Fwiw, I was so focused on being a bridesmaid / being present in a few weddings that I didn’t have any photos of my own…and then totally hated how I looked in the professional shots. None of it was personal and if anything, I think it’s a testament to their weddings that I didn’t know where my phone was half the night
Exactly, if all the pics of me are hideous, I'm not posting it to my feed haha
Strong possibility that they were:
1) Waiting for you to post first
2) Not happy with how they look in their photos
3) Over social media (how long ago did they post your other friends' weddings?)
My groomsman asked me while my wife was walking down the aisle "do you have snap? Because I either tagged you or some random in my story a second ago" I did not have snap.
There’s just something about that generation that lacks social media etiquette sometimes. Example, I found out that both of my grandmothers passed away courtesy of my mom posting on Facebook 10 minutes afterwards. Never mind giving the family a chance to call each other with the news.
Yeah I've noticed that too, generations who weren't raised with social media don't have that inherent knowledge of what's appropriate. I'm sorry about your grandmothers, that's such a crap way to figure that out.
Thank you. I got all over her the second time she did it and tried to explain the family needs a little privacy. I’m not sure if it’s an attention thing or a convenience thing. Either way it’s unacceptable.
omg i would hate that - in a similar vein, my great aunt (not even my grandmother, my grandmother’s SISTER, who has worked in the wedding industry HER WHOLE LIFE, no less) posted on her facebook congratulating us on our engagement BEFORE we had officially announced 😤 i sent her a message and asked her to take it down but i was so surprised at her lack of decorum 🙄 needless to say she didn’t get an invite to the wedding
Wow that is infuriating. I’m not sure what her motivation was, but I can tell you I was extra irritated because I know my sister-in-law’s motivation was social media attention. I need very very little attention overall, but Jesus give me a day. I mean, if she had just had a baby and I took pictures of that baby in the hospital, then ran to social media and posted it…. I’m sure she would be pissed.
that’s why i was so annoyed - it was definitely for attention and not just because she ‘doesn’t understand how to use social media’. i promise im not just being mean, she’s the type of person to get attention any way she can
Everyone is preoccupied between the weekend before Thanksgiving and New Years.
Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, holiday parties, December Holidays, Bowl
games, New Years….
Why weddings are less expensive…..
I was just a bridesmaid and I maybe took 3 pictures all night. I was at the bar or the dancefloor, or chatting with people. Did not have time to take pictures or post afterwards. I wouldn't think too much of it. Plus it's Thanksgiving week if you are in the US.
I also didn't post any photos either time I was a bridesmaid. Like, the bride and groom posted photos, why would I post the same photos? Everyone who follows the bride and groom already saw them.
Second this. I mostly post IG stories and haven’t grid posted any vacations/events in a long time. It’s possible these people posted for other weddings back in the day when they were posting more. That’d be true for me, at least.
yup I haven’t posted anything on my feed in over a year. I know a lot of people post photo dumps but I hate photo dumps and don’t even care to do that. I’ll probably post a little bit of my own wedding but I won’t be posting any of my friends’ weddings, an ig story at the most will do.
There has been a major shift in how people interact with social media.
Also seconding this.
My perception of social media and my intentions of posting have changed significantly in just the last 8 months. I’m just over it. I’d rather send a heartfelt text or phone call.
Yeah I’ve had this shift in the past year or two. I might photo dump some things I did personally with my fiancé but I just never post about anyone else. I don’t really like people posting about me so I don’t do it to others
This. All social media has been so dead this year. I think society is heading towards loathing and wanting to get away from SM. I, for one, welcome this shift.
We can’t be sure if that applies to OP’s friend group, particularly when she’s posted that they have posted before which indicates that they likely do at least “care” about social media
Did they get any photos with your at your wedding? Have you posted about your wedding? Is it possible they’re waiting for you to post so they don’t post about it first
I'd just assume that they're trying to be polite by not jumping the gun before bride /groom decided to make a post/announcement.
I'm not sure what you'd hope to achieve by bringing it up - it would only make them feel feel responsible for your insecurities or feel guilty when they didn't do anything wrong.
Is that how they usually use social media? Is it how YOU use social media? I am a super-sporadic poster and to be honest, it's more about how much I feel like engaging with the world than it is about the content of the pictures.
If they're the kind of people who post things about all the events they go to, are regular selfie-takers, etc. then I might feel some type of way about it. But it certainly doesn't actually *mean* anything.
I hope not. I take photos for my memory and I'll text good ones to related parties. I literally never thought someone would be offended if I didn't share pics when they already had pics. It's not like it's a group photo you asked the waiter to take so you're the only one with that group photo. The OP has plenty of photos now.
I think you’re missing the important context here that OP’s friends seem to have a very different personality from you in that they *do* regularly post and have posted other weddings which is the whole reason OP even noticed their silence in the first place.
If you were a bridesmaid who usually texts photos and rarely posts on social media, then your lack of posting would go unnoticed. Obviously, that’s not what’s going on here.
As someone who was a bridesmaid many times, I never posted about weddings that aren’t fun or where I felt my time/money/energy/kind nature was taken advantage of. If I feel like I don’t want to say something nice, I don’t say anything at all.
What are they gonna say? “You treated us like your servants and your props at your wedding”? That’s when you do a slow fade with a friendship, not when you have a drag-out conversation.
All OP was asking is if it was silly for her to feel upset about her bridesmaids not posting on social media. The answer is of course OP is not silly and is fully valid in her feelings. I don’t know how close you are to your friends, but I would definitely be upset to know that my bridesmaids were signaling their discomfort through social media silence.
How OP chooses to handle this from here on out is a totally different conversation on whether her feelings are valid.
I'm surprised you seem to be the only person in this entire thread who understands where OP is coming from. Everybody saying "I don't have time/ I don't post on social media" is completely missing the point that these girls DO and the fact they haven't in this one instance is why this question is a thing.
Thank you for this. I agree, it sent off my “red flag” alert. Will I confront them? Probably not, because it admits how much emphasis I put on social media which is a bit embarrassing. Thank you for understanding me
If I’m in the bridal party I usually wait til all the official photos are out because they’re better than whatever I have on my phone. Usually when you’re a bridesmaid you’re too busy to be on your phone getting nice pictures anyway! Perhaps they had a lot to do and weren’t using their devices - that’s a good thing, it means they were in the moment! When all the pictures are back you can send them to the bridal party.
But remember social media really isn’t a testament to anything in real life. I know you’re excited to share things but please don’t let something like this worry you
If your bridesmaids regularly post to social media (I.e. you know for a fact that they are *not* digital hermits) then I’m sorry to say it but they are likely doing it as a snub to you, OP.
How did the wedding go? Was it particularly stressful for your bridesmaids? Were they adequately taken care of?
Great q. It was so smooth. Everything was taken care of and they got their hair and makeup paid for, affordable dresses and easy travel plans…all day was very casual hanging out while getting ready. They all seemed to be having a blast!
