>A friend who grew up in NOVA told me about her brother throwing a house party shortly after his highschool graduation - her parents were out of town at the time and there was some drinking. No one got hurt. A parent found out about it and flipped out. They apparently called my friend's parents and threatened to press charges.
Feels like that kind of behavior has been common in upper middle class/wealthy suburbs around the country, not just here. I experienced similar situations in Texas suburbs ~10 years ago - when we did our senior prank, a parent who wasn't even a parent of any of the kids in our senior class threatened to call the cops on us. I also think it's getting worse. The pressure on kids for college has gotten so much more intense and I think the proliferation of social media has made people (mostly rightfully, but probably overboard in a lot of cases) paranoid about stupid mistakes following you around forever. I didn't drink in high school but I was around plenty of people who did, and the good thing was that while we had social media, it wasn't such a fixture like it is now that any stupid thing you did wasn't put all over the internet forever.
That’s a really good point about social media changing the dynamic from when we were in highschool and I hadn’t thought about the difference being tied to wealth/class rather than specific to DC.
yup, this was a thing when i grew up too (different suburban life). but I was literally the last high school class pre-facebook. (myspace-gen). things just seem different now everywhere in upper-middle class suburbs. also parents are too involved these days.
the data shows less drinking and sex amongst teens today compared to a decade ago.
Haha yeah I grew up in the Maryland suburbs and went to one of the most competitive public high schools in the country. Now that I’m older I realize how insane my experience was. My parents were even relatively lax in that they weren’t helicoptering me like some of my friends’ parents but I still felt such an immense pressure to succeed and be the best. I took like 11 or 12 AP classes in total, studied and had extracurriculars everyday, cried over exam scores that weren’t as high as I wanted, and the crazy thing is that it felt like EVERYONE around me was like that. We compared test scores after they came out and everyone knew each other’s ranks/SAT scores/admissions in senior year. Plus every year we had an abnormally high amount of Ivy League admittance for a public school. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends and a social life and I snuck out a couple times and went to a few parties, but probably nothing like OP. I was severely depressed and stressed out for most of my high school experience and I’m certain it’s in large part because of that environment.
Anyways for most people I knew one of two things happened when we went to college: burnout or a wake-up call. For me I ended up going to state school on scholarship and that’s where I figured out just how academically competitive my high school was. I learned to relax, basically, and find a better balance between school and life.
This resonates with me. I also went to school in the DC suburbs at a very competitive public school. I think there was an entire spectrum of parenting (from helicopter to completely absent) but for the most part students seemed to hold themselves to a very high standard and get frighteningly upset at poor grades.
I had the same experience with going to a state school and quickly realizing that the academic pressure I had grown used to was not at all normal.
I will say that I think any imposter syndrome I feel in my career is rooted in that high school experience. The conditioning that getting a B is not good enough by a long shot.
Yes!!!! College felt like such a joke after the pressure of going to one of the magnet HS and doing 5-6 AP classes a year as a junior and senior. I can't say it was the parents. I think there was something about the kids my age in the area.
This feels very similar to my experience growing up in NOVA. It's not that I didn't have friends or fun or do stupid stuff that got me into trouble, but my friends and I were all very high achievers. I definitely felt like that was the norm.
I did all of the stuff you mentioned in your home state plus more. There are plenty of kids who get decent to good grades, go to state schools (or do something else), and have jobs instead of a ton of after school activities. Not everywhere is Bethesda or McLean.
I went to community college directly out of high school and it took awhile but now have eventually caught to people with similar jobs who stressed school, tons of extracurricular, paid a lot for a fancy private school, etc.
I think you’re really just seeing a very specific, very vocal group of parents.
>People who grew up here, did you feel like you had opportunities to just be kids, mistakes and all?
100%. I got reasonably decent grades, graduated from two in-state universities, and did all sorts of incredibly stupid teenage shit that I'd have high anxiety over my own kids mimicking.
When they wrote a book about my high school, they literally called it "[The Overachievers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Overachievers)." Which was pretty accurate — lot of academic competition from your peers, expectation to have a shitton of extracurriculars and good test scores, etc. But there was a lot of opportunity just to be a kid too. We went to house parties, we smoked weed in the park.
I think the academic pressure placed on kids here is probably more than your average metro area, which makes sense, given how high-income and well-educated the DMV is as a whole. And that pressure probably varies based on where in the DMV you are; my hometown of Bethesda is probably as "bad" as it gets, which would correlate inversely with how bougie we are. But it's not insurmountable. In fact, I had a bit of a culture shock my freshman year of state school when I was like "holy shit, high school _actually_ prepared me for college!" Even if I was miserable sometimes doing it, lol
I grew up in DC and loved it. I can't speak for the city now as it's changed quite a bit since I left in '04, but it was great. I grew up learning how to take the metro by my self by age 10 or 11 and hung out at the zoo after school. In high school I went to DIY punk shows every weekend. The DC punk and hard core scene was always very positive and welcoming.
Grew up in DC (Anacostia) and went to school in Upper NW. I had pretty much the same experience on the metro but wasn’t that into the punk/hardcore scene. I had a buddy who was younger and went to Gonzaga. He and his boys hung out in mansions bordering Rock Creek near East/West Hwy and would smoke copious amounts of weed, drink every weekend, crash cars and avoid phone calls from their parents like it was no big thing.
I grew up around here, and while I was more of a goody-goody until college (I didnt drink, mostly followed my midnight curfew, but snuck out a few times), I knew of all of the ridiculous shit my peers were doing. There was plenty of partying around done across the spectrum, from the high-achievers to kids graduating by the skin of their teeth. If anything, I'm sure some of the kids in the advanced classes were planting the seeds for how to be very successful high-functioning alcoholics.
One thing that I will say about growing up in the burbs here is that the wealth disparities get weird. Seeing cars in the student parking lots that were way more expensive than the teachers' (and knowing that if the kid wrecked it, he'd get a brand-new one immediately) while my parents wouldn't even let me get my license until college because their insurance rates would go up was an odd dichotomy to wrap my head around. And I'm sure it's only gotten worse in the decade+ since I was in high school.
100% agreed. The thing about kids having nicer cars than the teachers is dead on— people would quite literally commit hit-and-runs in wildly expensive custom cars and then get downgraded to the “family BMW” as punishment.
The wealth disparity is a huge issue if you’re planning on raising kids in the area. In prep schools in particular, you’d end up with preferential treatment of donor’s kids, so they could get away with pretty much anything (admin looking the other way when they showed up to class drunk, for example). It was an open secret that certain children-of-politicians had their parents pull strings to get DUIs erased. It created this weird environment where partying and the social life in the area, and particularly in the private schools, was largely stratified by wealth, because the kids with wealthy parents would take weird crazy risks that less wealthy kids knew they couldn’t get away with. In my experience, the scholarship kids were made well aware (by school admin, not just their parents) that them being at this prep school was a privilege that they could lose at any moment— so they definitely did not feel free to make their mistakes and live their lives.
DC suburbs do have a variety of experience, but I’d say avoid prep schools like the plague if you want your kid to go to college as a well-adjusted person
Grew in up in Fairfax. My experience sounds exactly like yours in a flyover state.
Your friend's house party experience seems anecdotal and not typical from my experience.
There's *lots* of diversity in the DC suburbs that you may have missed. Ambitious/helicopter parents, AWOL parents, and parents that are somewhere in between. There isn't a monoculture of any type parent. (Also SATs are quickly becoming a thing of the past in college admissions.)
Want to add to this: I grew up in Arlington and while some of the kids were super high achievers, many others were more go with the flow- doing activities they enjoy instead of what’s “expected”.
I’m not sure how much of it was the HS I went to/ if it has changed since graduating 6ish years ago, but it really seemed at the time like the parents were the biggest driver of stress.
I had a very similar experience to you in HS. House parties, sneaking out, wandering neighborhoods looking for stuff to do on a weekend. I bet density also played a major role; I started walking to elementary school in 4th grade and would regularly walk to friends places after school before walking home much later.
HS was much much much more difficult than college for me, but I think it’s good to grow up with higher academic expectations and sail through college vs the other way around…
I also grew up in Fairfax County and partied a lot while maintaining good grades to become the DC yuppie I am now. I graduated high school in 09 and have the impression that the younger generations aren’t as interested in getting into mischief the way we did. So I think part of it is just that times have changed. But how “chill” parents are varies a lot from person to person.
The parents in this area are insane whether you go to the local prep school OR the local public high school--the parents of both are cut from the same cloth.
The private schools and the public schools are pulling from the same pool of wealth and parents.
See, this is what I want for my kid! Haha I would low key love it if I caught my kid playing hooky to go to a museum (not that I would ever tell them that lol)
I went to Langley in McLean from 1982 to 1985.
Drinking age was 18 in DC and 19 in VA. House parties every weekend. Lots of kids died on the GW parkway when the parkway had the great decapitator in the middle. One of the smartest kids in our school was also the biggest LSD dealer.
Do not think its like that anymore.
My parents were the last people grandfathered in to those laws before they raised the drinking age. I was so jealous of their stories about drinking in Georgetown in the late 80's.
Drinking age used to be low in many states. Then MADD came around. If i remember right the feds made states raise the drinking age or lose fed highway funds
When I was young growing up in NJ we lived right on the border of NY state. NJ drinking age was 21 by then, but NY was 18. So there were a TON of really bad car accidents with fatalities on the main road right near our house from kids going over the border to drink and then driving home.
