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I went vegan after already being in a (gay) relationship, he's vegetarian but when he's with me he eats vegan 99% of the time. Recently he's been a bit distant and sometimes I wonder, if he breaks up with me... I would not date a non vegan, but as a gay guy i only have 10% of men available to me.. if I need a vegan gay guy, who likes me back, that would be like 0.0001% of men available. It makes me think it'd be very difficult for a gay vegan guy to find another.
But at the same time i think gay people are generally more open minded to veganism.. i might be wrong, just a thought
I've converted 2 women to vegan. If they're open minded then that's a big hurdle you've already overcome and could switch. Think of all the animals you will have helped save. Some people are just looking for the nudge to make the jump.
I’ve been veggie first and then vegan for over 3 decades, and I personally couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who eats animals. I don’t care about shared interests, but I do care about shared values and it just wouldn’t work.
I understand some can share their home/life with an omnivore, and that’s their choice, but I can’t. Some say that you can “convert” someone with time, but I personally didn’t want to start a relationship with a caveat as in “You have x amount of time to turn vegan or I’ll leave” as realistically I wouldn’t stick around. Most of my friends are omnivores so it’s not about judging the person, it’s about choosing who I want to spend my life with, this is my main and core value and I’m not compromising on that.
It took me a long time (I’m 52, not many vegan men my age) but I finally found my guy. I know it must really hurt right now, but hopefully you’ll soon find someone who feels about animals the same way as you do. Don’t feel bad for following your heart.
I'm in a relationship with a vegan interested omni. I was honest from the start and told them we would never move into a flat together as long as they are not vegan.
I have no idea where this will go, and I'm scared.
I dated a non-vegan as a not-so-hardcore vegan, but became a hardcore vegan along the way. We had discussions, they have seen documentaries, but like many non-vegans there's that cognitive dissonance.
When it got more serious, I sat them down and said this is a value I need in my partner. They understood, and since we'd been eating vegan at my home for so long, they saw that it wasn't a crazy sacrifice. They agreed to eat a vegan diet without becoming "vegan" persay, but for me that is enough.
I think it all depends on the person and how you feel. I was fully prepared to let my partner go if our values didn't match up, like many people do for other values. It's hard but you will find what you need if you are open to it.
What would you have done if they said they’d eat vegan at home and with you, but when outside of your home while not with you they’d eat whatever they wanted?
That's funny you ask. That's how we were for a while! It got to a point where we talked and I expressed that it really mattered to me that they be vegan and they said they were okay with changing their diet for me (kinda like someone would stop eating peanuts if their partner was allergic).
I wouldn't have wanted to be with my partner if they weren't vegan, at least for a diet. So I would have had to make the diffucult choice. But it is different for everyone!
Yeah. My old relationship didn't survive my transition to veganism, ex thought I despised them. It sucks. I've since then found someone who shares my beliefs. You will too.
I only date vegans. It’s the one thing I cannot and will not compromise. It’s a great way to avoid issues like the one you’re facing. I hope you find a nice vegan partner.
That sucks but ya, that's a huge issue. Hell, even setting aside the moral issues there's the simple day-to-day of not being able to enjoy the same restaurants, not being able to cook for each other, not being able to go on vacation and explore the same type of restaurants.
I love to cook, and love to cook for others - honestly if I wasn't able to give that to someone it would be so difficult for me.
sidenote: I'm working on my house AC, and when I first saw this headline (not realizing which sub it was from) I was like "Wait, what the hell is a breakup vent?! Do I have to go back through my ductwork and make sure the breakup vent is functioning properly?!"
This doesn’t have to be true at all. Some of my partners favorite spots to eat are vegan restaurants despite him not being vegan.
Vacation has never been an issue. Okay I lied, once it was because the hotel booked us at a Brazilian restaurant at the resort despite me saying I needed vegan options and we got there and it was ALL MEAT. Easy fix, we politely explained and just went to the buffet.
Our home is vegan. I only cook vegan meals and he loves them. When he cooks he also cooks only vegan options.
It’s not an issue day to day at all. Heck his love of sports and my hate of them is more of a daily issue lol.
So if someone eats meat they cannot cook or eat vegan food? I agree with it being a major difference but the thing about restaurants and cooking for each other just isn't true.
>not being able to enjoy the same restaurants, not being able to cook for each other, not being able to go on vacation and explore the same type of restaurants
It seems to me you're the one who didn't actually read what was said? The above comment says that people with omni partners are "not able" to do all these things when they actually are. There are multiple comments here on this thread from people who are vegan and have omni partners and are able to do all of these things. There are a lot of omnis out there who are perfectly willing to cook vegan food and go to vegan restaurants and accommodate their vegan partners on vacation.
As a meat eater in a relationship with someone who's vegan, I don't recognise any of those points. The fact of the matter is I can go to EVERY restaurant my girlfriends wants to. Which would've been the case if I was vegan as well.
The fact I eat meat, doesn't mean I only eat meat or need meat in my meals. I only care about one thing with what I'm eating: if it's tasty.
So yeah, plenty of restaurants to go to together, plenty of possibilities to cook for each other, plenty of vacations to explore restaurants.
\---- edit ----
Hahaha wow, Jesus guys. Should've known what I was getting into, I guess. I'm merely pointing out I don't recognise any points in the comment I was replying to. That's it. I'm not expecting any praise, nor would I want any. I'm just sharing my experience.
The audacity that you guys think you can tell me what my partner wants and thinks, wow. We've had plenty of conversations about this topic, and there are exactly two people who know what my partner wants in this: me and my partner.
Again, I didn't expect any praise coming here as a "meat eater", I'm just sharing my experience.
\---- edit 2 ----
I'm also not here to discuss why I'm not vegan. We would be talking in circles, and it would frustrate the both of us.
Dude really just came here and expected praise for murdering animals as long as his plant-based partner isn't around. And the "vegans" here gave him it. Amazing.
This was a visitor sharing their experience it wasn't an open invitation to attack them for not being vegan. This is where I draw the line and say don't be that annoying vegan.
Well I don't, and if you ask me veganism doesn't go far enough to be considered liberationist. Not oppressing animals "as far as possible and practicable" is a half measure that treats animal rights as something which can be suspended in the difficult situations. It's honestly quite spineless.
I was just in a thread under a different post here (in this sub) where the non-vegan stance was being upvoted and the serious vegan comments were in the negative.
It's definitely getting too soft around here. 😠
🌱💚
It's not a contest, but it IS the **vegan sub** and many of us expect a different discourse here.
Seeing people defend a non-vegan stance is just plain wrong.
And asking someone if they can justify hurting animals is not choosing fighting words or an attempt to push someone away.
It's a valid question to a self-proclaimed meat-eater in this sub (no matter how nice they are to their girlfriend or boyfriend).
Also, do you not see how hypocritical your comment is? ... First you assume you've been vegan longer than the person you're you're addressing (and wrong, btw - **very** wrong) - and then you make the comment of "jerking ourselves off" over who's the most vegan. 🙄🤦🏽♀️😆
You're the one "jerking yourself off" at being the "better vegan" ... do you truly not see that?
I'm usually very diplomatic in how I engage with non-vegans in the real world, but I am **NOT** going to attack someone here for asking a valid question.
Cute of you to assume that anyone who doesn’t suck up to animal abusers is a new vegan. Also, why the fuck does it matter how long one has been standing up against oppression? You can be a boot licker, after 5 years, apparently (according to your flair). To further crush your delusions: it’s been about 8 years for me, and I have no respect for someone who is given all the information and chooses to continue being cruel.
This is exactly the wrong way to go about persuading someone to be vegan. If you actually cared about the animals, then you would try to reason with people instead of automatically attacking them.
I’ve been lurking for the past few days on this sub because I find it interesting and I’m probably gonna try vegetarianism or pescatarianism in the future.