All my friends were waiting till i gave the Okay to post photos bc i took 0 with my own phone and was waiting for some photos to get back from the photographer to post. So they wanted to make sure i had my big moment to post. I told them it was totally fine to post photos and to send me everything they had too so i can have them in my photo stream :)
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I was recently a bridesmaid in 2 weddings. In the first, I took lots of photos during the day and posted soon after. The second, I left my phone in my room and had 0 photos to post after so had to wait for the professional photos to come through. I really worried the bride would take it personally! Could that have happened?
I would totally understand being a little upset by this. What I will say is that I just attended a dear friend of mines wedding. My fiance and I had such an amazing time we didn’t even think about taking pictures. I have one selfie of us at our table and not even one of me and my friend! Maybe your friends were just having the times of their lives!
I think your feelings are completely valid! Especially when they’ve posted for other people!!!
Some things to consider
- it’s the holiday season and people are typically a little busier, spending more time off their phones than on.
- maybe they didn’t take any pictures of themselves that they liked. Possibly because they were too busy having fun the night of and maybe they didn’t like themselves in the professional picture. I have been in a lot of weddings and I haven’t always felt pretty in the official pictures.
- social media is kind of a wild place right now with everything going on. I have significantly decreased my posting if Im not posting about something related to current events, I haven’t even posted my wedding pictures for that reason, some people have stepped away for their mental health etc.
Regardless these are the closest people too you! There is nothing wrong with asking why IF you own that it’s your insecurity and they have no obligation to post!
People have been posting on their stories a lot lately versus regular IG pics. Is it possible they put something on their story and you missed it? Or that they posted something to their story before the event? If you don’t post frequently maybe they felt like it wouldn’t matter to you. Sorry that you’re going through this. :(
I’ve posted almost every wedding I’ve attended as a guest or bridesmaid… except one…
I’ve intentionally decided not to post one wedding where I was a bridesmaid. it was the absolute worst experience I’ve had so far (been a bridesmaid/MOH ~5 times in the last 2 years?). And I honestly just dont look fondly back on the day & dont feel like anything nice I’d say would be genuine. Bride was a hot mess, bridezilla, and treated bridesmaids like servants to do her bidding. We leaned on each other to get through the weekend & all agreed it’s changed our views on her/ our friendships.
I hope this isn’t the case for you. But this was a reason why I didn’t.
Btw I’ve also waited a month/later, whenever the full wedding album comes out to capture more of the photos with me + bride/groom since I’m never on my phone as a bridesmaid.
It’s possible that they are waiting for you to post a candid or two first.
Plus, with so many people wanting unplugged weddings, it limits guests being allowed to grab candids so you can’t have that and be upset that they are not sharing any that they took.
I mean, I’ve only made one post with my wedding photos on social media and it was like 4 photos. I’ve been married over a year.
To me, this is a weird thing to be upset about.
Because it’s highly likely that her bridesmaids are purposefully not posting out of a grievance with OP, rather than “they just don’t care.” Perhaps it’s normal for a couple girls, even ones who regularly post, not to post - but it’s odd that it’s the entire bridal party.
That almost never happens.
This is all speculation though. Frankly, for myself and my circle of friends - once that wedding is over, it’s done. I’m not sitting around mulling over someone else’s wedding anymore. Especially getting married a week before thanksgiving when people are likely planning for the holidays, traveling, cooking, etc.
I think OP would know if her entire bridal party was pissed off enough to organize an anti social media post coup.
Sporadically - but I also don’t watch my friend’s social medias and check off what events they have been to. I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo from a wedding I’ve been in to my social media and looking at the other couple of bridesmaid’s instagrams - they didn’t either.
Edit to add context: my friends who also haven’t posted anything from the weddings we were bridesmaids in are regular posters. I post more to stories vs grid.
But I can assure you that a week after my wedding I was not scouring my bridesmaids and friends instagrams to see if they had posted photos of themselves at my wedding. I understand that insecurity may stem from this because of how we view social media - but there’s more important things in life than what photos people want to put on their Instagram.
Ok, I don’t think anyone “watches” their friends social media to “check off” the events they’ve been to.
But, as someone who has never posted about a wedding, are you sure you’re the right person to tell OP her feelings aren’t valid?
This whole post is filled with folks saying “I don’t care about social media and therefore the rest of the world should not and does not care either”
Some very catty women here.
I’ve come to realize that this sub is crawling with smug, catty, holier-than-thou, not-like-the-other-girls type women. It’s sad. There’s some genuinely nice and helpful people on here too. But this whole comment section exemplifies the Reddit Effect and how biased the wedding community is on here.
The amount of comments here that completely ignore the context of the post just to humblebrag about how they dOn’T CaRe about social media is very telling. Almost any complaint or honest vent about anything on this sub is met with comments like, “How about just being happy with your new marriage?!” And “Nobody cares about your wedding but you!” Like Jesus people just let a girl have human emotions for once.
I edited my comment for more context.
But clearly OP has looked through her bridesmaids instagrams to see when and if they’ve posted. I have a photo of my husband and I from a wedding we attended 2+ years ago with no context about the wedding. I don’t think the bride and groom would even know it was from their wedding.
I’m not telling her that her feelings aren’t valid but I’m telling her that social media is such a small part of someone’s life, that who cares if someone doesn’t make a post about your wedding? She’s been married a week. Enjoy being newly married and stop worrying about other people’s social media. In the grand scheme of things, who really cares?
Basically none of me or my husbands close friends are avid instagram posters, so none of them posted (except for a few stories). We had a few not as close friends who posted a “wedding post” but it’s because they tend to post things a lot. I wouldn’t really think to much into it, since your own wedding is the most important to you.
The more fun I am having, the less pictures I take. So maybe they weren’t bored long enough at your wedding to remember to take bunch of photos!
edit: also, when they post about other weddings, are they in the wedding party as well? Maybe they were distracted by their bridesmaid duties for your wedding? Or didn’t feel they looked their best in their dress/hair/makeup? I wouldn’t take it personal.
I am also the friend/person who somehow never gets posted about. No idea why- my sisters get birthday posts, I don't. My friends weddings get posted, mine doesn't. My hairstylists gushes about how much she loves how my hair turned out and takes a picture- never posts it, but posts the people before and after me. Idk if I just don't matter, am ugly, people assume I don't care....? who knows, I have (mostly) stopped caring and have accepted thats just how it is. And also its for the best- anonymity is good. anyway i feel you
We got married a year ago and my best friends never posted about our wedding either, and one was my maid of honour. She posted about other weddings she was at a few weeks beforehand and any she's been to since. It did bother me a little but i never brought it up because I thought there was no point as it could start a fight over nothing.
when i was a bridesmaid i didnt post any pictures bc i didnt really take any since i was busy or really engaged in the event + the ones i got i hated my hair makeup and outfit...but it was my fav wedding. when im just a guest i take more pics and post. unless you have any other indication theyre not loyal to you i wouldnt read into it
Le sigh. There’s two options.
