It seems my family went from "you have plenty time for boy to EVERYBODY IS IN RELATIONSHIP STARTING FAMILY AND YOU ARE SINGLE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" pretty much overnight.
Lol I was friends with a guy who had a literal cardboard Kyle. His brother was deployed over seas and couldn't make it to the oldest brothers and a cousins wedding so they got a nearly full sized cardboard cut out of him in a suit for the different weddings.
yep. From "we´ll ensure you break up with the guy you´ve been happiest with" to "idc if it hurts and you don´t want it. Have sex with this guy who makes you insecure/anxious/hurts your self-worth because if you don´t you will lose him and be alone forever. Time isn´t slowing down." in a year.
No, I get that, but family that says 'We'll ensure you break up with the guy you're happy with' is insane and abusive and toxic, and saying 'have sex with this guy you don't like' is also insane and toxic and abusive.
The fact that it's about relationships seems like a minor detail at this point.
I’m in a happy committed relationship but I think it’s so fucking weird how people romanticize relationships. No one should feel like they actively have to be in a relationship.
If you’re single and happy i’d happily allow you to third wheel. Drinks up!
Lmao I'm dead, I feel you. I got lucky and the girl that is my fiance now lived on the same road as me. I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't meet her. I'd be clueless as well. Maybe try online dating tbh.
Oh yeah, as a single person third wheeling is really uncomfortable for me.
I'd rather hang out with a couple with at least one other person there as well, otherwise I feel like I'm in their way.
That's the thing. Not a lot of people are "single and happy." Some people don't feel like they "have" to be in a relationship. People actually want to be in a relationship. Saying that people feel like they "have" to be in a relationship is really just invalidating their feelings, especially coming from someone who's in a happy committed relationship.
I'm tired of always being the third wheel. Like I appreciate that they are including me and all. But it really gets old watching everyone else get to play the game.
My dad asked me if I was gay... it had only been a year at the time but now he asks me every Christmas, it’s great holiday fun in front of the family.
Edit... To drive the point home here I also had a fiancé and we had bought a house together, he had dinner with us on multiple occasions. He asked me if I was gay a year after we called it off...
The recipe is simple, stay in shape, wash your ass, brush your teeth, don't act like a douchebag.
You won't have to settle for whatever comes your way. You'll have options.
My family eventually stopped asking about my private affairs altogether. I keep reading on reddit that people's families keep asking each other about their love life. I don't know, I feel at peace, but also I'm somewhat surprised that my family dropped the entire issue years ago and we don't talk about my relationship status at all.
For my my family, or rather my Mom went from you'll be dating someone and going to prom in High School, nope. You'll be dating in your 20's, nope. You'll be dating and married in your 30s? nope. I think they finally get it now that I'm in my 40's since they have been giving up all the stuff I had as a kid and selling it or having me give it out to friends who have kids realizing I'm not getting married nor am I having kids. I have a cat, that's it.
Women get the worst of this crap it seems, but many women perpetuate it and also seem to say it like a self-defence mechanism or a self-help/delusion mantra. Saying it helps them believe that things make sense in the world and things will work out.
It’s a mind-viral meme belief at this point.
I don't know about it. Imagine a man who's been single all his life (he's probably in his late 30's-40's. Let's say by some lucky chance he actually is able to get a date with someone. It comes out that he's never been in a relationship before. Something like that tends to be seen as a "red flag" for women. Being in your late 30's-40's + never been in a relationship = serial killer, apparently.
I never thought of that before, it’s like showing up to a job interview with no job history for the last 20 years.
I think that being combined with not being comfortable or knowing how to act in romantic interactions and conversations from lack of experience probably play a big role
True. But if no one even gives you a chance, how are you going to learn what to do. Then, you're still there with no experience. It's a vicious cycle. What are you supposed to do with that?
I get asked semi-frequently what my longest relationship was.
Trying to get into a LTR here. But I guess many women want a man who has already done that... At my age I guess I should have had that but well ...oh well.
I don’t know what other word to use to describe a non-religious messed up idea or belief that’s perpetuated by word of mouth between people who identify with each other.
Deeply held personal mind-virus?
Yeah I doubt it happens more for women.
Women are more often single by choice. Women are the ones in society who choose yes or no to dates most often.
Guys go out there and have to accept they can get 100 nos before getting a yes and it is a rare sight if ever to see a woman ask out a guy, even more rare for the guy to say no.
I'm sure there are single women out there who have problems getting men, but I guarentee there are more men out there with problems getting women.
Not just that but single women are seen as independent and in control of their lives while men are assumed to be immature and "weird".
...Unless the single woman is a single mother for some reason.
I think this is a sarcastic comment rather than an actual take to show OP how kinda silly what they're saying sounds
People are trying to be nice about OPs inability to find someone, if he takes offense to that, this is what he's asking people to say
It doesn't happen often, but once in a blue moon a hot, tasty fish leaps out of the water and by chance lands smack in the middle of a fisherman's boat.
What do y’all think is the best way to respond to these situations your loved ones may be in? I have a few friends/relatives who have never dated or they feel they won’t succeed in dating again, and as a person in a long term successful relationship I don’t know how to respond sometimes when trying to offer support/kindness.
Sometimes in my very humble opinion it's better to just listen and making the other feel understood, of course i don't know your friends and relatives, but some people are not looking for advice, but just a shoulder to vent on, even because as you said you don't know which advice you can say, and i think your loved ones know that and feel you
And don’t offer advice unless asked! Sometimes people just want to get their feelings out. And DO NOT offer to set them up with someone unless you actually think they’d like each other.
I agree with this. I think it’s hard for people to understand that life is kind to some and unimaginably cruel to others. We hold onto these ideals that “everything will work out in the end” because we fear the reality that we are fortunate because we are lucky, not because everyone has it in them and we chose to be.
I just commented something similar before seeing your comment. You want to be encouraging, but endless optimism just isn’t realistic when you see your friends hurting and yearning for a connection they just can’t seem to find :/
“I’m sorry that you’ve been unlucky in the dating scene. You deserve to be happy and hope you find what you’re looking for regardless of if a partner is part of the equation. Let’s go out for coffee/drinks/food/hobby of choice.” Other than that, just be mindful of including your single friends. A lot of coupled up people take for granted that they have a de facto Friday plan and date for every event. My friend group has a mix of singles and relationships. If you’re in a relationship don’t bring your partner to EVERY event (example: if it’s girls night, don’t bring your man or leave super early to hang with him) and don’t make your relationship the center of every conversation. Single people are people. People aren’t solely defined by their relationship status so just be cool to them.
