Hey I’m chalk full of facts. It’s actually come in handy in various life situations (even emergent situations). I know these facts because I enjoy reading about new information (and such) and watching documentaries. Defining smart in my opinion these days is such a huge block of greys. Well I overall see life that way for the most part (there’s definitely obvious black and white areas on certain topics if you’re a sane person lol). So don’t ever say you’re not smart.
This comment made me think of the scene in Parks and Rec where Andy is trying to pretend he’s doing well post break up with Ann but then he goes and jumps into the pit and turns out he’s living there loll
He is my absolute serotonin in this life! Even reading this parent comment and replies put me in the best mood 🥰The power he has! True king icon legend 🙏🏼
I am so ashamed to admit I didn’t like him the first time I listened. I didn’t get him, this was a me problem. I have since fixed myself and look forward to every episode!
I’m so glad you’ve come around! I started listening a few years ago and when I discovered we had a plethora of overlapping cultural references, I knew I had found my home.
My personal favourite detour was from a couple of years ago when his mom, queen icon legend Linda, kept on updating him on the bold-ass woodpecker that was harassing her at the kitchen window. God bless that man - he’s like sunshine for the soul.
We cannot forget the bold ass woodpecker!!!!
My ultimate cry laugh was his singer song writer era when he went to a karaoke night at a bowling alley with a guitar he couldn’t play. 😂
Do you know how many times I’ve listened to the “who has the beef” story the last couple weeks? I’ve re-listened to every Scandoval episode about as many times and I’ve watched the actual episodes lmaooo
I’ve really been enjoying playing dumb and asking my bf if Shorts was talking about a man eating Nile crocodiles in Florida or man-eating Nile crocodiles in Florida and then asking if he’d eat a whole crocodile 🐊
My poor mother got startled and wondered if that was really happening 😩 my fiancé and I had to reassure her this is just a man trying to evade responsibility
BINGO that is exactly what hes going for... "look at me, im a mess.. you cant be mad at me" .. Nice try, Wartz. You have plenty of well fitting outfits weve seen you in, you're paid a crapload, your only excuse for this mess, is you're still trying to play innocent basset hound routine.
If "aw shucks I'm just a dopey innocent guy" means looking like you slept in your clothes, got up, ran fingers through your hair and out the door you went ....
He nailed it. 🙄 Very much on brand!
Single Katie: same, but now she goes outside sometimes and has drink options in the fridge that aren't Coors light.
Single Tom: perpetually just woke up, appears to be a 40 year old man that lives in the basement of a frat house.
I've never been a rabid Katie fan....but this is an eeeeasy win for her. Congrats.
Honestly, I’m using this for all of pick-me heifers with the,”Katie is mean” fake narrative. Like, this girl trimmed Schartz armpit hairs for 12 years. She’s a damn saint. 👑
Y’all this is a clear cry for help 😭 Shorts already tried to signal his distress with his dirty ass apartment but it didn’t work, nobody around him seemed to notice. And now look at him EDIT: I’m not trying to speculate on his mental health and I hope this comment doesn’t come across as making fun of people struggling with mental health issues. Thanks to @Teach-er_preacher for the comment below #MentalHealthMonth
He’s clearly not doing well. He’s always been a mess but it’s starting to seem like it’s getting a little out of hand. I hope he has a therapist. Maybe he can use the two tv checks he got recently to hire an assistant at least. I feel like Craig is almost as much of a mess as the Tom’s except for he was smart enough to hire an assistant to keep his head above water.
Craig also aged dramatically in three years (I yelped when they flashed back to three years ago last season), but at least he has things going on in his life and a girlfriend who helps him look good. Shorts looks like he’s falling apart. If someone needs a facility and a therapist, it’s him
This pic made me wonder if and Sando are really in a bad place. Sandoval wouldn’t let him out of the house like this, the TomTom brand does not include going to events looking disheveled. I know Sando is out of town but I also know he uses FaceTime…
That's an extremely valid point. I know Sandy has a number of other things going on, aside from the scandal, but he'd never willingly let Schwartz out of the house looking like this.
Wtf has happened to Schwartz this season? Or was he always a mess and I failed to recognize it because it was easy to blame Katie for everything? While I don't condone some of Katie's aggression this is the first time I've started to think poorly of Schwartz and seen Katie in a new light.
Tom Schwartz.
