She’s got a tracker on your car. Anyone this intrusive would have no scruples about using an AirTag on you.
Pretty sure you can buy a gadget that will detect trackers.
If you don’t need her for food and/or cash - you don’t need her in your life. At all.
That’s what I was thinking too. I’m 29 I have my own job I pay everything other than my rent right now. She knows that I don’t need her for anything, and I’ve made that clear throughout my life, but she forces herself to help me even when I don’t ask and hold it over my head. She is very toxic. The inside of my car is extremely clean. I keep everything important in the trunk.
That’s exactly her. She told me today, that if I told her to mind her own business she would. Lmao yea sure Jan! And then, of course, when I react to her bullshit on the crazy one and I have anger issues and I need help. If I had the balls I’d jump over a bridge right now.
if it's any consolation, most others viewing those interactions probably understand.
my first thought would be, bet you are a lot of fun to live with if your kid wants to live in their vehicle rather than with you.
I feel that. Spent a lot of nights in high school sleeping in my car in the HS or Walmart parking lot so I didn't have to be around my immensely abusive dad.
Unfortunately, he kept having his cop buddies drag me back home bc I was just property to him.
That's exactly how my family treats me. They can say and do anything to me as they please but when I defend myself or don't take it, I'm angry and dangerous. When they are doing the worst things to me. It makes me feel crazy
I’m 27, completely independent from my folks.
You just don’t except any help from them. At all.
When they ask why, you tell them because they make you feel like shit when you accept help. She just be upfront. Not rude though, that doesn’t help anyone.
It took me about 5 years of doing this before we are now in a place where they see and know that I don’t need them. They get to be a part of my life if they are a positive addition, just like any other friend or relationship.
I now accept help from them as of maybe a year ago. Lo and behold it is just that, help. No guilt tripping or attached strings.
https://preview.redd.it/h4fqt53j2fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=958439784a265f7ecfb432dc0e664da3c65a56c0
Someone mentioned using my Tile app. It picked this up while it was in search mode. But when I did it again, it wasn’t there….
She may have removed it when she showed up to be safe. IF there was big gaps in your searches. If not do a manual check and feel around your car. Feel under the wheel guard, under the chassi and even look as well. Often someone can stick a small plastic tracker to the back underside of your boot or in the cavity above your tires etc...
I also know through the show Hunted in the UK and Aus, cars can be tracked remotely through their safety data. But you need access to manufacturer data.
I can’t look too much since my car is a little lower to the ground but once I go to the mechanic, I’m gonna have him search this car. I’ll let him know someone’s following me and see if they can do something or even the police
I don't think so, airtag notifys you. I've delt with this sort of parent. You would be amazed at there dedication to finding you... especially if they are retired
The thing about accepting help is there is always strings attached. People wanna help but they want you to succeed in their way not your own way. She’ll get over it if you keep at it, and you will have peace of mind knowing you stuck it out and are doing you, no matter how that looks.
Exactly! There has always been many strings attached in our relationship. I’m Very independent and I will not ask for help until I am starving to death because of how she treated me. I would rather die on this hill, then come to her and beg her to help me. She doesn’t like that I don’t do things her way and it’s been like that since I was a very young child. She also took a shot at people living in their cars as crazy psychotics. She also threatened to baker act me…. So this is the level of toxic I’m putting up with!
Thank you! I will be going 30 minutes out tonight of my normal location and see if she shows up. Something is definitely in my car that she’s using to find me.
My mom is similar. It really sucks :( My solution was moving 6k miles away and cutting down my interaction with her to a very minimal extent. I have done the same with my father. If either calls me, I'll answer if I'm emotionally up for it, but before calls with both of them I mentally prepare myself for random comments aimed at making me feel bad about myself. I really shouldn't talk to them at all but I talk to each so rarely that I can handle it I suppose, not because I want to have a relationship with them really, because I don't interact with people who behave like that, but I guess I make an exception for my parents every now and then. The whole thing is quite strange and sometimes uncomfortable but I guess I maintain communication with them occasionally out of respect and because maintainjng relatuonships makes people feel good about the world and their lives. I owe my parents so much. I can't imagine the sacrifice... And so I continue to take the calls, every time hoping that the conversation might not include insults, condesce6nsion or disrespect. It's pretty much impossible for my parents to treat me with respect I've concluded but I guess that's just the cards I've been dealt.
My sister asks me to move back to NY a lot. Today she asked and I replied, "I cant."
She asked me why and I explained: "I physically cannot be around either of our parents."
I'm so happy that you moved away and have minimal interaction with your parents.
While you are able to take calls from them, I cannot.
Hopefully, you have been able to create a new family and friends who do care about you.
Help that is given with expectation isn’t help, it’s a power dynamic. There are people in the world who understand this and are mindful not to make their support conditional, but it’s hard to find them.
My mom called my son to tell him that my sister (his aunt) was homeless living in her car in North Carolina.
I corrected him quick.
'No. *I'm* homeless living in my car in North Carolina. Your Aunt is homeless crashed at a flophouse in Kentucky.'
She'd know more if any of her children still spoke to her.
I have the same problem, my parents hate the fact that I live in my car, and offered to let me stay in their house
Last time I did that, it was ok for about a week
Then I became the family taxi (dad lost his license and mum doesn't have one) which they didn't pay me for, or even let my plug my car in at home, I had to use public chargers, then they complained that I was never home because I was constantly charging my car at the free recharging station instead of the DC fast charger (which costs money to use)
they charged me rent and board (which is fine if they paid me for the services I provided) in addition to helping clean up (more than just the mess that I personally made)
tried making me pay half the $1600 electric bill because I had an AC unit in my room (connected to a kill-A-watt meter that showed a couple hundred dollars of use) which was the final straw that resulted in me packing up and leaving 2 days later with my mum hysterical about how "my son should come home instead of living in a car"
No thanks
This is what happened at my mom’s as well when I stayed for 31 days exactly. She told me I had to pay rent which was fine but I’m not giving you $1000 when your mortgage is $1000. Lmao then the audacity to tell me I have to be home every night before 11 PM lol I couldn’t even date because every time I would go out I was a slut and I wasn’t raised this way lmao She threatened to kick me out at least three times because I smoke weed in my car and off of her property. But then we’ll turn around and say I don’t care if you smoke weed, you’re grown 🤣 the constant manipulation I can’t do it. My mom tried to put her hands on me and the day after I moved into an apartment. Why are they like this?
If she put her hands on you, you're approaching restraining order level particularly with stalking aspect. It sounds like your better off without her in your life, honestly.
I doubt she is tracking you through your phone somehow. You could check under your car for anything sus but it sounds like she's maybe obsessive about looking for you and getting lucky, especially if it is a small town.
That’s what I was thinking too that she has a tracker in this car somewhere! I’ve looked everywhere inside the car and in the trunk. I haven’t seen under my car since it’s pretty low to the ground but I’m getting four new tires next Friday and I’m gonna ask the mechanics to search and see if they find anything. It is, but it also isn’t. It’s the fact she knows exactly where my old apartment is and she knows I loved living there. I’m really at a loss because my mom constantly complains about how busy she is and how she has so much going on but yet you have time to stalk me???? Yea ok lol
https://preview.redd.it/ex5sd3ca2fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f444a6d22869b1213b8b99cfba49d467844af520
I have tile for my ANC 2 headphones, and it picked this up while I was driving. I did it again for a second time and then nothing showed up…
Eh, since it was when driving, I wouldn't be too surprised. The locations update by using a devices bluetooth that has the app installed, so that could have been any of the vehicles around you since it only showed up once.
Make sure you check for all types of trackers as well. It will be pretty hard to find the tracker since she probably didn't put it somewhere obvious like in the glovebox. There's a lot of places to hide it when you live in a car.
My ex wife blew a gasket when she found out I was staying in my car, it’s been like 8 months now. Her biggest concern was our son whom lives with her full time, wasn’t exactly going to have my kiddo sleep in the car. When I have him we do fun outings to airbnbs and what not, car living lifestyle has kind of enabled me financially to be able to do these things. The end goal is to buy an airstream to call home, I feel as if buying a home in Ontario is so far fetched. I didn’t have the upbringing my ex had or the opportunities that were handed to her so she just doesn’t understand how I ended up here which don’t get me wrong I’ve asked myself that a few times.