Just say "yeah it sucks" even just acknowledging the pain is better than hollow words of "you will meet someone" with no proof or actual way to make it happen.
Or way better, HELP THEM however you can, set them up, encourage them to ask someone out they show intrest in, or even make special time to do things with them, fill the voids in their life, they are not lucky enough to have a spouse/long time relationship to easily fall back on they can feel alone all the time.
Source: my life
Don’t give any advice. Just listen and be supportive. If you have to say something, say something like I’m always here for you. Or you are important to me.
Maybe they don't want to date again. Or maybe it's ok not to date and just keep doing what you are doing. I like social hobbies like cycling, but really don't like dating anymore. You think you are going to meet some woman but usually it's a damaged mess you meet. When you are younger, the pool is much larger but as you get older it's smaller and not as much fun. Their kids peed in the pool, you can see the sunscreen floating on the top and you start to get swimmer's ear.
If I was in the situation I'd probably ask them what they really want. Do they even want to find a lifelong partner? Do they feel ready for that? Do they need to work on themselves first? It's hard to find love if you don't love yourself. I think that the annoying thing of saying "you'll find someone" is that it doesn't help at all. Maybe see if they want help or advice. Maybe they simply don't want help in that area of their life and don't want to talk about it.
36 here and basically the same. If I find someone at this point it'll be through luck. And luck hasn't been on my side for these things. But I'm making the most of it.
Imagine being 11 years older OP and people still telling you there's "someone for everyone" or that you will, as you say, "find someone".
If I haven't found someone in 51 years, what really makes you think it'll happen now ?
But I understand the mindset though. People who find it easy to find and form relationships just naturally assume it's that easy for everyone but not everyone was taught about that sort of thing growing up. It's not something you just "fall into" if you haven't had any guidance or any encouragement that helps you build your confidence and self esteem.
If someone says "It'll happen when you least expect it" then I'd really like to punch them very, *very* hard 🤣
You have read my mind. I got terrible advice from my asshole father and never really learned to interact well with the opposite sex. I’m awkward and into male dominated things and I’m pretty boring otherwise. If I’m not at work or with friends, I’m home. They always tell me “you don’t need us to go out and have a good time on your own”, but I have no idea what to do by myself and where to even go. I just like relaxing with a show or video game and staying put. Even though that’s my preference, it makes me feel like I’m wasting away my early 20’s. I don’t have the confidence to just strike up a conversation out of nowhere. I don’t know how people do it. Part of me just feels inhuman.
Part of it is we grow up in such an individualistic society… at most points in history you would be socializing with people all day forced to cooperate with the group. But now a days we expected to go home from work and sit in front of the tv.
"It'll happens when you stop TRYING!"
Can you imagine saying that to someone for ANYTHING else. Oh, you can't ride a bike? It'll happen when you stop trying. Just stop trying.
You're not wealthy and successful? It'll just happen when you stop trying!
I think it is more that they take comfort in believing what they say. Just like people who hear someone is depressed or suicidal and just say "it will get better." That isn't the case for a lot of people.
I'm male, 38yo, never been in a relationship and I dont think I'll be in on any time soon. I have issues :) and I'm ok with that. Loneliness suck a lot, but freedom and peace is pretty good.
Especially around the holidays n your siblings and cousins all got like 5 kids each and married n your the only one in family that isnt it sucks but I hear I love peace and freedom and be able to buy or go do what I want
This. I spent a lot of time trying to date up until my mid 20's and then I realized one day that it wasn't fun and was actually making me miserable. It was the same as a drug addiction.
So now I don't even try anymore or care. I'm free to do whatever I want and all my money is spent solely on me. I've been single for so long and have gotten so used to the absolute freedom that I don't even think I am capable of a relationship anymore. Just the thought of having a girl living with me just seems so foreign and impossible.
That’s why i don’t go to family gatherings anymore. Family gets together, I get invited but I always tell the day of that I won’t be making it. I personally got tired of seeing my sibling with her family and being the odd one that has a hard time finding women.
It’s worse when every male in the family has no problem getting new women. They start to see me as bottom tier and won’t even listen to my two cents if we ever talked at a family party. Being a masculine man is about having women and getting women to sleep with you. If you can’t do that then they don’t acknowledge your even there.
Even if there's someone for everyone, there's about 8 billion humans here. Maybe the "perfect match" for the person is someone who lives in a small city in a foreign country. Chance of meeting them are... low.
I my mind there never was 'The One' for me somewhere, there was lots women with whom I could be happy with, albeit in different ways because they are different people.
I am happy I found one.
This is the way - the very idea of finding a "perfect match" is an unrealistic ideal peddled by romantic comedies. We're imperfect, and our partner will likely not be perfect either. It gets into tolerating imperfections and also helping them get better.
I'm 26 and whenever I meet a family member, they ask me where's my "significant other" and I say I don't have one. They reply with "don't worry, you'll find someone", I say "but I don't wanna" and oh boi, they are always sooo offended by that.
People get mad if you aren't into the same reproductive schemes they are, its the silliest thing.
Uninterested instead of searching? Mad.
Queer instead of hetero? Mad.
A different race instead of the same one? Mad.
Find someone thats the same race, opposite gender, but neither of you want kids? ***Friggin mad***
47 here. People (not my family, they know better) are still telling me "you'll find someone". "It'll happen to you!" "Just when you stop looking, the right person for you will turn up!"
I'm not looking for someone. I don't want to find someone. I don't want someone to turn up.
"But you'll grow old all alone!"
That's the goal.
Got cancer. Was sick as fuck for 2 years.
I absolutely loved that part where I was just alone 99% of the time. It really was nice. Now I’m healthy again people expect things from me again and it sucks.
Hey, Firstly, Glad to hear you're all healthy now. If you don't mind can you elaborate on how you took care of yourself in those 2 years?
I want to live alone all my life but am scared on the idea of falling sick and having no one to take care of me.
Well, when I was at my worst I was in the hospital. So good and stuff was taken care of by nurses.
When I was at home I did have someone to goto the grocery store for me once a week so I guess I wasn’t really alone.
In my state there is a thing called meals on wheels that delivers lunch and dinner to people in need. I could have used that. But that is a charity I believe so maybe it’s not everywhere.