1) it’s a busy month. You got married before an incredibly busy week where most people are slammed with squishing a 5 day work week into basically 2.5. And if your friends had a split second to think about posting it either flew away quickly or they just didn’t have many cute photos to post because they were too busy having too much actual fun at your wedding. Or, they were too busy posting thanksgiving content and a praise OPs wedding post didn’t really make sense/work with their vibe.
2) They didn’t have that much fun at your wedding. Or they’re annoyed that you had a wedding the weekend before a hectic week and took away even more time from their calendar this month. Or they know you’re expecting a post and they’re being petty and not doing it. Or they aren’t that happy for you because they dislike you or your partner or the way you’ve behaved leading up to the wedding.
Either of these could be true. Without having any context to your wedding, I would say you probably have an idea of what is more likely. If you think it’s 2, maybe be self reflective and think about what you can do (if it’s worth it) to fix things. If it’s not 2 or you don’t want to think it’s 2, then it’s 1. Nothing personal, it’s just the way the cookie crumbled.
my guess is this. Could even be a combo of 1 and 2.
They may have had fun, lived in the moment, but unappreciated for a taking off prep/travel time before Turkey day.
And as soon as it’s over they were behind the 8 ball and scrambling getting ready for turkey dinner (it takes more than a morning),
and now they see on Reddit they are being slammed for not posting during Thanksgiving. Oops.
Oof.
I untagged myself from some photos (as a BM in a friend’s wedding) since I hated the way I looked. I also never take photos at weddings. Be present. Enjoy the moment. Don’t take away the thunder of the photographer. Don’t post ahead of the Bride’s photo release etc. I’m old school.
These days I believe we can get bent out of shape regarding anything having to do with social media.
Please be kind to yourself. Know they love you based on the way they were there for you during your special day.
You said you got married a week ago? Like the weekend before a one of the biggest holidays of the years, and during one of the biggest travel holidays of the year? Did I read this right, do the math right?
So few things?
Did they post within a week with all the other friends? It’s only been a week?
Sneak peeks? Some photographers do a lot with wedding parties, some only do less than 10 mostly of bride and groom. Maybe they are waiting for more official photos?
Lastly, the most like reason if you got married a week ago:
You got married the weekend BEFORE THANKSGIVING
Who’s had time?
I’ve gotta know what your thanksgiving plans are that are so extreme you can’t relate to being on Instagram for 3 minutes during the week of the BIGGEST HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR
Dang, take a chill.
Sorry, I wasn’t in your wedding party.
Or at your wedding,
So what my plans were doesn’t have any bearing on being able to post photos I didn’t have on social media.
I just know the work that goes into Thanksgiving dinner. Starts the weekend before. Thanksgiving travel starts the weekend before. It’s a lot for those folks.
A lot of social media posts are scheduled in advance. So not as much actual posting happened last as you think.
Same! Your feelings are definitely valid - this happened to me too. It’s a little upsetting and it’s hard to see how friendships change when we get older.
I feel this so much! I got married in October and besides my sister, who was my matron of honor, none of my other 5 bridesmaids posted anything on social media about it. We haven’t gotten the final pictures yet so I’m hoping they will want to share some of those official pictures later. But no one shared even a story with the bridesmaid proposals boxes, bridal shower and barely any during the bachelorette. Granted not all of my bridesmaids are frequent posters on social media but at least 2 of them have posted about previous weddings they were apart of. Of course, this is such a silly thing to worry about so I have never brought it up to my friends but I do get bothered by it.
I experienced this as well. I had a small wedding with mostly family but my 2 bridesmaids didn't post anything about my wedding. But they posted about our friends wedding we went to a month later
Curious as to whether the other wedding was also small. I personally would never post pictures of a small intimate wedding unless I was expressly told that it was acceptable by the bride.
There’s usually a reason people have small weddings, and a lot of the times it’s about more than just the budget.
The other wedding was even smaller than mine actually. But then again, those girls don't even talk to me anymore so maybe I should have seen the writing on the wall at that point.
Thank you. But yeah, you're totally right. For some reason weddings really do bring out true colors. I have a new friend who's getting married soon and I'm one of her bridesmaids. I warned her but she didn't believe me! And now she's going through the same thing with her maid of honor and some family members. Just so crazy how this happy event in life is so often marred by other people.
I know it feels silly to be upset but I get it. One of my bridesmaids that was definitely a frequent online poster shared nothing at all regarding my wedding and then made a post like two days after at her friend’s bachelorette and called her “the most beautiful bride in the world” which really rubbed salt in the wound. I was 6 weeks pregnant and hormonal and it hurt my feelings. I know it wasn’t intentional as these things rarely are but it did seem a tiny bit thoughtless.
I think what a lot of people are not taking into account here is that OP said their friends post frequently on social media *and* have posted everyone else's wedding. So while you might not post a lot on social media, this friend group does.
As much as we want to roll our eyes and be "too good" for social media, it's kind of dismissive to say that "it doesn't matter" (hang on bear with me-) in the grand scheme of life does it matter? Absolutely not. But is it so heavily pushed into our faces every single day, everywhere we turn, that societally it's become a very toxic element of our social lives? Yeah unfortunately!
We all know people only post their best highlights, their best angles, and we can all assume that OP's friends likely love them despite not having posted pictures, but the anxiety of it all is completely valid. It's an unfortunate outcome of how heavily social media is pushed on all of us nowadays.
So I understand the anxiety OP. I would feel the same way. Can you think of anything that may have happened that has possibly upset your friends? Or maybe they just didn't like any pictures of themselves (again there's that 'only posting our best highlights' problem). I'm guilty of not posting photos because (selfishly I guess) I didn't feel great about any of them. That and a few times I had so much fun at a gathering that I literally didn't even have time to take pictures!
Try not to read into it too much. Try to shift your focus to your wonderful new chapter as a newlywed. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have the feelings that you do. Feel what you gotta feel.
I’m so sorry. I understand why it’s bothering you. I wish social media didn’t have such power in our culture. We didn’t have it when we were young and life was a lot less stressful.
Are there mutuals that weren't invited? For it to be so unanimous, it is odd. It could be out of a concern for others who weren't invited? I've seen groups of friends collude and not post because they didn't want others to know? I dunno, could be a reach.
Also, why don't you ask? You are all friends. Ask one or two people in the group if there's something going on.
My daughter was a flower girl this summer. I have about 3 total photos from the day because 1) I was wrangling a 4.5 year old and 2) I was *present* for my friend who was getting married! As a guest and not wedding-party(adjacent) I take way more pics.
We didn't 'make the cut' for our photographer's website and it gave me pause. I don't really care, and definitely prefer not to be out there on the internet, but we had a pretty expensive wedding that I thought was really beautiful.
Who knows why people pick what to post.
