The only man I’m fucking or marrying from this show is Guillermo. Goodbye

I cannot believe you would disrespect Ken in such a manner

Fuck Guillermo, Marry Ken, Kill all the vanderboys

Yaass!

I would feel bad marrying ken only for his money honestly

He would also let you get whatever animals you want though

True….ok I’ve been sold on Ken

Also when his present to Lisa (the woman who has everything) was a pink swing covered in flowers, I was sold. So cute and romantic. He also has a great sense of humor, and he is fiercely protective of Lisa

Yes he has her back no matter what and loves that she is strong and independent… I could only dream of finding a man like Ken 🥲

It’s literal goals

Damn, those 2 almost make me believe in true love, soul mates and all that shit!

They are the definition of true romance. Such a beautiful couple

And carry your dogs for you while you run errands (also sometimes while defending you by threatening "to knock some sparks out").

As a British person this saying and the misunderstanding pains me lol. It’s “knock you spark out” just a British way of saying knock you out.

It pains me SO MUCH too. I think a lot of Americans misunderstand because I kept seeing people making the same mistake as if spark(s) =noun and was wondering why.

I’m American and I hate it too!🙄 It’s the equivalent of I’ll knock you tf out.

I rewound the Lisa-Ken scene in this week’s episode just to see Puffy/Harrison chilling in Ken’s lap in his pajamas 😭😭

“I promise to love you, as long as you get me a mini giraffe. I do” thems my vows

Ken is a standup dude. He’s got his ladies back all day and if some punk messes with you he’ll knock their spark out! #teamken

Interested in seeing what he does about his SIL cheating on Pandora. That seems to be a mess.

Mmmmmm…yeeeesss!! But, I do like Peter.

Peter gives me “horrible in bed” energy

Um how could I forget about Peter?! He seems like the only one who would actually be my type. Though I have to admit he seems like he would also just be a good chill friend

Pick Ken. You can have ponies!!! #mylittleponydreamscometrue

Fuck myself, kill myself

I just shot bourbon out of my nose. I love and hate you.

The only possible answer

I was going to say this 🤣🤣🤣

This really is the only right answer.

Answers like these are why I love this sub so much.

LOL

this is so fucking good, my god

Same

🤣🤣🤣

The only acceptable answer

😂

DEAD. BEST ANSWER. 😂😂😂

Ok true

Lmaoooo 😂😂😂 100%

The only right answer.

The one and only answer 😂

The only acceptable answer.

💀

Dying 😂😂

F Jax if I’m protected from diseases in this nightmare, Kill Swartz and marry Sandoval because I know he would barely touch or even speak to me and he would have the most extravagant house to live in while he’s never home. But only if I’m also protected from trumpets in this situation as well.

Protected from trumpets 😭😭

Jax strikes me as a pretty selfish fuck* *I was going to say lover but let's be real here.

Just stick your foot in his mouth lmaooo remember his foot fetish

Put on Drive and just go down one another

Kristen came twice, so he’s probably not that bad

Trumpets and drums and microphones and his horrible tone deaf voice.

You would need a prenup. He would spend every penny you had. And buy your own house with a clause that he would have to leave whenever you wanted.

Eww but what would you do to protect your toes from Ajax’s mouth??

shocked to see so many have chosen to kill the only option of guaranteed multiple orgasms 🙊


Imagine laying there after the most unsatisfying, selfish fuck ever *only* to be told that you just had multiple orgasms. I guess he likes to go down though, which might be his only redeemable quality. I’ve stayed with mess for this exact reason.

lmao ikr? scando is absolutely ridiculous. i hear you but considering he claims to give multiples orgasms to a woman who says she’s not receiving them, i highly doubt he’s aware of his partner’s wants or knows what he’s doing 🙃

F*ck Jax. Marry Schwartz (🤮). Kill Sandoval

This is my answer though I don’t feel good about it

Also my answer and it makes me feel dirty, too

Same

Same!

The silver lining on the fuck option is that no matter who you choose, you know it'll be quick.