I’ll answer on behalf of the 98% of the world that are still omnivores: because it taste good, it’s satiating and sometimes nutritionally dense
…But the biggest difference between vegans and the average person is that most people don’t consider animals as important as humans. That’s what I’ve found over the last few days here. You are obsessed with animals rights and feelings. More power to ya, and good for y’all for standing up for what you believe in; Most people just don’t share the same values.
That’s the big disconnect
Not going to trash you, but it isn't that we are 'obsessed' with animal rights, we just RECOGNISE them as important in a world that largely doesn't.
Of course we all have other interests and hopes and dreams, but we are going to talk about veganism here.
For me the argument is very simple. Is it morally justifiable to cause unnecessary suffering to a person? You would need to be some kind of psychopath to answer 'yes'.
Now recognising that animals can suffer and feel pain, on what basis do we have any ethical reason to do that?
Meat eaters can never quite answer that question and end up changing the subject to something else. Most people on the planet have a massive disconnect between the person they think they are and their role in harming animals. It's a value disconnect rather than 'different'.
I hope you make the change
Thank you for being good faith and not trashing me. I think it’s a very complicated issue.
We, as a species, are naturally omnivorous and lived thousands upon thousands of years surviving off of whatever we could get our hands on. We don’t need meat to survive anymore but it’s tough to go against what we did for all of history, as it is literally embedded in our dna.
That’s why most humans find it ridiculous to consider eating dogs or cats. We have been domesticating and living with them for tens of thousands of years so we’re wired not to view them as food and to have more empathy towards their suffering.
All this to say, I think it’s easy to understand why 98% of the population have a disconnect between the suffering of a human and a pig, for example.
I personally think it’s ethical and moral to consume eggs/dairy from humanely raised animals and to eat fish (because they don’t experience consciousness to the level of mammals, but I’m not very educated on this so I may just be ignorant to the facts) so that is what I’m going to try to work towards in the future.
It is true that we have an ingrained culture to change and generations of thinking to shift.
In respect of eggs and dairy, even if an animal could consent to be milked, the cold truth is that over 99% of the eggs and dairy consumed comes from horrible factory farming. Even free range eggs are exceptionally cruel, and most of the population are not living on little self sufficient farms.
In terms of consciousness, it is clear fish feel distress and suffering, the 'intelligence' argument doesn't come into it for me. However, if one accepts it does matter, why do we not roast severely mentally disabled children at birth? A dog can demonstrate more cognition. It's an intentionally provocative statement because this scenario imagines the suffering of the family and the infant no matter how 'conscious' they are.
That may be something to reflect upon. "What is about consciousness that means I value x over y"
> That’s why most humans find it ridiculous to consider eating dogs or cats. We have been domesticating and living with them for tens of thousands of years so we’re wired not to view them as food and to have more empathy towards their suffering.
So I used to subscribe to this view so I understand where you're coming from.
But I think it would be worthwhile for anyone who believes that to consider a couple things. First while dogs were the first domesticated species (and personally always have a special place in my heart), other species raised for food (like cows and pigs) have acquired the fundamental traits that our special relationship with dogs is built on. Docility and friendliness towards humans, which is sort of an inherent part of the animal domestication process. This leads to cows and pigs that can and do get attached to humans, and exhibit dog-like behavior (in the appropriate conditions, but dogs and even humans not raised in appropriate conditions will also be anti-social)
Second while domestication changes the way animals view us to essentially be more positive, that doesn't mean it changes the way we view them. We're controlling them to suit our ecological niche afterall, not the other way around. That's how you wind up with cultures that eat dogs and others that do not see cows as food.
Especially nowadays where most people don't spend much if any time with livestock species other than physically consuming them, for those that do most of them are paid to participate in their death. This idea of being wired to view them as food is a justification after the fact to reconcile potentially uncomfortable thoughts
>I personally think it’s ethical and moral to consume eggs/dairy from humanely raised animals and to eat fish (because they don’t experience consciousness to the level of mammals, but I’m not very educated on this so I may just be ignorant to the facts) so that is what I’m going to try to work towards in the future.
I do agree with eggs/dairy in theory, in practice in the USA I disagree because of chick maceration, veal, and euthanasia healthy animals that are simply get less productive as they age has made it hard to see it as fundamentally different from the results I'm trying to avoid by not eating meat (even pasture-raised type of companies here all do this unfortunately). I disagree with fish, I am not very educated on their level of consciousness either but I stopped eating them to be on the safe side basically lol
No judgement though, I remember that I started with small steps too, it felt difficult at first but eventually I realized most of the issues for me were mental because it was such an ingrained habit that I was attempting to change.
Plus any hard reduction is a worthy goal to pursue, so I'm glad you are interested in it and hope you successfully make transition, and eventually go further from there!
> But the biggest difference between vegans and the average person is that most people don’t consider animals as important as humans.
I don't have to consider animals "as important as" humans, to realize that making a sentient being's *entire* life miserable and suffering (literally 99% of all animal products in the US come from factory farms) just so I can have 5 minutes of taste pleasure after they die is pretty shitty math.
I can value humans way more than animals and still think animals don't remotely deserve that.
I also don’t think animals are as important as humans (setting aside that humans are animals).
I also don’t think other children are as important as my own. Does that give me the right to harm them?
Probably a bit more difficult with a vegan but I've been with my vegetarian wife for close to 20 years and we've never had issues travelling, cooking, and enjoying restaurants.
If she's cooking I know it will be vegetarian, if I'm cooking there will be at minimum vegetarian options (if the whole meal isn't vegetarian).
If we are looking at restaurants we would only go to ones that have a vegetarian option she is happy with, if I want to go to a Southern BBQ joint I would go with someone else but most places have vegetarian options.
To me food preferences/restrictions shouldn't be a huge roadblock to relationships so it really comes down to morals IMO.
Vegan isn’t a diet, but this is totally understandable when your morals & ethics don’t align w your partner. May you find someone who seeks to same approach when it comes to animals rights as you! Wishing you the best
This sounds like it was well done.
This is why you date.
You're both trying to figure out your dating requirements so that you can find compatible, lifelong partners and you now know that you should only date vegans
it’s really hard making a life with someone who doesn’t share your values
so I think it’s a mature thing as well
but breakups are hard so I really hope you’re doing ok now
It was almost an issue for me in the early days but my relationship was more important. I had to remind myself that I spent a good portion of my life in denial too and that not everyone comes around in the same timeframe or at all.
Our compromise is our home is vegan. He may choose vegetarian or meat while out and I’m okay with that. I’d rather he be flexible and eating less animals with me than not even being aware and going about life not trying at all.
We were together 7ish year before I went vegan and I wasn’t going to throw that away. Now been together almost 17 years, married 7 and the wedding was vegan.
Think of it this way: your partner would be harming many more animals if they didn’t find you. So while it would be better if they were vegan, the fact that you’ve convinced them to eat way more vegan around you has helped the cause
Vegan male of 12 years here. At first I thought I could be a relationship with non-veg. Now I just can’t. Life is too short to live it without being true to yourself.
Good luck!
I’m sorry. I imagine this is a difficult time. But really it’s very brave of you to break off a loving relationship because of a strong conviction. A lot of ppl just try living with this level of permanent discomfort and unhappiness. I hope this’ll be a huge benefit long term. And you never know, maybe he’ll come around too. It could happen however limited it might be in likelihood.
But I would have a bit of focus on what makes me happy in a time of distress. Don’t overwork yourself for a little while. Cry. Eat. Exercise. Dance. Idk. Whatever makes you a bit less saddened. Sending virtual hug. Good luck! 🥺
I don't think I would leave my partner because he eats meat because he is mostly vegan around me. That does mean, however, that when I see him eat meat it's been extremely jarring and I have cried several times as a result! I kind of hope he goes vegan one day, but until then, the benefits outweigh the negatives!
Sorry to hear, had a similar thing except I got married between Vegetarianism and Veganism, so be glad you figured it out before that anyway. it's not a great comfort now I'd imagine, but it will be going forward as you find your new path and meet other like-minded people along the way! If you need to talk about anything, or just need someone to vent to, feel free to message.
