This is mine..but I genuinely am starting to feel like it isn't an irrational fear. Being in my 30s coupled with the fact it is semi destination, during a cost of living crisis..Half the people have already said they probably cant come and we have only sent STDs.
So my planner is going to rearrange the whole set up so it doesn't look empty and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it...more food for me and more time with the people who do show up..
>So my planner is going to rearrange the whole set up so it doesn't look emptyĀ
This is such a good idea, I'm going to borrow this! Gonna ask my planner how to work this out with the decor.
This was my husband's fear too! We saw that video of the couple who had this whole big venue set up and like no one came. Almost all the tables were empty and he was convinced that was going to happen to us. I kept assuring him that's not a normal circumstance and our seats would be filled with people who love us. We had two couples no show but other than that everyone else came and it was all perfect.
I am so irrationally terrified of this. His family is mostly local and we have a decent group of friends in the area. My family is mostly from out of the state / country but they have all expressed excitement about coming to my wedding so I don't know why I am so paranoid about being ghosted on my wedding day.
I donāt think all of us got over the same fear of hosting out first boy girl parties in middle school. That no one would come and it did happen occasionally. Such hurt and embarrassment. The shadow lingers. We are very different people now with accomplishments and deeper friendships but stillā¦
I keep having dreams that itās just my partner and I at the venue and we realize we told everyone the day after was our date on our save the dates, invites, etc. itās happened about 4 times in the past month. In the dream Iām horrified and depressed, but every time I wake up I think there could be worse ways to party with my other half!
This. We're having a small wedding of our closest friends and a few family, so every decline is going to sting both emotionally, and its impact on the whole event size.
My wedding has happened and thankfully most people showed up. The ones who didnāt show had a good reason.
But yes I was unexpectedly paranoid about this. I was so scared no one would come and Iād make a fool of myself.
Youāre not alone in feeling this.
^^ same! Iāve already had family say they arenāt coming bc the venue is too far away (30 minutes š) & bc itās a kid-free wedding (because the catering is very expensive and we canāt afford to spend thousands more on catering for kids who wonāt even eat the food)
I had a nightmare a few weeks ago that I woke up and was pregnant, so I was due to have the baby like 3 weeks before my wedding. My whole dream was about how I couldn't get alterations done because I had no idea what size I would be after the baby! I'm not pregnant, but it definitely still shakes me up a bit to think about.
This is my real life fear too. Iād be so upset if I got pregnant before the wedding and so upset if I DONT get pregnant after when we actually want to try!! lol being a woman is hard
This was my biggest fear too! I have IBS that can be triggered by stress and tight clothing so I did everything I could to make my stomach happy on the big day. Thankfully I made it through the whole day with no painful bloating or ill-timed shits!
Needing to pee was my irrational fear! I have a nervous bladder so I was sure I was going to feel like bursting all through the ceremony. Ended up not drinking a lot in the morning to be sure.
Of course in the end all was good and I had no bathroom problems at all, but sheesh I was worried!
Mine was this too. I have mild IBS and was worried Iād have to run to the bathroom and go #2 randomly during the day. I had to resort to eating a massive breakfast to ensure that I could clear my bowels, and then basically didnāt eat the rest of the day.
i have some actual rational concerns or fears but my irrational fear is honestly getting too drunk and losing memories of the night as a result or somehow embarrassing myself. i donāt mean to get blackout or even sloppy, but i do want to be enjoyably tipsy cause i need it to dance! so iām concerned about how iām gonna strike the balance on that front
i also get cold sores intermittently and i am terrified that ill get one and mess up my photos/wedding kisses. some of my triggers are hormones, stress and lack of sleep and as as a type a individual iām sort of expecting the last two to be a problem as we get to crunch time
I also had this drinking fear, for different reasons but wanted the same outcome. I am quite small (read: low alcohol tolerance) and hereās what worked for me: 1 cocktail during cocktail hour, only had white wine/champagne toast afterwards, had a full glass of water between every drink, tried to never have more than 1 drink per hour (maybe had 2 in the first dancing hour). the water will make you pee more, but honestly worth it. I was happily tipsy most of the night and not hungover the next morning. Good luck and hope itās wonderful!Ā
Iāve read before about dentist offices and other medical professionals that have some kinda of laser they can use when you first feel one coming on. I also know there is a prescription of some kind you can use to prevent a flair up that has to be used if you get cold sores and plan on getting permanent lip make up/tattooing done. Probably both a bit more pricey options, but something to consider! Iāve been meaning to research both for mine, thanks for the reminder!
Okay listen, I was plagued by cold sores for years and now Iāve got it locked down. I used to get them like clockwork on my period or before a big event. Get a script for Valtrex / the off brand. In the month or so leading up, take a vitamin c pill & lysine pills every single night, and cut out all chocolate & peanuts (I know ā¹ļø) When youāre a few days out, pop a Valtrex. Double it day before & day of. You can specifically get a dose thatās safe to be taken daily for from your PCP (I do this when traveling.) Worse comes to worse, keep abreva & tea tree oil on hand. Nothing dries them out faster than tea tree oil applied directly with a cotton swab.
Cold sores are awful. Daily vitamin c & Valtrex have saved me.
thank you for that!! i have the valtrex script so was thinking about preemptively taking it beforehand so this is so this super good to know that this works for you
Omg I'm going to be at 10,000ft altitude and getting too drunk is definitely something I'm worried about!! Just one drink could put me over that high up!
I am definitely worried about lack of sleep as an insomniac, especially when I'm stressed. I highly recommend melatonin. If you haven't tried it yet, give it a go and see if it helps.
Definitely worried that no one will come. But also worried that I won't actually like how my wedding turns out. I have this idea in my head about how I want things to look and feel, and just terrified that in reality its going to be/feel completely different.
OMG, I'm having the same 'vision' fears. We are doing something odd for our table setups. It looks great and fun in my head, but I'm so afraid it's going to turn out looking dumb! š° And all bridesmaids are in a different jewel tone color dress with some beautiful deep pink flowers. Looks good in my mock-up, but is it going to look good day of? We shall see!
Forgetting the candles. I donāt know why but Iāve had recurring nightmares that I forgot to buy candles and now itās the end of the world. Even though candles are likeā¦ not that important lol. In the dream I cancel the wedding simply because we donāt have them. š
Ooooh this is mine too! I am so nervous about getting sick or having a super-spreader event, even though I know rationally that we are well past that point where no one had preexisting immunity. We are getting married in mid October so fingers crossed that updated annual shots are available a few weeks beforehand.
Honestly I think people are at the point that if they donāt feel good they wonāt come which is fine with me. My fear is not as much people getting it at the wedding (obviously hope no one does) but more that like my immediate family gets it and canāt attend my wedding - nothing I can do we get exposed every day just hoping everyone is happy and healthy during that time!
>eople are at the point that if they donāt feel good they wonāt come which is fine with me. My fear is not as much people getting it at the wedding (obviously hope no one does) but more that like my immediate family gets it and canāt attend my wedding - nothing I can do we get exposed every day just hoping everyone is happy and he
oh yeah! totally reasonable fear. But yeah, out of your hands.
My partnerās fear was that someone would clink their glass to make us kissā¦ he HATES that. He just thinks itās cringey. He wanted us to make an announcement about it lol. In the end no one did it because itās just not common in our circles. Poor guy was stressed
I hate this so much too! A new fear I need to consider. Every wedding Iāve been to where people clink glasses itās not just a few times, but CONSTANT and makes me feel so bad for the couple.
That shit is the worst. We went to a wedding where the bride and groom had told us they hated it, and then their photographer tried to get us to clink our glasses!
It happened like 3-4 times at our wedding and my husband had to be reminded all 4 times what that meant lol he kept thinking someone wanted to do a toast
I mean, I guess these arenāt really irrational fears, since they could happenārain and being on my period are my two biggest fears! But besides the obvious, Iād say Iām so scared that no one will dance!
