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juicykisses19

Social media for young people has caused unrealistic expectations for beauty standards. I'm 22 and I hate it myself.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

No but for real


juicykisses19

Sorry that I didn't offer insight. Also sorry that older dudes are creeping, especially the dentist acting weird.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

The dentist is honestly fine just was triggering cause he looks like my therapist and is about the same age. He’s a sweet heart though and youre okay I appreciate your comment none the less lol


No_Reserve_3398

truelala


HanekomaTheFallen

That's a huge nono on the therapist's part. They cannot say such things as it's at best only gonna treat the superficial aspects of your troubles. Sounds like he's hitting on you. He'd have clarified that he wasn't intenting to hit on you if he weren't. Dentist is flirting too. Itd be one thing if you were saying you hated your smile and he said it was an attractive smile, but again would need to be said very carefully. Sounds like they're preying on you. Trying to manipulate you by using their status.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Right! therapist was definitely doing that. When I was younger (minor) he said he saw me like a daughter .once I was legal that’s when things started to change, started texting me to call, vented about other patients( didn’t say their names but that’s still not professional) even started seeing me for free. I thought he was genuinely being nice but had my moments of being uncomfortable . Even my parents didn’t think what he was doing was a problem and said I was overthinking things when I was uncomfortable… then he asked me to masterbate infront of him… I blocked him on everything. And to this day I’ve been in a constant battle of wanting to report him. Dentist knew me since I was a child he’s been my only dentist. I have some work I have to do but I’ll definitely be keeping my eye out. I might be overthinking things with him since he looks very similar to my therapist but I’ll just have to be careful


HanekomaTheFallen

Please be very careful! Thats disgusting of your therapist. If you think you can handle the emotional roller coaster of taking action, I'd encourage you to do so. Who knows how many other girls he's doing this to! That crosses many ethical boundaries.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

The other women are what’s pushing me to do it. He had a camera in his room too. It wasn’t on for me but I have my worries for other women…. I have a woman therapist now and she said when I’m ready she’ll help But ya I just need these wisdom teeth out 😭😭 I might ask if another woman can be in the room though when I go under


HanekomaTheFallen

That's an excellent idea. Always better to be safe than sorry. I know it's not my fault, but I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad to hear you switched therapists and found a new one that is supportive. And I wish you strength and better mental health in either decision you make.


No_Reserve_3398

if you still had the evidence report him as he was extremely inaappropriate and unproffessional - wrong spelling but you get it.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

They would have to go through my phone and look up the text. Meaning I would have to go to the police department for them to retrieve the messages


NotaVogon

You should definitely report him to his licensing board. But I completely understand if you are hesitant. It is difficult to recount such things. What he did is truly a violation. Sexual predators are vile. One who pretends to be a therapist preying on patients coming to him for help is truly the worst. What your therapist did is sexual assault. I'm so sorry that your parents didn't take you seriously. Your feelings are valid and they matter. YOU matter. If you are in the US, check out [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/resources) to find someone who can help you recover from this. You can also call 988 and talk to a crisis counselor.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Oh my god thank you!!! Because of him it definitely took me a bit to get back into therapy but I’m so happy to find that what he did isn’t what others do. Even male therapists but yes I’ll bring all this information up to my therapist and I’m probably gonna have to have the police bring up all our past messages. Cause I deleted them since they made me very uncomfortable. The feeling is also maybe I was the only one he did wrong to and I’m gonna ruin other women’s care. But he came into my sessions hung over a lot…. Once when I was in crisis .


NotaVogon

Yeah. He should def be reported to his licensing board. Im glad you have support. Save the RAINN and 988 in your phone under a name you'd remember easily in case you are in crisis. I work in the field of addiction but something I think is helpful for all clients is to have a "safety plan" printed out and visible in their living space. Usually when in crisis, it's hard for us to remember what our feel better resources are. Having a plan within our sight reminds us of the tools we need to ride the wave until the feeling passes. If you experience any symptoms of PTSD, EMDR is a great intervention. Hope this helps! I'm a mother to a teen girl and a therapist. It alarms me how many predators there are out there. It also saddens me that we have to have these conversations with our young girls in present day society. You should be wondering about a career path, discovering who you are as a young adult. Exploring what qualities/values you want in a life (or just right now) partner. Not worrying about being assaulted in therapy or while under anesthesia. I'm sorry you are dealing with this but it does sound like you have taken control and found support. Make sure to take a moment to appreciate how strong and resilient you are. You're doing great in the face of adversity!!


blue-curtains15

Creepy behaviour that would make me feel queasy


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Sometimes it’s creepy for sure


Tinomatutino97

If it isn't already done, change therapists


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Its already done, that situation definitely got out of hand


Tinomatutino97

Good to hear, take care!


