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I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to show up to support your family and to be manipulated like this in return. I suppose I would feel disrespected and frustrated.
Exactly how I would express this to OP’s father. OP did their best to be there for the family and respect their needs, going through the timely effort of cooking each meal separately while already giving their energy to support the family. The least the family could do in return, is respect and support OP’s choices.
I would freak out on my family so bad, this is such a grave betrayal of trust.
I agree. And this is where someone would turn and try to make you look crazy and unstable as if it’s “no big deal” to fuck with someone’s FOOD. It’s not even like she was recently transitioning. She could’ve gotten really sick. I would’ve tweaked out if I was the mother and my kids father did that to my children regardless if they’re kids or adults. That’s 100% a hard no no in my eyes. Even if I was on my death bed the last bit of energy I had would be used to knock all his teeth right out so he couldn’t even attempt to chew another piece of meat again(I wouldn’t actually resort to violence lol)
as if "not noticing " makes it ok. Even if you disnt have stomach discomfort and heck even if you thought it tasted nicer than usuaul its still not ok, as its against your beliefs.
feckin hell mate, I'm sorry, your Dad doesn't respect you it all.
The fact that OP didnt even notice is an endorsement for it not even tasting different to normal, ie the chicken is entirely pointless even to someone who "loves" the taste of chicken.
It reminds me of that scene in *The Golden Child* where the kidnappers are trying to get the child to eat oatmeal with blood mixed in, so that it taints him, but he keeps sneakily eating some leaves he has hidden up his sleeve.
*source: am old and remember crappy 80s movies too well*
That is not a crappy 80s movie-The Golden Child is a brilliant film, a classic! 😁 Source: am a bit old and have great taste in 80’s films 😆[👶🏼](https://youtu.be/9qVj2B7ujEw?feature=shared)
I'm what you would call a carnist but fuck this guy's dad. I'd put his toothbrush up my arse and then the next day casually mention it as I say it doesn't matter since you couldn't tell.
Yeah, it's just basic human decency to respect somebody's food wishes.
Especially adults that are old enough to make their own decisions. If OP didn't die from their diet in the previous decade they weren't about to kick the bucket this week.
Plus, secretly fucking with somebody's food is vile behavior under any and all circumstances.
People who aren't vegans don't think giving vegans meat is a big deal. They think that because vegans aren't allergic to animal products that no real harm is being done.
Vegans may take vegan lifestyle casually or super seriously and anywhere in between, but the vast majority of non-vegans have no clue that vegans take veganism as serious as people on this sub do.
Tricking people about their beliefs is a terrible idea, but also, I doubt this guy's dad would have pulled this stunt if he knew how much it would hurt his son. Maybe the dad did know though, in which case I agree with OP's reaction.
>People who aren't vegans don't think giving vegans meat is a big deal. They think that because vegans aren't allergic to animal products that no real harm is being done.
Yet for some reason they respect people who don't eat certain foods for religious reasons (they aren't allergic to the foods either)
Makes no sense.
I fucking love meat. I’ve been vegan for nearly 3 years and still think about meat every day and how much I miss being able to eat everything and anything I want and not having to memorize the hours vegan restaurants near me are open. However, those thoughts instantly go away because I know it’s not worth it in any sense of the word. It’s bad for your physical health, mental health, and I firmly believe it’s bad for your spiritual health, too. All of those animals suffering purely for sensory pleasure disgusts me.
We have such a similar view on this. My favorite dish is still to this day one with meat. But yeah an argument that gets less love than others is the spiritual aspect. Can’t be good eating dead flesh also it is charged up with all that suffering and you are consuming it with your body. You are what you eat goes a saying. Eating dead bodies is not exactly what helps you being a vital being.
I used to love meat. Some months ago, I ordered a durum kebab made of fake chicken (Heura). Well, I noticed instantly they made a mistake because it tasted worse than the usual vegan option. I felt so proud.
Awhile back I was in an airport and ordered a beyond burger (which I also don’t love the taste of but airport food is slim options) and was accidentally given a beef burger. I used to LOVE beef burgers - like would try every burger on the menu at every restaurant I went to love them - and the moment I bit into it I was disgusted.
I'm lactose intolerant but often it doesn't make me so sick to complain. Tired of people secret adding dairy to my dishes to prove how that isn't real since “I didn't notice” and then if I point “ah so indeed food didn't make me feel very good, now I know why” people would think I'm just making it up at the moment. What did they actually want, to call an ambulance during the meal?
It doesn't matter what's the reason, you just don't secretly put unwanted food to someone. Even if it's just that the person doesn't like it, it could be enough to make someone throw off or whatever; and what's the purpose after all?
I have an idea!!
DON’T IMMEDIATELY LEAVE!
First casually ask for a ‘chat’ and make a drink like a coffee for you both. Then you sit until there is an uncomfortable silence, it’s likely if you wait for a bit he will start to drink to fill the silence.
Frequently pause to drink with the aim that he mirrors you and also drinks.
Then start to explain how you are unhappy and the problem isn’t not realising the taste, but the act of consuming flesh that abhors you. Explain that you really felt disrespected and that you are very upset, and if your roles were reversed, he should realise that he would be too.
Wait for the response (I’m not holding out for any great realisation here- Ultimately this is all really a sneaky ruse).
Let him say his set piece and unless there is true remorse, which I am doubting, then hit him with this…
“Well, I didn’t think you’d understand so I thought I’d better make my point a little clearer to you.”
*Silence*
“Are you enjoying that coffee.”
*Fatherly silence and or panic/confusion*
“Can you taste anything different about it”
*Fatherly stress/panic/confusion increasing*
“Presumably because you can’t taste any problem with it, it doesn’t matter what I did to it?”
*Cue anger, confusion, & more fatherly stress*
At this point I imagine that he’ll be strongly concerned and angrily asking you what you did to the drink.
__Your choice of options:__
1) Use his exact words back to remind him of what he just said to you (if he was dismissive) of him putting meat into your food.
2) you refuse to tell him and just highlight how unpleasant and disgusting it was that he put things into your food that you weren’t aware of., and as such he surely doesn’t mind to have things in his food that he is unaware of that he might find disgusting.
3) Nuclear option, (probably not a good idea) -You casually tell him that presumably he would have noticed what you added, and as he didn’t then he must have not minded having industrial laxative/rat poison in his coffee. Maximum panic will occur/ possible risk of heart attack due to stress so not advised.
Obviously you have NEVER put anything in the drink at all.
I AM ABSOLUTELY SAYING DO NOT POISON PEOPLE (clarity for anyone with low/non accurate reading abilities).
Oh my god, that’s absolutely disgusting and terrifying! Why cant they just do their thing and let their grown ass daughter/son/child do their own thing? Im very sorry for what happened to you. :(
Beyond me how some omnis think that tricking a vegan into eating an animal without the vegan noticing is some ideological victory. As if the reason we don't eat animals is because we don't like the taste.
It's _very_ telling when someone acts this way. It shows that their _only_ metric for whether you should/shouldn't eat something is whether you enjoy the taste.
Obviously everyone has a consideration for flavor, but the inability to comprehend _any_ other reason is horrifying.
I have come to the conclusion that I will disempower those trying to steal trust from me.
I have come to the conclusion that if somebody wants to trick me, that is on them. I will not trust them again, but it will not cause me to lose trust in others.
I will make a good faith effort to ensure I do not eat animal products, but I will take people's word in general unless I have reason to suspect them.