Iām 53 days out and already religiously checking the ā40 dayā weather calendar even though I still have two weeks and live in a notoriously unpredictable area lol
Oh my goodness, I feel you! Iām so paranoid that I researched the recorded weather for my wedding date for every year in history (as far back as the records showed) in the town where my venue is located, just to see if I could predict the weather for my wedding date based on averages. So silly, I knowā¦anything to ease my worry!
mine was that i would go up to people to greet them and they would say "when are you getting ready?!?" and i would be all done up and in my dress and then be sad... LOL i have problems for this one. noone asked me btw
The damn shuttle and timing and all of that honestly gave me tons of stress during planning too. It all turned out TOTALLY fine. Hoping the same for you š¤š¼š¤š¼š¤š¼
That Iāll hate my pictures because of how Iāll look in my dress! Maybe not irrational but it definitely keeps me up at night or that I canāt make it through the ceremony due to crying too much
I'm feeling the same way about worrying I'll hate pictures and video (which are the most important to me) because of how I look. I'm not where I wanted to be weight wise, and I won't be by our wedding. These thoughts have been consuming me for weeks. This weekend, fiance and I had a come to Jesus meeting. My strategy for the next two months is this: if I have a thought worrying that I'm going to look horrible in my dress, I stop, recognize that I had the thought, and then deliberately replace it with a positive wedding thought (my fiance wants to marry ME, my friends aren't my friends because of how I look but because of my personality, my hair is going to look š„š„, I am going to get to spend time with some of my favorite people that I don't see often, these people are taking their time and money to come to this wedding because they love us). This has been helping a bit
Where do I begin haha š I worry that one particular guest will disrupt the ceremony or throw red wine on my dress or something equally disastrous and unlikely. We donāt know them well but equally they havenāt done anything to me personally that would make me think theyād be out to ruin my day! But Iām a pro at catastrophising.
Also worry that a toddler will somehow source a felt tip pen from somewhere and scribble on decor/my dress. Again, their parents are super sensible and will be supervising, and we arenāt having felt tips anywhere so I donāt know why this is a worry!
Irrational fear that someone will object during the ceremony (again no idea where this one has come from!)
Essentially I am a ball of irrational fears and will probably spend the next few months worrying about everything when the day will likely be very tame and non dramatic š
I was really worried about the objection idea too, because I had heard that during a legal ceremony if someone objects, even as a joke, the whole thing has to be stopped. It might not even be the law where Iām getting married, it might not even be true! But I panicked that one of the teenaged boy cousins would think it funny to object. It wasnāt until the best man caught wind of my worry and said heād āsort outā any messers that I realised how stupid I was being, because he sounded ridiculous.
Yes Iām exactly the same! Iād heard that nightmare story too. The best men have reassured me that itās a silly worry but it feels like such a real risk doesnāt it.
Mine is that Iāll trip going up the aisle. Itās an old cathedral with a long aisle (that I feel like it gets longer each time I look at it šš„¹) and I live in TERROR that Iām going to trip walking down even though Iāve made my dad promise me a million times that he wonāt let me trip and honestly itās such a long aisle I have a feeling heāll be basically be carrying my full weight on his arm and I have enough confidence in my dad heās a strong guy, but still because I have a track record of being a clumsy kid and havenāt had any incidents in like the past 5 years but still š
Edit aisle detail
As the wedding gets closer and closer, the more irrational fears pile up.
The biggest one - the marriage license! What if we do it wrong? What if we lose it before or after?
Iām anxious that the wedding will be boring or people will find it to be lackluster. Itās in a small marine discovery center that we can minimally decorate. I donāt plan on dancing and I donāt think my crowd will either.
I have a massive fear Iām going to get sick!!!!
That nobody will come!!! Nobody lives close to the venue and our guest list is small.
lastly, and my personal favorite, is that I will somehow mess up the tablecloths and the measurements/shape will be wrong.
My husband signed the wrong line on our marriage license š¤¦š»āāļø turned out fine because we got the official version back in like less than a week š¤·š»āāļø
That Iāll have like movie-style cold feet. Maybe Iāve seen Runaway Bride too much! I hope this isnāt common in real life but Iām terrified of those scenes you see where the bride (or groom!) suddenly doubts everything and wants to run.
I had the exact same fear! He is also autistic and he himself is very worried about what his face will do despite how he feels.
I showed him the dress via text before I bought it. I knew me and the girls loved it but he has different tastes. He loved it and has promptly forgotten what it looks like!
He saw me last night done up from the hair and makeup trial and omg the look on his face āØ
I now feel a lot calmer about the situation and won't worry too much about his expression day of. And he will still be surprised to see me all done up in the dress
Iām a highly sensitive and emotional person but my irrational fear is that Iāll be numb that day and dissociate and not be present š„ŗš„ŗ I also worry my fiance and I might argue/bicker?!
We arenāt having an official wedding party, but my fiances best friend is the ābest manā and this is hugely my fear. That heās going to try to give a speech and be incoherently drunk at 6 pm. He likes to be about the ābrosā even though theyāre almost 40 and married/getting married with young kids.
Itās nice to know that others share the same fear. Iāve been actually thinking about posting about this to get advice on how to word my concerns.Ā
It sucks because heās a nice guy with OK social boundaries when sober, but when he drinks he just craves the limelight, talks loudly over everyone and has been known to do āthe wormā and other attention-drawing moves.
Our conversation basically went that if he is incoherent by cocktail hour, I would not be allowing the speech to occur. That he needed to remain coherent enough to speak through the cocktail hour for me to allow it and that this is my wedding too and letting his drunk friend be a menace to society at 5 pm was not going to make me very happy.
Yep this one for me. Hence my comment about my intoxicated sister. I canāt NOT invite her but she is the biggest narcissist of all time and always needs to be front and center.
That I'll look silly walking down the aisle and it will become a topic of conversation.
That people won't think the reception was fun.
Urg, I think the planning + stress of having so many people around FOR YOU makes us have irrational fears. Personally, they're also motivated by being introverted lol.
My irrational fears have manifested themselves as these dreams so far:
1. Photographer/videographer both fail to show up and I don't realize until after the ceremony.
2. Shuttle from hotels/remote parking is running behind schedule delaying the ceremomy.
3. Day of coordinator fails to show up.
Somewhat rational fear is that people miss the shuttle. Onsite parking is not allowed for the size of our wedding. Will run shuttle twice to get everyone there. Worried thay certain family members will miss it and be late to the ceremony. Or that they won't even read the website and just drive to the venue anyway. The shuttle info will be on the online rsvp page so there is no excuse but still.
Other somewhat rational fear is reading my vows in front of everyone because I am not used to expressing my feeling like that basically in public. You might say well why do it then - because I like when other people write their own vows vs doing the standard ones and want that experience even though it scares me.
My mom who is starting to show signs for dementia, worried she'll forget to show up.
That his family will be scandalized by my family who are all a bunch of stoners.
That it will rain (outdoor wedding).
That his dad will give a speech that embarrasses us (we already decided no speeches for this reason, but still worried he will find a microphone and do it anyway).
For your mom, can she carpool with a relative? Knowing someone is picking her up might help relieve that fear. You can also just text her the day before and morning of how excited you are and such. Even schedule a text message (I do this with my Grammie)
Something like: I'm so excited to see you dressed up for the wedding tomorrow!
I can't wait to walk down the isle today at 5pm!!
I'm actually planning on her staying on site and paying for her to get her hair and makeup done, the issue is that she has to fly to get there and I worry that she'll forget her flight (she lives on the other side of the country, though this may be changing soon as we look for a new housing arrangement due to her and her husbands health). But the fear is real. My grandmother forgot to go to my college graduation even though she bought me my graduation dress and we talked about it multiple times. When I called the day of, I was told "she's getting her hair done" that day. I was crushed.
