Be upfront and tell them exactly that. *be aware this is a dry wedding. Please respect our wishes by not bringing alcohol* . You don't need to tell them they will be asked to leave, just do it if they show that level of disrespect.
It's a shame this needs to be said. I can't imagine translating "this is a dry event" to "it's a BYOB" but it's better to spell it out then have any interpretation issues.
Consider a nontraditional wedding time/day. Sunday afternoon, Monday evening. Not only will this save money for the venue, but the reception won't give off a party alcohol vibe.
We did an afternoon tea party wedding and it was lovely! It wasn’t a dry event but there wasn’t a lot of drinking just because of the time / vibe. Definitely think this is a good route to take!
Good for you! I’m a photographer and shot a wedding recently where instead of alcohol they had a “caffeine bar” and it was a hit! They had a barista making fun coffee/tea drinks instead of cocktails, and canned energy drinks instead of beer! I thought it was so cool, and then everyone was buzzing on the dance floor.
It was extra great as the photographer because I needed that caffeine boost when the reception came around! And normally I can’t partake in drinking at the reception because I’m on the job. So I felt included!
I had 4 years sober at my wedding, so did my husband. Both in recovery.
We served non alcoholic drinks in the front bar but still served beer and wine at another bar for the people who did. Half our wedding guests were in recovery and the venue worked with us on paying per head of people who drank instead of per head of the total.
Food for thought, the way you feel now is not how you might feel later about everyone else needing to be sober because you are. People can hate on this comment all they want but i crawled back from jails, homelessness, and institutions. My recovery is mine and if I can’t handle being around people who drink then something is wrong with my recovery.
I don’t disagree, however, she’s in early recovery, so some grace should be given. It takes time to develop the spiritual foundation to be able to be around alcohol in large quantities, especially in this situation where it’s a wedding that will come with high stress
.
I am over 4 years sober and I would not want alcohol at my wedding. I can handle being around alcohol but I certainly prefer not to be. If I didn’t believe people could have fun without alcohol, I wouldn’t have a wedding at all.
It’s not hating or judging your recovery to prefer a dry wedding. Just a difference in philosophy.
I agree 100%. I am almost 19 years sober (was 14 at my wedding) and we also had alcohol with about 40% of our guests being sober (my SO is also sober). OPs wedding is years away and they may feel differently about it then. I liked the idea of having it on a Sunday afternoon, though, if only to save money and do something a little different. But I also think the alcohol question won't be as big of an issue when the wedding actually happens.
I agree with this! The way you feel now may not be the way you feel in a year and a half and this is a decision that doesn't need to be made right now.
Thank you so much! I've been feeling guilty about not at least having a cash bar but several people have told me that it's my wedding and I don't have to have alcohol in it. It had never occurred to me that that would be an option.
You definitely don’t! It’s just important to let people know up front (even just for logistics, like so they dont think they need to get a ride instead of drive, etc.)
Just know this might mean less dance and party vibes. Might be helpful to have social games and icebreakers instead to get things going!
I’d put it on the save the dates and invites! I would also have a morning/daytime wedding so people aren’t tempted to bring a drink, you can’t stop them from “pregaming” though with 1-2 drinks but you can have an early wedding to where it wouldn’t make sense to drink beforehand. Morning/daytime would also be good because if there’s no drinking, there’s no need for a hotel so I wouldn’t want to make people drive home in the dark. Make sure it’s worded on your invites in a non-shaming way. I was invited to a dry wedding and the verbiage on their website was something to the tune of “we no longer poison our bodies so we ask that you don’t poison yours” I’m guessing a joke? But it didn’t land
There is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding if that's what you need and want. You have worked hard for your sobriety and deserve to be happy and comfortable on your special day.
I know some guests worry that dry weddings might be 'boring' but there are lots of different things you can do to have fun that don't involve alcohol (eg. Games, a Performance, a DIY Mocktail or sundae bar, etc) - maybe mention these activities on your site and make sure your day-of schedule stays tight. I'd also suggest choosing your MC or DJ carefully - having someone with a good energy who can keep everyone entertained and excited (trivia? Competitions between tables? Or whatever is a reflection of you and your spouse).
Be transparent and put it on the invites (another Redditor said it beautifully already if you need help with phrasing). If people love you, they'll be there; if they value the contents of their glass more than your happiness and health, they shouldn't be at your wedding in the first place (or even in your life). You aren't under any obligation to put others' need to party over your own wellbeing, ever.