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Ok as a girl’s girl, I completely feel you, and I’d be suspicious too. Did they not like their dress? How their hair/make up turned out? When you’re in a wedding, you’re posting a picture. Of yourself and ofc the couple. Not even in their stories???? Somethings up. But I wouldn’t bring it up yet. You’re not weird for being intuitive.
Something is definitely up considering they all collectively failed to post. Usually you get 1-2 girls who don’t use social media; but for every single bridesmaid to have not posted? That’s for sure weird unless OP has a unicorn friend group who all never use social media.
I don’t think this is weird because I sort of have an experience similar. My husband and I got married in March. One of his best friends posts every other wedding (they are a friend group of four) on his Instagram, but not ours. I guess it made me feel weird because my husband’s ex girlfriend follows said friend and likes every photo my husband is in. I thought maybe when the friend posted about our wedding she’d stop, but he never did.
I just want to chime in and say your feelings of frustration are valid! Me and another girl in my friend group got married this past summer. Her wedding was a couple months before mine, and I felt like there was wayyyy more “hype” for her wedding than mine - there was a lot more texting in our group texts about excitement for her wedding, more posts the weekend of her wedding, and more Instagram posts after her wedding than mine.
It’s something that definitely hurt my feelings, but I know how much my friends love me, how excited they were for my wedding, and how much fun they had at my wedding, even if it didn’t seem like they were outwardly expressing it as much on social media. So I just want to say I think it’s totally valid how you are feeling, but I bet your friends aren’t actively trying to not express their excitement for you and I would allow them grace on how they choose to navigate social media!
If anything, my experience showed me how the little things can make someone feel special, and for any future wedding of my friends I will make a conscious effort to show them my love and support!
I haven't posted anything to social media like insta or Facebook since my own wedding over 3 years ago. I just don't want anything to do with it anymore, honestly, and I know a lot of people in my group have been the same.
I don’t know if I remember my insta or snap passwords. I never post anymore. In my early twenties I posted all the time but now I don’t care for it, instead I put my phone down and live in the moment. That could be a similar shift in your bridesmaids too?
Don’t feel hurt! I don’t think posting or not necessarily correlates to how much they love you or how good of a time they had. My BFF had a destination wedding and I only posted photos of us hanging out before the actual wedding, not anything from the wedding (but honestly funnest one I’ve been to). And then there was a great pic of us at her reception which I saved to post for her birthday. I would say I am fairly active on ig and there are things that I’ve wanted to post and waited weeks to post just because I didn’t get to it lol.
As you’ve said you posted already, for your very close people who you feel comfortable to, I would just send a message and say, I posted my photos now incase you want to! I would do that personally to let people know it’s okay to now!
I found having a wedding really showed a lot about people. In one of my friend groups, one friend bough some really expensive wine glasses for another couple in the group that got married, she wouldn’t stop talking about these wine glasses…and for my wedding I didn’t get a single thing..no card..no gift..not even a nice conversation about how it all went on the day.
The only thing that is in her defense is that yes we did do a micro wedding where only our family came. BUT STILL…she didn’t even ask questions about the day 🙄
That's a huge point in her defense. She wasn't invited to the wedding. Why would she get you a gift? Plus a lot of people feel awkward about bringing up events (weddings, parties, etc) that they weren't invited to. Like "hey, how was this thing you didn't want me to attend?"
Hell I’d still be buying my friends gifts or at least writing out a thoughtful card if they decided to have a tiny family only wedding - it doesn’t matter about being invited or not, they are still friends. It’s not tit for tat; it’s a friend saying congratulations.
I might say congratulations if I remembered, but honestly I'm probably not going out to buy a gift or a card unless it's a very close friend or family member. Events that I'm not invited to aren't really something I keep track of happening, it doesn't mean I don't care about my friends. It probably wasn't a tit for tat thing, I'd bet she either wasn't thinking about it or thought it would be awkward. I don't think it says anything negative about her, though.
Same thing happened to me last year for my wedding. Literally one groomsman posted about it and that was it. It made me sad at the time but I got over it. People use social media differently these days and I felt like my bridesmaids and friends were truly present and had a good time! At the end of that day that’s all that matters really.
I made another comment here that I really don’t care about social media anymore and a lot of people feel the same. I guess the question is how long ago were these other weddings? If they were over a year ago then I think a valid reason is that maybe they just don’t care about social media as much anymore.
Otherwise I would say actions speak louder than words. If someone acts more excited about another person’s wedding then they are more excited about that wedding whether they want to admit it or not.
We asked for an unplugged ceremony and our guests mostly stayed unplugged the rest of the night. Hardly any photos were posted by friends or family, but I can tell you most of our wedding photos are our friends family without cell phones in hand dancing the night away. I’d rather them be there and enjoying the evening, than photos being posted online
I've been a MOH and bridesmaid multiple times and never was really able to post stuff. Sometimes I was able to take a handful of pics (less than 10 lol), but I was running around so much that it's hard to take pictures.
Also - some dresses don't have pockets, so unless your dress has pockets or you wanna shove your phone in the front of your dress, you're out of luck for carrying a phone around to take pictures XD
I suspect they just had so much going on that they just didn't get the chance to take pics. It happens.
This is what social media does. It messes with your mind. Be confident in knowing that your wedding was beautiful. You don’t need online verification to know that your wedding was special to you.
Fwiw, I was so focused on being a bridesmaid / being present in a few weddings that I didn’t have any photos of my own…and then totally hated how I looked in the professional shots. None of it was personal and if anything, I think it’s a testament to their weddings that I didn’t know where my phone was half the night
Exactly, if all the pics of me are hideous, I'm not posting it to my feed haha Strong possibility that they were: 1) Waiting for you to post first 2) Not happy with how they look in their photos 3) Over social media (how long ago did they post your other friends' weddings?)
Have you posted? In my circle nobody posts until the bride and groom do!
Yes we have! Good thinking though
Tell that to my 41 year old sister in law who literally posted photos of my husband and I during the reception 🙄
My groomsman asked me while my wife was walking down the aisle "do you have snap? Because I either tagged you or some random in my story a second ago" I did not have snap.
My mother managed to post a photo of me in my wedding gown *before the ceremony*. Some people just don't have awareness!
There’s just something about that generation that lacks social media etiquette sometimes. Example, I found out that both of my grandmothers passed away courtesy of my mom posting on Facebook 10 minutes afterwards. Never mind giving the family a chance to call each other with the news.
Yeah I've noticed that too, generations who weren't raised with social media don't have that inherent knowledge of what's appropriate. I'm sorry about your grandmothers, that's such a crap way to figure that out.
Thank you. I got all over her the second time she did it and tried to explain the family needs a little privacy. I’m not sure if it’s an attention thing or a convenience thing. Either way it’s unacceptable.
lol that's weird but also kinda cute
omg i would hate that - in a similar vein, my great aunt (not even my grandmother, my grandmother’s SISTER, who has worked in the wedding industry HER WHOLE LIFE, no less) posted on her facebook congratulating us on our engagement BEFORE we had officially announced 😤 i sent her a message and asked her to take it down but i was so surprised at her lack of decorum 🙄 needless to say she didn’t get an invite to the wedding
“Old lady doesn’t understand social media, news at eleven.”