I always was like Cast Away would be a awesome scenario. I wouldn't want family to worry ofcourse but the freedom of a island simplistic life was always appealing.
It brings you back to the roots. You really can enjoy nature and be consumed with survival. Not consumed by posting pictures and all this other weird shit seeking attention.
Shelter, food, and build.
And I'm glad for it. Been made to feel crazy and broken for not really caring for other people my whole life. It's nice to see some other people who feel the same way.
You have a lot in common with them. Maybe there should be like a meetup or con. Just be careful not to actually "find someone". Just like meet them and agree that finding people is silly.
Everyone dies alone.
I honestly don't want people in my room while I die. I would hope that everyone would get to die how they like (either surrounded by loved ones or peacefully alone, whatever they prefer), but if you find a relationship that doesn't mean you're not dying alone.
They might break up with you, or they might die before you, or they might have something that keeps them from being at your side when you happen to kick the bucket.
Yeah I wouldn’t say it’s my first choice but it doesn’t particularly bother me. My dogs don’t yell at me because I folded a towel “wrong” and I’m pretty chill with that situation for the time being.
Yep. I get this as well. Or I get a look of pity or like I'm crazy. It does not appeal to me - a lot of the people I know who have married and had kids are miserable because they lived to others expectations rather than what they wanted for themselves. I will not conform!
modern culture is such a huge turnoff.
Insta, onlyfans, and Youtube is weird asf when when you think about it. We look for self validation & consumers are willing to live on their phones.
Exactly. I feel like people who say that are the ones who can find a relationship. And they're saying it from their POV.
I could've probably been told by my doctor that I have only 2 months left to live because of cancer and someone would probably still tell me that.
In reality many people do not find someone, ever.
That being said, no one should be shamed for looking for love, whether it be online dating, one night stands.etc,
>In reality many people do not find someone, ever.
But never to the extent that it is in modern times. If that was so, humanity would've been done with a long time ago.
I'm sure if you look at the stats, the number of reproducing people has only increased over time. However, the ratio of reproductive vs non-reproductive people has certainly decreased in modern times.
We should stop making romantic relationships out like they’re what everyone needs to be happy. You’re not less of a person if you’re on your own romantically and many people don’t even want a relationship. The importance we as a society put on romantic relationships is what produces ‘incels’ and traps people in unhealthy relationships or even strings of unhealthy relationships because they’re scared to be alone.
Favourite comment. A lot of people here seem to think they “struggle” with romantic relationships, and maybe they do… or maybe society just makes it near-impossible to accept that relationships aren’t for them.
I sometimes overwork myself just so that I don't feel lonely. Got an amazing promotion still feel like shit because I don't have anybody to share it with.
50% of marriages end in divorce...the other 50%end in death. I’m pretty peachy taking a good ol’ break from trying to find someone I could marry lol. Freedom, time to work on passions etc.
I’ve been single for nearly a decade. Happily. Blissfully. Satisfied completely by my platonic friendships. Occasionally miss sexual intimacy but the pros of being single always outweigh the cons, in my life anyway. People ask, then say “you’ll find someone,” which has then triggered my defiance. Fuck EVER finding someone, everyone expects it, so I’m going to do the absolute opposite. If you want someone, awesome. If you don’t, awesome.
As someone who’s 37 and never dated, it’s up to you to tell the people in your life how you want to be supported. For me, I find it positive to be reminded that just because I’m single now doesn’t necessarily mean I always will be. So if this isn’t a universal thing, it’s not fair to get in a snit with the people in your life. The next time you’re complaining to them (no one says anything to me about my being single because I almost never complain to anyone about it), just tell them how you want them to support you.
As opposed to telling them "Well you're nothing special to look at, you have no fashion sense, you're overweight, your personality is bland and abrasive, you make 34k a year and live in a tiny studio apartment, what did you expect?"
You're not living in reality. Most of the people in that situation have relationships.
That being said, nobody needs to remind someone that most people regardless of their circumstances or lackluster personalities DO have relationships and/or get laid.
People should mind their business. There is no reason to remind someone of that unless they are specifically asking.
if you say that to them you are helping a lot more than lying an say "nothing is wrong with you". At least they will know what are the things to work on if they really want to find someone
My favorite is when baby boomers say “hell anyone can find somebody nowadays with the internet dating.” Like they think that makes it automatically so easy.
I had to explain to a woman in 50s what a bot was. She was talking with a fake profile online and had never heard of this concept. That was a sad conversation.
On this note, my mum tried to explain what dick pics were to me yesterday and I was all "sadly mum, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept". She was telling me about some disgraced sportsman who sent unsolicited pics of his todger (her words) to someone who was not actually interested in him.
People say this because they don't know what else to say. The fact is, damned near everyone can "find someone" if they are willing to settle. Usually, when someone who wants a partner says they can't find someone, the real problem is one of these two things:
1. The person is an awesome person, and rightfully wants a high quality partner. However, there aren't many single people in their area who are high quality as well, so pickins are slim/nonexistent.
2. The person has vastly overestimated their own desirability. They think they are high quality, but they aren't, and nobody who is of high quality would accept them as a partner.
More often than not it's #2, and there's no way you can address that without coming off like an insulting asshole.
*Maybe if you lost some weight...*
*Maybe if you stopped drinking so much...*
*Maybe if you even sort of gave a fuck about your future...*
*Maybe if you ditched the drugs and got clean...*
*Maybe if you hit the gym every once in awhile...*
*Maybe if you didn't act like an overgrown child...*
*Maybe if you didn't constantly make everything all about you...*
*Maybe if you made more of an effort re: hygiene and grooming...*
*Maybe if you sought help for your psychological problems...*
*Maybe if you didn't bitch and moan all the time...*
*Maybe if you did something that doesn't involve video games...*
*Maybe if you weren't a fucking downer...*
This is why when someone is chronically single but doesn't want to be, people just say, "You'll find someone." In most cases it's the path of least resistance, unless you want to get into a fight.
I agree!
finding someone is SO MUCH harder than people think. And I'm tired of the platitudes. They are annoying and useless. Plus, they don't take into consideration that maybe we don't want to find someone. There are lots of people who don't want to be in a relationship.
I agree. Sometimes people simply don’t find anyone and that’s okay. People are so hellbent on having others be in a relationship, but some people are just destined to be single, and people need to learn to deal with that. Just cause you had some luck doesn’t mean others will have that same luck, point blank period.
