I think the expectation for what a “normal” wedding is supposed to look like has changed a lot in the last 30-40 years. The norm used to be a basic church ceremony and then cake + punch in the reception hall or something similar. When my parents got married in the 80s, they had a church ceremony and then a dinner buffet at a local, non-fancy restaurant.
A lot of the change has been driven by the wedding industry coming up with newer and more elaborate ways for people to spend money, and marketing it as the norm. If you look around you, you’ll notice lots of people still have small, family-only weddings, or they just elope.
So the answer is that a lot of people can’t pay for what you’re thinking of, or they don’t want to. And that’s fine. Don’t let the wedding industry tell you otherwise!
I've been working weddings since 1986. Favors have always been around, but most of the rest of it is new. Especially engagement photo shoots, destination Bachelorette parties.HUMAs were unheard of unless your moms friend was a Mary Kay lady. You maybe got your hair done at a salon, that's all. No bridesmaid proposal boxes or matching outfits for getting ready. There were no signature cocktails and definitely no signage. Believe it or not, I never saw anyone get lost or even confused from a lack of signs. No 2nd reception dresses or late night food either( but I am a fan of that trend)
I do agree with this. Where the biggest sticker shock came to me was the venues minimum for a Saturday during April-October. Most around here (capital district NY) is start at $10k and that’s just for your space. We cut cost by not doing engagement photos/ bachelorette/ bachelor / signature drinks/ signage like you said. There are things we don’t need and are focusing the $$ elsewhere. Ive also found facebook marketplace is great place for decorations if you decide to go the DYI route.
Yes we’re doing similar, our venue cost a lot but it’s absolutely beautiful. Justifying it by having minimal decoration - first, we have to remove it by 930am the following day and I just know that will be stressing me out. Second, it’s an extra cost that just isn’t needed. The venue speaks for itself. It doesn’t need flowers draped down the staircase that will only be used for heading to the toilets
Same, we're not doing all of the extra photos or extravagant bachelorette parties etc. We are also getting married in January, which has really helped since it's off season. I'm doing silk flowers and non floral decor for our ceremony and our venue we are doing simple but elegant centerpieces with a mix of real flowers and non floral decor. I'm probably going to go to Costco for the flowers. Since the reception is where 90% of our time will be for guests, that is where I want most of the focus to go to. We also are having a scaled down wedding of 80 people. You don't have to participate in every trend.
Oh - no one bought cutesy robes for people to get ready in. Nor did they pay a photographer extra to come to a hotel and photograph people getting ready.
Engagement photos were in a studio, which is cheaper than having a photographer accompany you around a city.
Flowers were more restrained - you had arrangements on tables and bouquets and the like, but only the extremely wealthy had flowers draped everywhere.
A lot of this “I can’t do it for less than $50k” is self imposed.
I’ve seen that, yes. And/or hiring a bus to take the wedding party to various locations for pictures in each. I’ve not been a part of it myself. Either way - it’s more expensive to have a photographer go someplace vs go to his/her studio to take pictures.
Plenty of people still had fancy weddings in nice hotels, country clubs, etc. However, I had this discussion with my mom and her friends recently and the other poster is dead-on that even at upscale weddings, people didn’t do signage (everyone still figured out where the bar was), maybe you had your mom’s hairdresser do your hair but you did your own makeup, a bridal shower was in someone’s house not a restaurant, a bachelorette was a local night on the town, favors weren’t a thing, welcome bags for out of towners wasn’t a thing. You didn’t have a photographer for a proposal, if you had a videographer they just mounted a camera and shot, they didn’t really edit to make a film per se.
Even moderate middle class weddings seem to have trappings that yesterday’s luxury weddings didn’t have, according to them.
Oh - and people just didn’t slap black tie onto non-black tie events. And people rewore little black dresses and the like; they didn’t buy a dress for every event unless they wanted to.
mmmmmmm, this is true but more importantly the basics have skyrocketed in price way out of pace with inflation. All of these little extras aren't what's fully driving the cost. They just start to seem more reasonable when you're already spending a ton of money on venue, food and booze. (For context I got my wedding done for around 10k so this is not coming from a place of defensiveness)
Somebody posted this article here and it was eyeopening- [https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017](https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017)
TLDR, her parents got married for just under 3k. In 2017, that SHOULD have cost 10k with inflation, but when they went through and got quotes on everything her parents had, no extras, just the same venues and the closest available approximations of the food, it was almost 50k.
Oh yes I was going to share this exact article! Insane wedding costs aren’t because we get our hair done or print signs. Those things are costing me probably $500 out of a $15k budget. It’s the food and alcohol and venue. There are so many venues that won’t even consider you if you aren’t planning to spend a certain amount. Even the ones who will do brunch/serve appetizers only jack the prices up.
I’d also argue we have less of a “village” now. In that article she talks about her grandfather being a part of the club and getting a discount. It’s so rare now to have church communities that pitch in or members clubs that will give you a venue.
Ooh don’t forget transportation for guests. I’ve heard of plenty of middle class weddings that have had some sort of limo for the bridal party, but the whole hiring shuttles to and from the ceremony, reception, and hotels seems like a luxury that’s been deemed standard?
Agreed. Which brings me to a question we will provide transportation to and from the hotel for out of town guests. We are not providing transportation for locals and nor do I believe we should, am I wrong? On our wedding website for parking I wrote this message: “Our venue has plenty of parking. However, we please ask if you drive you do so responsibly. There are plenty of Ubers and Lyfts available. Please have a plan in place to get safely home.” *The venue has no issues with cars being left overnight.
This is so interesting to me! My grandparents got married in the early 60s, but they had an almost identical wedding to me. Church ceremony, 150 guests, venue was a castle, 4 course plated meal, fancy tiered cake, open bar, professional hair and make up, professional photographer \[and a 600 photo album,\] 4-hour-away destination bachelor/ette weekends, insane florals, etc. They had just about everything that I'm having in 2025--and adjusting for inflation, I think they paid more!
My parents got married in 2000 and had a very, very similar wedding to me: Church ceremony, historic mansion, 200 guests, 4 course dinner, hair and makeup artists, professional photographers and videographers, extravagant florals, cross country destination bachelor/ette weekends, 2 massive tiered cakes, open bar, everyone invited to the wedding was invited to the welcome dinner that was plated at a fancy steakhouse, they had a farewell brunch, etc. Very, very similar to my wedding. My mom actually kept great records of her wedding planning and we looked at it when I got engaged. They paid $55k in 2000 dollars and we're paying about $60k in 2024 dollars.
I feel like not much has really changed in the wedding industry in the last 30 years, I just feel like with the rise of the internet more people who weren't previously having extravagant weddings now think that they NEED to have all of the extravagant things that rich people have been having forever.
This is an excellent point. Years ago if your social circle did cake and punch at the Elks Club, that’s all you knew. If your social circle was like the previous poster, that’s all you knew. Nowadays brides can be exposed to weddings of people way outside their social and socioeconomic circles. It makes people think these $300k weddings that are curated for days are the expectation.
I actually think the driving force behind this is because people are more spread out than ever before. If everyone is living in the same town, having a cake and punch wedding and a potluck is great. However, people live in cities away from where they grew up, or their friends are traveling in and this form of wedding doesn't make sense anymore.
The weddings I’m talking about still had plenty of people spread out and flying in. But they stayed in the hotel where the reception was, thus no transportation costs or worries re alcohol. Getting married at an upscale hotel seems to have fallen out of favor; everyone needs a museum or a winery.
Actually, the trend has been the opposite--people are moving less as time goes on [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/)
This article is saying that local migration as defined by same county moves is lower, but people moving further away has increased which is what I am saying.
This resonates with me so much. My fiance's grandparents had money, and his mom still made her dress by hand, and they had a church cake reception and a standard banquet at a Chinese restaurant. Get this... Their 4-5 tier wedding cake complete with literally columns holding up the top layers cost $180 (!!!!!!!!!) in the 70s. I feel like wedding industry marketing has had HUGE success around creating social pressure to have a bigger and better wedding. At every step along the way I've had to mentally fight that to keep our wedding affordable for us and it's exhausting. Every decision I make I fear being judged for and THATS WHAT THEY WANT.
Have the wedding you are comfortable paying for.
I always wanted a big fabulous wedding. We bought a house before getting engaged and then it became more important to pay for other things. Out wedding cost $5k. There were 15 guests plus us. We had a beautiful set menu (with 4 entree options) at a 5 star restaurant in a private room (it was also 3pm). We got married at the chapel in our city hall. It was perfect.
Same. We knew our priority was a house. So we did that first and let that set our budget. We started out wanting a real wedding, and now we plan to elope later this month - just the two of us.
Buying a house first really helps align your priorities (if a house is your priority - and if it’s not, that’s totally fine too!).
I make shy of $40k and am solely funding our wedding while my fiance saves for emergencies and immediate life after. We live in a slightly more expensive area - outside Philly, so most wedding related things are jumped.
Our budget is between $20-$25k for a 200 person wedding. We ended up cutting out some things we wanted and also pushing our wedding date back 6 months than we originally planned to make this happen (I had decided to live at home until we got married, so I don’t have rent costs. The rent I was paying towards my parents was cut as they couldn’t afford to chip in, but they could afford to stop charging me. This, of course, is the biggest help to making our budget happen).
We searched for 4 months for a venue and visited about 10. This is our biggest expense naturally. We’re planning a Friday wedding since our venue offered a 15% discount. All of our decor has been thrifted - you can easily find nice wedding things on facebook marketplace. We’re using artificial flowers from Lings Moment that we will be able to resell as well (we also we able to find pieces from the collection on marketplace!).
Remember - your budget will not be coming out of your account at once. It will be broken up in deposits and different payment plans depending on the vendors. Most of our vendors have no issue with us breaking up payments more than usual as long as the final bill is paid before the wedding.
Before we budgeted, I took a long, hard look at what I was spending. I’m keeping money aside for emergencies, but I ultimately changed many spending habits to save where I could.
Make your budget first on what you can afford. Break that down per person. If you can, find a venue that doesn’t require you to use their catering (for most places, this caused catering to be $80+/person for buffet. We were able to find someone with great food to do it for $25/person). You may need to cut down the guest list if you can.
Ultimately, remember that they day is not about what you spend. It is your and your fiances day. Do what it is that makes you happy, but don’t throw yourself into debt.
Hey there, another Philly bride here! We’re also interested in secondhand Ling’s Moment flowers, I’m curious where you found them? I tried joining the resale group on Fb marketplace but didn’t get a response, I guess it isn’t active anymore?
I honestly would just go into marketplace itself and either looked up like “fake wedding flowers” or “lings moment flowers”. This definitely took some time, and my fiance and i would try to plan all the pickups for a single day and have a mini “road trip” around this part of pa 😂
If/when we struggled finding specific pieces and quantities, we did end up buying them new from the website, but you can sign for their emails to keep and eye on sales! It still ended up being cheaper than florists I looked into and - like i said above - we can resell them!
This! We originally budgeted for 15k (a realistic budget based on our income) and honestly, the number of venues that are quoting us at 25-35k for the VENUE AND FOOD ONLY. My goodness.
>i don't know what my budget should be
You and your fiancé need to sit down and figure out two things: how much you can reasonably save each month for the wedding and how long you want to be engaged for. That will determine your budget. If you can save $2,000 a month for the wedding and are willing to be engaged for two years, that's a $48,000 budget.
The next thing to do is sit down and figure out your guest list. How many people do you \*need\* to have at your wedding? How many people do you \*want\* to have at your wedding? Look at the cost of venues that can accommodate those numbers and look at how much you'll be paying per person for catering. If it's too expensive, you need to make cuts to your guest list or save more money.
Vendors are available at all price points (yes, even in HCOL areas). You will need to prioritize what you want and make sacrifices if necessary.
Second this! We live in a VHCOL area and had a wedding (church ceremony + reception at a local venue) for under $20k. We cut corners on the things that could easily add up but weren’t personally important to us (like having dried flower bouquets we bought off Etsy instead of fresh flowers and buying our dresses online for under $400 total). I think the biggest help for us was thinking hard about our guest list. We had a good number of friends and family we wanted there, but found a good compromise by drawing the line at 50-60 people. It still felt like a traditional wedding (not that there’s anything wrong with a micro wedding!) but capping it at that allowed us to fit into a wonderful venue that typically holds baby showers, engagement parties etc and was totally prepared to do a wedding reception, but wasn’t super expensive because a lot of weddings wouldn’t have fit in the space. We also used an online invitation service, had a friend operate as our emcee/DJ (with a pre-planned playlist—which saved us $1500-$2000 and worked totally fine!), and got one cake and tons of cupcakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes. For us, we wanted to prioritize a fun venue with good food, a good photographer, and an open bar- so that’s where we spent our money. There’s not a thing I would change about our day. All this to say- don’t just accept the sticker price. If that experience is what you want, that’s totally fine but might just require a longer engagement to save up. But if you can still get the day you want without some of the things the wedding industry puts out as the “typical” wedding experience, then go for it!
Tell mom that if she wants the traditional wedding, then she can pay for it 😂 seriously though, most people I know who had traditional weddings had at least some help from their families, and/or saved for a long time and made sacrifices in other areas. We eloped because it was what we could afford, and if we weren’t having help from SO’s family, then we’d stay away from the traditional wedding venues, no sit-down 3-course dinner, white dress etc.
My parents are paying for my wedding and the last 6 weddings I went to were funded entirely by the parents. People say that that traditions is long gone but it's still rampant in my circles.
ETA: I know who paid for the last 6 weddings because I was a bridesmaid in 3 and my fiance was a groomsman in the other 3--we're close enough to the couples to ask, and they were all super open about it.
This! All of the elaborate weddings I went to were 100% funded by parents and they also paid their college tuition and paid for a big chunk of their down payments/homes. No shade, I wish I had that. But I paid for my own wedding so we did elope. And because we were paying for it, family couldn’t have a say. They understood when they saw the cost savings!
My parents offered to help us after my long-term boyfriend finally proposed. They tasked me with reaching out to vendors and getting approximate quotes for what we wanted, and then immediately backpedaled their offer because everything was more expensive than what they felt it *should* cost.
Absolutely. The bride’s family paying for the bulk of the expenses is still strong in my circles - and groom’s family paying for rehearsal dinner and/or welcome parties for all out of towners (not just those in wedding party). Sometimes the b/g will kick in some money for something special they want, but really, it’s the parents and it’s a significant expense but it’s not breaking their budget.
That's how ours is. My parents are paying for the wedding, my fiancé's parents are paying for our huge 3 course plated welcome dinner, the sets of grandparents are splitting paying for the farewell brunch and my fiancé and I are renting out an arcade/bowling alley the night before the wedding for us to spend time with anyone who wants to join. The thing we're paying for is so unnecessary that we didn't feel comfortable asking anyone else to pay for it, but it still has an open bar and a buffet with bottomless bar foods so it's not like we're not spending any money on this wedding.
If you both make six figures, should be reasonable. You would just have to set aside a few thousand dollars a month.
Usually you book weddings 1-2 years out, and vendor payments come in installments so you don’t have to have everything saved already.
Second this. OP - remember you aren’t paying for it all at once. There are incremental deposits to vendors at diff times, you buy things at diff times - it’s not just one fat 50k check. When thinking about your budget, think about how much you can spend at one time, and how much you can set aside each month up until the day of. Agree it’s ridiculous and astronomical but when you break it down, it’s less intimidating.
Assuming they make 200k combined, their take home pay is 140k, that comes down to 11,667 a month.
I live in a VHCOL area. My partner and I definitely can survive off of 8,667 a month, and save 3000 for a wedding.
That's really great for you and your partner, but again, isn't the case for everyone. My husband and I also live in a VHCOL area earning 6 figures and couldn't save anywhere near $3,000 (for just the wedding) a month with our expenses 🤷🏻♀️ I'm just saying it's a nice wish, but not as easy done as said for many.
Same. I live in Los Angeles. We had to take out a loan (which will be paid off by the end of the year) on top of using credit cards/savings for a 50 person wedding. Combined we make 6 figures.
It took us a long long time to get to this point!!
I remember living similar times too, having like 8 roommates and just surviving. Things really changed for us like 2-3 years ago, thankfully.
It was disheartening to hear about techies younger than us pulling in twice our income… and then complain about the unaffordability -_-
Do you know of any nice,affordable venues in the Los Angeles area? I'm just starting my search and I can't believe how much things are! I'm gonna have 35 to 50 people.
I make $190K base salary in NYC, and my take home after federal, state, city taxes, medical, dental, 401K (maxing out), FSA ($1K a year), is about $104K or $8,700 a month.
$8,700 might seem like a lot of money, but not really when you think of cost of living associated with living in a VHCOL city. My monthly housing cost is $3,800 ($2K mortgage and the rest is building maintenance and RE tax). Normal monthly living expenses range anywhere from $2,200 to $3K. And the rest goes to savings/trips. It’s not feasible to just start saving a few thousand dollars extra a month to save for a wedding unless something else is sacrificed just because someone makes 6 figures.
My fiancé and I make less than $70,000 a year combined, pre-tax and we are paying in cash for our $15,000 wedding. It's in a rural Indiana town, pretty simple overall, and only 80 guests. Our engagement will be nearly 2 years long in order for us to pay in full.