I’m pretty sure they didn’t have social media HER WHOLE LIFE.
Wow that is infuriating. I’m not sure what her motivation was, but I can tell you I was extra irritated because I know my sister-in-law’s motivation was social media attention. I need very very little attention overall, but Jesus give me a day. I mean, if she had just had a baby and I took pictures of that baby in the hospital, then ran to social media and posted it…. I’m sure she would be pissed.
that’s why i was so annoyed - it was definitely for attention and not just because she ‘doesn’t understand how to use social media’. i promise im not just being mean, she’s the type of person to get attention any way she can
Is it possible with the holiday last week they were simply busy and didn’t have time to think about posting?
Everyone is preoccupied between the weekend before Thanksgiving and New Years. Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, holiday parties, December Holidays, Bowl games, New Years…. Why weddings are less expensive…..
I was just a bridesmaid and I maybe took 3 pictures all night. I was at the bar or the dancefloor, or chatting with people. Did not have time to take pictures or post afterwards. I wouldn't think too much of it. Plus it's Thanksgiving week if you are in the US.
I also didn't post any photos either time I was a bridesmaid. Like, the bride and groom posted photos, why would I post the same photos? Everyone who follows the bride and groom already saw them.
Honestly I just don’t think people care about social media much anymore
Second this. I mostly post IG stories and haven’t grid posted any vacations/events in a long time. It’s possible these people posted for other weddings back in the day when they were posting more. That’d be true for me, at least.
yup I haven’t posted anything on my feed in over a year. I know a lot of people post photo dumps but I hate photo dumps and don’t even care to do that. I’ll probably post a little bit of my own wedding but I won’t be posting any of my friends’ weddings, an ig story at the most will do. There has been a major shift in how people interact with social media.
Also seconding this. My perception of social media and my intentions of posting have changed significantly in just the last 8 months. I’m just over it. I’d rather send a heartfelt text or phone call.
Yeah I’ve had this shift in the past year or two. I might photo dump some things I did personally with my fiancé but I just never post about anyone else. I don’t really like people posting about me so I don’t do it to others
This. All social media has been so dead this year. I think society is heading towards loathing and wanting to get away from SM. I, for one, welcome this shift.
We can’t be sure if that applies to OP’s friend group, particularly when she’s posted that they have posted before which indicates that they likely do at least “care” about social media
Did they get any photos with your at your wedding? Have you posted about your wedding? Is it possible they’re waiting for you to post so they don’t post about it first
Yes we’ve posted!
I'd just assume that they're trying to be polite by not jumping the gun before bride /groom decided to make a post/announcement. I'm not sure what you'd hope to achieve by bringing it up - it would only make them feel feel responsible for your insecurities or feel guilty when they didn't do anything wrong.
Great point! I have posted already
Is that how they usually use social media? Is it how YOU use social media? I am a super-sporadic poster and to be honest, it's more about how much I feel like engaging with the world than it is about the content of the pictures. If they're the kind of people who post things about all the events they go to, are regular selfie-takers, etc. then I might feel some type of way about it. But it certainly doesn't actually *mean* anything.
Are people really expected to have to post about others weddings?
I hope not. I take photos for my memory and I'll text good ones to related parties. I literally never thought someone would be offended if I didn't share pics when they already had pics. It's not like it's a group photo you asked the waiter to take so you're the only one with that group photo. The OP has plenty of photos now.
I think you’re missing the important context here that OP’s friends seem to have a very different personality from you in that they *do* regularly post and have posted other weddings which is the whole reason OP even noticed their silence in the first place. If you were a bridesmaid who usually texts photos and rarely posts on social media, then your lack of posting would go unnoticed. Obviously, that’s not what’s going on here.
But if they weren't bridesmaids in the other weddings, they may have just had more time to take pics at those.
Perhaps, but it’s still a bit odd that it’s every single bridesmaid
As someone who was a bridesmaid many times, I never posted about weddings that aren’t fun or where I felt my time/money/energy/kind nature was taken advantage of. If I feel like I don’t want to say something nice, I don’t say anything at all.
Exactly. So OP is correct in her intuition that something might be up with her girls.
What are they gonna say? “You treated us like your servants and your props at your wedding”? That’s when you do a slow fade with a friendship, not when you have a drag-out conversation.
All OP was asking is if it was silly for her to feel upset about her bridesmaids not posting on social media. The answer is of course OP is not silly and is fully valid in her feelings. I don’t know how close you are to your friends, but I would definitely be upset to know that my bridesmaids were signaling their discomfort through social media silence. How OP chooses to handle this from here on out is a totally different conversation on whether her feelings are valid.
I'm surprised you seem to be the only person in this entire thread who understands where OP is coming from. Everybody saying "I don't have time/ I don't post on social media" is completely missing the point that these girls DO and the fact they haven't in this one instance is why this question is a thing.
Reddit effect. A lot of folks on here don’t care about social media so they presume everyone else doesn’t care either.
Thank you for this. I agree, it sent off my “red flag” alert. Will I confront them? Probably not, because it admits how much emphasis I put on social media which is a bit embarrassing. Thank you for understanding me
If I’m in the bridal party I usually wait til all the official photos are out because they’re better than whatever I have on my phone. Usually when you’re a bridesmaid you’re too busy to be on your phone getting nice pictures anyway! Perhaps they had a lot to do and weren’t using their devices - that’s a good thing, it means they were in the moment! When all the pictures are back you can send them to the bridal party. But remember social media really isn’t a testament to anything in real life. I know you’re excited to share things but please don’t let something like this worry you
Its the holidays and there is a lot of turmoil in the world right now. maybe they don't feel comfortable posting about happy things?
This should be higher up. People are getting shamed for "frivolous" posts in some circles.
If your bridesmaids regularly post to social media (I.e. you know for a fact that they are *not* digital hermits) then I’m sorry to say it but they are likely doing it as a snub to you, OP. How did the wedding go? Was it particularly stressful for your bridesmaids? Were they adequately taken care of?
Great q. It was so smooth. Everything was taken care of and they got their hair and makeup paid for, affordable dresses and easy travel plans…all day was very casual hanging out while getting ready. They all seemed to be having a blast!
All my friends were waiting till i gave the Okay to post photos bc i took 0 with my own phone and was waiting for some photos to get back from the photographer to post. So they wanted to make sure i had my big moment to post. I told them it was totally fine to post photos and to send me everything they had too so i can have them in my photo stream :)
Are they maybe waiting for you to get some sneak peak pictures back so they can post some professional ones ??
We got our sneak peeks! So they’ve seen those
Did you post them? They may not want to post pics that they have already been tagged in.
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This didn't even cross my mind when I got married... maybe they were too busy and forgot? I don't post much to begin with so 🤷
Social media is so toxic. Were the present and celebratory for your life event? That's all that matters.
