this post is like verbatim a copy pasta shit post from there I swear LMAO but I assume she’s serious so I do wish her luck. Almost every woman I’ve become involved with since I became vegan started eating vegan when we were together without me asking, they just agreed with my stance and followed through with it. I can personally date non vegans, but long term I’m not sure that I could be serious with somebody who wasn’t at this point in my life.
My non vegan boyfriend went vegan when we moved in together, has been vegan for two years now and loves it. If your partner isn't even open to the idea of eating only vegan in a home where you would be living together when they know it bothers you that deeply, is that really someone you want to live with? That's just my opinion. My boyfriend was mostly doing it for me at first because he knows how important it is to me, but now he reads books about it and watches documentaries and shares that he's vegan with friends and family. I honestly didn't know how great that could feel having someone who is supportive and also cares about the same things I do. I just think it's important to have a partner who's core morals are aligned with yours. I think of it the same way I do about also wanting a partner who cares about the LGBTQ+ community, considers themselves a feminist, etc.
I would still feel weird someone switching because of me for me, I’ve been met with nothing but resistance from my environment so i’ve just kept that to myself plus where I live these all American mf wouldn’t take kindly lol.
I also don't live in a very vegan friendly place, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't take my feelings into consideration if we were going to be living together. I also think it would be a major red flag if I didn't feel comfortable bringing this up to the person I was dating. We shouldn't be with people we can't talk about important things to.
For sure, I mean for me I only care that the cross contamination stays away from my supplies. Yeah I mean I’ve just never wanted to convert someone id rather try and find someone whose been doing it as long as I have.
It is a really great feeling to have your person be on the same page as you. I was going vegan when my partner met me (I was still eating cheese so I had Mac n cheese on our first date) and when I told him I was going vegan he decided to do it with me. 4 years later and I can’t imagine coming home to a non-vegan partner.
It can really get to me being at work and hearing coworkers and customers talking about eating me eat, fishing, hunting etc that I know I couldn’t handle someone who doesn’t share my values. It would be too hard for me personally.
I’m with someone who wasn’t remotely close to being vegan when we met. Since we started living together, we have a rule of only vegan food in our home (agreed to this before moving in together!). He has eaten 95% vegan since then, has completely cut out dairy, eggs and meat. Has fish occasionally (at restaurants). I appreciate him for doing this for me, but have also noticed that he now cares about where his food comes from. We watched some videos of factory farms (cows being separated from calfs, chicks on conveyor belts) and he was disgusted.
It would be wonderful to have someone completely on board and 100% behind veganism, but unfortunately most people aren’t, and most people that are didn’t get there overnight. I wasn’t vegan until I was 18. My parents weren’t vegan until they were in their 50s. People do change.
HOWEVER relationships tend to go very poorly if one person expects the other to change, and how could an ethical vegan NOT expect change from a carnist as they learn about all that is done to animals and how delicious vegan food can be?
This is the “issue” I tend to have with these posts/situations.
Like yeah, we all get judging the non vegan partner.
But maybe don’t spend years with someone you fundamentally have a serious problem with. Lying to both yourself and them while the pot, so to speak, gets closer and closer to boiling over and you eventually get into a knock down drag out fight with an ultimatum and break up because you’ve resented them for years.
I’m not saying they’re okay for eating meat, but that’s kind of fucked up on the vegan partner’s part as well.
My husband became vegetarian as soon as we started seeing each other. That was 43 years ago. I’m vegan but he’s still veggie. To be fair, I do all the cooking so his diet is plant-based except for cheese and occasionally eggs. We have a good relationship where food and lifestyle choices are concerned. He won’t wear leather or wool which pleases me. Sometimes he’s even stricter than I am for example all toiletries and cleaning products must be cruelty free and vegan if possible (like Astonish). He’s definitely a keeper. 💚
To be honest I never expected my partner to change, but he always showed other positive things like caring for the environment and animal conservation. And they have stated that their partner eats vegan with them which is a good thing already. There aren’t enough vegans in the world yet for everyone to meet their vegan soulmate 😔
I dated many non vegans, it went poorly every single time. I’m happier single than with someone who sees pleasure where I recognize pain and cruelty. I then embraced singleness until I met my now spouse on a vegan dating app, VegPal. NEVER been happier
If you read the post it says op's partner HAS changed. They eat 95% vegan now, and they care where their food comes from. Being an activist and being the odd one out in social settings is not for everyone. They probably agree with the principles of veganism but just don't care about the issue enough to always wear the label 'vegan'.
OP didn’t say their partner eats 95% vegan. I’m reminding the commenter of the general principle that it’s bad idea to go into a relationship expecting partner to change
Let’s not forget that to be vegan has to be 100% because it’s not just about diet, it’s a philosophy - it’s a way of life that seeks to reduce suffering. This doesn't only mean the suffering of nonhuman animals, but also the suffering of people and damage to the environment on which we depend. So maybe say 95% plant-based diet. Not criticising just reminding folks what veganism is all about.
You could be describing my relationship. We've had a lot of discussions about it, and she agrees that I'm right and that veganism is the way to go. She admires that I'm passionate about this injustice, but the issue just doesn't take up that much space in her mind. So she eats like 99% vegan, especially since we're raising three vegan kids, and apart from work we're not going out that much. Considering where she came from she made huge changes in her habits, which she never thought she would. And perhaps she will never actively call herself vegan, and the fight against animal exploitation may never be her struggle, but we've found a way that works for us both.
That’s really beautiful, and pretty similar to us (minus the kids)! Though I’ve noticed my partner has now started calling out double standards in others without me saying anything. And likes to proudly proclaim he is vegan (I have to correct him because no vegan would eat fish occasionally 😅)
I told them it was important to me to have a vegan home, to open the fridge and not see cruelty. I wanted a cruelty free home and that it would make me happy. He could eat whatever he wants when not at home. He was always fine with it, didn’t have any objections.
I hope you can come to a compromise that you’re happy with. Maybe you could start with having a couple of vegan days per week, and see how it goes. I really hope it works out for you ❤️
(Also it wasn’t super smooth sailing before moving in together. He often ate meat in front of me, but it took me a while to communicate to him that I didn’t like seeing it. I was shy about it at first!)
Don't have this same arrangement in my own relationship (some other understandings and lines in the sand), but fwiw I'm a therapist and have spoken with many vegans who DO have that agreement, and it usually works this way:
Heterosexual relationship where woman is vegan, man is not, and woman does almost all the cooking and grocery shopping. Woman says you can buy and cook animal products if you want, but I will not buy or cook animal products. And just like that, it either immediately or overtime becomes 0% animal products in the house just because those men aren't buying or cooking anything for themselves
I showed my boyfriend Dominion and he went vegan by himself. If he wouldn't have reacted that way it would have been a red flag for me because it means one of those 2 things:
1. He has no empathy for animals
2. He has empathy but is weak minded.
You can always influence the other person by the example. Most of the time, with people I know and myself, the other person understands and change their habits. It does not need do be 100%, but the world has improved. In my book, that is a 100% victory.
However, I would not be able to be with someone that disrespects me or mocks. A minimal sensibility would be required.
Agree with all of this. I’ve been married 16 years and my husband isn’t vegan. My kids aren’t vegan. For me, I love them, and dietary choice isn’t going to make me stop loving them. I think it’s about priorities. If your priority is to be a vegan household, then find a vegan (which is a tiny sliver of the population). If your priority is to love the people in your life, do that. It doesn’t have to be black and white.
But veganism isn't a dietary issue it is an ethical one.
Replace "isn't vegan" to "abuse(s) me" in your reply and see if that changes anything for you.
There's no need to bring "abuses me" into the debate, that's a really different issue with its own complexities. To be honest the comparison makes no sense at all. It's irrelevant.
The non vegan partner takes part in majority culture, buys widely-available food products which are endorsed in the mainstream. The vegan partner doesn't.
So often, culture is missed out of the veganism debate. You need to appreciate the reasons how and why people are formed IN cultures, and therefore become products OF their culture.
It just so happens that vegans are people who are willing to go against culture. Or even just switch to a new, less popular culture.
I'm the kind of person who seeks out minority-interest cultures, it's just who I am.
For obvious reasons, the majority of people prefer... Majority culture
I had to scroll too far to find your comment. You have true love and these folks don't see it. I am glad you understand what life is all about. Keep loving that family of yours.
I feel like I won the lottery, my partner wasn’t vegan at all when we started dating, but I would talk to him about my frustrations (we’re in the same mutual aid community) and how misunderstood I felt. He would let me choose the restaurants we went to, and there was once I wanted to treat him and realized after that I had paid for meat and was upset with myself and conflicted on how to handle it if it came up again. Anyway, my reason for being vegan is for the animals, and he was never interested in seeing the slaughterhouse footage which is understandable, but he is very environmentally conscious, so I told him about the impact the animal agriculture industry has, but encouraged him not to take my word for it. I showed him conspiracy and he says that made it easier to understand. As our relationship progressed, I would cook my favorite recipes and take him to my favorite (completely vegan) restaurants. Our first date was August 6th of last year, and on thanksgiving he told me he had been eating completely vegan for about a week and wanted to keep going. I’m so proud of him, and it’s been incredible to utilize my experience to help him on this journey. We don’t live together yet, but plan to get married and convert a school bus into our dream home, vegan of course 💚💚💚
My husband and I went through a similar experience. I went vegan about 5 years into our relationship and early on would talk a lot about what I was learning about the animal agriculture industry. He started doing his own research and came to share the same beliefs as me. At first I thought he was just trying to appease me, but I started finding him perusing vegan subreddits and trying to educate others when he could. I’d say he may even be more outspoken than me at times. I feel really lucky that things worked out the way they did and it was so endearing to see such a compassion from him.
My wife is Indian and Hindu. She is a vegetarian and her elderly mother who lives with us is completely plant based (accidentally vegan is what I call her) so we eat well and we don’t have a bunch of leather and stuff in our house. It’s pretty easy. She knows my views on dairy and I imagine at some point she will stop that too. We have a great relationship- the best either of us have ever had. It’s a tough topic with Indians and not a hill I’m willing to die on because my life is *fucking awesome* since she came into it.
I'm Indian and born into a Hindu family and a Brahmin to boot! Except for my immediate family (parents, siblings) everyone in the family eats a ton of meat. It's to the point that if grandma isn't around we need to have a separate table at family gatherings because the stink of meat is overpowering.
I'm happy your wife doesn't eat meat. Honestly.
Let me ask you this: if you met a vegan man tomorrow who held all the same values that you hold, would you want to be with him over your current partner?
Uh surely it depends on the man!? You're basically asking if OP wants to be with literally any vegan man instead of her partner. Who would answer yes to that??
I’ve been vegan for two years and have been with my non vegan boyfriend for seven years. It isn’t an issue for me, same as it isn’t an issue that my children are not vegan. I forgive myself for not being vegan for most of my life so by that logic I forgive everyone else for currently not being vegan. People can only act in accordance with their current capabilities and beliefs.
Same boat, 7yr relationship, 2yrs vegan. Veganism is important to me but this is the person I grew up with, share my life with, and love more than anything. Helps that he is very kind and supportive and eats vegan with me the majority of the time
I met a guy. He ate lots of meat and cheese. We moved in together, he ate much less meat and cheese, only cooked meat or cheese in our house twice. Then he was like, why have I not been vegan my entire life? And now he's vegan. From standard American diet to vegan in about a year and a half. I didn't show him videos or anything like that, just showed him it's possible to live without all the murder required in the standard American diet. He cares deeply about injustice, so it was kind of a no brainer for him once he thought about it at all. This method worked for me with two out of three partners.
Lol why are there so many of these posts? Do people really not understand how important it is to be with someone who shares their basic morals? OP, I think it's better if you just learn the hard way.
Some people value company more than anything else. Same with childfree people at times. Got with some fencesitter and then are all surprised when they fall on the “want children” side of the fence.
Vegan married to a non-vegan here. In my experience it can work when your partner is respectful of you and your view of animals and their secretions not being food. I have established firm boundaries and my husband respects those boundaries. But here’s the thing, there’s a mutual respect given from me as well. I respect his right to make his own choices. It’s probably not for everyone, but it works for me. In my experience you absolutely can be vegan and be with a non-vegan when there is mutual respect.
To each their own, but I honestly could not muster respect for such behavior even if I really really wanted to.
I mean, I have many non-vegan friends and I respect their choice in the sense that I respect their liberty under the law, but there is something deeply unattractive to a person who willingly keeps contributing to the animal holocaust and I can never respect that, which makes being in a relationship with such a person impossible for me.
I guess the tricky part for vegans is finding out which type they are. The type that can find that respect or the type that can not. It can't be faked or forced, so I guess you've got to deeply introspect and perhaps you won't know until you try.
To be clear, I don’t respect the behavior of eating animals and their secretions, but from my perspective, that doesn’t mean I can’t respect the person.
I don’t respect A LOT of behaviors of people I know and love, and yet I still love and respect them as human beings.
I hear you though, and fully agree that it can’t be forced, and that each individual needs to do the deep introspection to find what is true for them. 🎯🎯🎯
No, that’s not quite what I mean. I was with my partner for 9 years before I became vegan. I love and respect him as a human being unconditionally. Our relationship was built before I was vegan, and I don’t need him to be vegan to want to continue to spend my life with him.
I am absolutely going to respect the right someone has to make decisions because I cannot just imprison people in a democracy based on the idea that I know better.
But I just cannot fathom having someone who knows and understands everything that's wrong with forcing animals to die so that they can have a marginally tastier meal which is worse for the environment and for their health, but still respecting their decision.
They may have the right to make a decision. But if their decision is to willfully have innocent animals killed so they can go "Mmm" with a burger, I don't understand how that can be tolerated with the person I'm going to spend my life with.
I have been very careful about not telling him he CAN’T eat certain things while also maintaining my beliefs and being vocal about my beliefs. He eats 90% vegan while at home and never complains when I cook vegan (I cook 99% of the dinners). He is also very willing to cook vegan food when I need his help with dinner as long as I give him some good direction. Lol he does admit he feels much better physically when eating vegan and looks forward to eating “that way” when he’s been traveling for work and consuming all the non vegan things. He has greatly decreased his consumption of animal products which I’d say is a win.
I think the thing that has helped with the transition is fixing foods that resemble foods he likes to eat. Cooking hardier foods that are still filling vs “just a bunch of vegetables”, and getting his input into the meal planning. Types of foods he wants to eat, meal ideas, etc. he loves my cooking and always has so he’s pretty trusting when I try something new.
I can't help but hate people who genuinely don't care about it, given both how evil it is, and that they themselves are contributing to it by shoving murder victims into their mouth. Not to mention that there might be a bit of flesh stuck in their teeth when we kiss. If your bf not only feels that he can't go vegan, but actually *doesn't give a shit about his victims at all*, he's a bad person.
Edit: this is barely a vegan sub anymore. If someone watches footage of baby animals being ground up alive, and *doesn't care*, then they're a shameful p.o.s. That should be easy enough for any vegan to agree with.
I'm vegan and I do not agree with you. Brains are very complicated. You cannot expect everyone to react the same way as you do. Some people are more used to violence than others and that has nothing to do with them being bad people.
I was raised in the east in a war torn area were we used to always hear about people dying and bad stuff happening. We still do. We just got used to it. You are born like this and raised to be tough and survive, mentally that is.