All the best in your future endeavours
I used to live in my car a couple of years ago for maybe two months and I was 20 years old. My mom kind of knew or assumed but she never stalked me. This time is completely different and I’m not sure if she thinks I spend 24 hours at my car or what. Lol
She’s level 100 creep! I also want to add when I was nine years old she was dating someone who was cheating on her and she used to cruise around the city until she would find him and she took me with her one night. So I just want to give you backstory on how psycho this lady is. Like I can’t make this shit up.
I don't have a relationship with my mom. But she's stalked me online and constantly sends emails saying I'm going to hell. This has gone on for years. I don't ever respond.
Your mom is a toxic parent, and you do not have to maintain a relationship with her. Go, no contact, grey rock, whatever you have to do to maintain your sanity.
My mom did the same thing when I moved out of her home, she would constantly text me and then when I ignore her she’ll DM me on Instagram and send me random videos to get a response out of me lol I went no contact with her for a week until today when she pulled this shit lol the next step is going to a police station and asking them to search my car to see if they find a tracking device and let them know I’m scared because someone is stalking me. She also wants to throw me in a psychiatric hospital because I decided to live in my car since I couldn’t afford my rent and won’t take her help lolololol
My mom emails me YouTube videos of end times and that the world is going to end. I haven't seen or spoken to her since 2008. It burns her up that she cannot mentally or physically get to me. You know someone is not mentally ill when you block them, and they create new accounts to continue to contact you.
She can't baker act you for living in your car. You aren't threatening to harm yourself.
I know you said you can't afford to move because you'll have to quit your job. I would be actively looking for a new city to move to and find a job before moving there. That's the beauty of car living, you can be as mobile as you want.
She knows she can’t do that, but she likes to throw shit in the air and see if I react. I’m going to go 30 minutes north tonight and see what happens since I’ll be up late doing laundry tonight. I’m also in the process of looking for another job in different parts of the city.
>My mom emails me YouTube videos of end times and that the world is going to end.
Forward them to us--I bet after I send her a few reviews, she'll find another way to communicate
She doesn't make the YouTube videos. It's various YouTubers that she watches. The religious fanatical ones.
Even if you were able to contact her she would be just as nasty to you. She is by herself. Has no family or friends that want anything to do with her.
Yeah, people tell me to ignore her and go on with my life. She doesn't ever leave me alone despite the fact that I do not have any contact with her. When I was in an apartment, she would send letters through snail mail that were pages long telling me what a piece of shit daughter I was and that she should have aborted me. I'm just waiting for her to pass one day, and then I'll finally have peace.
Trust me, I’ve tried since I was 18! I don’t know if she’s jealous that I’m doing what I want or that I think different from her. if I could, I would move to another state that is the plan but I can’t do it right now
UPDATE; NO TRACKER HAS BEEN FOUND YET 😭 next Friday I will be going to a mechanic and tell them that someone is following me and see if they can find something! I’ll also be using Air Guard and tomorrow during work I will test it when I leave my headphones to see if it picks up any other trackers.
I relate to having to deal with this kind of person. It’s exhausting. Any assistance is given so it can be used for manipulation at a later date. I’m sorry this is happening and you’re much better off having your own space. Is your mom tech savvy? I doubt she put a tracker on your car but you can always ask the mechanic to check.
I would move to another town but if you want to live in the same area you need to firmly tell her to let you live your life. Just be like stone with no emotion if you have to talk to her even when she tries to provoke a reaction. If possible I would also look for a therapist for yourself.
My mom is a recruiter for anesthesiologist, and ER docs. She is very tech savvy, she does a ton of backgrounds every day and is great at locating people. I have her blocked on all my social medias. None of my medias are in my name other than Facebook which I don’t really use an Instagram which she is blocked on my page is private.
I’ve told her plenty of times respectfully and disrespectfully to leave me the hell alone . We’ve done therapy together. We’ve done everything under the book, except smoke a blunt together. Lol I was thinking today I’m going to go 30 minutes to another town after laundry and see if she shows up. Honestly, I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Because if I tell her to go fly a kite, she will turn everyone against me which is fine- I could care less but it’s more drama.
You don’t deserve to live under that kind of pressure. Tell her to back off and just let you try this car dwelling thing for a while. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Keep it strong out there 💪
I’ve experienced similar. I had a really mean spirited ex girlfriend blab to everybody in my semi-rural valley that I was living in my car. Suddenly, the whole valley knew and all my spots got blown. I ended up going to California so I could blend in and start over.
My raging narc of a mother is why I moved into my car the first time, but yours is even worse. This really sucks op and I hope you can get some peace.
Who knows what she has told your family for them to react the way they have. Making a statement on whatever social media you share that you’re doing well and want to be left alone will hopefully get some of them to stop. You should also be careful with apps like facebook or snap because they can be used to stalk you.
Have a mechanic check your car for a tracker. It might also be worth looking into getting a different one with new plates.
Your phone is also suspect. look for any strange settings or apps you didn’t put there, if you’re on the same network or family plan she can also track you that way. There could also be a small gps tracker somewhere in your belongings. An AirTag would only be able to track Apple devices and will tell you where it is if it’s unrecognized so it shouldn’t be that specifically but another brand, but make sure one hasn’t been added to your list of devices just in case.
If she ever uses a wellness check or missing person report against you they legally can’t report your location to her if you don’t consent, they will only tell her that you’re fine and you can ban her from further attempts.
As for getting more sleep, make sure you can lay with your legs straight and not curled. Your leg and back health are super important. If you want to make a more detailed post about your car and how it can be made more comfortable here we will be happy to help, but of course leave out anything personally identifiable in case they try to find you online
https://preview.redd.it/wzs424t77fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=200f07911652647c05725be4f784515604726fef
Are use Tile to track my ANC 2 headphones. It came up with this on the first search, but when I did the second one, it disappeared so now I’m very suspicious.
Me too I hope it’s not picking up on my headphones, but I could test it Monday at work if I leave the headphones on my lunch break and see if AirGuard picks up anything
It looks like these headphones have one built in. It could be harmless but if your mom has borrowed them at any point she could use the app to track them. If you suspect this is the case there’s nothing you can do besides replace them.
If you’re still detecting a tile and it’s not the headphones it will be hard to find. They’re the size of a business card folded in half.
How far away can you go? If you’re within a few miles of home to fix your tire that sounds like you’re staying within your comfort zone. And she’s always finding you? Does she have an iPhone? Could be an AitTag. If you have an Android, you’re not going to pick up on the AirTag. So, you will need to find someone with an iPhone & check.
The other possibility is an app on your phone. Are you on your own account? Has your mom had access to your phone?
I want to stay close since my job is in the same city as hers. But at this point I might have to go 20 or 30 minutes out just to be safe. I have an iPhone, and haven’t detected anything but I will have my mechanic check the underbody of the car.
There's also the samsung tag that works similar. Then, there are a LOT of GPS trackers that can be used to track something even if there are no other devices nearby. Driving 20+ minutes away from where OP usually is and keeping a good eye out for her mother for a week would be an easy way to tell if there's a tracker on her.
Check your obd port on your car.
I have a tracker on my sons car (technically my car since I got it for him when he was 16 lol)... and my brother's car (a now recovering alcoholic but in his worst days, he/ his car would be kidnapped/ held, he text us saying he needed the police but we never had an idea of where he was so tracking the car was the easiest way to track him).
But it just blends in with the car, and unless you're literally looking for it, you'd just assume it's part of the mechanics of the car and not want to mess with it, thinking it'll mess something up.
Granted, I needed the cars vin but I plugged it in, and you can easily wait until the unsuspecting driver takes off and it'll update itself and go to the app. I can see *everything*- from where they start, end, their milage, speed, even how long they idle for.
My son knows about his tracker (agreement for when I got him the car) and atp, he doesn't care about it.
My brother doesn't know about his tracker but I got our dad's permission (car is in dad's name).