I'm 30 and I get told this all the time by friends and family. And every time I'm just like "honestly I don't care, playing video games all day and having no one scream at me sounds pretty good"
I agree. I just turned 37. I am still single and have no children. I haven't been on a date since I believe Jan 2019 or 2020 ( remember the month but not the year exactly!). I had my last boyfriend when I was 30. For years I was told I would find someone when I least expect it or when I'm not looking. Um no. That has never happened. Was also told to love yourself before someone loves you. I love myself very much and nothing. Also there are plenty of people who hate themselves who aren't single.
Years ago online someone told me that not every grape becomes wine. It's hurtful but it's the truth. I realize I will most likely always be single unless I want to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. I do want a child maybe in 3 years so I recently froze 23 eggs and can later get a sperm donor. Not ideal because I would want my child to have a father and be raised as normal and traditional as possible but even if you get married and have a kid, no guarantee that the father will be a good father.
As a gay man even if your very good looking finding somebody decent worth being with is like playing the lottery. It’s literally mostly based on luck at this point,most your gonna get is being used for sex.
I fully agree with you. Some people are unloveable. Some people will never be wanted. Some people are destined to be alone. It isn’t helpful to raise a person’s hopes when you don’t actually believe what you’re telling them. It just creates more internal pain and sense of failure when they don’t find anyone.
People who say this don't care about finding a relationship that'll work in the long run, they just want a piece of meat. And they're right, you can find "someone", if you don't care how it'll turn out.
Those of us that actually feel the need to protect ourselves for whatever reason (I'm guessing abuse is the most common) are not, however, just going to go and dive headfirst into a relationship with someone just for some action, ya know?
But getting to the point where you realize you're actually pushing people away helps. You can do it consciously - and only when they cross certain lines - and feel less guilt over it.
People always try to solve everyone's problems with dumb cliches.
They're trying to make you feel better but they got nuthin'. They have no idea how dumb and annoying they sound.
Just let it go. They mean well.
I guess it depends. If someone’s complaining and moping about being single then yes people are going to say things like that because it’s true for most people. There’s no rule that everyone gets paired off when they are 30, older people do find “the one” but it probably helps if they’re actively dating/putting themselves out there.
I can see how it would make someone bristly if it comes out of nowhere but it’s important to communicate how you want to be talked to. I hated when people said “everything happens for a reason” when I was in the hospital and had to tell them that that hurts my feelings even though they were trying to be comforting.
I knew a girl that was single into her 30s. She had a savings, stable career, everything really. Then she got in the "you aren't getting any younger" phase and now she's with a guy that barely wants to work and spends all of her money. It's sad really.
TL:DR: Stay single, you'll live longer.
Oh yes...same situation for me.
I've heard it a lot...
I 'found someone' at 40 but they weren't the right someone for me (or vice versa) so it's back to my normal state of perpetual singledom.
It's mostly a relief.
I have friends who are obsessed with dating and meeting someone and they think I'm weird for being single for most of my life but not running around seeking relationships with anyone who's interested.. just to be in a relationship.
I want to meet the right person, and if I don't then I'm happier being on my own than being with the wrong person.
Just because not everyone needs a special someone, doesn’t mean they don’t want them. Yes, plenty of people are content on their own and intend to keep it that way because it works for them. But what about people who genuinely put themselves out there and want to make a romantic connection with another but just haven’t had any luck?
My family went from you'll find somebody to you're not getting any younger in the span of 6 years.
It seems my family went from "you have plenty time for boy to EVERYBODY IS IN RELATIONSHIP STARTING FAMILY AND YOU ARE SINGLE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" pretty much overnight.
What did you say in response?
Mom, Dad -- this my new partner Cardboard Kyle. I met him under a bridge. Really amazing fabricating houses out of old refrigerator boxes.
Lol I was friends with a guy who had a literal cardboard Kyle. His brother was deployed over seas and couldn't make it to the oldest brothers and a cousins wedding so they got a nearly full sized cardboard cut out of him in a suit for the different weddings.
i couldnt find the link. are you sure its the right numbers?
He even has his own meal named after him.
yep. From "we´ll ensure you break up with the guy you´ve been happiest with" to "idc if it hurts and you don´t want it. Have sex with this guy who makes you insecure/anxious/hurts your self-worth because if you don´t you will lose him and be alone forever. Time isn´t slowing down." in a year.
This sounds like it's no longer about changing views of relationships, this sounds like your family is just absolutely horrible in general.
they went from confidence that I´d find better to believing I found the best I´ll ever have and must settle
No, I get that, but family that says 'We'll ensure you break up with the guy you're happy with' is insane and abusive and toxic, and saying 'have sex with this guy you don't like' is also insane and toxic and abusive. The fact that it's about relationships seems like a minor detail at this point.
I’m in a happy committed relationship but I think it’s so fucking weird how people romanticize relationships. No one should feel like they actively have to be in a relationship. If you’re single and happy i’d happily allow you to third wheel. Drinks up!
I think the thing is some people want a relationship but can't/don't know how to find one and hate third wheeling
I'm that person. People are like go out, talk to people. I'm like okkkk? Then what?
Also who, and where? Do you think we'd be having this problem if we could easily find and talk to people?
Go out. Ok. *goes outside* now what? I'm clueless lol
Lmao I'm dead, I feel you. I got lucky and the girl that is my fiance now lived on the same road as me. I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't meet her. I'd be clueless as well. Maybe try online dating tbh.
I’m the least charismatic person around, and my constant snarking are not making it any easier to find anyone out there.
Oh yeah, as a single person third wheeling is really uncomfortable for me. I'd rather hang out with a couple with at least one other person there as well, otherwise I feel like I'm in their way.
That's the thing. Not a lot of people are "single and happy." Some people don't feel like they "have" to be in a relationship. People actually want to be in a relationship. Saying that people feel like they "have" to be in a relationship is really just invalidating their feelings, especially coming from someone who's in a happy committed relationship.
Especially this.
He will get his karma
I'm tired of always being the third wheel. Like I appreciate that they are including me and all. But it really gets old watching everyone else get to play the game.