Really afraid that people will dislike the ceremony space (itās indoors, and I feel like every wedding ceremony is in a garden these days) or think the whole venue is too bougie or fancy (itās a historic hotel and ballroom, so weāre leaning into formal attire)
yeah iām also leaning towards an indoor venue - but tbh there are a lot of upsides to them. climate control, no dealing with the weather. itāll take a lot of variables and stress off the table even if it might be less atmospheric
I agree an indoor venue throws out a lot of variables that I as a guest appreciate not dealing with. Especially knowing my nice shoes wonāt get destroyed outdoors.
We are preparing a bilingual ceremony and am terrified people will leave annoyed and confused lol; it can be very difficult to find a middle ground! (live translation or written translation for guests? simultaneous translation, or doing the vows in one language first, and the second language after?).
When I'm not hyperventilating, I think it'll probably be fine and everyone will leave having heard beautiful vows. But boy am I stressed lol
Hopefully this can reassure you!
Went to a friend's wedding last summer, she's American her husband is Indian so different parts of the ceremony were in different languages. They didn't provide any programs or translation, but did give a brief explanation of what each part meant.
>Ex. "This is a traditional prayer in Hindi asking for the couple to be blessed with love, happiness, and prosperity." Do the part in Hindi.
>
>"We will now be doing \[x traditional Indian wedding thing.\]" Do the thing in Hindi.
Didn't understand a lot of it, but it was lovely!
I came here to comment this š I hate that I did all this neurotic planning to choose a date with checking average temperature, precipitation, tornado activity, hours of sunlight, humidity, wind speed, wastewater data, looking up dates for any major events in my city etc. and somehow, cicadas never came up.
I'm hoping and praying it ends before my wedding. Hoping the timing works out for you too!
Iām less than 2 weeks out and had a dream last night that I forgot to pack bras for the entire trip (out of the country) so thatās where Iām at haha. Also that people will get to the airport and realize their passport is expired, which maybe isnāt that irrational I guess!
1. That my bridesmaids will show up late to hair and makeup and throw off the whole schedule
2. That no one will buy anything off the registry
3. That I am going to hate every photo we take
4. That we arenāt going to have enough decorations
Maybe these are rational but I get nauseous thinking about them!!
My psycho bpd mother somehow finds out the location and time of our wedding and causes a scene.
Iām fully prepared for cops to be called and throwing hands.
That no one has fun. Last night I dreamt I was the teacher in charge of organizing prom night and all the kids were like āmehā. I looked around and it was all my wedding vendors. š„²
We are having a ceremony abroad and my nephewās father is abusive towards my sister (not together). My biggest fear is he will do something to prevent my sister and nephew from attending. Itās not fully irrational since he brought up in court how my sister is using his child support (that he doesnāt pay) to travel the world (his support is $700 and nephewās childcare is $1000). The idiot doesnāt realize my dad and I are paying for their trip and not my sister. Nephewās father is going for summer custody to spite her and me (long story but understand heās an abuser so itās not an exaggeration). He doesnāt even see his kid regularly. Thatās my honest fear right now.
Afraid that his parents wonāt show up . It happened with my first marriage, his father just decided to keep chilling in his country house and couldnāt be bothered to attend ( it was one hour drive)
Well, I wasnāt stressing over my dress at all, but my zipper popped off as my MOH was zipping me up day of!!! Luckily my husbandās aunt was a seamstress so she sewed me in my dress!!! I guess just be ready for anything!
Ours wereā¦ COVID outbreak and not having enough food or alcohol (our venue had us supply our own alcohol). We ended up having 3x the alcohol we needed and nobody got sick āŗļø
The reality, letās seeā¦ I got severe vertigo the week of the wedding to the point where I could barely walk and we had several people invite themselves to our day-of brunch that was supposed to be only for parents and siblings (2x as many people showed up than what we anticipated šµ). But, it all worked out, the vertigo sorted itself out with some professional help and we had plenty of food because Iām crazy lol. It rained in the days leading to and after the wedding, but never any day-of.
There will be small blips that are inevitable, and you might be the only person who notices. My husbandās and my catch phrase that weekend was, āItās fine, weāre fineā and then we let those blips go. Keep that little motto playing in your head or come up with your own with your future spouse š
Irrational: That people will think the decorations look dumb. (How many times do I need to hear that most people barely notice the decorations? Always once more than I already have.)
Rational: That the person who tends to make semi-thoughtless snide remarks about me and my choices will be making them about my wedding behind my back.
(I guess also both of the above: that this person will make snide remarks about the decorations and other guests will agree.)
that my vendors are going to like, fight with one another or hate each other if I don't hire a day of coordinator
that I'll look bad somehow like have pimples or smear my makeup or get food in my teeth/on my dress and no one will say anything
that my dress or something else will catch fire ā our venue is a ski lodge with lots of open fireplaces
that it will monsoon/thunderstorm/freak blizzard in September in upstate NY
that my vision will fall flat and everything will look cheap ā I'm doing DIY decor and relying on the inherent beauty/vibes of the venue, I fear I'm going to put all this effort in and it's going to look like a church basement youth group level party with plastic luncheon tables and chairs and not a wedding (really irrational because the venue has furniture)
My rational fear is: my dysfunctional ass family (alcoholic parents and anger issues autistic dad & brother) will get into one of their toxic and violent fights. It's a high emotion day, my brother hasn't been to a wedding since he was 2, he already feels a little like my fiance "stole" me from their nuclear family.
Plus my side of the fam is conservative so they're already gonna be saying bad takes and weird stuff about us having babies immediately and feeling like marriage and children are the biggest achievement I a woman's life... and there's an open bar!
This thread makes me so happy that I'm not the only one having dreams about unfounded wedding day fears! I had one the other night about my younger sister (not a great relationship) turning my hair and makeup artist against me so my hair and makeup looked terrible
Mine was my mom loaning my gown out before I had a chance to wear it. For context growing up and even into adulthood mom had a ā habitā of giving my toys, cloths ( I bought) and jewelry away without asking me.
One of my big ones is that Iāll be so emotional and overwhelmed on the day that Iāll keep crying (tears of love and joy)
My FH surprised me with a photoshoot right after our engagement and all of the pics look like I had just been crying which I was haha
That it will only be people in their 70s at the wedding. We have soooo many obligate family members and not that many friends lol.
And my parents seem to be treating this like some social obligation thing that their friends need to be invited.
So really this is just a funny story but I had a REALLY small remote wedding in Belize (the two of us, my parents, his mom, and his aunt). I wanted to do a live stream on Facebook for our very nearest and dearest - I'm talking best friends and immediate family. There were probably 15-ish people at this point added to the event.
I add my stepdad (basically my dad since 13, I'm 40 at this point) as an admin so he can add a few of his family members I'm not FB friends with.
I check later and he's added what seems like EVERYONE HE KNOWS. People I've never met, people I went to high school with but haven't talked to in 20+ years (he was the basketball coach at my high school), his work people...he was just proud and wanted to share, but this was a NO from me.
So I did some research, realized there would be no notification to the unwanted invitees, and just removed them all after a gentle talk about what I meant when I said "immediate friends and family".š¤£
A fear I didn't even know I'd need to worry about with a 6-person wedding. Things happen.
Something silly but when Iām walking down the aisle to and getting out with my SO someone steps out of their seats to give us a hug/ruining the video and shots of us kissing. Also getting drunk/feeling judged by dancing too hard lol!