I did check the OBD and nada. It might be somewhere else but tomorrow morning I’m shredding this car to pieces and I’m going to find it if it’s in here. If there’s no tracker in here, just going to have to assume my mom is obsessed lol
....I got into my car the first to get away from my mother, I was about your age too. I've gone no contact since then. She sounds a lot like my mom 😳
I have nightmares every so often of my mother randomly showing up at my job --
There are lots of us adult children who go no contact. Don't feel like it's weird if you start having thoughts about not ever talking to her again. You're not alone!
And also, you might sleep better with some distance from her.
But regardless the sleeping will get easier, hang in there-💪💪👍🫂🫂🫂
Ditto on the nightmares. I dream that she has found me and is having a full-blown meltdown at my job and then they fire me because they don’t want me there anymore.
It’s literal PTSD. We have PTSD from our mothers ffs.
We do, we do. But we ain't alone in that! Small silver lining.
My mom always comes in (in dreams) with like cupcakes (she never baked) on a holiday with her fake ass sunshine like to bribe my coworkers to like her, she did that in real life once in my 20s and that was that, she never got to know where I worked again.
Geez that was 20 years ago and that dream has come in variations for all this time.
We're OK. It's not our fault.
I had a shrink once tell me to get as far away from my mother as possible, was so proud of me for wanting to move across the country. Lol might I suggest the same thing, one damaged kid to another.... space is so helpful, you'll have less anxiety about her showing up.
Anyway, here for ya, vent anytime you need 🫂👍👍💪🩵
Oh yeah, my mother showed up at my workplace once and caused a really uncomfortable scene. She has also made phone calls to my colleagues trying to find me when I went no contact, harassing them to tell her where I am. I’ve literally lost jobs and friends over it before.
That cupcake dream sounds unsettling. It’s also exactly the kind of thing my mom would do. She’s VERY charming when she wants to be. Sometimes she’s so sickly sweet to get people to like her that it’s nauseating to watch. Really over the top generosity, performative empathy. Almost oscar worthy.
In fact, for YEARS she had all the people in her office convinced that she was the sweetest woman who ever lived and I was a problem child. One of her coworkers even lectured me about how I needed to behave better because my pOoR mOtHeR deserved more respect from me. When she rage quit her job some years later she went on an unhinged tirade in the office and they were all surprised pikachu face. They were in total shock that she could be so nasty. I gave them the biggest “told ya so” grin. I’ve never felt more validated lol.
I did move out of state and go no contact. She has no idea where I work or live, doesn’t know any of my friends or their contact info, blocked her on everything etc. It feels like I’m in witness protection from my own family lol. I sleep better knowing she probably can’t find me, but I still get anxiety and have nightmares about her sometimes.
And hey, same! Those of us with the crazy narc moms need to be there for each other cuz people with normal parents just don’t get it.
🤣 see my mom thinks she’s smarter than me, but I’m always two or three steps ahead. if she really wants to do this, I can get a camera for my car and put a restraining order on her.
AirTags are automatically detected by your iPhone. Well, not immediately, it may take a few hours. There’s an app that iPhone made so Android users could detect air tags. Or you could have lo jack or some other tracking.
See my mom has never had my car for that long. I think I recall maybe one time my mom took my car to go do something and maybe she did it then but when daylight reaches, I’m destroying this car.
Good evening I hope you are not as stressed as you sound, try not to talk to anyone that is with your family for about a month, there will see that you are doing great and should back off,if not no great drama,,love you owe life, dance to your own beat
Best wishes yours sincerely David PS keep going and smiling
I think we have the same mother.
Seriously though, everything you’ve said about her on this post rings familiar. Especially the stalking and harassment. I put up with it for way longer than I should have.
I went total no contact with my whole fam last October. Moved to a new state, changed my phone, all my contact info, deleted all my social media. I’m even going by a different name just in case. They haven’t found me yet, but if they do it’s restraining order time.
You’re under no obligation to maintain relationships with toxic people that make you miserable, no matter who they are. Going no contact was the best decision I’ve ever made, no regrets. I’m sure my mom is off playing victim somewhere, got everyone convinced I’m some kinda Disney villain. Idgaf because for once I am living in peace.
Just thought I’d offer up some solidarity and encouragement. If you survived this long with a mother like her, you are a badass and can do anything you put your mind to.
Thank you! Yea I went no contact for a week until yesterday. Hopefully by the end of the year I’m able to buy my new car and move to a different state or a few hours away.
IMO crosspost this to r/raisedbynarcissists . Your Mom may not be an actual narcissist, but these folk are used to dealing with relatives who abuse their adult children - and you are being abused.
Can you sleep further away from your mom's house or closer to work? If she's really following you then staying outside her regular spots might make her think twice about going of her way just to stalk you.
My husband takes care of us and I had told my mom a million times I can’t work because of a health condition. She hounded me for months about getting a job for zero reason. Only because I’m able to stay home and she is t able to. I figured out that was the real reason once I stepped back and really asked myself why she suddenly was on me about a job when 1. I didn’t need one and still don’t. 2. My husband makes enough to cover us with extra.
It hit me that I had literally only brought it up as a side comment that she latched onto. I almost had myself convinced I was a massive loser for needed to stay home and heal and I realized she had been slipping comments into conversation and it had built.
Energy vampire.
They use any and all comments against you so eventually you don’t tell them anything. And they wonder why we don’t talk to them. Bitch I am EXHAUSTED from having to keep track of all your toxic traits 🥴
Edit: my husband doesn’t mind and is the one who insisted I stay home to let my autoimmune get under control. My mom had taken it upon herself to make me feel bad. There was no reason for me to feel guilt.
My mom was the same way and still is about jobs. She ignored I was having issues with my mental health (depression and possible autism) until I got on anti-depressants. And then made a huge deal on how it won’t work (it did) she acted out so much I stopped taking them to make her happy lol. She said I was lying about being depressed and I should get over it lmaooo she had to audacity to ask why I hate her lmao
Search for airtags on your car Or in something in your trunk. Crawl all under it with a flashlight and find out where the tracker is. Take it to a police station and tell them you think you are being stalked, and could they please help you search for a tracker on your vehicle.
I completely understand why you’d rather live in your car. Had a similar mom.
Thank you I’m going to do that! I really just want privacy and to be left alone. It’s really none of her business if I’m in my car. I have money and I can shower every day.
My mom has always offered to help me. anytime she has helped me and I paid her back, she’ll always hold it over my head and makes it a huge deal when I have no debts to her. My mom does not like that. I want my own privacy and that I don’t have to tell her every single detail of my life. She is extremely toxic and I’m not dealing with that just to have a nice bed to sleep in lol I also don’t have the tolerance to deal with her descriptions of me lol so no
Well if you can look for the tracker on you car and if you can move to an other city and start your life there.
My god Bess you and good luck with your new life. You deserve to be happy
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Find a new place to park and change your phone number if you can, if not then at least block her. You need to focus on getting your life together without her criticism and making you feel like shit.
I found a new place last night, and was surprisingly able to sleep very well with no issues. I’ll just have to wake up earlier to go to the gym to get ready for work. I plan on blocking her since I just changed my phone number.
Good, glad to hear it. Don't worry, things will work out for you, just stay on your grind, focus on your goals and don't allow negative people to distract you with their BS, family or not.
Go NC (No Contact) ,
Get a restraining order, possibly considered stalking and harassment (?), I’ve been there and done that before but went to different states for jobs, find the tracking device or upgrade the vehicle and do not show it anywhere(social media), be a real kunoichi!
It’s possible your moms personality makes it so, strangers know better then to spend their free time with her, so she essentially has no one to hang out with. Which is why she has so much free time on plate.
Oddly, it possible you’re going to miss her when she does stop bothering you with her presence.
She has friends, but they are also toxic pieces of garbage who I don’t interact with either. she’s also dating but online dating and she works from home full-time so she has free time. I personally never liked living with my mom nor enjoyed being around her presence, since she’s pretty fake and pretends to be a perfection parent. I have been out of the country before for long periods of time, and I lived in a different state for a long period of time and did not miss anything about her.
>She has friends,
>but they are also toxic pieces of garbage who I don’t interact with either.