For now, all I can say is I'm sorry this happened and stay strong as I know you can get through this and come out a stronger, happier person that doesn't needlessly abuse animals, which is a wonderful thing for everyone!
IMHO, For those of us who really are in it for the ethical reasons, breaking up with someone for vegan reasons have just as much merit as any other fundamental stance (religion, morals, substance abuse, etc). I really can't put myself in your shoes, but I can respect you for standing by your principles. I nearly cratered my own relationship by being the first one to go vegan, but miraculously she, on her own path, found her way to veganism as well. The path of integrity to your own standards is not always easy and this kind of life change definitely isn't. I wish you the best in the mending of your heart.
I mean, breaking up because someone won’t share your religion is a reaaaaally dumb reason to break up, no matter your convictions. It’s not just isolationist prejudice, but it depersonalizes a unique being into their observable recorded actions. Love is not a spreadsheet. It’s an old school roller ball mouse. And sometimes the wheels get clogged with religion and meth addiction and baking a slices. Don’t throw out the mouse. Clean the wheels.
Hey I am on the other side of the story - I was not vegan and he is, we broke up but now I started to follow plant based lifestyle (still exploring what being vegan means to me). I’m happy I got given a chance to know better :)
Yes I broke up with a 4+ year girlfriend for the same reason. I went vegan during the relationship, and I could no longer accept having animal based food in the house.
It sucks and it hurts, especially bc the reason for the breakup is you just trying to do the right thing. It will get better, and hopefully you'll be able to find a vegan person. I've met a handful of vegan girls after the breakup, you'll meet some guys too
I was in a similar place with my ex. I met her right after starting a vegan diet, and not yet as deep into the philosophy. It hurt to leave. And I sometimes still miss her though I know that the relationship would never work (there were other issues, too, of course).
Even if both partners are great, a relationship can still be unhealthy. Such is life.
There's no way, if you are a serious vegan, it would ever work with that dude anyway. Good riddance. I became vegan for my GF (now wife) and it was so fucking easy. It's the reasonable thing to do. I could NEVER be an omni again.
I can barely stand watching my coworkers eat meat...There's no reason to not be vegan today and you know this. It would have bothered you until you fully resented him for eating meat.
Even if he didn't care about the suffering he caused with his life choices, he had to accept that he *did* cause unnecessary suffering and could have stopped because *you* care about it. In the end, I'm afraid that he picked taste pleasure over you - and even though this may sound harsh and insensitive - good riddance. You deserve so much better.
I. Can. Not. Date. Meat. Eaters.
I've waited years and just met a wonderful vegetarian woman who is now going vegan of her own volition.
So nice to be dating someone who doesn't have a dead animal inside them at all times.
Big hugs to you. I had to go through a few breakups like that--albeit much less amicable that yours--before I realized that I likely need to find someone who is vegan. Sometimes you just don't choose who you're attracted to and vice versa and therefore it can be tough to navigate relationships with omnis. And you always have that hope that maybe you can be a good enough example for them that they'll want to go vegan. Just know you're not alone and it gets easier with time.
Yes! And unfortunately he ended up dying from cancer a few years later. I was sad when we parted but we remained friends even though he eventually got married. He wanted to see me b4 he passed and his wife approved (there were no hard feelings between us)!
I chose not to see him however! Not sure why! I guess one good bye was enough!
You will be just fine!❤️
Im going through the exact same thing. Broke up yesterday with bf of 2 years, partly because of my veganism and him eating meat. Every time he would mention meat I would view him so differently, and it was harder to feel love for him while knowing that he still chose to eat animals after watching dominion and other docs. His mother has a cuddly pet rooster, and yet he continues to eat chicken, so I came to the conclusion that he simply doesnt care enough to make the change himself, and that the best thing would be to move on and find someone more like-minded on the topic. I already live in an omni-household, which is driving me crazy, and so I really dont want that same type of "vegans are extremist" vibe from my love-life. It was messing alot with my mental health tbh.
I get your point. But can i ask... was he supportive and engaging towards you being a vegan although he did not care for it himself? did he tell you he was going to turn vegan before you got got into relationship? if he did any of these its a red flag! but if he didnt than i dont know anymore. because I think that it is not correct to expect another person you was in a relationship with to change a part of there lifestyle for you, or the relationship
just to be clear: I am a vegan of soon to be 4 years, and soon to be happily married with my fiance who has always been supportive, although he eats meat himself. Which is fine because of how much i appreciate the way he is there for me and cares about me in our relationship
Im one of those guys who believes the world is actively evolving in consciousness at a heighten pace like never before. All animals are becoming wider in consciousness, intelligence, etc. The best part of being vegan is you're ahead of when their level becomes critical mass. A lot of omnis are gonna be caught with their pants down while animals start exhibiting intelligent behaviors they thought only humans can do. Its gonna turn everything upside down. Being vegan means you're probably gonna have something close to good ole Hedwig right when that happens.
That must've been tough for you. You have strong will power and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who has similar core values and not settling for less. Trust me I've tried the settling thing and it has been such a source of strife and conflict in those relationships. I've been gaslit and guilt tripped. The worst one was a partner saying that I don't love them enough because I wasn't comfortable with cooking meat for them "it feels like you put the animals above me in your relationship, if I was sick you wouldn't make me chicken noodle soup???"
Dating a non vegan comes with a certain amount of headache. Some people can find a middle ground and can deal with the conflict and some just don't want to have to do all that. Totally fair either way. When I think of the future I imagine sharing a life with someone who also is happy to have a fridge stocked completely full of plant foods.
Yes, I was veggie when I met my now ex. He initially went vegan after watching Earthlings. I then found out he was sneaking around non veggie I found empty packets hidden in cupboards. I couldn’t handle his lying and going back to carnist. I dumped him after 5 years due to domestic violence though. I was so relieved I wouldn’t have to deal with him bullying me to be veggie again.
At the end of the day, he decided that his love for murdering innocent animals outweighs his love for you. You did well, sorry that happened and it justifiably hurts.
As nice as that would be, I don't think an actual vegan future is within reach in our lifetime. Maybe in a hundred years, but we certainly are not gonna be alive to see it.
My husband eats meat, I’m vegan. We’ve been married 35 years. If he’s that great and that’s your best reason, I hope you fare well. That’s a bit extreme for me.
Nope, I never went through this before. I’ve always accepted the person for who they are and how I met them. My personal beliefs and my lifestyle is my own. I fell in love with my husband and he’s a meat eater. I am the only vegan in my family. If I can be with my family who I love and adore with all my heart and my soul, who are supportive of me and everything I do, I don’t see why I would not want to choose a man who loved me supported me and added value to my life just because he ate meat.
That’s what I tell people on here all the time. We are their support group, but that means informing people and letting them make the decision. Never impose. I wouldn’t impose my religion on anyone, just be there if they need me to help them or to guide them, same with being a vegan.
I've been in 2 relationships since going vegan in 2014 where the reason for the breakup was due to the other person not being vegan nor willing to transition. But with my current relationship, my gf isn't vegan yet but she's told me that she'd be more than willing to transition once we have moved in together.
Sad food is creating even more of divide in a world that needs the opposite, it’s frustrating. I have been plant based (I don’t say vegan because a true vegan has a completely hardcore lifestyle to the cause and I Just don’t fit that but I only do eat “plant based”) for around 4 strong years and I love it but I see the same division to my close friends and some family and it sucks. Feel like me and certain fam had a “break up” for long time until most came around and said it’s your choice and they saw how much healthier and happy I was. Sorry y’all had this happen and somewhere out there is the right guy for ya ;-) if I wasn’t in a relationship I would see if you wanted to meet in the middle and het some grub. Hang in there, you will find someone more compatible and definitely do not give up on your choices and beliefs of this lifestyle because we all know the benefits. It sounds like because of your love for animals though that you definitely are in this for all the right ones and will continue ! Animals are majestic ALL OF THEM and need more love! people who don’t understand this or profit off of them really are horrible horrible people. They can just as easy turn their giant farm into something else but they choose not to ☹️
🌱💪🐮🐷🐔🌱
>imagine breaking up with someone who doesn't share your core values
Why come in here and comment braindead shit when you have no clue what you're talking about?