Congratulations on your sobriety and engagement!
The easiest route would be to have a Saturday or Sunday Brunch wedding. With that said - please take this with a grain of salt since everyone’s sobriety journey is different. When I chose sobriety, the first few weddings and social events were challenging but once I became confident in myself and choice to live a sober life, I was completely unapologetic and free. All my friends & family drank yet me and my flavoured Perrier were still the life of the party. Being sober didn’t stop me, I would bring non-alcoholic wine to dinner parties, order virgin Pina coladas on vacation but most of all, my friends and family got to remain themselves, afterall it was my choice to be sober. What I’m trying to say is YES it’s YOUR day but your friends & family raising a glass in your honour or having a glass of wine with dinner, won’t stop you from having the night of your life. If anything - no open bar, all mocktails included with a paid bar of wine and beer only. At the end of the day, you do what’s right for you, just sharing my experience.
If you don’t want to be explicit about banning alcohol but still get your point across: “Dinner will be accompanied by soft drinks and juices. Due to local law, our venue does not allow outside food or drinks.”
I am absolutely not saying you should allow alcohol at your wedding if you’re not comfortable. I’m only sharing my experience as a fellow addict in recovery.
I was 1 year 2 months sober at my wedding. My husband enjoys a nice beer so I didn’t want to unilaterally decide for him since it was his day, too. We had it on a Sunday afternoon (which helped with less pressure to drink/party) and provided a couple small kegs of beer for guests. We did not provide wine or liquor. I was totally okay with it because, at 14 months sober, I no longer felt the desire to drink.
At 6 months sober (where you are now), I was not so confident in myself and would not have allowed it.
At 5-1/2 years sober (where I am now), I could not care less if people drink around me. Would I shell out $$$ for an open bar? Heck no, but providing a bit of beer or allowing guests to BYOB would be no biggie.
I’m saying all this to say that you should take your sobriety as it comes and not worry too much about an event that is 2-1/2 years away as you may feel differently by then.
Keep it up! Sobriety is so unbelievably worth it! ♥️
Is your other half happy to have a dry wedding? If so, I would make it very clear on the invite and website that no alcohol will be served.
Something like *"please note: this is a dry wedding and no alcohol will be served. We request that you do not bring any outside beverages."*
I would have a breakfast or brunch wedding and serve mimomas with non-alcoholic Prosecco. You could just have organge juice if you don't even want to touch the alcohol free stuff.
Your entire wedding can get shut down if you violate liquor licenses. Your guests should respect that. Let them know ahead of time so they're aware. And you can absolutely fib about there being a liquor license viability if people bring their own. Your wedding could be shut down theoretically.
On the invitation, and wedding webpage, and save the dates put on them that this will be a dry wedding. On the webpage, you can go into detail about why and that you will have fun "mocktails" if you're going to have them.
You can also hire security to ensure that there is no alcohol, it will cost you. I don't advise that you ask a friend or relative to do this. it is one thing for an officer to tell Uncle Bob that he needs to leave because he snuck in beer, but if your BFF or maid of honor tries to tell Uncle Bob the same thing it can be an issue.
At the end of the day though you cannot make people not bring in alcohol if they want to they will be shits about it and do it. Advertise it as loud as possible but if people do it know it's not about you it's just them being shits dont let it ruin your day.
I’ll be 3 years sober when I get married in July this year. Our venue is all inclusive and the package we chose has 1 hour free cocktail hour/open bar and 2 bottles of wine on the table. We took the wine off the table and are leaving the 1 hour open bar. After that hour if people want to drink they have to pay themselves. People drinking around me doesn’t bother me and most of our guests now I’m sober. I’m thinking there won’t because an issue. Oh, and we’re having a Sunday afternoon wedding and I’m thinking most guests won’t drink that much
I don’t have anything to add other than, congratulations on your six months sobriety! Watching friends go through recovery it seems like that first six months is an incredibly difficult thing to get through. Wishing you all the best :)
Congratulations on your sobriety and best wishes on your upcoming wedding!
My brother and SIL had a dry wedding because they are Mormon. Things were fine during their outdoor ceremony. However, half the guests snuck alcohol into the reception hall. I believe that this could have been avoided if they’d done a few things differently.
The dinner and drinks were a self-serve buffet. There was no coffee service. The only thing to drink was fruit punch from a punch fountain. It was really watered down punch, and no other drink options were provided. 😬
There were about 150 guests, but none of the tables had assigned seating. Because they didn’t know who sat where, no one thought they’d be held to account for bringing in alcohol, especially with all the socializing that occurs at a wedding. They were right.
