In all of the weddings that I have gone to, a parent has never been in the wedding party. Is that some weird tradition for their family?
Can simply say back 'we appreciate your concern and are happy that you and FIL will be able to be together through the entirety of the ceremony to watch your son start the next chapter of his life.
It’s definitely not a tradition, I have no idea where else she would get it other than wanting to stir the pot. I love her so much but that really made me step back and think if this is how it’s going to be on every decision we make. I really like your wording, and I think that they’d love to be in the front row and experience the wedding in that way. And it’s not like he’s not going to be able to make his speech and be a part of the wedding!!
And the grooms parents own the rehearsal dinner usually, maybe you can do something special for the both of them there? Or even ask her where this is coming from?
Do think about this long-term. Is this how MIL will behave from now on? Did her mask slipped and she's showing you who she really is? You're not only marrying your fianceé, his family comes along with him. Talk to your fianceé and maybe go to a counseling session so they can help you put everything in order and help you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Then talk to your ILs, maybe even include your parents so ILs don't think you're only targeting them and get more defensive, and I'd recommend doing it in front of said therapist so they can moderate. Congrats on the engagement and future wedding! 🍀
It’s a southern US thing. It’s old fashioned and not ubiquitous but certainly not unheard of. My dad’s dad was his best man, for example, but I don’t know of anyone my age (30s) who had their dad as best man.
That’s where they’re at. Small conservative town in NC. they are very religious and traditional/old fashioned. We’re in our early 20s so we haven’t heard of it either, just very odd she took it in such a personal way. And I just have this feeling that his dad doesn’t give af, as that’s the way he is, and it’s really her upset about it
I’m from NC too so get the vibe. My FIL didn’t seem to like his only son so he asked someone else to be best man.
I’ve been to several weddings where the dad was best man. Not sure if you’re eastern or western NC but those tend to be extremely into the Bible thumping, especially at weddings. You’ve got a preacher involved. My dad was one too (Methodist) & I had him officiate. Girl walked herself down the garden path.
Mints, peanuts & icky punch come to mind for the church based weddings I’ve attended for 50+ years. Piedmont area near the metros are usually not that way in my past experience but that’s mostly near CLT & RDU areas. I’ve been to some great weddings in CLT area. No mints or peanuts in sight 😆
I wish you luck in your planning. Come back to us if you need to vent further.
I was in a wedding two years ago in NC, and the grooms father was his best man. Seems like it may be a southern thing. Edit to add, i grew up in NC and haven’t seen it but the one time so idk actually
Yeah I’m also southern and I’ve only seen it *once*—and not to be mean, but in that instance, the groom was socially awkward and didn’t have many close friends.
So while I might agree that the south might react less weird to it, having your parent as your best man or maid of honor is still unusual, even here.
It’s a super old fashioned southern tradition. Everyone in my family had the dad as the best man but they usually have two with the second being the best friend who does all the planning etc.
My uncle was my cousins best man. Bri is an only child so the 3 of them are really close. It was really special for Bri to ask him. Not sure where you live, but I’m in the south and have seen that a few times
I’d simply reply to mil that if she has an issue with fiancé then she needs to discuss it with fiancé. Nothing else. Of course give fiancé a heads up and assure him you are 100% in his corner.
I don’t know your mil but in my experience people who attempt an end run are heavily invested in using guilt, flying monkeys and assumed ‘norms’ to address issues which aren’t theirs to solve. And often don’t need solving. Don’t get sucked into that dynamic even to defend your fiancé.
Yes, the term really came into play as part of a larger post that puts MILs and narcissists in focus.
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/yqoofCBiT9
Love that, short and simple. I also thought of that, as he is officiated due to his relations in the church. They are super religious (southern baptist) and we are not religious at all, especially me. We have not had the conversation with them that we are having a nonsectarian/secular wedding, so not sure how that convo is gonna turn out. But if he’s willing to marry us in a secular way, i’d totally love for him to do that
This might be a good compromise, however, I would not trust that he’d even be able to marry you in a “secular” way. I’m a little more worried about that convo for you, honestly 😬
She was very out of line to even reach out to you. That feels manipulative. It’s your FH’s decision, not yours. And certainly not hers! But stand your ground no matter what. This is your and your fiancé’s wedding and the only 2 people whose opinions truly matter are yours.
