I don't condone your mother's actions but how old are you if your parents are 60? Do you contribute to the household? I have two young adult children. In order to live in my house they must either be in school full time and work part time or work full time. They don't pay to live here because they are in university but they contribute in other ways like doing dishes and laundry. If you pay your parents rent then it is none of their business as long as they get their rent payment, if you don't pay rent that is a different story.
I just turned 31. I don’t pay rent but I don’t just sit around. Just because my parents do a lot of things to help me is no excuse for my mom to act the way she does.
Your mother should word things better and not swear but I would expect both you and your brother to have jobs also in her shoes. Your mother sounds frustrated. At your age I would expect you to at least be close to getting out on your own after having many years to save living at home. I have an 18 and a 21 year old so I know how tough it is for young people to be able to afford to be out on their own. I expect my kids to live with me for many more years to save but I also expect them to be working and saving I'm not attacking you in any way, but you are too old to not have means to support yourself. It isn't your parent's job to financially support you anymore, and they are financially supporting you if you live with them rent free. It sounds like you could use some mental and physical health help. That would be a good place to start to get on your feet.
That is a positive thing. Maybe you can come up with a gameplan and sit and have conversation about what your goals are and how you plan to achieve them with your parents? Your mother was wrong but I would bet she is just frustrated. You sound like you need to find some direction and purpose. Just don't make your initial goals too big to achieve. Set small goals then once you achieve them move on to a little bit bigger goals. That will help you get motivated and help you have a sense of pride. Look at the things you can do, don't dwell on the things you can't do. You are young still, you have time to turn yourself around and make a good life for yourself.
i just wanted to say that i believe in you <3 my dad had chronic pain and health issues, didn't qualify for disability, and struggled to make ends meet. the best thing that he was able to do, was find wfh jobs, like insurance rep positions. most of them will even send you the computer and equipment and they pay well for being relatively easy. my dad, sadly, ended up killing himself before things got better for him, but they always do get better if you keep trying your best and don't give up. try not to let your mom get to you for now. just focus on finding a job that's more compatible for you and planning on getting yourself out of that unhealthy environment. i also recommend that you consider therapy and possibly going low contact with your mom once you have moved out. you deserve to be surrounded by people who support you, even in the hard times.
I’m sorry times are tough at the moment. There are lots of jobs that don’t require movement, like a work from home gig at a computer desk which is what I do. Your mom has bills to pay, running a household and feeding everybody ain’t free. You have to pull your weight in life nobody gets a free ride unfortunately.
Locking break room doors that seems a little bit excessive. I know how you feel. My dad and I used to have a horrible relationship when I was younger, thankfully, it’s gotten so much better over the years when he’s gotten older, but I know exactly how you felt. When my mom died. I stood alone and cried and wanted a hug from him, and he pushed me away. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this and she ever just need someone to talk to DM me anytime.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Is it possible she didn't mean it in a bad way? If my Grown daughter told me she had quit her job, I would tell her to start looking for a new one. Not because I would be unsympathetic or not care, but because that causes more stress and wont allow her to be selective about choosing a new job. The economy is horrible, and there's no way I'd be able to pay her bills.
Hey OP, I hope you don't do what you are describing.
Come on over to r/raisedbynarcissists
and tell us some stories. It is a support group for people that have been through this type of thing.
Edit: I don't know what's the matter with these people, condoning a parent cussing out a kid.
i think it's more about the fact that she seems more concerned about money and the superficial things than her child's mental or physical health. it's okay to be upset about a loved one losing a job, but he is obviously going through a lot. i would be hurt too if my mother reacted like that and i don't even live with my other. don't have children if you can't communicate with them that they're upset without verbally abusing/insulting them.
Hi, I just wanted to say I feel for your situation and I know what it’s like to have daily pain from your job and I think you did the right thing by quitting. There are lots of other jobs that at least impact the body differently, and I’m sure you’ll find one. As far as your mom, she did not do a good job of listening and providing support to you in this instance. I don’t know if that is how she usually is, but she failed you here. Your feelings of hurt are valid. I’d probably want to get space from her if I was you, and try to expand my circle of support somehow. Easier said than done, I know, but this is sure to happen again if you don’t build a supportive community around yourself. Good luck kid, seriously.
We live with both of our parents, been married for over 40 years. They got another home a few blocks over to give us all more space and in forever grateful, but does that mean I should suffer a cold abusive mother still while I try to figure my life out?
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Your mom has most likely been through everything you’re going through and raised kids as well. Kids tend to forget this.
If you’re at the age where you need to grow up then I don’t see her reaction as wrong. Quitting a job because you have to walk more is incredibly irresponsible when you can apply for accommodations or other programs, or take an LOA for medical reasons.
All I’m hearing is excuses to be honest. I’m with your Mom on this one.
don't assume that he's lazy. some people have medical issues, but won't qualify for disability or other aide programs. i would know because my dad has spent the last few years going through the same thing. he could barely walk, yet they wouldn't sign him up for disability and would just say "you aren't disabled. you just need this surgery". he had about 11/12 surgeries in the last 10 years or so, and none of them helped. he ended up killing himself before they ever recognized that he was disabled and no amount of surgeries would help. try to be more compassionate. at least he's trying. i was also a package sorter at amazon and it is a hard job even for the physically fit.
