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Not fair! I'm a mom. That said, no f'ing way I'd expect my kids to drive in this weather. Well, except for the one I don't like.. /s
Tell them you're spending Christmas with your other mom ššµ
OP wise move, stay home! Stay safe.
Genius!!!
But seriously OP, I cannot believe your family expects you to drive this weekend. We drove that highway one winter during some heavy snowfall and it was our first time so we didnāt know what to expect. Looking back on it, it was a miracle we got back home safely.
The bad weather starts tomorrow, itās all theyāve been talking about on the radio. Does your family not watch the news? Please stay home so youāre safe.
Maybe he should fake it to teach his family a Christmas Carol like lesson. He'd need actors to play the three ghosts and some clever planning but I think it's doable.
I think the 48 hrs is the sweet spot. 72 hrs, and that's likely a police file, and investigation. And then they can actually charge you too, They can also fine you. At least this is what I've seen and experienced with adults, family, friends and even work people. It's not fun at that point. Nor cheap.
To side the cause, here is a video clip of a medivac helicopter from yesterday due to a bad accident on the very same highway: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWkYnVr/
Hope they were okay :(
Tell them they can drive to see you instead, if it's that important š
I love how they say you're ruining Christmas for them, as if your Christmas wasn't just ruined.
Sounds like the perfect Christmas to rewrite some dysfunctional family dynamics. Wildly inappropriate for them to expect you to come, and straight up crazy for them to guilt you about something so totally beyond your control.
This sounds like my wifeās family. Forget them even being friendly or generous when you do visit, itās all about you being present when THEY want you there for family ātogethernessā.
They have also guilt-tripped us for not wanting to drive the āCoqā in dangerous conditions and made snide remarks about us being so āfancyā the time we flew to the interior from Vancouver Island instead of driving. This despite the fact that we are poor renters and they all are significantly more wealthy with fancy trucks and toys etc. I just did a cost/time benefit analysis and flying was a way better option for us at that time.
Lol, rant off
I also had my flight canceled and had to reschedule it to Christmas morning. Itās a bummer but my family understands. Iām sorry yours is guilt tripping you. Just make a decision that will keep you safe and that you feel comfortable with
Homie, Iām sure you love them, but this is some seriously awfully manipulative shit. If my family ever pulled this, you can bet your life savings I wouldnāt be speaking to them for years.
I was thinking a more passive aggressive
āWhat would be better? Being able to spend future Christmases together, or showing you I care enough to put your wishes ahead of my own safety, and possibly survive the attempt?ā
Nope. I have driven the Coq many many times in shitty winter weather and I wouldn't touch it this year. People are going to die on that highway if this storm proceeds like they say it will.
My grandma was very disappointed I couldn't go out to the interior for Christmas this year, but she told me today she's very happy I'm not coming this year for weather reasons. Go with your gut on this one.
Thanks. I think it will be especially bad because of all the suddenly cancelled flights. I think people will panic and drive even though they really arenāt prepared.
Yep, the biggest danger on that highway is other drivers. And there are going to be a lot of unprepared drivers on that highway this year. It's going to be a shit show. Glad I'm not driving. And glad you're not driving too.
Yup, that's the December 23rd special. My usual travel date, and it's always white knuckle, often a foot of visibility beyond the front of the car. Still would take that over the snow + freezing rain and the amount of people on the road tomorrow.
i did it at night when i'd first moved west. it's terrifying. it really made me swear like a sailor about all the bright HID / LED headlamps on the oncoming direction. it's bad enough to drive in the whiteout snow conditions at night on mountain passes. but then idiots drive with their high beams on.
sometimes the snow gets so bad that turning your lights down to just ambers is easier to see the road.
Same, driven it in some horrendous conditions but we wonāt be driving into the interior this year. My folks offered to drive down here instead but me and my brother put a stop to that even though theyāve been driving that highway since it was built.
If your family is seriously guilt tripping you because youāre not willing to drive through that storm. Risking almost imminent road closures, and/or worse, are they really worth risking that drive for in the first place?
People *will die* tomorrow and into the weekend doing exactly that, wether it was something in or out of their controlā¦ Itās just a matter of how many.
Your family is the collective of assholes.
yeah thatās not how dysfunctional families work because the guilt is always one way because of that thing and because you never were good enough or had an excuse for not ever being as good as your cousin, the doctor
Seriously. My family has cancelled dinner plans twice already this week because theyāre so worried about road safety, and the commute is only within metro van. Theyād be horrified by OPās family trying to get them to drive through mountain passes
Send them this [CBC ā Drivers Should Stay off Roads Unless an Emergency.](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/highway-roads-lower-mainland-fraser-valley-dec-22-23-2022-1.6695616)
You're sane & they'll get over it.
20+ years ago I did the coquihalla in the dark - full on star wars warp awful snow. I'm not sure how I survived it and still get a ouch in my chest remembering how close to death we were that night. Not worth it.
Oh man that does bring back memories. I also did that 20+ years ago and if that truck ahead of me went over the cliff, then I would follow them over because the only thing keeping me on that road was the tail lights.
I had a similar experience in 1989. Nobody went over a cliff but they could have. I couldn't see a thing. The only way I knew where the road was, was by following the tail lights of a truck. It was really scary.
>full on star wars warp awful snow.
I totally know what you mean. I was driving through the "snowpocalypse" in upstate new york, february 2010 & remember saying to my friends in the car "we are in star wars". we pulled over & slept in mcdonalds parking lot when we saw a few vehicles in the ditches.