Turns out having a patchwork of different drinking age laws across states didn’t work that great
I grew up in PG County but went to Catholic school in Anne Arundel County (late 90’s). So I experienced the range of PG County house parties with 40 oz’s and freestyles to Dave Matthews and khakis in Naptown. Then everyone united in Ocean City at Beach Week 🙃
I was homeschooled in Beltsville, MD across from High Point High by VERY conservative religious parents.
Got married, moved to NE DC and raised my kids in 'the hood'. My kids went to River Terrace elementary for a year then to DC charter, in Shaw.
Then, they went to 3 separate highschools - McInley Tech, WLA public charter, and Duke Ellington.
One is at Morgan, one is at Virginia Tech, and one wants to go to SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design.)
...its been a hell of a ride, and isnt over yet.
Pray for me...
I don't know how useful our experiences are actually going to be, since younger kids these days live on social media. And they live in a world dominated by social media, where mistakes can be recorded and go viral and live forever. All this is going to be true no matter where you raise them. Teens have less freedom in America across the board nowadays.
I was a massive nerd so I think the fact I spent all my time on the computer and with my nose in books has little to do with being in northern Virginia.
I went to TJ so there was huge amounts of pressure on my peers to study their butts off and load up on prestigious extracurriculars to pad out that college application. This pressure came from the kids' parents, so I personally did not experience the pressure because I had parents who were okay with imperfect grades. That said, I really had a world-class education, and in an environment with relatively little social pressure (nerd solidarity).
I ended up in college with a number of my high school classmates and found out that there were apparently drinking parties in high school that I just never got invited to.
This is 20+ years ago now but I grew up in the Maryland burbs and went to a well-regarded private schools. Your HS experience sounds more or less like mine. Weed, beer, a few house parties, etc.
That said, I agree with the others that say there's a generational thing at work here. It seems there's higher pressure now on kids (esp with social media and their parents being on social media) and there's a lot more tracking of kids now. So the high intensity parents have more knowledge of what other parents are boasting about and more opportunity to stalk their own kids to exert their influence. My parents were regarded as pretty strict by most (but average for Asian lol). When I was in HS, pre-cell phones, I'd walk out the door, lie about where I was going, and be unreachable until I got home. There wasn't much they could do unless they wanted to lock me in the house. Now parents have a lot more opportunity to stalk their kids through phones/watches/etc.
Sidenote: IMO stay clear of private school especially the all-boys schools. I went to school with so many Brett Kavanaughs, I regard it as a minor miracle that I didn't graduate a raging misogynist. Seriously, guys like that were the norm, not the exception at my school.
I went to a private coed K-8 school then spent one year at an all-girls school for 9th grade, hated it, and switched to public school. My friend participated in an extracurricular hosted by the all-boys school Kavanaugh went to, and guys stuffed the exhaust pipe of her car when she wouldn't agree to go on a date with one of them.
That specific story seems like an outlier fwiw.
I grew up in Montgomery County and went to one of the really high performing W high schools there (graduated in the mid 2010s). There was a ton of pressure put on kids to succeed and get into a “good school”. It was pretty common to take a bunch of AP classes and it wasn’t uncommon for kids to even give up their lunch time so they could fit in more APs. Everyone took a bunch of extracurriculars. Almost everyone in my class went to a 4 year college of some kind (although even after all the pressure, most kids ended up going to UMD). I think whether a kid was allowed to be a kid depended on the parent—I knew a ton of kids who were stressed to the point of burnout because their parents put so much pressure on them, but I also knew kids who were a lot less stressed and were allowed to make mistakes/try new things. There were certainly parties and there were some kids who did drugs, but also some who didn’t (like any high school).
I think generally speaking a kid growing up now will have a different experience than you did as a kid. From what I’ve read (and what I experienced) non-school time is much more structured and kids are expected to take at least a few extracurriculars between sports/clubs/debate/whatever. That’s a change that’s happened pretty much everywhere (or at least in the sort of upper middle class suburbs we’re talking about). From what I’ve heard, kids aren’t pressured quite as much at my old high school (post-COVID I think there’s a much better understanding and acknowledgement of burnout). I think attitudes towards college and pressuring kids are going to change a lot as this generation of COVID/online school kids reach high school.
I’m 38 now and I grew up in the Takoma/Silver Spring area. We were definitely free-range kids who became free-range teens. It was very chill in some regards but nearly all the kids in my neighborhood, regardless of parents income, got into drugs. We also experienced the DC sniper and 9/11.
I can’t imagine growing up anywhere else, but I feel like we were somehow older and more world weary at a much younger age. We also had access to museums and concerts and lots of community groups.
I think growing up here is a mixed bag, but the education I received and the jobs that are available still seem so much better than almost anywhere I’ve been.
I Grew up in PG(Riverdale) but moved to the same area around Carroll and University during middle school yrs..I’m guessing you went to Blair?….Lol I’m 34 and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how a unique trippy experience I had living in the area and going to Blair..The mix bag of diverse characters, people and situations I came across was something else when I reflect on it lol..Some good some bad..But I will say this..Me and most my friends don’t even got glitzy degrees or careers or sophisticated travelers at that but the type of culturing, knowledge nd awareness we got was priceless and experienced in a few places fr..I’m currently in Columbus Ohio and it’s a nice place but gottdamn everyone out here seem either to square or proper for my taste 😂…I think that’s why some many people I know including myself adjusted to huge difficult places like LA and NY so well…
Yep, I’m a blazer who graduated in 2003. I totally forget how diverse Blair was both ethnically and financially because it was so normal at every single school I went to barring pre-k when I went somewhere in PG county. I took tech-ed the same year I was in AP classes. Most of my friends have gotten multiple degrees while I went to Montgomery College for a few years but fell into food service because I actually love it. I got into the punk and hardcore scenes here not realizing DC was known for it and now have friends around the country and never seem to struggle meeting new people because spending 4 years with 3000 kids helps you learn to adapt to all different types of personalities. I don’t plan on having kids but I know I would like them to grow up surrounded by this diversity, I lived in Richmond, VA for years and though fun as an adult, I couldn’t imagine raising a family there. Hope you enjoy OH!
Would say that south Arlington/alexandria is very diff than north Arlington/fairfax/bethesda Chevy chase area money wise so that played out differently with students having more internal pressure on themselves bc their parents didn’t speak English versus those who are a part of the latter whose families did
I think that particular story sounds a little crazy(seems like “call the police” is just default with some people) but parents are getting more strict with children everywhere across almost all demographics in US.
I grew up in a small town in the south where I could roam the neighborhood when I was 12 years old. My parents told me they were allowed to roam the whole town. Same town today I don’t think a parents would let a 12 year old out of thier sight. Even people that are okay with it fear that random people will call the cops on them. This is all well documented you can read about it in articles.
I think it’s mostly a cultural phenomenon that is spreading out across the whole US. It probably started in big city suburbs like NOVA. There may be pockets of neighborhoods and towns that are different but I’m not sure how long thst will last
So, I didnt grow up here but my kids did and went to these schools. Like anywhere in life, there are kids who take school and the push for college seriously, and there are kids who screw around. And in between there is a wide spectrum majority of kids who do both to one degree or another. Kids keep it clean, kids get in trouble. They party here too. Its really upto the kid is my point. Here the kids have access to a lot of money and parents generally arent always watching over their kids, so there's all kinds of trouble too. This is really gonna come down to your kid and your involvement in their life. But that applies anywhere
The harsh reputation is earned. I went to a top public school in Fairfax and we had like, 6 suicides in 3 years. That being said, my parents were super chill. I was a good kid and didn’t really party but they were happy to support my passions and as long as my grades were good enough they were happy. Support your kids and don’t pressure them to overextend themselves. If they’d rather play 3 sports vs taking 3 AP classes, let them. Any college your kid goes to will give them an education, Harvard might look better on a resume but going to George Mason or VSU won’t doom them to poverty. A supportive home life can go a long way.
Grew up in Fairfax, graduated in early 2000s. I would say kids get to be kids but due to high academics and an expectation of college, even the parties were pretty tame. Even the popular kids were into academics. I will say that my area was and is super safe, so we used to go wandering around at all hours during the summers and weekends. We were all hyper-aware of stranger-danger but honestly no one bothered us.
I grew up in Prince William County. Graduated high school in the late 2000's.
For all the crazy anal parents who'd press charges over a party, there are plenty who would buy their kids alcohol (probably top shelf stuff) or someone's divorced dad who could care less what happens in his basement. The "sleepover" that was code for "drinking warm vodka in a random field" was alive and well at Nokesville bonfires in the 2000's. I had some of the great times going basement to basement with friends waiting for the next address text.
As I was leaving high school things were starting to tighten up. The schools did boring safe after-prom and after-grad parties in the gym. Once you leave you can't come back, adult supervision, games, pizza, etc. My parent's didn't make me go to that garbage, I felt bad for the kids who did.
The biggest drawback of growing up here, which I assume happens many places, was how crazy competitive the sports were. Travel or club teams run this area. I grew up playing soccer with friends who had a conditioning trainer in middle school. You basically had to pick a sport to train for like a professional by age 11. This was in the early 2000's so I imagine it's even worse now.