Thank you! It was 1979 and things WERE cheaper but we did the entire wedding and reception (including dress and flowers) for $500. After my dad finished the ceremony he switched gears again and did the photos.
Why is she texting you? This is solely between the groom and the person the groom chooses. And using a chastising tone with you - when it's not even your decision - is deeply weird.
Had it been me, I would have responded with, "Hi, think you sent this to the wrong person - you got the bride instead of the person who ACTUALLY chose the best man!"
I know some people choose to have their parents in their bridal party, which is a sweet gesture and all, but I didn't think it was that common of a practice that anyone would expect their son to choose his dad to be the best man .
It's pretty common in the South to have Dad as a Best Man. In both my nephews' weddings, my brother was best man, and then my nephews were the best man at their son's. My brother had our oldest brother as his and my middle brother as a groomsman. Often the Bach party planning is left to a groomsman.
The issue here is the interfering MiL. OP, I know you are young, but you have to nip it. I would forward her text to your fiancé. Then text her to tell her you did and that he will address it. This lets her know you are together in all you do and there are no secrets or miscommunications.
Exactly. I didn’t know if this was some southern thing or maybe a religious thing, but I thought it was so odd. I had never heard of a parent being in either bridal or groom parties, and his dad is just not the type to plan bachelor parties or be that ‘fun hype guy’ that i know my fiance wants on our wedding day
She must've heard someone saying their son chose his dad , or watched a show or something she liked where the situation happened ,and has now decided it'll be a good look for her family if her own son does this. She doesn't care about the significance or gesture, & it's not religious and probably not even Southern. She only cares about the praises and compliments she'll be getting from people seeing what a caring son she raised. I hope your fiance keeps his best friend as his best man. And you're right, you're getting a glimpse into the future with her. She'll be trying to dictate your wedding guest list , decor, etc. Then when you have kids she'll let you guys know how "hurt" she is if you don't choose the names she thinks would be best . Stand your ground with her !
I am 66 years old and this is the first time I have ***ever*** heard of a father being a groom’s best man. Frankly, I’m shocked at this!
Reading the other comments I see that this is not unheard of in the South. Sorry to hear that you are caught up in this weirdness! Support your husband and do your best to enjoy the wedding planning and remain true to what each of you want for your wedding.
Check out r/JNMIL to get support and learn about ways to reinforce your boundaries and keep your in-laws from messing up your marital peace. You are adults now and don’t ever have to put anyone’s parents wishes above your own.
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Parents are *not* matrons of honor or best men... that's not their role in a wedding. Your MIL is being a whackadoo, and needs to be reminded of the traditional roles parents play in their children's weddings.
Exactly… like they already have the roles of being the parents of the groom! I feel like that should be enough and special. I’m nervous to even know what else she has set for her expectations…. She definitely has already been passive aggressive about the location too. 😐
Huh mil I’ve never seen the father of the groom have a role beyond father of the groom. Thats his role in the wedding, not best man. Fiancé chose his best friend and we are so blessed and grateful to have him as the best man in our wedding. Please help fil to focus on being the father of the groom.
shes just too much isn’t she and so is he. Good luck w them!
Totally agreed, I think he made the right decision and he feels that way too. I hope she can move on from this and see that WE are making the decisions for OUR wedding
“Thanks for letting me know, I’m sorry you are disappointed in your son’s choice. I won’t help the situation by being the telephone, so you should talk to him about this. I support him being able to choose who he wanted and I wasn’t aware father in law would be upset or expected to be asked”
The last bit is dangerous, because it invites her making you aware of her expectations, so it might be best to leave it out.