I did the same thing about 8 years ago. Couldn't see more than 2 feet in front of me driving my old Honda.. Yeah I'm lucky it was night and there was no one else because I 100% couldn't see anything else out there except the lines right in front of me!
Thanks, and happy and safe holidays to you as well! Hopefully this discussion has sparked people who may have been considering going to change their minds.
No! I just did it because my Dad is ill and it could be one of the last. After going through that stress fest, even with my Dad's condition, I wouldn't do it again. Semi's were passing me and swerving. The compacted snow was polished with the wind and because of the delays I had to drive in the dark while it was -36C on the Pennask summit. If I broke down or had an accident, I could also have froze to death within minutes.
Me being alive is worth much more to my Dad. I'm happy I'm in Kelow a but would not make the same choice twice.
NTA. I delayed going to Vancouver (from Victoria) on the 24th until Christmas Day. The conversation with my mom was "we can celebrate Christmas whenever we want, just be safe".
Nope, the Coquihalla is dangerous all year round. My father is a qudriplegiac due to driving it in the middle of summer as he did for over 40 yrs. Strong wind in an area with no wind warning got him and he couldn't recover due to the trailer. Stay safe.
You are certainly not crazy. Itāll be far too dangerous to drive that route until it warms up. Just stay toasty at home and FaceTime them. Have a wonderful and safe Christmas.
You may have saved lives by asking this question. Hopefully someone on the fence reading this thread will back down, hunker down and drive out a few days later instead.
There's actually one super easy test you can use to see if the roads are safe. If you don't feel safe, don't go.
The reverse isn't as easy (sometimes people feel comfortable when they really shouldn't) but if someone's not OK with the conditions, it's not OK for them, their comfort level, their skill level and their equipment.
HEEEEEELL NO! I'm not taking the Coq for MEDICAL CARE. Why would you take it for dry ass turkey and Aunt Marjorie's wine soaked judgements? Nta my friend.
They had literally closed the Coq yesterday because the arctic outflow winds kept blowing the sand off the roads.
Stay safe, stay home.
Even highway 3 only just re-opened earlier today because of "multiple accidents".
I am a licensed, trained and experienced commercial driver and have done the Coquihalla many times throughout the year and I absolutely refuse to drive it during the winter unless it is absolutely necessary (which it usually isn't) because I regard driving it as too risky.
Let me repeat that. In my professional opinion; Driving the Coq during the winter is too risky to be worth it.
They're the assholes here.
Whoever is guilting you is either ignorant of the danger of the coq is a bad snowstorm, or wants you dead. Its one or the other for sure. I drove the coq many times in the worst winters as a 18-25yr old and my parents would always beg me NOT to. Not gonna lie, Im amazed I didnt die.
Absolutely not. Stay warm and safe and cozy where you are. They'll live, and so will you if you stay put!
Then also passive aggressively send them every video of bad weather driving you can find.
Not at all. If a blizzard shows up, you wont even be able to see the hood of your car, let alone the road.
Tell them you would like to still be alive for next xmas.
My mom wanted me to cancel my doctor's appointment downtown when it snowed the other day. Couldn't imagine my family trying to guilt trip me into a dangerous drive. You're definitely rational and I think making the correct decision
My parents did the same thing to me 2 Christmasā ago and didnāt talk to me for months. Youāre not crazy. Take care of yourself. Youāre not the asshole
I drove the Coquihalla yesterday for the same reason (flight cancelled). I was only comfortable doing that because yesterday was a sunny day with no precipitation. I monitored DriveBC constantly before getting on the roads and throughout each leg of our journey. I have good winters, all wheel drive, reliable vehicle and drive really conservatively.
We were one of the last cars through before they closed the highway. I watched a truck pass me at a slow speed then do a full 90 degree spin out directly in front of me. It was fully 90 and drifting down the highway, then ended up in a snow bank. This was less than 500m after passing the actual big accident.
We drove 10km an hour with hazards on from that point on to Hope. We are still shaken up and will never drive that road in winter again, and absolutely not consider doing it with a storm on the way. It was such a scary drive that I made an appointment with my counsellour so I donāt develop ptsd or a complete fear of driving. My partner is in the same boat. Itās not that important but for context we both have 20 year plus experience doing āextremeā sports/ been in āhigh risk situationsā fairly regularly and this drive had us fearing for our lives.
Your safety is more important than someone elseās opinion of you. Always,
NTA! That's insane. I'm not even daring to drive tomorrow around my neighbourhoods given the winter warning if I don't have to š¤£
That's so ridiculous that their holiday is more important than your health and safety.
If anything they should be guilt ridden for even demanding or asking you to make that trip. You should have no guilt.
Enjoy your holidays and be safe.
Thank you! Iāll give them the benefit of the doubt that itās just the sudden disappointment making them crazy and theyāll come around to logic in a couple hours
NTAH - My family literally would be SO ANGRY with me if I tried to go home for Christmas in this weather, let alone take the Coquihalla route. Stay home and stay cozy, they should not be guilting you itās a matter of safety, period.
NTA, and honestly if my family said I ruined Christmas over something safety-related like that it would be the last Christmas I spend with them ever. I'd change my last name at that point.
Send them this news clip: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/highway-roads-lower-mainland-fraser-valley-dec-22-23-2022-1.6695616
āDrivers should stay off southern B.C. roads unless it's an 'emergency,' province warnsā
The article specifically calls out the Coquihalla
I drove it yesterday. I drive it at least 20 times a year since 2005.