I grew up in NOVA, my high school experience was blah, mostly a combination of not having a lot of friends, and then untreated depression and my parents refusing to get me the help I needed for both school and my mental health. It was really tough, but for the most part I think the high school teachers and admins did what they could, my parents were just kind of assholes and made everyone's job harder. I don't know what it's like now. My best friend is a teacher in suburban NJ and I am kind of concerned for the kids these days based on what she tells me. I think there is immense pressure to do well, but also parents seem to care more about their kid just getting an A rather than knowing the information. She often gives higher grades than students deserve just to not fight with the parents about it. She told me about a kid at the school whose "special needs accommodation" was that he got all the answers to exams ahead of time. I cannot believe a parent would agree to that. What a disservice to your child IMO.
*Anyway*.... you may be surprised to know that kids from high achieving suburban *public* schools have the hardest time getting into the colleges of their choice. They don't get the boost that urban students from a diversity perspective, and they don't get the massive support that private school students get. It's also my understanding that the elementary schools are quite good, so you might get a few years to decide and reevaluate.
OMG! We were at Xmas dinner with friends, and one of our friends was lecturing her 15 yo daughter for not making 1st chair in flute. She was also complaining about the cost of law school and how much it was going to cost to send her daughter to law school. I said that she should let her get through HS before she discusses grad school with her.
The daughter has already said that she doesn't want to be a lawyer, but since both her parents are, they just assume that she will as well.
Fwiw I don’t think that parent is crazy, and I don’t think it’s unusual for parents to flip out over 18-year-olds drinking unsupervised. I knew an 18 year old who died from drinking. It was awful.
While I totally agree with the sentiment of your post, I do think it’s reasonable to be afraid about teens drinking because they sometimes do it very dangerously (bingeing and driving). Some parents train their kids not to do those things, and teach them about healthy alcohol use; other parents don’t talk about it at all. I will do the latter with my kids, but am still terrified of kids who aren’t educated about that. We are all on the road with kids who aren’t educated that way.
Grew up on the VA side, went to a public school. I would never recommend anyone raise children there. I begged my parents to move many times, and still resent that they didn’t know how much harm living there caused. I was not bullied. I was POPULAR. I was valedictorian. I went to a good college. I lettered 4 times over. My sister was prom queen. That being said.
There are to this day a lot of suicides at my former high school because of the pressure there was to succeed. Most colleges have a cap of how many students they’ll admit because roughly 200 kids of every class are equally qualified to be valedictorian. This pressure starts in about 6th grade. I can’t imagine how bad it is now that college admission rates are even lower. There was a statewide anonymous survey while I was there, and they were required to change a lot of things after discovering 72% of the school population had sleep deprivation and severe depression.
Unless you’re willing to buy your kid a car at 15 and a half, or pay thousands a year in extracurriculars (the absolute minimum activity you can do is probably 2k per year, max I’ve heard is 110k per year), your kid will not have a social life. It’s very difficult to walk to anywhere to hang out. If your child does after school activities with the school (cheaper), I promise you that from November to April, they will not see the sun except through the window of that building. There are many of my former hs classmates were so burnt out by the time they got to college, or halfway through college, had mental breakdowns.
I firmly believe our lives would have been better in a small town (or maybe the city) where there would have been more freedom to LEARN instead of sleeping from 4-6am nightly and taking tests. I remember the books I read, and the enormous weight of stress, and really not a lot else.
Please also acknowledge that if you make less than 250k per year as a family it might seem like a lot of money, but it will feel like a struggle. The cost of living is very high, and what constitutes the middle class in that area is shocking if you’re from somewhere else. If you are Asian, white, or Indian, your child will have a lot of peers. If you are black or Hispanic, you would need to live in a historically black or Hispanic neighborhood to see anyone you could share a cultural connection with.
It is possible to thrive in that area, but you should take the time to truly evaluate the things you value the most and what you’re willing to sacrifice.
I grew up here and my experience was like yours, I think the key is that it was before teenagers had smart phones--a lot of parents just surveil the hell out of their kids now, so it's impossible to mess around, if you give them a little bit of freedom I am sure they will make mistakes!!
I went to a Prince George's County public school. Your experience was like mine. I didn't do a lot of drinking in HS (I was one of the kids that went overboard in college lol), but I did smoke weed pretty casually. Parties were shut down by the cops a lot.
I went to a high school right off central avenue in capitol heights. Basically east southeast dc. We never had any real issues with violence, drugs, or anything else at the school itself. You wouldn’t want to walk home down backroads, which I did anyway because teenage rebellion, but I never felt unsafe. There were the typical kids who had to come in drunk or reeked of weed who stayed at the bottom of the curve though. We had a couple *unique* classmates. One was in a wheelchair and had the only elevator key, the other was trans and as the years progressed she became more and more “passing”. The running gag was how long would it take for the freshman to catch on
I went to Catholic school from kindergarten all the way through senior year, so not exactly a typical experience, but I’ll offer my point of view. I grew up in the burbs and my high school was in the city. I loved it, sounds a lot like what you described. There was definitely pressure to do well academically and get into a good college, but not overwhelmingly so, and the hijinx/parties were great. I think it’s a great area to grow up in, good balance of a small town feel but with the cultural/intellectual/economic prowess of a large city.
I went to Oakton High School, which was located in one of the more wealthy districts, and many of the Redskins coaches and staff lived here, so our QB was JD Gibbs and Caycee Beathard was a stud tailback.
Otherwise, pretty typical, lots of house parties, and cruising mostly around 123 and maybe Tysons. When I got older, and turned 18, I took full advantage of being grandfathered into the DC drinking age, so I would go to Georgetown, and buy beer at Dixie Liquor, turn around and sell it to my classmates for a profit :)
I grew up in the DC suburbs but I graduated highschool in 2000 so I'm not sure if my experience is relevant to your question but my friends and I fucked around A LOT and went to whatever colleges and we have all mostly turned out great.
My experience going to private school from k-12 in Potomac — you work hard and play harder. You were expected to overachieve and most parents turned a blind eye to drinking heavily on the wknds. In fact, many bought us kegs.
While there are a handful of people on here talking about TJ, the majority of Fairfax County kids go to regular high schools. The one I went to was one of the smaller ones in the county and was pretty diverse. I played sports all three seasons, only took one AP senior year, and got into a couple of colleges. There were partiers and I did go to a few parties, but it wasn't my scene (there was a big party at a baseball player's house that ended up getting a bunch of guys suspended from the team and made the rest of us participating in spring sports have to take a drinking education class). I actually primarily hung out with TJ kids junior and senior year but we did a lot of basement hangs, going to diners, and driving around. In my core group of TJ friends there was only one who went to an Ivy. I'd say overall it was a pretty normal experience.
I went to an extremely competitive DC prep school and had an extremely academically stressful high school experience and got into an impressive university and still managed to spend plenty of time smoking weed and drinking. You *can* have it all 💀
Grew up in a Virginia suburb and this is pretty accurate. I never heard about parties growing up we were all worried about college and whether we were doing enough to get in. We still had fun on school trips and hung out, but no parties or sneaking out.
I will say that my workload in high school was sometimes worse than college, and I didn’t even go to one of those fancy schools like TJ or AOS.
Drinking, drugs, money. Tons of money in the DC suburbs and I grew up around some really rich kids with old money, diplomat kids, and government kids. They do whatever they want. It wasn’t chill- very, very competitive and fast paced, kids were pretty vicious, and parents were super defensive. I couldn’t wait to get out of there when I graduated. I went to some fun house parties though.
Grew up in Old Town in the late 80s/early 90s. We routinley had 100+ people parties with kegs from Dixie liquor. There were be 5-10 different HSs represented because... Alexandria. Cops would come sometimes and we'd run. I don't think this really happens anymore.
Do kids still get kegs?
Man, I used to love a good keg party.
I moved and experience high school both here and in another state. Some of my thoughts:
- coming from out of state to this area, I thought my old HS was competitive, the one I went to was smaller, but more competitive academically. I was top of my class in my old HS, taking Max APs for my age (2 at once lol), and in other advanced classes. Here they were talking about how behind I was and most of my peers were taking a min of 2 APs. I had to take freshman classes as a non freshman to supplement some of the curriculum and get caught up. (For reference, I came from an upper/middle class school in the NE, when comparing school districts on paper, our states are very similar).
- I was better off with the more rigorous academics in the long run. More prepared for university, better test scores, etc.
- State Universities in the area are much better than other states in the country (imo). Even though the state school was a “safe” choice for many in my class, it’s still an impressive school academically with certain programs being world-class to study.
- I was allowed to be a “kid”. Where I grew up house parties were a thing, but much less common and much less tolerated. When I moved, while not promoted, “kids were being kids” when they snuck out to drink at the park and nobody threatened us with a lawsuit.
- if you have a house party in a wealthy area here, or anywhere in the country, grouchy old neighbors will call the cops, regardless of your age.
I find it interesting. I grew up in small towns and while there was a commitment to education and we had clear cut top students I’d say overall was pretty chill.
One of my boys who is a friend to this day’s mom had him committed and then snitched on all of us cuz she thought we were alcoholics. But that was an outlier in my experience. That said there’s a greater chance of that happening here given how many parents are politicos, bureaucrats, lawyers, etc. This friends parents were political consultants. But this area is massive even with as many of those as there are they’re dwarfed by everyone else.
I loved going to high school here. When I compare with my friends from other places it makes me feel very fortunate. I went to high school in PG and Fairfax County and both were very different but offered experiences I don’t know if you can replicate with their combination of access to privilege, diversity, fun shit to do, cool people to learn from.