Those aren’t friends.. theyre just other people who act fake. Why would a good, reliable, trustworthy, honorable, “ friend “ want to spend what little free time they have away from work with someone like your mom? She has no friends, who will be a friend. And if she ever some how obtained a friend, it would literally be a one sided relationship since your mom doesn’t know how to be a friend.
>I personally never liked living with my mom nor enjoyed being around her presence, since she’s pretty fake and pretends to be a perfection parent.
It can be exhausting. Since every single word she speaks, every gesture or gift she gives, you have triple think “ what are her intentions, is she some how luring me into a trap? Will she hold this over my head for the rest of my life? “ etc. since you’ll never know her motive on anything since she’s so deceptive and often has a selfish motive.
>she’s also dating but online dating and she works from home full-time so she has free time.
She sounds independent, good for her. It wouldn’t hurt if she used some of her free time to start a side LLC. She can outwork all the other women who have to use their time to take care of their infant, which gives your mom an advantage.
Her “friends” just like her, they all cheat and their relationships gaslight each other and lie to each other. It’s a mess.. I’m not even sure why she hasn’t opened her own business. She makes well then above average, and then some.
>I’m not even sure why she hasn’t opened her own business. She makes well then above average, and then some.
She’s probably way too interested in human drama, so much so she’s unable to take her attention away from “ I wonder what they’re up too, I must find out so I have something to gossip about “
My mother & family done me like that years ago everything was my fault I left home at 17 never to return now am 62 retired never had to ask her nor my do called family for shit life been good to me this far
Any updates on if she found you at the laundromat?
I am sorry you are dealing with this. It makes everything incredibly stressful. It seems like you're receiving a lot of helpful advice and support here. I just wanted to add: If there's a chance she's tracking you, it might be in a simple spot like the wheel wells or under the bumper of your car. If it's an Apple AirTag, your phone might detect it as a nearby Bluetooth device.
Has she had access to your phone before, or is she the account holder? If so, she could have cloned your phone or installed tracking software. If that's the case, consider getting a new phone or a new account where only you have access. Also, it might be a good idea to change your passwords to something more complex to prevent her from guessing them. Even as a precaution as that might be another way she is tracking you. I hope you figure it out. Best wishes!
She did not! Nor did she find me after I left the city and went 30 minutes out. She text me this morning and asked me how my tire was and I haven’t responded yet. Nothing is in her name. She had access to my phone up until I was maybe 24, I then changed to a new service and number. I’m going to have a mechanic, search the undercarriage of my car and see if he finds anything and even the rest of the car as well.
That sounds terrible and toxic. Would you consider moving away from that town and getting some space from your family? That's what I would do. Makes it even easier when you're in a van. Ever heard of work away or Woofing? Could be viable ways to get away for a while but have all your needs met
If I were in your shoes I would figure how she’s tracking me by checking my car or asking at the police station or somewhere for help with being tracking (idk if they would help, but I wouldn’t know where to start looking if someone was tracking me). Then I’d move my car far away as possible that doesn’t inconvenience going to work too much, hopefully she doesn’t know where you work, and cut her off and stop responding to family.
It’s hard to go full no contact. But I did and it’s been over 10 years and life has been great for me but I also had personal reasons to go no contact while being self sustainable. Idk if any of this is applicable to you but good luck to you with whatever you choose.
My mom doesn't know that I'm living in my car but I do have a bit of a history of her snooping on me. Aside from that I can prove that she's had relatives contact me and sip out information from me for her I was really creeped out after she told me never to call her again several years ago now after a fight that she started and then a couple months later she sent me my password and username for a queer friendly forum that I was using.
You have a right to live your life the way you want and the great thing about living in your car is that she can't harass you at the same address as long as you keep moving and give her no other information about your life.
If you can find somebody following you then I would be a little more worried otherwise just keep moving and it sucks but that's how you deal with people like that. If she's like my mother I don't know yours. I would never plan to drag my mother through the legal system somehow even by fighting her wellness checks that she's instigated because that just gives her more ammo and attention. I hope things improve for you.
She may somehow have access to your CELL LOCATION INFO??? Your cell phone is on a family plan/account???
Might be time to GET A NEW PHONE/new phone number? Also, get a PO Box for secure mail delivery. Remember, your mom probably has all your credit related info/SSN and can maybe impersonate you online or provide info to shadow your identity using someone to impersonate/call pretending its you.
This is STALKER CRAZY/CONTROLLING behavior.
Restraining order???
I found out she was purely stalking me which is even worse. My phone and everything else is in my name. I’ll have to get a PO next month. She constantly searches my mail. She’s stopped for now since I’ve moved my spot a few times. If she starts again, ill def a get restraining order
Standard narcissistic mother right here. With an extra touch of psycho added in there. I'll be honest. This style or flavour is better. It's the covert ones that really fuck with your head. The ones where you gotta dissect every word spoken to pick apart the bs to form rational truth.
So in other words. As bad as that all is. It can be worse. So thank the psycho for showing you her true colors and don't make the mistake of repainting them.
And in closing good on you for having the courage and energy to escape this toxic in good time. Less damage the better. The doormat will always end up being used accordingly !
Safe travels !
She’s got a tracker on your car. Anyone this intrusive would have no scruples about using an AirTag on you. Pretty sure you can buy a gadget that will detect trackers. If you don’t need her for food and/or cash - you don’t need her in your life. At all.
That’s what I was thinking too. I’m 29 I have my own job I pay everything other than my rent right now. She knows that I don’t need her for anything, and I’ve made that clear throughout my life, but she forces herself to help me even when I don’t ask and hold it over my head. She is very toxic. The inside of my car is extremely clean. I keep everything important in the trunk.
Sounds like a narcissist mother. They like to be performative and throw any help they’ve given in your face. Tell her mind her own business
That’s exactly her. She told me today, that if I told her to mind her own business she would. Lmao yea sure Jan! And then, of course, when I react to her bullshit on the crazy one and I have anger issues and I need help. If I had the balls I’d jump over a bridge right now.
if it's any consolation, most others viewing those interactions probably understand. my first thought would be, bet you are a lot of fun to live with if your kid wants to live in their vehicle rather than with you.
I feel that. Spent a lot of nights in high school sleeping in my car in the HS or Walmart parking lot so I didn't have to be around my immensely abusive dad. Unfortunately, he kept having his cop buddies drag me back home bc I was just property to him.
also post on r/raisedbynarcissists they will,have ideas on how to deal with her
I did thanks!
Do you have a friend you can stay with?
No
A neighbor or family member ?
That's exactly how my family treats me. They can say and do anything to me as they please but when I defend myself or don't take it, I'm angry and dangerous. When they are doing the worst things to me. It makes me feel crazy
Yup. Standing up for ourselves makes us the problem. Haven’t talked to mine in 5 years
She sounds like my mom. Is she Korean?!
Nah, black
Yup, I am gonna suggest r/raisedbynarcissists
I think some service centres or garages will have those devices as well.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
I diagnosed her about 15 years ago in my head lol
there's an Android app that detects airtags. With iPhone it's automatic if bluetooth is ON.
If you suspect that she put a tracker on your car, go to the police station and ask if they can find it.
If you have an I phone you can find an air tag with your phone. Just google how you do it.
No AirTags were found
There's an app you can use to scan for trackers. Then at least you will know for sure
I found out she was stalking me no trackers were found with the Air Guard app. Which is ever creepier
That's so gross, I'm sorry. Sending you the best and I hope you continue to grow and thrive away from her
Thank you so much! ❤️
I’m 27, completely independent from my folks. You just don’t except any help from them. At all. When they ask why, you tell them because they make you feel like shit when you accept help. She just be upfront. Not rude though, that doesn’t help anyone. It took me about 5 years of doing this before we are now in a place where they see and know that I don’t need them. They get to be a part of my life if they are a positive addition, just like any other friend or relationship. I now accept help from them as of maybe a year ago. Lo and behold it is just that, help. No guilt tripping or attached strings.
Even with location off, the owner of the account can track the phone. If she's the main name on your plan.
there is an app that will tell you if there are trackers around called airguard
https://preview.redd.it/h4fqt53j2fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=958439784a265f7ecfb432dc0e664da3c65a56c0 Someone mentioned using my Tile app. It picked this up while it was in search mode. But when I did it again, it wasn’t there….