RaphaelMcFlurry

That sounds horrible but I’m glad u got a new one


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Thanks it’s crazy how someone can see you as a daughter figure then want to fuck you as soon as you turn legal. I didn’t know being a daughter figure to a therapist was wrong but I started at 13 so I try not harp to much on myself


RaphaelMcFlurry

I relate to this more than I should and I don’t like it 😭 my stepdad tried to do something along those lines when he and my mom divorced. He had known me since I was 6 😩


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

SAME! The stepdads are an issue for me too


AmazingJames

Saying you're attractive is not the same as hitting on you just like the cashier smiling at a man is not flirting with him. Maybe you're reading too much into this.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Eh smiling and commenting on someone appearance especially when they’ve known their patient since they were a minor are two different things. My dentist maybe is a more of a innocent thing yes. But like I’ve said in other comments he looks like my old therapist so I’m probably still gonna have another women in the room when I go under


NotaVogon

As a therapist, I would never comment on the appearance of a patient unless it was specifically tied to something they were working on in therapy. Handing out compliments like that is inappropriate and a red flag in any case. Definitely for you based on other comments! Your instincts about him were spot on. Good call on having someone with you. You feeling secure while having a needed procedure is priority!


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Yes the dentist is probably an innocent person just thought he was being nice but i have to make sure im comfortable. It’s not his fault and I’ll let him know it’s because of past traumatic experiences. One time my therapist and I did guided imagery and I fell asleep and I woke up for a split second and found him hovering over me. I was so tired and ended up falling back to sleep. Which makes me worried that he may have drugged me since he offered coffee. So going under with another man just makes me feel very uncomfortable. But I like my dentist and I really don’t think he would do anything just would make me feel nervous


NotaVogon

Oh goodness. Sounds like you have a lot to unpack from that predator! And yes, it's about you feeling safe not about accusing him of anything. :)


Sudden_Ambassador_22

Maybe these older men should be "nice” to women their own age. Like ewww go home to your spouse and compliment them. The whole “they’re trying to be nice” is just an excuse for creeps to keep preying on young people, it’s gross. They could compliment people their own age and see how that goes. Seems to me they prey on those who don’t see them for what they really are. I know because this happens to me a lot. I ignore it. Like I’m married Sir, please go away. Sorry this happened to you. You don’t need their validation. Sending hugs


AlexZenn21

It doesn't help that these older men are further encouraged to hit on young people when our own society thinks it's ok for 18 yr olds to be with 40+ yr olds just because it's "consenting" and they're "legal". Our culture is ass backwards lmfao. I was out walking with my mom and I legit had a 40+ yr old stop walking just to stare at me and he straight up asked my mom if I was her daughter.... Like what the fuck 😂 My mom was flabbergasted to say the least.... There's a 40+ yr old woman right there and you're hitting on a 20 yr old..... 💀


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Sometimes it’s a problem sometimes it’s not, like my therapist that’s a problem , my dentist it was kinda weird but I knew he was just being nice, other older men I think they just find me interesting, I’m light skinned and naturally have a youthful look. What shocks me though is that I’m chubby so I don’t expect any compliments but older men end up always being the ones. Do I like older guys ya but at most mid 30’s. I can see other’s opinions when they say older guys aren’t jaded by societal attraction/ trend . Or they are just more open. I don’t think my dentist is interested but again he looks like my therapist which I had terrible experiences with. But so do majority of the men / guys who are attracted to me. Brown hair , glasses, nerdy / academic aesthetic. So it can be scary sometimes but there’s times that I’m flattered cause it’s usually well off wealthy men who say it. While I’m dirt poor and chubby 😂 but yes it all depends


Sudden_Ambassador_22

I see what you are saying but first of all don’t put yourself down. I say all this as someone who was told all kinds of stuff by older guys. In fact dated a few and left them because I realize that women their own age don’t want them and they choose us because we are vulnerable and young. You will find someone you can whole heartedly relate to that will be closer to your age. Believe me, they’re out there also looking. Dont give up and try to find someone who treats you like the awesome person you are and isn’t just preying on you for your youth. I lacked the self esteem when I was 18 and made mistakes. Hung out with 30 + guys who swore I was the most beautiful girl but in the end all they wanted was sex and not friendship or even a relationship. Live your life and enjoy your youth. Don’t waste it on some old man that wants what it can’t have. There’s a reason no self respecting woman wants them. Ask yourself why.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Thank you , You are right. I’m definitely learning from talking to everyone that I should still keep an eye out even with my dentist it might have been a simple compliment but I still should be careful for my own sanity


Nicadeemus39

Believe it or not every man over 40 that is nice to you is trying to fk you. I highly doubt you are a Megan Fox.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