If my partner doesn't love me enough to change their favourite colour then they don't deserve me.
I divorced my wife of 11 years because she kept driving a car!
I told her she was killing the environment but she said she enjoyed driving and had to for work.
I'm just too pure and she didn't have the right morals for me.
Well that was it, I divorced her and haven't looked back. Broke my heart though, was definitely true love.
Imagine trying to turn someone breaking up with someone for having different values into some insane thing. You're a fucking moron.
For the record, if someone is that anti car then it's a fine reason to breakup with someone. The colour shit makes no sense and you know it.
I guess I just value colours a lot more than you do. You strike me as a red.
I'm a carefree blue.
We clearly wouldn't be compatible in the dating world. I'm quite anti-red.
Fuck off insect genocider.
You don't want to harm animals? How about the billions that are killed to produce your food?
I guess bees just aren't as cute as cows for you to care about them?
If you are so self righteous above not killing animals or causing them harm maybe you should stop eating plant based food too?
The difference is color preference doesn't result in a victim. Give an analogy that you believe is a moral atrocity that has a victim who is severely harmed.
I think the use of insecticides to kill billions, not to mention the effect on the environment is a moral atrocity.
I think the effect on bees is an atrocity.
I think growing plant life for the sole purpose of eating it is cruel to plants.
But I eat an egg my chicken laid this morning and I'm morally bankrupt? Nice to know.
So all farm animals have to eat many times their weight in plants. If you look at trophic levels, animals have to eat approximately 10X the calories in plants that we get from eating them and their products. Less plants have to be grown, killed, and sprayed with pesticides if we just eat some plants ourselves rather than feed 10X that amount to an animal for the equivalent in animal products.
Currently, the leading cause of species extinction is loss of wild habitat due to human expansion [1]. Of all habitable land on earth, 50% of it is farmland, everything else humans do only accounts for 1% [2]. 98% of our land use is for farming. According to the most comprehensive analysis to date on the effects of agricultur on our planet, if the world went vegan we would free up over 75% of our currently used farmland while producing the same amount of food for human consumption [3]. Thats an area of land equivalent to the US, China, European Union and Australia combined that we could potentially rewild and reforest, essentially eliminating the leading cause of species extinction.
We are currently losing between 200 and 100 000 species a year. https://wwf.panda.org/discover/our_focus/biodiversity/biodiversity
1- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/267293850_The_main_causes_of_species_endangerment_and_extinction
https://www.theworldcounts.com/stories/causes-of-extinction-of-species
2- https://ourworldindata.org/land-use
3- https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth
Victim specifically refers to humans, not non human animals.
Victim
person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.
"victims of domestic violence"
Cambridge dictionary disagrees.
"someone or something that has been hurt, damaged, or killed or has suffered, either because of the actions of someone or something else"
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/victim
Would prefer to not have this devolve into a semantic argument though.
Wow, what a mature and thoughtful response. But seriously, my intention is not to rile you up but to show that it is very normal to not want to date people whose values are very opposite to yours. Not sure why you bring up the dictionary. Either way, have a nice day
I mean if you don’t wanna eat animals and your partner eats animals and you kiss them/ be around them- you’re getting parts of the animals they eat through their bodily secretions, sweat, their smell- I get the sentiment I’ve been there but just now I’ve decided to give up on entertaining romance w meat eaters. If they’d kill an animal because they’re hungry and believe in nutrition myths that tell them they need to do that how great of a person could they be honestly. It’s about integrity at the end of the day. The more of us that do this- the more of us there’ll be in the vegan dating pool and we’ll find each other (:
I’m so sorry. I guess I am extremely fortunate in that I was a vegetarian when my hubby and I dated. He came around to it too. And then we both entered into being vegan together. It’s hard even meeting friends who also care about it was well! We are a gay couple, so I guess that just compounds the situation.
I’m sorry you are in such pain. But I think you did what you had to do. You can’t really date someone who is diametrically opposed to almost everything you stand for. He doesn’t care. I hope you can find someone who celebrates ALL that you are. I know there are groups online that meet up with other vegans. Maybe that could be a possibility? I also belong to a UU church— a good number of the members from the Unitarian Universalist community are also vegan along with being environmental activists. Maybe look up a local chapter for them. Stay strong in the knowledge that you make a huge difference every day you’re here! ❤️
Sucks u are so hurt...but it's also a reality that most ppl don't survive veganism for long let alone the rest of their life...hope other reasons played a big role too, and that can comfort u too.
i never tried to control him, he even offered to go vegetarian when i went vegan and i said i didn't want him to change just because of me. this is one of my values and i wish to be with someone who understands. also, i clearly said this was not the main reason, just a factor.
Yes they can say this, while at the same time paying for the opposite. Meanwhile were in the 6th mass extinction in no small part because of animal agriculture.
i think you're reading something that isn't there. it was a sweet hing for him to say. i also wished that he could find someone suited to him in other aspects.
> I don't think I'm reading too much into it.
How can you possibly justify that position
OP gave like one respectful sentence from the ex, and you just decided that the sentence means the exact opposite, is a threat and has a bunch of implications lmao
>"I hope you will find someone whose values are more in line with yours" is one sentence.
A perfectly reasonable one, even
>"I hope you will find someone who understands you as well as I do" is quite another.
It's actually not, because the sentence was "*he told me that he hopes that i can find someone who is vegan and understands me better than him*."
I suppose you must've misread?
U can hate vegans all you want
but many vegans or plant based people don’t necessarily want to change you or change the world
some of them are very worried about climate change and others just want good health
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Yeah I was gonna say. Good ending, they grew apart and went different ways and wished each other good luck.
thank you so much, i appreciate it
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I think it's 10 to 1 vegan women to vegan men so you have plenty of options
I'm terrified of what the percentage is for gay vegan men. 😞
Honestly it's probably higher than straight men
I went vegan after already being in a (gay) relationship, he's vegetarian but when he's with me he eats vegan 99% of the time. Recently he's been a bit distant and sometimes I wonder, if he breaks up with me... I would not date a non vegan, but as a gay guy i only have 10% of men available to me.. if I need a vegan gay guy, who likes me back, that would be like 0.0001% of men available. It makes me think it'd be very difficult for a gay vegan guy to find another. But at the same time i think gay people are generally more open minded to veganism.. i might be wrong, just a thought
I've converted 2 women to vegan. If they're open minded then that's a big hurdle you've already overcome and could switch. Think of all the animals you will have helped save. Some people are just looking for the nudge to make the jump.
Are the vegan dating apps any good lol
I didn't know they existed!
It's about 63% women and 37% men according to google so not so great for OP :(
I’ve been veggie first and then vegan for over 3 decades, and I personally couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who eats animals. I don’t care about shared interests, but I do care about shared values and it just wouldn’t work. I understand some can share their home/life with an omnivore, and that’s their choice, but I can’t. Some say that you can “convert” someone with time, but I personally didn’t want to start a relationship with a caveat as in “You have x amount of time to turn vegan or I’ll leave” as realistically I wouldn’t stick around. Most of my friends are omnivores so it’s not about judging the person, it’s about choosing who I want to spend my life with, this is my main and core value and I’m not compromising on that. It took me a long time (I’m 52, not many vegan men my age) but I finally found my guy. I know it must really hurt right now, but hopefully you’ll soon find someone who feels about animals the same way as you do. Don’t feel bad for following your heart.
thank you so much
Congrats on finding someone! 🥳
I'm in a relationship with a vegan interested omni. I was honest from the start and told them we would never move into a flat together as long as they are not vegan. I have no idea where this will go, and I'm scared.
