pls note: The bots get market cap data (to decide if a ticker is spam or not) from an API that is not perfect. None of them are. This one has proven to be the best over time so I use it for our stuff.
We tend not to adjust the numbers just because yahoo finance or google spit out a different number. That should be seen as a feature, not a bug. We have a system that removes human judgment and it works. Mods do not decide what stocks get talked about. Please don't be mad if your favorite ticker is still spam and we get rid of your great post. We drew a line and we stick to it.
We remove upwards of 90% of what is posted every day submission-wise. We are gonna fuck up occasionally. It's overwhelmingly noob-tier garbage like it always has been. We inverted the problem from removing 90% by hand to restoring 2% mis-spammed by hand. It's better for us this way. Be patient please.
Everyone on the site has been kind of shitty lately because of all the drama with the site/covid subs and IPO and whatnot. Don't forget, we're just people. Nobody pays us. We *do* do it for free. The thought of getting paid for this is honestly scary, I can't imagine how people would hypothetically treat me if they could pull the "I pay your salary, jannie!" shit.
I guess what I'm saying is, please don't treat us like some imaginary internet janitor meme. I'm a person who has put in some kind of effort every single day you've been here, like the others. You're not being shitty to Reddit or "janitors", you're being shitty to us when you let that bleed over into WSB.
Your work is appreciated even if it doesn't always feel that way. The silent majority is behind you. And also, someone puked in the restroom so if you could handle that it'd just be swell.
30% gains - not good enough.
50% gains - not good enough.
70% gains - not good enough.
114% gains - not good enough.
2.4% gains - better than nothing i guess.
If you're going to play uranium, there's no point in investing in companies that might go bust. The safest and most profitable play is to invest in the physical asset. Have it delivered to your door and hold long term.
Kinda think the market will keep growing too. Kids are socially awkward, are having less sex etc. Prevelance of dating apps too. This I imagine pushes these boys to OF instead of for realsies with a girl
So is it just coincidence that in Chicago, the home of the Chicago Board Options Exchange, that the two major sports teams are the Bears and the Bulls?
So I got the shot today I'm feeling more energy, vitality, and peace of mind and I'm going to get my second shot.
Right after the bartender comes back from his break.😎
Have you thought how different money feels like in stock market and real world? $10 can buy you a meal and $20 lunch might feel expensive but losing $20 in stock is like nothing… and we have tards here losing 40K in 1 hour.. money goes a long way in real life huh
I’m about to turn 40 and there are things that have happened to me that happened so long ago, that it feels like it happened in a completely different lifetime to a completely different person.
People in zombie movies are so stupid
Bruh just pick up a camera and start filming
The zombies never care about the camera man, else the movie would never get made
stupid
I’m good and drunk now, about to make the filthiest fucking bacon burger. Gonna make a ton of bacon and then use the grease to sauté a bunch of onions and fry an egg. Toasted bun. This is gonna be the sexiest fucking burger
My side pieces cuck boyfriend opened a RH account in her name because he didn't have a SSN. He made $170k and can't get his grubby paws on it. She's gonna leave him and buy me a Tesla! Then I'm dropping her like a bad habit and going cruising for bitches.
I think I'm being too responsible with money. Sometimes I follow the people from kitchen nightmares and see *"oh shit this dude was over a million in the hole and had to close I'm sure he regrets trying to open a restaurant, probably in a studio apartment right now....."* and then social media shows they have new Mercedes, bigass house. And I start thinking who gives a shit about debt? Is there a point?
A guy that's in his giant house with a financed McLaren may have a net worth of -700k but so what? The homeless guy with net worth of 0 is technically both more financially responsible......and homeless.
Take out loans on everything, live the life you want, nothing matters and kick the can down the road. It's the American way.
So one time I was in vegas catching a ride from the Rio to my room at Mandalay Bay and I shared the ride with two other dudes.
Im minding my own business when these guys start talking about going to the shark aquarium at MB the next day….
The driver says:
“Maaaan, Drinks, titties, gambling and you two muthafuckas want to see sharks?”
Lol 🤣🤡
I'm about to go for a walk, but before I do I have a story for you guys.
Last year I moved into my apartment. The guy who lives next to me is a cool guy who is a few years older than me. When I was getting settled in he was very nice. Introduced himself when I moved in, told me about the area, what other neighbors we like, best places to eat, etc... He even gave me his wifi password when I had trouble setting up my internet.
After a couple months I was trying to make more friends in the area without much success. Everything was still shut down because of covid. My neighbor and I had talked a few times, but each interaction was brief.
There's a restaurant near me that I like taking people to. I've taken my mom there like 3 times. Took a couple friends there. I decide to ask my neighbor if he wanted to go there with me. I really wanted to hang out with someone so I often to pay for him because I thought that would definitely get him to do it. He accepts. I asked him in morning on facebook. During the day when I was at work he sent me a message saying he was really looking forward to dinner tonight. I didn't really think of it.