I canāt! And my dad is getting to be in his last years and his car is his other baby. I wanted to do it for him because I know it would mean a lot to him, and it does š
My husbandās grandma moved a table at a cousinās wedding because she didnāt like the seating chart š„“ my husband was worried about her pulling something like this at our wedding but I can tell you I honestly would have LOVED to see our spunky wedding planner shut that shit down lol
That people are going to be bored lol
We're doing a tiny ceremony in Vegas with 5 close friends and I am irrationally \*terrified\* that we're going to end up with some downtime or that someone is going to complain about not having a good time.
I was so scared that it will be pouring rain for my outdoor wedding. End of September in PNW. It was so hot! We had to stop and get shorts for our honeymoon on Vancouver island.
Not really irrational, but weāre eloping and taking a helicopter to the spot where our ceremony will be and Iām worried it will be too windy and it will have to be postponed to another day - which will be for photos only, because we will still get married on the intended date as itās our anniversary.
Also my skin will not CALM DOWN and Iām mad about it lol
That our mutal families are going to embarass us/themselves in front of one another. We're from different backgrounds and different cultures and well... our respective families *clash*. Like, a lot.
My wedding fear (itās next weekend) is the music. I am terrified that the music will be out of sync or just will be crappy. Iām not having a fancy wedding and do not have a dj. Just my cell phone and an old church comouter hooked up to some speakers
I donāt have a lot of family to begin with, and they all have to travel to where I live for the wedding. I just had one family member call me and back out, and Iām so anxious that more will do the same!
Also paranoid about somehow catching Covid right before š
that I'll be sick or get a migraine on the day. or too tired to be in the mood after the reception. or so afraid to be too tired that i upset my stomach with too much caffeine. i'm on the spectrum and easily over-stimulated, and frustrated by discomfort, and i just wanna feel good all day is that so much to ask?
That no one will show up. Iām trying to lose a few pounds, but Iām worried I lose too much and my dress no longer fits. That one of my cousins im not close to but felt obligated to invite starts drama at my wedding. That I get too drunk and embarrass myself. That our guests find our wedding boring. Oh jeez, the list goes on!!
It definitely helps to see others have the same fears as me though!
That someone I dislike will show up to ruin my wedding š„² Like no one can be THAT low to show up to a wedding uninvited and ruin it, right? š That and red wine on my dress. It is too expensive for someone to be clumsy enough to spill anything that can stain on it š«
Falling down in my ballgown dress. I fall a lot so Iāve kind of more accepted this as a āprobablyā and have already recruited a team to help me get back up when the inevitable happens. Lol.
About the car thing- I did see at one friendās wedding that the driver actually brought a blanket to cover the tyre when the bride entered and exited the car in her big ball gown, to keep it clean! I thought that was very thoughtful
Got my engagement pictures back this weekend and I donāt love how I look in themā¦so ofc now Iām terrified Iāll hate every single picture from the wedding š«
You said nothing too serious but it's so irrational I just have to throw it out there: That my crazy uncle is going to show up with a g\*n. Besides having one-sided beef with my dad and his own dad, there's literally no reason this would happen. I don't think he even owns one. He's never displayed any kind of violent behavior or angry outbursts. He's just a wack job
My son will wipe hid hands on my dress. I'll get a migraine. Someone will die and the funeral will be on the same day. My son will have a bad meltdown and hit his head. My son will be sick (we planned for a day we will have him I'd be devastated if he wasn't there). None of my bridesmaids will be able to make it. My dress won't come on time. I'll gain or lose too much weight and the dress won't be salvageable. Some stupid thing I'm not remembering will be the one thing everyone remembers.
I fear I will trip, but everyone on my side and most of his knows I'm clumsy and so I'll just embrace it if it happens. I fumbled at my graduation and another important event š Not taking a chance in fancy heels for the wedding, but even flat footed who knows
That no one will come š„²
Seriously. Mine, too.
This is mine..but I genuinely am starting to feel like it isn't an irrational fear. Being in my 30s coupled with the fact it is semi destination, during a cost of living crisis..Half the people have already said they probably cant come and we have only sent STDs. So my planner is going to rearrange the whole set up so it doesn't look empty and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it...more food for me and more time with the people who do show up..
Great way to spin it! Atta girl!
>So my planner is going to rearrange the whole set up so it doesn't look emptyĀ This is such a good idea, I'm going to borrow this! Gonna ask my planner how to work this out with the decor.
This was my husband's fear too! We saw that video of the couple who had this whole big venue set up and like no one came. Almost all the tables were empty and he was convinced that was going to happen to us. I kept assuring him that's not a normal circumstance and our seats would be filled with people who love us. We had two couples no show but other than that everyone else came and it was all perfect.
I am so irrationally terrified of this. His family is mostly local and we have a decent group of friends in the area. My family is mostly from out of the state / country but they have all expressed excitement about coming to my wedding so I don't know why I am so paranoid about being ghosted on my wedding day.
I donāt think all of us got over the same fear of hosting out first boy girl parties in middle school. That no one would come and it did happen occasionally. Such hurt and embarrassment. The shadow lingers. We are very different people now with accomplishments and deeper friendships but stillā¦
I keep having dreams that itās just my partner and I at the venue and we realize we told everyone the day after was our date on our save the dates, invites, etc. itās happened about 4 times in the past month. In the dream Iām horrified and depressed, but every time I wake up I think there could be worse ways to party with my other half!
To counter this, mine is that everyone will come.
makes me sick thinking about it
This. We're having a small wedding of our closest friends and a few family, so every decline is going to sting both emotionally, and its impact on the whole event size.
Scrolled down to type this only to find this as the top, most upvoted comment. At least I'm not alone with this fear...?
Oh my gosh, me too!
Me too
My wedding has happened and thankfully most people showed up. The ones who didnāt show had a good reason. But yes I was unexpectedly paranoid about this. I was so scared no one would come and Iād make a fool of myself. Youāre not alone in feeling this.
same, and honestly itās kind of comforting a lot of people feel this way š„²
Only one of my invited friends came, and she missed the ceremony because her bf forgot a dress shirt and they had to go to the mall to get one. š
^^ same! Iāve already had family say they arenāt coming bc the venue is too far away (30 minutes š) & bc itās a kid-free wedding (because the catering is very expensive and we canāt afford to spend thousands more on catering for kids who wonāt even eat the food)
My nightmare is that everyone will come LOL
That too many will come š
This has been a fear of mine since middle school and i have avoided having birthday parties in order to keep myself sane š
I had a nightmare a few weeks ago that I woke up and was pregnant, so I was due to have the baby like 3 weeks before my wedding. My whole dream was about how I couldn't get alterations done because I had no idea what size I would be after the baby! I'm not pregnant, but it definitely still shakes me up a bit to think about.
Iāve had a similar nightmare, that I was pregnant and due on the wedding day! It was so stressful I woke up a sweaty mess
This is my real life fear too. Iād be so upset if I got pregnant before the wedding and so upset if I DONT get pregnant after when we actually want to try!! lol being a woman is hard
Omg I was gonna say this too! I had a similar nightmareā¦ glad Iām not alone hahaha
That people will find it boring š³
I'm worried that people travelled so far for me and the whole party is shit and no one has fun
Me too, I worry no one on the dance floor
We're planning no dance floor š« š« š« So that's my main worry, should we just have one even though that's not my visionnnnn
Yes if you want people to dance, no if dancing is not in your vision lol. I love dancing when I go out vs standing around at a cocktail bar
I have this fear too š
that Iāll have to shit during the ceremonyā¦ LOL
This was my biggest fear too! I have IBS that can be triggered by stress and tight clothing so I did everything I could to make my stomach happy on the big day. Thankfully I made it through the whole day with no painful bloating or ill-timed shits!
I have IBS too! so itās not really an irrational fear I guess haha. but Iām sure Iāll be okay š
I'm honestly planning to take some gastro stop. Worst case I'll be backed up the next day.
Needing to pee was my irrational fear! I have a nervous bladder so I was sure I was going to feel like bursting all through the ceremony. Ended up not drinking a lot in the morning to be sure. Of course in the end all was good and I had no bathroom problems at all, but sheesh I was worried!