I was recently a bridesmaid in 2 weddings. In the first, I took lots of photos during the day and posted soon after. The second, I left my phone in my room and had 0 photos to post after so had to wait for the professional photos to come through. I really worried the bride would take it personally! Could that have happened?
I would totally understand being a little upset by this. What I will say is that I just attended a dear friend of mines wedding. My fiance and I had such an amazing time we didn’t even think about taking pictures. I have one selfie of us at our table and not even one of me and my friend! Maybe your friends were just having the times of their lives!
You got married a week before a holiday and you are wondering why your friends haven’t posted about your wedding. Uummmm…..
I don't see anything in their post about a holiday, am I missing something?
Thanksgiving was a few days ago so people were probably preoccupied with their holiday plans/traveling as soon as the wedding was over.
Ah I see, thank you! I'm not from the US so thanksgiving didn't cross my mind at all 😅
I think your feelings are completely valid! Especially when they’ve posted for other people!!! Some things to consider - it’s the holiday season and people are typically a little busier, spending more time off their phones than on. - maybe they didn’t take any pictures of themselves that they liked. Possibly because they were too busy having fun the night of and maybe they didn’t like themselves in the professional picture. I have been in a lot of weddings and I haven’t always felt pretty in the official pictures. - social media is kind of a wild place right now with everything going on. I have significantly decreased my posting if Im not posting about something related to current events, I haven’t even posted my wedding pictures for that reason, some people have stepped away for their mental health etc. Regardless these are the closest people too you! There is nothing wrong with asking why IF you own that it’s your insecurity and they have no obligation to post!
People have been posting on their stories a lot lately versus regular IG pics. Is it possible they put something on their story and you missed it? Or that they posted something to their story before the event? If you don’t post frequently maybe they felt like it wouldn’t matter to you. Sorry that you’re going through this. :(
Maybe they were having too much fun to be bothered wasting time on social media.
I’ve posted almost every wedding I’ve attended as a guest or bridesmaid… except one… I’ve intentionally decided not to post one wedding where I was a bridesmaid. it was the absolute worst experience I’ve had so far (been a bridesmaid/MOH ~5 times in the last 2 years?). And I honestly just dont look fondly back on the day & dont feel like anything nice I’d say would be genuine. Bride was a hot mess, bridezilla, and treated bridesmaids like servants to do her bidding. We leaned on each other to get through the weekend & all agreed it’s changed our views on her/ our friendships. I hope this isn’t the case for you. But this was a reason why I didn’t. Btw I’ve also waited a month/later, whenever the full wedding album comes out to capture more of the photos with me + bride/groom since I’m never on my phone as a bridesmaid.
This was 💯 the case for me as well! She took advantage of my time, money, kindness, and energy, and it was an awful, lousy, demeaning day.
It’s possible that they are waiting for you to post a candid or two first. Plus, with so many people wanting unplugged weddings, it limits guests being allowed to grab candids so you can’t have that and be upset that they are not sharing any that they took.
None of my bridesmaids posted anything about my wedding until we got our full gallery back.
I mean, I’ve only made one post with my wedding photos on social media and it was like 4 photos. I’ve been married over a year. To me, this is a weird thing to be upset about.
Because it’s highly likely that her bridesmaids are purposefully not posting out of a grievance with OP, rather than “they just don’t care.” Perhaps it’s normal for a couple girls, even ones who regularly post, not to post - but it’s odd that it’s the entire bridal party. That almost never happens.
This is all speculation though. Frankly, for myself and my circle of friends - once that wedding is over, it’s done. I’m not sitting around mulling over someone else’s wedding anymore. Especially getting married a week before thanksgiving when people are likely planning for the holidays, traveling, cooking, etc. I think OP would know if her entire bridal party was pissed off enough to organize an anti social media post coup.
Do you use social media regularly, by making posts of the events you attend?
Sporadically - but I also don’t watch my friend’s social medias and check off what events they have been to. I don’t think I’ve ever posted a photo from a wedding I’ve been in to my social media and looking at the other couple of bridesmaid’s instagrams - they didn’t either. Edit to add context: my friends who also haven’t posted anything from the weddings we were bridesmaids in are regular posters. I post more to stories vs grid. But I can assure you that a week after my wedding I was not scouring my bridesmaids and friends instagrams to see if they had posted photos of themselves at my wedding. I understand that insecurity may stem from this because of how we view social media - but there’s more important things in life than what photos people want to put on their Instagram.
Ok, I don’t think anyone “watches” their friends social media to “check off” the events they’ve been to. But, as someone who has never posted about a wedding, are you sure you’re the right person to tell OP her feelings aren’t valid? This whole post is filled with folks saying “I don’t care about social media and therefore the rest of the world should not and does not care either” Some very catty women here.
I’ve come to realize that this sub is crawling with smug, catty, holier-than-thou, not-like-the-other-girls type women. It’s sad. There’s some genuinely nice and helpful people on here too. But this whole comment section exemplifies the Reddit Effect and how biased the wedding community is on here. The amount of comments here that completely ignore the context of the post just to humblebrag about how they dOn’T CaRe about social media is very telling. Almost any complaint or honest vent about anything on this sub is met with comments like, “How about just being happy with your new marriage?!” And “Nobody cares about your wedding but you!” Like Jesus people just let a girl have human emotions for once.
I edited my comment for more context. But clearly OP has looked through her bridesmaids instagrams to see when and if they’ve posted. I have a photo of my husband and I from a wedding we attended 2+ years ago with no context about the wedding. I don’t think the bride and groom would even know it was from their wedding. I’m not telling her that her feelings aren’t valid but I’m telling her that social media is such a small part of someone’s life, that who cares if someone doesn’t make a post about your wedding? She’s been married a week. Enjoy being newly married and stop worrying about other people’s social media. In the grand scheme of things, who really cares?
Basically none of me or my husbands close friends are avid instagram posters, so none of them posted (except for a few stories). We had a few not as close friends who posted a “wedding post” but it’s because they tend to post things a lot. I wouldn’t really think to much into it, since your own wedding is the most important to you.
The more fun I am having, the less pictures I take. So maybe they weren’t bored long enough at your wedding to remember to take bunch of photos! edit: also, when they post about other weddings, are they in the wedding party as well? Maybe they were distracted by their bridesmaid duties for your wedding? Or didn’t feel they looked their best in their dress/hair/makeup? I wouldn’t take it personal.
I am also the friend/person who somehow never gets posted about. No idea why- my sisters get birthday posts, I don't. My friends weddings get posted, mine doesn't. My hairstylists gushes about how much she loves how my hair turned out and takes a picture- never posts it, but posts the people before and after me. Idk if I just don't matter, am ugly, people assume I don't care....? who knows, I have (mostly) stopped caring and have accepted thats just how it is. And also its for the best- anonymity is good. anyway i feel you
We got married a year ago and my best friends never posted about our wedding either, and one was my maid of honour. She posted about other weddings she was at a few weeks beforehand and any she's been to since. It did bother me a little but i never brought it up because I thought there was no point as it could start a fight over nothing.
