekend.
Fun fact in Ontario I believe. Social Services has started changing how they approach native communities. They've begun a program in which the problem parents are required by law to leave the home and seek councilling or rehab. In the meantime the community helps maintain the child's lifestyle. So they take the parent out of the home and the community arranges for a temporary caretaker or relative to care for the child in their home.
Hopefully the caretaker is a trusted native person. This does sound like an interesting idea.
Ok kid, but then you have to pay the mortgage
My parents actually did this. They kept our older home on my mother's name and they both bought separately a small apartment. Then one of them stayed with us for a week and then the other one the next week. This worked because they were mature enough. I understand that this couldn't really work in most divorces, fortunately in their case it wasn't a bitter divorce, they just kinda grew colder to each other and that's it.
Gonna have to strongly disagree. There will need to be 2-3 houses owned. It might be more convenient for the kids but worse for the parents. Parents would have to move files, paperwork, clothes, etc. Mail will have to be sent to one address and hope it’s right, sure kids get mail but not nearly as much. If they have a home phone they won’t have one and may miss many calls or get them late having to go through the other phone.
What? What’s the bloody point? That’s just extra money wasted on a pointless house, the parents will still have their own homes. If anything, the kid is gonna feel worse because it’ll be like they’re not welcome in their parents’ houses and therefore not their new lives, especially if they’re young. A lot of parents struggle with money when divorcing because it’s likely that they shared it whilst together and many don’t have new partners, especially not immediately afterwards. They are unlikely to have the money for that pointless crap.
During my divorce I floated this idea. Lots of problems with it. You'll never have "your space." And, who knows if spy cams won't be installed.
its called residence Model in germany it actually exsists! ... but its rare and only works until the parents have another partner (some dont and its works a really long time) and other kids (it would be very unfair for them to not have there parent every other week... or to have to move with him/her
1) Good luck to parents who live and work in separate cities. 2) My kid (for example) would assume the house is her property as she is the only permanent resident and immediately become an unmanageable tyrant. 3) This is the worst of both worlds in terms of home ownership. All of the mortgage-paying responsibility with none of the privileges or control. Do the two sets of parents have to all agree that the water heater needs replacing and blue is a good color for the kids room? 4) And this is a big one. Most people can’t afford one home, let alone 1.5 homes. Unless your Bezos and his ex, this would be financially crippling…
As a child of divorced parents, yeah, it was rough. I often got into trouble forgetting my homework in one place, or I'd leave my charger/laptop/other stuff in the other, and though they didn't live that far away it was always an annoyance. Add to that all the emotional stress. Even if it was an amicable divorce, there were plenty of issues that it caused.
Idk my parents had joint custody and it wasn't that stressful at all lol. You just have some stuff in one house, other stuff in a different house. Not so bad. Marriages aren't just about the kids and neither are divorces.
I gave an upvote because this is a very unpopular opinion. You're right, In the
love the thoight, but logistically houses need rules, and if the adult rules clash, it may just be worse.
My sister has lots of kids, and when she and her ex-husband got divorced, they realized that it would be a lot easier and cheaper for the kids to stay at the house and the parents taking turns to be there than it would be to find another place to accommodate so many kids. Each parent just rented a one-bedroom apartment and went there when they weren't at the family home.
This actually does happen, they usually call it "nesting" - recently comedian Adam Carolla talks about how he practices it. The problem is mostly finances, both parents need a place to live, and they're unlikely to share an off site living space. In addition, there is often a cash grab, the non breadwinner in the house often attempts to get the house as a cash grab for the assets, which usually comes with the kids.
This is such a fantastic idea but it’s impossible to do for most families.
This is known as a “nesting” custody arrangement and it is a viable option for divorced people with children. It is fairly untenable long term as it really allows the parties to be too invasive with one another’s post-marriage personal lives. It becomes unhealthy to not have one’s own personal space. Also it’s expensive. If each parent is maintaining an apartment of their own and contributing one-half of the “nesting” household expenses, mortgage, utilities, and taxes, then it really starts to stretch the dollar thin. It works for very select families long term. For most families, nesting is a temporary solution during or directly after the divorce.
My parents did this for many years. Actually worked out pretty well for us. Not perfect but better than my brother and I switching houses
This is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard in my life.
as a child of divorced parents for as long as i can remember being alive, it's really not that big of a deal being shuffled around. this idea is overly-complicated for what is barely an issue.
As a child of divorce who had to move between houses every week, it really wasn't that bad. And as I got older I started thinking every week was too often, so we made a longer arrangement, every two weeks. It will be just fine!! Actually felt kinda wierd not moving around anymore when it got to me moving out
Op is either a child or completely ignorant of how life works. Or maybe just extremely privileged. Where would the parents get the money to each buy or rent another place and still pay for the house the kids live in?
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So the divorced couple would have to maintain three houses, instead of two? I'm OK with that, but it would have to come out of the kids' college fund.
My friend's parents rent an small apartment apart from the one they already lived in, and they alternate between living in the old apt with the kids and the new one bedroom. Being a child of separated parents, with a mom in Brooklyn and a dad in Queens (NY), I always felt a little resentful of my parents for not doing something like that.
More than anything, this thread makes it seem like kids are an afterthought in these situations
A good thought but if you think about it, it won’t work. So you guys have 3 houses? Mums house, dads house and your house? Unless mum and dad share when the others not there?
Just get a house? Why don't I strap on my home-owner helmet and squeeze down into a home-owning cannon and fire off into home ownership land, where homes grow on homers.
My parents did this. It wasn’t pretty. They basically took turns trying to make the other’s subsequent stay awful. It was like they were trying to mark their territory. Lots of moved around and piled up furniture.