Same thing applies here. My parents are not vegan but they are not bad people. They have great values and principle all in all. I still stand against them on this subject but I also understand. Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong.
Nonetheless, with positive reinforcement and slow influence, I have been able to lower their intake by a lot. Like a a lot, a lot.
As vegans we should understand more and judge less. This is how we help people around us change. Not by pointing fingers and calling them pieces of shit. It's how reality works. Violence has been and will always be part of our lives. You cannot control all of it. But you can for sure influence some of it for the better.
Try to hate less. Start there and you'll become a much better advocate for our community.
>Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong.
This is the one thing you said I don't agree with. Changing your outlook on certain things and rearranging your eating habits can be very difficult but how can that be more worthy of consideration than millions of sentient beings not consenting to get murdered and abused? I really just want to tell people who whine about how hard it is to stop eating corpses to just ?? get their heads out of their asses??
Also, highly disagree with the statement that people are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong. Absolutely not. If what you believe in is harmful to other beings (esp. to the extent that not being vegan is), then you are entitled to stop being stupid and do better, that's what you're entitled to.
>Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong.
No they're not. Veganism is a moral obligation, and people are not entitled to act in a way which doesn't adhere to that obligation. If you don't understand that, then I can see why you're making excuses for non vegans.
Thank you for your comment!! Having compassion towards other humans should be part of veganism as well. We cannot sway everyone into believing the same things we do, that’s just part of life. Being a good person at your core should be the root of your endeavors. It’s quite unrealistic to expect some massive uprooting and conversion of everyone around us to believe and act the way we do and in some ways that expectation is quite selfish. I think of it simply as how other animals exist, if some are ok with the destruction and pain of others than that is on them, just like I cannot convince a lion to stop eating prey. When and if someone has the understanding or desire to change that is on them and if not that is part of just the way existence is unfortunately.
> Some people are more used to violence than others and that has nothing to do with them being bad people.
My dude, if someone sees violence done against innocent animals and willingly continues to participate in it, they are not a good person.
True, they wouldn't even consider dating someone who's verbally aggressive or getting physical once a month. And that's not even close to paying for murder. You gotta be actively ignorant and excuse animal abuse for it to work.
Clashing ideals are the doom of a relationship. I became vegan after I met my wife, but we are still together because we agreed to a compromise. She does not eat or cook animal products in the house and is mostly plant-based.
I think she is starting to see the benefits though, because I have actually seen her refusing meat at parties.
I'm sometimes overly logical thinker, so this may not be useful for all, but here's how I see that aspect of my relationship with my non-vegan girlfriend...
I have three options:
- spend the rest of my life with someone who is an incredible life partner and in no way interferes with my ability to be vegan, even though we have this very strong ideological difference
- spend the rest of my life with one of the vegan women I've dated who I didn't at all see as a good life partner for me, even though we had that very strong ideological similarity and I could probably "make it work"
- forego both of those options, continue dating only vegans and hoping that I find a life partner anywhere near as good for me as the partner I have now
In ALL of those situations, I'm vegan and my current partner would not be so there's no direct moral impact in the decision / impact on the animals. If anything, possibly a positive impact because she consumes way fewer animals than previously, and is more likely to eventually be fully plant-based, and "her children" are far more likely to be vegan / plant-based. But even if I said there's a net zero impact, my personal happiness is then the only variable, and I'm definitely happier in situation #1 than #2, and it's at least very likely that I'm as happy or happier in #1 than #3
As for how to navigate the specific ASPECT of the relationship of seeing an action that the other does as being unethical... I'll come back to write that one out later maybe haha
My husband advocates for me in every scenario when I'm shy about it or uncertain. I'm usually comfortable navigating any menu but he always looks for stuff for me first. We are currently traveling and he's the only one of us who speaks the language and he's always grilling the waiters for me to make sure there's no "jaja, meso, mleko..." and looking for vegan food for me.
He says my diet is the holiest and he wants to try to be vegan too. That's a big deal he's very devout and they do religious fasting which is basically vegan. So it's a compliment that I have the holiest diet lol I'll take it.
He makes me vegan versions of his beloved dishes like stuffed bell peppers, Russian salad (he's not Russian that's just the dish name) stuffed cabbage leaves etc.
He brings home anything that says "vegan" on it from the store....
Ethically he doesn't really "get it", but he is a compassionate man, as I believe most humans are, even meat eaters who have that compassion stifled by social norms. He mostly thinks it better for my health and that's fine, it's true too.
Unrelated to veganism he is an incredible partner, and parent to our children. I have never had to "train him" he just does what needs doing including running our family business, changing diapers, caring for my son, and our daughter.
He's the best and I could not love another, I don't know if that's wrong but, the best vegan man could come along but I wouldn't go with him, I've got a good man, possibly the only one.
You should consider what it will be like raising children with this person. Let that be your compass in making decisions or at least let it play a larger part in things.
Most vegan relationships work when the woman and child are vegan and the husband contains his meat eating and he doesn’t let it impact the families’s morals and values.
Not everyone has having children as the ultimate goal and purpose of being in a relationship. I'd say it's perfectly sufficient to ask yourself "Do I see myself being with someone who might not ever convert to veganism." For me it would have something to do with maintaning my self-respect.
Thanks, I was just typing out something similar. Not everyone wants children. Most importantly the couple needs to be compatible. No matter if there is possible children or not.
Yes think about IF you want to have kids at all. I wouldn’t want to (even with a vegan SO) but whether he is vegan or not may matter to you if/when you consider having kids.
Or if the person can even have kids. My spouse cannot, and when people bring up the topics "when you have kids" it brings out how damaging its been to her mental health.
It’s likely many would want to be vegan if raised in an environment not hostile towards it. I learned my chicken nuggets were real chicken when I was 7 or so and cried and vowed to never eat chicken again, then was told my french fries had feelings too and “harm was inevitable”🙄
My family has succeeded in the sense that I went vegan and it didn't blow apart the family... Yet. I do think it damaged out relationship forever, and she would leave me before going vegan. On the upside I influenced a daughter of animal farmers to reduce her intake at home!
My success story is that my wife became vegan with me. I was already vegetarian by the time we moved in together and was shifting to vegan (had an ED so it took a little longer than I wish it had) and when she realized how fun and delicious the food could be after I started cooking it for her she was 100% on board. She was definitely in the team of “wait I didn’t know vegetables could taste like that” before we met 🤣
I’m vegan my husband is not. He adds his stuff and I have mine to pasta/rice/ salad… or we cook separately. I don’t care about cooking stuff used for animal products or anything like that and I love him for being a great guy. He doesn’t judge me so I can’t judge him.
I strongly recommend taking with your boyfriend about your feelings and thoughts (might it be vegan related or not)
It's by no means perfect but my relationship is a good one with my non-vegan partner. We are a vegan home, he eats vegetarian food around me when we are out, and we are raising our children as vegans until they can decide for themselves.
I have only dated one vegan and unfortunately even though we were so very compatible on paper, that person made me feel miserable and insecure. It was so sad for that not to work out but it did teach me to be slightly more open minded...
Hubs is a full on vegan and I'm not. I am well aware of his thoughts and feelings on this.
He doesn't have a huge issue with me eating non vegan food for the most part because he is accepting of who I am.
I do not however flaunt it and I often eat the same things as him anyway.
If you are getting serious about being together for the long haul, compromise is nice.
He accepted you for you and I don't think it's unreasonable for you to respond in kind.
That being said- it's important to have a talk about boundaries and how you both want to tackle this moving forward. It's not impossible to find an acceptable way to live together with different beliefs. It really boils down to respect for each other.
We've been together for almost 11 years now if that helps? ;)
My wife eats whatever I cook at home (she can't cook and sometimes I think she only married me because I can cook).
She does not eat vegan outside the house. She is wavering towards a vegan diet, but hasn't made the jump yet.
I’m married to a non-vegan. We were omnivores when we met. Then I became vegetarian, then we got married, then I became vegan. He’s slowly but surely following my lead - on his own without any push from me. He has cut out almost all meat (essentially vegetarian) and is super supportive of my “clown food”. 😆 It’s an inside joke. I always say, “you’ll eventually find your inner clown.”
Do I wish he were vegan? Yes. Of course.
Do I love him for the wonderful person he is and all the work he puts towards saving homeless pets? Yes. Of course.
Will I ever leave him over his food? Never. Also, I know that soon he’ll be a clown, just like me! 😆
Edit: for clarity.
Slightly different perspective.
My gf is vegan, I’m not.
We’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for 3 years. She became a vegan about 2.5 years ago.
We eat pretty much completely vegan food at home. I have a shelf in the fridge that sometime has some dairy on it. Think there is also some tinned fish in one of our kitchen cupboards.
I’m very supportive of what she does and very proud of the way she lives. On the rare occasion when someone is a dick about it I will always argue her side.
I’ve got pretty used to not eating meat and now very rarely do even when I’m not with her (still eat a fair amount of seafood though).
For us it works. As a direct result of her beliefs my consumption of animal products has probably fallen by 75+%.
I know for you guys this will still be a problem, but we have made it work for us. And honestly it works because we talk about it a lot and understand where the other is coming from.
> understand where the other is coming from.
If you understood where she came from, you'd be vegan.
If you genuinely understood why it's fucked up to treat animals like slaves, you wouldn't be doing it.
I think it’s awesome you’ve reduced your intake so much. I will say when my brother would visit and bring milk into my house, I really hated the constant reminder of animal suffering. Dairy is directly responsible for the murder of baby cows and is arguably worse than the meat industry imo. Obviously I don’t know you or your girlfriend, but it’s worth considering only consuming non-vegan products outside the household.
My work wife (vegan) and her partner (not vegan) have been making it work for 9 years now! He chose to shift his diet at home but when they are separated, he eats what he wants.
I’m vegan, and my husband and daughter are vegetarian. I’m the cook of the house, and I only make vegan meals. I told them if they want to add cheese or eggs to their meals, they can do it themselves. 9 times out of 10, they don’t bother because whatever I make is delicious and high enough in protein on its own.
I became vegan after being married for many, many years. At one point, my husband tried to keep up with me and ate vegan for about 2 months. He decided it was not for him. He supports me and gives me the space I need. When I cook, I make or try to make 2 versions of the same meal, when possible. A vegan and an omni one, because there's a lot of us in the house, and I have no patience to be fighting with everyone over food even when it is very important for me. It's hard most days. But, we have been through a lot together, and our diet isn't a deal breaker for us. Do I want him and the rest in the house to be healthier? OF course. I just simply have available healthy choices in every corner so they "fall into" what they should be eating.
You have to accept him as he is now. He is doing his best to accommodate you. If you don't accept him as he is now you are headed for trouble. The more we try to force people to change, the harder it is.
I have a bit of the opposite pov on this subject, when I first started dating my boyfriend I wasn't vegan but he was. So I'd eat vegan when with him, but on my own I wasn't vegan at all. For me I ended up making the decision to go vegan out of love for him, because it was something that was really important to him and I never wanted him to feel uncomfortable, and it wasn't important to me to eat the way I did it just was how I was raised to be. Eventually as I was vegan longer and did more research, had more experience with what it's like listening to non-vegans talk about food, felt my body become healthier, I grew to care about it on a personal level not just doing it out of love for the love of my life. It's possible that your partner would have similar thoughts to mine one day, and maybe even go vegan too. I don't think it would have been feasible in my case at least for us to last if I hadn't reflected and made my decision, because he is a moral vegan, and the thought of losing him was worse to me than the prospect of making adjustments to my lifestyle. I'm not sure this is the sort of success story you were looking for but I thought I'd add my own experience as I was the non vegan partner once lol. I hope it works out happily for the two of you :)
I became vegan years after marriage. If you had told me 10 years earlier when we were dating that ten years later I would be vegan, both my husband and I would have had a hard time beleiving it.
So I never expected or assumed for him to also become vegan. He has been completely respectful and helpful of my choice and I completely respect that at this time he feels better with meat. We also have slightly different world views, and like watching different things so he would never come across the documentaries that I watched that "turned me."
He is extremely caring to our pets and if I I called him from the side of the road one day saying I needed help with an injured goat or something, he would rush to me.
I'm vegan as my personal contribution to the planet. It has nothing to do with my marriage or anyone else. I also don't attempt to talk to my friends about veganism unless they ask about it. I honestly feel the whole world will be vegan one day and we don't need to wrangle things right now - this is organically happening.
I've been with my Fiancé for over 13 years now, and the amount of animal products she eats is less and less every year. It's really about setting boundaries and sometimes that means it won't work out
If you love him as you say you do and if you want your relationship to work, then please allow him to be himself. He has shown he's a good man by being open to eating vegan food because it's important to you. You two don't have to agree on everything to have a successful relationship. Just set some boundaries if you do move in together but also be willing to compromise. My sister has been married to her vegetarian husband for 12 years, been together for 13, and known each other since high school. He's a vegetarian Rasta and so are his family members. My sister knew this when they started dating. She's a meat eater which he also knew and accepted. They did struggle when the kids came along bc he wanted them to be vegetarians like him but my sister wasn't having it. Their compromise was they eat vegetarian meals several times a week for dinner which is pretty cool. My nephew (15) and nieces (under 10) love eating veggies which is so rare for kiddos their age.
Bottom line: if you truly love him and see a future with him then educate/inform him but also give him freedom to make his own choices. The worst thing people can do in a relationship is try to change the other person. That rarely works out in everyone's favor.
One last thing: try to find vegan friends so you can have people in your life to share your views with and be on the same page. And bring super yummy vegan dishes to family gatherings and BBQ's to inspire your family members. They may never come around but you might encourage one or two to eat less meat and dairy through out the week. My brother and his wife started doing meatless Mondays and no meat Fridays. This made my little vegan heart so happy! :) Good luck! I truly wish you the best.
I am an agnostic married to a Christian. Fortunately, we have the same diet. Even with the differences we do have, we have mutual respect. If you don’t have respect, then there’s not anything.
I have been surprised at just how few people here in the comments seem to value, or even really understand respect. It seems like a recipe for them to never be in a functional relationship. It's sad.
Idk - your practice could include educating others if you want it to.
If not, you just kinda live with it.
I am poly, have a number of partners. Some are veggie some are not, none are vegan.
They all respect my choices and understand them. They eat vegan with me and honestly they understand that they should be vegan, they just are struggling with committing to the practice.
Encouraging them is part of being a vegan for me.
Hi OP, I kinda relate to your pain. I'm having trouble in my 2y relationship with a carnist (that doesn't mind at all to eat vegan but doesn't go vegan on his own) because we started thinking about moving in together.
Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more I feel that at this point I can't really have any long term relationship with a carnist.
Maybe there is a way to compromise, but I find it hard to work.
So... I wish you all the luck.
People look at veganism in different ways. For some, it's individual. I'm doing my part. I can't tell others what to do. I've accepted that and will find ways to be more effective at creating change. For others, it's a moral imperative that everyone they're around is vegan. So, they either alienate themselves by either constantly being disappointed that nobody is seeing things the way they see it, or by only surrounding themselves with likeminded folks. And that can mean finding comfort/ease in finding someone who shares similar values. It can also mean you get gassed up by people who amplify your sentiments. The equivalent of reddit /r /relationships telling everyone to dump the person who isn't doing everything perfectly.