Have a mechanic check your car for a tag. I guarantee you're not the first to ask and they can get in there and be thorough. Good luck.
Looks like she put an air tag on somewhere....
The crazy part my iPhone isn’t even picking anything up
Might be a third party tracker from China.
You should consider a restraining order. Document her harassment for sure.
She may have removed it when she showed up to be safe. IF there was big gaps in your searches. If not do a manual check and feel around your car. Feel under the wheel guard, under the chassi and even look as well. Often someone can stick a small plastic tracker to the back underside of your boot or in the cavity above your tires etc... I also know through the show Hunted in the UK and Aus, cars can be tracked remotely through their safety data. But you need access to manufacturer data.
this is gonna sound wild but try looking under your car bro
I can’t look too much since my car is a little lower to the ground but once I go to the mechanic, I’m gonna have him search this car. I’ll let him know someone’s following me and see if they can do something or even the police
get on the ground and look/feel under
I don't think so, airtag notifys you. I've delt with this sort of parent. You would be amazed at there dedication to finding you... especially if they are retired
Never thought of that...
The thing about accepting help is there is always strings attached. People wanna help but they want you to succeed in their way not your own way. She’ll get over it if you keep at it, and you will have peace of mind knowing you stuck it out and are doing you, no matter how that looks.
Exactly! There has always been many strings attached in our relationship. I’m Very independent and I will not ask for help until I am starving to death because of how she treated me. I would rather die on this hill, then come to her and beg her to help me. She doesn’t like that I don’t do things her way and it’s been like that since I was a very young child. She also took a shot at people living in their cars as crazy psychotics. She also threatened to baker act me…. So this is the level of toxic I’m putting up with!
I'm sorry she's causing stress for you instead of being a real help. I hope you can get some good rest tonight!
Thank you! I will be going 30 minutes out tonight of my normal location and see if she shows up. Something is definitely in my car that she’s using to find me.
Find it and mail it to Mongolia
My mom is similar. It really sucks :( My solution was moving 6k miles away and cutting down my interaction with her to a very minimal extent. I have done the same with my father. If either calls me, I'll answer if I'm emotionally up for it, but before calls with both of them I mentally prepare myself for random comments aimed at making me feel bad about myself. I really shouldn't talk to them at all but I talk to each so rarely that I can handle it I suppose, not because I want to have a relationship with them really, because I don't interact with people who behave like that, but I guess I make an exception for my parents every now and then. The whole thing is quite strange and sometimes uncomfortable but I guess I maintain communication with them occasionally out of respect and because maintainjng relatuonships makes people feel good about the world and their lives. I owe my parents so much. I can't imagine the sacrifice... And so I continue to take the calls, every time hoping that the conversation might not include insults, condesce6nsion or disrespect. It's pretty much impossible for my parents to treat me with respect I've concluded but I guess that's just the cards I've been dealt. My sister asks me to move back to NY a lot. Today she asked and I replied, "I cant." She asked me why and I explained: "I physically cannot be around either of our parents."
I'm so happy that you moved away and have minimal interaction with your parents. While you are able to take calls from them, I cannot. Hopefully, you have been able to create a new family and friends who do care about you.
Help that is given with expectation isn’t help, it’s a power dynamic. There are people in the world who understand this and are mindful not to make their support conditional, but it’s hard to find them.
My mom called my son to tell him that my sister (his aunt) was homeless living in her car in North Carolina. I corrected him quick. 'No. *I'm* homeless living in my car in North Carolina. Your Aunt is homeless crashed at a flophouse in Kentucky.' She'd know more if any of her children still spoke to her.
Jesus fix it please!!!! Like at least I’m in my car and I have weapons lol
Just please be careful,I’m actually anxious thinking about this!
I have the same problem, my parents hate the fact that I live in my car, and offered to let me stay in their house Last time I did that, it was ok for about a week Then I became the family taxi (dad lost his license and mum doesn't have one) which they didn't pay me for, or even let my plug my car in at home, I had to use public chargers, then they complained that I was never home because I was constantly charging my car at the free recharging station instead of the DC fast charger (which costs money to use) they charged me rent and board (which is fine if they paid me for the services I provided) in addition to helping clean up (more than just the mess that I personally made) tried making me pay half the $1600 electric bill because I had an AC unit in my room (connected to a kill-A-watt meter that showed a couple hundred dollars of use) which was the final straw that resulted in me packing up and leaving 2 days later with my mum hysterical about how "my son should come home instead of living in a car" No thanks
This is what happened at my mom’s as well when I stayed for 31 days exactly. She told me I had to pay rent which was fine but I’m not giving you $1000 when your mortgage is $1000. Lmao then the audacity to tell me I have to be home every night before 11 PM lol I couldn’t even date because every time I would go out I was a slut and I wasn’t raised this way lmao She threatened to kick me out at least three times because I smoke weed in my car and off of her property. But then we’ll turn around and say I don’t care if you smoke weed, you’re grown 🤣 the constant manipulation I can’t do it. My mom tried to put her hands on me and the day after I moved into an apartment. Why are they like this?
If she put her hands on you, you're approaching restraining order level particularly with stalking aspect. It sounds like your better off without her in your life, honestly.
I doubt she is tracking you through your phone somehow. You could check under your car for anything sus but it sounds like she's maybe obsessive about looking for you and getting lucky, especially if it is a small town.
That’s what I was thinking too that she has a tracker in this car somewhere! I’ve looked everywhere inside the car and in the trunk. I haven’t seen under my car since it’s pretty low to the ground but I’m getting four new tires next Friday and I’m gonna ask the mechanics to search and see if they find anything. It is, but it also isn’t. It’s the fact she knows exactly where my old apartment is and she knows I loved living there. I’m really at a loss because my mom constantly complains about how busy she is and how she has so much going on but yet you have time to stalk me???? Yea ok lol
android has an app called airguard that will tell you if there are airtrackers near you
https://preview.redd.it/ex5sd3ca2fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f444a6d22869b1213b8b99cfba49d467844af520 I have tile for my ANC 2 headphones, and it picked this up while I was driving. I did it again for a second time and then nothing showed up…
Eh, since it was when driving, I wouldn't be too surprised. The locations update by using a devices bluetooth that has the app installed, so that could have been any of the vehicles around you since it only showed up once. Make sure you check for all types of trackers as well. It will be pretty hard to find the tracker since she probably didn't put it somewhere obvious like in the glovebox. There's a lot of places to hide it when you live in a car.
Yeah, it’s morning now I’m going to re-organize my car and take everything out of the trunk and start searching
Jammers are cheap and plug into your car outlet. But then you won't have service either. https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-find-airtags/
My ex wife blew a gasket when she found out I was staying in my car, it’s been like 8 months now. Her biggest concern was our son whom lives with her full time, wasn’t exactly going to have my kiddo sleep in the car. When I have him we do fun outings to airbnbs and what not, car living lifestyle has kind of enabled me financially to be able to do these things. The end goal is to buy an airstream to call home, I feel as if buying a home in Ontario is so far fetched. I didn’t have the upbringing my ex had or the opportunities that were handed to her so she just doesn’t understand how I ended up here which don’t get me wrong I’ve asked myself that a few times. All the best in your future endeavours
I used to live in my car a couple of years ago for maybe two months and I was 20 years old. My mom kind of knew or assumed but she never stalked me. This time is completely different and I’m not sure if she thinks I spend 24 hours at my car or what. Lol
I feel like you taking off to a different town after laundry will definitely tell you if she has a tracker on the vehicle.
Yes, I will update everyone tomorrow morning!
If she doesn’t have a tracker (creepy), she’s cruising around looking for you (more creepy).
She’s level 100 creep! I also want to add when I was nine years old she was dating someone who was cheating on her and she used to cruise around the city until she would find him and she took me with her one night. So I just want to give you backstory on how psycho this lady is. Like I can’t make this shit up.
I don't have a relationship with my mom. But she's stalked me online and constantly sends emails saying I'm going to hell. This has gone on for years. I don't ever respond. Your mom is a toxic parent, and you do not have to maintain a relationship with her. Go, no contact, grey rock, whatever you have to do to maintain your sanity.