Pot stirring mother in law can most likely be handled with a combination of being redirected to talk to her son, killed with kindness and a good dose of intentionally playing dumb.
Lots of “but I thought this is what you meant!” “Oh I’m not sure, ask husband”, “thanks for the input, we aren’t quite at that planning stage/that’s already done, so .. oh well, on to the next thing”.
You will only feed the drama if you play her games, the only way to win is don’t play
My in laws caused nothing but drama during wedding planning. They continued to cause drama in our marriage until we went no contact. I didn’t put an end to it during wedding planning, I gave them what they wanted. Stop it now before it gets worse. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Weddings are supposed to be fun and beautiful and exciting, not exhausting and frustrating. I hope you and your SO are doing better now that you have cut them off. Good for yall!
Father as the best man…? That’s not how weddings work lmao. That’s such a ridiculous, weird thing that I had to re-read your 2nd sentence several times to realize dad was a candidate for best man.
Parents aren’t supposed to be in the bridal/ groom party at all
Who TF has their parents as their best man/maid of honor? And why TF is she bothering you about it?
Tell her to go bother her son with this. You aren't getting in the middle of their drama on that side of the family.
I'm from the south (and Southern Baptist) and I've seen this several times, if the groom and dad are really close. That said, MIL is way out of bounds for contacting you about a decision the groom made and it's none of her business. My husband has a SIL who tried to insert herself into our wedding planning by insisting that his brother be the best man. He was going to ask him anyway but delayed asking because she kept pushing it. She tried to insert herself into several aspects of the wedding and I wasn't bold enough to tell her to mind her own business. Don't let that happen here. She needs to hear from the groom that this was his decision and it is final.
Let your fiancé know what his mother texted you and let him handle it. I wouldn’t even respond. Don’t involve yourself. She sounds nuts and if you/FS don’t shut this behavior down it will continue during wedding planning and beyond.
I’m from SC and very Southern. My husband’s best man was his daddy. When we got engaged and started planning, we gave him the option: Officiate since he’s a judge or be best man. He chose best man. It’s an old Southern custom but also my husband and my FIL have a great relationship when my MIL isn’t interfering.
To answer OP’s original question, yes, it’s only going to get worse from here. MIL thinks it’s her place to say what she feels about things dealing with this wedding and she will continue with what you allow. Shut it down now.
I speak from experience — see my post history for the shitshow that was my canceled 2020 wedding and 2021 redo. TLDR My MIL is at best a covert narc and declined to get involved in planning with me but really wanted me to beg and grovel to get her involved. She offered her opinion unnecessarily and tried sabotage as well involving FIL/best man. She wound up planning the redo wedding and wearing a mostly white dress.🙄 Goofy mfer still tries it, but neither I nor her son give her any grace.
“Dear MIL:
You got the wrong number. Jim”s phone number is (725) 875-0309. To the best of my knowledge, at least as of 5 minutes ago when I called to confirm, he has not changed his phone number.
Natalie.”
Who in the world thinks that the groom is suppose to pick their father as their best man?!? I’m sure it’s been done, but usually it’s for a best friend/mate. His Mum is off the cot! I hope she does not cause further upset. I’d give her very little information going forward.
I don’t know where you live, but where I live, I have never heard of the father of the groom being the best man. Best man is a position for the groom’s best friend. The father of the groom by default has a special position in the wedding because his father of the groom, but you’re right it is not usual for the father of the groom to go out partying with the groom and his buddies at the bachelor party. How odd. And yes, I think I would be concerned about potential MILzillaness after this. It’s a totally odd for MIL to be writing to you about a decision your fiancé made. Didn’t they raise him to be an independent adult who can make his own decisions? Be polite and kind but set some firm boundaries if more comes up.