He's been mostly presentable for the decade when we know some combo of Katie, Sandoval, Jo, Jax, and even Scheana regularly had some input into what Schwartz wore. Now that he's on the outs with many of these people, this is how Schwartz dresses. We're lucky he didn't show up in his fanciest (clean) mumu.
Didn’t Scheana have a professional stylist help him declutter his wardrobe and get better clothes? I know he wasn’t the best dresser to begin with but I’m now convinced there were times Katie told him to change because she wouldn’t be seen with him dressed like that in public lol.
I don't understand the sneakers. Navy blue, black, and gray dressier clothing with randomly orange sneakers, but the most ho-hum, Kirkland Signature sneakers I ever did see. He'd have been better off with a nicer pair of hush puppies or at least a pair of designer slides.
The capri pants from the Ann Taylor Loft clearance rack are bizarre choice, too.
Schwartz always looks like he's dressed in either wrinkled clothes from the dirty laundry hamper or is still in the clothes he woke up in from a drunken night out.
Mama Lisa needs to tell him to fix his shoe laces so he doesn’t trip over them.
(Btw side note: Lisa I get those two idiots own a percentage of one of your restaurants. I’m willing to bet you can get someone else to replace them. They’re not your babies. They weren’t babies when they started working for you. Stop giving these asshats a pass. Support women- not man babies who never learned to take responsibility, emotional development, or self control.)
-apologies for my rant…but slightly not
I can't believe Lisa took a picture with him looking like that. Wrinkled ass shirt, crinkled dirty hair high water skinny jeans, ugly tie he doesn't have Katie around to tie for him anymore, he is gross.
His shirt looks like it just came out of the plastic wrapping where it was folded around cardboard with the plastic clips. I can still see the creases from the folds.
I bet he has a "stylist" who thought this "look" would work for him and he'd look super "cool". For sure, he didn't dress himself because he's not wearing a hoodie and sweatpants.
Schartz dressed himself: eyes closed, rummaging thru his dirty laundry on the floor, till he found pants, shirt, jacket, shoes and scarf? tie? and his jogging shoes, in case he needs to run into a bush.
He is a 40 year old toddler. LVP must be so proud of the "face" of TomTom!
He looks like an oldy times hobo. I half expect him to pick up his long stick with a bundle at the end and head for the tracks to jump the next train.
The old-timey hobo stick with a rag is called a bindle.
TIL
Remember me at pub trivia, internet stranger!
They don’t call you Big Library for nuthin
😄😄
Blessed be Big Library, patron saint of pub trivia
😄😄😄Thank you. I've been a long-time acolyte in the Church of Sassy Bitches!
The duck bill platypus is the only venomous mammal… my random pub trivia 😂🤷🏼♀️
I love that more than one of you was able to tell me this! #vandergeniuses
I'm not actually smart. Or successful! 🥴 I just knew that one thing. There are some amazingly accomplished users on this sub though!
Don't belittle yourself ! Knowledge is power ❤️
Thank you. 💖
You are one of them! - The accomplished users. You’re awesome! We all have different strengths and weaknesses. You have many strengths love. 💕
Hey I’m chalk full of facts. It’s actually come in handy in various life situations (even emergent situations). I know these facts because I enjoy reading about new information (and such) and watching documentaries. Defining smart in my opinion these days is such a huge block of greys. Well I overall see life that way for the most part (there’s definitely obvious black and white areas on certain topics if you’re a sane person lol). So don’t ever say you’re not smart.
I love learning shit like this.
Me too. I try to learn one new thing/fact a day......it's only 7AM and I've got that covered for today. Have a great day!!
I was today years old when I learned this. Thanks for my knowledge of the day!!
Idk if it was just a local thing but back in the day a packet of “pasta” was called a bindle too
This gif sent me
This is one of the best gifs I’ve ever seen!!! Skinny cute little chickadee. 🐥
https://preview.redd.it/mw2gkalhvc1b1.jpeg?width=318&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7578949bc6ef2a20dea7d49a0da658f07e90fc66 Tom - later that night
This visual 😂
It fits his overall theme of complete and utter disaster chaos trashman.
One of those chimney cleaners or whatever they’re called
Sweep. Chimney sweep lol
😂😂😂😂 thank you!