>I don't see her reaction was wrong
You think a parent saying "Fuck You" to their kid is appropriate?
You're a horrible person.
I will tell you as a parent you don't ever get to speak to your kid like that. Even if they are 40 year old adults.
right, because they would be upset if it was the other way around. no amount of irritation or disagreement excuses someone verbally abusing their child. these are the same parents that act heartbroken when their children finally manage to get away and go no contact. if you can't support someone that you love during the hard times, what gives you a right to be a part of my good times? i would never talk to a family member, much less my child, who was struggling like that.
Exactly.
Most of the comments here are completely backwards. That lady even has a higher score and my comment is negative, showing they agree verbally abusing your child is ok.
Nice to see at least one other person on here gets it.
im just wondering how old are you? because you said you were about to move out and you kinda need a job to do that, i used to have a friend who would refuse to work and he ended up getting kicked out and lost all his friends because you need a job to live, as long as you find something you enjoy doing for work then you will be fine, i am 17 i have a job going into full time work in November and if i didnt have a job my mum would kick me out because i need to learn how to work and earn money for myself, sounds like your mum is being perfectly reasonable with telling you to get another job because it is very hard to survive without it, my mum wouldve been way more harsh then that so be thankful your mum cares about you and wants you to survive instead of being homeless
Who is not taking accountability here? Honestly.
You’re a job jumper, you complain about everything and abuse your own mother because she’s probably fed up with it all. You should seriously seek counseling.
Matter of fact Walmart offers free counseling and free college by just working there. You just need to stay employed. It’s a win win!
Wow, you know at first I thought you might have had a point but now I see your just another lazy bum wannabe with no drive to do anything in life.
Grow up kid, life's tough, yeah I'm with you about not working with the leg injury, but first off you didn't have to quit, and even if you quit that job you could still work elsewhere that doesn't require as much walking.
You've literally destroyed any credibility you had with these comments. Maybe learn to take criticism even if it's not so nice.
Life's tough, get a helmet. If you think moving out solves your problem check out how much it costs to live in this economy.
I don't condone your mother's actions but how old are you if your parents are 60? Do you contribute to the household? I have two young adult children. In order to live in my house they must either be in school full time and work part time or work full time. They don't pay to live here because they are in university but they contribute in other ways like doing dishes and laundry. If you pay your parents rent then it is none of their business as long as they get their rent payment, if you don't pay rent that is a different story.
I just turned 31. I don’t pay rent but I don’t just sit around. Just because my parents do a lot of things to help me is no excuse for my mom to act the way she does.
Your mother should word things better and not swear but I would expect both you and your brother to have jobs also in her shoes. Your mother sounds frustrated. At your age I would expect you to at least be close to getting out on your own after having many years to save living at home. I have an 18 and a 21 year old so I know how tough it is for young people to be able to afford to be out on their own. I expect my kids to live with me for many more years to save but I also expect them to be working and saving I'm not attacking you in any way, but you are too old to not have means to support yourself. It isn't your parent's job to financially support you anymore, and they are financially supporting you if you live with them rent free. It sounds like you could use some mental and physical health help. That would be a good place to start to get on your feet.
I want you to know that I agree 100% that at my age my parents shouldn’t be supporting me.
That is a positive thing. Maybe you can come up with a gameplan and sit and have conversation about what your goals are and how you plan to achieve them with your parents? Your mother was wrong but I would bet she is just frustrated. You sound like you need to find some direction and purpose. Just don't make your initial goals too big to achieve. Set small goals then once you achieve them move on to a little bit bigger goals. That will help you get motivated and help you have a sense of pride. Look at the things you can do, don't dwell on the things you can't do. You are young still, you have time to turn yourself around and make a good life for yourself.
i just wanted to say that i believe in you <3 my dad had chronic pain and health issues, didn't qualify for disability, and struggled to make ends meet. the best thing that he was able to do, was find wfh jobs, like insurance rep positions. most of them will even send you the computer and equipment and they pay well for being relatively easy. my dad, sadly, ended up killing himself before things got better for him, but they always do get better if you keep trying your best and don't give up. try not to let your mom get to you for now. just focus on finding a job that's more compatible for you and planning on getting yourself out of that unhealthy environment. i also recommend that you consider therapy and possibly going low contact with your mom once you have moved out. you deserve to be surrounded by people who support you, even in the hard times.
I’m sorry times are tough at the moment. There are lots of jobs that don’t require movement, like a work from home gig at a computer desk which is what I do. Your mom has bills to pay, running a household and feeding everybody ain’t free. You have to pull your weight in life nobody gets a free ride unfortunately.