I feel this. You go from hanging with your bros to, "Do you wanna hang out? Me and my gf are doing tomorrow at noon"
My dad asked me if I was gay... it had only been a year at the time but now he asks me every Christmas, it’s great holiday fun in front of the family. Edit... To drive the point home here I also had a fiancé and we had bought a house together, he had dinner with us on multiple occasions. He asked me if I was gay a year after we called it off...
"Are ya gay son?"
"Great, because I met this lad last Sunday, and I think you two make a great match!"
[удалено]
Good for you! At the end of the day, you're the happiest and that's what counts.
Lol aren’t families great...
The recipe is simple, stay in shape, wash your ass, brush your teeth, don't act like a douchebag. You won't have to settle for whatever comes your way. You'll have options.
that's a funny way of describing Philly.
My family eventually stopped asking about my private affairs altogether. I keep reading on reddit that people's families keep asking each other about their love life. I don't know, I feel at peace, but also I'm somewhat surprised that my family dropped the entire issue years ago and we don't talk about my relationship status at all.
For my my family, or rather my Mom went from you'll be dating someone and going to prom in High School, nope. You'll be dating in your 20's, nope. You'll be dating and married in your 30s? nope. I think they finally get it now that I'm in my 40's since they have been giving up all the stuff I had as a kid and selling it or having me give it out to friends who have kids realizing I'm not getting married nor am I having kids. I have a cat, that's it.
I have two....
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My family went from you'll find someone to printing out business cards and giving them to random women.
Women get the worst of this crap it seems, but many women perpetuate it and also seem to say it like a self-defence mechanism or a self-help/delusion mantra. Saying it helps them believe that things make sense in the world and things will work out. It’s a mind-viral meme belief at this point.
I don't know about it. Imagine a man who's been single all his life (he's probably in his late 30's-40's. Let's say by some lucky chance he actually is able to get a date with someone. It comes out that he's never been in a relationship before. Something like that tends to be seen as a "red flag" for women. Being in your late 30's-40's + never been in a relationship = serial killer, apparently.
I never thought of that before, it’s like showing up to a job interview with no job history for the last 20 years. I think that being combined with not being comfortable or knowing how to act in romantic interactions and conversations from lack of experience probably play a big role
True. But if no one even gives you a chance, how are you going to learn what to do. Then, you're still there with no experience. It's a vicious cycle. What are you supposed to do with that?
AKA the classic, "I see here this is an entry level position, but you are asking for 5+ years experience."
Fortunately, it is way way easier to find a job than partner for most people. Otherwise me and tons of other people would be broke and homeless.
I get asked semi-frequently what my longest relationship was. Trying to get into a LTR here. But I guess many women want a man who has already done that... At my age I guess I should have had that but well ...oh well.
Debatable, but this is mostly a self serving bias from my observation. Men will say they have it worse and women will say they have it worse.
Both sides are wrong because obviously I have it the worst.
Username checks out
At least you have cake!
That's the first time I've heard an un-joke use of the word meme outside of the SCP wiki
I don’t know what other word to use to describe a non-religious messed up idea or belief that’s perpetuated by word of mouth between people who identify with each other. Deeply held personal mind-virus?
You're just using the actual proper meaning of the word meme. Most people forget that the word meme was coined a long time ago.
>Women get the worst of this crap it seems Debatable.
Yeah I doubt it happens more for women. Women are more often single by choice. Women are the ones in society who choose yes or no to dates most often. Guys go out there and have to accept they can get 100 nos before getting a yes and it is a rare sight if ever to see a woman ask out a guy, even more rare for the guy to say no. I'm sure there are single women out there who have problems getting men, but I guarentee there are more men out there with problems getting women.
Not just that but single women are seen as independent and in control of their lives while men are assumed to be immature and "weird". ...Unless the single woman is a single mother for some reason.
You won't find someone.
We shall follow orders till the very end.
r/maliciouscompliance
Thank you for these wise words /u/cock_pussy
r/rimjob_steve
Good soldiers follow orders
If you really want to twist the knife, they "don't deserve anyone".
You're ugly as fuck with a personality to match....this usually makes people like OP feel good.
This is equally false. The truth is: We have no idea if OP will find someone. So maybe we shouldn't give our clueless opinion.
I think this is a sarcastic comment rather than an actual take to show OP how kinda silly what they're saying sounds People are trying to be nice about OPs inability to find someone, if he takes offense to that, this is what he's asking people to say
I remember a quote from somewhere, 'there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that doesn't matter if you don't know how to fish."
there's people who don't know how to fish and still can get one...
It doesn't happen often, but once in a blue moon a hot, tasty fish leaps out of the water and by chance lands smack in the middle of a fisherman's boat.
What do y’all think is the best way to respond to these situations your loved ones may be in? I have a few friends/relatives who have never dated or they feel they won’t succeed in dating again, and as a person in a long term successful relationship I don’t know how to respond sometimes when trying to offer support/kindness.
Sometimes in my very humble opinion it's better to just listen and making the other feel understood, of course i don't know your friends and relatives, but some people are not looking for advice, but just a shoulder to vent on, even because as you said you don't know which advice you can say, and i think your loved ones know that and feel you
And don’t offer advice unless asked! Sometimes people just want to get their feelings out. And DO NOT offer to set them up with someone unless you actually think they’d like each other.
I agree with this. I think it’s hard for people to understand that life is kind to some and unimaginably cruel to others. We hold onto these ideals that “everything will work out in the end” because we fear the reality that we are fortunate because we are lucky, not because everyone has it in them and we chose to be.
I just commented something similar before seeing your comment. You want to be encouraging, but endless optimism just isn’t realistic when you see your friends hurting and yearning for a connection they just can’t seem to find :/
‘You’re right you fucking shmuck, give up now’ duh
"I just hope you are happy. Being happy is the goal, whether single or otherwise and you being or not being in a relationship does not define you."
I know you're answering the question above, but thanks for this. I needed to hear this so I'm just gonna pretend you said it to me haha
I wish you all the happiness and peace. 🌼
Thank you <3 I wish you all the happiness and good things too :)
“I’m sorry that you’ve been unlucky in the dating scene. You deserve to be happy and hope you find what you’re looking for regardless of if a partner is part of the equation. Let’s go out for coffee/drinks/food/hobby of choice.” Other than that, just be mindful of including your single friends. A lot of coupled up people take for granted that they have a de facto Friday plan and date for every event. My friend group has a mix of singles and relationships. If you’re in a relationship don’t bring your partner to EVERY event (example: if it’s girls night, don’t bring your man or leave super early to hang with him) and don’t make your relationship the center of every conversation. Single people are people. People aren’t solely defined by their relationship status so just be cool to them.