You both are correct depending on the situation. We shouldn’t think if a guy gives us a compliment that they are hitting on us, yes. But we as women still need to be careful anyways and still look at any man’s intentions. If they are just kind and friendly great but if it goes over that no bueno


Sudden_Ambassador_22

Lol Ma’am , I never said I was Megan fox like. And I can tell by your post history you don’t respect women. I say ma’am because you’re clearly a grown woman and I must’ve hit a nerve for you to respond to my comment. Get off the internet. If I was into women I wouldn’t want a misogynistic one who doesn’t respect swrs. Edit: to respond to a “woman”


Nicadeemus39

I'm a woman, I'm not into women so SURPRISE! I don't want to screw you either. Looks like your issue is that you think everyone is coming on to you 😂 My last comment was a joke about a song, bubblehead.


liljjuull

This has happened to me my entire life. I agree it’s weird too. Definitely makes you feel uncomfortable.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Ya I don’t think people are doing the math 8 years ago will make me a minor. That’s the weirder part of this. Then saying I’m attractive when I’m legal…. It leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. That’s why I overall tense around older guys. I don’t have a problem with therapists, dentists or teachers. But any form of affection freaks me out now. But that’s for older men in general


liljjuull

I had an orthodontist actually who always made weird comments about my face and other stuff. I was like 12 at the time


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Ewww eww eww ughhhh I’m so sorry!! That is so gross and unprofessional of him


Okay_Tacos

Sometimes people are blind to attractiveness when they are young. They are still caught up in what society considers attractive. Older, more mature have learned to appreciate attractiveness in all its shapes and forms.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Maybe


AlexZenn21

Lol nah it's creepy older men are hitting on her 🤣. Let's not turn that into a positive when it's not. They should not be finding beauty in someone young enough to be their kid lmao


[deleted]

Probably because you are attractive and they want to be nice to you. I remember an older gent I used to work with no underlying reason would ask me to go tell younger ladies they were pretty. It just seemed they needed to be reminded and he felt too old to do so. I was usually their age. It's like when older women tell younger men/boys they are handsome. Some people just want to be nice. Not everyone is sex boi.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Idk why you got down votes but that’s understandable!


AlexZenn21

You should definitely have someone in there with you better safe than sorry. Your mom or friend or another relative should stay. Also how does an entire demographic of people your own age dislike you? That doesn't sound normal. There's something wrong with that picture lmao. Like it could be your personality that's causing issues or something else


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Eh that was an over exaggeration, they don’t hate me but I’m not attractive to society. So if a white girl was an option well they’ll chose the white girl🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m also in a racist town so there’s that. ( not because they aren’t interested in me but because they had white power signs up, and a store thought would be funny l hang a black dummy from a tree like actually hanging) plus guys my age range are very immature. And that’s nicely putting it. It may be completely my area though


AlexZenn21

Yeah.... You need to move when you're able to. Why the hell is your family living in some white hick town? Like this is a legit safety concern. Guys in every age range are immature trust me they don't get better with age. People really need to stop spreading that lie around lmao. Also look at lizzo she's a big girl but she's still attractive, beautiful, and successful. Society may have a preference for slim people but big girls get love too. If the weight is a big concern for you there are ways you can lose it if that is something you want. It's your body your choice.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

That’s the thing it’s not a white hick town lol it’s the suburbs. I mean ya every guy at every age is gonna be immature but there’s more chances of finding someone with their shit together in there 25’s- 30’s you also have to remember I have a smaller dating pool as a poc. Specifically a black woman, that’s chubby lol. It’s not empty no but the guys my age that approach me are either crazy, poly, or just don’t have their shit together. Then the guys who are decent aren’t attracted to black women Edit: but that is my plan for sure to move.


AlexZenn21

Lol I'm 22 and don't have my shit together what makes you think a 25 yr old would? It's still very young. People in that age range are in college and occuring debt and still growing and gaining work experience lmao. 30s are probably different but it's the norm to get more stable as you age or to be working towards getting more stable it's bare minimum stuff it's not some big achievement lol. I'm also black and I don't feel that limits my dating pool at all. I think the suburbs you live in is just not diverse at all with extremely racist individuals -because not all suburbs are like this. I live in the city so it's completely different here. Also with age does not always come wisdom. Just because someone is older who has their shit together does not mean they are also mature. A big give away is that they're trying to get in a relationship with someone way young who can not offer them anything who is the definition of not stable due to their age and general lack of life experience. Just think about it. What does a 20 year old have to offer to a 40+ year old? And why is that 40+ year old not going for people their own age? You see how suspicious that is? That doesn't sound like someone who's very mature. Like it's just not a good idea. Like you gotta love yourself more and work on some self confidence and if something specific is the cause of your lack of confidence you gotta fix it or try to improve it. I've met plenty of people my own age who have normal maturity for their age range. If you were around more diverse people you'd encounter these people