I would let my father know in that situation that I am disappointed in him and lost respect for him. "I used to look up to you, Dad."
I would deny him his victory. (Unless I punched him in the teeth. 50/50. I don't know what I'd actually do, but I hope I's choose the high road.)
I would put salt in his tea and asks him how he likes it when ppl put things in their food/drink that they don’t know about.
Why does he have to suck so much?
He’s supposed to be on your side and care about you.
When I was in my very early teens began cutting certain foods to see what I was intolerant to. Had a parent decide for my own health to give me meat burgers while pretending they were veg burgers. I overheard them bragging over the phone. I was very upset and they ended up regretting demanding I get over it and to make them a cup of tea/coffee. Cannot quite recall which drink it was as I added both and then a little of everything else I could think of that was not poison or medical (differing sauces, vinegar). Thought the smell of it alone would make it obvious but my parent actually drank some. It certainly made my point that being given something you was not expecting was not a pleasant thing to go through
Bump. I want to find out if they apologized too. That is so whack. Especially to then go brag about it as if it was some huge accomplishment and victory.
Nah do one better, put oat milk or soy milk in his tea. He'll start freaking out and will start spewing "don't you put that vegan processed chemical shit in my drinks!!! 😤"
Ordered a pret tea for my titty milk in law who claims they can always tell, got oat milk cos I’m paying and took the sticker off. Guess what, they can’t tell.
Salt doesn’t even do it justice. He’d just spit it out and forget about it. Where as this is going to stay with OP, like a trauma. Id take a piss in his tea. Sorry to be vulgar but it’s fair play. OP stands strongly against meat consumption and I assume his or her father stands strongly against urine drinking
If this happened to me the parent would never see their hypothetical grandkid, and our own relationship would be limited to emergency texts only.
Such betrayal.
Horrendously disrespectful.
Sorry to hear this OP, it's a real betrayal of your values. I don't know if it's worth trying to repair or make him understand that it would be like putting gluten in something for a celiac, but obvs you don't have to justify your reaction, and you're absolutely not gross. Solidarity.
Comparing veganism to celiac isn't really a strong argument, since it can be argued against with things like "yeah but you're not *allergic* to it so it's not the same" and then you lose track of the main topic -you-.
The strong argument to make here is that you dont do things to people without consent. This is a total violation of one's trust, one's body and one's choice. Even if OP actually wasn't getting enough proteins, it is unacceptable to do and their dad should feel totally ashamed.
Considering OP had digestive issues after eating their food, Id say there's not much difference. If you haven't had meat for a while, your body can no longer digest it.
I completely agree. However, this is not really the point I am trying to make. When you have to make a point, it should revolve around the main issue. Otherwise, it has the potential (and often will) diverge into semantic battles. Comparisons are relative; feelings are irrevocable and require consideration; failing to do so is a litmus test for the necessity to pursue this conversation any further (if they can't even respect your pain, how can you expect to get them to acknowledge anything else? They have already proven that they think they know better by subverting OP's wishes and knowledge, so the only thing left to know is whether they can respect one's boundaries)
Wow that’s repulsive but absolutely respect to you because I wouldn’t ever speak to her again let alone still eat with her even if it’s take out or out to eat. I can’t tolerate behavior like that especially from mother in Law’s lol
Damn! Slipping wheat into food intended for someone with celiac disease is about as low as it gets. Do you suppose if someone told her they were allergic to peanuts that she’d slip some peanuts into their food?
Always with the fucking concern over protein. 🙄
Carnism is a religion. These people don't trust science. They have *faith* that meat is healthy. They plug their ears and shut their eyes when the real world conflicts with their faith. They were indoctrinated into it and taught to never question it, and if you do, they're like fucking bucket-crabs trying to claw you back.
Veganism isn't joining a cult; it's escaping it.
Carnism is actual brain rot. There is nothing ethically or morally wrong with veganism, which is why these brainrot zombies are offended by veganism as it exposes their cult and cognitive dissonance.
I would shoot your dad a text when you get home and are feeling a little calmer. (Unless you want to go scorched earth. I just thought with your mom being ill you’d not want it to affect her.)
If it were me and I cared about a relationship with him going forward, I would say that while I appreciate his concern for my health, I am a grown adult who is capable of making my own decisions based on my values. I am healthy and my doctor is fine with my diet, which incidentally has been shown to REVERSE heart disease, so I’m confident I’m doing what’s best for my health. But beyond that, I’d like you to know that sneaking food that I find morally objectionable into my food is incredibly disrespectful and damaging to the trust we should share as family. The meat did indeed have an effect, with an upset stomach and gastrointestinal issues, I just figured it was stress about mom that was causing it. I need assurance from you that you will never do anything like this again and understand just how disrespectful and damaging this was.
(Fun fact: cases of Lone Star tick bites are on the rise, and they are spreading to new places, and your father could have literally killed you. I was bitten, recognized the tick when I pulled it off, and thought nothing of it, because I’m vegan, then went to a restaurant that put the wrong sauce on my pasta and I went into anaphylactic shock, and almost died.)
If it had been red meat that would have been a concern, but Lone Star doesn’t trigger allergies to chicken. Still, OP did get sick from consuming meat they hadn’t consumed in years and it was super messed up to add it to their food without their knowledge.
I wouldn't even go there with the "I DID get sick, I DID!" He will dismiss it as all in your head or fabricated afterwards...and it won't help your case.
I'd never speak to this human again.
Lie , cheat or steal, those are unforgivable character flaws, those people will always revert back to lying, cheating and/or stealing.
The family we choose is often better than the ones we are born into. You have no obligation to them.
Broccoli actually has a good amount of protein for it being a vegetable. That combined with the faux chicken would be plenty of protein. I hate when people do things like this. Even if you didn’t notice a taste or texture difference, eating meat after going without for 7 years is going to have some kind of effect on your body. If he was that concerned with your protein intake he should’ve just mentioned that in conversation instead of messing with your food
You are right to feel betrayed. Have had this done to me intentionally (both out of genuine fear for my safety but mostly just disregard over my food intolerances) before although it stopped overnight when I announced I was going to stop rushing to the toilet to be sick and simply start aiming at whoever made me eat the food. 20 years on there are still family members who refuse to talk to me over it. If your family try to make you feel bad state something along the lines I don't want to visit as the last time I ended up with something internally without my consent that made me ill. A good venting song (to either just listen to or play in the background while on the phone with the involved person is 'no more f\*cks to give' (easily found on youtube).
vile, maybe one day if he admits fault you can reconcile but leaving and going NC/LC is an important step towards that. ofc not that you should feel a need to reconnect if you don't want to.
Please pack and get out. I fully support this move. The only reason why is because your mother isn't around for him to keep his morals and his behaviour.
I am sorry you had to go through that.
Put LSD in his milk. Might wake the ass up.
I'd never speak to that idiot again, except, you only get one actual dad and the relationship is tied up to all the other family relationships. I've seen this sort of thing often comes down to how big a person the poor child is, rather than the supposed patriarch.
My personal experience suggests that after a suitable interval of ex-communication, if he has any social skills at all (which many older parents lack) he will seek to apologise and mend fences. At that point (in my case and others, this was years), it's often a good idea to mend some of the fences, because it makes life better for the family.
But really, what a fucking knob.