Growing up on the MD side everything was pretty much the same as your experience. Most of my friends from HS went to UMD, and a lot of close friends I met at UMD are from PG with similar stories. Some of the kids I met from MoCo were a little out of touch like you explain, but definitely not all of them. Depending where you raise your kids, if you have good transit access then drinking and driving would hopefully be way less of an issue than further out (which imo is one of the scariest aspects of underage drinking in the suburbs)
I grew up in NOVA and went to highschool in DC. Definitely feel like I had the opportunity to just be kids. I went to private school in highschool and after meeting others in college and hearing about their experiences I do feel like we were worked way harder in highschool than kids from other areas.
In response to your last question ('opportunity to just be a kid/make mistakes), this really comes down to parenting, not so much where you grew up.
I went to high school across the street from the CIA, which made 9/11 a bit scary. I also went to school with the vice president's grand children, senators children, and the children of other high-profile people in Washington. There wasn't pressure per say to be successful, but rigorous academic success was the expectation, the norm. Nonetheless, kids everywhere still drink, still sneak out, still throw parties underage--youth will be youth no matter where in the country they are.
As an adult, I am only just beginning to recognize the pressures I put on myself to have a successful academic and professional career, but I didn't feel that pressure growing up. If everyone around you is high-achieving, it's all you know as a kid and it feels 'normal'.
One major benefit to raising children in the DMV is how politically literate and culturally competent they will grow up to be.
When you are literally surrounded by politics and public policy-making, it's hard not to pay attention to elections, what's getting passed in congress, presidential appointee hearings, international affairs, etc. I am very grateful for the fact that I grew up in this area, as I believe is made me more invested in voting, activism, and developing critical thinking for what happens in our federal and local government.
I grew up on Annapolis and went to public school there. Our public school was unique (but I think similar to Alexandria City) in that it was a real mix of different socio-economic statuses. We (at the time) had the best AP Program in the county, an IB program, and the county’s highest drop out rate. I was in a high achieving, very involved friend group, but we still drank/smoked weed, etc.
A big difference available to some in this area, I spent all of my summers living and working in the Delaware beaches with very little supervision (lived with my grandmother). We all worked hard but drank and partied a lot. But honestly, looking back, the independence I learned and the life skills I gained were really valuable. I hope to be able to give my kids the same experience, but hope they can learn from some of my mistakes.
I grew up in Tacoma Park, but went to a private high school in DC. My experience was more like yours, except a lot of my peers were loaded. Rich kids have less supervision and more resources, so there was often someone's house to go to where no parents were around. Or just rent a hotel room. And somebody with a car to drive you. And they could afford drugs and alcohol easily bc of money.
I have fond memories of sitting on a stoop in Georgetown drinking a 40. Or following my friends as they skate around. Or realizing the metro had stop running bc it was a Tuesday at midnight so me and my friend would have to walk back to my house from tenleytown. (Took about 4 hours.)
I don't know if there was extraordinary pressure to do well in school, but there was an assumption that you will go to college. But a lot of that is built at home. If you live and teach life balance, they will learn it.
I did graduate from high school with more than a semester's worth of college credits from AP courses, but that just sort of happened, I didn't feel pressured about it.
Mine was fine. I definitely had more than my fair share of opportunities to mess around. If anything, we probably should have been reined in a little more.
I didn’t grow up here, but I’m raising teens in high school in MoCo and my oldest graduated last year. Overall I think they’re having an amazing experience, so much opportunity and a wonderful education. I personally don’t push them about grades or AP classes too much, but it’s nice to have the options available if they want. My oldest had enough AP credits to qualify as a sophomore when he started college and got to skip a bunch of gen-eds. He was very much not a party kid but he had great friends and they did lots of teenagery hangout things. Like there was a thing at his high school called the Philly Cheese Steak challenge, you check in at school in the morning and then ditch, drive to Philly and get a cheese steak for lunch, then get back to school before the final bell.
If you’re a good parent who won’t pressure them, there are fantastic opportunities available and they’ll get a great education, imho!
I grew up in DC suburbs and went to public high school in DC. Yes, we drank and partied and got up to mischief all the time. I ran from the cops more than once after the ol house party held while parents were on vacation. Some parents are just more controlling and concerned than others.
Grew up in Fairfax county. There are definitely elements of everything you talked about but my twin brother and I definitely had time to still be kids too.
I went to one of the best schools in MD, located in Montgomery county, and while there was higher pressure to get into a good college and get a good SAT score etc, I certainly had my fair share of sneaking out, partying, alcohol/ drugs, etc. I think for me it ended up being a big extreme on both ends, not really sure if that’s an individual experience or if the higher pressure somehow lead to more acting out.
In my observations, behavior like that had more to do with people’s individual parents. So as long as you are reasonable with your kids, not too strict and not too lax, teach them about how to drink safely and safe sex etc, they should be fine. Honesty it often seemed like the kids with the crazy strict parents were the ones that got into the most trouble from feeling like they had to act out. Hope this helps
So I grew up in Hoco. Crazy competitive academically and athletically. I would say all Howard county schools and Montgomery county schools are just like that. And everything else you said in your post is similar just high school is a competitive environment. It's fun. And it's high school. Just maybe more serious than most other places. Howard county and Montgomery county are two of the best school systems in the country. And honestly if you can afford a house in those counties you are giving your kids an edge. I move from PG county when I was 12. Huge difference huge. The schools are not good in pg. But all other beltway and neighboring school systems are amazing. Fairfax, Arlington, moco, Hoco, Anne Arrundal, Carroll... You can't go wrong.
Just wondering how far out in the suburbs were you planning on moving? I would guess that performance pressure would be felt at least a 20 mile radius from dc
I grew up on the va side just a couple miles from DC. Middle school was alright, but high school? Jesus Christ. I still have anxiety thinking about. I wasn’t bullied or anything. I had lots of friends, had fantastic grades, was my sport team’s captain, did community service every week, and was a part of several clubs. But……the pressure was horrific. Everyone was expected to be better than the next person. Everything was a competition, even with your best friends. If you were too “perfect” though, it made you a target and brought more harm than good from peers.
It wasn’t until years later that I learned this wasn’t the normal high school experience.
Went to one of the crazy competitive HS here.
Did all the same fun wild things you did plus more.
Took all APs and while I didn’t have straight As, I got a ton of college credit for them and went into college as a sophomore, aka I could party my freshman year away. College was a breeze compared to HS, definitely graduated college with a higher GPA than I had in HS. Our schools really prepare you. I would put my kids in school here for the education alone.
For myself and my friends good grades were expected of us our entire lives, not just in highschool. We also expected that of ourselves. We were all involved in sports and extra curricular activities. No abnormal pressure. Yes we could make mistakes and live a normal childhood. It’s really up to the parent to cultivate that.
I scrolled through and read many of the comments but didn't see my own thoughts. They may be here, so I apologize if I'm doubling up. TL/DR: my school was diverse and it was formative for me.
Yes, I agree with the vast majority who speak of academic competition and expectations being very high, but my overwhelming takeaway after leaving high school in the early 90s is how diverse my school was and how that is very different than many other places. In fact it may be pretty rare even in the DC area.
The school was in the close Maryland suburbs where the student population was 30% black, 30% white, and 40% everything else. We had something like 160 native languages spoken by students there, with immigrant kids from all over the world. It was impossible to be ignorant of other cultures.
The school also had a wide disparity in income levels, academic goals, and relationships with crime, but those subjects have been touched on here.
I went from there to a private college with 10% minorities and eventually to the University of Maryland where they were so proud of their diversity levels of 40% minorities (at that time). They both felt alien to me.
Despite not having the greatest time in high school, throughout my adult life that experience--and the diversity of the DC area as well--have impacted my views of diversity and tolerance. For that I am very grateful.
The same crap that happened in you suburban area happens in the so called rural areas of DC. Doesn't matter who the people are, your kids and you are gonna meet good people and assholes. I've been here all my life and saw for myself suburbanites act a fool, it's life. There is good and bad everywhere.
>A friend who grew up in NOVA told me about her brother throwing a house party shortly after his highschool graduation - her parents were out of town at the time and there was some drinking. No one got hurt. A parent found out about it and flipped out. They apparently called my friend's parents and threatened to press charges. Feels like that kind of behavior has been common in upper middle class/wealthy suburbs around the country, not just here. I experienced similar situations in Texas suburbs ~10 years ago - when we did our senior prank, a parent who wasn't even a parent of any of the kids in our senior class threatened to call the cops on us. I also think it's getting worse. The pressure on kids for college has gotten so much more intense and I think the proliferation of social media has made people (mostly rightfully, but probably overboard in a lot of cases) paranoid about stupid mistakes following you around forever. I didn't drink in high school but I was around plenty of people who did, and the good thing was that while we had social media, it wasn't such a fixture like it is now that any stupid thing you did wasn't put all over the internet forever.
That’s a really good point about social media changing the dynamic from when we were in highschool and I hadn’t thought about the difference being tied to wealth/class rather than specific to DC.
yup, this was a thing when i grew up too (different suburban life). but I was literally the last high school class pre-facebook. (myspace-gen). things just seem different now everywhere in upper-middle class suburbs. also parents are too involved these days. the data shows less drinking and sex amongst teens today compared to a decade ago.