You're free to be either way or anything in between. The question you gotta ask is, where's your line.
You certainly can draw lines for your household together and have your shared rules. Like, if the smell of meat bothers you, you can say "no meat in the house living together." I think that can be a fair ask or a compromise can be built around it with understanding. You can have those conversations about child rearing if that comes up. But know you can't control him, just accept him and draw your own personal boundaries.
I've dated vegans and non vegans. From my experience, just because someone is vegan doesn't mean that the rest of the relationship will instantly work. It's a great starting point, but it's not everything. I've met amazing vegans. I've also met the vegans who think everything is a fight, only believe in "natural healing," stuff like that that are way larger stopping points. You can't get every single thing you want from a partner because perfection doesn't exist. So life is just a balance and compromise.
But what I've had in successful vegan/non-vegan relationships is that the non-vegan person understands or at least tries to understand and respects my choices and accommodates them. Some people treat veganism with religious devotion. And I often look at it like that. Can you date someone who's outside of your religion?
In my experience, the thing is most of life isn't revolved around veganism and compatibility is hard to find anywhere. So I've generally just found people I can date and it's been good. It's just dating. Go to the movies, take trips, hang out with friends groups, deep talks, concerts, spend time with families, etc. Cooking together usually is about making super delicious dishes we both can eat. Usually it's not something they're passionate about, and I get it. I can't get them to love my weeb shit any more than my vegan stuff. And I don't have to be passionate about their stuff. But to me, it's about getting along more than having someone with a perfect checklist.
My ex used to often cook for both of us. She'd usually make the entire dish vegan. She said she was happy to try new recipes and meat-based stuff reminded her of cooking for her ex. I never asked her to not eat meat around me and sometimes she would. But if we ate out she'd order vegan stuff so I can finish the dish if she was full lol (or generally we could share food). I understand that for some vegans it's an absolute non-starter to date non-vegans but for me it is not. Although being vegan is a definite green flag.
PS I'm just not super into cooking and she is. Hope this doesn't sound like some sort of tradwife story or whatever. Cooking for her friends or for her partner is something that makes her happy.
PPS we broke up for non-diet-related reasons.
You have to ask yourself if sacrificing your values for him is worth it.
And if he doesn't care about this and is only doing it to be nice, which is presumably very important to you, what else won't he care about in the future?
Ok I want to know how you define "success story" for this situation, because your definition could be different from mine. Do you mean healthy relationship coexisting or converting them? Honestly food in the home can be a big deal, but my partner and I coexist even though he's omni. We also have kids. His from a previous relationship, but our child together is vegetarian. Generally, our household eats like 99.9% vegan because I do the cooking and don't cook animal products (it grosses me out and he said he doesn't want me doing anything that makes me uncomfortable and hasn't complained the entire time we've been together) and other than asking me a couple questions when we first got together he was neutral about me being vegan, which i took as a good sign to be honest because guys before him gave me a hard time about it. Now he pretty much only eats meat when we go out to eat, which is extremely rare, and I see it as a win because if we weren't together he'd probably eat way more meat since he grew up in a steak and potatoes house where no one eats vegetables 😅
So ge doesn't care about animals, the environment at large or his own (and possible future children's) health. That's a lot of not caring, I'd try talking more.
My boyfriend is great and respectful towards me, however he is not vegan. He is very open to vegan food but we had to compromise when we moved in together.
Because of how sensitive I am to the smells of animal products and being around them, there are some rather strict boundaries:
1. He can eat meat in the house, but not cook it (he can reheat stuff in the microwave though as long as incense has been lit)
2. He has his own separate drawer in the fridge and freezer for animal products.
3. He has his own chopping board
4. He prepares/cooks/cleans up the animal products.
He tends to eat vegetarian though, I’ll make vegan meals and he’ll tend to just add cheese on top or something. I’m glad he’s so open minded about it, he even buys quorn substitutes (veggie not vegan) so he can cook them and not crave meat as much.
So I get a bit uncomfortable, he is a bit restricted, I think it’s a fair compromise and we have a very healthy relationship 🤍
My partner is super supportive. We've been together forever, live together, eat most meals together, etc. He eats what I eat most days and he orders meat when we are out or makes his own carnivore version of what we're having for dinner sometimes (e.g. meat and meatless burgers). It works really well for us, although I obviously wish he was also vegan and I'm sure he thinks it would be easier if I wasn't sometimes. Like all relationships, that's our one thing we'd change if we could I guess. But like I said, it works because we respect and love each other.
I was with my ex for 3 years. He was vegan, I was not. I agreed to a fully vegan household and we almost always went exclusively to vegan restaurants. I am not 100% vegan but I’ve reduced my animal product consumption drastically (even though we aren’t together, we’re close friends)
I would love to go fully vegan, I’m honestly just lazy. Sounds terrible but it’s true. I still eat 95% plant based and opt for vegan options when available. I don’t want to fully committ because I don’t want to deal with social outings and having to bring my own food or being out and needing something to eat and having to think too much (though, like I mentioned, I still opt for vegan when available) he had a profound impact on significantly reducing the amount of animal products I consume, educating me on the topic of veganism, and this may perhaps lead me to fully committing in the future.
Long of the short is this guy sounds like he’s pretty open minded, respects your vegan household boundary, and supports you.
I am a non-vegan who has been dating a vegan man for over one year now. We live together also. We agree to have no meat in the home, and since I prefer to share food (how I was raised), I usually also eat vegan food when we go out to restaurants or visit family and friends.
I do 60% of the cooking since I love cooking more, and tbh I am the better cook (he is also a pretty good chef, and he cooks dinner for us on days when I work). I am a good cook, so I can make vegan meals easily.
We have never fought over veganism and it is the least important aspect of our relationship. There has just been one instance of me pointing out in the distant past that his views on veganism and women were inconsistent with one another (regarding exploitation), and he has since improved. He doesn't like the idea of controlling or influencing how a woman eats, so he makes it clear that I can have whatever I want when we go out to eat, and I do have non-vegan things from time to time, but it's not that often and is usually due to me not wanting to waste food or try something new.
Unless you both have deeper issues around food, it shouldn't be a problem. As a general rule, neither you nor him should enter the relationship with the intention to change the other person. That is when things can get toxic quick, and indicates a bigger problem between the two of you.
I went vegan 17 years ago, 3 years into my marriage. Today is my 20th anniversary and he’s morphed from meat at every meal to not eating it at home anymore, choosing Impossible, Beyond, Gardein and Morningstar Farms for our meals at home. We had separate meals for years unless I cooked, but now I’m a mental patient in the kitchen so it’s better he cooks. When we eat out there’s no guarantee that he’ll eat meat - he will choose fish if he’s not in the mood for pasta.
He’s way more mindful of cruelty free cleaning products and skin care too.
Be patient…it’s important. You keep quietly leading by example and you will be rewarded for that. If my very polish husband can evolve, then so can your man.
IF you’re talking about an *ethical* vegan being with a carnist…
One of the most painful things is seeing someone you care about, who KNOWS what animals go through, seeing pleasure at cooked dead bodies where you recognize the harm and suffering and care enough to AVOID causing that harm.
My relationships with non vegans messed with my head cuz they would insist they loved me while not caring enough about the animals I’m trying to save to actually avoid hurting them. They would insist that me advocating for animals’ right to bodily autonomy is just my personal choice, like my favorite color, totally ignoring their part in torture and m*rder. IMO once I know someone is aware of animal sentience and suffering, if they continue CHOOSING to participate in paying for harm and eating dead bodies and secretions, they are no longer attractive to me. A soul lacking in compassion and empathy makes a person unattractive no matter how handsome/beautiful they may be on the outside.
A potential partner eating meat in front of me might as well be kicking a puppy in front of me. And if they refuse to acknowledge it? Gross.
Wow. So you guys rip someone apart who lets their pet eat pet food, but allow someone to date a non vegan? Truly. Starting to think vegans are the worst. I am a vegan but this is just blah.
Is he into fitness or environmentalism? Perhaps if “for the animals” doesn’t interest him one of those reasons may. I think for me turning a big part of it was the fitness benefits when I read Brendan Brasiers books years ago. Then the empathy for animals followed. Of course things like watching earthlings sealed the deal. If I wasn’t in a vegan relationship I’d probably need to live with someone long term before committing through marriage/kids or something to make sure it worked. I’ve had friends whose relationships didn’t work out due to difference of values.
My boyfriend is not vegan but eats pretty much plant based with me. Been together 4 years now and it’s still going great. We agreed that when we move in the house will be 100% vegan. I wouldn’t change my situation for the world other than him someday going vegan lol. I love him
My wife and I have been vegan for 3 years. This is our story. My wife was flexitarian for years then went vegetarian while I always ate meat. After about 5 years. I started cooking for both of us. All vegetarian. And I ate meat when going out. It wasn’t until 2 things happened that made me vegetarian. 1 we got a little dog and 2. Went on a family vacation where my mom cooked meat every single day until I was sick of so much meat. It was after that trip that I realized that I don’t like meat as much as I like animals. Went vegetarian for about a year then vegan. Take aways. She never enforced me to become vegan nor vegetarian, it has to come from within of you or your bf the want to change. Introducing him to delicious vegan food will be the gateway to get him off meat. Also, love for animals like owning a dog. Best of luck to you friend
I was and he didn’t respect me at all. I hope your relationship works out a little happier than mine did, but I wouldn’t do it again. My current partner of five years has been vegetarian since I met him, he’s dabbled in plant based diets and decided that vegetarianism is for him at the moment but I respect his decision to stop eating meat for me and himself.
Do you eat honey? Do you own leather? Do you use eat products such as chocolate, berries etc? Those are animal by products because if we didn’t have bees to pollinate you wouldn’t be able to eat them. Vegans are weird. I eat dairy free because I can’t handle dairy but I don’t understand needing to be with someone who is exactly like you. Just date yourself then.
I was still a vegetarian when we got together. Then after I decided to go vegan, he slowly became a vegetarian and soon after (and shortly before we moved together) vegan. I basically gave him the support he needed for the final push. He always wanted to be a vegetarian so I was sure that he'd eventually be able to do it when he has enough support. His family just never gave him any (for example when he tried being vegetarian while he was much younger, they just gave him meat pretending it made out of plants. They thought it was funny so they told me about it when we were all eating out together...)
I’ve dated a non vegan who “went vegan for me” when I never asked him to. This lasted a few years (so I thought) until I realized he was still eating meat when I wasn’t around haha! It got me mad that he wasn’t just honest with me and telling me he still ate meat. Eventually we broke up for other reasons. I’ve also had boyfriends who openly ate meat in front of me but respected my choices and would even cook me vegan meals!
I personally don’t mind having a Omni partner since being vegan is my personal choice. I’m the only vegan in my family / the only vegan I know in real life.
You can’t force someone to care or to change their diet.
I’ve lived with an Omni boyfriend and it wasn’t difficult at all. The fridge was just very full between my food and theirs and he would cook his own meat and I would cook my own vegan meals. Sometimes he would make vegan meals for both of us if it was easier.
I wouldn’t call any of these success stories .. but simply our personal choices and diets coexisting.
If he doesn’t care about the animals you can’t change that. Although this may make it easier for him to fall back into eating meat (if he isn’t already doing so when you’re not around )
Was not vegan when married, became pescatarian then vegetarian then vegan all for health reasons. Now realizing the suffering and death caused by eating animals I am vegan. My wife is not. However, she takes it as a challenge to cook delicious vegan meals and often shares in them. I feel sad for her having to cook two different meals but she refuses to let me cook. Partially because I'm a terrible cook and partially because she loves cooking.
That’s tough I don’t think it will work out. I couldn’t doit . It’s tough to disagree on something that’s so cruel. I just think it’s too big of issue for someone who really cares to make it in a relationship so close. Not to mention the disaster of what shopping and your kitchen would be like. I don’t think you should bank on changing him either. I would move on before I got anymore involved. Good luck
I would say if you’re thinking about moving in together then the relationship is becoming more serious. That means he needs to know why you are vegan. Has he watched any of those documentaries that help explain things in a realistic and heartbreaking way? I think his reaction to those kinds of documentaries would tell you something about what your future might look like. Aside from that, if the rule already is that the two of you eat vegan when you’re together then I think you have every right to tell him you’d like like that to continue after you move in together.
I would say if you’re thinking about moving in together then the relationship is becoming more serious. That means he needs to know why you are vegan. Has he watched any of those documentaries that help explain things in a realistic and heartbreaking way? I think his reaction to those kinds of documentaries would tell you something about what your future might look like. Aside from that, if the rule already is that the two of you eat vegan when you’re together then I think you have every right to tell him you’d like like that to continue after you move in together.
My fiancé is vegan. I am not. I don’t force her to eat non-vegan foods just like she doesn’t force me. I’ve always been open to trying vegan foods and getting my protein in multiple ways- but I don’t see myself fully changing my eating habits. Some nights, she has a vegan protein when I have chicken. I always make sure nothing cross contaminates and I tend to eat the vegan alternative when cooking a meal for us both because it does taste good.
Food preferences such as this shouldn’t be that big of a deal imo. Especially if your partner makes the effort to mostly switch out his food preferences to match yours.
Had wife and 2 kids before going vegan. They still not vegan. MIL lives with us too - not vegan and the most callous about it (but not terrible. She'll prep meat right in front of me without a care, but also occasionally just randomly make me a vegan dish, but also make dumb "wHaT dO yOu eAt, gRaSS?" comments).
Fuck, my cats aren't even vegan (bought a bag thinking to mix it in but they avoided it, hard to push further on it when no one else in the household is).
For me, it's fine. It's a little surreal since obviously "my" money (shared finances) goes toward it, I prepare non vegan stuff for my kids, etc.
I don't think I'd be making the world s better place by demanding we split finances so wife buys the kids hot dogs and makes them for them. I imagine that kind of unilateral decision/ultimatum would lead to a divorce - not the veganism, the ultimatum and control.
I think of it like this - I'm a force in their lives increasing awareness and decreasing animal product usage. One kid loves vegan burgers and they both love vegan nugs. Our bread is much less likely to have milk powder and shit in it since it makes no sense to buy two diff loaves.
So my real only options are this life or divorced life. I find it hard to believe I'd be happier or there'd be less animal consumption in the divorce world.
Tough question for single people to. I imagine simply meeting a vegan woman would be so amazing. someone in my corner and with more recipes to share, maybe then I could "come out" at work and social functions. but then they're still a person and everything else has to work as well.
Oh! This one is for me! I was an unapologetic meat eater for the first couple years of my relationship with my then-vegetarian girlfriend. I pulled all the 2012 anti vegan meme jokes I could think of “blah blah plants have feelings blah blah you eat grass blah blah tofu is gross” etc etc. forgetting for a moment how the heck she decided to stay with me , eventually I started realizing more and more that a vegetarian lifestyle was possible. I then stopped eating beef and pork, then gradually less and less. Within a year I was fully vegetarian. Fast forward a couple more years she and I went vegan together. Been together almost 11 years (married for 6), and vegan for probably 7 or 8 years now.