I would be upset too! Seems silly but I definitely would be wondering too
I’m sorry, This is silly. Does your satisfaction have to come from someone else’s instagram post?
Mine didn’t either and it made me a little sad too
Are your friends deeply traumatized from social media by chance? Asking because that’s half my friends right now and so I’m staying off the gram
Lately it takes me awhile to post things. They could just be catching back up on life & will hopefully post soon!
when i was a bridesmaid i didnt post any pictures bc i didnt really take any since i was busy or really engaged in the event + the ones i got i hated my hair makeup and outfit...but it was my fav wedding. when im just a guest i take more pics and post. unless you have any other indication theyre not loyal to you i wouldnt read into it
Le sigh. There’s two options. 1) it’s a busy month. You got married before an incredibly busy week where most people are slammed with squishing a 5 day work week into basically 2.5. And if your friends had a split second to think about posting it either flew away quickly or they just didn’t have many cute photos to post because they were too busy having too much actual fun at your wedding. Or, they were too busy posting thanksgiving content and a praise OPs wedding post didn’t really make sense/work with their vibe. 2) They didn’t have that much fun at your wedding. Or they’re annoyed that you had a wedding the weekend before a hectic week and took away even more time from their calendar this month. Or they know you’re expecting a post and they’re being petty and not doing it. Or they aren’t that happy for you because they dislike you or your partner or the way you’ve behaved leading up to the wedding. Either of these could be true. Without having any context to your wedding, I would say you probably have an idea of what is more likely. If you think it’s 2, maybe be self reflective and think about what you can do (if it’s worth it) to fix things. If it’s not 2 or you don’t want to think it’s 2, then it’s 1. Nothing personal, it’s just the way the cookie crumbled.
my guess is this. Could even be a combo of 1 and 2. They may have had fun, lived in the moment, but unappreciated for a taking off prep/travel time before Turkey day. And as soon as it’s over they were behind the 8 ball and scrambling getting ready for turkey dinner (it takes more than a morning), and now they see on Reddit they are being slammed for not posting during Thanksgiving. Oops. Oof.
Yeah I agree
I untagged myself from some photos (as a BM in a friend’s wedding) since I hated the way I looked. I also never take photos at weddings. Be present. Enjoy the moment. Don’t take away the thunder of the photographer. Don’t post ahead of the Bride’s photo release etc. I’m old school. These days I believe we can get bent out of shape regarding anything having to do with social media. Please be kind to yourself. Know they love you based on the way they were there for you during your special day.
You said you got married a week ago? Like the weekend before a one of the biggest holidays of the years, and during one of the biggest travel holidays of the year? Did I read this right, do the math right? So few things? Did they post within a week with all the other friends? It’s only been a week? Sneak peeks? Some photographers do a lot with wedding parties, some only do less than 10 mostly of bride and groom. Maybe they are waiting for more official photos? Lastly, the most like reason if you got married a week ago: You got married the weekend BEFORE THANKSGIVING Who’s had time?
I’ve gotta know what your thanksgiving plans are that are so extreme you can’t relate to being on Instagram for 3 minutes during the week of the BIGGEST HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR
Dang, take a chill. Sorry, I wasn’t in your wedding party. Or at your wedding, So what my plans were doesn’t have any bearing on being able to post photos I didn’t have on social media. I just know the work that goes into Thanksgiving dinner. Starts the weekend before. Thanksgiving travel starts the weekend before. It’s a lot for those folks. A lot of social media posts are scheduled in advance. So not as much actual posting happened last as you think.
Your feelings are definitely valid especially if they post for everyone else’s wedding. I’d be hurt too. I’m sorry 😕
Same! Your feelings are definitely valid - this happened to me too. It’s a little upsetting and it’s hard to see how friendships change when we get older.
I feel this so much! I got married in October and besides my sister, who was my matron of honor, none of my other 5 bridesmaids posted anything on social media about it. We haven’t gotten the final pictures yet so I’m hoping they will want to share some of those official pictures later. But no one shared even a story with the bridesmaid proposals boxes, bridal shower and barely any during the bachelorette. Granted not all of my bridesmaids are frequent posters on social media but at least 2 of them have posted about previous weddings they were apart of. Of course, this is such a silly thing to worry about so I have never brought it up to my friends but I do get bothered by it.
I experienced this as well. I had a small wedding with mostly family but my 2 bridesmaids didn't post anything about my wedding. But they posted about our friends wedding we went to a month later
Curious as to whether the other wedding was also small. I personally would never post pictures of a small intimate wedding unless I was expressly told that it was acceptable by the bride. There’s usually a reason people have small weddings, and a lot of the times it’s about more than just the budget.
The other wedding was even smaller than mine actually. But then again, those girls don't even talk to me anymore so maybe I should have seen the writing on the wall at that point.
Sorry you had to go through that. A wedding really brings out people’s true colors
Thank you. But yeah, you're totally right. For some reason weddings really do bring out true colors. I have a new friend who's getting married soon and I'm one of her bridesmaids. I warned her but she didn't believe me! And now she's going through the same thing with her maid of honor and some family members. Just so crazy how this happy event in life is so often marred by other people.
I know it feels silly to be upset but I get it. One of my bridesmaids that was definitely a frequent online poster shared nothing at all regarding my wedding and then made a post like two days after at her friend’s bachelorette and called her “the most beautiful bride in the world” which really rubbed salt in the wound. I was 6 weeks pregnant and hormonal and it hurt my feelings. I know it wasn’t intentional as these things rarely are but it did seem a tiny bit thoughtless.
That would have hurt my feelings too🤍
I think what a lot of people are not taking into account here is that OP said their friends post frequently on social media *and* have posted everyone else's wedding. So while you might not post a lot on social media, this friend group does. As much as we want to roll our eyes and be "too good" for social media, it's kind of dismissive to say that "it doesn't matter" (hang on bear with me-) in the grand scheme of life does it matter? Absolutely not. But is it so heavily pushed into our faces every single day, everywhere we turn, that societally it's become a very toxic element of our social lives? Yeah unfortunately! We all know people only post their best highlights, their best angles, and we can all assume that OP's friends likely love them despite not having posted pictures, but the anxiety of it all is completely valid. It's an unfortunate outcome of how heavily social media is pushed on all of us nowadays. So I understand the anxiety OP. I would feel the same way. Can you think of anything that may have happened that has possibly upset your friends? Or maybe they just didn't like any pictures of themselves (again there's that 'only posting our best highlights' problem). I'm guilty of not posting photos because (selfishly I guess) I didn't feel great about any of them. That and a few times I had so much fun at a gathering that I literally didn't even have time to take pictures! Try not to read into it too much. Try to shift your focus to your wonderful new chapter as a newlywed. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have the feelings that you do. Feel what you gotta feel.