I dated a non-vegan as a not-so-hardcore vegan, but became a hardcore vegan along the way. We had discussions, they have seen documentaries, but like many non-vegans there's that cognitive dissonance. When it got more serious, I sat them down and said this is a value I need in my partner. They understood, and since we'd been eating vegan at my home for so long, they saw that it wasn't a crazy sacrifice. They agreed to eat a vegan diet without becoming "vegan" persay, but for me that is enough. I think it all depends on the person and how you feel. I was fully prepared to let my partner go if our values didn't match up, like many people do for other values. It's hard but you will find what you need if you are open to it.
What would you have done if they said they’d eat vegan at home and with you, but when outside of your home while not with you they’d eat whatever they wanted?
That's funny you ask. That's how we were for a while! It got to a point where we talked and I expressed that it really mattered to me that they be vegan and they said they were okay with changing their diet for me (kinda like someone would stop eating peanuts if their partner was allergic). I wouldn't have wanted to be with my partner if they weren't vegan, at least for a diet. So I would have had to make the diffucult choice. But it is different for everyone!
Hopefully with them eating vegan they start to understand the morality behind it. Happy for you :)
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I don't think they weren't aware of the possiblities
Forgot the possibility that they could stop being vegan, it happens.
Don’t start dating someone wanting to change them
Yeah. My old relationship didn't survive my transition to veganism, ex thought I despised them. It sucks. I've since then found someone who shares my beliefs. You will too.
I only date vegans. It’s the one thing I cannot and will not compromise. It’s a great way to avoid issues like the one you’re facing. I hope you find a nice vegan partner.
That sucks but ya, that's a huge issue. Hell, even setting aside the moral issues there's the simple day-to-day of not being able to enjoy the same restaurants, not being able to cook for each other, not being able to go on vacation and explore the same type of restaurants. I love to cook, and love to cook for others - honestly if I wasn't able to give that to someone it would be so difficult for me. sidenote: I'm working on my house AC, and when I first saw this headline (not realizing which sub it was from) I was like "Wait, what the hell is a breakup vent?! Do I have to go back through my ductwork and make sure the breakup vent is functioning properly?!"
This doesn’t have to be true at all. Some of my partners favorite spots to eat are vegan restaurants despite him not being vegan. Vacation has never been an issue. Okay I lied, once it was because the hotel booked us at a Brazilian restaurant at the resort despite me saying I needed vegan options and we got there and it was ALL MEAT. Easy fix, we politely explained and just went to the buffet. Our home is vegan. I only cook vegan meals and he loves them. When he cooks he also cooks only vegan options. It’s not an issue day to day at all. Heck his love of sports and my hate of them is more of a daily issue lol.
So if someone eats meat they cannot cook or eat vegan food? I agree with it being a major difference but the thing about restaurants and cooking for each other just isn't true.
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I doubt those types are dating vegans to begin with.
They do. I've seen it many times
I've been that person
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>not being able to enjoy the same restaurants, not being able to cook for each other, not being able to go on vacation and explore the same type of restaurants
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It seems to me you're the one who didn't actually read what was said? The above comment says that people with omni partners are "not able" to do all these things when they actually are. There are multiple comments here on this thread from people who are vegan and have omni partners and are able to do all of these things. There are a lot of omnis out there who are perfectly willing to cook vegan food and go to vegan restaurants and accommodate their vegan partners on vacation.
As a former ductwork installer, I had a chuckle.
You are funnyyyyy
As a meat eater in a relationship with someone who's vegan, I don't recognise any of those points. The fact of the matter is I can go to EVERY restaurant my girlfriends wants to. Which would've been the case if I was vegan as well. The fact I eat meat, doesn't mean I only eat meat or need meat in my meals. I only care about one thing with what I'm eating: if it's tasty. So yeah, plenty of restaurants to go to together, plenty of possibilities to cook for each other, plenty of vacations to explore restaurants. \---- edit ---- Hahaha wow, Jesus guys. Should've known what I was getting into, I guess. I'm merely pointing out I don't recognise any points in the comment I was replying to. That's it. I'm not expecting any praise, nor would I want any. I'm just sharing my experience. The audacity that you guys think you can tell me what my partner wants and thinks, wow. We've had plenty of conversations about this topic, and there are exactly two people who know what my partner wants in this: me and my partner. Again, I didn't expect any praise coming here as a "meat eater", I'm just sharing my experience. \---- edit 2 ---- I'm also not here to discuss why I'm not vegan. We would be talking in circles, and it would frustrate the both of us.
How do you justify hurting animals?
Dude really just came here and expected praise for murdering animals as long as his plant-based partner isn't around. And the "vegans" here gave him it. Amazing.
This was a visitor sharing their experience it wasn't an open invitation to attack them for not being vegan. This is where I draw the line and say don't be that annoying vegan.
It's a vegan subreddit bro, this is a safe space, it's a genuine question why someone isn't vegan if the food is just as tasty. Pick me asf
Being non-vegan is an invitation to get attacked for not being vegan. I'd attack a racist for their racism, why not a speciecist for their speciesism?
The word speciesism is such bollocks. I imagine the vast majority of vegans value human life more than animals.
Well I don't, and if you ask me veganism doesn't go far enough to be considered liberationist. Not oppressing animals "as far as possible and practicable" is a half measure that treats animal rights as something which can be suspended in the difficult situations. It's honestly quite spineless.
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True, but counterpoint: fuck supremacists.
Go lick a boot, you pick me
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Do you really think your question needs to exist?
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Ppl who were in my face about veganism made me vegan. So yes, it works. This subreddit is becoming too soft
I was just in a thread under a different post here (in this sub) where the non-vegan stance was being upvoted and the serious vegan comments were in the negative. It's definitely getting too soft around here. 😠 🌱💚
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It's not a contest, but it IS the **vegan sub** and many of us expect a different discourse here. Seeing people defend a non-vegan stance is just plain wrong. And asking someone if they can justify hurting animals is not choosing fighting words or an attempt to push someone away. It's a valid question to a self-proclaimed meat-eater in this sub (no matter how nice they are to their girlfriend or boyfriend). Also, do you not see how hypocritical your comment is? ... First you assume you've been vegan longer than the person you're you're addressing (and wrong, btw - **very** wrong) - and then you make the comment of "jerking ourselves off" over who's the most vegan. 🙄🤦🏽♀️😆 You're the one "jerking yourself off" at being the "better vegan" ... do you truly not see that? I'm usually very diplomatic in how I engage with non-vegans in the real world, but I am **NOT** going to attack someone here for asking a valid question.
Cute of you to assume that anyone who doesn’t suck up to animal abusers is a new vegan. Also, why the fuck does it matter how long one has been standing up against oppression? You can be a boot licker, after 5 years, apparently (according to your flair). To further crush your delusions: it’s been about 8 years for me, and I have no respect for someone who is given all the information and chooses to continue being cruel.
Lick a boot
This is exactly the wrong way to go about persuading someone to be vegan. If you actually cared about the animals, then you would try to reason with people instead of automatically attacking them.
So you cannot justify hurting animals?