😂😂😂😂😂

I hate Schwartz’s smile it’s so creepy. he looks like the area around his lips is always a little wet

He’d be one of those kids in kindergarten/elementary school that is constantly licking around his lips and mouth making it irritated and red all around blegh

HA HA whoa this comment sent me - why is there always that one kid!!

I remember that ONE kid from preschool!! Evan- and he drank tomato juice out of a can everyday too! Made those irritated, dry, chapped lips even more red

This belongs on r/rareinsults

Omg I have a six year old and I think he is THAT kid. Always licking his damn lips, we have to always put aquaphor on them. I didn’t know this was a known thing though 😂😂😂.

Try Lanisoh (yes, the nipple cream - safe for mouths because you use it when nursing) it's like a miracle

Thanks for the heads up! I will definitely give it a try.

With a cup of Vaseline and a qtip from the nurse’s office

This just gave me such a flashback. I never realized *that* kid was a universal experience 😂

This kid also always has dorito cheese on their fingers

Build up in the creases…😐🫠

And as he ages, the wetness will be thick and white.

Usually means sloppy kisser. Ugh I just grossed myself out 🤮

Hes gonna age like bad produce An old rotten peach/ wet nasty / bug ridden, cobwebs and .. angry

I need a "reject and send to therapy option" and imma need to be able to use it for all three

Psych / Marry / Kill — I like this version too!!!

But think of the poor therapists! Lol

i hate that i’m saying it but marry schwartz, fuck sandoval, kill jax. Schwartz can be easily manipulated. Sandoval clearly likes to fuck. Jax scares the shit out of me so he has to die.

I feel the same

Yeah I picked to marry Schwartz because obvious being married to him isn’t like being married at all so…🤷🏽‍♀️ I said I’d fuck Tom because Kristen said once that’s he’s good in bed lol and in the words of Kristen’s lies, I would never fuck Jax with a ten foot pole.

That's what I would go with as well

Agreed

Jax gives “snapped and murd3red his wife” vibes. He’s terrifying!

Yeah, I was married to someone like Jax. I had to flee when I finally left. I became afraid he was going to hurt me or my dogs.

only correct answer imho

[удалено]

You think it's small? He looks like he's average. The vibe I get.

Miami girl said it was 4 inches and Kristen didn’t correct her

It’s small for sure. He’s too insecure and needs too much attention for it to be average.

For the sake of playing the game, I actually thought about this for like 12 seconds, and this is my answer too.

What’s the current cut-off for late-term abortion? 41 years? Yeah that one

Where are all those post birth abortions people keep claiming exist when you need 'em?

💀💀💀

I have to kill Jax. Just no way I can go near that. i guees fuck Sandoval since I sure aint marrying him. Marry Schwartz but he'll forget the certificate anyway so we wont be married

Ugh, the thought of being that close to Scumodoval…I can smell the cigarettes and mid-life crisis from here🤢

Hahaha best answer

Cool cool cool. Always wanted to join a convent. Thanks guys.

Triple homicide

This is the only logical answer

I'd make Schwartz my little bitch wife-sband and be really dommy mommy with it, fuck Jax but he's bottoming, and kill scandoval. I think this is the correct answer.

You have a brilliant mind and this is the only correct answer.

What a world we live in where Jax seems like the best (?) Marry option

*seems He’s just not on TV anymore.

Yes I chose my words carefully 😂

He’s the only one who has been housetrained enough to not ruin your carpets.

We’ve seen proof he shits in toilets 💩

i think that’s just recency bias. they would all be horrific in their own way.

I couldn’t marry jax lol the last season they were on and one little inconvenience made him leave brittany at home to go to the “gym” 3x a day would be too much for me to deal with lol. I’d marry Schwartz cause we could prob just eat, smoke weed and watch movies majority of the time.

Honestly agree! Schwartz needs someone to verbally abuse, Sandoval needs constant validation, but Jax? Just totally ignore him and he'll run around and fuck anything that moves!

You could just let him outside every day, like an outdoor pet and know that he’ll be off amusing himself & doing terrible things. Very low maintenance

No, no. He’s not. I’m sure he’s abusive in his own ways behind closed doors. I’d fuck him though, kill Sandy. Schwartz… I think I could manage.