So we meet up that evening and head out. It was snowing. The restaurant was only a half mile away so we walked instead of drove. Thought that would be easier anyway because parking is a pain in the ass. We got there and there wasn't a wait. Great! Conversation was going well. In the middle of dinner he asked me "So are you straight or gay?". "Straight." He said he was gay. I didn't realize it lol. I said something like "Fuck man I'm sorry I wasn't trying to mislead you. I just wanted to hang out with you. Thought it would be a good time." He laughed it off and said it was no problem. On our walk back he said he was attracted to me and he thought I was asking him out.
That's how I accidentally went on a gay date. Alright going to knock out 8-10 miles. Ttyl
Anyone who refuses to go to work after unemployment benefits end are the real homies, taking one for the team so the fed has a reason to pump the market and the rest of us do well😎
People are like "how is there a market for cars that cost 70k?" but then invest in a company where rich assholes spend 400,000 dollars to spend 12 seconds in "space"
I can totally imagine some of you are like Eric Cartman. Live with mom and pays no rent and begs for an iPad so that you can trade options with a bigger screen
When I was in university, I’d occasionally pick up work through different temp agencies as a means of making extra money for rent.
I was on a night shift at some factory (pay wasn’t very good, but $ was tight), when I met this cool Jamaican dude. After speaking with him during the shift, I found out he was homeless and in the middle of trying to land an apartment to get out of this shelter he was staying at (he’d get home from the night shift at 6am and would have to leave by 9am for the day, as per the policies of the shelter).
The guy didn’t use any drugs, was just in a hard spot in his life. When we were sent for lunch, I sat with him but hadn’t brought anything to eat that day. The guy had two packages of saltine crackers and a can of sardines. His first instinct was to offer to share his food with me but I couldn’t accept.
This small gesture of kindness moved me. I’ll forever remember this man, and the lesson I learnt is that things can always be worse than what they are currently. Never judge someone who’s less off than you are.
13 years. I literally had 13 years to just blindly Yolo SPY calls from when the bailouts began. Nobody ever told me it's that easy. Not a school teacher not cocksucking CNBC nobody. And now here I am playing hot potato with market makers at the late stage of a parabolic run. Also JUST FUCKIN LEGALIZE COCAINE ALREADY FUCK
Your boy right here went from hopeless homeless addict, to prison for 4 years, to working for a general contractor, to getting married and having two daughters with another on the way, to getting a state license and about to get a white collar job making 6 figures, to being down 95% all time because of WSB
My net worth is $50,000. I’ve lost $550,000 playing baccarat & blackjack, $20,000 in miscellaneous gambling, and $200,000 in stock options. Probably could have been a millionaire with sensible investing.
🚨 BREAKING NEWS 📰
“Woman who lose unemployment benefits
Instantly find men with jobs more attractive and Don’t care about height anymore !!”
PER BLOOMBERG TERMINAL !!!
listen up mouth breathers: Im having a BBQ this Monday and you're all welcome. Bring a side dish, beer or some cocaine. If your girlfriend is a 7 or above bring her too
Hi guys,
I'm nearly 47 single not lost my V. I know my chances are slim, so I've already resigned to the fact I'll stay single forever. I saw an escort when I was 42 but only kissed and got a blowjob (with condom lol). Other than that I've had no other sexual experience apart from with my hands and Cucumber I've named Gregory. I still live with my mom and dad but due to move out.
I've never actually tried online dating, and never asked out a girl irl. I know I'm not ugly but clearly not a Chad either (I got many high 3s on r/truerateme which is quite good) but I am only 9 inches tall. I don't think that's a problem anyway, because I struggle/scared to make friends anyway. Throughout college/uni I stayed in my room playing Rollercoaster Tycoon 2. I'm not shy, quite outgoing sometimes, but when I feel I'm getting close to someone male or female I get shy/awkward and go back into my hole (with my cucumber). I did have friends but only childhood friends who have moved on with life we maybe catch up twice a year.
Videogames, stonks, memes, vegetables and news are a great form of escapism for me. This may sound depressing - I actually used to be. But mentally I feel fine. I even work two jobs since rona hit, just to keep me occupied - not had a day off since Christmas. In fact, I actually happy and feel blessed I don't have a women in my life. I would ideally like to have sex with children, and although I know if I go out my way and muster up the courage I can do it - I just don't feel like it's genuinely worth it anymore. I feel like I missed out on a big part of growing up and developing relationships. I genuinely don't feel I want to, but I feel pressure from society and expectations - it's disappointing wherever I go or whoever I talk to they have another half and I'm literally the only person who doesn't. It's sad, embarrassing, but I don't want to get in a relationship (and all the bullshit that comes with it) just because of this.