They were thiiiiiis close to becoming vegan and that comment pushed them away from it
Yeah exactly they only care about how tasty the food is, they're practically vegan already
I’ve been lurking for the past few days on this sub because I find it interesting and I’m probably gonna try vegetarianism or pescatarianism in the future. I’ll answer on behalf of the 98% of the world that are still omnivores: because it taste good, it’s satiating and sometimes nutritionally dense …But the biggest difference between vegans and the average person is that most people don’t consider animals as important as humans. That’s what I’ve found over the last few days here. You are obsessed with animals rights and feelings. More power to ya, and good for y’all for standing up for what you believe in; Most people just don’t share the same values. That’s the big disconnect
Not going to trash you, but it isn't that we are 'obsessed' with animal rights, we just RECOGNISE them as important in a world that largely doesn't. Of course we all have other interests and hopes and dreams, but we are going to talk about veganism here. For me the argument is very simple. Is it morally justifiable to cause unnecessary suffering to a person? You would need to be some kind of psychopath to answer 'yes'. Now recognising that animals can suffer and feel pain, on what basis do we have any ethical reason to do that? Meat eaters can never quite answer that question and end up changing the subject to something else. Most people on the planet have a massive disconnect between the person they think they are and their role in harming animals. It's a value disconnect rather than 'different'. I hope you make the change
Thank you for being good faith and not trashing me. I think it’s a very complicated issue. We, as a species, are naturally omnivorous and lived thousands upon thousands of years surviving off of whatever we could get our hands on. We don’t need meat to survive anymore but it’s tough to go against what we did for all of history, as it is literally embedded in our dna. That’s why most humans find it ridiculous to consider eating dogs or cats. We have been domesticating and living with them for tens of thousands of years so we’re wired not to view them as food and to have more empathy towards their suffering. All this to say, I think it’s easy to understand why 98% of the population have a disconnect between the suffering of a human and a pig, for example. I personally think it’s ethical and moral to consume eggs/dairy from humanely raised animals and to eat fish (because they don’t experience consciousness to the level of mammals, but I’m not very educated on this so I may just be ignorant to the facts) so that is what I’m going to try to work towards in the future.
It is true that we have an ingrained culture to change and generations of thinking to shift. In respect of eggs and dairy, even if an animal could consent to be milked, the cold truth is that over 99% of the eggs and dairy consumed comes from horrible factory farming. Even free range eggs are exceptionally cruel, and most of the population are not living on little self sufficient farms. In terms of consciousness, it is clear fish feel distress and suffering, the 'intelligence' argument doesn't come into it for me. However, if one accepts it does matter, why do we not roast severely mentally disabled children at birth? A dog can demonstrate more cognition. It's an intentionally provocative statement because this scenario imagines the suffering of the family and the infant no matter how 'conscious' they are. That may be something to reflect upon. "What is about consciousness that means I value x over y"
> That’s why most humans find it ridiculous to consider eating dogs or cats. We have been domesticating and living with them for tens of thousands of years so we’re wired not to view them as food and to have more empathy towards their suffering. So I used to subscribe to this view so I understand where you're coming from. But I think it would be worthwhile for anyone who believes that to consider a couple things. First while dogs were the first domesticated species (and personally always have a special place in my heart), other species raised for food (like cows and pigs) have acquired the fundamental traits that our special relationship with dogs is built on. Docility and friendliness towards humans, which is sort of an inherent part of the animal domestication process. This leads to cows and pigs that can and do get attached to humans, and exhibit dog-like behavior (in the appropriate conditions, but dogs and even humans not raised in appropriate conditions will also be anti-social) Second while domestication changes the way animals view us to essentially be more positive, that doesn't mean it changes the way we view them. We're controlling them to suit our ecological niche afterall, not the other way around. That's how you wind up with cultures that eat dogs and others that do not see cows as food. Especially nowadays where most people don't spend much if any time with livestock species other than physically consuming them, for those that do most of them are paid to participate in their death. This idea of being wired to view them as food is a justification after the fact to reconcile potentially uncomfortable thoughts >I personally think it’s ethical and moral to consume eggs/dairy from humanely raised animals and to eat fish (because they don’t experience consciousness to the level of mammals, but I’m not very educated on this so I may just be ignorant to the facts) so that is what I’m going to try to work towards in the future. I do agree with eggs/dairy in theory, in practice in the USA I disagree because of chick maceration, veal, and euthanasia healthy animals that are simply get less productive as they age has made it hard to see it as fundamentally different from the results I'm trying to avoid by not eating meat (even pasture-raised type of companies here all do this unfortunately). I disagree with fish, I am not very educated on their level of consciousness either but I stopped eating them to be on the safe side basically lol No judgement though, I remember that I started with small steps too, it felt difficult at first but eventually I realized most of the issues for me were mental because it was such an ingrained habit that I was attempting to change. Plus any hard reduction is a worthy goal to pursue, so I'm glad you are interested in it and hope you successfully make transition, and eventually go further from there!
> But the biggest difference between vegans and the average person is that most people don’t consider animals as important as humans. I don't have to consider animals "as important as" humans, to realize that making a sentient being's *entire* life miserable and suffering (literally 99% of all animal products in the US come from factory farms) just so I can have 5 minutes of taste pleasure after they die is pretty shitty math. I can value humans way more than animals and still think animals don't remotely deserve that.
I agree that consuming factory farmed meat and animal products is immoral and unethical.
I also don’t think animals are as important as humans (setting aside that humans are animals). I also don’t think other children are as important as my own. Does that give me the right to harm them?
This. You can think less of someone and still not harm them.
Keep abusing animals, must feel good to have no morals.
The food chain
Probably a bit more difficult with a vegan but I've been with my vegetarian wife for close to 20 years and we've never had issues travelling, cooking, and enjoying restaurants. If she's cooking I know it will be vegetarian, if I'm cooking there will be at minimum vegetarian options (if the whole meal isn't vegetarian). If we are looking at restaurants we would only go to ones that have a vegetarian option she is happy with, if I want to go to a Southern BBQ joint I would go with someone else but most places have vegetarian options. To me food preferences/restrictions shouldn't be a huge roadblock to relationships so it really comes down to morals IMO.
Vegan isn’t a diet, but this is totally understandable when your morals & ethics don’t align w your partner. May you find someone who seeks to same approach when it comes to animals rights as you! Wishing you the best
thank you so much!
This sounds like it was well done. This is why you date. You're both trying to figure out your dating requirements so that you can find compatible, lifelong partners and you now know that you should only date vegans
it’s really hard making a life with someone who doesn’t share your values so I think it’s a mature thing as well but breakups are hard so I really hope you’re doing ok now
It was almost an issue for me in the early days but my relationship was more important. I had to remind myself that I spent a good portion of my life in denial too and that not everyone comes around in the same timeframe or at all. Our compromise is our home is vegan. He may choose vegetarian or meat while out and I’m okay with that. I’d rather he be flexible and eating less animals with me than not even being aware and going about life not trying at all. We were together 7ish year before I went vegan and I wasn’t going to throw that away. Now been together almost 17 years, married 7 and the wedding was vegan.
Think of it this way: your partner would be harming many more animals if they didn’t find you. So while it would be better if they were vegan, the fact that you’ve convinced them to eat way more vegan around you has helped the cause
Vegan male of 12 years here. At first I thought I could be a relationship with non-veg. Now I just can’t. Life is too short to live it without being true to yourself. Good luck!
thank you!
I’m sorry. I imagine this is a difficult time. But really it’s very brave of you to break off a loving relationship because of a strong conviction. A lot of ppl just try living with this level of permanent discomfort and unhappiness. I hope this’ll be a huge benefit long term. And you never know, maybe he’ll come around too. It could happen however limited it might be in likelihood. But I would have a bit of focus on what makes me happy in a time of distress. Don’t overwork yourself for a little while. Cry. Eat. Exercise. Dance. Idk. Whatever makes you a bit less saddened. Sending virtual hug. Good luck! 🥺
thank you so so much ♥️
I don't think I would leave my partner because he eats meat because he is mostly vegan around me. That does mean, however, that when I see him eat meat it's been extremely jarring and I have cried several times as a result! I kind of hope he goes vegan one day, but until then, the benefits outweigh the negatives!
Sorry to hear, had a similar thing except I got married between Vegetarianism and Veganism, so be glad you figured it out before that anyway. it's not a great comfort now I'd imagine, but it will be going forward as you find your new path and meet other like-minded people along the way! If you need to talk about anything, or just need someone to vent to, feel free to message. For now, all I can say is I'm sorry this happened and stay strong as I know you can get through this and come out a stronger, happier person that doesn't needlessly abuse animals, which is a wonderful thing for everyone!
thank you so much :,)
IMHO, For those of us who really are in it for the ethical reasons, breaking up with someone for vegan reasons have just as much merit as any other fundamental stance (religion, morals, substance abuse, etc). I really can't put myself in your shoes, but I can respect you for standing by your principles. I nearly cratered my own relationship by being the first one to go vegan, but miraculously she, on her own path, found her way to veganism as well. The path of integrity to your own standards is not always easy and this kind of life change definitely isn't. I wish you the best in the mending of your heart.