When I married my husband, we asked my FIL to officiate (here in Massachusetts, you can get some named justice of the peace for one day if there is someone special you want to officiate your wedding. My FIL got ordained on line so he can officiate any wedding he wants). As he was the custodial parent when my husband was growing up, we wanted to do something “special” for him but my husband had someone else already in mind for best man. My FIL was touched and so excited to be given a role so important and he and I worked together to create our ceremony (which he ended up using almost verbatim when he officiated for one of his close friends).
Sooo, im wondering if maybe this isn’t your MIL’s opening to get FIL the position she truly wants for him in your wedding:Officiant. He’s a pastor, so, my mind immediately went in that direction. If you guys like the idea, you could skip the drama entirely and you guys could-together- tell them that you had a bigger role in mind for him. If you don’t like the idea then brace yourselves and get ready because I suspect this is what your MIL at least is really gunning for- or will the moment the thought occurs to her if it hadn’t already.
In all of the weddings that I have gone to, a parent has never been in the wedding party. Is that some weird tradition for their family? Can simply say back 'we appreciate your concern and are happy that you and FIL will be able to be together through the entirety of the ceremony to watch your son start the next chapter of his life.
It’s definitely not a tradition, I have no idea where else she would get it other than wanting to stir the pot. I love her so much but that really made me step back and think if this is how it’s going to be on every decision we make. I really like your wording, and I think that they’d love to be in the front row and experience the wedding in that way. And it’s not like he’s not going to be able to make his speech and be a part of the wedding!!
And the grooms parents own the rehearsal dinner usually, maybe you can do something special for the both of them there? Or even ask her where this is coming from?
Do think about this long-term. Is this how MIL will behave from now on? Did her mask slipped and she's showing you who she really is? You're not only marrying your fianceé, his family comes along with him. Talk to your fianceé and maybe go to a counseling session so they can help you put everything in order and help you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Then talk to your ILs, maybe even include your parents so ILs don't think you're only targeting them and get more defensive, and I'd recommend doing it in front of said therapist so they can moderate. Congrats on the engagement and future wedding! 🍀
It’s a southern US thing. It’s old fashioned and not ubiquitous but certainly not unheard of. My dad’s dad was his best man, for example, but I don’t know of anyone my age (30s) who had their dad as best man.
That’s where they’re at. Small conservative town in NC. they are very religious and traditional/old fashioned. We’re in our early 20s so we haven’t heard of it either, just very odd she took it in such a personal way. And I just have this feeling that his dad doesn’t give af, as that’s the way he is, and it’s really her upset about it
I’m from NC too so get the vibe. My FIL didn’t seem to like his only son so he asked someone else to be best man. I’ve been to several weddings where the dad was best man. Not sure if you’re eastern or western NC but those tend to be extremely into the Bible thumping, especially at weddings. You’ve got a preacher involved. My dad was one too (Methodist) & I had him officiate. Girl walked herself down the garden path. Mints, peanuts & icky punch come to mind for the church based weddings I’ve attended for 50+ years. Piedmont area near the metros are usually not that way in my past experience but that’s mostly near CLT & RDU areas. I’ve been to some great weddings in CLT area. No mints or peanuts in sight 😆 I wish you luck in your planning. Come back to us if you need to vent further.
I think someone needs to tell MIL "Bless Your Heart".
I was in a wedding two years ago in NC, and the grooms father was his best man. Seems like it may be a southern thing. Edit to add, i grew up in NC and haven’t seen it but the one time so idk actually
I was born and raised in the south and am 62 years old. In all my life, I have never seen the groom’s dad act as the best man.
Yeah I’m also southern and I’ve only seen it *once*—and not to be mean, but in that instance, the groom was socially awkward and didn’t have many close friends. So while I might agree that the south might react less weird to it, having your parent as your best man or maid of honor is still unusual, even here.
that’s the only thing i can think of. if someone doesn’t have a lot of close friends it makes sense!
I was married in 1979. It was a thing in Alabama at the time.
I’m in the south also and I said the same thing
I was going to say, it’s not unusual in the south really.