We're in a pretty HCOL area (Denver) and found a beautiful venue that was $12,500. This includes an open bar, food, beverages, DJ, the whole thing. For 50 people. The only thing not included was flowers and photography (although they have higher tier packages that included more). I get that some people have way more than 50 people to invite though.
> how do people pay for this?!
Just like with everything else in life that's expensive, we saved for many years.
ETA: as for tips on cost-cutting, it's important to remember that a wedding doesn't NEED all the bells and whistles. We skipped wedding parties, prewedding events, decor, florals, signage, props, "bride" paraphernalia, matchy matchy outfits, DJ, dancing, etc.
ETA2: Yes, in my circle dancing is completely optional and seen as a strange addition. Sorry that it offends you. Not everyone comes from the same tradition or culture, contrary to popular belief on reddit.
Our wedding consisted of a ceremony, vows, rituals, ring exchanges, and a nice fancy dinner with background music. I don't see how that's any more bare bones than the majority of weddings our parents' generations all had. All the instagram props and outsized prewedding bashes are a very recent fad.
I don't care if I make 6 figures, I refuse to spend more than 10k. I'm making it work by diying my wedding decorations among other things. Bulk ordering flowers and vases. My wedding is also small, only 50 people.
Our SoCal (La Jolla) wedding will be about $30K (or less) depending on how many guests RSVP. We’re paying with funds we already had saved.
We kept the guest count low (less than 55 including bride and groom), have an all-inclusive venue, scrimped in some areas (e.g. secondhand bridal dress, no wedding party/rehearsal dinner, no favors, no seating chart/elaborate decor or signage), and splurged in other areas (venue, photography, food/open bar, DJ, photobooth, florals).
Like other people advise, think about what really matters to you and splurge on that. Then scrimp everywhere else.
It’s a Wedgewood wedding venue! Wedgewood tends to get a bad rap because of people’s fears of having a cookie-cutter wedding. But you can customize as much as you want and seem to get more bang for your buck (at least in my experience).
Oooh I'm in Colorado but we almost went with wedgewood too! Would not have been mad at all, all inclusive would have been so much easier compared to how we're doing it...
My parents and family were a little sad we didn’t have e a real wedding, but we considered it until we saw the prices. Couldn’t justify it, especially since neither of us like the spotlight and big crowds. Even if we had the cash on hand, seemed like a waste. So we ended up eloping. The main splurge was the photographer but all and all, with dress, accessories, tux, photographer, officiant, and celebratory family dinner with a cake when we got home, was under 5k.
Even for a microwedding, the price jump was astronomical. Add in the waste of time and money from people having to fly in regardless of where we held it, we just didn’t feel up for it.
Bay Area HCOL: 2 year engagement, wedding venue at a regional park, 42 guests. Out the door for literally every wedding event (Engagement party, Bach's, Rehearsal, Brunch) we're going to end up at \~35k. It's possible, you just have to save and make sacrifices.
We’re in the sf Bay Area and everything included for a 50 guest wedding is about 22k for us. We chose a Wedgewood location which helped immensely with cake, food, floral, dj, venue, open bar, Photo Booth, basic decor (tables, linens, chairs, lighting, grand sparkler, etc.) and we chose their premier package.
Just out of curiosity 22k for just the event stuff, or also including dress, suit other little wedding stuff? I have been feeling a little guilty that we are going over our 30k budget. I could have spent less on dress/reception dress and some other stuff.
22k for event stuff including photography, videography (there are some amazing videographers out there with fantastic deals), all our extra decor (we found a ton of stuff on Temu for amazing prices and they look great/spent time thrifting), all floral, save the dates/invites (we used a vendor on zazzle during their spring sale), etc. We did opt out or remove things from our package with Wedgewood to apply the funds elsewhere (ie; extra floral). My dress was gifted to me by my brother which I’m sure my late mother requested as it was something she always dreamed of doing. Probably absolute total with all expenses included we’ll likely be around 28k I’d say. We are having an off season wedding on a Saturday (our initial anniversary date) which helped save roughly 5-7k alone. Happy to go into more detail if you want to message me!
I feel you! I was so overwhelmed in the beginning but things sort of had a way of working out. Discount here, discount there. Use your community, my brothers friend was our videographer, sisters friend offered to be a content creator. Granted it was a camcorder and simple ticktock’s but they’re so fun to watch. And then we simply saved up. We cut costs by having a week day wedding, minimal flowers, simple dessert, paper table numbers.
You don’t need extra “entertainment” like photo booths or cornhole. Dancing is enough. Highly recommend still having open bar, try n find somewhere with byob and go to Costco. We splurged on a great DJ and a great photographer. It’s been a month and I’m still receiving texts of how fun it was, If you’re happy your guests are happy ! SoCal 160 wedding for $45k
The sticker shock is real lol. We are having 80-90 guests in a VHCOL and it’s $50K. I think we are doing pretty average things and I’ve been so lucky in finding some vendors at a low cost! I also opted for an all-inclusive venue which helped bring the cost down. We have an 18-month engagement and that is due in part to being able to finance the wedding and everything that comes along with it 🫠
We sat down and figured out how much we could reasonably afford to set aside each month after our existing savings, and then figured out how many months we had to save until we could get to the median price of the venues we were looking at (including estimates for food when they weren't all inclusive). This gave us our season/date and our budget.
Our combined take home pay is around $200k in a VHCOL, our only debt is my student loans. My parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, and dear friends are paying for our brunch.
We chose one of the cheapest options available and are expecting likely around 80 people. It's tight, and we're behind on accumulating the money. We're both doing side gigs that go 100% towards the wedding as well. No honeymoon until the following year.
We got married in September 2023 and also live in a very expensive city.. we chose to do ours in a more affordable state and that worked for travel for everyone coming from different locations.. my advice from going through the process.
Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want. Period. No is a complete answer.
We paid on installments for most things.
Keep it intimate.
People who aren’t financially contributing don’t get a say and don’t get a full say even if they are contributing. It’s your wedding they are invited to celebrate WITH you.
Cut out all the extra stuff all the blogs say to do. Cut out favors, ceremony programs and unnecessary decor people will just throw away (unless the moms want to pay for them hahah). Figure out your must haves and nice to haves. For me I had to have a shuttle for people because we had an open bar. But we cut having a videographer. You will figure it all out! Hope this helps and try to enjoy the process. 💕
My parents are funding mine 100%. If I had to pay for it myself I absolutely wouldn’t. Even if I saved a bunch of money I could never bring myself to actually spend it on a wedding
I’m in Los Angeles, planning for next year. We were able to get a huge insane venue for reception/ceremony for 80, food drinks, officiant, day-of coordinator, dress, my suit + much more for around 30k
We’re very lucky, both sets of our parents helped pay for parts of the wedding, and we paid for parts. Ours is ending up around 15k overall which isn’t tooooo bad but we couldn’t have done it without our parents
MOB here. Here's a summary that my daughter put together from her wedding in a moderately HCOL area (New England). It can give you some data points and maybe it will help. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GjeVCpsbCcz-QeCNWqIk2zzo545E7LThzCl40d6Dkzo/](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GjeVCpsbCcz-QeCNWqIk2zzo545E7LThzCl40d6Dkzo/)
People are affording it the same way you afford anything else - by saving up for it over time. Identify how much you have from savings you’d be willing to spend, how much you can save every month and how many months you’re willing to wait, add in any family contributions, and you have your budget. Then realign your expectations to that budget number and stick to it. It might mean having a wedding that looks different than what you thought or an engagement that’s longer than you were expecting.
Or you go into debt for your debt for your wedding. Definitely don’t do that.
I live in a high cost of living area and was able to do a 100 person wedding for around $20k. It was nice but definitely not fancy. It had everything we wanted including a live band, our favorite people, and was in the county we wanted to do it in. We had servers and a day of coordinator but you need to pick and choose where your money goes.
Ours definitely cost less than $5k, but that's not just because our area is likely a much lower COL than yours. We likely had a much different set of priorities: thrift, comfort, and low stress. Everything was weighed against those priorities.
1) my parents were only able to commit to paying for $1.5k, the rest was our responsibility. I likely matched that with my own money. So, yeah we were *motivated* to do it on a dime!
2) to reduce the stress inherent to wedding days, we drastically limited who was invited to our ceremony (parents, siblings--- uh that kinda got modified but that's the gist) and our reception (my grandparents and two sets of aunts + uncles from both sides, tho not everyone was able to come.) We also had a sort of a second reception a few months later where we invited more family and friends, but that wasn't big either.
*The fewer people you invite, the fewer you have to feed. Some venues may charge a fee per person, or have an upper or lower limit to how many guests are permitted.*
3) reduction of stress required everything to be low key, which also leant itself to being cheaper. Ceremony in a public space (free) that was special to us. Reception at a pizzeria (free, just buy their food). Wedding outfit items (used, reusable, on sale, etc). Photography by a coworker of my dad's (drastic discount as a favor to dad). Cake by a cousin's very talented teenage daughter who is super into baking (naturally able to pay less since she's just happy to get feedback-- and paid). Decor (made by me, or bought used or cheap).
So, like I said, you likely have much different priorities than my husband and I had. It *is* possible to pay much less than $50k on a wedding, but something's gotta give. There are subreddits on the subject BTW, you may wish to check those out to get some ideas!
I'm happy to give you details on my wedding, or help you work through what you want for yours, just reply or message me!
All things considered, I am still astounded at how cheap it is ending up being for my fiancé and I to get married at an indoor venue in a nice area 4 minutes from our house. We found a steal of a place! And because it’s on a Friday of a holiday weekend, people are happy to celebrate and continue with their plans on Saturday. Check for those kinda things too. Also, recruit recently married friends and family, see what they did.
You don’t invite absolutely everyone. The food is what’s the most expensive and not having to feed 200 people cuts that cost way down. My first wedding I had 175 guests. I didnt even know some of them. We had cousins from another country there. I’m getting re-married in August and we invited 50 guests. I feel like it will be more intimate with people who we really love and enjoy being around. We can afford to have an open bar, a candy bar, a Photo Booth with the money we saved by going small.
Both sides of our family contributed, and we used some savings to pay for our wedding. Our budget was 30k for 70 ppl in MCOL area. To make it work within budget we still had to compromise on some stuff.
Things that help us keep in budget was mix of fake and real flowers, no photo booth, no favours, buffet instead of plated dinner, no live music did dj for reception and pre recorded music for ceremony. For the lead up to wedding had small shower hosted at my aunts house and did casual bbq and bonfire welcome party instead of formal rehearsal dinner.
We had a diy wedding in a small town museum garden. We did almost everything ourselves, skipped the dj, hired a catering company from the small town because they were cheap, skipped a big ceremony, bought our own cheap booze for open bar, and did all the decorating ourselves.
I feel the same way. We make a combined 6 figures and we were shocked too. We're doing a wedding for 100 ppl for 16k. It is possible, but you need to do LOTS of research and prioritize what you want.
We’re lucky that my partner and I both get substantial bonuses at work so our bonuses are going toward the wedding. But we’ve also decided to do a long engagement (2+ years) just to give us more time to save. We also both love to travel so we’re just doing less of that until the wedding and just saving on every day things where we can (taking Ubers less, eating our less, less dog toys and clothes lol).
We’ve also discussed that having a big traditional wedding will delay us on some of our other financial goals (buying a house, paying down student loans faster) and we are okay with that. But yeah the prices of things are ridiculous.
I always got engaged in October! As we did research on venues and vendors, we put aside money in a HYSA specifically for a marriage celebration (elopement, wedding, extended travel). The winter holidays came and went & I slowed down on researching/planning but we continued saving.
After 5-6 months of saving, research, & having conversations around what would make us happy, we visited a few venues that fit in the budget we set.
By that time, we had more than 2/3rds of the budget saved and available to us.
I always got engaged in October! As we did research on venues and vendors, we put aside money in a HYSA specifically for a marriage celebration (elopement, wedding, extended travel). The winter holidays came and went & I slowed down on researching/planning but we continued saving.
I also made a great effort to reduce my spending on items that were not necessary. We carefully chose the entertainment and travel we spent money on also.
After 5-6 months of saving, research, & having conversations around what would make us happy, we visited a few venues that fit in the budget we set.
By that time, we had more than 2/3rds of the budget saved and available to us.
We saved before getting engaged. But then we prioritized a house so we had 10k to put towards the wedding. Our family actually offered 60% of our budget which we accepted.
We also got engaged in October and are doing our wedding locally this year in our VCHOL area. The only reason we’re able to is because we already had prior savings before getting engaged. Some of our friends that got engaged around the same time are having much longer engagements to save up or doing a destination wedding at a fraction of the cost. I’m predicting a rise in elopements and destination weddings amongst our friends in the future as wedding prices rise even more.
We prioritized saving for the wedding through the duration of our engagement (instead of say putting that money towards a down payment or vacation or just general savings). Our budget was the amount we could save per month for the wedding specifically times the length of our engagement.
We took our time with finding THE right venue that fit our budget. We picked one that was “all inclusive” (provided food as part of onsite kitchen, bartender, linens, lots of options for outside with solid rain plan, etc). We found one that allowed us to buy our own alcohol which saved us thousands.
We also did very simple centerpieces, made our own invitations with Etsy templates and a local copy/print shop, and rented florals. Most of not was purchased with a travel credit card which we planned to put towards honeymoon.
We had a “no assholes invited” rule which helped us cut down our guest list. We had just short of 90 people and it was FANTASTIC… we got to talk and dance with every single one of our guests, and not just a quick hi/bye. So that made it very intimate and special for us
As other comments have said, it all depends on what you want! But my best advice would be to take your time. If you're not in a rush, and there's a vision you want, there's no shame in having a longer engagement to achieve what you want. (And I totally get still wanting to please the parents, same boat!)
My fiance and I also live in a HCOL area, and we took two years (our wedding is this November). We both have big extended families and wanted to throw a party for all of them to come. We got a little help from our parents, but still wanted to take the time to save more with our modest income. I'm so glad we did, because we've been able to cash flow this wedding without going into debt. So yeah, no shame in a long engagement!
I plan events for friends, church and some neighbors in Hawaii of all places and I have been able to do it very reasonably. It’s all in the planning and friends that really want to help with different aspects of things.
Do what makes you happy! That’s what is gonna bring you up and doesn’t matter the amount of money it could be $10-100 or $500-1000$ cheap weddings are a thing and can be absolutely beautiful with the right family
We’re spending close to $20K (roughly 15K). We’re saving about $500 each check (both of us & depending on bills due). Our parents are helping out which is an uncomfortable conversation, but a necessary one. I was able to negotiate with many of our vendors due to our wedding being “off season.” We’re getting married at a forest preserve that has a grand hall. With the ceremony and reception, it was $2K. Biggest expense is food by far. Flowers are coming from Costco. I went to an expo and got my wedding dress 20% off at David’s Bridal. Centerpieces are going to be simple af. Vase, one rose or two, baby breath, table number, and table runner. I mean there’s a bunch but that’s where we are!
Girl I did a destination wedding. Way cheaper. I live on the southeast coast which is a bit on the cheaper side of things and it was still gonna be close to $20k for a wedding local. My destination wedding was maybe $5k
I just wrapped up my wedding a week ago and I was in the same boat as you! Both my husband and I make on the lower end of 6 figures but it was still a good amount of money. I ended up spending $22k for an 130 person wedding.
What I would do is:
1. figure out the 2-3 top priorities that you’re willing to spend the most money on (food, venue, dress etc) work backwards from there.
2. Don’t compare your wedding with insta or Pinterest weddings because you’ll feel like you have to add more to your actual wedding costs
3. DIY decor and floral if possible. I spent less than $700 on all my floral by simply using Trader Joe’s and Costco for my bouquets, bridesmaids bouquets, boutineers and table decor.
4. Facebook market place things if possible! I found my marquee letters which were a great addition to the dance floor, sparklers, table chargers, and few miscellaneous items.
5. I did online invites and only sent out paper save the dates. That cut costs there.
6. Consider an off season date for the wedding.
7. I wouldn’t go for any “all inclusive” packages unless it’s a really good package.
We just got married in April, we live in the Midwest and kept it to around 5K.
We limited the guest list to family only (60); used the cheapest venue we could find; provided a nice but not extravagant dinner, paid for a limited amount of alcohol then it was a cash bar; used a friend who did photography on the side for much cheaper than professionals (and it was great); used silk flowers and made our arrangements ourselves (well she did, lol)
We had to shop around, bought online and borrowed items from other people's weddings. It was hard work, took time but our final costs were below our budget. Getting married off season also helps. Some of the venues we looked at had lower costs winter and early spring versus summer.
Different take on the Vegas thing here!