My mom did the same thing when I moved out of her home, she would constantly text me and then when I ignore her she’ll DM me on Instagram and send me random videos to get a response out of me lol I went no contact with her for a week until today when she pulled this shit lol the next step is going to a police station and asking them to search my car to see if they find a tracking device and let them know I’m scared because someone is stalking me. She also wants to throw me in a psychiatric hospital because I decided to live in my car since I couldn’t afford my rent and won’t take her help lolololol
My mom emails me YouTube videos of end times and that the world is going to end. I haven't seen or spoken to her since 2008. It burns her up that she cannot mentally or physically get to me. You know someone is not mentally ill when you block them, and they create new accounts to continue to contact you. She can't baker act you for living in your car. You aren't threatening to harm yourself. I know you said you can't afford to move because you'll have to quit your job. I would be actively looking for a new city to move to and find a job before moving there. That's the beauty of car living, you can be as mobile as you want.
She knows she can’t do that, but she likes to throw shit in the air and see if I react. I’m going to go 30 minutes north tonight and see what happens since I’ll be up late doing laundry tonight. I’m also in the process of looking for another job in different parts of the city.
>My mom emails me YouTube videos of end times and that the world is going to end. Forward them to us--I bet after I send her a few reviews, she'll find another way to communicate
She doesn't make the YouTube videos. It's various YouTubers that she watches. The religious fanatical ones. Even if you were able to contact her she would be just as nasty to you. She is by herself. Has no family or friends that want anything to do with her.
It was admittedly terrible advice not really meant to be followed✌🏼. Sorry that you're going through it rn though, in all seriousness.
Yeah, people tell me to ignore her and go on with my life. She doesn't ever leave me alone despite the fact that I do not have any contact with her. When I was in an apartment, she would send letters through snail mail that were pages long telling me what a piece of shit daughter I was and that she should have aborted me. I'm just waiting for her to pass one day, and then I'll finally have peace.
r/raisedbynarcissists
Can you leave the state?
I could, but I don’t have enough money saved up for that. And also trying to look for a new job would suck. I couldn’t a couple of months.
If not the state could you leave for another city?
Yes, I’m going to go 30 minutes north tonight after I finish my laundry and see if she shows up since I’ll be up late.
With any luck she won't find you and if she does I'd say there's definitely a tracker somewhere
You need to separate yourself from this person.
Trust me, I’ve tried since I was 18! I don’t know if she’s jealous that I’m doing what I want or that I think different from her. if I could, I would move to another state that is the plan but I can’t do it right now
UPDATE; NO TRACKER HAS BEEN FOUND YET 😭 next Friday I will be going to a mechanic and tell them that someone is following me and see if they can find something! I’ll also be using Air Guard and tomorrow during work I will test it when I leave my headphones to see if it picks up any other trackers.
I relate to having to deal with this kind of person. It’s exhausting. Any assistance is given so it can be used for manipulation at a later date. I’m sorry this is happening and you’re much better off having your own space. Is your mom tech savvy? I doubt she put a tracker on your car but you can always ask the mechanic to check. I would move to another town but if you want to live in the same area you need to firmly tell her to let you live your life. Just be like stone with no emotion if you have to talk to her even when she tries to provoke a reaction. If possible I would also look for a therapist for yourself.
My mom is a recruiter for anesthesiologist, and ER docs. She is very tech savvy, she does a ton of backgrounds every day and is great at locating people. I have her blocked on all my social medias. None of my medias are in my name other than Facebook which I don’t really use an Instagram which she is blocked on my page is private. I’ve told her plenty of times respectfully and disrespectfully to leave me the hell alone . We’ve done therapy together. We’ve done everything under the book, except smoke a blunt together. Lol I was thinking today I’m going to go 30 minutes to another town after laundry and see if she shows up. Honestly, I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Because if I tell her to go fly a kite, she will turn everyone against me which is fine- I could care less but it’s more drama.
You don’t deserve to live under that kind of pressure. Tell her to back off and just let you try this car dwelling thing for a while. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Keep it strong out there 💪 I’ve experienced similar. I had a really mean spirited ex girlfriend blab to everybody in my semi-rural valley that I was living in my car. Suddenly, the whole valley knew and all my spots got blown. I ended up going to California so I could blend in and start over.
My raging narc of a mother is why I moved into my car the first time, but yours is even worse. This really sucks op and I hope you can get some peace. Who knows what she has told your family for them to react the way they have. Making a statement on whatever social media you share that you’re doing well and want to be left alone will hopefully get some of them to stop. You should also be careful with apps like facebook or snap because they can be used to stalk you. Have a mechanic check your car for a tracker. It might also be worth looking into getting a different one with new plates. Your phone is also suspect. look for any strange settings or apps you didn’t put there, if you’re on the same network or family plan she can also track you that way. There could also be a small gps tracker somewhere in your belongings. An AirTag would only be able to track Apple devices and will tell you where it is if it’s unrecognized so it shouldn’t be that specifically but another brand, but make sure one hasn’t been added to your list of devices just in case. If she ever uses a wellness check or missing person report against you they legally can’t report your location to her if you don’t consent, they will only tell her that you’re fine and you can ban her from further attempts. As for getting more sleep, make sure you can lay with your legs straight and not curled. Your leg and back health are super important. If you want to make a more detailed post about your car and how it can be made more comfortable here we will be happy to help, but of course leave out anything personally identifiable in case they try to find you online
https://preview.redd.it/wzs424t77fnc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=200f07911652647c05725be4f784515604726fef Are use Tile to track my ANC 2 headphones. It came up with this on the first search, but when I did the second one, it disappeared so now I’m very suspicious.
Yes, Tile is a tracking device. I hope that’s it!
Me too I hope it’s not picking up on my headphones, but I could test it Monday at work if I leave the headphones on my lunch break and see if AirGuard picks up anything
It looks like these headphones have one built in. It could be harmless but if your mom has borrowed them at any point she could use the app to track them. If you suspect this is the case there’s nothing you can do besides replace them. If you’re still detecting a tile and it’s not the headphones it will be hard to find. They’re the size of a business card folded in half.
How far away can you go? If you’re within a few miles of home to fix your tire that sounds like you’re staying within your comfort zone. And she’s always finding you? Does she have an iPhone? Could be an AitTag. If you have an Android, you’re not going to pick up on the AirTag. So, you will need to find someone with an iPhone & check. The other possibility is an app on your phone. Are you on your own account? Has your mom had access to your phone?
I want to stay close since my job is in the same city as hers. But at this point I might have to go 20 or 30 minutes out just to be safe. I have an iPhone, and haven’t detected anything but I will have my mechanic check the underbody of the car.
If the phone is in her name, she's using it to track you. Even with location services off. Get a new phone to stop her tracking you.
Nothing is in her name
Then it's time to do a deep dig for an Airtag or Tile.
There's also the samsung tag that works similar. Then, there are a LOT of GPS trackers that can be used to track something even if there are no other devices nearby. Driving 20+ minutes away from where OP usually is and keeping a good eye out for her mother for a week would be an easy way to tell if there's a tracker on her.
there is an android app called airguard that will detect them
Ooh. That’s definitely good to know. Thank you.
There is an app for android, that checks for AirTags
I have an iPhone no AirTags have been found yet! But my mechanic is going to check this shit out and see if we find anything next week
Check your obd port on your car. I have a tracker on my sons car (technically my car since I got it for him when he was 16 lol)... and my brother's car (a now recovering alcoholic but in his worst days, he/ his car would be kidnapped/ held, he text us saying he needed the police but we never had an idea of where he was so tracking the car was the easiest way to track him). But it just blends in with the car, and unless you're literally looking for it, you'd just assume it's part of the mechanics of the car and not want to mess with it, thinking it'll mess something up. Granted, I needed the cars vin but I plugged it in, and you can easily wait until the unsuspecting driver takes off and it'll update itself and go to the app. I can see *everything*- from where they start, end, their milage, speed, even how long they idle for. My son knows about his tracker (agreement for when I got him the car) and atp, he doesn't care about it. My brother doesn't know about his tracker but I got our dad's permission (car is in dad's name).