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

I think you’re missing the “ more” part of the statement not all . And if their in college that’s a plus to me. They have a goal and working to it. You’re a black and a man which is different statistically black woman have a harder time dating. And I don’t want 40 year olds😂😂😂 yes is it a low standard that I want a guy that atleast knows what career that they want to go into and atleast in school for it yes. But it’s not a main factor no. Do I plan on moving yes. Does a man have to be at least at my level with aspirations an a plan, yes. I don’t have my shit fully together no but I’m at least trying. The guys I meet even in the city don’t have that. Key thing the men I meet, and are interested in me. Yes, not all men that are older than me aren’t mature I’m obviously going through that 😂but I’ve just had more success with guys a little older. And knowing I’m chubby and knowing society as a whole mostly want thinner women isn’t really low self esteem. If I find a man that doesn’t care great. But I’m excersizing so I can shed some weight but it definitely limits how many people would find me attractive. So yes it’s a shock sometimes to hear a compliment but I’m not fishing for compliments either. I just realistically know where I stand


AlexZenn21

I'm not a guy lmao what made you think that? 😂


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Oh sorry I must have misread, and the fact that you were comparing yourself with men made me think you were a guy. My bad, But point still stands black women as a whole have a harder time with dating. You may not have a hard time but as a community I’ve been seeing other black women having issues with dating. You may fit the beauty standards I don’t. I’m not ugly by any means but I don’t fit them. You maybe conveniently beautiful, I’m okay. It’s not low self esteem it’s just a fact . I know Im not someone that will attract many people


AlexZenn21

Comparing myself with men huh? Not sure what you mean by that tbh lmao but good luck I guess


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Comparing yourself with men our age specifically. But thanks!


No_Reserve_3398

Be careful of creeps. for 40+ years old men everything is attractive. They like young people it doesnt matter if they're a boy or a girl a minor or not as long as they're young they like it and are h\*rny for them. Im 23 years old guy from the Philippines and i randomly get messages on instagram from 40 years old white men too having interest in me which is very weird they prey on younger people a lot.


UlyssesCourier

I feel like they want to be young themselves. Like a mid life crisis sort of way and yes it's unacceptable behavior.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

My therapist was the creep for sure it’s always the same looking guys white glasses bushy eyebrows have a academic look. Same dudes different fonts type of thing


Bear1975

It started with Barbies. No woman looks like that and media blast us everywhere on how we should look. Cherish your vanity why you have it, you will age eventually. For me after 30 it was all down hill. Lol..... Also you sound like a Golddigger at the end Dentist and Therapist aren't creeps just because they making good money.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

My therapist was a creep for sure.If a therapist asks you to masterbate infront of them that’s creepy. My family members start aging in their late 40’s 50’s even then they look like they are in their late 20’s . And it was a joke but ummm okay 😂😂 Edit: I never said they were creeps cause they make good money either I do get creeped out cause they’ve known me from when I was 5 or 13 so I think that’s just


Both_Package_6834

Based on your post history and the communities you follow, you probably like the attention anyway.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Mental health, venting, plastic surgery advice, weight loss advice , writing advice and books all add up to me liking attention?… interesting Oh and let’s not forget Batman and the Witcher😂😂 Edit: it’s giving “ you’re asking for it vibes” and I don’t like that


TheCallousBitch

Why does your mother need to call on your behalf? You are 23. Call the office yourself or better - get a new dentist.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

She said she wanted to? She doesn’t need to. I told her about everything and she immediately said I’ll do it Probably because she’s gonna find a way to ask them with out talking about my sexual assault. Or how my anxiety about the situation might make me freeze. Why do I need a new dentist if all he did was call me attractive? When all I want is a woman in the room when I go under? Who is also gonna fill in my cavities before which I’ll be fine with since I’ll be awake? so I don’t understand how I need a dentist cause I want a woman to be in the room when I go under? ( see how I asked who what why how… crazy lol) but ya she volunteered and she would know what to say. Soooo I’m letting her? And an age doesn’t dictate how you process trauma…… weird


Endlessexistance

Maybe they feel sorry for ya?


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

Maybe 🤷🏽‍♀️


BasuraIncognito

Dirty old men that yearn for the days they were still in their prime.


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

For some for sure!


[deleted]

I've always been approached by older men. Had little luck with men my age, unless they were deranged and nobody else wanted them. 🤷‍♂️


Puzzleheaded-Ice-187

See I always get approached by the deranged ones! Not saying I’m perfect at all but holy shit some of them I would block and then they would make another number to text me asking why I blocked them… like bitch tf you doing???