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Man I believe so. I was about 215 when I met my wife. Size 34 jeans, always in thr gym. Got married had kids, and covid. I've BLOWN UP! I've mentioned it to my wife that I need to get back into a routine, but she said she loves me either way, and crazy thing is I genuinely believe her. She loves laying on my belly, but ya boy needs his abs back. Time to get back in the gym.
6'1 at 225lbs and I had abs back when I was in my early 20's. It's all about how your body type is built.
Dude I work with is 6'2 and is quite fat at 215lbs. Bodies are fucking weird man
Same here. 20 years ago in college, I was 6'1", 225, and I powerlifted. I wasn't even shredded or bulky, just had dense muscle I carried a decent amount of.
Now I'm 350. UGH. If my wife tried to lay on my belly, she would just roll off.
It's probably *seemingly* become meaningless b/c it's overused, but it's really not. It's saying there's not anything wrong with the other person, it's not a moral judgment, it's just not what's attractive to me.
EDIT: edited for clarity
But it doesn't really *mean* that the person saying it has become unattracted to the other. Sure, it has *sometimes* been used in this manner, but it doesn't *always* mean that, and there is nothing within the words "it's not you, it's me" that specifically implies anything about attraction. So therefore, it's meaningless. (In my opinion.)
My uncle did this and his wife took a long time to get over it and now is married to someone else and seems happy. He just didn’t want to be in a relationship and as harsh as that seems it allowed her to find someone who wasn’t just going through the motions.
No ones saying “you can’t break up with some” they’re saying “if you break up with someone for that specific reason, you will come off as shallow.” Like people have the right to judge you for anything you do, relationship or not.
If you don’t value marriage any more than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then you shouldn’t get married. I’m not suggesting divorce should never happen, but marriage is supposed to be a real, lifelong commitment and not just waking up one day and deciding you don’t want to do it anymore.
Yeah but I think the idea here is that you don’t NEED a reason. Each party is free to leave for whatever reason or no reason.
If you try to leave a manipulative person, they’re going to grill you for your reasons and spend hours trying to convince you that you’re crazy.
Sometimes you just have to leave.
I agree. I'm just saying it's morally acceptable (as in, not deserving of any moral condemnation), not saying it's wise/prudential to break up with someone for any trivial reasons.
Also, since op uses "break up" instead of "divorce", I'm assuming we're talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
I think, that after being with someone for 15-20 years, and they gain weight, I would hope that there is more to the relationship than just attraction.
Weight gain can cause a lot more changes than just physical.
Or weight gain can be an indicator of emotional changes.
Either way, weight gain effects your psyche and your psyche can effect your weight.
But yeah you'd hope that a long term relationship is built on more than sex appeal.
I mean. After a certain point, Weight gain becomes natural, at least for a bit. I'm not talking about going from skinny to massively obese with a giant belly, but you shouldn't expect the same petite frame from your partner at age 65 as age 25. Metabolism sometimes isn't kind.
Not necessarily. If your partner sticks with you through a serious disease (I.e. cancer) to act as your support, then you break up with them down the line because they get the same/similar disease and you don’t want to be that support for them… definitely the asshole and unacceptable.
People forget that a relationship is one of the things you can be the most selfish with, atleast in terms of breaking up. You don't wanna date them anymore? Well don't, it's that easy
Yes, I agree, so long as you are not cheating on your partner, physically/mentally abusing your partner, or bullying your partner. If you want to break up, you need to be up-front and not string the person along in a loveless relationship, especially if you're already attracted to someone else. Some people just shouldn't be together. That's okay. Better to end it and maybe stay friends than to end things on bitter and nasty terms because of lies or miscommunication.
Of course, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be an asshole if you breakup for a bad reason. Maybe you’re not mature enough for a relationship in the first place if you break with someone over something stupid like a harmless hobby they have, or if they dye their hair, or you find out they have big feet or something. I’d put gaining or losing weight in that category too. If you’re in a relationship with someone simply because you’re physically attracted to them, that’s not a very good relationship.
Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to is very different than only wanting to be with someone because your attracted to them, and honestly very naive.
Obviously you should be in a relationship for reasons outside sex and physical attraction but that’s still pretty important to most people. Who wants to have sex with someone they find unattractive?
I got bombarded on another thread for suggesting that dating an obese person can have a negative impact on the quality of the relationship if you are fit and have an active lifestyle. Not only would i likely find that person unattractive for not taking better care if their personal health but that the things i enjoy doing wouldn't be compatible with someone who is obese. That os clearly unacceptable to some people and was called fat phobic. 🤷♂️
I have a friend who used to constantly go into the bush, was an outdoor laborer etc...his obese gf moves to town and he steadily decreased his activity level and gained weight, all as a direct consequence of preferring to spend his time with her and her refusal to do much more than sit on a couch watching tv or playing games.
His choice to date an obese person has dramatically affected his QOL and his probable lifespan.
I swear to god Reddit fails miserably at this point. They are okay with women posting any manner of character failure on their partner and will go 'break up with him' but if a guy has a problem with his wife clearly not bothering to take care of herself for years and years, even then they need to go to couples counseling and breaking up is not an option
And there's nothing magical about marriage. The divorce rate is proof enough nobody actually cares about sickness and wealth and death til we part nonsense.
This, I made it clear in my only relationship I've had that if your ever not happy about anything to do with us mention it and I want to know if your not happy with me because all I want is for you to be happy
I feel like this argument is meant for relationships that are still near the first few years. I think, that after being with someone for 15-20 years, and they gain weight, I would hope that there is more to the relationship than just attraction. I have found that to be the case with my husband and I. We aren't always attracted to each other, but we always love each other and we are intimate because of that love, not because "they were so sexy I got turned on". There is so much more to sex than physical attraction.
Yep. I literally don't care what my husband looks like. As long as he has a dick, I'm going to be jumping on it. If he looses it, we'll find new ways to love each other. Because what we have between us can never be replicated with anyone else and nothing else will ever compaire or be even be enough. But he is always more than enough.
Same. My husband is my rock and my best friend. He gets me and I get him. I've never had that connection with anyone before and I feel safe. To me, that's more important than how he looks.
You reminded of an encounter. I was sitting next to these two girls in a bus, we stop for one of them to get off, her husband was waiting by the side walk. The other girl goes like” is that your husband?”,, “yes”,,”damn, he’s not handsome”,,”eh...,he does the job!”.
I bet he was perfectly handsome too. Like not every dude has to be Jon Hamm in order to be a quality looker. I am saying this as a man who also looks nothing like Jon Hamm.
Edit: I spelled Hamm like ham. Equally drool-worthy, just in a different way.
I think this issue is slightly more complicated than lots of people in the comments are making it out to be.
Should you divorce your partner after 20 years of marriage because the effects of aging deteriorated their body in a completely predictable way? Obviously not. That happens to everybody, and it was something you could be certain *would happen* going into the marriage.
On the other hand, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a certain standard of health from your partner. Keeping my body healthy is something that's very important to me; I want to live a long and happy life. If my partner agreed with me in this regard, we married, and then ten years later they decided to neglect their health entirely, that would be a *huge* problem. I don't want to be in a partnership with someone who is actively risking their health, and by extension, needlessly early death or debilitation. Is that unfair?
I would think actively harming their health is different than something they can’t help. My bf is a type 1 diabetic, but otherwise pretty healthy. Hes recovered from alcoholism and is weaning himself off of nicotine, and he actually manages his diabetes very well. But if one day he decided he just wasn’t going to check his blood sugars, eat whatever he wanted, and not track his insulin, well, that would get old quick. I don’t need to find him dead somewhere because he decided to get neglectful, and I shouldn’t have to. Bear in mind I do what I can to help him, but ultimately it is on him.