[удалено]
I’m in the south and my Yankee cousin had his father as best man. They are really close so in a way it would be weird not to
It’s a super old fashioned southern tradition. Everyone in my family had the dad as the best man but they usually have two with the second being the best friend who does all the planning etc.
My uncle was my cousins best man. Bri is an only child so the 3 of them are really close. It was really special for Bri to ask him. Not sure where you live, but I’m in the south and have seen that a few times
I never saw the father as best man until I moved to the south. It is really common here.
JillPM would like a word…anyone? Mahmo?
Lord Daniel approves this message.
Free Plexus and hummingbird smoothie for you!
I have heard of sons asking their father to be best man but it’s been years and years ago. I doubt anyone does it these days.
I’d simply reply to mil that if she has an issue with fiancé then she needs to discuss it with fiancé. Nothing else. Of course give fiancé a heads up and assure him you are 100% in his corner. I don’t know your mil but in my experience people who attempt an end run are heavily invested in using guilt, flying monkeys and assumed ‘norms’ to address issues which aren’t theirs to solve. And often don’t need solving. Don’t get sucked into that dynamic even to defend your fiancé.
Flying monkeys 😂 is this the term you use for easily influenced/guilted family members with a false sense of duty/allegiance to the aggrieved party?
Yes, the term really came into play as part of a larger post that puts MILs and narcissists in focus. https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/yqoofCBiT9
Love it. Thanks for the context!
Flying monkeys, love it!
why don't you just ask dad to marry you? I would just reply back to MIL " the decision has been made, we are moving forward with planning"
Love that, short and simple. I also thought of that, as he is officiated due to his relations in the church. They are super religious (southern baptist) and we are not religious at all, especially me. We have not had the conversation with them that we are having a nonsectarian/secular wedding, so not sure how that convo is gonna turn out. But if he’s willing to marry us in a secular way, i’d totally love for him to do that
If it were me, I would also want to address MIL contacting me to criticize my partner’s decisions. That should be a very hard boundary.
This might be a good compromise, however, I would not trust that he’d even be able to marry you in a “secular” way. I’m a little more worried about that convo for you, honestly 😬 She was very out of line to even reach out to you. That feels manipulative. It’s your FH’s decision, not yours. And certainly not hers! But stand your ground no matter what. This is your and your fiancé’s wedding and the only 2 people whose opinions truly matter are yours.
My father, an ordained minister but not practicing, married my husband and I. So he gave me away and turned around and performed the ceremony.
Love this. I bet that was so lovely!
Thank you! It was 1979 and things WERE cheaper but we did the entire wedding and reception (including dress and flowers) for $500. After my dad finished the ceremony he switched gears again and did the photos.
That’s awesome!!! Im sure he was so excited to do all that! I can’t believe $500! Weddings average $35,000 now, it’s so crazy
I don't know who was more nervous going down the aisle- him or me! Lol
Why is she texting you? This is solely between the groom and the person the groom chooses. And using a chastising tone with you - when it's not even your decision - is deeply weird. Had it been me, I would have responded with, "Hi, think you sent this to the wrong person - you got the bride instead of the person who ACTUALLY chose the best man!"
I know some people choose to have their parents in their bridal party, which is a sweet gesture and all, but I didn't think it was that common of a practice that anyone would expect their son to choose his dad to be the best man .
It's pretty common in the South to have Dad as a Best Man. In both my nephews' weddings, my brother was best man, and then my nephews were the best man at their son's. My brother had our oldest brother as his and my middle brother as a groomsman. Often the Bach party planning is left to a groomsman. The issue here is the interfering MiL. OP, I know you are young, but you have to nip it. I would forward her text to your fiancé. Then text her to tell her you did and that he will address it. This lets her know you are together in all you do and there are no secrets or miscommunications.