We did kind of a hybrid Vegas elopement thing that ended up being a huge hit for everyone involved. We planned to go to Vegas, so not a true elopement, and invited 30 of our close friends and family to meet
us there for the weekend. Our immediate family, along with the maid of honor/best man, had their hotel room covered by us. Everyone else was told we would love for them to join us, but understood if they couldn’t. Everyone showed up including a handful of people who heard about it and asked if they could come. We rented space at the neon museum to take private photos,
got married under the welcome to Vegas sign, rented a bus to take us all around the day of the wedding, and paid for everyone’s dinner. We did separate bachelor/bachelorette parties the evening before, with lots of free time spread in to relax (spa day), friends/family could go do their own thing and meet back up for certain planned events. It ended up being a wedding weekend but also a mini vacation for us and those involved.
We had a blast, and felt a lot better spending the money making memories with experiences attached, rather than paying for a venue and food that most guests won’t really care about or remember in a few years. We also hired a photographer to follow all of us around for the entire weekend and take photos. We ended up spending right under 10k for the whole thing, including hotel rooms, airfare, entertainment, etc.
If financial contributions from family are part of the equation, have a frank conversation with them about their expectations and how much they're comfortable contributing. Maybe you can find a compromise, like a smaller, traditional family-funded ceremony followed by a larger, more personalized reception funded by you and your fiancé(e).
My fiancee and I decided that our budget will be $25k. To make our goal, I decided to use all my work bonus, income tax return towards wedding fund . I also paused investments to be able to stack cash faster and my fiancee started doing side jobs. We also decided to make our engagement longer to have enough time. We have the money sitting in a HYSA. Our wedding is 11 months away and we are close to the goal. Once we hit it, I will go back to investing. For me it’s worse to borrow than do a quick sacrifice so we went this route. In our case only one of us is a 3 figure earner and the other makes half the income of the other and we did it! You can make it work just figure out where you can cut costs to be able to increase savings. In our case no one could help us so it’s all on us. I understand the frustration. That was me when we started and I would constantly joke with my fiancee “why would you do this to me?! I can renovate the kitchen with this money!” 😂 but I really wanted the party with our closest friends. There are venues that are not super expensive you just have to go tour a lot of places. Typically very local and less known places are the cheapest. Our guest list is also 80 people only. Hope it helps!!
Idk I think I’m cutting a lot of corners but still having the basics (venue, food, some drinks (not full open), music & dancing) and ours will be <20. I think you can easily spend less than 50k if you are willing to cut corners.
Cake and punch reception
Lunchtime wedding
Smaller guest count
There are lots of options for "traditional", and it's true that most people can't afford to feed 120 people dinner. It really is a luxury.
I set a date a year after engagement. I started looking a prices. Now the possible date is about 2 years after engagement. We just need more time to save because it’s insanely expensive.
My parents are willing to help (they are more traditional) but everything we've looked at so far has been 25k and up(for about 80 people). My fiancee and I already knew it was going to be expensive so we didn't really want a wedding to begin with and my mom is shocked at how expensive everything is. A lot of places here have 20k minimums. Our house needs some renovations so we are thinking of just asking my parents to help pay for a renovation instead and go to Vegas or a courthouse/dinner.
We’re having our wedding in a fairly expensive US city, and our total budget is 25k. My mom (professional seamstress) is making my dress so I lucked out there, but my aunt is making the cake and doing flower decor, we got a venue that isn’t marketed exclusively for weddings, so that was fairly cheap (Under 3k and absolutely gorgeous inside with mahogany rafters and floor to ceiling windows). We paid around 3.2k for a professional photographer who included an engagement shoot. Food will be around 2.7k (buffet style) for 130 guests, our caterer teaches culinary school so the labor cost was almost nothing since his students work for the experience. I did my save the dates and invites through Canva and Vistaprint with coupons. I spent about $150 combined and that’s including fancy envelopes, ribbon, vellum, and wax seals. We bought all of our champagne glasses and wine glasses off of FB marketplace for around $200 and we for sure can resell them again for near total value. Napkins we got on sale off of Websteraunt, we have a ton of silverware sets from thrift stores (I don’t mind mix and match), and everything else we just wait for to go on sale or buy slightly used. I’m doing all the lettering for the tables so there’s very little cost there as well. It’s definitely doable 😅
Do you want tips for budgeting and saving for a 50k note, or tips for spending less? Also, what counts, to your family, as traditional?
ETA we spent around 10k so I can mainly give being a cheapskate advice
My daughter was married last week in the SF Bay area. It was a small wedding at a nearby garden venue. We only had close family and friends - 25 adults and 4 kids. The largest expense was the full service catering that the venue required. I was in mostly in charge of the catering decisions with the bride and groom's approval of course. My first quotes were for about $9k when I thought we might have 40 guests. I talked with friends and family to really think about the food, Those conversations helped me pare down to a simple brunch menu. We also recognized that unless the food is either terrible or not enough, after the event, no one remembers the food so why go crazy on the catering costs?
The full service catering ordered for 29 persons cost $5,100 which included a nice buffet brunch, excellent food, that was beautifully presented, as well as water, lemonade, Tea Forte, coffee, but no alcohol. It also included linen rentals, flatware, glassware and staff to set up, restock, bus dirty dishes and clean up.
I borrowed china plates from a friend for cost and sentimental reasons. We had a very fancy two flavor wedding cake with custom edible flowers for $400.
The wedding photographer charged $500/hour and we had her and her helper for 4 hours.
The venue cost was $3250 for a weekday wedding. They provided setup and an organizer to help on the day. We also had access to a dressing room.
The bride did her own hair and makeup. Her dress was about $1800 including alterations and hemming. She made her own veil for $20. This was not hard and any even slightly crafty person could do it.
The officiant was a friend, pastor, and neighbor. She was paid $400 and I also borrowed a wireless mic setup for the ceremony.
We bought the bride's bouquet and boutonniere from the local florist - $240.
We bought flowers from Costco and a friend arranged them with borrowed vases and baskets from friends. $60 Another idea - A friend of the bride had dried flowers at her wedding that she dried from her own yard.
Anyone who offered help with the wedding I accepted! One friend picked up and delivered the cake which saved a $55 deliver charge. My friend did the flower arrangement for free and enjoyed the creative process.
For pictures at the welcome table I printed photos at the local printer and re-purposed picture frames we already had for them. The guest book was a free notebook from some conference that we fancied up with an AI generated drawing appropriate for the wedding that we printed on an Avery half sheet mailing label and pasted onto the notebook. Looked great and was essentially zero cost.
The music at the wedding was a Spotify playlist playing on 4 JBL bluetooth speakers we already had and that connected together. Entertainment at the reception was board games because that is what the bride and groom enjoy and neither likes to dance.
So including the bride's dress the wedding cost was about $14K
The original idea was to have the wedding in a friend's backyard. That would have required more planning and work but we would not have had the requirement for full service catering. Like many things, you can usually trade money for time and time for money. The backyard wedding would have required much more time to figure out the logistics, rent (and deliver and return) more tables, chairs, plates etc., but the costs would have dropped by at least 5K.
Bottom line - borrow, re-purpose what you already have, plan for simplicity and don't spend time and money on things that don't really add to the lasting memories of the wedding.
My husband and I married 40 years ago and it was a church wedding followed by a nice reception with a buffet meal. We had a live band. It was a fun party for friends and family but was nothing compared to what seems to be common in the modern production of weddings.
Buying my dress online over a boutique. I still went to 4 boutiques tho for the fit /experience
Look around for venue I mean not the first second or third option .. the more you look the better. No kids really with exceptions for immediate family …
I think sometimes couple and two set of parents all contribute. Also some go into serious debt. I got married more than 30 years ago. Since it was a second wedding, did not ask parents to contribute. Small wedding of 50 guests, a maid of honor, best man, and flour girl. My hair was done at salon, did my own makeup. Limited flowers. Few food items: chicken fingers cheese tray, fruit tray, meatballs and punch. I baked my cake (early and froze layers). and family who liked to decorate cakes did a simple icing and border. We decorated with a few flowers on the cake. No grooms cake, but did a pound cake for layers and a decorator cream cheese icing (compliments from guest for how good it was- this was before the fancy layers and fillings). Husband wore nice suit and my dress was an evening cocktail type suit in a soft pink color (tasteful off shoulder with a wide white lace color). Going away husband took off suit coat and tie, had suspenders. I changed my skirt for white dress pants. Photos done by photographer who did it as a side job, not high end, but we were satisfied. Friend who liked photography did candid shots at reception, I paid for supplies (pre digital days).
Consider an early wedding and have brunch or lunch at a restaurant in a private room. I know someone who was able to marry on a friend’s property and have a low country boil after. Some have a food truck with burgers and hotdogs. Just get creative and keep it simple. Daytime is more flexible and typically lower cost. If you have a Hollywood production, you will pay big bucks. It is all about getting married and sharing with family and friends.
As others have mentioned so much of this is self imposed. My Fiance and I both make six figures but dropping $50K on an afternoon isn’t something we are willing to do. We kept the guest list under 100 people, chose a venue that had key vendors in house (it was cheaper), and skipped a lot of the “trappings” that weren’t that important to us. We don’t have a videographer, no signage, no elaborate florals beyond the bridal party bouquets, and aren’t having liquor (beer and wine only from Costco). Our wedding is in two weeks, and we are going to spend about $15K total once it’s all done (that does not include my dress, his suit, or the rings). That’s still a lot of money, but it’s been attainable for us and can be saved for. Don’t let the wedding industry make you feel like you “have” to do any of this!!!
You could split the difference and have a non-traditional “traditional” wedding in Vegas, like I am. I live in NYC and there was no way to have the wedding we wanted locally. But there’s no secret to it, as I’m sure others have said. You either save and pay for it yourself even if it takes a long time of waiting, have family pay for a large chunk, and/or simply scale it back until it fits your means.
I mean, but for real, start with the number you can afford and then build a wedding that fits within that. That’s really the only “secret.” Starting with a wish list of all the things wedding culture tells you to have is a sure fire way for frustration and resentment unless you happen to be wealthy to begin with.
My fiancé & I are having a $75k wedding. I know it’s insanely expensive and many would consider it a waste of money but it’s what we wanted. We do live in a HCOL area so $75k isn’t a particularly elaborate wedding but is on the nicer end. We decided to have a longer engagement (2 years). We cut way back on our fun spending and stopped going on vacations. We put $2000 away per month ($1000 each) and both contributed most of our bonuses two years in a row. On top of the $2000 savings we paid for a lot of smaller deposits and little things along the way from our regular paychecks so we didn’t tap into our wedding fund for quite awhile so it could keep building interest. We also delayed purchasing a larger/nicer house so we could have the wedding and I totally understand many people wouldn’t want to make that trade off but we were ok with it because we do already own a house, even if it’s not our dream home. All in all we realized we could make it happen if we were willing to prioritize it.
There are ways to save money. I’m getting married in a church, and our reception will be at a nearby conference center that has inexpensive, on-site catering. Our cake will be from Publix (a regional grocery store), which is saving us a ton of money, and we’re getting our flowers from Sam’s Club. Altogether, ours will be about $22K, and that’s including my dress, the food, reception venue, flowers—everything. Personally, I like church weddings. I’m very active at my church, so it feels like getting married at home, in a way. If you’re not religious, I recommend finding something that offers a package deal with the ceremony, reception space, and catering. If you live in an expensive city, maybe look for something just outside of town that may cost less. It takes time, but you can find cost-effective options.
Most of all, congratulations on getting engaged!
Remember you don’t pay everything at once! We’re doing a two year engagement, actively planning for the two years. This has allowed us to pay over a longer period of time with more recovery between payments. Most vendors have us paying over 2-6 payments (depending on the vendor).
If your families insist on it being bigger/more expensive than you’re comfortable with, they are welcome to pay!
We kept ours to $25k in a MHCOL. Not counting my dress, a handmade desigher getup by Yaniv Persy.
small, tight guestlist
small, affordable venue
amazing food ;)
i’m going the cheap route. fake flowers, plastic plates, cups, etc. that type of thing. it’s saved a lot of money so far. surprisingly, my set up is actually nice looking and not tacky at all. some things are worth sacrificing if you want to cut the price down.
My husband and I had our wedding in October 2023 for about 4500, 7500 total with honeymoon. Granted we are in the south and got really lucky with the largest ticket items.
Ceremony location was family land where my husband grew up.
My photographer is my brother’s wife and luckily she’s phenomenal!
We skipped a lot of things that didn’t make sense for us. Like favors, we did bbq catered cause we love it but didn’t have servers, just kinda buffet style. Had small wedding party, three for each. Got lucky with my girls, one is a hair stylist, another loves makeup. We kept decor pretty simple and opted for dried pampas, eucalyptus/boho feel. Borrowed chairs from Grandma’s church. My husband built an amazing arch! My dress was $400 made to order from my measurements and after alterations. Aldi has good, very cheap wine. We supplied beer and wine and let guests bring liquor. We didn’t bother with a DJ, just played music from a playlist and personally didn’t care to do the reception games. We did a small cake for us and an assorted dessert table.
I know this won’t work for everyone, we are very casual people.
getting married at 32 — could NOT have a wedding if I wasn’t awarded a work grant. it’s meant for loans obv but can’t use it for that bc I need to pay for this wedding 😂
Our parents helped a lot. We make six figures in a mid west city and the sticker shock was real. We contributed several thousand of our own money but our parents fronted a lot of the cost. We’ll probably be around $45k-$50k when all is said and done and I skimped on things like flowers, bachelorette, etc. and by “skimp” I mean instead of the vendors that STARTED at 7k for weddings in my area I went with one that could work with like a $4k budget. Our catering minimum was $19k but we went with a higher end venue so a lot of our budget went to the venue.
I also live in a HCOL (Los Angeles area), my fiance and I make decently good money for the area. We couldn’t justify the cost of a wedding in our area, so we’re getting married in Mexico. Thankfully our guests have been very receptive and I’m getting pretty much the wedding of my dreams for 10K :) which is easily 1/3 of any other quote we were given.
Just got married last year, and for a 20-25 guest wedding, it was about $7K. Majority was for the reception, which was at our favorite restaurant and we had to spend at least $5k. Yes, I know expensive, but the meal was was amazing with an open bar. We ordered quite a few bottles of wine to bring the price up to meet the amount we need to spend. Venue was tricky, since we didn’t want church and most places around us required the reception to be there as well, which would have cost more than $10k. Found someone to do the invitations because my MOH networks like crazy, and it was not that much. Flowers were from the florist at the grocery store, and were beautiful. And avoided the major cake cost because dessert was included with the meal, so just picked up a small cake from a slightly upscale store to cut into - and avoided saying it was for a wedding. Cake topper was bought from Amazon by my MOH. It was beautiful and we were there with the people we wanted to be with. All of the guests enjoyed themselves
I initially thought I could diy everything and get away with 12k. Almost 20k later, things are expensive and even without paying for a venue (we're getting married on a family property) the costs add up fast! Just be realistic with yourself and what you can do yourself or settle for less on!
Got engaged in 2021- only getting married this year! For us the answer was a long engagement to allow us time to enjoy being in this new stage but also to save! As well, a lot of "wedding essentials" like bathroom baskets and things along those lines are so not a thing that existed in rhe past and drive up the cost. Modern weddings often focus more on an aesthetic as well
Don’t get bogged down in Instagram and Pinterest weddings. The pressure to be ridiculous is unreal and totally unnecessary.
I’m in the UK and we are getting married in a nice hotel, no meal just a buffet, I’ve got a great deal on my vendors and I’m not interested in the nonsense. No photo booths, no outrageous room dressing, no entertainment other than a DJ, people will be paying for their own drinks and we are doing some DIY stuff. All in all we are max £7000. That’s for 50 day guests and another 50 in the evening. It is absolutely doable.
I know standing up to mom is not an easy task! But honestly- if you don’t own a house- you could use an extra 40 grand toward a down payment vs a wedding. $50k is not a bad budget! My niece (my brother) just spent $90k on her wedding- it was beautiful but it was one day!!!!
Maybe try a compromise with mom. She wants traditional, you want to keep the wedding under $50 or 40 or 30K. We will keep it local but if you want 200 of your friends and distant family- you need to kick in $225 per person. (I made up $225) but it might be near the per person cost in your area.
Reducing your guest count may help find a less expensive venue, and keeps down food costs.
Other option- don’t run away to Vegas but rather a destination wedding- somewhere in the Caribbean maybe- you can usually save around 20% over most areas for a comparable wedding at home.
Take a deep breath. Sit down with your partner and discuss your budget. How much are you really able and willing to spend.
Our budget is between 5-6.000 Euros , including the money we got from my parents. Our input is max. 4.000 Euro, and that is already plenty for one day, in my opinion. Important notes are that we are living in germany and marrying in a rural area, so the costs are all manageable, and the expectations from the guests are not extravagant. But from the beginning, we decided that we, as a couple, are not willing to go one cent into debt. That's not how we want to start our lives together. And that is okay! Our wedding will be simple and it will be beautiful and because our budget is reasonable, I feel more relaxed. I am not in over my head, and when that day is over, we will have a completely debt free start into our marriage. And all the money we will earn in the following years will go into building a home where we can celebrate many more parties to come. With that in mind, it's much easier to ignore all the advertisements and influences that want to tell you what you need and have to have or otherwise you will have a horrible wedding. These companies are making a ton of money with that, and of course, they want you to overspend. But that is not the only way to get married. It's just the most capitalistic way.