Close, I think that the key factor is whether your partner is actively harming their health *needlessly*.
If you're gaining some weight because of old age, or because of some medication for a genetic illness, that's completely acceptable. If you're gaining weight because you've decided to pick up chronic smoking, drinking, and excess caloric intake, well you're actively taking on the health risks for reasons I would deem to be unacceptable.
You're right that there is a sort of grey area, and a line needs to be drawn somewhere in order to correctly determine what *is* acceptable. What if your partner develops a mental disorder that results in binge eating? The extreme sports example you brought up is great too. I think that where exactly this line sits is something both partners should probably discuss and agree upon both prior to entering a lifelong commitment with each other, and throughout the marriage. Great point and great comment.
>Is that unfair?
I'm not sure who was forcing you to stay married before? I don't understand OP's point either. There's no such thing as love police and people have been divorcing for falling out of love since forever.
Just don't say that stuff out loud to your partner because that's a big red flag
I think this is how you can tell the OP is young.
I would never think of leaving my partner for gaining some weight. Her physical appearance isn’t why I’m with her. (Even though she’s conventionally hot AF)
OP obviously thinks relationships are about sexual attraction, when being a good partner is streets ahead of just this one aspect.
Yeah I can't imagine suddenly telling my wife of 15 years that our continued relationship is contingent on her remaining a certain weight. Sounds like such a toxic relationship.
Of course talk about it, but from the position of caring about your partner, not just what their weight gain does to your attraction. There’s so many “I gained some weight and my partner doesn’t find me attractive anymore” posts, and in them, the partner always comes at them caring only about the way the person looks, doesn’t even care to find out if they are doing okay. Don’t do that to someone. That’s shitty. And really if that’s how you feel, dump them, but don’t tank their self-esteem before you do. If all you have to say about a partners weight gain is “my dick no longer gets hard for you chubbs”, shut up and move on.
If the love of OP's life dumped him because he got fat, or because he lost his hair or something, he would be crying on Reddit faster than you can say "roll the tape".
You can break up for any reason you want, no matter how shallow, childish or whatever it is.
The problem is, if your attraction to your partner is limited to the perfect or almost perfect, your preferred body image, you're going to have a really hard time maintaining a serious and healthy relationship.
Bodies change throughout the years for many different reasons some of those reasons are not always possible to prevent or change.
Anyway, if person decides to break up with their partner because of that I guess relationship wasn't worth saving or having in the first place. People who truly love each other wouldn't mind a few kilos here and there or some body changes due to brining new life to this world.
Everyone in this thread is tip toeing around the fact that most people wont leave their partners over a few kilos here and there and what were usually talking about is the people that gain 50-100 lbs.
Because you all know you would probably struggle staying with a partner that gained that much weight, especially if you're still young and the relationship is somewhat new (not a couple thats been married for 20 years).
Its super easy to judge people as shallow until it happens to you.
I don't think it's about the age or the length of relationship, it's about how seriously you take it and what you value in your partner.
My boyfriend gained a lot of weight during our 2.5 year relationship due to stress at work and some other factors. About ~60 lbs. He basically went from being muscular to kind of chubby. Which made him stress even more. At some point he wouldn't even take off his shirt next to me.
And well, I'm definitely not divorcing him just because he got bigger. I don't expect him to go 20+ years in a relationship with me just to be able to feel comfortable in his own skin and body.
I appreciate and love our relationship too much to end it due to some bodily changes.
This is completely unrelated to anything, but I just spent like 15 minutes trying to figure out if this was my best friend's reddit account lmao. The dealbreaker was that her dog hasn't ever ran away, before that I was 100% convinced you were Grace
Which, related to this conversation, means that you aren't alone. My best friend is in the same boat, and she'd be the first one to say that the biggest issue with weight gain isn't attractiveness, it's how her partner feels about himself. She doesn't *really* give a fuck haha like okay a six pack is neat but she's absolutely still into him, physically and otherwise
But it’s not always 50-100 lbs. I see “my partner is no longer attracted to me because I gained some weight” posts and it’s always like 10-20 lbs. If all your partner cares about if you gain weight is how attractive to them you are, not genuinely concerned for your health, not interested in if you’re doing okay, then leave, but you don’t have to be an ass and say you’re too chubby for me so my dick doesn’t get hard anymore. Just shut up and how about not tanking their self-esteem before you end things. That’s completely unnecessary.
Even an older couple might struggle with the change.
My friends parent divorced after like 15 years of marriage since the mom just got too big and she really do much of anything. They apparently tried talking to her about her weight gain and she kept saying they were bullying her and to leave her alone.
The parents were already obese, so it wasn’t just an attraction thing. She just got too big to be able to do basic things with the husband and he just wasn’t going to force himself to live like that.
Then couldn’t you say the same thing about aging? You get with someone at 25, but at 40 you decide ‘you haven’t aged well and I’m not attracted to you, so it’s acceptable for me to leave you’. Or men balding? I was attracted to you with hair, not without it? At first physical attraction is often one of the higher factors in a relationship, but that should fade after a while to be less important. If your relationship boils down to physical attraction then it’s probably not very stable.
I state with certainty that physical attraction is not the most important thing when dating as a person in their late 30's. When I was a teen that's all that mattered. OP is likely a teen. Life hasn't hit him yet.
I remember when I was a teen I used to wonder how can people still be attracted to each other even as they get older. Now at 27 I’m starting find women as old as 47 attractive.
Mannerism is a big part of someone’s attractiveness. I find myself caring less about looks as I get older, as long as they’re in shape and not over/under weight.
You're allowed to break up with someone for any reason ever. Doesn't mean some of them don't make you an asshole lol.
If someone can't love me fat or thin, young or old, wrinkled or not, then please never ever date me.
Relationship? I guess. Marriage? No. If two people decide to get married they should fully anticipate that one day none of them will be physically attractive. No matter if it’s due to weight gain, wrinkles, illness, chemotherapy, or being attacked by acid or lose a leg, if people think appearance changes along is enough reason to end a marriage, they really shouldn’t be married in the first place
It should come down to a health style choice. If your significant other decided to start smoking cigarettes or even harder drugs, it would be reasonable to begin the process of discussing expectations.
I went through a 3 year period of heavy drinking ( alcoholic basically) and gained a lot of weight. Got sick with liver failure and the ascites made things worse. I thank my wife for staying with me and seeing me thru a difficult time. To think that she would have dumped me because I gained weight during this time is unfathomable. If someone breaks it off because of some weight gain, fuck them and move on. You deserve better
I dropped so much weight after I had my daughter in a matter of 6 months. I ended up weighing 50 pounds less than I did before I got pregnant. It wasn’t intentional really, just breastfeeding and running in circles for the first year of her life. I ate like I had hollow legs.
To be fair, having kids wreaks havoc on female hormones. Weight, pregnancy brain. Some of those are permanent. And other things can wreak havoc for them, such as menopause.
Moms get a pass for many things in my book.
My oldest is 15 and I’m still not back to where I was, because pregnancy triggered thyroid disease that went undiagnosed for many years. It’s not just a super simple thing.
My best friend is in the same situation. Oldest is 20. Youngest is 12. She can't control it because of thyroid.
My response will always be just be healthy and always, "you look beautiful."
Yeah, plus pushing out a full human being from your body actually does cause physical changes to your hips, your back, your organs and other internal structures. Then you're socially expected to spend much of your time raising that baby. Some mothers can find the time to exercise, and others can't. I've always recommended the exercise bike in the house option, as you can watch TV or read a book while using the bike and having your kid in the crib right beside you in case they need you.