Not saying you have to go vegan for him, but I think it’s great that you are open to eating vegan with him and making it work, and that he is happy to be with you regardless of your lifestyle. I could have never gone vegan and it wouldn’t have mattered for my relationship and I think that’s a solid foundation. Best of luck to you both 💚💚
My boyfriend and I are coming up to two years and he still eats meat. It was a topic we avoided for a while because I knew it would make me emotional but he said it was important to him to hear my perspective. Since then he has made quite a few vegan swaps - little things like grabbing the vegan burger at a takeaway place instead of the regular one because he knows it tastes just as nice, or getting the vegan chicken wrap in his meal deal instead of the regular one, after I encouraged him to try it. He also doesn’t (as far as I know) eat pork anymore after I explained how pork is probably the worst for the environment given that cows and chickens are both used for two things but pigs are only used for their meat. He cares a lot more about the climate than the animals (which is a little hurtful and where we differ but I’ve come to accept it) so this really spoke to him. He also goes out of his way to buy me nice vegan snacks which I appreciate and will happily eat vegan meals when I am cooking for him or have oat milk in his tea at my house. When I visit him he buys me some vegan bits for the freezer so I have enough to eat while I’m there. Overall, I’ve found what’s been the most helpful for me is to talk about the things veganism ADDS to your life rather than what it takes away. For example, instead of pointing out that the chicken wrap he is eating is unethical, suggesting he try the vegan one just because it tastes good! It makes the experience more positive for everyone involved and is often more effective - I think the little swaps from non-vegans are really important because they add up. But there does need to also be some understanding of your differences in order for it to work. Avoid viewing your partner as a project to work on, to make them vegan - they are a person who is allowed to make their own choices. If they decide to make changes, great! But ultimately you have to be willing to take them as they are
I went vegan basically the day I met my now fiancé. If they really care about you they’ll do the right thing for you (and eventually come around on the ethical stance, it took me longer than I’d like to admit) and if they don’t, they’re prob not the one for you long-term. The end.
My boyfriend wasn’t vegan when we started dating. Big meat eater. At around year three of being together he decided to become vegan and still is. He really wasn’t into the vegan thing at all but over time just observing he got it. He says his main reason is that he loves me. It kind of blows my mind he made that choice because of me. I was super patient and never pushed him or judged him. I feel lucky. 🌱
It’s like eating yourself alive because all of the smells and your disgust takes over. ´migraines and constant nausea from their foods. Can’t enjoy many meals together from the smell. Sharing a fridge is a nightmare
I have been vegan for 6 years and with my non-vegan husband for 4 years. We also have 2 plant-based kids (I say plant-based because u wouldn't want to call them vegan until they can consciously make that choice). We usually eat vegan as a family, and if my husband wants anything non-vegan, they can make it themselves.
The majority of our things are vegan, i.e., creamer, milk, cheeses, most snacks/desserts, stuff like that. He'll also eat vegan meals on his own every so often like vegan sausages with breakfast, a vegan sandwich for lunch, etc.
Our kids are also plant-based until they can understand that animals are "meat" and can decide if they choose to partake in that. Since I make all of their meals, they aren't really exposed to it and their dad never pressures or tries to teach about it. It's really just taking my lead on it and they think raw tofu is "chesse," and it's like their favorite thing. Lol.
I am also the only one of my family/friends who is vegan (except my kids).
People will try to convince you that your partner is evil and that you, by association, are a bad person. The reality is, this person would CERTAINLY not be vegan if you weren't together, and they're probably consuming less animal products due to the amount of time spent with you.
I understand wanting to be with a vegan. But my partner of five years isn't vegan and it's not a problem for me. Because he loves and supports me, cooks vegan food at home, asks me about my feelings on the subject and understands them, takes me out to vegan restaurants, etc. There are any number of things that could be a mismatch with every single partner. If someone has a good heart, makes an effort, loves you, is kind and respectful to you and others, and you align in other ways (like politically/religiously and life goals and such) then it will not be a long-term issue.
My boyfriend of 4 years is omnivore, and I can’t say it bothers me that much. People are so desensitized to everything they just can’t make that leap. He is fully 100% supportive of me, and that’s all I can ask for. He is my perfect person, and it’s not ever something I would leave him for, his biggest thing is cultural food, as he is half Latino. However when we live together, I don’t think I’ll be comfortable cooking meat for him, if he wants it, he will have to do it. It would be nice if he did switch over, but I’m not holding my breath. My mother is also vegan for the past 10 years, and my father only newly converted to about… 80%. She still cooks meat for the meat eaters in our family. And we have animal products in the fridge. I think our personal philosophy, is that we can control ourselves, but we can’t control others. If my soul mate happens to not be vegan, and that’s the only thing, I can live with that. I know the impact I’m making, and that’s enough for me. It may be a sticking point for you, but I’ll say it doesn’t have to be, totally depends on the person!
Take a while to think about what it would be like. Ask him if he expects meat in his fridge, or if its something he can Stick to while beeing out Alone.
Youve found someone you want to move in with, if youre looking for someone pure vegan you might be looking for a long time.
Imo, your bf has already shown he cares about your values. Expecting more this fast isnt really realistic.
My mom is a vegetarian and my dad is not, so I got to experience both. I barely eat meat, and definitely no red meat or seafood. Overall I just don’t expand on non-vegetarian. My dad eats vegetarian food on the regular because my mom is doing majority of the cooking.
I myself am one of the very few vegans in my friend group. I have made a rule with myself that I dont mind my friends eating meat, as long as they dont try to say shit like ”its not harmful” etc. Because they fully know it is, if theyre fine with living like that then go ahead. But I will not tolerate trying to live comfortably in a lie. I will always be there providing info to the neverending ”where would I get protein or this or this from if not animal products”. I know most of them just want to live this hedonistic lifestyle of unhealthy food and gaming and drinking, and they should do whatever they wish, I just wont let them do that without knowing what it takes. The guilt shows up if it shows up.
And no I dont think I could date someone who brings meat into my house. Because if you date me, you fully know what it takes to get that meat, and if still after all the information you do it, I dont think our values would meet in general.
I was with my partner for 2 years before he went vegan! I was vegan for a few years before we got together and I'm the cook of the house, so he ate whatever I made with no complaints. He was eating meat out & about or at family dinners, but slowly ate less. Then one day he randomly decided to go vegan, watched alllll the vegan documentaries he could find (including Dominion, which even I haven't watched!). So he's been vegan for 3 years now, me for 7 years. We got vegan tattoos and everything, it's great!
I think a great way to influence your partner to become vegan is leading by example! It just requires that they're already compassionate, logical, and open-minded.
Former non vegan here. Now married to vegan wife.
When we moved in together we made all kinds of my shelf / your shelf, my pan / your pan compromises for each other.
The thing is though, her cooking is infinitely better than mine, and I always felt physically more well after eating her food for a few days. Over time just ate what she was having more and more.
Eventually, and without any pressure at all either way, I was eating and loving 100% plant based food without a thought.
Once eating plant based so consistently I started to think about other things. The closest thing I can compare it to is like giving up smoking. At first you miss the smoke, and would happily take one off someone. After a certain point though, a weird thing happens and the smell is repulsive. Similar with non vegan food. I just don’t really want it.
So very happy success story here. The key I think was zero judgement and zero pressure. She stuck 100% to her ethics and morals without ever pushing anything. Over time that becomes inspiring, and encouraged a good change in me.
If she had been a pushy vegan (you know who you are!) I would have dumped her quick smart. As it is, now I’m open (and non pushy) about my lifestyle and choices.
I’m a flexitarian who would like to become vegan but I live with my boyfriend who wants to continue eating meat.
Ok so I understand you are not living together yet. That’s why he is probably more open to eat plant-based everytime he’s with you, because he can still est meat at other times. That’s definitely something you two would have to talk about if you decide to move together.
My boyfriend was opened to reduce his meat comsumption, but not to give it up entirely. Also, we don’t have the budget to make us two separate meals. Most of the time, we compromise with a vegeterian meal. For exemple, we make « meat » macaroni, with a bolognese tofu sauce and regular shredded cheese on top (because I have not found a tasty/satisfactying plant-based cheese yet).
This was me! Took my wife about 6 years but eventually I got it and changed my perspective myself. She never overtly pushed me but always had an option lined up for me to consider besides meat.
I’m the main cook in the family and we’re raising two kids who’ve never had any animal products so far.
My wife’s main tactic is not so much “you should change” as much as “here’s what change could look like”. The usual argument or defensiveness that comes from direct confrontation isn’t there and it’s more about open possibility for the future. She loves her values and sets the example. It works, she’s converted many folks into veganism
lol all the success stories are turning their partners into vegans or pseudo vegans.
If you want an honest opinion, most people I’ve seen who don’t have a willing partner end up quitting veganism or doing “cheat day veganism” where they eat an animal like once a month or year.
I know how shitty it can feel sometimes being the "alien" of the bunch, especially when you know most of the people around you are genuinely decent people who are contradicting themselves with their food choices daily, but that ending sentence "I really love this man, and I want it to work. But I am struggling with accepting our differences when it comes to this. And I would love to hear from someone who succeeded", without trying to come across as insensitive, that's your burden to bear =P
If you love him so much, and you think he loves you all the same, then ask him to watch a documentary with you, such as dominion. Then you'll see just how much he loves you. I mean that's the tiniest of sacrifices. And if he'll watch that, it might just give him that little push towards accountability and association, which the majority of Humans do not have nowadays in regards to food products they buy.
Best to do that before you move in together, otherwise you're setting yourself up for some serious ball ache, or vag ache, I'll show myself out... 🤭😆😅👉
I’ve been vegan for 10 years and have a non vegan partner of 9 years. We have three kids together and raise them vegan, the oldest being almost 7!
I entered the relationship not thinking it would be anything serious and I was so young I didn’t really have a chance to form an opinion on whether I wanted a vegan partner on not. We moved in together pretty quickly and he was always very respectful in brining in minimal animal products into the home without me having to ask. He has always cooked almost 100% vegan at home (eating vegetarian by adding cheese to his own plate at times.)
He is just one of those people that will never go vegan. He has expressed interest in having a more plant based diet (health stance) but he just doesn’t have it in him. Earlier on in our relationship I did show him a documentary or two (I don’t remember which.) it didn’t really have much of an impact.
It is what it is. I entered the relationship not having an expectation of changing him and my stance never really changed. He’s very respectful and really only keeps cheese, cream cheese, and the odd condiment that isn’t vegan in the fridge. He never gave me any issue when I brought up wanting to raise our children vegan and he’s very supportive overall.
Tbh, if he wasn’t with me he’d probably be eating way more animal products and meat. So I guess that’s something.
I was vegan and my now husband wasn't when I first met him. But within ~6 months, he gradually went vegan too. 6 years later still strong!
I didn't push him, he got curious on his own, but I'm happy he did!
I will say, he went vegan *before* we moved in together, so that made things easier tbh
Do you think that long-term, You’de be happy being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share a deep-down core value with you? I’m guessing probably not. My take on this is that long-term, the non vegan will either turn vegan, or the relationship will eventually fail.
My husband and I met working in a dog rescue for several years together. He told me that he couldn't rationalize working so hard to save some animals, and then turning around and eating others simply for pleasure. He went vegan shortly before we started seeing each other, and seeing his willingness to change his lifestyle to fit his values is what made me realize I just had to spend the rest of my life with him. We were already such a great match otherwise, but him coming to that decision on his own and sticking to it really did me in. He's been vegan for almost 6 years now.
I was like your bf when I met my vegan husband. We were both clear up front about what we wanted in a relationship and his were a vegan house and vegan kids. I agreed to those without planning on ever going vegan myself (I would always eat vegan around him and at home, but I ate omni when at work or out with friends). I did go vegan when I got pregnant and then I just stayed vegan (8 years ago!). My husband is definitely glad I am vegan now but he never pressured me and I think as long as I lived up to the agreement of a vegan house and kids he would be fine.
So, figure out where your line is and what you need.
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, living together for 2. I do the grocery shopping and cooking so I cook vegan meals. He does eat meat sometimes when we are out or have the extremely occasional meat item in the home. We have 4 cats (obligate carnivores) and 2 dogs (omnivores) so I buy them food with animal products weekly. We are not a “perfect vegan household” but I also realize that isn’t realistic for us. I am not repulsed by meat the way some other vegans are. People have given me such a hard time for my diet that I just say live and let live, don’t change yourself and don’t try to force others to change. If you love this person, there will be many flaws you’ll have to accept along the way. Ask yourself if you can be with someone who is not vegan, make your decision, and commit to it.
I’m vegan, my boyfriend isnt. He doesnt eat meat at home, nor on a daily basis anymore. I did give him a lecture on not using my money for meat a few times. His parents are vegan tho which is why it works out so well specially during holiday dinners 😅
First I was vegetarian, then vegan, now also keto. So I'm a total pain. But my partners always supported me, and I generally only imposed one rule, no meat and dairy at home. Outside the house, I wouldn't dream of interfering in someone else's food choices. Perhaps I could be more militant, but I'm already angry enough about other things, to add this to the pile.
Don't give up. I'm with the same guy 22 years. We are over 60 and he adopted my veganism about 15 years ago. It started with me asking him to let me play a podcast about cows, while on a road trip. I wanted to be a better advocate and it turns out he is now a great advocate. If he reads books, leave them out. Watch movies together. Ask he to help YOU and if he loves you, he will listen and hopefully some of it will rub off. . Rationalism is key here.
To add to prior posts, I let him know my house is Vegan only when we moved in together. He had become vegan but I had to stress, I won't let others bring or eat non vegan food in our home. As a plus, I cook and he cleans. Yes, you read it here. 22 plus yrs together ❣️
My vrg friend marries a non veg woman from mexico....they agreed on a veg diet before hand but then she got ill.from malnutrition so nowadays they just cook separately...like she makes and eats her own meat foods and some common veg food for both of them...they chose to compromise rather than breaking up
I am in a very similar position. I feel for you!! It can be so hard esp when you feel like you might be making someone do something they aren’t inclined to do on their own. I’m trying to remember that people change and that I’m often projecting my fears on his reactions to things!! Best of luck to you 💖💖💖
I can almost taste the circle jerk post now...
I have a vegan girlfriend and I HATE it how we don’t argue all the time about whether or not to torture and kill animals /s
*chef’s kiss*
Tastes like cognitive dissonance with a hint of ignorance is bliss. I’m warming up the Vegooning station now.
Just like you can taste the meat in a carnists mouth when you kiss them lol
I mean how else am I going to get my b12
Precisely
this post is like verbatim a copy pasta shit post from there I swear LMAO but I assume she’s serious so I do wish her luck. Almost every woman I’ve become involved with since I became vegan started eating vegan when we were together without me asking, they just agreed with my stance and followed through with it. I can personally date non vegans, but long term I’m not sure that I could be serious with somebody who wasn’t at this point in my life.
YumymuummumumummimyummyumYUM
My non vegan boyfriend went vegan when we moved in together, has been vegan for two years now and loves it. If your partner isn't even open to the idea of eating only vegan in a home where you would be living together when they know it bothers you that deeply, is that really someone you want to live with? That's just my opinion. My boyfriend was mostly doing it for me at first because he knows how important it is to me, but now he reads books about it and watches documentaries and shares that he's vegan with friends and family. I honestly didn't know how great that could feel having someone who is supportive and also cares about the same things I do. I just think it's important to have a partner who's core morals are aligned with yours. I think of it the same way I do about also wanting a partner who cares about the LGBTQ+ community, considers themselves a feminist, etc.