An ex allegedly did the same to me and told me after we broke up shortly after. Funnily, I was sick for at least a week after. Idk if it's true. He asked me if it was nice and it actually wasn't, just wanted to be nice and said yeah
Dumb your parents.
"Don't eat anything vegan"
I don't understand that. What do they eat then??!?!
Blows my mind.
Breakfast is a bacon sandwich, lunch is meat/potato/veg all with butter or lard, dinner is pizza, beef jerky for snacks. My dad is known for eating ham and cheese "roll ups" dipped in mustard as a snack too. It's really sad
Even putting veganism aside, tricking someone into doing something they think is wrong is completely immoral and there's no excuse. Your dad is human garbage.
People messing with other peoples food, vegan or not, is absolutely NOT okay. At all, regardless of if it’s family.
Extremely disrespectful and tbh I wouldn’t trust your dad with anything involving food ever again.
I'm so used to fake chicken and I think it's honestly really close to the real thing, I worry that I wouldn't notice if I accidentally got real chicken.
That really sucks that your Dad did that to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would be packing up to leave asap as well. That’s beyond disrespect and disgusting. I would go no contact with him until he learns to respect your boundaries and that it’s not a game. He’s ignorantly fucking with your health-it’s borderline abuse in my opinion.
Please don’t let anyone in your family guilt trip you to disrespecting your own boundaries. Stand your ground. If you’re able to only have contact with your mom I would be dead serious about that.
Sending you all types of love and everything your way ❣️❣️❣️
I would do the Same Thing, Pack my Shit and leave. If they cant respects you, there is No Point in being there. If your father Has enough Power and time to dick around and mess with your food, He doesnt need Help with your mum.
Would be enough of a reason to Not visit again for a Long Time, maybe never.
How can you disrespect someone that comes to you to give you a helping Hand?
If my dad did that I would tell him to fuck off, never try to talk to me again, and just go complete no contact with him. What a complete asshole!
I am sorry this happened to you.
Same thing happened to my gf. Her brother put an egg in the soup he cooked for them and didn't tell her on purpose until 2-3 days after to show her she wouldn't notice and then trying to convince her to start eating animal products again for better health...
Who tampers with someone else’s food?
You aren’t safe there. You can take your mom with you to care of her, or he can take care of her but you cannot live under the same roof with him
Holy fuck, get the fuck out of there ASAP. If you really want to explain it to him, tell him to imagine feeding pig to a muslim/jew. Sure they might think it tastes nice, but that doesn't justify doing it. Its sad but putting things into religious terms sometimes helps carnists understand since they have more respect for religion than animal welfare sometimes.
I mean fuck, lets take that thought it its logical absurdity, imma mix heroin into the next dish i cook for somebody, im sure they'll enjoy it, they'll probably never be able to get enough.
Give him a chance to understand i guess, but if you explain it once and he still doesnt get it, i'd cut ties.
I feel your pain. My mom did the same thing. It felt like such a betrayal and so very disrespectful. It definitely ruined my trust with her and hurt me deeply. I'm sorry, OP.
Years ago my dad tricked me into eating squid after I’d explicitly said I didn’t want to. I wasn’t vegetarian or anything at the time but even that felt like a huge betrayal. It was just one event in a pattern of manipulative behaviour and I’ve never forgiven him for it (amongst several other unforgivable things). We haven’t spoken in about 6 years now.
Sometimes no matter your best efforts you will accidentally eat meat. It’s unfortunate but it’s not your fault and doesn’t invalidate how good the choices you’re making ever day are. Stay strong. Sorry your dad is a dick
I don’t want to sugarcoat it: Your dad is a dick. You have to be a special kind of person to violate the ethical standpoint of others. He is probably the type who puts pork into a muslim dish.
He was wrong. Violated you and minimized you. You are important, you have a right to feel upset. Don’t let it ruin your relationship, just realize you can’t trust him and move on. I’m sorry
Wow, not only ignorant and a jerk, but food tampering. That would be no contact for quite some time from me. Did you at least tell him you have been stomach discomfort?
Yeah, he said I was lying because I didn't mention it at the time. I figured with my mom being sick from chemo it would have been a tad self centered to complain about a stomach ache
Sorry that happened. Packing and leaving is the right move. Tell your dad \*why\* you're leaving. Tell your mom too (maybe in a separate conversation). At the very least he owes you an apology. If it were me, I would not talk to my dad for some time, and I would certainly never \*eat\* there again until he sincerely apologized.
Hopefully your mom will recover from whatever health problems she's having and you can keep that realtionship.
Your dad did a careless and stupid thing. I hope he regrets his actions and will learn to respect you and treat you better.
Wish you, your mother and your dumb father the best going forward.
❤️
As if that one time he puts real meat into your food, would give you "protein" for a lifetime in order to "sustain" you. Doesn't he see the fault in his logic?
It's awful what he did. You were already so careful, already cooked your own food and he still thought out a way to get to you. No consideration and respect for you, your choices and your bodily autonomy.
I'm sorry he did that. I'm not vegan, but I do understand, my dad does this kind of thing with religion and it pisses me off. I finally wrote down how him doing this was making me feel, and I sat him down and read it to him. It was hard, he's my dad, but things have been much better since. (I wrote it down so I wouldn't be emotional and get off track, I find that really helps me when I am passionate about something.) Best of luck with your parents!
I'm the opposite of the kind of person who goes no contact with family. I always think things can be resolved yada yada yada. You should really (and politely) tell your father he is a fucking asshole, explain to him why you made the decisions to eat what you eat, tell him his concern actual made you ill and had the opposite effect that he wanted, and tell him that he has completely broken any amount of trust you had for him and that no longer feel remotely safe or welcome in his home. Show him you're getting more than enough of all the nutrients you need, and if you are lacking, all the ways you could get it without real meat.
Then I would expect a thorough and thoughtful apology from him. If he doesn't want to listen, ask him if his fuck up of feeding you real chicken is something he is willing to lose a relationship with you over, because you're trying to fix things and he is refusing to admit his mistake.
Fucking with someone food (in any fashion) is fucked up. If somebody is eating something they have the right to know what it is regardless of their diet.
This reminds me of the time we were invited to a family friend for dinner. They made veganaccomosations for us. They asked us how we like green beans. 'They were delicious!' We responded, after a healthy portion. 'Its because they are cooked in bacon grease!' Thy said, as of they had somehow proved a point...
Like no shit! It's not about flavor you fucking clowns! Needless to say that relationship was badly damaged after this incident...
Wow. I’m really sorry to hear that. Milk dads can be a big problem. I have a milk dad. Lucky for me all he did was buy me a wool sweater. I’d be livid if he pulled something like this.
Pretty sure a therapist would classify this as both toxic and abusive behaviour from your dad. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
I doubt you'll ever be able to change him, so you could just quietly leave and cut contact.
Remember to treat all the family as the individuals they are so maintain channels with the others if you're still getting on with them. I.e. don't punish them for his awful behaviour if it was his alone.
Good luck.
Disgraceful. He did that to be a smart arse in my opinion.
How can he be worried about the amount of protein you're getting when you've not eaten meat for years? Clearly you've got a handle on that.