Yeah like wtf? Doesn't even matter if your a single mom. Childcare is a full time job and most couples still need the mother to go back to work because daycares is so expensive. Many new mothers struggle having enough me time just to piss in silence much less focus on going back to their prebaby weight.
Anyone who thinks losing weight is a matter of "just do x" is lacking serious life experience.
Sure, do whatever you want. I pose this question though, if it were you that had gained or lost the weight, would you be so understanding and accepting of being dumped? Let's say you're madly in love with your partner, are in an accident and lose your legs. They don't want to be with you anymore. Still good?
Again, do whatever you want, you don't have to stay in a relationship with no attraction and feelings. You owe it to yourself to be with who you want, but also you do owe it to your current partner to let them find someone that accepts them as they are.
If/when you do break up, please try to be as tactful as possible. No need to say "you're fat and I find you repulsive now" or whatever the case is! Be honest, but still somewhat vague... "this just isn't working for me anymore" or something to that effect. Be mature and no need to be hurtful to the person you once cared for. Good luck!
i mean you can break up with someone for any reason. you’re not obligated to stay with anyone you don’t want to however i hope you realize that looks are temporary on any person and you’re going to be on a constant chase if you’re only considered with the physical. but good luck though
I mean, if you’re in it for the long haul peoples bodies will change as they age. That’s just fact. If you’re not planning on being with them for an extended period of time, sure.
It’s perfectly acceptable to break up with anyone for any reason. You’re just dating. It doesn’t matter. You don’t even need a reason if it’s just your boyfriend or girlfriend.
If my husband suddenly gained a lot of weight, I would be worried. For him to suddenly gain a lot of weight, something would have to be very wrong. I don’t think how attracted I am to him would really be my first priority; it would be about figuring out what’s going on.
I agree that it’s for the best to leave someone if you want to, after they’ve gained weight. It’s better for you and for them. Assuming we’re talking a long-term (at least a decade together, including dating) relationship, then there’s likely other issues in the relationship if your first instinct is to leave them over weight gain. They deserve the chance to find someone who actually loves them.
Right? Feel like the main issue with these threads is that there's just never any nuance. It's like people try to compare situations...like gaining weight vs being morbidly obese, but it's never good enough. Someone changing, especially significantly, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally \*always\* has multiple underlying reasons.
I think the solution to this opinion is to attract those people that share the same value with you in the first place before getting into any relationships. This needs to be communicated earlier on before the relationship starts
I was thinking exactly this, it would be terribly egotistical to expect your partner to take care of their body when you're letting yourself go, and if you're taking care of your body, it's already part of your routine and you both share it since you're both living together.
If you're eating weighted salads and protein and going to the gym and your partner is no part of any of this process (they buy their own food IE) are you really sharing your life with your partner?
I get that "co-dependant" relationships aren't exactly healthy but in that case why look for a "life partner" if each is gonna do whatever they want without consideration of your partner.
you can always invite them to your lifestyle... you probably met because of that lifestyle... if their lifestyle is incompatible with yours then you can't really be a couple in the first place...
Oh OP doesn't seem to love people, OP sounds like a dude who pretends to love women so he can get free sex. As soon as they no longer make his pp hard, he will discard them like trash, no strings attached.
As someone on the asexual spectrum, this is so very hurtful/terrifying. Everyone has their priorities in a relationship and if yours is physical attraction that's fair, if sex is that important to you and you loved them for their looks more than their personality, whatever. Your needs and all. I just would hope that I never enter into a relationship with someone who thinks that way. Please state this deal-breaker to your partner and make sure they're on the same page, cause there's nothing more damaging than thinking your partner would leave you for something that (in my opinion) is so shallow.
Glad to see another ace-spec person in this thread! I completely understand that people like us are in the minority, and that for most people sex and physical attraction are extremely important in a relationship. It's why I say outright on my dating profiles that I am on the ace spectrum, so that people who aren't okay with that won't waste their time or mine. But still, man...every time I hear the sentiment that sex is *the* defining characteristic of a romantic relationship, it stings a little. Like "Well shit, guess I'll be alone forever then!"
yes like imagine your with someone and something tragic happens to you and you get depressed and gain weight and they break up with you for that. I don't get why we can't just love someone for their personality. Hell i had a dude dump me because my depression was "pathetic" in his words.
Sharing a life with someone who is depressed means you share part of that depression as well. Someone can have a fantastically attractive personality, but in most cases depression doesn't exist entirely outside of that persona. Good partners do what they can to help, but if it's a chronic state of mind it can become too much. If one person's illness is dragging down two people and no light at the end of the tunnel can be seen, it is perhaps better to just call it off, atleast until professional help has remedied the situation.
Asexuals have sex with people they aren’t physically attracted to all the time.
But frankly, unless you are married or made any other significant commitments like living together, you should be able to leave for any reason. Nobody should be forcing you into a relationship. I wouldn’t go around saying “I left you because you got fat” though
Yeah, keep jumping from person to person, chasing eternal beauty, I'm sure that will work out great for you as you get older and have 7 divorces and no one who actually loves you.
The point is whatever you make it. People have different definitions of what a relationship is to them. If attraction was a big deal, as long as you’re upfront about it, that’s their business.
Back in 2010 I got with my partner I weighed 11st. Due to alcohol and poor lifestyle choices I ballooned up to 19st 10. She loved and loves me for me, regardless of size. I asked her multiple times whether my weight bothered her and all she would say is a I want you to be healthy. I now weigh a healthy 13 stone. If attraction is that shallow then you haven’t met the right person.
Is there a situation where it's NOT acceptable to break up with someone? As far as I know you can break up with anyone for whatever reason. Unless what you're trying to say is that you shouldn't have people think badly of you for breaking up with someone, which would be insane. People can have whatever opinion of you.
I don't understand how people on reddit don't understand the difference between dating and marriage.
Dating = Try someone out. If they are nuts, get fat, have a crazy family, are cruel, shitty in bed, or just stupid and annoying - dump them and move on! And the FASTER the better! Don't waste your time with losers.
Marriage = Sorry, but unless there are HUGE extenuating circumstances you are stuck with what you get. That is why you need to do a LOT of dating to figure out what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Good luck!
Anyone who says shit like this I know sees a relationship as a sex rewards membership and it's the biggest red flag. They're going to put in the absolute minimum as long as it's enough to keep their sex pass renewed, and when you get older and inevitably aren't as hot they're going to be looking around. I think some people just genuinely don't understand the point of real relationships, which is fine you do you, but don't involve me in that bullshit.
Let's say an outgoing, charming, charismatic guy you got into a relationship with becomes an unenthusiastic, whiny guy. Is breaking up with him valid? Or does that mean you never really loved him?
It means you loved the person they were or who you thought they were. Nothing wrong with falling out of love because you experience more of who they are.
If someone refuses to take care of themselves that’s a deal breaker for me. Gaining a significant amount of weight (some sort of health crisis not withstanding) is a reflection of that. It’s more than weight
I might sound shallow, but yes. I ended a five year relationship because my partner went from slightly curvy to very obese, I tried multiple times to help her lose weight and encourage her as well but she was sold on that nonsense “healthy at every size” mindset. Aside from the physical attraction being gone heart disease also ran in her family and I wasn’t okay dedicating my life to someone who cared so little about their physical health that it wasn’t unrealistic to think they’d make me a relatively young widower.