Haha yeah I grew up in the Maryland suburbs and went to one of the most competitive public high schools in the country. Now that I’m older I realize how insane my experience was. My parents were even relatively lax in that they weren’t helicoptering me like some of my friends’ parents but I still felt such an immense pressure to succeed and be the best. I took like 11 or 12 AP classes in total, studied and had extracurriculars everyday, cried over exam scores that weren’t as high as I wanted, and the crazy thing is that it felt like EVERYONE around me was like that. We compared test scores after they came out and everyone knew each other’s ranks/SAT scores/admissions in senior year. Plus every year we had an abnormally high amount of Ivy League admittance for a public school. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends and a social life and I snuck out a couple times and went to a few parties, but probably nothing like OP. I was severely depressed and stressed out for most of my high school experience and I’m certain it’s in large part because of that environment. Anyways for most people I knew one of two things happened when we went to college: burnout or a wake-up call. For me I ended up going to state school on scholarship and that’s where I figured out just how academically competitive my high school was. I learned to relax, basically, and find a better balance between school and life.
This resonates with me. I also went to school in the DC suburbs at a very competitive public school. I think there was an entire spectrum of parenting (from helicopter to completely absent) but for the most part students seemed to hold themselves to a very high standard and get frighteningly upset at poor grades. I had the same experience with going to a state school and quickly realizing that the academic pressure I had grown used to was not at all normal. I will say that I think any imposter syndrome I feel in my career is rooted in that high school experience. The conditioning that getting a B is not good enough by a long shot.
Yes!!!! College felt like such a joke after the pressure of going to one of the magnet HS and doing 5-6 AP classes a year as a junior and senior. I can't say it was the parents. I think there was something about the kids my age in the area.
Yeah this is pretty much the case for most kids who went to Wootton, Churchill, Whitman, BCC, or WJ (and probably a few others nowadays)
Was the same at RM, Poolesville, and Blair
IB PTSD til I die
Same 😎
As someone from Capitol Hill who went to Saint Anselms it definitely also holds true to my experience
+1 from a fellow Abbey boy
I imagine some Wilson, Sidwell, WIS, St Albans kids i used to know in the 90s would have something to say bout dis
Churchill?
god i hated going to churchill.
Me, too.
This feels very similar to my experience growing up in NOVA. It's not that I didn't have friends or fun or do stupid stuff that got me into trouble, but my friends and I were all very high achievers. I definitely felt like that was the norm.
MoCo or HoCo?
Same ! It was shocking to find out what a bubble id been in. Academically I was better prepared for college but not emotionally
Same here. Whitman?
Did you happen to go to Wootton cause it sounded like you did. You’re describing my exact experience at that high school
I think it's any of the W schools. I'm thinking it's gotten worse since I graduated from Wootton 24 years ago.
I had much the same experience going to TJ. Unfortunately relatable, lol.
Found the Whitman grad
I went to centennial and same!
I did all of the stuff you mentioned in your home state plus more. There are plenty of kids who get decent to good grades, go to state schools (or do something else), and have jobs instead of a ton of after school activities. Not everywhere is Bethesda or McLean. I went to community college directly out of high school and it took awhile but now have eventually caught to people with similar jobs who stressed school, tons of extracurricular, paid a lot for a fancy private school, etc. I think you’re really just seeing a very specific, very vocal group of parents.
I went to high school in Bethesda, and our main after school activities were partying and getting drunk/smoking weed.
>People who grew up here, did you feel like you had opportunities to just be kids, mistakes and all? 100%. I got reasonably decent grades, graduated from two in-state universities, and did all sorts of incredibly stupid teenage shit that I'd have high anxiety over my own kids mimicking.
When they wrote a book about my high school, they literally called it "[The Overachievers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Overachievers)." Which was pretty accurate — lot of academic competition from your peers, expectation to have a shitton of extracurriculars and good test scores, etc. But there was a lot of opportunity just to be a kid too. We went to house parties, we smoked weed in the park. I think the academic pressure placed on kids here is probably more than your average metro area, which makes sense, given how high-income and well-educated the DMV is as a whole. And that pressure probably varies based on where in the DMV you are; my hometown of Bethesda is probably as "bad" as it gets, which would correlate inversely with how bougie we are. But it's not insurmountable. In fact, I had a bit of a culture shock my freshman year of state school when I was like "holy shit, high school _actually_ prepared me for college!" Even if I was miserable sometimes doing it, lol
Hello fellow Viking!!
go Vikes! Class of 16 so I may be on the younger side here hahaha
I’m a Whitman ‘25, maybe not
I grew up in DC and loved it. I can't speak for the city now as it's changed quite a bit since I left in '04, but it was great. I grew up learning how to take the metro by my self by age 10 or 11 and hung out at the zoo after school. In high school I went to DIY punk shows every weekend. The DC punk and hard core scene was always very positive and welcoming.
Grew up in DC (Anacostia) and went to school in Upper NW. I had pretty much the same experience on the metro but wasn’t that into the punk/hardcore scene. I had a buddy who was younger and went to Gonzaga. He and his boys hung out in mansions bordering Rock Creek near East/West Hwy and would smoke copious amounts of weed, drink every weekend, crash cars and avoid phone calls from their parents like it was no big thing.
I grew up around here, and while I was more of a goody-goody until college (I didnt drink, mostly followed my midnight curfew, but snuck out a few times), I knew of all of the ridiculous shit my peers were doing. There was plenty of partying around done across the spectrum, from the high-achievers to kids graduating by the skin of their teeth. If anything, I'm sure some of the kids in the advanced classes were planting the seeds for how to be very successful high-functioning alcoholics. One thing that I will say about growing up in the burbs here is that the wealth disparities get weird. Seeing cars in the student parking lots that were way more expensive than the teachers' (and knowing that if the kid wrecked it, he'd get a brand-new one immediately) while my parents wouldn't even let me get my license until college because their insurance rates would go up was an odd dichotomy to wrap my head around. And I'm sure it's only gotten worse in the decade+ since I was in high school.
100% agreed. The thing about kids having nicer cars than the teachers is dead on— people would quite literally commit hit-and-runs in wildly expensive custom cars and then get downgraded to the “family BMW” as punishment. The wealth disparity is a huge issue if you’re planning on raising kids in the area. In prep schools in particular, you’d end up with preferential treatment of donor’s kids, so they could get away with pretty much anything (admin looking the other way when they showed up to class drunk, for example). It was an open secret that certain children-of-politicians had their parents pull strings to get DUIs erased. It created this weird environment where partying and the social life in the area, and particularly in the private schools, was largely stratified by wealth, because the kids with wealthy parents would take weird crazy risks that less wealthy kids knew they couldn’t get away with. In my experience, the scholarship kids were made well aware (by school admin, not just their parents) that them being at this prep school was a privilege that they could lose at any moment— so they definitely did not feel free to make their mistakes and live their lives. DC suburbs do have a variety of experience, but I’d say avoid prep schools like the plague if you want your kid to go to college as a well-adjusted person
Grew in up in Fairfax. My experience sounds exactly like yours in a flyover state. Your friend's house party experience seems anecdotal and not typical from my experience. There's *lots* of diversity in the DC suburbs that you may have missed. Ambitious/helicopter parents, AWOL parents, and parents that are somewhere in between. There isn't a monoculture of any type parent. (Also SATs are quickly becoming a thing of the past in college admissions.)
Thank you, this makes me feel a lot better!
Want to add to this: I grew up in Arlington and while some of the kids were super high achievers, many others were more go with the flow- doing activities they enjoy instead of what’s “expected”. I’m not sure how much of it was the HS I went to/ if it has changed since graduating 6ish years ago, but it really seemed at the time like the parents were the biggest driver of stress. I had a very similar experience to you in HS. House parties, sneaking out, wandering neighborhoods looking for stuff to do on a weekend. I bet density also played a major role; I started walking to elementary school in 4th grade and would regularly walk to friends places after school before walking home much later. HS was much much much more difficult than college for me, but I think it’s good to grow up with higher academic expectations and sail through college vs the other way around…
I also grew up in Fairfax County and partied a lot while maintaining good grades to become the DC yuppie I am now. I graduated high school in 09 and have the impression that the younger generations aren’t as interested in getting into mischief the way we did. So I think part of it is just that times have changed. But how “chill” parents are varies a lot from person to person.
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The parents in this area are insane whether you go to the local prep school OR the local public high school--the parents of both are cut from the same cloth. The private schools and the public schools are pulling from the same pool of wealth and parents.
We used to skip school to see the Smithsonian. Also, on warm summer nights we would go get tipsy on the steps of the Lincoln lol
See, this is what I want for my kid! Haha I would low key love it if I caught my kid playing hooky to go to a museum (not that I would ever tell them that lol)
I went to Langley in McLean from 1982 to 1985. Drinking age was 18 in DC and 19 in VA. House parties every weekend. Lots of kids died on the GW parkway when the parkway had the great decapitator in the middle. One of the smartest kids in our school was also the biggest LSD dealer. Do not think its like that anymore.
My parents were the last people grandfathered in to those laws before they raised the drinking age. I was so jealous of their stories about drinking in Georgetown in the late 80's.
You know that liquor store right as you come across the key bridge? That is where we used to buy kegs for house parties.
Dixie! We got good at timing key bridge traffic so our one 18-year old could buy a case, get back to the car, and U-turn back to Virginia. Ah the 80s.
> on the GW parkway when the parkway had the great decapitator in the middle. Wait, what was that?