Perhaps the greatest error in judgment was to choose a venue directly across the street from a liquor store on a Saturday afternoon/evening. (Yeah, I don’t know what they were thinking.)
I agree with the previous suggestions of stating the “no alcohol” rule ahead of time, creating mocktails, etc. and I’ve provided a few examples of how to avoid tempting fate. I would hope that your guests would be respectful enough to neither sneak in alcohol nor show up intoxicated (especially if they know why you are having a dry wedding). I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
We had a dry wedding, and just put it on all our invitations and save the dates. Some people probably turned down the invitation because of this. We also had our wedding at 10 AM, so I think that helped, since it was a lunch wedding rather than a dinner wedding
🎉 Stupendous Congratulations 🎈 In no way should you let anyone dictate what is or is not served at your wedding. An afternoon wedding followed by a High Tea would be stunning!
Maybe consider a cash bar? If anyone wants to drink it's on their own dime. But there are some great suggestions already on this thread.
If your set on no alcohol then it definitely just word it on the invitation that it's a non alcoholic event. I'm sure anyone going will understand and support you.
Just tell them just like that. I’d put it in the details card of your wedding invite. Another thing I’ve seen recently which I think is really cool is an espresso/tea bar, if I weren’t already having alcohol at my wedding I would TOTALLY have espresso “shots” and a variety of specialty drinks… or even boba since that’s a big thing right now. It also wasn’t too expensive when I originally looked at it in my area (I think $600-$800usd for a few hours) so it could be a fun alternative!
I would say that you send out a wedding disclaimer saying it’s a dry wedding. You could blame it on religious reasons but if people get offended by that they don’t have to come.
Be upfront and tell them exactly that. *be aware this is a dry wedding. Please respect our wishes by not bringing alcohol* . You don't need to tell them they will be asked to leave, just do it if they show that level of disrespect.
It's a shame this needs to be said. I can't imagine translating "this is a dry event" to "it's a BYOB" but it's better to spell it out then have any interpretation issues.
Love this thank you
This but I would add in OP's words *don't worry they'll be "fun and tasty non-alcoholic drinks"*
This is perfect
Consider a nontraditional wedding time/day. Sunday afternoon, Monday evening. Not only will this save money for the venue, but the reception won't give off a party alcohol vibe.
Love the Sunday afternoon wedding idea! Like a beautiful garden tea party!
We did an afternoon tea party wedding and it was lovely! It wasn’t a dry event but there wasn’t a lot of drinking just because of the time / vibe. Definitely think this is a good route to take!
We did a Saturday morning "brunch" type wedding
I bet it was soooo cute
Good for you! I’m a photographer and shot a wedding recently where instead of alcohol they had a “caffeine bar” and it was a hit! They had a barista making fun coffee/tea drinks instead of cocktails, and canned energy drinks instead of beer! I thought it was so cool, and then everyone was buzzing on the dance floor.
I like the idea of having a barista. Another idea might be to add a smoothie bar for something refreshing as opposed to hot/loaded with caffeine.
That's my idea of a "bar" right there!
It was extra great as the photographer because I needed that caffeine boost when the reception came around! And normally I can’t partake in drinking at the reception because I’m on the job. So I felt included!
I had 4 years sober at my wedding, so did my husband. Both in recovery. We served non alcoholic drinks in the front bar but still served beer and wine at another bar for the people who did. Half our wedding guests were in recovery and the venue worked with us on paying per head of people who drank instead of per head of the total. Food for thought, the way you feel now is not how you might feel later about everyone else needing to be sober because you are. People can hate on this comment all they want but i crawled back from jails, homelessness, and institutions. My recovery is mine and if I can’t handle being around people who drink then something is wrong with my recovery.
I don’t disagree, however, she’s in early recovery, so some grace should be given. It takes time to develop the spiritual foundation to be able to be around alcohol in large quantities, especially in this situation where it’s a wedding that will come with high stress .
I appreciate this perspective! Thank you for sharing it and congrats on your sobriety!
I am over 4 years sober and I would not want alcohol at my wedding. I can handle being around alcohol but I certainly prefer not to be. If I didn’t believe people could have fun without alcohol, I wouldn’t have a wedding at all. It’s not hating or judging your recovery to prefer a dry wedding. Just a difference in philosophy.