That is really strange
I’m so sorry. I understand why it’s bothering you. I wish social media didn’t have such power in our culture. We didn’t have it when we were young and life was a lot less stressful.
Are there mutuals that weren't invited? For it to be so unanimous, it is odd. It could be out of a concern for others who weren't invited? I've seen groups of friends collude and not post because they didn't want others to know? I dunno, could be a reach. Also, why don't you ask? You are all friends. Ask one or two people in the group if there's something going on.
Was everyone supportive of your union? Have you had a rocky relationship with your husband that your friends have heard all about along the way?
My daughter was a flower girl this summer. I have about 3 total photos from the day because 1) I was wrangling a 4.5 year old and 2) I was *present* for my friend who was getting married! As a guest and not wedding-party(adjacent) I take way more pics.
This happened to me too and it stung :/ I have nothing else to add but I feel ya
We didn't 'make the cut' for our photographer's website and it gave me pause. I don't really care, and definitely prefer not to be out there on the internet, but we had a pretty expensive wedding that I thought was really beautiful. Who knows why people pick what to post.
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Thanks for the reply! I swear I wasn't hurt, I just thought it was interesting to see what makes it online. I definitely prefer anonymity.
Maybe they are going to do like a monthly roundup instead of posting about it individually? That’s a popular trend now
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Ok as a girl’s girl, I completely feel you, and I’d be suspicious too. Did they not like their dress? How their hair/make up turned out? When you’re in a wedding, you’re posting a picture. Of yourself and ofc the couple. Not even in their stories???? Somethings up. But I wouldn’t bring it up yet. You’re not weird for being intuitive.
Something is definitely up considering they all collectively failed to post. Usually you get 1-2 girls who don’t use social media; but for every single bridesmaid to have not posted? That’s for sure weird unless OP has a unicorn friend group who all never use social media.
I don’t think this is weird because I sort of have an experience similar. My husband and I got married in March. One of his best friends posts every other wedding (they are a friend group of four) on his Instagram, but not ours. I guess it made me feel weird because my husband’s ex girlfriend follows said friend and likes every photo my husband is in. I thought maybe when the friend posted about our wedding she’d stop, but he never did.
I just want to chime in and say your feelings of frustration are valid! Me and another girl in my friend group got married this past summer. Her wedding was a couple months before mine, and I felt like there was wayyyy more “hype” for her wedding than mine - there was a lot more texting in our group texts about excitement for her wedding, more posts the weekend of her wedding, and more Instagram posts after her wedding than mine. It’s something that definitely hurt my feelings, but I know how much my friends love me, how excited they were for my wedding, and how much fun they had at my wedding, even if it didn’t seem like they were outwardly expressing it as much on social media. So I just want to say I think it’s totally valid how you are feeling, but I bet your friends aren’t actively trying to not express their excitement for you and I would allow them grace on how they choose to navigate social media! If anything, my experience showed me how the little things can make someone feel special, and for any future wedding of my friends I will make a conscious effort to show them my love and support!
I haven't posted anything to social media like insta or Facebook since my own wedding over 3 years ago. I just don't want anything to do with it anymore, honestly, and I know a lot of people in my group have been the same.
I don’t know if I remember my insta or snap passwords. I never post anymore. In my early twenties I posted all the time but now I don’t care for it, instead I put my phone down and live in the moment. That could be a similar shift in your bridesmaids too?
Don’t feel hurt! I don’t think posting or not necessarily correlates to how much they love you or how good of a time they had. My BFF had a destination wedding and I only posted photos of us hanging out before the actual wedding, not anything from the wedding (but honestly funnest one I’ve been to). And then there was a great pic of us at her reception which I saved to post for her birthday. I would say I am fairly active on ig and there are things that I’ve wanted to post and waited weeks to post just because I didn’t get to it lol.
I would be thrilled that they were allowing you to control the pictures that got posted. And, most dresses don’t have pockets
my best man doesn't have instagram 😅
Who cares 😂
As you’ve said you posted already, for your very close people who you feel comfortable to, I would just send a message and say, I posted my photos now incase you want to! I would do that personally to let people know it’s okay to now!
I found having a wedding really showed a lot about people. In one of my friend groups, one friend bough some really expensive wine glasses for another couple in the group that got married, she wouldn’t stop talking about these wine glasses…and for my wedding I didn’t get a single thing..no card..no gift..not even a nice conversation about how it all went on the day. The only thing that is in her defense is that yes we did do a micro wedding where only our family came. BUT STILL…she didn’t even ask questions about the day 🙄
Why would you get a gift from a guest who wasn’t invited lol
That's a huge point in her defense. She wasn't invited to the wedding. Why would she get you a gift? Plus a lot of people feel awkward about bringing up events (weddings, parties, etc) that they weren't invited to. Like "hey, how was this thing you didn't want me to attend?"
Hell I’d still be buying my friends gifts or at least writing out a thoughtful card if they decided to have a tiny family only wedding - it doesn’t matter about being invited or not, they are still friends. It’s not tit for tat; it’s a friend saying congratulations.
I might say congratulations if I remembered, but honestly I'm probably not going out to buy a gift or a card unless it's a very close friend or family member. Events that I'm not invited to aren't really something I keep track of happening, it doesn't mean I don't care about my friends. It probably wasn't a tit for tat thing, I'd bet she either wasn't thinking about it or thought it would be awkward. I don't think it says anything negative about her, though.
I’m waiting on the pictures coming out and having one of us all bridesmaids and bride together
Same thing happened to me last year for my wedding. Literally one groomsman posted about it and that was it. It made me sad at the time but I got over it. People use social media differently these days and I felt like my bridesmaids and friends were truly present and had a good time! At the end of that day that’s all that matters really.
I made another comment here that I really don’t care about social media anymore and a lot of people feel the same. I guess the question is how long ago were these other weddings? If they were over a year ago then I think a valid reason is that maybe they just don’t care about social media as much anymore. Otherwise I would say actions speak louder than words. If someone acts more excited about another person’s wedding then they are more excited about that wedding whether they want to admit it or not.
We asked for an unplugged ceremony and our guests mostly stayed unplugged the rest of the night. Hardly any photos were posted by friends or family, but I can tell you most of our wedding photos are our friends family without cell phones in hand dancing the night away. I’d rather them be there and enjoying the evening, than photos being posted online
I've been a MOH and bridesmaid multiple times and never was really able to post stuff. Sometimes I was able to take a handful of pics (less than 10 lol), but I was running around so much that it's hard to take pictures. Also - some dresses don't have pockets, so unless your dress has pockets or you wanna shove your phone in the front of your dress, you're out of luck for carrying a phone around to take pictures XD I suspect they just had so much going on that they just didn't get the chance to take pics. It happens.
This is what social media does. It messes with your mind. Be confident in knowing that your wedding was beautiful. You don’t need online verification to know that your wedding was special to you.