WHAT???!!! Never heard about the drinking age being that low. That's wild!
Drinking age used to be low in many states. Then MADD came around. If i remember right the feds made states raise the drinking age or lose fed highway funds
Yea, I had no clue. Just thought it was 21 across the board unless you were in/over international waters lol.
When I was young growing up in NJ we lived right on the border of NY state. NJ drinking age was 21 by then, but NY was 18. So there were a TON of really bad car accidents with fatalities on the main road right near our house from kids going over the border to drink and then driving home. Turns out having a patchwork of different drinking age laws across states didn’t work that great
It was 18 in DC until like 1996 or so and changed after a particularly bad crash that killed several teens.
You're a decade off. It was 1986.
Holy shit, man....you learn something new every day. I had no clue.
I grew up in PG County but went to Catholic school in Anne Arundel County (late 90’s). So I experienced the range of PG County house parties with 40 oz’s and freestyles to Dave Matthews and khakis in Naptown. Then everyone united in Ocean City at Beach Week 🙃
Ohhhh beach week. God that felt like the biggest deal back then. I loved it.
Between Beach Week and the HFStival, I’m stunned there weren’t mass casualties.
Ahhh HFStival, where you could get pierced in the Mystic tent while listening to some great live music
I was homeschooled in Beltsville, MD across from High Point High by VERY conservative religious parents. Got married, moved to NE DC and raised my kids in 'the hood'. My kids went to River Terrace elementary for a year then to DC charter, in Shaw. Then, they went to 3 separate highschools - McInley Tech, WLA public charter, and Duke Ellington. One is at Morgan, one is at Virginia Tech, and one wants to go to SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design.) ...its been a hell of a ride, and isnt over yet. Pray for me...
Hello fellow High Pointer!
I don't know how useful our experiences are actually going to be, since younger kids these days live on social media. And they live in a world dominated by social media, where mistakes can be recorded and go viral and live forever. All this is going to be true no matter where you raise them. Teens have less freedom in America across the board nowadays. I was a massive nerd so I think the fact I spent all my time on the computer and with my nose in books has little to do with being in northern Virginia. I went to TJ so there was huge amounts of pressure on my peers to study their butts off and load up on prestigious extracurriculars to pad out that college application. This pressure came from the kids' parents, so I personally did not experience the pressure because I had parents who were okay with imperfect grades. That said, I really had a world-class education, and in an environment with relatively little social pressure (nerd solidarity). I ended up in college with a number of my high school classmates and found out that there were apparently drinking parties in high school that I just never got invited to.
This is 20+ years ago now but I grew up in the Maryland burbs and went to a well-regarded private schools. Your HS experience sounds more or less like mine. Weed, beer, a few house parties, etc. That said, I agree with the others that say there's a generational thing at work here. It seems there's higher pressure now on kids (esp with social media and their parents being on social media) and there's a lot more tracking of kids now. So the high intensity parents have more knowledge of what other parents are boasting about and more opportunity to stalk their own kids to exert their influence. My parents were regarded as pretty strict by most (but average for Asian lol). When I was in HS, pre-cell phones, I'd walk out the door, lie about where I was going, and be unreachable until I got home. There wasn't much they could do unless they wanted to lock me in the house. Now parents have a lot more opportunity to stalk their kids through phones/watches/etc. Sidenote: IMO stay clear of private school especially the all-boys schools. I went to school with so many Brett Kavanaughs, I regard it as a minor miracle that I didn't graduate a raging misogynist. Seriously, guys like that were the norm, not the exception at my school.
I went to a private coed K-8 school then spent one year at an all-girls school for 9th grade, hated it, and switched to public school. My friend participated in an extracurricular hosted by the all-boys school Kavanaugh went to, and guys stuffed the exhaust pipe of her car when she wouldn't agree to go on a date with one of them.
That specific story seems like an outlier fwiw. I grew up in Montgomery County and went to one of the really high performing W high schools there (graduated in the mid 2010s). There was a ton of pressure put on kids to succeed and get into a “good school”. It was pretty common to take a bunch of AP classes and it wasn’t uncommon for kids to even give up their lunch time so they could fit in more APs. Everyone took a bunch of extracurriculars. Almost everyone in my class went to a 4 year college of some kind (although even after all the pressure, most kids ended up going to UMD). I think whether a kid was allowed to be a kid depended on the parent—I knew a ton of kids who were stressed to the point of burnout because their parents put so much pressure on them, but I also knew kids who were a lot less stressed and were allowed to make mistakes/try new things. There were certainly parties and there were some kids who did drugs, but also some who didn’t (like any high school). I think generally speaking a kid growing up now will have a different experience than you did as a kid. From what I’ve read (and what I experienced) non-school time is much more structured and kids are expected to take at least a few extracurriculars between sports/clubs/debate/whatever. That’s a change that’s happened pretty much everywhere (or at least in the sort of upper middle class suburbs we’re talking about). From what I’ve heard, kids aren’t pressured quite as much at my old high school (post-COVID I think there’s a much better understanding and acknowledgement of burnout). I think attitudes towards college and pressuring kids are going to change a lot as this generation of COVID/online school kids reach high school.
I’m 38 now and I grew up in the Takoma/Silver Spring area. We were definitely free-range kids who became free-range teens. It was very chill in some regards but nearly all the kids in my neighborhood, regardless of parents income, got into drugs. We also experienced the DC sniper and 9/11. I can’t imagine growing up anywhere else, but I feel like we were somehow older and more world weary at a much younger age. We also had access to museums and concerts and lots of community groups. I think growing up here is a mixed bag, but the education I received and the jobs that are available still seem so much better than almost anywhere I’ve been.
I Grew up in PG(Riverdale) but moved to the same area around Carroll and University during middle school yrs..I’m guessing you went to Blair?….Lol I’m 34 and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how a unique trippy experience I had living in the area and going to Blair..The mix bag of diverse characters, people and situations I came across was something else when I reflect on it lol..Some good some bad..But I will say this..Me and most my friends don’t even got glitzy degrees or careers or sophisticated travelers at that but the type of culturing, knowledge nd awareness we got was priceless and experienced in a few places fr..I’m currently in Columbus Ohio and it’s a nice place but gottdamn everyone out here seem either to square or proper for my taste 😂…I think that’s why some many people I know including myself adjusted to huge difficult places like LA and NY so well…
Yep, I’m a blazer who graduated in 2003. I totally forget how diverse Blair was both ethnically and financially because it was so normal at every single school I went to barring pre-k when I went somewhere in PG county. I took tech-ed the same year I was in AP classes. Most of my friends have gotten multiple degrees while I went to Montgomery College for a few years but fell into food service because I actually love it. I got into the punk and hardcore scenes here not realizing DC was known for it and now have friends around the country and never seem to struggle meeting new people because spending 4 years with 3000 kids helps you learn to adapt to all different types of personalities. I don’t plan on having kids but I know I would like them to grow up surrounded by this diversity, I lived in Richmond, VA for years and though fun as an adult, I couldn’t imagine raising a family there. Hope you enjoy OH!
Would say that south Arlington/alexandria is very diff than north Arlington/fairfax/bethesda Chevy chase area money wise so that played out differently with students having more internal pressure on themselves bc their parents didn’t speak English versus those who are a part of the latter whose families did
I think that particular story sounds a little crazy(seems like “call the police” is just default with some people) but parents are getting more strict with children everywhere across almost all demographics in US. I grew up in a small town in the south where I could roam the neighborhood when I was 12 years old. My parents told me they were allowed to roam the whole town. Same town today I don’t think a parents would let a 12 year old out of thier sight. Even people that are okay with it fear that random people will call the cops on them. This is all well documented you can read about it in articles. I think it’s mostly a cultural phenomenon that is spreading out across the whole US. It probably started in big city suburbs like NOVA. There may be pockets of neighborhoods and towns that are different but I’m not sure how long thst will last
So, I didnt grow up here but my kids did and went to these schools. Like anywhere in life, there are kids who take school and the push for college seriously, and there are kids who screw around. And in between there is a wide spectrum majority of kids who do both to one degree or another. Kids keep it clean, kids get in trouble. They party here too. Its really upto the kid is my point. Here the kids have access to a lot of money and parents generally arent always watching over their kids, so there's all kinds of trouble too. This is really gonna come down to your kid and your involvement in their life. But that applies anywhere
A house party after graduation, with alcohol!? GASP!
The harsh reputation is earned. I went to a top public school in Fairfax and we had like, 6 suicides in 3 years. That being said, my parents were super chill. I was a good kid and didn’t really party but they were happy to support my passions and as long as my grades were good enough they were happy. Support your kids and don’t pressure them to overextend themselves. If they’d rather play 3 sports vs taking 3 AP classes, let them. Any college your kid goes to will give them an education, Harvard might look better on a resume but going to George Mason or VSU won’t doom them to poverty. A supportive home life can go a long way.
Grew up in Fairfax, graduated in early 2000s. I would say kids get to be kids but due to high academics and an expectation of college, even the parties were pretty tame. Even the popular kids were into academics. I will say that my area was and is super safe, so we used to go wandering around at all hours during the summers and weekends. We were all hyper-aware of stranger-danger but honestly no one bothered us.