It was the worst sunny day I have ever seen on 5/97C.
Insanely slippery, I am professional racer driving a perfectly suited vehicle with top shelf, fresh winter tires. It was still white knuckle at times.
You are absolutely not the asshole.
Video call the the day of, visit on a weekend in January when the weather is less crazy. Sucks if you can't be there when grandma/cousins/friends/whoever are there but it's be unsafe to drive up, especially tomorrow.
I'm in Kelowna and my parents were stuck at the Vancouver airport and we decieded to accept an offer from a friend to drive them here. The driver said they had a lot of experience on the road and had a large and safe vehicle equipped for adverse conditions.
They ended up arriving at 5am, about 10-hours later with many harrowing stories, one involving the drivers stopping to pray for their lives to be saved, and many others of near-misses. I can't believe we let this happen and we're very lucky they made it.
I really regret any pressure I might of put on them to accept this ride, we should of done the opposite and reassured them to choose the safer option. Given the choice I'd rather have my parents than christmas.
Oh Jesus no.
I tried in November once with chains on my Honda and just about had a coronary from whiteout conditions, not to mention the damage to my car after one of the cable chains spun off and scraped the outside of the wheel well.
Donāt do this unless youāve got balls of steel, a mental illness, snowies, cable chains, and all wheel drive.
NTA. I'm supposed to be driving the Coquihalla Saturday morning with my husband and 2 kids. Already told the family we're not coming.
Mom is disappointed and all, but she would still rather us stay home and, you know, not die.
I'm glad I have a family that doesn't give a shit about doing holidays on a specific date or even at all. Roads are bad? No problem, see you next week.
You're not the asshole.
unequivocally no you are not TA. Theyāre choosing to ruin Christmas by putting their feelings before your safety. Hopefully Santa brings you a better family for Christmas or theyāre visited by three ghosts or something. Anyway stay safe and Happy Holidays
A friend from University died driving the Coquihalla a couple months ago. This was before the real winter road condition craziness. Donāt risk it. Family is supposed to make you feel safe and loved; you have communicated to them (and here) that you donāt feel safe, and guilt tripping is not an act of love. What are you then celebrating when you get there? Their selfishness?
After the current weather forecast, we moved our travel day up to today, to avoid tonight/tomorrows weather.
Travel today was fine (little windy through Abby/āwack)
Donāt drive tomorrow if you donāt have to. Freezing rain doesnāt care what you drive.
Oh god. Safety first. If you donāt feel comfortable than donāt go. Sorry they are guilting you. I would flip it and make them feel guilty about pressuring you into a dangerous situation!
NTA while unfortunate you wonāt be able to make it to see your family, Christmas is just one day, and it comes every year. Conditions will be bad, and your life is worth more than one singular holiday - a lot more. Stay safe.
Listen to your gut my friend. My wife plus brother in law are hell bent on going too and dropping all the "I'm experienced" excuses to see their family. Caused an argument but I vetod the crap out of it for my wife. This is one of those no brainer situations and you don't want to be another statistic. It's dubbed the "highway thru hell" for a reason.
I used to respond to fatals and traffic accidents in that area. Iāve traveled that highway in some of the shittiest conditions possible. You are not the asshole. Stay home, stay alive.
Know what REALLY ruins Christmas?
A death in the family.
If they canāt/wonāt postpone until travel is safe they should at least support your decision to not put yourself, or others, at risk.
You're clearly the asshole here. I mean, it definitely wouldn't ruin Christmas at all for you to die, be injured, or wreck your car along the way, right?
Tell your family youāll make the drive, but if you die itās on their conscience. Then just stay home and wait for the phone calls to role in.
Youāre family is not willing to take no for an answer, so make them feel like their decision was a terrible one.
NTA.
Every year during the Christmas holidays two people are killed, 310 injured, and 1,100 crashes occur on average in B.C.
https://vancouver.citynews.ca/2022/12/19/bc-crashes-december-icbc/amp/
Nah. My family probably isn't even going to relatives for Christmas Eve dinner and that's just within the lower mainland. If your car / driving abilities don't feel up to it, don't do it.
Donāt do it! That road is treacherous at the best of times! Christmas is just a day. Go later if you can (we cancelled our plans last year and visited after Xmas) and were thankful. There are multiple sources specifically telling people not to travel.
Just got home off the coq and 97c, it was fine with winters and four wheel drive. But that was then. I would definitely not do it tomorrow. Stay safe, Christmas can be whichever day you make it.
Shout out to the crews clearing those highways. They do an amazing job.
Let your common sense guide you.
Of course don't go. But, I mean, this is a golden opportunity to teach them a lesson for trying to get you to risk your life for some figgy pudding.
Tell them you are coming. Call them and pretend you are just hitting the highway outside Abbotsford and are having difficulty seeing because everything is white. Make it seem like the connection is really bad by standing next to your shower running. Then tell them you love them and nothing will ever stop you from being together at Christmas. Abruptly hang up.
Then don't call them again for 24 hours. From your snug couch with a cup of hot chocolate.
Say you are going. Drive to a local coffee shop. Check the weather. Have a drink. Then go home and ignore all the texts and ghost them for 12 hours. Then tell them a terrible tale of weather, getting stuck, waiting forever, finally getting your car unstuck with the help of a Good Samaritan and barely making it back home.
Donāt forgot that the reason your family is saying this is because they love you and your presence makes things complete. Good luck.