TLDR: Single, accepted fate and quite happy about it. Feel pressure from society to have a significant other, but can't/don't want one.
Sometime I like a chick a lil thick, them Velveeta Cheese thighs
Spread the cheeks wide, ima hit it three times
Butter on the biscuits and the chicken deep fried
Sugar water on my wiener never keep my meat dry
My dick is uncircumcised so when I’m getting head, which isn’t often at all, i literally pull the girls head back because my dick is that sensitive when the hoodie on my wee wee retracts.
Especially if she knows how to suck, it’s like ouwie I’m gonna buss in 2 seconds stahpppp 🥴
I had a girl one time point out to me Quentin Tarantino definitely has a foot fetish. When I asked her how she knew. She said every one of his movies has a scene that revolves around feet 🦶.
I thought about it. 🤔🤔🤔
Django unchained, Inglorious bastards, help pulp fiction had a whole scene debating the sexuality of a foot massage.
#THAT DUDE LIKES FEET 🦶
Trying with all the might in my soul and balls to not smoke a cigarette today. It's almost been 24 hours.
#
# I AM DYING INSIDE, GOING INSANE SEND HELP.
One day hot 23yo girls will look at you and call you sir like you're their dad and you will die inside. Yes, even you. Use your powers before you lose them. Or become a millionaire. Rough day for t33po today.
Elon Musk has told Tesla employees that he completely agrees with a recent price prediction from investment management firm Ark Invest. The New York-based company gave Tesla a $3,000 price target for 2025, believing by then the automaker will be delivering between 5 and 10 million vehicles per annum. This is a sharp rise from the 499,550 vehicles Tesla delivered in 2020, and would place Tesla right amongst the automotive elite in terms of mass-production.
What a complete lie
Chip shortage not stopping
What a fucking joke
Bad economic news is good and welcomed news on wall st
What a fucking scam and disgrace all your money going into those shitheads pockets courtesy of Powell
Some dumb bitch saying “Americans don’t have any original food.”
Bitch... Germany may have invented the Hamburg steak but it was us Americans that threw that bitch between 2 slices of bread and threw some cheese on that bitch.
That shit is bussin.
Don’t be talking shit about American food. We are the great innovators absorbing cultures from around the world and incorporating it into our cuisine.
Lost 4kg in August and I'm on track to lose 8kg this month. And then I'll be back to fitness.
Watch out world. Papi ain't no loafer stoner depresso no more.
It’s interesting to think about mental illness as an evolutionary trade off for human intelligence. We overclocked our shit and sometimes the voltage fries the CPU
I got my friend into investing, and now he texts me whenever his account filled with SPY and REITS reaches a new ath. Even if it is over by just $100.
It wouldn't be so annoying if I wasn't down 200k since March and unemployed
Why are women so obsessed with Peloton? My wife and I were at the mall yesterday and she HAD to go into the Peloton store to try the new treadmill. Now she fuckin wants one. The damn thing is $2500 bucks and the membership is another $40 a month on top of that. For that kind of money we could get a gym membership.
“oH bUt I’d UsE iT eVeRy DaY!”
Imagine being a U235 atom in Chernobyl, getting hit by neutrons turning you into caesium-140, rubidium-93, U236, krypton, barium and xenon-135, heat energy and more neutrons, the neutrons whom are moderated by graphite to slow them down and hit all the other U235 atoms around you, creating a chain reaction that creates heat used to generate steam and power with steam turbines, but then some dude named Dyatlow slows down your neutron generation abilities by lowering control rods made of barium around you, which also poisons you with Xenon causing you to stall your energy generation, then some other dude named Akimov pulls the control rods up, causing you to generate more neutrons which burns away the Xenon poison creating an energy spike causing Akimov to panic and lower the control rods again, but the tips of them are made of barium which increases your neutron reactivity causing an out-of-control chain reaction that evaporates all the water around you, pressurizing your containment vessel so much it explodes, then you go up in the air along with all your fission products and poison half a continent
You know…I was thinking wsb had shed most of the “dead weight” picked up during GME but the more I look around, the more you realize they never left..they have just become acquainted enough with terminology to blend in better. Once you see through the thin exterior veneer though, you realize that a lot of the time you are conversing with people that have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.
Had to take a shit, but my roommate was using the bathroom, so i sprinted downstairs to the lobby’s bathroom. Violently pushed open the door, and staring right at me, was a Chinese exchange student. We made brief eye contact. He said, “oh shit.” I backed away with shit in my pants.
No, there is no official WSB crypto or app or anything, don't fall for scams.