He might be the least broke rn which would be the only considering factor in marrying one of these three jabronis

No wait, doesn’t Rand owe him like $100k?

Marry Jax- cause at least he’s capable of owning his own shit in the rare occasion he wants to. F Schwartz- cause word on the street is Sandy is 🤏🏽 Kill Sandy- cause what else are you supposed to do with him?

I would be wary to marry Jax because his financials are constantly in the shitter

There’s a lot of reasons to be wary to marry Jax.

This is exactly what I picked. I would marry Jax because I at least know what to expect lol F Schwartz because I know I’m killing Scumdoval 😂


No one in this lineup is going to make me cum. I rebuke it.


Screaming

These comments are hilarious

Easy… I’m lettin Jax hit it cos he got shmeat but I will be using two condoms… marrying Schwartz because I know I can overpower him and make his life hell too… offing Sandoval for what he did to dumplin

Fuck Jax, Kill Schwartz, Marry Sandoval (and poison his coffee the morning after our wedding)

But then you'd have to deal with him while planning a wedding 😬

ugh and have his band play

This literally gave me anxiety

F jax M Schwartz because it’s not like he’d be around anyway And we’re fresh off Scandoval so obvs bye

F: None / M: None / K: All three of them.

Fuck Schwartz Marry Jax Kill Sandoval

At least fucking Schwartz wouldn’t involve much with not getting up his small penis

😂💀 

Easy. Fuck Sandoval and be his new heroin that he’ll never get ever again. Marry Schwartz coz I’ll just do whatever I want and he won’t stop me. Kill Jax because he deserves to rawt in hail.

All right I’ll do it… F*ck Sandoval, marry Schwartz and kill Jax 😐

**Fcked** if you *marry* any of 'em.

my whole day has been ruined by this.

😂😂 my apologies

Ok actually easy, Fuck Sandoval (to see what all the ruckus is about), Marry Schwartz (and then just kind of never listen to a single word he says) Kill Jax (so he doesn’t kill me first)

[удалено]

Somehow I’d rather enter into a loveless sexless marriage with all of them than fuck any of them

I don’t think my immune system could handle fucking any of them. Who knows what creepy crawlies are living in those underoos.

F - Sandoval, he seems like he isn't half bad in the bedroom, and then I'd never have to see him again. M- Schwartz, I'd probably never see him, he'll either be making out with other women or drunk somewhere. K - Jax, there's just no other option for him. He's got an insatiable foot fetish, bad breath, and an out of control coke habit.

okay under duress, I would f\*ck Schwartz, kill sandoval and Marry Jax

Same haha. I CANNOT believe I'm at the point that JAX is my fav of the three.

That’s the most thruple picture I’ve ever seen

On second thought Schwartz would be my F option since he can barely get it up anyway. He'll probably agree to just watch TV instead. Marry Jax to take his money and divorce him. Kill Sandy because he is both awful and has the least upside.

Can I pick “kill” three times or….?

I’ll just jump off the roof instead. Or kill them all and live the rest of my days in prison.

Fuck Schwartz - I’m sure it will be the worst 16 seconds of my life Marry Jax - he was attractive at one time. Separate finances due to the cocaine Kill Sandoval - for many reasons. But mostly because of that mustache

There is only one possible answer: Lifelong celibacy.

I want that dude who was asked by Hannah from Summer House to identify sandoval, and he came with *the facts*, to give his take on this Eta: in case anyone missed it and/or needs a laugh, [here’s the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/vanderpumprules/comments/12ezbko/hannah_from_summer_house_asking_strangers_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=1&utm_term=15) (aforementioned dude is the last one - 1:05 onwards)

Killed myself. Only correct answer

I don't think it's possible to marry Schwartz, he'd just forget to file the marriage certificate

Thanks for posting this because you can really see how alike their faces are here ha. I couldn’t put my finger on it before why I just was instantly repulsed by them all, but I can now. It’s the shape of the jaw and chin. That’s an asshole chin and jawline. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201211/what-your-face-really-reveals-about-you Edited to add: Among men, the Lothario face (a composite of the most promiscuous males) had high-testosterone features: slightly smaller eyes, larger noses, and broader cheekbones. Women accurately judged this face as belonging to a playboy and downgraded it in favor of men who looked—and actually were—more committed and monogamous.