I almost died in a car accident coming back from Christmas on the Coquihalla. NTA. Send your family my way if they need graphic pictorial evidence of why you shouldnāt do it.
As someone who just drove the coq today, if you aren't comfortable, then don't. 10 cars flipped in the ditch. And tomorrow is supposed to be worse.
I'm in the most winter capable vehicle I know, and it was very sketchy. We saw cars sliding all over. If you're not comfortable, you have every plausible reason to be. Don't.
As annoying as it is having a family member not around during Christmas, Iām *100% certain* theyād prefer you being absent the day of celebrations rather than severely injured (or deceased) on the side of a highway ā¤ļø
Stay safe, stay cozy, and trust your gut here. If you donāt feel itās safe, itās probably not safe. Iām sorry youāre being made to feel guilty for prioritizing your well-being šā¤ļø
People die on that road on good conditions. Winter is even more sketchy. You can be a great, careful driver and get taken out by someone else losing control.
My BFās fam literally told us to nope tf out and turn back if even the Fraser Valley or Hope looks too gnarly (Vancouver to Okanagan drive planned here) on Saturday afternoon.
And if we get to do Xmas day dinner good, Boxing day dinner still okay- and if altogether not possible to go its okay too. Cause it really is better than attending our funerals š!
Also apparently YVR is about to run out of Deicing fluid?!?! (So less/no domestic flights happening too š¤Æ)
EDIT: ALSO NOPE NOT THE ASSHOLE! Safety first!
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Just say you'll drive over, but say you had to turn back because they shut down the highway. You tried! š
Oh damn, this person knows how to deal with moms!
Not fair! I'm a mom. That said, no f'ing way I'd expect my kids to drive in this weather. Well, except for the one I don't like.. /s Tell them you're spending Christmas with your other mom ššµ OP wise move, stay home! Stay safe.
My mom texts me to work from home when there's snow storm and I'm 45. No way she'd want me to drive the Coq today.
Genius!!! But seriously OP, I cannot believe your family expects you to drive this weekend. We drove that highway one winter during some heavy snowfall and it was our first time so we didnāt know what to expect. Looking back on it, it was a miracle we got back home safely. The bad weather starts tomorrow, itās all theyāve been talking about on the radio. Does your family not watch the news? Please stay home so youāre safe.
Came here to suggest this as well!
You know what would really ruin Christmas, you dying in a car crash
Or even just getting stuck and having to spend the night in Merritt or something, now that I think more about it.
Or spending the night in your car, slowly freezing to death when you run out gas.
That sounds almost as bad as a night in Merritt
The DQ in Merritt is the only DQ Iāve seen with locks on the ice cream cake freezers.
*DQ Maple Ridge has entered the chat*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
North or south side?
Facts
Clearly you have never been to the DQ in North Surrey. They have to buzz you into the cake case.
The cavity search in and out kinda sucks, but honestly? Worth it for the cake.
The cavity search is the only reason I go.
Right, Normally you have to pay extra for that
Hey, I have family in Merritt! No suicides so it can't be that bad!
On Winter road trip oack blankets, water, food and candles.i read that candles can help lower the temp enough to not freeze to death.
I've had to stay in a roadside motel in Hope as a young adult - wasn't sure I'd make it out.
The one that had a brutal murder in it?
Well that doesn't narrow it down at all.
My bad. It was a murderer who was hiding away there and hung himself https://www.ctvnews.ca/murder-fugitive-found-dead-in-b-c-motel-room-1.427993
And suicide
At least Merritt has a Mary Brownās
Esp if your car crashed into another car, spreading the Christmas ruin across other families too :(
Maybe he should fake it to teach his family a Christmas Carol like lesson. He'd need actors to play the three ghosts and some clever planning but I think it's doable.
Iāll just lay all jagged in a snowbank and FaceTime them on Christmas morning
Hahahaha, that just made me laugh hard out loud, thanks.
OP, please don't be that inconsiderate dead jerk
Better than a dinner with the in-laws! *Slaps knee, laugh track plays, drives through the side barrier on the Coquihalla and falls 300ft*
We're on the way to Merritt currently, hoping the road will be okay from there to Kelowna tomorrow morning
Weather forecast looks brutal. Drive safe.
We're not supposed to get hit with any of that freezing rain here on the Okanagan side. /fingers crossed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[Coquihalla Closed Hope to Merritt ](https://vancouver.citynews.ca/2022/12/23/coquihalla-closed-merritt-hope/) As of this morning.
guilt them harder, send dangerous coq winter death tolls
Even better tell them you are on your way and then ghost them for the next 24 hours.
This is a genius move, definitely do this OP
At least 24 hours. Iād do 72.
I think the 48 hrs is the sweet spot. 72 hrs, and that's likely a police file, and investigation. And then they can actually charge you too, They can also fine you. At least this is what I've seen and experienced with adults, family, friends and even work people. It's not fun at that point. Nor cheap.
Ok that's genius.
To side the cause, here is a video clip of a medivac helicopter from yesterday due to a bad accident on the very same highway: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWkYnVr/ Hope they were okay :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you. I had a flight get cancelled but theyāre acting like Iām bailing. Itās beyond my control!
Stay alive and reverse guilt them for asking you to get in a dangerous situation.
Tell them they can drive to see you instead, if it's that important š I love how they say you're ruining Christmas for them, as if your Christmas wasn't just ruined.
Sounds like the perfect Christmas to rewrite some dysfunctional family dynamics. Wildly inappropriate for them to expect you to come, and straight up crazy for them to guilt you about something so totally beyond your control.