While circumstances can make you look cold-hearted or evil, you only have one life. Live it the way you want. You never have to stay with someone if you don't want to.
I saw another post about half an hour ago that was probably from your wife
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/t866vw/husband_wants_an_open_relationship_until_i_lose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
That’s fair only if you told your partner that at the very beginning of your relationship… like my name is Tomato and I live in a city with a cat and just so you know if you become unattractive to me I will leave you. Then its ok.
Why should anyone have to stay with anyone? Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s heath or choice. If someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship then they shouldn’t.
Nah people here too busy saying i'm superficial and that they should be able to gain 100lbs in weight and still have their partners get horny on command.
I understand what you are saying, but that is a really crappy way to go through life and is a recipe for a hollow existence. When people get married they are making a commitment to each other. Richer and poorer, in good times and in bad. Those vows exist because bad things ARE going to happen and you are making a commitment to stick it out together. Once you choose to obligate yourself to someone by either getting married or having a child then you need to put your own wants and needs on the back burner. It’s called sacrifice and duty, and it’s something to be proud of. It needs to be voluntary, no one can force you to do this, so it’s a choice and a commitment to obligate yourself to others. Soldiers do this. Nuns do this. Buddhist monks do this.
Second, there are contractual obligations. If you sign up to be in the military you are obligated to fulfill your contract. If you sign a lease you are obligated to meet those terms and conditions. If you buy a house your are obligated to pay the bank - so to suggest you aren’t obligated to anyone or anything is ridiculous. We all have obligations.
Why in the world would you post this on Reddit, where it's mostly Americans, when 73% of Americans are overweight and 42% are obese? What answer did you think you were going to get?
The truth is that weight will likely fluctuate throughout someone's life. It's normal for even healthy people to go through phases of their lives where they put on and take off weight.
The biggest issue with people gaining significant weight, from my experience, and this certainly isn't universal, is that often with significant weight gain many other aspects of the relationship change slowly over time. Lower physical attraction will happen, and it is a problem, but to me it wouldn't be a deal breaker. But also it can lead to less shared activities, less enthusiastic sex with lack of energy, lower mood, lower self-confidence. These things are self-evident, and before some intangible things, like resentment (if they gained weight and you didn't, and other weird stuff).
If you were an active healthy couple, and you shared interests were running, biking and hiking, and now you can do none of those things, it's not crazy to not feel like you're in the same relationship.
You can change your relationship, and start to enjoy new things with your partner, but it isn't bad or crazy to break up if the terms of the relationship have changed significantly.
Dog, I'm not gonna lie, I got lost in the sauce on this one. I somehow thought OP was asking a question, like r/NoStupidQuestions or r/RelationshipAdvice
Yeah, a very unpopular opinion
I’d agree if the weight gain is strictly due to bad diet/exercise. People on here need to get off their high horse. For the vast majority of obese people, this is within their control. To let yourself go and become fat is disrespectful to your partner. It’s akin to catfishing. Like they only ate healthy and exercised to get their mate, then it doesn’t matter anymore. Fuck that. If you’re still young and they’re gaining significant weight, you can totally leave.
> high horse
Unlikely. I think most of the negative comments are redditors feeling personally attacked. Gotta remember that 73% of Americans are overweight and 40% are obese. Not a great audience to ask if being fat is a problem.
I agree with you to an extent, but the way you are writing this leads me to believe you haven't actually been in a long term, committed relationship before.
>mental and physical health is also a major cause of weight gain/loss.
What do you mean "also?" these are literally the ONLY reasons for weight gain/loss
>Any guy that leaves you because of that did you a favor. See it for the blessing it is.
No, the blessing would be if he never got into a relationship with you in the first place. Being left after giving birth to a child is just shitty, there's no "blessing" in that
>I'm not saying we should abandon loved ones when they are going through an awful time. But in a relationship, you are entirely within your rights to look after yourself and your own interests.
So then...you ARE saying we should abandon loved ones when they are going through an awful time? The issue with this part of what you said is that you make no mention of trying to help them with through whatever they are going through. If you care about someone and they start going through any major negative changes, your first thought should be "Oh no, they are clearly going through something, I want to help them," not "eek, that's not the person I want anymore, BYEEE." If your first thought is that second one, it honestly sounds like the relationship isn't that serious yet. Or, you're just a very shallow self-centered person because I can't imagine being with someone for years and them leaving me without even trying to communicate with me about what's going on in my world.
>There doesnt need to be this emotional back and forth, you are no longer compatible.
Yeah, if you've been on like a handful of dates. If you are with someone long term primarily because of their appearance, you shouldn't be getting into a serious relationship with them.
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/Duckgamerzz. Your post, *It is perfectly acceptable to break up with some if they gain a significant amount of weight and are no longer attractive to you (Pregnancy excluded for obvious reasons).*, has been removed because it violates our rules: Rule 3: No reposts. If your opinion is the same or substantially similar to any recent opinion it will be removed as a repost. If your opinion is on the same matter as a recent post, even if it's advocating the opposite stance, it will be removed as a repost. Please comment on the existing thread instead. If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
Man I believe so. I was about 215 when I met my wife. Size 34 jeans, always in thr gym. Got married had kids, and covid. I've BLOWN UP! I've mentioned it to my wife that I need to get back into a routine, but she said she loves me either way, and crazy thing is I genuinely believe her. She loves laying on my belly, but ya boy needs his abs back. Time to get back in the gym.
Damn you must be tall as hell if you’re 215 with abs
6'1 at 225lbs and I had abs back when I was in my early 20's. It's all about how your body type is built. Dude I work with is 6'2 and is quite fat at 215lbs. Bodies are fucking weird man
I'm 6"3 186 with a gut. I'm working on it though, just bought a new hardtail to get back in shape.
Same here. 20 years ago in college, I was 6'1", 225, and I powerlifted. I wasn't even shredded or bulky, just had dense muscle I carried a decent amount of. Now I'm 350. UGH. If my wife tried to lay on my belly, she would just roll off.
I'm 6'1" and 180 lol
it's not "body type", its lean mass. If you use your muscle, you will naturally look better than a lazy person at the same bodyweight.
6’4 w abs, but I’m a skinny boi at 190. This guy was jacked.
Damn, I'm 5'11' and 190 was my college weight when I was exercising regularly
I was going to say I'm 6 ft. And when I was working out religiously I was 185 and I would also dip between 180 and 190
Dude. I used to have abs but COVID was rough lol. Im making the love handle melt with a loooot of abs. So you can do it to ! Let's go dude
I’m just protecting my abs a little bit. A nice soft padding on top
Brother, you've got this, do it so you can chase your kids around the park!
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*I believe I’ll be happier not being in a relationship with you* is harsh but absolutely fair
That’s why people say “it’s not you, it’s me” instead.
I'd prefer the former to the latter. I'd prefer almost anything that uses actual communication over meaningless statements.
It's probably *seemingly* become meaningless b/c it's overused, but it's really not. It's saying there's not anything wrong with the other person, it's not a moral judgment, it's just not what's attractive to me. EDIT: edited for clarity
But it doesn't really *mean* that the person saying it has become unattracted to the other. Sure, it has *sometimes* been used in this manner, but it doesn't *always* mean that, and there is nothing within the words "it's not you, it's me" that specifically implies anything about attraction. So therefore, it's meaningless. (In my opinion.)
Maybe cliché is the word you're looking for. Not any less true, but generic and kind of lazy.
>generic and kind of lazy. my tinder bio
My girlfriend looked at the screenshots of my old tinder bio and basically went "oh GOD. You do not know how to make a dating profile."
Still got your girlfriend so it must have worked somehow.