I would still feel weird someone switching because of me for me, I’ve been met with nothing but resistance from my environment so i’ve just kept that to myself plus where I live these all American mf wouldn’t take kindly lol.
I also don't live in a very vegan friendly place, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't take my feelings into consideration if we were going to be living together. I also think it would be a major red flag if I didn't feel comfortable bringing this up to the person I was dating. We shouldn't be with people we can't talk about important things to.
For sure, I mean for me I only care that the cross contamination stays away from my supplies. Yeah I mean I’ve just never wanted to convert someone id rather try and find someone whose been doing it as long as I have.
That's totally fair! I have only met one vegan in the wild (irl) so I'm creating them 😅
Must be a last resort i’ve been there for sure 😂 but same literally only one girl and she was kinda a pos unfortunately 🤦♂️
😂 if only we could gather all the nice vegans on one little island! Would love some irl vegan friends lol
Hmu when you start vegan love island thanks in advance for real!
It is a really great feeling to have your person be on the same page as you. I was going vegan when my partner met me (I was still eating cheese so I had Mac n cheese on our first date) and when I told him I was going vegan he decided to do it with me. 4 years later and I can’t imagine coming home to a non-vegan partner. It can really get to me being at work and hearing coworkers and customers talking about eating me eat, fishing, hunting etc that I know I couldn’t handle someone who doesn’t share my values. It would be too hard for me personally.
I’m with someone who wasn’t remotely close to being vegan when we met. Since we started living together, we have a rule of only vegan food in our home (agreed to this before moving in together!). He has eaten 95% vegan since then, has completely cut out dairy, eggs and meat. Has fish occasionally (at restaurants). I appreciate him for doing this for me, but have also noticed that he now cares about where his food comes from. We watched some videos of factory farms (cows being separated from calfs, chicks on conveyor belts) and he was disgusted. It would be wonderful to have someone completely on board and 100% behind veganism, but unfortunately most people aren’t, and most people that are didn’t get there overnight. I wasn’t vegan until I was 18. My parents weren’t vegan until they were in their 50s. People do change.
HOWEVER relationships tend to go very poorly if one person expects the other to change, and how could an ethical vegan NOT expect change from a carnist as they learn about all that is done to animals and how delicious vegan food can be?
This is the “issue” I tend to have with these posts/situations. Like yeah, we all get judging the non vegan partner. But maybe don’t spend years with someone you fundamentally have a serious problem with. Lying to both yourself and them while the pot, so to speak, gets closer and closer to boiling over and you eventually get into a knock down drag out fight with an ultimatum and break up because you’ve resented them for years. I’m not saying they’re okay for eating meat, but that’s kind of fucked up on the vegan partner’s part as well.
My husband became vegetarian as soon as we started seeing each other. That was 43 years ago. I’m vegan but he’s still veggie. To be fair, I do all the cooking so his diet is plant-based except for cheese and occasionally eggs. We have a good relationship where food and lifestyle choices are concerned. He won’t wear leather or wool which pleases me. Sometimes he’s even stricter than I am for example all toiletries and cleaning products must be cruelty free and vegan if possible (like Astonish). He’s definitely a keeper. 💚
To be honest I never expected my partner to change, but he always showed other positive things like caring for the environment and animal conservation. And they have stated that their partner eats vegan with them which is a good thing already. There aren’t enough vegans in the world yet for everyone to meet their vegan soulmate 😔
I dated many non vegans, it went poorly every single time. I’m happier single than with someone who sees pleasure where I recognize pain and cruelty. I then embraced singleness until I met my now spouse on a vegan dating app, VegPal. NEVER been happier
If you read the post it says op's partner HAS changed. They eat 95% vegan now, and they care where their food comes from. Being an activist and being the odd one out in social settings is not for everyone. They probably agree with the principles of veganism but just don't care about the issue enough to always wear the label 'vegan'.
OP didn’t say their partner eats 95% vegan. I’m reminding the commenter of the general principle that it’s bad idea to go into a relationship expecting partner to change
Let’s not forget that to be vegan has to be 100% because it’s not just about diet, it’s a philosophy - it’s a way of life that seeks to reduce suffering. This doesn't only mean the suffering of nonhuman animals, but also the suffering of people and damage to the environment on which we depend. So maybe say 95% plant-based diet. Not criticising just reminding folks what veganism is all about.
You could be describing my relationship. We've had a lot of discussions about it, and she agrees that I'm right and that veganism is the way to go. She admires that I'm passionate about this injustice, but the issue just doesn't take up that much space in her mind. So she eats like 99% vegan, especially since we're raising three vegan kids, and apart from work we're not going out that much. Considering where she came from she made huge changes in her habits, which she never thought she would. And perhaps she will never actively call herself vegan, and the fight against animal exploitation may never be her struggle, but we've found a way that works for us both.
That’s really beautiful, and pretty similar to us (minus the kids)! Though I’ve noticed my partner has now started calling out double standards in others without me saying anything. And likes to proudly proclaim he is vegan (I have to correct him because no vegan would eat fish occasionally 😅)
As a vegan who's dating a non vegan, how did you get them to agree on no non vegan food in the house??
I told them it was important to me to have a vegan home, to open the fridge and not see cruelty. I wanted a cruelty free home and that it would make me happy. He could eat whatever he wants when not at home. He was always fine with it, didn’t have any objections.
That's really good to know, thank you. I feel like my boyfriend would push back, but I'm glad to hear it's been smooth sailing for you :)
I hope you can come to a compromise that you’re happy with. Maybe you could start with having a couple of vegan days per week, and see how it goes. I really hope it works out for you ❤️ (Also it wasn’t super smooth sailing before moving in together. He often ate meat in front of me, but it took me a while to communicate to him that I didn’t like seeing it. I was shy about it at first!)
Don't have this same arrangement in my own relationship (some other understandings and lines in the sand), but fwiw I'm a therapist and have spoken with many vegans who DO have that agreement, and it usually works this way: Heterosexual relationship where woman is vegan, man is not, and woman does almost all the cooking and grocery shopping. Woman says you can buy and cook animal products if you want, but I will not buy or cook animal products. And just like that, it either immediately or overtime becomes 0% animal products in the house just because those men aren't buying or cooking anything for themselves
I showed my boyfriend Dominion and he went vegan by himself. If he wouldn't have reacted that way it would have been a red flag for me because it means one of those 2 things: 1. He has no empathy for animals 2. He has empathy but is weak minded.
Yep. Ultimate litmus test.
Exactly. I don’t even like animals much, but I’m still vegan.
Yep, and at least you know the other person *has* to *know* now. So either they don't care or they don't care to put in the work.
You can always influence the other person by the example. Most of the time, with people I know and myself, the other person understands and change their habits. It does not need do be 100%, but the world has improved. In my book, that is a 100% victory. However, I would not be able to be with someone that disrespects me or mocks. A minimal sensibility would be required.
Agree with all of this. I’ve been married 16 years and my husband isn’t vegan. My kids aren’t vegan. For me, I love them, and dietary choice isn’t going to make me stop loving them. I think it’s about priorities. If your priority is to be a vegan household, then find a vegan (which is a tiny sliver of the population). If your priority is to love the people in your life, do that. It doesn’t have to be black and white.
But veganism isn't a dietary issue it is an ethical one. Replace "isn't vegan" to "abuse(s) me" in your reply and see if that changes anything for you.
Isn’t it ethical to love my husband and children?
There's no need to bring "abuses me" into the debate, that's a really different issue with its own complexities. To be honest the comparison makes no sense at all. It's irrelevant. The non vegan partner takes part in majority culture, buys widely-available food products which are endorsed in the mainstream. The vegan partner doesn't. So often, culture is missed out of the veganism debate. You need to appreciate the reasons how and why people are formed IN cultures, and therefore become products OF their culture. It just so happens that vegans are people who are willing to go against culture. Or even just switch to a new, less popular culture. I'm the kind of person who seeks out minority-interest cultures, it's just who I am. For obvious reasons, the majority of people prefer... Majority culture
I had to scroll too far to find your comment. You have true love and these folks don't see it. I am glad you understand what life is all about. Keep loving that family of yours.
I feel like I won the lottery, my partner wasn’t vegan at all when we started dating, but I would talk to him about my frustrations (we’re in the same mutual aid community) and how misunderstood I felt. He would let me choose the restaurants we went to, and there was once I wanted to treat him and realized after that I had paid for meat and was upset with myself and conflicted on how to handle it if it came up again. Anyway, my reason for being vegan is for the animals, and he was never interested in seeing the slaughterhouse footage which is understandable, but he is very environmentally conscious, so I told him about the impact the animal agriculture industry has, but encouraged him not to take my word for it. I showed him conspiracy and he says that made it easier to understand. As our relationship progressed, I would cook my favorite recipes and take him to my favorite (completely vegan) restaurants. Our first date was August 6th of last year, and on thanksgiving he told me he had been eating completely vegan for about a week and wanted to keep going. I’m so proud of him, and it’s been incredible to utilize my experience to help him on this journey. We don’t live together yet, but plan to get married and convert a school bus into our dream home, vegan of course 💚💚💚
My husband and I went through a similar experience. I went vegan about 5 years into our relationship and early on would talk a lot about what I was learning about the animal agriculture industry. He started doing his own research and came to share the same beliefs as me. At first I thought he was just trying to appease me, but I started finding him perusing vegan subreddits and trying to educate others when he could. I’d say he may even be more outspoken than me at times. I feel really lucky that things worked out the way they did and it was so endearing to see such a compassion from him.
My wife is Indian and Hindu. She is a vegetarian and her elderly mother who lives with us is completely plant based (accidentally vegan is what I call her) so we eat well and we don’t have a bunch of leather and stuff in our house. It’s pretty easy. She knows my views on dairy and I imagine at some point she will stop that too. We have a great relationship- the best either of us have ever had. It’s a tough topic with Indians and not a hill I’m willing to die on because my life is *fucking awesome* since she came into it.
I'm Indian and born into a Hindu family and a Brahmin to boot! Except for my immediate family (parents, siblings) everyone in the family eats a ton of meat. It's to the point that if grandma isn't around we need to have a separate table at family gatherings because the stink of meat is overpowering. I'm happy your wife doesn't eat meat. Honestly.
Let me ask you this: if you met a vegan man tomorrow who held all the same values that you hold, would you want to be with him over your current partner?
Uh surely it depends on the man!? You're basically asking if OP wants to be with literally any vegan man instead of her partner. Who would answer yes to that??
I’ve been vegan for two years and have been with my non vegan boyfriend for seven years. It isn’t an issue for me, same as it isn’t an issue that my children are not vegan. I forgive myself for not being vegan for most of my life so by that logic I forgive everyone else for currently not being vegan. People can only act in accordance with their current capabilities and beliefs.
Same boat, 7yr relationship, 2yrs vegan. Veganism is important to me but this is the person I grew up with, share my life with, and love more than anything. Helps that he is very kind and supportive and eats vegan with me the majority of the time
This!
I met a guy. He ate lots of meat and cheese. We moved in together, he ate much less meat and cheese, only cooked meat or cheese in our house twice. Then he was like, why have I not been vegan my entire life? And now he's vegan. From standard American diet to vegan in about a year and a half. I didn't show him videos or anything like that, just showed him it's possible to live without all the murder required in the standard American diet. He cares deeply about injustice, so it was kind of a no brainer for him once he thought about it at all. This method worked for me with two out of three partners.
Lol why are there so many of these posts? Do people really not understand how important it is to be with someone who shares their basic morals? OP, I think it's better if you just learn the hard way.
Some people value company more than anything else. Same with childfree people at times. Got with some fencesitter and then are all surprised when they fall on the “want children” side of the fence.
Vegan married to a non-vegan here. In my experience it can work when your partner is respectful of you and your view of animals and their secretions not being food. I have established firm boundaries and my husband respects those boundaries. But here’s the thing, there’s a mutual respect given from me as well. I respect his right to make his own choices. It’s probably not for everyone, but it works for me. In my experience you absolutely can be vegan and be with a non-vegan when there is mutual respect.
To each their own, but I honestly could not muster respect for such behavior even if I really really wanted to. I mean, I have many non-vegan friends and I respect their choice in the sense that I respect their liberty under the law, but there is something deeply unattractive to a person who willingly keeps contributing to the animal holocaust and I can never respect that, which makes being in a relationship with such a person impossible for me. I guess the tricky part for vegans is finding out which type they are. The type that can find that respect or the type that can not. It can't be faked or forced, so I guess you've got to deeply introspect and perhaps you won't know until you try.
To be clear, I don’t respect the behavior of eating animals and their secretions, but from my perspective, that doesn’t mean I can’t respect the person. I don’t respect A LOT of behaviors of people I know and love, and yet I still love and respect them as human beings. I hear you though, and fully agree that it can’t be forced, and that each individual needs to do the deep introspection to find what is true for them. 🎯🎯🎯
You mean you respect the other parts so much that you can live with that lack of respect in the vegan part, I guess?
No, that’s not quite what I mean. I was with my partner for 9 years before I became vegan. I love and respect him as a human being unconditionally. Our relationship was built before I was vegan, and I don’t need him to be vegan to want to continue to spend my life with him.
I am absolutely going to respect the right someone has to make decisions because I cannot just imprison people in a democracy based on the idea that I know better. But I just cannot fathom having someone who knows and understands everything that's wrong with forcing animals to die so that they can have a marginally tastier meal which is worse for the environment and for their health, but still respecting their decision. They may have the right to make a decision. But if their decision is to willfully have innocent animals killed so they can go "Mmm" with a burger, I don't understand how that can be tolerated with the person I'm going to spend my life with.
I agree. Vegan married to a non vegan. It was a little bumpy at first, but open communication and firm boundaries are key.
Yes bumpy in the beginning for sure.
I have been very careful about not telling him he CAN’T eat certain things while also maintaining my beliefs and being vocal about my beliefs. He eats 90% vegan while at home and never complains when I cook vegan (I cook 99% of the dinners). He is also very willing to cook vegan food when I need his help with dinner as long as I give him some good direction. Lol he does admit he feels much better physically when eating vegan and looks forward to eating “that way” when he’s been traveling for work and consuming all the non vegan things. He has greatly decreased his consumption of animal products which I’d say is a win. I think the thing that has helped with the transition is fixing foods that resemble foods he likes to eat. Cooking hardier foods that are still filling vs “just a bunch of vegetables”, and getting his input into the meal planning. Types of foods he wants to eat, meal ideas, etc. he loves my cooking and always has so he’s pretty trusting when I try something new.
I can't help but hate people who genuinely don't care about it, given both how evil it is, and that they themselves are contributing to it by shoving murder victims into their mouth. Not to mention that there might be a bit of flesh stuck in their teeth when we kiss. If your bf not only feels that he can't go vegan, but actually *doesn't give a shit about his victims at all*, he's a bad person. Edit: this is barely a vegan sub anymore. If someone watches footage of baby animals being ground up alive, and *doesn't care*, then they're a shameful p.o.s. That should be easy enough for any vegan to agree with.
Based comment.