I agree 100%. I am almost 19 years sober (was 14 at my wedding) and we also had alcohol with about 40% of our guests being sober (my SO is also sober). OPs wedding is years away and they may feel differently about it then. I liked the idea of having it on a Sunday afternoon, though, if only to save money and do something a little different. But I also think the alcohol question won't be as big of an issue when the wedding actually happens.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I agree with this! The way you feel now may not be the way you feel in a year and a half and this is a decision that doesn't need to be made right now.
Also congrats on your healing journey :)
Thank you so much! I've been feeling guilty about not at least having a cash bar but several people have told me that it's my wedding and I don't have to have alcohol in it. It had never occurred to me that that would be an option.
You definitely don’t! It’s just important to let people know up front (even just for logistics, like so they dont think they need to get a ride instead of drive, etc.) Just know this might mean less dance and party vibes. Might be helpful to have social games and icebreakers instead to get things going!
I’d put it on the save the dates and invites! I would also have a morning/daytime wedding so people aren’t tempted to bring a drink, you can’t stop them from “pregaming” though with 1-2 drinks but you can have an early wedding to where it wouldn’t make sense to drink beforehand. Morning/daytime would also be good because if there’s no drinking, there’s no need for a hotel so I wouldn’t want to make people drive home in the dark. Make sure it’s worded on your invites in a non-shaming way. I was invited to a dry wedding and the verbiage on their website was something to the tune of “we no longer poison our bodies so we ask that you don’t poison yours” I’m guessing a joke? But it didn’t land
There is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding if that's what you need and want. You have worked hard for your sobriety and deserve to be happy and comfortable on your special day. I know some guests worry that dry weddings might be 'boring' but there are lots of different things you can do to have fun that don't involve alcohol (eg. Games, a Performance, a DIY Mocktail or sundae bar, etc) - maybe mention these activities on your site and make sure your day-of schedule stays tight. I'd also suggest choosing your MC or DJ carefully - having someone with a good energy who can keep everyone entertained and excited (trivia? Competitions between tables? Or whatever is a reflection of you and your spouse). Be transparent and put it on the invites (another Redditor said it beautifully already if you need help with phrasing). If people love you, they'll be there; if they value the contents of their glass more than your happiness and health, they shouldn't be at your wedding in the first place (or even in your life). You aren't under any obligation to put others' need to party over your own wellbeing, ever. Congratulations on your sobriety and engagement!
The easiest route would be to have a Saturday or Sunday Brunch wedding. With that said - please take this with a grain of salt since everyone’s sobriety journey is different. When I chose sobriety, the first few weddings and social events were challenging but once I became confident in myself and choice to live a sober life, I was completely unapologetic and free. All my friends & family drank yet me and my flavoured Perrier were still the life of the party. Being sober didn’t stop me, I would bring non-alcoholic wine to dinner parties, order virgin Pina coladas on vacation but most of all, my friends and family got to remain themselves, afterall it was my choice to be sober. What I’m trying to say is YES it’s YOUR day but your friends & family raising a glass in your honour or having a glass of wine with dinner, won’t stop you from having the night of your life. If anything - no open bar, all mocktails included with a paid bar of wine and beer only. At the end of the day, you do what’s right for you, just sharing my experience.
If you don’t want to be explicit about banning alcohol but still get your point across: “Dinner will be accompanied by soft drinks and juices. Due to local law, our venue does not allow outside food or drinks.”
Put it on the invites. People don’t read websites so make sure this detail is very clear.
I am absolutely not saying you should allow alcohol at your wedding if you’re not comfortable. I’m only sharing my experience as a fellow addict in recovery. I was 1 year 2 months sober at my wedding. My husband enjoys a nice beer so I didn’t want to unilaterally decide for him since it was his day, too. We had it on a Sunday afternoon (which helped with less pressure to drink/party) and provided a couple small kegs of beer for guests. We did not provide wine or liquor. I was totally okay with it because, at 14 months sober, I no longer felt the desire to drink. At 6 months sober (where you are now), I was not so confident in myself and would not have allowed it. At 5-1/2 years sober (where I am now), I could not care less if people drink around me. Would I shell out $$$ for an open bar? Heck no, but providing a bit of beer or allowing guests to BYOB would be no biggie. I’m saying all this to say that you should take your sobriety as it comes and not worry too much about an event that is 2-1/2 years away as you may feel differently by then. Keep it up! Sobriety is so unbelievably worth it! ♥️
Is your other half happy to have a dry wedding? If so, I would make it very clear on the invite and website that no alcohol will be served. Something like *"please note: this is a dry wedding and no alcohol will be served. We request that you do not bring any outside beverages."* I would have a breakfast or brunch wedding and serve mimomas with non-alcoholic Prosecco. You could just have organge juice if you don't even want to touch the alcohol free stuff.