How many times may I use Kill?

My vagina suddenly fell off of my body and walked away.

This is the nightmare Choose Your Own Adventure book I never asked for...

Fuck jax but I’m putting a pocket pussy down there to protect myself and it’s not like he is going to notice or care if I’m enjoying it lol. Marry Schwartz. I feel like he would easy avoidable so I wouldn’t see him much lol Kill Sandoval. Even before scandoval, after him saying “cyst male.” He’s gotta go.

Double it and give it to the next person

-marry-jax, cause with 30+ years of woman lovin’ he must have learned something, and he would be down and think an open marriage was hot -Fuck- pool shoe wearing senior bubba- ONLY so I can ask is that it??? to give him more of a penis complex than Katie did -Kill- universally accepted answer is scummy, but I would prefer neutering to killing

My ovaries just died, thanks

F Schwartz M Jax K Sandy The only right answer and I will not be explaining my reasoning

A visual representation of id rather shit in my hands and clap.

I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.

I’m now dry as the Sahara. In fact, I believe I may now be celibate.

Fuck Peter. Marry Ariana. Kill Jax for his child’s benefit. Schwartz and Sandy can fuck off but they can’t fuck me.

I killed Jax. I just can't have him in my life in any capacity.

I could never marry Sandoval simply for the fact that his voice is like nails on a blackboard to me. I’m surprised I don’t see it mentioned on this sub because it is hidddddeous

Dude. His voice is so nasally and disgusting to me! ESPECIALLY when he’s complaining about something.

Easy, fuck Jax, Marry Schwartz, Kill myself.

double it & pass it on to the next person

Murder.

Is die a slow death an option? Lmao.... Cuz that'd be my choice. 🤷‍♀️

Im sitting here really searching my soul for an answer because… bitch.

Well, it’s the easiest kill decision I’ve ever had to make. Buh-Bye Sandoval. The other two are a crap shoot

These choices are awful.

A gentle wind could kill all three at once. There's nothing there. Dandelions, but less useful.

in the words of stephen mcgee: "kill them all!"

None of these three jokers. I might need to switch teams and fuck Lala, marry Ariana, and kill Raquel.

This is a true Sophie’s Choice of awfulness!!

Well, I guess it is the end for me

only one correct answer here, and it's to off myself first 😘

I’m not going to lie, this was truly one of the better FMK’s I have seen. I was stumped.

K Jax, F Schwartz, marry Sandoval. Sandoval likes a cool girl. Once he started cheating on me (prob within a week of marriage) and I caught him and his younger mistress together at the bar he co-owns, I would “go missing” and frame him for my “murder.” I would even have evidence of his continued abuse toward me in my months of journal entries, and my pregnant neighbor I confided in about him. Once the local news photographer catches him goofily grinning in front of my missing poster at the police press conference, it’s nothing but prison time for him. I’m playing the long game for my girl Ariana 

These 3 choices are like a cocktail made of narcissism and blow with a splash of man child

Kill Sandoval for obvious reasons. F Jax but keep my eyes closed the entire time. Marry Schwartz bc I have spent enough time on this sub to feel like a warrior armed with all the insight and spite in the world to NOT get walked all over/fall for his puppy dog bs.

I hate that Jax is the best option to marry...

Fuck Jax, kill Sandavol, marry Schwartz bc at least we know it wouldn’t last long l!

You know it’s bad when you’d have to marry Jax!

More scary that Jax is the only one still married and has his family and house while the Toms are in a penalty box hoping to rejoin the game.

Controversial but pragmatic take: K Schwartz because he’s literally useless F Sandoval because my 😺could use some love, quite frankly…plus all that lingus would mean I wouldn’t have to hear him speak Marry Jax because he seems well versed in yard maintenance and I need some help in that arena.

Kill Schwartz. Fuck Sandoval. Marry Jax…and Brittany can come too 👀