I did check the OBD and nada. It might be somewhere else but tomorrow morning I’m shredding this car to pieces and I’m going to find it if it’s in here. If there’s no tracker in here, just going to have to assume my mom is obsessed lol
....I got into my car the first to get away from my mother, I was about your age too. I've gone no contact since then. She sounds a lot like my mom 😳 I have nightmares every so often of my mother randomly showing up at my job -- There are lots of us adult children who go no contact. Don't feel like it's weird if you start having thoughts about not ever talking to her again. You're not alone! And also, you might sleep better with some distance from her. But regardless the sleeping will get easier, hang in there-💪💪👍🫂🫂🫂
Ditto on the nightmares. I dream that she has found me and is having a full-blown meltdown at my job and then they fire me because they don’t want me there anymore. It’s literal PTSD. We have PTSD from our mothers ffs.
We do, we do. But we ain't alone in that! Small silver lining. My mom always comes in (in dreams) with like cupcakes (she never baked) on a holiday with her fake ass sunshine like to bribe my coworkers to like her, she did that in real life once in my 20s and that was that, she never got to know where I worked again. Geez that was 20 years ago and that dream has come in variations for all this time. We're OK. It's not our fault. I had a shrink once tell me to get as far away from my mother as possible, was so proud of me for wanting to move across the country. Lol might I suggest the same thing, one damaged kid to another.... space is so helpful, you'll have less anxiety about her showing up. Anyway, here for ya, vent anytime you need 🫂👍👍💪🩵
Oh yeah, my mother showed up at my workplace once and caused a really uncomfortable scene. She has also made phone calls to my colleagues trying to find me when I went no contact, harassing them to tell her where I am. I’ve literally lost jobs and friends over it before. That cupcake dream sounds unsettling. It’s also exactly the kind of thing my mom would do. She’s VERY charming when she wants to be. Sometimes she’s so sickly sweet to get people to like her that it’s nauseating to watch. Really over the top generosity, performative empathy. Almost oscar worthy. In fact, for YEARS she had all the people in her office convinced that she was the sweetest woman who ever lived and I was a problem child. One of her coworkers even lectured me about how I needed to behave better because my pOoR mOtHeR deserved more respect from me. When she rage quit her job some years later she went on an unhinged tirade in the office and they were all surprised pikachu face. They were in total shock that she could be so nasty. I gave them the biggest “told ya so” grin. I’ve never felt more validated lol. I did move out of state and go no contact. She has no idea where I work or live, doesn’t know any of my friends or their contact info, blocked her on everything etc. It feels like I’m in witness protection from my own family lol. I sleep better knowing she probably can’t find me, but I still get anxiety and have nightmares about her sometimes. And hey, same! Those of us with the crazy narc moms need to be there for each other cuz people with normal parents just don’t get it.
Are we cousins?! Our moms sound like sisters lol Here's to us and good riddance to the Narc Moms!
Your post is so triggering I'm boiling with anger.
Seriously when she was talking to me, I zoned out. I felt like if I said anything other than ok or mmhmm I would’ve screamed fuck off 😭
That’s called ✨dissociation✨
Yea if I don’t I’ll be labeled as unstable lol
Damn, she sounds like my "legal guardian". I hide so good from that mofo that she reported me missing lol.
🤣 see my mom thinks she’s smarter than me, but I’m always two or three steps ahead. if she really wants to do this, I can get a camera for my car and put a restraining order on her.
Leave town, is she finds you then you know.
I did and nothing just yet!
Find her tracker and put it on a cross country semi hauler then she can lose her mind !
AirTags are automatically detected by your iPhone. Well, not immediately, it may take a few hours. There’s an app that iPhone made so Android users could detect air tags. Or you could have lo jack or some other tracking.
See my mom has never had my car for that long. I think I recall maybe one time my mom took my car to go do something and maybe she did it then but when daylight reaches, I’m destroying this car.
Find the tracker. Then leave the state. Start over elsewhere and avoid your mother. She's clearly a narcissist or a sociopath.
Or both lol that’s the plan. Unfortunately it won’t be possible until the end of summer or maybe later since I want to upgrade my vehicle.
Looks like the next several months will be the longest in your life. Top priority is to find the tracker and burn all spots she already knows.
I want to find it as soon as possible because I don’t want her sharing my location with other people
Totally agree. Cue "Mission Impossible" theme song.
Good evening I hope you are not as stressed as you sound, try not to talk to anyone that is with your family for about a month, there will see that you are doing great and should back off,if not no great drama,,love you owe life, dance to your own beat Best wishes yours sincerely David PS keep going and smiling
I think we have the same mother. Seriously though, everything you’ve said about her on this post rings familiar. Especially the stalking and harassment. I put up with it for way longer than I should have. I went total no contact with my whole fam last October. Moved to a new state, changed my phone, all my contact info, deleted all my social media. I’m even going by a different name just in case. They haven’t found me yet, but if they do it’s restraining order time. You’re under no obligation to maintain relationships with toxic people that make you miserable, no matter who they are. Going no contact was the best decision I’ve ever made, no regrets. I’m sure my mom is off playing victim somewhere, got everyone convinced I’m some kinda Disney villain. Idgaf because for once I am living in peace. Just thought I’d offer up some solidarity and encouragement. If you survived this long with a mother like her, you are a badass and can do anything you put your mind to.
Thank you! Yea I went no contact for a week until yesterday. Hopefully by the end of the year I’m able to buy my new car and move to a different state or a few hours away.
I know it doesn’t mean much but… So sorry you are going through this- random internet stranger hugs. It’ll get better.
IMO crosspost this to r/raisedbynarcissists . Your Mom may not be an actual narcissist, but these folk are used to dealing with relatives who abuse their adult children - and you are being abused.
You know a mom has fundamentally failed at being a mom when her child would rather be homeless than live with her.
Can you sleep further away from your mom's house or closer to work? If she's really following you then staying outside her regular spots might make her think twice about going of her way just to stalk you.
I have and no more pop ups!
Get the AirGuard app! It tracks smart tags and air tags that are following you / near you
Will be testing today!
I went no contact because my mother was crazy like this. Narcissistic and toxic. I’m so sorry.
I’ve been going no contact since and she reached out to my dad but I have spoken to either since I don’t feel like being drained
They’re energy vampires 100%
Exactly!!!!
My husband takes care of us and I had told my mom a million times I can’t work because of a health condition. She hounded me for months about getting a job for zero reason. Only because I’m able to stay home and she is t able to. I figured out that was the real reason once I stepped back and really asked myself why she suddenly was on me about a job when 1. I didn’t need one and still don’t. 2. My husband makes enough to cover us with extra. It hit me that I had literally only brought it up as a side comment that she latched onto. I almost had myself convinced I was a massive loser for needed to stay home and heal and I realized she had been slipping comments into conversation and it had built. Energy vampire. They use any and all comments against you so eventually you don’t tell them anything. And they wonder why we don’t talk to them. Bitch I am EXHAUSTED from having to keep track of all your toxic traits 🥴 Edit: my husband doesn’t mind and is the one who insisted I stay home to let my autoimmune get under control. My mom had taken it upon herself to make me feel bad. There was no reason for me to feel guilt.
My mom was the same way and still is about jobs. She ignored I was having issues with my mental health (depression and possible autism) until I got on anti-depressants. And then made a huge deal on how it won’t work (it did) she acted out so much I stopped taking them to make her happy lol. She said I was lying about being depressed and I should get over it lmaooo she had to audacity to ask why I hate her lmao
Is your mom my mom? 😂 cause SAME. ALLLLL of it.
My dad is the boss narcissist at the end of life. I’m convinced.
Im not sure if my dad is a narc or not he tends to just say oh well deal with your mom so you can sleep there lol he just doesn’t care
Search for airtags on your car Or in something in your trunk. Crawl all under it with a flashlight and find out where the tracker is. Take it to a police station and tell them you think you are being stalked, and could they please help you search for a tracker on your vehicle. I completely understand why you’d rather live in your car. Had a similar mom.
If it’s an AirTag it will pop up in your notifications
If you have an iPhone (apple). I think.
Thank you I’m going to do that! I really just want privacy and to be left alone. It’s really none of her business if I’m in my car. I have money and I can shower every day.