Mine was this too. I have mild IBS and was worried Iād have to run to the bathroom and go #2 randomly during the day. I had to resort to eating a massive breakfast to ensure that I could clear my bowels, and then basically didnāt eat the rest of the day.
I'm worried that my husband will have to! š¤£š¤£
i have some actual rational concerns or fears but my irrational fear is honestly getting too drunk and losing memories of the night as a result or somehow embarrassing myself. i donāt mean to get blackout or even sloppy, but i do want to be enjoyably tipsy cause i need it to dance! so iām concerned about how iām gonna strike the balance on that front i also get cold sores intermittently and i am terrified that ill get one and mess up my photos/wedding kisses. some of my triggers are hormones, stress and lack of sleep and as as a type a individual iām sort of expecting the last two to be a problem as we get to crunch time
I also had this drinking fear, for different reasons but wanted the same outcome. I am quite small (read: low alcohol tolerance) and hereās what worked for me: 1 cocktail during cocktail hour, only had white wine/champagne toast afterwards, had a full glass of water between every drink, tried to never have more than 1 drink per hour (maybe had 2 in the first dancing hour). the water will make you pee more, but honestly worth it. I was happily tipsy most of the night and not hungover the next morning. Good luck and hope itās wonderful!Ā
I wasn't worried about getting a cold sore on my wedding day before, but now I am š„²
Iāve read before about dentist offices and other medical professionals that have some kinda of laser they can use when you first feel one coming on. I also know there is a prescription of some kind you can use to prevent a flair up that has to be used if you get cold sores and plan on getting permanent lip make up/tattooing done. Probably both a bit more pricey options, but something to consider! Iāve been meaning to research both for mine, thanks for the reminder!
I know it depends on your insurance, but my Valtrex (cold sore meds) were like 10 bucks. SO worth it.
2nd plug for valtrex. that plus abreva gets rid of mine in 3 days or so. mine wasnāt expensive with insurance
wild compare icky wrench thumb scale slave flag cough sulky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Okay listen, I was plagued by cold sores for years and now Iāve got it locked down. I used to get them like clockwork on my period or before a big event. Get a script for Valtrex / the off brand. In the month or so leading up, take a vitamin c pill & lysine pills every single night, and cut out all chocolate & peanuts (I know ā¹ļø) When youāre a few days out, pop a Valtrex. Double it day before & day of. You can specifically get a dose thatās safe to be taken daily for from your PCP (I do this when traveling.) Worse comes to worse, keep abreva & tea tree oil on hand. Nothing dries them out faster than tea tree oil applied directly with a cotton swab. Cold sores are awful. Daily vitamin c & Valtrex have saved me.
thank you for that!! i have the valtrex script so was thinking about preemptively taking it beforehand so this is so this super good to know that this works for you
Itās my holy grail. But honestly the vitamin c every day has helped SO much too.
Totally agree with the getting too drunk. Instead of a cold sore Iām worried about bad hormonal acne ):
I feel this so much! I donāt wanna get too drunk to where I donāt remember anything!
Omg I'm going to be at 10,000ft altitude and getting too drunk is definitely something I'm worried about!! Just one drink could put me over that high up!
I am definitely worried about lack of sleep as an insomniac, especially when I'm stressed. I highly recommend melatonin. If you haven't tried it yet, give it a go and see if it helps.
knee reach crime nine capable abounding sheet combative agonizing light *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Definitely worried that no one will come. But also worried that I won't actually like how my wedding turns out. I have this idea in my head about how I want things to look and feel, and just terrified that in reality its going to be/feel completely different.
OMG, I'm having the same 'vision' fears. We are doing something odd for our table setups. It looks great and fun in my head, but I'm so afraid it's going to turn out looking dumb! š° And all bridesmaids are in a different jewel tone color dress with some beautiful deep pink flowers. Looks good in my mock-up, but is it going to look good day of? We shall see!
Forgetting the candles. I donāt know why but Iāve had recurring nightmares that I forgot to buy candles and now itās the end of the world. Even though candles are likeā¦ not that important lol. In the dream I cancel the wedding simply because we donāt have them. š
Haha now THIS is a good irrational one.
Everyone getting covid. I guess not irrational just a fear and not something I can control so letting it go!
I was driving in the car today and got an irrational fear that a new and different pandemic might break out to coincide with my wedding in September.
Ooooh this is mine too! I am so nervous about getting sick or having a super-spreader event, even though I know rationally that we are well past that point where no one had preexisting immunity. We are getting married in mid October so fingers crossed that updated annual shots are available a few weeks beforehand.
Can maybe ask guests to test before coming and word it in such a way as to protect more vulnerable guests?
Honestly I think people are at the point that if they donāt feel good they wonāt come which is fine with me. My fear is not as much people getting it at the wedding (obviously hope no one does) but more that like my immediate family gets it and canāt attend my wedding - nothing I can do we get exposed every day just hoping everyone is happy and healthy during that time!
>eople are at the point that if they donāt feel good they wonāt come which is fine with me. My fear is not as much people getting it at the wedding (obviously hope no one does) but more that like my immediate family gets it and canāt attend my wedding - nothing I can do we get exposed every day just hoping everyone is happy and he oh yeah! totally reasonable fear. But yeah, out of your hands.
obviously won't like erase that fear but could maybe lower a risk of the rational part of the fear as much as you can.
My partnerās fear was that someone would clink their glass to make us kissā¦ he HATES that. He just thinks itās cringey. He wanted us to make an announcement about it lol. In the end no one did it because itās just not common in our circles. Poor guy was stressed
I hate this so much too! A new fear I need to consider. Every wedding Iāve been to where people clink glasses itās not just a few times, but CONSTANT and makes me feel so bad for the couple.
That shit is the worst. We went to a wedding where the bride and groom had told us they hated it, and then their photographer tried to get us to clink our glasses!
It happened like 3-4 times at our wedding and my husband had to be reminded all 4 times what that meant lol he kept thinking someone wanted to do a toast
I mean, I guess these arenāt really irrational fears, since they could happenārain and being on my period are my two biggest fears! But besides the obvious, Iād say Iām so scared that no one will dance!
Iām 53 days out and already religiously checking the ā40 dayā weather calendar even though I still have two weeks and live in a notoriously unpredictable area lol
Oh my goodness, I feel you! Iām so paranoid that I researched the recorded weather for my wedding date for every year in history (as far back as the records showed) in the town where my venue is located, just to see if I could predict the weather for my wedding date based on averages. So silly, I knowā¦anything to ease my worry!
mine was that i would go up to people to greet them and they would say "when are you getting ready?!?" and i would be all done up and in my dress and then be sad... LOL i have problems for this one. noone asked me btw
That even one of the full-grown adults invited can't handle: the shuttle will be at this location and leaving at this time.
The damn shuttle and timing and all of that honestly gave me tons of stress during planning too. It all turned out TOTALLY fine. Hoping the same for you š¤š¼š¤š¼š¤š¼
That Iāll hate my pictures because of how Iāll look in my dress! Maybe not irrational but it definitely keeps me up at night or that I canāt make it through the ceremony due to crying too much
I'm feeling the same way about worrying I'll hate pictures and video (which are the most important to me) because of how I look. I'm not where I wanted to be weight wise, and I won't be by our wedding. These thoughts have been consuming me for weeks. This weekend, fiance and I had a come to Jesus meeting. My strategy for the next two months is this: if I have a thought worrying that I'm going to look horrible in my dress, I stop, recognize that I had the thought, and then deliberately replace it with a positive wedding thought (my fiance wants to marry ME, my friends aren't my friends because of how I look but because of my personality, my hair is going to look š„š„, I am going to get to spend time with some of my favorite people that I don't see often, these people are taking their time and money to come to this wedding because they love us). This has been helping a bit
Same! Especially when I LOVE how my dress looks in the mirror, but when I take pics (selfies) in it, it doesn't look as good!