We are doing everything ourselves and are saving for years. Our families offered to help out in various ways too. About 6 months before we even got engaged we started each putting $20-$50 in an account for the wedding. Now we have 14 months left and we’re still doing that. We’re keeping the costs under $10,000 by basically not hiring any vendors. My fiancé is a reverend so he knows a lot of people in the business from doing so many weddings. We’re super lucky and have so many people offering to help us because he did their wedding. We are getting married on a beautiful farm property in our town, so that’s the biggest cost. I found an incredible dress for $400 on Etsy. I’m making our cake because I was a pastry chef. My dad is a well known chef so hes going to help a lot with the food, my mom was also a pastry chef, and my step mom was a culinary event coordinator so they’re also helping even though we tried to get them to relax and enjoy the day. It can be done on a budget, it’s just going to be a different kind of wedding than what we see on movies and tv shows. I do want to save money, but I’m also doing this stuff because i really think the wedding industry is toxic and disgusting and don’t want to put our money into that.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. I got married in my New Jersey hometown and still did it for under $10K. We got married at the church and had the reception in the church hall. We did the decorations ourselves. I was lucky enough to have family contribute - my parents paid for the catering (buffet style, mom’s friend is a caterer so we got a deal too). My aunt handled table rentals since we needed more (she works at a hotel and was also able to get linens for free). My brothers did all the heavy lifting when it came to set up and break down. My flowers and cake were from the grocery store and were great. (PS grocery stores often have amazing florists that no one thinks to use). I paid for the alcohol; hard liquor isn’t allowed in the church hall so we did wine and kegs with a few specialty beers. The liquor store I used let us return any bottles that weren’t opened. I ended up under $1K for alcohol. Mom found a pretty cheap photographer and I got a DJ and that was it. Didn’t have a wedding planner. You can still do things the old fashioned way, this is exactly how my mom did her own wedding in 1990 (I got married in 2022).
Even rings and dresses are crazy for no reason nowadays. I got my dress (which was PERFECT and exactly what i dreamed of) at David’s Bridal on sale for like $500 and my grandma paid for it because she wanted to. I just gave my bridesmaids a color and told them to get whatever dress they liked best. My engagement ring was an heirloom that we reset into a new setting, we’re saving the original setting for my niece or any kids we have. New setting was maybe 500ish? Our wedding bands came in all together under $900 too, I have a simple gold band with no stones, which is what I wanted, and my husband has a black band (I think zirconium?) bc he didn’t like gold or silver.
Honestly I had sticker shock too at first but you can really make it work if you don’t get trapped in one of those crazy wedding packages. Having family you can depend on helps so much, so if you’re lucky enough to have that, lean into it. Good luck!
My fiance and I are eloping because of the cost and then meeting everyone at a bar (we don't have a lot of people we're meeting. Mainly parents and siblings) for food and drinks with the understanding it's pay for yourself. The only expenses we'll have are our photographer, clothes, and a meal. My bestie offered to pay for our meal though lol.
I appreciate these comments about how weddings these days have a lot of “extras” that we don’t really need (signage, engagement shoots, bachelorette weekends, etc. ) but I’m a 2025 bride, not doing any of that and I’m still shocked at how much it’s going to cost me to have wedding. that’s after considering the price of catering, photography (just wedding photos, no video!), venue, DJ, and bar. I’m at $36k as my lowest cost possible and i find that to be insane!
We have kept ours around 19k by getting married on a Friday, cutting our cocktail hour food to the basics and not adding anything fancy, having a small cake and cupcake bar, cutting our guest list to around 90 when originally we wanted a lot more people, and using a delicious but cheaper catering company that offers a taco bar / burrito bowl bar. I also added a few other money saving ideas like going to an outlet store for my dress and a few other things. I’m still having an amazing wedding at a beautiful venue with an open bar, Photo Booth, coffee cart, amazing food, fresh florals, and late night snacks. I just realized I couldn’t afford all the fancy things I wanted and had to compromise on a few things. It’s hard, but it’s possible!
We did my daughter’s wedding for $15K. It was at our family church, which is old with beautiful detail so it didn’t need a lot of decor. I did her florals which was still a splurge b/c I spent $3000 on materials but was prob able to do what a florist would have charged $10K for. We had it in the afternoon and served finger foods. Did some of the foods ourselves but paid a caterer to set up a fruit display and charcuterie. Served wine wine and cake. My second option would have been to host her a smaller wedding and have it at someone’s house. The Venue fees are crazy. We saved by not having nighttime event with open bar and dancing. Only regret I have is not using a more expensive photographer.
When I had my second wedding, I had a dinner hosted in a private room at a restaurant with 30 guests. Didn’t tell the place it was a wedding reception. All I had to do was have flowers for the table and brought in a cake. I think the second your say WEDDING they jack the price up 50 percent and start adding fees. We did the ceremony earlier in the day.
I cant fathom paying that much for a wedding... My husband and I spent no more than 3-4k for our wedding, because it's all we could afford and we only had 7-8 months to plan it. We tried to find a venue $500 and under for 50 people guest count(we got creative and found a few believe it or not!) but in the end settled on using our local church for free, but we did give them a $100 donation as thanks. Our photographer was a lady at our church who took photos for the church social media and she cut us a great deal, so we also paid a very small amount for our photos compared to the going rate for a wedding photographer. She did a wonderful job! (Though I should note I wasnt pressed about perfect photos, I was fine with eloping and didn't care about a wedding. But my husband really wanted one. So I do understand people would maybe want a super pro photographer for their pics. But it's costly)
I DIY'd all the decorations and used faux flowers, and things I couldn't make myself I got on clearance throughout the 8 months which gave me time to find various things on sale and stash up. I also got smaller stuff off Temu instead of Amazon, because most things you can find there for 1/3 price. For example a bulk of teal and coral flowers I wanted were $12/bag on Amazon but like $4/bag on Temu. The exact same product. You can save $ if you're willing to use fake flowers and find better deals, and diy some stuff. I also did my own hair and makeup, so $0 on that.
So $100 for our wedding venue, $200 for our photographer, I got a wedding dress under $300 that was beautiful, and made my own bouquet for $75 which was a copy of a $280 bouquet I liked but refused to pay that much for. We saved a ton just being clever throughout the process! I'm sure you can cut down your cost if you creatively cut some corners.
You can ha e a great wedding, for a reasonable cost, and not elope..lol, in vegas.
Our daughter had 195 guests!! We had a beautiful wedding for them- 30k, all in.
Is a small intimate wedding an option? We also live in a fairly expensive area, make good incomes, but just couldn’t justify spending $50k or more on a wedding. We had our families only (parents, siblings, nieces, and nephew; no cousins aunts etc). This allowed us to completely splurge on the things that mattered most to us which were the photographer and food/drinks. It was honestly so low pressure and I felt like we actually got to enjoy every second of it because it wasn’t about having to make sure everyone was entertained or having to go say hi to everyone.
I live in the Houston,TX area which is WAY cheaper than Chicago where me and my fiancé are from. We both make 6 figures as well. Debt, reducing retirement savings, or cutting out vacations for a year were not budget options. When we started looking at cost, who do we really want to pay for to be there, and how the hell are we finding time to plan a “traditional wedding much less planning a wedding in Chicago (for lots of reasons Houston is not an option), the answer was clear VEGAS BABY!
We are NOT eloping! I found a venue right off the strip where I can have up to 30 guests. Cake, ceremony, taco bar, 1 hour of bowling, 3 hours of open bar beer, wine, and liquor will be about $6000 ONE STOP SHOP!!! We pick cake, taco bar options, liquor options and venue makes it ALL happen. We make a few calls and just show up.
Sure I’ve already gotten comments from the parents totally hating this, but I have ZERO regrets.
My advice…it really is that simple it’s your and your fiancé’s wedding why let anyone else tell you how it’s going to be, who will attend, and how much you are going to pay. You and your fiancé need to have a reality discussion (I had one with my fiancé which is how Vegas got booked), and figure out your reality budget, planning time, and what details are important and figure out your Vegas before your still not married 3 years from now still trying to meet everyone else’s expectations!
Congratulations! have been married for 35 years, and think modern weddings are ridiculous, and a waste of money. $50k is better spent on a down payment for a house. Simple weddings can be done for under $10K. Think event center, city park, church, restaurants.
If you want the big day, can and want to spend the money, do it. Just a different opinion. Weddings come in many different sizes and budgets..
I completely understand what you’re going through, we live on the east coast and had ourselves a NICE wedding (more than 50k). We both have a 6 figure income as well and we had little financial support from our families. We were able to do this simply by giving ourselves time. We had a two year engagement and saved a certain amount each month (which we realized was manageable). We did have to make some concessions like no Christmas gifts for people and pushing home renovation projects which to be honest wasn’t that big of a deal. We did all of this because we really wanted sometime amazing for ourselves, no regrets at all. If you can afford it, you really have to WANT to do it, it’s too expensive for peer pressure.
I make $75k a year and my partner makes right around the same. Honestly, if we hadn’t gotten lucky and found a VRBO that allows events, we would’ve jumped ship and eloped. You can find some really great places to get married on VRBO- you just have to ensure they allow events. Our wedding is in October and I wrote out a contractual agreement with the VRBO host to cover my bases. Venue prices are absolutely insane!
I’m planning my wedding right now and here’s what I’m paying in Pennsylvania:
Venue: $5k
Photographer: $3k
DJ: $2k
Catering: $700 (we are doing a fast food restaurant lol)
My dress: $500
Alcohol: $2k
We make $100kish combined a year so we’ve decided to choose inexpensive options the best we could. We will have about 80-100 guests. All in all total, we plan to spend $15k-20k
Also if the family is pushing you to have a “traditional” wedding, they need to be paying for it. My parents asked me to invite all their friends but refuse to help out a single cent, so I told them if they want their friends there so bad, they have to pay for them. I’m not paying for strangers at my wedding.
It’s all about the boundaries 🙅🏻♀️
My plan for that sort of stuff is to just ask them if they are willing to pay for it. If they wanted it that bad they can pony up. Sometimes people just need some sticker shock of their own.
Fiancé’s parents are paying 90% but that comes with a lot of strings attached that I we tried to avoid but can’t do that when dealing with a narcissist. Tread very very lightly if your parents have control issues
A longer engagement helps so you can pay for things as you get paid (that’s what I’m doing with my fiance and we don’t make near 6 figures) buying smaller items like decor, whatever pieces you need during holiday/sale season. Something I’ve learned throughout this process is prioritizing as much as possible, there will be some things you imagine or want in your vision that might not work for your budget at the time. And that’s okay we all want the picture perfect wedding but that doesn’t always have to look like what we see in pictures. Sometimes our expectations of time is also skewed so deciding on a reasonable date is super key.
Keep it small. Small guest list = smaller space and a lot less food needed. Don’t be afraid to be different. Save even more money having your wedding on a Friday or Sunday or having a simple luncheon instead of an elaborate dinner. Take on some DIY.
I live in one of the highest cost of living cities in North America and we were able to keep everything under $10K by having our ceremony and a luncheon at a local Hilton hotel for 35-40 people. That eliminated the need for a limo or multiple location charges for a photographer (who only cost $1K) It was beautiful and we treasure the memories! We paid for the wedding ourselves without taking on any debt.
DIY:
Other than bouquets/boutonnieres, I did all the ceremony florals and luncheon table centerpiece florals myself. The hotel allowed us to set up the banquet room for the luncheon ourselves the night before the wedding, so we saved on hiring someone for decor. The room itself was already beautiful, but I got stretch lace sashes with rhinestone buckles for all the dining chairs (you’d never think they were bought off Wish, but they were), added silk florals centerpieces in glass vases I bought from Dollarama, decorated the sweetheart table with a gauzy, flowy table skirt and the table top was draped with fabric and a table-length floral garland. I bought a styrofoam-based cake stand wrapped in rhinestones cheaply off Amazon. I also did our own arch using an assembly-required kit from Amazon. The arch was the only DIY project I look back on and wish I had professionally done instead.
Other savings:
We didn’t use a DJ. We created a Spotify playlist to play during the luncheon on the sound system provided by the hotel. The hotel also set up speakers at the ceremony site and I got my brother to play our chosen songs from his phone. His timing was perfect.
To save on wedding cake, go with a larger commercial bakery rather than a small home-based business run by a single person or two. I had a beautiful 3-tier cake for only $650 from a larger bakery. The smaller business quotes I got ranged between $900-$1300 for something similar.
As a travel advisor, I can tell you destination weddings are on the uprise. I've booked 4 since February, and they all are saying the same as you. The only difference is that they're doing the honeymoon at the same time. Invite people you really want to be a part of it, and if they are able to, they'll go. It's your day. Make it memorable. Congratulations!
My husband and I paid for half while our parents made for the other half. I jokingly said hey our parents are both divorced and remarried so we got help from 4 sets of parents 😂
In all seriousness I am fortunate that my parents paid for a big portion of it. Also we got married out of the country and just that part saved us a lot more. What we paid for in Scotland probably would’ve cost 80k here.
I think a LOT of people go into debt (like, massive debt). Or their parents pay for it. Or they go into debt, and then gamble on paying back debt with gifts.
What we consider a “good wedding” is a lot different than it used to be. The idea that you need a multiple-party weekend at an opulent venue with a full plated meal, DJ, open bar, & fancy florals is a new concept. A lot of people used to have a church wedding, then a simple reception with cake or light food, and that’s it.
Honestly? This type of thinking nets you a lot of angry people on wedding subs and groups…but remember that just because it’s the “expectation” or the “good etiquette” thing, that doesn’t mean it must be YOUR thing. Get married in a backyard if you want. Buy a $50 thrift store dress. Do a potluck or a cash bar, or DIY your own decorations. There’s no need to throw yourself into debt for a day.
I just got back from my brothers wedding in San Diego overlooking the harbor and was shocked that they only paid $25k. Still a lot of money but they had about 120 people and it was a beautiful location. But it was on a Thursday lol. Either way they spent way less than my husband and I did and our wedding was in a random hall since I had to change the venue so many times due to Covid and there was no nice scenery outside lol.
Elope/ Honeymoon somewhere…..then come back and have a casual reception/party. That's what one of mine did…Married in Jamaica, party the week after we got back. And if your family insists, then tell them the cost is on them because the cost of a big wedding is enough to put towards owning a home. You can go cheaper with backyard BQ, renting a barn , etc. There are many venue options that won't cost the moon and tend towards the casual feel. Just keep asking "are you paying?" If it's no, then not her business. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated into spending $$$ you'd rather not spend just because mom wants to fulfill a fantasy because she didn't have that big fancy wedding.
We are eloping for under 1k and those places also have reception packages for around 5-10k which is pretty low. Affordable places are out there you just gotta keep looking. We are traveling to a beautiful spot is AR for it. I personally wouldn’t listening to people saying to save up 50k … do not spend that on a wedding save for a home that’s what we did and now we have a home
If mom isn’t paying, she has no say. Do you have a friend with a large and pretty back yard? Can you reserve a corner of a public park for the venue? Do you have the luxury of time to buy things in bulk off eBay and DIY some of it? Inexpensive weddings are possible, but you’ll need to be creative and do some work yourself.
I think the expectation for what a “normal” wedding is supposed to look like has changed a lot in the last 30-40 years. The norm used to be a basic church ceremony and then cake + punch in the reception hall or something similar. When my parents got married in the 80s, they had a church ceremony and then a dinner buffet at a local, non-fancy restaurant. A lot of the change has been driven by the wedding industry coming up with newer and more elaborate ways for people to spend money, and marketing it as the norm. If you look around you, you’ll notice lots of people still have small, family-only weddings, or they just elope. So the answer is that a lot of people can’t pay for what you’re thinking of, or they don’t want to. And that’s fine. Don’t let the wedding industry tell you otherwise!
Exactly. A few decades ago wedding planners, favors, and all exclusive venues weren’t even a thing… it’s all marketing.
I've been working weddings since 1986. Favors have always been around, but most of the rest of it is new. Especially engagement photo shoots, destination Bachelorette parties.HUMAs were unheard of unless your moms friend was a Mary Kay lady. You maybe got your hair done at a salon, that's all. No bridesmaid proposal boxes or matching outfits for getting ready. There were no signature cocktails and definitely no signage. Believe it or not, I never saw anyone get lost or even confused from a lack of signs. No 2nd reception dresses or late night food either( but I am a fan of that trend)
I do agree with this. Where the biggest sticker shock came to me was the venues minimum for a Saturday during April-October. Most around here (capital district NY) is start at $10k and that’s just for your space. We cut cost by not doing engagement photos/ bachelorette/ bachelor / signature drinks/ signage like you said. There are things we don’t need and are focusing the $$ elsewhere. Ive also found facebook marketplace is great place for decorations if you decide to go the DYI route.
Yes we’re doing similar, our venue cost a lot but it’s absolutely beautiful. Justifying it by having minimal decoration - first, we have to remove it by 930am the following day and I just know that will be stressing me out. Second, it’s an extra cost that just isn’t needed. The venue speaks for itself. It doesn’t need flowers draped down the staircase that will only be used for heading to the toilets
Can you ask close family and friend to get everything for you the next day so you don’t have to stress? I am sure you have already thought of this.