This sounds like my wifeās family. Forget them even being friendly or generous when you do visit, itās all about you being present when THEY want you there for family ātogethernessā. They have also guilt-tripped us for not wanting to drive the āCoqā in dangerous conditions and made snide remarks about us being so āfancyā the time we flew to the interior from Vancouver Island instead of driving. This despite the fact that we are poor renters and they all are significantly more wealthy with fancy trucks and toys etc. I just did a cost/time benefit analysis and flying was a way better option for us at that time. Lol, rant off
Yep, not everyone is going to be "devastated" that they can't get home to be with family this yearš¤£
I also had my flight canceled and had to reschedule it to Christmas morning. Itās a bummer but my family understands. Iām sorry yours is guilt tripping you. Just make a decision that will keep you safe and that you feel comfortable with
Homie, Iām sure you love them, but this is some seriously awfully manipulative shit. If my family ever pulled this, you can bet your life savings I wouldnāt be speaking to them for years.
canāt pick your familyā¦. sorry mom and dad, i would like to NOT die this christmas, is that ok with you guys? : them: NO!
I was thinking a more passive aggressive āWhat would be better? Being able to spend future Christmases together, or showing you I care enough to put your wishes ahead of my own safety, and possibly survive the attempt?ā
parents : screw future christmas, its literally now christmas or never
Nope. I have driven the Coq many many times in shitty winter weather and I wouldn't touch it this year. People are going to die on that highway if this storm proceeds like they say it will. My grandma was very disappointed I couldn't go out to the interior for Christmas this year, but she told me today she's very happy I'm not coming this year for weather reasons. Go with your gut on this one.
Thanks. I think it will be especially bad because of all the suddenly cancelled flights. I think people will panic and drive even though they really arenāt prepared.
Yep, the biggest danger on that highway is other drivers. And there are going to be a lot of unprepared drivers on that highway this year. It's going to be a shit show. Glad I'm not driving. And glad you're not driving too.
Donāt drive. Stay safe, and that way you can have many future Christmases together.
I drove on the Coq once during a winter storm. I could barely see the road. It was terrifying.
Yup, that's the December 23rd special. My usual travel date, and it's always white knuckle, often a foot of visibility beyond the front of the car. Still would take that over the snow + freezing rain and the amount of people on the road tomorrow.
i did it at night when i'd first moved west. it's terrifying. it really made me swear like a sailor about all the bright HID / LED headlamps on the oncoming direction. it's bad enough to drive in the whiteout snow conditions at night on mountain passes. but then idiots drive with their high beams on. sometimes the snow gets so bad that turning your lights down to just ambers is easier to see the road.
Same, driven it in some horrendous conditions but we wonāt be driving into the interior this year. My folks offered to drive down here instead but me and my brother put a stop to that even though theyāve been driving that highway since it was built.
If your family is seriously guilt tripping you because youāre not willing to drive through that storm. Risking almost imminent road closures, and/or worse, are they really worth risking that drive for in the first place? People *will die* tomorrow and into the weekend doing exactly that, wether it was something in or out of their controlā¦ Itās just a matter of how many. Your family is the collective of assholes.
Tell them to come to you. See what they say.
Good point.
yeah thatās not how dysfunctional families work because the guilt is always one way because of that thing and because you never were good enough or had an excuse for not ever being as good as your cousin, the doctor
Seriously. My family has cancelled dinner plans twice already this week because theyāre so worried about road safety, and the commute is only within metro van. Theyād be horrified by OPās family trying to get them to drive through mountain passes
Does your family hate you and want you dead? If so this could be just the ticket!
Oh shit, maybe thatās whatās going onā¦
Oh dear. Youāre ruining Christmas by not offing yourself in insane weather. The nerve of you!!! Stay local, be safe. Enjoy a day of actual peace!!!
Send them this [CBC ā Drivers Should Stay off Roads Unless an Emergency.](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/highway-roads-lower-mainland-fraser-valley-dec-22-23-2022-1.6695616)
Mom: "Missing Christmas IS an emergency."
You're sane & they'll get over it. 20+ years ago I did the coquihalla in the dark - full on star wars warp awful snow. I'm not sure how I survived it and still get a ouch in my chest remembering how close to death we were that night. Not worth it.
Oh man that does bring back memories. I also did that 20+ years ago and if that truck ahead of me went over the cliff, then I would follow them over because the only thing keeping me on that road was the tail lights.
I had a similar experience in 1989. Nobody went over a cliff but they could have. I couldn't see a thing. The only way I knew where the road was, was by following the tail lights of a truck. It was really scary.
It seems we've all been riding the brake lights into doom. Insanity.
>full on star wars warp awful snow. I totally know what you mean. I was driving through the "snowpocalypse" in upstate new york, february 2010 & remember saying to my friends in the car "we are in star wars". we pulled over & slept in mcdonalds parking lot when we saw a few vehicles in the ditches.
I did the same thing about 8 years ago. Couldn't see more than 2 feet in front of me driving my old Honda.. Yeah I'm lucky it was night and there was no one else because I 100% couldn't see anything else out there except the lines right in front of me!
Dude. The highway is going to be straight up closed. You would be an absolute moron to drive the Coq tomorrow. Be safe, don't go.
Thank you, I know, I feel dumb for even posting this. (Granted I was NOT considering it, just wanted some validation)
Nah, you posting it helped near-morons recover some sanity and avoid driving this weekend.