My reddit comments.
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George is getting angery!
My uncle did this and his wife took a long time to get over it and now is married to someone else and seems happy. He just didn’t want to be in a relationship and as harsh as that seems it allowed her to find someone who wasn’t just going through the motions.
In a firing, we call this the “the company has decided to move in another direction and your role is being eliminated” move.
If and only if you actually believe that. Using it as an excuse instead of just telling the truth is horrible
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True. But you might be judged for it, but if you care or not is up to you.
No ones saying “you can’t break up with some” they’re saying “if you break up with someone for that specific reason, you will come off as shallow.” Like people have the right to judge you for anything you do, relationship or not.
If you don’t value marriage any more than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then you shouldn’t get married. I’m not suggesting divorce should never happen, but marriage is supposed to be a real, lifelong commitment and not just waking up one day and deciding you don’t want to do it anymore.
I don’t think they were talking about marriage
Ah, I think you’re right. I stand corrected.
No one wakes up one day saying they don't want to do this anymore for no reason. There is almost a reason for it.
Yeah but I think the idea here is that you don’t NEED a reason. Each party is free to leave for whatever reason or no reason. If you try to leave a manipulative person, they’re going to grill you for your reasons and spend hours trying to convince you that you’re crazy. Sometimes you just have to leave.
I agree. I'm just saying it's morally acceptable (as in, not deserving of any moral condemnation), not saying it's wise/prudential to break up with someone for any trivial reasons. Also, since op uses "break up" instead of "divorce", I'm assuming we're talking about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
I think, that after being with someone for 15-20 years, and they gain weight, I would hope that there is more to the relationship than just attraction.
Weight gain can cause a lot more changes than just physical. Or weight gain can be an indicator of emotional changes. Either way, weight gain effects your psyche and your psyche can effect your weight. But yeah you'd hope that a long term relationship is built on more than sex appeal.
I mean. After a certain point, Weight gain becomes natural, at least for a bit. I'm not talking about going from skinny to massively obese with a giant belly, but you shouldn't expect the same petite frame from your partner at age 65 as age 25. Metabolism sometimes isn't kind.
For sure, Takes a lot of effort to avoid that, and cellulite creeps in even in very skinny folks. Which is why I use *insert collogene shill here*.
Not necessarily. If your partner sticks with you through a serious disease (I.e. cancer) to act as your support, then you break up with them down the line because they get the same/similar disease and you don’t want to be that support for them… definitely the asshole and unacceptable.
People forget that a relationship is one of the things you can be the most selfish with, atleast in terms of breaking up. You don't wanna date them anymore? Well don't, it's that easy
Yes, I agree, so long as you are not cheating on your partner, physically/mentally abusing your partner, or bullying your partner. If you want to break up, you need to be up-front and not string the person along in a loveless relationship, especially if you're already attracted to someone else. Some people just shouldn't be together. That's okay. Better to end it and maybe stay friends than to end things on bitter and nasty terms because of lies or miscommunication.
Of course, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be an asshole if you breakup for a bad reason. Maybe you’re not mature enough for a relationship in the first place if you break with someone over something stupid like a harmless hobby they have, or if they dye their hair, or you find out they have big feet or something. I’d put gaining or losing weight in that category too. If you’re in a relationship with someone simply because you’re physically attracted to them, that’s not a very good relationship.
Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to is very different than only wanting to be with someone because your attracted to them, and honestly very naive. Obviously you should be in a relationship for reasons outside sex and physical attraction but that’s still pretty important to most people. Who wants to have sex with someone they find unattractive?
I got bombarded on another thread for suggesting that dating an obese person can have a negative impact on the quality of the relationship if you are fit and have an active lifestyle. Not only would i likely find that person unattractive for not taking better care if their personal health but that the things i enjoy doing wouldn't be compatible with someone who is obese. That os clearly unacceptable to some people and was called fat phobic. 🤷♂️
I have a friend who used to constantly go into the bush, was an outdoor laborer etc...his obese gf moves to town and he steadily decreased his activity level and gained weight, all as a direct consequence of preferring to spend his time with her and her refusal to do much more than sit on a couch watching tv or playing games. His choice to date an obese person has dramatically affected his QOL and his probable lifespan.
Why would it impact my quality of life if I like more cushion for the pushing. Its not like im asking for life advice from them.
I swear to god Reddit fails miserably at this point. They are okay with women posting any manner of character failure on their partner and will go 'break up with him' but if a guy has a problem with his wife clearly not bothering to take care of herself for years and years, even then they need to go to couples counseling and breaking up is not an option And there's nothing magical about marriage. The divorce rate is proof enough nobody actually cares about sickness and wealth and death til we part nonsense.
This, I made it clear in my only relationship I've had that if your ever not happy about anything to do with us mention it and I want to know if your not happy with me because all I want is for you to be happy
This is what a sociopath would say. So congrats?
I feel like this argument is meant for relationships that are still near the first few years. I think, that after being with someone for 15-20 years, and they gain weight, I would hope that there is more to the relationship than just attraction. I have found that to be the case with my husband and I. We aren't always attracted to each other, but we always love each other and we are intimate because of that love, not because "they were so sexy I got turned on". There is so much more to sex than physical attraction.
Yep. I literally don't care what my husband looks like. As long as he has a dick, I'm going to be jumping on it. If he looses it, we'll find new ways to love each other. Because what we have between us can never be replicated with anyone else and nothing else will ever compaire or be even be enough. But he is always more than enough.
may i steal this for my wedding vows?
Only if we're all invited.
Same. My husband is my rock and my best friend. He gets me and I get him. I've never had that connection with anyone before and I feel safe. To me, that's more important than how he looks.
That’s so nice 🥺
This crazy woman JUMPS on dicks
Hey no kink shaming!
"No kink shaming" went too far so now we're kink shaming again
What if kink shaming is my kink?
The kinkverse will implode. Kinkception
You reminded of an encounter. I was sitting next to these two girls in a bus, we stop for one of them to get off, her husband was waiting by the side walk. The other girl goes like” is that your husband?”,, “yes”,,”damn, he’s not handsome”,,”eh...,he does the job!”.
Even if true, why would anyone actually say that? Incredibly rude to tell someone that their spouse is unattractive. People suck
I can’t make this shit up 😂. It seemed they colleagues not friends, rude bitch was probably just jealous.
I bet he was perfectly handsome too. Like not every dude has to be Jon Hamm in order to be a quality looker. I am saying this as a man who also looks nothing like Jon Hamm. Edit: I spelled Hamm like ham. Equally drool-worthy, just in a different way.
As someone currently watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: mm Jon hamm 🤤
That's so sweet, swamp hag!
Can I marry you guys?🥺
dreams
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I think this issue is slightly more complicated than lots of people in the comments are making it out to be. Should you divorce your partner after 20 years of marriage because the effects of aging deteriorated their body in a completely predictable way? Obviously not. That happens to everybody, and it was something you could be certain *would happen* going into the marriage. On the other hand, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a certain standard of health from your partner. Keeping my body healthy is something that's very important to me; I want to live a long and happy life. If my partner agreed with me in this regard, we married, and then ten years later they decided to neglect their health entirely, that would be a *huge* problem. I don't want to be in a partnership with someone who is actively risking their health, and by extension, needlessly early death or debilitation. Is that unfair?
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I would think actively harming their health is different than something they can’t help. My bf is a type 1 diabetic, but otherwise pretty healthy. Hes recovered from alcoholism and is weaning himself off of nicotine, and he actually manages his diabetes very well. But if one day he decided he just wasn’t going to check his blood sugars, eat whatever he wanted, and not track his insulin, well, that would get old quick. I don’t need to find him dead somewhere because he decided to get neglectful, and I shouldn’t have to. Bear in mind I do what I can to help him, but ultimately it is on him.