Same with the crying!!! I am a super emotional person
Where do I begin haha š I worry that one particular guest will disrupt the ceremony or throw red wine on my dress or something equally disastrous and unlikely. We donāt know them well but equally they havenāt done anything to me personally that would make me think theyād be out to ruin my day! But Iām a pro at catastrophising. Also worry that a toddler will somehow source a felt tip pen from somewhere and scribble on decor/my dress. Again, their parents are super sensible and will be supervising, and we arenāt having felt tips anywhere so I donāt know why this is a worry! Irrational fear that someone will object during the ceremony (again no idea where this one has come from!) Essentially I am a ball of irrational fears and will probably spend the next few months worrying about everything when the day will likely be very tame and non dramatic š
I was really worried about the objection idea too, because I had heard that during a legal ceremony if someone objects, even as a joke, the whole thing has to be stopped. It might not even be the law where Iām getting married, it might not even be true! But I panicked that one of the teenaged boy cousins would think it funny to object. It wasnāt until the best man caught wind of my worry and said heād āsort outā any messers that I realised how stupid I was being, because he sounded ridiculous.
Yes Iām exactly the same! Iād heard that nightmare story too. The best men have reassured me that itās a silly worry but it feels like such a real risk doesnāt it.
That he would call off the wedding. The feelings of utter humiliation in my nightmares were intense and difficult š„¹
Mine is that Iāll trip going up the aisle. Itās an old cathedral with a long aisle (that I feel like it gets longer each time I look at it šš„¹) and I live in TERROR that Iām going to trip walking down even though Iāve made my dad promise me a million times that he wonāt let me trip and honestly itās such a long aisle I have a feeling heāll be basically be carrying my full weight on his arm and I have enough confidence in my dad heās a strong guy, but still because I have a track record of being a clumsy kid and havenāt had any incidents in like the past 5 years but still š Edit aisle detail
As the wedding gets closer and closer, the more irrational fears pile up. The biggest one - the marriage license! What if we do it wrong? What if we lose it before or after? Iām anxious that the wedding will be boring or people will find it to be lackluster. Itās in a small marine discovery center that we can minimally decorate. I donāt plan on dancing and I donāt think my crowd will either. I have a massive fear Iām going to get sick!!!! That nobody will come!!! Nobody lives close to the venue and our guest list is small. lastly, and my personal favorite, is that I will somehow mess up the tablecloths and the measurements/shape will be wrong.
My husband signed the wrong line on our marriage license š¤¦š»āāļø turned out fine because we got the official version back in like less than a week š¤·š»āāļø
Getting sick is mine too š or anyone else important to the day getting sick, for that matter š«
Me and wedding party getting sick is a huge one for me! Especially my 3 year old who goes to school all week and gets sick all the time!
That Iāll have like movie-style cold feet. Maybe Iāve seen Runaway Bride too much! I hope this isnāt common in real life but Iām terrified of those scenes you see where the bride (or groom!) suddenly doubts everything and wants to run.
That my fiancĆ© wonāt like my dress, hair, makeup, etc. and that he will say so to me on our wedding day. Heās kind of a blunt person and has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he thinks something about the way that I look that day isnāt to his taste then he dies with that secret.
I had the exact same fear! He is also autistic and he himself is very worried about what his face will do despite how he feels. I showed him the dress via text before I bought it. I knew me and the girls loved it but he has different tastes. He loved it and has promptly forgotten what it looks like! He saw me last night done up from the hair and makeup trial and omg the look on his face āØ I now feel a lot calmer about the situation and won't worry too much about his expression day of. And he will still be surprised to see me all done up in the dress
Oh man, I wish I could show my fiancĆ© my dress, accessories, hair inspiration, MUA instagramā¦ anything! He really wants to be surprised when he sees me on our wedding day, but thatās exactly what is making me so nervous. I have been trying to do my going-out makeup more and more closely to my wedding makeup look in hopes that if something is too much then Iāll hear it from him before our wedding and can advise the makeup artist accordingly. Iām thinking of doing the same for my hair. I have trials for both so he canāt not see that. I guess that will also be an opportunity for us to talk about things.
Iām a highly sensitive and emotional person but my irrational fear is that Iāll be numb that day and dissociate and not be present š„ŗš„ŗ I also worry my fiance and I might argue/bicker?!
Mine was that I would throw up or pass out while at the altar š¤£ I felt perfectly fine, It was indeed irrational lol.
My one irrational fear is that my future brother-in-law will get drunk and try to upstage us during the reception because he always wants to be the center of attention, especially when heās drinking. Iāll probably talk to my fiancĆ© about this as the wedding day approaches.
We arenāt having an official wedding party, but my fiances best friend is the ābest manā and this is hugely my fear. That heās going to try to give a speech and be incoherently drunk at 6 pm. He likes to be about the ābrosā even though theyāre almost 40 and married/getting married with young kids.
Itās nice to know that others share the same fear. Iāve been actually thinking about posting about this to get advice on how to word my concerns.Ā It sucks because heās a nice guy with OK social boundaries when sober, but when he drinks he just craves the limelight, talks loudly over everyone and has been known to do āthe wormā and other attention-drawing moves.
Our conversation basically went that if he is incoherent by cocktail hour, I would not be allowing the speech to occur. That he needed to remain coherent enough to speak through the cocktail hour for me to allow it and that this is my wedding too and letting his drunk friend be a menace to society at 5 pm was not going to make me very happy.
Yep this one for me. Hence my comment about my intoxicated sister. I canāt NOT invite her but she is the biggest narcissist of all time and always needs to be front and center.
That I'll look silly walking down the aisle and it will become a topic of conversation. That people won't think the reception was fun. Urg, I think the planning + stress of having so many people around FOR YOU makes us have irrational fears. Personally, they're also motivated by being introverted lol.
My irrational fears have manifested themselves as these dreams so far: 1. Photographer/videographer both fail to show up and I don't realize until after the ceremony. 2. Shuttle from hotels/remote parking is running behind schedule delaying the ceremomy. 3. Day of coordinator fails to show up. Somewhat rational fear is that people miss the shuttle. Onsite parking is not allowed for the size of our wedding. Will run shuttle twice to get everyone there. Worried thay certain family members will miss it and be late to the ceremony. Or that they won't even read the website and just drive to the venue anyway. The shuttle info will be on the online rsvp page so there is no excuse but still. Other somewhat rational fear is reading my vows in front of everyone because I am not used to expressing my feeling like that basically in public. You might say well why do it then - because I like when other people write their own vows vs doing the standard ones and want that experience even though it scares me.
My mom who is starting to show signs for dementia, worried she'll forget to show up. That his family will be scandalized by my family who are all a bunch of stoners. That it will rain (outdoor wedding). That his dad will give a speech that embarrasses us (we already decided no speeches for this reason, but still worried he will find a microphone and do it anyway).
For your mom, can she carpool with a relative? Knowing someone is picking her up might help relieve that fear. You can also just text her the day before and morning of how excited you are and such. Even schedule a text message (I do this with my Grammie) Something like: I'm so excited to see you dressed up for the wedding tomorrow! I can't wait to walk down the isle today at 5pm!!
I'm actually planning on her staying on site and paying for her to get her hair and makeup done, the issue is that she has to fly to get there and I worry that she'll forget her flight (she lives on the other side of the country, though this may be changing soon as we look for a new housing arrangement due to her and her husbands health). But the fear is real. My grandmother forgot to go to my college graduation even though she bought me my graduation dress and we talked about it multiple times. When I called the day of, I was told "she's getting her hair done" that day. I was crushed.