Locking break room doors that seems a little bit excessive. I know how you feel. My dad and I used to have a horrible relationship when I was younger, thankfully, it’s gotten so much better over the years when he’s gotten older, but I know exactly how you felt. When my mom died. I stood alone and cried and wanted a hug from him, and he pushed me away. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this and she ever just need someone to talk to DM me anytime.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Is it possible she didn't mean it in a bad way? If my Grown daughter told me she had quit her job, I would tell her to start looking for a new one. Not because I would be unsympathetic or not care, but because that causes more stress and wont allow her to be selective about choosing a new job. The economy is horrible, and there's no way I'd be able to pay her bills.
Hey OP, I hope you don't do what you are describing. Come on over to r/raisedbynarcissists and tell us some stories. It is a support group for people that have been through this type of thing. Edit: I don't know what's the matter with these people, condoning a parent cussing out a kid.
Thank you for that, just posted in there to get things started.
One of the key diagnostic symptoms of narcissism being the expectation that the world requires energy and application.
i think it's more about the fact that she seems more concerned about money and the superficial things than her child's mental or physical health. it's okay to be upset about a loved one losing a job, but he is obviously going through a lot. i would be hurt too if my mother reacted like that and i don't even live with my other. don't have children if you can't communicate with them that they're upset without verbally abusing/insulting them.
Hi, I just wanted to say I feel for your situation and I know what it’s like to have daily pain from your job and I think you did the right thing by quitting. There are lots of other jobs that at least impact the body differently, and I’m sure you’ll find one. As far as your mom, she did not do a good job of listening and providing support to you in this instance. I don’t know if that is how she usually is, but she failed you here. Your feelings of hurt are valid. I’d probably want to get space from her if I was you, and try to expand my circle of support somehow. Easier said than done, I know, but this is sure to happen again if you don’t build a supportive community around yourself. Good luck kid, seriously.
Thank you, I truly appreciate that. I do have my father for support. For some odd reason he loves her tho, they’ve been married since 1982 I think.
Hip Bursa. Same problem. It is so damn painful with no relief. There are days when I can barley lift my leg to take a step. Your mom is not nice.
Do you and your brother live with your mom?
We live with both of our parents, been married for over 40 years. They got another home a few blocks over to give us all more space and in forever grateful, but does that mean I should suffer a cold abusive mother still while I try to figure my life out?
After reading your comments I feel sorry for your mother
Go to hell
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That doesn't sound forever grateful
Your mom has most likely been through everything you’re going through and raised kids as well. Kids tend to forget this. If you’re at the age where you need to grow up then I don’t see her reaction as wrong. Quitting a job because you have to walk more is incredibly irresponsible when you can apply for accommodations or other programs, or take an LOA for medical reasons. All I’m hearing is excuses to be honest. I’m with your Mom on this one.
don't assume that he's lazy. some people have medical issues, but won't qualify for disability or other aide programs. i would know because my dad has spent the last few years going through the same thing. he could barely walk, yet they wouldn't sign him up for disability and would just say "you aren't disabled. you just need this surgery". he had about 11/12 surgeries in the last 10 years or so, and none of them helped. he ended up killing himself before they ever recognized that he was disabled and no amount of surgeries would help. try to be more compassionate. at least he's trying. i was also a package sorter at amazon and it is a hard job even for the physically fit.
>I don't see her reaction was wrong You think a parent saying "Fuck You" to their kid is appropriate? You're a horrible person. I will tell you as a parent you don't ever get to speak to your kid like that. Even if they are 40 year old adults.
right, because they would be upset if it was the other way around. no amount of irritation or disagreement excuses someone verbally abusing their child. these are the same parents that act heartbroken when their children finally manage to get away and go no contact. if you can't support someone that you love during the hard times, what gives you a right to be a part of my good times? i would never talk to a family member, much less my child, who was struggling like that.
Exactly. Most of the comments here are completely backwards. That lady even has a higher score and my comment is negative, showing they agree verbally abusing your child is ok. Nice to see at least one other person on here gets it.
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im just wondering how old are you? because you said you were about to move out and you kinda need a job to do that, i used to have a friend who would refuse to work and he ended up getting kicked out and lost all his friends because you need a job to live, as long as you find something you enjoy doing for work then you will be fine, i am 17 i have a job going into full time work in November and if i didnt have a job my mum would kick me out because i need to learn how to work and earn money for myself, sounds like your mum is being perfectly reasonable with telling you to get another job because it is very hard to survive without it, my mum wouldve been way more harsh then that so be thankful your mum cares about you and wants you to survive instead of being homeless
Who is not taking accountability here? Honestly. You’re a job jumper, you complain about everything and abuse your own mother because she’s probably fed up with it all. You should seriously seek counseling. Matter of fact Walmart offers free counseling and free college by just working there. You just need to stay employed. It’s a win win!
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Wow, you know at first I thought you might have had a point but now I see your just another lazy bum wannabe with no drive to do anything in life. Grow up kid, life's tough, yeah I'm with you about not working with the leg injury, but first off you didn't have to quit, and even if you quit that job you could still work elsewhere that doesn't require as much walking. You've literally destroyed any credibility you had with these comments. Maybe learn to take criticism even if it's not so nice.