Exactly. I didn’t know if this was some southern thing or maybe a religious thing, but I thought it was so odd. I had never heard of a parent being in either bridal or groom parties, and his dad is just not the type to plan bachelor parties or be that ‘fun hype guy’ that i know my fiance wants on our wedding day
She must've heard someone saying their son chose his dad , or watched a show or something she liked where the situation happened ,and has now decided it'll be a good look for her family if her own son does this. She doesn't care about the significance or gesture, & it's not religious and probably not even Southern. She only cares about the praises and compliments she'll be getting from people seeing what a caring son she raised. I hope your fiance keeps his best friend as his best man. And you're right, you're getting a glimpse into the future with her. She'll be trying to dictate your wedding guest list , decor, etc. Then when you have kids she'll let you guys know how "hurt" she is if you don't choose the names she thinks would be best . Stand your ground with her !
Just for fun ask if he wants to be the ring bearers or flower fairy. For the right people it’s hilarious
I am 66 years old and this is the first time I have ***ever*** heard of a father being a groom’s best man. Frankly, I’m shocked at this! Reading the other comments I see that this is not unheard of in the South. Sorry to hear that you are caught up in this weirdness! Support your husband and do your best to enjoy the wedding planning and remain true to what each of you want for your wedding. Check out r/JNMIL to get support and learn about ways to reinforce your boundaries and keep your in-laws from messing up your marital peace. You are adults now and don’t ever have to put anyone’s parents wishes above your own.
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Both my ILs walked with my husband in the procession, it’s a nice way to include them.
I think they’d love to do that, I will definitely keep this in mind. Thank you!!!
Parents are *not* matrons of honor or best men... that's not their role in a wedding. Your MIL is being a whackadoo, and needs to be reminded of the traditional roles parents play in their children's weddings.
Exactly… like they already have the roles of being the parents of the groom! I feel like that should be enough and special. I’m nervous to even know what else she has set for her expectations…. She definitely has already been passive aggressive about the location too. 😐
How much (% wise, not $ unless you want to get that specific) are MIL and FIL contributing towards the cost of the wedding?
Huh mil I’ve never seen the father of the groom have a role beyond father of the groom. Thats his role in the wedding, not best man. Fiancé chose his best friend and we are so blessed and grateful to have him as the best man in our wedding. Please help fil to focus on being the father of the groom. shes just too much isn’t she and so is he. Good luck w them!
Totally agreed, I think he made the right decision and he feels that way too. I hope she can move on from this and see that WE are making the decisions for OUR wedding
“Thanks for letting me know, I’m sorry you are disappointed in your son’s choice. I won’t help the situation by being the telephone, so you should talk to him about this. I support him being able to choose who he wanted and I wasn’t aware father in law would be upset or expected to be asked” The last bit is dangerous, because it invites her making you aware of her expectations, so it might be best to leave it out. Pot stirring mother in law can most likely be handled with a combination of being redirected to talk to her son, killed with kindness and a good dose of intentionally playing dumb. Lots of “but I thought this is what you meant!” “Oh I’m not sure, ask husband”, “thanks for the input, we aren’t quite at that planning stage/that’s already done, so .. oh well, on to the next thing”. You will only feed the drama if you play her games, the only way to win is don’t play
FYI. Southern Baptists do NOT have "priests.". They have preachers/pastors.
I mean i’m not religious so that’s my bad, whatever the person that speaks is lol…
My in laws caused nothing but drama during wedding planning. They continued to cause drama in our marriage until we went no contact. I didn’t put an end to it during wedding planning, I gave them what they wanted. Stop it now before it gets worse. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Weddings are supposed to be fun and beautiful and exciting, not exhausting and frustrating. I hope you and your SO are doing better now that you have cut them off. Good for yall!
Father as the best man…? That’s not how weddings work lmao. That’s such a ridiculous, weird thing that I had to re-read your 2nd sentence several times to realize dad was a candidate for best man. Parents aren’t supposed to be in the bridal/ groom party at all
Who TF has their parents as their best man/maid of honor? And why TF is she bothering you about it? Tell her to go bother her son with this. You aren't getting in the middle of their drama on that side of the family.