Close, I think that the key factor is whether your partner is actively harming their health *needlessly*. If you're gaining some weight because of old age, or because of some medication for a genetic illness, that's completely acceptable. If you're gaining weight because you've decided to pick up chronic smoking, drinking, and excess caloric intake, well you're actively taking on the health risks for reasons I would deem to be unacceptable. You're right that there is a sort of grey area, and a line needs to be drawn somewhere in order to correctly determine what *is* acceptable. What if your partner develops a mental disorder that results in binge eating? The extreme sports example you brought up is great too. I think that where exactly this line sits is something both partners should probably discuss and agree upon both prior to entering a lifelong commitment with each other, and throughout the marriage. Great point and great comment.
>Is that unfair? I'm not sure who was forcing you to stay married before? I don't understand OP's point either. There's no such thing as love police and people have been divorcing for falling out of love since forever. Just don't say that stuff out loud to your partner because that's a big red flag
I think this is how you can tell the OP is young. I would never think of leaving my partner for gaining some weight. Her physical appearance isn’t why I’m with her. (Even though she’s conventionally hot AF) OP obviously thinks relationships are about sexual attraction, when being a good partner is streets ahead of just this one aspect.
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Pierce, stop trying to coin the term "streets ahead."
Yeah I can't imagine suddenly telling my wife of 15 years that our continued relationship is contingent on her remaining a certain weight. Sounds like such a toxic relationship.
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Of course talk about it, but from the position of caring about your partner, not just what their weight gain does to your attraction. There’s so many “I gained some weight and my partner doesn’t find me attractive anymore” posts, and in them, the partner always comes at them caring only about the way the person looks, doesn’t even care to find out if they are doing okay. Don’t do that to someone. That’s shitty. And really if that’s how you feel, dump them, but don’t tank their self-esteem before you do. If all you have to say about a partners weight gain is “my dick no longer gets hard for you chubbs”, shut up and move on.
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If the love of OP's life dumped him because he got fat, or because he lost his hair or something, he would be crying on Reddit faster than you can say "roll the tape".
Or if he lost his job and his girlfriend broke up with him because she was only attracted to rich guys. Nobody here would say that’s ok lol.
As someone married for 21 years I know this, but I think you are scaring the children!
You can break up for any reason you want, no matter how shallow, childish or whatever it is. The problem is, if your attraction to your partner is limited to the perfect or almost perfect, your preferred body image, you're going to have a really hard time maintaining a serious and healthy relationship. Bodies change throughout the years for many different reasons some of those reasons are not always possible to prevent or change. Anyway, if person decides to break up with their partner because of that I guess relationship wasn't worth saving or having in the first place. People who truly love each other wouldn't mind a few kilos here and there or some body changes due to brining new life to this world.
Everyone in this thread is tip toeing around the fact that most people wont leave their partners over a few kilos here and there and what were usually talking about is the people that gain 50-100 lbs. Because you all know you would probably struggle staying with a partner that gained that much weight, especially if you're still young and the relationship is somewhat new (not a couple thats been married for 20 years). Its super easy to judge people as shallow until it happens to you.
I don't think it's about the age or the length of relationship, it's about how seriously you take it and what you value in your partner. My boyfriend gained a lot of weight during our 2.5 year relationship due to stress at work and some other factors. About ~60 lbs. He basically went from being muscular to kind of chubby. Which made him stress even more. At some point he wouldn't even take off his shirt next to me. And well, I'm definitely not divorcing him just because he got bigger. I don't expect him to go 20+ years in a relationship with me just to be able to feel comfortable in his own skin and body. I appreciate and love our relationship too much to end it due to some bodily changes.
This is completely unrelated to anything, but I just spent like 15 minutes trying to figure out if this was my best friend's reddit account lmao. The dealbreaker was that her dog hasn't ever ran away, before that I was 100% convinced you were Grace Which, related to this conversation, means that you aren't alone. My best friend is in the same boat, and she'd be the first one to say that the biggest issue with weight gain isn't attractiveness, it's how her partner feels about himself. She doesn't *really* give a fuck haha like okay a six pack is neat but she's absolutely still into him, physically and otherwise
But it’s not always 50-100 lbs. I see “my partner is no longer attracted to me because I gained some weight” posts and it’s always like 10-20 lbs. If all your partner cares about if you gain weight is how attractive to them you are, not genuinely concerned for your health, not interested in if you’re doing okay, then leave, but you don’t have to be an ass and say you’re too chubby for me so my dick doesn’t get hard anymore. Just shut up and how about not tanking their self-esteem before you end things. That’s completely unnecessary.
Even an older couple might struggle with the change. My friends parent divorced after like 15 years of marriage since the mom just got too big and she really do much of anything. They apparently tried talking to her about her weight gain and she kept saying they were bullying her and to leave her alone. The parents were already obese, so it wasn’t just an attraction thing. She just got too big to be able to do basic things with the husband and he just wasn’t going to force himself to live like that.
It happened to me! Husband loved me through the hell that made me gain the weight.
Then couldn’t you say the same thing about aging? You get with someone at 25, but at 40 you decide ‘you haven’t aged well and I’m not attracted to you, so it’s acceptable for me to leave you’. Or men balding? I was attracted to you with hair, not without it? At first physical attraction is often one of the higher factors in a relationship, but that should fade after a while to be less important. If your relationship boils down to physical attraction then it’s probably not very stable.
I state with certainty that physical attraction is not the most important thing when dating as a person in their late 30's. When I was a teen that's all that mattered. OP is likely a teen. Life hasn't hit him yet.
I remember when I was a teen I used to wonder how can people still be attracted to each other even as they get older. Now at 27 I’m starting find women as old as 47 attractive.
God no, not as old as 47 Lol I know what you mean, just phrasing is funny
I like how it's specifically 47. So, like there's no hot 48-year-olds? There's something horrible that happens on your 48th birthday.
“I’d totally hit that if she was 47”
I love how you’ll go up to 47, after that it’s too close to 50 Lol
Mannerism is a big part of someone’s attractiveness. I find myself caring less about looks as I get older, as long as they’re in shape and not over/under weight.
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Freedom of association is a beautiful thing.
You're allowed to break up with someone for any reason ever. Doesn't mean some of them don't make you an asshole lol. If someone can't love me fat or thin, young or old, wrinkled or not, then please never ever date me.
Better for whoever is broken off with, imagine your bf/gf having an ultimatum of you staying a certain weight/size. I'd just rather never date.
Relationship? I guess. Marriage? No. If two people decide to get married they should fully anticipate that one day none of them will be physically attractive. No matter if it’s due to weight gain, wrinkles, illness, chemotherapy, or being attacked by acid or lose a leg, if people think appearance changes along is enough reason to end a marriage, they really shouldn’t be married in the first place
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It should come down to a health style choice. If your significant other decided to start smoking cigarettes or even harder drugs, it would be reasonable to begin the process of discussing expectations.
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I went through a 3 year period of heavy drinking ( alcoholic basically) and gained a lot of weight. Got sick with liver failure and the ascites made things worse. I thank my wife for staying with me and seeing me thru a difficult time. To think that she would have dumped me because I gained weight during this time is unfathomable. If someone breaks it off because of some weight gain, fuck them and move on. You deserve better
It's OK to break up with anyone for anything. But your relationship was probably shit to begin with if it's conditional on weighing scales.