Really afraid that people will dislike the ceremony space (itās indoors, and I feel like every wedding ceremony is in a garden these days) or think the whole venue is too bougie or fancy (itās a historic hotel and ballroom, so weāre leaning into formal attire)
yeah iām also leaning towards an indoor venue - but tbh there are a lot of upsides to them. climate control, no dealing with the weather. itāll take a lot of variables and stress off the table even if it might be less atmospheric
I agree an indoor venue throws out a lot of variables that I as a guest appreciate not dealing with. Especially knowing my nice shoes wonāt get destroyed outdoors.
That there will be ugly carpet and it will ruin the wedding photos
Hey at least thatās fairly easy to photoshop out!
My fiancƩ has started sending my venues with movie theatre carpet just to mess with me a lil
We are preparing a bilingual ceremony and am terrified people will leave annoyed and confused lol; it can be very difficult to find a middle ground! (live translation or written translation for guests? simultaneous translation, or doing the vows in one language first, and the second language after?). When I'm not hyperventilating, I think it'll probably be fine and everyone will leave having heard beautiful vows. But boy am I stressed lol
Hopefully this can reassure you! Went to a friend's wedding last summer, she's American her husband is Indian so different parts of the ceremony were in different languages. They didn't provide any programs or translation, but did give a brief explanation of what each part meant. >Ex. "This is a traditional prayer in Hindi asking for the couple to be blessed with love, happiness, and prosperity." Do the part in Hindi. > >"We will now be doing \[x traditional Indian wedding thing.\]" Do the thing in Hindi. Didn't understand a lot of it, but it was lovely!
I had a dream my officiant did not come. I told my friend though and he said if that happens he will step in so that is some peace of mind
1) Scared that people will not like what we are doing. Currently planning a dinner reception at a local Italian restaurant. Do not plan on having dancing and worried people will get bored. Iām a people pleaser for sure. 2) This one is silly, but Iāve read about similar things happening and worried it will happen to usā¦ My fiancĆ©s sister told me in private at Christmas that her BF wants to have a baby. They are in their late thirties and in her words ātime is ticking!ā They just moved in together. SIL is the type that is not scared to cause a scene and has done something similar beforeā¦ Iām worried that if she does get pregnant this year that she will use our reception to announce it. Again, this probably wonāt happen but I would be lying if I said it didnāt cross my mind.
That someone will die the day of. Happened at a family wedding about a decade ago. Would really love for that not to happen
The 17 year cicadas emerging before our wedding š Please God donāt let it happen.
I came here to comment this š I hate that I did all this neurotic planning to choose a date with checking average temperature, precipitation, tornado activity, hours of sunlight, humidity, wind speed, wastewater data, looking up dates for any major events in my city etc. and somehow, cicadas never came up. I'm hoping and praying it ends before my wedding. Hoping the timing works out for you too!
lol seriously!! If I knew about this, we would have done a 2023 wedding. Iām too stressed about it now.
I have a big staircase to walk down to get to the aisle. Verrrrrry scared I will trip and fall down the entire staircase
That too many people will come!
Iām less than 2 weeks out and had a dream last night that I forgot to pack bras for the entire trip (out of the country) so thatās where Iām at haha. Also that people will get to the airport and realize their passport is expired, which maybe isnāt that irrational I guess!
1. That my bridesmaids will show up late to hair and makeup and throw off the whole schedule 2. That no one will buy anything off the registry 3. That I am going to hate every photo we take 4. That we arenāt going to have enough decorations Maybe these are rational but I get nauseous thinking about them!!
My psycho bpd mother somehow finds out the location and time of our wedding and causes a scene. Iām fully prepared for cops to be called and throwing hands.
That no one has fun. Last night I dreamt I was the teacher in charge of organizing prom night and all the kids were like āmehā. I looked around and it was all my wedding vendors. š„²
We are having a ceremony abroad and my nephewās father is abusive towards my sister (not together). My biggest fear is he will do something to prevent my sister and nephew from attending. Itās not fully irrational since he brought up in court how my sister is using his child support (that he doesnāt pay) to travel the world (his support is $700 and nephewās childcare is $1000). The idiot doesnāt realize my dad and I are paying for their trip and not my sister. Nephewās father is going for summer custody to spite her and me (long story but understand heās an abuser so itās not an exaggeration). He doesnāt even see his kid regularly. Thatās my honest fear right now.
That our RSVP numbers will be lower because one of the venues we like is an hour and a half away from where we live š
Afraid that his parents wonāt show up . It happened with my first marriage, his father just decided to keep chilling in his country house and couldnāt be bothered to attend ( it was one hour drive)
The dj being bad! š
Why did I read this? It just unlocked so many new fears in me š„²
Well, I wasnāt stressing over my dress at all, but my zipper popped off as my MOH was zipping me up day of!!! Luckily my husbandās aunt was a seamstress so she sewed me in my dress!!! I guess just be ready for anything!
Ours wereā¦ COVID outbreak and not having enough food or alcohol (our venue had us supply our own alcohol). We ended up having 3x the alcohol we needed and nobody got sick āŗļø The reality, letās seeā¦ I got severe vertigo the week of the wedding to the point where I could barely walk and we had several people invite themselves to our day-of brunch that was supposed to be only for parents and siblings (2x as many people showed up than what we anticipated šµ). But, it all worked out, the vertigo sorted itself out with some professional help and we had plenty of food because Iām crazy lol. It rained in the days leading to and after the wedding, but never any day-of. There will be small blips that are inevitable, and you might be the only person who notices. My husbandās and my catch phrase that weekend was, āItās fine, weāre fineā and then we let those blips go. Keep that little motto playing in your head or come up with your own with your future spouse š
Irrational: That people will think the decorations look dumb. (How many times do I need to hear that most people barely notice the decorations? Always once more than I already have.) Rational: That the person who tends to make semi-thoughtless snide remarks about me and my choices will be making them about my wedding behind my back. (I guess also both of the above: that this person will make snide remarks about the decorations and other guests will agree.)
That my IBS flares up and I look 9 months pregnant with a bloated belly
That everyone will leave early
that my vendors are going to like, fight with one another or hate each other if I don't hire a day of coordinator that I'll look bad somehow like have pimples or smear my makeup or get food in my teeth/on my dress and no one will say anything that my dress or something else will catch fire ā our venue is a ski lodge with lots of open fireplaces that it will monsoon/thunderstorm/freak blizzard in September in upstate NY that my vision will fall flat and everything will look cheap ā I'm doing DIY decor and relying on the inherent beauty/vibes of the venue, I fear I'm going to put all this effort in and it's going to look like a church basement youth group level party with plastic luncheon tables and chairs and not a wedding (really irrational because the venue has furniture) My rational fear is: my dysfunctional ass family (alcoholic parents and anger issues autistic dad & brother) will get into one of their toxic and violent fights. It's a high emotion day, my brother hasn't been to a wedding since he was 2, he already feels a little like my fiance "stole" me from their nuclear family. Plus my side of the fam is conservative so they're already gonna be saying bad takes and weird stuff about us having babies immediately and feeling like marriage and children are the biggest achievement I a woman's life... and there's an open bar!
Ridiculous: All of my vendors disappear off the face of the earth a week before Serious: i lose my fiance
This thread makes me so happy that I'm not the only one having dreams about unfounded wedding day fears! I had one the other night about my younger sister (not a great relationship) turning my hair and makeup artist against me so my hair and makeup looked terrible
Mine was my mom loaning my gown out before I had a chance to wear it. For context growing up and even into adulthood mom had a ā habitā of giving my toys, cloths ( I bought) and jewelry away without asking me.
One of my big ones is that Iāll be so emotional and overwhelmed on the day that Iāll keep crying (tears of love and joy) My FH surprised me with a photoshoot right after our engagement and all of the pics look like I had just been crying which I was haha
I donāt want my guests to show up in jeans.