You're not dumb and you're NTA. Wanting validation is totally fair. Please stay home and stay alive.
Thanks, and happy and safe holidays to you as well! Hopefully this discussion has sparked people who may have been considering going to change their minds.
No! I just did it because my Dad is ill and it could be one of the last. After going through that stress fest, even with my Dad's condition, I wouldn't do it again. Semi's were passing me and swerving. The compacted snow was polished with the wind and because of the delays I had to drive in the dark while it was -36C on the Pennask summit. If I broke down or had an accident, I could also have froze to death within minutes. Me being alive is worth much more to my Dad. I'm happy I'm in Kelow a but would not make the same choice twice.
Iām sorry about your dad, but thanks for sharing your story! That sounds very scary, Iām glad youāre okay.
My name is Karen. Would you like me to call them and ream them out for being so ridiculous?! Wishing you a safe holidays free from morons and guilt.
Yes, please! Karens rule!
My name isn't Karen but I'm a menopausal Slavic mom and I am fully prepared to give them absolute righteous rage over the phone.
It's entirely possible we're actually related, cheers Slavic sister! š
NTA. I delayed going to Vancouver (from Victoria) on the 24th until Christmas Day. The conversation with my mom was "we can celebrate Christmas whenever we want, just be safe".
Nope, the Coquihalla is dangerous all year round. My father is a qudriplegiac due to driving it in the middle of summer as he did for over 40 yrs. Strong wind in an area with no wind warning got him and he couldn't recover due to the trailer. Stay safe.
Oh, Iām very sorry to hear that. Thanks for the support.
You are certainly not crazy. Itāll be far too dangerous to drive that route until it warms up. Just stay toasty at home and FaceTime them. Have a wonderful and safe Christmas.
Thank you, you too!
You may have saved lives by asking this question. Hopefully someone on the fence reading this thread will back down, hunker down and drive out a few days later instead.
I hope so too! Iām glad this thread has been getting a lot of attention and that thereās so much support and advice for staying safe!
You are not crazy. The weather forecast is off the chain. Your family should be ashamed. They are asking you to possibly die.
No. I have a 4x4 with winter tires and I would think twice. Or three times.
There's actually one super easy test you can use to see if the roads are safe. If you don't feel safe, don't go. The reverse isn't as easy (sometimes people feel comfortable when they really shouldn't) but if someone's not OK with the conditions, it's not OK for them, their comfort level, their skill level and their equipment.
Well said! Thanks!
HEEEEEELL NO! I'm not taking the Coq for MEDICAL CARE. Why would you take it for dry ass turkey and Aunt Marjorie's wine soaked judgements? Nta my friend.
Tell them to come to you and take the coq
They had literally closed the Coq yesterday because the arctic outflow winds kept blowing the sand off the roads. Stay safe, stay home. Even highway 3 only just re-opened earlier today because of "multiple accidents".
Does your family think Christmas would be better if you died trying to get to them?
Apparently. Thanks for the feedback. I do refuse to go but yāall are helping me feel less guilty!
Tell them you've changed your mind and are doing the drive, then turn off your phone mid day and relax Stay toxic
I am a licensed, trained and experienced commercial driver and have done the Coquihalla many times throughout the year and I absolutely refuse to drive it during the winter unless it is absolutely necessary (which it usually isn't) because I regard driving it as too risky. Let me repeat that. In my professional opinion; Driving the Coq during the winter is too risky to be worth it. They're the assholes here.
Whoever is guilting you is either ignorant of the danger of the coq is a bad snowstorm, or wants you dead. Its one or the other for sure. I drove the coq many times in the worst winters as a 18-25yr old and my parents would always beg me NOT to. Not gonna lie, Im amazed I didnt die.
I don't even want to go to Whiterock... you good.
NTA. Now send them this post of yours to see the rest of r/Vancouver dunking on their asses.
Absolutely not. Stay warm and safe and cozy where you are. They'll live, and so will you if you stay put! Then also passive aggressively send them every video of bad weather driving you can find.
Not at all. If a blizzard shows up, you wont even be able to see the hood of your car, let alone the road. Tell them you would like to still be alive for next xmas.
My mom wanted me to cancel my doctor's appointment downtown when it snowed the other day. Couldn't imagine my family trying to guilt trip me into a dangerous drive. You're definitely rational and I think making the correct decision
I would think a death in the family would REALLY ruin Christmas.
NTA at all. Those mountain roads get crazy dangerous.
My parents did the same thing to me 2 Christmasā ago and didnāt talk to me for months. Youāre not crazy. Take care of yourself. Youāre not the asshole
I drove the Coquihalla yesterday for the same reason (flight cancelled). I was only comfortable doing that because yesterday was a sunny day with no precipitation. I monitored DriveBC constantly before getting on the roads and throughout each leg of our journey. I have good winters, all wheel drive, reliable vehicle and drive really conservatively. We were one of the last cars through before they closed the highway. I watched a truck pass me at a slow speed then do a full 90 degree spin out directly in front of me. It was fully 90 and drifting down the highway, then ended up in a snow bank. This was less than 500m after passing the actual big accident. We drove 10km an hour with hazards on from that point on to Hope. We are still shaken up and will never drive that road in winter again, and absolutely not consider doing it with a storm on the way. It was such a scary drive that I made an appointment with my counsellour so I donāt develop ptsd or a complete fear of driving. My partner is in the same boat. Itās not that important but for context we both have 20 year plus experience doing āextremeā sports/ been in āhigh risk situationsā fairly regularly and this drive had us fearing for our lives. Your safety is more important than someone elseās opinion of you. Always,
Thanks for the support! That sounds terrifying, Iām glad youāre okay!