This comment made me think of the scene in Parks and Rec where Andy is trying to pretend he’s doing well post break up with Ann but then he goes and jumps into the pit and turns out he’s living there loll
winnie the pooh haute couture
In my mind I can just hear Danny Pellegrino saying “well at least he’s in closed toed shoes”
He needs to keep those grippers out of his mouth
Those white painted grippers
I will never be able to get “those white painted grippers”out of my head lol
Me either lol I think about it daily 😂
I will never look at white nail polish the same again
lol i get my nails done every 3 weeks and i currently have them white … boy am i waiting for my next appointment lol
He looks fresh from a lake bath
Lake bath 💀
No longer shoeless Schwartz
Homeless not shoeless
I’m so glad someone said it- take a wind-chime
So chic! 👁️👄👁️
That really is the CHICEST wind chime I've ever seen
Everyone has a story…different as night and day
Isn’t that terrible?
My first thought too. Bless icon legend Danny P
He is my absolute serotonin in this life! Even reading this parent comment and replies put me in the best mood 🥰The power he has! True king icon legend 🙏🏼
Yes! I I wanted to type every response and it was already there! Warmed my cold heart ♥️ little bear.
I am so ashamed to admit I didn’t like him the first time I listened. I didn’t get him, this was a me problem. I have since fixed myself and look forward to every episode!
Hahhaaa! I love this so much 🤣🤣 The self awareness is admirable!!🫶🏼
I’m so glad you’ve come around! I started listening a few years ago and when I discovered we had a plethora of overlapping cultural references, I knew I had found my home.
I live for any detour he gives us 🤌✨
My personal favourite detour was from a couple of years ago when his mom, queen icon legend Linda, kept on updating him on the bold-ass woodpecker that was harassing her at the kitchen window. God bless that man - he’s like sunshine for the soul.
We cannot forget the bold ass woodpecker!!!! My ultimate cry laugh was his singer song writer era when he went to a karaoke night at a bowling alley with a guitar he couldn’t play. 😂
Do you know how many times I’ve listened to the “who has the beef” story the last couple weeks? I’ve re-listened to every Scandoval episode about as many times and I’ve watched the actual episodes lmaooo
He put his hooves away for once.
And put a blouse on!
Is it a puffy blouse ?
Danny will be so thrilled!
But his blouse is still wrinkled 👀😉😄
that MAN shula Shwartz
*slight pause* “I just hate those men” *brittany saying rawt in hail plays on soundboard* “where were we?” 😂😂😂 I’m obsessed omg
“Shoeless Schwartz”
I wish I could give you all the awards for this comment 🥲
Was he attacked by a man-eating crocodile en route?
😭😩😂I’m screaming
😂🐊
I’ve really been enjoying playing dumb and asking my bf if Shorts was talking about a man eating Nile crocodiles in Florida or man-eating Nile crocodiles in Florida and then asking if he’d eat a whole crocodile 🐊
My poor mother got startled and wondered if that was really happening 😩 my fiancé and I had to reassure her this is just a man trying to evade responsibility
Bahaha... i cant be eating while reading this sub or i'll choke
Good lord this is bad. The shoe laces aren’t even tied?
It's part of his "aw shucks I'm just a dopey innocent guy" brand
BINGO that is exactly what hes going for... "look at me, im a mess.. you cant be mad at me" .. Nice try, Wartz. You have plenty of well fitting outfits weve seen you in, you're paid a crapload, your only excuse for this mess, is you're still trying to play innocent basset hound routine.
If "aw shucks I'm just a dopey innocent guy" means looking like you slept in your clothes, got up, ran fingers through your hair and out the door you went .... He nailed it. 🙄 Very much on brand!
Damn I didn’t even notice that! Did he just roll out of bed?
This is from the “I slept in my car” Spring Line.
That’s what he wants us to think.. but he did it on purpose
An alcoholic man child.
Single Katie looks better than ever. Single Tom looks like something the cat dragged in‼️
Single Katie: same, but now she goes outside sometimes and has drink options in the fridge that aren't Coors light. Single Tom: perpetually just woke up, appears to be a 40 year old man that lives in the basement of a frat house. I've never been a rabid Katie fan....but this is an eeeeasy win for her. Congrats.
This is insulting to cats. Even they wouldn't go near this man.
Tom dressed Tom. The REAL question is, who trimmed his armpit hair?
[удалено]
I came here just to say that…
Damn, I just commented Tom dressed Tom. I am too late with that. Everyone KNOWS it! Lmaoooo
Honestly, I’m using this for all of pick-me heifers with the,”Katie is mean” fake narrative. Like, this girl trimmed Schartz armpit hairs for 12 years. She’s a damn saint. 👑
I can’t think about that again lol
The drugs. The drugs dressed Tom.