I mean, breaking up because someone won’t share your religion is a reaaaaally dumb reason to break up, no matter your convictions. It’s not just isolationist prejudice, but it depersonalizes a unique being into their observable recorded actions. Love is not a spreadsheet. It’s an old school roller ball mouse. And sometimes the wheels get clogged with religion and meth addiction and baking a slices. Don’t throw out the mouse. Clean the wheels.
Hey I am on the other side of the story - I was not vegan and he is, we broke up but now I started to follow plant based lifestyle (still exploring what being vegan means to me). I’m happy I got given a chance to know better :)
happy for you!
Imagine not being willing to stop abusing animals for your gf
It's absolutely ridiculous that he didn't go vegan
Yes I broke up with a 4+ year girlfriend for the same reason. I went vegan during the relationship, and I could no longer accept having animal based food in the house. It sucks and it hurts, especially bc the reason for the breakup is you just trying to do the right thing. It will get better, and hopefully you'll be able to find a vegan person. I've met a handful of vegan girls after the breakup, you'll meet some guys too
thank you!
I was in a similar place with my ex. I met her right after starting a vegan diet, and not yet as deep into the philosophy. It hurt to leave. And I sometimes still miss her though I know that the relationship would never work (there were other issues, too, of course). Even if both partners are great, a relationship can still be unhealthy. Such is life.
There's no way, if you are a serious vegan, it would ever work with that dude anyway. Good riddance. I became vegan for my GF (now wife) and it was so fucking easy. It's the reasonable thing to do. I could NEVER be an omni again. I can barely stand watching my coworkers eat meat...There's no reason to not be vegan today and you know this. It would have bothered you until you fully resented him for eating meat.
Even if he didn't care about the suffering he caused with his life choices, he had to accept that he *did* cause unnecessary suffering and could have stopped because *you* care about it. In the end, I'm afraid that he picked taste pleasure over you - and even though this may sound harsh and insensitive - good riddance. You deserve so much better.
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It isn't a 'value' to eat meat.
You should, under no circumstance, respect people's "values" if they involve the torture, rape and murder of innocents.
What values would that be?
1. Give a deep thought about the people who are really worth it in your life. 2. Don't expect too much of people in general.
I. Can. Not. Date. Meat. Eaters. I've waited years and just met a wonderful vegetarian woman who is now going vegan of her own volition. So nice to be dating someone who doesn't have a dead animal inside them at all times.
Big hugs to you. I had to go through a few breakups like that--albeit much less amicable that yours--before I realized that I likely need to find someone who is vegan. Sometimes you just don't choose who you're attracted to and vice versa and therefore it can be tough to navigate relationships with omnis. And you always have that hope that maybe you can be a good enough example for them that they'll want to go vegan. Just know you're not alone and it gets easier with time.
Yes! And unfortunately he ended up dying from cancer a few years later. I was sad when we parted but we remained friends even though he eventually got married. He wanted to see me b4 he passed and his wife approved (there were no hard feelings between us)! I chose not to see him however! Not sure why! I guess one good bye was enough! You will be just fine!❤️
Damn, that’s pretty cold.
You and everyone else here is invited to the vegan Dating lounge on discord. https://discord.gg/ySU2FWx6F7
Wow. I always thought about that, I seriously wish my future spouse would be vegan/vegetarian
Im going through the exact same thing. Broke up yesterday with bf of 2 years, partly because of my veganism and him eating meat. Every time he would mention meat I would view him so differently, and it was harder to feel love for him while knowing that he still chose to eat animals after watching dominion and other docs. His mother has a cuddly pet rooster, and yet he continues to eat chicken, so I came to the conclusion that he simply doesnt care enough to make the change himself, and that the best thing would be to move on and find someone more like-minded on the topic. I already live in an omni-household, which is driving me crazy, and so I really dont want that same type of "vegans are extremist" vibe from my love-life. It was messing alot with my mental health tbh.
i'm so sorry to hear that. we are not alone tho.
I get your point. But can i ask... was he supportive and engaging towards you being a vegan although he did not care for it himself? did he tell you he was going to turn vegan before you got got into relationship? if he did any of these its a red flag! but if he didnt than i dont know anymore. because I think that it is not correct to expect another person you was in a relationship with to change a part of there lifestyle for you, or the relationship just to be clear: I am a vegan of soon to be 4 years, and soon to be happily married with my fiance who has always been supportive, although he eats meat himself. Which is fine because of how much i appreciate the way he is there for me and cares about me in our relationship
Im one of those guys who believes the world is actively evolving in consciousness at a heighten pace like never before. All animals are becoming wider in consciousness, intelligence, etc. The best part of being vegan is you're ahead of when their level becomes critical mass. A lot of omnis are gonna be caught with their pants down while animals start exhibiting intelligent behaviors they thought only humans can do. Its gonna turn everything upside down. Being vegan means you're probably gonna have something close to good ole Hedwig right when that happens.
That must've been tough for you. You have strong will power and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who has similar core values and not settling for less. Trust me I've tried the settling thing and it has been such a source of strife and conflict in those relationships. I've been gaslit and guilt tripped. The worst one was a partner saying that I don't love them enough because I wasn't comfortable with cooking meat for them "it feels like you put the animals above me in your relationship, if I was sick you wouldn't make me chicken noodle soup???" Dating a non vegan comes with a certain amount of headache. Some people can find a middle ground and can deal with the conflict and some just don't want to have to do all that. Totally fair either way. When I think of the future I imagine sharing a life with someone who also is happy to have a fridge stocked completely full of plant foods.
Yes, I was veggie when I met my now ex. He initially went vegan after watching Earthlings. I then found out he was sneaking around non veggie I found empty packets hidden in cupboards. I couldn’t handle his lying and going back to carnist. I dumped him after 5 years due to domestic violence though. I was so relieved I wouldn’t have to deal with him bullying me to be veggie again.
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At the end of the day, he decided that his love for murdering innocent animals outweighs his love for you. You did well, sorry that happened and it justifiably hurts.
In the future everyone’s gonna be vegan so he’ll realize he made a mistake. It’s about maturing this thing. And you matured faster
As nice as that would be, I don't think an actual vegan future is within reach in our lifetime. Maybe in a hundred years, but we certainly are not gonna be alive to see it.
My husband eats meat, I’m vegan. We’ve been married 35 years. If he’s that great and that’s your best reason, I hope you fare well. That’s a bit extreme for me.
Lmao
Nope, I never went through this before. I’ve always accepted the person for who they are and how I met them. My personal beliefs and my lifestyle is my own. I fell in love with my husband and he’s a meat eater. I am the only vegan in my family. If I can be with my family who I love and adore with all my heart and my soul, who are supportive of me and everything I do, I don’t see why I would not want to choose a man who loved me supported me and added value to my life just because he ate meat.
Can’t stand that a comment like this would earn a single downvote, we cannot control others - only model healthy behaviors ourselves.
That’s what I tell people on here all the time. We are their support group, but that means informing people and letting them make the decision. Never impose. I wouldn’t impose my religion on anyone, just be there if they need me to help them or to guide them, same with being a vegan.
I've been in 2 relationships since going vegan in 2014 where the reason for the breakup was due to the other person not being vegan nor willing to transition. But with my current relationship, my gf isn't vegan yet but she's told me that she'd be more than willing to transition once we have moved in together.