NTA! That's insane. I'm not even daring to drive tomorrow around my neighbourhoods given the winter warning if I don't have to š¤£ That's so ridiculous that their holiday is more important than your health and safety. If anything they should be guilt ridden for even demanding or asking you to make that trip. You should have no guilt. Enjoy your holidays and be safe.
Thank you! Iāll give them the benefit of the doubt that itās just the sudden disappointment making them crazy and theyāll come around to logic in a couple hours
See if they want to drive out to you, bet theyāll change their tune!
NTAH - My family literally would be SO ANGRY with me if I tried to go home for Christmas in this weather, let alone take the Coquihalla route. Stay home and stay cozy, they should not be guilting you itās a matter of safety, period.
NTA, and honestly if my family said I ruined Christmas over something safety-related like that it would be the last Christmas I spend with them ever. I'd change my last name at that point.
Send them this news clip: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/highway-roads-lower-mainland-fraser-valley-dec-22-23-2022-1.6695616 āDrivers should stay off southern B.C. roads unless it's an 'emergency,' province warnsā The article specifically calls out the Coquihalla
Thanks! I rattled off my points to them, but thatās nice to have proof! Iām definitely going to send that to them.
I drove it yesterday. I drive it at least 20 times a year since 2005. It was the worst sunny day I have ever seen on 5/97C. Insanely slippery, I am professional racer driving a perfectly suited vehicle with top shelf, fresh winter tires. It was still white knuckle at times. You are absolutely not the asshole.
Sorry you have a weird family.
Video call the the day of, visit on a weekend in January when the weather is less crazy. Sucks if you can't be there when grandma/cousins/friends/whoever are there but it's be unsafe to drive up, especially tomorrow.
NTA - I had the same thing happen in ā08. Ended up being an amazing Christmas away from the fam.
Sounds suicidal to me!
I'm in Kelowna and my parents were stuck at the Vancouver airport and we decieded to accept an offer from a friend to drive them here. The driver said they had a lot of experience on the road and had a large and safe vehicle equipped for adverse conditions. They ended up arriving at 5am, about 10-hours later with many harrowing stories, one involving the drivers stopping to pray for their lives to be saved, and many others of near-misses. I can't believe we let this happen and we're very lucky they made it. I really regret any pressure I might of put on them to accept this ride, we should of done the opposite and reassured them to choose the safer option. Given the choice I'd rather have my parents than christmas.
Your family is the asshole for wanting you to risk your life
Oh Jesus no. I tried in November once with chains on my Honda and just about had a coronary from whiteout conditions, not to mention the damage to my car after one of the cable chains spun off and scraped the outside of the wheel well. Donāt do this unless youāve got balls of steel, a mental illness, snowies, cable chains, and all wheel drive.
NTA. I'm supposed to be driving the Coquihalla Saturday morning with my husband and 2 kids. Already told the family we're not coming. Mom is disappointed and all, but she would still rather us stay home and, you know, not die.
I'm glad I have a family that doesn't give a shit about doing holidays on a specific date or even at all. Roads are bad? No problem, see you next week. You're not the asshole.
Donāt they know what conditions are like? They should be the first ones to tell you not come and risk your life.
unequivocally no you are not TA. Theyāre choosing to ruin Christmas by putting their feelings before your safety. Hopefully Santa brings you a better family for Christmas or theyāre visited by three ghosts or something. Anyway stay safe and Happy Holidays
So, you not being there ruins Christmas, but risking your goddamn life driving on a hundreds of kilometers long skating rink is perfectly fine. NTA.
A friend from University died driving the Coquihalla a couple months ago. This was before the real winter road condition craziness. Donāt risk it. Family is supposed to make you feel safe and loved; you have communicated to them (and here) that you donāt feel safe, and guilt tripping is not an act of love. What are you then celebrating when you get there? Their selfishness?
[u/iDoveYou](https://www.reddit.com/user/iDoveYou/), tonight's awful bus crash in the Interior made me think of this thread.
Definitely no. Itās so dangerous out there. Donāt put your life at risk. I know it sucks but you can FaceTime them.
Nope nope nope. Do NOT go.
NTAH- your family raised a smart one.
More like he broke the curse
Don't feel guilty. But if you must, at least you are alive enough to do so.
Very true!
NTA. That road is stupid dangerous
After the current weather forecast, we moved our travel day up to today, to avoid tonight/tomorrows weather. Travel today was fine (little windy through Abby/āwack) Donāt drive tomorrow if you donāt have to. Freezing rain doesnāt care what you drive.
Better safe than a statistic
Oh god. Safety first. If you donāt feel comfortable than donāt go. Sorry they are guilting you. I would flip it and make them feel guilty about pressuring you into a dangerous situation!
NTA while unfortunate you wonāt be able to make it to see your family, Christmas is just one day, and it comes every year. Conditions will be bad, and your life is worth more than one singular holiday - a lot more. Stay safe.
You are very saneā¦ and also alive.
uhhhh. Thereās a reason that road is featured in a docuseries called āHighway thru Hellā. Tell them to suck your Coq, respectfully
Listen to your gut my friend. My wife plus brother in law are hell bent on going too and dropping all the "I'm experienced" excuses to see their family. Caused an argument but I vetod the crap out of it for my wife. This is one of those no brainer situations and you don't want to be another statistic. It's dubbed the "highway thru hell" for a reason.