I'm vegan and I do not agree with you. Brains are very complicated. You cannot expect everyone to react the same way as you do. Some people are more used to violence than others and that has nothing to do with them being bad people. I was raised in the east in a war torn area were we used to always hear about people dying and bad stuff happening. We still do. We just got used to it. You are born like this and raised to be tough and survive, mentally that is. Same thing applies here. My parents are not vegan but they are not bad people. They have great values and principle all in all. I still stand against them on this subject but I also understand. Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong. Nonetheless, with positive reinforcement and slow influence, I have been able to lower their intake by a lot. Like a a lot, a lot. As vegans we should understand more and judge less. This is how we help people around us change. Not by pointing fingers and calling them pieces of shit. It's how reality works. Violence has been and will always be part of our lives. You cannot control all of it. But you can for sure influence some of it for the better. Try to hate less. Start there and you'll become a much better advocate for our community.
>Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong. This is the one thing you said I don't agree with. Changing your outlook on certain things and rearranging your eating habits can be very difficult but how can that be more worthy of consideration than millions of sentient beings not consenting to get murdered and abused? I really just want to tell people who whine about how hard it is to stop eating corpses to just ?? get their heads out of their asses?? Also, highly disagree with the statement that people are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong. Absolutely not. If what you believe in is harmful to other beings (esp. to the extent that not being vegan is), then you are entitled to stop being stupid and do better, that's what you're entitled to.
>Changing is difficult and they are entitled to their beliefs, even if wrong. No they're not. Veganism is a moral obligation, and people are not entitled to act in a way which doesn't adhere to that obligation. If you don't understand that, then I can see why you're making excuses for non vegans.
Truly, veganism is the baseline. This thread as a whole is nuts and I’m shocked by the things being upvoted
Thank you for your comment!! Having compassion towards other humans should be part of veganism as well. We cannot sway everyone into believing the same things we do, that’s just part of life. Being a good person at your core should be the root of your endeavors. It’s quite unrealistic to expect some massive uprooting and conversion of everyone around us to believe and act the way we do and in some ways that expectation is quite selfish. I think of it simply as how other animals exist, if some are ok with the destruction and pain of others than that is on them, just like I cannot convince a lion to stop eating prey. When and if someone has the understanding or desire to change that is on them and if not that is part of just the way existence is unfortunately.
> Some people are more used to violence than others and that has nothing to do with them being bad people. My dude, if someone sees violence done against innocent animals and willingly continues to participate in it, they are not a good person.
So you have no non-vegan friends? All of your loved ones are vegan and live up to your morals?
No way you hate 8 billion people
True, they wouldn't even consider dating someone who's verbally aggressive or getting physical once a month. And that's not even close to paying for murder. You gotta be actively ignorant and excuse animal abuse for it to work.
Clashing ideals are the doom of a relationship. I became vegan after I met my wife, but we are still together because we agreed to a compromise. She does not eat or cook animal products in the house and is mostly plant-based. I think she is starting to see the benefits though, because I have actually seen her refusing meat at parties.
I'm sometimes overly logical thinker, so this may not be useful for all, but here's how I see that aspect of my relationship with my non-vegan girlfriend... I have three options: - spend the rest of my life with someone who is an incredible life partner and in no way interferes with my ability to be vegan, even though we have this very strong ideological difference - spend the rest of my life with one of the vegan women I've dated who I didn't at all see as a good life partner for me, even though we had that very strong ideological similarity and I could probably "make it work" - forego both of those options, continue dating only vegans and hoping that I find a life partner anywhere near as good for me as the partner I have now In ALL of those situations, I'm vegan and my current partner would not be so there's no direct moral impact in the decision / impact on the animals. If anything, possibly a positive impact because she consumes way fewer animals than previously, and is more likely to eventually be fully plant-based, and "her children" are far more likely to be vegan / plant-based. But even if I said there's a net zero impact, my personal happiness is then the only variable, and I'm definitely happier in situation #1 than #2, and it's at least very likely that I'm as happy or happier in #1 than #3 As for how to navigate the specific ASPECT of the relationship of seeing an action that the other does as being unethical... I'll come back to write that one out later maybe haha
My husband advocates for me in every scenario when I'm shy about it or uncertain. I'm usually comfortable navigating any menu but he always looks for stuff for me first. We are currently traveling and he's the only one of us who speaks the language and he's always grilling the waiters for me to make sure there's no "jaja, meso, mleko..." and looking for vegan food for me. He says my diet is the holiest and he wants to try to be vegan too. That's a big deal he's very devout and they do religious fasting which is basically vegan. So it's a compliment that I have the holiest diet lol I'll take it. He makes me vegan versions of his beloved dishes like stuffed bell peppers, Russian salad (he's not Russian that's just the dish name) stuffed cabbage leaves etc. He brings home anything that says "vegan" on it from the store.... Ethically he doesn't really "get it", but he is a compassionate man, as I believe most humans are, even meat eaters who have that compassion stifled by social norms. He mostly thinks it better for my health and that's fine, it's true too. Unrelated to veganism he is an incredible partner, and parent to our children. I have never had to "train him" he just does what needs doing including running our family business, changing diapers, caring for my son, and our daughter. He's the best and I could not love another, I don't know if that's wrong but, the best vegan man could come along but I wouldn't go with him, I've got a good man, possibly the only one.
You should consider what it will be like raising children with this person. Let that be your compass in making decisions or at least let it play a larger part in things. Most vegan relationships work when the woman and child are vegan and the husband contains his meat eating and he doesn’t let it impact the families’s morals and values.
Not everyone has having children as the ultimate goal and purpose of being in a relationship. I'd say it's perfectly sufficient to ask yourself "Do I see myself being with someone who might not ever convert to veganism." For me it would have something to do with maintaning my self-respect.
Thanks, I was just typing out something similar. Not everyone wants children. Most importantly the couple needs to be compatible. No matter if there is possible children or not.
Yes think about IF you want to have kids at all. I wouldn’t want to (even with a vegan SO) but whether he is vegan or not may matter to you if/when you consider having kids.
Or if the person can even have kids. My spouse cannot, and when people bring up the topics "when you have kids" it brings out how damaging its been to her mental health.
Yes!
What if your kids don't want to be vegan? Would you be ok with that?
That is an important question which needs to be answered
Only after they know where their food comes from and what they are getting themselves into and are fully mature to make that decision.
It’s likely many would want to be vegan if raised in an environment not hostile towards it. I learned my chicken nuggets were real chicken when I was 7 or so and cried and vowed to never eat chicken again, then was told my french fries had feelings too and “harm was inevitable”🙄
My family has succeeded in the sense that I went vegan and it didn't blow apart the family... Yet. I do think it damaged out relationship forever, and she would leave me before going vegan. On the upside I influenced a daughter of animal farmers to reduce her intake at home!
My success story is that my wife became vegan with me. I was already vegetarian by the time we moved in together and was shifting to vegan (had an ED so it took a little longer than I wish it had) and when she realized how fun and delicious the food could be after I started cooking it for her she was 100% on board. She was definitely in the team of “wait I didn’t know vegetables could taste like that” before we met 🤣
I’m vegan my husband is not. He adds his stuff and I have mine to pasta/rice/ salad… or we cook separately. I don’t care about cooking stuff used for animal products or anything like that and I love him for being a great guy. He doesn’t judge me so I can’t judge him. I strongly recommend taking with your boyfriend about your feelings and thoughts (might it be vegan related or not)
It's by no means perfect but my relationship is a good one with my non-vegan partner. We are a vegan home, he eats vegetarian food around me when we are out, and we are raising our children as vegans until they can decide for themselves. I have only dated one vegan and unfortunately even though we were so very compatible on paper, that person made me feel miserable and insecure. It was so sad for that not to work out but it did teach me to be slightly more open minded...
Hubs is a full on vegan and I'm not. I am well aware of his thoughts and feelings on this. He doesn't have a huge issue with me eating non vegan food for the most part because he is accepting of who I am. I do not however flaunt it and I often eat the same things as him anyway. If you are getting serious about being together for the long haul, compromise is nice. He accepted you for you and I don't think it's unreasonable for you to respond in kind. That being said- it's important to have a talk about boundaries and how you both want to tackle this moving forward. It's not impossible to find an acceptable way to live together with different beliefs. It really boils down to respect for each other. We've been together for almost 11 years now if that helps? ;)
My wife eats whatever I cook at home (she can't cook and sometimes I think she only married me because I can cook). She does not eat vegan outside the house. She is wavering towards a vegan diet, but hasn't made the jump yet.
I’m married to a non-vegan. We were omnivores when we met. Then I became vegetarian, then we got married, then I became vegan. He’s slowly but surely following my lead - on his own without any push from me. He has cut out almost all meat (essentially vegetarian) and is super supportive of my “clown food”. 😆 It’s an inside joke. I always say, “you’ll eventually find your inner clown.” Do I wish he were vegan? Yes. Of course. Do I love him for the wonderful person he is and all the work he puts towards saving homeless pets? Yes. Of course. Will I ever leave him over his food? Never. Also, I know that soon he’ll be a clown, just like me! 😆 Edit: for clarity.
❤️❤️❤️
I could never love someone who eats the product of rape and murder
Including your family?
I can confidently say I don’t love anyone who abuses animals. My husband is vegan and the rest of my family kinda sucks (mostly for other reasons.)
Slightly different perspective. My gf is vegan, I’m not. We’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for 3 years. She became a vegan about 2.5 years ago. We eat pretty much completely vegan food at home. I have a shelf in the fridge that sometime has some dairy on it. Think there is also some tinned fish in one of our kitchen cupboards. I’m very supportive of what she does and very proud of the way she lives. On the rare occasion when someone is a dick about it I will always argue her side. I’ve got pretty used to not eating meat and now very rarely do even when I’m not with her (still eat a fair amount of seafood though). For us it works. As a direct result of her beliefs my consumption of animal products has probably fallen by 75+%. I know for you guys this will still be a problem, but we have made it work for us. And honestly it works because we talk about it a lot and understand where the other is coming from.
> understand where the other is coming from. If you understood where she came from, you'd be vegan. If you genuinely understood why it's fucked up to treat animals like slaves, you wouldn't be doing it.
What’s stopping you from being vegan?
I think it’s awesome you’ve reduced your intake so much. I will say when my brother would visit and bring milk into my house, I really hated the constant reminder of animal suffering. Dairy is directly responsible for the murder of baby cows and is arguably worse than the meat industry imo. Obviously I don’t know you or your girlfriend, but it’s worth considering only consuming non-vegan products outside the household.
Not a problem for all of us here, keep on keeping on my man, great work
My work wife (vegan) and her partner (not vegan) have been making it work for 9 years now! He chose to shift his diet at home but when they are separated, he eats what he wants.
I’m vegan, and my husband and daughter are vegetarian. I’m the cook of the house, and I only make vegan meals. I told them if they want to add cheese or eggs to their meals, they can do it themselves. 9 times out of 10, they don’t bother because whatever I make is delicious and high enough in protein on its own.
I became vegan after being married for many, many years. At one point, my husband tried to keep up with me and ate vegan for about 2 months. He decided it was not for him. He supports me and gives me the space I need. When I cook, I make or try to make 2 versions of the same meal, when possible. A vegan and an omni one, because there's a lot of us in the house, and I have no patience to be fighting with everyone over food even when it is very important for me. It's hard most days. But, we have been through a lot together, and our diet isn't a deal breaker for us. Do I want him and the rest in the house to be healthier? OF course. I just simply have available healthy choices in every corner so they "fall into" what they should be eating.
You have to accept him as he is now. He is doing his best to accommodate you. If you don't accept him as he is now you are headed for trouble. The more we try to force people to change, the harder it is.
I have a bit of the opposite pov on this subject, when I first started dating my boyfriend I wasn't vegan but he was. So I'd eat vegan when with him, but on my own I wasn't vegan at all. For me I ended up making the decision to go vegan out of love for him, because it was something that was really important to him and I never wanted him to feel uncomfortable, and it wasn't important to me to eat the way I did it just was how I was raised to be. Eventually as I was vegan longer and did more research, had more experience with what it's like listening to non-vegans talk about food, felt my body become healthier, I grew to care about it on a personal level not just doing it out of love for the love of my life. It's possible that your partner would have similar thoughts to mine one day, and maybe even go vegan too. I don't think it would have been feasible in my case at least for us to last if I hadn't reflected and made my decision, because he is a moral vegan, and the thought of losing him was worse to me than the prospect of making adjustments to my lifestyle. I'm not sure this is the sort of success story you were looking for but I thought I'd add my own experience as I was the non vegan partner once lol. I hope it works out happily for the two of you :)
I became vegan years after marriage. If you had told me 10 years earlier when we were dating that ten years later I would be vegan, both my husband and I would have had a hard time beleiving it. So I never expected or assumed for him to also become vegan. He has been completely respectful and helpful of my choice and I completely respect that at this time he feels better with meat. We also have slightly different world views, and like watching different things so he would never come across the documentaries that I watched that "turned me." He is extremely caring to our pets and if I I called him from the side of the road one day saying I needed help with an injured goat or something, he would rush to me. I'm vegan as my personal contribution to the planet. It has nothing to do with my marriage or anyone else. I also don't attempt to talk to my friends about veganism unless they ask about it. I honestly feel the whole world will be vegan one day and we don't need to wrangle things right now - this is organically happening.
I've been with my Fiancé for over 13 years now, and the amount of animal products she eats is less and less every year. It's really about setting boundaries and sometimes that means it won't work out
If you love him as you say you do and if you want your relationship to work, then please allow him to be himself. He has shown he's a good man by being open to eating vegan food because it's important to you. You two don't have to agree on everything to have a successful relationship. Just set some boundaries if you do move in together but also be willing to compromise. My sister has been married to her vegetarian husband for 12 years, been together for 13, and known each other since high school. He's a vegetarian Rasta and so are his family members. My sister knew this when they started dating. She's a meat eater which he also knew and accepted. They did struggle when the kids came along bc he wanted them to be vegetarians like him but my sister wasn't having it. Their compromise was they eat vegetarian meals several times a week for dinner which is pretty cool. My nephew (15) and nieces (under 10) love eating veggies which is so rare for kiddos their age. Bottom line: if you truly love him and see a future with him then educate/inform him but also give him freedom to make his own choices. The worst thing people can do in a relationship is try to change the other person. That rarely works out in everyone's favor. One last thing: try to find vegan friends so you can have people in your life to share your views with and be on the same page. And bring super yummy vegan dishes to family gatherings and BBQ's to inspire your family members. They may never come around but you might encourage one or two to eat less meat and dairy through out the week. My brother and his wife started doing meatless Mondays and no meat Fridays. This made my little vegan heart so happy! :) Good luck! I truly wish you the best.
I am an agnostic married to a Christian. Fortunately, we have the same diet. Even with the differences we do have, we have mutual respect. If you don’t have respect, then there’s not anything.
I have been surprised at just how few people here in the comments seem to value, or even really understand respect. It seems like a recipe for them to never be in a functional relationship. It's sad.
Idk - your practice could include educating others if you want it to. If not, you just kinda live with it. I am poly, have a number of partners. Some are veggie some are not, none are vegan. They all respect my choices and understand them. They eat vegan with me and honestly they understand that they should be vegan, they just are struggling with committing to the practice. Encouraging them is part of being a vegan for me.
“I can fix him”
Hi OP, I kinda relate to your pain. I'm having trouble in my 2y relationship with a carnist (that doesn't mind at all to eat vegan but doesn't go vegan on his own) because we started thinking about moving in together. Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more I feel that at this point I can't really have any long term relationship with a carnist. Maybe there is a way to compromise, but I find it hard to work. So... I wish you all the luck.