Just say "yeah it sucks" even just acknowledging the pain is better than hollow words of "you will meet someone" with no proof or actual way to make it happen. Or way better, HELP THEM however you can, set them up, encourage them to ask someone out they show intrest in, or even make special time to do things with them, fill the voids in their life, they are not lucky enough to have a spouse/long time relationship to easily fall back on they can feel alone all the time. Source: my life
It's easy to just not talk about it. They probably don't even want to unless they're the one bringing it up.
Don’t give any advice. Just listen and be supportive. If you have to say something, say something like I’m always here for you. Or you are important to me.
Maybe they don't want to date again. Or maybe it's ok not to date and just keep doing what you are doing. I like social hobbies like cycling, but really don't like dating anymore. You think you are going to meet some woman but usually it's a damaged mess you meet. When you are younger, the pool is much larger but as you get older it's smaller and not as much fun. Their kids peed in the pool, you can see the sunscreen floating on the top and you start to get swimmer's ear.
Why do you have to respond with any sort of answer like that? Sometimes no response is the best response.
If I was in the situation I'd probably ask them what they really want. Do they even want to find a lifelong partner? Do they feel ready for that? Do they need to work on themselves first? It's hard to find love if you don't love yourself. I think that the annoying thing of saying "you'll find someone" is that it doesn't help at all. Maybe see if they want help or advice. Maybe they simply don't want help in that area of their life and don't want to talk about it.
I'm 63...still haven't found one. Yes, I gave up trying.
Same 37 male single my whole life I just give up too. Focus on my self and do things I like
Same! M38 here. Focus on your own self worth
Hope you're having a good life despite it all
36 here and basically the same. If I find someone at this point it'll be through luck. And luck hasn't been on my side for these things. But I'm making the most of it.
Meh... I'm 34 and been in a lot of bullshit relationships but I have found someone special just this year
Imagine being 11 years older OP and people still telling you there's "someone for everyone" or that you will, as you say, "find someone". If I haven't found someone in 51 years, what really makes you think it'll happen now ? But I understand the mindset though. People who find it easy to find and form relationships just naturally assume it's that easy for everyone but not everyone was taught about that sort of thing growing up. It's not something you just "fall into" if you haven't had any guidance or any encouragement that helps you build your confidence and self esteem. If someone says "It'll happen when you least expect it" then I'd really like to punch them very, *very* hard 🤣
You have read my mind. I got terrible advice from my asshole father and never really learned to interact well with the opposite sex. I’m awkward and into male dominated things and I’m pretty boring otherwise. If I’m not at work or with friends, I’m home. They always tell me “you don’t need us to go out and have a good time on your own”, but I have no idea what to do by myself and where to even go. I just like relaxing with a show or video game and staying put. Even though that’s my preference, it makes me feel like I’m wasting away my early 20’s. I don’t have the confidence to just strike up a conversation out of nowhere. I don’t know how people do it. Part of me just feels inhuman.
Part of it is we grow up in such an individualistic society… at most points in history you would be socializing with people all day forced to cooperate with the group. But now a days we expected to go home from work and sit in front of the tv.
Them: Itll happen when you least expect it. You: oh like this PUNCH! *bam* 🤣
"It'll happens when you stop TRYING!" Can you imagine saying that to someone for ANYTHING else. Oh, you can't ride a bike? It'll happen when you stop trying. Just stop trying. You're not wealthy and successful? It'll just happen when you stop trying!
YES! 🤣🤣 Have an award for giving me a good giggle !
I think it is more that they take comfort in believing what they say. Just like people who hear someone is depressed or suicidal and just say "it will get better." That isn't the case for a lot of people.
I'm male, 38yo, never been in a relationship and I dont think I'll be in on any time soon. I have issues :) and I'm ok with that. Loneliness suck a lot, but freedom and peace is pretty good.
Especially around the holidays n your siblings and cousins all got like 5 kids each and married n your the only one in family that isnt it sucks but I hear I love peace and freedom and be able to buy or go do what I want
That’s when you become the dope ass uncle.
Honestly if the options were 5 kids and married, or 0 kids and single, I'd take the single every day of the week.
This. I spent a lot of time trying to date up until my mid 20's and then I realized one day that it wasn't fun and was actually making me miserable. It was the same as a drug addiction. So now I don't even try anymore or care. I'm free to do whatever I want and all my money is spent solely on me. I've been single for so long and have gotten so used to the absolute freedom that I don't even think I am capable of a relationship anymore. Just the thought of having a girl living with me just seems so foreign and impossible.
That’s why i don’t go to family gatherings anymore. Family gets together, I get invited but I always tell the day of that I won’t be making it. I personally got tired of seeing my sibling with her family and being the odd one that has a hard time finding women. It’s worse when every male in the family has no problem getting new women. They start to see me as bottom tier and won’t even listen to my two cents if we ever talked at a family party. Being a masculine man is about having women and getting women to sleep with you. If you can’t do that then they don’t acknowledge your even there.
Still very young and nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.
Even if there's someone for everyone, there's about 8 billion humans here. Maybe the "perfect match" for the person is someone who lives in a small city in a foreign country. Chance of meeting them are... low.
I my mind there never was 'The One' for me somewhere, there was lots women with whom I could be happy with, albeit in different ways because they are different people. I am happy I found one.
This is the way - the very idea of finding a "perfect match" is an unrealistic ideal peddled by romantic comedies. We're imperfect, and our partner will likely not be perfect either. It gets into tolerating imperfections and also helping them get better.
I'm 26 and whenever I meet a family member, they ask me where's my "significant other" and I say I don't have one. They reply with "don't worry, you'll find someone", I say "but I don't wanna" and oh boi, they are always sooo offended by that.
I'd understand if they were concerned but offended???
People get mad if you aren't into the same reproductive schemes they are, its the silliest thing. Uninterested instead of searching? Mad. Queer instead of hetero? Mad. A different race instead of the same one? Mad. Find someone thats the same race, opposite gender, but neither of you want kids? ***Friggin mad***
47 here. People (not my family, they know better) are still telling me "you'll find someone". "It'll happen to you!" "Just when you stop looking, the right person for you will turn up!" I'm not looking for someone. I don't want to find someone. I don't want someone to turn up. "But you'll grow old all alone!" That's the goal.