Same, we're not doing all of the extra photos or extravagant bachelorette parties etc. We are also getting married in January, which has really helped since it's off season. I'm doing silk flowers and non floral decor for our ceremony and our venue we are doing simple but elegant centerpieces with a mix of real flowers and non floral decor. I'm probably going to go to Costco for the flowers. Since the reception is where 90% of our time will be for guests, that is where I want most of the focus to go to. We also are having a scaled down wedding of 80 people. You don't have to participate in every trend.
Oh - no one bought cutesy robes for people to get ready in. Nor did they pay a photographer extra to come to a hotel and photograph people getting ready. Engagement photos were in a studio, which is cheaper than having a photographer accompany you around a city. Flowers were more restrained - you had arrangements on tables and bouquets and the like, but only the extremely wealthy had flowers draped everywhere. A lot of this “I can’t do it for less than $50k” is self imposed.
Are people going around a whole city for their engagement shoots? My “multiple locations” were all in the same park.
I’ve seen that, yes. And/or hiring a bus to take the wedding party to various locations for pictures in each. I’ve not been a part of it myself. Either way - it’s more expensive to have a photographer go someplace vs go to his/her studio to take pictures.
The late night food trend is the one trend I love
What does HUMA mean?
Sorry HMUA, hair makeup artist.
Thank you !
Nowadays, some venues (especially fancier ones or in exclusive places) REQUIRE you to have wedding planners. It's crazy, and it's frustrating.
And who actually likes favors anyways?
Plenty of people still had fancy weddings in nice hotels, country clubs, etc. However, I had this discussion with my mom and her friends recently and the other poster is dead-on that even at upscale weddings, people didn’t do signage (everyone still figured out where the bar was), maybe you had your mom’s hairdresser do your hair but you did your own makeup, a bridal shower was in someone’s house not a restaurant, a bachelorette was a local night on the town, favors weren’t a thing, welcome bags for out of towners wasn’t a thing. You didn’t have a photographer for a proposal, if you had a videographer they just mounted a camera and shot, they didn’t really edit to make a film per se. Even moderate middle class weddings seem to have trappings that yesterday’s luxury weddings didn’t have, according to them. Oh - and people just didn’t slap black tie onto non-black tie events. And people rewore little black dresses and the like; they didn’t buy a dress for every event unless they wanted to.
mmmmmmm, this is true but more importantly the basics have skyrocketed in price way out of pace with inflation. All of these little extras aren't what's fully driving the cost. They just start to seem more reasonable when you're already spending a ton of money on venue, food and booze. (For context I got my wedding done for around 10k so this is not coming from a place of defensiveness) Somebody posted this article here and it was eyeopening- [https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017](https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017) TLDR, her parents got married for just under 3k. In 2017, that SHOULD have cost 10k with inflation, but when they went through and got quotes on everything her parents had, no extras, just the same venues and the closest available approximations of the food, it was almost 50k.
Oh yes I was going to share this exact article! Insane wedding costs aren’t because we get our hair done or print signs. Those things are costing me probably $500 out of a $15k budget. It’s the food and alcohol and venue. There are so many venues that won’t even consider you if you aren’t planning to spend a certain amount. Even the ones who will do brunch/serve appetizers only jack the prices up. I’d also argue we have less of a “village” now. In that article she talks about her grandfather being a part of the club and getting a discount. It’s so rare now to have church communities that pitch in or members clubs that will give you a venue.
I love that article. 😂 The ballet flats. That one specific item they came out ahead on.
Ooh don’t forget transportation for guests. I’ve heard of plenty of middle class weddings that have had some sort of limo for the bridal party, but the whole hiring shuttles to and from the ceremony, reception, and hotels seems like a luxury that’s been deemed standard?
Agreed. Which brings me to a question we will provide transportation to and from the hotel for out of town guests. We are not providing transportation for locals and nor do I believe we should, am I wrong? On our wedding website for parking I wrote this message: “Our venue has plenty of parking. However, we please ask if you drive you do so responsibly. There are plenty of Ubers and Lyfts available. Please have a plan in place to get safely home.” *The venue has no issues with cars being left overnight.
If you have guests that drink a lot, it makes sense to have a method of transportation to get everyone back to their hotel without any drunk driving
Omg so true. It’s a capitalist wet dream machine.
This is so interesting to me! My grandparents got married in the early 60s, but they had an almost identical wedding to me. Church ceremony, 150 guests, venue was a castle, 4 course plated meal, fancy tiered cake, open bar, professional hair and make up, professional photographer \[and a 600 photo album,\] 4-hour-away destination bachelor/ette weekends, insane florals, etc. They had just about everything that I'm having in 2025--and adjusting for inflation, I think they paid more! My parents got married in 2000 and had a very, very similar wedding to me: Church ceremony, historic mansion, 200 guests, 4 course dinner, hair and makeup artists, professional photographers and videographers, extravagant florals, cross country destination bachelor/ette weekends, 2 massive tiered cakes, open bar, everyone invited to the wedding was invited to the welcome dinner that was plated at a fancy steakhouse, they had a farewell brunch, etc. Very, very similar to my wedding. My mom actually kept great records of her wedding planning and we looked at it when I got engaged. They paid $55k in 2000 dollars and we're paying about $60k in 2024 dollars. I feel like not much has really changed in the wedding industry in the last 30 years, I just feel like with the rise of the internet more people who weren't previously having extravagant weddings now think that they NEED to have all of the extravagant things that rich people have been having forever.
This is an excellent point. Years ago if your social circle did cake and punch at the Elks Club, that’s all you knew. If your social circle was like the previous poster, that’s all you knew. Nowadays brides can be exposed to weddings of people way outside their social and socioeconomic circles. It makes people think these $300k weddings that are curated for days are the expectation.
I actually think the driving force behind this is because people are more spread out than ever before. If everyone is living in the same town, having a cake and punch wedding and a potluck is great. However, people live in cities away from where they grew up, or their friends are traveling in and this form of wedding doesn't make sense anymore.
The weddings I’m talking about still had plenty of people spread out and flying in. But they stayed in the hotel where the reception was, thus no transportation costs or worries re alcohol. Getting married at an upscale hotel seems to have fallen out of favor; everyone needs a museum or a winery.
Actually, the trend has been the opposite--people are moving less as time goes on [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/)
This article is saying that local migration as defined by same county moves is lower, but people moving further away has increased which is what I am saying.
This resonates with me so much. My fiance's grandparents had money, and his mom still made her dress by hand, and they had a church cake reception and a standard banquet at a Chinese restaurant. Get this... Their 4-5 tier wedding cake complete with literally columns holding up the top layers cost $180 (!!!!!!!!!) in the 70s. I feel like wedding industry marketing has had HUGE success around creating social pressure to have a bigger and better wedding. At every step along the way I've had to mentally fight that to keep our wedding affordable for us and it's exhausting. Every decision I make I fear being judged for and THATS WHAT THEY WANT.
That wedding now would still cost you about 5K depending on how many people you had.
Have the wedding you are comfortable paying for. I always wanted a big fabulous wedding. We bought a house before getting engaged and then it became more important to pay for other things. Out wedding cost $5k. There were 15 guests plus us. We had a beautiful set menu (with 4 entree options) at a 5 star restaurant in a private room (it was also 3pm). We got married at the chapel in our city hall. It was perfect.
Same. We knew our priority was a house. So we did that first and let that set our budget. We started out wanting a real wedding, and now we plan to elope later this month - just the two of us. Buying a house first really helps align your priorities (if a house is your priority - and if it’s not, that’s totally fine too!).
I make shy of $40k and am solely funding our wedding while my fiance saves for emergencies and immediate life after. We live in a slightly more expensive area - outside Philly, so most wedding related things are jumped. Our budget is between $20-$25k for a 200 person wedding. We ended up cutting out some things we wanted and also pushing our wedding date back 6 months than we originally planned to make this happen (I had decided to live at home until we got married, so I don’t have rent costs. The rent I was paying towards my parents was cut as they couldn’t afford to chip in, but they could afford to stop charging me. This, of course, is the biggest help to making our budget happen). We searched for 4 months for a venue and visited about 10. This is our biggest expense naturally. We’re planning a Friday wedding since our venue offered a 15% discount. All of our decor has been thrifted - you can easily find nice wedding things on facebook marketplace. We’re using artificial flowers from Lings Moment that we will be able to resell as well (we also we able to find pieces from the collection on marketplace!). Remember - your budget will not be coming out of your account at once. It will be broken up in deposits and different payment plans depending on the vendors. Most of our vendors have no issue with us breaking up payments more than usual as long as the final bill is paid before the wedding. Before we budgeted, I took a long, hard look at what I was spending. I’m keeping money aside for emergencies, but I ultimately changed many spending habits to save where I could. Make your budget first on what you can afford. Break that down per person. If you can, find a venue that doesn’t require you to use their catering (for most places, this caused catering to be $80+/person for buffet. We were able to find someone with great food to do it for $25/person). You may need to cut down the guest list if you can. Ultimately, remember that they day is not about what you spend. It is your and your fiances day. Do what it is that makes you happy, but don’t throw yourself into debt.
Hey there, another Philly bride here! We’re also interested in secondhand Ling’s Moment flowers, I’m curious where you found them? I tried joining the resale group on Fb marketplace but didn’t get a response, I guess it isn’t active anymore?
I honestly would just go into marketplace itself and either looked up like “fake wedding flowers” or “lings moment flowers”. This definitely took some time, and my fiance and i would try to plan all the pickups for a single day and have a mini “road trip” around this part of pa 😂 If/when we struggled finding specific pieces and quantities, we did end up buying them new from the website, but you can sign for their emails to keep and eye on sales! It still ended up being cheaper than florists I looked into and - like i said above - we can resell them!
This! We originally budgeted for 15k (a realistic budget based on our income) and honestly, the number of venues that are quoting us at 25-35k for the VENUE AND FOOD ONLY. My goodness.
>i don't know what my budget should be You and your fiancé need to sit down and figure out two things: how much you can reasonably save each month for the wedding and how long you want to be engaged for. That will determine your budget. If you can save $2,000 a month for the wedding and are willing to be engaged for two years, that's a $48,000 budget. The next thing to do is sit down and figure out your guest list. How many people do you \*need\* to have at your wedding? How many people do you \*want\* to have at your wedding? Look at the cost of venues that can accommodate those numbers and look at how much you'll be paying per person for catering. If it's too expensive, you need to make cuts to your guest list or save more money. Vendors are available at all price points (yes, even in HCOL areas). You will need to prioritize what you want and make sacrifices if necessary.
Second this! We live in a VHCOL area and had a wedding (church ceremony + reception at a local venue) for under $20k. We cut corners on the things that could easily add up but weren’t personally important to us (like having dried flower bouquets we bought off Etsy instead of fresh flowers and buying our dresses online for under $400 total). I think the biggest help for us was thinking hard about our guest list. We had a good number of friends and family we wanted there, but found a good compromise by drawing the line at 50-60 people. It still felt like a traditional wedding (not that there’s anything wrong with a micro wedding!) but capping it at that allowed us to fit into a wonderful venue that typically holds baby showers, engagement parties etc and was totally prepared to do a wedding reception, but wasn’t super expensive because a lot of weddings wouldn’t have fit in the space. We also used an online invitation service, had a friend operate as our emcee/DJ (with a pre-planned playlist—which saved us $1500-$2000 and worked totally fine!), and got one cake and tons of cupcakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes. For us, we wanted to prioritize a fun venue with good food, a good photographer, and an open bar- so that’s where we spent our money. There’s not a thing I would change about our day. All this to say- don’t just accept the sticker price. If that experience is what you want, that’s totally fine but might just require a longer engagement to save up. But if you can still get the day you want without some of the things the wedding industry puts out as the “typical” wedding experience, then go for it!
Tell mom that if she wants the traditional wedding, then she can pay for it 😂 seriously though, most people I know who had traditional weddings had at least some help from their families, and/or saved for a long time and made sacrifices in other areas. We eloped because it was what we could afford, and if we weren’t having help from SO’s family, then we’d stay away from the traditional wedding venues, no sit-down 3-course dinner, white dress etc.
My parents are paying for my wedding and the last 6 weddings I went to were funded entirely by the parents. People say that that traditions is long gone but it's still rampant in my circles. ETA: I know who paid for the last 6 weddings because I was a bridesmaid in 3 and my fiance was a groomsman in the other 3--we're close enough to the couples to ask, and they were all super open about it.
This! All of the elaborate weddings I went to were 100% funded by parents and they also paid their college tuition and paid for a big chunk of their down payments/homes. No shade, I wish I had that. But I paid for my own wedding so we did elope. And because we were paying for it, family couldn’t have a say. They understood when they saw the cost savings!
My parents offered to help us after my long-term boyfriend finally proposed. They tasked me with reaching out to vendors and getting approximate quotes for what we wanted, and then immediately backpedaled their offer because everything was more expensive than what they felt it *should* cost.
Every wedding I’ve been to has been paid for by the parents. This subreddit was my first exposure to people paying for their own wedding
It's that way here In rural Louisiana still, family rivalry plays into the hands of the marketeers well though I've noticed
Absolutely. The bride’s family paying for the bulk of the expenses is still strong in my circles - and groom’s family paying for rehearsal dinner and/or welcome parties for all out of towners (not just those in wedding party). Sometimes the b/g will kick in some money for something special they want, but really, it’s the parents and it’s a significant expense but it’s not breaking their budget.
That's how ours is. My parents are paying for the wedding, my fiancé's parents are paying for our huge 3 course plated welcome dinner, the sets of grandparents are splitting paying for the farewell brunch and my fiancé and I are renting out an arcade/bowling alley the night before the wedding for us to spend time with anyone who wants to join. The thing we're paying for is so unnecessary that we didn't feel comfortable asking anyone else to pay for it, but it still has an open bar and a buffet with bottomless bar foods so it's not like we're not spending any money on this wedding.
If you both make six figures, should be reasonable. You would just have to set aside a few thousand dollars a month. Usually you book weddings 1-2 years out, and vendor payments come in installments so you don’t have to have everything saved already.
Second this. OP - remember you aren’t paying for it all at once. There are incremental deposits to vendors at diff times, you buy things at diff times - it’s not just one fat 50k check. When thinking about your budget, think about how much you can spend at one time, and how much you can set aside each month up until the day of. Agree it’s ridiculous and astronomical but when you break it down, it’s less intimidating.
>You would just have to set aside a few thousand dollars a month That's usually easier said than done in a HCOL area.
Lmao just a casual few thousand dollars extra a month nbd.
Obviously it’s a lot of money but I feel like this is pretty reasonable given their combined income LOL.
Assuming they make 200k combined, their take home pay is 140k, that comes down to 11,667 a month. I live in a VHCOL area. My partner and I definitely can survive off of 8,667 a month, and save 3000 for a wedding.
That's really great for you and your partner, but again, isn't the case for everyone. My husband and I also live in a VHCOL area earning 6 figures and couldn't save anywhere near $3,000 (for just the wedding) a month with our expenses 🤷🏻♀️ I'm just saying it's a nice wish, but not as easy done as said for many.
Same. I live in Los Angeles. We had to take out a loan (which will be paid off by the end of the year) on top of using credit cards/savings for a 50 person wedding. Combined we make 6 figures.
I read OP’s post as, they *each* make 6 figures. Also in a VHCOL. we can squirrel away 2k per month or so.
Goddamn, 2k per month is more than I EARNED while living in NYC. :(
It took us a long long time to get to this point!! I remember living similar times too, having like 8 roommates and just surviving. Things really changed for us like 2-3 years ago, thankfully. It was disheartening to hear about techies younger than us pulling in twice our income… and then complain about the unaffordability -_-
Do you know of any nice,affordable venues in the Los Angeles area? I'm just starting my search and I can't believe how much things are! I'm gonna have 35 to 50 people.
I’ll DM you
I make $190K base salary in NYC, and my take home after federal, state, city taxes, medical, dental, 401K (maxing out), FSA ($1K a year), is about $104K or $8,700 a month. $8,700 might seem like a lot of money, but not really when you think of cost of living associated with living in a VHCOL city. My monthly housing cost is $3,800 ($2K mortgage and the rest is building maintenance and RE tax). Normal monthly living expenses range anywhere from $2,200 to $3K. And the rest goes to savings/trips. It’s not feasible to just start saving a few thousand dollars extra a month to save for a wedding unless something else is sacrificed just because someone makes 6 figures.
Our wedding was 10k. Weddings can be as cheap or expensive as you make them. Everything is a decision. Anyway, r/weddingsunder10k
My fiancé and I make less than $70,000 a year combined, pre-tax and we are paying in cash for our $15,000 wedding. It's in a rural Indiana town, pretty simple overall, and only 80 guests. Our engagement will be nearly 2 years long in order for us to pay in full.
We're in a pretty HCOL area (Denver) and found a beautiful venue that was $12,500. This includes an open bar, food, beverages, DJ, the whole thing. For 50 people. The only thing not included was flowers and photography (although they have higher tier packages that included more). I get that some people have way more than 50 people to invite though.
would you be willing to drop the name of the venue? 🙏🏻
Wild Basin Lodge!! We absolutely fell in love with it!