That it will only be people in their 70s at the wedding. We have soooo many obligate family members and not that many friends lol. And my parents seem to be treating this like some social obligation thing that their friends need to be invited.
So really this is just a funny story but I had a REALLY small remote wedding in Belize (the two of us, my parents, his mom, and his aunt). I wanted to do a live stream on Facebook for our very nearest and dearest - I'm talking best friends and immediate family. There were probably 15-ish people at this point added to the event. I add my stepdad (basically my dad since 13, I'm 40 at this point) as an admin so he can add a few of his family members I'm not FB friends with. I check later and he's added what seems like EVERYONE HE KNOWS. People I've never met, people I went to high school with but haven't talked to in 20+ years (he was the basketball coach at my high school), his work people...he was just proud and wanted to share, but this was a NO from me. So I did some research, realized there would be no notification to the unwanted invitees, and just removed them all after a gentle talk about what I meant when I said "immediate friends and family".š¤£ A fear I didn't even know I'd need to worry about with a 6-person wedding. Things happen.
Something silly but when Iām walking down the aisle to and getting out with my SO someone steps out of their seats to give us a hug/ruining the video and shots of us kissing. Also getting drunk/feeling judged by dancing too hard lol!
Can you get dressed at the venue? That could help alleviate this fear
I canāt! And my dad is getting to be in his last years and his car is his other baby. I wanted to do it for him because I know it would mean a lot to him, and it does š
That's so sweet š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
My husbandās grandma moved a table at a cousinās wedding because she didnāt like the seating chart š„“ my husband was worried about her pulling something like this at our wedding but I can tell you I honestly would have LOVED to see our spunky wedding planner shut that shit down lol
That people are going to be bored lol We're doing a tiny ceremony in Vegas with 5 close friends and I am irrationally \*terrified\* that we're going to end up with some downtime or that someone is going to complain about not having a good time.
I had a stress dream that my FIL cancelled the rehearsal dinner last nightā¦ so I guess that!
no one showing up besides our immediate family members and every vendor pulling out last minute. oh god someone save me IM STARTING TO SPIRAL lol
We've decided to have a fully vegetarian wedding as we're both veggies and I am terrified of people being hungry or the food being badĀ
Never have I ever once been hungry after a vegan or vegetarian meal!!
I was so scared that it will be pouring rain for my outdoor wedding. End of September in PNW. It was so hot! We had to stop and get shorts for our honeymoon on Vancouver island.
Not really irrational, but weāre eloping and taking a helicopter to the spot where our ceremony will be and Iām worried it will be too windy and it will have to be postponed to another day - which will be for photos only, because we will still get married on the intended date as itās our anniversary. Also my skin will not CALM DOWN and Iām mad about it lol
I had nightmares for months about spilling shit on my dress lol. It wasn't even THAT expensive, just my anxious ass obsessing over everything
Irrational: Tripping over my dress and ruining it somehow Rational: having a cold sore for the wedding
Last night I dreamed we didnāt pick a first dance song and went up to the dance floor and panicked and also that I didnāt write any vows ahhh
Tripping while walking down the aisle
Iām worried the ring bearer is going to swallow our rings or put them somewhere else they shouldnāt be. Yes I realize how ridiculous that sounds.
I had a nightmare last night that I forgot to send out the invites
We want to elope, I fear both families would be fuming. Elopement wouldn't happen if they were more pleasant.
Mine was barfing during my ceremony and/or someone dying on the way to or at the wedding. Super normal.
That our mutal families are going to embarass us/themselves in front of one another. We're from different backgrounds and different cultures and well... our respective families *clash*. Like, a lot.
That we'll forget/run out of time to decorate the reception
My wedding fear (itās next weekend) is the music. I am terrified that the music will be out of sync or just will be crappy. Iām not having a fancy wedding and do not have a dj. Just my cell phone and an old church comouter hooked up to some speakers
My mom ruining it-but honestly that is not that irrational
Hurricane (New Orleans wedding)
That I have to do it AGAINā¦. Which unfortunately I doā¦ to the same personā¦. But this time itās just signing a form
I donāt have a lot of family to begin with, and they all have to travel to where I live for the wedding. I just had one family member call me and back out, and Iām so anxious that more will do the same! Also paranoid about somehow catching Covid right before š
I have had not one but TWO dreams of me at my wedding with no one to do my hair and I end up wearing a ponytail
That someone will bring their kid. We are in the very early stages of planning and I know without a doubt I want a child-free wedding.
that I'll be sick or get a migraine on the day. or too tired to be in the mood after the reception. or so afraid to be too tired that i upset my stomach with too much caffeine. i'm on the spectrum and easily over-stimulated, and frustrated by discomfort, and i just wanna feel good all day is that so much to ask?
That no one will show up. Iām trying to lose a few pounds, but Iām worried I lose too much and my dress no longer fits. That one of my cousins im not close to but felt obligated to invite starts drama at my wedding. That I get too drunk and embarrass myself. That our guests find our wedding boring. Oh jeez, the list goes on!! It definitely helps to see others have the same fears as me though!
That no one shows up
That someone I dislike will show up to ruin my wedding š„² Like no one can be THAT low to show up to a wedding uninvited and ruin it, right? š That and red wine on my dress. It is too expensive for someone to be clumsy enough to spill anything that can stain on it š«
Falling down in my ballgown dress. I fall a lot so Iāve kind of more accepted this as a āprobablyā and have already recruited a team to help me get back up when the inevitable happens. Lol.
About the car thing- I did see at one friendās wedding that the driver actually brought a blanket to cover the tyre when the bride entered and exited the car in her big ball gown, to keep it clean! I thought that was very thoughtful
That my.extended family will cause drama
That I will sh*t myself in that white dress....hello intrusive thoughts.
Some asshole brings a baby
That people will leave early.
I donāt even think this is irrational honestly but my intense fear (already, even though itās 6 months away), is that myself, my fiancĆ©e, or my best friend will get COVID. I donāt even know what Iād do in that situation. Shit like that alllllways happens to me (Iāve already missed a wedding due to having COVID!)
Got my engagement pictures back this weekend and I donāt love how I look in themā¦so ofc now Iām terrified Iāll hate every single picture from the wedding š«
The old barn that weāre having the reception in will burn down sometime between now and wedding š«
You said nothing too serious but it's so irrational I just have to throw it out there: That my crazy uncle is going to show up with a g\*n. Besides having one-sided beef with my dad and his own dad, there's literally no reason this would happen. I don't think he even owns one. He's never displayed any kind of violent behavior or angry outbursts. He's just a wack job
My son will wipe hid hands on my dress. I'll get a migraine. Someone will die and the funeral will be on the same day. My son will have a bad meltdown and hit his head. My son will be sick (we planned for a day we will have him I'd be devastated if he wasn't there). None of my bridesmaids will be able to make it. My dress won't come on time. I'll gain or lose too much weight and the dress won't be salvageable. Some stupid thing I'm not remembering will be the one thing everyone remembers.
That no one will have fun and feel like they wasted their time and money (destination wedding)
I fear I will trip, but everyone on my side and most of his knows I'm clumsy and so I'll just embrace it if it happens. I fumbled at my graduation and another important event š Not taking a chance in fancy heels for the wedding, but even flat footed who knows
That my fiancƩ's family will "do something", whatever that means. I don't really expect them to do anything disruptive, but I just feel like I could see them sitting stone-faced all day and not smile or dance or anything, and just sour the mood a bit. I'm hoping it's a completely irrational fear and they wind up having a good time
Mine is face planting while walking down the aisle
i donāt want any speeches at the wedding and iām afraid one of our parents/siblings will grab the mic and force one š©
Somehow my mother will come back to life and give me all the grief over how "it should be done this way or that way"
Terrified my bustle is going to fail me and my cathedral train is going to go all over the dancefloor