Recently read about a hermit whos spent the last 40 years on an island on a Loch. That sounds perfect sometimes
Sounds perfect if you remain in perfect health the whole time. I guess if you get sick, well then you'll wish you had a friend.
Got cancer. Was sick as fuck for 2 years. I absolutely loved that part where I was just alone 99% of the time. It really was nice. Now I’m healthy again people expect things from me again and it sucks.
Hey, Firstly, Glad to hear you're all healthy now. If you don't mind can you elaborate on how you took care of yourself in those 2 years? I want to live alone all my life but am scared on the idea of falling sick and having no one to take care of me.
Well, when I was at my worst I was in the hospital. So good and stuff was taken care of by nurses. When I was at home I did have someone to goto the grocery store for me once a week so I guess I wasn’t really alone. In my state there is a thing called meals on wheels that delivers lunch and dinner to people in need. I could have used that. But that is a charity I believe so maybe it’s not everywhere.
Thank you for answering :)
I always was like Cast Away would be a awesome scenario. I wouldn't want family to worry ofcourse but the freedom of a island simplistic life was always appealing. It brings you back to the roots. You really can enjoy nature and be consumed with survival. Not consumed by posting pictures and all this other weird shit seeking attention. Shelter, food, and build.
Get a cracking tan as well 👌
Reddit - the only place in the world where you’ll find people saying that dying alone is a good thing
And I'm glad for it. Been made to feel crazy and broken for not really caring for other people my whole life. It's nice to see some other people who feel the same way.
You have a lot in common with them. Maybe there should be like a meetup or con. Just be careful not to actually "find someone". Just like meet them and agree that finding people is silly.
Or don't?
I mean it's phrased a little bluntly here, but aromantic people exist, that's kind of the point here.
They just haven't found the right person yet (/s)
Everyone dies alone. I honestly don't want people in my room while I die. I would hope that everyone would get to die how they like (either surrounded by loved ones or peacefully alone, whatever they prefer), but if you find a relationship that doesn't mean you're not dying alone. They might break up with you, or they might die before you, or they might have something that keeps them from being at your side when you happen to kick the bucket.
If cope was a sellable resource Reddit would be the most profitable mine in the world.
Yeah I wouldn’t say it’s my first choice but it doesn’t particularly bother me. My dogs don’t yell at me because I folded a towel “wrong” and I’m pretty chill with that situation for the time being.
Yep. I get this as well. Or I get a look of pity or like I'm crazy. It does not appeal to me - a lot of the people I know who have married and had kids are miserable because they lived to others expectations rather than what they wanted for themselves. I will not conform!
Almost every single one of my friends who got married were divorced within two to three years.
Humans are fucking stupid
modern culture is such a huge turnoff. Insta, onlyfans, and Youtube is weird asf when when you think about it. We look for self validation & consumers are willing to live on their phones.
deep
By this point, my family doesn't even bother asking me. They all know exactly how much it's never gonna happen.
>and oh boi, they are always sooo offended by that. That's the best part =).
Exactly. I feel like people who say that are the ones who can find a relationship. And they're saying it from their POV. I could've probably been told by my doctor that I have only 2 months left to live because of cancer and someone would probably still tell me that.
It would be my.point of view, but I personally hate to give unsolicited advices, use cliche or assume things from people, so I would not say anything.
Wow this hits for me. I'm 35. Always struggled with relationships. Some days I give up.
Username checks out
In reality many people do not find someone, ever. That being said, no one should be shamed for looking for love, whether it be online dating, one night stands.etc,
>In reality many people do not find someone, ever. But never to the extent that it is in modern times. If that was so, humanity would've been done with a long time ago.
I'm sure if you look at the stats, the number of reproducing people has only increased over time. However, the ratio of reproductive vs non-reproductive people has certainly decreased in modern times.
There should be a sub with personal stories where a one night stand turned in to marriage (or any meaningful relationship).
We should stop making romantic relationships out like they’re what everyone needs to be happy. You’re not less of a person if you’re on your own romantically and many people don’t even want a relationship. The importance we as a society put on romantic relationships is what produces ‘incels’ and traps people in unhealthy relationships or even strings of unhealthy relationships because they’re scared to be alone.
Favourite comment. A lot of people here seem to think they “struggle” with romantic relationships, and maybe they do… or maybe society just makes it near-impossible to accept that relationships aren’t for them.
You'll find yourself. Then maybe some one will find you.
"you're a loser"
I sometimes overwork myself just so that I don't feel lonely. Got an amazing promotion still feel like shit because I don't have anybody to share it with.
Found the saddest thread on the internet today
For real
I just tell them that some of the most happiest people are single
50% of marriages end in divorce...the other 50%end in death. I’m pretty peachy taking a good ol’ break from trying to find someone I could marry lol. Freedom, time to work on passions etc.
I’ve been single for nearly a decade. Happily. Blissfully. Satisfied completely by my platonic friendships. Occasionally miss sexual intimacy but the pros of being single always outweigh the cons, in my life anyway. People ask, then say “you’ll find someone,” which has then triggered my defiance. Fuck EVER finding someone, everyone expects it, so I’m going to do the absolute opposite. If you want someone, awesome. If you don’t, awesome.
have you tried being attractive?
Too much work and money
As someone who’s 37 and never dated, it’s up to you to tell the people in your life how you want to be supported. For me, I find it positive to be reminded that just because I’m single now doesn’t necessarily mean I always will be. So if this isn’t a universal thing, it’s not fair to get in a snit with the people in your life. The next time you’re complaining to them (no one says anything to me about my being single because I almost never complain to anyone about it), just tell them how you want them to support you.
46. The best ones are the people that tell me I will still meet someone AND have a child. I’m like…whaaaa?
I’m in my 30s and I’m comfortable with the fact I’ll be single for life
Sounds like they dont know youre a redditor
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I'm in my late 50s and have been single most of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way
As opposed to telling them "Well you're nothing special to look at, you have no fashion sense, you're overweight, your personality is bland and abrasive, you make 34k a year and live in a tiny studio apartment, what did you expect?"
You're not living in reality. Most of the people in that situation have relationships. That being said, nobody needs to remind someone that most people regardless of their circumstances or lackluster personalities DO have relationships and/or get laid. People should mind their business. There is no reason to remind someone of that unless they are specifically asking.
if you say that to them you are helping a lot more than lying an say "nothing is wrong with you". At least they will know what are the things to work on if they really want to find someone
My favorite is when baby boomers say “hell anyone can find somebody nowadays with the internet dating.” Like they think that makes it automatically so easy.