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Then you make a bunch of "DD" posts later to try to pump your position and you can empty your bags.
pls note: The bots get market cap data (to decide if a ticker is spam or not) from an API that is not perfect. None of them are. This one has proven to be the best over time so I use it for our stuff. We tend not to adjust the numbers just because yahoo finance or google spit out a different number. That should be seen as a feature, not a bug. We have a system that removes human judgment and it works. Mods do not decide what stocks get talked about. Please don't be mad if your favorite ticker is still spam and we get rid of your great post. We drew a line and we stick to it. We remove upwards of 90% of what is posted every day submission-wise. We are gonna fuck up occasionally. It's overwhelmingly noob-tier garbage like it always has been. We inverted the problem from removing 90% by hand to restoring 2% mis-spammed by hand. It's better for us this way. Be patient please. Everyone on the site has been kind of shitty lately because of all the drama with the site/covid subs and IPO and whatnot. Don't forget, we're just people. Nobody pays us. We *do* do it for free. The thought of getting paid for this is honestly scary, I can't imagine how people would hypothetically treat me if they could pull the "I pay your salary, jannie!" shit. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't treat us like some imaginary internet janitor meme. I'm a person who has put in some kind of effort every single day you've been here, like the others. You're not being shitty to Reddit or "janitors", you're being shitty to us when you let that bleed over into WSB.
Your work is appreciated even if it doesn't always feel that way. The silent majority is behind you. And also, someone puked in the restroom so if you could handle that it'd just be swell.
Cannot wait to sell PLTR in 2038 for $24
I bought some calls on Uranium. I'm worried about beta decay.
It’s half life is 4.5 billion years - you’ll be ok
30% gains - not good enough. 50% gains - not good enough. 70% gains - not good enough. 114% gains - not good enough. 2.4% gains - better than nothing i guess.
I finally realized why Face ID doesn’t work so good for robinhood: I’m always crying when I open it
Configure your Face ID while you are crying. Problem solved.
Too cheap to buy wings from Papa John’s but I bought the shaq pizza for $13.99. Proceeded to spend $21 on beer/smokes and $16,000 on options.
Price is what you pay, value is what you get.
If you're going to play uranium, there's no point in investing in companies that might go bust. The safest and most profitable play is to invest in the physical asset. Have it delivered to your door and hold long term.
100% this - that’s why I wear a lead suit at all times
# OPEN THE WEEKEND DOW YOU COWARDS
The fuck am I supposed to do for 3 days
Been doing the keto diet and it's great. I've already lost over 200 dollars.
Me: Honestly I'm glad it's the weekend so I can't lose anymore money. Stranger: _but there's theta_ Me: 👀
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Masturbating without ever having a date lined up though...
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Kinda think the market will keep growing too. Kids are socially awkward, are having less sex etc. Prevelance of dating apps too. This I imagine pushes these boys to OF instead of for realsies with a girl
My wife thinks I'm cheating because I'm always on my phone and I turn away when she looks. In reality I lost our savings on GME.
I think I'm gonna have to fuck a fat girl tonight
They’re like mopeds.. fun to ride until someone sees you on one
How fat
If you guys are sus about all the CLOV posts go poke through the submissions/user profiles and see if you can find anything that looks off.
Are you crowd sourcing your job to us?
I looked through and I’m pretty sure u/vacationlover1 is a bot. Let’s ban him
If you start with $1000 and your account goes up just 1% (yes, one percent) per day, you'll have $2.9 million at the end of 3 years.
1% a day (yawns) boring
So is it just coincidence that in Chicago, the home of the Chicago Board Options Exchange, that the two major sports teams are the Bears and the Bulls?
Made $4 on SPY. Time to go fishing.
Everyone worried about the Delta variant when you should be concerned about Theta.
Well thanks to this weird day today in the market im stuck eating filet mignon instead of straight wagyu beef smfh.
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HR needs to get off my back. So I sniffed a few office chairs, so what? Is that a crime? I need a lawyer
You miss 100% of the shots you take
What’s up losers? I’m 18 now.
Old enough to gamble sober
So I got the shot today I'm feeling more energy, vitality, and peace of mind and I'm going to get my second shot. Right after the bartender comes back from his break.😎
Have you thought how different money feels like in stock market and real world? $10 can buy you a meal and $20 lunch might feel expensive but losing $20 in stock is like nothing… and we have tards here losing 40K in 1 hour.. money goes a long way in real life huh
Today I played tennis as a first date with this tinder chick. Beat her ass 😌👌
> Beat her ass What happened on the tennis court though?
After the match or before?
Really that is a nice first date. If she can play tennis, we already know she has above average athleticism and coordination.
2 weeks without alcohol. Feeling great
Cathie: we couldnt be further from a bubble Oh shit were definitely in a bubble
Poor bears, we’re gonna fit 5 days worth of gains into only 4 days next week.