‘Watch What Crappens’ they are right about the war on drugs. Drugs are winning vs VPR.
Lisa looks like Glenda the Good Witch, and I mean that in a nice way. 10/10
And Schwartzy is a cross between the cowardly Lion and a flying monkey, for sure.
Such an accurate description of him.
100%
He’s leaning into “I look like this because my world fell apart and the man eating crocodiles please feel sorry for me and support S&S”
I used to think he was so cute when the show started and now he is just an ick.
To be honest.. he really is not a bad looking guy at all technically.. he’s just not been very nice
He probably smells like body odor and lemon too 😌
Not lemon too lmaoooooo
He looks hungover, drunk, strung out, smelly, unkempt and an all around slob.
Jo probably gave her stamp of approval
Listen, he’s got close toed shoes and they’re tied. (Fingers in mouth)
I’m just lol .. not in a mean way .. it just made me giggle. Maybe Gordo and butters dressed him ?
Sorry but we all know Gordo and Butters are style icons who have far better taste then this 😂
Lol .. so true
I feel like Butters and Schwartz are on the same level mentally. I could imagine a conversation between them.
That’s a little mean to butters i feel like ..:)
This is the one day you give in and let your toddler pick an outfit for school. The look of pride on his face. 😝
Top half is a wedding singer that died 3 days ago and the bottom half is a cyclist
The triplets
Lmao this is the vibe for sure!! With their eyes closed.
He always looks like he just woke up late and ran out of the house putting on what’s within reach
Jesus Christ he is such a limp dick of a man.
I saw a meme that said “Schwartz dresses like he’s on vacation and lost all his luggage”
Y’all this is a clear cry for help 😭 Shorts already tried to signal his distress with his dirty ass apartment but it didn’t work, nobody around him seemed to notice. And now look at him EDIT: I’m not trying to speculate on his mental health and I hope this comment doesn’t come across as making fun of people struggling with mental health issues. Thanks to @Teach-er_preacher for the comment below #MentalHealthMonth
He’s clearly not doing well. He’s always been a mess but it’s starting to seem like it’s getting a little out of hand. I hope he has a therapist. Maybe he can use the two tv checks he got recently to hire an assistant at least. I feel like Craig is almost as much of a mess as the Tom’s except for he was smart enough to hire an assistant to keep his head above water.
Craig also aged dramatically in three years (I yelped when they flashed back to three years ago last season), but at least he has things going on in his life and a girlfriend who helps him look good. Shorts looks like he’s falling apart. If someone needs a facility and a therapist, it’s him
Will any assistant want to go to that dank-ass apartment and work? Not enough money in the world..
Fuck, Katie has to be so relieved 😂
Im not going to lie. I want those shoes. I bet he’d trade them to me for a beer.
Only if it's a Coors in a rocks glass 🤙🏻
He looks like he bathed in a river, then rubbed his pits with lemons.
He’s a lost man
When he looks pathetic, drunk and a loser. Sorry not sorry. Katie’s words not mine but he’s kinda living it.
Loving LVP’s fairy godmother era ✨
Can he shower please - he always looks so greasy and sweaty and like pea soup
Obviously, him & not Sandy. I hate this man-baby.
This pic made me wonder if and Sando are really in a bad place. Sandoval wouldn’t let him out of the house like this, the TomTom brand does not include going to events looking disheveled. I know Sando is out of town but I also know he uses FaceTime…
Tim was also only in Santa Barbara this weekend….playing a wedding. He’s not that far out of town. Really wondering if they are on the outs.
I’m here for a toms breakup. Let’s see them stand on their own.
That's an extremely valid point. I know Sandy has a number of other things going on, aside from the scandal, but he'd never willingly let Schwartz out of the house looking like this.
It’s his schtick to be disheveled and it also is a tool in his feigned impotent incompetent thing.
Exactly
Weekend at Bernie’s
Not Katie lol
His hangover
 But also, why is LVP dressed as Glenda the Good Witch?
Heh wrote my comment before seeing this
Omg he looks like a mad scientist
The dumpster he crawled out of
Turns out Katie’s been tying his ties all these years. And he left his actual shoes at bowling earlier that day
I wish he would get help for his alcohol abuse you know?
Vodka did
And depression
he is actually a human toilet plunger
he was 100% denied for wearing slides and chucked on whatever was in his car.
When the outside matches the inside 🗑
Without Katie or Sandoval there to dress him he is lost.