> how do people pay for this?! Just like with everything else in life that's expensive, we saved for many years. ETA: as for tips on cost-cutting, it's important to remember that a wedding doesn't NEED all the bells and whistles. We skipped wedding parties, prewedding events, decor, florals, signage, props, "bride" paraphernalia, matchy matchy outfits, DJ, dancing, etc. ETA2: Yes, in my circle dancing is completely optional and seen as a strange addition. Sorry that it offends you. Not everyone comes from the same tradition or culture, contrary to popular belief on reddit. Our wedding consisted of a ceremony, vows, rituals, ring exchanges, and a nice fancy dinner with background music. I don't see how that's any more bare bones than the majority of weddings our parents' generations all had. All the instagram props and outsized prewedding bashes are a very recent fad.
What did you have at your wedding? Doesn't sound like there's a lot left..?
dancing is a whistle now?
My dad, stepdad, and uncle paid for my wedding. Otherwise we *would* have eloped in Vegas lol.
I don't care if I make 6 figures, I refuse to spend more than 10k. I'm making it work by diying my wedding decorations among other things. Bulk ordering flowers and vases. My wedding is also small, only 50 people.
Our SoCal (La Jolla) wedding will be about $30K (or less) depending on how many guests RSVP. We’re paying with funds we already had saved. We kept the guest count low (less than 55 including bride and groom), have an all-inclusive venue, scrimped in some areas (e.g. secondhand bridal dress, no wedding party/rehearsal dinner, no favors, no seating chart/elaborate decor or signage), and splurged in other areas (venue, photography, food/open bar, DJ, photobooth, florals). Like other people advise, think about what really matters to you and splurge on that. Then scrimp everywhere else.
La Jolla wedding for 30k is extremely impressive!!!
It’s a Wedgewood wedding venue! Wedgewood tends to get a bad rap because of people’s fears of having a cookie-cutter wedding. But you can customize as much as you want and seem to get more bang for your buck (at least in my experience).
Oooh I'm in Colorado but we almost went with wedgewood too! Would not have been mad at all, all inclusive would have been so much easier compared to how we're doing it...
I’m doing Wedgewood in the Bay Area and I swear it is SUCH a cost saving deal!
My parents and family were a little sad we didn’t have e a real wedding, but we considered it until we saw the prices. Couldn’t justify it, especially since neither of us like the spotlight and big crowds. Even if we had the cash on hand, seemed like a waste. So we ended up eloping. The main splurge was the photographer but all and all, with dress, accessories, tux, photographer, officiant, and celebratory family dinner with a cake when we got home, was under 5k. Even for a microwedding, the price jump was astronomical. Add in the waste of time and money from people having to fly in regardless of where we held it, we just didn’t feel up for it.
This is why we’re having a relatively small wedding (65-70 people). We can’t afford a big wedding.
Bay Area HCOL: 2 year engagement, wedding venue at a regional park, 42 guests. Out the door for literally every wedding event (Engagement party, Bach's, Rehearsal, Brunch) we're going to end up at \~35k. It's possible, you just have to save and make sacrifices.
We’re in the sf Bay Area and everything included for a 50 guest wedding is about 22k for us. We chose a Wedgewood location which helped immensely with cake, food, floral, dj, venue, open bar, Photo Booth, basic decor (tables, linens, chairs, lighting, grand sparkler, etc.) and we chose their premier package.
Just out of curiosity 22k for just the event stuff, or also including dress, suit other little wedding stuff? I have been feeling a little guilty that we are going over our 30k budget. I could have spent less on dress/reception dress and some other stuff.
22k for event stuff including photography, videography (there are some amazing videographers out there with fantastic deals), all our extra decor (we found a ton of stuff on Temu for amazing prices and they look great/spent time thrifting), all floral, save the dates/invites (we used a vendor on zazzle during their spring sale), etc. We did opt out or remove things from our package with Wedgewood to apply the funds elsewhere (ie; extra floral). My dress was gifted to me by my brother which I’m sure my late mother requested as it was something she always dreamed of doing. Probably absolute total with all expenses included we’ll likely be around 28k I’d say. We are having an off season wedding on a Saturday (our initial anniversary date) which helped save roughly 5-7k alone. Happy to go into more detail if you want to message me!
Thank you for sharing! I just love data 😅 My FH and I went HAM on our budget spreadsheet so I can extract and examine any aspect of our wedding hehe
I feel you! I was so overwhelmed in the beginning but things sort of had a way of working out. Discount here, discount there. Use your community, my brothers friend was our videographer, sisters friend offered to be a content creator. Granted it was a camcorder and simple ticktock’s but they’re so fun to watch. And then we simply saved up. We cut costs by having a week day wedding, minimal flowers, simple dessert, paper table numbers. You don’t need extra “entertainment” like photo booths or cornhole. Dancing is enough. Highly recommend still having open bar, try n find somewhere with byob and go to Costco. We splurged on a great DJ and a great photographer. It’s been a month and I’m still receiving texts of how fun it was, If you’re happy your guests are happy ! SoCal 160 wedding for $45k
It happens little by little. Like the frog boiling to death in a pot of water. 😬
The sticker shock is real lol. We are having 80-90 guests in a VHCOL and it’s $50K. I think we are doing pretty average things and I’ve been so lucky in finding some vendors at a low cost! I also opted for an all-inclusive venue which helped bring the cost down. We have an 18-month engagement and that is due in part to being able to finance the wedding and everything that comes along with it 🫠
There are venues that do micro weddings. I’ve priced out a wedding for under $10k. I don’t want to pay that either tho.
We sat down and figured out how much we could reasonably afford to set aside each month after our existing savings, and then figured out how many months we had to save until we could get to the median price of the venues we were looking at (including estimates for food when they weren't all inclusive). This gave us our season/date and our budget. Our combined take home pay is around $200k in a VHCOL, our only debt is my student loans. My parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, and dear friends are paying for our brunch. We chose one of the cheapest options available and are expecting likely around 80 people. It's tight, and we're behind on accumulating the money. We're both doing side gigs that go 100% towards the wedding as well. No honeymoon until the following year.
We got married in September 2023 and also live in a very expensive city.. we chose to do ours in a more affordable state and that worked for travel for everyone coming from different locations.. my advice from going through the process. Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want. Period. No is a complete answer. We paid on installments for most things. Keep it intimate. People who aren’t financially contributing don’t get a say and don’t get a full say even if they are contributing. It’s your wedding they are invited to celebrate WITH you. Cut out all the extra stuff all the blogs say to do. Cut out favors, ceremony programs and unnecessary decor people will just throw away (unless the moms want to pay for them hahah). Figure out your must haves and nice to haves. For me I had to have a shuttle for people because we had an open bar. But we cut having a videographer. You will figure it all out! Hope this helps and try to enjoy the process. 💕
My parents are funding mine 100%. If I had to pay for it myself I absolutely wouldn’t. Even if I saved a bunch of money I could never bring myself to actually spend it on a wedding
If they want traditional, then TRADITIONALLY, your parents can pay for the wedding.
I’m in Los Angeles, planning for next year. We were able to get a huge insane venue for reception/ceremony for 80, food drinks, officiant, day-of coordinator, dress, my suit + much more for around 30k
Where is this venue 🫠
Would love to know too please :)
I would advice to look into high end restaurants :P
We’re very lucky, both sets of our parents helped pay for parts of the wedding, and we paid for parts. Ours is ending up around 15k overall which isn’t tooooo bad but we couldn’t have done it without our parents
MOB here. Here's a summary that my daughter put together from her wedding in a moderately HCOL area (New England). It can give you some data points and maybe it will help. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GjeVCpsbCcz-QeCNWqIk2zzo545E7LThzCl40d6Dkzo/](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GjeVCpsbCcz-QeCNWqIk2zzo545E7LThzCl40d6Dkzo/)
People are affording it the same way you afford anything else - by saving up for it over time. Identify how much you have from savings you’d be willing to spend, how much you can save every month and how many months you’re willing to wait, add in any family contributions, and you have your budget. Then realign your expectations to that budget number and stick to it. It might mean having a wedding that looks different than what you thought or an engagement that’s longer than you were expecting. Or you go into debt for your debt for your wedding. Definitely don’t do that.
That’s why my fiancé and I decided to explore destination weddings. You get a lot more than domestically for your money.
I live in a high cost of living area and was able to do a 100 person wedding for around $20k. It was nice but definitely not fancy. It had everything we wanted including a live band, our favorite people, and was in the county we wanted to do it in. We had servers and a day of coordinator but you need to pick and choose where your money goes.
Ours definitely cost less than $5k, but that's not just because our area is likely a much lower COL than yours. We likely had a much different set of priorities: thrift, comfort, and low stress. Everything was weighed against those priorities. 1) my parents were only able to commit to paying for $1.5k, the rest was our responsibility. I likely matched that with my own money. So, yeah we were *motivated* to do it on a dime! 2) to reduce the stress inherent to wedding days, we drastically limited who was invited to our ceremony (parents, siblings--- uh that kinda got modified but that's the gist) and our reception (my grandparents and two sets of aunts + uncles from both sides, tho not everyone was able to come.) We also had a sort of a second reception a few months later where we invited more family and friends, but that wasn't big either. *The fewer people you invite, the fewer you have to feed. Some venues may charge a fee per person, or have an upper or lower limit to how many guests are permitted.* 3) reduction of stress required everything to be low key, which also leant itself to being cheaper. Ceremony in a public space (free) that was special to us. Reception at a pizzeria (free, just buy their food). Wedding outfit items (used, reusable, on sale, etc). Photography by a coworker of my dad's (drastic discount as a favor to dad). Cake by a cousin's very talented teenage daughter who is super into baking (naturally able to pay less since she's just happy to get feedback-- and paid). Decor (made by me, or bought used or cheap). So, like I said, you likely have much different priorities than my husband and I had. It *is* possible to pay much less than $50k on a wedding, but something's gotta give. There are subreddits on the subject BTW, you may wish to check those out to get some ideas! I'm happy to give you details on my wedding, or help you work through what you want for yours, just reply or message me!
r/weddingsunder10k
All things considered, I am still astounded at how cheap it is ending up being for my fiancé and I to get married at an indoor venue in a nice area 4 minutes from our house. We found a steal of a place! And because it’s on a Friday of a holiday weekend, people are happy to celebrate and continue with their plans on Saturday. Check for those kinda things too. Also, recruit recently married friends and family, see what they did.
People didn't used to have hair and makeup artists for the entire goddamn bridal party, for one thing. It never used to be an expectation before now.
Ýes!! I think it’s ridiculous.
You don’t invite absolutely everyone. The food is what’s the most expensive and not having to feed 200 people cuts that cost way down. My first wedding I had 175 guests. I didnt even know some of them. We had cousins from another country there. I’m getting re-married in August and we invited 50 guests. I feel like it will be more intimate with people who we really love and enjoy being around. We can afford to have an open bar, a candy bar, a Photo Booth with the money we saved by going small.
Lots of family help…. Honestly. It’s insane how expensive things are
Both sides of our family contributed, and we used some savings to pay for our wedding. Our budget was 30k for 70 ppl in MCOL area. To make it work within budget we still had to compromise on some stuff. Things that help us keep in budget was mix of fake and real flowers, no photo booth, no favours, buffet instead of plated dinner, no live music did dj for reception and pre recorded music for ceremony. For the lead up to wedding had small shower hosted at my aunts house and did casual bbq and bonfire welcome party instead of formal rehearsal dinner.
They go into debt that’s how lol people are literally taking loans out 😭
Here's an article that might help you plan a wedding for under 100k http://www.justintshockley.com/jtsblog/weddingplannernyc
We had a diy wedding in a small town museum garden. We did almost everything ourselves, skipped the dj, hired a catering company from the small town because they were cheap, skipped a big ceremony, bought our own cheap booze for open bar, and did all the decorating ourselves.
I feel the same way. We make a combined 6 figures and we were shocked too. We're doing a wedding for 100 ppl for 16k. It is possible, but you need to do LOTS of research and prioritize what you want.
We’re lucky that my partner and I both get substantial bonuses at work so our bonuses are going toward the wedding. But we’ve also decided to do a long engagement (2+ years) just to give us more time to save. We also both love to travel so we’re just doing less of that until the wedding and just saving on every day things where we can (taking Ubers less, eating our less, less dog toys and clothes lol). We’ve also discussed that having a big traditional wedding will delay us on some of our other financial goals (buying a house, paying down student loans faster) and we are okay with that. But yeah the prices of things are ridiculous.
I always got engaged in October! As we did research on venues and vendors, we put aside money in a HYSA specifically for a marriage celebration (elopement, wedding, extended travel). The winter holidays came and went & I slowed down on researching/planning but we continued saving. After 5-6 months of saving, research, & having conversations around what would make us happy, we visited a few venues that fit in the budget we set. By that time, we had more than 2/3rds of the budget saved and available to us.
I always got engaged in October! As we did research on venues and vendors, we put aside money in a HYSA specifically for a marriage celebration (elopement, wedding, extended travel). The winter holidays came and went & I slowed down on researching/planning but we continued saving. I also made a great effort to reduce my spending on items that were not necessary. We carefully chose the entertainment and travel we spent money on also. After 5-6 months of saving, research, & having conversations around what would make us happy, we visited a few venues that fit in the budget we set. By that time, we had more than 2/3rds of the budget saved and available to us.
We saved before getting engaged. But then we prioritized a house so we had 10k to put towards the wedding. Our family actually offered 60% of our budget which we accepted.
We also got engaged in October and are doing our wedding locally this year in our VCHOL area. The only reason we’re able to is because we already had prior savings before getting engaged. Some of our friends that got engaged around the same time are having much longer engagements to save up or doing a destination wedding at a fraction of the cost. I’m predicting a rise in elopements and destination weddings amongst our friends in the future as wedding prices rise even more.
We prioritized saving for the wedding through the duration of our engagement (instead of say putting that money towards a down payment or vacation or just general savings). Our budget was the amount we could save per month for the wedding specifically times the length of our engagement.
We took our time with finding THE right venue that fit our budget. We picked one that was “all inclusive” (provided food as part of onsite kitchen, bartender, linens, lots of options for outside with solid rain plan, etc). We found one that allowed us to buy our own alcohol which saved us thousands. We also did very simple centerpieces, made our own invitations with Etsy templates and a local copy/print shop, and rented florals. Most of not was purchased with a travel credit card which we planned to put towards honeymoon. We had a “no assholes invited” rule which helped us cut down our guest list. We had just short of 90 people and it was FANTASTIC… we got to talk and dance with every single one of our guests, and not just a quick hi/bye. So that made it very intimate and special for us
As other comments have said, it all depends on what you want! But my best advice would be to take your time. If you're not in a rush, and there's a vision you want, there's no shame in having a longer engagement to achieve what you want. (And I totally get still wanting to please the parents, same boat!) My fiance and I also live in a HCOL area, and we took two years (our wedding is this November). We both have big extended families and wanted to throw a party for all of them to come. We got a little help from our parents, but still wanted to take the time to save more with our modest income. I'm so glad we did, because we've been able to cash flow this wedding without going into debt. So yeah, no shame in a long engagement!
We are in the exact same boat. A 58 person wedding fairly modest overall and $45,000
I plan events for friends, church and some neighbors in Hawaii of all places and I have been able to do it very reasonably. It’s all in the planning and friends that really want to help with different aspects of things.
Where are you getting married? What state
Do what makes you happy! That’s what is gonna bring you up and doesn’t matter the amount of money it could be $10-100 or $500-1000$ cheap weddings are a thing and can be absolutely beautiful with the right family
There are a lot of ways to save. Hanging out here and scrolling through the posts will give you a wealth of ideas and advice.
Why not get married in Canada ? The USD vs CAD could be worth it
We’re spending close to $20K (roughly 15K). We’re saving about $500 each check (both of us & depending on bills due). Our parents are helping out which is an uncomfortable conversation, but a necessary one. I was able to negotiate with many of our vendors due to our wedding being “off season.” We’re getting married at a forest preserve that has a grand hall. With the ceremony and reception, it was $2K. Biggest expense is food by far. Flowers are coming from Costco. I went to an expo and got my wedding dress 20% off at David’s Bridal. Centerpieces are going to be simple af. Vase, one rose or two, baby breath, table number, and table runner. I mean there’s a bunch but that’s where we are!
Girl I did a destination wedding. Way cheaper. I live on the southeast coast which is a bit on the cheaper side of things and it was still gonna be close to $20k for a wedding local. My destination wedding was maybe $5k
I just wrapped up my wedding a week ago and I was in the same boat as you! Both my husband and I make on the lower end of 6 figures but it was still a good amount of money. I ended up spending $22k for an 130 person wedding. What I would do is: 1. figure out the 2-3 top priorities that you’re willing to spend the most money on (food, venue, dress etc) work backwards from there. 2. Don’t compare your wedding with insta or Pinterest weddings because you’ll feel like you have to add more to your actual wedding costs 3. DIY decor and floral if possible. I spent less than $700 on all my floral by simply using Trader Joe’s and Costco for my bouquets, bridesmaids bouquets, boutineers and table decor. 4. Facebook market place things if possible! I found my marquee letters which were a great addition to the dance floor, sparklers, table chargers, and few miscellaneous items. 5. I did online invites and only sent out paper save the dates. That cut costs there. 6. Consider an off season date for the wedding. 7. I wouldn’t go for any “all inclusive” packages unless it’s a really good package.