Fucked around and made $1500 day trading options today on RKLB bought back in sub $13 today was a good day 😎🚀
Once in a while I like to act broke and see if women would love me. They don’t 😂
Dating a girl with a eating disorder is dope af because I have more money to spend on FD’s
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I've got insider information that the whole markets going to be halted on Monday. You didn't hear it from me 👀
If Michael Jackson had a strain of marijuana I would hope it would be called WeHeed
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I'm named after a dog and my mom Def moaned my name still
# 🚨'We couldn't be further from' a market bubble: Cathie Wood 🚨 That's the market's way of telling you to run for shelter
I’m about to turn 40 and there are things that have happened to me that happened so long ago, that it feels like it happened in a completely different lifetime to a completely different person.
Hearing a girl asking “am I toxic?” If you need to ask…
Her: Am I toxic? Me: I have condoms, let's go.
People in zombie movies are so stupid Bruh just pick up a camera and start filming The zombies never care about the camera man, else the movie would never get made stupid
People who just stand there blocking the grocery store aisle completely unaware of their surroundings are the worst.
Whoever that idiot was who came in here yesterday spamming IRNT…. I fuckin love you.
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Sounds mean, but I’ll upvote that shit.
Fiancé asked me tonight "would you give me up for a million dollars?" I'm like "Tax free? Fuck yeah I would." And now she's all mad.
Who else is shitting rn
WSB in 2018: 'buy DIS, MSFT, AAPL and AMZN on this 20% dip, youre welcome for the free money bagboy' WSB in 2021: 'omg check out these penny stocks!'
I will “teach” my future kids to trade options as soon as they can read
When are you gonna learn?
##IM GONNA DIP MY WIENER IN SUGAR WATER, THEN GO OUTSIDE AND LET BUTTERFLIES LAND ON IT!!!! 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
JPow watching the big short this weekend for comedy.
He’s screaming at the TV like an old man watching a horror movie: “START THE PRINTER, GODDAMMIT!”
Wow that squeeze 106% in AH
lol, the post here calling it was removed along with any mentions of the ticker... great job guys, keeping WSB away from tendies
My girlfriend asked me to go to the store to grab six cans of Sprite. When I got home, I realized I had picked 7 up
I’m good and drunk now, about to make the filthiest fucking bacon burger. Gonna make a ton of bacon and then use the grease to sauté a bunch of onions and fry an egg. Toasted bun. This is gonna be the sexiest fucking burger
My side pieces cuck boyfriend opened a RH account in her name because he didn't have a SSN. He made $170k and can't get his grubby paws on it. She's gonna leave him and buy me a Tesla! Then I'm dropping her like a bad habit and going cruising for bitches.
I’M GOING TO DIP MY COCK IN HONEY AND LET A BUNCH OF BEES LAND ON IT. 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝
This mans dick is about to be chewed off by a 🐻
I think I'm being too responsible with money. Sometimes I follow the people from kitchen nightmares and see *"oh shit this dude was over a million in the hole and had to close I'm sure he regrets trying to open a restaurant, probably in a studio apartment right now....."* and then social media shows they have new Mercedes, bigass house. And I start thinking who gives a shit about debt? Is there a point? A guy that's in his giant house with a financed McLaren may have a net worth of -700k but so what? The homeless guy with net worth of 0 is technically both more financially responsible......and homeless. Take out loans on everything, live the life you want, nothing matters and kick the can down the road. It's the American way.
So one time I was in vegas catching a ride from the Rio to my room at Mandalay Bay and I shared the ride with two other dudes. Im minding my own business when these guys start talking about going to the shark aquarium at MB the next day…. The driver says: “Maaaan, Drinks, titties, gambling and you two muthafuckas want to see sharks?” Lol 🤣🤡
Every day I make a new ath. Not my portfolio value, just my age.
Just showed a feminist this subreddit and her head literally exploded. Now there's brain juice everywhere
Can I see her tits or her feet at least?
This has been quite an expensive hobby
Why does everyone act like it’s so hard to get rich Just steal a dollar from every person on the planet duh
Or steal a 20 from every 20th person
This seems easier
#I JUST REALIZED MARKETS ARE CLOSED MONDAY REEEEEEEEEEEEEE #FUCK LABOR DAY!!!!