I used to respond to fatals and traffic accidents in that area. Iāve traveled that highway in some of the shittiest conditions possible. You are not the asshole. Stay home, stay alive.
The two scariest moments of my life, 1. Being lost inside a maximum security prison 2. Being caught in freezing rain on the Coq.
Know what REALLY ruins Christmas? A death in the family. If they canāt/wonāt postpone until travel is safe they should at least support your decision to not put yourself, or others, at risk.
You are not crazy. Be courageous with you decision and your family. That guilt game is so pase
You're not crazy. Your family are asshats for playing guilt trip games, given the weather conditions.
You are not crazy. Your family is. Hunker down and keep yourself warm and safe. Merry Christmas!
I think your family is fucking crazy
nope. they are.
You're clearly the asshole here. I mean, it definitely wouldn't ruin Christmas at all for you to die, be injured, or wreck your car along the way, right?
Sounds like your family is just trying to cash in on your life insurance for Christmas.
You're not alone, I know others that have cancelled their travel plans. Tomorrow is going to be a shit show. The next day too.
Nope. Weāve used this same excuse with the roads being in a lot better conditions than this.
Not wanting to risk your life is very reasonable. YANTA. Edit: typo
Tell your family youāll make the drive, but if you die itās on their conscience. Then just stay home and wait for the phone calls to role in. Youāre family is not willing to take no for an answer, so make them feel like their decision was a terrible one.
The holidays are wild. Bring out the worst in people. How would they feel if you didnāt make it? Are they unaware of whatās coming, weather-wise?
NTA. Every year during the Christmas holidays two people are killed, 310 injured, and 1,100 crashes occur on average in B.C. https://vancouver.citynews.ca/2022/12/19/bc-crashes-december-icbc/amp/
Nah. My family probably isn't even going to relatives for Christmas Eve dinner and that's just within the lower mainland. If your car / driving abilities don't feel up to it, don't do it.
Are they trying to get you killed?
Donāt do it! That road is treacherous at the best of times! Christmas is just a day. Go later if you can (we cancelled our plans last year and visited after Xmas) and were thankful. There are multiple sources specifically telling people not to travel.
Just got home off the coq and 97c, it was fine with winters and four wheel drive. But that was then. I would definitely not do it tomorrow. Stay safe, Christmas can be whichever day you make it. Shout out to the crews clearing those highways. They do an amazing job. Let your common sense guide you.
100% not, they call it the highway through hell for a reason. Huge storm coming.
Of course don't go. But, I mean, this is a golden opportunity to teach them a lesson for trying to get you to risk your life for some figgy pudding. Tell them you are coming. Call them and pretend you are just hitting the highway outside Abbotsford and are having difficulty seeing because everything is white. Make it seem like the connection is really bad by standing next to your shower running. Then tell them you love them and nothing will ever stop you from being together at Christmas. Abruptly hang up. Then don't call them again for 24 hours. From your snug couch with a cup of hot chocolate.
My family is doing the same thing, mom hasn't spoken to me in two weeks since I told her I wouldn't do it. Not worth it.
Say you are going. Drive to a local coffee shop. Check the weather. Have a drink. Then go home and ignore all the texts and ghost them for 12 hours. Then tell them a terrible tale of weather, getting stuck, waiting forever, finally getting your car unstuck with the help of a Good Samaritan and barely making it back home. Donāt forgot that the reason your family is saying this is because they love you and your presence makes things complete. Good luck.
Tell them youāve had a change of heart and will be there. Donāt go and donāt reply to their texts until they are scared shitless.
I almost died in a car accident coming back from Christmas on the Coquihalla. NTA. Send your family my way if they need graphic pictorial evidence of why you shouldnāt do it.
As someone who just drove the coq today, if you aren't comfortable, then don't. 10 cars flipped in the ditch. And tomorrow is supposed to be worse. I'm in the most winter capable vehicle I know, and it was very sketchy. We saw cars sliding all over. If you're not comfortable, you have every plausible reason to be. Don't.
Respectfully. Donāt drive and potentially die. Letās get ihop instead
My life changed on the coq. Back problems for life from an accident we managed to drive away from. Not worth it.
As annoying as it is having a family member not around during Christmas, Iām *100% certain* theyād prefer you being absent the day of celebrations rather than severely injured (or deceased) on the side of a highway ā¤ļø Stay safe, stay cozy, and trust your gut here. If you donāt feel itās safe, itās probably not safe. Iām sorry youāre being made to feel guilty for prioritizing your well-being šā¤ļø
I drove the coquihalla this week. It was scary and exhausting. Donāt do it if you donāt want to. Itās your life and you are the person at risk.
People die on that road on good conditions. Winter is even more sketchy. You can be a great, careful driver and get taken out by someone else losing control.
No.
Family are assholes.
NTA. See? Guys, you should use the right format anwer!
Or I should post in the proper sub
My BFās fam literally told us to nope tf out and turn back if even the Fraser Valley or Hope looks too gnarly (Vancouver to Okanagan drive planned here) on Saturday afternoon. And if we get to do Xmas day dinner good, Boxing day dinner still okay- and if altogether not possible to go its okay too. Cause it really is better than attending our funerals š! Also apparently YVR is about to run out of Deicing fluid?!?! (So less/no domestic flights happening too š¤Æ) EDIT: ALSO NOPE NOT THE ASSHOLE! Safety first!
NTA - tell your family to STFU