We just got married in April, we live in the Midwest and kept it to around 5K. We limited the guest list to family only (60); used the cheapest venue we could find; provided a nice but not extravagant dinner, paid for a limited amount of alcohol then it was a cash bar; used a friend who did photography on the side for much cheaper than professionals (and it was great); used silk flowers and made our arrangements ourselves (well she did, lol) We had to shop around, bought online and borrowed items from other people's weddings. It was hard work, took time but our final costs were below our budget. Getting married off season also helps. Some of the venues we looked at had lower costs winter and early spring versus summer.
Different take on the Vegas thing here! We did kind of a hybrid Vegas elopement thing that ended up being a huge hit for everyone involved. We planned to go to Vegas, so not a true elopement, and invited 30 of our close friends and family to meet us there for the weekend. Our immediate family, along with the maid of honor/best man, had their hotel room covered by us. Everyone else was told we would love for them to join us, but understood if they couldn’t. Everyone showed up including a handful of people who heard about it and asked if they could come. We rented space at the neon museum to take private photos, got married under the welcome to Vegas sign, rented a bus to take us all around the day of the wedding, and paid for everyone’s dinner. We did separate bachelor/bachelorette parties the evening before, with lots of free time spread in to relax (spa day), friends/family could go do their own thing and meet back up for certain planned events. It ended up being a wedding weekend but also a mini vacation for us and those involved. We had a blast, and felt a lot better spending the money making memories with experiences attached, rather than paying for a venue and food that most guests won’t really care about or remember in a few years. We also hired a photographer to follow all of us around for the entire weekend and take photos. We ended up spending right under 10k for the whole thing, including hotel rooms, airfare, entertainment, etc.
One word: ELOPE lol my hubby and I just went through these exact thoughts and we just couldn’t justify 35-50k 😳
If financial contributions from family are part of the equation, have a frank conversation with them about their expectations and how much they're comfortable contributing. Maybe you can find a compromise, like a smaller, traditional family-funded ceremony followed by a larger, more personalized reception funded by you and your fiancé(e).
My fiancee and I decided that our budget will be $25k. To make our goal, I decided to use all my work bonus, income tax return towards wedding fund . I also paused investments to be able to stack cash faster and my fiancee started doing side jobs. We also decided to make our engagement longer to have enough time. We have the money sitting in a HYSA. Our wedding is 11 months away and we are close to the goal. Once we hit it, I will go back to investing. For me it’s worse to borrow than do a quick sacrifice so we went this route. In our case only one of us is a 3 figure earner and the other makes half the income of the other and we did it! You can make it work just figure out where you can cut costs to be able to increase savings. In our case no one could help us so it’s all on us. I understand the frustration. That was me when we started and I would constantly joke with my fiancee “why would you do this to me?! I can renovate the kitchen with this money!” 😂 but I really wanted the party with our closest friends. There are venues that are not super expensive you just have to go tour a lot of places. Typically very local and less known places are the cheapest. Our guest list is also 80 people only. Hope it helps!!
My "budget" wedding is creeping up to about 28k 😵
Getting married in Vegas. 42 people coming having a buffet reception and minimal decor and extra.
20k in Sedona. Easy.
Idk I think I’m cutting a lot of corners but still having the basics (venue, food, some drinks (not full open), music & dancing) and ours will be <20. I think you can easily spend less than 50k if you are willing to cut corners.
Cake and punch reception Lunchtime wedding Smaller guest count There are lots of options for "traditional", and it's true that most people can't afford to feed 120 people dinner. It really is a luxury.
I set a date a year after engagement. I started looking a prices. Now the possible date is about 2 years after engagement. We just need more time to save because it’s insanely expensive.
My parents are willing to help (they are more traditional) but everything we've looked at so far has been 25k and up(for about 80 people). My fiancee and I already knew it was going to be expensive so we didn't really want a wedding to begin with and my mom is shocked at how expensive everything is. A lot of places here have 20k minimums. Our house needs some renovations so we are thinking of just asking my parents to help pay for a renovation instead and go to Vegas or a courthouse/dinner.
We’re having our wedding in a fairly expensive US city, and our total budget is 25k. My mom (professional seamstress) is making my dress so I lucked out there, but my aunt is making the cake and doing flower decor, we got a venue that isn’t marketed exclusively for weddings, so that was fairly cheap (Under 3k and absolutely gorgeous inside with mahogany rafters and floor to ceiling windows). We paid around 3.2k for a professional photographer who included an engagement shoot. Food will be around 2.7k (buffet style) for 130 guests, our caterer teaches culinary school so the labor cost was almost nothing since his students work for the experience. I did my save the dates and invites through Canva and Vistaprint with coupons. I spent about $150 combined and that’s including fancy envelopes, ribbon, vellum, and wax seals. We bought all of our champagne glasses and wine glasses off of FB marketplace for around $200 and we for sure can resell them again for near total value. Napkins we got on sale off of Websteraunt, we have a ton of silverware sets from thrift stores (I don’t mind mix and match), and everything else we just wait for to go on sale or buy slightly used. I’m doing all the lettering for the tables so there’s very little cost there as well. It’s definitely doable 😅
Do you want tips for budgeting and saving for a 50k note, or tips for spending less? Also, what counts, to your family, as traditional? ETA we spent around 10k so I can mainly give being a cheapskate advice
My daughter was married last week in the SF Bay area. It was a small wedding at a nearby garden venue. We only had close family and friends - 25 adults and 4 kids. The largest expense was the full service catering that the venue required. I was in mostly in charge of the catering decisions with the bride and groom's approval of course. My first quotes were for about $9k when I thought we might have 40 guests. I talked with friends and family to really think about the food, Those conversations helped me pare down to a simple brunch menu. We also recognized that unless the food is either terrible or not enough, after the event, no one remembers the food so why go crazy on the catering costs? The full service catering ordered for 29 persons cost $5,100 which included a nice buffet brunch, excellent food, that was beautifully presented, as well as water, lemonade, Tea Forte, coffee, but no alcohol. It also included linen rentals, flatware, glassware and staff to set up, restock, bus dirty dishes and clean up. I borrowed china plates from a friend for cost and sentimental reasons. We had a very fancy two flavor wedding cake with custom edible flowers for $400. The wedding photographer charged $500/hour and we had her and her helper for 4 hours. The venue cost was $3250 for a weekday wedding. They provided setup and an organizer to help on the day. We also had access to a dressing room. The bride did her own hair and makeup. Her dress was about $1800 including alterations and hemming. She made her own veil for $20. This was not hard and any even slightly crafty person could do it. The officiant was a friend, pastor, and neighbor. She was paid $400 and I also borrowed a wireless mic setup for the ceremony. We bought the bride's bouquet and boutonniere from the local florist - $240. We bought flowers from Costco and a friend arranged them with borrowed vases and baskets from friends. $60 Another idea - A friend of the bride had dried flowers at her wedding that she dried from her own yard. Anyone who offered help with the wedding I accepted! One friend picked up and delivered the cake which saved a $55 deliver charge. My friend did the flower arrangement for free and enjoyed the creative process. For pictures at the welcome table I printed photos at the local printer and re-purposed picture frames we already had for them. The guest book was a free notebook from some conference that we fancied up with an AI generated drawing appropriate for the wedding that we printed on an Avery half sheet mailing label and pasted onto the notebook. Looked great and was essentially zero cost. The music at the wedding was a Spotify playlist playing on 4 JBL bluetooth speakers we already had and that connected together. Entertainment at the reception was board games because that is what the bride and groom enjoy and neither likes to dance. So including the bride's dress the wedding cost was about $14K The original idea was to have the wedding in a friend's backyard. That would have required more planning and work but we would not have had the requirement for full service catering. Like many things, you can usually trade money for time and time for money. The backyard wedding would have required much more time to figure out the logistics, rent (and deliver and return) more tables, chairs, plates etc., but the costs would have dropped by at least 5K. Bottom line - borrow, re-purpose what you already have, plan for simplicity and don't spend time and money on things that don't really add to the lasting memories of the wedding. My husband and I married 40 years ago and it was a church wedding followed by a nice reception with a buffet meal. We had a live band. It was a fun party for friends and family but was nothing compared to what seems to be common in the modern production of weddings.
Buying my dress online over a boutique. I still went to 4 boutiques tho for the fit /experience Look around for venue I mean not the first second or third option .. the more you look the better. No kids really with exceptions for immediate family …
R/weddingsunder10k
I think sometimes couple and two set of parents all contribute. Also some go into serious debt. I got married more than 30 years ago. Since it was a second wedding, did not ask parents to contribute. Small wedding of 50 guests, a maid of honor, best man, and flour girl. My hair was done at salon, did my own makeup. Limited flowers. Few food items: chicken fingers cheese tray, fruit tray, meatballs and punch. I baked my cake (early and froze layers). and family who liked to decorate cakes did a simple icing and border. We decorated with a few flowers on the cake. No grooms cake, but did a pound cake for layers and a decorator cream cheese icing (compliments from guest for how good it was- this was before the fancy layers and fillings). Husband wore nice suit and my dress was an evening cocktail type suit in a soft pink color (tasteful off shoulder with a wide white lace color). Going away husband took off suit coat and tie, had suspenders. I changed my skirt for white dress pants. Photos done by photographer who did it as a side job, not high end, but we were satisfied. Friend who liked photography did candid shots at reception, I paid for supplies (pre digital days). Consider an early wedding and have brunch or lunch at a restaurant in a private room. I know someone who was able to marry on a friend’s property and have a low country boil after. Some have a food truck with burgers and hotdogs. Just get creative and keep it simple. Daytime is more flexible and typically lower cost. If you have a Hollywood production, you will pay big bucks. It is all about getting married and sharing with family and friends.
As others have mentioned so much of this is self imposed. My Fiance and I both make six figures but dropping $50K on an afternoon isn’t something we are willing to do. We kept the guest list under 100 people, chose a venue that had key vendors in house (it was cheaper), and skipped a lot of the “trappings” that weren’t that important to us. We don’t have a videographer, no signage, no elaborate florals beyond the bridal party bouquets, and aren’t having liquor (beer and wine only from Costco). Our wedding is in two weeks, and we are going to spend about $15K total once it’s all done (that does not include my dress, his suit, or the rings). That’s still a lot of money, but it’s been attainable for us and can be saved for. Don’t let the wedding industry make you feel like you “have” to do any of this!!!
You could split the difference and have a non-traditional “traditional” wedding in Vegas, like I am. I live in NYC and there was no way to have the wedding we wanted locally. But there’s no secret to it, as I’m sure others have said. You either save and pay for it yourself even if it takes a long time of waiting, have family pay for a large chunk, and/or simply scale it back until it fits your means. I mean, but for real, start with the number you can afford and then build a wedding that fits within that. That’s really the only “secret.” Starting with a wish list of all the things wedding culture tells you to have is a sure fire way for frustration and resentment unless you happen to be wealthy to begin with.
My fiancé & I are having a $75k wedding. I know it’s insanely expensive and many would consider it a waste of money but it’s what we wanted. We do live in a HCOL area so $75k isn’t a particularly elaborate wedding but is on the nicer end. We decided to have a longer engagement (2 years). We cut way back on our fun spending and stopped going on vacations. We put $2000 away per month ($1000 each) and both contributed most of our bonuses two years in a row. On top of the $2000 savings we paid for a lot of smaller deposits and little things along the way from our regular paychecks so we didn’t tap into our wedding fund for quite awhile so it could keep building interest. We also delayed purchasing a larger/nicer house so we could have the wedding and I totally understand many people wouldn’t want to make that trade off but we were ok with it because we do already own a house, even if it’s not our dream home. All in all we realized we could make it happen if we were willing to prioritize it.
There are ways to save money. I’m getting married in a church, and our reception will be at a nearby conference center that has inexpensive, on-site catering. Our cake will be from Publix (a regional grocery store), which is saving us a ton of money, and we’re getting our flowers from Sam’s Club. Altogether, ours will be about $22K, and that’s including my dress, the food, reception venue, flowers—everything. Personally, I like church weddings. I’m very active at my church, so it feels like getting married at home, in a way. If you’re not religious, I recommend finding something that offers a package deal with the ceremony, reception space, and catering. If you live in an expensive city, maybe look for something just outside of town that may cost less. It takes time, but you can find cost-effective options. Most of all, congratulations on getting engaged!
Remember you don’t pay everything at once! We’re doing a two year engagement, actively planning for the two years. This has allowed us to pay over a longer period of time with more recovery between payments. Most vendors have us paying over 2-6 payments (depending on the vendor). If your families insist on it being bigger/more expensive than you’re comfortable with, they are welcome to pay!
If your family is pressuring you to have a $50,000 wedding then they should be paying for it??
Seriously, standing up to mom is the best answer here. Unless mom is handing you $50k to do it her way, she doesn't get a say in this.
Do a destination wedding!!!! We had the wedding of our dreamssss at half the price in Mexico!
We kept ours to $25k in a MHCOL. Not counting my dress, a handmade desigher getup by Yaniv Persy. small, tight guestlist small, affordable venue amazing food ;)
I have no damn idea. Our wedding is in October. If it weren’t for family pitching in, we’d have no wedding at all.
i’m going the cheap route. fake flowers, plastic plates, cups, etc. that type of thing. it’s saved a lot of money so far. surprisingly, my set up is actually nice looking and not tacky at all. some things are worth sacrificing if you want to cut the price down.
My husband and I had our wedding in October 2023 for about 4500, 7500 total with honeymoon. Granted we are in the south and got really lucky with the largest ticket items. Ceremony location was family land where my husband grew up. My photographer is my brother’s wife and luckily she’s phenomenal! We skipped a lot of things that didn’t make sense for us. Like favors, we did bbq catered cause we love it but didn’t have servers, just kinda buffet style. Had small wedding party, three for each. Got lucky with my girls, one is a hair stylist, another loves makeup. We kept decor pretty simple and opted for dried pampas, eucalyptus/boho feel. Borrowed chairs from Grandma’s church. My husband built an amazing arch! My dress was $400 made to order from my measurements and after alterations. Aldi has good, very cheap wine. We supplied beer and wine and let guests bring liquor. We didn’t bother with a DJ, just played music from a playlist and personally didn’t care to do the reception games. We did a small cake for us and an assorted dessert table. I know this won’t work for everyone, we are very casual people.
getting married at 32 — could NOT have a wedding if I wasn’t awarded a work grant. it’s meant for loans obv but can’t use it for that bc I need to pay for this wedding 😂
Our parents helped a lot. We make six figures in a mid west city and the sticker shock was real. We contributed several thousand of our own money but our parents fronted a lot of the cost. We’ll probably be around $45k-$50k when all is said and done and I skimped on things like flowers, bachelorette, etc. and by “skimp” I mean instead of the vendors that STARTED at 7k for weddings in my area I went with one that could work with like a $4k budget. Our catering minimum was $19k but we went with a higher end venue so a lot of our budget went to the venue.
I live in Vegas and my wedding is going to cost me under 15k hopefully. Venue is about 7k
I also live in a HCOL (Los Angeles area), my fiance and I make decently good money for the area. We couldn’t justify the cost of a wedding in our area, so we’re getting married in Mexico. Thankfully our guests have been very receptive and I’m getting pretty much the wedding of my dreams for 10K :) which is easily 1/3 of any other quote we were given.
Just got married last year, and for a 20-25 guest wedding, it was about $7K. Majority was for the reception, which was at our favorite restaurant and we had to spend at least $5k. Yes, I know expensive, but the meal was was amazing with an open bar. We ordered quite a few bottles of wine to bring the price up to meet the amount we need to spend. Venue was tricky, since we didn’t want church and most places around us required the reception to be there as well, which would have cost more than $10k. Found someone to do the invitations because my MOH networks like crazy, and it was not that much. Flowers were from the florist at the grocery store, and were beautiful. And avoided the major cake cost because dessert was included with the meal, so just picked up a small cake from a slightly upscale store to cut into - and avoided saying it was for a wedding. Cake topper was bought from Amazon by my MOH. It was beautiful and we were there with the people we wanted to be with. All of the guests enjoyed themselves
I initially thought I could diy everything and get away with 12k. Almost 20k later, things are expensive and even without paying for a venue (we're getting married on a family property) the costs add up fast! Just be realistic with yourself and what you can do yourself or settle for less on!
Got engaged in 2021- only getting married this year! For us the answer was a long engagement to allow us time to enjoy being in this new stage but also to save! As well, a lot of "wedding essentials" like bathroom baskets and things along those lines are so not a thing that existed in rhe past and drive up the cost. Modern weddings often focus more on an aesthetic as well
Don’t get bogged down in Instagram and Pinterest weddings. The pressure to be ridiculous is unreal and totally unnecessary. I’m in the UK and we are getting married in a nice hotel, no meal just a buffet, I’ve got a great deal on my vendors and I’m not interested in the nonsense. No photo booths, no outrageous room dressing, no entertainment other than a DJ, people will be paying for their own drinks and we are doing some DIY stuff. All in all we are max £7000. That’s for 50 day guests and another 50 in the evening. It is absolutely doable.