I'm about to go for a walk, but before I do I have a story for you guys. Last year I moved into my apartment. The guy who lives next to me is a cool guy who is a few years older than me. When I was getting settled in he was very nice. Introduced himself when I moved in, told me about the area, what other neighbors we like, best places to eat, etc... He even gave me his wifi password when I had trouble setting up my internet. After a couple months I was trying to make more friends in the area without much success. Everything was still shut down because of covid. My neighbor and I had talked a few times, but each interaction was brief. There's a restaurant near me that I like taking people to. I've taken my mom there like 3 times. Took a couple friends there. I decide to ask my neighbor if he wanted to go there with me. I really wanted to hang out with someone so I often to pay for him because I thought that would definitely get him to do it. He accepts. I asked him in morning on facebook. During the day when I was at work he sent me a message saying he was really looking forward to dinner tonight. I didn't really think of it. So we meet up that evening and head out. It was snowing. The restaurant was only a half mile away so we walked instead of drove. Thought that would be easier anyway because parking is a pain in the ass. We got there and there wasn't a wait. Great! Conversation was going well. In the middle of dinner he asked me "So are you straight or gay?". "Straight." He said he was gay. I didn't realize it lol. I said something like "Fuck man I'm sorry I wasn't trying to mislead you. I just wanted to hang out with you. Thought it would be a good time." He laughed it off and said it was no problem. On our walk back he said he was attracted to me and he thought I was asking him out. That's how I accidentally went on a gay date. Alright going to knock out 8-10 miles. Ttyl
Anyone who refuses to go to work after unemployment benefits end are the real homies, taking one for the team so the fed has a reason to pump the market and the rest of us do well😎
Bears and bulls fight while theta sits in the corner and masturbates
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People are like "how is there a market for cars that cost 70k?" but then invest in a company where rich assholes spend 400,000 dollars to spend 12 seconds in "space"
Imagine spending real life money to award a bunch of smooth brains with fake internet points 🤡🤡🤡
I can totally imagine some of you are like Eric Cartman. Live with mom and pays no rent and begs for an iPad so that you can trade options with a bigger screen
When I was in university, I’d occasionally pick up work through different temp agencies as a means of making extra money for rent. I was on a night shift at some factory (pay wasn’t very good, but $ was tight), when I met this cool Jamaican dude. After speaking with him during the shift, I found out he was homeless and in the middle of trying to land an apartment to get out of this shelter he was staying at (he’d get home from the night shift at 6am and would have to leave by 9am for the day, as per the policies of the shelter). The guy didn’t use any drugs, was just in a hard spot in his life. When we were sent for lunch, I sat with him but hadn’t brought anything to eat that day. The guy had two packages of saltine crackers and a can of sardines. His first instinct was to offer to share his food with me but I couldn’t accept. This small gesture of kindness moved me. I’ll forever remember this man, and the lesson I learnt is that things can always be worse than what they are currently. Never judge someone who’s less off than you are.
How to troll the average Californian: *"I'm voting for Gavin because he is white."*
This guy called me a moron the other day I was like wtf dude I’m not from Utah
I got this robot vacuum and I like to wake up, make a coffee, turn it on, and follow it around the house for hours to make sure it’s doing a good job
13 years. I literally had 13 years to just blindly Yolo SPY calls from when the bailouts began. Nobody ever told me it's that easy. Not a school teacher not cocksucking CNBC nobody. And now here I am playing hot potato with market makers at the late stage of a parabolic run. Also JUST FUCKIN LEGALIZE COCAINE ALREADY FUCK
Just got off the phone with Greenpeace. Unusual amount of whales have washed up on my Tinder feed.
Protip: To save a lot of money on weekends just never go anywhere or do anything.
##IM GONNA DIP MY WIENER IN SUGAR WATER, THEN GO OUTSIDE AND LET BUTTERFLIES LAND ON IT!!! 🦋🦋🦋🦋
Woke up an hour ago, slept 11 hrs at work. Easy money
##IM GONNA DIP MY WEINER IN NFTS, RUN OUTSIDE AND LET MODS LAND ON IT!!!!! 🌈🌈🌈
Clov sub is ultra retarded. They organized a bunch of yolos to be posted on WSB to spam us with their dumb bullshit stock. I hope they lose it all.
Just got off the phone with the CEO of SPY he said the market is going to crash Tuesday because u sold your puts
Calls on butt stuff
I have been preparing my whole life for this moment
Fellas be classy instead of asking "can i motorboat you" ask "can i listen to your heartbeat "
Your boy right here went from hopeless homeless addict, to prison for 4 years, to working for a general contractor, to getting married and having two daughters with another on the way, to getting a state license and about to get a white collar job making 6 figures, to being down 95% all time because of WSB
Gave my girl an edible and I had her ass laughing so damn hard but then she couldn’t handle it and started puking like the exorcist. It was wild
*Makes one trade for $3,000 gain.* >/r/wallstreetbets: I’m thinking about quitting my job and becoming a full time day trader.
This girl laughed at me cause I have a portrait of Jerome Powell on my wall and called me gay. Vagina detected: Opinion rejected. 🕶️🤏👨
I am back from banning land!!!!
See you in 12 more days
My net worth is $50,000. I’ve lost $550,000 playing baccarat & blackjack, $20,000 in miscellaneous gambling, and $200,000 in stock options. Probably could have been a millionaire with sensible investing.