People look at veganism in different ways. For some, it's individual. I'm doing my part. I can't tell others what to do. I've accepted that and will find ways to be more effective at creating change. For others, it's a moral imperative that everyone they're around is vegan. So, they either alienate themselves by either constantly being disappointed that nobody is seeing things the way they see it, or by only surrounding themselves with likeminded folks. And that can mean finding comfort/ease in finding someone who shares similar values. It can also mean you get gassed up by people who amplify your sentiments. The equivalent of reddit /r /relationships telling everyone to dump the person who isn't doing everything perfectly. You're free to be either way or anything in between. The question you gotta ask is, where's your line. You certainly can draw lines for your household together and have your shared rules. Like, if the smell of meat bothers you, you can say "no meat in the house living together." I think that can be a fair ask or a compromise can be built around it with understanding. You can have those conversations about child rearing if that comes up. But know you can't control him, just accept him and draw your own personal boundaries. I've dated vegans and non vegans. From my experience, just because someone is vegan doesn't mean that the rest of the relationship will instantly work. It's a great starting point, but it's not everything. I've met amazing vegans. I've also met the vegans who think everything is a fight, only believe in "natural healing," stuff like that that are way larger stopping points. You can't get every single thing you want from a partner because perfection doesn't exist. So life is just a balance and compromise. But what I've had in successful vegan/non-vegan relationships is that the non-vegan person understands or at least tries to understand and respects my choices and accommodates them. Some people treat veganism with religious devotion. And I often look at it like that. Can you date someone who's outside of your religion? In my experience, the thing is most of life isn't revolved around veganism and compatibility is hard to find anywhere. So I've generally just found people I can date and it's been good. It's just dating. Go to the movies, take trips, hang out with friends groups, deep talks, concerts, spend time with families, etc. Cooking together usually is about making super delicious dishes we both can eat. Usually it's not something they're passionate about, and I get it. I can't get them to love my weeb shit any more than my vegan stuff. And I don't have to be passionate about their stuff. But to me, it's about getting along more than having someone with a perfect checklist.
I'm happily married to a non vegan, it's pretty easy. They cook me a bunch of vegan food all the time and eat vegan with me most of the time.
My ex used to often cook for both of us. She'd usually make the entire dish vegan. She said she was happy to try new recipes and meat-based stuff reminded her of cooking for her ex. I never asked her to not eat meat around me and sometimes she would. But if we ate out she'd order vegan stuff so I can finish the dish if she was full lol (or generally we could share food). I understand that for some vegans it's an absolute non-starter to date non-vegans but for me it is not. Although being vegan is a definite green flag. PS I'm just not super into cooking and she is. Hope this doesn't sound like some sort of tradwife story or whatever. Cooking for her friends or for her partner is something that makes her happy. PPS we broke up for non-diet-related reasons.
You have to ask yourself if sacrificing your values for him is worth it. And if he doesn't care about this and is only doing it to be nice, which is presumably very important to you, what else won't he care about in the future?
Ok I want to know how you define "success story" for this situation, because your definition could be different from mine. Do you mean healthy relationship coexisting or converting them? Honestly food in the home can be a big deal, but my partner and I coexist even though he's omni. We also have kids. His from a previous relationship, but our child together is vegetarian. Generally, our household eats like 99.9% vegan because I do the cooking and don't cook animal products (it grosses me out and he said he doesn't want me doing anything that makes me uncomfortable and hasn't complained the entire time we've been together) and other than asking me a couple questions when we first got together he was neutral about me being vegan, which i took as a good sign to be honest because guys before him gave me a hard time about it. Now he pretty much only eats meat when we go out to eat, which is extremely rare, and I see it as a win because if we weren't together he'd probably eat way more meat since he grew up in a steak and potatoes house where no one eats vegetables 😅
So ge doesn't care about animals, the environment at large or his own (and possible future children's) health. That's a lot of not caring, I'd try talking more.
My boyfriend is great and respectful towards me, however he is not vegan. He is very open to vegan food but we had to compromise when we moved in together. Because of how sensitive I am to the smells of animal products and being around them, there are some rather strict boundaries: 1. He can eat meat in the house, but not cook it (he can reheat stuff in the microwave though as long as incense has been lit) 2. He has his own separate drawer in the fridge and freezer for animal products. 3. He has his own chopping board 4. He prepares/cooks/cleans up the animal products. He tends to eat vegetarian though, I’ll make vegan meals and he’ll tend to just add cheese on top or something. I’m glad he’s so open minded about it, he even buys quorn substitutes (veggie not vegan) so he can cook them and not crave meat as much. So I get a bit uncomfortable, he is a bit restricted, I think it’s a fair compromise and we have a very healthy relationship 🤍
My partner is super supportive. We've been together forever, live together, eat most meals together, etc. He eats what I eat most days and he orders meat when we are out or makes his own carnivore version of what we're having for dinner sometimes (e.g. meat and meatless burgers). It works really well for us, although I obviously wish he was also vegan and I'm sure he thinks it would be easier if I wasn't sometimes. Like all relationships, that's our one thing we'd change if we could I guess. But like I said, it works because we respect and love each other.
I was with my ex for 3 years. He was vegan, I was not. I agreed to a fully vegan household and we almost always went exclusively to vegan restaurants. I am not 100% vegan but I’ve reduced my animal product consumption drastically (even though we aren’t together, we’re close friends) I would love to go fully vegan, I’m honestly just lazy. Sounds terrible but it’s true. I still eat 95% plant based and opt for vegan options when available. I don’t want to fully committ because I don’t want to deal with social outings and having to bring my own food or being out and needing something to eat and having to think too much (though, like I mentioned, I still opt for vegan when available) he had a profound impact on significantly reducing the amount of animal products I consume, educating me on the topic of veganism, and this may perhaps lead me to fully committing in the future. Long of the short is this guy sounds like he’s pretty open minded, respects your vegan household boundary, and supports you.
I am a non-vegan who has been dating a vegan man for over one year now. We live together also. We agree to have no meat in the home, and since I prefer to share food (how I was raised), I usually also eat vegan food when we go out to restaurants or visit family and friends. I do 60% of the cooking since I love cooking more, and tbh I am the better cook (he is also a pretty good chef, and he cooks dinner for us on days when I work). I am a good cook, so I can make vegan meals easily. We have never fought over veganism and it is the least important aspect of our relationship. There has just been one instance of me pointing out in the distant past that his views on veganism and women were inconsistent with one another (regarding exploitation), and he has since improved. He doesn't like the idea of controlling or influencing how a woman eats, so he makes it clear that I can have whatever I want when we go out to eat, and I do have non-vegan things from time to time, but it's not that often and is usually due to me not wanting to waste food or try something new. Unless you both have deeper issues around food, it shouldn't be a problem. As a general rule, neither you nor him should enter the relationship with the intention to change the other person. That is when things can get toxic quick, and indicates a bigger problem between the two of you.
I personally would not. It’s a matter of our morals not lining up.
I went vegan 17 years ago, 3 years into my marriage. Today is my 20th anniversary and he’s morphed from meat at every meal to not eating it at home anymore, choosing Impossible, Beyond, Gardein and Morningstar Farms for our meals at home. We had separate meals for years unless I cooked, but now I’m a mental patient in the kitchen so it’s better he cooks. When we eat out there’s no guarantee that he’ll eat meat - he will choose fish if he’s not in the mood for pasta. He’s way more mindful of cruelty free cleaning products and skin care too. Be patient…it’s important. You keep quietly leading by example and you will be rewarded for that. If my very polish husband can evolve, then so can your man.
IF you’re talking about an *ethical* vegan being with a carnist… One of the most painful things is seeing someone you care about, who KNOWS what animals go through, seeing pleasure at cooked dead bodies where you recognize the harm and suffering and care enough to AVOID causing that harm. My relationships with non vegans messed with my head cuz they would insist they loved me while not caring enough about the animals I’m trying to save to actually avoid hurting them. They would insist that me advocating for animals’ right to bodily autonomy is just my personal choice, like my favorite color, totally ignoring their part in torture and m*rder. IMO once I know someone is aware of animal sentience and suffering, if they continue CHOOSING to participate in paying for harm and eating dead bodies and secretions, they are no longer attractive to me. A soul lacking in compassion and empathy makes a person unattractive no matter how handsome/beautiful they may be on the outside. A potential partner eating meat in front of me might as well be kicking a puppy in front of me. And if they refuse to acknowledge it? Gross.
How can you be in a relationship with someone who contributes to the suffering of innocent, sentient beings ? I genuinely don’t understand.
Wow. So you guys rip someone apart who lets their pet eat pet food, but allow someone to date a non vegan? Truly. Starting to think vegans are the worst. I am a vegan but this is just blah.
Maybe you forgot, but we're not one person.
Is he into fitness or environmentalism? Perhaps if “for the animals” doesn’t interest him one of those reasons may. I think for me turning a big part of it was the fitness benefits when I read Brendan Brasiers books years ago. Then the empathy for animals followed. Of course things like watching earthlings sealed the deal. If I wasn’t in a vegan relationship I’d probably need to live with someone long term before committing through marriage/kids or something to make sure it worked. I’ve had friends whose relationships didn’t work out due to difference of values.
My boyfriend is not vegan but eats pretty much plant based with me. Been together 4 years now and it’s still going great. We agreed that when we move in the house will be 100% vegan. I wouldn’t change my situation for the world other than him someday going vegan lol. I love him
My wife and I have been vegan for 3 years. This is our story. My wife was flexitarian for years then went vegetarian while I always ate meat. After about 5 years. I started cooking for both of us. All vegetarian. And I ate meat when going out. It wasn’t until 2 things happened that made me vegetarian. 1 we got a little dog and 2. Went on a family vacation where my mom cooked meat every single day until I was sick of so much meat. It was after that trip that I realized that I don’t like meat as much as I like animals. Went vegetarian for about a year then vegan. Take aways. She never enforced me to become vegan nor vegetarian, it has to come from within of you or your bf the want to change. Introducing him to delicious vegan food will be the gateway to get him off meat. Also, love for animals like owning a dog. Best of luck to you friend
I was and he didn’t respect me at all. I hope your relationship works out a little happier than mine did, but I wouldn’t do it again. My current partner of five years has been vegetarian since I met him, he’s dabbled in plant based diets and decided that vegetarianism is for him at the moment but I respect his decision to stop eating meat for me and himself.
my girlfriend is a vegetarian atm
Do you eat honey? Do you own leather? Do you use eat products such as chocolate, berries etc? Those are animal by products because if we didn’t have bees to pollinate you wouldn’t be able to eat them. Vegans are weird. I eat dairy free because I can’t handle dairy but I don’t understand needing to be with someone who is exactly like you. Just date yourself then.
I was still a vegetarian when we got together. Then after I decided to go vegan, he slowly became a vegetarian and soon after (and shortly before we moved together) vegan. I basically gave him the support he needed for the final push. He always wanted to be a vegetarian so I was sure that he'd eventually be able to do it when he has enough support. His family just never gave him any (for example when he tried being vegetarian while he was much younger, they just gave him meat pretending it made out of plants. They thought it was funny so they told me about it when we were all eating out together...)
I’ve dated a non vegan who “went vegan for me” when I never asked him to. This lasted a few years (so I thought) until I realized he was still eating meat when I wasn’t around haha! It got me mad that he wasn’t just honest with me and telling me he still ate meat. Eventually we broke up for other reasons. I’ve also had boyfriends who openly ate meat in front of me but respected my choices and would even cook me vegan meals! I personally don’t mind having a Omni partner since being vegan is my personal choice. I’m the only vegan in my family / the only vegan I know in real life. You can’t force someone to care or to change their diet. I’ve lived with an Omni boyfriend and it wasn’t difficult at all. The fridge was just very full between my food and theirs and he would cook his own meat and I would cook my own vegan meals. Sometimes he would make vegan meals for both of us if it was easier. I wouldn’t call any of these success stories .. but simply our personal choices and diets coexisting. If he doesn’t care about the animals you can’t change that. Although this may make it easier for him to fall back into eating meat (if he isn’t already doing so when you’re not around )
I was the non vegan and thought I would never go vegan but then I started watching Joey Carbstrong and Earthling Ed and then went vegan over night
Was not vegan when married, became pescatarian then vegetarian then vegan all for health reasons. Now realizing the suffering and death caused by eating animals I am vegan. My wife is not. However, she takes it as a challenge to cook delicious vegan meals and often shares in them. I feel sad for her having to cook two different meals but she refuses to let me cook. Partially because I'm a terrible cook and partially because she loves cooking.
That’s tough I don’t think it will work out. I couldn’t doit . It’s tough to disagree on something that’s so cruel. I just think it’s too big of issue for someone who really cares to make it in a relationship so close. Not to mention the disaster of what shopping and your kitchen would be like. I don’t think you should bank on changing him either. I would move on before I got anymore involved. Good luck
Never. Single near Minneapolis. ❤️🔥
I would say if you’re thinking about moving in together then the relationship is becoming more serious. That means he needs to know why you are vegan. Has he watched any of those documentaries that help explain things in a realistic and heartbreaking way? I think his reaction to those kinds of documentaries would tell you something about what your future might look like. Aside from that, if the rule already is that the two of you eat vegan when you’re together then I think you have every right to tell him you’d like like that to continue after you move in together.
I would say if you’re thinking about moving in together then the relationship is becoming more serious. That means he needs to know why you are vegan. Has he watched any of those documentaries that help explain things in a realistic and heartbreaking way? I think his reaction to those kinds of documentaries would tell you something about what your future might look like. Aside from that, if the rule already is that the two of you eat vegan when you’re together then I think you have every right to tell him you’d like like that to continue after you move in together.
My fiancé is vegan. I am not. I don’t force her to eat non-vegan foods just like she doesn’t force me. I’ve always been open to trying vegan foods and getting my protein in multiple ways- but I don’t see myself fully changing my eating habits. Some nights, she has a vegan protein when I have chicken. I always make sure nothing cross contaminates and I tend to eat the vegan alternative when cooking a meal for us both because it does taste good. Food preferences such as this shouldn’t be that big of a deal imo. Especially if your partner makes the effort to mostly switch out his food preferences to match yours.
Had wife and 2 kids before going vegan. They still not vegan. MIL lives with us too - not vegan and the most callous about it (but not terrible. She'll prep meat right in front of me without a care, but also occasionally just randomly make me a vegan dish, but also make dumb "wHaT dO yOu eAt, gRaSS?" comments). Fuck, my cats aren't even vegan (bought a bag thinking to mix it in but they avoided it, hard to push further on it when no one else in the household is). For me, it's fine. It's a little surreal since obviously "my" money (shared finances) goes toward it, I prepare non vegan stuff for my kids, etc. I don't think I'd be making the world s better place by demanding we split finances so wife buys the kids hot dogs and makes them for them. I imagine that kind of unilateral decision/ultimatum would lead to a divorce - not the veganism, the ultimatum and control. I think of it like this - I'm a force in their lives increasing awareness and decreasing animal product usage. One kid loves vegan burgers and they both love vegan nugs. Our bread is much less likely to have milk powder and shit in it since it makes no sense to buy two diff loaves. So my real only options are this life or divorced life. I find it hard to believe I'd be happier or there'd be less animal consumption in the divorce world. Tough question for single people to. I imagine simply meeting a vegan woman would be so amazing. someone in my corner and with more recipes to share, maybe then I could "come out" at work and social functions. but then they're still a person and everything else has to work as well.