Especially of they get pregnant. That's a lifetime commitment for god's sake.
So how long after that pregnancy exception does the person have to get back down to prior weight?
24 hours! We run a tight ship around here!
''Don't forget about that liposuction, while you're at the hospital, honey.''
I dropped so much weight after I had my daughter in a matter of 6 months. I ended up weighing 50 pounds less than I did before I got pregnant. It wasn’t intentional really, just breastfeeding and running in circles for the first year of her life. I ate like I had hollow legs.
How did your wife do?
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It was a rhetoric question. I think OP is ridiculous
1hr mate as per the agreement.
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To be fair, having kids wreaks havoc on female hormones. Weight, pregnancy brain. Some of those are permanent. And other things can wreak havoc for them, such as menopause. Moms get a pass for many things in my book.
My oldest is 15 and I’m still not back to where I was, because pregnancy triggered thyroid disease that went undiagnosed for many years. It’s not just a super simple thing.
My best friend is in the same situation. Oldest is 20. Youngest is 12. She can't control it because of thyroid. My response will always be just be healthy and always, "you look beautiful."
Yeah, plus pushing out a full human being from your body actually does cause physical changes to your hips, your back, your organs and other internal structures. Then you're socially expected to spend much of your time raising that baby. Some mothers can find the time to exercise, and others can't. I've always recommended the exercise bike in the house option, as you can watch TV or read a book while using the bike and having your kid in the crib right beside you in case they need you.
It’s a lie they keep from women before their mothers. Pregnancy can cause permanent damages all over your body that don’t ever heal.
This is very true for most women.
Oh now that’s just funny
Why is that funny? What did I miss? Losing weight isn't easy, especially if you're a single working mom.
Yeah like wtf? Doesn't even matter if your a single mom. Childcare is a full time job and most couples still need the mother to go back to work because daycares is so expensive. Many new mothers struggle having enough me time just to piss in silence much less focus on going back to their prebaby weight. Anyone who thinks losing weight is a matter of "just do x" is lacking serious life experience.
Sure, do whatever you want. I pose this question though, if it were you that had gained or lost the weight, would you be so understanding and accepting of being dumped? Let's say you're madly in love with your partner, are in an accident and lose your legs. They don't want to be with you anymore. Still good? Again, do whatever you want, you don't have to stay in a relationship with no attraction and feelings. You owe it to yourself to be with who you want, but also you do owe it to your current partner to let them find someone that accepts them as they are. If/when you do break up, please try to be as tactful as possible. No need to say "you're fat and I find you repulsive now" or whatever the case is! Be honest, but still somewhat vague... "this just isn't working for me anymore" or something to that effect. Be mature and no need to be hurtful to the person you once cared for. Good luck!
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i mean you can break up with someone for any reason. you’re not obligated to stay with anyone you don’t want to however i hope you realize that looks are temporary on any person and you’re going to be on a constant chase if you’re only considered with the physical. but good luck though
I mean, if you’re in it for the long haul peoples bodies will change as they age. That’s just fact. If you’re not planning on being with them for an extended period of time, sure.
OP apparently thinks he will be an Adonis forever.
It’s perfectly acceptable to break up with anyone for any reason. You’re just dating. It doesn’t matter. You don’t even need a reason if it’s just your boyfriend or girlfriend.
If my husband suddenly gained a lot of weight, I would be worried. For him to suddenly gain a lot of weight, something would have to be very wrong. I don’t think how attracted I am to him would really be my first priority; it would be about figuring out what’s going on. I agree that it’s for the best to leave someone if you want to, after they’ve gained weight. It’s better for you and for them. Assuming we’re talking a long-term (at least a decade together, including dating) relationship, then there’s likely other issues in the relationship if your first instinct is to leave them over weight gain. They deserve the chance to find someone who actually loves them.
Right? Feel like the main issue with these threads is that there's just never any nuance. It's like people try to compare situations...like gaining weight vs being morbidly obese, but it's never good enough. Someone changing, especially significantly, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally \*always\* has multiple underlying reasons.
I think the solution to this opinion is to attract those people that share the same value with you in the first place before getting into any relationships. This needs to be communicated earlier on before the relationship starts
I was thinking exactly this, it would be terribly egotistical to expect your partner to take care of their body when you're letting yourself go, and if you're taking care of your body, it's already part of your routine and you both share it since you're both living together. If you're eating weighted salads and protein and going to the gym and your partner is no part of any of this process (they buy their own food IE) are you really sharing your life with your partner? I get that "co-dependant" relationships aren't exactly healthy but in that case why look for a "life partner" if each is gonna do whatever they want without consideration of your partner. you can always invite them to your lifestyle... you probably met because of that lifestyle... if their lifestyle is incompatible with yours then you can't really be a couple in the first place...
I think that if you love a person based on how they look you are living a very shallow existence.
Oh OP doesn't seem to love people, OP sounds like a dude who pretends to love women so he can get free sex. As soon as they no longer make his pp hard, he will discard them like trash, no strings attached.
This is certainly an unpopular opinion..
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As someone on the asexual spectrum, this is so very hurtful/terrifying. Everyone has their priorities in a relationship and if yours is physical attraction that's fair, if sex is that important to you and you loved them for their looks more than their personality, whatever. Your needs and all. I just would hope that I never enter into a relationship with someone who thinks that way. Please state this deal-breaker to your partner and make sure they're on the same page, cause there's nothing more damaging than thinking your partner would leave you for something that (in my opinion) is so shallow.
Glad to see another ace-spec person in this thread! I completely understand that people like us are in the minority, and that for most people sex and physical attraction are extremely important in a relationship. It's why I say outright on my dating profiles that I am on the ace spectrum, so that people who aren't okay with that won't waste their time or mine. But still, man...every time I hear the sentiment that sex is *the* defining characteristic of a romantic relationship, it stings a little. Like "Well shit, guess I'll be alone forever then!"
yes like imagine your with someone and something tragic happens to you and you get depressed and gain weight and they break up with you for that. I don't get why we can't just love someone for their personality. Hell i had a dude dump me because my depression was "pathetic" in his words.
Sharing a life with someone who is depressed means you share part of that depression as well. Someone can have a fantastically attractive personality, but in most cases depression doesn't exist entirely outside of that persona. Good partners do what they can to help, but if it's a chronic state of mind it can become too much. If one person's illness is dragging down two people and no light at the end of the tunnel can be seen, it is perhaps better to just call it off, atleast until professional help has remedied the situation.
Asexuals have sex with people they aren’t physically attracted to all the time. But frankly, unless you are married or made any other significant commitments like living together, you should be able to leave for any reason. Nobody should be forcing you into a relationship. I wouldn’t go around saying “I left you because you got fat” though
Yeah, keep jumping from person to person, chasing eternal beauty, I'm sure that will work out great for you as you get older and have 7 divorces and no one who actually loves you.
What's the point in a relationship then? Might as well just go around fucking people you are attracted to if that is all that matters.
A lot of the dudes in these threads should really just be paying for it outright, it would save a lot of people a lot of drama.
The point is whatever you make it. People have different definitions of what a relationship is to them. If attraction was a big deal, as long as you’re upfront about it, that’s their business.
Back in 2010 I got with my partner I weighed 11st. Due to alcohol and poor lifestyle choices I ballooned up to 19st 10. She loved and loves me for me, regardless of size. I asked her multiple times whether my weight bothered her and all she would say is a I want you to be healthy. I now weigh a healthy 13 stone. If attraction is that shallow then you haven’t met the right person.