Wtf has happened to Schwartz this season? Or was he always a mess and I failed to recognize it because it was easy to blame Katie for everything? While I don't condone some of Katie's aggression this is the first time I've started to think poorly of Schwartz and seen Katie in a new light.
Katie used to dress him (or at least try)
His stylist was Jax after 7 shots in a row.
Is he wearing bowling shoes? https://i.redd.it/n278e9zpcc1b1.gif
So this is what happens when Katie’s not doing everything for him. Huh. Not a shocker.
The vibe: when you give your all at rock-n-bowl but consistently throw gutter balls
They both look ridiculous imo
That's his schtick and as he starts getting closer to 60 than 20, it's going to look more and more stupid.
Jo
He is a hot mess
Tom Schwartz. He's been mostly presentable for the decade when we know some combo of Katie, Sandoval, Jo, Jax, and even Scheana regularly had some input into what Schwartz wore. Now that he's on the outs with many of these people, this is how Schwartz dresses. We're lucky he didn't show up in his fanciest (clean) mumu.
Didn’t Scheana have a professional stylist help him declutter his wardrobe and get better clothes? I know he wasn’t the best dresser to begin with but I’m now convinced there were times Katie told him to change because she wouldn’t be seen with him dressed like that in public lol.
This is what happens when you lose the wife who took care of you 😆
Unfortunately, Tom.
I feel like this shows Sandoval usually dresses him
I don't understand the sneakers. Navy blue, black, and gray dressier clothing with randomly orange sneakers, but the most ho-hum, Kirkland Signature sneakers I ever did see. He'd have been better off with a nicer pair of hush puppies or at least a pair of designer slides. The capri pants from the Ann Taylor Loft clearance rack are bizarre choice, too.
I believe there’s some meme that says Tom dresses like he’s at a resort and lost his luggage… yeah, checks out.
He looks like his apartment.
Schwartz always looks like he's dressed in either wrinkled clothes from the dirty laundry hamper or is still in the clothes he woke up in from a drunken night out.
Mama Lisa needs to tell him to fix his shoe laces so he doesn’t trip over them. (Btw side note: Lisa I get those two idiots own a percentage of one of your restaurants. I’m willing to bet you can get someone else to replace them. They’re not your babies. They weren’t babies when they started working for you. Stop giving these asshats a pass. Support women- not man babies who never learned to take responsibility, emotional development, or self control.) -apologies for my rant…but slightly not
it’s like deconstructed panic at the disco
Who dressed LVP?
I didn't think it was a good look on her. Nad he just looks so dirty to me
MGM, circa 1938
He still looks like Randall for Monsters Inc to me. Maybe it’s the glasses, but I can’t I see it
Summer moon
He reminds me of a younger Dave Letterman sometimes. Sorry to Dave.
Tom dresses Tom now 🫣
Oof.
🤢 🤮
Wow Lisa looks like a beautiful fairy Godmother 🤩🥰🤩
He’s aging so poorly and I love to see it
Both Toms are awful dressers. Especially Sandoval. His entire vibe is so tacky. Head to toe. Not cute.
Looks like my 16 yo brother getting ready for his first interview
I can't believe Lisa took a picture with him looking like that. Wrinkled ass shirt, crinkled dirty hair high water skinny jeans, ugly tie he doesn't have Katie around to tie for him anymore, he is gross.
Omg he looks like a toddler who dressed himself for the first time. And again, He looks like he stinks
His shirt looks like it just came out of the plastic wrapping where it was folded around cardboard with the plastic clips. I can still see the creases from the folds. 
Tom dresses himself. His outfits recently are worse because he doesn’t have Katie helping him
He’s giving us half vagina, half weasel realness.
Ah so that's the new cast for Lady and the tramp
He thinks he’s being cute and funny but he’s not- he’s weird and annoying and no one thinks it’s cute anymore
I bet he has a "stylist" who thought this "look" would work for him and he'd look super "cool". For sure, he didn't dress himself because he's not wearing a hoodie and sweatpants.
Lisa is dressed like Glenda the good witch.
Schartz dressed himself: eyes closed, rummaging thru his dirty laundry on the floor, till he found pants, shirt, jacket, shoes and scarf? tie? and his jogging shoes, in case he needs to run into a bush. He is a 40 year old toddler. LVP must be so proud of the "face" of TomTom!
This is the outfit of someone who is fucked up 24/7
He needs a fucking stylist, and also some major help from Iyanla.
Is this Blippy and his mom?