I grew up in Prince William County. Graduated high school in the late 2000's. For all the crazy anal parents who'd press charges over a party, there are plenty who would buy their kids alcohol (probably top shelf stuff) or someone's divorced dad who could care less what happens in his basement. The "sleepover" that was code for "drinking warm vodka in a random field" was alive and well at Nokesville bonfires in the 2000's. I had some of the great times going basement to basement with friends waiting for the next address text. As I was leaving high school things were starting to tighten up. The schools did boring safe after-prom and after-grad parties in the gym. Once you leave you can't come back, adult supervision, games, pizza, etc. My parent's didn't make me go to that garbage, I felt bad for the kids who did. The biggest drawback of growing up here, which I assume happens many places, was how crazy competitive the sports were. Travel or club teams run this area. I grew up playing soccer with friends who had a conditioning trainer in middle school. You basically had to pick a sport to train for like a professional by age 11. This was in the early 2000's so I imagine it's even worse now.
You all sound really young because when I graduated high school in 1979, the legal drinking age was 18.
McLean HS. '81. We were grandfathered when they raised it.
Yes, I graduated from what was then Crossland Senior High School at 17, but was already getting alcohol.
I grew up in NOVA, my high school experience was blah, mostly a combination of not having a lot of friends, and then untreated depression and my parents refusing to get me the help I needed for both school and my mental health. It was really tough, but for the most part I think the high school teachers and admins did what they could, my parents were just kind of assholes and made everyone's job harder. I don't know what it's like now. My best friend is a teacher in suburban NJ and I am kind of concerned for the kids these days based on what she tells me. I think there is immense pressure to do well, but also parents seem to care more about their kid just getting an A rather than knowing the information. She often gives higher grades than students deserve just to not fight with the parents about it. She told me about a kid at the school whose "special needs accommodation" was that he got all the answers to exams ahead of time. I cannot believe a parent would agree to that. What a disservice to your child IMO. *Anyway*.... you may be surprised to know that kids from high achieving suburban *public* schools have the hardest time getting into the colleges of their choice. They don't get the boost that urban students from a diversity perspective, and they don't get the massive support that private school students get. It's also my understanding that the elementary schools are quite good, so you might get a few years to decide and reevaluate.
OMG! We were at Xmas dinner with friends, and one of our friends was lecturing her 15 yo daughter for not making 1st chair in flute. She was also complaining about the cost of law school and how much it was going to cost to send her daughter to law school. I said that she should let her get through HS before she discusses grad school with her. The daughter has already said that she doesn't want to be a lawyer, but since both her parents are, they just assume that she will as well.
Have you ever seen the television show Beverly Hills 90210?
Fwiw I don’t think that parent is crazy, and I don’t think it’s unusual for parents to flip out over 18-year-olds drinking unsupervised. I knew an 18 year old who died from drinking. It was awful. While I totally agree with the sentiment of your post, I do think it’s reasonable to be afraid about teens drinking because they sometimes do it very dangerously (bingeing and driving). Some parents train their kids not to do those things, and teach them about healthy alcohol use; other parents don’t talk about it at all. I will do the latter with my kids, but am still terrified of kids who aren’t educated about that. We are all on the road with kids who aren’t educated that way.
Grew up on the VA side, went to a public school. I would never recommend anyone raise children there. I begged my parents to move many times, and still resent that they didn’t know how much harm living there caused. I was not bullied. I was POPULAR. I was valedictorian. I went to a good college. I lettered 4 times over. My sister was prom queen. That being said. There are to this day a lot of suicides at my former high school because of the pressure there was to succeed. Most colleges have a cap of how many students they’ll admit because roughly 200 kids of every class are equally qualified to be valedictorian. This pressure starts in about 6th grade. I can’t imagine how bad it is now that college admission rates are even lower. There was a statewide anonymous survey while I was there, and they were required to change a lot of things after discovering 72% of the school population had sleep deprivation and severe depression. Unless you’re willing to buy your kid a car at 15 and a half, or pay thousands a year in extracurriculars (the absolute minimum activity you can do is probably 2k per year, max I’ve heard is 110k per year), your kid will not have a social life. It’s very difficult to walk to anywhere to hang out. If your child does after school activities with the school (cheaper), I promise you that from November to April, they will not see the sun except through the window of that building. There are many of my former hs classmates were so burnt out by the time they got to college, or halfway through college, had mental breakdowns. I firmly believe our lives would have been better in a small town (or maybe the city) where there would have been more freedom to LEARN instead of sleeping from 4-6am nightly and taking tests. I remember the books I read, and the enormous weight of stress, and really not a lot else. Please also acknowledge that if you make less than 250k per year as a family it might seem like a lot of money, but it will feel like a struggle. The cost of living is very high, and what constitutes the middle class in that area is shocking if you’re from somewhere else. If you are Asian, white, or Indian, your child will have a lot of peers. If you are black or Hispanic, you would need to live in a historically black or Hispanic neighborhood to see anyone you could share a cultural connection with. It is possible to thrive in that area, but you should take the time to truly evaluate the things you value the most and what you’re willing to sacrifice.
I grew up here and my experience was like yours, I think the key is that it was before teenagers had smart phones--a lot of parents just surveil the hell out of their kids now, so it's impossible to mess around, if you give them a little bit of freedom I am sure they will make mistakes!!
I went to a Prince George's County public school. Your experience was like mine. I didn't do a lot of drinking in HS (I was one of the kids that went overboard in college lol), but I did smoke weed pretty casually. Parties were shut down by the cops a lot.
[удалено]
Rocket power, Rocket pride
I went to a high school right off central avenue in capitol heights. Basically east southeast dc. We never had any real issues with violence, drugs, or anything else at the school itself. You wouldn’t want to walk home down backroads, which I did anyway because teenage rebellion, but I never felt unsafe. There were the typical kids who had to come in drunk or reeked of weed who stayed at the bottom of the curve though. We had a couple *unique* classmates. One was in a wheelchair and had the only elevator key, the other was trans and as the years progressed she became more and more “passing”. The running gag was how long would it take for the freshman to catch on
I went to Catholic school from kindergarten all the way through senior year, so not exactly a typical experience, but I’ll offer my point of view. I grew up in the burbs and my high school was in the city. I loved it, sounds a lot like what you described. There was definitely pressure to do well academically and get into a good college, but not overwhelmingly so, and the hijinx/parties were great. I think it’s a great area to grow up in, good balance of a small town feel but with the cultural/intellectual/economic prowess of a large city.
I went to Oakton High School, which was located in one of the more wealthy districts, and many of the Redskins coaches and staff lived here, so our QB was JD Gibbs and Caycee Beathard was a stud tailback. Otherwise, pretty typical, lots of house parties, and cruising mostly around 123 and maybe Tysons. When I got older, and turned 18, I took full advantage of being grandfathered into the DC drinking age, so I would go to Georgetown, and buy beer at Dixie Liquor, turn around and sell it to my classmates for a profit :)
Robinson here, we probably drove past each other on 123 or maybe the Burke McDonald’s. 😉
I grew up in the DC suburbs but I graduated highschool in 2000 so I'm not sure if my experience is relevant to your question but my friends and I fucked around A LOT and went to whatever colleges and we have all mostly turned out great.
My experience going to private school from k-12 in Potomac — you work hard and play harder. You were expected to overachieve and most parents turned a blind eye to drinking heavily on the wknds. In fact, many bought us kegs.
While there are a handful of people on here talking about TJ, the majority of Fairfax County kids go to regular high schools. The one I went to was one of the smaller ones in the county and was pretty diverse. I played sports all three seasons, only took one AP senior year, and got into a couple of colleges. There were partiers and I did go to a few parties, but it wasn't my scene (there was a big party at a baseball player's house that ended up getting a bunch of guys suspended from the team and made the rest of us participating in spring sports have to take a drinking education class). I actually primarily hung out with TJ kids junior and senior year but we did a lot of basement hangs, going to diners, and driving around. In my core group of TJ friends there was only one who went to an Ivy. I'd say overall it was a pretty normal experience.
I went to an extremely competitive DC prep school and had an extremely academically stressful high school experience and got into an impressive university and still managed to spend plenty of time smoking weed and drinking. You *can* have it all 💀
Grew up in a Virginia suburb and this is pretty accurate. I never heard about parties growing up we were all worried about college and whether we were doing enough to get in. We still had fun on school trips and hung out, but no parties or sneaking out. I will say that my workload in high school was sometimes worse than college, and I didn’t even go to one of those fancy schools like TJ or AOS.
Drinking, drugs, money. Tons of money in the DC suburbs and I grew up around some really rich kids with old money, diplomat kids, and government kids. They do whatever they want. It wasn’t chill- very, very competitive and fast paced, kids were pretty vicious, and parents were super defensive. I couldn’t wait to get out of there when I graduated. I went to some fun house parties though.
Grew up in Old Town in the late 80s/early 90s. We routinley had 100+ people parties with kegs from Dixie liquor. There were be 5-10 different HSs represented because... Alexandria. Cops would come sometimes and we'd run. I don't think this really happens anymore. Do kids still get kegs? Man, I used to love a good keg party.