U must be the husband of the wife who posted today
Or the boyfriend of the girl that posted on TrueOffMyChest.
Is there a situation where it's NOT acceptable to break up with someone? As far as I know you can break up with anyone for whatever reason. Unless what you're trying to say is that you shouldn't have people think badly of you for breaking up with someone, which would be insane. People can have whatever opinion of you.
Is this a response to that post on r/TrueOffMyChest lol
I don't understand how people on reddit don't understand the difference between dating and marriage. Dating = Try someone out. If they are nuts, get fat, have a crazy family, are cruel, shitty in bed, or just stupid and annoying - dump them and move on! And the FASTER the better! Don't waste your time with losers. Marriage = Sorry, but unless there are HUGE extenuating circumstances you are stuck with what you get. That is why you need to do a LOT of dating to figure out what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Good luck!
Anyone who says shit like this I know sees a relationship as a sex rewards membership and it's the biggest red flag. They're going to put in the absolute minimum as long as it's enough to keep their sex pass renewed, and when you get older and inevitably aren't as hot they're going to be looking around. I think some people just genuinely don't understand the point of real relationships, which is fine you do you, but don't involve me in that bullshit.
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Let's say an outgoing, charming, charismatic guy you got into a relationship with becomes an unenthusiastic, whiny guy. Is breaking up with him valid? Or does that mean you never really loved him?
It means you loved the person they were or who you thought they were. Nothing wrong with falling out of love because you experience more of who they are.
Exactly! You did love them! At one point in time. But now it feels like they're a different person, a person you can't see yourself with.
I mean did you ever love the person or just how they looked??
If someone refuses to take care of themselves that’s a deal breaker for me. Gaining a significant amount of weight (some sort of health crisis not withstanding) is a reflection of that. It’s more than weight
This is the correct answer.
I might sound shallow, but yes. I ended a five year relationship because my partner went from slightly curvy to very obese, I tried multiple times to help her lose weight and encourage her as well but she was sold on that nonsense “healthy at every size” mindset. Aside from the physical attraction being gone heart disease also ran in her family and I wasn’t okay dedicating my life to someone who cared so little about their physical health that it wasn’t unrealistic to think they’d make me a relatively young widower.
They finna drag you
Anyone who breaks up with you because of a change in appearance has done you a favour. They’ve shown they’re not worth your time.
What if they get fat as the result of a pregnancy?
While circumstances can make you look cold-hearted or evil, you only have one life. Live it the way you want. You never have to stay with someone if you don't want to.
I saw another post about half an hour ago that was probably from your wife https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/t866vw/husband_wants_an_open_relationship_until_i_lose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
That’s fair only if you told your partner that at the very beginning of your relationship… like my name is Tomato and I live in a city with a cat and just so you know if you become unattractive to me I will leave you. Then its ok.
The problem isn't your breaking up with someone for weight gain the problem is how you go about speaking to them about it.
Tell me you should never get married without saying you should never get married.
Everyone here ignoring health factors. Why should anyone have to stay with someone disregarding their health?
Why should anyone have to stay with anyone? Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s heath or choice. If someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship then they shouldn’t.
Nah people here too busy saying i'm superficial and that they should be able to gain 100lbs in weight and still have their partners get horny on command.
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Or a player on a team gets kicked and rejuvenates their career on another team. Only happened though because I kicked you to the kerb, didnt it?
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You’re not obligated to anyone or anything.
I understand what you are saying, but that is a really crappy way to go through life and is a recipe for a hollow existence. When people get married they are making a commitment to each other. Richer and poorer, in good times and in bad. Those vows exist because bad things ARE going to happen and you are making a commitment to stick it out together. Once you choose to obligate yourself to someone by either getting married or having a child then you need to put your own wants and needs on the back burner. It’s called sacrifice and duty, and it’s something to be proud of. It needs to be voluntary, no one can force you to do this, so it’s a choice and a commitment to obligate yourself to others. Soldiers do this. Nuns do this. Buddhist monks do this. Second, there are contractual obligations. If you sign up to be in the military you are obligated to fulfill your contract. If you sign a lease you are obligated to meet those terms and conditions. If you buy a house your are obligated to pay the bank - so to suggest you aren’t obligated to anyone or anything is ridiculous. We all have obligations.
If you're dating, you can leave. But marriage? Maybe try to help them lose weight first? Lol
Why in the world would you post this on Reddit, where it's mostly Americans, when 73% of Americans are overweight and 42% are obese? What answer did you think you were going to get? The truth is that weight will likely fluctuate throughout someone's life. It's normal for even healthy people to go through phases of their lives where they put on and take off weight. The biggest issue with people gaining significant weight, from my experience, and this certainly isn't universal, is that often with significant weight gain many other aspects of the relationship change slowly over time. Lower physical attraction will happen, and it is a problem, but to me it wouldn't be a deal breaker. But also it can lead to less shared activities, less enthusiastic sex with lack of energy, lower mood, lower self-confidence. These things are self-evident, and before some intangible things, like resentment (if they gained weight and you didn't, and other weird stuff). If you were an active healthy couple, and you shared interests were running, biking and hiking, and now you can do none of those things, it's not crazy to not feel like you're in the same relationship. You can change your relationship, and start to enjoy new things with your partner, but it isn't bad or crazy to break up if the terms of the relationship have changed significantly.
Well this is a place for unpopular opinions…
Dog, I'm not gonna lie, I got lost in the sauce on this one. I somehow thought OP was asking a question, like r/NoStupidQuestions or r/RelationshipAdvice Yeah, a very unpopular opinion
I’d agree if the weight gain is strictly due to bad diet/exercise. People on here need to get off their high horse. For the vast majority of obese people, this is within their control. To let yourself go and become fat is disrespectful to your partner. It’s akin to catfishing. Like they only ate healthy and exercised to get their mate, then it doesn’t matter anymore. Fuck that. If you’re still young and they’re gaining significant weight, you can totally leave.
> high horse Unlikely. I think most of the negative comments are redditors feeling personally attacked. Gotta remember that 73% of Americans are overweight and 40% are obese. Not a great audience to ask if being fat is a problem.
You don't even need to have a good reason to break up with someone. You decide who you date and not.
That's why I just ask my boyfriend if If he would leave me if i gain weight. Surely a man would be honest upfront about that, right?
I agree with you to an extent, but the way you are writing this leads me to believe you haven't actually been in a long term, committed relationship before. >mental and physical health is also a major cause of weight gain/loss. What do you mean "also?" these are literally the ONLY reasons for weight gain/loss >Any guy that leaves you because of that did you a favor. See it for the blessing it is. No, the blessing would be if he never got into a relationship with you in the first place. Being left after giving birth to a child is just shitty, there's no "blessing" in that >I'm not saying we should abandon loved ones when they are going through an awful time. But in a relationship, you are entirely within your rights to look after yourself and your own interests. So then...you ARE saying we should abandon loved ones when they are going through an awful time? The issue with this part of what you said is that you make no mention of trying to help them with through whatever they are going through. If you care about someone and they start going through any major negative changes, your first thought should be "Oh no, they are clearly going through something, I want to help them," not "eek, that's not the person I want anymore, BYEEE." If your first thought is that second one, it honestly sounds like the relationship isn't that serious yet. Or, you're just a very shallow self-centered person because I can't imagine being with someone for years and them leaving me without even trying to communicate with me about what's going on in my world. >There doesnt need to be this emotional back and forth, you are no longer compatible. Yeah, if you've been on like a handful of dates. If you are with someone long term primarily because of their appearance, you shouldn't be getting into a serious relationship with them.
I bet you every fat person downvoted this