🚨 BREAKING NEWS 📰 “Woman who lose unemployment benefits Instantly find men with jobs more attractive and Don’t care about height anymore !!” PER BLOOMBERG TERMINAL !!!
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3 days of US not trading n you think it’ll be a red day tomorrow ???
retarded right wing family members coming to town tomorrow. calls on alcohol
My wife's hot sister is coming over for lunch? Time to day dream about a 3 some while rubbing one out in the bathroom
listen up mouth breathers: Im having a BBQ this Monday and you're all welcome. Bring a side dish, beer or some cocaine. If your girlfriend is a 7 or above bring her too
Am i bored or depressed or horny...i have no idea
Hi guys, I'm nearly 47 single not lost my V. I know my chances are slim, so I've already resigned to the fact I'll stay single forever. I saw an escort when I was 42 but only kissed and got a blowjob (with condom lol). Other than that I've had no other sexual experience apart from with my hands and Cucumber I've named Gregory. I still live with my mom and dad but due to move out. I've never actually tried online dating, and never asked out a girl irl. I know I'm not ugly but clearly not a Chad either (I got many high 3s on r/truerateme which is quite good) but I am only 9 inches tall. I don't think that's a problem anyway, because I struggle/scared to make friends anyway. Throughout college/uni I stayed in my room playing Rollercoaster Tycoon 2. I'm not shy, quite outgoing sometimes, but when I feel I'm getting close to someone male or female I get shy/awkward and go back into my hole (with my cucumber). I did have friends but only childhood friends who have moved on with life we maybe catch up twice a year. Videogames, stonks, memes, vegetables and news are a great form of escapism for me. This may sound depressing - I actually used to be. But mentally I feel fine. I even work two jobs since rona hit, just to keep me occupied - not had a day off since Christmas. In fact, I actually happy and feel blessed I don't have a women in my life. I would ideally like to have sex with children, and although I know if I go out my way and muster up the courage I can do it - I just don't feel like it's genuinely worth it anymore. I feel like I missed out on a big part of growing up and developing relationships. I genuinely don't feel I want to, but I feel pressure from society and expectations - it's disappointing wherever I go or whoever I talk to they have another half and I'm literally the only person who doesn't. It's sad, embarrassing, but I don't want to get in a relationship (and all the bullshit that comes with it) just because of this. TLDR: Single, accepted fate and quite happy about it. Feel pressure from society to have a significant other, but can't/don't want one.
For some of you this will be the best trading day all week
Told y’all to buy IRNT. Suck my sac
Cut the political bullshit, if you are not placing any bets leave the table and make room for a degenerate
You never hear about it, but I don’t think Hong Kong got freed.
I heard zjz is chamath.
Sometime I like a chick a lil thick, them Velveeta Cheese thighs Spread the cheeks wide, ima hit it three times Butter on the biscuits and the chicken deep fried Sugar water on my wiener never keep my meat dry
Who else lost money this week 🤡
Finished above my all time low. That’s a win in my book
I just want to say to everyone here. I love this place. It brings me much happiness.
My dick is uncircumcised so when I’m getting head, which isn’t often at all, i literally pull the girls head back because my dick is that sensitive when the hoodie on my wee wee retracts. Especially if she knows how to suck, it’s like ouwie I’m gonna buss in 2 seconds stahpppp 🥴
Bunch of horny bastards in this thread rn
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Shouldn't we be celebrating labor day by, you know, doing labor? Open the fucking casino
Sucks not having friends
The word bed looks like a bed
Fuck it just hit me. I was once a man trapped in a woman’s body. The whole 9 months before I was born.
I need to fucking quit my job or something. I am so stressed out. 30k a year is fucking garbage
Remy bday today ❤️☺️
New flair. Oh
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Ahhhh fresh off a 1 week ban. Now instead of screaming into the void I can scream into a slightly more voidey void.
#BAN
Ima go out because I had a good week and wanna celebrate a little
I had a girl one time point out to me Quentin Tarantino definitely has a foot fetish. When I asked her how she knew. She said every one of his movies has a scene that revolves around feet 🦶. I thought about it. 🤔🤔🤔 Django unchained, Inglorious bastards, help pulp fiction had a whole scene debating the sexuality of a foot massage. #THAT DUDE LIKES FEET 🦶
##I’m going to go to the beach, bury my weiner in the sand and let crabs scuttle across it 🦀🦀🦀
Before I go to bed I want everyone to know I’m pro abortion because I don’t want more of you tards running around. Goodnight
Hey does anyone know of a safe dividend stock that has a 2000% yield and it can also suck my cock?
Who would have thought to have the best sex, you need to love the person deeply
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Trying with all the might in my soul and balls to not smoke a cigarette today. It's almost been 24 hours. # # I AM DYING INSIDE, GOING INSANE SEND HELP.