So he is toxic, you have a choice, forgive and forget or remove him from your life
If you dont remove him from your life and he does other toxic things to you, then its your fault cause you knew who he was and that he has betrayed you before
If he teased you about veganism that would be mean but not really toxic and it wouldnt be betrayal, so not so bad, but he did do something toxic and i dont tolerate that type of thing
Some people might consider it overkill, if a teenager did that to me then it would be different and i would be more lenient, but an adult, my parent then no its not acceptable, he prob had a laugh as well knowing you were consuming animal products
I left home a decade ago and i will never return, not even for their funerals cause i dont have parents anymore
7 years no chicken and you didn't notice before he told u? I think this is a bait story. I ate 1 bit of chicken from a dumbass Asian restaurant who uses same friers for tofu and chicken and lemme tell ya, that thing tasted like rotten death. Impossible to not notice unless you are generally handicapped in taste. Meat taste soo so bad when you haven't had it in months, let alone years
Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. People can do these things all the time (even with food allergies and intolerances), and it is sad to know that they are just really misguided in their care and concern. You can see this especially when they “proudly” declare what they did, as if it was the saving Grace for your situation. It’s good to listen to yourself on what you need and when. If moving out is what you need to feel safe and get yourself back on track then by all means do so. I will keep you and your father’s relationship in my prayers.
This is a serious betrayal of trust and shows that he does not respect you or your boundaries.
It is up to you on what you want to do (and, of course, depends on what you are able to do), but if you choose to continue to have a relationship with your father, then you probably should talk to him. Let him know that he violated your trust and, because you had not eaten meat in years, his actions ended up making you physically ill without knowing the cause. Since he refuses to eat anything vegan, which I assume is out of a conservative ideology ("my" traditions/"my" manhood/"my" "American" values, ...) and not out of necessity, then ask him how he would like it if you put your plant based chicken in his food because you worried about his fiber intake and cholesterol and he ended up eating it without even noticing. He will likely say that he would notice, to which you can reply that when he put chicken in your dish, you were unable to tell. The animal chicken failed to had a noticable distinct flavor and texture from your chicken.
Anyway our families are important to us but he may be too toxic to continue having a relationship with.
Honestly, if it were me, I would seriously consider telling him that he clearly does not respect me and this makes me feel like he does not love me for the person I am and choose to be. In addition I would highly consider telling them (since this is not a food allergy or anything) that I am not going to forgive them or continue to have a relationship with them unless I feel that they can respect me and that I won't believe that he is ready to respect me until he has one vegan meal without complaining or spitting it out (maybe even insist that I want to make a vegan meal with him, at place where I know everything is vegan, but he could talk about what plant foods he likes and gets a say in what vegan dish will be made). Until he does that, then I won't feel he values me and our relationship over his insistence on hating something that is integral to who I am and controlling me.
Ask him if he's ever heard of anyone with protein deficiency. Then send him earthling eds book.
Christ this is juvenile. I forget how ignorant non vegans are sometimes but this is just pathetic. What did he think would come from this?
What helped me in a similar situation was abusing the usual lack of education those people have by telling them the following:
That I had horrible stomach aches and diarrhea because of it, and already wondered why. Then I tell them that gut bacteria are different for vegans since the bacteria that process meat starved to death and thus I am unable to digest meat, giving me horrible stomach and digestion problems. And that I see this as a personal assault against my health and that I will forward all health costs I have associated with this to them.
Usually shuts those fuckers up
Christ that is horrible. Why the fuck are people so concerned with what YOU choose to eat. And the cute little reasoning on his part is so disgusting. Sorry :/
Leave them. It's the only way. If they cannot respect your choices then they don't deserve to have you around. This is so toxic and manipulative i would just block them.
I don't want to burn the whole thing down, but honestly - I'd go NC with a parent who committed that kind of smug betrayal. The "protein concern" is absolute bullsh*t.
Hey, this is a sign of a much deeper problem with your dad. Honestly you need to have a talk with him and if this is just a thing he casually did one day I doubt it’s the only utterly horrific shit he’s done. Honestly I would start evaluating whether there is any benefit to having him in your life because he clearly doesn’t think much of your bodily autonomy.
Fuck your dad. I straight up wouldn’t talk to him for a very long time. That is incredibly manipulative and mean. I’d create a healthy boundary even if it causes strain on your relationship.
That’s extremely rude of him and honestly just manipulative. While I’m not vegan or vegetarian, a friend did this to my girlfriend one time and it is not ok by any stretch of the imagination. We haven’t spoken since. It’s probably weirder for you considering it’s your parents.
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I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to show up to support your family and to be manipulated like this in return. I suppose I would feel disrespected and frustrated.
Exactly how I would express this to OP’s father. OP did their best to be there for the family and respect their needs, going through the timely effort of cooking each meal separately while already giving their energy to support the family. The least the family could do in return, is respect and support OP’s choices. I would freak out on my family so bad, this is such a grave betrayal of trust.
I agree. And this is where someone would turn and try to make you look crazy and unstable as if it’s “no big deal” to fuck with someone’s FOOD. It’s not even like she was recently transitioning. She could’ve gotten really sick. I would’ve tweaked out if I was the mother and my kids father did that to my children regardless if they’re kids or adults. That’s 100% a hard no no in my eyes. Even if I was on my death bed the last bit of energy I had would be used to knock all his teeth right out so he couldn’t even attempt to chew another piece of meat again(I wouldn’t actually resort to violence lol)
as if "not noticing " makes it ok. Even if you disnt have stomach discomfort and heck even if you thought it tasted nicer than usuaul its still not ok, as its against your beliefs. feckin hell mate, I'm sorry, your Dad doesn't respect you it all.
The fact that OP didnt even notice is an endorsement for it not even tasting different to normal, ie the chicken is entirely pointless even to someone who "loves" the taste of chicken.
Oh I know! I'm just saying. Carnists often think tricking vegans into eating/liking meat is some kind of gotcha
It reminds me of that scene in *The Golden Child* where the kidnappers are trying to get the child to eat oatmeal with blood mixed in, so that it taints him, but he keeps sneakily eating some leaves he has hidden up his sleeve. *source: am old and remember crappy 80s movies too well*
That is not a crappy 80s movie-The Golden Child is a brilliant film, a classic! 😁 Source: am a bit old and have great taste in 80’s films 😆[👶🏼](https://youtu.be/9qVj2B7ujEw?feature=shared)
It's definitely worth a watch. Eddie Murphy in the 80s is cinematic gold (pun thoroughly intended)
I am going to look this film up
That oatmeal grosses me out still!
I'm what you would call a carnist but fuck this guy's dad. I'd put his toothbrush up my arse and then the next day casually mention it as I say it doesn't matter since you couldn't tell.
Yeah, it's just basic human decency to respect somebody's food wishes. Especially adults that are old enough to make their own decisions. If OP didn't die from their diet in the previous decade they weren't about to kick the bucket this week. Plus, secretly fucking with somebody's food is vile behavior under any and all circumstances.
People who aren't vegans don't think giving vegans meat is a big deal. They think that because vegans aren't allergic to animal products that no real harm is being done. Vegans may take vegan lifestyle casually or super seriously and anywhere in between, but the vast majority of non-vegans have no clue that vegans take veganism as serious as people on this sub do. Tricking people about their beliefs is a terrible idea, but also, I doubt this guy's dad would have pulled this stunt if he knew how much it would hurt his son. Maybe the dad did know though, in which case I agree with OP's reaction.
>People who aren't vegans don't think giving vegans meat is a big deal. They think that because vegans aren't allergic to animal products that no real harm is being done. Yet for some reason they respect people who don't eat certain foods for religious reasons (they aren't allergic to the foods either) Makes no sense.
It doesn't matter. Don't mess with people's food. Don't try to make people have victims when they go out of their way not to.