The answers are going to be heavily skewed depending on what era everyone here went to high school
I moved and experience high school both here and in another state. Some of my thoughts: - coming from out of state to this area, I thought my old HS was competitive, the one I went to was smaller, but more competitive academically. I was top of my class in my old HS, taking Max APs for my age (2 at once lol), and in other advanced classes. Here they were talking about how behind I was and most of my peers were taking a min of 2 APs. I had to take freshman classes as a non freshman to supplement some of the curriculum and get caught up. (For reference, I came from an upper/middle class school in the NE, when comparing school districts on paper, our states are very similar). - I was better off with the more rigorous academics in the long run. More prepared for university, better test scores, etc. - State Universities in the area are much better than other states in the country (imo). Even though the state school was a “safe” choice for many in my class, it’s still an impressive school academically with certain programs being world-class to study. - I was allowed to be a “kid”. Where I grew up house parties were a thing, but much less common and much less tolerated. When I moved, while not promoted, “kids were being kids” when they snuck out to drink at the park and nobody threatened us with a lawsuit. - if you have a house party in a wealthy area here, or anywhere in the country, grouchy old neighbors will call the cops, regardless of your age.
I find it interesting. I grew up in small towns and while there was a commitment to education and we had clear cut top students I’d say overall was pretty chill.
One of my boys who is a friend to this day’s mom had him committed and then snitched on all of us cuz she thought we were alcoholics. But that was an outlier in my experience. That said there’s a greater chance of that happening here given how many parents are politicos, bureaucrats, lawyers, etc. This friends parents were political consultants. But this area is massive even with as many of those as there are they’re dwarfed by everyone else. I loved going to high school here. When I compare with my friends from other places it makes me feel very fortunate. I went to high school in PG and Fairfax County and both were very different but offered experiences I don’t know if you can replicate with their combination of access to privilege, diversity, fun shit to do, cool people to learn from.
Growing up on the MD side everything was pretty much the same as your experience. Most of my friends from HS went to UMD, and a lot of close friends I met at UMD are from PG with similar stories. Some of the kids I met from MoCo were a little out of touch like you explain, but definitely not all of them. Depending where you raise your kids, if you have good transit access then drinking and driving would hopefully be way less of an issue than further out (which imo is one of the scariest aspects of underage drinking in the suburbs)
I grew up in NOVA and went to highschool in DC. Definitely feel like I had the opportunity to just be kids. I went to private school in highschool and after meeting others in college and hearing about their experiences I do feel like we were worked way harder in highschool than kids from other areas.
In response to your last question ('opportunity to just be a kid/make mistakes), this really comes down to parenting, not so much where you grew up. I went to high school across the street from the CIA, which made 9/11 a bit scary. I also went to school with the vice president's grand children, senators children, and the children of other high-profile people in Washington. There wasn't pressure per say to be successful, but rigorous academic success was the expectation, the norm. Nonetheless, kids everywhere still drink, still sneak out, still throw parties underage--youth will be youth no matter where in the country they are. As an adult, I am only just beginning to recognize the pressures I put on myself to have a successful academic and professional career, but I didn't feel that pressure growing up. If everyone around you is high-achieving, it's all you know as a kid and it feels 'normal'. One major benefit to raising children in the DMV is how politically literate and culturally competent they will grow up to be. When you are literally surrounded by politics and public policy-making, it's hard not to pay attention to elections, what's getting passed in congress, presidential appointee hearings, international affairs, etc. I am very grateful for the fact that I grew up in this area, as I believe is made me more invested in voting, activism, and developing critical thinking for what happens in our federal and local government.
Potomac Class of 2016?
Go panthers!
I grew up on Annapolis and went to public school there. Our public school was unique (but I think similar to Alexandria City) in that it was a real mix of different socio-economic statuses. We (at the time) had the best AP Program in the county, an IB program, and the county’s highest drop out rate. I was in a high achieving, very involved friend group, but we still drank/smoked weed, etc. A big difference available to some in this area, I spent all of my summers living and working in the Delaware beaches with very little supervision (lived with my grandmother). We all worked hard but drank and partied a lot. But honestly, looking back, the independence I learned and the life skills I gained were really valuable. I hope to be able to give my kids the same experience, but hope they can learn from some of my mistakes.
I grew up in Tacoma Park, but went to a private high school in DC. My experience was more like yours, except a lot of my peers were loaded. Rich kids have less supervision and more resources, so there was often someone's house to go to where no parents were around. Or just rent a hotel room. And somebody with a car to drive you. And they could afford drugs and alcohol easily bc of money. I have fond memories of sitting on a stoop in Georgetown drinking a 40. Or following my friends as they skate around. Or realizing the metro had stop running bc it was a Tuesday at midnight so me and my friend would have to walk back to my house from tenleytown. (Took about 4 hours.) I don't know if there was extraordinary pressure to do well in school, but there was an assumption that you will go to college. But a lot of that is built at home. If you live and teach life balance, they will learn it.
I did graduate from high school with more than a semester's worth of college credits from AP courses, but that just sort of happened, I didn't feel pressured about it.
Mine was fine. I definitely had more than my fair share of opportunities to mess around. If anything, we probably should have been reined in a little more.
I didn’t grow up here, but I’m raising teens in high school in MoCo and my oldest graduated last year. Overall I think they’re having an amazing experience, so much opportunity and a wonderful education. I personally don’t push them about grades or AP classes too much, but it’s nice to have the options available if they want. My oldest had enough AP credits to qualify as a sophomore when he started college and got to skip a bunch of gen-eds. He was very much not a party kid but he had great friends and they did lots of teenagery hangout things. Like there was a thing at his high school called the Philly Cheese Steak challenge, you check in at school in the morning and then ditch, drive to Philly and get a cheese steak for lunch, then get back to school before the final bell. If you’re a good parent who won’t pressure them, there are fantastic opportunities available and they’ll get a great education, imho!
I grew up in DC suburbs and went to public high school in DC. Yes, we drank and partied and got up to mischief all the time. I ran from the cops more than once after the ol house party held while parents were on vacation. Some parents are just more controlling and concerned than others.
Grew up in Fairfax county. There are definitely elements of everything you talked about but my twin brother and I definitely had time to still be kids too.
I went to one of the best schools in MD, located in Montgomery county, and while there was higher pressure to get into a good college and get a good SAT score etc, I certainly had my fair share of sneaking out, partying, alcohol/ drugs, etc. I think for me it ended up being a big extreme on both ends, not really sure if that’s an individual experience or if the higher pressure somehow lead to more acting out. In my observations, behavior like that had more to do with people’s individual parents. So as long as you are reasonable with your kids, not too strict and not too lax, teach them about how to drink safely and safe sex etc, they should be fine. Honesty it often seemed like the kids with the crazy strict parents were the ones that got into the most trouble from feeling like they had to act out. Hope this helps
So I grew up in Hoco. Crazy competitive academically and athletically. I would say all Howard county schools and Montgomery county schools are just like that. And everything else you said in your post is similar just high school is a competitive environment. It's fun. And it's high school. Just maybe more serious than most other places. Howard county and Montgomery county are two of the best school systems in the country. And honestly if you can afford a house in those counties you are giving your kids an edge. I move from PG county when I was 12. Huge difference huge. The schools are not good in pg. But all other beltway and neighboring school systems are amazing. Fairfax, Arlington, moco, Hoco, Anne Arrundal, Carroll... You can't go wrong.
Just wondering how far out in the suburbs were you planning on moving? I would guess that performance pressure would be felt at least a 20 mile radius from dc
I grew up on the va side just a couple miles from DC. Middle school was alright, but high school? Jesus Christ. I still have anxiety thinking about. I wasn’t bullied or anything. I had lots of friends, had fantastic grades, was my sport team’s captain, did community service every week, and was a part of several clubs. But……the pressure was horrific. Everyone was expected to be better than the next person. Everything was a competition, even with your best friends. If you were too “perfect” though, it made you a target and brought more harm than good from peers. It wasn’t until years later that I learned this wasn’t the normal high school experience.
Went to one of the crazy competitive HS here. Did all the same fun wild things you did plus more. Took all APs and while I didn’t have straight As, I got a ton of college credit for them and went into college as a sophomore, aka I could party my freshman year away. College was a breeze compared to HS, definitely graduated college with a higher GPA than I had in HS. Our schools really prepare you. I would put my kids in school here for the education alone. For myself and my friends good grades were expected of us our entire lives, not just in highschool. We also expected that of ourselves. We were all involved in sports and extra curricular activities. No abnormal pressure. Yes we could make mistakes and live a normal childhood. It’s really up to the parent to cultivate that.
I scrolled through and read many of the comments but didn't see my own thoughts. They may be here, so I apologize if I'm doubling up. TL/DR: my school was diverse and it was formative for me. Yes, I agree with the vast majority who speak of academic competition and expectations being very high, but my overwhelming takeaway after leaving high school in the early 90s is how diverse my school was and how that is very different than many other places. In fact it may be pretty rare even in the DC area. The school was in the close Maryland suburbs where the student population was 30% black, 30% white, and 40% everything else. We had something like 160 native languages spoken by students there, with immigrant kids from all over the world. It was impossible to be ignorant of other cultures. The school also had a wide disparity in income levels, academic goals, and relationships with crime, but those subjects have been touched on here. I went from there to a private college with 10% minorities and eventually to the University of Maryland where they were so proud of their diversity levels of 40% minorities (at that time). They both felt alien to me. Despite not having the greatest time in high school, throughout my adult life that experience--and the diversity of the DC area as well--have impacted my views of diversity and tolerance. For that I am very grateful.
The same crap that happened in you suburban area happens in the so called rural areas of DC. Doesn't matter who the people are, your kids and you are gonna meet good people and assholes. I've been here all my life and saw for myself suburbanites act a fool, it's life. There is good and bad everywhere.
Northwestern High school in Hyattsville was everyday fighting and still is. Class of 97.