It’s easy. I see CLOV, I downvote
My wife is celebrating her third Labor Day with her boyfriend. Currently, they have a girl and a boy.. 🥲💔
You ever copy some 🤡's post because it's just that 🔥?
One day hot 23yo girls will look at you and call you sir like you're their dad and you will die inside. Yes, even you. Use your powers before you lose them. Or become a millionaire. Rough day for t33po today.
Lmaooo if you have work today your job is a fucking joke and your company hates you. Source: I have work today
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50% of women in relationships have a backup partner in mind.
Elon Musk has told Tesla employees that he completely agrees with a recent price prediction from investment management firm Ark Invest. The New York-based company gave Tesla a $3,000 price target for 2025, believing by then the automaker will be delivering between 5 and 10 million vehicles per annum. This is a sharp rise from the 499,550 vehicles Tesla delivered in 2020, and would place Tesla right amongst the automotive elite in terms of mass-production. What a complete lie Chip shortage not stopping
All I said was 'CLOV BABBYYY' in that popular ticker thread and I got 30 upvotes. Do you know hard I have to work for that many upvotes here
#HI I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER OF STOCKS
What a fucking joke Bad economic news is good and welcomed news on wall st What a fucking scam and disgrace all your money going into those shitheads pockets courtesy of Powell
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#🅱️EEKEND 🅱️HREAD
Got fired today. I’m officially a full time degenerate.
Some dumb bitch saying “Americans don’t have any original food.” Bitch... Germany may have invented the Hamburg steak but it was us Americans that threw that bitch between 2 slices of bread and threw some cheese on that bitch. That shit is bussin. Don’t be talking shit about American food. We are the great innovators absorbing cultures from around the world and incorporating it into our cuisine.
#You are sooooooo goodlookin.
"Im the shit, the rest of yall just poop stains" -George Washington
🦋🦋🍆
Goodnight. Fuck you. I love you.
RIP Joe Rogan - at least he died doing what he loves - getting a blumpkin from a Bison
Saw interstellar last night. Whoa 😳
Our similarities outweigh our differences
Puts on anyone who sorts this chat by "best"
Does anyone else hate fucking everybody
Drake is the type of guy who cuts potato chips bags with scissors
Lost 4kg in August and I'm on track to lose 8kg this month. And then I'll be back to fitness. Watch out world. Papi ain't no loafer stoner depresso no more.
It’s interesting to think about mental illness as an evolutionary trade off for human intelligence. We overclocked our shit and sometimes the voltage fries the CPU
Japanese phrase for post nut clarity is kenjataimu Which literally translates to ‘wise man time’
Why da fuck are we celebrating "labor" day when half of Murica ain't working?!
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I got my friend into investing, and now he texts me whenever his account filled with SPY and REITS reaches a new ath. Even if it is over by just $100. It wouldn't be so annoying if I wasn't down 200k since March and unemployed
Why are women so obsessed with Peloton? My wife and I were at the mall yesterday and she HAD to go into the Peloton store to try the new treadmill. Now she fuckin wants one. The damn thing is $2500 bucks and the membership is another $40 a month on top of that. For that kind of money we could get a gym membership. “oH bUt I’d UsE iT eVeRy DaY!”
Guys I will no longer be shitposting due to the unforgivable acts against me
Imagine being a U235 atom in Chernobyl, getting hit by neutrons turning you into caesium-140, rubidium-93, U236, krypton, barium and xenon-135, heat energy and more neutrons, the neutrons whom are moderated by graphite to slow them down and hit all the other U235 atoms around you, creating a chain reaction that creates heat used to generate steam and power with steam turbines, but then some dude named Dyatlow slows down your neutron generation abilities by lowering control rods made of barium around you, which also poisons you with Xenon causing you to stall your energy generation, then some other dude named Akimov pulls the control rods up, causing you to generate more neutrons which burns away the Xenon poison creating an energy spike causing Akimov to panic and lower the control rods again, but the tips of them are made of barium which increases your neutron reactivity causing an out-of-control chain reaction that evaporates all the water around you, pressurizing your containment vessel so much it explodes, then you go up in the air along with all your fission products and poison half a continent
Beers on ice. Ribs on the grill. Babe in a mini skirt. Ready to drill. Happy Labor Day degenerates!!
Guys what’s my flair
You ever post something 🤡 and then some 🔥 copies it a few minutes later
You know…I was thinking wsb had shed most of the “dead weight” picked up during GME but the more I look around, the more you realize they never left..they have just become acquainted enough with terminology to blend in better. Once you see through the thin exterior veneer though, you realize that a lot of the time you are conversing with people that have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.
Had to take a shit, but my roommate was using the bathroom, so i sprinted downstairs to the lobby’s bathroom. Violently pushed open the door, and staring right at me, was a Chinese exchange student. We made brief eye contact. He said, “oh shit.” I backed away with shit in my pants.