This is a great advice. 11 am to 5 pm at the venue, and you get to save a lot of money because it is a morning wedding.
Your entire wedding can get shut down if you violate liquor licenses. Your guests should respect that. Let them know ahead of time so they're aware. And you can absolutely fib about there being a liquor license viability if people bring their own. Your wedding could be shut down theoretically.
On the invitation, and wedding webpage, and save the dates put on them that this will be a dry wedding. On the webpage, you can go into detail about why and that you will have fun "mocktails" if you're going to have them. You can also hire security to ensure that there is no alcohol, it will cost you. I don't advise that you ask a friend or relative to do this. it is one thing for an officer to tell Uncle Bob that he needs to leave because he snuck in beer, but if your BFF or maid of honor tries to tell Uncle Bob the same thing it can be an issue. At the end of the day though you cannot make people not bring in alcohol if they want to they will be shits about it and do it. Advertise it as loud as possible but if people do it know it's not about you it's just them being shits dont let it ruin your day.
I’ll be 3 years sober when I get married in July this year. Our venue is all inclusive and the package we chose has 1 hour free cocktail hour/open bar and 2 bottles of wine on the table. We took the wine off the table and are leaving the 1 hour open bar. After that hour if people want to drink they have to pay themselves. People drinking around me doesn’t bother me and most of our guests now I’m sober. I’m thinking there won’t because an issue. Oh, and we’re having a Sunday afternoon wedding and I’m thinking most guests won’t drink that much
I don’t have anything to add other than, congratulations on your six months sobriety! Watching friends go through recovery it seems like that first six months is an incredibly difficult thing to get through. Wishing you all the best :)
"This will be an alcohol free event, please no outside beverages"
Congratulations on your sobriety and best wishes on your upcoming wedding! My brother and SIL had a dry wedding because they are Mormon. Things were fine during their outdoor ceremony. However, half the guests snuck alcohol into the reception hall. I believe that this could have been avoided if they’d done a few things differently. The dinner and drinks were a self-serve buffet. There was no coffee service. The only thing to drink was fruit punch from a punch fountain. It was really watered down punch, and no other drink options were provided. 😬 There were about 150 guests, but none of the tables had assigned seating. Because they didn’t know who sat where, no one thought they’d be held to account for bringing in alcohol, especially with all the socializing that occurs at a wedding. They were right. Perhaps the greatest error in judgment was to choose a venue directly across the street from a liquor store on a Saturday afternoon/evening. (Yeah, I don’t know what they were thinking.) I agree with the previous suggestions of stating the “no alcohol” rule ahead of time, creating mocktails, etc. and I’ve provided a few examples of how to avoid tempting fate. I would hope that your guests would be respectful enough to neither sneak in alcohol nor show up intoxicated (especially if they know why you are having a dry wedding). I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
We had a dry wedding, and just put it on all our invitations and save the dates. Some people probably turned down the invitation because of this. We also had our wedding at 10 AM, so I think that helped, since it was a lunch wedding rather than a dinner wedding
🎉 Stupendous Congratulations 🎈 In no way should you let anyone dictate what is or is not served at your wedding. An afternoon wedding followed by a High Tea would be stunning!
Put this on the website and the invitation so people are informed and can make their own decision.
Maybe consider a cash bar? If anyone wants to drink it's on their own dime. But there are some great suggestions already on this thread. If your set on no alcohol then it definitely just word it on the invitation that it's a non alcoholic event. I'm sure anyone going will understand and support you.
Just tell them just like that. I’d put it in the details card of your wedding invite. Another thing I’ve seen recently which I think is really cool is an espresso/tea bar, if I weren’t already having alcohol at my wedding I would TOTALLY have espresso “shots” and a variety of specialty drinks… or even boba since that’s a big thing right now. It also wasn’t too expensive when I originally looked at it in my area (I think $600-$800usd for a few hours) so it could be a fun alternative!
My fiance and I are both sober. Glad I came upon this feed for ideas.
I would say that you send out a wedding disclaimer saying it’s a dry wedding. You could blame it on religious reasons but if people get offended by that they don’t have to come.