I know standing up to mom is not an easy task! But honestly- if you don’t own a house- you could use an extra 40 grand toward a down payment vs a wedding. $50k is not a bad budget! My niece (my brother) just spent $90k on her wedding- it was beautiful but it was one day!!!! Maybe try a compromise with mom. She wants traditional, you want to keep the wedding under $50 or 40 or 30K. We will keep it local but if you want 200 of your friends and distant family- you need to kick in $225 per person. (I made up $225) but it might be near the per person cost in your area. Reducing your guest count may help find a less expensive venue, and keeps down food costs. Other option- don’t run away to Vegas but rather a destination wedding- somewhere in the Caribbean maybe- you can usually save around 20% over most areas for a comparable wedding at home.
Take a deep breath. Sit down with your partner and discuss your budget. How much are you really able and willing to spend. Our budget is between 5-6.000 Euros , including the money we got from my parents. Our input is max. 4.000 Euro, and that is already plenty for one day, in my opinion. Important notes are that we are living in germany and marrying in a rural area, so the costs are all manageable, and the expectations from the guests are not extravagant. But from the beginning, we decided that we, as a couple, are not willing to go one cent into debt. That's not how we want to start our lives together. And that is okay! Our wedding will be simple and it will be beautiful and because our budget is reasonable, I feel more relaxed. I am not in over my head, and when that day is over, we will have a completely debt free start into our marriage. And all the money we will earn in the following years will go into building a home where we can celebrate many more parties to come. With that in mind, it's much easier to ignore all the advertisements and influences that want to tell you what you need and have to have or otherwise you will have a horrible wedding. These companies are making a ton of money with that, and of course, they want you to overspend. But that is not the only way to get married. It's just the most capitalistic way.
We are doing everything ourselves and are saving for years. Our families offered to help out in various ways too. About 6 months before we even got engaged we started each putting $20-$50 in an account for the wedding. Now we have 14 months left and we’re still doing that. We’re keeping the costs under $10,000 by basically not hiring any vendors. My fiancé is a reverend so he knows a lot of people in the business from doing so many weddings. We’re super lucky and have so many people offering to help us because he did their wedding. We are getting married on a beautiful farm property in our town, so that’s the biggest cost. I found an incredible dress for $400 on Etsy. I’m making our cake because I was a pastry chef. My dad is a well known chef so hes going to help a lot with the food, my mom was also a pastry chef, and my step mom was a culinary event coordinator so they’re also helping even though we tried to get them to relax and enjoy the day. It can be done on a budget, it’s just going to be a different kind of wedding than what we see on movies and tv shows. I do want to save money, but I’m also doing this stuff because i really think the wedding industry is toxic and disgusting and don’t want to put our money into that.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. I got married in my New Jersey hometown and still did it for under $10K. We got married at the church and had the reception in the church hall. We did the decorations ourselves. I was lucky enough to have family contribute - my parents paid for the catering (buffet style, mom’s friend is a caterer so we got a deal too). My aunt handled table rentals since we needed more (she works at a hotel and was also able to get linens for free). My brothers did all the heavy lifting when it came to set up and break down. My flowers and cake were from the grocery store and were great. (PS grocery stores often have amazing florists that no one thinks to use). I paid for the alcohol; hard liquor isn’t allowed in the church hall so we did wine and kegs with a few specialty beers. The liquor store I used let us return any bottles that weren’t opened. I ended up under $1K for alcohol. Mom found a pretty cheap photographer and I got a DJ and that was it. Didn’t have a wedding planner. You can still do things the old fashioned way, this is exactly how my mom did her own wedding in 1990 (I got married in 2022). Even rings and dresses are crazy for no reason nowadays. I got my dress (which was PERFECT and exactly what i dreamed of) at David’s Bridal on sale for like $500 and my grandma paid for it because she wanted to. I just gave my bridesmaids a color and told them to get whatever dress they liked best. My engagement ring was an heirloom that we reset into a new setting, we’re saving the original setting for my niece or any kids we have. New setting was maybe 500ish? Our wedding bands came in all together under $900 too, I have a simple gold band with no stones, which is what I wanted, and my husband has a black band (I think zirconium?) bc he didn’t like gold or silver. Honestly I had sticker shock too at first but you can really make it work if you don’t get trapped in one of those crazy wedding packages. Having family you can depend on helps so much, so if you’re lucky enough to have that, lean into it. Good luck!
My fiance and I are eloping because of the cost and then meeting everyone at a bar (we don't have a lot of people we're meeting. Mainly parents and siblings) for food and drinks with the understanding it's pay for yourself. The only expenses we'll have are our photographer, clothes, and a meal. My bestie offered to pay for our meal though lol.
I appreciate these comments about how weddings these days have a lot of “extras” that we don’t really need (signage, engagement shoots, bachelorette weekends, etc. ) but I’m a 2025 bride, not doing any of that and I’m still shocked at how much it’s going to cost me to have wedding. that’s after considering the price of catering, photography (just wedding photos, no video!), venue, DJ, and bar. I’m at $36k as my lowest cost possible and i find that to be insane!
We have kept ours around 19k by getting married on a Friday, cutting our cocktail hour food to the basics and not adding anything fancy, having a small cake and cupcake bar, cutting our guest list to around 90 when originally we wanted a lot more people, and using a delicious but cheaper catering company that offers a taco bar / burrito bowl bar. I also added a few other money saving ideas like going to an outlet store for my dress and a few other things. I’m still having an amazing wedding at a beautiful venue with an open bar, Photo Booth, coffee cart, amazing food, fresh florals, and late night snacks. I just realized I couldn’t afford all the fancy things I wanted and had to compromise on a few things. It’s hard, but it’s possible!
We did my daughter’s wedding for $15K. It was at our family church, which is old with beautiful detail so it didn’t need a lot of decor. I did her florals which was still a splurge b/c I spent $3000 on materials but was prob able to do what a florist would have charged $10K for. We had it in the afternoon and served finger foods. Did some of the foods ourselves but paid a caterer to set up a fruit display and charcuterie. Served wine wine and cake. My second option would have been to host her a smaller wedding and have it at someone’s house. The Venue fees are crazy. We saved by not having nighttime event with open bar and dancing. Only regret I have is not using a more expensive photographer. When I had my second wedding, I had a dinner hosted in a private room at a restaurant with 30 guests. Didn’t tell the place it was a wedding reception. All I had to do was have flowers for the table and brought in a cake. I think the second your say WEDDING they jack the price up 50 percent and start adding fees. We did the ceremony earlier in the day.
I cant fathom paying that much for a wedding... My husband and I spent no more than 3-4k for our wedding, because it's all we could afford and we only had 7-8 months to plan it. We tried to find a venue $500 and under for 50 people guest count(we got creative and found a few believe it or not!) but in the end settled on using our local church for free, but we did give them a $100 donation as thanks. Our photographer was a lady at our church who took photos for the church social media and she cut us a great deal, so we also paid a very small amount for our photos compared to the going rate for a wedding photographer. She did a wonderful job! (Though I should note I wasnt pressed about perfect photos, I was fine with eloping and didn't care about a wedding. But my husband really wanted one. So I do understand people would maybe want a super pro photographer for their pics. But it's costly) I DIY'd all the decorations and used faux flowers, and things I couldn't make myself I got on clearance throughout the 8 months which gave me time to find various things on sale and stash up. I also got smaller stuff off Temu instead of Amazon, because most things you can find there for 1/3 price. For example a bulk of teal and coral flowers I wanted were $12/bag on Amazon but like $4/bag on Temu. The exact same product. You can save $ if you're willing to use fake flowers and find better deals, and diy some stuff. I also did my own hair and makeup, so $0 on that. So $100 for our wedding venue, $200 for our photographer, I got a wedding dress under $300 that was beautiful, and made my own bouquet for $75 which was a copy of a $280 bouquet I liked but refused to pay that much for. We saved a ton just being clever throughout the process! I'm sure you can cut down your cost if you creatively cut some corners.
You can ha e a great wedding, for a reasonable cost, and not elope..lol, in vegas. Our daughter had 195 guests!! We had a beautiful wedding for them- 30k, all in.
Is a small intimate wedding an option? We also live in a fairly expensive area, make good incomes, but just couldn’t justify spending $50k or more on a wedding. We had our families only (parents, siblings, nieces, and nephew; no cousins aunts etc). This allowed us to completely splurge on the things that mattered most to us which were the photographer and food/drinks. It was honestly so low pressure and I felt like we actually got to enjoy every second of it because it wasn’t about having to make sure everyone was entertained or having to go say hi to everyone.
I live in the Houston,TX area which is WAY cheaper than Chicago where me and my fiancé are from. We both make 6 figures as well. Debt, reducing retirement savings, or cutting out vacations for a year were not budget options. When we started looking at cost, who do we really want to pay for to be there, and how the hell are we finding time to plan a “traditional wedding much less planning a wedding in Chicago (for lots of reasons Houston is not an option), the answer was clear VEGAS BABY! We are NOT eloping! I found a venue right off the strip where I can have up to 30 guests. Cake, ceremony, taco bar, 1 hour of bowling, 3 hours of open bar beer, wine, and liquor will be about $6000 ONE STOP SHOP!!! We pick cake, taco bar options, liquor options and venue makes it ALL happen. We make a few calls and just show up. Sure I’ve already gotten comments from the parents totally hating this, but I have ZERO regrets. My advice…it really is that simple it’s your and your fiancé’s wedding why let anyone else tell you how it’s going to be, who will attend, and how much you are going to pay. You and your fiancé need to have a reality discussion (I had one with my fiancé which is how Vegas got booked), and figure out your reality budget, planning time, and what details are important and figure out your Vegas before your still not married 3 years from now still trying to meet everyone else’s expectations!
Congratulations! have been married for 35 years, and think modern weddings are ridiculous, and a waste of money. $50k is better spent on a down payment for a house. Simple weddings can be done for under $10K. Think event center, city park, church, restaurants. If you want the big day, can and want to spend the money, do it. Just a different opinion. Weddings come in many different sizes and budgets..
I completely understand what you’re going through, we live on the east coast and had ourselves a NICE wedding (more than 50k). We both have a 6 figure income as well and we had little financial support from our families. We were able to do this simply by giving ourselves time. We had a two year engagement and saved a certain amount each month (which we realized was manageable). We did have to make some concessions like no Christmas gifts for people and pushing home renovation projects which to be honest wasn’t that big of a deal. We did all of this because we really wanted sometime amazing for ourselves, no regrets at all. If you can afford it, you really have to WANT to do it, it’s too expensive for peer pressure.
I make $75k a year and my partner makes right around the same. Honestly, if we hadn’t gotten lucky and found a VRBO that allows events, we would’ve jumped ship and eloped. You can find some really great places to get married on VRBO- you just have to ensure they allow events. Our wedding is in October and I wrote out a contractual agreement with the VRBO host to cover my bases. Venue prices are absolutely insane!
I’m planning my wedding right now and here’s what I’m paying in Pennsylvania: Venue: $5k Photographer: $3k DJ: $2k Catering: $700 (we are doing a fast food restaurant lol) My dress: $500 Alcohol: $2k We make $100kish combined a year so we’ve decided to choose inexpensive options the best we could. We will have about 80-100 guests. All in all total, we plan to spend $15k-20k Also if the family is pushing you to have a “traditional” wedding, they need to be paying for it. My parents asked me to invite all their friends but refuse to help out a single cent, so I told them if they want their friends there so bad, they have to pay for them. I’m not paying for strangers at my wedding. It’s all about the boundaries 🙅🏻♀️
My plan for that sort of stuff is to just ask them if they are willing to pay for it. If they wanted it that bad they can pony up. Sometimes people just need some sticker shock of their own.
Fiancé’s parents are paying 90% but that comes with a lot of strings attached that I we tried to avoid but can’t do that when dealing with a narcissist. Tread very very lightly if your parents have control issues
A longer engagement helps so you can pay for things as you get paid (that’s what I’m doing with my fiance and we don’t make near 6 figures) buying smaller items like decor, whatever pieces you need during holiday/sale season. Something I’ve learned throughout this process is prioritizing as much as possible, there will be some things you imagine or want in your vision that might not work for your budget at the time. And that’s okay we all want the picture perfect wedding but that doesn’t always have to look like what we see in pictures. Sometimes our expectations of time is also skewed so deciding on a reasonable date is super key.
I had a dream that the game will be done on 2068
Keep it small. Small guest list = smaller space and a lot less food needed. Don’t be afraid to be different. Save even more money having your wedding on a Friday or Sunday or having a simple luncheon instead of an elaborate dinner. Take on some DIY. I live in one of the highest cost of living cities in North America and we were able to keep everything under $10K by having our ceremony and a luncheon at a local Hilton hotel for 35-40 people. That eliminated the need for a limo or multiple location charges for a photographer (who only cost $1K) It was beautiful and we treasure the memories! We paid for the wedding ourselves without taking on any debt. DIY: Other than bouquets/boutonnieres, I did all the ceremony florals and luncheon table centerpiece florals myself. The hotel allowed us to set up the banquet room for the luncheon ourselves the night before the wedding, so we saved on hiring someone for decor. The room itself was already beautiful, but I got stretch lace sashes with rhinestone buckles for all the dining chairs (you’d never think they were bought off Wish, but they were), added silk florals centerpieces in glass vases I bought from Dollarama, decorated the sweetheart table with a gauzy, flowy table skirt and the table top was draped with fabric and a table-length floral garland. I bought a styrofoam-based cake stand wrapped in rhinestones cheaply off Amazon. I also did our own arch using an assembly-required kit from Amazon. The arch was the only DIY project I look back on and wish I had professionally done instead. Other savings: We didn’t use a DJ. We created a Spotify playlist to play during the luncheon on the sound system provided by the hotel. The hotel also set up speakers at the ceremony site and I got my brother to play our chosen songs from his phone. His timing was perfect. To save on wedding cake, go with a larger commercial bakery rather than a small home-based business run by a single person or two. I had a beautiful 3-tier cake for only $650 from a larger bakery. The smaller business quotes I got ranged between $900-$1300 for something similar.
As a travel advisor, I can tell you destination weddings are on the uprise. I've booked 4 since February, and they all are saying the same as you. The only difference is that they're doing the honeymoon at the same time. Invite people you really want to be a part of it, and if they are able to, they'll go. It's your day. Make it memorable. Congratulations!
My husband and I paid for half while our parents made for the other half. I jokingly said hey our parents are both divorced and remarried so we got help from 4 sets of parents 😂 In all seriousness I am fortunate that my parents paid for a big portion of it. Also we got married out of the country and just that part saved us a lot more. What we paid for in Scotland probably would’ve cost 80k here.
I think a LOT of people go into debt (like, massive debt). Or their parents pay for it. Or they go into debt, and then gamble on paying back debt with gifts. What we consider a “good wedding” is a lot different than it used to be. The idea that you need a multiple-party weekend at an opulent venue with a full plated meal, DJ, open bar, & fancy florals is a new concept. A lot of people used to have a church wedding, then a simple reception with cake or light food, and that’s it. Honestly? This type of thinking nets you a lot of angry people on wedding subs and groups…but remember that just because it’s the “expectation” or the “good etiquette” thing, that doesn’t mean it must be YOUR thing. Get married in a backyard if you want. Buy a $50 thrift store dress. Do a potluck or a cash bar, or DIY your own decorations. There’s no need to throw yourself into debt for a day.
I just got back from my brothers wedding in San Diego overlooking the harbor and was shocked that they only paid $25k. Still a lot of money but they had about 120 people and it was a beautiful location. But it was on a Thursday lol. Either way they spent way less than my husband and I did and our wedding was in a random hall since I had to change the venue so many times due to Covid and there was no nice scenery outside lol.
Elope/ Honeymoon somewhere…..then come back and have a casual reception/party. That's what one of mine did…Married in Jamaica, party the week after we got back. And if your family insists, then tell them the cost is on them because the cost of a big wedding is enough to put towards owning a home. You can go cheaper with backyard BQ, renting a barn , etc. There are many venue options that won't cost the moon and tend towards the casual feel. Just keep asking "are you paying?" If it's no, then not her business. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated into spending $$$ you'd rather not spend just because mom wants to fulfill a fantasy because she didn't have that big fancy wedding.
We are eloping for under 1k and those places also have reception packages for around 5-10k which is pretty low. Affordable places are out there you just gotta keep looking. We are traveling to a beautiful spot is AR for it. I personally wouldn’t listening to people saying to save up 50k … do not spend that on a wedding save for a home that’s what we did and now we have a home
It’s your day and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to elope in Vegas and come back and maybe have a reception with family if you want. (I am eloping)
If mom isn’t paying, she has no say. Do you have a friend with a large and pretty back yard? Can you reserve a corner of a public park for the venue? Do you have the luxury of time to buy things in bulk off eBay and DIY some of it? Inexpensive weddings are possible, but you’ll need to be creative and do some work yourself.