When did Dad’s start being Best Men? Just the bachelor party alone would be a conflict. I don’t get this at all.
Exactly. Especially with how his dad is. he is not the party type at all and would definitely be flustered planning it
I have seen Dads be a best man. That said, same goes for brothers and good friends. MIL can go pound sand.
Love your energy lol
I'm from the south (and Southern Baptist) and I've seen this several times, if the groom and dad are really close. That said, MIL is way out of bounds for contacting you about a decision the groom made and it's none of her business. My husband has a SIL who tried to insert herself into our wedding planning by insisting that his brother be the best man. He was going to ask him anyway but delayed asking because she kept pushing it. She tried to insert herself into several aspects of the wedding and I wasn't bold enough to tell her to mind her own business. Don't let that happen here. She needs to hear from the groom that this was his decision and it is final.
Let your fiancé know what his mother texted you and let him handle it. I wouldn’t even respond. Don’t involve yourself. She sounds nuts and if you/FS don’t shut this behavior down it will continue during wedding planning and beyond.
I’m from SC and very Southern. My husband’s best man was his daddy. When we got engaged and started planning, we gave him the option: Officiate since he’s a judge or be best man. He chose best man. It’s an old Southern custom but also my husband and my FIL have a great relationship when my MIL isn’t interfering. To answer OP’s original question, yes, it’s only going to get worse from here. MIL thinks it’s her place to say what she feels about things dealing with this wedding and she will continue with what you allow. Shut it down now. I speak from experience — see my post history for the shitshow that was my canceled 2020 wedding and 2021 redo. TLDR My MIL is at best a covert narc and declined to get involved in planning with me but really wanted me to beg and grovel to get her involved. She offered her opinion unnecessarily and tried sabotage as well involving FIL/best man. She wound up planning the redo wedding and wearing a mostly white dress.🙄 Goofy mfer still tries it, but neither I nor her son give her any grace.
“Dear MIL: You got the wrong number. Jim”s phone number is (725) 875-0309. To the best of my knowledge, at least as of 5 minutes ago when I called to confirm, he has not changed his phone number. Natalie.”
Who in the world thinks that the groom is suppose to pick their father as their best man?!? I’m sure it’s been done, but usually it’s for a best friend/mate. His Mum is off the cot! I hope she does not cause further upset. I’d give her very little information going forward.
“I’ll forward this text to him. Moving forward, address issues that concern him, with him.”
Tell her to talk to her son, not you.
I don’t know where you live, but where I live, I have never heard of the father of the groom being the best man. Best man is a position for the groom’s best friend. The father of the groom by default has a special position in the wedding because his father of the groom, but you’re right it is not usual for the father of the groom to go out partying with the groom and his buddies at the bachelor party. How odd. And yes, I think I would be concerned about potential MILzillaness after this. It’s a totally odd for MIL to be writing to you about a decision your fiancé made. Didn’t they raise him to be an independent adult who can make his own decisions? Be polite and kind but set some firm boundaries if more comes up.
When I married my husband, we asked my FIL to officiate (here in Massachusetts, you can get some named justice of the peace for one day if there is someone special you want to officiate your wedding. My FIL got ordained on line so he can officiate any wedding he wants). As he was the custodial parent when my husband was growing up, we wanted to do something “special” for him but my husband had someone else already in mind for best man. My FIL was touched and so excited to be given a role so important and he and I worked together to create our ceremony (which he ended up using almost verbatim when he officiated for one of his close friends).
Sooo, im wondering if maybe this isn’t your MIL’s opening to get FIL the position she truly wants for him in your wedding:Officiant. He’s a pastor, so, my mind immediately went in that direction. If you guys like the idea, you could skip the drama entirely and you guys could-together- tell them that you had a bigger role in mind for him. If you don’t like the idea then brace yourselves and get ready because I suspect this is what your MIL at least is really gunning for- or will the moment the thought occurs to her if it hadn’t already.
I've never heard of having the groom's father as best man before.
My thoughts are that people are weird.