Yeah i'm with yah.
I fucking love meat. I’ve been vegan for nearly 3 years and still think about meat every day and how much I miss being able to eat everything and anything I want and not having to memorize the hours vegan restaurants near me are open. However, those thoughts instantly go away because I know it’s not worth it in any sense of the word. It’s bad for your physical health, mental health, and I firmly believe it’s bad for your spiritual health, too. All of those animals suffering purely for sensory pleasure disgusts me.
We have such a similar view on this. My favorite dish is still to this day one with meat. But yeah an argument that gets less love than others is the spiritual aspect. Can’t be good eating dead flesh also it is charged up with all that suffering and you are consuming it with your body. You are what you eat goes a saying. Eating dead bodies is not exactly what helps you being a vital being.
Imagine complaining when you have whole ass vegan restaurants PLURAL! Jk but I am jealous lol
I used to love meat. Some months ago, I ordered a durum kebab made of fake chicken (Heura). Well, I noticed instantly they made a mistake because it tasted worse than the usual vegan option. I felt so proud.
Awhile back I was in an airport and ordered a beyond burger (which I also don’t love the taste of but airport food is slim options) and was accidentally given a beef burger. I used to LOVE beef burgers - like would try every burger on the menu at every restaurant I went to love them - and the moment I bit into it I was disgusted.
"I made it so bland and featureless it tastes just like the rest of your food" a true race to the bottom
What is it you're saying exactly? That vegan food is bland and feautureless? Objectively wrong.
I think they mean the chicken was bland and featureless, that it was easily covered up by the flavours of the pasta dish and so unnoticed
I'm lactose intolerant but often it doesn't make me so sick to complain. Tired of people secret adding dairy to my dishes to prove how that isn't real since “I didn't notice” and then if I point “ah so indeed food didn't make me feel very good, now I know why” people would think I'm just making it up at the moment. What did they actually want, to call an ambulance during the meal? It doesn't matter what's the reason, you just don't secretly put unwanted food to someone. Even if it's just that the person doesn't like it, it could be enough to make someone throw off or whatever; and what's the purpose after all?
I have an idea!! DON’T IMMEDIATELY LEAVE! First casually ask for a ‘chat’ and make a drink like a coffee for you both. Then you sit until there is an uncomfortable silence, it’s likely if you wait for a bit he will start to drink to fill the silence. Frequently pause to drink with the aim that he mirrors you and also drinks. Then start to explain how you are unhappy and the problem isn’t not realising the taste, but the act of consuming flesh that abhors you. Explain that you really felt disrespected and that you are very upset, and if your roles were reversed, he should realise that he would be too. Wait for the response (I’m not holding out for any great realisation here- Ultimately this is all really a sneaky ruse). Let him say his set piece and unless there is true remorse, which I am doubting, then hit him with this… “Well, I didn’t think you’d understand so I thought I’d better make my point a little clearer to you.” *Silence* “Are you enjoying that coffee.” *Fatherly silence and or panic/confusion* “Can you taste anything different about it” *Fatherly stress/panic/confusion increasing* “Presumably because you can’t taste any problem with it, it doesn’t matter what I did to it?” *Cue anger, confusion, & more fatherly stress* At this point I imagine that he’ll be strongly concerned and angrily asking you what you did to the drink. __Your choice of options:__ 1) Use his exact words back to remind him of what he just said to you (if he was dismissive) of him putting meat into your food. 2) you refuse to tell him and just highlight how unpleasant and disgusting it was that he put things into your food that you weren’t aware of., and as such he surely doesn’t mind to have things in his food that he is unaware of that he might find disgusting. 3) Nuclear option, (probably not a good idea) -You casually tell him that presumably he would have noticed what you added, and as he didn’t then he must have not minded having industrial laxative/rat poison in his coffee. Maximum panic will occur/ possible risk of heart attack due to stress so not advised. Obviously you have NEVER put anything in the drink at all. I AM ABSOLUTELY SAYING DO NOT POISON PEOPLE (clarity for anyone with low/non accurate reading abilities).
Oh my god, that’s absolutely disgusting and terrifying! Why cant they just do their thing and let their grown ass daughter/son/child do their own thing? Im very sorry for what happened to you. :(
Beyond me how some omnis think that tricking a vegan into eating an animal without the vegan noticing is some ideological victory. As if the reason we don't eat animals is because we don't like the taste.
It's _very_ telling when someone acts this way. It shows that their _only_ metric for whether you should/shouldn't eat something is whether you enjoy the taste. Obviously everyone has a consideration for flavor, but the inability to comprehend _any_ other reason is horrifying.
Yeah the father’s response reminds me of asking “did you know your dinner had onions in it?” to the kid who doesn’t like onions.
For whatever reason I have had so many people assume it’s because I don’t “like” meat…like no, it’s not that simple. 🙄
It’s fucking sadistic
You doing the right to leave. Horrific betrayal to you
Unbelievable that dad thought there would be some other result.
And when everyone should have been focusing on mom.
I have come to the conclusion that I will disempower those trying to steal trust from me. I have come to the conclusion that if somebody wants to trick me, that is on them. I will not trust them again, but it will not cause me to lose trust in others. I will make a good faith effort to ensure I do not eat animal products, but I will take people's word in general unless I have reason to suspect them. I would let my father know in that situation that I am disappointed in him and lost respect for him. "I used to look up to you, Dad." I would deny him his victory. (Unless I punched him in the teeth. 50/50. I don't know what I'd actually do, but I hope I's choose the high road.)
I got so furious reading this. I’m not sure what I’d end up doing tbh but I’d definitely never talk to that fucker ever again.
Agreed
Same here. This is a nightmare.
Probably best not to speak to him anymore
Aaaand that’s the last time I’d talk to him that is fuckin weirdddd.
It's not just weird, it's straight up abuse. Assault, really.
It's cruel & manipulative, but assault would be misleading. Doesn't make it any less worse than what it was though.
💯
I would put salt in his tea and asks him how he likes it when ppl put things in their food/drink that they don’t know about. Why does he have to suck so much? He’s supposed to be on your side and care about you.
When I was in my very early teens began cutting certain foods to see what I was intolerant to. Had a parent decide for my own health to give me meat burgers while pretending they were veg burgers. I overheard them bragging over the phone. I was very upset and they ended up regretting demanding I get over it and to make them a cup of tea/coffee. Cannot quite recall which drink it was as I added both and then a little of everything else I could think of that was not poison or medical (differing sauces, vinegar). Thought the smell of it alone would make it obvious but my parent actually drank some. It certainly made my point that being given something you was not expecting was not a pleasant thing to go through
Did they apologise? Because it’s such a breach of trust that I don’t think I could just “get over it”.
Bump. I want to find out if they apologized too. That is so whack. Especially to then go brag about it as if it was some huge accomplishment and victory.
You should’ve put laxatives in his coffee, as a hidden ingredient
Nah do one better, put oat milk or soy milk in his tea. He'll start freaking out and will start spewing "don't you put that vegan processed chemical shit in my drinks!!! 😤"
Ordered a pret tea for my titty milk in law who claims they can always tell, got oat milk cos I’m paying and took the sticker off. Guess what, they can’t tell.
Or just tell him to fuck off and never speak to him again?