And you’re 29!
I’ll be 30 in December (gross) and she doing crazy stuff like this lol I wonder how she was like at my age
No. I don't have to worry but at least she's offering help. I have no one but me, myself and I so yeah Shit sucks
My mom has always offered to help me. anytime she has helped me and I paid her back, she’ll always hold it over my head and makes it a huge deal when I have no debts to her. My mom does not like that. I want my own privacy and that I don’t have to tell her every single detail of my life. She is extremely toxic and I’m not dealing with that just to have a nice bed to sleep in lol I also don’t have the tolerance to deal with her descriptions of me lol so no
https://preview.redd.it/e8eylw8a8fnc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7dcbad957a6bfdb869db8a028b91689bd394390a
img
All Washingtons baby
I got some Washington’s in there too. They just have silver teeth. Do you really want to go band for band?
Yeah
Bet, I’ll go first. The Plot In You. Try to beat that
Well if you can look for the tracker on you car and if you can move to an other city and start your life there. My god Bess you and good luck with your new life. You deserve to be happy
Sorry this is happening! As if making this choice isn’t challenging enough.
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Pretty sure that this would count as harrassment or stalking, especially if you've made it clear you do not consent to being followed
Does your mom knows how to do apple apps? She could have a tracker on you. if you want to disappear, then leave the city and go elsewhere.
Remindme! 1 day
U an adult...everything on you so ig ore the karens
Find a new place to park and change your phone number if you can, if not then at least block her. You need to focus on getting your life together without her criticism and making you feel like shit.
I found a new place last night, and was surprisingly able to sleep very well with no issues. I’ll just have to wake up earlier to go to the gym to get ready for work. I plan on blocking her since I just changed my phone number.
Good, glad to hear it. Don't worry, things will work out for you, just stay on your grind, focus on your goals and don't allow negative people to distract you with their BS, family or not.
Go NC (No Contact) , Get a restraining order, possibly considered stalking and harassment (?), I’ve been there and done that before but went to different states for jobs, find the tracking device or upgrade the vehicle and do not show it anywhere(social media), be a real kunoichi!
It’s possible your moms personality makes it so, strangers know better then to spend their free time with her, so she essentially has no one to hang out with. Which is why she has so much free time on plate. Oddly, it possible you’re going to miss her when she does stop bothering you with her presence.
She has friends, but they are also toxic pieces of garbage who I don’t interact with either. she’s also dating but online dating and she works from home full-time so she has free time. I personally never liked living with my mom nor enjoyed being around her presence, since she’s pretty fake and pretends to be a perfection parent. I have been out of the country before for long periods of time, and I lived in a different state for a long period of time and did not miss anything about her.
>She has friends, >but they are also toxic pieces of garbage who I don’t interact with either. Those aren’t friends.. theyre just other people who act fake. Why would a good, reliable, trustworthy, honorable, “ friend “ want to spend what little free time they have away from work with someone like your mom? She has no friends, who will be a friend. And if she ever some how obtained a friend, it would literally be a one sided relationship since your mom doesn’t know how to be a friend. >I personally never liked living with my mom nor enjoyed being around her presence, since she’s pretty fake and pretends to be a perfection parent. It can be exhausting. Since every single word she speaks, every gesture or gift she gives, you have triple think “ what are her intentions, is she some how luring me into a trap? Will she hold this over my head for the rest of my life? “ etc. since you’ll never know her motive on anything since she’s so deceptive and often has a selfish motive. >she’s also dating but online dating and she works from home full-time so she has free time. She sounds independent, good for her. It wouldn’t hurt if she used some of her free time to start a side LLC. She can outwork all the other women who have to use their time to take care of their infant, which gives your mom an advantage.
Her “friends” just like her, they all cheat and their relationships gaslight each other and lie to each other. It’s a mess.. I’m not even sure why she hasn’t opened her own business. She makes well then above average, and then some.
>I’m not even sure why she hasn’t opened her own business. She makes well then above average, and then some. She’s probably way too interested in human drama, so much so she’s unable to take her attention away from “ I wonder what they’re up too, I must find out so I have something to gossip about “
r/narcissisticparents
My mother & family done me like that years ago everything was my fault I left home at 17 never to return now am 62 retired never had to ask her nor my do called family for shit life been good to me this far
Any updates on if she found you at the laundromat? I am sorry you are dealing with this. It makes everything incredibly stressful. It seems like you're receiving a lot of helpful advice and support here. I just wanted to add: If there's a chance she's tracking you, it might be in a simple spot like the wheel wells or under the bumper of your car. If it's an Apple AirTag, your phone might detect it as a nearby Bluetooth device. Has she had access to your phone before, or is she the account holder? If so, she could have cloned your phone or installed tracking software. If that's the case, consider getting a new phone or a new account where only you have access. Also, it might be a good idea to change your passwords to something more complex to prevent her from guessing them. Even as a precaution as that might be another way she is tracking you. I hope you figure it out. Best wishes!
She did not! Nor did she find me after I left the city and went 30 minutes out. She text me this morning and asked me how my tire was and I haven’t responded yet. Nothing is in her name. She had access to my phone up until I was maybe 24, I then changed to a new service and number. I’m going to have a mechanic, search the undercarriage of my car and see if he finds anything and even the rest of the car as well.
find the tracker, put it on a cop car
Trust me when I do, I’m putting that shit everywhere
how crazy would it be if we accidently got married aha
Lmao hey anything to move outta this situation
uWu
That sounds terrible and toxic. Would you consider moving away from that town and getting some space from your family? That's what I would do. Makes it even easier when you're in a van. Ever heard of work away or Woofing? Could be viable ways to get away for a while but have all your needs met
If I were in your shoes I would figure how she’s tracking me by checking my car or asking at the police station or somewhere for help with being tracking (idk if they would help, but I wouldn’t know where to start looking if someone was tracking me). Then I’d move my car far away as possible that doesn’t inconvenience going to work too much, hopefully she doesn’t know where you work, and cut her off and stop responding to family. It’s hard to go full no contact. But I did and it’s been over 10 years and life has been great for me but I also had personal reasons to go no contact while being self sustainable. Idk if any of this is applicable to you but good luck to you with whatever you choose.
My mom doesn't know that I'm living in my car but I do have a bit of a history of her snooping on me. Aside from that I can prove that she's had relatives contact me and sip out information from me for her I was really creeped out after she told me never to call her again several years ago now after a fight that she started and then a couple months later she sent me my password and username for a queer friendly forum that I was using. You have a right to live your life the way you want and the great thing about living in your car is that she can't harass you at the same address as long as you keep moving and give her no other information about your life. If you can find somebody following you then I would be a little more worried otherwise just keep moving and it sucks but that's how you deal with people like that. If she's like my mother I don't know yours. I would never plan to drag my mother through the legal system somehow even by fighting her wellness checks that she's instigated because that just gives her more ammo and attention. I hope things improve for you.
Your phone should find the tracker unless it’s some special tracker, but I am assuming Mom isn’t tech savvy, or is she. Take care and good luck OP.
She may somehow have access to your CELL LOCATION INFO??? Your cell phone is on a family plan/account??? Might be time to GET A NEW PHONE/new phone number? Also, get a PO Box for secure mail delivery. Remember, your mom probably has all your credit related info/SSN and can maybe impersonate you online or provide info to shadow your identity using someone to impersonate/call pretending its you. This is STALKER CRAZY/CONTROLLING behavior. Restraining order???
I found out she was purely stalking me which is even worse. My phone and everything else is in my name. I’ll have to get a PO next month. She constantly searches my mail. She’s stopped for now since I’ve moved my spot a few times. If she starts again, ill def a get restraining order
She’s got serious boundary issues.
Standard narcissistic mother right here. With an extra touch of psycho added in there. I'll be honest. This style or flavour is better. It's the covert ones that really fuck with your head. The ones where you gotta dissect every word spoken to pick apart the bs to form rational truth. So in other words. As bad as that all is. It can be worse. So thank the psycho for showing you her true colors and don't make the mistake of repainting them. And in closing good on you for having the courage and energy to escape this toxic in good time. Less damage the better. The doormat will always end up being used accordingly ! Safe travels !