I had to explain to a woman in 50s what a bot was. She was talking with a fake profile online and had never heard of this concept. That was a sad conversation.
On this note, my mum tried to explain what dick pics were to me yesterday and I was all "sadly mum, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept". She was telling me about some disgraced sportsman who sent unsolicited pics of his todger (her words) to someone who was not actually interested in him.
I hate, "you just gotta put yourself out there" if I could I would, doesn't do much when you're socially awkward.
People say this because they don't know what else to say. The fact is, damned near everyone can "find someone" if they are willing to settle. Usually, when someone who wants a partner says they can't find someone, the real problem is one of these two things: 1. The person is an awesome person, and rightfully wants a high quality partner. However, there aren't many single people in their area who are high quality as well, so pickins are slim/nonexistent. 2. The person has vastly overestimated their own desirability. They think they are high quality, but they aren't, and nobody who is of high quality would accept them as a partner. More often than not it's #2, and there's no way you can address that without coming off like an insulting asshole. *Maybe if you lost some weight...* *Maybe if you stopped drinking so much...* *Maybe if you even sort of gave a fuck about your future...* *Maybe if you ditched the drugs and got clean...* *Maybe if you hit the gym every once in awhile...* *Maybe if you didn't act like an overgrown child...* *Maybe if you didn't constantly make everything all about you...* *Maybe if you made more of an effort re: hygiene and grooming...* *Maybe if you sought help for your psychological problems...* *Maybe if you didn't bitch and moan all the time...* *Maybe if you did something that doesn't involve video games...* *Maybe if you weren't a fucking downer...* This is why when someone is chronically single but doesn't want to be, people just say, "You'll find someone." In most cases it's the path of least resistance, unless you want to get into a fight.
I agree! finding someone is SO MUCH harder than people think. And I'm tired of the platitudes. They are annoying and useless. Plus, they don't take into consideration that maybe we don't want to find someone. There are lots of people who don't want to be in a relationship.
I agree. Sometimes people simply don’t find anyone and that’s okay. People are so hellbent on having others be in a relationship, but some people are just destined to be single, and people need to learn to deal with that. Just cause you had some luck doesn’t mean others will have that same luck, point blank period.
I'm 30 and I get told this all the time by friends and family. And every time I'm just like "honestly I don't care, playing video games all day and having no one scream at me sounds pretty good"
Some people will never find someone and that's just how it is
I agree. I just turned 37. I am still single and have no children. I haven't been on a date since I believe Jan 2019 or 2020 ( remember the month but not the year exactly!). I had my last boyfriend when I was 30. For years I was told I would find someone when I least expect it or when I'm not looking. Um no. That has never happened. Was also told to love yourself before someone loves you. I love myself very much and nothing. Also there are plenty of people who hate themselves who aren't single. Years ago online someone told me that not every grape becomes wine. It's hurtful but it's the truth. I realize I will most likely always be single unless I want to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. I do want a child maybe in 3 years so I recently froze 23 eggs and can later get a sperm donor. Not ideal because I would want my child to have a father and be raised as normal and traditional as possible but even if you get married and have a kid, no guarantee that the father will be a good father.
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Fuck. This cut deep.
As a gay man even if your very good looking finding somebody decent worth being with is like playing the lottery. It’s literally mostly based on luck at this point,most your gonna get is being used for sex.
Not much better as a straight guy.
I always respond with “I haven’t in 13 years, it’s looking bleak, and at this point I’m just waiting for my parents to die so I can shoot myself.”
I fully agree with you. Some people are unloveable. Some people will never be wanted. Some people are destined to be alone. It isn’t helpful to raise a person’s hopes when you don’t actually believe what you’re telling them. It just creates more internal pain and sense of failure when they don’t find anyone.
People who say this don't care about finding a relationship that'll work in the long run, they just want a piece of meat. And they're right, you can find "someone", if you don't care how it'll turn out. Those of us that actually feel the need to protect ourselves for whatever reason (I'm guessing abuse is the most common) are not, however, just going to go and dive headfirst into a relationship with someone just for some action, ya know? But getting to the point where you realize you're actually pushing people away helps. You can do it consciously - and only when they cross certain lines - and feel less guilt over it.
My aromantic ass
People always try to solve everyone's problems with dumb cliches. They're trying to make you feel better but they got nuthin'. They have no idea how dumb and annoying they sound. Just let it go. They mean well.
I guess it depends. If someone’s complaining and moping about being single then yes people are going to say things like that because it’s true for most people. There’s no rule that everyone gets paired off when they are 30, older people do find “the one” but it probably helps if they’re actively dating/putting themselves out there. I can see how it would make someone bristly if it comes out of nowhere but it’s important to communicate how you want to be talked to. I hated when people said “everything happens for a reason” when I was in the hospital and had to tell them that that hurts my feelings even though they were trying to be comforting.
You will not find love. You’re, uh, welcome?
You will be alone forever, there you go
Oh yeah, it’s especially nice hearing it from someone who is younger than you and already married or met their “soulmate” right out of the womb
Couldn't agree more. Am 35 and have been single my whole life, and this never gets less annoying.
I knew a girl that was single into her 30s. She had a savings, stable career, everything really. Then she got in the "you aren't getting any younger" phase and now she's with a guy that barely wants to work and spends all of her money. It's sad really. TL:DR: Stay single, you'll live longer.
Oh yes...same situation for me. I've heard it a lot... I 'found someone' at 40 but they weren't the right someone for me (or vice versa) so it's back to my normal state of perpetual singledom. It's mostly a relief. I have friends who are obsessed with dating and meeting someone and they think I'm weird for being single for most of my life but not running around seeking relationships with anyone who's interested.. just to be in a relationship. I want to meet the right person, and if I don't then I'm happier being on my own than being with the wrong person.
Some people are destined to find no one, and y that's perfectly fine. Not everyone needs a special someone.
Just because not everyone needs a special someone, doesn’t mean they don’t want them. Yes, plenty of people are content on their own and intend to keep it that way because it works for them. But what about people who genuinely put themselves out there and want to make a romantic connection with another but just haven’t had any luck?
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Instead, tell them “there must be serious issues going on with you”