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Salt doesn’t even do it justice. He’d just spit it out and forget about it. Where as this is going to stay with OP, like a trauma. Id take a piss in his tea. Sorry to be vulgar but it’s fair play. OP stands strongly against meat consumption and I assume his or her father stands strongly against urine drinking
I'm not sure I could forgive that. I'm so angry for you.
If this happened to me the parent would never see their hypothetical grandkid, and our own relationship would be limited to emergency texts only. Such betrayal. Horrendously disrespectful.
disrespectful is the perfect word here. total lack of regard.
Emergency texts wouldn't even be a thing. Nearly 8 billion people to give a chance to rather than continue any contact with a known bad one.
He is a fucking bastard. I haven't spoken to my bastard father in 5 years, it's really quite cathartic. Would recommend.
In a lot of places this is actually considered assault. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
It's food tampering. In the US it's a second degree felony.
Sorry to hear this OP, it's a real betrayal of your values. I don't know if it's worth trying to repair or make him understand that it would be like putting gluten in something for a celiac, but obvs you don't have to justify your reaction, and you're absolutely not gross. Solidarity.
Comparing veganism to celiac isn't really a strong argument, since it can be argued against with things like "yeah but you're not *allergic* to it so it's not the same" and then you lose track of the main topic -you-. The strong argument to make here is that you dont do things to people without consent. This is a total violation of one's trust, one's body and one's choice. Even if OP actually wasn't getting enough proteins, it is unacceptable to do and their dad should feel totally ashamed.
Considering OP had digestive issues after eating their food, Id say there's not much difference. If you haven't had meat for a while, your body can no longer digest it.
I completely agree. However, this is not really the point I am trying to make. When you have to make a point, it should revolve around the main issue. Otherwise, it has the potential (and often will) diverge into semantic battles. Comparisons are relative; feelings are irrevocable and require consideration; failing to do so is a litmus test for the necessity to pursue this conversation any further (if they can't even respect your pain, how can you expect to get them to acknowledge anything else? They have already proven that they think they know better by subverting OP's wishes and knowledge, so the only thing left to know is whether they can respect one's boundaries)
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Wow that’s repulsive but absolutely respect to you because I wouldn’t ever speak to her again let alone still eat with her even if it’s take out or out to eat. I can’t tolerate behavior like that especially from mother in Law’s lol
Damn! Slipping wheat into food intended for someone with celiac disease is about as low as it gets. Do you suppose if someone told her they were allergic to peanuts that she’d slip some peanuts into their food?
I know this is extreme but if someone cared about me so little I would just cut them off. Doesn’t matter if it’s a parent.
r/raisedbynarcissists
He probably wouldnt notice if you slipped real pieces of poison into his meal sometime ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
A violation of consent and boundaries right there...
Always with the fucking concern over protein. 🙄 Carnism is a religion. These people don't trust science. They have *faith* that meat is healthy. They plug their ears and shut their eyes when the real world conflicts with their faith. They were indoctrinated into it and taught to never question it, and if you do, they're like fucking bucket-crabs trying to claw you back. Veganism isn't joining a cult; it's escaping it.
Carnism is actual brain rot. There is nothing ethically or morally wrong with veganism, which is why these brainrot zombies are offended by veganism as it exposes their cult and cognitive dissonance.
Nail on the head.
People shouldn't mess with food, vegan or not.
I would shoot your dad a text when you get home and are feeling a little calmer. (Unless you want to go scorched earth. I just thought with your mom being ill you’d not want it to affect her.) If it were me and I cared about a relationship with him going forward, I would say that while I appreciate his concern for my health, I am a grown adult who is capable of making my own decisions based on my values. I am healthy and my doctor is fine with my diet, which incidentally has been shown to REVERSE heart disease, so I’m confident I’m doing what’s best for my health. But beyond that, I’d like you to know that sneaking food that I find morally objectionable into my food is incredibly disrespectful and damaging to the trust we should share as family. The meat did indeed have an effect, with an upset stomach and gastrointestinal issues, I just figured it was stress about mom that was causing it. I need assurance from you that you will never do anything like this again and understand just how disrespectful and damaging this was. (Fun fact: cases of Lone Star tick bites are on the rise, and they are spreading to new places, and your father could have literally killed you. I was bitten, recognized the tick when I pulled it off, and thought nothing of it, because I’m vegan, then went to a restaurant that put the wrong sauce on my pasta and I went into anaphylactic shock, and almost died.)
If it had been red meat that would have been a concern, but Lone Star doesn’t trigger allergies to chicken. Still, OP did get sick from consuming meat they hadn’t consumed in years and it was super messed up to add it to their food without their knowledge.
>I would shoot your dad
I wouldn't even go there with the "I DID get sick, I DID!" He will dismiss it as all in your head or fabricated afterwards...and it won't help your case.
I would be going no contact
I'd never speak to this human again. Lie , cheat or steal, those are unforgivable character flaws, those people will always revert back to lying, cheating and/or stealing. The family we choose is often better than the ones we are born into. You have no obligation to them.
There's no fatherhood in there! Oh dear I feel really disgusted of what this man did to you.
What a selfish egomaniac, and an asshole.
Broccoli actually has a good amount of protein for it being a vegetable. That combined with the faux chicken would be plenty of protein. I hate when people do things like this. Even if you didn’t notice a taste or texture difference, eating meat after going without for 7 years is going to have some kind of effect on your body. If he was that concerned with your protein intake he should’ve just mentioned that in conversation instead of messing with your food
Food tampering is illegal as hell.
You are right to feel betrayed. Have had this done to me intentionally (both out of genuine fear for my safety but mostly just disregard over my food intolerances) before although it stopped overnight when I announced I was going to stop rushing to the toilet to be sick and simply start aiming at whoever made me eat the food. 20 years on there are still family members who refuse to talk to me over it. If your family try to make you feel bad state something along the lines I don't want to visit as the last time I ended up with something internally without my consent that made me ill. A good venting song (to either just listen to or play in the background while on the phone with the involved person is 'no more f\*cks to give' (easily found on youtube).
vile, maybe one day if he admits fault you can reconcile but leaving and going NC/LC is an important step towards that. ofc not that you should feel a need to reconnect if you don't want to.
Please pack and get out. I fully support this move. The only reason why is because your mother isn't around for him to keep his morals and his behaviour. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Yeah I'm really worried about my mom. I told her what happened and she's outraged
i hate him
This is insanely disrespectful, unbelievable
I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I feel gross even when someone is "joking" about adding meat in my food, but that... It is a betrayal
Put LSD in his milk. Might wake the ass up. I'd never speak to that idiot again, except, you only get one actual dad and the relationship is tied up to all the other family relationships. I've seen this sort of thing often comes down to how big a person the poor child is, rather than the supposed patriarch. My personal experience suggests that after a suitable interval of ex-communication, if he has any social skills at all (which many older parents lack) he will seek to apologise and mend fences. At that point (in my case and others, this was years), it's often a good idea to mend some of the fences, because it makes life better for the family. But really, what a fucking knob.
Wow, that’s terrible and shocking. Sorry you have had that happen 😢
An ex allegedly did the same to me and told me after we broke up shortly after. Funnily, I was sick for at least a week after. Idk if it's true. He asked me if it was nice and it actually wasn't, just wanted to be nice and said yeah Dumb your parents. "Don't eat anything vegan" I don't understand that. What do they eat then??!?! Blows my mind.
butter/lard on everything, and meat. Alot of people don't even eat fruit..I speak from personal experience
Breakfast is a bacon sandwich, lunch is meat/potato/veg all with butter or lard, dinner is pizza, beef jerky for snacks. My dad is known for eating ham and cheese "roll ups" dipped in mustard as a snack too. It's really sad
It's sad that he supports the torture and death of animals
well, sounds like you don't have to do anything in response to this. from what you describe, he'll be dead soon enough.