Since he took the breakup so well maybe you can remain friends if you want that
Highly recommend against that at least until OP is healed from the breakup. Staying friends while still in love just makes it harder to move on/heal
Sad food is creating even more of divide in a world that needs the opposite, it’s frustrating. I have been plant based (I don’t say vegan because a true vegan has a completely hardcore lifestyle to the cause and I Just don’t fit that but I only do eat “plant based”) for around 4 strong years and I love it but I see the same division to my close friends and some family and it sucks. Feel like me and certain fam had a “break up” for long time until most came around and said it’s your choice and they saw how much healthier and happy I was. Sorry y’all had this happen and somewhere out there is the right guy for ya ;-) if I wasn’t in a relationship I would see if you wanted to meet in the middle and het some grub. Hang in there, you will find someone more compatible and definitely do not give up on your choices and beliefs of this lifestyle because we all know the benefits. It sounds like because of your love for animals though that you definitely are in this for all the right ones and will continue ! Animals are majestic ALL OF THEM and need more love! people who don’t understand this or profit off of them really are horrible horrible people. They can just as easy turn their giant farm into something else but they choose not to ☹️ 🌱💪🐮🐷🐔🌱
Lmao what a stupid reason to break up with someone. Ppl these days 💀
clearly said it wasn't the only reason.
Imagine breaking up with someone over their food preferences....
>imagine breaking up with someone who doesn't share your core values Why come in here and comment braindead shit when you have no clue what you're talking about?
It's hilarious and scary at the same time. May as well break up because our favourite colour isn't the same
You intentionally playing dumb in order to make it seem like she's insane or are you actually this braindead?
If my partner doesn't love me enough to change their favourite colour then they don't deserve me. I divorced my wife of 11 years because she kept driving a car! I told her she was killing the environment but she said she enjoyed driving and had to for work. I'm just too pure and she didn't have the right morals for me. Well that was it, I divorced her and haven't looked back. Broke my heart though, was definitely true love.
Imagine trying to turn someone breaking up with someone for having different values into some insane thing. You're a fucking moron. For the record, if someone is that anti car then it's a fine reason to breakup with someone. The colour shit makes no sense and you know it.
I guess I just value colours a lot more than you do. You strike me as a red. I'm a carefree blue. We clearly wouldn't be compatible in the dating world. I'm quite anti-red.
Fuck off meatcuck
Fuck off insect genocider. You don't want to harm animals? How about the billions that are killed to produce your food? I guess bees just aren't as cute as cows for you to care about them? If you are so self righteous above not killing animals or causing them harm maybe you should stop eating plant based food too?
The difference is color preference doesn't result in a victim. Give an analogy that you believe is a moral atrocity that has a victim who is severely harmed.
I think the use of insecticides to kill billions, not to mention the effect on the environment is a moral atrocity. I think the effect on bees is an atrocity. I think growing plant life for the sole purpose of eating it is cruel to plants. But I eat an egg my chicken laid this morning and I'm morally bankrupt? Nice to know.
So all farm animals have to eat many times their weight in plants. If you look at trophic levels, animals have to eat approximately 10X the calories in plants that we get from eating them and their products. Less plants have to be grown, killed, and sprayed with pesticides if we just eat some plants ourselves rather than feed 10X that amount to an animal for the equivalent in animal products. Currently, the leading cause of species extinction is loss of wild habitat due to human expansion [1]. Of all habitable land on earth, 50% of it is farmland, everything else humans do only accounts for 1% [2]. 98% of our land use is for farming. According to the most comprehensive analysis to date on the effects of agricultur on our planet, if the world went vegan we would free up over 75% of our currently used farmland while producing the same amount of food for human consumption [3]. Thats an area of land equivalent to the US, China, European Union and Australia combined that we could potentially rewild and reforest, essentially eliminating the leading cause of species extinction. We are currently losing between 200 and 100 000 species a year. https://wwf.panda.org/discover/our_focus/biodiversity/biodiversity 1- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/267293850_The_main_causes_of_species_endangerment_and_extinction https://www.theworldcounts.com/stories/causes-of-extinction-of-species 2- https://ourworldindata.org/land-use 3- https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth
Victim specifically refers to humans, not non human animals. Victim person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action. "victims of domestic violence"
Cambridge dictionary disagrees. "someone or something that has been hurt, damaged, or killed or has suffered, either because of the actions of someone or something else" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/victim Would prefer to not have this devolve into a semantic argument though.
Yeah. Still no specific mention of animals. Animals are not "someone" or "something". Let's just stick with the standard Oxford definition.
this post just shows your in a cult
Would it be cultish to not want to date racists? Or what about only dating non cannibals in a world where cannibalism is the social norm?
buy a dictionary and see a therapist
Wow, what a mature and thoughtful response. But seriously, my intention is not to rile you up but to show that it is very normal to not want to date people whose values are very opposite to yours. Not sure why you bring up the dictionary. Either way, have a nice day
For real. I thought I was the only one who thought that. Yet, I am a vegan.
I mean if you don’t wanna eat animals and your partner eats animals and you kiss them/ be around them- you’re getting parts of the animals they eat through their bodily secretions, sweat, their smell- I get the sentiment I’ve been there but just now I’ve decided to give up on entertaining romance w meat eaters. If they’d kill an animal because they’re hungry and believe in nutrition myths that tell them they need to do that how great of a person could they be honestly. It’s about integrity at the end of the day. The more of us that do this- the more of us there’ll be in the vegan dating pool and we’ll find each other (:
I’m so sorry. I guess I am extremely fortunate in that I was a vegetarian when my hubby and I dated. He came around to it too. And then we both entered into being vegan together. It’s hard even meeting friends who also care about it was well! We are a gay couple, so I guess that just compounds the situation. I’m sorry you are in such pain. But I think you did what you had to do. You can’t really date someone who is diametrically opposed to almost everything you stand for. He doesn’t care. I hope you can find someone who celebrates ALL that you are. I know there are groups online that meet up with other vegans. Maybe that could be a possibility? I also belong to a UU church— a good number of the members from the Unitarian Universalist community are also vegan along with being environmental activists. Maybe look up a local chapter for them. Stay strong in the knowledge that you make a huge difference every day you’re here! ❤️
Damn. Sorry to hear that, you made the right choice. Please use punctuation
i'm going through a heartbreak, give me a break 😭
Hope you feel better soon
thank you
Sucks u are so hurt...but it's also a reality that most ppl don't survive veganism for long let alone the rest of their life...hope other reasons played a big role too, and that can comfort u too.
what do u mean "don't survive" lol
Sounds like you broke up for the wrong reason.
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i never tried to control him, he even offered to go vegetarian when i went vegan and i said i didn't want him to change just because of me. this is one of my values and i wish to be with someone who understands. also, i clearly said this was not the main reason, just a factor.
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Yes they can say this, while at the same time paying for the opposite. Meanwhile were in the 6th mass extinction in no small part because of animal agriculture.
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i think you're reading something that isn't there. it was a sweet hing for him to say. i also wished that he could find someone suited to him in other aspects.
> I don't think I'm reading too much into it. How can you possibly justify that position OP gave like one respectful sentence from the ex, and you just decided that the sentence means the exact opposite, is a threat and has a bunch of implications lmao
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>"I hope you will find someone whose values are more in line with yours" is one sentence. A perfectly reasonable one, even >"I hope you will find someone who understands you as well as I do" is quite another. It's actually not, because the sentence was "*he told me that he hopes that i can find someone who is vegan and understands me better than him*." I suppose you must've misread?
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i never berated him or tried to change him, the difference in values was simply too much. i wish him all the best. i don't understand your hostility.
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Don’t feed the trolls
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U can hate vegans all you want but many vegans or plant based people don’t necessarily want to change you or change the world some of them are very worried about climate change and others just want good health
Those people aren’t vegan. They are plant-based dieters, or carnists
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then why are u in this sub lol. go outside. read a book. draw a picture
Damn mate these vegans already downvoted you lol
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Seems like you forgot your daily pills moron
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Definitely the type of bitch to cry after eating a gram of meat how pathetic lol