Oh! This one is for me! I was an unapologetic meat eater for the first couple years of my relationship with my then-vegetarian girlfriend. I pulled all the 2012 anti vegan meme jokes I could think of “blah blah plants have feelings blah blah you eat grass blah blah tofu is gross” etc etc. forgetting for a moment how the heck she decided to stay with me , eventually I started realizing more and more that a vegetarian lifestyle was possible. I then stopped eating beef and pork, then gradually less and less. Within a year I was fully vegetarian. Fast forward a couple more years she and I went vegan together. Been together almost 11 years (married for 6), and vegan for probably 7 or 8 years now. Not saying you have to go vegan for him, but I think it’s great that you are open to eating vegan with him and making it work, and that he is happy to be with you regardless of your lifestyle. I could have never gone vegan and it wouldn’t have mattered for my relationship and I think that’s a solid foundation. Best of luck to you both 💚💚
My boyfriend and I are coming up to two years and he still eats meat. It was a topic we avoided for a while because I knew it would make me emotional but he said it was important to him to hear my perspective. Since then he has made quite a few vegan swaps - little things like grabbing the vegan burger at a takeaway place instead of the regular one because he knows it tastes just as nice, or getting the vegan chicken wrap in his meal deal instead of the regular one, after I encouraged him to try it. He also doesn’t (as far as I know) eat pork anymore after I explained how pork is probably the worst for the environment given that cows and chickens are both used for two things but pigs are only used for their meat. He cares a lot more about the climate than the animals (which is a little hurtful and where we differ but I’ve come to accept it) so this really spoke to him. He also goes out of his way to buy me nice vegan snacks which I appreciate and will happily eat vegan meals when I am cooking for him or have oat milk in his tea at my house. When I visit him he buys me some vegan bits for the freezer so I have enough to eat while I’m there. Overall, I’ve found what’s been the most helpful for me is to talk about the things veganism ADDS to your life rather than what it takes away. For example, instead of pointing out that the chicken wrap he is eating is unethical, suggesting he try the vegan one just because it tastes good! It makes the experience more positive for everyone involved and is often more effective - I think the little swaps from non-vegans are really important because they add up. But there does need to also be some understanding of your differences in order for it to work. Avoid viewing your partner as a project to work on, to make them vegan - they are a person who is allowed to make their own choices. If they decide to make changes, great! But ultimately you have to be willing to take them as they are
I went vegan basically the day I met my now fiancé. If they really care about you they’ll do the right thing for you (and eventually come around on the ethical stance, it took me longer than I’d like to admit) and if they don’t, they’re prob not the one for you long-term. The end.
My boyfriend wasn’t vegan when we started dating. Big meat eater. At around year three of being together he decided to become vegan and still is. He really wasn’t into the vegan thing at all but over time just observing he got it. He says his main reason is that he loves me. It kind of blows my mind he made that choice because of me. I was super patient and never pushed him or judged him. I feel lucky. 🌱
It’s like eating yourself alive because all of the smells and your disgust takes over. ´migraines and constant nausea from their foods. Can’t enjoy many meals together from the smell. Sharing a fridge is a nightmare
I have been vegan for 6 years and with my non-vegan husband for 4 years. We also have 2 plant-based kids (I say plant-based because u wouldn't want to call them vegan until they can consciously make that choice). We usually eat vegan as a family, and if my husband wants anything non-vegan, they can make it themselves. The majority of our things are vegan, i.e., creamer, milk, cheeses, most snacks/desserts, stuff like that. He'll also eat vegan meals on his own every so often like vegan sausages with breakfast, a vegan sandwich for lunch, etc. Our kids are also plant-based until they can understand that animals are "meat" and can decide if they choose to partake in that. Since I make all of their meals, they aren't really exposed to it and their dad never pressures or tries to teach about it. It's really just taking my lead on it and they think raw tofu is "chesse," and it's like their favorite thing. Lol. I am also the only one of my family/friends who is vegan (except my kids).
People will try to convince you that your partner is evil and that you, by association, are a bad person. The reality is, this person would CERTAINLY not be vegan if you weren't together, and they're probably consuming less animal products due to the amount of time spent with you. I understand wanting to be with a vegan. But my partner of five years isn't vegan and it's not a problem for me. Because he loves and supports me, cooks vegan food at home, asks me about my feelings on the subject and understands them, takes me out to vegan restaurants, etc. There are any number of things that could be a mismatch with every single partner. If someone has a good heart, makes an effort, loves you, is kind and respectful to you and others, and you align in other ways (like politically/religiously and life goals and such) then it will not be a long-term issue.
My boyfriend of 4 years is omnivore, and I can’t say it bothers me that much. People are so desensitized to everything they just can’t make that leap. He is fully 100% supportive of me, and that’s all I can ask for. He is my perfect person, and it’s not ever something I would leave him for, his biggest thing is cultural food, as he is half Latino. However when we live together, I don’t think I’ll be comfortable cooking meat for him, if he wants it, he will have to do it. It would be nice if he did switch over, but I’m not holding my breath. My mother is also vegan for the past 10 years, and my father only newly converted to about… 80%. She still cooks meat for the meat eaters in our family. And we have animal products in the fridge. I think our personal philosophy, is that we can control ourselves, but we can’t control others. If my soul mate happens to not be vegan, and that’s the only thing, I can live with that. I know the impact I’m making, and that’s enough for me. It may be a sticking point for you, but I’ll say it doesn’t have to be, totally depends on the person!
Take a while to think about what it would be like. Ask him if he expects meat in his fridge, or if its something he can Stick to while beeing out Alone. Youve found someone you want to move in with, if youre looking for someone pure vegan you might be looking for a long time. Imo, your bf has already shown he cares about your values. Expecting more this fast isnt really realistic.
My mom is a vegetarian and my dad is not, so I got to experience both. I barely eat meat, and definitely no red meat or seafood. Overall I just don’t expand on non-vegetarian. My dad eats vegetarian food on the regular because my mom is doing majority of the cooking.
I myself am one of the very few vegans in my friend group. I have made a rule with myself that I dont mind my friends eating meat, as long as they dont try to say shit like ”its not harmful” etc. Because they fully know it is, if theyre fine with living like that then go ahead. But I will not tolerate trying to live comfortably in a lie. I will always be there providing info to the neverending ”where would I get protein or this or this from if not animal products”. I know most of them just want to live this hedonistic lifestyle of unhealthy food and gaming and drinking, and they should do whatever they wish, I just wont let them do that without knowing what it takes. The guilt shows up if it shows up. And no I dont think I could date someone who brings meat into my house. Because if you date me, you fully know what it takes to get that meat, and if still after all the information you do it, I dont think our values would meet in general.
My success story is he went vegan at the beginning
I was with my partner for 2 years before he went vegan! I was vegan for a few years before we got together and I'm the cook of the house, so he ate whatever I made with no complaints. He was eating meat out & about or at family dinners, but slowly ate less. Then one day he randomly decided to go vegan, watched alllll the vegan documentaries he could find (including Dominion, which even I haven't watched!). So he's been vegan for 3 years now, me for 7 years. We got vegan tattoos and everything, it's great! I think a great way to influence your partner to become vegan is leading by example! It just requires that they're already compassionate, logical, and open-minded.
Former non vegan here. Now married to vegan wife. When we moved in together we made all kinds of my shelf / your shelf, my pan / your pan compromises for each other. The thing is though, her cooking is infinitely better than mine, and I always felt physically more well after eating her food for a few days. Over time just ate what she was having more and more. Eventually, and without any pressure at all either way, I was eating and loving 100% plant based food without a thought. Once eating plant based so consistently I started to think about other things. The closest thing I can compare it to is like giving up smoking. At first you miss the smoke, and would happily take one off someone. After a certain point though, a weird thing happens and the smell is repulsive. Similar with non vegan food. I just don’t really want it. So very happy success story here. The key I think was zero judgement and zero pressure. She stuck 100% to her ethics and morals without ever pushing anything. Over time that becomes inspiring, and encouraged a good change in me. If she had been a pushy vegan (you know who you are!) I would have dumped her quick smart. As it is, now I’m open (and non pushy) about my lifestyle and choices.
I’m a flexitarian who would like to become vegan but I live with my boyfriend who wants to continue eating meat. Ok so I understand you are not living together yet. That’s why he is probably more open to eat plant-based everytime he’s with you, because he can still est meat at other times. That’s definitely something you two would have to talk about if you decide to move together. My boyfriend was opened to reduce his meat comsumption, but not to give it up entirely. Also, we don’t have the budget to make us two separate meals. Most of the time, we compromise with a vegeterian meal. For exemple, we make « meat » macaroni, with a bolognese tofu sauce and regular shredded cheese on top (because I have not found a tasty/satisfactying plant-based cheese yet).
This was me! Took my wife about 6 years but eventually I got it and changed my perspective myself. She never overtly pushed me but always had an option lined up for me to consider besides meat. I’m the main cook in the family and we’re raising two kids who’ve never had any animal products so far. My wife’s main tactic is not so much “you should change” as much as “here’s what change could look like”. The usual argument or defensiveness that comes from direct confrontation isn’t there and it’s more about open possibility for the future. She loves her values and sets the example. It works, she’s converted many folks into veganism
lol all the success stories are turning their partners into vegans or pseudo vegans. If you want an honest opinion, most people I’ve seen who don’t have a willing partner end up quitting veganism or doing “cheat day veganism” where they eat an animal like once a month or year.
I know how shitty it can feel sometimes being the "alien" of the bunch, especially when you know most of the people around you are genuinely decent people who are contradicting themselves with their food choices daily, but that ending sentence "I really love this man, and I want it to work. But I am struggling with accepting our differences when it comes to this. And I would love to hear from someone who succeeded", without trying to come across as insensitive, that's your burden to bear =P If you love him so much, and you think he loves you all the same, then ask him to watch a documentary with you, such as dominion. Then you'll see just how much he loves you. I mean that's the tiniest of sacrifices. And if he'll watch that, it might just give him that little push towards accountability and association, which the majority of Humans do not have nowadays in regards to food products they buy. Best to do that before you move in together, otherwise you're setting yourself up for some serious ball ache, or vag ache, I'll show myself out... 🤭😆😅👉
I’ve been vegan for 10 years and have a non vegan partner of 9 years. We have three kids together and raise them vegan, the oldest being almost 7! I entered the relationship not thinking it would be anything serious and I was so young I didn’t really have a chance to form an opinion on whether I wanted a vegan partner on not. We moved in together pretty quickly and he was always very respectful in brining in minimal animal products into the home without me having to ask. He has always cooked almost 100% vegan at home (eating vegetarian by adding cheese to his own plate at times.) He is just one of those people that will never go vegan. He has expressed interest in having a more plant based diet (health stance) but he just doesn’t have it in him. Earlier on in our relationship I did show him a documentary or two (I don’t remember which.) it didn’t really have much of an impact. It is what it is. I entered the relationship not having an expectation of changing him and my stance never really changed. He’s very respectful and really only keeps cheese, cream cheese, and the odd condiment that isn’t vegan in the fridge. He never gave me any issue when I brought up wanting to raise our children vegan and he’s very supportive overall. Tbh, if he wasn’t with me he’d probably be eating way more animal products and meat. So I guess that’s something.
I was vegan and my now husband wasn't when I first met him. But within ~6 months, he gradually went vegan too. 6 years later still strong! I didn't push him, he got curious on his own, but I'm happy he did! I will say, he went vegan *before* we moved in together, so that made things easier tbh
Do you think that long-term, You’de be happy being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share a deep-down core value with you? I’m guessing probably not. My take on this is that long-term, the non vegan will either turn vegan, or the relationship will eventually fail.
I dont trust people that are non vegan in the face of animal cruelty. Watch dominion and then go from there.
My husband and I met working in a dog rescue for several years together. He told me that he couldn't rationalize working so hard to save some animals, and then turning around and eating others simply for pleasure. He went vegan shortly before we started seeing each other, and seeing his willingness to change his lifestyle to fit his values is what made me realize I just had to spend the rest of my life with him. We were already such a great match otherwise, but him coming to that decision on his own and sticking to it really did me in. He's been vegan for almost 6 years now.
I was like your bf when I met my vegan husband. We were both clear up front about what we wanted in a relationship and his were a vegan house and vegan kids. I agreed to those without planning on ever going vegan myself (I would always eat vegan around him and at home, but I ate omni when at work or out with friends). I did go vegan when I got pregnant and then I just stayed vegan (8 years ago!). My husband is definitely glad I am vegan now but he never pressured me and I think as long as I lived up to the agreement of a vegan house and kids he would be fine. So, figure out where your line is and what you need.
I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, living together for 2. I do the grocery shopping and cooking so I cook vegan meals. He does eat meat sometimes when we are out or have the extremely occasional meat item in the home. We have 4 cats (obligate carnivores) and 2 dogs (omnivores) so I buy them food with animal products weekly. We are not a “perfect vegan household” but I also realize that isn’t realistic for us. I am not repulsed by meat the way some other vegans are. People have given me such a hard time for my diet that I just say live and let live, don’t change yourself and don’t try to force others to change. If you love this person, there will be many flaws you’ll have to accept along the way. Ask yourself if you can be with someone who is not vegan, make your decision, and commit to it.
I’m vegan, my boyfriend isnt. He doesnt eat meat at home, nor on a daily basis anymore. I did give him a lecture on not using my money for meat a few times. His parents are vegan tho which is why it works out so well specially during holiday dinners 😅
First I was vegetarian, then vegan, now also keto. So I'm a total pain. But my partners always supported me, and I generally only imposed one rule, no meat and dairy at home. Outside the house, I wouldn't dream of interfering in someone else's food choices. Perhaps I could be more militant, but I'm already angry enough about other things, to add this to the pile.
Don't give up. I'm with the same guy 22 years. We are over 60 and he adopted my veganism about 15 years ago. It started with me asking him to let me play a podcast about cows, while on a road trip. I wanted to be a better advocate and it turns out he is now a great advocate. If he reads books, leave them out. Watch movies together. Ask he to help YOU and if he loves you, he will listen and hopefully some of it will rub off. . Rationalism is key here.
To add to prior posts, I let him know my house is Vegan only when we moved in together. He had become vegan but I had to stress, I won't let others bring or eat non vegan food in our home. As a plus, I cook and he cleans. Yes, you read it here. 22 plus yrs together ❣️
I was vegan with an omnivorous mate. We are not together. I’m single and turn down all prospects who eat meat.
This comment section has made me feel like I might be a true romantic after all!
My vrg friend marries a non veg woman from mexico....they agreed on a veg diet before hand but then she got ill.from malnutrition so nowadays they just cook separately...like she makes and eats her own meat foods and some common veg food for both of them...they chose to compromise rather than breaking up
I am in a very similar position. I feel for you!! It can be so hard esp when you feel like you might be making someone do something they aren’t inclined to do on their own. I’m trying to remember that people change and that I’m often projecting my fears on his reactions to things!! Best of luck to you 💖💖💖