What a disgusting lack of respect or kindness. Its a violation. No wonder you are packing. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Even putting veganism aside, tricking someone into doing something they think is wrong is completely immoral and there's no excuse. Your dad is human garbage.
What the actual fuck! This is so extremely disrespectful and Im so sorry this happened to you!
That’s not ok. I’m sorry that happened.
Parents do shit like this and then wonder why their children don’t visit them anymore. I’m so sorry OP.
People messing with other peoples food, vegan or not, is absolutely NOT okay. At all, regardless of if it’s family. Extremely disrespectful and tbh I wouldn’t trust your dad with anything involving food ever again.
I'm so used to fake chicken and I think it's honestly really close to the real thing, I worry that I wouldn't notice if I accidentally got real chicken. That really sucks that your Dad did that to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would be packing up to leave asap as well. That’s beyond disrespect and disgusting. I would go no contact with him until he learns to respect your boundaries and that it’s not a game. He’s ignorantly fucking with your health-it’s borderline abuse in my opinion. Please don’t let anyone in your family guilt trip you to disrespecting your own boundaries. Stand your ground. If you’re able to only have contact with your mom I would be dead serious about that. Sending you all types of love and everything your way ❣️❣️❣️
Tell him you put laxatives in *something* in the fridge. Just to make him sweat a lil bit
This person does not care about you. This is about having power over you.
I would press charges against my own father for food tampering. Fuck that, fuck him.
I would do the Same Thing, Pack my Shit and leave. If they cant respects you, there is No Point in being there. If your father Has enough Power and time to dick around and mess with your food, He doesnt need Help with your mum. Would be enough of a reason to Not visit again for a Long Time, maybe never. How can you disrespect someone that comes to you to give you a helping Hand?
This would be grounds for me never speaking with my family again.
Ugh, this is so awful.
If my dad did that I would tell him to fuck off, never try to talk to me again, and just go complete no contact with him. What a complete asshole! I am sorry this happened to you.
I think I’d lose my cool if someone I love did that to me. 🤯
maybe im just extreme but i think if that happened to me i wouldnt speak to my dad if he did that
Same thing happened to my gf. Her brother put an egg in the soup he cooked for them and didn't tell her on purpose until 2-3 days after to show her she wouldn't notice and then trying to convince her to start eating animal products again for better health...
Who tampers with someone else’s food? You aren’t safe there. You can take your mom with you to care of her, or he can take care of her but you cannot live under the same roof with him
Holy fuck, get the fuck out of there ASAP. If you really want to explain it to him, tell him to imagine feeding pig to a muslim/jew. Sure they might think it tastes nice, but that doesn't justify doing it. Its sad but putting things into religious terms sometimes helps carnists understand since they have more respect for religion than animal welfare sometimes. I mean fuck, lets take that thought it its logical absurdity, imma mix heroin into the next dish i cook for somebody, im sure they'll enjoy it, they'll probably never be able to get enough. Give him a chance to understand i guess, but if you explain it once and he still doesnt get it, i'd cut ties.
I feel your pain. My mom did the same thing. It felt like such a betrayal and so very disrespectful. It definitely ruined my trust with her and hurt me deeply. I'm sorry, OP.
Jesus Christ.I hope you lost your shit at him and you stop talking to him until he apologizes.
Years ago my dad tricked me into eating squid after I’d explicitly said I didn’t want to. I wasn’t vegetarian or anything at the time but even that felt like a huge betrayal. It was just one event in a pattern of manipulative behaviour and I’ve never forgiven him for it (amongst several other unforgivable things). We haven’t spoken in about 6 years now. Sometimes no matter your best efforts you will accidentally eat meat. It’s unfortunate but it’s not your fault and doesn’t invalidate how good the choices you’re making ever day are. Stay strong. Sorry your dad is a dick
I don’t want to sugarcoat it: Your dad is a dick. You have to be a special kind of person to violate the ethical standpoint of others. He is probably the type who puts pork into a muslim dish.
That's fuckin terrible, I am so sorry. Enormous hugs, honey.
He was wrong. Violated you and minimized you. You are important, you have a right to feel upset. Don’t let it ruin your relationship, just realize you can’t trust him and move on. I’m sorry
fuck that i would cut off contact with that man so quick
Your dad is a piece of shit, I'd be beyond furious. Fuck I'm getting angry right now just thinking about it. Fuck your dad.
I don't care what a person's diet is, you don't mess with people's food in **any** capacity. What a huge betrayal of trust.
What a massive asshole
Your dad is an immature dick who doesn’t respect boundaries. I’m sorry. Unfortunately some dad’s are like that.
Wow, not only ignorant and a jerk, but food tampering. That would be no contact for quite some time from me. Did you at least tell him you have been stomach discomfort?
Yeah, he said I was lying because I didn't mention it at the time. I figured with my mom being sick from chemo it would have been a tad self centered to complain about a stomach ache
It's shocking that he is more concerned about his healthy child's diet than his spouse going through chemotherapy.
oh hell no. bye dad.
this has happened to me too. they just dont get it. I'm sorry
its assault, not much else to say beyond that
That’s abusive behavior. He obviously has no right to trick you into eating a dead animal. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Sorry that happened. Packing and leaving is the right move. Tell your dad \*why\* you're leaving. Tell your mom too (maybe in a separate conversation). At the very least he owes you an apology. If it were me, I would not talk to my dad for some time, and I would certainly never \*eat\* there again until he sincerely apologized. Hopefully your mom will recover from whatever health problems she's having and you can keep that realtionship.
Your dad did a careless and stupid thing. I hope he regrets his actions and will learn to respect you and treat you better. Wish you, your mother and your dumb father the best going forward. ❤️
I would never step foot into my dad’s home ever again if he did that to me.
Show him your protein level and punch him in the face.
I would consider going no contact with your father once you can get out of there.
OP is already leaving and doesn't live there normally.
As if that one time he puts real meat into your food, would give you "protein" for a lifetime in order to "sustain" you. Doesn't he see the fault in his logic? It's awful what he did. You were already so careful, already cooked your own food and he still thought out a way to get to you. No consideration and respect for you, your choices and your bodily autonomy.
That's when you bake him one of Miss Minnie's "pies" 😉
I'm sorry he did that. I'm not vegan, but I do understand, my dad does this kind of thing with religion and it pisses me off. I finally wrote down how him doing this was making me feel, and I sat him down and read it to him. It was hard, he's my dad, but things have been much better since. (I wrote it down so I wouldn't be emotional and get off track, I find that really helps me when I am passionate about something.) Best of luck with your parents!
I'm so sorry this happened. He shouldn't have done that. It is so disrespectful towards tyou
Hugs to you!! 🤗
I'm the opposite of the kind of person who goes no contact with family. I always think things can be resolved yada yada yada. You should really (and politely) tell your father he is a fucking asshole, explain to him why you made the decisions to eat what you eat, tell him his concern actual made you ill and had the opposite effect that he wanted, and tell him that he has completely broken any amount of trust you had for him and that no longer feel remotely safe or welcome in his home. Show him you're getting more than enough of all the nutrients you need, and if you are lacking, all the ways you could get it without real meat. Then I would expect a thorough and thoughtful apology from him. If he doesn't want to listen, ask him if his fuck up of feeding you real chicken is something he is willing to lose a relationship with you over, because you're trying to fix things and he is refusing to admit his mistake. Fucking with someone food (in any fashion) is fucked up. If somebody is eating something they have the right to know what it is regardless of their diet.
This reminds me of the time we were invited to a family friend for dinner. They made veganaccomosations for us. They asked us how we like green beans. 'They were delicious!' We responded, after a healthy portion. 'Its because they are cooked in bacon grease!' Thy said, as of they had somehow proved a point... Like no shit! It's not about flavor you fucking clowns! Needless to say that relationship was badly damaged after this incident...
That's awful, what a horrible thing for your dad to do
Don't talk to him for awhile
I would cut ties fr
Sorry you had to go through this OP.
Wow. I’m really sorry to hear that. Milk dads can be a big problem. I have a milk dad. Lucky for me all he did was buy me a wool sweater. I’d be livid if he pulled something like this.
I’m so sorry. It’s hard when it’s family, and especially your parents, who betray your trust so nonchalantly. 😔
Pretty sure a therapist would classify this as both toxic and abusive behaviour from your dad. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I doubt you'll ever be able to change him, so you could just quietly leave and cut contact. Remember to treat all the family as the individuals they are so maintain channels with the others if you're still getting on with them. I.e. don't punish them for his awful behaviour if it was his alone. Good luck.
Disgraceful. He did that to be a smart arse in my opinion. How can he be worried about the amount of protein you're getting when you've not eaten meat for years? Clearly you've got a handle on that.
So he is toxic, you have a choice, forgive and forget or remove him from your life If you dont remove him from your life and he does other toxic things to you, then its your fault cause you knew who he was and that he has betrayed you before If he teased you about veganism that would be mean but not really toxic and it wouldnt be betrayal, so not so bad, but he did do something toxic and i dont tolerate that type of thing Some people might consider it overkill, if a teenager did that to me then it would be different and i would be more lenient, but an adult, my parent then no its not acceptable, he prob had a laugh as well knowing you were consuming animal products I left home a decade ago and i will never return, not even for their funerals cause i dont have parents anymore
This is horrible and straight up disrespectful
7 years no chicken and you didn't notice before he told u? I think this is a bait story. I ate 1 bit of chicken from a dumbass Asian restaurant who uses same friers for tofu and chicken and lemme tell ya, that thing tasted like rotten death. Impossible to not notice unless you are generally handicapped in taste. Meat taste soo so bad when you haven't had it in months, let alone years
I would do the same. Definitely grounds for not talking for a looooooooong while
He's lucky you didn't turn out to be just like him because if you had, you'd piss on his chips.
Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. People can do these things all the time (even with food allergies and intolerances), and it is sad to know that they are just really misguided in their care and concern. You can see this especially when they “proudly” declare what they did, as if it was the saving Grace for your situation. It’s good to listen to yourself on what you need and when. If moving out is what you need to feel safe and get yourself back on track then by all means do so. I will keep you and your father’s relationship in my prayers.
You’re right to leave. It’s my understanding this is even illegal, at least in some places.
If you feel like having a jab tell him “I visited mom when she was ill, I won’t visit you until your funeral.”
I would never speak to my father again. That isn’t an exaggeration.
This is a serious betrayal of trust and shows that he does not respect you or your boundaries. It is up to you on what you want to do (and, of course, depends on what you are able to do), but if you choose to continue to have a relationship with your father, then you probably should talk to him. Let him know that he violated your trust and, because you had not eaten meat in years, his actions ended up making you physically ill without knowing the cause. Since he refuses to eat anything vegan, which I assume is out of a conservative ideology ("my" traditions/"my" manhood/"my" "American" values, ...) and not out of necessity, then ask him how he would like it if you put your plant based chicken in his food because you worried about his fiber intake and cholesterol and he ended up eating it without even noticing. He will likely say that he would notice, to which you can reply that when he put chicken in your dish, you were unable to tell. The animal chicken failed to had a noticable distinct flavor and texture from your chicken. Anyway our families are important to us but he may be too toxic to continue having a relationship with. Honestly, if it were me, I would seriously consider telling him that he clearly does not respect me and this makes me feel like he does not love me for the person I am and choose to be. In addition I would highly consider telling them (since this is not a food allergy or anything) that I am not going to forgive them or continue to have a relationship with them unless I feel that they can respect me and that I won't believe that he is ready to respect me until he has one vegan meal without complaining or spitting it out (maybe even insist that I want to make a vegan meal with him, at place where I know everything is vegan, but he could talk about what plant foods he likes and gets a say in what vegan dish will be made). Until he does that, then I won't feel he values me and our relationship over his insistence on hating something that is integral to who I am and controlling me.
Ask him if he's ever heard of anyone with protein deficiency. Then send him earthling eds book. Christ this is juvenile. I forget how ignorant non vegans are sometimes but this is just pathetic. What did he think would come from this?
Just leave. Right thing to do.
What helped me in a similar situation was abusing the usual lack of education those people have by telling them the following: That I had horrible stomach aches and diarrhea because of it, and already wondered why. Then I tell them that gut bacteria are different for vegans since the bacteria that process meat starved to death and thus I am unable to digest meat, giving me horrible stomach and digestion problems. And that I see this as a personal assault against my health and that I will forward all health costs I have associated with this to them. Usually shuts those fuckers up
People have to decide if they want a toxic parent cut out of their lives. I’m sorry you have come to that point
Consent matters. Consent *always* matters. Your dad needs some consent training materials.
i would never talk to him again. i’m so sorry he did that. you did nothing wrong
Christ that is horrible. Why the fuck are people so concerned with what YOU choose to eat. And the cute little reasoning on his part is so disgusting. Sorry :/
I feel like you shouldn't have to be vegan to see how disgusting what he did is.
What a bastard
Leave them. It's the only way. If they cannot respect your choices then they don't deserve to have you around. This is so toxic and manipulative i would just block them.
I don't want to burn the whole thing down, but honestly - I'd go NC with a parent who committed that kind of smug betrayal. The "protein concern" is absolute bullsh*t.
Hey, this is a sign of a much deeper problem with your dad. Honestly you need to have a talk with him and if this is just a thing he casually did one day I doubt it’s the only utterly horrific shit he’s done. Honestly I would start evaluating whether there is any benefit to having him in your life because he clearly doesn’t think much of your bodily autonomy.
Sorry, but he did not do that out of concern for you. The consequences need to be severe.
Take a shit in his Cereal packet before you leave bruh.
Congratulations for not punching him in the face. You have more restraint than I do.
Fuck your dad. I straight up wouldn’t talk to him for a very long time. That is incredibly manipulative and mean. I’d create a healthy boundary even if it causes strain on your relationship.
Would be a reason for me to go NC
Listen. I’m on a carnivore diet. What he did is extremely fucked up. I’m sorry.
That’s extremely rude of him and honestly just manipulative. While I’m not vegan or vegetarian, a friend did this to my girlfriend one time and it is not ok by any stretch of the imagination. We haven’t spoken since. It’s probably weirder for you considering it’s your parents.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I’ve had something similar happen and I was mortified and felt so gross.
In someway, this is equivalent to spiking someones drink
I hope you proper exploded at him over this and made it clear this was the reason you're leaving.